我的邻居讨厌我

好的。

Okay.

于是我走过去找他。

So I walk up to him.

他其实知道我是谁。

He actually knew who I was.

他认出了我。

He recognized me.

他对我大加赞赏，我非常感激。

And he was very complimentary of me, which I was very appreciative of.

在晨间散步时，有人突然夸我，这真是太好了——我当时可能正想安静地散步，但内心其实还在压抑着冒名顶替综合症。

That's that's so nice to be on my morning walk and somebody to start complimenting me while I'm probably, like, on my walk trying to be peaceful, but ultimately pushing down my impostor syndrome.

你懂我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

太棒了。

Like, great.

真是一份惊喜。

What a treat.

那真的太棒了。

And that was really wonderful.

然后他开始谈论他目前的生活状况，我不会告诉你们细节，因为那是他自己的私事。

And then he started talking about his current life situation, which I won't tell you about because that is no one's business but his.

他向我倾诉这些，说话时带着一种非常不寻常的自信。

And he started venting to me about it, and he was talking to me with this, like, very unusual confidence.

我说不清楚，但他就是非常自信。

I can't explain it, but he was just very confident.

我想，最好的方式是不逐字复述对话，而是通过他做的一件极其古怪的事来展现他的自信。

And I think the best way I can display his confidence without telling you about the conversation verbatim is he did something that was so bizarre.

明白吗？

Okay?

他从包里取下一个发夹，就是那种用来扎长发、把头发盘起来后固定用的发夹。

He unclipped a hair clip from his bag, like a like a hair clip for, like, long hair where, like, you know, you twist your hair up and pin and clip it.

对吧？

Right?

他从包里取下那个发夹，扔给了我。

He unclipped that from his bag, and he threw it at me.

我当时想，你让我拿这个干什么？

And I was like, what do you want me to do with this?

我没头发啊。

Like, I don't have any hair.

我的头发很短。

Like, my hair is short.

他说：你不再是那个脆弱的小女孩了。

He was like, you're not a broken little girl anymore.

把头发留长吧。

Grow your hair out.

让它长长。

Let it be long.

我当时想，这在很长一段时间内都不会发生。

And I was like, well, that's not gonna happen for a long time.

所以你可以把夹子拿回去，因为我很长一段时间都用不上它。

So you can take the clip back because I'm not gonna need it for a long time.

他说，等你把头发留长了，就把这个夹子还给我。

And he said, when you grow your hair out, you give that clip back to me.

大部分时候，整个对话都是这样的性质。

This was the nature of the whole conversation for the most part.

明白吗？

Okay?

那就是他的风格。

That was his vibe.

我当时想，现在到底发生什么事了？

And I'm like, what is happening right now?

他是不是个天才？

Like, is he a genius?

他是心灵感应者吗？

Is he a psychic?

他还说了一些非常有趣的话。

He said something else that was really interesting.

他说是因为我戴着太阳镜。

He was like because I was wearing sunglasses.

他说，我觉得你经常戴眼镜，是因为你在保护自己的灵魂。

He was like, I feel like you're someone who wears glasses a lot because you're trying to protect your spirit.

你知道吗，奇怪的是？

And you know what's weird?

我确实经常戴眼镜。

Is that I do wear glasses a lot.

这确实有点像一种保护机制。

And it does sort of weirdly feel like a protective mechanism.

我说不清楚，但确实有种保护的感觉。

Like, I can't explain it, but it does feel sort of protective.

就像在精神上它像一面盾牌一样。

Like, it spiritually is sort of like a shield.

它也是一个绝佳的配饰，能让任何穿搭更上一层楼，但同时也像一种奇怪的屏障。

It also is a wonderful accessory that really takes every any outfit to the next level, but it also is sort of a weird block.

它和他能察觉到这一点，这让我觉得太不可思议了。

Like, it and the fact that he caught on to that was so bizarre to me.

他就像完全看透了我一样在谈论我。

And he was just talking about me as though he had me all figured out.

他说我内心是个受伤的小女孩，那是我的内在小孩，这就是我剪掉所有头发、留短发的原因，而且我现在已经不受伤了，可以留长发，成为一个美丽的女人。

Saying that, like, I'm a hurt little girl on the inside, that's my inner child, and that's why I cut all my hair off and have a pixie, and that I'm not hurt anymore, and that I can grow it out and be a beautiful woman.

说实话，那一点确实有几分道理。

To be honest, the thing about that too is that there is a bit of truth to that.

我觉得我一直想说，该怎么表达呢？

I think I've always how do I put this?

我一直觉得自己不够女性化，因为我非常认同自己的男性化特质，或者说，我一直都是这样。

I've always struggled with feeling I've always felt like I I'm not feminine enough because I'm very in touch with my masculine traits, if you will, and I always have been.

我一直对此感到莫名的不自信，因为这不是我能控制的事情。

And I've always been weirdly self conscious about that because it's not something I can control.

你知道的。

You know?

就像，我就是我，因为这也是我的另一个特点。

Like, I am who I am because that's the other thing about me.

我就是我。

I am who I am.

我没法装样子。

Like, I I can't fake it.

所以当我完全做自己的时候，我就是这种典型的、兼具女性化和男性化特质的组合。

And so when I am 100% myself, I am, you know, this this particular combination of feminine and masculine traits stereotypically, if you will.

我一直对自己感到不自信，总觉得不够女性化，无法吸引喜欢我的男生，或者让我喜欢的男生觉得我有吸引力。

And I've always been self conscious about feeling like I'm not feminine enough for, say, like, boys to like me or, you know, yet to be attractive to guys that I like.

甚至在恋爱关系中，我也一直纠结，他们会更喜欢我吗？

And even in relationships, you know, I've struggled with feeling like, oh, do they would they be more attracted to me?

