我觉得我的生活很无聊，这让我很害怕

前几天有人跟我说了一些有趣的话。

Somebody said something interesting to me the other day.

他们说：‘艾玛，你知道吗？你感觉就像一个困在24岁身体里的祖母。’

They said, Emma, you know, you kinda feel like a grandmother stuck in a 24 year old's body.

当他们这么说的时候，我停顿了一下。

And when they said this, I took a pause.

紧接着，那些一直潜伏在表面之下的想法和情绪涌了上来，我突然意识到，我的生活有点无聊。

And immediately, a bunch of thoughts and feelings that had been bubbling below the surface came to the surface, and I had an epiphany that my life is kinda boring.

考虑到我的年龄——我24岁——我的生活竟如此乏味。

Considering my age, I'm 24 years old, my life is shockingly boring.

当我回想起长辈们讲述的、媒体描绘的24岁该是什么样子时，我想到了混乱、放纵、乐趣、错误、不负责任——而这些，恰恰是我生活中完全没有的东西。

When I think about what it means to be 24 years old based on stories from my elders, the media, etcetera, I think of chaos, mess, fun, mistakes, irresponsibility, everything that my life is not, basically.

我的生活真的太循规蹈矩了。

My life is really tame.

我不喝酒。

I don't drink alcohol.

我不吸毒。

I don't do drugs.

我不太去参加派对。

I don't go to very many parties.

我都想不起来上一次去夜店是什么时候了。

I can't tell you the last time I went to a club.

明白吗？

Okay?

我性生活不多。

I don't have a lot of sex.

我是那种专一恋爱类型的人。

I'm like the relationship type.

我通常在合理的时间睡觉。

I go to bed at a reasonable hour.

我吃得健康。

I eat healthy.

我锻炼。

I exercise.

我有一个坚持遵守的日常安排。

I have a routine that I stick to.

我非常有自律性。

I'm incredibly disciplined.

我努力做正确的事。

I try to do the right thing.

我觉得自己在做正确的事方面还不错。

I think I'm pretty good at doing the right thing.

我的生活非常平淡。

My life is really tame.

尽管这在某种程度上是一件很棒的事情，像这样生活，难道不是很美好吗？

And as much as this is sort of a wonderful thing, like, theory, isn't it wonderful to live a life like this?

我觉得很多年轻人实际上正在努力过这样的生活。

I feel like a lot of young people actually are striving to live a life like this.

但奇迹般地，我发现自己处于这样一种状态：过着一种非常美好、健康的生活，却感到极度无聊和缺乏刺激。

And by some miracle, I have found myself in this position where I'm living a really beautiful, healthy life, but I found myself feeling really bored in it and understimulated.

看着其他24岁的年轻人，我在想：我是不是也应该那样生活？

Looking at other 24 year olds and thinking, should I be living like that?

我是否过早地加速了自己的人生，提前进入了比应有的阶段更成熟的成年期？

Have I expedited my life in a way and ended up in a stage of adulthood that's more developed than where I should be?

我是否因为过于负责、过早地过着太健康、太循规蹈矩的生活，而浪费了自己的青春？

Am I wasting my youth being almost too responsible and living almost too healthy and too tame of a life too soon?

这让我内心感到不安，而它困扰着我，因为这说不通。

It it causes a sense of restlessness in me, and it it bothers me because it doesn't make sense.

所以今天，我想探究一下这种感觉。

And so today, I thought I'd investigate this feeling.

我想我们可以一起探究这种感觉，或许试着去解决它。

I thought we could investigate this feeling and maybe try to resolve it.

我想为青春重新引入一些混乱，因为我只有一次24岁。

I want to either reintroduce a level of chaos into my life for the sake of youth because I'm only 24 once.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

或者我想在我目前的生活方式中找到某种满足感。

Or I wanna find some level of satisfaction in the lifestyle that I found myself living.

制定一个计划。

Come up with some sort of plan.

我暂时打断一下这一集，告诉你这一集由Venmo赞助。

I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode is presented by Venmo.

好的。

Okay.

听我说完。

Hear me out.

据说，你可以用你的Venmo借记卡赚取现金返还。

Apparently, you can earn cash back with your Venmo debit card.

