本集简介
双语字幕
仅展示文本字幕，不包含中文音频；想边听边看，请使用 Bayt 播客 App。
根据我的经验，分手过程中最大的挑战其实并不是分手谈话本身，尽管那场谈话确实糟糕且令人痛苦。
In my experience, one of the greatest challenges in going through a breakup is not actually the breakup conversation itself, although that conversation sucks and is incredibly painful.
至少在那场谈话中，你们还在一起。
At least during that conversation, you're still with your partner.
我的意思是，虽然你们在分手，但从技术上讲，你们还在一起。
I mean, you're breaking up, but, technically, you're with them.
我是说，如果你们是当面分手的话。
I mean, if you're breaking up in person.
我想有时候人们也会通过电话分手。
I guess sometimes people break up over the phone.
但即便如此，至少你们还在通话中。
But even then, at least you're talking to them.
即使在分手时，你仍与伴侣保持着联系。
You're still in contact with your partner even when you're breaking up with them.
我认为分手期间最大的挑战之一其实是随后几周乃至数月里，那些充斥着难以忍受的心碎和对前任的渴望的时刻，那时你只想发短信给他们、重新建立联系。
I think one of the greatest challenges during a breakup is actually the weeks and the months that follow that are filled with these fits of unbearable heartbreak and yearning for your ex, where all you wanna do is just text them and reconnect.
那时你满脑子只想说一句：想你了。
All you wanna do in the world is just say, miss you.
只想问一句：我们能谈谈吗？
Say, can we talk?
你只想重新感受到你们之间的一丝联系。
All you wanna do is just feel a little bit of connection between the two of you again.
因为在随后的几周和几个月里，现实会真正开始显现——因为你正活在这个现实里。
Because in the weeks and the months that follow, the reality really starts to set in because you're living the reality.
你正在经历一种新的现实——不再与那个曾日复一日相伴数月、数年甚至数十年的人保持日常联系。
You're experiencing your new reality where you're not in daily contact with this person that you've been in daily contact with for months, years, decades.
这种痛苦简直难以承受。
And it's so incredibly painful.
有些时刻，我甚至找不到合适的词语来形容。
And there are these moments of I don't even know what the word is for it.
我根本无法描述那种感受。
I can't even describe it.
那些大脑完全混乱的时刻，你会觉得皮肤像在发痒。
These moments of absolute chaos in your brain where you feel like your skin is, like, itchy.
就是那种，你整个人都坐立不安的感觉。
Like, you just like, you're just you're, like, itching.
你满脑子只想做一件事：给前任发消息。
All you wanna do is, like, text your ex.
这种冲动如此难以忍受、如此煎熬、如此强烈，以至于克制住不联系几乎像是不可能完成的任务。
And it's so unbearable, and it's so uncomfortable, and it's so overwhelming that it almost seems like this impossible feat to not do it.
我怎么可能忍住不发呢？
Like, how am I gonna not do it?
这就是我现在唯一想做的事。
It's all I wanna do right now.
然而给前任发消息很可能不是个好主意。
And yet texting your ex is probably not a good idea.
当然，这并不意味着永远都不该联系前任。
That's not to say that there's never a time to reach out to your ex.
有的。
There is.
有时候联系前任是合适的。
Sometimes it is appropriate to reach out to your ex.
如果你选择继续做朋友，也许你在商店里看到某样东西，比如节日展示的薄荷巧克力棒，这会让你想起你的前任。
If you've chosen to stay friends and perhaps you walk by something in a store, perhaps it's like a holiday display for a peppermint chocolate bar, and that reminds you of your ex.
也许你们已经几个月没联系了，你并不觉得迫切想和他们说话。
And maybe you haven't talked to them in a few months, and you don't really feel desperate to to talk to them.
但这让你想起了他们，而且你们关系还不错。
But it made you think of them, and you guys are and you guys are on good terms.
所以拍张照片发过去，说：天啊。
And so snap a picture of it and send it over and say, OMG.
想到你了。
Thought of you.
你现在就得去买这个。
You need to go buy this right now.
当然。
Sure.
你知道，如果这不是出于绝望和痛苦，而且已经过了足够长的时间，比如分手几年后你感到释怀了，也许你想重新联系并尝试复合，那可能是合适的。
You know, that might be appropriate if it's not coming from a place of desperation and agony, and it's been enough time where, you know, you're feeling comfortable with the breakup, perhaps it's been a few years and maybe you wanna reconnect and try things again.
你不是出于绝望，而是出于好奇。
And you're not coming from a place of desperation, but rather curiosity.
也许你通过小道消息听说你的前任单身了，可能你想再尝试约会一次。
And perhaps you heard through the grapevine that your ex is single, and maybe you wanna try going on a date again.
这么多年过去，你已经感受不到那种紧迫感和绝望了。
It's been enough years now that you're not feeling this urgency, this desperation.
你更多只是好奇，也许你一直隐约觉得你们俩会有结果，你只是有点想看看。
You're more just curious, and maybe you always had an inkling that you two would work out, and you kinda wanna just see.
是啊。
Yeah.
有时候联系前任是合适的，但绝不是在你最想联系前任的时候。
There are times when reaching out to an ex is appropriate, but it's not when you wanna reach out to an ex the most.
当你情绪崩溃的时候——可能是内爆也可能是外泄，我也说不清。
When you're imploding or maybe exploding I don't know.
当你因分手痛苦到崩溃时，当你满脑子只想和前任复合时，当你觉得如果不这样做，大脑就会从耳朵里融化出来时——那正是你不该联系前任的时候，因为这表明你还没真正走出来。
When you're imploding or exploding with pain due to the breakup, when when all you want is to just reconnect with your ex and and you feel like if you don't do it, like, you don't know what's gonna happen, like, brain is gonna melt out of your ears, that is when you should not reach out to your ex because that's a sign that you're really not recovered yet.
而联系前任只会重新撕开伤口。
And talking to your ex will just reopen the wound.
分手本质上就是伤口。
Breakups are are literal wounds.
在我看来，分手完全就是一道伤口。
Like, I look at a breakup fully as a wound.
想象一下伤口，比如你腿上有个大口子。
When you think about a wound, let's think about, like, a big cut on your leg.
假设你不小心掉了把刀。
Let's say you dropped a knife.
虽然有点血腥，但假设刀掉下来划开了你的腿。
It's kind of gory, but let's say you dropped a knife and it sliced your leg open.
对吧？
Right?
怎么处理那个伤口？
How do you heal that wound?
嗯，涂点愈合药膏。
Well, you put some healing ointment on it.
嗯，先要清理伤口。
Well, you clean it first.
当然，先清理伤口，然后涂上愈合药膏。
Of course, you clean it, and then you put some healing ointment on it.
接着贴上创可贴，每天坚持这样做，直到伤口最终愈合。
And then you put Band Aids on it, and then you continue to do that every single day until eventually it goes away.
很可能会留下永久性的疤痕。
There's a good chance you'll have a scar forever.
但一旦形成疤痕，虽然按压时偶尔会有点疼，但基本上就没事了。
But once it's a scar, you know, it might be a little bit tender sometimes when you press on it, but it's like it's fine.
那又变回皮肤了，可能只是稍微有点不平整。
It's just kinda skin again, maybe with just, like, a few lumps going on.
感情问题也是一模一样的道理。
It's the exact same thing with a relationship.
分手时，就像腿上被划了道口子。
When you break up, it's almost like you get a slice on your leg.
分手后，你必须好好护理这道伤口，它才能正常愈合。
And then after you break up, you have to take care of that wound in order for it to properly heal.
你该如何处理那道伤口呢？
And how do you take care of that wound?
你需要好好照顾自己并保持界限，才能彻底放下那个人。
You need to take proper care of yourself and maintain boundaries in order to move on from that person.
只有彻底结束这段关系，那道伤口才能愈合。
The only way that that wound heals up is if you move on from the relationship.
不幸的是，当你联系前任时，就像撕掉所有绷带，用手指在伤口里抠挖搅动。
And, unfortunately, when you reach out to an ex, it's like taking all the bandages off and, like, digging your fingers in the wound and scratching around.
你这是在延长愈合过程。
You're prolonging the healing process.
也许你并没有用指甲在伤口里乱抠乱挖。
Maybe you're not digging your nails into the wound and scratching around.
要我说，用手在伤口里乱抠乱挖，就像是联系前任、去他家和他发生关系。
Well, I would say digging your hand into the wound and scratching around would be reaching out to your ex, going over to their house, and having sex with them.
这他妈就是把手插进伤口里乱搅，撒盐倒灰，再贴回创可贴让脏东西出不来导致感染。
That is digging your fucking hand into the wound, scratching around, pouring salt in it, putting rubbing dirt in it, and then, like, putting Band Aids back on it so that the dirt can't even get out and then getting an infection.
这是分手后最糟糕的行为。
It's the worst possible thing you could do during a breakup.
这是不可避免的吗？
Is it inevitable?
不是。
No.
绝对不是。
It's not.
但这种情况确实有时会发生吗？
But it does it happen sometimes?
是的。
Yes.
就是说，如果发生了也没关系吗？
Like, is it okay if it happens?
是的。
Yes.
这只会延长愈合的过程。
It just prolongs the healing process.
但也没什么大不了的。
But there's also, like, nothing wrong with it.
你懂吗？
You know?
很多时候，分手后我们都会经历这样的过程：联系前任、稍微重建联系、重新揭开伤疤，最终只是为了得出一个结论——时间还不够久。
It's it's like a lot of times it's a part of our journey during a breakup is to reach out to the ex, reconnect a little bit, reopen the wound, just to ultimately come to the conclusion that it hasn't been long enough.
我们俩都还没准备好重新交谈。
We're both not are not ready to talk again.
我们谁都没有改变。
Neither of us have changed.
如果我们复合，只会重蹈覆辙，那将是一场灾难。
If we were to get back into a relationship, it would be the exact same thing all over again, and it would be a catastrophe.
我们可能确实需要暂时不要联系。
We actually need to probably not speak for a little bit.
然后你又开始清理那个伤口，你知道的，你又得重新开始愈合过程。
And then you start cleaning out that wound again, and, you know, you begin the healing process all over again.
但这很艰难。
But it's tough.
这这这很难，因为我知道那种忍不住想给前任发消息的感觉。
It's it's it's tough because I know the feeling of just itching to text an ex.
以至于有一次我记得我正在经历分手。
So much so that actually one time I remember I was going through a breakup.