如果我变得极度女性化，比如性感迷人、拥有完美的卷发和精致的猫眼眼线，他们会更爱我吗？

Would they love me more if I was, like, ultra feminine, like, sexy, gorgeous, stereotypically perfect blowout hair, gorgeous winged liner?

你明白我的意思吗？

Like, you know what I'm saying?

我一直都在为这个问题挣扎。

Like, I've I've always struggled with that.

我一直觉得，男孩们想要的大概是那样的，但那并不是我。

I've always felt like, oh, I feel like that's what the the boys want, but that's not me.

你懂的？

You know?

我这一生都在为这个问题挣扎。

And I've always struggled with that my whole life.

所以当他跟我说‘你不再是那个受伤的小女孩了’时，我觉得特别有意思——如果我把他说的话当真，把他当成一个坐在邻居房子外、二十岁左右、玩滑板的男孩，顺便说一句，那房子根本不是他的。

So that's why it was so interesting to me when he was like, you're not a hurt little girl anymore, Which to me, if I were to take his word as bible, this random, like, 20 year old boy with a skateboard sitting outside of my neighbor's house, which, by the way, wasn't even his house.

他只是坐在那房子外面。

He was just sitting outside of it.

如果我字面理解这句话，并试图像看星座一样从中寻找真相，我会说其中的真相是，我不再像以前那样有那种感觉了。

If I were to take that literally, and I were to try to find the truth in it as though it's like a horoscope, I would say the truth in it is that I don't feel that way as much anymore.

我觉得现在自己更加自信了，更接纳真实的自我。

Like, I feel more I feel confident in who I am as a person now today.

而且我也发现，我越来越能拥抱自己的女性气质，并且开始享受它。

And I also think too I've grown into my feminine energy more and more, and I, like, enjoy it.

但我仍然有很多，呃，男性化的特质。

And I I still in a lot of like, I still have, you know, masculine trait.

是的，确实有。

Like, I do.

但随着年龄增长，我更能允许这两种特质和谐共存，也更坦然地接受真实的自己。

But as I've grown older, I've been able to allow both to coexist more comfortably, and I'm more comfortable with who I am as a person.

而且，变得女性化也没那么让我感到不适了。

And, yeah, being, like, feminine doesn't make me as uncomfortable.

以前这让我非常不自在，因为我总觉得自己是在强求某种形象。

It used to make me very uncomfortable because I just I always felt like it was forced.

但随着我长大，这自然变成了让我感到舒适的东西。

But as I grew up, it just naturally became something that I felt comfortable with.

也许我只是不得不慢慢适应它。

I just kinda had to grow into it perhaps.

所以当他这么说时，我觉得特别有趣，因为我的确觉得现在自己在女性气质方面更自在了；某种程度上，头发长短并不一定代表女性气质，但我觉得这很有趣，因为它确实有点象征意义。

So that's why it was so interesting when he said that because I was like, I do feel more comfortable in my in my femininity and in a way now that I'm not that like like, your hair length has nothing to do with your femininity necessarily, but I think it was interesting because I was like, it is kind of a metaphorical thing.

不过，我认为他有点错了，因为我喜欢短发。

However, I think he is sort of wrong because I love my hair being short.

我喜欢留短发。

I love having short hair.

这简直太棒了。

It's the best.

我喜欢打理它。

I love styling it.

我喜欢它如此容易打理。

I love how easy it is to take care of.

我喜欢我的头发。

Like, I I love my hair.

对我来说，留着这样的头发让我感觉非常女性化。

And to me, I feel very feminine with my hair.

所以也许他并不对。

So maybe he's not right.

也许他根本没意识到什么，但这确实让我思考了，这在某种程度上让人有点不安。

Maybe he wasn't onto anything at all, but it did make me think, which is kind of frightening in some ways.

我是不是太容易轻信别人了？

It's like, am I super gullible?

我居然在街上偶然遇到一个年轻男子，他突然递给我一个发夹，说：‘宝贝，把头发留长吧。’

The fact that I just bumped into this random young man on my street, and he, like, you know, throws me this hair clip and he's like, grow that hair out, baby.

你已经不是那个受伤的小女孩了。

It you're not a hurt little girl anymore.

你可以拥有又长又漂亮的头发。

You can have long, gorgeous hair.

我当时就想，你说得对吗？

And I'm like, are you right?

我甚至问自己，他是不是说中了什么，这让我有点在意。

Like, fact that I even asked myself, like, is he onto something?

这让我有点担心，因为我心想：我是不是太容易轻信了？

Is a little concerning to me because I'm like, am I so gullible?

但整个互动中有一种莫名的吸引力，让我忍不住怀疑他是不是真的看出了什么。

But there was something so intriguing about the whole interaction that, like, I couldn't help but question if he was onto something.

他说的关于眼镜的那番话也精准得离谱，我当时就想：这个随机遇到的年轻人是通灵者吗？还是只是读了几本心理学书籍，然后在套用那些理论？

And the whole thing he said about the glasses too was weirdly so on on the nose as well that I was like, is this random young kid a psychic, or has he just read a few, like, psychology books and and he's pulling from that?

我不确定。

Like, I don't know.

但当我走开时，他却说：‘我本想问你要电话号码，但总有一天你会主动给我的。’

But as I was walking away, he was like he was like, well, I'd ask for your number, but you'll get it one day.

我当时就想：什么？

And I was like, what?

好的。

Okay.

我得走了。

I gotta go.

我当时想，这是怎么回事？

I was like, what is happening?

这是怎么回事？

What is happening?

说实话，这个互动一开始让我有点害怕。

And to be honest, the interaction actually kind of frightened me at first.

