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大家好，欢迎来到第二部分。
Hello, everyone, and welcome to part two.
我很高兴你们能加入我们。
I love that you joined us.
让我们认识一下梅兰妮。
Let's meet Melanie.
梅兰妮很生她姑姑的气，因为姑姑从不给她打电话，一切都得梅兰妮主动联系，这让人揪心，直到不再如此。
Melanie is angry at her aunt because she doesn't call her, and Melanie has to do all the calling, and it's a heartbreaker until it's not.
和往常一样，接纳现实并。
And as usual, loving what is and.
让我们进入第二部分。
Let's move into part two.
梅兰妮，亲爱的，你有一份工作表。
Melanie, honey, you have a a worksheet.
谢谢。
Thank you.
嗯。
Mhmm.
所以读第一条，情况是怎样的？
So read number one, and and what is the situation?
我对我的阿姨玛丽亚很生气，因为她从不给我打电话，尽管我已经给她打过几次了。
I am angry with Maria, my auntie, because she doesn't call me even though I've called her a few times.
她还让我多给她打电话。
And she asked me to call her more often.
我已经给她打过几次了，但那段时间她从来没给我打过。
And I've called her a few times and she hasn't called me in that time.
是的。
Yeah.
所以她从不给你打电话。
So she doesn't call you.
当你想到‘她从不给我打电话’这个想法时，那个让你深信不疑的时刻和场景是什么？即使你已经无数次有过这个想法，但总有一个特定的时刻和场景让你深信不疑。
What is the situation where you're thinking, believing that anchor in anytime and place, even though you've had the thought hundreds of times, the anchor in one time and place where you were thinking the thought, she doesn't call me.
情况是什么？
What is the situation?
有一次，我觉得我是在和她对抗，当时我通过短信告诉她我有重要的事情要告诉她。
One time I felt I fought it was when I told her I had something important to tell her by text.
然后她说：‘你下次见到我时再告诉我吧？’
And then she said, Will you tell me next time you see me?
这让我觉得：‘但你为什么没有给我打电话呢？’
And it made me feel, But why didn't you call me?
因为我刚刚已经告诉你，我需要和你谈谈了。' 即使我并没有说出那些话。
Because I've just given you information that I need to talk to you.' Even I didn't say those words.
所以你没有说‘你能给我打个电话吗？’
So you didn't say 'Would you call me?'
是的，我甚至都没说。
Yeah, I didn't even say.
天哪。
Oh my goodness.
所以你认为她有读心术，因伍德。
So you imagine she's psychic, Inwood.
是的，我想是这样。
Yeah, I suppose so.
她应该知道该给你打电话，应该想给你打电话，但这并不意味着她真的不会。
Answering, she should know to call you, she should want to call you, which doesn't mean she doesn't.
我们很多人都有想做却没去做的事。
A lot of us want to do things we don't act on.
那么，你是在什么时间、什么地点想到——尽管这种情况可能发生过很多次——她就是没给你打电话呢？
So what is the time and place where you're thinking even though it could be many, many times she doesn't call me?
尽管你已经多次这样想过，你当时身体在哪里？
Where are you physically, even though you've thought it many times?
你是在房间里走来走去吗？
Are you walking across the floor?
你手里拿着电视遥控器吗？
Are you holding the television remote?
我在厨房里拿着手机。
I'm in the kitchen holding my phone.
好的，她没有给你打电话。
Okay, She doesn't call you.
这是真的吗？
Is it true?
是的。
Yeah.
这其实没关系。
That's okay really.
没关系。
It's okay.
是的，但答案要么是肯定的，要么是否定的。
Yeah, but the answer is either yes or no.
她没有给你打电话。
She doesn't call you.
这是真的吗？
Is it true?
是的。
Yeah.
好吧，现在感受一下。
Okay, now feel that.
感受那份真实。
Feel that truth.
那就是对你而言真实的。
That's what's true for you.
现在留意一下，继续保持闭着眼睛，注意你脑子里正在发生什么。
Now notice, keep your eyes closed like that and notice what's going on in your head.
留意那些过去的画面和未来的画面。
Notice those images of the past and the images of the future.
与这些画面建立联系，并描述它们。
Get in touch with those and describe them.
你看到了什么？
What do you see?
我看到她在冲我大喊，尽管她已经好多年没这样对我了。
I see her shouting at me even though she hasn't shouted at me for years.
