成长真不舒服啊 lol

好的。

K.

也许是八五。

Maybe, like, eight five.

不。

No.

也许是每天八小时，每周四天。

Maybe eight four, eight hours a day, four days a week.

也许是二十四小时全天候，这样不好。

Maybe twenty four seven, not good.

对吧？

Right?

作为创意人士，你必须过好生活，才能为创作找到灵感。

As a creative person, you have to live your life in order to find inspiration for things.

灵感就来自这些地方，创意也来自这里。

That's where you find inspiration for things, and that's where you get ideas.

有时我在这一点上很挣扎。

And I struggle with that at times.

尤其是最近，我不得不强迫自己继续正常生活，而不是把自己关起来，直到我想出想要的点子。

And especially recently, you know, I've really had to force myself to continue to live my life and not just lock myself away until I come up with the ideas I wanna come up with.

但我知道真相，那就是我必须走出去，过好自己的生活，才能产生这些想法。

But I know the truth, which is that I need to go out and live my life in order to come up with those ideas.

所以可以说，我现在脑子里关于这件事一团乱。

So it's safe to say it's a cluster fuck in my brain right now about that.

听我说。

And listen.

而且，这甚至算不上是件坏事。

Again, it's not even, like, a bad thing.

我知道，我并没有完全陷入绝望，但确实感到非常不安——感觉迷茫，不知道下一步该做什么，对自己过去做的所有东西都不满意。

I know like, I'm not completely spiraling into oblivion about it, but it's definitely very uncomfortable to feel sort of aimless, to feel like I don't know what my next move is, to feel like I'm not satisfied with anything I've ever made before.

而且，这整件事都是正常的，但这种感觉会带来一种自我消亡。

And, again, it's all a normal part of it, but, like, an ego death comes from that.

从某种意义上说，自我之死就源于此。

An ego death comes from that in a way.

你知道，我现在不得不认真审视自己，确保我的自我价值感不仅仅来自于我的生产力和事业，因为目前我并不觉得自己一切都理顺了。

You know, I'm forced to sort of really check-in right now and make sure that my sense of self is not just coming from my productivity and my career because I don't feel like I have it all sorted right now.

你知道吗？

You know?

我还要说，这很有趣，因为表面上看，可能并不像这样，毕竟我的事业上正发生着许多酝酿多年、终于浮出水面的事情，这非常令人兴奋。

And I will say too, it's interesting because, again, like, on the surface, it might not seem like that because there's a lot of things going on career wise for me that are, like, years in the making, things that I've been working on for years that are just coming out now, which is very exciting.

但与此同时，我在思考接下来想做什么。

But at the same time, I'm thinking about what I want to work on next.

我想，这正是我所挣扎的。

And I think that's what I'm struggling with.

那些酝酿多年、如今终于面世的东西，确实很棒。

Having things come out now that I've been working on for years or whatever, that's awesome.

但不幸的是，我的大脑却说：好吧。

But unfortunately, my brain is like, okay.

但你得弄清楚下一步要做什么。

But you gotta figure out what you're doing next.

而这就是我有点困惑的地方。

And that's where I'm sort of confused.

我想我知道答案，那就是我不能强求。

And I think I know the answer to this, and it's that I can't force it.

我不能强求。

I can't force it.

我不能强迫它从我身上出来。

I can't force it out of me.

我需要对自己更有耐心，不能指望当我拼命逼自己时，答案就会自动出现。

I need to be more patient with myself, and I can't expect the answers to come to me when I'm trying to force them to come to me.

这正是我所面临的特定状况。

And that's just the particular dynamic.

这正是任何创意工作都会伴随的模式。

That's just the dynamic that comes with any sort of creative job.

有时候你会完全脑子一片空白，而我现在就是这种情况。

There are gonna be times where you're completely brain empty, and that's where I'm at.

我暂时打断一下这一集，来告诉大家本集由Venmo赞助。

I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode is presented by Venmo.

好的。

Okay.

听我说完。

Hear me out.

据说，你可以用你的Venmo借记卡赚取现金返还。

Apparently, you can earn cash back with your Venmo debit card.

你只需要加入Venmo Stash，然后就可以了。

All you have to do is join Venmo Stash and boom.

当你在你喜欢的品牌购物时，就能获得现金返还。

You get cash back when you shop at your favorite brands.

这简直是个很酷的优势。

It's kind of an awesome flex.

使用 Venmo Stash，您在最爱的品牌消费时最高可获得百分之五的现金返还。

With Venmo Stash, you can get up to five percent cash back at your fave brands.

