追求幸福反而让你痛苦，建议环节

欢迎回到咨询环节，这是《无所不谈》系列节目，你们可以提交自己当前的困境或任何想寻求建议的问题，我会给出我的非专业建议。

Welcome back to advice session, a series here on anything goes where you send in your current dilemmas or anything you want advice on, and then I give you my unprofessional advice.

今天的话题是追求愉悦的情绪。

And today's topic is the pursuit of pleasant emotion.

明白吗？

Okay?

我谈的是幸福、喜悦、满足感和内心的安宁。

I'm talking about happiness, joy, fulfillment, contentment.

我谈的是对生活的热情，眼中闪烁的光芒。

I'm talking about a lust for life, a sparkle in the eye.

你知道的，那些美好的东西。

You know, the good stuff.

我们喜欢体验的感觉。

The feelings we like feeling.

当我们没有感受到这些情绪时，就会去追寻它们。

The feelings that when we're not feeling them, we're pursuing feeling them again.

好吧？

Okay?

生活似乎被分成了两部分：感受愉悦的情绪，以及再次追求这种愉悦的情绪。

It it kinda feels like life is split into two parts, feeling pleasant emotion, and pursuing feeling pleasant emotion again.

这可能过于简化了，但如果我真的要简化生活，从情绪的角度来看，这种说法还挺贴切的。

And that might be oversimplified, but if I were to really simplify my life and look at it in the emotions, that kind of rings true.

今天，我会像往常一样，给你们一些非专业的建议，关于如何追求愉悦的情绪。

Today, I'm gonna be giving you all advice, unprofessional advice, of course, as always, about the pursuit of pleasant emotion.

我多希望我能坐在这里说：你们只要闭上眼睛，使劲想象感觉良好的状态，就能重新感受到快乐。

I wish I could sit here and just say, you guys, all you gotta do is just shut your eyes and think really hard about feeling good, and then you'll feel good again.

我多希望我能这么说，但我不能。

I wish I could sit here and say that, but I can't.

遗憾的是，追求的过程要复杂得多。

Unfortunately, the pursuit is a bit more complex.

那么，不多说了，我们开始吧。

And so without further ado, let's get into it.

我先短暂打断一下本期节目，告诉大家本期由Venmo赞助。

I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode is presented by Venmo.

好的。

Okay.

听我说完。

Hear me out.

据说，你可以用Venmo借记卡赚取现金返还。

Apparently, you can earn cash back with your Venmo debit card.

你只需要加入Venmo Stash，然后当你在喜欢的品牌购物时，就能获得现金返还。

All you have to do is join Venmo Stash, and boom, you get cash back when you shop at your favorite brands.

这简直是个超棒的优势。

It's kind of an awesome flex.

通过Venmo Stash，你在最爱的品牌购物时最高可获得5%的现金返还。

With Venmo Stash, you can get up to 5% cash back at your fave brands.

只需选择你常去的品牌组合，用你的Venmo借记卡消费，就能赚取现金返还。

Just pick a bundle of your go tos to shop with your Venmo debit card and earn cash back at them.

你可以自由地混合搭配。

And you're free to mix things up.

你可以轻松地每三十天更换一次你的品牌组合。

You can easily swap out your bundle of brands every thirty days.

多使用Stash，立即开始赚取返现。

Start earning when you do more with Stash.

Venmo Stash 的条款和例外情况适用。

Venmo Stash terms and exclusions apply.

每月最高返现100美元。

Max a $100 cashback per month.

详情请见 venmo.me/stash terms。

See terms at venmo.me/stash terms.

现在回到节目。

Now back to the episode.

好的。

Okay.

有人问，你怎么保持快乐？

Somebody said, how do you stay happy?

我有时会感到快乐，但这种感觉转瞬即逝。

I feel happiness sometimes, but it's so fleeting.

我该怎么留住它？

How do I keep it?

嗯，我认为你第一个问题在于，你认为实现持续的、永久的快乐是可能的。

Well, I think your first issue here is that you think it's possible to accomplish constant happiness, permanent happiness.

我得告诉你一个坏消息。

I got bad news for you.

那是不可能的。

That is impossible.

事实上，如果没有悲伤，快乐也不会存在。

In fact, happiness wouldn't exist without sadness.

在生活中，所有美好的事物之所以美好，是因为它们都有一个对应的糟糕面。

In life, all good things are good because there is a bad counterpart.

阳光之所以感觉温暖，是因为雨水感觉如此寒冷。

Sun only feels warm on our back because rain feels so cold.