那是很多年前的事了。
This was many years ago.
我已经几个月没和前男友联系了，结果他主动联系了我。
And I hadn't talked to my ex for a few months, and my ex actually reached out to me.
多有意思啊？
How fun is that?
我收到了一条'嘿'，大写H-E-Y的'嘿'。
I got a little, hey, capital h e y, hey.
我看着这条消息，满脑子只想回复。
And I was looking at it, and all I wanted was to respond.
但说实话，这个前男友真的让我受了不少罪。
But this particular boyfriend had really put me through the ringer, to be honest.
那那那是一场动荡的感情，我们分手时闹得很不愉快。
It it was a turbulent one, and we did not end on the friendliest terms.
我对一些事情还有点生气。
I was a bit angry about a few things.
所以我觉得对于这次分手，彻底断联对我来说是最佳也最健康的选择。
So I felt that with this particular breakup, no contact was the best and healthiest option for me.
你懂吗？
You know?
就是完全不再联系那种。
Like, completely no contact.
结果突然收到一条写着'嗨'的短信，这让我措手不及，因为我本来打算再也不和这个人说话了，我以为那是最好的选择。
And so getting this text message that said, hey, was a bit of a curveball for me because I was planning on not talking to this person ever again because I thought that that was the best option.
结果对方就发了个'嗨'。
And they said, hey.
我当时就想：卧槽现在我他妈该怎么办？
And I was like, well, now what the fuck am I supposed to do?
他们先主动联系了，现在我要是完全不回复的话...
Like, they reached out first, and now I have to, like, not respond.
但内心深处我知道不该回复，可我他妈又特别想回。
But deep down, I knew I shouldn't respond, but I wanted to so badly.
这种感觉太折磨人了，我整个人都要崩溃了。
And it was so excruciating, and I was so upset.
我尖叫着大哭。
I was screaming, crying.
我实在太想回复了，最后把手机砸向墙壁摔得粉碎，因为我真的控制不住自己。
I just wanted to respond so bad that I threw my phone at the wall and shattered it because I couldn't handle it.
我平时不是易怒的人，但这辈子摔碎过两次手机，这就是其中一次。
I am not a particularly angry person, but I have thrown my my phone and shattered it twice in my life, and that was one of the times.
但无论如何，在我看来，这是分手后最具挑战性的部分之一。
But, anyway, in my opinion, this is one of the most challenging elements of a breakup.
在那一刻，似乎世界上没有什么比给前任发消息更能让你感觉好受的了。
And in the moment, it can seem like there is nothing else in the world that would make you feel better than to text your ex.
但事实是，有很多事情虽然当下感觉不那么好，却能帮你熬过那种情绪，最终走出来。
But the truth is there are a lot of things that you can do that might not feel as good in the moment, but can help you ride through that feeling and get to the other side.
因为这才是关键。
Because that's the key.
对吧？
Right?
当你对和前任说话产生这种痛苦的渴望时。
When you have this agonizing craving to talk to your ex.
而且，正如我之前提到的，当你感到这种'我必须和他们说话'的痛苦情绪时，正是你不该联系前任的时候。
And, again, as I mentioned earlier, that's when you shouldn't talk to your ex when you feel this agonizing feeling of like, oh, I need to talk to them.
这种时候你就不该主动联系。
That's when you should not reach out.
如果你真要联系，那应该源于安全感和平静的心态。
If you should reach out at all, it should be coming from a place of security and a sense of calmness.
比如，不该是出于绝望才联系。
Like, it shouldn't be coming from a place of desperation.
联系的原因应该是你们选择继续做朋友，感觉这种互动很自然，而且不带有任何复合或完全重新连接的期待。
It should be because perhaps you've chosen to stay friends and, you know, it it feels organic and it feels natural, and it it also isn't coming with any sort of expectation of, say, getting back together or, like, fully reconnecting.
对吧？
Right?
熬过痛苦感觉的关键是时间，因为一切终将过去。
The key to riding through the agonizing feeling is time because it will pass.
总是如此。
It always does.
但在当下，你会觉得它永远不会结束。
But in the moment, it feels like it's never gonna pass.
沉浸在这种情绪中，盯着手机，哭泣，想给前任发消息，这绝对不会让时间过得更快。
And sitting in that feeling, staring at your phone, crying, wanting to text your ex, definitely doesn't make the time pass faster.
它只会让时间变得更慢。
It makes the time pass slower.
就像看着油漆慢慢变干。
It's like watching paint dry.
根据我的经验，最有效的方法是专注于其他事情。
And in my experience, the most helpful thing that you can do is focus on something else.
做些别的事情——这非常具有挑战性，因为那种感觉如此强烈，以至于你不可能只是坐下来翻开一本书开始阅读。
Do something else, which is incredibly challenging because the feeling it's is so overwhelming that, like, it's not like you can just sit down and crack open a book and start reading.
你也不可能就这样不带耳机出门散步，或是找不到人打电话倾诉。
It's not like you can just step outside and go on a walk with no headphones in or no one to talk to on the phone.
这些时刻如此强烈，至少在我看来，它们需要一种非常特定的分心方式，否则根本无济于事。
Like, these moments are so intense that they require a very specific type of distraction, at least in my experience, or else it's just not gonna work.
比如，我可以轻松地坐在这里说：你想给前任发消息？
Like, it's easy for me to just sit here and say, you wanna text your ex?
那就别发。
Well, don't.
看部电影。
Watch a movie.
懂吗？
You know?
看部纪录片。
Watch a documentary.
就像是，嗯。
It's like, yeah.
然后你就会把纪录片当背景音，一边盯着手机哭，一边想给前任发消息。
Then you're just gonna have the documentary on in the background while you stare at your phone and cry and wanna text your ex.
这需要一种非常特定的活动类型。
It it requires a very specific type of activity.
而且我认为，还需要一定程度的正念来告诉自己：好吧。
And it also, I think, requires a level of mindfulness to be like, okay.
我快要为这事陷入情绪漩涡了。
I'm about I'm spiraling about this.
要么我即将为此陷入情绪漩涡，要么我已经深陷其中了。
Either I'm about to spiral about this or I am actively spiraling about this.
我需要转变方向。
I need to pivot.
我需要做点别的事。
I need to do something else.
我需要采取行动，做点别的事情转移注意力，或者积极应对我现在的负面情绪。
I need to take action and and do something else and and distract myself or actively address the negative feelings that I'm feeling.
这也可以作为一种有益的分心方式，但从某些方面来说，可能算不上真正的解决之道，但你确实在积极应对负面情绪，虽然未必能完全化解，但多少能让你的思绪稍微理顺一些。
That can also be a helpful form of distraction, but also in some ways, maybe not like resolution, but you're actively addressing your negative feelings and maybe not fully resolving them, but, like, kind of straightening out your your mind a little bit.
但当陷入情绪漩涡时，要集中思绪想出对策确实非常困难。
But it can be very hard when in a spiral to gather your thoughts enough to figure out what to do.
你明白吗？
You know?
这就是我制作这期节目的原因。
And that's why I'm making this episode.
这期节目值得你收藏起来，下次想给前任发信息时就听听。
This is an episode that I think you need to bookmark for the next time that you wanna text your ex.
接下来我会给你提供大量替代联系前任的选择方案。
And I'm about to give you a plethora of things that you could do instead of texting your ex.
我要教你许多转移注意力的方法。
I'm about to give you a plethora of things that you can do to help pivot your energy.
其中很多建议对你来说可能显而易见。
And a lot of these things might seem a bit obvious to you.
当我列举时，你可能会觉得：是啊。
You know, as I'm listing them out, you might be like, yeah.
这些我也能想到。
I could have came up with that.
但在情绪崩溃的当下，要保持清醒思考非常困难。
But in the moment, during the spiral, it is very hard to think clearly.
那种感受如此强烈，连自我激励都变得艰难。
It's such an intense feeling, And it's also hard to motivate.
这些很多都是当我想联系前任时会做的事情。
These are a lot of these things are things that I've done when I've wanted to text my ex.
懂吗？
You know?
这些都是我自己尝试过并且确实有效的方法，当然也有些尝试是没用的。
These are these are methods that I've tried myself and I know work because there's also things that I've tried that don't work.
即便其中有些方法看起来显而易见，但在情绪上头时，任何方法都不再明显。
And even if some of them may seem obvious, in the heat of the moment, for whatever reason, nothing's obvious.
所以你知道吗？
So you know what?
保存好这期节目吧。
Save this episode.
我是说，听着。
I mean, listen.
如果你正在经历这种情况，现在就听。
If you're going through it right now, listen to it.
你可以把这期节目收藏起来以后听，或者现在就听，把这些点子记在脑海里，下次遇到类似情况时就能用上。
You can save this episode for later, or you can just listen now and keep these ideas in the back of your head for the next time that you're in a situation where you're gonna need these things.
闲话少说，我们开始吧。
Without further ado, let's begin.
我认为在这种时刻最有帮助的事情之一就是发短信、打电话或约人见面。
I think one of the most helpful things you can do in a moment like this is text, call, hang out with someone.
只要和别人取得联系就行。
Just get in contact with someone else.
因为即使不会一样，对吧？
Because even though it's not gonna be the same, right?
比如，给你妈妈打电话，给你最好的朋友打电话，或者和你奶奶见面喝杯茶。
Like, calling your mom, calling your best friend, you know, meeting up with your grandma for a cup of tea.
比如，听着。
Like, listen.
这不一样。
It's not the same.
对吧？
Right?
就像如果你真的很想吃甜甜圈，但不去吃甜甜圈，而是试着做一个更健康的版本。
It's like if you're really craving, I don't know, a doughnut, instead of eating the doughnut, you, like, try to make, like, a healthier version.
真的，这根本解不了馋。
Like, it's just not gonna hit the spot, really.
从来都不一样，但一开始还算有点用。
It's never it's not the same, but it kind of works in the beginning.
但真正联系某人的价值在于你可以倾诉。
But the real value of reaching out to somebody is you can talk through it.
独自处理这类情绪非常具有挑战性，因为你的情绪就像一锅沸水。
It's very challenging to deal with these types of feelings alone because it's almost like your emotions are like a pot of boiling water.
明白吗？
Okay?
如果你盖上沸水的盖子，它会沸腾得更剧烈更快。
If you put the lid on the boiling water, it'll boil harder and faster.