真的，它确实吓到我了。

Like, it really did frighten me.

这一切太不寻常了，他的自信也太不寻常了，整个过程对我来说简直像灵魂出窍，我真的被吓坏了。

It was so unusual, and his confidence was so unusual that the whole thing was just, like, kind of an out of body experience for me, and I did get really freaked out.

在回家的路上，我还有点心有余悸，但后来我平静下来了。

The remainder of my walk home, I was spooked a little bit, but then I calmed down.

我觉得他是无害的。

I he was harmless.

但这真的太奇怪了。

But that was really odd.

这些就是我在 neighborhood 散步时遇到的所有怪事。

Those are all of the weird occurrences that have happened to me on my neighborhood walks.

而且，说实话，我觉得这还没完，如果再有奇怪的事情发生，我会继续更新大家。

And, I mean, I don't think that this is the end, so I'll keep you all updated if if more odd things happen.

但既然我们在讲故事，我还有几个零散的故事想和大家分享。

But while we're telling stories, I have a few more miscellaneous stories to share with you all.

零散的。

Miscellaneous.

但这些事情都不是发生在我 neighborhood 的散步途中。

But these these do not take place on my neighborhood walk.

那些就是我全部的内容了。

That those that's all I got.

好吧？

Okay?

而且，我居然有这么多故事，这还挺让人惊讶的。

And the fact that I even have that many stories is kind of impressive.

像我这样的人，本不该有这么多故事的。

Like, I shouldn't have that many.

听好了。

Now listen.

这些故事中有哪个特别惊人吗？

Are any of them that groundbreaking?

没有。

No.

但问题是，如果你想要惊人的故事，你大可去YouTube上找一个骗子。

But the thing is, if you want groundbreaking stories, you can go ahead and find a liar on YouTube.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

疯狂的事情其实并不常发生。

Wild things don't really happen that often.

你知道的。

You know?

所以听好了。

So it's like, listen.

如果你想要一个疯狂的故事，那就去找那些撒谎的人吧。

If you want a a crazy story, like, go find someone who's, like, lying or something.

好吧。

Okay.

下一个故事。

Next story.

我暂时打断一下这一集，告诉你这一集由Too Good and Co.赞助。

I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode is brought to you by Too Good and Co.

我今天真的把Too Good奶油剂带到了我的工作室，让我告诉你，这应该是你咖啡体验的最新升级。

I've actually got Too Good Creamers right here in my studio today, and let me tell you, this should be the latest upgrade to your coffee game.

它们由农场新鲜奶油、真实牛奶制成，每份含三克糖。

They're made with farm fresh cream, real milk, and contain three grams of sugar per serving.

这比主流传统咖啡奶精每份五克的糖含量少了40%。

That's 40% less than the five grams per serving in leading traditional coffee creamers.

Too Good奶精提供三种口味：甜奶油、烤香草和薰衣草。

Two good creamers are available in sweet cream, roasted vanilla, and lavender.

你只需要选一种就行了。

All you gotta do is pick one.

在你当地的零售商的奶精货架上就能找到全部口味。

Find them all at your local retailer in the creamer aisle.

现在回到节目本身。

Now back to the episode.

我和朋友们决定来洛杉矶看一场演唱会。

My friends and I decided to go to a concert here in Los Angeles.

我们到得特别晚，冲进去的时候简直是在跑。

We got there super late, and we're we're, like, running in, trying to get in.

他们在安检处检查我的包，因为你知道，你得通过金属探测器。

And they're checking my bag at security because, you know, you have to go through a metal detector.

他们必须扫描你的包，翻看你的包，然后拿出了我的车钥匙。

They have to scan your bag, look through your bag, and they pull out my car keys.

接着他们特别注意到了我钥匙扣上的瑞士军刀，我的那把小迷你瑞士军刀。

And then they single out on my key chain my Swiss army knife, my little mini Swiss army knife.

他们说：‘这个不能带进去。’

And they're like, you can't bring this in.

我当时说：‘操。’

And I was like, fuck.

然后我说：‘好吧。’

And I was like, okay.

我应该把钥匙送回车里吗？

Should I run it back to the car?

我是在问我的朋友们。

Like, I I'm asking my friends.

然后那个工作人员说：‘如果你愿意的话，可以把它寄存在衣帽间。’

And then the guy was like, oh, you can check it with the coat check if you want.

我当时说：‘哦，好的。’

And I was like, oh, okay.

太好了。

Great.

我就这么办。

I'll do that.

于是我从钥匙串上取下我的瑞士军刀。

So I unhook my Swiss army knife from my key chain.

我把它交给了衣帽间。

I give it to the coat check.

他们给了我一张小票。

They give me a little slip.

我进入了音乐会现场。

I go into the concert.

好吗？

Okay?

我和朋友们玩得非常开心。

My friends and I, we have a grand old time.

我们在跳舞，但最后累了，早早离开了。

We're dancing, but we end up getting tired and leaving early.

所以，幸运的是，取外套的地方没有排队。

So, thankfully, there's no line at the coat check.

什么都没有。

No nothing.

很简单。

It's easy.

走过去就把小票递上，我说，就是一把红色的瑞士军刀。

Walk right up, and I hand my slip, and I'm like, it's just like a red Swiss army knife.

于是，外套处的女士拿出了一把红色的瑞士军刀。

So the woman at the code check pulls out a red Swiss army knife.

它就在最上面。

It's right on top.

把它递给我。

Hands it to me.

我把它放回钥匙上。

I put it back on my keys.

生活照常继续。

Life goes on as normal.

有一天，我在车里。

One day, I'm in the car.

我正在开车，遇到红灯。

I'm driving, and I'm at a red light.