你知道吗？

You know?

幸福之所以感觉如此美好，是因为悲伤感觉如此糟糕。

Happiness only feels as good as it feels because sadness feels as bad as it feels.

因此，没有悲伤，幸福就无法存在。

So happiness cannot exist without sadness.

所以，不可能一直快乐。

Thus, it's impossible to be happy all the time.

我的意思是，一直快乐也不可能，因为首先，这根本就是不可能的。

I mean, it's also impossible to be happy all the time because well, number one, it's like it's just impossible.

但同时，我们生活中有很多事情不断挑战我们，而我们无法避开这些。

But, also, there are a lot of things going on in our lives that challenge us constantly, and we don't get to avoid those.

这些是无法回避的。

There's no avoiding those.

而且我们其实也不应该希望一直这样，因为首先，没有负面情绪，幸福就不存在。

And we shouldn't want to anyway because, again, number one, happiness doesn't exist without negative emotion.

正是这种对比让幸福得以存在。

The contrast is what makes happiness exist.

但让生活令人满足的部分原因，也在于它有推有拉。

But also part of what makes life satisfying is the fact that there's push and pull.

存在张力。

There's tension.

有挑战，然后是克服挑战。

There's challenge, and then there's overcoming the challenge.

有痛苦，然后又是幸福。

There's pain, and then there's happiness again.

这种推拉才是让生活充满活力、吸引人且有趣的原因。

The push and the pull is what makes life dynamic and engaging and interesting.

如果你一直感到快乐，你的生活就会变得无聊。

If you felt happy all the time, your life would be boring.

所以你所追求的永久幸福，不仅不可能实现，而且根本也不是理想的状态。

So what you're pursuing, permanent happiness, is not only impossible, but it also isn't ideal anyway.

如果你一直快乐，你的生活会有多无聊？

How boring would your life be if you were just happy all the time?

说实话，我认为如果你一直快乐，假设不可能的事情真的发生了，你 somehow 通过某种奇迹，成了那个 defy 所有规律、永远保持快乐的人。

Honestly, I think if you were happy all the time let's say the impossible came true with you, And somehow, by some miracle, you became the person who who defied all odds, who found a way to be happy all the time permanently.

我有一个假设，你会自我破坏，因为你会感到极度无聊，由于缺乏起伏而内心变得异常空虚，以至于你会自我破坏，主动制造痛苦。

I have a hypothesis that you would self sabotage because you would get so bored, and you would feel almost weirdly dead inside from the lack of push and pull to the point where you would self sabotage, and you would create pain.

这在幸福健康的关系中是很常见的现象。

That's a common thing that happens in happy, healthy relationships.

关系太舒适、太美好了，人们反而会感到不安，进而破坏这段关系。

It'll be so comfortable, and it'll be so good that people will get uncomfortable and self sabotage the relationship.

同样的情况也发生在，比如说，有一份好工作的时候。

Same thing goes with, I don't know, having a good job.

有人会非常享受自己的工作，以至于他们觉得：我实在受不了这么好的状态。

Someone will really enjoy their job so much so that they're like, I can't handle how good this is.

我得把它搞砸了。

I have to fuck it up.

我不确定这是否完全相同的经验，但我们渴望一种充满动态的生活体验。

I don't know if that's necessarily the exact same experience, but we crave a dynamic life experience.

这才是让生活丰富多彩的原因。

That's what makes life rich.

而且，我认为我们在快乐的时候学不到太多东西。

Also, too, I don't think we learn as much when we're happy.

这并不是说在快乐状态下没有东西可学，但我认为当我们面临挑战并经历负面情绪时，学得最多。

That's not to say that there isn't learnings to be learned when in a state of happiness, but I think we learn the most when we're being challenged and we're experiencing negative emotions.

成长是一件如此美好而重要的事。

And growth is such a beautiful, important thing.

这可以说是人类存在的目的，当然我也不想说得太玄乎。

It's kind of our purpose as a human being, really, not to get too existential.

但我认为，成长不仅增加了我们体验愉悦情绪的可能性，它本身就会引发愉悦情绪。

But I think growth not only increases our likelihood for pleasant emotion, It actually evokes pleasant emotion.

在经历挑战后成长并走出困境，达到更好的状态，这种过程会引发积极的情绪，有时甚至带来快乐。

Growing and coming out the other side of a challenging situation in a better place, that evokes pleasant emotion, maybe even at times happiness.