而且，别真的以为它会蒸发，因为盖子盖着，它无处可去。
And also, don't really think it evaporates because the lid is on, so there's nowhere for it to go.
所以所有情绪都憋在心里。
So all the emotions just stay inside.
而如果你用没盖子的锅在炉子上烧水，水最终会全部蒸发掉。
Whereas if you were to boil water on a stove with no lid, the water eventually will all evaporate.
你的情绪也是同样的道理。
It's the same thing with your emotions.
如果情绪都闷在心里，就像盖子盖着，它只会不断翻腾循环，无处释放。
If it's all inside of you, the lid is on, it just boils and circulates, and it doesn't have anywhere to go.
如果你向他人敞开心扉，找人倾诉，就像揭开盖子，负面情绪最终会逐渐消散。
If you open up to somebody, you talk to somebody, you take the lid off, the negative emotions eventually will sort of evaporate.
完全消失吗？
Completely?
不会。
No.
可能不会完全消失。
Probably not completely.
你知道，这是个漫长的过程。
You know, that's a journey.
但我觉得这大概就是'发泄情绪'这个说法的由来吧。
But a lot of it's like I think that's probably where the saying blow off steam comes from maybe.
让我谷歌查一下。
Let me Google it.
好的。
Okay.
一点也不。
Not at all.
“发泄情绪”这个说法源自蒸汽机释放多余压力以防止爆炸的实际操作。
The the saying blow off steam comes from the literal act of releasing excess pressure from a steam engine to prevent an explosion.
虽然完全跑题了，不过无所谓。
Super off there, but whatever.
看吧，这就是为什么我们得查谷歌——因为我刚才真的觉得自己，哇塞，
See, this is why we have to Google things because, like, I really thought I was like, woah.
我特么是个天才。
I'm a fucking genius.
完全不是。
Not at all.
不知道这个比喻对你来说是否合理，但我觉得很贴切。
But I don't know if that metaphor makes sense for you, but it makes sense to me.
将想法从大脑中提取出来并通过言语表达——或者我接下来要说的写日记——使其具象化，这种做法特别有帮助。
There's something so helpful about taking your thoughts out of your brain and making them tangible, either through speaking them or what I'm about to talk about next, journaling.
这个我们稍后再细说。
But we'll we'll get to that in a sec.
与某人坐下来交流，甚至可能听取他们的建议。
Sitting down with somebody, inventing, and maybe even listening to their advice.
当然我们对待建议应该保持谨慎，但倾听他人建议和独特视角会很有帮助。
I mean, we should always take advice with a grain of salt, but listening to their advice and their unique perspective can be so helpful.
但是，在非常混乱的时刻，仅仅是人与人之间的联结本身就具有极佳的治疗效果。
But, also, too, just human connection itself can be so therapeutic in a really chaotic moment.
比如，即使你只是和某人坐在一起而不谈论当前状况，哪怕只是静静陪伴、电话聊天或给老友发短信，这种表面层次的人际联结也能带来实质帮助，有效转移注意力。
Like, even if you sit down with somebody and don't talk about the situation at hand, even if you just sit with somebody or you talk to somebody on the phone or you text an old friend, like, even just mere human connection on a surface level can be really helpful and really distracting.
向他人伸出援手有无数种方式能带来帮助，但这无疑是最有效的方法之一。
There are so many different ways that reaching out to somebody can help, but it is undeniably one of the most helpful things that you can do.
你明白吗？
You know?
所以显然我必须从这个话题开始。
And so I obviously have to start with that.
另一件你可以做的事是写日记。
Another thing you could do is journal about it.
目前我的人生阶段并不处于持续写日记的状态。
Now I'm not in an era in my life where I'm consistently journaling.
我曾经历过坚持每天写日记的人生阶段。
I've had eras in my life where I've consistently journaled.
现在不是那样的时期，但需要时我会提笔记录。
I'm not in one right now, but I journal when I need it.
这就是我目前的生活状态。
That's kinda where I'm at in my life.
必须承认，经历分手时写日记会带来惊人的帮助。
And I will say journaling when going through a breakup can be incredibly helpful.
如果你有给前任发消息的冲动，我这里有几个写作提示或许能用上。
And I have a few prompts that you could potentially use if you wanna text your ex.
首先，列出你们分手的原因。
Number one, make a list of reasons why you broke up.
列个清单。
Make a list.
这样将来当你想联系前任时，就回头看看这份清单。
And then in the future, when you wanna text your ex, go back and read that list.
我确信自己为每个前任都列过分手原因清单——无论是主动分手还是被动分手，你懂我的意思。
I'm pretty sure I've made a list of the reasons why I've broken up with every single ex that I've ever broken up with or not necessarily I mean, I've been broken up with too, but you get what I'm saying.
而且每次这样做都特别管用，屡试不爽。
And without fail, every single time, it's so helpful.
因为我们总是戴着玫瑰色滤镜回忆过去。
Because we can look at the past with rose colored glasses.
明白吗？
You know?
很多时候我们回忆往事时，总会不自觉地美化记忆。
A lot of times, we look back at memories, you know, more fondly than we should.
对吧？
Right?
其实我经常和父亲讨论这个话题，因为我们总一起旅行。
Like, I talk about this with my dad all the time, actually, because we travel a lot together.
每次旅行总会出些岔子。
And whenever we travel, things always go wrong.
比如航班延误、有人生病或受伤之类的。
Like, whether a a flight gets delayed or one of us gets sick or injured.
比如，我旅行时曾病得很严重。
Like, I've been on trips and been really sick.
我记得有次旅行中，我爸背部神经受压，疼得厉害。
My dad, I remember one time on a trip, like, pinched a nerve in his back and was in a lot of pain.
这种事难免会发生。
These things happen.
对吧？
Right?
但有趣的是，当我们回顾这些旅行时，记忆总是美好得仿佛一切都很完美。
But it's funny because when we both look back on these trips, we remember them so fondly as though everything was gorgeous and perfect.
但实际上，我们途中也遇到过波折。
But in reality, we had bumps in the road.
对吧？
Right?
说到回忆假期，用美好的方式记住它确实很棒。
Now when it comes to remembering a vacation, it's really wonderful to remember it beautifully.
对吧？
Right?
但在感情关系中，这可能有点危险。
But when it comes to a relationship, it can be kinda dangerous.
说危险可能夸张了，但挑战在于我们总是浪漫化过去——毕竟分手是有原因的。
Actually, dangerous is extreme, but it can be challenging that we tend to look back at our past so romantically because there's a reason why you broke up.
所以在极度绝望、心碎的时刻，怀旧情绪最致命，这时候现实检验就显得尤为重要。
And so in a moment of desperation, in a moment of pure heartbreak, I think that's when the nostalgia is the most lethal, and it can be so important to have a reality check.
所以我认为，把你们分手的所有原因列出来，不仅当下有帮助，对未来也有益处——你知道，当你再次不可避免地产生这种情绪，又想联系前任时。
And so I think writing a list of all the reasons why you broke up is not only helpful in the moment, but it is also helpful in the future, you know, when you inevitably feel this feeling again and wanna text your ex again.
重读你的日记记录。
Reread your journal entry.
另一篇可能更积极、更有力量的日记。
Another journal entry that's poss that's a little bit more positive and empowering.
列出你现在单身时想要专注的事情和想要达成的目标。
Make a list of the things you wanna focus on and goals you want to accomplish now that you're single.
单身意味着很多机会。
Being single comes with a lot of opportunity.
虽然有时会心碎、悲伤和孤独，但这也是一个绝佳的机会。
It's also heartbreaking and sad and lonely at times, but it's also an incredible opportunity.
你现在少了一份责任，手头有了更多时间，这可能是件很棒的事。
You now have one less responsibility and a lot more time on your hands, and that can be an incredible thing.
听着。
Listen.
我的人生目标是有一天能建立一段长期关系，希望它能持续到生命的尽头。
I have a goal in my life to be in a long term relationship one day that lasts hopefully for the rest of my life.
我想要一个家庭。
I wanna have a family.
我想要孩子。
I wanna have kids.
而且我认为，一段健康美好的恋爱关系完全值得付出责任、承诺和时间。
And I think a healthy, wonderful romantic relationship is totally worth the responsibility and the commitment and the time.
我觉得这完全值得，但并不总是如此。
Like, I think it it can be totally worth it, but not always.
所以如果你发现自己单身，只是因为眼前没有合适的恋爱关系，那么你实际上拥有了所有这些时间，以及自由。
And so if you find yourself in a place where you're single because you there isn't a relationship in front of you where it makes sense, then you're left with all of this time and, honestly, freedom.
我不认为哪一种状态比另一种更好。
And I don't think one is better than the other.
我不认为单身比恋爱更好。
I don't think being single is better than being in a relationship.
我觉得这完全取决于具体情况。
I think it all depends.
两者各有利弊。
There are pros and cons to both.
单身最令人兴奋的好处之一就是你有这么多自由时间，可以真正专注于自我提升。
And one of the most exciting pros of being single is that you have all this free time, and you can really focus on yourself.
你可以真正完善自己，全身心投入目标追求——虽然在恋爱中也能做到，但可能会更具挑战性。
And you can really work on yourself, and you can really dedicate yourself to your goals in a way that you can do in a relationship, but it's maybe a bit more challenging.
这非常令人兴奋且充满力量。
And that's so exciting and so empowering.
如果把生活想象成空白画布，这感觉就像是擦掉了人生画卷的一部分，现在你可以重新绘制。
And and there's it just feels like if you imagine your life as, like, this blank canvas, it's almost like you just wiped away a part of the painting of your life, and now you get to repaint there.
你可以描绘全新的图景。
You get to paint something brand new.
这真的非常令人兴奋。
And that's really exciting.
我认为在非常具有挑战性的时刻，比如想给前任发消息时，不妨顺应这种冲动，列出你生活中想专注的事情和想达成的目标，这会很有帮助。
And I think in a really challenging moment, like wanting to text your ex, it can be really helpful to lean into that excitement and make a list of what you wanna focus on in your life and what goals you wanna accomplish.
另一篇日记可以写下你对未来伴侣特质的期待清单。
Another journal entry could be a list of traits that you're looking for in your next partner.
现在我想建议，或许你不该设定得太具体。
Now I would suggest that perhaps you don't wanna be too specific.
对吧？
Right?
你总不能要求对方最爱看的电影是《拿破仑炸药》，家里有三个兄弟姐妹，还非要住在纽约。
You don't wanna be like, they their favorite movie is Napoleon Dynamite, And they have three siblings, and they wanna live in New York.
