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嘿。
Hey.
说实话吧。
You know, I'll be honest with you all.
我现在有点吃力。
I'm struggling a little bit right now.
如果你打开我的脑门走进去，会看到一片混乱。
If you were to open the door of my brain and walk inside, you would see disarray.
不是混沌，就是混乱。
Not chaos, but disarray.
里面乱七八糟的。
It's messy in there.
那可不是什么好地方。
It's not a pleasant place.
算不算可怕的地方？
Is it a horrible place?
不。
No.
不。
No.
这不是个可怕的地方，只是有点不对劲。
It's not a horrible place, but it's slightly off kilter.
有点不舒服。
It's a little bit uncomfortable.
我有点挣扎。
I'm struggling a little bit.
这种情况会发生。
This happens.
这很正常。
This is normal.
你知道吗？
You know?
这是不可避免的。
It's inevitable.
每次你度过一个艰难时期，下一个困难时期开始只是时间问题。
Every time you get through a rough patch, it's just a matter of time before the next one begins.
这未必是坏事，因为充满挑战的时期能促进成长、自我反思和许多积极的事情。
And that's not necessarily a bad thing because challenging times encourage growth and self reflection and many good things.
所以我并不特别为大脑混乱而烦恼，因为我知道自己本该出于某种原因有这种感受。
And so I'm not particularly upset that my brain is in disarray because I know that I'm supposed to be feeling this way for some reason.
我知道这背后是有原因的。
I know there's a reason for it.
而且我很感激没有一件特别困扰我的大事，而是15件更小的事情像龙卷风一样在我脑海中盘旋，使它们难以解决，但其中没有一件真正糟糕。
And also, I'm just grateful that there isn't one big thing bothering me, and instead it's 15 more minor things that are just swirling around in my head like a tornado in a way that makes them hard to address, but none of them are really that bad.
这是件好事。
And that's a good thing.
这是非常好的事情。
That's a great thing.
我对此心怀感激。
I'm grateful for that.
我宁愿是这样，也不愿面对一个真正的大难题。
I'd so much rather it be this than one really big hard thing.
你知道吗？
Do you know?
你明白我的意思吗？
You know what I mean?
就像，这并不算太糟，但我的大脑一片混乱。
It's like, this isn't that bad, but my brain is in disarray.
我有很多令人不适、困惑的感受和想法在脑海中盘旋。
And I have a lot of uncomfortable, confusing feelings and thoughts swirling around.
对我来说很难控制它们，因为有太多不同的小事同时困扰着我，甚至到了我都分不清孰是孰非的地步。
And it's been very hard for me to get them under control because there's so many different little things bothering me all at once to the point where it's like, I don't even know how to sort out what's what.
我甚至不知道该如何理清头绪。
I don't even know how to address what's what.
我脑子里一团糟，虽然每件事单独来看都不算太糟，但它们在脑中形成的复合恶魔已经比各部分的总和更庞大。
It's such a mess in my brain that even though all of these things individually aren't that bad, the compound demon that it's built in my brain has become something bigger than the sum of its parts.
你知道吗？
You know?
就像，它变成了这样一个东西，现在我很糟糕，因为所有这些小事都在困扰我，一切都乱糟糟的。
It's like, it's become this thing, and now I'm in a bad place because there's all these little things bothering me and it's all whatever.
而且它们没有得到妥善处理，因为我无法单独处理每件事，它们在我脑子里转得太快了。
And they're not being addressed properly because I can't address each thing individually because they're all swirling around in my brain so quickly.
这样说得通吗？
Does that make sense?
所以我想到了一个办法来帮助应对当前的心理状态：把所有负面情绪、所有挑战性的感受都写下来，然后逐一写下应对每个挑战的格言、箴言或提醒。这样在我处理这些情绪的剩余时间里，每当我感到无法承受时...
So I had this idea to help me handle this current state of mind that I'm in, which was to write everything down, all of the negative feelings that I'm feeling, all of the challenging feelings that I'm feeling, to write them all down, and to go through one by one and write a quote or a mantra or a reminder to address that particular challenge so that for the remainder of this time that I'm dealing with all of these feelings, every time I'm like, I just can't handle it.
我 overwhelmed（不堪重负）了。
I'm overwhelmed.
它在我脑海里不断翻滚。
It's rolling around in my head.
我可以打开这个文档，阅读我需要听到的内容。
I can go to this document and read what I need to hear.
你明白我的意思吗？
Do you see what I'm saying?
我真的很喜欢这个主意。
And I really loved this idea.
我不认为这是我发明的，但此刻我想到了它，因为我正需要这个。
I don't think I invented it, but I came up with it in this moment because it's something I needed.
但我不认为这是我发明的。
But I don't think I invented it.
但我太喜欢这个主意了，所以我想，也许我可以分享它。
But I love this idea so much that I was like, You know, maybe I share this.
也许我可以把这个分享到网上。
Maybe I share this with the internet.
所以这就是我今天要做的事。
And so that's what I'm going to be doing today.
因为我认为这不仅对处于和我现在相似心理状态的人有帮助，而且如果我需要听到这些话，那么很可能其他人也需要听到这些内容。
Because not only do I think that this is a helpful thing to do when in a similar state of mind that I'm in right now, but also because if I need to hear these things, there's a chance that someone else out there might need to hear these things too.
我简短地打断本期节目，告诉大家本期节目由Venmo赞助播出。
I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode is presented by Venmo.
好的。
Okay.
听我说。
Hear me out.
显然，使用Venmo借记卡可以赚取现金返还。
Apparently, you can earn cash back with your Venmo debit card.
你只需加入Venmo Stash，就能轻松实现。
All you have to do is join Venmo Stash and boom.
在喜爱的品牌购物时，就能获得现金返还。
You get cash back when you shop at your favorite brands.
这简直是超酷的炫耀方式。
It's kind of an awesome flex.
使用Venmo Stash，您可在喜爱的品牌消费时获得高达5%的现金返还。
With Venmo Stash, you can get up to 5% cash back at your fave brands.
只需选择您常购品牌的组合包，用Venmo借记卡消费即可赚取返现。
Just pick a bundle of your go tos to shop with your Venmo debit card and earn cash back at them.
您可以自由搭配组合。
And you're free to mix things up.
每30天就能轻松更换您的品牌组合包。
You can easily swap out your bundle of brands every thirty days.
通过Stash做更多，立即开始赚取返现。
Start earning when you do more with Stash.
适用Venmo Stash条款及限制条件。
Venmo Stash terms and exclusions apply.
每月最高返现100美元。
Max $100 cashback per month.
详情条款请见venmo.mestashterms。
See terms at venmo.mestashterms.
现在回到正片内容。
Now back to the episode.
看起来我同时面临着许多看似微小但实际上并不小、且相当普遍的挑战。
It seems that I'm dealing with a lot of tiny little not tiny, but a lot of common challenges just all at once.
再次强调，其中没有任何一个挑战痛苦到会让人完全崩溃的程度。
And again, none of them are overwhelmingly painful to the point that it's all consuming.
但它们全都堆积在一起了。
They're all compounded together.
不过，确实有可能你现在需要听到一些我也需要听到的话。
But, yeah, there's a chance that maybe you need to hear one of the things that I need to hear right now.
所以这就是我们今天要做的事情。
And so that's what we're going to be doing today.
我将梳理我所有具有挑战性的想法，然后与你分享我为自己写下的、真正帮助我应对这些问题的提醒。
I'm going to be going through all of my various challenging thoughts and then sharing with you the reminders that I wrote down for myself that truly helped me with these things.
因为问题是，当你脑海中盘旋着一堆棘手的想法时——其中可能有些是你以前处理过的次要问题，甚至知道应对方法，比如你知道如何管理那些情绪——但如果同时有多件事情发生，要运用你所知道的去解决问题就会困难得多，因为你还会分心。
Because the thing is, when you have a bunch of challenging thoughts swirling around in the brain, and there may be more minor things that you've maybe dealt with before and maybe even know the anecdote for, like you know how to manage those feelings, if you have a bunch of things going on at once, it's much harder to use what you know and address the issue because you're also distracted.
你试图解决这边的问题，但那边又冒出新状况。
You're trying to solve this thing over here, but then this thing over here.
坐下来把所有事情摊开，逐一处理并审视内心，写下你需要记住的内容，这种感觉很好。
It's nice to sit down and lay it all out and address things one by one and look inward and write down what you know you need to remember.
因为关键在于，我知道解决方案。
Because the thing is, I know the solution.
我知道如何应对这些挑战。
I know the solution to these challenges.
我知道该怎么解决它们。
I know how to solve them.
这样说有道理吗？
Does that make sense?
当我对某件事开始钻牛角尖时（因为我有点这种倾向），我知道该提醒自己什么。
I know what to remind myself of when I start spiraling about a particular thing because I have a tendency to do a little bit of spiraling.
所以我清楚自己需要怎样的提醒。
So I know what I need to remind myself.
但当太多事情同时发生时，不知为何我就是做不到。
But when there's too many things going on at once, I just can't for some reason.
那么事不宜迟，我们开始吧。
And so without further ado, let's get into it.
首先是我觉得自己做得不够多的感受。
Starting out with the feeling that I'm not getting enough done.
