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欢迎回到建议环节，这是一个无所不谈的系列，你可以提交你当前的困境或任何问题。
Welcome back to advice session, a series here on anything goes where you send in your current dilemmas or anything.
我的意思是，字面意义上的任何你想获得建议的事情。
And I mean, literally anything you want advice on.
然后我会给你我非专业的建议，你听听就好，别太当真。
And then I give you my unprofessional advice, and you take it with a grain of salt.
今天的话题是过度思考。
Today's topic is overthinking.
它就像思考，但当你做得太多的时候。
It's like thinking, but when you do too much of it.
我要说，作为人类最大的挑战之一就是平衡好事的适量。
I will say one of the greatest challenges as a human being is balancing the right amount of a good thing.
比如，思考是件好事。
Like, thinking is a good thing.
如果你思考很多，你可能更有自我意识，也可能做出更好的决定。
If you think a lot, you're probably more self aware, and you probably make better decisions.
但如果你思考过多，就会过度自我觉察，反而做不出任何决定。
But if you think too much, then you're too self aware, and you don't make any decisions.
明白我的意思吗？
You see what I'm saying?
过度锻炼对身体有害，但完全不锻炼对身体也不好。
Too much exercise is bad for your body, but no exercise at all is not good for your body.
你需要找到那个恰到好处的平衡点。
You have to find the perfect Goldilocks happy medium.
过多地与朋友厮混是件坏事。
Too much of hanging out with your friends is a bad thing.
完全没有朋友也是件坏事。
Not having any friends at all is a bad thing.
所以你需要找到那个恰到好处的度，思考也是如此。
So you have to find the perfect Goldilocks amount, and the same thing goes for thinking.
过犹不及，这确实很难把握。
Too much of a good thing is bad, and it's tough to navigate.
我对过度思考特别熟悉，因为我本人就容易过度思考。
I'm somebody who's particularly familiar with overthinking because I myself am prone to overthinking.
不过，我的思维方式有点极端。
However, I'm kind of, like, extreme in my thinking.
我要么过度思考到有害的程度，要么就完全凭直觉行事。
I either overthink to the point where it's harmful, or I just go with my gut.
而且很自然地，中间状态并不多。
And there's not a lot of in between, naturally anyway.
这些年来，我已经更善于管理自己的过度思考，以免阻碍自己前进。
Over the years, I've gotten better at managing my overthinking so that I don't hold myself back.
但这一路走来并不容易，因为我是个控制狂。
But it's been a journey, and it hasn't been easy for me because I'm a control freak.
我是个完美主义者。
I'm a perfectionist.
如果你同时具备这两点，那你肯定也会是个过度思考的人。
And if you are those two things, you are definitely gonna be an overthinker as well.
因此我的天性让我容易过度思考，我付出了很多努力才逐渐学会不让它妨碍我。
And so my nature makes me overthink, and it's taken a lot of work to sort of get better at not letting it get in the way.
我真的很努力去控制它。
I've worked really hard to manage it.
所以我觉得我有资格给你一些不专业的——我必须承认是不专业的——关于这个话题的建议。
And so I think I'm properly primed to give you unprofessional, I must say, unprofessional advice on this topic.
那么废话不多说，我们开始吧。
So without further ado, let's begin.
本期《随心所欲》节目由沃尔玛赞助播出。
This episode of Anything Goes is presented by Walmart.
你们知道我对这件事的看法。
You know how I feel about this.
配饰能让任何穿搭都出彩。
Accessories can make any outfit.
比如一件简单的白T恤加牛仔裤，配上酷炫的太阳镜或时髦的首饰，瞬间就让整套穿搭有了层次感和吸引力。
Like, you take a simple white T shirt and some jeans, and then you add, like, a cool pair of sunglasses or cool jewelry, and suddenly, the outfit has dimension, intrigue.
我超爱配饰。
I love accessories.
就像我现在戴的这副沃尔玛Time and True银色调耳环。
Like these silver tone Time and True earrings I'm wearing from Walmart.
多可爱啊！
How cute are these?
它能让整体穿搭更上一层楼。
And it takes the outfit to the next level.
我最喜欢沃尔玛配饰的地方在于它们有很多经典款式，可以真正搭配任何服装，而且你能连续戴好多年。
And what I love about Walmart's accessories is that they have a lot of timeless options that you can wear with truly anything, and you'll actually wear for years to come.
沃尔玛的价格也很实惠。
And Walmart has some good prices.
秋季配饰和主流时尚趋势单品尽在walmart.com/shop/women's-trends。
Shop fall accessories and major fashion trends at walmart.com/shop/women's-trends.
网址是walmart.com/shop/women's-trends。
That's walmart.com/shop/women's-trends.
现在回到正片内容。
Now back to the episode.
有人说：'我担心自己总是过度思考和复杂化我的暧昧关系，所以这些关系从未成功过。'
Somebody said, I fear I overthink and overcomplicate my situationships, and that's why they don't ever work out.
这是我的错吗？
Is it my fault?
我该如何更放松地面对这些事情？
How do I be more relaxed about things?
我们一起做点什么吧。
Let's do something together.
我们来查查什么是'situationship'，我对这个词的含义只有模糊的理解。
Let's look up what a situationship is because I have a vague understanding of what it means.
大概就是处于恋爱关系中，但没有明确标签？
It's like, what, being in a romantic relationship, but there's no label?
让我们看看。
Let's see.
好的。
Okay.
根据互联网定义，'情境关系'（situationship）是指一种缺乏明确定义、承诺或正式标签的浪漫或性关系。
According to the Internet, a situationship is a type of romantic or sexual relationship that lacks clear definition, commitment, or a formal label.
它通常被描述为一种无需承担传统约会或排他性伴侣关系所伴随的期望与责任的关系。
It's often described as a relationship without the expectations or responsibilities associated with traditional dating or exclusive partnerships.
本质上，这种关系超越了随意交往的范畴，但又不完全等同于成熟的恋爱关系。
Essentially, it's a relationship that's more than just casual, but not quite a full fledged relationship.
明白了。
Okay.
那么，我认为你的问题在于：
Well, here's what I think the issue is for you.
这是我个人对你问题的看法：
This is my personal opinion on what your issue is.
我推测这些情境关系失败的原因——你觉得自己在关系中过于控制、过度思考、过度复杂化——并不是因为你本身存在什么缺陷。
I think, I suspect that the reason why these situationships aren't working out and it's feeling like you're being too controlling in them, you're overthinking everything, and you're overcomplicating everything isn't because you're flawed in some sort of way.
其实我并不认为这一定是你的问题。
I actually don't necessarily think this is a you issue.
我不觉得你需要向内审视或改变自己。
I don't think you need to, like, look inward and work on yourself.
我认为原因很简单。
I think it's simply this.
你试图在暧昧关系中寻找真正的恋爱关系。
You're trying to be in a real relationship in situationships.
你从心理上就不是能接受暧昧关系的人。
You're just not somebody who psychologically can be in a situationship.
顺便说一句，这很正常。
And by the way, that's normal.
这完全没问题。
That's okay.
暧昧关系本就不适合所有人。
Situationships are not for everyone.
事实上，它们也不适合我。
In fact, they're not for me.
我做不到。
I can't do it.
我在关系中有清晰的结构、标签和界限时才能茁壮成长。
I thrive with clear structure, labels, and boundaries in relationships.
这就是我需要的。
That's I need that.
我在感情中需要这种心理上的安全感才能正常相处。
I need that to function psychologically in a relationship.
我需要明确知道我正在与这个人建立承诺，对方也对我有承诺，我们是在共同经营一段伴侣关系，差不多就是这样。
I need to know that I'm committing to this person, and they're committing to me and that we're in a partnership together, and that's that's kind of it.
