友谊破裂与界限，建议环节

欢迎回到咨询环节，这是《百无禁忌》系列节目，你们——没错，就是你们——可以提交自己当前的困境或任何需要建议的问题。

Welcome back to advice session, a series here on anything goes where you, yes, you, send in your current dilemmas or anything that you want advice on.

然后由我——没错，就是我——来给你们提供我的专业建议。

And then I, yes, me, give you my own professional advice.

今天的话题是我们多次在《百无禁忌》中探讨过的，那就是友谊。

And today's topic is a topic that we've touched on many a times here on anything goes, and that would be the topic of friendship.

但更具体地说，是友谊的破裂与界限，也就是友谊中不太愉快的部分。

But more specifically, friendship breakups and boundaries, also known as the less fun part of friendship.

友谊中愉快的部分是一起去吃早午餐、一起远足、一起聊暗恋对象，或者一起讨论前几天看到的搞笑YouTube视频。

The fun part of friendship is going and getting brunch together, going on a hike together, talking about your crushes together, talking about a funny YouTube video you saw the other day.

你知道的，这些才是友谊中愉快的部分。

You know, that's the fun part of friendship.

友谊中不愉快的部分——友谊的破裂与界限。

The not fun part of friendship, friendship breakups and boundaries.

不过我要说，界限本身并不一定就是不愉快的。

Although I will say boundaries are not necessarily not fun.

界限可以很棒，实际上它们能让友谊变得更有趣，我认为。

Boundaries can be awesome, and they can actually make a friendship more fun, I would argue.

另一方面，友谊的破裂并不有趣。

Friendship breakups on the other hand, not fun.

那件事没有任何有趣的地方。

Nothing is fun about that.

从长远来看，可能会有解脱感，但短期内确实很糟糕。

Long term, there can be relief, but short term kinda sucks.

确实很糟糕。

Kinda sucks.

界限更棒一些，但仍然有点不舒服。

Boundaries, more awesome, still kind of uncomfortable.

所以今天我们将会探讨友谊中一些更令人不适的方面。

So we're we're gonna be touching on some of the more uncomfortable parts of friendship today.

我必须说，我还在从流感中恢复。

And I must say, I am getting over the flu still.

我感冒已经好长时间了，所以我的嗓子现在听起来糟透了。

I've been getting over the flu for, like, a really long time, And so my voice kinda sounds like shit.

好的。

Okay.

而且可能一周前我去唱过卡拉OK，从那以后我的嗓子就一直没恢复过来。

And maybe I also was at karaoke, like, a week ago too, and my voice has just never recovered.

老实说，考虑到我的工作就是说话，我应该更好地保护嗓子，但现在听起来还是糟透了。

I honestly need to take better care of my voice considering it's my job to talk, but it sounds like shit.

为我辩解一下，我去唱卡拉OK了，但我根本没上台唱歌。

And in my defense, I was at karaoke, but I didn't even get on stage and sing karaoke.

我只是坐在那儿看着，跟着唱。

I literally just watched and sang along.

明白吗？

Okay?

我跟着唱了。

I sang along.

可就算只是这样也把我的嗓子搞坏了。

But that was enough to fuck my voice up.

再加上之前得的流感，我的嗓子状态一直不对，还请大家多多包涵、别介意这个状况。

In addition to the flu, it's like I just my pipes have been off, so ignore that and excuse that.

好了，话不多说，我们正式开始吧。

Anyway, without further ado, let's begin.

在正式开始本期节目之前，先跟大家说明一下，本期《Anything Goes》是由hotels.com赞助播出的。

I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode of Anything Goes is presented by hotels.com.

随心省是Hotels.com上推出的一项全新功能，它就和名字听起来一样简单易懂。

Save your way is a new feature on hotels.com, and it's as simple as it sounds.

当你以Hotels.com会员的身份预订行程时，如何使用优惠全由你自己决定。

When you book a trip as a hotels.com member, you decide how to use your savings.