如果没有负面情绪，我认为我们不会成长。

Without negative emotion, I don't think we would grow.

那就没有任何力量推动我们去成长。

There would be nothing pushing us to grow.

成长如此重要，它有能力创造更多的积极情绪。

And growth is so important, and it has the potential to create more positive emotion.

所以我认为你需要重新审视你对幸福的看法。

So I think you need to reframe how you see happiness.

幸福总是转瞬即逝的。

It's always going to be fleeting.

这是一个事实。

That is a truth.

但这也未必是件坏事。

But also, that's not a negative thing necessarily.

我认为，你需要重新审视对幸福的看法，接受它转瞬即逝的事实，甚至在某种程度上，因它如此短暂而心怀感激——因为如果它不是短暂的，它也就毫无意义了。

And I think reframing the way you look at happiness, accepting the fact that it's fleeting, and actually, in some ways, finding a level of almost gratitude for the fact that it's fleeting with the understanding that without it being fleeting, it wouldn't really mean anything.

我认为这是第一步。

I think that's step one.

第二步，我要帮你调整期望值，因为你知道吗？不切实际的期望才会引发负面情绪。

Step two, I would work on managing your expectations because you wanna know something that creates negative emotion, having unrealistic expectations.

所以，调整你的期望非常重要。

So I think it's important to manage your expectations.

明白吗？

Okay?

现在，你的期望值太高了。

Right now, your expectations are way too high.

你期待的是永恒的幸福。

You're expecting permanent happiness.

这永远不可能实现。

That's never gonna happen.

所以这很可能让你感受到比实际需要更多的负面情绪。

So that's probably leading you to feel far more negative emotion than you need to.

我建议，老实说，彻底摒弃对你情绪的期待，因为你无法真正控制自己会有什么样的感受。

I suggest actually, honestly, I suggest removing expectations completely from how you're gonna feel because you can't really control how you're gonna feel in your life.

比如，你无法控制——我该怎么说呢？

Like, you can't control well, how do I put this?

我认为，期待在这里并没有帮助，至少在我看来是这样。

I think that expectations aren't helpful here, at least in my opinion.

有些人可能不同意，但我认为你最好为自己设定关于行为的期望，因为你可以控制自己的行为。

Some might disagree, but I think you're better off creating expectations for yourself about your actions because you can control your actions.

你明白我的意思吗？

Do you see what I'm saying?

但你无法真正控制自己的情绪，我想这可能还有争议。

But you can't really control your emotions, which I imagine is up for debate.

有些人可能认为你可以控制自己的情绪。

Some people probably think you can control your emotions.

根据我的经验，我可以控制自己的行为。

In my experience, I can control what I do.

我可以控制自己身边的人、早上起床的时间、吃哪些食物、如何安排自己的时间，但我无法选择这些经历会引发哪些情绪。

I can control who I surround myself with, what time I wake up in the morning, what foods I eat, how I choose to spend my time, but I can't choose what emotions are evoked from those experiences.

我只能假设。

I can only just assume.

对吧？

Right?

而我的情绪，以及我对自身行为的反应，决定了我第二天的态度。

And then my emotions, how I react to what I do, dictate how I treat my next day.

我对自己的行为有一定的期待，而不是对自身的情绪抱有期待，因为我觉得，如果我期待自己必须感受到某种情绪，反而会阻碍我真实地感受。

I have a certain level of expectations about what I do in my life rather than how I feel in my life Because I feel like if I expect myself to feel something, it doesn't just allow me to feel.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

所以我会说，别对自身将要感受到的情绪设定期望，而应把重点放在对自己行为的期待上。

So I would say remove expectations from what you're going to feel and rather focus on your expectations of yourself and what you do with your life.

这说得通吗？

Does that make sense?

因为这些更在你的掌控之中。

Because that's in your control more so.

然后用你的情绪来指导和帮助你了解生活中该做什么。

And then use your emotions to dictate and to help educate you on what to do in your life.

这说得通吗？

Does that make sense?

期望未达成会导致失望和不快乐。

Expectations not met lead to disappointment and unhappiness.

我认为期望自己感受到某种情绪，对我来说根本行不通，因为你很可能最终会失望。

And I think expecting yourself to feel a certain way, to me, that's just not the move because you're probably gonna get disappointed.

而在你的情况下，你肯定在感到失望，因为你期待的是不可能实现的事情。

And in your case, you're definitely getting disappointed because you're expecting something impossible.