你只需要加入Venmo Stash，然后购物时就能在你最喜欢的品牌那里获得现金返还。

All you have to do is join Venmo Stash, and boom, you get cash back when you shop at your favorite brands.

这简直是个超棒的炫耀方式。

It's kind of an awesome flex.

通过 Venmo Stash，你在最爱的品牌消费时最高可获得 5% 的返现。

With Venmo Stash, you can get up to 5% cash back at your fave brands.

只需选择你常去的品牌组合，使用 Venmo 借记卡购物即可获得返现。

Just pick a bundle of your go tos to shop with your Venmo debit card and earn cash back at them.

而且你可以自由搭配组合。

And you're free to mix things up.

你可以每三十天轻松更换你的品牌组合。

You can easily swap out your bundle of brands every thirty days.

多使用 Stash，立即开始赚取返现。

Start earning when you do more with Stash.

Venmo Stash 的条款和例外情况适用。

Venmo Stash terms and exclusions apply.

每月返现上限为 100 美元。

Max a $100 cashback per month.

详情请见 venmo.me/Stash terms。

See terms at venmo.me/ Stash terms.

现在回到本期节目。

Now back to the episode.

让我们先来分析一下我是如何形成我的生活方式的，为什么我会这样生活，从某些人的角度看，也从我的角度看。

Let's start by analyzing how I developed my lifestyle, why I live the way that I do, sort of in the eyes of some and kind of in the eyes of me too.

虽然我不觉得自己活得像老太太。

Although I don't think I live like a grandmother.

我的意思是我完全不是那种典型的老太太。

Like, I'm not full on grandma.

我觉得老太太们不会因为……嗯，我确实在用这个‘zin’，但老太太们不会去点一根‘zin’。

Like, I don't think grandmothers are, like, popping a zin because, yes, I am using the zin.

我仍然对尼古丁上瘾。

I'm still addicted to nicotine.

这大概是我唯一一件有点调皮的事。

That's, like, the one naughty thing that I do.

我偶尔也会看太多YouTube短视频。

I also occasionally will, I don't know, watch too many YouTube shorts.

这感觉有点叛逆，还挺年轻的。

That feels kind of naughty and and young.

你知道的？

You know?

我觉得祖父母不会看YouTube短视频。

I don't think grandparents are are watching YouTube shorts.

不过，我也不会感到惊讶。

Although, I wouldn't be surprised.

但不管怎样，我们来聊聊我是怎么走到这一步的。

But, anyway, let's discuss how I got here.

从我的戒酒说起。

Starting out with my sobriety.

好吗？

Okay?

我不参与饮酒或吸毒。

I don't participate in alcohol or drugs.

为什么？

Why?

因为我身体反应非常糟糕。

Because I have a terrible physical reaction.

这并不是我的选择。

This is not by choice.

这并不是因为我觉得不参与这些事情更健康。

This is not me being like, oh, it's it's healthier to not participate in these things.

我没有某天早上醒来，读了一篇文章，然后说：你知道吗？

I didn't wake up one day and read an article and then say, you know what?

我决定不做了。

I'm done.

不。

No.

关于酒精，我不得不戒掉，因为我很确定自己对酒精过敏了。

With alcohol, I had to quit because I'm pretty sure I developed an allergy.

酒精会让我脸上起荨麻疹和皮疹。

Alcohol gives me hives and rashes on my face.

不。

No.

实际上，我不确定那是不是荨麻疹。

Actually, I don't know if it's hives.

有时候我喝酒后，脸会变得特别红，还出现一块一块的红斑。

I get super red and, like, patchy red on my face when I drink sometimes.

在我饮酒生涯后期，我还出现了以前没有的恶心反应。

I also developed a nausea from drinking that I didn't used to get towards the end of my drinking career, if you will.

在饮酒后期，我只要喝一杯葡萄酒，就会感到极度恶心，要么觉得要吐，要么真的吐了。

Towards the end of my drinking, I I'm having one glass of wine and getting so nauseous that I either feel like I'm gonna throw up or I actually do throw up.

所有这些症状综合起来让我明白，酒精根本不适合我的身体，它让我非常痛苦。

And the combination of everything to me was a sign that clearly alcohol doesn't work with my body, and it made me miserable.

