AEE 2578：避免陷入这些对话陷阱

这是All Ears English播客第2578期。

This is an All Ears English podcast episode twenty five seventy eight.

别陷入这些对话陷阱。

Don't fall into these conversation traps.

欢迎收听All Ears English播客，已下载超过两亿次。

Welcome to the All Ears English podcast downloaded more than 200,000,000 times.

你是否觉得自己的英语进步停滞了？

Are you feeling stuck with your English?

我们将教你如何通过注重交流而非完美来变得自信流利，由美国主持人奥布里·卡特、雅思达人林赛·麦马洪为你带来，他们来自美国亚利桑那州和科罗拉多州。

We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection with your American host, Aubrey Carter, the IELTS whiz, and Lindsey McMahon, the English adventurer, coming to you from Arizona and Colorado, USA.

如需每周通过电子邮件接收文字稿，请访问allearsenglish.com/subscribe。

And to get your transcripts delivered by email every week, go to allearsenglish.com forward slash subscribe.

今天是关于‘不该说的话’的一期节目。

Today is a what not to say episode.

了解哪些评论你应该避免，尤其是关于他人外貌的言论——这些话在你自己的文化中或许无伤大雅，但在美国却会给你惹麻烦。

Find out what comments you should avoid, especially about someone's appearance that may be okay in your own culture but will get you into trouble in The US.

你有没有过从会议中走出来，想着‘我本可以表达得更好’？

Have you ever walked out of a meeting thinking, I could have said that better.

你什么都听懂了，但你的回应却简短、模糊，或者不像你平时的样子。

You understood everything but your response came out short or unclear or not quite like you.

也许你的想法很有深度，但你的英语还没能体现出来。

Maybe your ideas are strong but your English doesn't show it yet.

你会忘记那些明明知道的单词。

You forget words you know.

你无法自然流畅地表达，快速的对话让你默默追赶。

You can't explain things naturally and fast conversations leave you quietly catching up.

这种差距可能让人沮丧，但它非常具体，也完全可以弥补。

That gap can be frustrating, but it's also very specific and very fixable.

我们的两分钟流利度测试能帮你了解这种差距在哪里，以及你的水平是B1、B2还是C1。

Our two minute fluency quiz helps you understand where that gap is and whether your level is b one, b two, or c one.

当你清楚自己的水平后，进步会感觉更轻松、更快。

When you know your level, progress feels lighter and faster.

现在就去 allearsenglish.com/fluencyscore 参加测验，更接近用你思考的方式说英语。

Take the quiz now at allearsenglish.com/fluencyscore and move closer to speaking English the way you think.

再强调一次，前往 allearsenglish.com/fluencyscore。

One more time, go to allearsenglish.com/fluencyscore.

你好，林赛。

Hello, Lindsay.

你今天怎么样？

How are you today?

我今天感觉精力充沛，奥布里。

I'm feeling energetic today, Aubrey.

你呢？

How about you?

不错。

Good.

是的。

Yeah.

你看起来不累。

You don't look tired.

有人跟你说过你看起来很累吗？

Does anyone ever tell you you look tired?

我刚刚才想到这一点。

I just got that

就在前天晚上。

like two nights ago.

我知道这个在最近的一集中提到过，对吧？

I know this came up in a recent episode, right?

我们当时提到过，别告诉别人他们看起来很累。

Where we sort of mentioned that like, Oh, don't tell people they look tired.

我们还承诺过要做一个后续内容，聊聊在谈论他人外貌时应该避免使用的表达。

And we promised this follow-up with sort of phrases we should avoid when referring to someone's appearance.

所以，我很期待深入探讨这个话题。

So, I'm excited to get into this.

我很兴奋，因为这一集的主题具有重要的文化意义。

I'm excited because this episode, this concept is so culturally important.

两天前告诉我看起来很累的那个人，我当时正和一个社区冥想小组共进晚餐。

The person that told me I looked tired two nights ago, I was at a dinner with a community meditation group.

那是在一家印度餐厅。

It was an at an Indian restaurant.

那个人其实是来自印度的。

And the guy was actually he's from India.

但他住在美國，也在美國工作。

But he lives in The US and, you know, works in The US.