最近我一直在为此苦恼，感觉自己投入了大量时间和精力在工作上，却产出不足。
I've been really struggling with this lately, just feeling like I'm putting so much time and effort into my job, and yet I'm not producing enough.
这是我一直在与之抗争的问题。
And this is something I've always struggled with.
我认为这也与我的冒名顶替综合症有关。
I think it also connects relates to my impostor syndrome.
你知道的，就是那种'我不配拥有现在生活'的感觉。
You know, this feeling of I don't deserve what I have in my life.
我不配拥有现在的职业。
I don't deserve the career I have.
我不配拥有现在的朋友。
I don't deserve the friends I have.
我不配拥有现在的生活。
I don't deserve the life I have.
我一直深受冒名顶替综合征的困扰。
I've always struggled with impostor syndrome.
如果不好好处理，它有时会突然发作。
And it can sometimes flare up if not being well tended to.
最近，我总觉得自己做得不够。
And recently, I've just been feeling like I'm not doing enough.
但事实是，我已经在竭尽全力工作了。
And the truth of the matter is I am working as hard as I possibly can.
真的已经尽力了。
I really am.
我完全没有懈怠。
I'm not slacking at all.
我完全没有懈怠。
I'm not slacking at all.
这是我首先要提醒自己的。
And that's the first thing I have to remind myself.
我每天都非常专注地努力工作。
I work every day very hard with little distraction.
我为什么要对自己这么苛刻？
What am I being so hard on myself about?
实际上我完成了很多事情。
I actually am getting things done.
但你看，对我来说这还不够，因为我总觉得还可以做得更多。
But see, that's not enough for me because to me, I'm always like, well, there could always be more.
你总能完成更多。
You could always get more done.
所以这种想法其实没有帮助，我是说，我试着每天提醒自己已经完成的事情。
And so that's actually not a helpful like, I mean, I try to remind myself of what I've accomplished every day.
要知道，我试着提醒自己过去一周、过去一个月完成了什么。
You know, I try to remind myself what I've accomplished in the last week, the last month.
然后，是的，有时候这样会有所帮助。
Then, yeah, you know, sometimes that can help.
但老实说，我并不认为这些感受真的与我完成了多少工作有关。
But I honestly don't think these feelings actually are about how much work I'm getting done or not.
我认为这通常是其他某种情绪的表现。
I think it usually is a manifestation of some other feeling.
这说得通吗？
Does that make sense?
这其实与我完成了多少工作无关。
It's not really about how much work I'm getting done.
是别的什么东西。
It's something else.
当我感觉自己做得不够多，并深陷冒名顶替综合症时，我必须提醒自己：第一，生产力并不能衡量我的价值。
When I'm feeling like I'm not getting enough done and I'm wrapped up in my imposter syndrome, I have to remind myself, number one, that productivity is not a measure of my worth.
如果我缺乏自信，就会开始把信心寄托在错误的地方。
If my confidence is low, I'll start to put my confidence in the wrong areas.
这是我们所有人始终面临的持续挑战。
This is an ongoing challenge for all of us all the time.
我们必须不断努力，让自信建立在自我认知的基础上——我们作为人的本质、我们的善良程度、慷慨程度，以及我们为世界带来的价值。
We constantly have to work on having our confidence be based on our sense of self, who we are as people, how kind we are, how generous we are, what we bring to the world in that way.
但在脆弱的时刻，你的自信可能会被伴侣对你的看法、朋友对你的评价、你的工作效率或外貌所左右。
But in a moment of vulnerability, your confidence can get wrapped up in your significant other's opinion of you, your friend's opinion of you, your level of productivity, what you look like.
你的自信很容易就会建立在它本不该在的地方。
It's very easy for your confidence to reside in places that it shouldn't.
而且我认为，很可能我现在的自信状态并不理想。
And I think there is a chance that maybe my confidence isn't in a good place right now.
事实上，我觉得自己现在的自信状态确实不太好。
Actually, I don't think my confidence is in a great place right now.
我需要在这方面做些调整。
I need to do some work on that.
重要的是要提醒自己，生产力并不能衡量我的价值。
And it's important to remind myself that productivity is not a measure of my worth.
这与我是怎样的人毫无关系。
It has nothing to do with who I am as a person.
你明白我的意思吗？
You know what I mean?
我是如何对待他人的？
How do I treat people?
我以怎样的方式为世界做出贡献？
What do I bring to the world in that way?
这些才是真正重要的。
That's what matters.
这对我来说是一个非常关键且有益的提醒。
And that is a really important and helpful reminder for me.
另一个提醒是：我正在尽我所能做到最好。
Another reminder is I'm doing the best that I can.
我好像已经说过这话了，但我正在尽我所能，这就足够了。
And I kind of said this already, but I'm doing the best I can, and that's enough.
这就够了。
It's enough.
天啊，我现在说话简直像个Pinterest励志板。
Like, it this is so I'm I'm really sounding like a Pinterest board right now.
真的，我说话就像Pinterest励志板，但这种狗屁话确实他妈的有用。
Like, I I really sound like a Pinterest board, but this is the type of shit that fucking helps.
你知道吗？
And you know what?
俗话说，做作才能自由。
To be cringe is to be free, as they say.
我现在才不在乎自己有点做作呢，因为这对我有帮助。
And I I don't care if I'm a little cringe right now because this is what helps me.
这种老套的废话有时候还真管用。
And this corny shit actually does help sometimes.
尽力而为，量力而行就足够了。
Doing the best you can, doing as much as you can is enough.
事情真的没那么复杂。
It just isn't that deep.
这就够了。
It's enough.
你明白我的意思吗？
Do you know what I'm saying?
我不知道。
I don't know.
这种说法很简单，但我甚至不知道该如何详细阐述。
It's a simple way of putting it, but I don't even know how to elaborate on it.
事实就是如此。
That's just what it is.
简简单单就足够了。
It's just simply enough.
就我而言，我认为在这种心态下，我永远都不会感到满足。
And I think in my case, I don't think I'll ever be satisfied when I'm in this state of mind.
你明白我的意思吗？
Do you know what I'm saying?
就像当你处于冒名顶替综合征的状态，觉得自己做得不够，给自己施加巨大压力时，我认为在这种心理状态下不可能感到满足，因为这与你完成了多少工作无关。
Like, when you're in a place where you have impostor syndrome and you feel like you're not getting enough done and you're putting all this pressure on yourself, I I don't think it's possible to feel satisfied when you're in that headspace because it's not about how much work you're getting done.
关键在于你对自己不满意，试图通过尽可能多做事来获得更好的感觉。
It's about not feeling good about yourself and trying to get as much done as you possibly can to feel better.
你懂我的意思吧？
You know what I mean?
因为实际上问题并不在于工作完成得不够多（至少对我来说是这样），我必须提醒自己：我正在做的——也就是我全力以赴、竭尽所能做到的——这就足够了。
And because it's not actually rooted in not getting enough done, at least in my case, I have to remind myself that what I'm doing, which is my best and as much as I can possibly do, that's enough.
再说一次，虽然听起来老套又尴尬，但事实就是如此。
Again, cringe and corny, but here we are.
最后但同样重要的是，我必须提醒自己：在临终之时，我完成了多少工作根本无关紧要。
And last but not least, I have to remind myself that on my deathbed, it will not matter how much work I got done.
我的工作效率如何根本无关紧要。
It will not matter how productive I was.
说实话，这一点总能让我看清事情的本质。
And that, honestly, without fail, every time puts this into perspective for me.
当我意识到，等等。
When I realized, Wait a minute.
当我临终时，我还会在乎我的产出吗？
When I'm dying, am I going to care about my output?
我的工作成果？
My work output?
效率高低？
How efficient?
谁在乎这些呢？
Who cares about that?
那些都不重要。
That doesn't matter.
那并不是更重要的。
That's not the bigger picture.
真正重要的是你生命中的人际关系，你建立的纽带，以及你改变的那些生命，哪怕只是微小的改变。
The bigger picture is the relationships you have in your life, the bonds that you've made, lives that you've changed, even in small ways.
这些都无关紧要。
It doesn't matter.
微小的改变可以是你每天工作时对人们微笑的方式。
Small ways could be the way that you smiled at people every day at work.
也可能是你总是帮助老人的方式。
It could have been the way that you always helped old people.
我他妈怎么知道。
I don't fucking know.
但重要的是，在你临终时这些才是真正有意义的，而不是你完成了多少工作。
But it's like that's what is going to matter on your deathbed, not how much work you got done.
再说一次，我认为这些都是我需要特别提醒自己的事情，因为我特别容易受到冒名顶替综合症的影响，并且过度工作。
And again, I think these are things that I need to remind myself of specifically because I specifically struggle with impostor syndrome and overworking myself.
所以，你知道，这就是为什么这些事对我而言是特别的提醒。
And so, you know, that's why these things are particular reminders for me.
而如果你是没有这种困扰的人，这些可能不适用，但它们确实帮到了我。
Whereas if you're somebody who maybe doesn't struggle with that, these things might not apply, but those those really help me.
接下来这点，与总觉得自己做得不够的感觉密切相关，但它是另一种不同的感受。
Next, this kind of goes hand in hand with not feeling like I'm getting enough done, but it's a different feeling.