所以我戒酒了。

So I stopped drinking.

从2024年10月起，我就再也没有喝过酒精饮料。

And I haven't drank alcohol since October 2024.

等等。

Wait.

对。

Yeah.

2024年10月。

October 2024.

已经一年多啦。

It's been over a year.

说实话，我真的很喜欢清醒的状态。

And to be honest, I actually really like being sober.

喝完酒后，我会特别焦虑。

I'd be super anxious after a night of drinking.

它让我身体感觉很糟糕，迟钝，简直糟透了。

It made me feel gross physically, sluggish, just like shit.

我不知道。

I don't know.

我喜欢不喝酒的感觉。

I enjoy not drinking.

这挺遗憾的，因为我以前在派对上喝点小酒还挺享受的。

It's a bummer because I used to enjoy a little buzz at a party or something.

你知道的。

You know?

我以前很喜欢和朋友去葡萄酒吧，完全融入其中。

I used to enjoy the experience of going to a wine bar with friends and getting to fully participate.

我确实有点怀念，但不值得。

I do miss it to an extent, but it wasn't worth it.

而且我要说，这迫使我去学习如何在清醒的状态下社交，我认为这是一种非常了不起的技能。

And I will say it has forced me to learn to be social sober, which I think is an incredible skill to have.

所以对我来说，这样挺好。

So to me, it's okay.

毒品、大麻、蘑菇之类的东西让我很害怕。

Drugs, marijuana, mushrooms, shit like that freaks me out.

大麻？

Marijuana?

每次我吸大麻，都会引发恐慌发作。

Every time I consume marijuana, I have a panic attack.

有一次我吃了大麻食品，恐慌发作得特别严重，彻底改变了我的大脑。

I had such a bad panic attack from edibles one time that it permanently changed my brain.

我不是在开玩笑。

I'm not kidding.

我的大脑再也回不去了。

My brain has never been the same.

顺便说一句，那次让我第一次出现了严重的解离感。

It made me dissociate so badly for the first time, by the way.

以前从没出现过解离。

Had never dissociated before.

所以对我来说，绝不碰大麻。

So no weed for me.

迷幻蘑菇。

Mushrooms.

我吃过几次迷幻蘑菇。

I've done mushrooms a few times.

我其实挺享受那种感觉的，但最近我太焦虑了，不敢再碰这类东西。

I actually really enjoyed it, but I'm a little bit too anxious these days to take anything like that.

我太担心会经历一次糟糕的旅程，然后被困在里面，以至于根本不值得去尝试。

I'm too anxious of having a bad trip and then being stuck in it to the point where it's not even worth participating.

其他任何毒品都只是危险、糟糕、糟糕、糟糕、糟糕，所以无所谓了。

And then any other drugs are just dangerous and bad and bad, bad, bad, bad, so it doesn't matter.

我绝不会在任何情况下使用那些毒品。

I'm not I wouldn't do those in any circumstance.

所以这就是我戒酒的原因。

So that's why I'm sober.

这些东西跟我根本不搭。

These things just don't react well with me.

听好了。

Like, listen.

如果我想让生活再有点儿混乱，我能重新开始喝酒吗？

If I wanted to reintroduce a little bit of chaos into my life, could I try drinking again?

我想可以吧。

I guess.

但我认为这并不是问题的根源。

But I don't think I don't think that's the root of the problem.

我不觉得戒酒是我焦躁不安的原因。

I don't think being sober is the reason for my restlessness.

因为说实话，当我回想起以前喝酒的时候，它让我非常焦虑和不快乐。

Because, honestly, when I look back at when I used to drink, it it made me so anxious and unhappy.

那是我喝得最舒服、最不难受的时候。

And that was at its best when I was having the best reaction to it, the least uncomfortable.

那是一种严重的焦虑。

It was, like, severe anxiety.

而最糟糕的时候，我会起皮疹或感到恶心。

And then at worst, I was having I would get a rash or be nauseous.

你明白我的意思吗？

Do you see what I'm saying?

所以我不认为那是问题所在。

So I don't think that's the issue.

好吧。

Okay.

接下来，我很少外出。

Next, I don't go out very much.

我觉得这有几个原因。

I think there's a few reasons for this.