还得是个医生。
And they're an a doctor.
因为如果设定得过于具体，这样的目标很难实现，最终只会让你失望。
Like, you don't wanna be too specific because then when you make goals like that, it's very hard to accomplish them, you end up disappointed.
我认为最好保持宽泛的标准。
I think it's best to keep things broad.
例如：我希望下任伴侣说话方式非常温柔。
For example, I want my next partner to be very gentle in the way that they speak.
我希望ta能给予滋养。
I want them to be nurturing.
我希望ta幽默风趣。
I want them to be funny.
我希望我们的幽默感能完美契合。
I want her senses of humor to mesh perfectly.
我希望他们能成为一个清晰、诚实的沟通者。
I want them to be a clear, honest communicator.
随便吧。
Whatever.
我觉得我们很多人都在寻找非常相似的东西。
Like, I think a lot of us are looking for a very similar thing.
但我确实认为在恋爱关系方面，我们都有不同的优先考虑事项。
But I do think that we all have different priorities when it comes to a relationship.
写下你对下一任伴侣的期待其实很有建设性，因为分手时我们常常会感到非常沮丧。
There's something very, like, productive about writing down what you're looking for in your next partner because I think a lot of times we can feel very discouraged during a breakup.
天啊。
Like, oh my god.
我真的以为我会和这个人结婚，现在我们却分开了。
I really thought I was gonna marry this person, and now we're not together anymore.
现在我必须踏上寻找下一任伴侣的新旅程。
And now I have to embark on this new journey of finding my next partner.
我甚至不知道从哪里开始。
Like, I don't even know where to start.
这会让你想给前任发消息。
And that can make you wanna text your ex.
对吧？
Right?
我觉得写下这些日记能让你感觉自己在朝着正确的方向迈出一步。
And I think this journal entry can kind of make you feel like you're taking a step in the right direction.
要知道，你无法控制何时会遇到那个人，但至少你可以掌控如何显化你下一位伴侣的模样。
You know, you're not in control of when you're gonna meet that person, but at least you can be in control of manifesting what this what this next partner is gonna be like.
还有件事你可以做——虽然我自己没试过，但听很多人讨论过，所以想提一下。
Another thing you can do I actually don't think I've done this before, but I've heard many people discuss it, so I'm gonna mention it.
你可以给未来的伴侣写一封永远不会寄出的信。
You can write a letter to your partner that you ultimately aren't gonna send.
你可以把所有想说的话写下来，但不要寄出去。
You can write down everything you'd wanna say to them and just not send it.
就写在你的日记本里。
It's written in your journal.
这是为你自己而写的。
It's for you.
不过话说回来，就像我之前那个沸腾锅的比喻，把想法和情绪从脑子里释放到现实世界，通过说出来或写下来让它们变得具体，确实能起到宣泄的作用。
But, again, I think going back to my metaphor earlier about the boiling pot, it's like getting the getting thoughts and emotions out of your head into the real world, making them tangible through speaking them out or writing them can really be sort of a cathartic experience.
我自己倒不一定这么做过。
So I haven't necessarily done that myself.
可能做过，但已经是很久以前了。
Maybe I have, but it's been a while.
不过我听说这个方法效果很好，所以分享给大家。
But I've heard wonderful things about that, so I'm mentioning it.
最后你能做的是：列个清单，写下除了联系前任之外可以做的事。
And the last thing you could do is make your own list of things to do instead of texting your ex.
列出各种不同的点子，等写完这个清单后，你马上就能照着做。
Make a list of a bunch of different ideas of things that you could do in the in this exact moment once you're done writing this list.
同样为了未来，下次当你再有这种感觉时，列一个专属清单，写下下次想联系前任时可以做的事。
And also for the future, for the next time that you feel this way, write a very personalized list of things that you can do next time you wanna text your ex.
我简短插播一下，本集节目由卡尼尔赞助播出。
I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode is brought to you by Garnier.
漫长的一天，漫长的夜晚，喜欢化妆却讨厌卸妆，没有什么比回到家、放松身心、用卡尼尔防水卸妆水卸妆更舒服的事了。
Long day, long night, love putting on your makeup but hate taking it off, there's really no better feeling than coming home, getting comfy, and removing your makeup with Garnier waterproof micellar water.
它能轻松卸除顽固的防水睫毛膏。
It easily removes even stubborn waterproof mascara.
无需用力揉搓，甚至无需后续冲洗。
None of that harsh rubbing needed, and you don't even need to rinse afterwards.
让肌肤清洁、清爽，永不干燥。
It leaves skin cleansed, refreshed, and never dry.
现在前往亚马逊购买卡尼尔防水卸妆水吧。
Head to Amazon to shop Garnier waterproof micellar water now.
现在回到节目。
Now back to the episode.
好的。
Okay.
说完日记这件事。
Moving on from journaling.
接下来你可以做的是花时间清除生活中的提醒物，那些会让你想起前任的东西，从你的空间里移除它们，避免白天不必要地想起前任。
The next thing you could do is take some time to remove reminders, things that remind you of your ex from your life, from your space to prevent unnecessary thoughts about your ex throughout the day.
比如说，假设你办公室有个软木板。
Like, for example, let's say you have a corkboard in your office.
我也有一个那样的。
I have one of those.
你知道，我会把旅行中的照片、明信片之类的东西贴上去，记录我生活中的点点滴滴。
You know, I put pictures up there, postcards, whatever, from various travels and things that happened in my life.
所以自然而然地，一段关系中的照片和纪念品最终也会出现在那块板上。
And so naturally, you know, photos and memorabilia, if you will, from a relationship will end up on that board.
分手后，我必须尽快把这些东西取下来。
And after a breakup, I have to take those things down as soon as possible.
我不总是立即行动，因为有时候我会为此感到难过。
I don't always do it immediately because sometimes I'm kinda sad about it.
有时候则是因为我有点懒。
Other times, I'm kinda lazy.
但我必须尽快取下这些东西，否则每当我坐在桌前抬头看时，就会想起前任。
But I have to take those things down as soon as possible because if I don't, then every time I'm sitting at my desk and I look up, then I remember my ex.
可能我原本没在想前任，但突然间就想起来了。
And maybe I wasn't thinking about my ex, and then all of a sudden, now I am.
展开剩余字幕（还有 422 条）
然后不知不觉间，我就陷入想给他们发消息的冲动，因为某个回忆让我感到怀念。
And then all of a sudden, next thing I know, I'm spiraling wanting to text them because it triggered a memory that made me feel nostalgic.
接着我就会情绪失控，想给前任发消息。
And then I spiral, and then I wanna text my ex.
在家里清除关于前任的提醒物可能会非常有帮助。
It can be incredibly helpful to go around your house and remove reminders of your ex.
当然你不一定要把它们扔掉。
Now you don't necessarily need to throw them away.
我不那么做。
I don't do that.
但或许可以把它们收起来。
But maybe just put them out of sight.
甚至不一定是和前伴侣的合照。
And it might not even be like a photo of you and your ex.
可能是类似'哦，这个花瓶是前任买的'，或者'这蜡烛是我和前任度假时买的'这类东西。
It might be like, Oh, my ex bought me this vase, or I bought this candle when I was on a vacation with my ex.
不一定是明显的纪念物。
Doesn't necessarily need to be an obvious reminder.
有些东西只是非常个人化的随机记忆载体。
Some things are just very personal random reminders.
即便是这些东西有时也会触发回忆，继而引发情绪崩溃。
Even those things can sometimes trigger a memory that then causes a spiral.
我认为在分手后特别脆弱的阶段，这类物品会让恢复变得更困难。
I think when in a really vulnerable period in a breakup, those types of things can make it harder.
只需暂时把它们收起来，等你准备好再拿出来——甚至可以考虑捐赠，如果这样做有意义的话。
Just simply putting them away until you're ready to bring them back out or even potentially donating them, if that makes sense.
不过我觉得通常没必要做到那一步。
But I mean, I don't think that's necessary usually.
但暂时收起来确实会非常有帮助。
But putting them out of sight can be incredibly helpful.
但话说回来，如今手机就是我们的现实。
But also, our phones are our reality now.
手机已成为我们生活的一部分，因为我们使用得太频繁了。
It's like a part of our where we live because we're on our phones so much.
所以，或许可以考虑在Instagram上屏蔽你的前任。
So, also, perhaps muting your ex on Instagram.
这可能会很有帮助。
That could be really helpful.
删除你们的短信记录——如果你不常联系很多人，或许可以删除短信链，把对方从通讯录收藏中移除，更换壁纸，确保新壁纸是对你有特殊意义的图片，而与前任无关。
Deleting your text chain so that it's not like if you don't text a lot of different people, perhaps deleting them from your text chain, removing them from your favorites on your contacts, changing your wallpaper, making sure that your wallpaper is like something of an image that's very personal to you and doesn't have anything to do with your ex.
这样的清理会让人感觉焕然一新。
Like, it can be very cleansing.
虽然伤感，但清理生活中关于前任的痕迹确实能让人焕然一新。这不仅象征着你开始属于自己的新生活——当然你的生活本就属于你，更是标志着这个独立的新阶段，同时也能避免未来情绪崩溃。
It's sad, but it can be very cleansing to sort of go through your life and remove reminders of your ex to not only, like, symbolize your new life that's yours, you know, without I mean, your life is always yours, but, like, symbolize this new sort of independent era, but it also prevents future meltdowns.
如果有时间，你还可以去逛逛可爱的文具店（如果有的话）。
Another thing you could do if you have the time is go to a cute stationary shop if you have one.
其实我住在洛杉矶，这里几乎有你能想象到的所有类型的商店。
Actually, I live in LA where, like, there's literally every type of store you could ever possibly imagine.
不是每个城镇都有可爱的文具店。
Not every town has, like, a cute stationary store.
但即便没有可爱的文具店也没关系。
But even if, like, you don't need to go to a cute stationary store.
你可以去任何地方。
You could go anywhere.
任何售卖多种商品的商店都可以。
You can go to any store that sells a lot of different types of things.
买个计划本，实体纸质的那种。
Buy a planner, a physical paper planner.
明白吗？
Okay?
并承诺自己会无限期使用这个计划本。
And dedicate yourself to using this planner for the indefinitely.
对吧？
Right?
好的。
Okay.
你可能只会用这个计划本一个月。
You might only use this planner for a month.