你可以选择立即享用即时折扣，也可以把优惠存起来，作为奖励留到日后使用。

Take the instant savings now or bank the savings as rewards for later.

一切由你做主，尽在Hotels.com。

It's your call, only at hotels.com.

Save Your Way 仅适用于美国和英国的酒店会员，且仅限会员价格的酒店。

Save Your Way is available to loyalty members in The US and UK on hotels with member prices.

其他条款适用。

Other terms apply.

详情请见网站。

See site for details.

现在回到本期节目。

Now back to the episode.

有人说过，我想结束一段友谊，因为它让我精疲力尽，但我的朋友并不知道，因为我以为自己没表现得那么明显。

Somebody said, I want to end a friendship because it sucks the life out of me, But my friend doesn't know that because I don't think I make it obvious.

所以如果我提出来，可能会显得我疯了或者很突兀。

So if I brought it up, it might make me seem crazy or seem random.

我该怎么办？

What do I do?

这挺有意思的。

Well, this is interesting.

在我看来，你从未和这位朋友谈过让你感到这段关系疲惫的原因。

It sounds like to me that you've never had a conversation with this friend about whatever it is that makes this relationship exhausting.

你从未提起过这件事。

You've never brought it up.

我不知道你的朋友在做什么。

Now I don't know what your friend is doing.

对吧？

Right?

这可是很有用的信息。

And that is helpful information.

但我要说，在关系中，直面问题是关键。

But I will say, in relationships, confrontation is key.

正是它让关系得以成长和演变。

That's what makes relationships grow, evolve.

正是它让关系能够跨越人生的不同阶段继续下去。

That's what allows relationships to continue through various chapters of life.

对吧？

Right?

如果你不沟通、不面对问题，维持一段关系会非常困难。

If you're not communicating and confronting, it's very hard to keep a relationship going.

所以我不知道你的朋友到底做了什么，让你感到精疲力尽，这可是个严重的问题。

And so I don't know what your friend is doing that sucks the life out of you, and that's a serious statement.

我非常认真地看待这一点。

I take that very seriously.

你知道吗？如果这个人正在耗尽你的生命力，那是个大问题，我们必须解决它。

You know, if this person's sucking the life out of you, that's a big problem, and we need to fix that.

然而，如果可能且对你自己公平的话，我认为在直接放弃这段友谊之前，不妨先试着向朋友指出那些让你感到疲惫的特质或行为，这并不是个糟糕的主意。

However, if it's possible and fair to yourself, I think it's not a terrible idea before just jumping ship on the friendship to perhaps maybe bring up the exhausting traits, qualities about your friend to your friend before you just jump ship.

我的意思是，听好了。

I mean, listen.

你得尽量温和地处理这件事。

You gotta be you know, you wanna be kind about it.

你说这话的时候得温和一点。

You wanna be gentle about it.

你得抱着共情的心态去说这件事。

You wanna be empathetic about it.

你要记住，你去沟通的对象也是有血有肉的人，也有感情，哪怕他们的所作所为确实让人糟心。

You wanna remember that the person that you're confronting is a fellow human being, has feelings, even if what they're doing is a bummer.

但你完全可以用温和、尊重的方式把你对朋友的不满说出来，找个合适的方法去沟通。

But you could gently, respectfully bring up your gripes with your friend, find a creative way to do that.

然后你的朋友可能会说，啊，我自己都没注意到我有这个问题。

And your friend might be like, oh, I didn't even notice that about myself.

我真的很抱歉。

I'm so sorry.

天呐。

Wow.

谢谢你告诉我这些。

Thank you for letting me know.

没错，你说得对。

Like, you're right.

你懂吧？

You know?

情况确实就是这样。

That that's true.

我会在这方面努力改进的。

I'm gonna work on that.

你的朋友或许能通过这段经历看清自己的问题，并且在这个过程中做出改变、获得成长。

And your friend might learn something about themselves through that experience and improve and grow from that experience.

