我应该听从自己的建议

我为人所知的一件事就是提供建议。

One of the things I'm known for is giving advice.

在这个播客中，我每两周的周日都会在名为‘建议时间’的系列中提供建议。

On this very podcast, I give advice every other Sunday in a series called Advice Session.

在现实生活中，没有什么比坐下来和某人一起讨论挑战更让我享受的了。

And in my real life, there's nothing I love more than sitting down with somebody and talking through a challenge.

我的建议是否有效，还有待商榷。

It's up for debate whether my advice is any good.

我认为所有的建议都应当接受质疑。

I think all advice should be up for debate.

建议是有偏见的。

Advice is biased.

建议基于人们个人的生活经历。

Advice is based on people's personal experiences in life.

不过，我会说，我总是会先提醒听者：请带着怀疑的态度来对待这些建议。

However, I will say I'm someone who's always prefacing my advice with, you should take this with a grain of salt.

我不知道自己在胡说八道些什么。

I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

我不是专业人士。

I'm not a professional.

我只是在瞎扯。

I'm just yapping.

你需要自己想明白。

You need to figure it out for yourself.

但不管怎样，我以提供建议而闻名。

But regardless of all of this, I'm known for giving advice.

所以你可能会想，哦，如果艾玛经常提建议，那她一定能在几乎所有情况下都表现得无比得体和优雅。

And so you'd think, oh, if Emma gives a lot of advice, then she must handle almost every situation with perfect tact and grace.

她能轻松自如地采纳自己的建议并找到解决方案。

She can take her own advice and find the solution so easily and so seamlessly.

艾玛的生活一定完美又轻松。

Life must be so perfect and so easy for Emma.

不。

No.

不幸的是，不行。

Unfortunately, no.

事情不是这样的。

That's not how that works.

我很难采纳自己的建议。

I struggle to take my own advice.

但即使你是一个拥有 flawless、精彩、完美建议的人，能够给出建议的智慧是一回事，而执行建议则是另一回事。

But even if you're a person who has flawless, incredible, perfect advice, having the wisdom to be able to give advice is one thing, but executing on advice is a whole other thing.

以正确的方式处理事情需要自律。

It takes discipline to handle things the right way.

通常，妥善处理情况伴随着延迟的满足。

Oftentimes, handling situations well comes with delayed gratification.

即时满足通常是危险的信号。

Instant gratification is usually a red flag.

所以这就是为什么有时候很难遵循建议的原因。

And so that's why it's hard to follow advice sometimes.

它要求你做一个更成熟的人，进行不舒服的对话，为自己挺身而出。

It requires you to be the bigger person, to have uncomfortable conversations, to stand up for yourself.

所以即使我常常知道答案是什么，应该怎么做，但这并不意味着我总能付诸行动。

So even though I often know what the answer is, what should be done, that doesn't mean I always do it.

因此，今天我想坐下来和大家分享我最难践行的那些建议。

And so today, I thought I'd sit down and share with you all my own advice that I struggle to take the most.

本集由eBay赞助播出。

This episode is presented to you by eBay.

我们每个人都有那样一件东西。

We all have that piece.

你知道我说的是哪一件。

You know the one.

那件东西如此代表你，以至于你几乎因此而闻名。

The thing that's so you, you've basically become known for it.

如果你还没有找到你的那件，你可以在eBay上找到。

And if you don't have yours yet, you'll find it on eBay.

让我来告诉你，朋友们。

Let me put you on, people.

eBay是你找到那些独一无二、让人不断研究、反复梦寐以求的单品的地方。

EBay is where you'll find those one of a kind, can't stop researching, stay up dreaming about pieces again and again.

我指的是你一直关注的那件秀场红色皮夹克，带牛仔图案的潮流上衣，或者2017年款的那件时尚抓绒衣。

I'm talking about that off the runway red leather bomber you've had your eye on, the trendy top with the cowboy on it, or that sleek fleece from the 2017 colorway.

所有这些宝贝都在eBay上，而且他们还提供数百万件拥有真实性保障的主角单品。

All of these finds are on eBay, and they even offer millions of main character pieces backed by authenticity guarantee.

eBay是二手和复古时尚的天堂。

EBay is the place for pre loved and vintage fashion.

eBay，人们热爱的物品。

EBay, things people love.

