AEE 2650：如何坚定地说不以及文化建议

这是AllEarsEnglish播客第2650期。

This is an allearsenglish podcast episode twenty six fifty.

如何坚定地说不，以及一些文化小贴士。

How to give a hard no plus cultural tips.

欢迎收听AllEarsEnglish播客，全球下载量已超过两亿次。

Welcome to the allearsenglish podcast downloaded more than 200,000,000 times.

你是不是觉得自己的英语进步卡住了？

Are you feeling stuck with your English?

我们会教你如何放下完美主义，专注于真实交流，从而自信流利地使用英语。本期节目由美国主持人林赛·麦马洪——这位英语冒险家，和纽约电台女孩米歇尔·卡普兰联袂呈现，他们分别来自科罗拉多和纽约市。

We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection with your American host, Lindsey McMahon, the English adventurer, and Michelle Kaplan, the New York radio girl, coming to you from Colorado and New York City, USA.

想每周收到我们的文字稿？请访问allearsenglish.com/subscribe订阅。

And to get your transcripts delivered by email every week, go to allearsenglish.com forward slash subscribe.

在你们的文化里，直接拒绝别人正常吗？

Is it normal to give a hard no in your culture?

那在工作场合呢？

What about in business?

今天我们就来聊聊，在美国文化里，直接说‘不’有多常见，再教你四种用英语婉拒的方法。

Today, find out how common it is in American culture and learn four ways to do it in English.

你有没有过这样的经历：英语对话里每个词你都听得懂，可轮到自己开口时，话却突然卡住了？

Have you ever been in an English conversation where you understood everything, but when it was your turn to speak, the words disappeared?

你明明学过不少高级表达，可一到关键时刻，还是忍不住用那些简单又安全的词。

You've learned more sophisticated phrases, but in the moment, you fall back on simple, safe words.

正因如此，我们才推出了全新的在线课程——Active Vocabulary（主动词汇）。

That's exactly why we created our brand new online course, Active Vocabulary.

这门课能帮你把被动认识的词汇变成能随时调用的主动表达，让你在人生重要时刻，话到嘴边不卡壳。

This course helps you move your vocabulary from passive recognition to active use so the words are there when you need them in those important moments of your life.

而且，只要你报名成为学员，就能受邀参加每周的实时口语交流会，边练边说。

Plus, when you become a student, you get invited to the weekly open conversation club to practice your speaking live.

现在报名最多能省一百美元，但优惠截止到周日。

Save up to $100, but the offer ends on Sunday.

赶紧去 allearsenglish.com/vocabulary 抢这个特惠吧。

Go now to allearsenglish.com/vocabulary to get the special deal.

就是 allearsenglish.com/vocabulary。

That's allearsenglish.com/vocabulary.

嗨，米歇尔。

Hey there, Michelle.

今天过得怎么样？

How's it going today?

嗨，林赛。

Hey, Lindsay.

我挺好的。

I'm doing well.

你呢？

How are you?

我感觉不错。

I'm feeling good.

我感觉不错。

I'm feeling good.

我特别想问你一个问题。

I am excited to ask you a question.

好。

Okay.

我也很期待听到你的问题，然后回答你。

And I am excited to hear the question and to answer it.

好的。

Alright.

问题来了。

Here's the question.

当别人向你提出要求时，你会不会犹豫着说不出口拒绝？

Do you ever hesitate to tell someone no when they ask you for something?

或者别人问你什么事，你会不会犹豫着不想说不？

Or when they ask you something, do you hesitate to say no?

是的。

Yeah.

我的意思是，当然会了。

I mean, of course.

你知道，我们都想让别人开心，也希望能答应别人的要求。

You know, you wanna I think we all in some way wanna make people happy and we want to be able to say yes to things.

对吧？

Right?

但有时候我们就是做不到。

But sometimes we just can't.

或者有时候是出于自己的想法，我们就直接说了实话。

Or or sometimes it's our opinion and we're just being very direct.

你呢，林赛？

How about you, Lindsey?

是的。

Yeah.

当然了。

Of course.

我觉得你说得对。

I think you're right.

你提到的，作为人类，我们的大脑天生就渴望连接。

What you said, we all as human beings, the brain is wired for connection.

这一点，从进化角度来看，我们是清楚的。

We know this, evolutionarily speaking.