我最后的建议是，一旦你重新定义了对幸福的看法，一旦你摒弃了对感受的期待，转而将期待放在你如何过好生活上，并让这些期待引导你，当你能接纳幸福的短暂本质，并对那些有幸体验到幸福的时刻心怀感恩，任由幸福来去自如时，或许就值得记录下来。

And my last piece of advice is, you know, once you've reframed the way that you view happiness, once you've removed expectations from how you feel and rather put expectations on what you do with your life and let your expectations educate you, once you just allow happiness to enter into your life and exit once again and enter back in and exit, Once you allow happiness to come and go with an acceptance of its fleeting nature and a gratitude for the moments when you get to experience it, then I think it could be helpful to take note.

也许把它写下来。

Maybe write it down.

也许在你最开心的时候和你亲近的人聊聊。

Maybe discuss it with someone you're close to when you feel happiest.

你和别人在一起时感觉最开心吗？

Do you feel happiest when you're with other people?

你参与爱好时感觉最开心吗？

Do you feel happiest when you're participating in a hobby?

你在一天结束时独自躺在床上看最喜欢的电视节目时感觉最开心吗？

Do you feel happiest when you're in bed alone at the end of the day watching your favorite TV show?

你什么时候感觉最开心？

When do you feel happiest?

并留意这一点。

And take note of that.

另一方面，也要留意你最不开心的时候。

And on the other hand, take note of when you're the least happy.

然后，再次强调，既然你已经改变了与幸福的关系，现在它能够自由来去而不带任何期待，它实际上会成为一种更强大的工具，帮助你了解生活中哪些方面有效、哪些方面无效。

And then, again, now that you've changed your relationship with happiness and now that it's something that is allowed to come and go freely without expectation, it's actually gonna become even more of a tool to help you educate yourself on what's working in your life and what isn't.

它就像一位天然的老师。

It's like a natural teacher.

你知道吗？

You know?

如果你只是让情绪自然地来去，并加以分析，你就能从中获得很多启示。

If you just let your emotions come and go naturally and you analyze them, you can learn a lot from that.

但如果你过度控制自己的情绪，你就无法充分信任它们，它们的教育意义也会减弱。

Whereas if you're micromanaging your emotions, then you can't trust them as much, and they're not as educational.

好的。

Alright.

我们继续吧。

Let's move on.

希望这对你有帮助。

Hopefully, that was helpful.

接下来，有人提到，我总觉得一直很悲伤。

Next, somebody said, I feel like I'm sad all the time.

我该如何重新找回对生活的热情？

How do I get that excitement back for life?

我知道你在想什么，艾玛，这和上一个问题一样。

Now I know what you're thinking, Emma, this is the same question as the last one.

不，不是的。

No.

不一样。

It's not.

上一个问题讲的是幸福转瞬即逝，想要维持幸福，希望幸福永恒。

The last one was about happiness being fleeting and wanting to maintain happiness, wanting happiness to be permanent.

而这个问题更关乎一直感到悲伤，渴望重新燃起对生活的渴望，感到低落、沮丧，甚至不一定在追求幸福，而只是在追寻兴奋感和活力。

This is more about feeling sad all the time and craving a lust for life again, feeling down and out, just bummed, and not even necessarily chasing happiness, but just chasing excitement, energy.

这是不同的。

It's different.

我认为持续的悲伤通常源于以下两种原因之一。

I think a perpetual sadness usually stems from one of two things.

第一种可能是生活中存在根本性的问题。

Could be, number one, a fundamental issue in life.

某种深深植根于我们生活中的东西，却并不奏效。

Something deeply ingrained in our lives that is not working.

它没有为我们服务。

It's not serving us.

它与我们的个性产生冲突，但却是我们生活中关键的一部分。

It's clashing with us as a person, but yet it's a key element of our lives.

或者可能存在某种需要医生干预的心理问题。

Or there's some sort of psychological issue going on that needs to be addressed by a doctor.

这时候，我要建议，如果你一直感到悲伤，就别听艾玛的《Anything Goes》播客了。

Now this is where I suggest that if you're feeling sad all the time, don't listen to Anything Goes podcast with Emma.

去找心理医生或精神科医生谈谈，等等。

Talk to a psychologist, a psychiatrist wait.

心理医生？

Psychologist?

精神科医生？

Psychiatrist?

我不记得了。

I don't remember.

精神科医生。

Psychiatrist.

去找医生谈谈，确保没有其他问题。

Talk to a doctor and just make sure that there's not something else going on.