当有人来找我，说：艾玛，我感到精疲力尽了。

When someone comes to me and says, Emma, I'm feeling burnt out.

我觉得工作过度了。

I feel overworked.

我精疲力尽。

I'm exhausted.

我开始感到抑郁。

I'm starting to feel depressed.

我真的不知道该怎么继续下去了。

I I just don't know how to keep going.

我该怎么办？

What should I do?

我的建议是你需要倾听自己的身体。

My advice is you need to listen to your body.

你需要放慢节奏。

You need to slow down.

但有时候这并不现实。

Now sometimes that's unrealistic.

有时候我们确实有一些必须完成的事情。

Sometimes we have things that we actually have to do.

如果是这种情况，那么其他所有事情都暂时被搁置一边。

If that's the case, then everything else gets thrown in the garbage temporarily.

实际上，不如说它们被放进了一个储物单元，一个象征性的储物单元，以便我们以后还能取出来。

Actually, let's say gets thrown into a storage unit, a metaphorical storage unit so that we can get it back out later.

唯一应该列入日程的，就是那些需要持续完成的事情，直到你开始感觉好转为止。

The only thing on the agenda should be what needs to be done indefinitely until you start to feel better.

你知道，当你感到精疲力尽时，认真对待它并让自己真正休息至关重要，因为这正是你恢复的唯一途径——至少根据我的经验是这样。

You know, it's so important when you're feeling burnt out to take it seriously and to let yourself truly rest because that's the only way that you can recover from it, at least in my experience.

我一生中经历过好几次严重的倦怠。

And I've experienced burnout quite a few times in my life in pretty extreme ways.

你不能只是硬撑着工作，然后某天醒来，它就自动消失了。

You can't just keep working through it, and then one day wake up, and it'll just be gone.

如果你继续硬撑，继续以你之前的工作强度坚持下去，情况只会变得更糟。

If you keep pushing through it, and you keep working at the level that you've been working, it's only gonna get worse.

这就是倦怠的本质。

That's the nature of burnout.

你知道的。

You know?

倦怠比仅仅有点累要严重得多，我不知道该怎么说。

Burnout is more extreme than, I don't know, just being a little tired.

嗯，情况会变得非常不同。

Well, it gets very different.

我们来查一下倦怠的定义吧。

Let's actually look up the definition of burnout.

根据网络上的定义，倦怠是由长期或过度的压力导致的情感、身体和精神上的耗竭状态。

Burnout, according to the Internet, is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged or excessive stress.

它表现为愤世嫉俗、疏离感和个人成就感降低。

It's characterized by feelings of cynicism, detachment, and reduced personal accomplishment.

与普通的疲劳不同，倦怠是持续性的，不容易通过休息缓解。

Unlike typical tiredness, burnout is persistent and doesn't easily resolve with rest.

它会严重影响一个人的工作、人际关系和整体健康。

It can significantly impact one's work, relationships, and overall well-being.

好的。

Okay.

听好了。

Well, listen.

我知道你在想什么。

I know what you're thinking.

艾玛，你的建议是说要休息，尽可能从日程中腾出时间，然后好好休息。

Emma, your advice is saying to just rest, take as much off your schedule as possible, and then rest.

是的，但我的建议不止这些。

Yes, but that's not the full extent of my advice.

明白吗？

Okay?

这只是第一步。

That's step one.

我度过倦怠期的方法是只做最起码的事，并在休息的时刻反思我的生活，找出导致倦怠的原因，尝试找到解决方案，重新规划我的生活，以减少压力。

How I've gotten through burnout is by doing the bare minimum, and in the moment of rest, analyzing my life to figure out what is causing the burnout and try to come up with solutions as to how I can restructure my life so that I'm not under as much stress.

明白吗？

K?

这就是我对倦怠的建议。

So that's my advice for burnout.

现在我很难让自己慢下来。

Now I have a really hard time slowing down.

这件事就发生在我上个月。

This happened to me, like, in the last month.

我在生活的各个方面都工作得非常努力。

I've been working very hard in all areas of my life.

在我的工作中，我付出的努力可能是我一生中最大的。

In my work life, I've been working harder than I probably ever have in my life.

每周六七天，从醒来到睡觉，一直在工作。

Six, seven days a week from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep.

除此之外，我还一直专注于某些创意爱好。

And then on top of that, I've been really focused on certain creative hobbies.

