AEE 2648：对你的英语严厉一点

这是《All Ears English》播客第2648期。

This is an All Ears English podcast episode twenty six forty eight.

给你一点严厉却有用的英语建议。

Tough love for your English.

欢迎收听《All Ears English》播客，全球下载量已超过两亿次。

Welcome to the All Ears English podcast, downloaded more than 200,000,000 times.

次。

Times.

你是不是觉得自己的英语进步停滞了？

Are you feeling stuck with your English?

我们会教你如何摆脱顾虑，流利表达——重点不是完美，而是真实交流。

We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection.

本期节目由两位美国主持人带来：英语冒险家麦卡洪，以及来自纽约的电台女孩米歇尔·卡普兰，他们从科罗拉多和纽约为你直播。

With your American hosts, McMahon, the English adventurer, and Michelle Kaplan, the New York radio girl, coming to you from Colorado and New York City, USA.

想每周收到字幕邮件？请访问 allearsenglish.com/subscribe 订阅。

And to get your transcripts delivered by email every week, go to allearsenglish.com forward slash subscribe.

你有没有必要对身边的人来点严厉的爱？

Do you ever have to show someone in your life tough love?

来看看这个说法适用于哪些情况，以及如何在谈论这个普遍话题时表达出来。

Find out what situations this term applies to and how to talk about it when it comes to this universal topic.

你在学校学过英语。

You studied English in school.

你上过课程，看过视频，也听过播客。

You've taken courses, watched videos, listened to podcasts.

那为什么说话还是有时候觉得很难呢？

So why does speaking still feel difficult sometimes?

因为懂知识和真正流利是两回事。

Because knowledge and fluency are not the same thing.

你可能知道几百条语法规则，记了上千个单词，但在真实对话中还是用不快，也难以真正沟通。

You can know hundreds of grammar rules and thousands of words, but still struggle to use them quickly in real conversations and to connect.

我们的免费两分钟流利度测试，能帮你找到这个差距在哪，以及该怎么改进。

Our free two minute fluency quiz helps you discover where that gap exists and what to do about it.

去 allearsenglish.com/fluencyscore 看看。

Go to allearsenglish.com/fluencyscore.

网址是 allearsenglish.com/fluencyscore。

That's allearsenglish.com/fluencyscore.

嗨，林赛。

Hey, Lindsay.

你最近怎么样？

How are you?

我挺好的，米歇尔。

I'm good, Michelle.

你呢？

How are you?

你最近还顺利吗？

How's it going?

一切都挺好的。

Everything's good.

琳达，你有没有给过你关心的人过一些严厉但出于好意的劝告？

Lindsay, have you ever had to give someone you care about tough love?

有。

Yes.

我记得上大学的时候，有个室友兼好朋友情绪上出了问题，我们劝她去学校的心理咨询中心，还跟她说，我们希望你去接受个评估。

I remember in college, I had a roommate and a good friend who was struggling with some emotional issues and we asked her to go to like the school psychologist and we kind of we said, we want you to go get evaluated for something.

我们不得不坚持，逼她去寻求帮助。

We kind of had to put her foot down and ask her to get help with stuff.

对吧？

Right?

我觉得这算是一种严厉的关爱。

That was kind of tough love, I think.

你呢，米歇尔？

What about you, Michelle?

是的。

Yeah.

有什么例子吗？

Any examples?

有什么例子吗？

Any examples?

如果丹在努力健康饮食，但我发现他总在吃零食，我可能会说：‘你以前不是总吃那种小巧可爱的零食吗？’

If if Dan is trying to eat healthy and I catch him snacking a lot and I might be like, oh, you used to eat something something cute and small like that.

然后他会说：‘你说得对。’

Like, you know, and he'll be like, oh, you're you're right.

当然我不是一直这样，但他现在正在认真控制饮食。

Like, not that I'm not like that all the time or anything, but he's particularly try he's like on a health kick.

所以我就会提醒他一下。

So I might just be like, you know?

对。

Yeah.

所以， Tough love 既可以是很严肃的事，也可以没那么严重。

So tough love can be like a very serious thing or not so serious.

