享受单身

我现在正在经历分手，说实话，这感觉糟透了。

I'm going through a breakup right now, and I'll be honest, it sucks.

但分手总是很痛苦的。

But breakups always suck.

对吧？

Right?

比如，我从未经历过轻松的分手。

Like, I've never been through an easy breakup.

即使回想我最无关紧要的一段感情，也就持续了三四个月，我们并不相爱。

Even when I think back to my most inconsequential relationship, it was three or four months long, and we didn't love each other.

就连那次分手也很糟糕。

Even that breakup sucked.

但我要说这次分手在某些方面更好，因为尽管这不是一段无关紧要的关系，而是一段持续两年、极其认真的感情。

But I will say this particular breakup was better in some ways because even though this was not an inconsequential relationship, this was an incredibly serious relationship that was two years long.

我们曾真心深爱着彼此。

We really deeply loved each other.

分手的方式如此平和，我想这就是为什么我现在能平静地谈论它而不哭泣。

The way it ended was so pleasant that I think that's why I'm able to talk about it without crying right now.

要知道，才过去一周，我就能坦然面对了。

You know, it's only been a week, and I can talk about it.

但这是因为我们是双方共同的决定。

But it's because it was mutual.

我们通过沟通获得了closure，并决定继续保持朋友关系。

We communicated and got closure, and we've decided to remain friends.

这次分手已经尽可能完美了，但还是很艰难。

It was as perfect as a breakup could possibly be, but it's still tough.

但这对我意味着什么？

But what does this mean for me?

嗯，现在我是单身了。

Well, now I'm single.

单身对我来说很有趣，因为我人生中很少单身。

And being single for me is interesting because I haven't been single much in my life.

从17岁起，我就一直在持续地谈恋爱。

Since I was 17, I've been dating pretty consistently.

我有过好几任男友，但中间间隔都很短，也就是说我其实没怎么真正单身过。

I've had quite a few boyfriends, but I've had very short breaks in between, meaning I haven't really been single.

所以现在重新回到单身状态有点令人畏惧，这次我知道应该保持单身比两三个月更久些。

And so it's a little bit daunting to be in this place now where I'm single again, and this time, I know I should be single for a little bit longer than two or three months.

我觉得这次我需要单身一年左右。

I think this time I need to be single for, like, a year.

我内心深知这一点，也知道这是对的，但还是让人忐忑。

I know that in my gut, and I know it's right, but it's daunting.

过去每段感情结束后，我都会立刻开始寻找下一个人。

After every relationship in the past, I would immediately start searching for the next person.

而在我人生的这个阶段，我明白当初为什么那么做。

And at this point in my life, I understand why I did that.

当时我并没有真正意识到自己的行为模式。

At the time, I didn't really notice what I was doing.

我那时并没有真正进行自我反省。

I wasn't really self reflecting.

我只是想尽快找到下一个男朋友。

I was just trying to find my next boyfriend as quickly as possible.

但现在我年纪稍长，明白了当初为何会那样做，也明白了为何不能再重蹈覆辙。

But now that I'm a little bit older, I understand why I used to do that, and I also understand why I can't do that again.

这就是我当初那样做的原因。

Here's why I used to do that.

第一，因为分手带来的痛苦让我不堪重负，与其直面痛苦，我选择通过寻找新伴侣来转移注意力，最终和新人约会以逃避分手的伤痛。

Number one, because I would get so overwhelmed with pain from the breakup that instead of facing it head on, I would distract myself from that pain by searching for a new partner and then ultimately dating someone new who could distract me from the pain of the axe.

这是个老生常谈的故事。

This is a tale as old as time.

几乎每个人一生中至少都会这么做一次。

Like, almost everyone does this at least once in their life.

就像人们常说的，你知道治疗宿醉最好的方法是什么吗？

It's almost like when people say, well, you know the best cure for a hangover?

再喝点酒。

Drinking some more.

这方法有毒，但确实有效。

It's toxic, but it definitely helps.

我的第一次分手对我来说痛苦得难以言表。

Like, my first breakup was incredibly, incredibly, incredibly painful for me.

你知道人们总爱怎么说。

You know what they always say.

第一次分手总是最痛的。

The first breakup always hurts the worst.

那感觉糟透了。

It was so bad.

我当时陷入了非常黑暗的境地。

I was in a really dark place.