你明白吗？
You know?
在我们这段浪漫关系之外不存在其他变量。
There's no other variables outside of us romantically.
只有我们俩，仅此而已。
It's just us, and that's it.
我个人对此有很多理由。
And I have a slew of reasons for that for me personally.
第一，你知道，这关乎安全，尤其是性安全。
Number one, you know, it's a safety thing, like a sexual safety thing.
我觉得一次只和一个伴侣相处更自在。
I just feel more comfortable having one partner at a time.
我有严重的健康焦虑，这样会让我感觉更安心。
I have a lot of health anxiety, and it just it just makes me feel more comfortable.
这是第一点。
That's number one.
第二，我正试图建立一段希望能长久维持的伴侣关系。
Number two, I'm trying to build a partnership with somebody that's gonna hopefully last for a long time.
我基本上是在确定未来要和谁共同养育孩子。
I'm basically trying to figure out who I'm gonna have children with one day.
明白吗？
You know?
这就是我约会的原因，与其说是为了找个伴侣，不如说是为了有朝一日组建家庭，我需要找到那个愿意与我共建家庭的人。
That's kind of why I date, less so just for, like, a partnership, but also because I wanna build a family one day, and I need to find who I wanna build that family with.
所以我需要确保对方完全愿意承诺成为我的伴侣。
And so I wanna make sure it's somebody who's fully willing to commit to me as their partner.
我希望建立的关系是对方必须牺牲与其他人的交往来陪伴我，因为这种牺牲能体现他们有多重视我。
And I wanna be in a relationship where this other person has to sacrifice being with other people to be with me because that sacrifice shows how seriously they value me.
这对我很重要。
That's important to me.
最后但同样重要的是，我真的很享受那种稳固传统关系带来的安全感和舒适感。
And last but not least, like, I really love the the safety and comfortability of of just being in in a solid kinda classic sort of relationship.
这种模式在我的思维里行得通。
Like, that just works for me in my brain.
我不必担心伴侣会因我们处于开放式关系或暧昧状态而爱上别人离开我。
It just I'm not worried about my partner going off and falling in love with somebody else because we're in an open relationship or we're in a situation ship, and they're gonna fall in love with somebody else and leave me.
这让我感到安心ctct。
It just makes me feel safe.
听着。
Listen.
顺便问一下，在一夫一妻制的关系中，即使有明确的标签、规则和定义，你的另一半仍然可能欺骗你吗？
By the way, in monogamous relationships that are labeled and there's clear rules and it's clearly defined, can your significant other still cheat on you?
是的。
Yes.
他们会离开你吗？
Can they leave you?
是的。
Yes.
所有这些情况仍然可能发生，但只要对方至少付出努力并做出承诺，我就能接受这种不确定性。
Like, all of these things are still possible, but I I can handle that element as long as there's at least an effort and a promise.
知道对方在努力并许下承诺，我晚上就能安心入睡。
Like, I can sleep at night knowing that there's an effort and there's a promise.
如果承诺被打破，那真是糟透了。
And if it gets broken, that fucking sucks.
但至少我们看起来达成了共识。
But at least it seems like we're on the same page.
你明白我的意思吗？
You know what I mean?
这对我很有效。
That's what works for me.
而且这似乎也适合你，但你却试图维持那种模糊关系，可能是因为你朋友都这样做，或者你感兴趣的人更倾向于这种相处模式。
And it seems like that's what works for you, but you're trying to be in situationships because perhaps it's what your friends are doing, or perhaps it's the style of relationships that the people that you're interested in prefer to participate in.
无论出于什么原因，你在追求这种模糊关系，但在我看来，这种关系类型并不适合你的心理需求。
You know, for whatever reason, you're chasing after situationships, but it seems to me that that's not the type of relationship that works for you mentally.
因为如果你总是过度思考和复杂化，那说明你试图把它变成真正的恋爱关系，但它永远不可能成为那样，因为双方已经约定这只是段模糊关系。
Because if you're overthinking it and overcomplicating it, that just means that you're trying to turn it into a real relationship, but it's not ever going to be that because it's agreed that it's a situationship.
你无法在这种模糊关系中茁壮成长，因为它不适合你。
You can't thrive in a situationship because it doesn't work for you.
在恋爱中弄清楚什么样的关系适合你非常重要。
And it's so important to figure out when it comes to dating what type of relationship works for you.
有些人就是无法接受一夫一妻制的关系。
Some people cannot be in a monogamous relationship.
他们会觉得被束缚住了。
They're like, I feel tied down.
我这个人，你知道的，性方面比较爱冒险。
I'm too, you know, sexually adventurous.
我真的很喜欢体验不同的伴侣。
I really love to experience new partners.
我想找个志同道合的人，这样，你懂的，随便怎样都行。
I wanna find somebody who's on the same page so that, you know, whatever.
这点非常重要，因为一个无法适应一夫一妻制关系的人，最终会把这种关系搞得一团糟。
That's so important to find out because somebody who just can't function properly in a monogamous relationship is gonna end up overcomplicating a monogamous relationship.
他们可能会出轨。
They might cheat.
他们可能会做出各种事情。
They might whatever.
在感情中，可能会引发不必要的戏剧性冲突。
In in drama, unnecessary drama can start.
你对自己有责任，也对约会对象有责任去弄清楚什么适合你，这样你才能在交往时理解什么适合你并明确表态。
You owe it to yourself, and you owe it to the people that you're dating to figure out what works for you so that you can kinda you can go into relationships understanding what works for you and say, hey.
这就是适合我的方式。
This is what works for me.
如果不适合你，那可能说明我们不合适，这也没关系。
And if it doesn't work for you, this might not be a good match, and that's okay.
你明白吗？
You know?
但我的建议是，或许可以带着不同的目的开始约会。
But I think like, my suggestion would be maybe start dating with a different intention.
懂我意思吗？
You know?
以更明确的伴侣关系为目标开始约会。
Start dating with the intention of maybe a more defined partnership.
这没有任何问题。
There's nothing wrong with that.
你的约会方式没有任何问题。
There's nothing wrong with what your dating style is.
只有当你在错误的恋爱关系中时，它才会成为问题。
It only becomes wrong, and it only becomes a problem if you're in the wrong kind of relationship.
这就是我的看法。
That's what I think.
所以，不，这并不一定是你的错。
So, no, it's not your fault necessarily.
出于某种原因，谁知道为什么，我们都在不同类型的恋爱关系中成长。
Like, for whatever reason, who knows why, we all thrive in different types of relationships.
这对我来说是个谜。
I it's a mystery to me.
我可以去谷歌搜索，但我真的没那么在意。
I could Google it, but I don't really care enough.
可能是天性使然。
It might be nature.
也可能是后天培养的结果。
It might be nurture.
谁知道呢？
Who knows?
这他妈的根本不重要。
It doesn't even fucking matter.
其实真的不重要，因为我们就是这样的人。
It doesn't really matter because we are the way that we are.
强迫自己进入一段不适合的关系，就像硬要把拼图塞进错误的位置。
And to try to force yourself into a type of relationship that doesn't work for you, it is fully like trying to put a puzzle piece in the wrong place.
这样永远行不通。
It'll just never work.
你可以强行弯曲它，也可以尝试，但可能只能维持一小会儿。
You can bend it, and you can try, but and it might work for a minute.
它可能看起来合适，但拼图块最终还是会弹出来。
It might, like, fit, but then it'll pop out the puzzle piece.
明白吗？
Okay?
你必须先了解自己，才能以适合你的方式成功约会。
You have to know yourself in order to be able to date successfully in a way that works for you.
所以或许只是在寻找不同的东西。
So perhaps it's just looking for something different.