我非常喜欢水彩画。

I love the watercolors.

我喜欢用陶土做东西。

I love making stuff out of clay.

我做了很多不同的手工艺术，努力提升这些技能。

I've been doing a lot of different arts and crafts and trying to improve on those skills.

所以当我太累而无法工作时，我就会去做我的创意小爱好。

So when I'm too tired to work, I'm working on my creative little hobbies.

此外，我对锻炼计划也非常有规律，因为这让我心理感觉良好。

And then in addition to that, I also am very regimented about my exercise routine because it keeps me feeling good mentally.

所以我的生活结构就是这样：我一直在不停工作，但当我确实需要稍微休息一下时，我就去做一些创意活动，或者去锻炼。

So this sort of structure in my life of, like, I'm working nonstop, but then when I do need to stop a little bit, I'm doing a creative task, or I'm, like, exercising.

而且我从不坐下来什么也不做。

And and then and I'm never sitting down and doing nothing.

我从不玩手机。

I'm never on my phone.

我一直在刷手机。

I've been scrolling around.

我从不浪费任何时间。

I'm never wasting any time.

我总是在做一些需要动脑、动身或做点什么的活动。

I'm always doing something active with my brain or with my body or with something.

最近我形成了这样一种习惯，几乎过于高效了，以至于我从不坐下来休息。

Like, I have been in this routine lately that's, like, almost too productive to the point where it's like, I'm never just sitting down and resting.

这是我自己强加给自己的。

This is self inflicted.

没人逼我这么做。

No one's telling me to do this.

我不需要这么做。

I don't need to do this.

我开始感到有点精疲力尽。

I started to feel a little bit burnt out.

对我来说，感觉睡眠并没有让我恢复精力，即使睡了很多，也从不觉得休息好了。

And for me, it feels like not feeling like my sleep is recharging me, like, never feeling rested even if I'm getting a lot of sleep.

我开始变得有点易怒。

I start to get a bit irritable.

我更难激励自己去工作了。

It gets harder for me to motivate to work.

我对那些通常让我兴奋的事情，现在也提不起兴趣了。

Like, I'm not excited to work on stuff that I normally would be excited to work on.

一切事情都开始变得像苦差事。

Everything starts to feel like a chore.

我开始把自己孤立起来。

I start to isolate myself.

我因为生活的结构而太过疲惫，以至于不想和别人在一起。

I'm too exhausted from the structure of my life to, like, be around other people.

一些小迹象开始出现。

Little signs start to pop up.

我知道我应该在情况恶化前及时制止。

And I know that I should nip it in the butt before it gets bad.

这是我的身体在恳求我放慢一点节奏。

That's my body begging me to slow down a little bit.

但你想知道我总是怎么做吗？

But you wanna know what I always do?

尽管我知道不该忽视它，我还是会一直硬撑，直到某天早上醒来，我彻底垮了。

Even though I know I shouldn't ignore it, I keep pushing through until one day I wake up and I am done.

我感到抑郁。

And I feel depressed.

我连床都起不来。

I can't get out of bed.

我心理上感觉非常糟糕、阴暗、糟糕。

I feel psychologically horrible, dark, bad.

然后情况变得更糟，接着又变得更糟。

And then it gets worse, and then it gets worse.

我很难避免让自己彻底精疲力尽。

I have a really hard time not getting to the point where I burn myself out.

长期保持工作与生活的平衡，对我来说很难。

Maintaining a work life balance for, like, an extended period of time.

比如，我会暂时掌握好节奏，然后有一段时间状态特别好。

Like, I'll get a grasp on it, and it'll be really good for a while.

但我意识到，我本质上是个极端的人。

But I'm just kind of an extreme person, I've realized.

我有点沉迷于做事。

And I'm kind of addicted to working on things.

我想这是因为工作能让我转移对焦虑的注意力。

I think because it distracts me from anxiety.

它让我感觉一切都在掌控之中，而我是个控制狂。

It makes me feel in control, and I'm a control freak.

我觉得我之所以总把自己逼到极限，背后一定有什么扭曲的原因，而我其实明明知道这样不对。

I think there's some sort of, like, fucked up reason why I have a tendency to run myself into the ground, and I know better.

我给别人的关于倦怠的所有建议，我一次又一次地没能遵守。

All the advice that I would give to other people about burnout, I time and time again fail to follow myself.