只需选择一组您常去的品牌，使用 Venmo 借记卡购物，即可获得现金返还。

Just pick a bundle of your go tos to shop with your Venmo debit card and earn cash back at them.

而且您可以自由搭配调整。

And you're free to mix things up.

您可以每三十天轻松更换您选择的品牌组合。

You can easily swap out your bundle of brands every thirty days.

多使用 Stash，立即开始赚取现金返还。

Start earning when you do more with Stash.

Venmo Stash 的条款和例外情况适用。

Venmo Stash terms and exclusions apply.

每月最高返还 100 美元现金。

Max $100 cashback per month.

详情请见 venmo.me/stashterms。

See terms at venmo.me/stashterms.

现在回到本期节目。

Now back to the episode.

接下来，我的社交生活。

Next, my social life.

我其实想说，当我思考我的社交生活时，我觉得我的社交生活其实还不错。

I actually will say, when I think about my social life, I feel like my social life is actually quite good.

也许这正是目前我唯一不感到不适的领域。

Maybe that's one of the only areas right now where I don't feel uncomfortable.

我感觉很好。

I feel pretty good.

我有很棒的朋友。

I have great friends.

最近我结识了一些新朋友，我真的很喜欢他们。

I'm making new friends lately that I'm, like, loving.

我在社交方面状态非常好。

I'm I'm in a really good spot socially.

我要说，目前让我感到有点不舒服的唯一事情是，这个方面正在发生一些成长。

I will say the only thing that's maybe making me a little bit uncomfortable right now, There is a little bit of growth going on in this category.

但它不像我生活中的其他方面那样明显。

It's just not as obvious as the other as the other categories of my life.

我要说，我遇到的一个难题是，我很难抗拒不想和人待在一起的冲动。

I will say one thing that I struggle with is I have a really hard time with not wanting to hang out with people.

让我解释一下。

There's there's let me explain.

有时候，你遇到一些人，就会立刻感受到一种氛围。

Sometimes you meet people and you just get a vibe.

然后你马上就会觉得，这人和我特别合得来。

And immediately, you're like, this is somebody I just click with.

你懂吗？

You know?

不知为何，从宇宙层面来说，就是那种我和他能产生深刻连接的人。

This is just for whatever reason, on a cosmic level, somebody that I just connect with.

我喜欢，从能量上来说，感觉很轻松。

I like, energetically, it feels light.

感觉是对的。

It feels right.

感觉很好。

It feels good.

但有时候你会遇到一些人，表面上看，老实说，非常友善。

And then sometimes you meet people who maybe on the surface are, like, honestly super nice.

对吧？

Right?

但不知为什么，就是有一种能量上的脱节。

But for whatever reason, there's just an energetic disconnect.

明白吗？

Okay?

有时候这是因为你在感知到某些东西。

And sometimes that's because maybe you're sensing something.

也许那个人有奇怪的意图。

Maybe there is weird intentions going on with that person.

也许他们对你有奇怪的意图，或者想和你做朋友有不纯的动机。

Maybe they have weird intentions with you, weird motives for wanting to be friends.

也许你只是感觉到他们的道德或价值观与你的不一致，或者类似的情况。

Maybe you're just getting a sense that their morals or values don't align with yours or, like, whatever.

比如，也许你们太不一样了。

Like, maybe you're too different.

当然，你并不需要和朋友拥有完全相同的道德和价值观。

Not that you have to have the exact same morals and values, I guess, as as your friends.

你知道的，你们可以在某些事情上持不同意见。

Like, you know, you can disagree on certain things.

我认为这完全有可能，当然取决于具体的情况以及你对他们的感受。

I think that is totally possible depending on the things, of course, and and how you feel about them.

但是的，我觉得你不需要和朋友在每件事上都完全一致。

But, yeah, I don't think you need to agree 100% about everything with your friends.

我想道德和价值观是很重要的，也许在这些方面保持一致更为关键。

I guess morals and values are pretty heavy, and maybe it is more important to be aligned on those things.

但我认为道德和价值观涵盖面很广，几乎涉及生活的每一个方面。

But I think morals and values are vast and cover almost every single topic of life.

我觉得在一些小事上存在分歧是正常且可以接受的。

And I think it's normal and okay to disagree on a few things here and there.

但也许当你从某人身上感受到一种表面看起来非常美好，却总有一种奇怪或不对劲的直觉时，那可能是你在潜意识里察觉到你们之间存在根本性的差异，这种差异注定无法调和。

But perhaps, you know, when you get a vibe from somebody who maybe seems really wonderful on the surface, but you get a weird vibe, you get an off vibe, could be you sensing that maybe there is a fundamental difference between you two that just wouldn't work.