然后我立刻就想，我得尽快找个新对象约会。

And immediately, I was like, I need to find somebody new to date, like, as quickly as possible.

我也确实这么做了。

And I did.

这有帮助吗？

Did it help?

有的。

Yeah.

但你知道，某种程度上这有点仓促。

But, you know, it was sort of rushed in a way.

现在回想起来，我不会称之为反弹关系，但我能看清自己当时的行为了。

And and I I think in retrospect, it I wouldn't call it a rebound, but it was like, I can see clearly now what I was doing.

我根本没有从那段感情中痊愈，只是需要某种方式麻痹痛苦。

I wasn't healed from that ex at all, but I just had to numb the pain somehow.

但我不会说那是最健康的选择。

But I wouldn't say that that was the healthiest choice.

对吧？

Right?

这就是为什么我以前能这么快走出来的一个原因。

So that's one reason why I used to move on so quickly.

第二点，我以前总想报复我的前任。

Number two, I used to wanna stick it to my ex.

我觉得分手这件事真的很伤自尊。

I think there's something about a breakup that really damages your ego.

我的自尊心通常很难被打击，但分手总是让我很受伤。

My it takes a lot to bruise my ego, but breakups have always bruised my ego.

即使是我主动提的分手，还是会伤到我的自尊。

Even if I'm the one that broke up with them, it still bruises my ego.

比如，他们没有努力挽回我，这也会伤到我的自尊。

Like, them not fighting to get me back also bruises my ego.

所以在过去，这导致我想尽快开始新恋情来报复前任。

And so in the past, this has caused me to want to get into a relationship as quickly as possible to stick it to my ex.

看吧。

Look.

我不需要你。

I don't need you.

我不在乎你以某种方式拒绝了我，因为看看现在的我。

I don't care that in one way or another you rejected me because look at me now.

我已经有新恋情了。

I am in a new relationship.

是我先走出来的。

I moved on first.

看着我。

Look at me.

我赢了。

I win.

你输了。

You lose.

我是你应该嫉妒的那种人。

I'm you should be jealous.

就像，我，你知道的，这很不成熟。

Like, I I've you know, which is very immature.

对吧？

Right?

但也要为我辩护一下，我才24岁。

But also in my defense, I'm 24.

而且，我是那种总得暗恋着谁的人。

Next, I'm also the type of person who always has to have a crush.

我也不知道自己是怎么回事。

I don't know what it is about me.

我就是喜欢整天想着一个可爱的男孩。

I just like thinking about a cute boy all the time.

比如，我总是得暗恋着谁，无论是迷恋某个名人，还是偶尔光顾的咖啡店里某个随意的咖啡师，我就是那种总得暗恋着谁的人。

Like, I always have to have some sort of crush, whether it's a celebrity crush or it's like some random barista at a coffee shop that I go to sometimes, or it's like, I am the type of person that always has to have a crush.

这导致我经常约会。

And that leads me to dating a lot.

因为我会对某个暗恋对象念念不忘，如果他们也有意，我就会觉得，既然暗恋了这么久，现在就该和他们约会。

Because I'll become fixated on a particular crush, and then if they like me back, I'm like, well, now I have to date them because I've had this crush for this period of time.

所以我觉得我容易谈恋爱，因为我总是容易不断产生新的暗恋情愫。

And so I think I'm just prone to dating because I'm prone to having crushes constantly.

这也导致我很少长时间保持单身状态。

And that has also led me to not being single for long.

其次，我不太喜欢随意的约炮行为。

Next, I don't enjoy casual hookups very much.

如果想和男生有身体接触，我更倾向于建立恋爱关系。

If I wanna be physical with a guy, I prefer to be in a relationship.

所以你看，我并不是那种特别受性欲驱使的人。

And so, listen, I'm not somebody who's particularly driven by sex.

说实话，我可以很长时间没有性生活也完全没问题。

Honestly, I can go a really long time without sex and be completely fine.

我自己可以解决需求。

I can handle things on my own.

这很奇怪，因为我总是有暗恋对象，但性欲却不是很强。

It's weird because I always have a crush, but yet I'm not, like, particularly sexually driven.

感觉我的性欲可能比其他人要低一些。

Like, I feel like my sex drive might might be a bit lower than others.

或许算是平均水平吧。

Or maybe it's, like, average.

可能比平均水平还要低一点。

Might be a little lower than average.

我太忙了。

I'm so busy.

我只是...我不知道。

I just I don't know.

