成为更好的人，建议分享会

欢迎回到建议环节，这是一个百无禁忌的系列节目，你可以提交当前遇到的困境或任何需要建议的问题，然后我会给出我非专业的建议。

Welcome back to advice session, a series here on anything goes where you send in your current dilemmas or anything you want advice on, and then I give you my unprofessional advice.

今天的主题是如何成为一个更好的人。

And today's topic is becoming a better person.

我觉得我们都在努力成为更好的人的路上。

I feel like we're all on the journey to becoming a better person.

对吧？

Right?

没人会到处说：知道我在追求什么吗？

No one's walking around saying, you know what journey I'm on?

我正在努力成为最糟糕的人。

The journey to becoming the worst possible person I can be.

是啊。

Yeah.

这就是我一直在努力的方向。

That's what I've been working on.

没人想变得更消极。

Nobody wants to be more negative.

没人想变得更自私。

Nobody wants to be more selfish.

不过我想确实有些人想变得更自私些。

I mean, I guess there are some people who wanna be more selfish.

如果你是那种老好人类型，可能确实需要学会更自私一点。

Perhaps if you're sort of a pushover type, you might wanna become a little more selfish.

这很合理。

That's fair.

但你应该明白我想表达的意思。

But you get what I'm trying to say here.

我们都在努力成为最好的自己。

We're all trying to become the best possible versions of ourselves.

我认为我们都在这个旅程中。

I think we're all on that journey.

这是一种普遍的经历。

It's a universal experience.

但有趣的是，这似乎并非我们与生俱来的能力。

But what's interesting about it is that it seems that it doesn't come naturally to us.

我们似乎并非生来就是最好的自己。

It seems that we're not born the best possible version of ourselves.

如果是那样的话，我们就不需要为此努力了。

If that was the case, we wouldn't all seemingly be working on that.

我们都有很大的成长空间。

We all have a lot of growing to do.

我们都有改进的余地。

We all have room for improvement.

不做个好人确实很诱人。

It's very tempting to not be a good person.

也许我不该说'很诱人'，嗯，不对。

Maybe I shouldn't say it's very tempt well, no.

当个坏人可能非常具有诱惑力。

It can be very tempting to be a bad person.

当然我不是指邪恶的人。

Now I don't mean an evil person.

对吧？

Right?

我指的不是推倒老太太那种邪恶。

I don't mean pushing an old lady evil.

我指的是消极的人、悲观的人、自私的人、充满仇恨的人、刻薄的人。

I mean a negative person, a pessimistic person, a selfish person, a hateful person, a mean person.

有时放纵自己的恶劣品质很诱人，因为当我们陷入困境时，作恶反而会让我们感觉好些。

It can be tempting at times to indulge in bad traits because there's something about being bad that makes us feel better when we're struggling.

我想说，当你处于人生特别顺遂的阶段时，做个好人会容易得多。

I would say when you're in a particularly good place in your life, it's much easier to be a good person.

但即便你人生顺遂，保持善良仍需要自律、觉知，有时甚至需要勇气。

But even if you're in a particularly good place in your life, it still takes discipline and mindfulness and, at times, even bravery to be a good person.

我想说的是，善良并非我们的天性。

It doesn't come naturally to us is what I'm trying to say here.

就像所有事物一样，人性有善有恶，我们都在尽力向善。

As with all things, humans are good and bad, and we're all trying to be as good as we possibly can.

但这是每天都要做的选择。

But it's a daily choice.

这是终身的修行，我不认为这段旅程会有终点。

It's a daily practice, and I don't really believe that the journey ever ends.

我觉得作为人类，我们终其一生都在努力成为最好的自己，但永远无法完全达到。

I feel like we're on this journey as human beings to try to become the best possible people we can be, but we never quite reach it.

就像，这趟旅程根本没有终点站。

Like, there is no destination.

我们总能变得更好，这在某种程度上很鼓舞人心——拥有一个可以终生追求的目标本身就充满激励。

We can always improve, which in some ways is inspiring because there's something sort of inspiring about having a goal that you can work on for the rest of time.

这种想法本身就令人振奋。

There's something inspiring about that.

这段旅程本身就充满意义，它显然让我成为了更好的人。

Like, the journey itself is fulfilling, and it's obviously making me a better person.

但同时，我也永远不能停止自我完善。

But, also, I never have to stop working on this.

这其中有某种鼓舞人心的东西。

There is something inspiring about that.

对吧？

Right?

作为人类，拥有目标对我们是有益的。

Having goals as human beings is good for us.

它能让我们保持动力。

It keeps us motivated.