这会发展到让我感到真正抑郁的地步，有时甚至会演变成一次抑郁发作。

And it gets to the point where I feel actually depressed, and it can actually devolve into a depressive episode even at times.

我得承认，我给自己点个赞。

I will say, I'll give myself credit.

随着年龄增长，我已经在这方面进步了很多。

I've gotten much better at it as I've gotten older.

年轻的时候，天哪，那简直一团糟。

When I was younger, oh my god, it was chaos.

我曾经连续好几年都处于持续的倦怠状态，却不知道该如何正确地恢复。

I was like in a constant state of burnout for like years, but I didn't know how to recover from it properly.

即使在最糟糕的时候，我也没有真正休息，而是躺在床上，感到内疚。

Even when when it was at its worst, instead of just truly resting, I would lay in bed and feel guilty.

但现在我知道了，好吧，我需要让身体恢复，所以我得给自己一段固定的时间放松，想想怎么不再陷入这种状态。

Whereas now I know, like, okay, I can now be like, alright, this needs to heal, so I need to just give myself a set amount of time to chill and figure out how to not get to this point again.

你知道的？

You know?

在我最近这次严重倦怠时，我认为问题的根源是焦虑。

When I had this most recent spurt of burnout, I think the root of the problem was anxiety.

最近我焦虑得很厉害。

I've had a lot of anxiety recently.

我总是有很多焦虑。

I have a lot of anxiety all the time.

那又怎样。

Big whoop.

艾玛最喜欢做的事就是焦虑。

Emma's favorite thing to do, be anxious.

最近我特别焦虑。

I've been particularly anxious as of recently.

一切都很好。

Everything's fine.

我的焦虑只是稍微加重了一点。

My anxiety has just been up a little bit.

对吧？

Right?

为了转移注意力，我全身心投入了工作、爱好和锻炼。

And in order to distract myself from that, I've thrown myself into work and into my hobbies and into exercise 100%.

这给了我一种掌控感。

It's given me this sense of control.

这给了我一种分心的感觉。

It's given me this sense of distraction.

所有这些其他事情其实本来就是我应该去做的。

All this other stuff is actually like what I need to be working on anyway.

这些事情本来就是我生活中应该有的，但我做得过头了，没有做其他事，也没有给自己任何休息的时间。

Like, all those things are important for me to have in my life anyway, but I've taken it too far, and I'm not doing anything else and not giving myself any time to rest.

这就是问题的根源。

And so that's the root of the problem.

我需要找到一种不同的方式，以免我对生活中的一切都近乎上瘾。

I need to figure out a different way so that I'm not almost addicted to everything in my life.

这说得通吗？

Does that make sense?

我知道，说我对工作、做手工和上健身课上瘾听起来很荒谬。

I know it sounds like ridiculous to be addicted to working, and like doing arts and crafts, and like going to workout classes.

听起来很荒谬，但其实我是对这些活动带来的分心上瘾了，因此我从不给自己任何休息时间来放松、平静下来，因为我总是在做某件事、忙个不停。

It sounds ridiculous, but it's like I'm addicted to the distraction that those things give me, and then I never have any downtime to relax and just be peaceful and quiet because I'm constantly working on something, doing something.

我总是在高效地做事。

I'm always being productive.

我对效率上瘾，因为它让我逃避焦虑。

I'm addicted to the productivity because it's distracting me from my anxiety.

你明白我的意思吗？

You see what I mean?

所以我更清楚了，我不该走到这一步。

So I know better, and I shouldn't even be getting to this point.

这些建议对我来说很难遵从。

It's hard advice for me to follow.

好吧。

Okay.

下一个。

Next.

每当有人来找我，说：‘艾玛，我感觉自己很糟糕，因为我很难不拿自己的生活和经历去和别人的生活和经历比较。’

Whenever someone comes to me and says, Emma, you know, I'm feeling really bad about myself because I'm having a hard time not comparing my life and my journey to other people's lives and journeys.

这种比较真的让我情绪低落。

Comparison is really bringing me down.

听好了。

Listen.

这是很自然的。

It's natural.

这种事情会发生。

It happens.

但比较是快乐的窃贼。

But comparison is the thief of joy.

我的建议通常是第一，把嫉妒和比较放在正确的视角下。

And my advice is usually to number one, put the jealousy in comparison into perspective.