所以你看到一个她过去在对你大喊的画面，很久以前的画面，你看到了。
So you see an image of her shouting at you in the past, in the distant past, you see that.
她不会给你打电话。
She doesn't call you.
在你冥想时，你对自己反应的观察中，还有别的吗？
Anything else as you meditate in how you reacted?
当你相信那个想法时，发生了什么？
What happened when you believed the thought?
这让你没有给她打电话吗？
Did it keep you from calling her?
在这种情况下，你有给她打电话吗？
Did you call her in that situation?
电话就在你手里。
The phone's in your hand.
我想打，但我犹豫了，所以没打。
I wanted to, but I hesitated and so I didn't.
我还看到了自己焦虑得手舞足蹈的画面。
And I got the image of myself with my arms wailing around in worry over it.
毫无必要的担忧。
Needless worry.
是因为内疚，不想给她打电话吗？
Was it guilt of not wanting to call her?
是因为改变了主意吗？
Of changing your mind?
还是因为想到她，想到你们之间的关系——当你还是个小女孩时，她当时在做什么？
Or was it out of the image of her, your situation with her, when she was what was she doing when you were a little girl?
嗯，当我二十多岁的时候，她开车时我给她指路，她就冲我大喊：‘你能不能等一下？’
Well, when I was in my twenties or so, she was shouting at me for giving her directions while she was driving the car saying that, Can you wait a minute?
她说：‘不，你能不能闭嘴等一会儿？’
She said, No, can you just shut up and wait a minute?
差不多是这样。
Something like that.
所以当你看到那一幕时，是否让你打消了给她打电话的念头？
So when you saw that, did that shift your mind away of calling her?
当你想到‘她从来不给我打电话’这个想法时。
When you're thinking the thought she doesn't call me.
是的，我觉得我害怕她的自尊心。
Yeah, I think I'm scared of her ego.
那她在车里又对你说了什么？
And what did she say again to you in the car?
她说：‘别给我指路，让我先找找方向。’
She said, Stop giving me directions, let me get my bearings first.
好吧，那就想象你当时在车里，处于那种情境中。
Okay, so be in the car in that situation.
按照简单的指示做。
Follow the simple directions.
停下。
Stop.
别再给她指路了。
Stop giving her directions.
当你没有尊重她所说的话时，是不是她因此生气并打了你？
And notice when you didn't honor what she was saying, is that when she became angry and slapped at you?
不，我觉得这毫无道理。
No, I thought it was unjustified.
她说，停下了。
She said, stopped.
她非常明确。
She was very clear.
你提到她非常明确。
You described she was very clear.
而你继续了。
And you continued.
即使只是在车里那样做，也是在做她不希望你做的事。
That even if it was just going like that in the car, it is doing what she didn't want you to do.
并且你内心让她明白，她需要你的帮助，你们的生命都处于危险之中。
And inside of you making it known to her that she needs your help, your lives are at risk.
表面上看似在帮阿姨，试图生存，但在她的体验中，你却分散了她开车的注意力。
Subtle, just trying to help your aunt and just trying to survive while in her experience you're distracting her from driving the car.
即使她是个糟糕的司机，你也不该去打扰这样的人。
Even if she's a terrible driver, that's someone you really don't want to distract.
你总可以说：阿姨，一有机会就安全地靠边停车。
And you can always say, Auntie, pull over at the first opportunity you can see to safely do.
我现在需要下车。
I need to get out of the car now.
我只是想指出，你是自由的。
I just want to point out, you are free.
你并不受制于她。
You are not at her mercy.
在她靠边停车之间，可能发生一些事情。
And something could happen between her pulling over.
但这是你能获得所需帮助的最佳机会，因为她显然做不到。
But it's your best shot at giving you what you need because she can't do it, obviously.
然后她为你所经历的不适承担了责任。
And then she takes the wrap for your discomfort.
我不是说你做错了什么。
And I'm not saying what you did was wrong.
你知道，我们都是根据自身最丰富的经验来生活的。
You know, we live our lives out of the best experience we've got.
干得好。
And well done.
很多人会说你当时做得很对，但你了解你阿姨，这 probably 不是你第一次和她一起坐车。
A lot of people would say you were correct in that, but you know your auntie, it's probably not the first time you've gotten in a car with her.
她讨厌我。
She hates me.
哦，亲爱的。
Oh sweetie.