它让我们清晨愿意起床。

It gets us out of bed in the morning.

所以拥有一个没有明确终点但在过程中充满成就感的目标，某种程度上是理想的。

So to have a goal that doesn't really have a destination but is fulfilling along the way is kind of ideal.

这是看待它的一种方式。

That's one way to look at it.

但其中也有令人却步的部分，因为很多时候我们渴望一个清晰的终点。

But there is also something kind of daunting about it too because I think a lot of times we want a clear destination.

我们想要抵达某个地方。

We want to arrive somewhere.

想到要为一件事奋斗终生却永远无法到达终点——因为根本没有定义的终点——可能会让人有些难以承受。

And the thought of working towards something for your entire life and to never get to the end because there is no defined end can be a bit overwhelming.

但我不认为这是正确的看待方式。

But I don't think that that's the right way to look at it.

我确实认为这就是那种没有终点的目标。

I do think it is this sort of goal with no destination.

但仅仅因为没有终点，并不意味着你不会抵达某个美好的地方。

But just because there's no destination doesn't mean that you don't arrive somewhere beautiful.

你只是永远不会在那个目的地停留太久。

You just never stay at that destination for long.

你懂我意思吗？

You know what I'm saying?

然后你就死了，然后...就这样结束了。

And then you die, and then and then that's it.

这话题对我来说有点太存在主义了。

This is getting a little too existential for me.

闲话少说，我们直接进入正题吧。

So without further ado, let's just get into it.

有人问：'我怎样才能不再重蹈覆辙？'

Somebody said, how do I stop making the same mistakes over and over again?

有时候等我意识到时已经为时已晚。

Sometimes I don't even realize it's happening until it's too late.

我想打破这个循环。

I wanna stop the cycle.

在我人生混乱时期，当我行为失控、不断重复犯错，没有做出明智选择来放慢脚步时，我母亲总是对我说：

My mom always has said to me in times in my life when things are chaotic and I'm kind of chaotic and I keep making the same mistakes over and over again, and I'm not making smart choices to slow down.

慢下来。

Slow down.

时速20英里的话，降到5英里。

Going 20 miles per hour, go five.

他妈的速度放慢。

Slow the fuck down.

我觉得这个建议非常棒。

And I think that's phenomenal advice.

所以这就是我要给你的建议。

So that's the advice I'm gonna give to you.

我的第一条建议就是：放慢脚步。

My first piece of advice is to slow down.

如果你一而再再而三地犯同样的错误，那是因为你行动得太快了。

If you keep making the same mistake over and over and over again, it's because you're moving too fast.

为了正确分析生活中发生的事情，你必须保持一个能让你看清事态发展的生活节奏。

In order to properly analyze things as they happen in your life, you have to be going at a speed in your life that allows you to analyze what's going on.

如果你只是马不停蹄地赶场子，怎么可能有时间反思正在发生的事情？

If you're just moving from one thing to the next to the next to the next to the next, how are you supposed to reflect on what's going on?

你做不到。

You can't.

你行动得太快了。

You're moving too fast.

我认为必须放慢节奏的原因在于：要避免重蹈覆辙，就需要深入分析错误，而不是停留在表面。

And I think the reason why it's so important to slow down is because in order to not make the same mistake again, you need to deeply analyze the mistake that you made, and not just on the surface level.

因为我们大多数人往往只做表面分析，毕竟这是最快捷简便的方式。

Because a lot of us tend to analyze our mistakes on the surface level because that's the quickest and easiest way to do it.

对吧？

Right?

就像，好吧。

Like, okay.

我刚犯了错。

I just made this mistake.

我为什么要那么做？

Why did I do that?

当时觉得诱惑难以抗拒，一时冲动很痛快，但现在后悔了。

I did that because it was tempting, and it felt good in the moment, but now I regret it.

好吧。

Okay.

下次我绝不会再受诱惑了。

Next time, I'm just not gonna I'm not gonna fall for the temptation.

好的。

Okay.

继续。

Moving on.

嗯，这样行不通，因为你没有触及问题的根源。

Well, that's not gonna work because you didn't get to the root of the issue.

问题的根源不在于你屈服于诱惑。

The root of the issue is not that you fell for the temptation.

问题的根源在于你为什么会被诱惑去犯那个错误？

The root of the issue is why are you tempted to make that mistake?

所以我认为放慢脚步，弄清楚为什么你会再次被驱使去犯那个错误，可能非常有价值。

And so I think it can be incredibly valuable to slow down and and figure out why you were driven to make that mistake again.