对吧？

Right?

草总是别人家的绿。

The grass is always greener.

我们看着别人的生活，将它们浪漫化，并以一种完全不现实、完全脱离现实的方式幻想它们。

We look at other people's lives and romanticize them and fantasize about them in a way that's completely unrealistic and just not rooted in reality at all.

我们的很多比较实际上都是妄想。

Like, a lot of our comparisons are actually delusional.

假设我们正处于一段有问题的关系中。

Let's say we're in a relationship that's struggling.

我们会看到别人的关系看起来如此幸福美好，然后进行比较。

We'll look at other people's relationships that look so happy and so wonderful and compare.

但你永远不知道背后发生了什么。

But you never know what's going on.

那对夫妻可能正在互相出轨。

That couple might be cheating on each other.

他们看似幸福健康的关系可能全都是假象。

It might all be an illusion that they're a happy and healthy couple.

他们可能正在彻底地互相出轨。

They might be fully fucking cheating on each other.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

就像，你永远无从得知。

Like, you never know.

所以这通常是第一步。

So that's usually the step one.

然后第二步通常是关注自己，提升自尊。

And then the step two is usually to work on yourself, on your self esteem.

如果你对自己感觉良好，就不会经常拿自己和别人比较。

You know, if you feel good about yourself, you're not gonna compare yourself to others as often.

我现在非常清楚比较有多么具有破坏性。

Now, I'm so hyper aware of how damaging comparison can be.

我也非常清楚这种比较通常多么不切实际。

I'm also hyper aware of how delusional it tends to be.

这根本就不是基于现实的。

Like, it's not even rooted in reality.

我对如何解决这个问题了如指掌。

I'm so hyper aware of how to fix it.

尽管我对这些事情如此清醒，我仍然会拿自己和别人比较。

As hyper aware as I am of these things, I still compare myself to others.

我仍然会经历一些小阶段，不自觉地拿自己和别人比较。

I'll still go through little phases where I'm comparing myself to others, and I don't even check it.

我知道我在这么做，也知道这意味着我需要好好经营自己，因为当我发现自己经常这样做的时候，通常是因为我没有照顾好自己的自尊和自信。

Like, I know I'm doing it, and I know it means I need to do some work on myself because when I find that I'm doing that a lot, it's usually because I'm not tending to my self esteem, my confidence.

这里有一种，嗯，一种脱节。

There's a, like, there's a disconnect.

有些地方不对劲。

Something's off.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

比如，我在这件事上状态不太好。

Like, I I'm not in a good place with that.

我仍然会达到那种状态。

I still get to that point.

有时候这种情况会持续六个月左右，然后我会突然意识到：等等，我最近感觉糟透了。

And sometimes it'll go on for like six months, and then I'll be like, wait, I've been feeling like shit lately.

这是因为我一直陷入一种与他人比较的小习惯中。

And that's because I'm I'm in a little routine of comparing myself to others.

你知道吗，我会在Instagram上关注那些很帅的人。

You know, I'm stalking people on Instagram who are hot.

我看到街上一对可爱的情侣，就会想，他们看起来真幸福。

I'm seeing like a cute couple on the street and being like, they look so happy.

为什么他们看起来这么幸福呢？

Like, why are they they look so happy.

或者，走过一家酒吧，看到一群朋友，就会想，哇。

Or, like, walking past a bar and seeing a group of friends and being like, wow.

这群朋友看起来过得比我这辈子经历的任何时刻都开心。

That group of friends looks like they're having so much more fun than I've ever had in my life.

这种想法会悄悄渗透进来，然后某一天我会突然醒悟。

Like, it creeps in, and then I'll have the epiphany one day.

等等。

Like, wait.

我一直在做这种事吗？

I've been doing this?

我已经处于这种心态好几个月了，这必须得到重视，因为这不健康，正在降低我的生活质量。

Like, I've been in this state of mind for a few months now, and this needs to be addressed because this is unhealthy, and it's making my quality of life worse.

有时候我要花很长时间才能意识到自己在这样做，然后才下定决心去停止这种行为。

Sometimes it takes me a lot of time to realize that I'm doing it, and then to put in the work to stop doing it.

但过一阵子它又悄悄回来了，你知道的？

And then it creeps back in again, you know?