而经过这场沟通，他们说不定能重新成为那个不会不断消耗你的好伙伴。

And they might, from that conversation, become a great friend to you once again that doesn't suck the life out of you.

我认为如果这件事对得起你自己，在当前的处境里也合理——也就是说这个人的所作所为还没糟糕到显而易见必须结束这段关系的地步，那我会建议你先把问题提出来，给他们一个解决问题的机会。

I think if it's fair to yourself and it makes sense in this situation, meaning whatever this person is doing isn't so bad, so bad that, you know, it's like an obvious sort of choice to leave the relationship, I would say bring it up and give them a little chance to resolve it first.

看看他们之后会怎么做。

See what they do.

如果他们不把这当作成长的机会，如果他们在面对批评时表现出防御性，或者虽然当时愿意接受建设性意见，但事后并没有真正改变，那好吧。

And if they don't take this as a growth opportunity, if perhaps they're defensive upon the confrontation, if perhaps they are open to the criticism, the constructive criticism in the moment, but then they don't actually grow from that, okay.

那么你可以再和他们谈一次。

Then you can have a conversation.

你可以这么说，你知道吗？

You can be like, you know what?

我们以前就谈过这个问题。

We've talked about this before.

但事情并没有什么改变，这真的让我很困扰。

It hasn't really changed, and it's something that really bugs me.

我觉得我无法再以现在这种方式存在于你的生活中了，因为我实在无法承受这一点。

And I don't think I can I can be in your life in the capacity that I'm in it now because I just can't handle that?

我说我耳聋了，那明显是心理治疗师的口吻。

I'm deaf that was definitely kind of therapy speak.

我目前根本不去接受心理治疗，所以那句话到底是从哪儿冒出来的？

I don't even go to therapy currently, so it's like, where did that come from?

但那确实有点像治疗师的说法。

But that was sort of therapy speak.

但到了那个时候，这并不是突然冒出来的。

But then at that point, it's not coming out of left field.

这并不是毫无征兆的。

It's not coming out of nowhere.

你已经提过这个问题了。

You've already brought this up.

你的朋友知道，他们身上有些地方让你感到困扰，也许对很多人来说都是如此。

Your friend is aware that there's something about them that is challenging for you, perhaps challenging to many people.

这本身就是一个令人困扰的特质。

It's just a challenging trait in general.

你可以安心，因为你已经给了他们机会。

And you can feel good knowing that you gave them the chance.

你提前提醒了他们，而这已经是你能做的全部了。

You you gave them a heads up, and that was the most that you could do.

他们也不会觉得这件事是突然冒出来的、毫无预兆的。

And they are not going to feel like this is coming out of left field coming out of nowhere.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

我觉得提出来看看他们的反应，然后再决定下一步，也没什么坏处。

I think it doesn't hurt to bring it up and see what they do and then go from there.

我觉得这对你来说可能是个不错的解决方案。

I think that that is potentially a great solution for you.

不过我要说，如果你的朋友真的在做很过分的事，比如对你特别刻薄，或者我不知道，

I will say, though, if your friend is, like, doing something really wrong, like, being really mean to you or I don't even know.

比如做一些特别、特别糟糕的事情。

Like, you know, doing something that's sort of that's, like, super, super fucked up.

明白吗？

Okay?

说些伤人的话，总是打压你，而你一直没提过，因为你觉得：唉。

Saying mean things about you, bringing you down constantly, and you've never brought it up because you're like, ugh.

我只是想保持冷静。

I'm just trying to be chill.

我想做个淡定的朋友。

I'm trying to be a chill friend.

你知道的。

You know?

我不想去惹麻烦。

I don't wanna I don't wanna stir the pot.

如果朋友真的在做这么过分的事，他们自己心里清楚。

Well, chances are if your friend is doing something that bad, they know.

他们知道自己在这么做。

They know that they're doing that.