所以，即使你不是那种总想讨好别人的人，也难免会希望有某种归属感和共识。

And so we want there's even if you're not a people pleaser, quote unquote

是的。

Right.

我们每个人内心深处，多多少少都渴望这种联结和认同。

There's some level of all of us that kinda wants that togetherness, that agreement.

和别人意见一致，感觉真的很舒服。

It feels good to agree and to be on the same page with someone.

从生物学上讲，这种感觉就是很愉悦。

Like, biologically, it feels good.

你懂的。

You know?

对。

Yeah.

但有时候我们得说不。

So but sometimes we have to say no.

所以今天我们要聊聊几种干脆利落说不的方法。

So today we're gonna talk about some ways that describe a clear quick no.

好。

Yes.

之前我们做过一期类似的节目，不过那是讲商务英语的。

And a while ago, we did an episode with a similar concept, but it was on business English.

对。

Yes.

这是我们另一个节目，各位。

So that's that's our another show that we have, guys.

那就继续吧。

So go on over.

你可以在你听的任何平台搜索‘Business English Podcast’，然后点关注。

You can put in business English podcast wherever you are listening, and hit the follow button later.

如果你也想听那一期，我可以把集数告诉你。

I'll give you that episode number if you're curious to hear that one as well.

好的。

Yes.

对。

Yes.

没错。

Exactly.

正如米歇尔说的，记得去‘Business English’频道点关注，也别忘了在‘All Ears English’这里点关注。

And as Michelle said, make sure you hit follow hit follow over on business and hit follow over here on allearsenglish.

明白了吗？

Alright?

没错。

That's right.

再次强调，学会以某种方式说‘不’很重要。

Again, it is important to be able to express no in some way.

对吧？

Right?

没错。

Right.

还要表达出没有任何回旋余地。

And to express that there's no wiggle room.

米歇尔，‘wiggle room’这个说法是什么意思？

What does the expression wiggle room mean, Michelle?

没有灵活性。

No flexibility.

对吧？

Right?

我们被困在这个地方了。

We we're we're stuck in this place.

我们哪儿也去不了。

We can't move around.

对啊。

Mhmm.

没错。

Right.

那我们平时怎么表达这种意思呢？

So what are some ways that we express this?

如果没有回旋余地，我们就没法转弯。

If there's no wiggle room, we can't wiggle.

没法转向

Can't wiggle to

一个肯定的回答，或者一个模棱两可的答案。

a yes or or a maybe.

所以第一个就是直接拒绝。

So the first one is a flat out no.

是的。

Yeah.

我喜欢这个说法。

I like

这个。

this one.

是的。

Yeah.

比如我问过朋友能不能多帮帮我，但她直接回绝了。

So for example, I asked my friend if she could help me more, but she gave me a flat out no.

她工作特别忙。

She is super busy with work.

对。

Mhmm.

还是说你还在考虑请假跟我一起去旅行，还是根本就没这打算？

Or are you still considering taking time off to join me on the trip, or is it a flat out no?

我只是想问，你是不是真的完全不考虑这件事了？

So I'm just saying, is it there there's no way you're not you're not thinking about it anymore.

而且，我觉得我们在这儿用这个词还挺有意思的。

And, yeah, it I think it's interesting how we use it here.

所以，是完全没可能吗？

So is it a flat out no?

就像那样，当然了。

It's like Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

我的意思是，你其实也可以说，你是不是根本就不同意？

I mean, you could also say, are you I'm not sure if we're gonna cover this later, but sometimes we say, are you a flat out no?

我们实际上是在把这个人当回事，或者说，答案就是我。

We will actually personify the person or it is it me is the answer.

对。

Right.

就是明确地不行。

We flat out no.

对吧？

Right?

是的。

Yeah.

我们用这种说法的方式其实很多，但‘明确地不行’是最常见的。

So there are lots of different ways that we use this one, but this one is very common, a flat out no.

还有一个很相似的说法，叫‘自动拒绝’。

And then we have a very similar one, which is an automatic no.

没错。

Yep.

就是同一个意思。

Which is the same idea.

比如，我女儿又想借我的车。

So for example, my daughter wanted to borrow my car again.

我直接告诉她，这根本没得商量。

I told her it was an automatic no.

她现在生我的气了。

She's mad at me now.

是啊。

Yeah.