或者对于只犯了一次错误但不想重蹈覆辙的情况，我为什么会犯那个错误？

Or in the case of just making one mistake and not wanting to repeat it, why did I make that mistake?

你必须找到根源。

You gotta find the root of it.

说到寻找根源，我确实有一些建议，因为这件事做起来有点不舒服，也有点尴尬。

And when it comes to finding the root of it, I do have some advice because it's kind of an uncomfortable thing to do and kind of an awkward thing to do.

就像是，你究竟要怎么找到根源呢？

It's like, how do you even find the root of it?

你知道吗？

You know?

比如，我该怎么深入挖掘并找到那个原因？

Like, how do I how do I dig deep and find find that?

你知道吗？

You know?

这并不明显。

It's not obvious.

我的建议是，你需要把问题从大脑中抽离出来，放到现实世界中。

I would say my advice would be you need to remove it from your brain and bring it out into the real world.

现在让我解释一下这是什么意思。

Now let me explain what that means.

很多时候，我们只是在脑海里处理自己的问题。

A lot of times, we deal with our issues inside of our head.

对吧？

Right?

但这其实很难做到，因为在你的脑海里，事情是混乱的。

But that's a really challenging thing to do because inside of your head, things are jumbled.

它们在盘旋。

They're swirling.

它们是模糊的。

They're foggy.

思绪很难整理。

Thoughts are very hard to organize.

要梳理清楚非常具有挑战性。

They're very challenging to organize.

你知道什么更容易整理吗？

You know what's much easier to organize?

那些从你大脑开始，然后被提取出来放到现实世界中的东西——无论是通过与亲近的人交谈，还是通过写日记，甚至可能只是盯着墙壁决定好好思考。

Things that have started in your brain and then been extracted and put into the real world, either through conversation with someone you're close to or through journaling or potentially even through just staring at the wall and making the decision to think.

但那样更难。

But that's harder.

就我个人而言可以做到，但我发现很多时候通过倾诉或写下来等方式会更容易且更有效。

Like, I can do that personally, but a lot of times I find it's much easier and much more effective to either talk about it or to write it down or something.

因为一旦你把问题从大脑中抽离出来，让它变得具体并存在于现实世界，你就能直面它、应对它。

Because once you get it out of your brain and it's tangible and it's in the real world, you can look at it head on and face it.

当思绪在脑海中时，它们总是乱作一团。

When it's in your head, it's just all jumbled up.

你无法直视它，因为它就在你眼前上方。

You can't look at it because it's above your eyes.

我可不是在开玩笑。

I'm not even kidding.

我知道这可能显得过于字面化，但根据我的经验，事情确实如此运作。

I know that that's like I'm making it more literal than maybe I should be, but it kind of works like that in my experience.

说出话语让它们浮现在眼前，写下文字以便能够审视。

Speaking the words and having the words float in front of your eyes, writing down words and being able to look at them.

将脑海中盘旋的思绪具象化，能让它们更容易被处理。

There's something about making the things swirling around in your brain tangible that make them easier to address.

所以我建议想办法让这个重复的错误、这个挑战变得可触摸。

So I recommend finding a way to make this repeat mistake, this challenge tangible.

把它写下来。

Write it down.

找个人谈谈这件事。

Talk about it with somebody.

当然你知道，有无数种方式可以选择来沟通或记录你的挑战。

And there's definitely you know, there's there's a trillion different ways that you could choose to communicate about your challenge or write it down.

不过我会告诉你我的做法。

But I I'll tell you how I would do it.

第一，我会先从记忆中完整复述整件事的经过。

Number one, I would start by recounting everything that's happened from my memory.

明白吗？

Okay?

我第一次犯错是什么时候？

When did I make the first mistake?

为什么为什么我会觉得那件事发生了？

Why why do I think that that happened?

我是什么时候犯的第二个错误？

When did I make the second mistake?

为什么我觉得那件事发生了？

Why do I think that happened?

我是什么时候又犯了同样的错误？

When did I make the same mistake again?

为什么我会觉得那件事发生了？

Why do I think that that happened?

然后从那里开始，试着用鸟瞰的视角来分析它，你知道的，从一个宏观的角度。

Then from there, analyze it kind of from a bird's eye view, you know, from a zoomed out perspective.

尽可能客观地看待它。

Look at it objectively as best as you possibly can.

在你分析完事实后，就该进行头脑风暴了。

And then after you've sort of analyzed the facts, it's time to brainstorm.

头脑风暴一下可能的根本原因，并写下一些想法。

Brainstorm what the root cause of this possibly could be and write down some ideas.