是的，就是这样。

Yeah, exactly.

就像我们刚才对听众们展示的，它可能涉及像心理健康这样严重的问题。

As we just showed our listeners, it can range from something as serious as mental health.

没错。

Yep.

对吧？

Right?

从鼓励 someone 寻求心理健康帮助，到只是调侃一下别人吃零食，或者帮他们坚持健康饮食，都算在内。

Asking someone to seek help for mental health issues up to just, you know, kind of like teasing someone for having snacks or helping them stay on their path of nutrition.

对。

Right.

对吧？

Right?

对。

Right.

对。

Right.

没错。

Right.

就是这样。

Exactly.

所以，是这样的。

So, yeah.

生活中确实会遇到这种严厉的关爱。

This can happen in life, this tough love.

你得告诉他们，有些话虽然难听，但确实是他们需要听到的。

You have to so this is about, you know, you have to tell someone that they need it's something they need to hear Yes.

但他们可能并不想听。

But they might not wanna hear.

是的。

Mhmm.

今天的这期节目其实是受到一集商务英语节目的启发。

And today's episode is actually inspired by a business English episode.

是的。

Yeah.

一定要去听听那期节目。

So definitely check out that episode.

我们稍后会把链接发给你。

We'll give it to you later on.

所以呢。

And so yeah.

但首先，我们想特别感谢我们的听众评价。

But first, we wanna also say thank you so much to our reviewers.

对。

Yes.

非常感谢几位特别的听众，特意花时间给我们留下了评价和评分。

We have a huge thank you to some very special listeners who took the extra moment to go and leave us a review and a rating.

我们有来自中国、在苹果播客上留言的任明伟。

We have Mingwei Ren from China in Apple Podcast.

还有来自伊朗的法蒂玛·扎伊拉，以及同样在Castbox上留言的西玛·肖克里。

We have Fatima Zaira from Iran in Castbox and Sima Shokri, also from Iran in Castbox.

非常感谢你们每一位花时间给我们评分和留言。

Huge thank you to you all who took the time to leave us a rating and review.

你们的反馈对我们来说真的非常重要。

They mean a lot to us guys.

所以请大家去留言吧。

So please go and do it.

如果你想在节目中听到自己的名字被念出来，就在你听节目的平台给我们评分和留言吧。

If you want to hear your name announced out loud on show, leave us a rating and review wherever you listen.

明白吗？

Okay?

太棒了。

Awesome.

是的。

Yes.

非常感谢。

Thank you so much.

是的。

Yes.

那么，你会用这个表达吗？

So, do you use this expression?

我会用。

I do.

对。

Yeah.

我觉得这真的很有用，因为现实是，我们真的很爱一个人，也知道什么对他们最好。

I think absolutely this is useful because the reality is we really love someone and we know what's good for them.

通常他们自己也明白，这些事对他们是有好处的。

They usually it's something that they know is good for them too.

我们希望帮助他们实现这些目标，哪怕那一刻并不容易。

We want to help them achieve those goals even if it's not the easiest thing in that moment.

对吧？

Right?

是的。

Yeah.

所以这就是为什么，我的意思是，当你解释了这个意思之后，其实就像你为了某个目的必须对某人严格甚至严厉一样，对吧？

That's why it's So, I mean, yeah, when you We explained the meaning, but yeah, it's like when you have to be firm or tough with someone for a purpose, right?

有些地方确实需要改变。

Need to change in some place.

而这种严格是出于爱。

And it comes from a place of love.

对吧？

Right?

所以这完全是不一样的。

So it's it's different.

这可不是故意为难人。

It's not just being nasty.

对吧？

Right?

爱一个人、关心一个人，不等于事事都附和，看着他们做有害的事也不说一句。

It's like, know, loving someone and caring about them isn't always about just agreeing with whatever they do and letting them do perhaps something destructive without telling them they need to change.

对吧？

Right?

我觉得这才是真正的爱。

I mean, I think that's real love.

你明白吗？

You know?