也许你本就不适合暧昧关系，这没关系，因为我也不是，所以我懂。
Maybe you're just not a situationship person, and that's okay because I'm not either, so I get it.
好的。
Okay.
下一个。
Next.
实际上有两个人说了非常相似的话，所以我打算一起回答他们。
Two people actually said a very similar thing, so I'm gonna answer them together.
其中一个人说，我过度思考到几乎无法真正执行任何事的程度。
One person said, I overthink so much to the point where I almost never can actually execute on anything.
我感到瘫痪了。
I feel paralyzed.
我该如何摆脱这种状态？
How do I get out of this?
然后另一个人说，我非常优柔寡断，连做小决定都很困难。
And then somebody else said, I'm very indecisive and struggle to make even small decisions.
我该如何简化这个过程，让自己更擅长做决定？
How do I simplify it for myself and get better at making decisions?
我理解这种情况。
I understand this.
这简直就是过度思考和无法做决定的典型表现。
This is, like, just the epitome of overthinking, not being able to make decisions.
然后因为选择太多太沉重，结果你什么都没做。
And then it being so overwhelming, the choice of what to do that you just end up doing nothing.
我理解这种感觉，这很合理。
And I get it, and it makes sense.
因为每次面临决策时，无论大小，其实都一样。
Because every time you're faced with a decision, small or large, it does not matter.
你选择了一件事，就意味着放弃了另一个选项。
You are choosing one thing, and then you're throwing away the other option.
你明白我的意思吗？
Do you know what I'm saying?
而放弃另一个选项的感觉非常可怕。
And that feeling of throwing away the other option is terrifying.
因为每次做决定时，你选择一样放弃另一样，就可能为选择后悔。
Because every time you make a decision and you choose one thing and throw away the other, you're risking experiencing regret about what you chose.
你可能会后悔的。
You might regret it.
你做的每一个决定，都可能会后悔。
Every single decision you make, you might regret.
你总有50%的几率会后悔自己的选择。
There is always a 50% chance that you will regret what you chose.
对我们有些人来说，这种压力大到宁愿干脆不做决定。
And for some of us, that is so overwhelming that we'd rather just not make a decision at all.
所以这完全合情合理。
And so it makes complete sense.
我完全理解。
I totally get it.
我自己一生中也多次这样做过。
And I've done this myself many times in my life.
但真正帮助我的是意识到：不做决定实际上更糟糕。
But what really helped me was realizing it's actually worse to just not make a decision at all.
是的。
Yes.
你在逃避后悔。
You avoid regret.
但从另一个角度看，你终究还是会经历后悔——因为你此刻正在为毫无作为而后悔。
But in another way, you're just you're gonna experience regret anyway because now you're regretting not doing anything at all.
至少当你做出决定并付诸行动时，你有50%的几率做出正确选择，这可能会为你带来丰硕成果。
At least when you make a decision and you execute and you make a choice, there's a 50% chance that you'll make the right decision and that it'll be incredibly fruitful for you.
你通过逃避选择、逃避决定，实际上是在确保自己必定会后悔。
You're actually just guaranteeing regret by running away from the choice, by running away from the decision.
所以仔细想想，你根本没什么可失去的。
So if you really think about it, you have nothing to lose.
当面临要么做决定采取行动，要么完全僵住不作为的选择时，你其实毫无损失——因为你已经默认接受了失败。
If the option is to either make a decision, execute on something, do it, or to not do anything at all and to just freeze, you have nothing to lose because you're already basically like, you're basically accepting defeat immediately.
你甚至没给自己成功的机会。
You're not even giving yourself the chance to succeed.
你连做出正确决定的机会都放弃了，因为你根本不做决定。
You're not even giving yourself the chance to make the right decision because you're not making the decision.
你明白我说的意思吗？
You see what I'm saying?
你犹豫不决反而更糟。
You're worse off freezing up.
让这种想法解放你。
Let that set you free.
事实是只要你尝试，只要你做出决定，你就有50%的几率做出正确选择。
The fact that at least if you try, at least if you make a decision, you have a 50% chance of making the right decision.
明白吗？
You know?
多美妙啊，你要么会做出正确决定，要么会犯错。
What a beautiful you're either gonna make the right decision or the wrong.
知道吗？
And guess what?
即使你做了错误决定，那至少也是一次学习经历。
Even if you make the wrong decision, that's at least a learning experience.
你从无所作为、畏缩不前中学不到任何东西。
You don't learn anything from not doing anything, from freezing up.
你现在就是完全僵住了，毫不夸张。
You just are frozen up now, literally.
所以如果你一直畏缩不前，就无法成长。
So you can't grow if you're all frozen up.
至少如果你做了错误的决定，你还能从中吸取教训。
At least if you make the wrong decision, you learn something from it.
你明白我的意思吗？
You see what I'm saying?
所以你害怕的事情已经在发生了。
So what you're afraid of is already happening.
你害怕做出错误决定而退缩，但什么都不做本身就是在退缩。
You're afraid of making the wrong decision and holding yourself back, but you're already doing that by not doing anything.
你明白我的意思吗？
You see what I'm saying?
所以记住这一点非常重要，因为一旦你记住了，你就会想，好吧，我至少得做点什么。
So it's so important to remember this because once you remember it, you're like, well, I have to at least do something.
听着。
And listen.
对潜在危险的事情过度思考是可以的。
It's okay to overthink something that's potentially dangerous.
过度思考是可以的。
That's okay to overthink.
这几乎是唯一一种过度思考其实不算过度思考的情况。
That's like the only scenario in which overthinking is not even overthinking.
这实际上就像，好吧。
It's actually like, okay.
我不想做这种危险的事，比如我该不该去跳伞？
I don't wanna do this danger like, should I do this dangerous thing like skydiving?
你明白吗？
You know?
比如，哦，我该不该去跳伞呢？
Like, oh, should I skydive?
听着。
Listen.
大多数时候人们跳伞都完全没事。
Most of the time people skydive and they're totally fine.
但跳伞有风险吗？
But is there risks with skydiving?
当然有。
Absolutely.
过度思考到让你觉得'哦，我就是做不到'的程度
Overthinking that to the point where you're like, oh, I just can't do it.
我认为这没问题，因为这确实对你的身体存在真实的物理风险。
I think that's fine because there's actually a genuine physical risk to your body.
对我来说，这是唯一一个我会觉得'你知道吗'的时刻。
That is the only time to me where I think, you know what?
即使你最终什么都没做，我觉得也没关系。
Even if you end up doing nothing, I think it's okay.
我...我并不觉得这有什么问题。
I I don't think I don't have a problem with that.
有些人会不同意我的观点，认为这也是成长经历的一个例子。
Some people would disagree with me and say, that's also another example of a growth experience.
你受伤的几率很低。
The chances of you getting injured are low.
而且，如果你真的去做了，克服恐惧本身就会带来成长经历，诸如此类。
And, like, if you do it, you'll you'll have a growth experience from getting over a fear, whatever.
但我...我并不完全认同这种观点。
But I I don't necessarily agree with that.
我更多指的是类似约会、选择工作、或是决定投入精力时间去做一个激情项目这类事情。
I'm more talking about, like, something like going on a date or deciding what job to take or deciding to, like, put energy and and time into working on a passion project.
如果你过度思考这类决定到了最终什么都不做的地步，那你其实已经失败了——不过再说一次，失败并不总是坏事。
Like, if you're overthinking those types of decisions to the point where you just do nothing, you're immediately failing, which, again, failing isn't always a bad thing.
对吧？
Right?
即使是现在你正在经历的过度思考，也在教会你一些东西。
Even this experience that you're having now of being like of overthinking is teaching you something too.
但与其完全逃避，不如尝试去做。
But you're better off just trying it than completely running away from it altogether.