或者，我也不确定。

Or, like, I don't even know.

有时候你就是会对某人产生一种直觉，觉得哪里不对劲，即使他们表面上看起来非常完美。

Like, I but sometimes you just get a vibe from somebody, and you're like, I that just doesn't feel right, even if they're so wonderful on the surface.

说实话，我在这方面特别困难，尤其是在我目前这个特别注重社交的阶段——我正努力结交更多朋友，尽可能多地参与社交活动，因为这对我很有好处，让我感觉良好、快乐。

And see, I have a really hard time, especially in this very social era of my life where I'm trying to make more friends, trying to be as social as possible because it's really good for me, and it makes me feel good and makes me happy.

而这也正是生活的意义所在。

And that's kind of what life is about.

这关乎他人。

It's about other people.

这关乎人。

It's about people.

我的意思是，这涉及很多方面，但我认为最重要的是与人建立联系。

I mean, it's about a lot of things, but I think one of the main things is about connecting with people.

这简直是我世界上最爱的事情之一。

Like, that's one of my favorite things in the whole world.

你知道的？

You know?

我想你可能也同意吧？

I can I I assume you might agree?

我觉得即使是内向的人也会觉得这很棒。

I think even introverts find that to be wonderful.

当我从某人身上感受到不对劲的氛围时，我很难不去相信自己的直觉。

I have a really hard time with not trusting my instincts when, like, I get maybe an off vibe from somebody.

也许我会想，哦，我其实不太喜欢和他们待在一起。

And maybe I'm like, oh, I don't really like hanging out with them.

我不太清楚为什么，就是就是不喜欢。

I don't really know why, but I just don't.

我在这方面特别难熬，对此我感到很多内疚和羞愧。

I have a really hard time with that, and I feel a lot of guilt and shame about that.

我常常会和那些让我感觉不对劲的人约见面，结果反而让我心理上非常痛苦。

And I'll often make plans with people that I may be getting off vibe from, and then it'll actually cause me a lot of psychological distress.

我会害怕这个聚会。

I'll dread the event.

我和这些人相处后会感到焦虑，因为他们让我觉得怪怪的。

I'll get anxious after I hang out with these people because they give me a weird feeling.

也许，这就是我真正挣扎的地方。

Perhaps, like, that's something I really struggle with.

当你处于社交活跃的阶段，接触各种各样的人时，难免会遇到一些和你交谈时让你感觉有点不对劲的人。

And when you're in a social phase of your life, exposing yourself to a lot of different types of people, there are gonna be instances where you have conversations with people that maybe give you a slightly off vibe.

但也许他们从你身上感觉不到那种不对劲，所以他们说，咱们一起出去吧。

But maybe they don't get an off vibe from you, and they're like, let's hang out.

而你不一定知道为什么，就是觉得我不想出去。

And you don't necessarily know why, but you're like, I don't really want to.

我真的不想出去。

I don't really want to.

但我真的为此感到很糟糕。

But see, I feel really bad about that.

为此感到非常糟糕。

Really bad about that.

而我正在努力弄清楚这一点。

And that's something that I'm trying to figure out.

我知道内心深处，只是和某人合不来并没有错。

And I know deep down that there's nothing wrong with just not vibing with somebody.

这完全没问题。

Like, that's totally fine.

如果有人和我合不来，我希望他们不要和我一起玩。

If somebody doesn't vibe with me, I hope that they don't hang out with me.

我觉得，这并不会让我困扰。

I like, that doesn't bother me.

如果我站在别人的立场上想，比如发现有人不想和我一起玩，是的，那确实不是什么好感觉。

Like, if I were to put myself in other people's shoes, right, and if I were to find out that, say, somebody didn't wanna hang out with me, yeah, I mean, it's not the best feeling in the world.

明白吗？

Okay?

但我能应对这种情况。

But I can handle that.

我不希望任何人和我交往，除非他们真的想这么做。

I don't want anyone to hang out with me unless they really want to.

但我对可能开始一段友谊，然后意识到——你知道吗？

But I feel a lot of guilt and anxiety about maybe starting a friendship and then realizing, you know what?

这感觉不对劲，然后退缩，感到很多内疚和焦虑。

This just doesn't feel right and then backing off.

我感到内疚。

I feel guilty.

我觉得自己在评判这个人。

I feel like I'm judging this person.

我不是说这个人，我的意思是，那一刻我在心里对自己说的话。

Not like I'm not I'm saying this person, meaning, like, that's what I say to myself in my head in that moment.