第一，我的朋友大多比我大，大概大五到九岁左右。

Number one, my friends are older for the most part, between, like, five and maybe, like, five and nine years older than me.

年龄差距在外出活动时很明显，因为他们已经度过了二十多岁时热衷外出的阶段。

And the age difference is noticeable when it comes to going out because they've already gone through the going out phase of being in your twenties.

现在他们都处于恋爱关系中，生活安稳满足，不像我这个24岁单身的人那样有强烈的外出欲望。

They're now all in relationships, comfortable, satisfied, and and they're they don't feel the pull to go out as much as maybe I do being single and 24.

所以，如果你的朋友圈不想出去、不去俱乐部、不为了去派对而参加派对、不为了去酒吧而泡酒吧，那你也不会去。

So, you know, if your friend group doesn't wanna go out, go to a club, doesn't wanna go to a party just for the sake of going to a party, doesn't wanna go to a bar just for the sake of going to a bar, you're not gonna end up going.

你懂的？

You know?

你会跟着群体的意愿走。

You're gonna do what the rest of the group wants to do.

我其实并不讨厌这样，因为说实话，我自己也不怎么喜欢这些活动。

I don't necessarily mind this because in reality, I don't really even enjoy doing those things either.

但有时候我也会觉得：唉。

But there are times where I'm like, ugh.

我急着想出去。

I'm itching to go out.

我需要出去。

I need to go out.

我需要社交。

I need to be social.

我的朋友们说：艾玛，我们累了。

My friends are like, Emma, we're tired.

我们累了。

We're tired.

不。

No.

不。

No.

这并不是说我不出去，或者我从不出门。

That's not to say that I don't, like that I never go out.

我有时候也会出去。

I do go out sometimes.

你知道的？

You know?

我会偶尔去参加派对。

I'll go to a party every once in a while.

我会去一个

I will go to a

酒吧偶尔去一次

bar every once in a

但比我认识的其他24岁的人去得少。

while, but less frequently than other 24 year olds that I know.

但正如我所说，我也不想进俱乐部。

But as I said, though, too, I don't wanna go to a club.

太吵了。

It's too loud.

除非你受到了某种物质的影响，否则这根本不好玩，而我显然没有。

It's not fun unless you're under the influence of something, which I obviously am not.

这对我来说就是不合适。

It's just not it just doesn't work for me.

如果非要说的话，我更喜欢那种更社交的场合，比如派对或酒吧，但就连这些也时好时坏。

If anything, I prefer something more social, like a party or a bar, but even that is sort of hit or miss.

比如，我会突然特别想出去。

Like, I'll find myself itching to go out.

特别想出去，特别想出去，特别想出去。

Itching, itching, itching to go out.

然后我会

And then I'll

去酒吧或者去

go to a bar or go

参加派对什么的，但一到那儿我就觉得：真讨厌。

to a party or something, and I'll be like, ew.

我感到无聊。

I'm bored.

这并不那么有趣。

This is not that fun.

人们呢，你知道的，可能比我预期的更不社交。

People are, you know, being maybe less social than I expected.

这比我预期的要乏味得多。

It's this is just less stimulating than I anticipated.

比如，我本可以跳过这一段。

Like, I could've skipped that.

现在聊聊我那有点无聊的感情生活。

Moving on to my sort of boring love life.

明白吗？

Okay?

我通常都处在一段长期关系中。

I am usually in a long term relationship.

当我不是现在这样时，我不喜欢随意的邂逅，也不喜欢连续约会。

When I'm not, like right now, I don't really like casual hookups, and I don't love serial dating.

如果你不知道什么是连续约会，根据互联网的定义，连续约会者是指频繁地依次与很多人约会，通常在一段关系结束后迅速进入下一段，几乎没有休息时间，其动机可能是热爱新恋情的刺激感、回避承诺、害怕孤独，或寻求认可和关注。

If you don't know what serial dating is, serial dating is, according to the Internet, a serial dater is someone who frequently dates many different people in succession, often moving quickly from one relationship to the next without much downtime, driven by a love for the thrill of new romance, avoiding commitment, fearing loneliness, or seeking validation and attention.