你的人生目标不应该是事事成功，而是尽可能多地体验不同事物，这自然会带来成功，也会带来能让你学到东西的失败。
Your goal in life shouldn't necessarily be to, like, succeed in every single endeavor in your life, but rather to experience as many things as possible, which inevitably will bring success, but also failure that will teach you things.
明白我的意思吗？
You see what I mean?
但我确实有一些具体技巧，教你如何处理这种导致僵局的过度思考。
But I do have some specific hacks on how to handle this type of overthinking to the point of freezing.
下面就是这些技巧。
And so here are those hacks.
第一，设置一个计时器。
Number one, set a timer.
这听起来可能有点蠢，但如果你陷入思维漩涡无法做决定，又觉得必须得做点什么，那就设个计时器。
It sounds kinda stupid, but if you're spiraling and you cannot make a decision, but you're like, I kinda need to, set a timer.
计时器可以设一小时。
The timer could be for an hour.
也可以设六小时。
It could be for six hours.
或许你可以给自己六小时来思考。
Maybe you you give yourself six hours to think.
或许你可以给自己四十八小时来思考。
Maybe you give yourself forty eight hours to think.
但要设个计时器并告诉自己：在时间结束前必须做出决定。
But set a timer and say, by the end of this timer, I need to make my decision.
我必须想清楚下一步该怎么做。
I need to figure out what my next move is.
设定时间范围能有效帮助你集中精力思考必须做出的决定。
And it'll give you like, having a time frame on it really helps you intentionally think about the decision that you have to make.
明白吗？
You know?
这种轻微的压力真的能帮到你，我也说不清为什么。
It really helps you like, the little bit of pressure just I don't know.
某种程度上，它有时能让你更清晰地思考。
It helps you think more clearly in some ways at times.
至少这是我的亲身经验。
At least that's been my experience.
我不常这么做，但在某些特定的过度思考情境下，这个方法会特别管用。
I don't do this a lot, but, like, it's something that in a very particular type of overthinking situation can be incredibly helpful.
另一个技巧是：多练习跟随直觉行事，因为我们都有直觉。
Another hack, practice going with your gut instinct more often because we all have gut instincts.
我们对事物都会有本能的反应。
We all have gut reactions to things.
所以要多倾听这种内在声音。
So start listening to that a little bit more.
因为即使你是个过度思考者，也不意味着你没有直觉反应。
Because just because you're an overthinker doesn't mean that you don't have a gut reaction.
我们所有人都会有即时的反应。
We all have, like, immediate reactions.
比如说，你正在使用一个约会应用。
Like, let's say you are on a dating app.
对吧？
Okay?
然后你开始和你感兴趣的人来回发消息。
And you start messaging back and forth with somebody that you're interested in.
然后他们说，哦，我们应该见面。
And then they're like, oh, we should meet up.
然后你就开始过度思考见面这件事。
And then you start overthinking meeting up.
你会想，万一我们见面后相处得不好，我会很伤心怎么办？
You're like, well, but what if we don't click as well in person, and I'm so heartbroken?
要是见面后我对他们没感觉怎么办？
What if we meet up and I'm not attracted to them?
要是见面后气氛超级尴尬，特别不舒服，然后我被困在这两小时的约会里不知所措，又不知道怎么脱身怎么办？
What if we meet up and it's super awkward and it's so uncomfortable and, like, then I'm stuck in this two hour date and it's so awkward, and I, like, don't know how to get out of it?
你懂吗？
You know?
要是...要是...要是...？
What if, what if, what if?
而不是说，你知道吗？
And then instead of, you know, being like, oh, you know what?
我觉得我们需要再多通会儿电话，然后我才能做决定。
I think we need to talk on the phone a little bit longer, and then I can make my decision.
或者说，你知道吗？
Or instead of being like, you know what?
去他妈的，干就完了。
Fuck yeah.
我们干吧。
Let's do it.
你直接停止回复就好。
You just stop responding.
相反，当你收到'我们见面吧'的消息时，要倾听你内心的第一反应。
Instead, listen to your gut reaction when you get the message saying, Let's hang out.
也许你内心的反应是'太好了'。
Perhaps your gut reaction was, Yay.
我很兴奋。
I'm excited.
我真的很想这么做。
I really want to do that.
我真的很喜欢这个人。
I really like this person.
这很可能就是你内心的真实反应，否则你根本不会和他们聊天。
That's probably going to be your gut reaction because otherwise you wouldn't be talking to them.
跟随你的直觉。
Go off your gut.
当你因为收到他们的消息并想见面而感到兴奋的那一刻，就立即回应说'我们去吧'。
The second you feel excited about it because you got that message from them and they wanna meet up in person, respond and be like, let's do it.
你想做什么？
What do you wanna do?
直接去就行。
Just go.
去。
Go.
去。
Go.
别想。
Don't think.
连他妈想的时间都别给自己。
Don't even give yourself the time to fucking think.
再举个例子，假设你正在找工作，去参加了一个面试，然后收到了录用通知。
Another example could be, let's say you're searching for jobs, and you go and you do a job interview, and then you get an offer.
然后你立刻就觉得，呃，其实你知道吗？
And immediately, you're like, oh, I don't I don't actually you know what?
我不喜欢这个录用条件。
I don't like this offer.
这个录用条件感觉不太对劲。
This offer doesn't feel good.
与其过度分析到这种程度——想着'也许这个工作还不错，因为可能因为这个那个'——听着，
Instead of overthinking it to the point where you're like, well, but maybe it could be good because maybe because of this or maybe it could be listen.
如果你的直觉反应是'不要'，那可能答案就是他妈的'不要'，就选'不要'。
If your gut instinct was no, then maybe the answer is fucking no and go with no.
不过我觉得工作这件事有时候会稍微复杂一些。
Although I feel like with a job, it's some it's sometimes a bit more complicated.
但你知道吗？
But if you you know what it is?
不。
No.
这么说吧。
Let's say it like this.
假设你有两个工作选择，你在两者间犹豫不决，其中一个让你直觉很好，另一个则不然——可能后者薪水略高但工作时间更紧张。
If you have two job options, right, and you're trying to choose between two, and one gives you a really good gut feeling and the other one doesn't, but maybe the other one pays a little bit more, but the hours are more strenuous.
但另一个选择对你来说更具吸引力，你的直觉也更倾向于它。
Like, but the other one is so much more appealing to you and your gut was more excited about the other one.
就选那个。
Go with the other one.
甚至不要给自己过度思考的时间。
Don't even give yourself time to overthink it.
直接选那个。
Just go with the other one.
明白我的意思吗？
Do you see what I'm saying?
练习跟随你的直觉。
Practice going with your gut.
熟能生巧。
Practice makes perfect.
听着，我们应该总是立刻跟随直觉反应吗？
And listen, Should we always go with our immediate gut reaction all the time?
我是说，我不知道。
I mean, I don't know.
我...我不知道。
I I don't know.
也许不该这样。
Maybe not.
也许有时候更合理的做法是，比如，真正深入地思考和分析某件事。
Maybe sometimes it makes more sense to, like, really deeply think about something and really deeply analyze something.
但很多时候，我们的直觉并非毫无来由。
But a lot of times, our gut feelings are not for nothing.
我们应该倾听这些直觉。
They should be listened to.
所以要锻炼这种直觉能力。
And so practice that muscle.
明白吗？
You know?
锻炼这种直觉能力，并习惯于信任自己的本能。
Work out that muscle and get comfortable with trusting your instincts.
另一个技巧是给自己设定目标，每周执行一件事。
Another hack is to make a goal for yourself, to execute on something once per week.
好吗？
Okay?