也可能用一整年。
You might use it for the duration of the year.
谁知道呢？
Who knows?
但刻意规划生活、掌控时间分配、把所有安排都写在计划本上的感觉，真的让人充满力量。
But there's something really empowering about scheduling your life out intentionally, getting in control of of how you're using your time, and putting it all on paper into a planner.
这种体验有种奇特的鼓舞人心的魔力。
There's something about that that is really inspiring and weirdly motivating.
我觉得在经历分手时，合理安排时间、保持忙碌、避免过多空闲尤为重要。
And I think when going through a breakup, it's so important to be structured with your time, to keep yourself busy, and to not to not have too much downtime.
听着。
Like, listen.
有主动选择的休息时间，也有被动发生的休息时间。
There's intentional downtime, and then there's unintentional downtime.
主动休息就像是，我今天下午要去做美甲，或者今晚要躺在床上看我最喜欢的电视节目，对此我充满期待。
Intentional downtime is like, I'm gonna go get my nails done this afternoon, or I'm gonna lay in bed tonight and watch my favorite TV show, and I'm super excited about it.
而被动休息则是那种，好吧...
And then there's unintentional downtime where it's like, okay.
今天休息日，但我真的不知道该做些什么。
I have the day off today, and I don't really know what to do with it.
而且我状态不太好，所以只会躺在床上刷抖音，陷入负面情绪，然后开始抑郁，最后想给前任发消息。
And I'm not really in the best place, so I'm just gonna lay in bed and scroll on TikTok and get into a dark place and then get depressed and then wanna text my ex.
你懂吧？
You know?
我认为在分手期间，特别重要的是要专注于主动休息，而不是被动休息。
I think during a breakup, it is particularly important to to focus on intentional downtime and not unintentional downtime.
我觉得最好的方法之一就是认真规划生活并保持忙碌。
And I think one of the best ways to do that is to get really into scheduling your life and keeping busy.
当然，我们生活中都有那些自然而然让我们忙碌的事情。
Now, obviously, we all have things that are built into our life that, you know, keep us busy.
工作、照顾身边的人、日常琐事。
Work, taking care of people in our lives, chores.
类似的事情有很多。
You know, there's a lot of things like that.
在经历分手时，所有这些事情都非常重要。
And all of those things are very important when going through a breakup.
要知道，现在是时候去拥抱这些事情，甚至试着将它们浪漫化，让自己完全沉浸在你当下的生活中。
Know, it's a time to lean into those things and perhaps even try to romanticize those things and, you know, really just, like, fully immerse yourself in what your life is.
但也要知道，这其中也存在空白。
But, know, there's also gaps.
对吧？
Right?
比如，当你处理完所有那些事情之后，你会做什么？
Like, what do you do after you're done with all of that stuff?
我认为在分手期间，规划你的空闲时间会非常有帮助。
I think during a breakup, it can be very helpful to plan your downtime.
比如说，我现在正在经历分手。
Like, for example, I'm going through a breakup right now.
所以我已经开始规划我的空闲时间了。
And so I have started planning my downtime.
比如，我完成工作后要做什么？
Like, what am I gonna do when I'm done with my work?
我已经开始安排一些不一定要做的事情，只是为了确保自己保持忙碌。
I I've I've started scheduling out things that I don't necessarily have to do just to make sure that I keep busy.
对吧？
Right?
我觉得这非常有帮助。
And I think it's incredibly helpful.
而且我认为，在你想给前任发短信的时刻，能够激励自己想着：你知道吗？
And I think in a moment where you're wanting to text your ex, it can be kind of inspiring to be like, you know what?
我需要，我需要保持忙碌。
I need I need to keep busy.
我知道我需要保持忙碌。
I know I need to keep busy.
让我迈出第一步。
Let me take the first step.
上车。
Get in the car.
搭公交、骑单车、徒步走，去买他妈的本计划本。
Get on the bus, get on a bike, walk on foot, and go get a fucking planner.
你知道吗？
You know what?
把整件事搞得浪漫点。
Make the whole thing romantic.
戴上耳机。
Put your headphones in.
听点音乐。
Listen to some music.
听个播客。
Listen to a podcast.
去商店，在货架间闲逛，找个符合你标准的计划本，带回家。
Go to the store, mosey around in the aisles, find a planner that meets your standards, bring it home.
哦，你知道吗？
Oh, you know what?
或许还可以买些有趣的笔。
Maybe even buy some fun pens.
你知道的，把整件事浪漫化。
You know, romanticize the whole thing.
然后回家兴奋地填满这个计划本，规划好接下来一周要做的事情。
And then go home and get excited about, like, filling out this planner and figuring out what you're gonna do for the week.
这样做的结果就是，你不可能不感觉好起来。
And at the other end of that, there's no way you're not gonna feel better.
之后当你又想‘唉，我真的很想给前任发消息’的时候，
And then moving forward, when you're feeling like, ugh, like, I really wanna text my ex.
我感觉自己快要陷入情绪漩涡了。
I feel like I'm gonna start spiraling.
拿出你的计划本，开始规划下周、下两周的事情，总之让自己忙起来。
Get out your planner and start planning out your next week, your next two weeks, whatever, and and keep yourself busy.
我觉得这真的是个很有帮助的方法。
I think it it's a really helpful thing to do.
另一件我喜欢做的事——无论是否在经历分手——就是制作情绪板。
Another thing I like to do, whether I'm going through a breakup or not, is make mood boards.
明白吗？
Okay?
制作情绪板或愿景板非常鼓舞人心、赋予力量，因为它能帮你厘清生活中真正想要的，这种掌控感非常强大。
There's something very inspiring and empowering about making a mood board a vision board because, again, it helps clarify what you want in your life, and there's something very empowering about that.
你可以做个时尚情绪板，规划分手后想要发展的穿衣风格。
You could make a fashion mood board about how you want to evolve your fashion post breakup.
至少对我来说，作为一个如此热爱时尚的人，分手后总有种力量让我更想投入时尚——它激励我去革新自己的风格。
There's something, at least for me, as somebody who, like, loves fashion so much, there's something about a breakup that makes me want to lean into to fashion makes me want it inspires me to evolve my style.
我认为这是因为恋爱时你自然会受到伴侣方方面面的影响，包括时尚品味。
I think because naturally when you're in a relationship, you're influenced by your partner in in every way, but also in fashion at times.
所以我觉得分手后以独立个体重新探索时尚是件令人兴奋的事。
And so I think there's something exciting about revisiting fashion post breakup as an individual.
你明白我的意思吗？
Do you know what I mean?
尽管听着——
Even though like, listen.
你当然可以在恋爱期间探索个人风格。
You can absolutely explore your style while in a relationship.
但我认为刚恢复单身有种特殊魔力。
But I think there's something about being newly single.
这是个新时代。
It's a new era.
比如现在要重新以单身身份面对世界，该以怎样的形象出现？这种思考本身就令人兴奋。
Like, there's something exciting about, like, how do I wanna present myself now as this person going back out into the world single?
就像在思考：我想成为什么样的人？
Like, how do I what do I wanna be?
这会带来极大的灵感。
That can be very inspiring.
你还可以制作时尚灵感看板。
You can make a fashion mood board.
你也可以制作一个关于你能制作物品的活动情绪板，或许是一个食谱情绪板，又或者是一个手工艺点子情绪板，这取决于你的兴趣所在。
You could also make an activity mood board of things that you can make, perhaps a mood board of recipes, perhaps a mood board of arts and crafts ideas, depending on your interests.
我认为制作一个能在困难时期激发活动灵感的情绪板会非常有帮助。
Making a mood board that can be a source of inspiration for activity in challenging times, I think, can be really helpful.
你也可以制作一个关于你未来生活愿景的通用情绪板，比如你希望未来的家是什么样子，或者你梦想中的婚礼场景。
You could also just make a general mood board of what you want your life to look like and feel like in the future, perhaps how you want your home to look like one day, perhaps how you want your wedding to look like one day.
不过现在考虑这些可能还为时过早。
That might it might be too soon for that, though.
说实话这可能会有点刺激情绪，但我觉得也可能会有帮助。
That might be that might be a little bit triggering, honestly, but, I mean, could could be helpful.
或许你可以添加一些你未来想居住的地方或想去的度假胜地的照片。
Maybe you could add photos of where you wanna live one day or vacations you wanna go in one day.
就是关于你未来生活想要呈现的整体感觉和氛围之类的。
Just a general vibe of what you want your life to look and feel like in the future and so on.
我觉得无论是通过Pinterest制作还是从杂志剪贴图片，情绪板总能给人启发。
Like, I mean, I think mood boards, whether you're making them on Pinterest or you're cutting out pictures out of magazines, like, mood boards are inspiring.
虽然制作关于人生愿景的情绪板听起来可能有点尴尬或老套。
And and, you know, it might sound a bit cringe or cliche to, like, make a vision board or a mood board about where you wanna go in your life.
我不知道。
I don't know.
我认为当涉及项目制作时，比如筹备晚宴需要构思食谱时，情绪板很有用。
I think mood boards when it comes to, like, making projects or, like, if you're, you know, throwing a dinner party and you need to come up with recipes.
很多时候我们都觉得这类情绪板既实用又高效，制作它们有着明确的目的性。
Like, I think a lot of times we look at those types of mood boards as being, like, helpful and productive, and and there's, like, a clear reason to be making the mood board.
我认为有些人觉得为未来制作情绪板或愿景板有点老套、尴尬或过于浪漫，但我不同意。
And I think some people look at making a mood board or a vision board for your future as being kind of maybe cliche or cringe or too romantic, but I I disagree.
我认为它可以非常赋予力量和帮助，虽然我一直在用'赋予力量'和'帮助'这些词。
I think it can be incredibly empowering and helpful as I keep I keep calling everything empowering and helpful.
所以我需要想出一些新词，我需要使用同义词词典。
So I need to come up with some new words, and I need to use the thesaurus.
但现在没时间做这个，因为我实际上有更多关于当你情绪崩溃想给前任发短信时可以做的事情的想法。
But there's no time for that because I have I actually have more I have more ideas of things that you can do when you're spiraling and wanting to text your ex.
所以我现在不能查同义词词典，只能继续用这些词了。
So I can't look up the thesaurus right now, so I'm gonna keep using those words.
另一件你可以做的事（我之前做过）是创作一件代表你当下感受的艺术作品。
Another thing you can do that I've done before is create a piece of art that represents how you're feeling in the moment.