这大概是演唱会两周后的事了。

This is probably two weeks after the concert.

我遇到红灯。

I'm at a red light.

我看着镜子里的自己，心想：我下巴上是不是长了根胡子？

I look at my face in the mirror, and I'm like, do I have a chin hair?

因为偶尔会冒出一根调皮的下巴胡须，长得很快。

Because I have a little rogue chin hair that grows back every once in a while.

于是我凑近一点仔细看，心想：天啊。

And I look a little closer, and I'm like, damn.

真的有。

I do.

我还停在那个红绿灯前。

I'm at this red light still.

我想：要不趁现在用我瑞士军刀里的镊子赶紧拔掉吧。

I'm like, you know, maybe I'll tweeze it real quick using my tweezers in my Swiss army knife.

我拿出钥匙。

I pull out my keys.

我拿出瑞士军刀。

I pull out the Swiss army knife.

镊子不见了。

The tweezers are gone.

我觉得这很奇怪。

I'm like, that's weird.

我怎么就把它们弄丢了？

Like, I like, how did I lose those?

我好久都没用过它们了。

Like, I haven't used those in a really long time.

真奇怪。

That's weird.

再过一周后。

Fast forward another week.

我和我妈妈聊天。

I was talking to my mom.

她在我家。

She was at my house.

我当时觉得，真烦人。

I was like, it's so annoying.

我得买副新的小镊子来替换。

Like, I have to get a replacement for these little tweezers.

我把它们弄丢了。

Like, I lost them.

我不知道它们是怎么掉出去的。

I don't know how they how they fell out.

我看着瑞士军刀，仔细一看，发现上面刻着‘Wanda’。

And I was looking at the Swiss army knife, and I look a little closer, and I see that engraved into the Swiss army knife, it says Wanda.

我不是Wanda。

I'm not Wanda.

这把瑞士军刀是谁的？

Whose Swiss army knife is this?

他们还给我的是错的。

They gave me back the wrong one.

现在关键在这里。

Now here's the thing.

这其实没什么大不了的。

This wouldn't be a big deal.

我不介意拿着别人的瑞士军刀。

I don't mind having somebody else's Swiss army knife.

是的。

Yeah.

上面刻着‘Wanda’确实有点奇怪，但说实话，我也没太放在心上。

It's a little bit weird that it says Wanda on it, but, like, that doesn't really bother me that much.

如果那把瑞士军刀是他们用了多年的珍藏品，上面还刻着他们的名字，那对他们来说才真是可惜。

You know, it's more it would be more of a shame for them if that was, like, a special Swiss army knife that they've had for years that has their name engraved on it.

也许那是别人送给他们的礼物。

Maybe somebody gave it to them as a gift.

那样的话，确实挺让人难过的。

Like, that would be sad.

问题是，自从我拿到这个陌生人的瑞士军刀后，过去两三周里，我大概用了牙签十次。

The problem was, for the last two or three weeks since I've had this random person's Swiss army knife, I've probably used the toothpick 10 times.

现在意识到这一点真是令人反感。

Now this is a repulsive thing to realize.

旺达和我基本上亲过嘴了，这太恶心了。

Wanda and I have basically kissed, and it's disgusting.

这太恶心了。

It's disgusting.

现在我想查一下口腔细菌在塑料上能存活多久。

And now I wanna look up how long bacteria I'm looking up how long does mouth bacteria live on plastic.

天哪。

Oh, no.

资料显示，口腔细菌和其他病原体可以在表面存活数小时到数周不等。

It says mouth bacteria and other germs can live on surfaces for anywhere from a few hours to several weeks.

完美。

Perfect.

完美。

Perfect.

很好。

Great.

好的。

Okay.

我的意思是，我从来没生过病，但我和旺达基本上是接吻了。

Well, I mean, I never got sick, but Wanda and I basically kissed.

所以，这确实不太妙。

So, yeah, that's not great.

行。

K.

另一个故事。

Another story.

下一个有点尴尬。

This next one is embarrassing.

这件事发生在几个月前。

This happened a few months ago.

我当时参加了一个派对。

I was at a party.

那不是那种典型的派对。

It wasn't like a party party.

那更像是一个行业聚会，有点像工作聚会的氛围。

It was like a industry party, kind of more of like a work party vibe.

我随机开始和一些不认识的人聊天。

And I randomly start chatting it up with some people I don't know.

有一刻，我正在和其中一个女孩聊天，她说：‘你这副眼镜真可爱。’

And at one point, one of the girls I'm talking to was like, those are really cute glasses.

我当时说：‘哦，谢谢。’

And I was like, oh, thank you.

她又问：‘这是有度数的眼镜吗？’

And she was like, are those prescription?

我当时说，哦，是的。

And I was like, oh, yeah.

它们是轻微度数的。

They're light prescription.

我只是需要老花镜。

Like, I just I just need readers.

我有点散光。

I have a little stigmatism.

只是+1.25，可能是最低度数了。

Just plus 1.25, like, the lightest you could possibly go.

它们特别轻。

They're super light.

她就说，哦，我能试试吗？

And she was like, oh, can I try them on?

我当时说，当然可以。

And I was like, sure.

我想是吧。

I guess.

为什么不呢？

Why not?

我不确定她想戴上试试，是想看看戴起来好不好看，还是别的什么？

And I wasn't sure if she wanted to try them on to, like, see if, like, they looked cute on her or, like, what?

所以我只是说，好啊。

So I I just was like, sure.

于是我给了她。

So I give them to her.

她说，这些不是处方眼镜。

And she's like, these are not prescription.

我当时说，哦。

And I was like, oh.

于是我重新戴上，这才意识到，那天晚上我没戴我的处方眼镜。

And I tried I put them back on, and I realized so I wasn't wearing my prescription ones that night.