如果你是个过度思考以至于几乎无法行动的人，那就设定目标每周完成一件事，或者每月完成一件大事。
If you're somebody who overthinks everything so much so that you barely can do anything, Make a goal to execute on one thing per week, or maybe it's one big thing per month.
这并不重要。
It doesn't matter.
但一定要为自己设定一个目标。
But just have a goal set for yourself.
比如，在这周末或这个月底前，我要完成一件事而不是过度思考它。
Like, by the end of this week or by the end of this month, I'm gonna execute on one thing instead of overthinking it.
这样对你来说就不会那么困难，如果你真的是个过度思考者，而且这已经根深蒂固到让你觉得很不自然。
Then you're not like, this can be more approachable if you're somebody who really, really is an overthinker, and it's something that's, like, so ingrained in you that it's very unnatural.
每周尝试做一次，可以帮助你养成真正执行的习惯，并意识到这并没有那么可怕。
Just trying to do it once per week can help get you into the routine of actually executing on things and realizing that it's not that scary.
然后，也许你就可以开始倾听内心的直觉，这可以作为下一步。
And then, you know, maybe you can start listening to your gut instinct, and that can be the next step.
但如果你真的非常挣扎，为自己制定一个现实的目标会非常有帮助。
But if you're really, really struggling, just making a realistic goal for yourself can be so helpful.
但仅仅拥有这个目标就能帮助你执行它。
But just having that goal can help you execute on it.
最后但同样重要的是，管理好你的期望值。
And last but not least, manage your expectations.
同时，试着重新审视你对做出错误决定、做错事的恐惧。
And also, try to reframe your fear around making the wrong decision, doing the wrong thing.
最坏的结果能是什么？
What's the worst that could happen?
你做了错误的选择？
You make the wrong choice?
好吧。
Okay.
那你就学到了东西。
Then you learn something.
真正运用正念来帮助你重新审视对决策失误的恐惧，并接受人生中每件你可能失败的事情——这没什么大不了的。
Really use mindfulness to, like, help you reframe your fear around not making the right decision and accept going into every single thing that you do in life that you might fail and that that's okay.
这确实也很有帮助。
And that really helps as well.
本期节目由eBay赞助播出。
This episode is brought to you by eBay.
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我们每个人都有那样一件标志性单品。
We all have that one piece.
你懂的。
You know the one.
那件完全代表你的东西，基本上已经成为你的标志。
The thing that's so you, you've basically become known for it.
如果你还没有找到属于自己的那件，eBay上一定能找到。
And if you don't have yours yet, you'll find it on eBay.
让我来告诉你们吧，朋友们。
Let me put you on, people.
eBay就是你能反复找到那些独一无二、让人忍不住研究、彻夜幻想的单品的地方。
EBay is where you'll find those one of a kind, can't stop researching, stay up dreaming about pieces again and again.
我说的可能是你盯了很久的T台款红色皮夹克，印着牛仔图案的潮流上衣，或是2017年配色系列的时髦抓绒衣。
I'm talking about that off the runway red leather bomber that you've had your eye on, the trendy top with the cowboy on it, or that sleek fleece from the 2017 colorway.
所有这些宝贝都能在eBay上找到。
All of these finds are on eBay.
它们甚至提供数百万件主角单品，并附有正品保证。
They even offer millions of main character pieces backed by authenticity guarantee.
eBay是二手和复古时尚的天堂。
EBay is the place for pre loved and vintage fashion.
eBay，人们心爱之物聚集地。
EBay, things people love.
现在回到节目。
Now back to the episode.
好的。
Okay.
继续。
Moving on.
有人问，我该如何停止过度思考每一次人际互动？
Somebody said, how do I stop overthinking every single interaction I have?
我为什么会这样？
Why do I do that?
根据我的生活经验，当我处于过度思考社交互动的阶段时，通常是因为我正经历着自信心和自尊心受挫的人生阶段。
In my life, in my experience, when I am going through a phase where I'm overthinking social interactions, it's usually because I'm going through a phase in my life where I'm struggling with my confidence and my self esteem.
而且我认为，很多类似的社交挑战都源于我们的自尊心和自信心问题。
And, I mean, I think a lot of social challenges like this are rooted in our self esteem and our confidence.
你明白吗？
You know?
这就像是问题的共同根源。
This is like a common root of issues.
所以这其实并不是... 我也说不清楚。
So it's not really about, like I don't know.
并不是说变得更社交就能解决问题。
It's not like it helps to be more social.
这也不是社交焦虑的问题。
It's not like a social anxiety issue.
这也不是那种... 你知道的，我不太懂如何社交的问题。
It's not like a, you know, I don't really know how to be social thing.
这关乎你如何看待自己。
It's about how you perceive yourself.
这关乎你对自己的感受。
It's about how you feel about yourself.
你过度分析与他人的每一次互动，是因为你对这些互动缺乏自信。
You're overthinking every single interaction you're having with other people because you're not confident in your interactions.
你在互动中对自己的身份缺乏信心。
You're not confident in who you are in interactions.
为什么会这样呢？
And why is that?
我猜不是因为刻薄，或者说了什么特别奇怪的话。
Well, I doubt it's because you're mean or, I don't know, like, you're saying super weird stuff.
大概不是这个原因。
Like, that it's probably not that.
很可能只是因为你对自己不够自信。
It's probably because you just aren't confident in yourself.
你不相信自己。
You don't believe in yourself.
你认为别人在评判你，因为你正在评判自己。
You think that people are judging you because you're judging yourself.
所以你会想，既然我都在评判自己，别人怎么可能不评判我呢？
So you're like, there's no way other people aren't judging me because I'm judging myself.
因此，要解决这个问题的根源，归根结底在于自信和自尊。
And so to get to the root of this issue, it comes down to confidence and self esteem.
关于如何建立自信和自尊，我已经给出了很多建议。
And I've given a lot of advice on how to build confidence and self esteem.
但你知道吗？
But you know what?
我要再说一遍。
I'm gonna do it again.
我要再说一遍。
I'm gonna do it again.
我认为建立自信和自尊有很多方法，其中首要的是确立明确的道德观和价值观并坚守它们。
I think there are quite a few ways that you can build your confidence and your self esteem, but a few are, number one, having a clear set of morals and values and sticking to them.
当你清楚知道对你而言何为好人，并身体力行时，会获得一种深刻的自我认同感。
There's something really self assuring about knowing what being a good person is to you and then embodying that.
明确你钦佩他人哪些特质，然后努力成为那样的人，并尽可能接近那个理想状态。
Having a clear idea of what you admire in other people and then striving to be like that and being as much like that as you can.
如果你活成了自己眼中值得尊敬的人的模样——秉持最高标准的道德观、价值观和优先级，你自然会对自己感觉更好，因为你清晰地理解在你眼中何为好人，而你自己正是那样的人。
If you are a version of a human being that you respect in other human beings, if you live by the highest quality morals and values and priorities, you're just going to naturally feel better about yourself because you have a clear understanding of what it means to be a good person in your eyes, and you are that.
如果你真心相信自己是个好人，并且有证据支撑——因为你确切知道对你而言好人的标准，并每天都在积极践行（或至少努力践行），你怎么可能不尊重自己呢？
How could you not respect yourself if you truly believe that you're a good person and you have evidence of that because you know exactly what it means to be a good person to you, and you are actively being that every single day, or at least you're trying to?
这自然会增强你的自尊和自信，因为你本就是个好人。
You know, that naturally will build your sense of self esteem and confidence because you're a good person.
你还可以通过以温暖友善的态度对待他人、慷慨待人等方式建立自信。
You can also build confidence through treating others with warmth and kindness, treating others with generosity.