他只是出于关心才这么说的。

And he just he said it out of care.

对吧？

Right?

他觉得我看起来现在特别累。

Of like, oh, he looks so tired now.

晚上感到疲惫。

Feeling tired in the evenings.

他是个开启话题的人。

And he was a conversation starter.

他想了解我的生活。

He wanted to know about my life.

所以我觉得这真的与文化有关，

So I think it's really cultural,

这一集。

this episode.

当然。

Absolutely.

非常有文化特色。

Very cultural.

所以我们分享的很多内容都关于美国文化。

So a lot of what we're sharing is about American culture.

这在美国是什么样子。

What this is like in The United States.

在你们的文化中，这可能会非常不同。

This could be very different in your culture.

这正是问题产生的原因。

That's sort of what causes the problem.

你可能会比在美国更习惯评论别人的外貌。

You might be a lot more comfortable commenting on someone's physical appearance than you should in The United States.

是的，这真的很有趣。

Yeah, it's really interesting.

对，内容非常好。

Yeah, really good stuff.

所以我很高兴今天我们为听众们探讨这个话题。

So I'm glad we're covering this today for our listeners.

我们正在超越语言，深入文化，当然，始终围绕着连接。

We're going beyond language and into culture, and of course, always sticking with connection.

我们会向你们展示这些行为为何会破坏联系。

We'll show you why these break the connection.

首先，朋友们，请立即点击关注按钮。

First, guys, hit the follow button right here on the show.

无论你是在苹果平台还是在Spotify上，我们都希望你能关注本节目，这样我们每周五期的节目就能准时出现在你的收听列表里了，奥布里，这边。

If you're on Apple, if you are in Spotify, we wanna see you following the show, so we drop into your listening queue every well, we do publish five days a week, Aubrey, over here.

是的。

Yes.

对吧？

Don't we?

我知道。

I know.

太惊人了。

It's amazing.

每周五集。

Five episodes a week.

这肯定是纪录了。

That's gotta be a record.

是的。

Oh, yeah.

这可能是纪录了。

It's probably a record.

我知道别人都这么做。

I know everyone else does it.

这可能是纪录了。

It's probably a record.

另外，如果你喜欢在YouTube上看我们，这也是一个学习的方式。

Plus, if you like to watch us on YouTube, that's another way to learn.

你可以在YouTube上点击订阅。

You could hit subscribe on YouTube.

所以你有很多选择，但一定要经常和我们保持联系。

So you have lots of options, but make sure you are right there with us on a regular basis.

好吗？

Okay?

是的。

Yes.

在YouTube上观看，这样我花时间做发型和化妆才值得。

Watch on YouTube to make it worth me doing my hair and makeup.

非常好。

Very nice.

非常好。

Very nice.

所以，这一集中我们会列出一些你需要避开的类别，然后具体说明你绝对不能说的话。

So, what would be so here in this episode, we have a number of categories of types of things you want to stay away from, and then we'll say exact things you don't want to say.

不是具体该怎么做。

What not Exactly.

要。

To Yeah.

我们第一个要谈的是健康或身体状况。

So the first one we're talking about is health or physical condition.

首先，在美国，这些问题可能会让人觉得非常侵扰或带有评判性。

So this, first all in The United States, these can feel very intrusive or judgmental.

是的。

Yes.

你可能会无意中提及一些人不希望被点明或不愿讨论的私人健康问题。

And that you may accidentally be referring to private health issues that someone would not want pointed out or would not feel comfortable discussing.

是的，当然。

Yeah, for sure.

我同意。

I agree.

侵扰性。

Intrusive.

这有点像是在穿透美国人的隐私界限。

It is sort of, it's penetrating the privacy bubble that in The U.

S.

S.

我们为自己构建了这些界限，对吧？

We construct around ourselves, right?

是的，完全正确。

Yes, exactly.

我们将分享一些具体的例子。

We're going share some specific examples.

而且正如琳赛所说，这些行为很少是出于冒犯的意图。

And a lot of these, like you said Lindsey, rarely is offense intended.

你并不是想说别人看起来生病或疲惫。

You don't mean to tell someone that they look sick or tired.