事情就是这样发生的。

And here's how that happened.

明白吗？

Okay?

当我晚上外出戴眼镜时，我并不是为了功能性，除非我真的特别累，比如深夜去超市买东西，眼睛因为一整天的疲劳而有点模糊。

I have when I go out for the evening and wear glasses, I'm not wearing them for function necessarily unless I'm, like, really tired and I'm doing, like, a late night run to the grocery store and my eyes are kind of blurry and fatigued from the day.

也许我一整天都在看屏幕，眼睛有点模糊。

Maybe I've been looking at a screen all day or something and my eyes are kind of blurry.

那时我才会戴老花镜外出办事，因为我的眼睛确实累了。

Then I'll wear my readers out to, like, go run errands or something because my eyes actually are tired.

但通常，如果我只是晚上外出，戴眼镜更多是为了时尚。

But usually, if I'm just going out for the night, I'm wearing glasses more for fashion purposes.

我有一副眼镜，既有度数的老花镜版本，也有普通版本。

And one of my pairs of glasses I have in both prescription readers and normal.

为什么？

Why?

因为这是我和Warby Parker一年前合作设计的眼镜。

Because they're glasses that I made with Warby Parker, like, a year ago.

他们寄给我一副没有度数的样品，但我也有另一副带度数的。

And they sent me a sample that didn't have prescription in it, but then I also have a prescription pair.

所以那天我离开家时，只是随手拿了一副，因为两副都摆在那儿。

And so when I was leaving my house that day, I just, like, grabbed whatever pair because I have them both out.

那天晚上，我根本没多想。

On this particular night, I didn't even think about it.

我得赶紧出门，就随便拿了一副，没在意是哪一副。

I just had to go, and so I just grabbed one, and I didn't think about it.

我以为我拿的是带度数的那副。

And I thought that they were the prescription pair.

我直接假设了，因为视力看起来很清楚，但我其实没仔细考虑。

I just assumed because my vision looked clear, but I wasn't really thinking about it.

所以当她问起时，我就说，是的。

So when she asked, I was like, yeah.

它们是处方镜片，因为我以为它们就是。

They're the prescription pair because I just thought that they were.

但其实不是，这就让我看起来像个骗子。

And then they weren't, and then it seemed like I was a liar.

现在让我觉得特别尴尬的原因是，自从光学镜框成为潮流之后，人们开始戴透明镜框只是为了营造可爱的感觉，而不是为了实际的视力功能，这让那些戴光学镜框的人感到一种防御心理——他们害怕别人知道自己其实并不需要戴眼镜。

Now the reason why this is so mortifying to me is because it it's like, I feel like ever since optical frames have become a trend, right, wearing just clear glasses for cutesy vibes rather than for, you know, actual functional vibes, there's been sort of this defensiveness from people who like to wear optical frames of, like, people are sort of embarrassed that they don't actually technically need them.

这甚至变成一个有争议的话题：如果你不需要眼镜，为什么要戴呢？

And it's sort of been like a controversial topic of, like, why are you wearing glasses if you don't need them?

你知道的。

You know?

所以我觉得自己撒了谎，是因为我感到尴尬，但其实我撒谎只是因为搞混了，根本没仔细想。

And so it felt like I lied because I was embarrassed, but really I lied because I just got confused, and I just wasn't really paying attention.

然后她就觉得我是在撒谎。

And then she, like, thought that I, like, was lying.

那我该怎么跟一个我从未见过的人解释，你懂我的意思吗？

And and then it's like, how do I explain to this person I've never met that, like you know what I mean?

就是这个情况。

It the the situation.

其实也没那么重要。

It doesn't really matter.

而且，过度解释的话，反而让人尴尬。

And also, like, to overexplain it is, like, embarrassing.

谁在乎呢？

It's like, who cares?

但后来我就陷入了一种奇怪的境地，这个我从未见过的女性以为我是个惯性骗子。

But then it was like I was in this weird situation where now this this woman I've never met thinks I'm a compulsive liar.

这真的特别尴尬。

And so that was super embarrassing.

对我来说，这很尴尬，我一直想把这件事说出来，跟别人倾诉一下。

To me, it was embarrassing, and I've been kind of dying to get that off my chest and tell someone about it.

我的意思是，我可能跟父母说过这事，但我觉得现在在公共平台上公开谈论这件事，反而让我感觉轻松多了。

I mean, listen, I probably told my parents about it or something, but I just I feel like now that I'm I'm talking about it publicly on a public platform that this happened, now it just like I feel like relieved.

比如这个女孩在背后笑话我，她到处跟人说：艾玛骗了我，说她的眼镜是处方镜片，其实不是。

Like if this girl is like making fun of me behind my back, she's telling everyone, she's like, Emma lied to me and said her glasses were prescription and they're not.

因为她自己不好意思承认她不需要处方镜片，所以才对我撒了谎。

Because she was, like, embarrassed that she doesn't need prescription, and so she lied to me.

她在撒谎，她是个骗子。

And she's lying, and she's a liar.

现在我已经在互联网上公开说出了这件事，感觉轻松多了。

Now that I'm now that I've gotten this off my chest publicly on the Internet, I just feel so much relief.

好吧。

Okay.

我最后一个故事其实是两个故事，我喜欢把这一系列故事称为‘我的蜜蜂周’，B-E-E-S。

My last story is it's actually two stories, and I like to call this collection of stories my week of bees, b e e s.

蜜蜂，就是那种会飞、会蜇人的小虫子。

Bees as in the bugs that fly around and can sting you.

这其实是个很久以前的故事了，很多很多个月前了。

So this is actually kind of an older story many, many months ago.