我这里不一定指金钱上的慷慨——一个微笑、为他人扶门、帮人把 groceries 拎到车上、看到有人难过时询问是否需要帮助，这些都是慷慨的表现。
And I don't necessarily mean, like, financially or You can be generous with a smile, withholding the door, with helping somebody bring their groceries to their car, with asking someone there if they're okay, if they seem sad.
比如，你可以通过无数种方式展现温暖、善良和慷慨。
Like, There are so many different ways that you can be warm and kind and generous.
神奇的是，当你成为他人的一束光时，这会改变你对自己的看法。
And it's miraculous how it can change the way you perceive yourself when you're a beam of light for others.
当你成为他人的光时，无论方式大小，这都无关紧要。
When you're a beam of light for others, in big or small ways, it doesn't even matter.
不在于规模大小。
Doesn't matter the size.
不在于程度深浅。
Doesn't matter the scale.
不在于是否涉及金钱。
Doesn't matter if money's involved.
这些都不是重点。
It's not about that.
当你成为他人生命中的光时，你也照亮了自己的人生。
When you're a light in other people's lives, you're a light in your own.
这几乎就像字面意义上你就是一束光。
It's almost like literally as though you are a light.
如果你点亮了他人的生活，你也点亮了自己的生活。
If you're lighting up other people's lives, you're also lighting up yours.
因为如果你像一束光，而你始终存在于自己的身体里，始终与自己相伴，那么当你为他人发光时，最终你也为自己带来了光明。
Because if you are sort of like a beam of light and then you're in your body all the time, you're with you all the time, if you're a light for others, you end up being a light for yourself.
这有助于培养对自我的欣赏之情。
And that helps build a sense of appreciation for oneself.
同时，它也帮助建立自信，让你明白：我是他人生活中一个有价值的人。
And, also, it helps build confidence to know, like, I'm a valuable person in people's lives.
我为他人生活带来欢乐、温暖与善意。
I bring joy and warmth and kindness to other people's lives.
从这个意义上说，我是一个有价值的人。
I'm a valuable person in that way.
我们都是有价值的人，只是有时会忘记这一点。
And we're all valuable people, but we can forget that sometimes.
我认为当你看到自己如何对待他人以及这如何帮助他们时，你会像白天一样清楚地看到自己的价值。
And I think when you see how you treat others and you see how it helps them, you can see clear as day how valuable you are.
这就是最好的证明。
It proves that to you.
因此，这也可以成为一个强大的工具。
And so that can also be an incredible tool.
但我觉得在身体和心理上照顾好自己同样非常重要。
But I think it's also really important to take care of yourself physically and mentally.
如果你不好好照顾自己，就不会对自己感觉良好。
If you are not taking care of yourself, you're not gonna feel good about yourself.
你不会感到自信。
You're not gonna feel confident.
你不会觉得自己很棒。
You're not gonna feel like you're awesome.
你只会感到有点糟糕。
You're gonna feel kinda icky.
你知道吗，穿上让你感到舒适自信的衣服，这种感觉很特别。
There's something about, you know, putting yourself into clothing that you feel comfortable in, that you feel confident in.
你知道吗，洗个热水澡、去角质、完成你的护肤流程，这种感觉很特别。
There's something about, you know, taking a good shower and exfoliating your body and and doing your little skincare routine.
你知道吗，偶尔需要时花时间放松一下，给自己一个专属的'你日'，这种感觉很特别。
There's something about, you know, taking time to relax if you need it every once in a while, giving yourself a you day every once in a while.
你知道吗，活动身体，在白天抽三十分钟散步运动，仅仅因为这样会让你感觉良好，这种感觉很特别。
There's something about moving your body, giving yourself the time to go for a thirty minute walk in the middle of the day just to get moving because it makes you feel good.
在自尊和自信方面，照顾好自己真的太重要了。
It's so important when it comes to self esteem and confidence to take care of yourself.
如果你连自己都不照顾，又怎么能自信得起来呢？
How are you supposed to be confident if you're not taking care of yourself?
如果你感觉不好呢？
If you don't feel good?
如果你感觉不好，怎么可能自信起来？谁会这样呢？
Why would anyone how can you be confident if you don't feel good?
这是不可能的。
It's impossible.
所以让自己感觉良好，你自然会发现自己更有信心，也会感受到自尊心的提升。
So set yourself up to feel good, and and you'll naturally find yourself feeling more confident, and you'll feel your self esteem boosting.
最后但同样重要的是，生活中要有自律。
And last but not least, have discipline in your life.
听着。
Listen.
自律就像思考一样，你绝对可以做得太过火。
Discipline like thinking is something that you can definitely take too far.
明白吗？
You know?
你不想自律到没有生活的地步，但我们必须保持某种自律意识，因为自律能带来尊重。
You don't wanna be so disciplined to the point where you have no life, but we have to have some sort of sense of discipline in our lives because discipline creates respect.
当我们自律并证明自己能做困难的事情，能坚持日常习惯，能对自己信守承诺因为我们想完成某事时，这会建立自尊。
When we're disciplined with ourselves and we prove to ourselves that we can do hard things, that we can keep up with a routine, that we can keep a promise to ourselves because we want to accomplish something, that builds self respect.
我的意思是，听着，每个人都不一样。
And I I mean, listen, everybody's different.
但对我来说，当我拥有坚实的自尊和自信时——让我告诉你，这需要持续的努力。
But with me, when I have a solid sense of self esteem and confidence and let me tell you, it is a constant work in progress.
并不是说，哦，我做了这些事，就永远超级自信了。
It's not like, oh, I did all these things, and now I'm super confident forever.
不是的。
No.
这是一个持续的过程，我个人也在不断以这种方式精进和完善自我认知。
It is a work in progress, and I am personally constantly refining and perfecting my sense of self in this way.
但如果你能用这种方式自我提升，你会发现社交变得容易多了。
But if you can work on yourself in this way, you'll find socially, it's so much easier.
你不会过度纠结每一次互动，因为你对能为对话带来什么充满信心。
You're not gonna be overthinking every single interaction that you have because you're confident in what you bring to a conversation.
你对能为社交互动带来什么充满信心，因为你清楚自己的价值。
You're confident in what you bring to a social interaction because you know your value.
你尊重自己。
You respect yourself.
你相信自己。
You trust yourself.
所以你不再为此担心，因为你非常确信别人的看法根本不重要，因为你已经足够努力提升自己，几乎可以免疫他人对你的评价。
So you're not worried about it anymore because you're so sure that it doesn't even matter what other people think because you've worked on yourself enough to be almost immune to other people's opinions of you.
所以你根本不在乎了。
So you don't even care anymore.
既然不重要，何必过度思考？
Why overthink when it doesn't really matter?
因为你知道自己很棒。
Because you know you're awesome.
关于过度思考社交互动，有一个例外情况。
Now there is one exception when it comes to overthinking social interactions.
有可能你只是个容易焦虑的人。
There is a chance that you're just an anxious person.
你只是个容易焦虑的人，对什么事都忧心忡忡。
You're just an anxious person, and you worry about everything.
对吧？
Right?
比如，无论什么事都如此。
Like, it doesn't even matter what it is.
比如，你不仅过度思考社交互动，还会过度担忧自己的健康问题。
Like, you're overthinking social interactions, but you're also overthinking, like, your your health.
你对所有事都过度思考。
You're overthinking everything.
有可能你天生就是个容易焦虑的人，对任何事都有这种焦虑感。
Like, there's a chance that you're just an anxious person by nature, and you just have this sort of this sense of anxiety about everything.
我理解这点，因为我本人就非常容易焦虑，所以我懂。
Now I understand that because I'm a very anxious person, so I get it.
有时候，不知为何，我的焦虑症状就会突然发作。
And sometimes, for whatever reason, I'm just having an anxiety flare up.