所以，如果你提出来，即使显得很突然，即使感觉像是凭空而来，但如果是这种事，你提出来并说：你知道吗？

So if you bring it up, even if it comes out of left field, even if it kinda feels like it's coming out of nowhere, if it's something like that, if you bring it up and you say, you know what?

我不知道。

I don't know.

我是真的想和你做朋友，但你知道，你这样深深地伤害了我。

Like, I really wanted to be friends with you, but, you know, you you really hurt me in this way.

用你自己的话来说，你真的把我所有的精力都吸干了。

You really suck the life out of me to use your own words.

这就是原因。

And this is why.

如果这件事真的非常伤人，而不是像‘哦，你复制我所有做的事’，或者‘哦，你总是在派对上丢下我，去和别的男生搭讪’这样的事。

If it's something that is actually deeply hurtful and not just like, oh, they copy everything I do, or, oh, they always ditch me at parties and go talk to boys, other boys.

我只是随便举些例子，这些事虽然不理想，但也不一定就是不可原谅的。

Or, like, I'm just giving random examples of things that are not ideal, but also not necessarily a complete deal breaker.

对吧？

Right?

这些事情其实是可以解决的。

Those are things that could be worked through.

而如果一个人根本不站在你这边，还在拖你的后腿。

Whereas, like, if somebody's not on your team, they're bringing you down.

他们当着你的面说你的坏话。

They're saying mean shit about you to your face.

他们一直在试图打压你，这正在耗尽你的生命力。

They're, like, trying to bring you down a peg constantly, and that's sucking the life out of you.

这可是个大问题。

Like, that's a huge issue.

而且，是的，我认为这是立即结束一段友谊的正当理由。

And, yes, I think that that's a valid reason to leave a friendship immediately.

但我觉得，如果你提出来，他们很可能会意识到自己在这么做，并且会对此非常敏感。

But I think if you bring that up, chances are they are gonna know that they're doing that, and they're gonna be very aware of that.

你一说出来，他们就不会觉得你的话出乎意料。

And the second you say it, they're not gonna be surprised that you're saying it.

所以，别担心这会显得突如其来。

So don't be afraid of it coming out of left field.

他们很可能早就知道自己在这么做。

They probably already know that they're doing it.

他们就是管不住自己。

They just can't help themselves.

他们自身的处境很糟糕。

They're in a bad place.

他们自己也很缺乏安全感。

They're insecure themselves.

他们根本控制不住自己。

They can't help themselves.

而且你不去制止这种行为，在某种程度上就是在纵容它，所以他们只会觉得可以一直这么做，还不用承担任何后果。

And you enable it in a way by not confronting it so they just think that they can continue to do it without repercussions.

对。

Yeah.

既然是这种情况，你就没必要担心他们会怎么看待你提这件事，也不用怕这事会来得突兀。

In that case, if it's something like that, you don't have to be worried about what it looks like to them or if it's coming out of nowhere.

说白了，这有什么好在意的？

Like, who cares?

他们对待你就像垃圾一样。

They're treating you like shit.

真的就像垃圾一样。

Like, actually like shit.

你知道的吧？

You know?

这不仅仅是个小麻烦，不是那种可能解决或解决不了的小事。

It's not just like an annoyance, like a minor annoyance that may be resolvable or not.

这很清楚。

Like, it's very clear.

这根本不行。

Like, that's not cool.

顺便说一句，你可以随时因为任何理由结束一段友谊。

And by the way, you can leave a friendship whenever for whatever reason.

这完全是你自己的权利。

That is completely your prerogative.

但我的建议是，如果这是一些或一系列相对较小的问题，这或许是一个锻炼沟通技巧的好机会，让你的朋友更了解自己，给他们成长的空间，甚至可能让你们的友谊更加深厚。

But my advice would be if it's something or a collection of sort of more minor things, could be an interesting opportunity to practice your communication skills, teach your friend about themselves a little more, give them an opportunity to grow, and potentially even develop a stronger friendship maybe.

否则，你就直接提出来。

Otherwise, you bring it up.