这是个不同的挑战。
It's a different challenge.
下一个挑战是：当我经历困难时期时，往往会用过度工作来逃避生活中的问题。
The next challenge is I have a tendency when going through a hard time to overwork myself as a distraction in my life.
我会不停地工作、工作、再工作，通过失衡的工作生活来逃避其他挑战。
I will just work and and work and work and work and my work life balance to escape from my other challenges.
这是一种逃避方式。
It's a form of avoiding.
对吧？
Right?
我认为最困难的是，你很容易说服自己这只是高效工作。
And I think the hardest thing about it is that it's really easy to convince yourself that you're just being productive.
你只是在完成任务而已。
You're just getting shit done.
你只是在取得进展。
You're just getting ahead.
也许算不上进展。
Maybe not getting ahead.
我从未感觉有进展。
I never feel ahead.
但你明白我的意思吗？
But you get what I'm saying?
这是一种社会认可的情绪逃避方式。
It's a socially acceptable way of distracting from emotions.
但现实是，逃避情绪会阻碍任何形式的进步。
But the reality is distracting from emotions is preventing any sort of progress.
分心就是分心。
A distraction is a distraction.
所以我必须提醒自己这一点。
And so I have to remind myself of that.
用工作来分散注意力既不健康也没有效率。
It's not healthy and productive to distract myself with work.
是啊。
Yeah.
也许我完成了许多事，但你知道我还做了什么吗？
Maybe I'm getting a lot done, but you know what else I'm doing?
把自己累垮了。
Burning myself out.
把自己累垮，逃避问题，阻碍了治愈和进步，这只会延长挣扎的过程。
Burning myself out and running away from my problems and preventing healing and progress, which is that's only making that's only elongating the struggle.
如果我在艰难时刻能保持工作与生活的平衡，实际上会帮助痛苦和不适更快结束。
If I were to instead maintain a work life balance in challenging moments, it would actually help the pain and the discomfort end sooner.
仅仅因为它是社会认可的消遣方式，并不意味着它不是一种分心。
Just because it's a socially acceptable distraction doesn't mean it's not a distraction.
所以我必须时刻提醒自己这一点。
And so that's something I have to remind myself of.
但我觉得在处理这个问题时，最有力的提醒是那句名言。
But I think the most potent reminder for me when dealing with this is the quote.
我甚至不知道这句话出自哪里，但如果工作填满了你生活的每个角落，那就没有留给生活的空间了。
I don't even know where this came from, but if work fills every corner of your life, there is no room left for living.
这对我来说很阴暗。
That is dark to me.
明白吗？
Okay?
这很阴暗，也非常真实。
That is dark, and that is very true.
每当我提醒自己这一点时，我就会想，天啊。
And whenever I remind myself of that, I am like, oh god.
我无法喜欢这样，我没有在过自己的生活。
I can't like, I'm not living my life.
我没有在过自己的生活。
I'm not living my life.
我通过工作来逃避生活，你明白我的意思吗？
I'm running away from my life by, like, by working to you know what I mean?
我需要重新把生活放在首位。
Like, I need to prioritize living my life again.
因为说到底，这又回到了临终思考的问题。
Because again, it goes back to the deathbed thing.
说实话，在我临终时，回忆自己经历挑战、克服困难并在其中成长的经历会是更美好的记忆。
On my deathbed, it's going to be a more fond memory, honestly, remembering me going through a challenge and overcoming it and growing through it and the beauty of that experience.
这比过度工作到只是逃避面对挑战的记忆要美好得多。
That's such a better, more beautiful memory than me working too much to the point of just avoiding addressing a challenge.
你明白吗？
You know?
我不会记得那些工作。
And I'm not gonna remember the work.
没有人会记得那些工作。
No one you don't remember the work.
你知道吗？
You know?
也许有些工作确实有趣又很棒，而且我很幸运确实有些工作时刻是美妙的。
Maybe some work is, like, fun and awesome, and and I definitely am lucky that there are moments where work is amazing.
但我必须记住，如果工作占据了你生活的每个角落，那就没有空间留给生活了。
But I have to remember that if work fills every corner of your life, there is no room left for living.
这想法让我害怕极了，也让我意识到，你知道吗？
And that scares the shit out of me and makes me realize, you know what?
我需要腾出空间来过自己的生活。
I need to make space to live my life.
而且你知道吗？
And you know what?
此时此刻，活出自我意味着直面挑战，直面不适的情绪，但这就是我必须做的。
In this particular moment, living my life means addressing a challenge, addressing uncomfortable feelings, but that's what I gotta do.
现在来谈谈下一个让我困扰的感受，它与前两个紧密相关，那就是精疲力竭的感觉。
Now moving on to my next challenging feeling, which goes hand in hand with the last two, feeling burnt out.
我经常谈论这种精疲力竭的感觉，因为我确实容易把自己逼到极限。
And I've talked a lot about feeling burnt out because I do have a tendency to burn myself out.
这有点像仓鼠跑轮的困境，你知道的，我会陷入冒名顶替综合症，觉得自己做得还不够。
And it's sort of this hamster wheel situation of, you know, I will over I'll have impostor syndrome, feel like I'm not getting enough done maybe.
然后我就过度工作，试图消除这些感觉。
Then I overwork myself to try to eradicate those feelings.
结果导致身心俱疲，什么都做不成。
Then it causes burnout, and then I can't get anything done.
这又让我的冒名顶替综合症更加严重。
And then that gives me impostor syndrome worse.
但我可以跳出这个恶性循环，而且已经成功过很多次。
And it I can get off that hamster wheel, and I have many times.
对吧？
Right?
但我还是会陷入那种循环。
But I can get into that cycle.
对吧？
Right?
这种情况确实会发生。
It happens.
我想说最近我有点陷入那种循环了。
And I would say recently, I've sort of been in that cycle a little bit.
我最近读到一个和我名字很像的人——艾玛·马修斯的语录。
I read this quote recently from someone who has a similar name to me, Emma Matthews.
这句话是：有时倦怠感是一种警醒，提醒你已偏离真实的自我和人生追求有多远。
The quote is, sometimes burnout is the wake up call for how far you've fallen out of alignment with who you are and what you want from life.
我很喜欢这句话，因为它从更积极的角度看待倦怠问题。
I love this quote because it puts burnout in a more positive light.
我觉得自己很难接受精疲力尽的感觉，因为我会想，这都是我自找的。
I think I personally have a hard time with feeling burnt out because I'm like, I did this to myself.
我真是个白痴。
I'm such an idiot.
我本该更明智些的。
I should have known better.
我又让自己陷入这种境地了。
I let myself do this again.
现在我什么事都做不成。
Now I can't get anything done.
现在我累得不行。
Now I'm so exhausted.
我什么都做不了。
I can't do anything.
现在我真的是什么事都没完成。
Now I'm really not getting anything done.
在那种低谷期，我总倾向于将职业倦怠视为非常消极的事情。
And I have a tendency to, in that dark time, look at burnout as a really negative thing.
而这句话对我来说就像在说：嘿。
And this quote to me is like, hey.
不。
No.
这只是一个警醒，说明事情已经偏离正轨，它像在召唤行动——那就他妈的去解决它。
It's just a wake up call that things have fallen out of alignment, and there's this call to action of like, fucking fix it then.
解决它。
Fix it.
找到问题的根源，无论是因缺乏自信导致的冒名顶替综合症，还是逃避不愿面对的问题，过度工作，或是工作环境或家庭环境不如意。
Find the root of the issue, whether it's low confidence leading to impostor syndrome or it's running away from problems that you don't wanna address, overworking yourself, or maybe it's not having a work situation or a home situation that's working.
这是个需要改变的警钟。
It's a wake up call that things need to change.
这些问题必须得到解决。
Things need to be addressed.
这其实是件非常美好的事，因为这就是职业倦怠的本质。
And that's actually a really beautiful thing because that is the thing about burnout.
你无法通过休息来摆脱它。
You can't rest it off.
这是一种不会因为度个假就消失的疲惫。
It's like an exhaustion that doesn't go away just from going on a vacation.
它是你生活中根深蒂固的问题，需要你拆线重缝。
It's an issue in your life that's woven into your life, and you need to seam rip and re sew.
这就是倦怠的本质，它就像是在说，哦，不。
That's kind of the nature of burnout is that it's like, oh, no.
这是个结构性问题。
This is a structural issue.
我们需要重新调整结构。
We need to restructure things.
我觉得人很容易就会陷入自我否定，想着，妈的。
And I think it can be really easy to get down on yourself and be like, fuck.
我甚至不知道从何开始。
I don't even know where to start.
为什么我会这样感觉？
Why do I feel this way?
我觉得自己很懒。
I feel lazy.
我感觉自己像一坨屎。
I feel like a sack of shit.
引用一句话：'有时倦怠感是一种警醒，提醒你已与自己是谁以及想要从生活中获得什么偏离了多远。'
In the quote, Sometimes burnout is the wake up call for how far you've fallen out of alignment with who you are and what you want from life.
它提醒你经历倦怠的价值，并召唤你采取行动。
It reminds you of the value of hitting burnout, and it's calling you to do something.