我其实并不算特别社交焦虑的人，但有时会因为处于焦虑状态而过度思考每一次社交互动。
And I'm I'm not even necessarily that socially anxious of a person, but I can sometimes find myself overthinking every single social interaction just because I'm in an anxious state of mind.
所以很可能你正在经历这种情况。
And so there's a chance that that's what you're experiencing.
如果是这样，我建议你问问自己：最坏的情况会是什么？
And if that's the case, I encourage you to ask yourself, what's the worst case scenario?
社交互动后可能发生的最糟糕的事情是什么？
What's the worst thing that could happen after a social interaction?
如果让我思考社交中最坏的情况，大概就是不小心说了冒犯别人的话。
If I were to think about the worst case scenario for me in a social interaction, I guess perhaps I said something on accident that could have offended somebody.
可能是我表现得很尴尬或说了令人难堪的话。
Perhaps I was awkward or said something embarrassing.
可能是我太安静了。
Perhaps I was too quiet.
也可能是我话太多了。
Perhaps I talked too much.
这些事情真的有那么糟糕吗？
Are any of these things really that bad?
这些事情真的会世界末日吗？
Are any of these things really the end of the world?
不会。
No.
不会。
No.
比如，不是的。
Like, no.
我的意思是，听着。
I mean, listen.
伤害别人的感情并不好，过度谈论自己也不理想，你懂吧，就是不让别人插上话那种。
It's not ideal to hurt somebody's feelings, and it's not ideal to talk too much about oneself, you know, and not let anybody else get a word in edgewise.
这确实不理想。
That's not ideal.
但大家都安全吗？
But is everybody safe?
大家都健康吗？
Is everybody healthy?
试着从更宏观的角度来看。
Like, put it in perspective.
你正在为一些其实没那么严重的事情钻牛角尖。
You're spiraling about something that is not that big of a deal.
最坏的情况，我认为最坏的情况不过是你说了些冒犯别人的话。
Worst case scenario, I think the absolute worst case scenario is that you said something that offended somebody else.
现实中的人们其实很愿意接受道歉，很愿意听到别人说'等一下'。
Now people are, in real life anyway, very receptive to an apology, very receptive to somebody being like, wait a minute.
我觉得我刚才说的话可能被误解了。
I think I said something that actually came off wrong.
人们对此的宽容度其实比我们想象的要高得多。
People are so much more forgiving of that than we give other people credit for.
但在互联网上，情况就有点不同了。
On the Internet, on the other hand, it's a little different.
对吧？
Right?
就像，基本上没有太多犯错的余地。
Like, it's pretty there's not a lot of room to make a mistake.
对不对？
Right?
但我们不是在讨论互联网。
But we're not talking about the Internet.
我们讨论的是现实生活。
We're talking about real life.
在现实生活中，人们是宽容的。
In real life, people are forgiving.
人们理解我们有时会言不由衷。
People understand that we say things that we don't mean.
人们理解我们有时会说错话。
People understand that we say things that come off wrong sometimes.
我说过很多不得体或冒犯的话，但我会立即道歉，或者在被指出时承认错误并道歉。
I've said so many things that have come off wrong or insensitive, and and I immediately have apologized or, you know, if confronted on it, acknowledge it and apologize.
就像这样我们才能学习成长。
Like and that's how we learn.
这再正常不过了。
It's so normal.
这已经是最坏的情况了。
And that's the worst case scenario.
这没什么大不了的。
That's not a big deal.
要正确看待这件事。
Put it into perspective.
当我处于极度焦虑的状态时，退一步想想'好吧'对我非常重要。
When I'm in a really anxious frame of mind, it's so important for me to sit back and be like, alright.
这真的有多严重？
How serious is this really?
最坏的情况会是什么？
How what is the worst case scenario?
在最坏的情况下，很多时候这些小小的焦虑其实并没有那么糟糕。
In the worst case scenario, a lot of times in these small little anxieties, it's not that bad.
世界上有更多真正值得焦虑的事情，但眼下这件事并不在其中。
There's far more to be anxious about that's actually, like, fair, but this is not one of those things.
我们这些容易焦虑的人担心的很多事情都属于这种情况——最坏的结果甚至都不算糟糕。
And a lot of the things that us anxious people worry about are in this category of, like, the worst case scenario is not even bad.
你明白吗？
You know?
我认为这很正常，对作为人类真正面临的恐怖现实感到焦虑是合理的。
It's okay, I think, and it makes sense to be anxious about genuinely terrifying realities of being a human being.
我的意思是，听着。
That is I mean, listen.
这些情况也有应对方法，但那属于更理性的焦虑范畴。
There are ways to manage that as well, but that's a more rational sort of anxiety.
这完全是一种非理性的焦虑。
This is a completely irrational kind of anxiety.
真的没那么严重。
It's like, it's really not that serious.
总之现在我得敲敲木头，因为刚才提到了严重的焦虑问题。
Anyway, now I need to knock on wood because I talked about things I talked about really severe anxieties.
哦对了，我得敲三下。
And oh, I have to knock three times.
天啊我真是...
I have oh my god.
我对这些事情特别迷信。
I get so superstitious about stuff.
或许我该找心理医生聊聊这个，但一直没去。
And I should probably talk to a therapist about it, but I haven't.
不过也许有一天我会去的，但不是现在。
And but maybe I will one day, but not yet.
现在太忙了。
Too busy right now.
不。
No.
我开玩笑的。
I'm kidding.
不。
No.
不过或许我确实应该去。
I probably should, though.
总之，继续吧。
Anyway, moving on.
有人说，我总是在想别人怎么看我。
Somebody said, I'm constantly thinking about how others perceive me.
我该如何停止这样做？
How do I stop doing that?
我不想在意这件事。
I don't wanna care about it.
这与过度思考社交互动非常类似，但又略有不同，因为它不仅仅涉及与他人交谈，还包括在日常生活中行走时不断揣测他人对你的看法。
This is a very similar sort of challenge to overthinking social interactions, but it's a little bit different because it it's not just about, like, talking to other people, but it's also just about walking around in the world and wondering how people are perceiving you.
你知道吗？
You know?
这确实有所不同，因为它不一定关乎社交技巧。
It's it's a little bit different because it's not necessarily about social skills.
这只是关于你如何展现自己。
It's just about how you present yourself.
我认为对这个问题的建议与上一个困境类似。
Now I think my advice for this is kind of similar to the last question, to the last dilemma.
自信和自尊将在很大程度上缓解这种感受。
Confidence and self esteem is going to alleviate this feeling in a very significant way.
不过，我确实认为还有其他方法可以帮助你应对这个问题。
However, I do think that there are other things that you can do to help you with this.
我的意思是，这些方法其实也能帮助减少对每次社交互动的过度思考，只是效果可能没那么明显。
And I I mean, I actually think that these things could help too with overthinking every social interaction, but less.
我认为有些具体方法虽然不能像解决根本问题那样显著提升自信和自尊，但根据我的经验，这些小技巧至少能有所帮助。
I there are specific things that I think can help in in maybe not as significant ways as going to the root of the problem and, like, addressing your sense of confidence and self esteem, but little things that just help, at least in my experience.
第一点，在个人风格和自我表达方式上多下功夫。
Number one, putting effort into your style, into the way that you express yourself.
如果你实在难以接受别人正在评价你这个事实，那就主动展示一些你引以为豪、觉得很酷的特质。
If you're having a really hard time grasping the fact that other people are perceiving you, put something out there that you're proud of, that you think is cool.
比如当你担心别人怎么看你时，就通过外在形象展现出你希望被认知的样子——因为这方面你完全可控。
Like, if you're, you know, concerned about how people are perceiving you, express yourself on the outside in the way that you wanna be perceived because you have complete control over that.