如果你很痛苦，就画出来，涂出来，拿出黏土，把它雕塑出来。
If you're in agony, draw that, paint that, get some clay out, sculpt that.
再说一次，对某些人来说这可能听起来很尴尬。
Again, to some, this might sound cringe.
这可能听起来有点老套，但我以前确实做过。
This might sound kind of cliche, but I have done it before.
事实上，我目前用了很久的水彩本里的第一幅水彩画，就是我在上次分手时画的。
In fact, one of my first watercolors in my current watercolor booklet that I've been using for quite a while now is a watercolor that I did during my last breakup.
那是一幅夸张又糟糕的水彩画，画中的我在哭泣，还有一个写着我不需要大声说出来的话的对话框。
And it's this, like, dramatic, terrible watercolor of me crying, and there's a little speech bubble that's saying something that I don't need to say out loud.
我要直接说出来吗？
Should I just say it?
没关系。
It doesn't matter.
我会说的。
I'll say it.
我想它说的是，你为什么要考验我？
I think it says, why are you testing me?
问号。
Question mark.
因为，嗯，我不需要解释原因。
Because well, I don't need to say why.
但这太戏剧化了。
But it's so dramatic.
这简直荒谬。
It's so it's ridiculous.
但实际上，我觉得创作那件作品时我甚至还没开始分手。
But, actually, I don't even think I was going through a breakup yet when I made that piece of art.
我当时可能正处于分手即将发生的阶段。
I might've been like, on the it was like the breakup was impending.
因为分手从来都不是瞬间完成的。
Because breakups are never instant.
对吧？
Right?
它不是突然发生的。
It's like it's not like all of a sudden.
嗯，我想有时候吧。
Well, I guess sometimes.
但根据我的经验，通常分手在关系结束前就开始了。
But in my experience, usually, breakups start before the relationship even ends.
对吧？
Right?
在关系结束前几个月，感情就开始有点淡了。
Months before the relationship ends, things start to fizzle a little bit.
所以我想我可能是在知道关系即将结束、情况不太好的时候画的那幅画，但那时我们俩都还没准备好彻底结束。
And so I think I might have made that drawing, you know, when I knew the relationship was coming to an end and things were not going well, but neither of us were ready to fully pull the plug yet.
我记不清了。
I can't remember.
但不管怎样，那是一次非常有帮助的经历。
But, anyway, it was a really helpful experience.
你知道吗？
You know?
这只是另一种方式，把在你脑海中盘旋的所有感受、想法和情绪都拿出来，让它们变得具体。
It was an it it's just another way of taking all of the feelings and thoughts and emotions swirling around in your head and removing them from your brain and making them tangible.
这样做确实能让人感到解脱。
There's something about that that is just relieving.
它能给你一种解脱感。
It gives you a sense of relief.
它能让所有情绪都消失吗？
Does it make all the feelings go away?
再说一次，不行。
Once again, no.
但发泄出来确实会让人感觉好些。
But it can just feel good to let it out.
它能帮助你平静下来，让你情绪不那么激动，这样你就能从那里迈出下一步。
It can it can help calm you down and get you to a place where your emotions are less intense so that then you can take the next best step from there.
下一个。
Next.
好的。
Okay.
现在我们要开始真正享受乐趣了。
Now now we're really gonna start having fun here.
你还可以看一场有你迷恋的名人出演的节目、电影或采访。
Another thing you can do is watch a show or a movie or an interview with your celebrity crush in it.
明白吗？
Okay?
这有点调皮。
This is a little naughty.
不算调皮，但就像，我这么干过。
It's not naughty, but it's like, I've done this.
有时候这真的能帮你对别人产生好感。
Sometimes it can really just help you to just feel attracted to someone else.
如果你已经心有所属，那你很可能就没那么想给前任发信息了。
And if you, like, if you have a crush already, there's a good chance that you're not itching to text your ex that bad.
对吧？
Right?
就是，我的意思是，也许吧。
Like, I mean, maybe.
但你可以给新欢发短信，你懂的，和他们调情。
But then you can just text that new crush, you know, and flirt with them.
对吧？
Right?
就是，我的意思是，我想你也可以做另一件事。
Like, I mean, that's another thing I guess you could do.
但那样感觉有点毒。
But that kinda feels toxic.
比如，你不想仅仅因为逃避对前任的痛苦感受就去追求新人。
Like, you don't wanna pursue someone new just because you're running away from painful feelings you have about your ex.
那样从来都不会有好结果。
Like, that's never good.
对吧？
Right?
你面对的是一个有真实情感的真实人类。
That's a real human being that you're dealing with who has real emotions.
你需要对此保持清醒和负责。
And you wanna be intentional about that and responsible about that.
而对名人的单向迷恋，我的意思是，你不想让这种关系发展得太深。
Whereas a parasocial crush with a celebrity, that's like I mean, you don't want that to get taken too far.
对吧？
Right?
你也要小心那个，因为你知道，那多半不会发生。
You wanna be careful with that too because, you know, that's most likely not gonna happen.
但这就是为什么它算是个稳妥的选择。
But that's why it's kind of a safe bet.
在屏幕上播放你觉得有魅力的人的视频会很有帮助，因为可以幻想——这个人多迷人啊，要是能和他们约会该多好。
Putting on some sort of source of media on your screen of somebody who you find attractive can be really helpful because, I don't know, to sort of daydream about, oh, this person's so gorgeous and what it would be like to go on a date with them.
这可以是个非常美妙的消遣。
That can be a really wonderful distraction.
听着。
Listen.
这或许不如买本计划本认真规划未来，或者拿出日记本写东西那么高效和理想？
Is it as maybe productive and idyllic as buying a planner and really planning the future or getting out your journal and writing things down?
不是的。
No.
也许没那么理想，但有时你需要的只是放段性感视频，看着它幻想约会场景。
It's not as ideal maybe, but sometimes that's what you need just to put a video of someone hot on a screen and watch it and daydream about what it would be like to go on a date with them.
我是那种永远需要暗恋对象的人，这未必健康，但我总会有心动对象。
I'm the type of person that always needs to have a crush, And that is not necessarily good or healthy, but I always have a crush.
总会有那么个人，可能是明星、常去咖啡店的咖啡师，或是健身课上经常遇见的人。
There's always someone, whether it's a celebrity or it's a barista at a coffee shop that I go to a lot, or it's someone I see at a workout class frequently.
看吧，我永远在暗恋中。
Like, I always have a crush.
或者说，当我处于一段感情中时，我会对当时约会对象产生迷恋，随便啦。
Or, you know, when I'm in a relationship, I have a crush on whoever I'm dating at the time, whatever.
我总是会对某个人有点心动。
I always have some sort of crush.
我从四岁起就这样了，因为这很有趣。
I have since I was four years old because it's fun.
真他妈的有趣。
It's fucking fun.
但经历分手时，我认为最安全又不失乐趣的选择就是沉迷于你对名人的迷恋。
But when going through a breakup, I think the safest option that's still fun is to lean into your celebrity crush.
管他呢。
Fuck it.
懂吗？
You know?
如果你没有迷恋对象，那我也不知道了。
And if you don't have one, I don't know.
开始物色吧。
Start looking.
听着。
Listen.
这招不是对谁都管用，但我也不知道。
That that won't work for everyone, but I don't know.
这可能是个有趣的选择。
That that can be a fun option.
接下来，报名参加一个健身课程或某种团体活动。
Next, sign up for a workout class or some sort of group activity.
就像我之前说的，仅仅是和人们待在一起就有一种疗愈的效果。
As I said earlier, there's something very therapeutic about just being around people.
对吧？
Right?
有时候我们连和最亲近的人交谈的力气都没有。
And sometimes we don't have the energy to talk to someone that we're super close to.
有时候我们有点想独处，但又不想完全一个人。
Sometimes we kinda wanna be alone, but we also don't wanna be alone.
这时候团体活动就派上用场了。
That's when group activities can really come in handy.
而且我觉得团体活动本身就很棒，可以建立社群、结交新朋友，甚至可能找到未来的伴侣。
And, I mean, I think group activities are wonderful anyway for building community, for making new friends, for potentially even finding a future partner.
谁知道呢？
Like, who knows?
总的来说，我认为团体活动非常重要。
I think group activities are so important in general.
但在情绪低落的时刻，如果你有时间、有能力，就去上健身课、去健身房、参加陶艺班或烹饪课。
But in a in a moment of a spiral, if you have the time, if you can, go to a workout class, go to the gym, go to a pottery class, go to, like, a cooking class.
去和周围的人一起做点事情。
Like, go do something with people around.
我觉得这件事本身就能带来很大的慰藉。
I think there's something really comforting about that.
以一种轻松自在的方式与人相处，友谊可能由此萌芽。
Being around people in a way that's casual and potentially where friendship could bloom.
对吧？
Right?
但也不一定。
But not necessarily.
就像身处一个可以与人畅聊但又不必须如此的环境，感觉很不错。
It's like it's nice to be in an environment where you could get chatty with somebody, but you don't have to.
懂吗？
You know?
我想强调健身课程或健身房的原因是，运动和活动身体释放内啡肽，在你想给前任发消息时也能起到很好的帮助作用。
And I think the reason why I'm emphasizing workout classes or the gym is because I I will say that exercise and and moving your body and releasing endorphins can also be a really helpful thing to do when wanting to text your ex.
但问题在于，起身运动和锻炼需要一定的自律性。
But the problem is is that it takes a level of discipline to get up and move your body and exercise.
所以我认为这就是为什么我建议某种社交性运动，无论是健身课程还是去健身房。
So I think that's why I am suggesting some sort of social exercise, whether that's a workout class or going to the gym.
听着。
Listen.
打开一个十分钟的健身视频，在卧室地板上跟着做也可能有帮助。
It could also be helpful to turn on a ten minute workout YouTube video and do it on your bedroom floor.
有时候就是这种感觉。
Like, sometimes that's the vibe.
对吧？
Right?
但这更难激发动力。
But that's harder to motivate.
至少对我个人而言，这更难激发动力去做。
At least for me personally, it's harder to motivate to do that.
我认为当它与和人相处相结合时，会更有益也更有帮助，至少根据我的经验是这样。
I think when it's coupled with being around people, it's even more beneficial and even more helpful, at least in my experience.
而且你从中获得的不仅仅是内啡肽。
And you're not just getting endorphins out of it.