因为如果有，你知道，我接下来要给的建议可能对你没用，那就不好了。

Because if there is, you know, the advice that I'm that I'm about to give might not help you, and then that's not good.

所以如果你感到持续的悲伤，在听我讲话之前先去看医生，因为我并不专业，也不知道自己在说什么。

So if you're feeling perpetual sadness, talk to a doctor before you listen to me because I'm unprofessional, and I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

我只是个女孩，我只是根据我在地球上这二十四年的经历给你建议。

I'm just a girl, and I'm just giving you advice based on my twenty four years on this planet.

好吧？

Okay?

所以先去咨询医生。

So talk to a doctor first.

但如果你生活中面临的是一个根本性问题，而不是抑郁症或未被妥善管理的未确诊心理问题导致的悲伤之类的情况。

But if you're dealing with a fundamental issue in your life, not depression or an undiagnosed psychological issue that's not being managed properly that's causing, you know, sadness, whatever.

如果你只是在生活中遇到一个根本性问题，我可以给你一些建议，因为这类问题你可以靠自己解决。

If you just have a fundamental issue in your life, I can give you advice on that because that's something that you can solve on your own.

对吧？

Right?

我们先来定义一下生活中什么是根本性问题。

Let's start by defining what a fundamental issue is in life.

好吧？

Okay?

正如我之前所说，它是我们生活中一个不起作用的关键部分。

As I said earlier, it's a key part of our life that isn't working for us.

它在某种程度上伤害着我们。

It's harming us in some way.

好的。

Okay.

这可能是一份压力大的工作、糟糕的工作生活平衡、有毒的朋友圈、糟糕的关系、混乱的约会方式、不良习惯或不健康的生活方式。

This could be a stressful job, a bad work life balance, a toxic friend group, shitty relationship, messy dating style, bad habits, unhealthy habits.

但关键在于，这些因素已经深深融入我们的日常生活，以至于我们几乎注意不到它们的存在。

But the key is that they're so ingrained in our day to day that we barely even notice that they're there.

这就是为什么它们至今未被解决，因为它们根深蒂固，我们已经习惯了与这些问题共存，顺从它们。

And that's why they haven't been addressed yet because they're so deeply ingrained that we've just gotten used to living with these things, abiding by these things.

你知道的。

You know?

我觉得很多时候，当我们陷入低谷、感到悲伤沮丧时，是因为我们在应对一些本不该承受、也不必承受的事情。

I think a lot of times when we're in a rut and we're just feeling sad and bummed, it's because we're dealing with something that we shouldn't be dealing with, that we don't need to be dealing with.

有些事情我们一直没有去面对。

There's something that we're not addressing.

那我的建议是什么？

So what's my advice?

弄清楚那该死的是什么。

To figure out what the fuck it is.

有时候这很简单。

Now this is sometimes easy.

你可能会发现自己陷入低谷，然后坐下来写一小时日记，甚至都不用。

You might find yourself in a rut and literally sit down and journal for an hour, not even.

一小时其实已经是很长的日记时间了。

An hour is actually a lot of journaling.

我这辈子从未写过一小时的日记。

I've never once in my life journaled for an hour.

也许吧。

Maybe.

也许吧。

Maybe.

但这也挺强烈的。

But that's kind of intense.

我觉得我最长的一次日记也就写了二十分钟。

Like, I feel like my max journal entry was like, took twenty minutes.

十五分钟内，你可能就能找出让你烦恼的原因。

In fifteen minutes, you might be able to pinpoint what's bothering you.

可能只是一些简单的事情，比如觉得朋友群体没有支持你。

And it might be something as simple as not feeling like you're supported by your friend group.

也可能是一些更重要的事，比如你住的城市让你不开心。

It might be something more significant, like the city that you're living in doesn't make you happy.

它没有给你满足感。

It doesn't fulfill you.

它和你这个人不兼容。

It isn't it's not compatible with you as a person.

可能只需要十五分钟。

It might take you fifteen minutes.

这可能需要你两周的时间。

It might take you two weeks.

这可能需要你六个月的时间。

It might take you six months.

但我认为关键是播下种子。

But I think the key is to plant the seed.

问题是什么？

What is the problem?

这关乎自我反思，诚实地深入剖析你的生活，平静地审视每一个细节。

And it's a matter of self reflection, honestly, and really dissecting your life and looking at every little bit in peace.

不仅仅是明显的事情，比如，我和最好的朋友吵架了。

Not just the obvious stuff, like, oh, I'm in a fight with my best friend.