当然，我们要明白人的价值远不止于外表。
And listen, obviously, we are much more than our physical appearance.
我并不是要把我们局限在'外在即全部'这种狭隘认知里。
And and I would I'm not trying to shrink us down to like, Oh, well, we are how we express ourselves.
我们并非如此。
We're not.
我们远不止于此。
We're far more than that.
但我们的自我表达并非毫无意义。
But the way we express ourselves is not for nothing.
明白吗？
Okay?
这是一种非常强大的工具，我们不仅能借此向他人展示真实的自我，还能为自己带来兴奋与乐趣。
It's a very powerful tool that we can tap into in a way that can really not only help display who we are to other people, but also can be exciting and fun for us.
比如，穿上一套感觉完全代表你的衣服，化一个完全符合你个性的妆容，剪一个让你感觉完全自我的发型，这些都很有趣。
Like, it's fun to get into an outfit that feels super you and to do your makeup in a way that feels super you and to get a haircut that feels super you.
探索如何让外在形象与内在自我相匹配，这真的既令人兴奋又有趣。
It's really exciting and fun to figure out ways to match your exterior to your interior.
这是我在个人层面上深深热爱的事情。
That's something that I'm deeply passionate about on a personal level.
我热爱自我表达的艺术。
I love the art of self expression.
我喜欢让我的思维与身体相匹配。
I love matching my brain to my body.
我不是在说我的物理身体。
And I'm not saying, like, my physical body.
我指的是更表面的东西，衣服、妆容、发型、配饰这些。
I'm saying, you know, the more surface level stuff, the clothes, the makeup, the haircut, the accessories.
我喜欢通过这些向世界展示我是谁。
I love showing the world who I am through that.
如果你正苦恼于他人对你的看法，或许这是你可以探索的方向。
If you're struggling with how people perceive you, maybe this is something that you could explore.
要知道，很多时候人们会认为我们通过外表向外界传递信息这件事很肤浅。
And it's not see, I think a lot of times people can think about, you know, the way that we use our appearance to send a message to the outside world and can think it's sort of surface level.
也许这显得虚荣。
Perhaps it's vain.
比如，嗯，最好就是简单一点，你知道，如果人们想了解你，他们应该主动过来和你交谈。
Like, well, it's better to just, like, be simple and, like, you know, if people wanna get to know you, they should come up to you and talk to you.
我大概能理解这种想法。
And I get that, I guess.
我明白那种认为时尚和自我表达可能比较肤浅的论点。
Like, I get the argument that, like, fashion and, you know, self expression is maybe like, I I get the argument that it's surface level.
确实是很表面的东西。
It's a surface level.
但我虽然理解这个论点，却完全不同意，百分之百不同意，因为我并不把时尚当作工具。
But I actually I get the argument, but I completely disagree with it, like, thousand percent because I don't use fashion.
对我来说，时尚不是虚荣的表现，而是一种自我关爱，是一种单纯的自我表达，既为了取悦自己，也为了向他人传递信息。
Like, fashion for me is not an act of vanity as much as it's an act of self care, and it's an act of simply just self expression for the enjoyment of me and for the communication to others.
但这并不是说它是肤浅的东西。
But it's not like it isn't this service level thing.
它远比那要美好得多。
It's much more beautiful than that.
我认为确实有些人并不太在意这一点。
And I think there are some people out there who don't necessarily care about that.
所以他们无法真正理解这为何能成为如此强大的工具。
And so they can't really comprehend how this can be such a powerful tool.
但对我而言，它确实帮助很大，我深深热爱着它。
But I'm somebody who like, it really helps me, and and I love it.
这是我的一个爱好。
And it's a hobby of mine.
所以我站在完全相反的极端。
So I'm the opposite extreme.
我高度意识到这能有多么美妙和强大。
Like, I'm hyper aware of how wonderful and how powerful this can be.
如果你还不确定自己的立场，或许可以多关注一下这方面。
And if you're somebody who doesn't really know where you fall, maybe this is something that you could pay a little bit more attention to.
你可以尝试开始参与其中。
You know, maybe this is something that you could start participating in.
通过自我表达来帮助认清自我，并向他人描绘这幅图景。
Using your self expression to help figure out who you are and to paint that picture for other people.
如果你了解自己，并学会通过服饰、审美等方式来表达，你就不会担心别人如何看待你，因为你掌控着这一切，并传递着这样的信息。
If you know who you are and you figure out how to express that through your clothing and your aesthetic and this and that, then you're not gonna be worried about how people are perceiving you because you're in control of it, and you're spreading that message.
你明白我的意思吗？
You know what I'm saying?
你甚至无需开口，就能讲述自己的故事。
You're telling your story without you even having to talk.
这很酷，很鼓舞人心，也能增强自信。
And that's cool, and that's inspiring, and that's a confidence booster.
听着。
Listen.
穿时髦衣服、剪酷炫发型就能解决所有问题吗？
Is wearing cool clothes and having a cool haircut gonna, like, fix everything?
不能。
No.
你仍然需要解决问题的根源。
You still have to go to the root of the problem.
问题的根源在于自信和自尊。
And the root of the problem is confidence and self esteem.
但这可以成为另一个辅助工具。
But this can be another tool that can help.
可能只起到10%或20%的作用，但肯定有所帮助。
Might only help 10%, maybe 20, but it definitely can help.
好了。
Alright.
今天就讲到这里。
That's all I got for today.
嗯，这很有趣。
Well, that was fun.
如果你喜欢，建议咨询系列每两周周日更新，而《随心所欲》系列每周四和周日都有新内容。
If you had fun, new episodes of advice session every other Sunday and new episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday.
所以你可以随时收听并参与互动，因为有很多这样的机会。
So you can tune in and hang out kind of, like, whenever because that's, like, a lot that's a lot of opportunity for hanging out.
你懂我意思吗？
You know what I mean?
你可以在任何能收听播客的地方收听。
You can stream anywhere you get podcasts.
不过如果你想看视频，看我的脸和听我说话，可以在YouTube和Spotify上观看。
Although if you wanna watch video and watch me talk and see my face, that is on YouTube and Spotify.
你可以在社交媒体上关注'Anything Goes'。
You can check out anything goes on social media at anything goes.
你可以在网上搜索Emma Chamberlain找到我，也可以在世界各地或网上搜索Chamberlain Coffee找到我的咖啡品牌。
You can check me out on the Internet at Emma Chamberlain, and you can check out my coffee company, Chamberlain Coffee in the world and online under the name Chamberlain Coffee.
我爱你们。
I love you all.
我感谢你们所有人。
I appreciate you all.
每次相聚总是如此美好，尤其是能给出虽不专业但发自内心的建议。
It is always so wonderful to hang out, and it's particularly wonderful to give advice that is unprofessional but does come from the heart.
我爱你们，也感谢你们所有人。
I love you all and appreciate you all.
对于最近过度思考的你们，我祈愿这种状态能很快得到缓解。
And I I hope that to all of you who have been overthinking a lot lately, I manifest that that alleviates for you soon.
其实就是用很别扭的方式说：我希望你们能停止过度思考。
It's a really weird way of saying I just hope that you you'd stop overthinking.
但我真心希望你们能做到。
But I do hope that for you.
其实我也希望自己能做到。
And I actually also hope that for me.
让我们共同祈愿，期待最好的结果。
So let's all manifest this collectively and hope for the best.
好啦。
Alright.
我爱你们所有人。
I love you all.
我感激你们每一个人。
I appreciate you all.
感谢你们一如既往的倾听与陪伴。
Thank you for listening and hanging out as always.
我深深感激你们的支持，我们过几天再聊。
I appreciate your support so deeply, and I will talk to you in a few days.
到时候见。
I'll see you there.
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