我在忙其他事情。

I'm busy with other things.

而且，我不喜欢随意的约炮。

And also, I don't like casual hookups.

我真的不喜欢那种氛围，我也不需要那种氛围。

I don't really like that vibe, and I don't need that vibe.

就像过去，当我与人随意约炮时，那更像是一种尝试。

Like, in the past, when I've hooked up with people casually, it's been kind of an experiment.

而每次结束后我都会想，哦，我其实并不喜欢这样。

And every single time, I'm like, oh, I don't really like that.

我大概不会再这样做了。

I'm not gonna do that again probably.

不过虽然我不需要性，但我仍然喜欢亲密感。

But even though I, like, I don't need sex, I still do like affection, though.

如果我想要那种感觉，对我来说，我需要处于恋爱关系中才能获得。

If I want that like, for me, I kinda need to be in a romantic relationship for that.

而且我也享受性爱。

And I also enjoy sex.

并不是说我不喜欢做爱。

Like, it's not like I don't like having sex.

只是我不需要这样做。

It's just that I don't need to.

所以，我不知道，对我来说，谈恋爱比单身更有诱惑力。

And so, I don't know, it's tempting for me to be in romantic relationships rather than being single.

因为对我来说，单身通常意味着没有爱。

Because for me, being single usually means no affection.

对吧？

Right?

因为我真的不喜欢随意的约炮。

Because I don't really like casual hookups.

所以这让我认真追求恋爱关系，因为这是我获得爱的方式。

So that leads me to pursuing romantic relationships seriously because that's how I get my affection.

对吧？

Right?

但我也很幸运，生活中遇到了很多我真正喜欢的约会对象。

But also, I've been very fortunate in my life to have had a lot of opportunities to date guys that I really like.

听起来就像，到目前为止我说的所有话，都让人觉得我每段恋爱都是在疗伤，而我，你知道的，只是不断地从一个跳到另一个，因为我，你知道的，很饥渴或怎样。

Like, it sounds like up until like, everything that I've said up until this point makes it sound like every guy I've ever dated is a rebound, and I'm, you know, just constantly bouncing from one to the next because I'm, you know, desperate or whatever.

而我，就像，只是在试图找到愿意和我约会的人。

And I, like, am just trying to find whoever will date me.

这并不是全部真相。

That's not the full story.

对吧？

Right?

两件事可以同时发生。

Two things can be happening at once.

一方面，出于一些原因，我一直急于开始下一段感情。

On one hand, I have been antsy to get into to my next relationship for a handful of reasons.

但另一方面，我也遇到了真正喜欢且觉得有发展潜力的人。

But then on the other hand, I also have been presented the opportunity to date people that I I really like and that I think I have potential with.

这些关系有结果吗？

Have they worked out?

显然没有。

Obviously not.

看看现在的我就知道了。

Because look at me now.

又一次单身了。

Single once again.

但我确实喜欢过所有约会过的男生。

But, like, I really have liked all the guys that I've dated.

所以我不想因为说自己过去可能有些急切或焦虑，就否定那些感情的深度。

So I don't want to negate the depth of those relationships by by saying that I've felt a bit maybe desperate or antsy in the past.

因为这两种情绪确实在我心里并存——既焦虑不安，又有真实的感情连接。

Because, again, those two things have coexisted in my mind, the antsy ness, but also the genuine connection.

我过去犯的错误就是由于这种焦虑和急切，为了向前任证明什么，在还没准备好时就仓促开始关系。

The mistake I've made in the past is rushing into relationships too quickly before I'm ready because of that antsy ness, because of that desperation, because I I've wanted to stick it to my ex.

你明白吗？

You know?

随便吧。

Because whatever.

我和约会对象最初的关系都很好很牢固，也很令人兴奋，但我觉得我进入关系太快了。

The connection between me and the people I've dated have been good and and strong in the beginning and and exciting, but I think I got into them too quickly.

你懂吗？

You know?

而且可能是出于错误的原因。

And perhaps for the wrong reasons.

一旦进入这些关系，我就会让它们拖得太久，有点害怕再次单身，不得不重新开始整个过程，重新陷入那种绝望的境地。

Once in those relationships, I would let them drag on for too long, kinda dreading being single again and having to start the process all over again and being put back into that place of desperation.

你明白吗？

You know?