和最好的朋友吵架并不一定会导致你持续的悲伤。

Well, being in a fight with your best friend is not causing you perpetual sadness necessarily.

它可能只会让你暂时感到难过。

It might be causing you temporary sadness.

深层的问题是什么？

What's the deep issue?

你明白我在说什么吗？

Do you see what I'm saying?

深层的问题可能是，我其实不喜欢我所居住的城市。

The deep issue might be, oh, I actually don't like the city that I live in.

你明白我在说什么吗？

Do you see what I'm saying?

但这一点更难 pinpoint，因为我们通常不会去分析它。

But that's harder to pinpoint because that's not something we often analyze.

它只是我们生活中的一部分，在某个阶段我们甚至不会去质疑它。

It's just a part of our lives that we don't even question at a certain point.

挑战自己去分析那些你忽略掉的生活方面，并找到根本原因。

Challenge yourself to analyze the parts of your life that you forget to analyze and get to the bottom of it.

然后从那里开始，该做我最喜欢的事情了——制定计划。

And then from there, it's time to do my favorite thing, make a plan.

你能做些什么来朝着解决这个问题的方向前进？

What can you do to move in the direction of solving this issue?

好的？

K?

假设你发现问题出在你的恋爱关系上。

Let's say you you discover that the issue lies in your romantic relationship.

好吧。

Okay.

开始制定计划，寻求伴侣咨询，或者考虑与伴侣分手。

Start building a plan to get couples therapy or to potentially break up with your partner.

如果你发现问题是出在你的朋友圈，也许可以开始结交新朋友。

If you discover that your issue has to do with your friend group, maybe start making new friends.

制定一个结交新朋友的计划。

Make a plan to make new friends.

也许如果你居住的城市让你不开心，可以开始规划如何调换到公司内其他办公室。

Maybe if the city you live in is making you unhappy, start making a plan on how you can potentially move offices to a different office in within your same company.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I'm saying?

开始制定计划吧。

Start making a plan.

这些问题能一夜之间解决吗？

Is this stuff gonna get fixed overnight?

不能。

No.

大概不行。

Probably not.

除非是分手那种情况。

Unless it's like a breakup thing.

但那样的话，你现在就得面对分手了。

But then now you have to deal with a breakup.

哦，那可不有趣。

Oh, that's not fun.

这确实不有趣。

That is not fun.

但你明白我的意思。

But you get what I'm saying.

制定一个计划。

Make a plan.

好的。

Okay.

下一个。

Next.

有人说，我很久以来都没觉得自己了，也不知道该怎么找回自己。

Somebody said, I haven't been feeling like myself for a long time, and I don't know how to find myself again.

我该怎么重新找回我的激情？

How do I get my spark back?

现在我知道你又在想什么了。

Now I know what you're thinking again.

艾玛，这个问题和上一个完全一样。

Emma, this is the exact same question as the last one.

艾玛，我不是说我最近感到难过。

Emma, I'm not I've been feeling sad.

我该怎么重新找回激情？

How how do I get excitement back?

我觉得难过和不像是自己是不同的。

I think sadness is different from not feeling like yourself.

对我来说，这是两种不同的体验。

That's like a different experience to me.

明白吗？

Okay?

感到难过就像是只是疲惫、低落之类的。

Feeling sad is like just feeling exhausted and down and whatever.

不像是自己，就像是感到一种不协调。

Not feeling like yourself is like feeling a misalignment.

就像感觉你的思想和身体脱节了。

It's like feeling like your mind and your body are not connected.

感觉你的幽默感消失了。

It's feeling like your sense of humor is gone.

感觉你失去了自我。

It's feeling like you don't have a sense of self.

明白吗？

Okay?

对我来说，这和悲伤是不同的。

To me, this is different than sadness.

这是一种更具体、更精准的体验，所以我将针对这种特定的感受提供更具体的建议。

This is a more hyper specific experience, so I'm gonna be giving more hyper specific advice for this hyper specific feeling.

明白吗？

Okay?

根据我的经验，当我周围都是爱评判他人的人时，我就感觉不像自己了。

In my experience, I don't feel like myself when, number one, I'm surrounding myself with people who are judgmental.

明白吗？

Okay?

这简直就是通往失去我的活力、失去自我的单程票。

That is a one way ticket to losing my spark, to losing myself.

第二，如果我精疲力尽——情绪上、身体上都耗尽了，我已经把自己累垮到根本没有能量再展现个性的地步。

Number two, if I'm just exhausted, emotionally exhausted, physically exhausted, if I've run myself into the ground to the point where I literally do not have the energy anymore to have a personality.