即使你精疲力竭，重组和修复现状的概念实际上是你唯一有动力去做的事——至少根据我的经验是这样。
Even when you're burnt out, the concept of restructuring and fixing things is actually the only thing you have motivation to do, at least in my experience.
但每次陷入倦怠时，我总会忘记——至少在最初阶段——等等，这是个信号。
But again, every time I hit burnout, I forget, at least in the beginning, wait, this is a sign.
这是一个提醒。
This is a reminder.
这是一个警醒，说明事情没有调整好，我需要重新校准。
This is a wake up call that things are not calibrated properly, and I need to recalibrate.
我非常喜欢那句话。
And I love that quote.
艾玛·马修斯，你是谁？
Emma Matthews, who are you?
我要去谷歌搜索艾玛·马修斯，因为她那句话真的说到点子上了。
I'm gonna Google Emma Matthews because she, like I mean, she really spoke with that one.
她触动了我。
She spoke to me.
好吧。
Okay.
我搜了艾玛·马修斯，但什么都没找到。
I googled Emma Matthews, and nothing came up.
所以我不知道。
So I don't know.
我不知道。
I don't know.
但这句话很棒。
But good quote.
在Pinterest上看到的，很喜欢。
Saw it on Pinterest and loved it.
我最近在网上，其实是YouTube短视频里听到的另一件事——这很毒害人，因为你们知道，刷YouTube短视频从来不是什么好事。
Another thing I heard online recently, actually on YouTube shorts, which is toxic because I am know, it's like I'm scrolling on YouTube shorts, which is never good.
但我确实听到有人说了一些让我深有共鸣的话，这是我以前从未听过的。
But I actually did hear someone say something that really resonated with me, and I'd never heard it before.
对你们中的某些人来说，这可能显而易见，你们的父母从你们小时候就一直这么说。
And to some of you, this might be so obvious, and your parents have been saying this to you since you were a kid.
好吧，猜猜怎么着？
Well, guess what?
我也是第一次听到这句话，但它真的让我深有感触。
I just heard it for the first time, and it really resonated with me.
我还和几个朋友分享了这句话，但他们都说没什么共鸣。
And I actually shared it with some of my friends, and they were like, that doesn't resonate with me.
我就说没关系。
And I was like, no problem.
所以这句话可能不会引起你的共鸣，因为我觉得这个话题本身就很有争议性。
So this might not resonate with you because I guess this one's controversial.
基本上，在那个YouTube短视频里——我不记得发布者名字了——我觉得这更像是个主流概念。
But basically, on this YouTube short, I don't remember their name, and I think this is more of a mainstream concept.
他们并不是这个概念的发明者。
Like, they didn't invent it or anything.
但这个概念基本上就是：把自己想象成一台投石机。
But it's basically the concept of think of yourself as a catapult.
明白吗？
Okay?
你知道什么是投石机吗？
You know what a catapult is?
就是那种你可以往后拉的小装置，里面放个东西，然后一松手它就会把东西抛出去。
It's like one of those little things that you pull back and you have, like, something in it, and then you pull it back and then it throws it.
我现在意识到，如果你不知道投石机是什么，这个比喻对你毫无帮助。
I'm realizing now that if you don't know what a catapult is, this one is not going to help you.
但我建议你去谷歌搜索一下'投石机'，如果你不知道那是什么的话。
But I I invite you to Google a catapult if you don't know what that is.
总之，这个概念的核心理念就是把自己想象成一台投石机，而休息就像是往后拉紧投石机。
Anyway, the concept was basically think of yourself as a catapult, and rest is like pulling back the catapult.
你休息得越多，松手时就能弹射得越远。
The more you rest, the further you'll be able to go when you let go.
明白了吗？
Okay?
这是不是基本上就是说：你休息得越多，能完成的事情就越多？
Does that mean it's really just basically saying the more you rest, the more you'll be able to get done.
正如我刚才提到的，倦怠不是...等等，你知道吗？
Now, as I just mentioned, right, burnout isn't I guess you know what?
我想那段引言其实更适合用于我感觉自己效率不足的时候。
I guess that quote is actually more helpful for when I'm feeling like I'm not getting enough done.
但我不确定。
But I don't know.
它某种程度上既涉及效率不足的问题，又涉及用过度工作作为逃避手段，以及感到精疲力竭的状态。
It's kind of like it kind of addresses not getting enough done, overworking myself as a as a distraction, and feeling burnt out.
在某种意义上这些方面都有关联。
It kinda relates to all of that in a way.
总之，投石机拉得越远（让自己充分休息），松开时就能飞得越远。
But anyway, the further you pull back the catapult, let yourself rest, the farther you'll go when you let go.
我觉得这个比喻之所以让我产生共鸣，正是因为我就是个很难真正休息的人。
And again, I think this really resonated with me because I'm someone who just I'm somebody who really struggles with resting.
特别是最近这段时间。
Especially recently.
我并非一直如此，但最近我越来越为此困扰——休息时总感到内疚。
I've not always felt that way, and it's something I've been struggling with more recently where I just feel guilt when I rest.
我明明知道不该这样。
And I know better.
我他妈心知肚明，但最近又陷入了这种心态。
I fucking know better, but I've been back in that state of mind recently.
这段话确实帮到了我，让我学会允许自己休息。
And this quote really helped me and is helping me allow myself rest.
嘿，你知道吗？
Hey, you know what?
能抓住什么就抓住什么吧。
We'll take what we can get.
你懂我意思吧？
You know what I mean?
管它黑猫白猫，抓到老鼠就是好猫。
We'll do whatever works.
我简短地打断一下本期节目，告诉大家本期节目由卡尼尔赞助播出。
I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode is brought to you by Garnier.
你们都知道我喜欢化妆。
You guys know I love doing my makeup.
化妆是个挺复杂的过程，但卸妆环节，我需要它越简单越好。
It's kind of a whole thing, but taking it off, that's where I need it to be easy.
卡尼尔防水卸妆水让卸妆变得轻松简单。
Garnier waterproof micellar water makes removing makeup simple.
它能轻松卸除顽固的防水睫毛膏、持久粉底液、灰尘、油脂等各种残留，这正是我每天卸妆时最需要的。
It easily lifts away that stubborn waterproof mascara, heavy long wear foundation, dirt, oil, you name it, which is all I can ask for at the end of the day.
现在就去亚马逊购买卡尼尔防水卸妆水吧。
Head to Amazon to shop Garnier Waterproof Micellar Water now.
现在回到节目内容。
Now back to the episode.
好的。
Okay.
展开剩余字幕（还有 417 条）
继续往下说。
Moving on.
最近困扰我的另一件事就是为小事过度焦虑。
The next thing I've been dealing with is sweating over the small stuff.
明白吗？
Okay?
过分关注小事，把它们放大成根本不需要那么严重的大事。
Hyper focusing on small things and turning them into big things that don't need to be that big.
有点像小题大做，过度纠结细节，不懂得让事情过去。
Kind of blowing things out of proportion, hyper focusing on small stuff, and not letting things roll off my back.
总是揪着那些其实无关紧要的事情不放，把它们无限放大。
Just zooming in on things that aren't really that big of a deal and making them a bigger deal.
我有这个毛病，容易钻牛角尖，然后为此特别烦躁。
I have a tendency to do this, get kind of hyper focused on stuff, and really get upset about it.
再这样下去我真的受不了。
And it's just not I can't live like this.
你知道吗？
You know?
当我遇到这种情况时，我会提醒自己看大局。
When I'm dealing with this, I remind myself of the bigger picture.
明白吗？
Okay?
当我因为某人发短信的方式而超级焦虑时，我会想，等等。
When I'm, like, super stressed out about, like, the way someone texted me, I'm like, wait.
他们是不是生我气了？
Are they mad at me?
他们看起来语气不太对劲。
Did they seem to that that their tone seems off.
或者我会过度关注，比如我的皮肤突然长痘，就特别烦躁。
Or I'm, like, hyper focused on, like, I'm having my skin's breaking out, and I'm really upset.
你懂吗？
You know?
就是，像这样的小事，其实根本没那么重要。
Like, small stuff like that that, like, really isn't that big of a deal.
或者我就觉得，我也不知道。
Or I'm like, I don't know.
你懂我意思吧。
You get the idea.
都是小事。
Small stuff.
当我发现自己陷入这种过度关注琐事的心态时，我必须提醒自己看清他妈的全局。
When I find myself in the state of mind where I'm hyper focusing on these things, I have to remind myself the bigger fucking picture.
这些事情根本不重要。
These things do not matter.
把视野拉远。
Zoom out.
把视野拉远。
Zoom out.
我必须退一步思考什么是真正重要的问题。
I have to zoom out and think about what a real issue is.
什么才是真正的问题？
What's a real issue?
当我把这些鸡毛蒜皮的小事和真正操蛋的问题相比较时，我就觉得——唉。
And once I compare these small little things to, like, what an actual fucking issue is, I'm like, ugh.
我得放下这些小事。
I gotta let this go.
这简直是在浪费我的精力。
Like, this is a waste of my energy.
太荒谬了。
This is ridiculous.
这太蠢了。
This is stupid.
我真是犯傻了。
I'm being stupid.