你只是可能在开启对话，或者只是陈述一些对你来说看似事实的事情。

You just are maybe starting a conversation or just sort of stating something that just seems matter of fact to you.

但在美国文化中，这通常会被解读为批评或侵扰。

But in United States culture, this often would be interpreted as a criticism or as intrusive.

是的，我只是想稍微评估一下这种情况的严重程度。

Yeah, and I just want to like do a little gut check on the intensity of this.

所以如果你说了这些话，并不是说

So if you say these things, it's not like

人们会想，我简直不敢相信你

people are like, I can't believe you

会这么说。

said that.

天啊，我们没法聊天了。

Oh my gosh, we can't talk.

我再也不跟你说话了。

I'll never talk to you again.

这更多是有点冒犯、有点烦人。

This is more an slightly offensive and slightly annoying.

人们对这些问题感到介于冒犯和烦人之间的程度。

Somewhere between offensive and annoying for people to get these questions.

对吧？

Right?

当然。

Absolutely.

是的。

Yeah.

他们可能会想，好吧。

They might be like, okay.

粗鲁。

Rude.

我知道。

I know.

对吧？

Right?

然后他们可能会试图引导这个问题。

And then they might try to steer the question.

他们可能会继续跟你聊下去。

They'll probably keep talking to you.

我觉得这有点让人反感。

It's just a little bit of a turnoff, I would say.

是的，没错。

Yes, exactly.

所以我们之前提到的第一个是，你看起来很累，对吧？

So the first one we mentioned is just you look tired, right?

所以任何可能被视作对他人外貌有负面评价的话，我们都应该避免。

So just definitely any thing that could at all be considered negative about someone's appearance, we would want to avoid.

是的，因为他们没法往任何好的方向说。

Yeah, because they can't go in any good direction.

他们只能说，哦，是啊，是啊，我最近工作很多。

They have to say, Oh yeah, yeah, I've been working a lot.

睡得还不错。

That's sleeping well.

这样说可以吗？这样挺好？

Can that go that's good?

我知道，你知道的，

I know, you know,

哦，我不累。

Oh, I'm not tired.

我只是没穿。

I'm just not wearing

对，或者别的什么。

Right, or something.

我知道，这个人这么说只是因为他们想表现出关心。

I know again that the person's just saying it because they want to show that they care.

表达关心的方式有很多，你一直在认真听。

There are a lot of other ways to show that you care, you've been listening.

你可以问他们上周参与的某件事。

You want to ask them about something you know they participated in last week.

也许他们刚参加了面试，对吧？

Maybe they had a job interview, right?

对，没错。

Right, exactly.

所以你不会想说‘你看起来累了’或者‘你累了吗’，或者‘你是不是生病了’之类的话？

So you wouldn't want to say like, you look tired or are you tired or maybe something like, are you sick?

因为在美國，通常如果有人生病了，比如得了癌症，他们希望由自己来告诉你。

Because if in The United States, usually, if someone is sick, for example, if they have cancer, they would want to be the one to share that with you.

他们不希望因为你指出他们看起来不健康，而被迫分享这个信息。

They wouldn't want to have to share it because you have pointed out that they don't look healthy.

完全正确。

A 100%.

他们应该对这件事拥有完全的自主权。

They should have full agency with that

所以当他们准备好的时候，再给予他们空间。

and so When give them when they're and if they're ready.

是的，下一个我觉得特别烦人的是不太冒犯，但很烦人。

Yeah, the next one that I find extremely annoying is less offensive, more annoying.

呃，真是的。

Just, ugh.

对吧？

Right?

比如，你脸红了，或者你看起来特别红。

Like, your face is red or you look so red.

你还好吗？

Are you okay?

或者你脸泛红了。

Or your face is flushed.

这真的很烦人。

This is annoying.

有时候我喝酒或者感到尴尬时，脸就会变红。

My face gets red sometimes if I'm drinking alcohol or if I'm embarrassed.

而且相信我，我知道自己的脸是不是红了。

And trust me, I know if my face is red.

对吧？

Right?

哦，是的。

Oh, yeah.

我能感觉到。

I feel it.

当我感到尴尬或紧张时，我的脸也会变得通红。

My face also will get so red if I'm embarrassed or nervous.