我当时在纽约，那天特别热。

I was in New York, and it was a hot day.

我一整天都在到处走，购物，买些小咖啡。

And I'd been walking around all day, shopping, getting little coffees around.

那天天气美极了。

It was a gorgeous day.

到了下午四点左右，我有点饿了。

And it was around 4PM, and I was a bit peckish.

还没饿到要吃正餐，就是那种有点嘴馋的感觉。

Not hungry enough for a meal, but, like, peckish.

我想吃点零食。

I wanted a snack.

于是我心想，你知道吗？

So I was like, you know what?

为了怀旧，我去一趟Pressed Juicery吧。

For old time's sake, I'm gonna go to the Pressed Juicery.

这是一家果汁店，你可以想象得到。

It's a juice place, as you may assume.

我要买他们的一款冷冻酸奶，那种纯素的、不含乳制品的冷冻酸奶。

And I'm gonna get one of their, like, frozen yogurts, like, vegan frozen yogurts, dairy free.

听起来不错。

Sounds good.

我已经有一阵子没去过了。

I hadn't been there in a while.

我就想，算了，我去一趟吧。

I was like, let me do it.

我高中时经常买这个。

And I used to get those all the time in high school.

那就是我的风格。

That was my vibe.

我和朋友们经常去Pressed Juicery，买些小份的冷冻酸奶。

My friends and I would go to the press juicery all the time and get little frozen yogurts.

总之，说个有趣的事，我们现在真是跑题了。

Anyway, and actually, fun fact, now we're really going off on a tangent.

我刚开始做YouTube视频的时候，也同时在投简历找工作。

Right when I started making YouTube videos, I also started applying for jobs.

我向Press Juicery投了简历，还真的被录用了。

And I applied for a job at the press juicery, and I got the job.

但在正式上班之前，我辞职去当了YouTuber。

But before before I started working there, I quit to be a YouTuber.

不过这确实是个有趣的事。

But that is a fun fact.

总之，因为我太喜欢Press Juicery了。

Anyway, because I love the Press Juicery so much.

所以我就想，为了怀旧，去买个冷冻酸奶吧。

Anyway, so I was like, for old time's sake, let me go get a froyo.

于是我选了菠萝芒果椰子味之类的，还加了杏仁酱，可能还有椰子碎什么的。

So I got, like, a pineapple mango coconut flavor or something, and I got, like, almond butter squeezed on it and maybe some coconut or something.

真好吃。

Yum.

今天天气晴朗温暖，于是我从压榨果汁店的后门走了出去。

And it's a gorgeous warm day, so I go out the back of the press juicery.

那里有一张长椅。

There's a bench out there.

我心想，哇。

I'm like, wow.

这太棒了。

This is amazing.

让我好好享受一下吧。

Let me just soak this up.

于是我坐在长椅上，开始吃我的冷冻酸奶。

So I sit down on the bench, and I start eating my frozen yogurt.

真的特别满足。

It was really hitting the spot.

突然间，我听到一阵嗡嗡声。

And all of a sudden, I hear a buzz.

我听到一阵嗡嗡声。

I hear a buzz.

我知道这个声音。

And I I know that buzz.

哦，我知道。

Oh, I do.

那是一只蜜蜂。

It was a bee.

我不是那种特别害怕蜜蜂的人。

And I'm not somebody who's, like, particularly afraid of bees.

听好了。

Listen.

我不喜欢蜜蜂，因为我可不想被蜜蜂蜇。

I don't love a bee because I don't wanna be stung by a bee.

我是说，我一点都不期待这件事。

Like, I'm not looking forward to that.

我可不盼着这事儿发生。

I'm not craving that.

我这个人还特别害怕出现过敏反应。

I'm also somebody who has a big fear of having an allergic reaction.

尽管我以前被蜜蜂蜇过，但从没过敏过，但我对过敏的模糊理解是，人到了晚年可能会对以前不过敏的东西产生过敏。

And even though I've been stung by a bee before and never been allergic, my vague understanding of allergies is that you can develop an allergy later in life to things.

不知为什么，我就担心要是蜜蜂蜇了我，这次我可能会过敏。

And for some reason, I'm just afraid that, like, if a bee stings me, that I'll be allergic this time.

而且在这一回，我偏偏是独自一人。

And then and I was, like, alone in in this particular case.

你知道的吧？

You know?

我当时就想，唉。

And I was like, ugh.

如果我被蜇了，然后出现过敏反应怎么办？

What if I get stung, and then I have an allergic reaction?

有点不理性，有点荒谬，但这就是艾玛的思维方式。

Kind of irrational, kind of ridiculous, but this is how Emma's brain works.

所以我对蜜蜂并不特别害怕，但绝对不想被它们蜇一下。

And so I'm not particularly afraid of bees, but definitely don't wanna be stung by one.

所以我不会像有些人那样尖叫着逃跑，但也绝对不会让蜜蜂停在我身上，还说‘哎呀’。

So I'm, like, not the type to, like, run away screaming, but I'm definitely not gonna let the thing land on me and say, aww, like some people.

这只蜜蜂在周围飞来飞去。

So this bee is flying around.

我周围有其他人。

There are people around me.

我们在纽约市。

We're in New York City.

明白吗？

Okay?

我旁边坐着一个人，就在我坐的长椅上。

I've got somebody sitting next to me on on the bench that I'm sitting on.

离我五英尺远的地方有一条长椅，上面也坐着不少人。

There's a bench, like, five feet away with more people sitting on it.

周围都是人。

Like, there's people around.

所以我不想闹出动静。

So I don't wanna make a scene.

对吧？

Right?

所以我只是装作若无其事，悄悄盯着那只蜜蜂。

So I'm just kinda acting casual, just kinda keeping an eye on the thing.