你还能获得一点——可能甚至算不上社交互动，就是这种与人相处的感觉。
You're also getting a bit of maybe not even social interaction, but just this feeling of being around people.
我不知道。
I don't know.
但是，话说回来，谁知道呢？
But, also, who knows?
比如当你在健身房、健身课、陶艺课或烹饪课时，可能会遇到一个新朋友，说不定哪天就会成为你的另一半。
Like, while you're at the gym, at a workout class, at a pottery class, at a cooking class, you might meet a new friend who maybe will one day become your significant other.
就像，谁知道呢？
Like, who knows?
你懂吧？
You know?
置身于这个世界中，总让人感到某种希望。
It it's just it there's something hopeful about being out in the world.
另一件你可以做的事是放下一切，来个彻底放松的沐浴。
Another thing you could do is drop everything and take an everything shower.
好吗？
Okay?
尽管淋浴间可能是个复杂的地方，当我心理状态不佳时，走进淋浴间会有点害怕，因为淋浴间会倾听。
Even though the shower can be kind of a complicated place like, I I find when I'm in a a rough place psychologically, getting in the shower is a little bit scary because the shower listen.
所谓'淋浴灵感'这个说法、短语或概念能成为主流，是有原因的。
The saying shower thoughts or the phrase shower thoughts or the concept of shower thoughts is a mainstream one for a reason.
对吧？
Right?
淋浴时总有些东西会激发思绪，这可能非常可怕，尤其是当你心理状态不佳时。
There's something about being in the shower that just inspires thoughts, which can be really scary, especially when you're in a rough spot mentally.
但我认为带着'我要完成所有事情'的意图走进淋浴间。
But I think getting into the shower with the intention of I am going to do everything.
我要洗头发。
I'm going to wash my hair.
我要刮胡子。
I'm going to shave.
我要去角质。
I'm going to exfoliate.
我要全部做完。
I'm going to do it all.
然后出来后我还要剪指甲，给头发抹护理产品，做一套超长的护肤流程。
And then when I get out, I'm going to clip my nails, and I'm going to put products in my hair, and I'm going to do a really long skincare routine.
我觉得带着'我现在就要完成所有事情'这种意图进淋浴间，某种程度上能让你分心，不去想那些淋浴时的思绪。
I think going into the shower with this intention of like, I'm gonna do everything right now distracts you from your shower thoughts in a way.
然后你洗完澡出来，感觉棒极了。
And then you get out of the shower and you feel amazing.
你知道的，那种清爽的感觉。
You know, you feel clean.
你感到温暖舒适。
You feel cozy.
你感到神清气爽。
You feel fresh.
这种感觉还能帮你摆脱糟糕情绪，避免想给前任发消息的冲动。
And that feeling also can help with feeling like shit and wanting to text your ex.
另一个方法是打破你的日常惯例。
Another thing you could do is break your routine in some way.
我们很多人都有固定不变的生活作息。
A lot of us have a consistent routine.
对吧？
Right?
我们在固定时间起床。
We wake up at a certain time.
我们给自己做固定的餐食。
We make a certain meal for ourselves.
可能还会出门买杯咖啡。
Perhaps we go out and get a coffee.
然后工作。
We work.
我们每天的通勤路线都一模一样，往返走的都是同一条路。
We have the same sort of commute every day where we take the exact same sort of route there and back.
我们每晚给自己做的饭菜也差不多，然后遵循固定的睡前流程，最后上床睡觉。
We cook a very similar thing for ourselves every night, and then we have a certain bedtime routine, and then we go to bed.
这种有时显得单调的日常，其实也可能非常美好。
And that sort of monotonous routine at times can be really wonderful.
进入这种自动驾驶般的状态，与之融为一体，会让人感觉特别美妙。
It can be really wonderful to sort of get into autopilot with it and get into flow with it.
但在经历分手痛苦时，稍微打破这种日常惯例会非常有帮助。
But when spiraling about a breakup, it can be incredibly helpful to get out of that routine a little bit.
比如去一家平时不常去的杂货店购物。
Perhaps go to a different grocery store that you don't normally go to in grocery shop.
或许那天可以换条不同的路线去上班。
Perhaps take a different route to work that day.
也可以尝试去不同的咖啡店。
Perhaps try a different coffee shop.
打破常规有种奇特的分散注意力和刺激感，我觉得这能以某种方式重置你的视角。
There's something really distracting and stimulating about breaking your routine that I think can weirdly reset your perspective in a way.
当你陷入日常惯例，每天重复做同样的事情时，反而会让你有更多时间陷入消极的思维漩涡。
Like, when you get into a routine and you're doing the same thing every single day, it leaves you more time to think in spiral.
打破常规在某种程度上能让你更加脚踏实地，因为你必须更专注。
Breaking your routine can be really grounding in a way because you have to be more focused.
对吧？
Right?
比方说，如果你开始陷入情绪漩涡，想给前任发消息，同时你又觉得，我得去趟杂货店。
If you're, let's say, starting to spiral, wanting to text your ex, and then, you you know, perhaps simultaneously, you're like, I need to go to the grocery store.
或许去一家不同的杂货店能分散你的注意力，让你重新回到当下，这是去常去的那家店做不到的。
Perhaps going to a different grocery store can help distract you and put you back into the present in a way that going to your routine grocery store maybe wouldn't.
也许你常去的那家杂货店太过熟悉，走在货架间时你甚至不用思考。
Perhaps going to your routine grocery store is so routine that when you're walking through the aisles, you don't even have to think.
你连看都不用看。
You don't even have to look.
你对每件商品的位置都了如指掌。
You know exactly where everything is.
对吧？
Right?
去一家新杂货店会迫使你环顾四周。
Going to a new grocery store forces you to look around.
你必须四处张望。
You have to look around.
你必须保持专注，因为你不熟悉商品摆放位置。
You have to be present because you don't know where everything is.
这和去一家新咖啡馆是同样的道理。
It's the same thing with, like, going to a new coffee shop.
你不知道该停在哪里。
You don't know where to park.
你从没去过那里。
You've never been there before.
你不认识这些咖啡师。
You don't know these baristas.
他们不知道你点的什么。
They don't know your order.
打破常规能让你专注于当下，这确实有助于拓宽视野并让你脚踏实地。
There's something about breaking routine that forces you to be present, which can really help with perspective and can really help with grounding.
另一件你可以做的事是预约一些自我护理服务。
Another thing you could do is book some self care appointments.
很多时候，我们没法抛下一切去做美甲、按摩之类的。
Now a lot of times, we can't just drop everything and go get our nails done, go get a massage, whatever.
比如去晒个美黑喷雾。
Go get a spray tan.
我不知道你喜欢什么。
I don't know what you're into.
但仅仅是预约这些服务的行为本身就能分散注意力，并让你有所期待。
But even the simple act of just booking these appointments can be a distraction and also give you something to look forward to.
比如，我会因为要去做美甲而兴奋。
Like, I get excited about going and getting my nails done.
我会因为要去按摩而兴奋。
I get excited about going and getting a massage.
我会因为，不知道怎么说，比如去做头发之类的事情而兴奋。
I get excited about, I don't know, like, getting my hair done or or whatever.
我就是会对这些事情感到兴奋。
Like, I get excited about these things.
仅仅是预约这件事本身，就是一种能释放大脑快乐物质的好消遣。
The mere act of booking the appointments is is a good distraction that releases happy chemicals in the brain.
而且现在你也有了值得期待的事情。
But then also now you have something to look forward to.
等到预约时间到来时，又会是另一种消遣。
And then when the appointment rolls around, that's another distraction.
对吧？
Right?
这还会让你感觉良好。
And it makes you feel good.
照顾自己能提升信心，而且...怎么说呢，会让你更享受活在身体里的感觉。
Taking care of yourself boosts confidence and just, I don't know, makes living in in your body feel better.
对吧？
Right?
所以从预约到赴约的整个过程，都可能带来意想不到的帮助。
And so everything about booking and then going to these types of appointments can be incredibly helpful.
你还可以尝试做些有趣的料理。
Another thing you could do is cook something fun.
完整地体验整个过程。
Go do the whole thing.
比如，全身心投入其中。
Like, lean into it.
认真对待每个步骤，因为这其实和打破常规是相辅相成的。
Lean into every single step of it because, you know, this kind of goes hand in hand with breaking routine.
我本应该把它归为一类，但我没有。
And I probably should've just lumped it into that, but I didn't.
尝试烹饪新菜品是一种让人脚踏实地的体验，因为它需要全身心投入。
Cooking something new is a very grounding experience because it's very involved.
对吧？
Right?
首先，你得找到食谱。
First, you have to find the recipe.
明白吗？
Okay?
然后你得想办法把自己弄到杂货店去。
Then you have to transport yourself somehow to the grocery store.
接着你要四处采购，这个过程可以做得非常浪漫。
Then you have to shop around, and you can do so in a way that's very romantic.
戴上耳机，全程听着音乐，随心所欲地沉浸其中。
Put your headphones in, do the whole thing, listen to music, whatever, vibe out.
然后回家准备所有食材，切蔬菜，你知道的，还要把豆子沥干。
Then you have to go home and prepare everything, cut your vegetables, you know, drain your beans.
之后你得照着食谱专心烹饪。
Then you have to pay attention to the recipe and cook it.
最后你就能得到一顿美餐，希望它尝起来非常棒——食物是人生最大的乐趣之一。
And then and then at the end, you have this beautiful meal that's hopefully gonna taste really wonderful, and food is one of the greatest joys in life.
你还可以去寻宝，我喜欢这么称呼这个活动。
Another thing you could do is go treasure hunting, as I like to call it.
对我来说，寻宝基本上就是去买二手货或看看旧物，无论是二手店购物、复古购物、在eBay上网购，随便什么都行。
Treasure hunting to me is basically just going and buying things secondhand or looking at used items, whether that's thrift shopping, vintage shopping, online shopping on eBay, like, whatever.
你懂我的意思吧。
You get the idea.
寻宝。
Treasure hunting.
我喜欢寻宝的地方在于它不像去那些预先精选过的商店，那里所有东西都时髦又可爱。
What I love about treasure hunting is that it's not like going to a store that's precurated where everything is on trend and cute.
对吧？
Right?
寻宝的意义在于购物时发现璞玉，找到那些非常特别的东西。
Like, treasure hunting is about shopping and finding diamonds in the rough, finding things that are very special.
这是我个人非常喜欢做的事。
And this is something that I personally really love doing.