然后我又得重新处理它。

And then I have to handle it again.

这就像打地鼠一样。

It's like whack a mole.

这真的很难管理，我总是倾向于让它持续太久，因为我太懒了，懒得去正视它。

It's a really hard one to manage, and I have a tendency to let it linger for too long because I'm just too lazy to, like, address it.

你必须有纪律性和动力，才能捕捉到这些有毒的心态，并将它们彻底根除。

You have to be disciplined and motivated to catch these toxic mindsets and then to eradicate them.

这真的就像拥有一个家一样。

Like, it it really is like it's almost like owning a home.

你的大脑就像一个家。

Your brain is like a home.

你一直在维护一个家，这很累人。

You're constantly upkeeping a home, and it's exhausting.

你知道吗？

You know?

有时候你会漏掉一些东西。

And sometimes you're gonna miss something.

你会没注意到墙里有老鼠，它们一直在里面排便，现在闻起来全是粪便味。

You're gonna miss that you had rats in your walls, they've been pooping in there, and now it smells like poop.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

你会漏掉这些的。

Like, you're gonna miss that.

你总会漏掉一些东西，因为你不可能时刻关注每一件正在发生的事。

You're gonna miss stuff sometimes because you're not always gonna be paying super close attention to every single thing that's going on all the time.

或者你可能会产生一种怀疑，比如，我觉得我们家可能有蟑螂泛滥了，但我就是不想现在处理这件事。

Or you might have a suspicion like, oh, I think we have a cockroach infestation, but I just don't wanna deal with it right now.

于是你一直忽视它，忽视它，忽视它，直到它变成一个更大的问题。

So then you ignore it, ignore it, ignore it until it becomes a bigger problem.

我不知道。

I don't know.

我觉得打理一个家和照顾你的大脑是非常相似的事情。

I feel like taking care of a home and taking care of your brain is very much the same thing.

在理想的世界里，我们始终都能清楚地了解自己的状态，并且在出现一点有毒问题时立即处理。

And in an ideal world, we would have a firm grasp on where we're at at all times, and we would handle little toxic things that pop up as they pop up.

一旦它们出现，我们就马上处理。

And the second they pop up, we handle it.

但同样，这并不总是现实的。

But again, that's not always realistic.

我们并不总是有精力去做这些，而我就没有。

We don't always have the energy to do that, and I don't.

我尽量做好这一点，但有时还是会让它拖延太久。

I try to be as good about it as I can, but I'll let it linger for a little bit too long sometimes.

好的。

Okay.

继续。

Moving on.

我多次给出的一条恋爱建议是保持情感上的警觉，因为爱和欲望会严重蒙蔽我们的判断。

A piece of dating advice that I've given many times is to stay emotionally vigilant because love and lust can really cloud our judgment.

它会让我们对不良行为变得容忍。

It can make us accepting of bad behavior.

它会让我们为不良行为找借口。

It can cause us to make excuses for bad behavior.

它会让我们过早地对关系的结局下结论。

It can have us prematurely come to conclusions about the fate of the relationship.

如果你盲目而无知地陷入爱河，它最终会让你吃大亏。

If you let yourself be blissfully, ignorantly in love, it can bite you in the ass.

你必须保持警惕。

You have to stay vigilant.

这是我经常给别人的意见，也是我不断提醒自己的话。

This is advice that I give to other people, and I also am constantly giving to myself.

比如，当你陷入爱河时，很容易就变得头脑发昏，因为你太兴奋、太爱对方了，以至于你这么想。

Like, when in love, it's so easy to just become like, your brain fills with, like, mush because you're just so excited, and you're so in love, you think.

你只想这是对的人，只想这是你的灵魂伴侣。

And you just want this to be the one, and you want this to be your soulmate.

尤其是在蜜月期，你可能会觉得这个人就是你的灵魂伴侣，因为一切都感觉如此美好、新鲜而令人兴奋。

And especially in the honeymoon phase, you probably think that this person's your soulmate because everything feels so wonderful and new and exciting.

而这是有害的原因在于，你约会的对象真的很重要，你知道吗？

And the reason why that's so harmful is because who you're dating is really important, you know?

无论这是一段暂时的 casual 关系，还是你打算共度余生的人，和对的人在一起都至关重要。

Whether it's something casual for the time being or it's the person you're gonna be with for the rest of your life, it's so important that you're with the right person.