就像，我有种倾向，会真的努力维持任何一段关系，即使它根本行不通，即使它完全没有意义。

Like, I have a tendency to really try to make whatever relationship I'm in work even if it's so not working, and even if it so doesn't make sense.

我绝对是那种在关系中赖着不走的人。

I definitely am the type to overstay my welcome in a relationship.

我可能开始意识到这段关系行不通，但我不会采取行动，而是真的试图修复它，一遍又一遍地修复，因为我不想单身。

I might start to realize that the relationship is not working, But instead of acting on that, I really try to fix it and fix it and fix it because I didn't wanna be single.

我也认为我逃避单身是因为，归根结底，我的人生目标是结婚生子，我在寻找那个伴侣。

I also think too that I've avoided singlehood because ultimately, it's my goal in life to get married and have a family, and I'm looking for that partner.

我正在追求那个伴侣。

I'm in pursuit of that partner.

我觉得我内心有一部分真的很害怕这个过程。

And I think there's a part of me that is really scared of that process.

我觉得这很正常。

I think that's very normal.

世界上有这么多人。

There are so many people in this world.

看似选择很多，但真正优质的选择却寥寥无几。

There are there are so many options, but then there also aren't a lot of good options all at the same time.

这让人感到非常畏惧和害怕。

It's like, it's very daunting, and it's very scary.

我觉得当我开始一段感情时，就希望这是最终归宿。

And I think when I get into a relationship, I just want that to be the one I want to be done.

当关系破裂时，我就会想，真该死。

Then when it doesn't work out, I'm like, fuck.

我必须迅速振作起来，尽快找到下一个，否则就会失去动力，最终孤独终老。

I need to get back on the horse quickly and really, like and find the next one because, otherwise, I'll lose momentum, and then I'll end up single for the rest of my life.

我总觉得有种害怕失去动力的恐惧。

Like, I feel like there's this fear of sort of losing momentum.

这也是我避免单身的原因之一。

And so that's another reason why I've avoided being single.

可能还有更多我尚未发现的原因，但这次不一样了。

And there's probably more reasons that I've yet to discover, but this time's different.

我不会再带着那种心态进入下一个单身阶段。

I am not going into this next single era with that mindset.

如今我已成熟并学会自省，不能再重蹈覆辙了。

Now that I've matured and self reflected, I can't do that again.

你知道吗？

You know?

就像，我不会再那样做了。

Like, I I'm not gonna do that again.

而且我认为会变得更好。

And I think it's gonna be much better.

我个人发生了很大变化，我的生活也发生了巨大改变。

So much has changed about me as a person, and so much about my life has changed.

我也认为这就是为什么我能在事发一周后坐在这里谈论这件事的另一个原因——我不再那么害怕单身了。

And I also think that's the other reason why I'm able to sit down here and talk about this a week after it happened because I'm not as afraid of being single anymore.

事实上，我对此还有点小兴奋。

In fact, I'm actually kind of excited about it.

这绝不是对我前任的不尊重。

Not to that is by no means disrespecting my ex at all.

我很难过。

I'm sad.

别误会。

Don't get me wrong.

我很难过，这并不好受。

I'm sad, and it's not fun.

就像，我现在过得并不开心。

Like, I'm not I'm not having the best time right now.

我在强撑，但我很难过。

I'm keeping it together, but I'm sad.

但我不像以前那样害怕了。

But I'm not scared like I used to be.

而且我也不再处于绝望和恐慌的状态，这真是让人松了一口气。

And I'm also not in a state of desperation and panic, which is such a relief.

我认为这次不同的原因在于，第一，我现在的生活比以前好太多了。

I think the reason why this time is different is because, number one, my life is just so much better now than it used to be.

我是说，听着。

Mean, listen.

我仍然面临挑战。

I still have my challenges.

但总体来说，我的生活很好。

But overall, my life is good.

我有很棒的支持系统，与父母关系融洽，还有出色的朋友。

I have an amazing support system, a great relationship with my parents, amazing friends.

我有很多爱好和喜欢做的事情。

I have a lot of hobbies and things that I love doing.

我喜欢水彩画。

I love watercolor.

我喜欢听音乐，有时也尝试演奏乐器，但后来会厌倦就放弃了。

I love listening to music and maybe sometimes trying to play instruments, but then I sometimes then get sick of it and then don't do it anymore.

我最近一次拾起乐器时，真的以为自己会坚持演奏下去，但这次也没能持久。

I really thought that I was gonna stick to playing instruments this most recent time that I picked it up, but that one didn't stick as well.