我不是在说某个特定的人。

Not saying that there's, like, one particular person that I'm talking about.

是的。

Yeah.

我觉得自己太过苛刻了。

I feel like I'm being overly judgmental.

但同时，我也担心自己与这个人疏远后，对方会以某种方式报复我，感到难过或生气，觉得我没有坚持这段友谊，甚至可能试图破坏我或毁掉我的生活。

But also too, I can get anxious about distancing myself from the person and then them some in some way retaliating against me, getting upset, getting angry that I didn't follow through on the friendship, and perhaps trying to, like, sabotage me or ruin my life.

或者类似的情况，这太荒谬了。

Or like, which is ridiculous.

但你看，我差点就要敲木头了，但我正努力不再这么做，因为这只会让我的强迫症更严重——我的强迫症变得特别迷信，而我真的很想避免这样做，因为这只会让情况更糟。

But see, I almost knocked on wood, but I'm trying not to do that anymore because that only makes my OCD worse because my OCD gets very superstitious, and I'm really trying to, like, not do that because it only just exacerbates it.

所以我差点就要敲木头了，你知道吗？

So I almost just knocked on wood, and you know what?

我不做了。

I'm not doing it.

但我觉得，只有当我敢真正坚持界限——比如我不想和某人见面，我就干脆不去——我才能充分发挥我的社交潜力。

But I think I I'm not going to reach my full social potential until I'm not afraid of really standing in that boundary of, like, if I don't wanna hang out with somebody, I'm not gonna do it.

而且这不会有任何怨恨，如果我们偶然在派对上碰到，气氛依然可以很友好、融洽、美好。

And it's no hard feelings, and the vibe can be totally cool and cordial and wonderful if we bump into each other at a party or something.

但我不需要成为你最好的朋友。

But, like, I don't need to be your bestie.

我不需要成为每个人最好的朋友。

I don't need to be everyone's bestie.

我不可能成为每个人最好的朋友。

I can't be everyone's bestie.

反过来，也不是每个人都需要做我的挚友。

And vice versa, not everyone needs to be my bestie.

我不需要每个人都喜欢我。

I don't need everyone to to like me.

你知道的。

You know?

我已经接受了这种角色的反面，但我担心会伤害别人的感受，让他们生气，甚至试图破坏我。

And I've accepted the the the reverse role, but I think I'm afraid of hurting people's feelings and then them, like, getting angry and trying to sabotage me.

或者，假如我跟他们分享了一个脆弱的故事，他们却到处宣扬，这确实有风险。

Or, like, if I maybe told them a vulnerable story, then, like, going and telling everyone, which is a risk.

而且，这又是另一件我需要改进的事情。

And, again, that's another thing I need to work on.

好吧，就是这样。

It's like, okay.

我这个人真的很脆弱。

Well, I'm such a vulnerable person.

也许我需要更谨慎地把握在友谊或关系初期透露自己、情感和内心想法的度，因为这只会加剧我的焦虑。

Maybe I need to be more mindful about how much I divulge about myself and my feelings and my brain early on into a a friendship or relationship because that only makes this anxiety worse.

所以我想，我之前以为自己在社交方面没有成长，但经过我们今天的讨论，我确实在这方面有了进步。

So I guess I thought that I didn't have social growth growing on, but I definitely do now that we've discussed it.

接下来谈谈道德、价值观和目标。

Moving on to morals and values and goals.

其实我想说，你知道吗？

I actually will say, you know what?

也许这是我人生中感到最稳固的领域。

Maybe this is the category of my life where I feel the most solid.

事实上，我觉得自己从未像现在这样在这一领域如此坚定，但让我感到不安的，并不是我对自己的道德观、价值观、目标，或所谓的人生意义感到迷茫。

In fact, I actually feel like I'm I've never been more solid in this area in my life, but I think what's uncomfortable about that is not that I'm, like, confused about what my morals and values are, what my goals are, what my what I maybe think my purpose is or whatever.

我在这方面的不安，并不是因为模糊不清，而是因为此刻它太过清晰了——比以往任何时候都更清晰，于是我开始回顾自己的人生，一点一点地剖析它。

I'm not uncomfortable in this area because it's unclear, but rather because because it's so clear right now, because it's clearer than it's ever been, I'm looking back at my life and kinda picking it apart.

对吧？

Right?

清晰地回忆起那些我与自己终极的道德、价值观、目标和自我不一致的时刻。

Remembering so vividly times where I've not aligned with my ultimate morals, values, goals, purpose, self.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

现在比以往任何时候都更清楚，我生命中那些曾经搞砸了、做过违背本心的事情，或者感觉不对劲的时刻。

And it's a bun it's more clear to me than ever the times in my life that I've maybe fucked up or I've I've done things that don't feel true to me or feel like a what's the word?