因为即使你只是在随意约会，我们周围的人也比我们意识到的更能深刻影响我们的生活。

Because even if you're just casually dating, who we surround ourselves with impacts our lives so much more than we realize.

如果我们身边的人很懒，我们往往会变得懒惰。

If we're around somebody who is lazy, we will often become lazy.

如果我们身边的人很消极，我们往往会变得更加消极。

If we're around somebody who's negative, we will often become more negative.

我们应该对约会的对象保持极其谨慎的态度。

We should be incredibly critical of the people that we're dating.

但有趣的是，要保持批判性真的很难。

But funny enough, it's so hard to be critical.

我已经在这方面进步了很多。

I've gotten a lot better at it.

进步了很多。

A lot better at it.

我以前约会一个人，一个月内就想着要和他结婚。

I used to date somebody and be like, I'm marrying them, like a month in.

我通常不会当面这么说，但我心里确实是这么想的。

I wouldn't usually say that to their face, but I was thinking it.

他们可能有一些危险信号。

And they might have some red flags.

我会说，这完全没问题。

I'd be like, it's totally fine.

这完全没问题。

It's totally fine.

这没什么大不了的。

It's no problem.

我根本不关心。

I don't even care.

或者我只是装作没看见，随便吧。

Or I just turn a blind eye, whatever.

我进步了很多，但我还是容易下结论。

I've gotten a lot better, but I still jump to conclusions.

好吧。

Okay.

接下来，我想给焦虑的人，也就是和我一样焦虑的人一些建议。

Next, advice I give to anxious people, fellow anxious people.

担心我们无法控制的事情是毫无意义的。

It's pointless to worry about things we cannot control.

我们唯一需要关注的是自己生活中能做的事情。

All that we need to focus on is what we can do in our lives.

然而，这是我最难遵循的一条建议。

However, this is the hardest piece of advice for me to follow.

因为尽管我知道，从技术上讲，担心那些我无法控制的事情是在浪费我的精力，但我依然会为此担心。

Because even though I know that it's like technically a waste of my energy to worry about things that I can't control, of course, I'm still worried about them.

有很多让我害怕的、我无法控制的事情。

There's a lot of scary things that I can't control.

这实际上是我许多心理问题的根源。

That's actually a root of a lot of my psychological issues.

而且似乎我越老，这件事就越难应对。

And it seems that the older I get, the harder this is for me to handle.

但这是一种我一直在努力练习的技巧。

But it's a practice that I'm constantly working on.

当你发现自己在担心那些无法控制的事情时，我必须坐下来，在心里一遍又一遍地重复：你不能担心你无法控制的事情。

You know, when I find myself worrying about things that I can't control, I have to sit down and repeat in my head over and over again, you cannot worry about things that you can't control.

你不能担心你无法控制的事情。

You cannot worry about things you can't control.

我尽我所能去尝试放手。

And I I I just do whatever I can to try to let it go.

但这真的太难了。

But it's so fucking hard.

太难了，而且并不是每次都能奏效。

It's so hard, and it doesn't work every time.

我还在摸索中。

And I'm still figuring it out.

那么，给出这样的建议好吗？

So is that good advice to give?

是也不是。

Yes and no.

因为我觉得这话没错，但作为一个焦虑的人去实践它，真的太他妈难了。

Because I think it's true, but executing on it as an anxious person is so fucking hard.

我再重申一遍，这些年来我已经进步了很多。

And I will say again, I've gotten a lot better at it over the years.

我知道这其实就是一种心理游戏。

I know that it's just kind of a mind game.

这只是一个心态的转变，通过练习会变得更容易。

It's just a mindset shift, and it gets easier with practice.

但又像打地鼠一样。

But again, it's like whack a mole.

情况会变得非常糟糕，然后我会开始练习让自己平静下来，自我安抚，甚至逐渐接受这样一个事实：有些事情是我无法控制的，这就是现实，我无能为力，所以不值得为此担忧。

It'll get really bad, and then I'll get into a practice of like calming myself down and and, you know, self soothing in a way, and like, even sort of getting into the practice of accepting the fact that there are things that I can't control, and that's just how it is, and there's nothing I can do, so it's not worth my worry.