我不知道为什么。

I don't know why.

我就是做不到。

I just can't.

我错了。

I was wrong.

总之，尽管如此，我的工作生活非常忙碌，而忙碌令人兴奋。

Anyway, but still, my work life is very busy, and being busy is exciting.

尽管压力可能很大，但这非常刺激。

Even though it can be really stressful, it's very exciting.

我在爱情关系之外的生活充实、充满激励且令人兴奋。

My life outside of romantic relationships is fulfilling and stimulating and exciting.

而且我不觉得生活中有什么空白需要靠一段感情来填补。

And I don't feel like I have a gap that I'm trying to fill in my life with a relationship.

过去我总是有种空缺感，可能是因为没有好的朋友圈子、没有爱好，或者工作生活缺乏激情。

In the past, I've always had, like, a gap, whether it was because I didn't have a good friend group or I didn't have any hobbies or my work life was not exciting.

所以过去，我总想用恋爱关系来填补这种空虚。

And so in the past, I've I've had this sort of void to fill with a romantic relationship.

而现在我的生活已经不再需要填补什么空缺。

And now I'm at a place in my life where I don't have a void to fill.

一段恋爱关系可以锦上添花，但不再是生活的全部。

A romantic relationship can come in and enhance my life, but it's not making my life.

但过去确实是这样的。

And in the past, it was.

不过我认为我能达到现在这种状态，完全是通过不断努力改善自己的生活，你明白吗？

But I think the reason why I've how I've been able to get to this point is just through work, working, like working on my life, you know?

比如，努力经营我的各种关系，花时间弄清楚自己喜欢哪些爱好和活动，通过重组和不断分析，让工作生活达到良好状态。

Like, putting effort into my relationships, making time to figure out what kinds of hobbies and activities I enjoy, getting to a good place with my work life through restructuring things and constantly analyzing things.

我认为这需要年龄和人生阅历的积累。

And think that that comes with age and life experience.

我觉得年轻人很正常会有各种空虚感，可以通过人际关系来填补。

I think it's very normal to be a young person and to have various voids that can be filled by relationships.

但我现在已经不需要了，因为我付出了很多努力才走到今天。

But I'm not at that place anymore because I've worked very hard to get here.

现在，我正在享受这些努力的成果。

And now I'm, you know, experiencing the fruit of that labor.

倒不是说这算是苦差事，但确实需要一定程度的自律，我在这方面下了很大功夫。

Not that it's even labor, but there's a level of discipline, and I've worked very hard at that.

而且我认为现在这种状态让我非常充实，不需要伴侣来填补空缺。

And and I think now that I'm at a place where that is very fulfilling, I don't need a partner to fill a gap.

还有，如今我的自信来源于比过去更可持续的源泉，这也是我自我提升的结果。

But also too, my confidence is coming from a much more sustainable source these days than it used to, also due to work that I've done on myself.

对吧？

Right?

比如，我觉得年轻时会把自尊和自信建立在不可持续的事物上。

Like, I think when I was younger, I would place my self esteem and my confidence on things that were unsustainable.

比如说我的外貌、有没有男朋友、或者有没有男生喜欢我。

For example, how I looked or whether or not I had a boyfriend or whether or not a boy liked me.

我会不自觉地把自己价值感建立在这些事情上，从而更依赖来自男生的认可。

Like, that I would unintentionally put my self worth in things like that, thus making me more dependent on validation from boys.

而现在，我的自尊、自信和自我价值都根植于我作为一个人本身。

Whereas now, my self esteem, my confidence, my self worth is rooted in who I am as a person.

我已经做了很多努力，试图成为我能成为的最好的人。

And I've done so much work trying to be as good of a person as I I can possibly be.

所以现在我不再寻求男性的认可。

And so now I'm not looking for validation from guys.

我稍作停顿，想告诉大家本期节目由Uber赞助播出。

I briefly paused this episode to let you know that this episode is brought to you by Uber.

学生们应该试试Uber One会员。

You should check out Uber One for students.

它有很多优惠，比如0元配送费、符合条件的订单最高可享10%折扣、打车可获6%的Uber积分返还，还有每日来自喜爱品牌的免费赠品。

It comes with a bunch of perks, like $0 delivery fees, up to 10% off eligible orders, and 6% back in Uber credits on rides, plus daily freebies from your favorite brands.