比如，我把所有精力都花在别的事情上，现在累到连个性都撑不住了，我的火花就从身体里溜走了。

Like, I've used all my energy doing something else, and now I'm so exhausted that my spark leaves the body.

最后，当我的生活太无聊、缺乏刺激，当我过于死板地遵循日常，过于依赖自动驾驶模式时，这也可能扼杀我的精神，让我逐渐失去自我。

And lastly, when my life is boring, not stimulating enough, when I'm sticking too strongly to routine, when I'm too firmly in autopilot, that can also kill my spirit, kind of make me lose my sense of self.

对我来说，根据我的经验，通常就是这三件事中的一件。

I would say for me, in my experience, it's usually one of those three things.

你的情况可能不同，但我建议你先从这三方面检查一下。

Now you might be different, but I think check there first.

因为说实话，在我生活中，大多数时候我失去活力，都是因为和错误的人谈恋爱。

Because, honestly, majority of times in my life when I've lost my spark, it's been because I was dating the wrong person.

我发现，这至少在我的生活中是最常见的原因。

I find that that's the the, like, the most common culprit, at least in my life.

每次我经历分手，我都会想，天哪。

Every time I go through a breakup, I'm like, oh my god.

我的火花又回来了。

My spark is back.

每次都是这样。

Every time.

所以，如果你正在恋爱，请多加留意，因为和错误的人约会，每天和错误的人相处，真的会严重打击你的火花。

And so if you're in a relationship, pay close attention because dating the wrong person, being around this the wrong person every single day can really fuck with your spark.

你会失去幽默感。

You'll lose your sense of humor.

你会失去自我。

You'll lose your sense of self.

试着经历一次小分手，看看会发生什么。

Go through a little breakup and see what happens.

看吧，奇迹会发生。

Watch the magic.

看着你自己重新回来。

Watch yourself come back.

现在，如果你单身并且感觉失去了你的火花，那可能是另外两个原因之一。

Now, if you're single and you feel like you've lost your spark, then it might be one of the the other two.

过度疲惫，或者相反，你的生活太过枯燥乏味，完全陷入自动驾驶状态。

Being overly exhausted or the opposite, your life being too boring and mundane, being too firmly in autopilot.

我建议，像上一种情况一样，向内审视，找出你何时失去火花，以及可能是什么扼杀了它。

I suggest, similar to the last one, look inward and pinpoint when you lost your spark and some potential ideas as to what killed your spark.

多留意一下。

Pay attention.

你上一次感觉自己就是自己，是什么时候？

When was the last time you felt like you were you?

那是在你开始和现任交往之前吗？

Was it before you started dating your significant other?

是你加入某个朋友圈之前吗？

Was it before you joined a certain friend group?

是你得到那份工作之前吗？

Was it before you got a certain job?

就是，你知道的，到底是什么时候？

Was it you know, like, what was it?

然后你就找到了罪魁祸首。

And then you have your culprit.

从那里开始，和上一个情况类似，你制定一个计划。

And then from there, similar to the last one, you make a plan.

我该如何改变生活中这个正在扼杀我光彩的部分，好让它重新回来？

How do I alter this part of my life that's killing my sparkle so I can get it back?

如果你生活中有错的人，那这很容易解决。

If you have the wrong people in your life, that's an easy one.

把他们从你生活中剔除，去认识新的人。

Remove them from your life and meet new people.

很简单。

Easy.

下一个。

Next.

如果你工作过劳、精疲力尽，你能在当前情况下找到休息的方式，还是需要彻底改变现状，重新开始？

If you're overworked, exhausted, can you find a way to rest in your current circumstance, or do you need to uproot your whole situation and plant a new situation?

如果你陷入自动驾驶模式，你该如何为生活增添一些趣味？

And if you're stuck in autopilot, how can you spice up your life?

想些办法为生活添点乐趣，打破你的日常惯性。

Come up with ways to spice up your life and get you out of your routine.

是和朋友来一次短途周末旅行吗？

Is it going on a little weekend trip with friends?

是换一家新超市购物吗？

Is it trying a new grocery store?

是去一家新的咖啡馆吗？

Is it going to a new coffee shop?

是去尝试一个新的健身课程吗？

Is it trying a new workout class?

是换一周穿搭风格吗？

Is it switching up your style for a week?

是什么？到底是什么？

Is it what is it?