真正的爱是希望他们成为最好、最安全、最健康的那个自己。

That's real love because you want them to be able to become the best version, the safest version, the healthiest version of themselves.

这样他们才能长久地陪伴在身边，对吧？

So they'll be around, right?

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

没错。

Yeah.

所以我们现在要求他们做这些事，比如去寻求帮助、调整饮食，都是出于爱。

So this action that we're doing, if we're asking them to do something, get help or fix their diet, we're doing it out of love.

这看起来可能很严厉，好像我们在苛责他们。

It might seem harsh or that you're being hard on the person.

是的。

Yeah.

再举个例子，十年前我爸爸体重很重，我们全家都很担心他的健康。

Another example is my dad of like maybe ten years ago, he was, you know, he was pretty overweight and we were really concerned about his weight.

于是我们全家给他写了一封信，非常认真地告诉他：你得改改饮食了。

And so we, as a family, wrote him a letter and just said like a very serious letter of like, we want you to change your diet, You know?

哦，天哪。

Oh, wow.

这又是另一个例子。

That's another example.

对吧？

Right?

他是怎么反应的？

A lot of How did he take it?

他是当真的。

Seriously.

他认真对待了，也确实做出了一些改变。

He took it seriously and he did make some changes.

哇。

So Wow.

这太了不起了。

That's amazing.

是的

Yeah.

这是个很好的例子。

That's a great example.

对

Mhmm.

对

Mhmm.

还有呢，米歇尔？

What else, Michelle?

是的

Yeah.

我们来聊聊其他需要严加管教的情况吧。

So let's talk about other situations where tough love might be necessary.

我们之前谈过无谓的伤害。

We've talked about unnecessary evil.

我们之前节目里也聊过这个。

We've talked about that on the show before.

对吧？

Right?

所以这其实可以归类为“严厉的爱”。

So this is kind of like tough love could fall into that.

比如，如果某人卷入了一些危险的事情，很多时候你会听到人们进行干预。

So for example, if someone is involved in something dangerous, so a lot of times you might hear about people doing interventions for Yes.

毒品、酒精，或者其他类型的成瘾，比如赌博，或者疯狂购物。

Drugs or alcohol or another kind of addiction like gambling, being a shopaholic.

有些人需要帮助。

Somebody needs help.

对，没错。

Yes, exactly.

确实如此。

Exactly.

也许你会强迫某人去戒毒中心接受康复治疗。

Maybe you, you, you kind of force someone to go to a rehab center if they need rehabilitation.

对吧？

Right?

这看起来确实很严厉。

And it seems tough.

这也是严爱的一个很好的例子。

That's a good another good example of tough love.

对吧？

Right?

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

没错。

Exactly.

因为你完全可以任由那个人继续走那条路，但这其实帮不了他。

Because you could just keep on letting that person go on that path, but that's not helping them.

这根本不是爱他。

That's not loving them.

对吧？

Right?

没错。

Exactly.

或者像老师，我的意思是，这种做法不一定要限于最亲近的家人。

Or if a teacher, I mean, so it doesn't always have to be like your closest family members.

也可能是老师。

It could be a teacher.

对吧？

Right?

如果老师知道学生不用心，而他又看出这孩子有潜力，就可能会直接点提醒他。

If a teacher knows a student is not putting in the effort, the teacher might be more direct, especially if they know the kid has potential.

对吧？

Right?

没错。

Right.

甚至在工作中当上司也是这样。

Or even for a boss at work.

我的意思是，这种事你得小心处理。

I mean, you know, you gotta be careful with this.

我的意思是，

I mean

没错。

Right.

如果你是老师或者上司，确实得在严厉关爱这件事上把握好分寸。

You know, if you're a teacher or a boss, you do have to be careful about the tough love situation.

是的。

Yeah.

因为你知道，你永远猜不到一句话会让人怎么想，万一说错了，人家就会介意。

Because, you know, you don't know you never know, like, how it could come off or if you say the wrong thing and then they, you know, have an issue with it.

但我觉得，用温和的方式，慢慢引导他们怎么改进，这样更好。

But, like, I think in gentle ways, you know, just kind of showing them how to improve.