然后逐一思考这些想法，找出真正的原因。

And then think through all of them, then figure out which one it is.

有时候这需要时间。

And sometimes this takes time.

你知道吗？

You know?

有时候答案不会立刻清晰。

Sometimes the answer isn't clear immediately.

但这种把问题从大脑中提取出来、使其具体化，并以尽可能清晰客观的方式进行分析的实践，即使不能立即给你答案，至少也在你脑海中种下了种子。

But this sort of practice of taking it out of your brain and making it tangible and analyzing it in a way that's very clear and as objective as possible, if it doesn't give you the answer immediately, it at least plants the seed in your brain.

之后，你的大脑会继续处理这个问题，解决这个谜题，最终答案会自然浮现。

And then after that, your brain will continue to sort of work on it, work on the puzzle, and then eventually it'll come to you.

一旦理解了根本原因，你就能直面解决，不再试图抵抗重蹈覆辙的诱惑，而是从根本上解决问题，解决真正的问题所在。

Once you understand the root cause, you can address that head on so that you're not trying to avoid temptation to make the same mistake again, but now you're solving the issue at the root, You're solving the real problem.

这样不再犯同样的错误就容易多了，你也不必与诱惑对抗。

And then not making that mistake again is much easier, and you don't have to fight against temptation.

相反，因为你从源头解决了问题，避免再犯那个错误就会变成自然而然的事。

Instead, it just becomes automatic not to make that mistake again because you've addressed the problem at the source.

我会举些例子，因为我觉得这个概念有点难以解释清楚。

I'll give some examples because I feel like this is sort of it's like a hard thing to explain.

我想通过举例可能会有所帮助。

And I think if I give some examples, it might help.

让我举一个人们可能会反复犯的错误例子。

Let me give an example of a mistake that someone might make over and over again.

有人可能会反复回到一个不适合自己的浪漫伴侣身边。

Someone might make the mistake of going back to someone, a romantic partner, over and over again who is not good for them.

他们明知这个人不适合自己。

They know that this person is not good for them.

他们并不合适。

They're not compatible.

他们不可信任，可能是因为作为伴侣他们不匹配，或者对方不值得信任，或者对方极度回避型人格无法满足情感需求——无论具体原因是什么，明知道不是好选择却仍反复回到同一个伴侣身边。

They're not trustworthy, whether it's because as a pair, they're not compatible or perhaps the partner is not trustworthy or perhaps the partner is super avoidant and doesn't give this person what they need emotionally, whatever it may be, returning to the same partner over and over again, even when it's obviously not a good idea.

如果有人因为觉得和对方相处愉快——一起消磨时光、聊天、接吻甚至发生关系——而不断回到那个伴侣身边。

If someone keeps returning to that partner because it feels good to spend time with them, hang out with them, talk to them, maybe even kiss, maybe even have sex.

如果这种情况反复发生，仅靠自制力很难抵抗再次犯错的诱惑。

Like, if that keeps happening over and over again, the temptation to make the mistake again is too strong to just use self control.

因为这并不是问题的根源所在。

Like, that's not the root of the issue.

内部有些问题需要解决。

There's something going on internally that needs to be addressed.

通过分析，人们可能会发现他们这样做有两个原因：第一，他们害怕孤独；第二，他们热衷于追求那些若即若离的对象。

Through analysis, one might find that the reason that they're doing this is because, number one, they're afraid of being alone, And number two, because they love the game of trying to get someone who's playing hard to get.

也许他们的伴侣或关系紧张的伴侣是回避型人格，而这种追逐过程本身具有某种令人上瘾的特质。

Perhaps their partner is or their partner who's on the rocks is avoidant, and there's something sort of addicting about the chase.

这只是一个例子。

That's just an example.

明白吗？

You know?

通过分析，人们可以找出他们不断回到这个伴侣身边的诸多潜在原因。

Through analysis, one could discover a plethora of of potential reasons why they've been returning to this partner.

但为了举例方便，我们假设情况就是这样。

But for the sake of the example, let's say that's the case.

既然发现了问题，他们可以通过克服单身恐惧、培养独立意识、以及创造更有趣充实的生活来解决问题，从而减轻对那个若即若离伴侣的渴望。

Well, now that this has been discovered, they can solve this through getting over their fear of being single, working to develop a sense of independence, and create a more interesting stimulating life that alleviates the craving to be with this partner that's hard to get.

如果你的生活充满自己热爱的活动，就不会想和若即若离的伴侣纠缠。

If you're busy doing stuff in your life that you enjoy, you don't wanna deal with a partner who's hard to get.