不是偏离。

Not a divergence.

会是偏离吗？

Would it be divergence?

随便吧。

Whatever.

我只是被过去所有做过的事所困扰，因为现在我对这些事的立场无比清晰。

It's it's just I'm kind of being haunted by everything I've ever done because it's so clear to me right now where I stand on these things.

我想这就是我正在努力消化的东西。

And I think that is something I'm working through.

顺便说一句，Emma，放松点。

Because by the way, again, it's like, Emma, chill.

这太正常了。

It's so normal.

我们都做过一些现在回想起来会尴尬、羞愧，甚至希望从未做过的事。

We've all done shit that we now cringe at, that we now are ashamed of, that we now wish we didn't do.

这真的太正常了。

Like, that is that is so normal.

太疯狂了。

It's crazy.

这个星球上的每个人都有过这种感觉。

Like, everybody on this fucking planet has experienced that feeling.

我敢打赌，此刻有数十亿人正在经历这种感觉。

I bet there's billions of people experiencing that right now.

在任何时刻，经历这种感觉的人可能比不经历的还要多。

It's more common probably to experience that feeling than to not at any given moment.

我觉得，在任何时刻，大概有百分之七十五的概率，有人正在为自己的过去感到尴尬、后悔，或者即使不后悔，也对自己的过去行为感到羞愧。

Like, I feel like there's probably a seventy five percent chance at any given moment that somebody's kinda cringing at their past or regretting their past or not even regretting, but feeling ashamed of something that they did in their past or whatever.

而这些正是塑造今天我们的原因。

And that's who that's what makes us who we are today.

我知道这一切都是真的，但我觉得我正在经历某种重新调整，就像这样：好吧。

I know all of this is true, but I think there's a recalibration happening for me in a way where it's like, okay.

哇哦。

Woah.

我现在对自己想成为什么样的人、我是谁、什么对我重要、什么值得我追求、我想如何在这个世界中行事，都感觉非常坚定，诸如此类。

I'm feeling really solid in who I wanna be, who I am, you know, what what matters to me, what's important to me, how I wanna carry myself in this world, blah blah blah blah.

这一点现在对我来说也非常清晰。

This is also clear to me right now.

所以清晰到让我觉得自己被过去的自己困扰着，而这又和所谓的事业危机息息相关——我需要记住，现在我为过去感到尴尬，并不意味着我当初做的事真的那么糟糕、尴尬或丢人。

So so fucking crystal clear that then it's like, I'm just feeling a bit haunted by who I've been prior, which again, it this kind of goes hand in hand with the career crisis, if you will, where it's like, I need to remember just because I'm cringing at it now doesn't mean that what I did was even that bad or cringe or embarrassing or or whatever.

更多只是因为我成长了。

It's more just that I've grown.

这说明我成长了，我觉得这其实是一件美好的事。

It's a sign that I've grown, which I think is actually a beautiful thing.

你知道吗？

You know?

对过去所做的一切、所创造的东西感到不安，不管是什么。

Being uncomfortable with what you've done before, what you've made, what you've whatever.

对它们不满意，恰恰说明你在成长，这很棒。

Not feeling satisfied with it is a sign that you're growing, and that's wonderful.

但这也让人不舒服。

But it's also uncomfortable.

而且我认为这也会引发焦虑。

And I think it can be anxiety inducing as well.

所以我正在应对的，就是这种焦虑。

And so that's something I'm dealing with is that anxiety.

你知道吗？我该如何接受自己并非一直处在现在的状态？

You know, how do I accept that I haven't always been at the place that I'm at now?

我该如何接受我曾经并不完全契合现在的自己呢？

How do I accept that I was once not fully aligned with who I am now?

你知道吗？

You know?

我觉得在职业方面，情况更复杂，因为我不再为过去所做的事感到兴奋。

I think in the career category, it's even more complicated because it's like, I'm not stoked on what I've done in the past.

我对它们没有自豪感。

I'm not feeling proud of it.

这并不是在贬低它们。

And that's not to shit on it.

这仅仅是一种个人的不适感。

It's just again, it's like a personal discomfort.

对吧？

Right?

我不希望再继续做出像过去那样的东西。

I don't want to continue making things like I've made in the past.

我不是说事情一定会发生截然不同的变化，但我也说不准。

Not saying that things are going to change in a way that is drastically different even necessarily, but I don't even know.

我说不准。

I don't even know.