他们享受约会初期的兴奋阶段，但很容易感到无聊，或回避深层次的承诺。

They enjoy the early exciting stages of dating but get bored easily or shy away from deep commitment.

当我想象一个二十岁出头的人充满激情的爱情生活时，我会想到发生性关系、在酒吧和陌生人接吻、带人回家、发生性关系。

When I think of an exciting love life for someone in their early twenties, I think of having sex, making out with random people at the bar, going home with people, and having sex.

我会想到参加一堆糟糕的第一次约会，然后想：天啊。

I think of going on a bunch of first dates that are, like, shitty and being like, goddamn it.

那个很糟糕，这个也很糟糕。

That one was bad that one was bad too.

现在我得再去约一次了。

Now I need to go on another date.

或者，天哪。

Or, oh my god.

我爱上了这个人。

I'm in love with this person.

然后却觉得：真恶心。

Just to then be like, ew.

一周后我就讨厌他们了。

I hate them a week later.

这种充满刺激和戏剧性的感觉。

Like, this sort of excitement drama.

我试过一点点。

I've tried it a little.

你知道的，我试过随意约会那套。

You know, I've tried the the casual hookup thing.

每次都不例外，事后我都觉得特别不舒服。

And without fail, every single time, I feel icky afterwards.

我感觉不好。

I don't feel good.

我觉得很恶心。

I feel gross.

我不认为这与社会对随意性行为的期望、信念或感受有关。

And I don't think that has anything to do with societal expectations or beliefs or feelings around casual sex.

我实际上不觉得这与这类外部因素有任何关系。

I I actually don't think it has anything to do with external factors like that.

我认为这纯粹是因为我和一个不亲近的人发生浪漫关系的经历。

I think it's strictly the experience of being romantic with somebody that I am not close with.

我并不一定感到完全舒适和安全。

I don't necessarily feel 100 comfortable and safe with.

对我来说，这种经历很令人反感。

That experience to me is icky.

我被安全感吸引。

I'm attracted to safety.

尽管我非常希望像那样有随机的性行为之类的事情，因为当你单身时，那种感觉确实有些满足，但这也说不清楚。

As much as I'd love to be, like, having random sex and stuff, because there is something satisfying about that when you're single, it's sort of a I don't know.

这让你感觉对某种事情有了掌控感，我该怎么说呢？

It makes you feel in control of, how do I put this?

偶尔发生性关系是一种提醒，让你知道自己有魅力，有人想和你在一起，有人被你吸引，这在单身时期是一种安慰。

Having casual sex is a reminder that you're attractive, that people want to be with you, that they're attracted to you, which is reassuring in a moment of singlehood.

我确实有单身的时候，现在就正处于这种状态，我会想：妈妈还有魅力吗？还是怎样？

I absolutely have moments when I'm single, experiencing it right now, where I'm like, does mama still got it or or what?

比如，有人喜欢我吗？

Like, does anyone like me?

或者，如果有人真的对我感兴趣，尤其是因为性吸引力而对我感兴趣，那会很好，因为我有点担心没人喜欢我。

Or it would be nice if someone would be really interested in me, like, would be interested in me sexually because I'm a little nervous that people don't that no one likes me.

你明白我的意思吗？

Do you know what I'm saying?

这仅仅是事实，现实的真相。

And this is just the truth of it, the reality of it.

如果我要这么做，我想，会是出于错误的原因。

If I were to do that, it would be, I think, for the wrong reasons.

但这并不是对每个人都适用，只是对我而言。

And that's not the case for everybody, but the case for me.

所以这就是我不进行随意性行为的原因。

And so that's why I don't have casual sex.

听起来好像会很有趣，但每次我尝试过，都不觉得开心。

It sounds like it would be fun, but every time I've done it, it has not been fun.

我能不能走出去，再尝试一下，做些探索？

Could I potentially get out there and experiment and try it again?

我可以。

I could.

我可以，但我可能会忽视自己的过往经历，甚至让自己陷入一种由自己造成的极度不适的境地。

I could, but I'm at the risk of not honoring my past experiences and potentially putting myself in a situation where I'm deeply uncomfortable at my own hand.

那为什么呢？是啊，我确实可以这么做，但这样一来，实际上我是在主动选择忽视我对自己的了解。

And why would I it's like, so, yeah, I could do that, but then it's like, that actually seems like I'm I'm I'm actively making a choice to ignore what I know about myself.