或者我简直不敢相信，他连听都不听我说。

Or I can't believe he didn't even listen to me.

这根本就是直接拒绝。

It was an automatic no.

我至少想把自己的想法说清楚。

I wanted to at least explain my point of view.

别人一句话就拒绝你，真的挺让人沮丧的。

That's frustrating when someone just says no.

比如你是个青少年，父母直接说不行。

Maybe you're you're a teenager and your parents just say no.

他们连你的理由都不愿意听。

They don't even listen to your arguments.

我就这么说的。

I said so.

对吧？

Right?

没错。

Right.

这绝对是世界上最让人难受的话。

That's the worst thing you wanna hear.

当你是个青少年的时候，最不想听到的就是这句话。

It's the last thing you wanna hear when you're a teenager.

你懂的。

You know?

对。

Right.

但有时候确实会这样。

But sometimes that happens.

是的。

Yeah.

对啊。

Yeah.

有时候你就会问，为什么？

Sometimes, you know, you'll ask why?

为什么？

Why?

我是说，林赛，你小时候要是父母拒绝你一件事，你是会试着讲道理、据理力争，还是就干脆算了？

And, I mean, Lindsay, if your parents growing up, if they told you no for something, were you the type to kinda argue back or explain your point, or were you more just, okay.

好吧。

Fine.

我明白。

I get it.

不是。

No.

天哪。

Oh god.

哪个青少年会说‘好吧’？

What teenager says fine?

我懂。

I get it.

对吧？

Right?

真的。

Way.

不行。

No.

我试过，但特别沮丧，想反抗，结果就是抱怨、争辩，不行。

I try I I got really frustrated, and I tried to push back, and I would whine and argue and no.

不行。

No.

不行。

No.

是的。

Yeah.

我的意思是，青少年总觉得自己最懂该怎么过日子。

I mean, teenagers always think they know what's best for them.

对吧？

Right?

为自己着想。

For themselves.

对。

Yes.

没错。

Exactly.

没错。

Exactly.

然后这个，下一个是什么来着？

And then this is the what's the what's the next one here?

下一个是绝对不行。

The next one is a hard no.

所以这跟直接说不、自动说不非常像。

So very similar to a flat out no and an automatic no.

就是绝对不行。

A hard no.

这个是可以讨论的，还是绝对不行？

Is this up for debate or is it a hard no?

我们现在其实不说‘软拒绝’，这挺有意思的。

Now we don't really say soft no, which is interesting.

对吧？

Right?

是的。

Yeah.

不对。

No.

我们不会说，哦，这是个软拒绝。

We don't say, oh, it's it's a soft no no.

软拒绝。

A soft no.

软拒绝其实就是‘可能吧’的意思，对吧？

Soft no is kind of a maybe, right?

尤其是在约会圈里，如果有人说，‘嗯，我们改天再约吧’或者‘我们应该再出去一次’。

Mean, especially in the dating world, if someone says, oh, should, you know, we should go out again or we should go out sometime.

在约会中，如果说‘也许’，其实就等于拒绝。

If you get a maybe, it's really a no in the dating world.

在很多其他场合，我觉得也是这样，比如育儿方面。

Or in a lot of areas, I think, also in the parenting world.

我们能买这个玩具吗？

Oh, can can we get this toy?

也许改天吧。

Oh, maybe later.

是的。

Yeah.

再说吧。

We'll see.

再说吧。

We'll see.

嗯，对。

We'll Ah, yeah.

这个说法不错。

That's a good one.

不过呢。

But yeah.

你是这么说的，这事儿还有商量的余地，还是根本就没得谈？

Or so you said, is it up for debate, or is it a hard no?

再举一个例子。

Or here's another one.

这个更偏向于职场方面。

This is more business y.

我没料到人事部会直接拒绝，但想想也是，他们掌握着所有人的排班，我的假期确实排不进去。

I didn't expect to get a hard no from HR, but I guess they have everyone's schedules, and my vacation couldn't fit in.

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

所以这是条硬性规定。

So these are it's a hard line.

对吧？

Right?

这里一点余地都没有。

There is no wiggle room here.

你不该指望那个人下周回来改口说可以。

There's you shouldn't expect the person to come back next week and say yes.

对吧？

Right?

这些全是明确的拒绝。

These are hard nos here.