谁在乎呢？

Who cares?

然后你们好好谈一谈，再决定下一步怎么做。

And you have a heart to heart about it and go from there.

如果你的朋友说，天啊。

If your friend is like, oh my god.

我对你真是太糟糕了。

I am such an asshole to you.

我真的很抱歉。

I'm so sorry.

我会努力变得更好。

I'm gonna try to be better.

嘿。

Hey.

那可能会很棒。

That that could be awesome.

然后你可能可以，你知道的，做你真正想做的事。

And then you could potentially you know, you can do without what you want.

但如果他们不是那样的，那这件事就到此为止了。

But if they're not like that, then that's the end of that.

我要说，确实也有一种方式可以慢慢让一段友谊自然消退。

I will say, I mean, there also is a way to sort of slowly fizzle a friendship.

如果一段友谊让你感到精疲力尽，而且在你看来、在你心里，觉得提出来也帮不上忙。

If a friendship is sucking the life out of you, and maybe in your opinion, in your mind, you're like, bringing this up isn't even gonna be helpful.

有时候，有些人虽然不是坏人，却会耗尽你的精力。

Like, sometimes people suck the life out of us that aren't even bad people.

你知道的？

You know?

好人也会耗尽我们的精力。

Good people can suck the life out of us.

相信我。

Trust me.

我经历过很多次了。

I've experienced that many times.

有时候这只是一个兼容性问题。

Sometimes it's just a compatibility issue.

如果是这种情况，真的很难开口说。

If that's the case, it is really hard to bring it up.

你怎么才能提出来呢？

How do you bring that up?

你不能直接说：嘿，老兄。

You can't just be like, hey, dude.

你就是这样的性格让人受不了。

Kinda just the way you are sucks.

哦，是的。

Oh, yeah.

就是你整体的气场。

Just your overall aura.

哦，对我来说不是。

Oh, not for me.

这真不容易。

That's tough.

你知道的。

You know?

你不能，我不知道。

You can't I don't know.

你该怎么开口说呢？

How do you even bring that up?

所以如果真是这种情况，正是因为这个朋友让你感到精疲力尽，你可以尝试慢慢疏远。

So if that's the case and that's why this friend sucks the life out of you, you could try a slow fizzle.

你知道的。

You know?

我不喜欢那样。

I'm I don't love that.

我不喜欢那样，因为我确实喜欢沟通，但我也知道，有时候慢慢疏远反而更合理。

I don't love that because I think I I do love communication, but I also know that sometimes it does make more sense to just kinda slowly drift apart.

你知道的。

You know?

回复消息变得越来越稀少。

Answers to texts become more and more sporadic.

找更多借口不去见面。

You know, drop a few more excuses to not hang out.

我不喜欢这种策略。

I don't love that type of strategy.

我更愿意当面把话说清楚，但有时候，如果你想要疏远一个人，不是因为他们做错了什么，而是因为你就是不喜欢他们的气场，那样做反而最合理。

I would prefer to just say everything to everyone's face, but sometimes that's the way that makes the most sense if the reason why you wanna distance yourself from someone is not because they've done anything wrong, but just because you don't really like their vibe.

哎呀。

Oops.

哎呀。

Oops.

Anyway，好吧。

Anyway okay.

下一个。

Next.

有人问，如果我想和某些人结束友谊，但又担心他们掌握着我很多私密和脆弱的信息，害怕他们将来会如何利用这些信息，我该怎么办？

Somebody said, what do I do if I wanna move on from being friends with certain people, but I feel like they have a lot of vulnerable and personal information about me, and I'm scared of how they will use that in the future?

天啊。

Oh my god.

我再同意不过了。

I could not resonate with something more.

这种焦虑一直困扰着我。

This is an anxiety that plagues me all of the time.

一直如此。

All of the time.

这很有趣，因为我觉得我的职业生涯根植于我愿意谈论几乎任何事情的开放态度。

It's funny because I think my career is rooted in my openness to talk about almost anything.