因为与回避型人格相处时，那种不断试图赢得对方认可的过程会变成类似爱好的存在，就像兴趣爱好一样让人上瘾。

Because there's almost something about being with somebody who is is avoidant that it becomes like a hobby trying to constantly win them over, and it becomes sort of addicting in the same way a hobby does.

因此创造更有趣充实的生活或许能解决这个问题。

And so to create a more interesting stimulating life might solve that problem.

这就是个很好的例子，展示了如何找到根本原因并制定解决方案。

And so that's a great example of how, you know, someone could potentially find the root cause and then make a plan to address the root cause.

我再举一个例子。

I'll give one more example.

假设有人总是在社交场合过度分享，第二天又为此感到极度焦虑，觉得自己暴露了太多。

Let's say someone keeps making the mistake over and over again of oversharing in social situations, and then the next day getting really anxious about that oversharing, feeling like, oh, I feel like I exposed myself too much.

也许他们在评判我。

Maybe they were judging me.

也许我不该那么信任他们。

Maybe I I trusted them more than I should have.

操。

Fuck.

就像，我犯了个错误。

Like, I made a mistake.

顺便说一句，这太像我了，Coded。

By the way, this is so me, Coded.

就像，这就是我人生的写照。

Like, that is the story of my life.

我人生的写照。

Story of my life.

我在这方面确实进步了很多，但有时还是会为此困扰。

And I've definitely improved with this a lot, but it's still something I struggle with sometimes.

但为了举例说明，我们暂且把我从这个情境中抽离出来。

But we'll take me out of this for a second for the sake of the example.

通过分析，人们可能会意识到他们之所以过度分享，是因为这是他们知道的与他人建立联系的方式。

Through analysis, one might realize that they tend to overshare because that is how they know how to connect with other human beings.

这是个坏习惯。

It's a bad habit.

可能他们从小就这样。

Perhaps they've been doing it since they were a kid.

老实说，我不知道为什么我说要把自己从这个情境中移除。

Honestly, I don't know why I said, let's remove me from the situation.

这完全就是我。

This is very much me.

从小我就明白，通过展现脆弱、讲述故事，我能更好地与他人建立联系。

Ever since I was a kid, I learned that by being vulnerable, by telling stories, I connect so much better with people.

这很美好，我永远不想失去这种能力。

And that's a beautiful thing, and I never wanna lose that.

但我有个问题，就是常常过度分享，说出让自己事后后悔的私密信息。

However, I've had a a problem with taking it too far and sharing more about myself than I'm comfortable with and then regretting it later.

我认为需要保持平衡，而我的生活中曾多次失去这种平衡。

I think that there's a balance, and I think there's been times in my life where I've lost that balance.

所以，是的，这就是真实的我。

So, yeah, so it's very much me.

不过现在，遇到同样问题的人可以意识到：好吧...

But, anyway, now someone who's dealing with that can realize, okay.

我年轻时学到，过度分享能帮助我与他人建立连接。

I learned as a young person that oversharing helps me connect with other people.

这就是我持续这样做的原因。

That's why I keep doing that.

我该如何解决这个问题？

How can I solve it?

根据个人情况，这个挑战有多种解决方式。比如在社交活动前先想好话题，并刻意避免分享敏感信息——即使很有倾诉欲。

Now there's many different ways that that this, you know, challenge could be solved depending on the individual, but an example could be brainstorming other things to discuss before social events and making an active effort to avoid sharing sensitive information even when it's tempting.

制定计划并在交谈时保持觉察，这或许就是解决方案。

Having a plan and then having a sense of mindfulness during conversations, that might be the solution.

看，这才是直面问题的态度。

But, see, that addresses the problem head on.

如果有人说'我决定不再过度分享了'，却毫无准备地参加社交活动，他们只会重蹈覆辙。

If one were to say, like, you know, I guess I'm just gonna, like, stop oversharing, and then they go into a social event with no plan, like, they're just gonna make the same mistake again.

你必须要有计划。

You gotta have a plan.

好的。

Okay.

接下来有人说，我怎样才能停止抱怨？

Next, somebody said, how do I stop complaining?

我觉得自己正在变成一个爱发牢骚的人，但事情确实很难。

I feel like I'm becoming a whiner, but things are hard.

如何让自己更积极，更多地看到事物光明的一面而非消极面？

How do I be more positive and look at the brighter side of things more often than the negative side?