你该如何稍微改变一下你的生活？

How can you shake up your life a little bit?

本集由FX赞助播出。

This episode is brought to you by FX.

有史以来第一次，出现了一项真正美妙的医学突破。

For the first time ever, there's been a truly beautiful medical breakthrough.

一针让你变热，但伴随着可怕的后果。

One shot makes you hot, but with terrifying consequences.

在全新的原创剧集中，FX就是美。

In the new original series, FX is the beauty.

超模的光鲜世界变得致命，神秘的死亡事件吸引了联邦调查局特工和一位不惜一切代价保护其帝国的神秘亿万富翁。

The glamorous world of supermodels turns deadly as mysterious deaths draw in FBI agents and a shadowy billionaire who will stop at nothing to protect his empire.

由执行制片人瑞恩·墨菲打造，FX出品的《美丽》现已在Hulu和Hulu与迪士尼+捆绑订阅用户平台上播出。

From executive producer Ryan Murphy, FX's The Beauty now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus for bundle subscribers.

现在回到节目本身。

Now back to the episode.

下一个。

Next.

有人说，自从大学毕业并努力找工作以来，生活感到孤独。

Somebody said, since finishing college and struggling to find a job, life feels lonely.

我该如何找到快乐？

How do I find joy?

过渡阶段总是特别奇怪。

Transitionary phases are always really weird.

当你处于过渡阶段、处于模糊状态时，很难感受到愉快的情绪。

It's it's really hard to feel pleasant emotions when in a transitionary phase, when you're in limbo.

我认为，当你已经找到了工作、有了稳定的恋爱关系、组建了良好的朋友圈，并且经常参与自己喜欢的爱好时，最容易感受到积极的情绪。

I think it's easiest to experience pleasant emotion when you have your job all figured and you're in a romantic relationship, and you got that all figured out, and you have a good friend group, and you have hobbies that you participate in frequently.

也就是说，当你一切都有了着落时，我认为最容易体验到正面情绪。

Like, when you got everything all figured out, it's easiest, I would say, to experience positive emotions.

处于迷茫状态会让你难以感受到积极情绪。

Being in limbo sets you up to not feel positive emotions.

这会伴随着压力和不确定性。

It comes with stress, uncertainty.

这其中也有一种不安全感。

There's a level of insecurity in it too.

当你对很多事情都还不确定时，可能会让你感到不安。

Like, when you don't have things figured out, it can make you feel insecure.

你就会觉得，唉。

You're like, ugh.

你知道，我没有工作。

You know, I don't I don't have a job.

我没有伴侣。

I don't have a significant other.

像这些方面都有缺失。

Like, there's all these different things.

你甚至会感觉自己被这些事物拒绝了，尽管你实际上并没有被拒绝。

You almost feel rejected by those things even though you haven't really been rejected.

这更多只是因为你还没找到这些事物。

It's more just like you haven't found those things yet.

但我们有时会把缺乏工作、朋友圈或伴侣这样的情况内化为一种被拒绝的感觉，而事实未必如此。

But we can sometimes internalize our lack of, say, job or friend group or significant other as like, that's rejection when that's not necessarily what it is.

也许只是我们还没找到而已，这再正常不过了。

It might just be we just haven't found it yet, which is so normal.

但这种似是而非的被拒绝感会让我们感到不安，而这不是一种愉快的情绪。

But that sort of pseudo rejection feeling can make us feel insecure, which is not a fun emotion.

你感受到的这一切都是很自然的。

What you're feeling is natural.

感到孤独、觉得自己很糟糕，都是很正常的。

To feel lonely, to feel like shit is to be expected.

但我邀请你重新审视你目前所处的人生阶段。

But I invite you to reframe the phase of life that you're in.

有时候，我们会把这种过渡状态看作是可怕、压力大、孤独而空虚的时期，觉得什么都没发生，只是无聊透顶。

I think sometimes we can look at a state of limbo as this horrible, stressful, lonely, empty phase of life where nothing's happening, and it's just kinda blah.

但我们不必以这种方式看待它。

But we don't have to look at it that way.

我认为，过渡阶段实际上是一个非常令人兴奋的时期。

I would argue a phase of limbo is actually a really exciting time.

这就像暴风雨前的宁静。

It's it's like the calm before the storm.

这是人生中一个短暂的时刻，你不知道自己将去往何方，但你可以去任何地方。

It's this brief moment in life where you don't know where you're going, and you could go anywhere.

你有无数种可能的方向可以选择。

There are so many different directions that you could go.