它开始在我头顶和身体周围盘旋。

It's like starting to circle around my around my head and around my body.

我心里想：好吧。

And I'm like, okay.

然后它落在我身上。

Then it lands on me.

我当时想，好吧。

And I was like, alright.

于是我把它吹走，但它却开始更快、更快、更快地在我周围盘旋。

So I blow it off, and it just starts swarming faster and faster and faster around my head.

所以这时，我站了起来。

So at this point, I get up.

我想，你知道吗？

I'm like, you know what?

我实在不能再装作没事了。

I I can't I can't keep playing this off.

它并没有飞走。

It's not flying away.

我必须做点什么了。

I need to something's gotta happen.

所以我站了起来。

So I get up.

我手里还拿着我的冷冻酸奶，但它丝毫没有停歇。

I'm holding my frozen yogurt, and it does not let up.

我本来以为，如果我站起来，它就会离我远去。

I thought maybe if I got up, it would just leave me alone.

没用。

Nope.

它跟着我，而且开始更加愤怒地在我周围盘旋。

It follows me, and it starts swarming around even more angrily.

好吧。

Okay.

这东西简直在骚扰我。

This thing is fucking harassing me.

我当时就想，这到底是怎么回事？

And I'm like, what's going on?

到了这个时候，我已经引起了其他所有人的注意。

And now this at this point, I'm getting the attention of everyone else.

明白吗？

Okay?

其他人都在想，这个可怜的年轻女孩怎么了？

Everybody else is like, what's going on with this poor young lady?

出事了。

Something's going on.

我心想，天哪。

And I'm like, oh my god.

一只蜜蜂真的就是不肯放过我。

A bee is, like, really not leaving me alone.

我还在努力装作若无其事。

And I'm trying to be, like, coy about it.

我心想，天哪。

I'm like, oh my god.

这只蜜蜂就是不离开我。

This bee is not leaving me alone.

什么？

What?

这简直太疯狂了，伙计们。

It's, like, crazy, you guys.

这只蜜蜂到底怎么了？

Like, what's going on with this bee?

努力装作淡定。

Like, trying to be chill.

但内心其实我觉得有点怪。

But in inside, I'm like, this is a little weird.

这东西真的在追我。

Like, this thing is really, like, coming for me.

于是有人喊了一句，也许它想要你的冷冻酸奶。

And so somebody shouts there, like, maybe it wants your frozen yogurt.

所以我心想，好吧。

So I was like, okay.

也许吧。

Maybe.

于是我把冷冻酸奶放在了长椅上。

So I put the frozen yogurt on the bench.

不。

No.

那不是它想要的。

That's not what it wanted.

它想要的是我。

It wanted me.

明白吗？

Okay?

它想要的是我。

It wanted me.

它没有跟着我的冷冻酸奶，而是跟着我。

It did not follow my it didn't follow my frozen yogurt.

它一直在我周围盘旋。

It continued to swarm around me.

明白吗？

Okay?

于是我开始跟周围的人说话。

And so I was I start talking to the people around.

我就问他们：你们觉得我该怎么办？

I'm like, what do you guys think I should do?

它就是不离开我。

Like, it's not leaving me alone.

它一直不停地绕着我转，想停在我身上。

It it would not stop just circling around me trying to land on me.

明白吗？

Okay?

我当时就想，我该怎么办？

And I was like, what should I do?

他们说，我不知道。

And they're like, I don't know.

跑过这条街。

Run down the block.

于是我问了坐在我旁边长椅上的那个女孩。

So I asked the girl who's sitting on the bench next to me.

我说，你能帮我看着包吗？

Was like, can you watch my bag?

拜托了，我马上就回来。

Like, please, I'll be right back.

于是我跑了起来。

So I run around.

我跑到街的尽头，然后又跑回来。

I, like, run to the end of the block and run back.

它就是不肯放过我。

It would not leave me alone.

我回来的时候，这时候所有人都已经情感上投入进来了。

I get back, and all these people at this point are, like, emotionally invested.

他们说，到底发生什么事了？

They're like, what is going on?

为什么这东西就是不离开你？

Like, why is this thing not leaving you alone?

我说，我不知道。

I'm like, I don't know.

于是有个家伙说，好吧。

And so this guy was like, okay.

他说，我来试试拍打它。

Like, I'm gonna try to, like, swat it.

于是这个家伙开始用他的鞋子去拍打它。

So this guy starts, like, trying to swat it with his shoe.

最终，他拍死了它，确实把它杀死了。

And, eventually, he did swat it, and he did ultimately kill it.

对于那些觉得这令人不安的人，我很抱歉，但我得告诉你们，这东西是一只黄蜂。

Now I'm sorry to those of you who that is upsetting too, but I will tell you this thing was a wasp.

它根本不是我以为的那只可爱的小熊蜂。

It was not like a cute little bumblebee as I thought it was.

不是。

No.

这是一只黄蜂，它想置我于死地，就是这东西。

This was a wasp, and it wanted me dead, this thing.

明白吗？

Okay?

它想他妈的活活吃了我。

Wanted to fucking eat me alive.

它想吃掉我，可能持续到它余生的尽头。

It wanted to eat me for the next, I don't know, rest of its life, probably.

它想把我吃掉。

It wanted to eat me up.

直到今天，我都不知道它从我身上闻到了什么如此美味的东西。

And I I, to this day, don't know what it smelled on me that was so delicious.

我得说，那天我确实闻起来很香。

I will say I did smell delicious that day.

说实话，我闻起来简直太棒了。

Like, I smelled amazing, to be honest.