曾经有人对我说过，还当面指出来，这根本没帮助。

And I've had people say this to me and point it out, and that doesn't help.

我知道。

I know.

通常他们不只是单独对你说，而是在一群人面前对你说。

Usually it's not just they're saying it to you, they're saying it to you in front of a group.

然后每个人都看着你，这让你更脸红了。

Then everyone looks at you, which means you get more red.

变得更糟了。

Makes it worse.

我知道。

I know.

别对人这么说。

Don't say this to people.

比如，我们

Like, let's

做个公益广告吧。

make a public service announcement.

好。

Okay.

是的，我同意。

Yes, I agree.

我这是发自内心地说的。

I'm saying this with my chest.

这是一种说法，意思是我觉得强烈地认为，任何人都不应该对别人说这样的话。

It's a phrase that means like, I really feel strongly that no one should ever say that to someone else.

别管它了。

Just leave it alone.

他们知道发生了什么。

They know what's going on.

他们会冷静下来，就让他们自己待着。

They'll calm down and just let them be.

好的。

Okay.

就这样。

That's it.

然后这很有趣，因为身体状况也包括体重。

And then it's interesting because physical condition also encompasses weight.

即使你试图通过说‘你看起来瘦了很多’来赞美别人。

And even if you're trying to compliment someone by saying something like, Oh, you look like you've lost a lot of weight.

这可以归入我们的下一个类别。

And this can move into our next bucket.

是的，即使你是在赞美某人或告诉他们看起来很健康，他们也可能并不这么认为。

Yeah, even if you're trying to compliment someone or tell them they look healthy, they might not Exactly.

别说了。

Take it

这就像一场赌博。

It would be a gamble.

对有些人来说，他们会喜欢这种话。

This one, with some people, they'd like it.

我的意思是，我喜欢听到这种话，因为这说明这个人很关注我的体重，对吧？

I mean, I like to hear that because it's But then I think this person pays a lot of attention to my weight, right?

我会想太多，而我

I will overthink Which I

不喜欢。

don't love.

对吧？

Right?

因为如果两周后他们再来，她可能会想，哦，她又胖回来了。

Because what about if in two weeks they come in and she thinks, Oh, she's gained it back.

没错。

Exactly.

所以，再次强调，任何表明你非常关注对方体重的言行都最好避免，因为人们确实会这样想，对吧？

So, again, any kind of signal that you're really paying attention to the person's weight is better to avoid because people are Right?

比他们的

More than their

这个健康相关类别中的最后一点是，询问某人是否怀孕，或祝贺他们怀孕。

And the final one in this health bucket is asking someone if they're pregnant or congratulating them for being pregnant.

没有什么比祝贺别人怀孕，结果对方说‘我没怀孕’更尴尬的了。

There's nothing worse than congratulating someone on a pregnancy and then they say, Oh, I'm not pregnant.

我怀孕了。

I'm pregnant.

小心点。

Be careful.

所以，最好永远不要

So, it's just better to not ever

这么做。

do that.

别妄下结论。

Don't assume.

完全正确。

Totally.

电影里有时会发生这种事。

This happens in the movies sometimes.

你可能在现实生活中也见过这种情况。

You may have seen it happen in real life.

当然。

Absolutely.

避免，避免。

Avoid, avoid.

所以，这里的‘桶’指的是实际的生理状态，对吧？

So, bucket here is really physical, right?

健康或身体状况。

Health or physical condition.

下一个桶会是什么？

What would be the next bucket?

是的。

Yeah.

我们之前稍微提到过这一点，因为如果你试图改善健康，这也与之相关。

So we kind of touched in this because it is related to health as well, if you're trying to complement health.

但下一个问题是体型、身材或体重。

But the next one is body size, shape, or weight.

所以，就像我们说的，即使你本意是夸奖，如果说‘哇，你现在好瘦啊’。

So like we said, even if you're trying to complement, if you say something like, Wow, you're so skinny now.

你仍然在拿他们以前的样子做比较。

You're still comparing to maybe what they used to look like.

即使是夸奖，也可能让人不舒服。

Even a compliment could land badly.