这看起来像是自我毁灭。

And that seems self destructive.

就像，这根本看起来不聪明。

Like, it it does just doesn't seem smart.

除了不喜欢随意性行为外，我也不喜欢连续约会。

In addition to not enjoying casual sex, I also don't like serial dating.

去参加一堆初次约会，和不同的人进入蜜月期，然后结束，再重新开始一段全新的关系。

The idea of going on a bunch of first dates and getting to the honeymoon phase with a bunch of different people and then cutting it off and then starting something new and fresh again.

尽管这可能有点有毒，但听起来很有趣。

Even though it's a bit toxic, perhaps, it sounds fun.

对吧？

Right?

听起来很有趣。

It sounds fun.

听起来很刺激。

It sounds exciting.

但不知为什么，我不喜欢关系的初期阶段。

But for whatever reason, I don't like the beginning stages in a relationship.

我不喜欢蜜月期。

I don't like the honeymoon phase.

我喜欢关系中我们放屁、非常亲密的那段时光。

I like the part of the relationship when we're farting, we're super close.

我不觉得需要去揣测别人说的话。

I don't feel like I have to read into what someone's saying.

我们可以完全坦诚，因为我们已经对彼此做出了承诺，而一旦有了这份承诺，很多猜疑就消失了。

We can just be completely open because we've made a commitment to one another, and, you know, a lot of the guesswork is taken out when that commitment is made.

如果非要说的话，我更喜欢关系的后期阶段。

Like, I prefer the later stages in a relationship, if anything.

对我来说，关系的开始非常有压力。

The beginning is quite stressful for me.

我容易想太多。

I tend to overthink it.

或者也不是想太多，而是我会以某种方式沉迷其中，因为那正是它的有趣之处。

Or not even overthink it, but I tend to sort of obsess over it in a way because that's what's fun about it.

这是一种分心。

It's a distraction.

它几乎像吸毒一样。

It's almost drug like.

刚开始的时候，当你如此兴奋、如此着迷时，这种感觉会占据你的一切。

In the beginning, when you're so excited and you have such a big crush, it's all consuming.

对一些人来说，这是一种逃避，很有趣，也很刺激。

And to some, that's an escape, and that's fun, and that's exciting.

但对我来说，这让人精疲力尽、压力巨大、令人恐惧，我宁愿直接跳到一段承诺的关系中，彼此相处得非常自在，这就是我不进行连续约会的原因。

To me, that's exhausting and stressful and frightening, and I would rather just skip ahead to being in a committed relationship and being extremely comfortable together, which is why I don't serial date.

我从未尝试过连续约会。

I have never even attempted serial dating.

我实际上只和那些已经是我的男朋友的人约会过。

I have literally only ever gone on dates with guys I'm dating already, like, that are my boyfriend.

我通常在正式约会之前就知道自己想不想和某人约会，因为要么他们是共同的朋友，要么我们已经通过短信开始交谈了。

I usually know when I wanna date somebody before we've even gone on a date because either they're a mutual friend or we've started talking via text message.

等我们去约会的时候，其实已经算是已经在约会了。

And by the time we're, like, going on a date, we're already kinda dating.

这说得通吗？

Does that make sense?

我从来没有和任何一个最终没有发展成长期关系的人进入过那个阶段。

And I never even I I've never even gotten into that stage with somebody who I haven't ended up dating long term.

我从不去随意约会。

I don't go on random dates.

连续约会的想法让我精疲力尽。

The idea of serial dating exhausts me.

这感觉就像一场情绪过山车，你知道的，和某人进入蜜月期，然后当这种感觉开始消退时，就离开并转向下一个，或者只是参加一堆约会，拥有一份‘当前 casually 约会的男生名单’。

It it seems like an emotional roller coaster, you know, getting into the honeymoon phase with somebody, and then once that starts to dwindle, leaving it and moving on to the next or whatever, or just going on a bunch of dates and having sort of a roster of, like, these are all the guys I'm casually dating right now.

这种经历虽然看起来更刺激有趣，但也让人感到疲惫，实际上对我来说没什么吸引力。

Like, that experience, though it seems more stimulating and interesting, also seems exhausting, and it actually is sort of unappealing to me.