这太蠢了。
This is stupid.
你知道吗？
You know?
看大局。
Look at the bigger picture.
想象一个真正的问题。
Imagine a real issue.
说实话，这能立刻让我清醒过来。
And honestly, that gets my ass it whips my ass into shape quick.
但话说回来，我有时会忘记自己在这么做。
But, again, I can sometimes forget that I'm doing it.
而且最近除了这些我反复思考的事情外，我还经常这么做。
And I've been doing it a lot lately in addition to all these other things that I've been ruminating about.
所以真的很难意识到自己在这样做。
So it's been really hard to catch myself doing it.
我只是在做这件事，而没有去思考它。
I've just been doing it and not thinking about it.
所以你知道，我真的需要提醒自己退一步看全局。
And so I really you know, I really to remind myself to zoom out.
这似乎很明显，但我也不确定。
Seems obvious, but I don't know.
退一步看问题并不是自然而然的事，特别是当你过度专注于某件事时。
It doesn't come naturally to zoom out, especially when you're hyper focused on something.
你过度专注于它。
You're hyper focused on it.
你必须主动选择退一步思考。
You have to make an active choice to zoom out.
所以这是一个提醒。
So that's one reminder.
关于这个特定挑战，我还有另一句话要告诉你。
I have another quote for you for this particular challenge.
如果人生如同一本书，当你多年后回首，今日的忧虑或许连一个句子都占不上，所以别让它偷走整页篇章。
If life is like a book, when you look back years from now, today's worry may not even earn a sentence, so don't let it steal the whole page.
天啊。
Oh my god.
你听到了吗？
Did you hear that?
说得真好。
That's good.
这句真不错。
That's a good one.
别让它偷走整页篇章。
Don't let it steal a whole page.
这太真实了，本质上就是抽离视角，但这个比喻很贴切。
And it's so true, but that's really just kind of like zooming out, but that's a nice metaphor for it.
我必须认真练习将注意力给予那些真正值得且需要我关注的事物。
I have to really practice giving attention to things that deserve and need my attention.
因为我总想对所有事情都全神贯注，但这根本不可能做到。
Because I have a tendency to wanna give full attention to everything, and you just can't do that.
有时很难分辨哪些需要全力以赴，哪些不需要。
And it's hard at times to figure out what needs full attention, what doesn't.
但退一步用更广阔的视角来看，这类小事往往让你很快意识到——天啊
But I think zooming out and looking at it with a broader perspective, a lot of times with this type of small stuff, it's it's you realize very quickly, like, oh my god.
这完全是在浪费我的精力
This is a waste of my energy.
这根本不重要
This doesn't matter.
你懂吗？
You know?
我很幸福
I'm happy.
我很健康
I'm healthy.
我爱的人们都幸福安康。
The people I love are happy and healthy.
你懂吗？
You know?
我有遮风挡雨的屋檐。
I have a roof over my head.
就像，这他妈的就是更大的格局。
Like, it's like the bigger fucking picture.
就这样。
End of story.
这让我重新振作起来。
And that that whips my ass into shape.
接下来，我最近一直在挣扎的是那种时刻潜伏着的强烈恐惧和焦虑感。
Next, something I've been struggling with lately is feelings of intense fear and anxiety just underlying all the time.
老实说，这几乎是我时刻都在应对的事情，因为我其实某种程度上深信不疑。
And this is something I deal with almost constantly, to be honest, because I actually am sort of convinced.
说实话，我并不是在抱怨，但我确实认为我的很多恐惧和焦虑都源于我的职业，这份工作和作为公众人物的身份。
It's and I'm not complaining, but I do think that a lot of my fear and anxiety is rooted in my career, to be honest, in this job and being a public figure.
而且，我知道你在想什么。
And, again, I know what you're thinking.
Emma，你又不是泰勒·斯威夫特。
Emma, you're not Taylor Swift.
拜托，闭嘴吧。
Like, shut the fuck up.
你可以去商店买东西。
You can go to the store.
我知道，但一切都是相对的。
I know, but everything's relative.
作为一个公众人物，出于种种原因，这让我感到非常恐惧和焦虑。
And I being a public figure for me causes me a lot of fear and anxiety for a plethora of reasons.
这给我的心理带来了极大的挑战。
And it's very challenging for me psychologically.
我真的很难熬。
I have a really hard time.
这给我带来了很多恐惧和焦虑，无论是人身安全还是心理安全，因为在这种关注度下生活真的很艰难。
It causes me a lot of fear and anxiety, whether it's physical safety or it's psychological safety because being perceived at the level can be really tough.
就像我在这个播客里多次说过的，我因此产生了各种心理问题，有点创伤后应激障碍，有点强迫症，都是因为在网络上经历过一些艰难时刻，你知道的，人们对我并不友善之类的。
And as I've said many times on this podcast, like, I've developed various psychological issues, a little PTSD, a little OCD from experiences on the Internet where I've been where things have gotten rough for me, you know, and people haven't been nice to me or whatever.
所以现在，我形成了一条我不太喜欢的神经通路。
And it so, like, I have a a neural pathway, you know, that is not my favorite one.
你明白吗？
You know?
但我总是对这份工作带来的各种复杂情况有种潜在的恐惧和焦虑。
But I have a like, so I have this sort of underlying fear and anxiety all the time about all of the different complications that come with this job.
然而，我他妈还在坚持做这件事。
However, I'm still fucking doing it.
看，我还在做，而且我并没有抱怨。
Like, I'm doing it, and I am not complaining.
这就是现实的状况。
This is just the reality of the situation.
这并不重要。
And it doesn't matter.
顺便说一句，我确信这与这份工作有关。
By the way, I'm convinced see, I I think that it has something to do with the job.
但老实说，如果不是这个，可能也会有其他问题。
But to be honest, if it wasn't this, it'd probably be something else.
而现在，根源就在于作为公众人物所带来的各种恐惧。
And but right now, that's what it's rooted in is, like, just all the different fears that come with being a public figure.
但我也有普通人都会有的焦虑和恐惧，比如担心被谋杀，或者所爱之人遭遇不测之类的，我得敲敲木头避邪。
But then I also have, like, general anxiety and fears about stuff that everybody worries about, like getting murdered or something or, like, somebody you love like, you know, shit like that, I have to knock on wood.
这种焦虑无处不在。
It's all consuming.
它无时无刻不在。
It's all the time.
这真的很难。
It's really hard.
这真的很难。
It's really hard.
但我必须提醒自己一些简单的事情。
But I have to remind myself of simple things.
我觉得这可能是一个更深层次的问题，比如用过度工作来逃避自己的问题。
It's like, I think that this is probably a deeper issue than say overworking myself as a distraction from my issues.
这个问题只需要在日记里写个小提醒就能解决。
That can be resolved with a little reminder written down in my journal.
而这个则更难一些，但有些方法可以缓解心理上的不适。
Whereas this one is a bit tougher, but there are things that help alleviate some of the psychological discomfort.
从一句名言开始。
Starting with a quote.
害怕痛苦的人已经在承受他所害怕的痛苦。
A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears.
确实如此。
It's so true.
就像当我焦虑恐惧时，我反而阻碍了自己享受生活，实际上我正在制造痛苦——等等。
It's like when I'm anxious and fearful, I'm getting in the way of enjoying my life, and I'm actually I'm creating suffering when it's like, wait a minute.
我所害怕的正是痛苦本身。
What I'm so afraid of is suffering.
但现在我已经身处其中了。
But now I'm already in it.
我已经在亲手制造它了。
I'm already I'm causing it.
我他妈此刻就在痛苦中。
I'm suffering right fucking now.
我痛苦得仿佛担忧的事已成真，但其实根本没有发生。
I'm suffering as though what I'm worried about came to pass, and it hasn't.
那我的人生算什么？如果我把本该美好的时光都耗费在痛苦中，只因为担心某天会变糟？
So what the fuck is my life if I'm if I'm spending the time that could be good suffering because I'm worried about when it gets bad one day?
你知道吗？
It's like, you know what?
但现在它毁了我的整个人生，就像你懂我的意思吗？
But now it's just ruined all of my life because now it's like you know what I'm saying?
我必须提醒自己这一点，因为它迫使我质疑这种状态，因为有时候很容易让自己陷入焦虑或恐惧，你会觉得这某种程度上是在保护自己，甚至觉得它是有用的。
And I have to remind myself of that because it forces me to question the like, because I it's very easy at times to enable yourself to be anxious or to be scared because you you almost feel like you're protecting yourself in a way and that it's useful.
你可能会在潜意识里说服自己，认为你正在做的事情是有用的，认为你正在管理一个可能发生的危机。
You can kinda convince yourself subconsciously that what you're doing is useful and that you're, like, managing a a a crisis that could happen.
但实际上，你只是在制造痛苦。
But, really, what you're doing is you're just causing suffering.
你原本想要做的是避免痛苦，但现在你却在制造痛苦。
And what you're trying to do, what you wanna do is avoid the suffering, but now you're just causing it.
这对我很有冲击力。
That's potent for me.
这真的很有帮助。
That really helps.
另一句名言：忧虑不会带走明天的烦恼。
Another quote, Worrying doesn't take away tomorrow's trouble.