没错。

Right.

其实我有个问题。

Well, have I a question actually.

所以如果我说某事是明确的拒绝，比如人力资源给了我一个明确的拒绝，那是不是意味着他们态度很不礼貌？

So if you if I'm describing something as a hard no, like HR gave me a hard no, does that mean that they are being rude about it?

收到一个明确的拒绝，算不算一种不礼貌的行为？

Is it a rude thing when you get a hard no?

不算。

No.

我觉得这些都不一定算不礼貌。

I don't think any of these are rude necessarily.

只是态度坚决而已。

It's just, firm.

在商业场合，有时候这种干脆的答复反而让人舒服，至少你知道了确切的答案。

Sometimes in business, it's refreshing, because you know the answer.

对吧？

Right?

就是啊。

Like Right.

你知道，这其实挺合适的。

You know, it it's almost appropriate.

我的意思是，这跟文化背景关系太大了。

I mean, this is so cultural too.

我记得学日语的时候，据我了解，日语里很少直接用

I know when I studied Japanese, from what I understood, there's not a lot of use of

那个词

the word

‘不’，因为直接说‘不’会被认为丢面子，跟美式英语不一样。

no in the language itself because it's sort of losing face to say no outright, more so than in American English.

这是我对日语的理解。

Was my understanding of Japanese.

所以这真的很文化相关，但在美国商业文化里，人们更愿意听到明确的‘不’，而不是‘也许’或者谎言。

So this is so cultural, but I think in American business culture, people would rather hear no and have clarity than to hear maybe or or to hear a lie.

你总会

You're left

悬着吧。

hanging.

对吧？

Right?

没错。

Right.

或者人们明明情况不好，却说一切都好。

Or or people say, yes, everything is fine when things are not fine.

在我们这儿的商业文化里，这可不行。

That's not okay in business culture here.

对吧？

Right?

是的。

Mhmm.

对。

Mhmm.

是的

Yeah.

所以有时候这些回应其实挺有帮助的，或者你得明白，如果你给出明确的答复，别人反而更尊重你。

So sometimes these can be just helpful or or you need I mean, people might just respect you more if you give those Mhmm.

明确而坚定的回答。

Definite firm answers.

对。

Yes.

但有人说‘他直接拒绝了我’，并不意味着他态度不好或者不礼貌。

But saying someone gave me a hard no doesn't mean necessarily that it doesn't it doesn't it's not a commentary on how they said it or if they were rude.

只是说他的回应很坚决。

It's just saying it was firm.

而且确实如此。

And yeah.

没错。

Exactly.

就是得说清楚。

It's just being clear.

清楚才好。

Clear is good.

清晰明了对事业和生活都特别重要。

Clarity is so important for business success and for life.

对吧？

Right?

对。

Mhmm.

是的。

Yes.

对。

Mhmm.

好的，米歇尔。

Okay, Michelle.

我们还得再告诉听众一个，或者还有一个要点。

So there's a few more or there's one more that we need to tell our listeners about.

这个相对没那么常见。

This one is a little less common.

你们觉得会是什么？

What do we think it is?

到底是什么呢？

What is what is it?

答案是明确的否定。

It's a resounding no.

对。

Yeah.

你可能也会听到一个明确的肯定。

You might also hear a resounding yes.

是的。

Yes.

有可能。

Potentially.

这更多是关于一群人的情况。

So this is more about, like, a group.

我觉得它指的是一群人。

I I I think of it as a group.

不一定非得是，但意思就是，大家一致说‘不’，可能是一群人一起这么说。

It doesn't have to be, but it's just saying, you know, it's it's a big no, and perhaps a group is saying it.

比如，我问学生要不要多布置作业，他们全都坚决反对。

So for example, my students gave me a resounding no when I asked them if they wanted more homework.

谁会同意这个要求呢？

Who would say yes to that?

我问过前台、客服人员，甚至经理，我申请退款时，他们全都一口回绝。

Or I asked everyone at the front desk, the receptionist, the customer relations rep, even the manager, they gave me a resounding no when I asked for a refund.

意思就是，你从好几个人那里都听到了同样的回答。

So just means you hear it from a number of people.

对吧？

Right?

是的。

Yes.

而且对我来说，这背后似乎有一种能量，或者说是热情。

And also it it it to me, I feel it's a little there's like a energy behind it or enthusiasm.