是的，确实如此。

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

这个话题特别相关，因为现在很多人正在服用减肥药减肥，这在美国各地都在发生。

And this is a really pertinent episode because a lot of people are losing weight on weight loss drugs right now, It's happening all over The US.

所以我们必须了解这一点，对吧？

And so, we need to know this, right?

可能会遇到正在服用这类药物的同事。

May run into a coworker who might be on something.

当然，绝对不要问他们是否在服用这些药物。

Definitely don't ask them if they're on those drugs, of course.

不，不是那样，根本不是那回事。

No, it's No, something to no.

是的。

Yeah.

别提了。

Just leave it.

没错。

Exactly.

没错。

Exactly.

更糟的是，你发福了。

And then even worse, you've filled out.

我不太明白你的意思，你是说你长胖了，对吧？

I don't know what Essentially, you mean you've gained weight is what you're saying.

对。

Right.

有时候人们会这么说，本意是作为赞美。

And sometimes people will say this meaning it as a compliment.

如果有人非常瘦或者看起来病恹恹的，而现在看起来更健康了，你可以用好几种方式表达，但其实都不该说，对吧？

If someone was really skinny or sickly looking and they look healthier now, there are several ways you could say that, that none of them should be said, right?

你在评论别人的体型或体重，这至少在美国文化中是不受欢迎的。

You're commenting on someone's body size or weight, which at least in American culture is unwelcome.

是的，一个更好的替代说法可能是，你看起来肌肉紧实了不少。

Yeah, I mean, a good alternative there could be, you know, looks like you've gained some muscle tone.

对吧？

Right?

我的意思是，总体上避免谈论体型、形状或体重，但如果你非得说点什么，我宁愿别人对我说：你看起来像是在举重。

I mean, staying away from body size, shape, weight in general, but if you have to say something, I'd rather say, have someone say to me, it looks like you're lifting weights.

比如，你最近在举重吗？

Like, have you been lifting weights?

这很有趣

And it's interesting

要考虑一下你对谁说这句话。

to think about who you could say that to.

我绝对会对我的妹妹或一位非常亲密的朋友这么说。

I would absolutely say that to my sister, a very close friend.

我绝不会对同事说这句话。

I would never say it to a coworker.

同事？不行。

Co worker, no.

因为这仍然是在评论他们的身体，这在美國文化中是非常不受欢迎的。

Because I'm still commenting on their body, which is really unwelcome in U.

美。

S.

国文化。

Culture.

没错，完全没错。

Exactly, exactly.

然后那套衣服会让你看起来更胖或更瘦。

And then that outfit makes you look bigger or smaller.

天哪。

Oh gosh.

有意思。

Interesting

因为有时候我会听到这种话，因为人们以为自己只是在夸衣服。

because I'll hear this sometimes because people are thinking, I'm complimenting the outfit really.

但根据你说话的方式，你实际上可能是在评论他们的体型、身材，或者说类似‘你看起来不像锻炼的人’这样的话。

But depending on how you say it, you could actually be commenting about their size, their body shape, or saying something like, You don't look like you work out.

或者‘显然你不喜欢运动。’

Or, Clearly, you don't like to exercise.

所有这些话，你可能会觉得根本不可能听到，但事实上

Like all of these, you would think you'd never hear them, but then

令人震惊的是，我们有时确实会听到。

shockingly, sometimes we do.

是的

Yeah.

你觉得把这句话改成‘我喜欢你的穿搭’怎么样？

What do you think about flipping that into just like, I love your outfit?

你觉得怎么样？

What What do you think about that?

对。

Yes.

这更多是关于

That's That's more about

服装，对吧？

clothing, right?

这没那么

That's not so

是的。

Yeah.

更多是关于这一点，我们稍后会简单谈一下，比如你可以夸赞些什么？

Much about And we will go into this a little bit just at the very end sort of share like, what can you compliment?

因为确实，有时候我们确实想夸奖别人，但真的不应该针对他们的外貌。

Because yeah, sometimes we do want to pay someone a compliment, but it really shouldn't be about their physical appearance Yeah.

在

At

完全正确。

Totally.

还有，别这么说：‘你看起来不像锻炼过。’

And then saying something don't say you don't look like you work out.