它只会带走今天的平静。
It takes away today's peace.
再次强调我刚才说的，但这句引用得很好。
Again, more of what I just said, but that's a good quote.
这确实——而且它是事实。
That really and it's true.
我父母经常提醒我的另一件事，特别是我父亲，还有我母亲，就是我们担心的很多破事根本不会发生。
Another thing that my parents remind me of frequently, especially my dad, but my mom too, is a lot of the shit that we worry about doesn't ever come to pass.
甚至从未发生过。
Doesn't even ever happen.
你知道吗？
You know?
我都数不清有多少次因为某些事彻夜焦虑，结果那些事根本就没发生。
I can't even tell you how many times I've, like, been up all night anxious about something that just never came to pass, just didn't happen.
这并不是说我们担心的事情都不会发生，我也曾担忧过一些事并且它们确实发生了，但我都挺过来了。
And that's not to say that things that we worry about like, things I've also worried about things and then them happened, but I've survived it all.
你看，我还在这儿。
Like, I'm here.
我很好。
I'm good.
我熬过了所有难关，这让我想到下一个观点：即便最坏的情况发生，我也能挺过去。
I've gotten through all of it, which leads me to to my next thing, which is, even if the worst case scenario happens, I will get through it.
我可能不想经历这些，但我终将度过难关。
I might not wanna get through it, but I will get through it.
我现在...有点想哭了。
I'm now, like, gonna start crying.
好吧。
Okay.
趁我还没哭出来，我们继续吧。
Let's move on before I start crying.
我现在处于一种脆弱的状态。
I'm I'm in a vulnerable state.
但关于恐惧和焦虑的最后一点提醒是：它们会让人感觉像是真实发生的事情。
But the last reminder when it comes to fear and anxiety is they can feel like real things that are happening.
我之前稍微提到过这一点。
I kinda mentioned that earlier.
你会觉得通过焦虑、恐惧、反复思考这些可怕的事情，你几乎是在解决问题，或是防止它们发生，或是未雨绸缪。
You feel like by being anxious, by being fearful, by thinking and ruminating about these scary things that you're almost fixing them or you're preventing them from happening or you're getting ahead of it.
你以为自己在高效行动，其实并非如此。
You feel like you're being productive when you're not.
你只是在制造痛苦。
You're just causing suffering.
但要记住的另一件事是：这些都不是真实的。
But the other thing to remember is they are not real things.
你明白我的意思吗？
Do you know what I'm saying?
这不是真实的。
It's not real.
它只存在于你的大脑里。
It's in your brain.
这并没有发生。
It's not happening.
是的。
Yeah.
它可能会发生或最终会发生，但不是现在。
It might happen or it might eventually happen, but it's not happening right now.
这不是真实可触的事物。
It's not a real tangible thing.
它并不存在。
It doesn't exist.
你无法触碰它。
You can't touch it.
你并没有真正经历它。
You're not living it.
这不是真实的。
It's not real.
这有时也帮助我记起，等一下。
And that really helps me sometimes too to remember, wait a minute.
这并不是真实发生的事情，因为我有时会焦虑到感觉事情真的在发生。
This isn't a real thing that's happening because I can sometimes get so anxious that I actually feel like the thing is happening.
你知道吗？
You know?
说实话，这简直是地狱。
It's hell, to be honest.
在你们任何人想说'艾米特需要吃药'之前——
And before any of you guys are like, well, Emmett needs to be medicated.
够了。
Enough.
够了。
Enough.
好吗？
Okay?
我正在学习应对它。
I'm learning, and I'm dealing with it.
你知道吗？
And you know what?
应对这些挑战让我变得更强大，但这确实很艰难。
It is making me a stronger person dealing with these challenges, But it's tough.
好吧。
Okay.
换个轻松点的话题，我脑子里一直萦绕着一个恐惧——害怕再也无法约会、恋爱，再也遇不到让我心动、让我感受到被爱的人。
Moving on to something a little bit more light, something that has been swirling around in my head is sort of the fear of never dating again, never falling in love again, never finding another person that I feel attracted to, that I feel, you know, loved for.
我不知道。
I don't know.
就是害怕自己再也找不到爱情了。
Like, just fear that I'm not going to find love.
因为对我来说，结婚生子、组建家庭是一个重要目标。
Because for me, a big goal is to be married and to have children and to have a family.
你知道，我的人生梦想之一就是拥有自己的家庭。
You know, that's one of my my dreams in my life is having a family and creating my own family.
这对我非常重要。
That's so important to me.
为了应对这种情绪，我必须提醒自己：第一，上次单身时我也有同样感受。
And to sort of address this feeling, I have to remind myself, number one, that the last time I was single, I felt this way.
那时我也觉得自己再也找不到爱情了。
I felt like I would never find love again.
觉得自己再也不会喜欢上任何人。
I'd never like anyone again.
然后你猜怎么着？
And then guess what?
我确实又恋爱了，和别人约会了。
I did, and I dated somebody else.
你明白我的意思吗？
You know what I mean?
我已经经历过好几段感情了。
I've been in quite a few relationships.
很多次我都感到心动不已。
I felt excited many times.
这些感情最后都失败了吗？
Have they failed every time?
当然。
Sure.
确实。
Sure.
但至少我知道自己还能再次心动。
But I know I can feel excited again, at least.
另外，我必须提醒自己这个星球上有多少人。
Also, I have to remind myself how many people are on this planet.
有几十亿呢。
It's billions.
这有点老生常谈了，随便啦。
That's kind of a cliche, like, whatever.
而且这话其实挺空洞的，不是完全没意义，但当有人说'天涯何处无芳草'时，其实没什么帮助。
And it kind of is an empty like, not empty, but it's kind of like a it doesn't really help when someone's like, there's so many fish in the sea.
别担心。
Don't you worry.
因为确实是这样。
Because it's like, yeah.
但谁能保证一定有个适合我的人存在呢？
But who's to say that there's someone out there for me?
你懂我意思吗？
You know?
因为我们都是独一无二的。
Because we we're unique.
我们是独一无二的。
We're unique.
我们每个人都有自己独特的方式。
We're all unique in our own way.
所以很难想象外面会有很多选择。
And so it's hard to imagine that there are, like, many options out there.
我不知道。
I don't know.
但有时候这是个有益的提醒。
But that is sometimes a helpful reminder.
就像，不。
It's like, no.
外面有很多人。
There are a lot of people out there.
尽管我们都很特别，但我不认为我们特别到在兼容性方面没有其他选择。
And as much as we're all special, I don't know that we're that special, so special that there aren't multiple options for us compatibility wise.
其实，选择是存在的。
Like, there there is.
我真的相信，只要人们愿意寻找，渴望爱情，每个人都能找到属于自己的那个人。
I really do think there's someone out there for everyone if they if they want it, if they wanna find it, you know, or if if that's, like, their their desire.
我认为每个人都能找到伴侣。
I think everybody could find somebody.
我...我也不知道。
I I think I don't know.
我只是这样告诉自己。
I just tell myself that.
我也提醒自己，尤其在约会时，我觉得每件事的发生都有其意义。
I also remind myself that, especially in dating, I feel like everything does happen for a reason.
我不认为那句'一切皆有原因'的箴言适用于所有事情。
I don't think that that mantra quote reminder applies to everything.
我真的不这么认为。
I really don't.
但在感情关系中，我发现大多数情况下确实如此。
But in relationships, I actually find that for the most part, it does.
感情中的一切通常都有其发生的缘由。
Everything in relationships usually do happen for a reason.
你会在命中注定的时刻遇见该遇见的人。
You run into people when you're supposed to run into them.
分手也总是在该分手的时候发生。
You break up when you're supposed to break up.
如果注定要复合，你们终会重新在一起。
You get back together if you're supposed to get back together.
就像那句话说的：如果你爱某样东西，就放手让它自由。
Like, if you love something, set it free.
若它属于你，它终将回到你身边。
And if it was meant to be, it'll come back.
你知道吗？
You know?
在爱情和浪漫中，我真的觉得这些都适用，至少根据我的经验是这样。
It's like all of this it it I really do feel like in love, in romance, it really does apply, at least in my experience.
所以当我为此担忧时，我会提醒自己一切皆有原因。
And so I do choose to remind myself when I'm worried about this that everything happens for a reason.
你知道吗？
You know?
无论出于什么原因，我现在注定要单身。
And for whatever reason, I'm meant to be single right now.
无论什么原因，这就是宇宙为我决定的安排。
For whatever reason, I'm meant to like, it's just this is what the universe has decided for me for whatever reason.
爱情有种魔力，能让我在精神层面达到其他领域无法企及的高度。
There's something about romance that makes me spiritual in way in in a where I'm not in other areas as much.
面对爱情时，我会变得非常注重精神层面。
I become very spiritual with love and romance.
因为对我来说，虽然不想显得我对此一无所知
Because it feels to me, not to sound like I don't know.
虽然不想说得太奇怪，但爱情确实有种难以言喻、超越理解的特质
Not to sound weird, but there is something about love and romance that does feel, like, beyond comprehension in a way.
我们与某些人产生的那种奇妙共鸣真的非常有趣
Like, the way that we click with people in that way is so interesting.