我天性就是一个毫无保留的人。

And I am just such an open book by nature.

我生来就是这样。

I was, like, born this way.

这已经融入我的血液了。

This is it's in my blood.

这刻在我的DNA里。

It's in my DNA.

这就是我作为一个人的本质。

It's it's who I am as a person.

我只是很坦然，我爱展现脆弱。

I just am okay with I I love I love being vulnerable.

我喜欢保持开放。

I love being open.

我喜欢和人们进行真心的交谈。

I love having heart to hearts with people.

对我来说，这就是生活的真谛。

Like, this is what life is about for me.

我觉得，我在这个星球上的使命，就是进行真正坦诚的对话。

This is, like, my purpose on this planet, it feels like, is to just have really vulnerable conversations.

不知为何，我生来就是这样，而且我对此毫不畏惧。

For whatever reason, was born, and I just I'm not afraid of it.

对吧？

Right?

我什么话题都愿意谈，大部分时候都是如此。

I'll talk about anything, anything for the most part.

即使是很尴尬的事，即使是非常脆弱的话题，即使是一般人不愿公开谈论的自我隐私，我也无所谓。

And even if it's something embarrassing, even if it's something really vulnerable, even if it's something that most people wouldn't wanna say about themselves, like, I don't care.

为了建立人际连接，我几乎愿意说出任何关于自己的事。

I will pretty much say anything about myself for the sake of human connection.

在某些方面，这是一件美好的事，因为我们确实通过脆弱感彼此相连。

Now in some ways, that's a beautiful thing because we do connect with one another through vulnerability.

对吧？

Right?

想想看，你有没有参加过派对之类的场合，当时房间里的气氛有点紧张。

Like, think about a time when you were at a party or something, and maybe the vibe in the room was a little tense.

然后有个人开了一个坦诚的玩笑，或者讲了一个真实脆弱的故事。

And then somebody made a vulnerable joke or told a vulnerable story.

下一刻，整个房间的氛围就变了。

Next thing you know, the room is moving different.

感觉不一样了。

It feels different.

人们之间的联系更紧密了。

People are connecting more.

你知道吗，好像一层薄纱被揭开了。

It's it you know, kind of a veil was lifted.

事情变得清晰了一些。

Things are a bit more clear.

人与人之间的联系也更多了。

There's a bit more connection happening.

就像，事情本来就是这样的。

Like, that's how it is.

你知道的。

You know?

想想你和最好的朋友第一次进行坦诚交流的时刻，或者和恋人第一次真正建立深层连接的那一刻。

Like, think about the first vulnerable conversation you had with your best friend and how that was the moment that you both really truly connected for the first time or a romantic partner.

这样的例子还有很多。

The list goes on.

你知道的。

You know?

脆弱的对话是我们与他人建立联系的方式。

Like, vulnerable conversations are how we connect with other people.

你不是通过闲聊与人建立联系的。

You're not connecting with people over small talk.

你不是。

You're not.

所以，我认为，任何有意义的对话或关系中，这都是一个关键要素。

And so, you know, it it's a crucial ingredient, in my opinion, in any sort of meaningful conversation or or relationship.

对吧？

Right?

脆弱的对话、讲故事、承认自己的不足。

Vulnerable conversation, storytelling, admitting to one's shortcomings.

这样的例子还有很多。

The list goes on.

对吧？

Right?

这就是我们彼此连接的方式。

That's how we connect with each other.

这真是件美好的事。

Now that's a beautiful thing.

它能产生惊人的效果。

It works wonders.

然而，这也真的让人害怕。

However, it's also really scary.

你知道吗？

You know?

尽管我是个几乎对任何事情都能坦然谈论的人，但有些事我还是会觉得，那是我的私人故事。

Even though I'm someone who's unbelievably comfortable talking about almost literally anything and everything, like, there are also things where I'm like, that was a private story.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

我告诉那个人是因为我想让他知道，但并不一定希望每个人都知道。

I I I told that person because I wanted that person to know, but I don't necessarily want everyone to know that.