对吧？

Right?

比如说，我下班后要去健身房。

If if if let's say let's say I leave work and I'm going to the gym.

不。

No.

我要去健身房了。

I'm off to the gym.

明天见。

See you guys tomorrow.

你看起来不像经常锻炼。

Oh, you don't look like you work out.

是的。

Yeah.

所以，仅仅是感到惊讶，真的吗？

So even just to be surprised, really?

你经常去健身房吗？

You go to the gym often?

什么？

What?

什么？

What?

我不需要。

Do I No.

看起来我不去

Not look like I go to

这完全是多余的。

It's just unnecessary.

我们有太多其他方式可以建立联系了。

There's so many other things we could say to connect.

然后是年龄。

Then age.

这可能也特别属于美国文化。

Now this might also be pretty unique to American culture.

我们这里只讨论美国文化。

We're only speaking for American culture here.

但避免提及年龄。

But staying away from age.

年龄在我们的文化中是个大问题，天啊，这是个很棘手的话题

Age is such a problem oh gosh, tricky topic in our culture of

大脑。

brain.

对。

Right.

无论是年长的还是年轻的，对吧？

And both older and younger, right?

所以如果你觉得在夸某人看起来年轻，你会说：‘你看起来不像这个年纪。’

So if you think you're complimenting someone looking young, you say, You don't look your age.

天啊，真不敢相信你都40了。

Oh, I can't believe you're 40.

你看起来不像。

You don't look it.

像这样的话仍然让人感到不舒服，正如我们所说，还是有点尴尬。

Something like that is still uncomfortable making, as we say it's still sort of awkward.

是的。

Yeah.

然后可能坐在你旁边的人会问，那你该怎么说？

And then maybe someone sitting next to you is like, so what do you say?

你是说我看起来40岁了吗？

Are you saying I look 40?

是的。

Yeah.

没错。

Exactly.

不。

No.

完全对。

Totally.

别碰这个话题。

Stay away from it.

别说我太年轻看起来却这么疲惫。

Don't say you're too young to look so tired.

你把两个陷阱混在一起了：年龄陷阱和身体健康状况陷阱。

You were blending two traps, the age trap and the physical health status trap.

因为通常当

Because often when

当我们告诉别人他们看起来疲惫时，我们真正想表达的是他们看起来老了，或者至少会被人这样理解。

we tell someone they look tired, what we're really telling them is they look old, or at least that's how that's going to be interpreted.

是的。

Yeah.

这话说得好。

That's a good one.

我喜欢这句话。

I love that.

确实如此。

It's so true.

下一个类别就是皮肤、面部或自然特征。

And then the next bucket would be skin, face, or natural features.

是的。

Yes.

天啊。

Oh my gosh.

所以想象一下，有人可能有瘀青或者其他什么情况？

So imagine someone has maybe like a bruise or some who knows what's going on?

是的。

Yeah.

有人可能会说：‘你的脸怎么了？’

And someone might say like, what happened to your face?

或者那个伤口是怎么回事？

Or where did that cut?

哦，对啊。

Like Oh, yeah.

我根本不会提这件事。

I would just not mention it.

完全同意。

Totally.

他们提供的东西。

What they offer.

真的太对了。

Oh, it's so true.

我知道去年这个时候，我得了严重的带状疱疹，脸上长了很多疹子，眼睛也受影响，持续了一两周。

I know this time last year, I came down with a bad case of shingles and I had like spots on my face, and it was really like, it messed up my eye for a week or two.

如果有人像这样，就会问：‘你的脸怎么这么红？’

And if someone this is similar to like, why is your face so red?

怎么了？

What's going on?

这反而会吸引别人的注意。

It's like it draws attention to you.

这会让你感觉更糟。

It makes you feel worse.

然后会让那个人特别关注自己的脸。

Then it makes the person focus a lot on their own face.

他们只想躲开，专注于自己是否在和同事合作，或者试图

They just want to get out of and focus on whether they're working with their coworker or trying to

熬过这一天。

get it go through the day.

对吧？

Right?

对。

Right.

没错。

Exactly.

永远别说‘你脸上那是什么？’

Don't ever say like, what's that on your face?