我认为很多时候我们往往在坏习惯形成很久之后才发现它，这可能会让人非常沮丧，因为它似乎已经成为我们性格的一部分。

I think a lot of times we we tend to discover a bad habit like this long after it's become a habit, which can be incredibly daunting because it seems like it's become a part of our personality.

但好消息是，我们随时都可以改变这些。

But the good news is it's in our control to change these things at any time.

我觉得最难跨越的障碍之一就是向自己承认：好吧。

I think that can be one of the hardest hurdles to get over is admitting to yourself, okay.

我有这个问题。

I have this issue.

同时也要承认自己是能够改变它的人。

And then also admitting to yourself that you're the one that can change it.

因为承认自己有性格缺陷、没有早点发现、放任自己这样做，以及还没真正想清楚如何改正，多少会让人感到难堪。

Because there's something sort of embarrassing about admitting that you have a character flaw and you didn't catch it sooner and that you're allowing yourself to do it and that you don't really know how to fix it yet because you haven't really thought about it that deeply.

所以现在这已经变成了一个不小的问题。

And so it's kinda become this big thing now, and it's kind of a big issue.

本来可以早点制止的，但并没有。

And it could have been stopped sooner, but it didn't.

我不知道。

I don't know.

我发现当我意识到自己身上的负面性格特征时，第一反应往往是：好吧，这可能就是我的本性。

I find that when I catch a negative personality trait in myself, my immediate response tends to be, well, I guess that's just who I am.

我认为这很大程度上解释了为何我会本能地对自己或他人产生这种反应。

And I think a big part of why that's my sort of gut reaction to tell myself or tell others.

嗯，我想这就是我的本性吧。

Well, I guess that's just how I am.

因为我羞于承认其实没必要这样，但我还是不由自主。

It's because I'm embarrassed to admit that I don't need to be like that, but I am anyway.

这样说能理解吗？

Does that make sense?

如果我承认自己本可以随时（无论是现在还是过去）解决这个问题，那这就成了我的责任。

It makes it my responsibility if I acknowledge that I could, at any time, now or in the past, fix this issue.

至少在我的经历中，这件事有种奇怪的羞耻感。

It just there's something weirdly embarrassing about it, at least in my experience.

所以我认为第一步是要承认这是可以改变的事情。

And so I think the first step is to acknowledge that this is something that can be changed.

而且发现自身缺点并坦然接受，这本身就是非常正常的人性表现。

And also, it's so normal and human to catch a negative trait and to say, Okay.

我需要做出改变。

I need to make a change.

这其实是件既普通又美好的事。

Like, that's such a normal, beautiful thing.

甚至可以说，是件非常勇敢的事。

And it's actually, like, a really brave thing too.

我觉得我们经常低估了自己——能觉察到问题并决心改变，这本身就值得肯定。

And I think oftentimes we don't give ourselves enough credit for acknowledging it and noticing it and then choosing to change it.

很多时候我们会因为自身存在某种缺陷而感到羞耻，这种羞耻感反而阻碍了我们改进——我们会想：既然我现在才意识到这个糟糕的特质，说明我本身就有缺陷，那还怎么指望能解决它呢？

I think a lot of times we feel shame that we were even like that to begin with, and that kinda discourages us from working on it because we're like, well, if I have this terrible trait that I'm just now acknowledging, then, like, how the fuck am I supposed to solve it if I'm so flawed that I have this flaw to begin with?

这样说能明白吗？

Does that make sense?

我是不是想得太复杂了？

Am I getting too heady with this?

这就是我的思维方式。

This is just how my brain works.

但这也可能是因为承认一个负面特质会有点打击你的自尊心，从而降低你改掉这个坏毛病的信心。

But it also might be that acknowledging a negative trait can kinda hit your self esteem a little bit, and that can also lower your confidence in yourself to get rid of that bad trait.

因为如果你承认自己有个缺点，就会让你对自己感觉不好。

Because if you acknowledge a bad trait about yourself, then it makes you feel bad about yourself.

然后你会对自己缺乏信心，不太相信自己能解决它。

And then you feel less confidence in yourself, less trust in yourself to solve it.

这种情况经常发生真的很遗憾，因为我认为我们都应该把自我反省和承认缺点看作勇敢且真正高情商的表现。

It's a real shame that it often happens this way because I think we should all look at self reflection and the acknowledgment of our flaws as a brave and actually emotionally intelligent thing.

这其实是件很棒的事。

It's kind of an amazing thing.

这是一种能力，对成为更好的人至关重要。

It's a skill, and it's crucial in becoming a better person.

而且我不管你是谁，也不管你觉得自己有多完美无缺。

And I don't care who you are, how how perfect and flawless you think you are.