现在尝试可享首四周免费。

Try it out now and get your first four weeks free.

成为Uber One学生会员，开始在Uber和Uber Eats上省钱。

Become an Uber One for Students member and start saving on Uber and Uber Eats.

适用资格和会员条款。

Eligibility and member terms apply.

现在回到节目。

Now back to the episode.

其次，我不再觉得有必要报复前任了。

Next, I don't really feel the need to stick it to my ex anymore.

我是说，对于眼下正在经历的这次分手，我真的觉得没必要去报复前任。

I mean, with this particular breakup that I'm going through right now, I really don't feel the need to stick it to my ex.

我们是朋友。

We're friends.

你懂吗？

You know?

我是说，我们会成为那种每天形影不离的挚友吗？

I mean, like, are we gonna be like, are we, like, best friends, like, hanging out every day?

其实也不是。

I mean, no.

那样的话就还是在谈恋爱了。

That would be dating still.

但我们关系确实很好。

But, like, we're on great terms.

这次分手美好得不可思议，堪称分手界的典范。

The breakup was so beautiful and wonderful, as beautiful and wonderful as a breakup can be.

所以我不想故意刺激他。

And so, like, I don't wanna stick it to him.

明白吗？

You know?

甚至可以说，我在考虑未来约会时要格外谨慎，某种程度上是出于对他的尊重。

Like, if anything, I'm like, I wanna be really tactful about how I proceed with dating moving forward because, like, out of respect for him in a way.

我不想太快开始新恋情，那样对他有点不尊重。

Like, I don't wanna get into a relationship too quickly and, like, sort of disrespect him in that way.

我也不知道。

I don't know.

比如，不是不尊重他。

Like, not disrespect him.

我是说，我现在想做什么都可以。

I mean, I can do whatever I want now.

对吧？

Right?

一旦你和某人分开，你就可以做任何你想做的事。

Once you're not with somebody, you can do whatever you want.

我明天就可以开始和别人约会，这已经和他没关系了，反之亦然。

I could start dating somebody tomorrow, and that's not really his business anymore and vice versa.

但分手后太快开始新恋情确实感觉有点别扭。

But it does feel a little bit icky to, like, get into a relationship too quickly after a breakup.

因为我觉得大多数分手后，双方都应该先冷静一段时间。

Because I think in the case of most breakups, after a breakup, it's like everyone should probably take a break.

你懂我意思吧？

You know what I mean?

这样我们才能好好反思、疗伤，然后继续前进。

So that we can all properly learn, heal, and then eventually move forward.

说不定还会复合呢。

Or who knows, get back together.

我是说，这种事确实会发生。

I mean, that shit happens.

但我不想故意刺激我的前任们。

But I don't wanna stick it to my exes.

说实话，现在我已经和所有人都相处得很好，或者我们干脆不再联系，我已经放下了，他们也放下了，没人在乎这些了。

I I actually like, now, I'm at a place now where I'm in a good place with all of them, or we just don't talk anymore at all, and I I'm over it, and they're over it, and no one cares.

但我不再觉得有必要报复任何人。

But I don't feel the need to stick it to anyone anymore.

我已经彻底翻篇了。

I'm completely over that.

而且我希望再也不要产生那种感觉，因为实在太糟糕了。

And I hope that I never feel that way again because it sucks.

我觉得更棘手的情况是，比如你正在和某人约会，结果他们出轨了，这时候你就会想报复他们，因为他们他妈的对我不忠。

I think it is more challenging if, say, you know, you're dating somebody and then they cheat on you, and then you're like, well, now I wanna stick it to them because they fucking cheated on me.

你懂吧？

You know?

不过幸运的是，现在没发生这种事。

But luckily, like, that's not going on.

而且我的自尊心也没那么受伤——这是另一个原因。

But also, I'm not my ego is not as bruised because that's the other thing.

对吧？

Right?

过去即使分手还算友好，我的自尊心还是会受伤，总想着要报复对方。

Like, the past, even if the breakups have been pretty amicable, I've still gotten a bruised ego and wanted to stick it to them.

我觉得现在不再那么强烈渴望报复的原因是，就像我之前说的，我的自信源于——源于我自己。

I think the reason why I don't feel that desire as much anymore is because, as I mentioned earlier, my confidence is not it's rooted in it's rooted in me.

明白吗？

You know?