让我告诉你吧，我干脆把那天我用的所有香水都告诉你，这样你就知道了。

Let me tell you, actually I'll tell you all the scents I was wearing so that you can you just so that you know.

因为很明显，这是个致命组合。

Because apparently, it's a fire combo.

我那天用了Fleur牌香草味身体喷雾。

I was wearing the Fleur brand vanilla skin deodorant.

它闻起来非常美味，是一种麝香香草味的除臭剂香气。

It smells delicious, like a musky vanilla deodorant scent.

好吧？

Okay?

然后我用了索尔·德·哈内罗的Boom Boom？

And then I was wearing the Sol De Janeiro sol de janero boom boom?

不，不，那不是它的名字。

No, no, that's not what it's called.

索尔·德·哈内罗身体油，不管怎样。

Sol de janero body oil, whatever.

我不记得那款油叫什么了，但那是身体油。

I don't remember what the oil is called, but it's the body oil.

等等，那款油叫什么来着？

Wait, what is the oil called?

索尔·德·哈内罗 Boom Boom Body Formenza Oil。

Sol De Janeiro Boom Boom Body Formenza Oil.

呃。

Ugh.

太爱了。

Love.

我已经用了好几年了。

I've been using it for years.

香味非常诱人。

It is a delicious smell.

不管怎样，加上香草肌肤除臭剂，我跟你说，我身上闻起来就像去了巴哈马的香草椰子之旅。

Anyway, so that plus the Vanilla Skin deodorant, I'll tell you, I smelled like a vanilla coconut trip to The Bahamas.

我确实闻起来很棒，我觉得那只黄蜂——我的意思是，它好像对我有意思。

I did smell amazing, and I think the wasp I mean, it kinda felt like the wasp had a crush on me.

这真的让我很烦。

So that was really upsetting.

听好了。

Now listen.

如果这只是一次偶然事件，这个故事也不会这么有趣。

If this was just a one off event, it wouldn't be that interesting of a story.

这故事也没那么有趣。

And it's not that interesting of a story.

真的没那么有趣。

It's really not.

但我从纽约回来后过了二十四小时。

But I got home from New York twenty four hours later.

我对蜜蜂、黄蜂这类东西有点害怕。

I'm feeling a bit freaked out about bees, wasps, things of the sort.

那算得上是一次创伤性事件。

That was sort of a traumatic event.

我回到家。

I get home.

洛杉矶的天气美极了。

The weather's gorgeous in Los Angeles.

那可能是我回来的第二天，有一天下午我决定在外面吃午饭，虽然我其实并不常这么做。

It was probably, like, the second day I was back, and I decide one afternoon that I'm gonna eat my lunch outside, which I don't actually do very often.

那其实是个临时的决定，但天气实在太好了，我就想，我要在树荫下吃午餐。

That was kind of like a spontaneous decision, but the weather was so gorgeous, and I was like, I'm gonna eat my lunch in the shade.

我准备了一大堆东西，一堆各种各样的食物。

And so I had a bunch of I had sort of a smorgasbord smorgasbord of things.

这么说对吗？

Is that how you say that?

比如，我有些煮鸡蛋。

Like, I had some hard boiled eggs.

我有些从农贸市场买来的美味鹰嘴豆泥。

I had some gorgeous Farmer's Market hummus.

我有些饼干。

I had some crackers.

我准备了各种各样的东西。

I had a bunch of different things.

于是我把我所有的东西都拿到外面的桌子上。

So I bring everything out to my table outside.

我特别兴奋能到外面吃东西，于是就开始吃了。

I was so excited to eat outside, and I start eating.

我过得特别愉快。

I'm having a gorgeous time.

突然间，一个再熟悉不过的——我发誓真的——黄蜂飞了过来，开始在桌子周围盘旋，不是特别凶猛，不像纽约那种黄蜂，但就是绕着桌子转。

All of a sudden, an all too familiar, I kid you not, wasp flies up and starts kinda circling, not intensely, not like the the wasp from New York, but starts circling around the table.

我当时就想，你是不是在逗我？

And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?

我当时想，算了吧。

And I was like, it's whatever.

现在是夏天。

It's summertime.

我其实不太确定这是不是一只黄蜂。

I can't really tell if this is a wasp.

我觉得是，但我也不太确定。

I think it is, but I can't really tell.

我就当没看见，随它去吧。

I'm just gonna, like, let it go.

一周内遇到两次黄蜂事件，这根本不可能。

There's no way I'm gonna have two wasp incidents within the span of a week.

这简直不可思议。

Like, this is not possible.

然后又来了一只，我开始有点紧张了。

Then another one shows up, and I start to get a little nervous.

于是我坐在那儿，心想：好吧。

And so I'm, like, sitting there, and I'm like, okay.

我该怎么办？

What do I do?

我不吃了，但我在想：我该怎么办？

I stop eating, but I'm like, what do I do?

然后，真的没骗你，突然之间，又来了十只。

Then, I kid you not, all of a sudden, like, 10 more show up.

说实话，我觉得它们是冲着我的水煮蛋来的。

And to be honest, I think that they wanted my hard boiled egg.

我明白。

I get it.

水煮蛋很好吃。

Hard boiled eggs are yummy.

现在有十五只黄蜂在我餐桌周围飞来飞去，围着我所有的食物。

Now there's 15 wasps flying around my table with all my food.

所以这时，我放弃了食物，跑进了屋里。

So at this point, I abandon the food, and I run inside.

我当时感到无比沮丧。

I was feeling unbelievably discouraged.

我想，我不明白到底发生了什么，但似乎我再也不能出门了。

I was like, I don't understand what's going on, but it seems like I can't go outside anymore.

因为每次我一出门，就会被黄蜂骚扰。

Because every time I go outside, I'm getting harassed by wasps.