我会进入这样的状态，但之后又会失控，情况越来越糟，越来越糟，直到难以忍受，然后我才会再次应对。

I'll get into a practice like that, and then I'll lose it, and then it'll get worse, and it'll get worse, and it'll get worse until it's unbearable, and then I'll handle it again.

如果我遵循自己的建议，我就永远不会让情况再次恶化到这么糟糕的地步。

If I were to be following my own advice, I would never let it get to a bad point again.

我会投入更多努力、更多时间和更多精力来保持控制，但我并不总是这么做。

I would put more effort, and more time and and more energy into keeping it under control, but I I don't necessarily do that.

我应该这么做，因为这是我面临的一个严重问题。

And I should because it's a serious issue that I have.

我暂时中断一下这一集，告诉大家本集由优步赞助。

I briefly paused this episode to let you know that this episode is brought to you by Uber.

今年秋天要回校园吗？

Heading back to campus this fall?

你应该试试优步学生版。

You should check out Uber One for students.

它提供一系列优惠，比如免配送费、 eligible 订单最高享受10%折扣、乘车返6%优步积分，还有来自你最爱品牌的每日免费赠品。

It comes with a bunch of perks, like $0 delivery fees, up to 10% off eligible orders, and 6% back in Uber credits on rides, plus daily freebies from your favorite brands.

现在就试试，享受前四周免费。

Try it out now and get your first four weeks free.

成为Uber学生会员，节省Uber和Uber Eats的费用。

Become an Uber One for Students member and start saving on Uber and Uber Eats.

适用资格和会员条款。

Eligibility and member terms apply.

现在回到节目。

Now back to the episode.

我经常给人们的另一条建议是我们需要接触大自然。

Another piece of advice that I always give to people is that we need to be touching grass.

我们需要到户外去。

We need to be outside.

人类需要置身于自然之中。

Humans need to be in nature.

这对我们来说非常重要。

It's so important for us.

它能让我们脚踏实地。

It grounds us.

它带给我们快乐。

It brings us joy.

它让我们看清事物的本质。

It puts things into perspective.

置身户外，只是看看这个世界，就能让我们看清事物的本质。

There's something about being outside and just seeing the world that puts things into perspective.

如果你待在室内，盯着电脑或手机，就会被那个世界吸进去，然后那个世界就会让你觉得那就是全部。

If you're inside on your computer, on your phone, you get sucked into that world, and that starts to feel like the world.

但只要你一走出去，就会恍然大悟。

And then the second you go outside, it's like, oh, okay.

我明白了。

I see.

还有这个。

There's this.

这才是真实的样子。

This is what it really is.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

这才是世界真正的样子。

This is what the world really is.

然而，我并没有足够重视外出活动。

However, I do not prioritize being outside enough.

我待在室内的时间太长了。

I am inside so much.

这让我感到非常沮丧，真的让我很难过。

It is so depressing to me, and it genuinely makes me sad.

但我做的所有事情，最适合的都是在室内进行。

But I just everything that I do makes most sense to do indoors.

比如，我工作时，一切都需要某种技术、电脑、录音设备，这些最适合在室内进行。

Like, when I'm working, everything requires some sort of technology, computers, recording equipment, makes most sense to do that indoors.

我喜欢的所有艺术和手工活动，最适合的也都是在室内进行。

All of the arts and crafts that I like to do makes most sense to do indoors.

我最喜欢的锻炼方式是高温瑜伽、高温普拉提之类的。

My favorite exercise, hot yoga, hot pilates, stuff like that.

这些全都得在室内房间里进行。

That's all indoors in a room.

这个夏天我大部分时间都待在室内。

Like, I've spent so much of this summer indoors.

我出去度假了一次，那会儿一整天都在户外，感觉棒极了。

I went on one vacation, and I was outside like the whole time, and it was amazing.

回到家后，我就几乎没再出去过了。

And then I got home, and I've barely been outside since.

我都完全褪色了。

Like, I completely lost my tan.

我待在空调房里，看着外面，心想：也许我该把笔记本电脑拿到外面去，顺便在外面工作什么的。

I'm indoors in the AC, looking outside, like, I should maybe bring my laptop out there and, like, work outside or something.

但我知道我应该这么做，也知道这样会让我感觉更好，可总觉得太麻烦了，很难激励自己去行动。

But it's like, I know I should, and I know it would make me feel better, but it seems like too much work, and it's hard for me to motivate to do it.