每个人有时都需要自我反省，正视自己的缺点。

Everyone at times needs to self reflect and address their negative traits.

这很正常。

It's so normal.

但要跨过承认问题存在并相信自己能解决这道坎，可能真的很困难。

But it can be really hard to get over the hurdle of accepting that it's a problem and also accepting that you can fix it.

是的，你本可以在几个月前、几年前就解决它，但你现在才意识到，现在需要改正了。

And, yeah, you could have fixed it months ago, years ago, but you just realized it now, and now you need to fix it.

从那里开始，我的意思是，那可能是最艰难的一步——承认问题和承担责任。

And then from there I mean, that might that might be the hardest step, the acknowledgment and the responsibility.

从那时起，我认为当我们注意到自己身上某种已成为习惯的负面特质时，最好的做法就是放慢节奏，关注自己的行为。

And then from there, I think when we notice a negative trait in ourselves that's become sort of a habit, the best thing that we can do is slow down and pay attention to our behavior.

但要你时刻关注自己的一举一动确实不太现实。

Now it's kind of unrealistic to pay attention to your behavior all the time twenty four seven.

有时候我们需要切换到自动驾驶模式。

At times, we need to lock into autopilot.

你明白吗？

You know?

但我认为，在人生某个需要解决问题的阶段，放慢脚步、保持觉知并关注自己的行为确实非常重要。

But I think in a moment, in a phase in our lives when we have something we need to address, it's really important to slow down and be mindful and to pay attention to our actions.

懂我意思吗？

You know?

而且我觉得这个过程可能会有点乏味。

And I think it can be sort of tedious.

不断思考自己在想什么、说什么，还要过滤分析调整，确实会让人精疲力尽。

It can be sort of exhausting to constantly be thinking about what you're thinking, thinking about what you're saying, and sort of filtering through it, analyzing it, pivoting it.

对吧？

Right?

如果你开始产生负面想法、抱怨念头，或者正要发牢骚时，要捕捉到这些念头并制止自己真的很累人，就像'靠'。

If you're, like, starting to have a negative thought or a whiny thought or you're about to to you're about to complain or you're about to whine, it's exhausting to catch it and then be like, fuck.

好吧。

Okay.

我不能说那种话。

I can't say that.

我正在努力改掉这个习惯。

I'm working on not doing that.

好的。

Okay.

我还能说什么呢？

What else can I say?

好吧。

Okay.

我还能怎么想这件事？

How else can I think about this?

这真是个令人精疲力尽的过程。

That's an exhausting process.

对吧？

Right?

但我认为要真正根除一个坏毛病或坏习惯，唯一方法就是高度觉察它，并在行为发生时及时察觉自己。

But I think it's the only way to truly eradicating a bad a a bad trait or a bad habit is to become incredibly mindful of it and catch yourself in the act.

三思而后言。

Think before you speak.

思考你正在思考的内容，然后每次都积极做出转变的决定。

Think about what you're thinking, and then actively make the decision to pivot every single time.

不断转变、转变、再转变，直到最终变成积极的习惯。

Pivot, pivot, pivot until eventually it becomes a habit to be positive.

然后你猜怎么着？

And then guess what?

你真幸运。

Lucky you.

你不再需要考虑它了。

You don't have to think about it anymore.

这已成为新的生活方式。

It's become a new way of life.

这就是这段人生小篇章的美妙之处——通过高度觉察自己的行为来可能改变它们。

That's the beautiful thing about sort of a little chapter, a little phase in life of being incredibly mindful about your behaviors to to potentially change them.

你不必一辈子都那样做。

You don't have to do that for the rest of your life.

你知道吗？

You know?

如果你真的努力去做，最终它会成为新的习惯，然后你就成功了。

If you work really hard at it, eventually, that becomes the new habit, and then there you go.

好的。

Okay.

下一个。

Next.

有人说，离开舒适区是人生成长的唯一途径吗？

Somebody said, is leaving your comfort zone the only way to grow in life?

根据我的经验，大多数时候确实如此。

In my experience, most of the time, yes.

我是这样理解的。

And here's how I think of it.

好的。

Okay.

让我给你打个比方。

Let me give you let me give you a metaphor.

其实这个比喻可能不是我想出来的。

This is actually I don't even think I came up with this metaphor.

我肯定是在哪里听过，然后在脑子里稍微改编了一下，让它对我来说更合理。

I I've I must have heard it somewhere, but then I kind of, I don't know, like, rewrote the story a little bit in my brain to make sense to me.