比如我们为何会选择特定的人，为何有的关系能成而有的不能
Like, why we choose people that we choose and why it works or why it doesn't work.
这个嘛，我也说不清楚
Like, I don't know.
对我来说，爱情就是带有某种精神层面的意义
It just feels like there's something spiritual about romance to me in a way.
还有它展开的方式——每个遇见的人都会教会你新的东西
And also the way it unfolds, like how everyone that you meet teaches you something new.
我也说不明白
I don't know.
不过言归正传，当我担心自己再也无法约会或恋爱时，我会提醒自己：
But, also, getting back on track, when I'm worried about never dating again or never falling in love again, if you will, I remind myself that, you know what?
船到桥头自然直。
It'll work itself out.
就目前而言，保持单身总比陷入错误的感情要好。
And for now, it's better to be single than to be in the wrong relationship.
对吧？
Right?
我甚至不会说对方是错的人，因为你永远不知道未来会怎样。
I'm not even gonna say the wrong person because you never know.
生活就是这么疯狂。
Shit's crazy.
有人在高中恋爱分手，70岁时重逢约会，最后在古稀之年结婚。
People, like, date in high school and then break up and then date again when they're 70 years old and get married when they're 70 because they met again.
你永远无法预知未来会发生什么。
You just never know what's gonna happen.
所以我不认为是那样
So I wouldn't say it's that.
你懂吗？
You know?
而且我并不排斥，谁知道呢？
And I'm not opposed to, like, who knows?
但确实，单身比维持一段不健康的关系更有成效、更健康、也更快乐——因为那种关系只会让人痛苦
But, yeah, being being single is much more productive and much healthier and much more enjoyable than being in a relationship that's not working because that is miserable.
我必须不断提醒自己这一点
And I have to remind myself of that.
要知道，勉强维持一段不愉快的关系对谁都没好处
Like, being in a relationship that's not working is not fun for anyone.
所以去他的吧
So fuck that.
哦，我们又要谈到我面临的另一个挑战了，这个真的特别扎心
Oh, we're getting into another challenge I've been dealing with, and this one's another one that's really painful.
比如，有些并不那么痛苦，但有些真的非常痛苦。
Like, some of these are not that painful, and then some of them are, like, really painful.
所以这个对我来说非常痛苦。
So this one's very painful for me.
我深受完美主义的折磨，这种对道德上成为完美之人的执念。
I struggle with perfectionism and this obsession with being a perfect person morally, being a morally perfect person.
我认为这是我从事这个职业后逐渐形成的问题。
And it's something that I've developed, I think, as a result, again, from this career.
这很遗憾，因为我觉得某种程度上互联网已经发展到一旦你搞砸了就会被狠狠抨击的地步。
It's a shame because I actually think in a way The internet has gotten to a point where you will get ripped a new one if you fuck up.
对吧？
Right?
而且看谁在今天被群起攻之，谁在今天被抵制，还挺有意思的。
And it's kinda fun to see who's getting torn down on this particular day, who's getting canceled on this particular day.
对人们来说，看到别人陷入糟糕时刻——无论是道德上还是形象上的——都是一种娱乐。
It's entertaining for people to be caught in a bad moment, whether it's a morally bad moment or it's aesthetically bad moment.
是啊，这就是互联网的本质。
Yeah, that's just the nature of the internet.
某种程度上这成了网民们的一种消遣，可以说，人们热衷于捕捉公众人物的尴尬瞬间。
It's kind of a sport for netizens, if you will, people online, to catch public figures in a bad moment.
我觉得这是那种在某些方面确实...嗯...的事情。
And I think it's one of those things where in some ways it's like, yeah.
我是说，公众人物如果做错事或说错话，你懂的？
I mean, public figures, if they do something wrong, say something wrong or you know?
我认为追究责任完全合理。
I think it's totally fair to hold accountable.
合理。
Fair.
合理。
Fair.
但这种网络文化已经在我个人层面形成了一种非常失衡的表现。
But it has manifested like, that sort of culture online has manifested in me on a personal level that is very imbalanced.
这样很不健康。
Like, it's not healthy.
对吧？
Right?
它已经发展成一种让我对自己事事追求完美的状态。
It's it's manifested itself in a way where, like, now I'm such perfectionist about everything with myself.
我执着于做个好人，有时这种执着本身就不健康。
I am obsessed with being a good person in a way that is just not healthy sometimes.
虽然我并非时刻为此困扰，但最近我确实深陷其中——害怕做错任何事。
And I have moments where I'm not struggling with this, But recently, I've been really struggling with this where I'm just so scared of doing something wrong.
我真的好害怕做错事。
I'm so scared of doing something wrong.
内心深处，我知道自己绝不会——也不愿——做任何错事。
In my heart, I know that I would never do I don't want to do anything wrong.
我不想伤害任何人。
I don't want to harm anyone.
我不想做错任何事。
I don't want to do anything wrong.
但在互联网上这无关紧要。
But that doesn't matter on the Internet.
在互联网上这无关紧要。
That doesn't matter on the Internet.
即使你的意图是好的，即使你...这都不重要。
Even if your intentions are good, even if you like, it doesn't matter.
所以我觉得最困难的是，我如此执着于做正确的事，因为我害怕互联网会抓住我做错什么，然后变成同样的...你明白我的意思吗？
So, like, that's what I think is so tough about it is that I'm so obsessive with doing the right thing because I'm afraid that the Internet will, like, catch me doing something wrong and then turn into the same do you get what I'm saying by this?
就像，我变成了一个完美主义者，试图预防一些我认为甚至无法预防的事情。
It's like, I've become a perfectionist trying to prevent something that, like, is I don't even think I can prevent it.
就像，这就是互联网的现状。
Like, I'm This is just how the Internet is.
你知道吗？
You know?
我不知道该如何解释，但这对我来说非常困难。
I don't know how to explain it, but it's very hard for me.
我对自己的行为非常偏执，不断反思自己的一言一行，确保所做所说都没问题，没有伤害任何人。
And I'm very obsessive about my own behavior, and I'm constantly reflecting on everything I do and say and making sure that everything I did and said was okay and didn't hurt anyone.
我只是非常多疑。
I'm just very paranoid.
再次强调，我认为通过上网和成为公众人物，我学到了很多关于如何做好人的道理，因为这方面有很多意识觉醒，我觉得在某些方面这真的很美好，是件很棒的事。
Again, I think it's like I've learned a lot about being a good person from being on the internet and being a public figure because there's been a lot of awareness around it, which I think in some ways has been really beautiful and a great thing.
但后来我觉得自己做得太过火了。
But then I think I took it too far.
但我在其他事情上也是个完美主义者。
But I'm also a perfectionist with other things too.
这贯穿了我的整个生活，也给了我一种掌控感。
It's all across my life, and it gives me a sense of control too.
作为一个焦虑的人，我渴望掌控一切。
Being an anxious person, I I crave control.
所以，作为一个完美主义者，把每件事都做到完美让我感觉掌控一切，但这其实是一种虚假的掌控感。
And so, you know, being a perfectionist, doing everything perfectly makes me feel in control, but it's like a false sense of control.
实际上这只会让我痛苦不堪。
It actually just makes me fucking miserable.
因此我必须提醒自己的第一点是：如果我永远保持完美，又该如何学习？
So what I have to remind myself of is number one, how am I supposed to learn if I'm being perfect all the time?
如果我从不犯错，从不做错事，那我要怎么学习？
If I never make a mistake, if I never do anything wrong, how am I supposed to learn?
完美即意味着学习的终结。
Learning ends with perfection.
如果你已经完美，学习就停止了。
If you're perfect, learning ends.
而生命的意义在于学习。
And life is about learning.
我想成为生活的学生。
And I want to be a student of life.
所以你知道吗？
So guess what?
我他妈只需要过好自己的生活，尽力而为，途中难免会搞砸。
I need to just live my fucking life, do the best I can, and I'm gonna fuck up along the way probably.
再猜怎么着？
And guess what?
我会从中吸取教训，而这正是宝贵之处。
I will learn something from that, and that is valuable.
正是这些让生活充满活力与趣味。
That is what makes life dynamic and interesting.
这其实是件美妙的事。
That's actually a beautiful thing.
完美的人生是乏味的人生，这让我想到下一个要提醒自己的真理：完美即无趣。
A perfect life is a boring life, which leads me to my next thing that I have to remind myself of, which is perfection is boring.
它确实很无趣。
It is boring.
这太死板了。
It's sterile.
毫无韧性可言。
There's no grit.
没有任何可以抓住的东西。
There's nothing to grasp onto.
那里根本没有人性。
There's no humanity there.
太无聊了。
That's boring.
太无聊了。
That's boring.
我觉得这些年来我一直在压抑自己，因为我太害怕了。
And I feel like I've watered myself down over the years because I'm so scared.
这简直无聊透顶。
And it's like, that's so fucking boring.
这太无聊了。
That's so boring.
你知道吗？
You know?
所以我正在努力摆脱完美主义，因为我觉得它让我变得很无趣。
And so I'm trying to, like, stop with my perfectionism because I feel like it's making me boring.
去他妈的完美主义。
And fuck that.