当然，当有男生跟我调情时，感觉总是挺好的。

Of course, it always feels good when, like, a guy flirts with me.

这确实有点帮助，但这不是我自尊、自我价值和自信的来源。

It helps a little bit, but that's not my source of self esteem and self worth and confidence.

所以我的自尊心也不会那么容易受伤。

Like so my ego is not getting as bruised as well.

但我也开始意识到保持单身对最终找到那个'对的人'有多重要。

But I'm also starting to realize too how important being single is for ultimately finding the one in air quotes.

我刚刚用手指做了个引号的手势。

I just did air quotes with my fingers.

懂吗？

Okay?

就是'对的人'。

The one.

你知道的，那个'对的人'，灵魂伴侣真的存在吗？

You know, does the one does a soulmate exist?

这还有待商榷。

It's up for debate.

对吧？

Right?

但最终，我总会和某人在一起——虽然我们可能会离婚。

But, ultimately, I will end up with someone who I might get divorced with.

我要敲敲木头以防不吉利，但我觉得我最终总会遇到那个'对的人'。

I'm gonna knock on wood to not jinx it, but, like, I will end up with the one at some point.

我最终会遇到某个人。

There's gonna be someone who I end up with.

为了方便起见，我不妨称那个人为真命天子。

And for the sake of ease, I might as well call that person the one.

但我不确定是否存在灵魂伴侣这种东西。

But, like, I don't know if there's any such thing as a soulmate.

对吧？

Right?

但根据生活经验我得出的结论是：为了找到真命天子，我需要单身一段时间，从中学习成长，才能达到能遇见那个人的状态，才能让我们的结合变得合理。

But I've come to the conclusion through life experience that I think in order to find the one, I need to be single for a while and learn from that experience and grow from that experience in order to be in the place where I can even find the one, where it'll even make sense for us to be together.

我现在意识到，以前我总想着：如果失去恋爱势头单身太久，就找不到真命天子了。

I'm realizing that how I used to think, like, oh, if I lose momentum and I'm single for too long, you know, I'm not gonna find the one.

现在我明白了，并非如此。

I'm realizing now, no.

事实上，单身状态能帮助我成长为更好、更成熟的人，这样才能找到真命天子。

Like, being single is actually gonna help me develop myself into a better, more evolved person so that I can find the one.

而且我才24岁。

But also too, like, I'm 24.

我，我还没必要现在就安定下来。

I I, like, I don't need to settle down quite yet.

你懂吧？

You know?

说出这些话让我害怕，因为我内心深处还有个微弱的声音在说：但你可别对单身状态太安逸了，不然转眼间你就会变成90岁孤寡老人。

And that scares me to say out loud because I do still have a little there's a little whisper in the back of my head that's like, well, but you better not get too comfortable being single because, you know, or else or else next thing you know, you'll blink and you'll be 90 years old and you never found anyone.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

我想我逐渐意识到，我可以把目标设定为寻找一个能与我共度余生的人，直到死亡将我们分开。

I I think I'm realizing that I can have the goal of wanting to find somebody that I'll be with for, hopefully, till death do us part.

我可以设定这样的目标，同时也允许自己在二十多岁时有一段探索自我的时光。

I can have the goal of wanting to find that and also allow myself to have a period of time in my twenties where I'm just exploring.

现在我逐渐明白，单身状态其实是我寻找真命天子/天女过程中的一部分。

It's now becoming clear to me that being single is a part of my personal journey to finding the one, I think.

这实际上并不像我原先认为的那样违背直觉。

That it's actually not as counterintuitive as I thought.

事实上这非常合理。

It actually makes a lot of sense.

就像，我需要先作为个体成长，才能维持一段长期关系。

Like, I need to grow as an individual before I can be in a relationship long term.

是的。

Yes.

是否有可能在很年轻时就进入一段关系，并在关系中成长、学习，最终成为独立的个体？

Is it possible to get into a relationship at a really young age and and grow and learn and become a solid individual within a relationship?

完全可能。

Totally.

我确实认为这是可以实现的。

I I really do think that that's possible.

在某些方面可能会更具挑战性吗？

Is it maybe more challenging in some ways?

我会说是的，但我认为这绝对有可能。

I would say yes, but I think it's definitely possible.

但这显然不是我的旅程。

But it's clearly not my journey.

就像，我现在意识到了这一点。

Like, I'm realizing that.

我就觉得，不行。

I'm like, no.