所以我真的不知道这个比喻的来源，但我是这样理解的。

And so I don't really know where this came from, but I I this is how I think of it.

挑战就像一座山。

A challenge is like a mountain.

如果你拥有足够的力量和肌肉，翻越那座山就会很轻松。

And if you have the proper strength and muscles, getting over the mountain is easy.

然而，如果你还没有足够的力量和肌肉，在练出那些力量和肌肉之前，你是不可能翻越那座山的。

However, if you don't have the proper strength and muscles yet, it's impossible to get over the mountain until you've built that strength and those muscles.

所以翻越那座山的唯一方法就是训练、变强、练出那些肌肉。

And so the only way to get over that mountain is to train, to get stronger, to build those muscles.

为了增长肌肉，你必须锻炼肌肉，这就像把自己推出舒适区一样。

In order to grow muscle, you have to push your muscles, which is like pushing yourself out of your comfort zone.

就像坐在沙发上就是待在舒适区里。

It's like sitting on the couch is staying in your comfort zone.

明白吗？

K?

坐在沙发上看电视而不是锻炼力量去翻越那座山，就像待在舒适区里。

Sitting on the couch and watching TV instead of building your strength to get over that mountain is like being in your comfort zone.

去健身房举重、徒步、跑步、锻炼肌肉以便能翻越那座山，就像走出舒适区。

Going to the gym, lifting weights, hiking, running, building your muscle so that you can get over the mountain is like getting out of your comfort zone.

我是这么理解的。

That's the way I think of it.

我不认为我们应该期待自己时刻都在成长。

I don't think that we should expect ourselves to grow all the time.

比如，我们有时也需要休息。

Like, we have to rest sometimes.

懂吧？

You know?

就像我们有时候也得坐在沙发上。

It's like we we gotta we gotta sit on the couch sometimes.

你懂我意思吧？

You know what I mean?

你不能一天24小时都在训练和举重。

You can't train and lift weights twenty four seven.

对我们来说，休息是健康且至关重要的，你知道，有时候也需要象征性地坐在沙发上放松。

It's healthy and crucial for us to rest, you know, to metaphorically sit on the couch sometimes.

但我们同时也需要照顾好自己。

But we also need to take care of ourselves.

因此我们也需要举起象征性的重量，跑完象征性的一英里，通过训练来翻越生活中面对的那些高山。

And so we also need to lift metaphorical weights and run a metaphorical mile and train to get over those mountains that we're faced in our lives.

明白吗？

You know?

我认为记住这一点很重要。

And I think that's important to keep in mind.

就像回到舒适区这个话题，生活的关键似乎总是平衡，我觉得这同样适用于此。

Like, going back to comfort zones, the key to life always seems to be balance, and I think that applies here.

有时候待在舒适区里是美好、健康且重要的，但有时候逼自己走出舒适区也同样关键和有益。

Sometimes it's nice and healthy and important for us to be in our comfort zones, but sometimes it's also crucial and healthy for us to push ourselves out of our comfort zones.

事情就是这样。

That's just the way it is.

让我给你举些例子，说明走出舒适区如何促进成长。

Let me give you some examples of how going out of your comfort zone can cause growth.

好吗？

Okay?

第一个例子：即使你自己也害怕，仍然选择直面某人。

Example number one, confronting someone even though you're scared too.

可能对抗行为超出了你的舒适区范围。

Perhaps confrontation is out of your comfort zone.

也许你是个总想讨好别人的人。

Maybe you're a people pleaser.

如果你主动走出舒适区去面对挑战，未来你会成为更优秀的沟通者。

Well, if you push yourself out of your comfort zone and you confront, you'll become a better communicator moving forward.

多么美好的事情啊。

What a beautiful thing.

再举一个例子。

Another example.

第二个例子：承认自己生活中需要更多自律，这可能超出你的舒适区。

Example number two, Admitting to yourself that you need more discipline in your life can be out of your comfort zone.

也许自我反省会让你感到不适。

Perhaps self reflection is out of your comfort zone.

也许你习惯用外在事物分散注意力，这样就不必内省。

Perhaps you have a tendency to distract yourself with things outside of you so that you don't have to reflect inward.

但也许某天你会向自己承认：知道吗？

But perhaps one day, you admit to yourself, you know what?

我的生活需要更多自律。

I need more discipline in my life.

我最近一直觉得自己很糟糕。

I've been feeling kinda like shit about myself.

我的身体状况不太好。

I don't feel good physically.

比如我的作息时间一团糟。

Like, my sleep schedule sucks.

我的工作效率很低。

I don't get a lot of work done.