接下来分享一句话：完美主义之所以令人上瘾，是因为它极具诱惑力。
Moving on to a quote I have, which is perfectionism is very addictive because it's very seductive.
幻想存在一种做事方式能让我永远不受他人评判、完全逃避批评，这种感觉很棒——但这是行不通的。
It's so great to think there's a way I can do things where I can never be held in judgment by other people, that I can totally escape criticism, but it doesn't work.
金句。
Fire quote.
最后提醒自己：如果你的目标是不可能实现的，它会把你逼疯。
Moving on to my last reminder that I I have to give myself, which is if your goal is impossible, it will drive you nuts.
完美并不存在。
Perfection doesn't exist.
巴拉巴拉。
Blah blah blah.
好吧，你猜怎么着？
Well, guess what?
我在道德上追求这种完美，你懂的，所有这些，简直让我抓狂。
I'm in this pursuit for perfection morally, you know, and all this, and it's driving me nuts.
我很失望。
I'm disappointed.
我永远无法达到。
I'll never reach it.
这只会让一切变得更难。
It only just makes everything harder.
如果在任何人的想象中和现实中的任何情况下，你都无法达到目标，那这就是个糟糕的目标，实际上只会让你退步。
If you cannot possibly in any stretch of of anyone's imagination and in any stretch of reality reach your goal, it's a bad goal, and it's just it's only gonna actually set you back.
这会让你灰心丧气。
It'll discourage you.
它会打击你的自信心，这很糟糕。
It'll lower your confidence, and it's just bad.
以上就是我对这件事的提醒。
So those are my reminders for that.
继续下一个话题。
Moving on.
接下来，我最近感到有些后悔的情绪，这对我来说很罕见。
Next, I've recently been feeling some feelings of regret, which is a rare feeling for me.
我不常感到后悔，但偶尔确实会发生。
I don't feel regret very often, but it does happen every once in a while.
当这种情况发生时，我必须提醒自己那个常驻脑海的信念：你是由所有犯过的错误塑造而成的。
And when it does, I have to remind myself what I usually hold very strong in the front of my head, in the front of my brain, which is you are a product of every single mistake you've ever made.
重申一次，正是这些错误造就了现在的你。
Again, that's what makes you you.
这就是你学习的方式。
That's how you learn.
犯错中蕴含着巨大价值。
There's a lot of value in making mistakes.
而我确实相信经历自有其意义。
And I do believe that experiences happen.
后悔是为了教会你些什么。
Regret happens to teach you something.
若能从错误中学习，便无需后悔，因为它已达成使命。
If you learn from your mistakes, then there's no need to regret because it served its purpose.
此刻的你已比从前更加优秀。
Now you're a better person than you were before.
这很棒。
That's great.
我还得提醒自己：后悔并不能改变任何事。
I also have to remind myself that regret doesn't change anything.
过去的事已经过去了，我们拥有的只有当下。
What's done is done, and all we have is the present moment.
而我唯一能掌控的只有当下这一刻。
And the only thing I can control is the present moment.
所以为过去担忧既无意义也无用处。
And so it's pointless and useless to worry about the past.
我现在能做些什么？
What can I do right now?
我需要和谁沟通吗？
Do I need to communicate with somebody?
我需要改变生活方式吗？
Do I need to change my lifestyle?
我不知道自己在后悔什么。
I don't know what I'm regretting.
好吧，我知道自己在后悔什么，但这并不是什么大不了的事。
Well, I know what I'm regretting, but it's not that big of a deal.
但我根本不后悔。
But I don't even regret it.
但最近我一直在纠结一些遗憾，分不清自己是否真的后悔。
But I've been toying with some regrets lately where I can't tell if I regret something or not.
但我不该这样，因为这段经历正在教会我一些东西。
But I shouldn't because it's teaching me something.
我需要专注于当下，专注于根据这段经历所学到的东西，现在能采取的行动。
And I need to focus on the present moment and what I can do right now as a result of what I've learned from that experience.
你明白我的意思吗？
You know what I mean?
最后还有件事让我最近很困扰——我总担心别人在生我的气。
And last but not least, another thing I've been worried about a lot lately is if people are mad at me.
我一直被各种情绪压得喘不过气，莫名焦虑地觉得别人在生我的气，觉得大家都不喜欢我。
I've been very overwhelmed with feelings of, like, I don't know, just feeling anxious that people are mad at me, that people don't like me.
就像...当你脑子里有这么多乱七八糟的念头打转时，自信心就会直线下降，彻底消失。
Like, I again, it's like when you have this much shit swirling around in your head, your confidence goes down, goes out the window.
当你同时感受到无数负面情绪时，根本无法保持自信、自我认同和自我价值感。
You can't maintain your your sense of confidence and self sense of self and self worth when you're feeling a bazillion different negative feelings all at once.
你知道吗？
You know?
这导致我在人际关系中感到有些不安。
And that's led me to feeling sort of insecure in my relationships.
我总在想：大家是不是生我气了？
And I'm like, oh, are people mad at me?
是不是我做错了什么？
Did I do something wrong?
我现在完全就是一团糟。
Like, I just, like, don't I'm, like, completely a mess.
懂吗？
Okay?
我觉得当担心别人生我气时，最重要的提醒是：沟通的力量超乎想象。
I think when it comes to feeling like people are angry at me, the most important reminder for me is communication is so powerful.
假设有人在生气。
Let's say someone is mad.
坐下来与对方沟通，倾听他们的想法并道歉，这种方式非常有效。
It is so powerful to sit down with that person, hear them out, and apologize.
就这么简单。
It's that easy.
很多时候，这就足够了。
A lot of times, that's all it takes.
明白吗？
You know?
就是这样。
That's it.
所以我必须提醒自己，这一切都可以通过一句'嘿'来解决。
So what I have to remind myself of is it can all be resolved through being like, hey.
我们还好吗？
Are we good?
如果他们说不，那就糟了。
And if they're like, no, then it's like, oh, shit.
好吧。
Okay.
我们想办法解决吧。
Let's work it out.
那是最坏的情况。
That's the worst case scenario.
最坏的情况。
Worst case scenario.
而沟通能解决一切问题。
And communication fixes everything.
我一直在努力，每当我觉得，天啊，
And I've really been trying to, in moments where I'm like, oh god.
感觉有人在生我的气时，主动联系并说，嘿。
I feel like someone's mad at me, reach out and be like, hey.
你在生我的气吗？
Are you mad at me?
而且，你知道的，通常答案都是没有。
And, you know, usually the answer is no.
但偶尔如果答案是肯定的，那就一起解决它。
But if it is, every once in a while, yes, it's like, let's work it out.
然后问题就解决了。
And then it gets worked out.
然后就会觉得，天啊。
And then it's like, oh my god.
我们终于可以释怀了。
We get to let it go.
懂吗？
You know?
但很多时候我们会以为别人在生我们的气，然后就让这种想法在脑海里盘旋。
But a lot of times we can think someone's mad at us and just let it swirl around in our head.
问。
Ask.
问。
Ask.
问。
Ask.
如果你有直觉，就问出来并解决它。
If you have a gut feeling, ask and work it out.
我会反复参考这个，直到我慢慢但确实地开始完成其中一些挑战，逐步解决它们，达到更强大的状态。
I will be referring back to this until I slowly but surely start to check off some of these challenges and, you know, work through them and get into a stronger place.
这是复合效应。
It's a compound thing.
有时事情就是会叠加累积，让人难以招架。
It just sometimes things compound, and it's just a lot to to handle.
但说实话，这个练习对我真的很有帮助。
But, honestly, this has been a really helpful exercise for me.
我希望你试试这个方法，特别是当你处于一种无法准确定位所有困扰、不知如何解决、思绪纷乱的状态时，不妨试试这个日记疗法。
I hope that you try it maybe if if you find yourself in a place where you can't quite pinpoint all the things that you're dealing with and you don't know how to solve them and it's all swirling around in your brain, try this journal.
我觉得我可能分享过头了，有点担心。
And I think I just overshared, I fear.
那么，嗯，你打算怎么办呢？
So, well, what are you gonna do?
今天就到这里吧。
That's it for today.
感谢大家的聆听和陪伴。
Thank you all for listening and hanging out.
我爱你们所有人。
I love you all.
我真心感激大家。
I appreciate you all.
这总是令人愉快又欣喜的时光。
It's always a joy and a pleasure.
我通常会告诉你们，新节目每周四和周日更新，社交媒体上什么内容都有。
And I normally tell you, like, new episodes every Thursday and Sunday, and anything goes on social media.
我叫Emma，你可以在Chamberlain Coffee找到我。
And my name's Emma, and you can find me and then Chamberlain Coffee.
我真的没什么心情。
I don't really I'm not in the mood.
我刚才分享得太多了，感觉很奇怪，我甚至...我不得不就此打住。
I just, like, overshared so much that it, like, feels weird to be like I I can't even I I just have to be done.
我得在自己变得更放松之前及时刹车。
I have to cut myself off before I, like, I don't know, get even more comfortable.
总之，就像我说的，谢谢大家的收听和陪伴。
So, anyway, as I said, thank you all for listening and hanging out.
爱你们，几天后再聊。
I love you all, and I will talk to you in a few days.
我爱你们。
I love you.
再见。
Bye.
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