就连我这样完全坦诚的人，也有自己的界限。

Like, even I have my limits as a complete open book.

你懂吧？

You know?

有些事情我真的觉得：不行。

There are just certain things where I'm like, no.

我这就够了。

I'm good.

我想在这些事情上更谨慎一点。

I wanna be more sparing with that.

这正是友谊的本质。

And this is just the nature of friendship.

对吧？

Right?

你们彼此分享脆弱而敏感的信息，是为了拉近关系。

You share vulnerable, sensitive information with one another to get closer.

这就是你和朋友之间、你和陌生人之间的区别。

And that's what differentiates you with your friends and you with a stranger.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

你会跟朋友分享你最深、最黑暗的秘密。

You tell your friends your deepest, darkest secrets.

对吧？

Right?

你不会跟陌生人分享你最深、最黑暗的秘密，除非你喝醉了，而且当时有种特定的氛围。

You're not telling a stranger your deepest, darkest secrets unless you're drunk, and there's a certain, like, vibe happening.

有时候，向陌生人倾诉你最深、最黑暗的秘密感觉挺好的。

Sometimes it feels good to tell a stranger your deepest, darkest secrets.

顺便说一句，我并不总认为这样做是错的。

And by the way, I don't always think that that's wrong.

有时候这反而是个更安全的选择，因为那些人并不认识你圈子中的人。

Sometimes that's actually a safer option because those people don't know the people in your circle.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

这实际上有点像一个保险库。

It's actually kinda like a vault of sorts.

但无论如何，我理解这种焦虑，因为我不仅是个特别坦诚的人，意味着我可能会比普通人分享更多，让我处于比普通人更脆弱的位置。

But, anyway, I understand this anxiety because not only am I a super open book, meaning that I will probably share more than the average person, putting me in a more vulnerable position than the average person.

但除此之外，我还是一个极其焦虑的人。

But on top of that, I'm also an incredibly anxious person.

我是个爱过度思考的人。

I'm an overthinker.

有时候我有点偏执。

I am a bit obsessive at times.

所以我在这里注定容易失败，因为这两种特质确实相互冲突。

And so I'm sort of set up for failure here because those two qualities definitely clash.

对吧？

Right?

因为过度分享，甚至只是展现脆弱，都会让你处于一种略失控制的状态，而焦虑则会让你渴望掌控。

Because oversharing or not even oversharing, but being vulnerable makes you may puts you in a position where you're a little bit out of control, and being anxious makes you crave control.

问题在于，你会感到失去控制。

The problem is that you feel out of control.

所以我的这些特质确实相互冲突，因此我非常能理解这种感受。

So those traits of mine definitely clash, so I really relate to this feeling.

但我想说的第一点，其实我已经提过了：不幸的是，这几乎是友谊中不可避免的一部分。

But the first thing I wanna say, which I already really said, is that, unfortunately, this is sort of an inevitable part of friendship.

对吧？

Right?

你会分享一些脆弱的故事。

You are going to share vulnerable stories.

你会谈论那些你不会对别人说的事情。

You are going to talk about things that you don't talk about with other people.

你会分享一些敏感的信息。

You are gonna share sensitive information.

这是友谊中非常重要的一部分。

That's a huge part of friendship.

但有时候，友谊也需要结束。

But, also, it's sometimes necessary for friendships to end.

而现在你面临一种情况：你不再想与之相处的人，却掌握着关于你的敏感信息。

And now you're in a situation where someone that you no longer wanna spend time with has sensitive information about you.

对吧？

Right?

他们知道一些别人不知道的关于你的事。

They know things about you that other people don't know.

这个人即将再次变成陌生人，而他们却知道一些让你感到敏感的事情。

This person's about to become a stranger to you again, and they know things about you that are sensitive to you.

陌生人通常的好处是，他们对你一无所知。

The nice thing about strangers usually is that they don't know anything about you.