但尽管这对我来说毫无吸引力，我看到同龄人这样做时，还是会有点羡慕。

But as much as it is unappealing to me, I look at other people my age doing that, and I, again, kind of envy it.

以那种方式约会看起来会非常有趣和刺激，但我内心深处知道，这种现实并不适合我。

It seems like it would be so fun and exciting to date that way, but also I think deep down, I know the reality wouldn't work for me.

我不会开始随便发生性关系，也不会开始建立一个由二十个男生组成的约会名单。

I'm not gonna start having random sex, and I'm not gonna start building my dating roster of, like, 20 guys.

二十个会太多了。

20 would be a lot.

我甚至不觉得这附近有二十个男生，我不知道。

I don't even I don't even think there's 20 guys in this I don't know.

那个，嗯，是的。

That that yeah.

那不是，咱们就说五个男生吧，汉堡和薯条。

That's not that that's let's say five guys, burgers and fries.

不。

No.

好吧。

Okay.

好吧。

Fine.

就说六个男人吧。

Let's say six guys.

继续。

Moving on.

我过着非常健康的生活方式。

I live a very healthy lifestyle.

明白吗？

Okay?

我锻炼身体。

I exercise.

我每天早上散步。

I go on my morning walks.

我去上热瑜伽。

I go to my hot yoga.

我吃有营养的食物，比如扁豆、蔬菜、水果和蛋白质。

I eat nutritious foods, things such as lentils, vegetables, and fruits, and proteins.

我通常自己做饭。

I tend to cook for myself.

我很少点外卖。

I don't order food delivery very often.

我过着非常健康的生活方式，不过并不是那种极端的方式，至少在我看来，现在还不是。

I live a very healthy lifestyle, which not in a toxic way, though, I don't think at this point in my life.

我不是从来不吃甜点。

It's not like I don't eat dessert ever.

当我跟朋友在外面吃饭时，我并不会说不。

It's not like I'm out at a restaurant with my friends, and I'm like, no.

不。

No.

不。

No.

我身体很健康，所以我不吃山核桃派。

I'm healthy, so I'm not going to have a bite of the pecan pie.

这不准确。

That's not accurate.

当然，我会吃山核桃派。

I, of course, will eat the pecan pie.

事实上，我可能会比任何人都吃得多，因为我喜欢甜点。

In fact, I'll probably eat more of it than anyone else because I love a dessert.

但日常生活中，我会去锻炼、散步，吃得营养又健康。

But day to day, I'm going to my workouts, I'm going on my walks, and I'm eating nutritiously and and healthily.

我不知道。

I don't know.

奇怪的是，当我想到二十出头的时候，我会想到一整袋芝士脆饼当晚餐，熬夜到很晚。

In a weird way, I when I think of being in your early twenties, I think of eating an entire bag of Cheez Its for dinner, staying up too late.

我想象自己有时躺在床上。

I imagine laying in bed all sometimes.

我想象着，我想象着各种不同的事情。

I imagine like, I imagine all these different things.

因为年轻的时候，你可以这么做，你知道的，也不会觉得那么糟。

Because you're when you're young, you can get away with it, you know, and you don't feel as bad.

年轻的时候，你不会那么强烈地感受到后果。

You don't feel the repercussions as severely when you're young.

你可以随便说：管他呢。

You can get away with saying, fuck it.

我两个月都不锻炼了。

I'm not gonna exercise for two months.

管他呢。

Fuck it.

我两个月都不吃任何蔬菜了。

I'm not gonna eat any vegetables for two months.

你可以这么做。

You can do that.

然而，我早在人生早期就发现，当我过着非常健康的生活时，我感觉好得多。

And yet, I very early in in my life discovered that I feel so much better when I live a very healthy life.

这还包括，你知道的，即使早睡。

That also includes, you know, even going to bed early.

或者不一定是早睡，而是在一个负责任的时间睡觉，并在一个负责任的时间起床。

Or not even necessarily early, but at a responsible hour and waking up at a responsible hour.

有一段时间，我想是在我十几岁的时候，我做了所有我描述的事情。

There was a time, I would say when I was a teenager, where I did all the things I'm describing.