就像这样，很有劲儿。

Like Mhmm.

你知道的，他们不是简单地说个‘不’字。

You know, they're they're not just like, no.

抱歉。

Sorry.

我不这么认为。

I don't think so.

而是很坚决地说‘不’。

It's like, no.

你明白吧？

You know?

对。

Right.

是那种紧实感。

It's fur it's firmness.

对吧？

Right?

没错。

Yes.

增强

Strengthening

它们。

them.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

不过呢。

But yeah.

林赛，为什么这些这么有用？

Lindsay, why are these so useful?

我的意思是，我觉得给出一个明确的答案真的很重要。

Well, I mean, I think it's really important to get a clear answer.

我觉得在美式英语里，我们比较尊重‘不’这个回答，也许比世界上其他文化更能接受说‘不’。

I think in American English, we respect the no, or we we have room for a no a bit more maybe than in other cultures in the world.

而其他文化可能也同样，甚至比我们更容许说‘不’。

And other cultures probably, in the same way, have even more room than we do for the no.

对吧？

Right?

我们并不是世界上最有直接性的文化。

We're not the most direct culture in the world.

对吧？

Right?

是的。

Mhmm.

对。

Mhmm.

这其实跟文化密切相关。

So this is really cultural.

想想你自己的文化中，人们对直接说‘不’的态度是怎样的，就能更好地理解自己的沟通风格。

Just think about your culture and how what is people's attitude towards directly saying no, and you'll get a lot of insight about your own style.

对吧？

Right?

是的。

Yeah.

特别有意思。

Super interesting.

对。

Mhmm.

是的。

Yeah.

有时候我们确实需要表达出来，就像我们之前说的，事情不是非黑即白的。

And and sometimes we need to express I mean, we've talked about the expression like black and white, or it's not something isn't black or white.

对。

Mhmm.

一点余地都没有，也没有灰色地带，就是这种感觉。

No wiggle room, no gray area, those types of things.

对。

Mhmm.

有时候我们就只是需要把这种意思表达出来。

And sometimes we just need to express that.

所以这些说法比单纯跟你说‘哦，是啊’要强烈得多。

So these are just these are much stronger than if I just said to you, oh, yeah.

他说了不行。

He said no.

他明确告诉我们不行。

He told us no.

对吧？

Right?

对。

Yes.

这些说法听起来也更有强调感。

These are just a little bit more emphatic sounding as well.

更清楚。

More clear.

你这话说得更明确了。

You're gonna give me more clarity.

他是直接说不行，还是有点儿含糊地说可能？

Did he say did he say no, or did he kind of say maybe?

还有没有可能说服他？

Is there any room for convincing someone?

对吧？

Right?

是的。

Yes.

没错。

Exactly.

那我们来角色扮演一下？

So should we do a role play?

好，来吧。

Let's do it.

Michelle，我们来分享一下之前申请假期一起去旅行的经历。

So here, Michelle, we are sharing our experience experiences that we've had when asking for time off to take a trip together.

听起来我们是同事，都想一起出去旅行。

So sounds like we're colleagues and we wanna travel together.

对吧？

Right?

是的。

Mhmm.

对。

Mhmm.

或者也许不是。

Or maybe maybe not.

也许不是同事。

Maybe not colleagues.

我们只是朋友。

We're just friends here.

对吧？

Right?

好的。

Okay.

没错。

Correct.

好吧。

Okay.

那你老板怎么说？

So what did your boss say?

天哪。

Oh, man.

他直接否决了。

It was a hard no.

他说那周必须有人在岗。

He said we need people at work during that week.

哎呀。

Ugh.

他愿意听你解释为什么非得是那周吗？

Would he let you explain why it has to be that week?

不行。

No.

根本就是直接否决了。

It was just an automatic no.

我甚至跟他说过，我出去的时候可以远程打卡，但他根本不听。

I even told him I'd check-in while I was away, but it didn't work.

哦，这真是太遗憾了。

Oh, that's really too bad.

我问过我老板关于调到其他周的事，他也直接拒绝了。

I asked my boss about the backup week, and it was a flat out no.

也许我们可以找一个完全不同的周。

Maybe we can find a week a different week altogether.

对。

Yep.

因为咱们遇到的全是拒绝。

Because we are just getting resounding no's.