不是每个人都喜欢这个。
Not everybody loves this.
所以如果你不喜欢，那就别做。
So if you don't love this, well, don't do it.
但我觉得寻宝真正有趣的地方在于，你被迫去思考，因为不是每件东西都好。
But what I think is really fun about treasure hunting, if you will, is that you are really forced to think because not everything's gonna be good.
你明白吗？
You know?
我是说，听着。
I mean, listen.
如果你去一家精心布置的古着店，那里的策展人品味绝佳，嗯，可能就没那么像在逃避现实了。
If you go to, like, a beautifully curated vintage store where, like, the curator has amazing taste, yeah, maybe that's less of an escape.
你不需要太专注，因为每样东西都很可爱。
You don't have to be as focused because everything is cute.
但买二手货时，你得稍微多动点脑筋来筛选所有东西。
But when you're buying secondhand, you have to use your brain a little bit more to sift through all the stuff.
这其中有种令人满足、兴奋又分心的感觉。
And there's something about that that's really satisfying and exciting and distracting.
而且我觉得这样也更负责任。
And I also think too it's more responsible.
对吧？
Right?
你不想去一家完美包装的潮流店铺，买一堆东西只为释放大脑中的快乐物质，结果过后又因为过时而想全部捐掉吧。
You don't wanna go to a store that's really perfectly curated and trendy and buy a bunch of stuff to, you know, release happy chemicals in the brain just to then later wanna donate everything because it's not trendy anymore.
这种购物方式太不负责任了。
Like, that's not a responsible way to shop.
而且也不够用心。
But it's also not as mindful.
因为东西都是预先筛选好的，你就不需要太费心思。
Like, you don't have to be as mindful because it's precurated.
二手购物有种精神上更富足的感觉，同时也是更负责任的购物方式——因为你得寻宝，得真正动脑子问自己：我喜欢这件东西吗？
There's something about secondhand shopping that I think is more spiritually rewarding, but it's also a more responsible way to shop because you have to treasure hunt, and you have to really actively use your mind and ask yourself, do I like this thing?
你知道的，这东西能让我的生活更好吗？
It's you know, is this thing gonna benefit my life?
这东西符合我的风格吗？
Is this thing my style?
你知道的，无所谓啦。
You know, whatever.
因为很多时候二手物品是没有经过筛选的。
Because a lot of times buying secondhand things aren't curated.
所以你得自己动脑筋判断。
So you have to think for yourself.
而这种独立思考的过程本身就能成为绝佳的解压方式。
And that act of thinking for yourself can be a really wonderful distraction and escape.
至少以我的经验来说，买二手货时我会更理性消费，因为需要更慎重地考虑。
And I think, at least in my experience, I feel like I shop more responsibly when I buy secondhand because I have to think a bit harder.
这就像是种积极的购物疗法。
So it's like, it's a positive way to basically do retail therapy.
而且对地球也更友好。
And it's also better for the world.
对吧？
Right?
如果你买了某件东西，就是在赋予它第二次生命。
You're giving something another life if you do purchase something.
就算什么都不买，光是逛逛旧货店、古董店或者刷刷eBay也很有趣。
But also even if you don't purchase something, it's fun to, like, walk around a thrift store or, you know, walk around a vintage store or whatever, scroll around on eBay.
那种沉浸其中的感觉真的很棒。
It's, like, fun, and you can get lost in it.
另一件你可以做的事是为下一个休息日制定行程计划。
Another thing you could do is plan an itinerary for your next day off.
假设你可能被困在工作里，没法做些有趣的烹饪。
Let's say maybe you're stuck at work and you can't cook something fun.
你没法去做美甲。
You can't go get your nails done.
你没法洗个全套护理澡。
You can't take an everything shower.
懂吗？
You know?
如果你正处在被困住的状态，我觉得花十分钟规划下个休息日会非常有帮助。
If you're in a situation where you're stuck, I think it can be incredibly helpful to take, like, ten minutes to just plan your next day off.
你想做什么？
What do you wanna do?
也许你想先洗个全套澡，然后去跳蚤市场，再去农贸市场，接着做美甲，最后去远足之类的。
Maybe you wanna take an everything shower and then go to a flea market and then go to the farmer's market and then go get your nails done and then go for a hike and then I don't know.
把它规划出来。
Plan it out.
订个晚餐位子。
Book a dinner reservation.
为下个休息日感到兴奋吧。
Get excited about that next day off.
另一件你可以做的事是整理、清洁或清理那些一直困扰你却没时间处理的东西。
Another thing you could do is organize, clean, or declutter something that has been bothering you that you haven't made time to do.
这可能有点难以激励自己去做，因为如果你过去都没有动力去做，为什么现在会想做呢？
Now this might be sort of hard to motivate to do because if you haven't motivated to do it in the past, why would you wanna do it now?
但我要说的是，解决这类事情确实会让人感觉良好。
But I will say that it does feel good to address something like that.
比如，也许你一直想整理你的衣柜。
Like, perhaps you've been wanting to organize your closet.
或许可以设个30分钟的计时器，专心致志地整理那个衣柜。
Maybe set a timer for thirty minutes and just dedicate yourself to organizing that closet.
我可以保证，完成后你会感到更加平静、放松，并且因为完成了想做的事而感到满足。
I can guarantee at the other side of that, you're gonna feel more calm, more relaxed, and you're gonna feel good because you accomplished something that you've been wanting to accomplish.
也许你的浴缸真的，你知道，积了些污垢，这让你很困扰，但你一直没时间处理。
Perhaps your bathtub has really, you know, got some gunk on it, and it's been really bothering you, but you just haven't gotten around to it.
动手清理吧。
Get down and dirty.
去做吧。
Do it.
完成后你会感觉更好。
At the other end of that, you'll feel better.
也许你积攒了太多衣服，这让你感到压力。
Perhaps you've accumulated too many clothes and it's been stressing you out.
或许可以走进你的衣柜，找出10件衣物捐赠出去。
Maybe go into your closet and find 10 things to donate.
就去解决一件你一直在回避的事情，你知道做完后会感觉更好。
Just address something that you've been sort of avoiding that you know you'd feel better if you did.
这种行为不仅能分散注意力，而且毫无疑问最终你会感觉比之前更好。
And not only is the act of it a distraction, but also at the other end of it, you're gonna feel better than you did before without a doubt.
另一件你可以做的事是修理家里的东西，或者整理你的衣柜。
Another thing you could do is fix something in your home or perhaps in your wardrobe.
比如，在家里转转，找找需要修理或打理的东西。
Like, go around your house and find things that need fixing or tending to.
举个例子，假设你最喜欢的一件毛衣掉了一颗纽扣。
For example, let's say one of your favorite sweaters has a missing button.
把纽扣缝回去。
Sew a button back on.
你可以把家里所有的肥皂瓶都装满。
You could go around your house and fill up all of your soap dispensers.
也许你有张桌子出现了裂缝。
Maybe you have a table that has a crack in it.
你可以上网搜索如何修补桌子的裂缝，然后去买材料来修理它。
You could Google how to fix a crack in a table and then go and buy the stuff and then fix it.
再次强调，可能有点难以激发动力，因为如果你一直没动力去做这件事，你知道的，那是有原因的。
Again, it might be kinda hard to motivate because if you haven't motivated to do it yet, you know, there's a reason for that.
但我可以保证，做完之后你会感觉更好。
But I can guarantee at the other end of that, you will feel better.
即使是像把纽扣缝回你最喜欢的毛衣这样的小事，这个行为会分散你的注意力，最终你会感到满足。
Even if it's something so small, such as, like, sewing a button back on your favorite sweater, The act of it will distract you, and at the other end, you'll feel satisfied.
再说一次，这能完全解决问题吗？
And, again, is it gonna fully solve the problem?
不。
No.
但它会让你回到一个能更理性思考的状态。
But it's gonna get you back to a place where you can think a bit more rationally.
我现在意识到，这就是我能想到的全部了。
And those are all the ideas I have, I realize now.
我说完了。
I'm done.
我知道其中很多道理显而易见，但在情绪低谷时却很难看清。
I know a lot of these were obvious, but in the spiral, they're not.
所以今天我决定坐下来，把这些都分享给大家。
And so that's why I decided to sit down today and share all of these with you all.
如果你正在经历分手，我很难过。
If you're going through a breakup right now, I I'm sorry.
我感同身受。
I know how it is.
我明白那种感受。
I know how it is.
这糟透了。
It sucks.
但你知道吗？
But you know what?
你会挺过去的。
You're gonna get through it.
一天一天来，你能行的。
One day at a time, you got this.
感谢大家的收听和陪伴。
Thank you all for listening and hanging out.
希望这期节目对你们有所帮助。
I hope that you found this episode helpful.
如果喜欢的话想继续互动，每周四和周日都有新节目更新。
And if you enjoyed it and you wanna hang out some more, new episodes every Thursday and Sunday.
你可以在任何播客平台收听。
You can listen anywhere you stream podcasts.
如果想看视频版，可以上YouTube和Spotify。
If you wanna watch video, that's on YouTube and Spotify.
《随心所欲》的社交媒体账号是Anything Goes。
Anything Goes is on social media at Anything Goes.
我的个人账号是Emma Chamberlain，我的咖啡品牌线上线下都能找到，叫Chamberlain Coffee。
I'm on the Internet at Emma Chamberlain, and my coffee company is on the Internet and in the world at Chamberlain Coffee.
爱你们所有人。
I love you all.
非常感谢大家。
I appreciate you all.
每次能和你们相聚都是我的荣幸。
It is always a pleasure to get to hang out with you.
幸运的是，过几天我们又能见面了。
And, luckily, we get to do it again in a few days.
那我们到时候再聊。
I'll talk to you then.
我录这个的时候是凌晨一点。
It is one in the morning as I'm recording this.
我得去睡觉了。
I have to go to bed.
我平时从不这样。
I never do this.
这感觉好奇怪。
It's so weird.
现在是凌晨一点。
It's one in the morning.
我在干什么啊？
What am I doing?
刚才突然有了灵感，但现在脑子已经不转了。
I just felt inspired, but now my brain is not working anymore.
所以我要去睡了，过几天再和大家聊。
So I'm gonna go to bed, but I will talk to you all in a few days.
爱你们，再见。
Love you, and bye.
关于 Bayt 播客
Bayt 提供中文+原文双语音频和字幕，帮助你打破语言障碍，轻松听懂全球优质播客。