对。

Yeah.

我觉得在工作里，这意味着对人要求更高一点，多推他们一把。

I think what it what it means at work is holding someone to a higher standard, pushing them a bit more.

让他们知道，你对他们有更高的期待，你知道的。

And letting them know you expect more from them, you know?

说白了，这其实是用不同的说法、不同的对话方式来表达——比如你劝配偶去戒瘾，和你作为上司提醒下属没发挥出应有水平，完全是两回事。

Mean, so it's dressed up in different words, different conversations versus what we might have with our spouse if we're asking them to go to rehab versus if you're a boss and someone working under you is not like working to their potential.

这两种情况对话方式不同，但本质上都是严中有爱。

They're different conversations, but it's tough love either way.

对吧？

Right?

是的

Yeah.

对

Yeah.

没错

Exactly.

或者父母对孩子也一样

Or a parent to a child.

对吧

Right?

甚至对年纪大一点的孩子也是

Even to an older child.

对吧

Right?

比如孩子没写作业，你就得管教他

Like, maybe they're not doing their homework and you have to punish them.

或者他们长大后做出了糟糕的决定。

Or maybe they're making poor decisions later on as they grow up.

你可能得采取一些看似严厉但实际上出于爱的措施。

You might have to make certain consequences that are really just tough love.

或者像教练对球队那样。

Or coach to a team.

对吧？

Right?

这也是个很好的例子。

That's a good example too.

一段糟糕的关系。

A bad relationship.

比如你爱一个人，但他们根本不是个称职的伴侣。

Maybe if a person is just you love someone, but they're just not being a good partner.

他们可能自我毁灭，或者类似的情况。

They're like self destructive or something.

你可能需要介入一下。

You might have to have intervention.

你之前提到过介入。

You mentioned intervention earlier.

米歇尔，介入是什么意思？

Michelle, what does that mean?

介入？

Intervention?

是的。

Yeah.

通常来说，这就像你给你爸爸写的那封信那样。

That's usually I mean, that sounds like in a way, it's how you wrote the letter to your dad.

对。

Yes.

但这也算是吧。

But it's Yeah.

对吧？

Right?

就是那样。

It's Yeah.

就是一群人聚在一起，可能发现某人遇到麻烦了，你知道的，某种意义上的麻烦。

It's like a group of people coming together and maybe, like, they decide that, you know, someone has is in trouble, right, in some way.

是的。

Mhmm.

而且通常我觉得是面对面进行的。

And they might it's usually I think it's usually in person.

对。

Yeah.

然后那个人可能会到场。

And, you know, the person might come.

这感觉有点像惊喜派对，但

It's almost seems like a surprise party, but

是的

Yeah.

不是为那个人办的派对。

Not a party for the person.

对吧？

Right?

是的

Yeah.

对

Yeah.

没错

Yeah.

你说得对

You're right.

跟他们说说你的担忧，你知道的。

Telling them about your concerns and, you know.

所以，是这样的。

So, yeah.

你是在干预他们对自己不利的行为。

You're intervening on their behavior that's negative towards themselves.

对。

Mhmm.

这个词就是关键，朋友们。

And that's the verb there, guys.

干预。

Intervening.

去介入。

To intervene.

说得好。

Good one.

有时候，后果其实和严厉的爱有关。

So a consequence sometimes can be associated with tough love.

那这种情况具体是怎样的呢，米歇尔？

So what does this look like, Michelle?

没错。

Right.

你可能会说：我得对你狠一点了，所以除非你把成绩提上去，否则我不会再给你任何大学生活费。

So you might say something like, I have to show you some tough love, so I'm not going to give you any more money for college until you get your grades up.

这也是个很好的例子。

This is another good one.

在美国，孩子到了18岁就搬出家门是很常见的事，过去我们小时候就是这样。

In The US, it's very common for kids to leave or it was, it has been historically when we were growing up, for kids to leave the home at 18.

对吧？

Right?

你去上大学或者找工作，就离开父母家了。

You go to college or you get a job and you're out of your parents' home.