你知道，我会一整袋Cheez Its当晚餐，然后吃后肚子疼得要命。

You know, I'd eat an entire bag of Cheez Its for dinner and have a terrible stomachache from it.

我会在凌晨四点才睡觉。

I would go to bed at four in the morning.

我会好几个月都不锻炼。

I wouldn't exercise for months on end.

你知道吗？

And you know what?

我感觉糟透了。

I felt like shit.

我感觉糟糕透了。

I felt fucking terrible.

我身体上感觉很糟糕，心理上也很糟糕。

I felt physically terrible, but also mentally terrible.

我感觉很糟糕。

I felt horrible.

所以，再次感到很奇怪的是，我竟然对一种实际上让我身体感觉良好的生活方式感到不安。

So it's very odd once again that I'm quest like, I'm, like, feeling I'm feeling restless about a lifestyle that does actually make me feel physically good.

如果我为了追求混乱而放弃我的健康习惯——这听起来很荒谬，但我们的对话确实有点古怪，因为我正经历一种奇怪、困惑且毫无道理的感觉。

If I were to drop my healthy habits for the sake of chaos, which sounds ridiculous, but, again, we're having a bizarre sort of conversation here because I'm experiencing a feeling that's sort of bizarre and confusing and doesn't really make any sense.

如果我放弃所有健康习惯，倒退回去，开始吃不健康的食物、熬夜、不锻炼，我会憎恨自己的生活。

If I were to drop all of my healthy habits and regress technically and go back and, like, start eating foods that aren't nutritious and sleeping bad hours and not exercising, I would hate my life.

我的生活，我的生活质量会变得更糟。

My life would my quality of life would be worse.

这行不通。

That's not gonna work.

所以我不知道。

So I don't know.

本集由eBay赞助播出。

This episode is brought to you by eBay.

我们每个人都有那么一件东西。

We all have that one piece.

你知道我说的是哪一件。

You know the one.

那件东西特别有你风格，你几乎因此而闻名。

The thing that's so you, you've basically become known for it.

如果你还没找到，你可以在eBay上找到它。

And if you don't have yours yet, you'll find it on eBay.

让我来介绍一下大家。

Let me put you on, people.

eBay 是你找到那些独一无二、让人不断研究、反复梦寐以求的单品的地方。

EBay is where you'll find those one of a kind, can't stop researching, stay up dreaming about pieces again and again.

我说的是那件你一直关注的秀场外红色皮夹克，带牛仔图案的潮流上衣，或者2017年款的简约抓绒衣。

I'm talking about that off the runway red leather bomber that you've had your eye on, the trendy top with the cowboy on it, or that sleek fleece from the 2017 colorway.

所有这些珍品都在 eBay 上。

All of these finds are on eBay.

它们甚至提供数百万件拥有真实性保障的主角单品。

They even offer millions of main character pieces backed by authenticity guarantee.

eBay 是二手和复古时尚的天堂。

EBay is the place for pre loved and vintage fashion.

eBay，人们热爱的物品。

EBay, things people love.

现在回到节目。

Now back to the episode.

接下来，我坚持一个非常一致的日常习惯。

Next, I stick to a very consistent routine.

我的生活大部分都是规律且相当平淡的。

Like, my life, for the most part, is consistent and pretty mundane.

它很少偏离日常routine。

Like, it rarely deviates from routine.

每天都是同样的事情，我认为这对各个年龄段的大多数人来说都很常见。

Same thing every single day, which I think is pretty common for most people of all ages.

但我的特定日常感觉非常……有点像奶奶式的。

But my particular routine feels very it feels a bit it does feel a little bit grandma coded.

我日常生活的要点是：早起，泡一杯咖啡。

The spark notes of my daily routine is wake up early, make my coffee.

最近，我会写日记、散步、做家务、工作、休息一下、锻炼、回家、继续工作、做晚饭。

Recently, I've been journaling, go on a walk, do chores, work, take a break from working, exercise, come home, get back to work, cook dinner.

probably earlier in the day, I cooked something for breakfast and lunch.

Oh, probably earlier in the day, I cooked something for breakfast and lunch.

再做些家务，喂我的猫。

Do more chores, feed my cats.