你对他们也一无所知，事情就是如此。

You don't know anything about them, and that's exactly how it is.

这有点尴尬。

It's a little bit awkward.

这有点奇怪。

It's a little bit weird.

这有点不舒服。

It's a little bit uncomfortable.

当一个陌生人却对你知之甚多时，这会让人感到不安。

It's a little bit unnerving when there's a stranger that knows a lot about you.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

这真的很不舒服。

That's uncomfortable.

当你和某人不再做朋友时，情况就是这样。

And that is sort of the situation when you stop being friends with somebody.

他们即将重新变成陌生人，但这次他们对你知之甚多。

They're about to go back to being a stranger who but this time they know a lot about you.

这并不好。

That is not great.

这种感觉不好，因为信任已经消失了。

That doesn't feel great because the trust is sort of gone.

忠诚已经不复存在了。

The allegiance is gone.

忠心已经没有了。

The loyalty is gone.

可能还会有受伤的感情。

There might even be some hurt feelings.

这才是最可怕的部分。

That's the scariest part.

这个人是不是因为我们不再是朋友而生气了？

Is this person mad that we're not friends anymore?

他们会去告诉所有人，我生日那天当众拉裤子、和男朋友分手、摔断膝盖骨，然后吐了一地的事吗？

Are they gonna go tell everybody about the time I shit myself at my birthday party and then broke up with my boyfriend and then broke my kneecap and then threw up?

他们会因为生气而把这件事告诉所有人吗？

Are they gonna tell everyone about that because they're mad?

也许吧。

Maybe.

他们可能会。

They might.

事实上，他们很可能就会。

In fact, they probably will.

他们也可能不会，但 definitely 可能会。

They also might not, but they definitely might.

而这正是这一切最难接受的部分。

And that's the hardest part about all this.

他们 definitely 可能会。

They definitely might.

而这是我必须接受的一件事。

And this is something I have had to come to terms with.

好吧？

Okay?

这对我来说一直非常不舒服且具有挑战性。

And it's been really uncomfortable and challenging for me.

我不得不接受，在试图与生活中的人建立亲密关系时，我会向他们讲述一些故事，而这些故事之后就属于他们了。

I've had to accept that in attempt to become close to people in this life, I'm going to tell them stories that then are theirs.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

也就是说，我在某种程度上给了他们一部分的自己。

Like, I'm I'm giving them a piece of myself in a way.

如果这段友谊没有成功，他们如何处理这些故事就完全不在我的控制之中了。

And if the friendship doesn't work out, it is out of my control completely what they do with that.

现在我认为，应对这种不适的第一步是接受最坏的情况。

Now I think the first step to handling this discomfort is to accept the worst case scenario.

很多时候，面对焦虑，这是最好的方法。

A lot of times with anxiety, this is the best approach.

接受最坏的情况。

Accept the worst case scenario.

好的。

Okay.

最坏的情况是什么？

What's the worst case scenario?

那个不再和你做朋友的人出去向所有人透露你最深、最黑暗的秘密。

This person that you're no longer friends with goes out and tells everyone one of your deepest, darkest secrets.

好的。

Okay.

从那之后最坏的情况会怎样？

What is the worst case scenario from that?

这个秘密会伤害某人的感情吗？

Does that secret hurt somebody's feelings?

这会让人极度尴尬吗？

Is it deeply embarrassing?

你知道，那到底是什么？

You know, what is it?

然后把整个情况都过一遍。

And then run through the entire scenario.

好的。

Okay.

如果这个人跑去告诉所有人关于我的这件事，或者我说过的某句话，或者我做过的事。

If this person goes and they tell everyone this thing about me or this thing that I said or this thing that I did.

好的。

Okay.

嗯，现在这可能是一些更公开的信息。

Well, now that's that might be information that's a little bit more public.

好的。

Okay.

如果这需要我采取行动，我就得做点什么来解决这个问题。

If this calls me to action, I need to do something to solve this.