但现在我觉得这种情况可能有点变化了，不过我依然会觉得，应该鼓励孩子独立出去。

And now this is I think maybe this is changing or has changed a little bit, I still feel like I would need to encourage my child to move on.

是的。

Yeah.

你知道的。

You know?

是的。

Yeah.

要鼓励孩子独立，适当放手。

Move on in the world and show a little bit of tough love.

如果你还住在家裡，就得交房租，对吧？

That means if you're going to live at home, you need to pay rent, right?

作为成年人，你得承担一些责任。

You need to like certain things you'll need to contribute as an adult.

你都成年了，就得按成年人的方式做事，明白吗？

If you're an adult, you contribute as an adult, you know?

是的。

Yeah.

是的

Yeah.

不过这挺棘手的。

Tricky one though.

确实很难，没错。

That is tough Yeah.

当然了。

For sure.

我的意思是，有时候直接说就行。

I mean, and sometimes it's just being direct.

比如，你准备好听点实在话了吗？

So for example, are you ready for some tough love?

他根本不适合你。

He's the wrong guy for you.

我实在看不下去你再为他浪费时间了。

I can't watch you waste your time on him any longer.

这倒挺有意思的。

So Interesting there.

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

有人陷在一段糟糕的关系里，你关心他，就会觉得：这回得说点难听的了。

Someone's in a bad relationship, you care about them, and you're just like, this is this is gonna be some tough love.

对吧？

Right?

你肯定会这么说。

Of course, you're gonna say something like that.

对吧？

Right?

如果你真把朋友放在心上，你就会特别在乎他。

If you really love your friend, you care about your friend a lot.

对吧？

Right?

你肯定会去说的。

You're going to try.

这可能不容易。

It might not be easy.

很难。

It's hard.

尤其是很难。

Well, it's especially hard.

我们说起来当然简单。

See, see, it's easy for us to say this.

你当然会跟朋友这么说，但一旦人们开始订婚，情况就变得特别复杂了。

Like, of course, you're going say this to your friend, but it gets really tricky when people start getting engaged.

我认识一个人刚订了婚，我就不点名了， obviously。

I know someone who just got engaged, and I'm not gonna name any names, obviously.

并不是每个人都认同对方是那个对的人。

Not everyone is on the train in terms of, like, the person that he or she is marrying.

这事儿挺难办的，因为大家总想开口聊聊，随便说句：嘿。

And it's tricky because people wanna have conversations and just say, hey.

你确定这是你真想做的事吗？

Are you sure this is what you wanna do?

可一旦戒指戴上了手，除非你跟对方特别亲近，不然就几乎没法再提了。

But then once there's a ring on the finger, it's like it's almost a no go zone unless you're really close to the person.

然后呢，他们就要结婚了。

And then, you know, they're getting married.

他们还一副悠然自得的样子，搞得我也不知道该说什么。

They're having chill it's like, I don't know.

有些时候说这话合适，有些时候就不那么合适了。

There's a window of time when it's kosher to do it and a window of time when not as much.

对吧？

Right?

没错。

Right.

对。

Yeah.

而且确实如此。

And yeah.

哦，这真是个特别棘手的情况。

Oh, that that is a very sticky situation.

我的意思是，对。

I mean Yeah.

你一眼就能看出来。

Just you you can see it.

你明明知道问题迟早会来，但那个人非得自己碰了壁才懂，你又想提醒他，天哪。

You can see that problems are gonna be coming and you know it, but it's like the person almost has to just learn for themselves, but you wanna warn them, oh, man.

这真是

That's a

真够难的。

hard one.

这太尴尬了。

That's awkward.

我很庆幸自己没处在那种情况里。

I'm glad I'm not in that situation.

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

这也不该我插嘴。

Wouldn't It be my place.

我和那人没那么熟，不好说。

I'm not close enough to the person to Yeah.

没法开口。

To say anything.

不过，是这样的。

But, yeah.

所以，总之我们先休息一下，马上回来。

So, anyways, we'll take a quick break, and we'll be right back.