我甚至不知道那到底是什么。

I don't even know what it is.

我也不知道下一步该做什么。

I don't even know what's next.

我说不准。

I don't even know.

这更具有挑战性，因为现在我连一点可以抓住的东西都没有，没法对自己说：至少我知道接下来要做什么。

So that's even more challenging because it's like, I don't even have anything to grasp onto in the current moment where I'm like, well, but at least I know what I'm doing next.

至少我对那件事感到非常自信和充满动力。

And at least I feel really confident and inspired by that.

但我没有这种感觉。

I don't feel that way.

是的。

Yeah.

我没有。

I don't.

但至少在道德、价值观、意义和目标这些方面，我相当一致。

Whereas at least with, like, the morals and values and purpose and goals category, I'm pretty aligned there.

所以，正是因为我在这些方面很清晰，反而更嫌弃过去的自己。

So it's like I'm more cringing on my past because of how clear I am there.

但在职业方面，我对过去感到嫌弃，却根本不知道未来会怎样。

Whereas with the career, it's like I'm cringing at the past, and I don't even know what the future is.

天啊。

God.

等我知道未来会怎样时，我可能会更嫌弃过去的自己。

When I know what the future is, I'll probably cringe even more at my past.

不过，也说不定。

Maybe not, though.

不过也可能不会。

Maybe not, though.

也许我会被当下正在做的事情完全吸引，从而淡化了对过去所做一切的羞愧和尴尬。

Maybe I'll be so distracted by what I'm doing in the present moment that it'll sort of erase all shame and embarrassment about what I've made in the past.

最后一个类别是爱情。

And then the last category is love.

就比如，浪漫关系方面的。

In in terms of, like, romance, I would say.

我其实刚刚已经提到过这一点了，所以就不展开细说了。

And I did sort of just talk about this actually, so I won't get into it into too much detail.

我觉得我上一期视频讲的就是关于爱情和浪漫中的超然态度。

I think the last episode I made was about detachment, particularly in love and romance.

所谓超然，就是说在恋爱关系中保持足够的抽离，以维持独立性，某种程度上保护自己，而我认为这是我最近才真正提升的一项能力。

The concept of detachment being, you know, being detached enough from a romantic interest in order to maintain a level of independence and in order to sort of protect yourself in a way, which is something that that's a skill that I think I've newly sharpened.

就是说，在我的约会生活中，不再抱有期待。

You know, not having expectations in my dating life.

对吧？

Right?

这真的很好。

And that's been really good.

在爱情、浪漫、约会等方面，有趣的是，我被迫成长的领域并不是你所预期的。

I will say in love, romance, dating, etcetera, I would say the area that I'm being forced to grow in, interestingly enough, is not what you would expect.

爱情、浪漫和约会都太复杂了。

Love and romance and dating is it's all so complicated.

对吧？

Right?

但有趣的是，我现在已经基本掌控了其中最具挑战性的一部分，那就是保持一种健康的超然态度。

But funny enough, I got one of the most challenging parts of it sort of under control right now, and that is keeping a a healthy level of detachment.

对吧？

Right?

比如，适度超然以保护自己。

Like, detaching just enough to protect myself.

对吧？

Right?

这曾经是我年轻时一直挣扎的问题，但现在我已经很好地解决了。

And that's something I've I I struggled with as a young person, and I have really sorted that out.

你可能会以为这才是我更应该挣扎的地方。

You would think that that would be something I'd be struggling with more.

我现在挣扎的是第一次单身，同时还要保持清醒。

What I'm struggling with is being single for the first time and being sober.

明白吗？

Okay?

我已经戒酒一年半左右了，可能还多一点。

I've been sober for like a year and a half, maybe a little over a year and a half.

我不再喝酒了。

I don't drink alcohol anymore.

我不再吸大麻了。

I don't smoke weed.

我不吃迷幻蘑菇。

I don't do mushrooms.

我是个戒酒的女孩。

I'm I'm a sober girl.

我体内唯一有的东西就是咖啡因，我们都很喜欢，这很棒。

The only thing I got going on in my system is caffeine, which we love, and that is awesome.

我会继续摄入咖啡因。

And I will continue to be consuming that.

偶尔也会吸一点尼古丁。

And also a little bit of nicotine here and there.

是的。

Yep.

还没能彻底戒掉这个。

Have not have not been able to fully quit that one.

这似乎会成为我一生的旅程。

That one that is going to be a lifelong journey for me, it seems.

我微笑只是因为对自己感到失望。

And I'm smiling only because I'm just disappointed in myself.

但你知道吗？

But I also you know what?