如果这曾是我的旅程，那也应该是和那个人一起的。

If it was gonna be my journey, it was gonna be with the person.

但现在我们已经分手了。

Like, and and we're broken up now.

你懂我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

就像，所以不行。

It's like, so no.

现在我已经到了这个阶段，我意识到这是我该单身的时候，去发展自己，同时也去探索。

I'm now I'm at this point, and I'm realizing this is my time to be single, to develop myself, but also to explore.

就像，我想以非承诺的方式探索不同类型的人，甚至不一定是性方面的，因为就像我之前说的，我对性没那么大兴趣，而且我也不喜欢随意的约炮。

Like, I I wanna explore different types of people in a noncommittal way, not even necessarily sexually because as I said earlier, I'm not really that sexually driven, and I also don't like casual hookups.

所以这对我来说可能行不通。

So that's probably not gonna work out for me.

就像，我不会去探索别人。

Like, I'm not gonna explore people.

也许也许我会真的喜欢上，突然脑子一热，下载个约会软件，见人就约。

Maybe maybe I'll really like, something will snap in my brain, and I'll download a dating app and just start hooking up with everyone I can find.

就像，我也不知道。

Like, I don't know.

或者开始每个周末都出去玩然后约人。

Or start going out every weekend and hooking up.

就像，我也不知道。

Like, I don't know.

谁知道呢？

Who knows?

这可能就是我成长的一部分。

That might be part of my journey.

对吧？

Right?

就像，我总以为自己能预测事情发展，但其实根本不知道会怎么做。

Like, I always think I can predict how things are gonna go, and then I never really know what I'm gonna do.

对吧？

Right?

但根据目前对自己的了解和现在的感受，我大概不会那样随便约人，但哪怕只是通过交友、聊天、偶尔调情来接触不同类型的男生，让自己在不被束缚的情况下接触各种人，这对帮助我明确择偶标准真的很重要。

But from what I know about myself right now and how I feel right now, I'm not probably gonna be hooking up with people like that, but just even exploring other types of guys through friendship, just through conversation, through, like, a little flirt here and there, exposing myself to a bunch of different types of guys without any sort of feeling of being tied down, think is gonna be really important for me in understanding what I'm looking for, you know, to help me develop my standards in a way even more so.

最后，我觉得单身状态让我很不习惯。

And lastly, I think that being single is out of my comfort zone.

对吧？

Right?

这是我从未真正完全做到过的事情。

It's something that I haven't really fully done.

比如，我一直单身，但从未真正享受或接受过单身状态。

Like, I've been single, but I haven't ever been single and, like, just enjoyed it and accepted it.

对我来说这总像是一种悬而未决的状态——虽然单身，却一直在拼命寻找伴侣。

It's always been for me this sort of limbo where it's like, well, I'm single, but I'm heavily searching.

我从未在单身时顺其自然过。

I've never been single and just let things happen.

我从未把这段时间当作自我成长、反思、专注自身和接触不同类型人群的机会。

I've never used it as a time to grow and self reflect and focus on myself and explore different types of people.

这段时光对我来说总是充满混乱，我从未真正沉浸其中。

Like, I I've just it's always been this kinda chaotic time, and I've never just sat in it.

你明白我的意思吗？

Do you know what I mean?

对我来说这仍然是个临时状态。

It's still a temporary state for me.

我不认为我会单身一辈子。

I don't I'm not gonna be single for the rest of my life.

再次声明，敲敲木头（求好运）。

Again, knock on wood.

不想乌鸦嘴。

Don't wanna jinx it.

但我从未在单身时好好利用过这段时间。

But I've never been single and, like, utilized it and, like, took advantage of it.

你懂我意思吗？

You know what I mean?

而且，真的要让这段时间成为我的专属时代。

And, like, really let it be an era for me.

走出舒适区，强迫自己至少单身一年，我觉得我会从这段经历中成长。

Going out of my comfort zone and forcing myself in some ways to be single for at least a year, like, I'm gonna grow from that experience.

某种程度上，我很期待看看会有什么收获。

And I'm excited in some ways to see what comes of it.

懂吗？

You know?

我觉得很多人都把单身看作消极的事。

I think a lot of us look at being single as being a negative thing.

但我开始看到它的价值了。

But I have started to see the value in it.

我发现了太多潜在的好处，有些事其实真的很令人兴奋。

I've discovered so many potential benefits, things that seem actually really exciting.