如果英语进步不起来，根本不是语法的问题呢？

What if the reason your English isn't improving has nothing to do with grammar?

如果多背单词也不是解决办法呢？

And what if learning more vocabulary isn't the answer either?

在 All Ears English，我们多年来一直帮助学习者提升流利度。

At All Ears English, we've spent years helping learners become more fluent.

最近，我们发现了一个有趣的现象：很多中级水平的学习者明明一直在学，却卡住了。

And recently, we uncovered a surprising pattern among students who seem stuck at the intermediate level.

你学习、你听、你记新单词，可一到开口说的时候，就出问题了。

You study, you listen, you learn new words, but when it's time to speak, something breaks down.

我们一直在开发一个新东西，专门解决这个问题，马上就要推出了。

We've been building something new to solve this exact problem, and we're almost ready to share it.

如果你想第一时间了解这是什么，现在就加入早期兴趣名单吧。

If you want to be among the first to find out what it is, join the early interest list now.

前往 allearsenglish.com/vocabulary，今天就留下你的名字，我们会通知你何时上线。

Go to allearsenglish.com/vocabulary and add your name today, and we'll let you know when it's ready.

前往 allearsenglish.com/vocabulary。

Go to allearsenglish.com/vocabulary.

好的，米歇尔。

Okay, Michelle.

严厉的方式有时候会不合适吗？

Is tough love ever the wrong approach?

你怎么看？

What do you think?

我的意思是，确实如此。

I mean, yeah.

我觉得有时候确实会。

I think it can be.

你知道，这事儿得小心处理。

You know, you have to be careful with this.

我的意思是，咱们可不能拿这个去让人丢脸。

I mean, you know, we don't wanna use it to shame someone Mhmm.

比如对正处于困境中的人横加指责。

To come down on someone who's in a crisis, for example.

没错。

Like Sure.

所以，真正的目的应该是帮他们达到该有的状态。

So it has to truly be about trying to get them where they need to be.

带着善意去帮助他们。

So helping with loving intentions.

我觉得，如果不是出于爱，那就不对了——这正是我们前面提到的一个好说法。

I think it's if it's not with done out of love, which is a great expression that we mentioned earlier.

如果不是真心出于爱去做的，那就偏离了初衷。

If it's not truly done genuinely out of love Mhmm.

那样的话，别人一看就觉得你太刻薄了。

Then it like people will be able to see that and it just seems mean.

看起来只是严厉，而不是出于关爱。

It just seems tough, not love.

对吧？

Right?

确实如此。

It's true.

没错。

It's true.

我们对宠物也得这么做。

And we have to do this for our pets too.

有时候兽医打针的时候，宠物都吓坏了。

Sometimes kefir is so bad at the vets when it comes to shots.

它害怕得要命。

He is terrified.

他就像只猫一样。

He's he's like a cat.

他一害怕，尾巴就夹得紧紧的，但我们还得带他去打针、抽血做检查。

He'll his tail goes all the way between his legs, but we have to take him to get his shots right and get blood drawn for blood tests and things.

是的。

Yeah.

所以，这个

So, this

我就要带我女儿去体检了，她刚满四岁，生日那天要去医院，我问医生有没有疫苗要打。

is I where it gets mean, I'm about to have to take my daughter for her birthday, for four year old visit for the doctor and I ask them if there are any shots.

和凯弗一样，她也不喜欢打针。

And similar to Keefer, she doesn't like it.

没错。

So yeah.

但你又不得不去。

But it's like I you you have to get it.

是啊。

So yeah.

或者当我不能让孩子吃糖果之类的东西时，有时候这其实就是为他们好。

Or if I have to if I don't let my kids have candy or something like that, sometimes it's just tough love.

不好意思。

Sorry.

我知道这让你不舒服，但我真的是在为你的健康着想。

I know this makes you upset, but I'm looking out for your health.

明白吗？

Know?

对。

Yeah.

不是每次让他们每晚都吃甜点就是对的。

It's not always the right answer to let them have dessert every night.

对吧？

Right?