是的。

Yeah.

那些就是我的物质依赖。

Those are my those are my substances.

这些血管里流动的就只有这些。

That's all that's running through these veins.

明白吗？

Okay?

我是清醒的。

I am sober.

我外出时都是清醒的。

When I go out, I'm sober.

我约会的时候保持清醒，

When I'm on a date, I'm sober.

和男生聊天的时候，我也是清醒的，

When I'm, talking to a boy, I'm sober.

就算我和男生接吻，我也全程清醒，

If I kiss a boy, I'm sober.

你明白我的意思吗？

Do you see what I'm saying?

我再也没有什么可以躲在背后的东西了。

I have nothing to hide behind anymore.

而你知道最有意思的是什么吗？我发现在我这段单身的日子里，我和那些我曾有好感的男生的大部分相处，

And you know what's really interesting is that I realized during this single era of mine that so many of my interactions with guys that I've been interested in.

在最开始的时候，都是借着酒精的由头才开始的。

In the beginning, it's been through the lens of alcohol.

你懂吧？

You know?

我们在一个派对上。

We're at a party.

我们喝醉了。

We're drunk.

你知道的。

You know?

我们在聊天。

We're talking.

就像因为我们喝醉了，所以感觉很合拍。

It's like we're vibing because we're drunk.

我们变得放松了，你知道的，随性吧。

We're we got you know, we're loose, whatever.

我们很放松。

We're relaxed.

第一次接吻，喝醉了。

First kiss, drunk.

你明白我的意思吗？

Do you get what I'm saying?

现在呢，哇哦。

And now it's like, woah.

我得跟清醒的人约会。

I have to date sober.

清醒。

Sober.

让我告诉你，这真的非常、非常、非常可怕。

And let me tell you, it has been really, really, really scary.

比如，当我看到一个帅气的男生，对我来说真的很难。

Like, if I see a cute guy, it's really tough for me.

你懂我的意思吗？

Do you know what I mean?

我根本不会主动上去和他们搭话。

Like, I'm not going up and talking to them.

他们需要主动和我聊天。

Like, they need to talk to me.

我真的需要有个人，我在这方面真的很挣扎。

Like, I need somebody to like, I'm really struggling with that.

我要说，我觉得自己正在挺过去。

And I will say, I think I'm getting through it.

我正在一点一点地建立自信，直面我的恐惧。

I'm I'm slowly but surely building my confidence, facing my fears.

事情确实在发生，但我要说，这真的让我很不自在。

Like, it's happening, but I will say that it's been really uncomfortable.

我们往往忽视了酒精对约会有多大的影响，没意识到它让和有吸引力的人聊天变得容易了多少。

I think we take for granted how easy like, how I I don't think we realize how alcohol impacts how we date, how much easier it makes it to just have a conversation with somebody you find attractive.

你知道吗？

You know?

它能立刻打破那些隔阂。

Like, the the walls that it breaks down immediately.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

你一下子就会发现，大家都放松了。

You're just immediately dis everybody's sort of disarmed.

大家都很放松。

Everybody's relaxed.

清醒着做这些真是太可怕了。

It is so scary to do it sober.

我一直得清醒着面对这一切，这真的非常不舒服。

And I've been having to do all of this sober, and it has been so uncomfortable.

这真的非常不舒服，但我很高兴自己在坚持，因为我觉得，你知道的，我正在学会独自去约会。

It has been so uncomfortable, but I'm really glad that I'm doing it because I think, you know, I'm actually learning how to date on my own.

你懂的？

You know?

没有任何帮助。

No no help.

而且我确信，这最终会让我建立起自信，让我成为地球上最潇洒的混蛋。

And it's definitely, I think, going to eventually build my confidence to the point where I'm gonna be the, like, most suave motherfucker on the planet.

但我觉得，这种感觉像乌龟一样，对我来说一直很不舒服。

But I think that's been a really uncomfortable thing for me, sort of just feeling like a turtle.

我觉得自己就像一只乌龟。

Like, I feel like I'm a turtle.

每当我遇到我觉得可爱的人，头就立刻缩进去。

And every time somebody I think is cute comes around, it's like the the head goes in.

而且，我再说一遍，我不会透露太多细节，但我确实觉得自己进步了。

And, again, I I will say, I'm not gonna divulge too much detail, but I do think I've improved.

我面对了一些非常大的恐惧，现在感觉非常好。

I've I've faced some pretty big fears, and I'm feeling very good about it.

但这并不意味着没有尴尬的时刻，比如我明显很紧张、很笨拙。

But it doesn't mean that there hasn't been some embarrassing moments, you know, where it's like, I'm clearly, like, nervous, and I'm being awkward.

也许这些根本没被对方注意到，但我自己却很清楚。

And maybe it's not even necessarily noticeable to them, but it's noticeable to me.

但我得挺过去。

But I'd have to get through.

我必须坚持下去，因为找到人生伴侣是我目标之一。

I have to push through it because it is one of my goals to find a a partner in my life.

我真的想爱，该死的。

I I want I wanna love goddamn it.

你知道的？

You know?

我真的想。

I do.

所以，我必须逼自己挺过去。

So it's like, I gotta push through it.

这很不舒服，但这是成长。

And it's it's uncomfortable, but it's growth.

但有一件事值得思考：酒精对约会有多大影响。

But that's something to think about is how much alcohol impacts dating.

如果你喝酒而且经常约会，这真是个值得深入思考的脑洞。

It's a really interesting rabbit hole to go down in your in your brain if you're somebody who drinks alcohol and, you know, dates a lot.

我觉得，清醒约会应该成为一种潮流。

Like, think sober dating should become a vibe.

你知道吗？我最近意识到一件事。

Because you know what I'm realizing?

说真的，你明白吗？

Actually, you know what?

我想专门做一期节目聊这个话题。

I wanna make a whole episode about that.

我得先停一下，因为关于清醒约会，我有太多想法了。

I'm gonna stop blowing my head because I have a lot of thoughts about sober dating.

我们改天再深入聊这个。

So we'll get into that another day.

但可以肯定的是，我正经历人生中一段成长期，这让我感到有点不适。

But it's safe to say I'm going through somewhat of a growth spurt in my life, and it's making me a bit a bit uncomfortable.

但我对这一点感觉很好。

But I feel really good about it.

尽管它让人不舒服，尽管有点痛苦，但我认为这是生活中正常而健康的一部分。

Even though it is uncomfortable, even though it is kinda painful, I think it's a normal, healthy part of life.

不知为何，所有这些事情偏偏都同时发生了。

And for whatever reason, it happens to kinda all be happening all at once.

似乎大量的成长正在同时发生，但这只是意味着美好的事物即将来临。

It seems like a lot of a lot of growth is happening all at once, but that just means that something beautiful is coming.

我分享这个故事，和你们坦诚我现在的状态，是希望你们如果正有这种感受，或者以前有过类似感受，又或者预计未来会经历这种状态时，能有所共鸣。

And I I I share this story, and I share where I'm at with you all to hopefully you know, if you're feeling like this or you felt like this before or perhaps you're anticipating that you'll feel this way in the future.

我不知道。

I don't know.

我觉得，知道这种感觉——不确定性、不稳定性，那种事情即将发生前的临界感——是非常正常的，这本身就能带来安慰。

I think there's something comforting about knowing that this is a very normal feeling, uncertainty, instability, kind of the feeling like something's on the precipice.

这一切都再正常不过了，我们每个人有时都会感受到。

Like, all of this is so normal, and we all we all feel it sometimes.

所以我不确定。

And so I don't know.

这就是我跟你们分享的原因，但我真的没有给你们什么关键结论。

That's why I shared it with you, but I don't really have any key takeaways for you.

所以你们可以自行领会你们想得到的任何东西。

So you can take away whatever you want.

但我希望你们喜欢这一集。

But I hope that you enjoyed this episode.

如果喜欢的话，每周四都会更新《Anything Goes》的新节目。

And if you did, new episodes of anything goes every Thursday.

如果你想和我一起互动，欢迎加入。

We can hang out if you wanna join me.

《Anything Goes》在你收听播客的任何平台都能找到。

Anything goes is anywhere you stream podcasts.

我在互联网上的名字是Emma Chamberlain，我的咖啡品牌是Chamberlain Coffee。

I'm on the Internet at Emma Chamberlain, and my coffee company is Chamberlain Coffee.

我爱你们所有人。

I love you all.

我非常感谢你们所有人。

I appreciate you all.

谢谢你们陪我度过这段时光。

Thank you all for hanging out with me.

我爱你们，我们下周再聊。

I love you, and I'll talk to you next week.

再见。

Goodbye.

刚才那是萨布丽娜·卡彭特。

That was Sabrina Carpenter.

这首歌真好听。

Such a good song.

哦，这首歌真好听。

Oh, such a good song.

再见就意味着好吧。

Goodbye means that Okay.

我不能唱太多，否则会侵犯版权。

I can't sing too much or else I get copyright copyrighted.

好的。

Okay.

爱你。

Love you.

拜拜。

Bye.