尽管她见到我时表现得很温柔，这似乎毫无道理。
Even though she's loving when she sees me and it seems to make no sense.
现在把这个作为旁注记下来。
So write that down now as a sidebar.
她讨厌你。
She hates you.
你们中那些要做这个 Quarry 的人，空白讨厌我。
And those of you that are going to do this quarry, blank hates me.
他们讨厌我，空白讨厌我。
They hate me, blank hates me.
如果你打算做这四个问题并反过来思考，一定要在你认为自己有证据的时间和地点上锚定。
If you're going to do the four questions and turn around on that, be sure you anchor in the time and place where you think you have the proof.
而这就是你进行自我探究的出发点，从那个情境、时间和地点出发。
And that is the point you do self inquiry out of, that situation, time and place.
当你这样做的时候，你就可以完成整个工作表。
And when you do that, you can do a full worksheet.
她不给我打电话。
She doesn't call me.
如果没有这个想法，你会是谁？
Who would you be without the thought?
当你有给她打电话的念头，电话就在你手中时，如果没有‘她不给我打电话’这个想法，你会是谁？因为没有这个想法，所有那些‘她恨我’的过往，都会像你头脑中的一个大胶囊一样。
When you have the thought to call her and the phone's in your hand, who would you be without the thought, She doesn't call me, because without that thought, all that history, She hates me, all of that is like a big capsule in your head.
然后，如果你真的给她打了电话，你就是在跟那样的人说话。
And then if you do call her, that's who you're talking to.
在你心里，你是在给一个恨你的人打电话。
To your mind, you are calling someone that hates you.
但你内心深处有一部分并不相信这一点，所以你还是继续给你的姑姑打电话。
But there's just enough of you that doesn't believe it, you continue to call your aunt.
这充分说明了你。
And that says a lot for you.
我真希望你能明白这一点，即使在你相信有人讨厌你的时候。
And I'd love that you would understand that about yourself even in the face of believing someone hates you.
你在照顾你的阿姨。
You're taking care of your aunt.
你看到她过得还好。
You're seeing that she's okay.
不知出于什么原因，你一直在联系她。
For whatever reason, you're contacting her.
这代表了什么？
What is that?
你爱你的阿姨吗？
You love your aunt?
你担心你的阿姨吗？
You worry about your aunt?
你爱你的姑姑吗？
You love your aunt?
什么？
What?
你为什么给她打电话？
Why are you calling her?
我是跟我姑姑联系，但我更想说的是我对你这次见面感到兴奋，想告诉她这件事。
My aunt, but I was more interested in talking about my own excitement of having a meeting with you and telling her that.
这才是引发这一切的原因。
That's what brought it on.
当时并不是为了关心她，虽然我确实也会关心她。
So it wasn't inquiring about her, although I do do that.
那时并不是为了这个目的。
It wasn't at that time.
不，不是的。
No, no.
所以，尽管你认为她讨厌你，尽管这种想法深植于你心中，还有你所分享的一切，你还是要打电话给她，送给她你视为礼物的东西。
So believing she hates you, that in you, that running in you and everything else you shared, you're going to call her to give her something that you see as a gift.
你瞧，你就是这样。
There you are.
别指望她会听进去。
Just don't expect her to listen.
看看你有多好。
Look at how good you are.
你就是这样的人，你的为人就是这样。
That's who you are, how you are.
你了解你的姑姑，你觉得她讨厌你，可你还是打电话给她，送上你认为是礼物的东西。
You know your aunt, you think she hates it and you're still calling her to offer up something you consider a gift.
看看你。
Look at you.
这真是太像你了。
That's just so like you.
她从不给我打电话。
She doesn't call me.
我有个转变方式，可能会很奇怪。
I have a turnaround that can be really weird.
明白吗？
Okay?
她从不给我打电话。
She doesn't call me.
我不会给自己打电话。
I don't call me.
你知道，你是在提供一件美好的东西。
You know, you're offering something beautiful.
她不必接受它。
She doesn't have to accept it.
但你打电话给她，并不是出于那种动机。
But you're not calling her out of that.
你知道你阿姨，她可能会开那辆车。
You know your aunt, she might just drive that car.
哦，亲爱的，她从来不给我打电话。
Oh honey, she doesn't call me.
我也不给自己打电话。
I don't call me.
告诉我她是否讨厌我，我想把这送给她。
And let me know whether she hates me or not, I want to give her this.
我不知道你是否坐着，我们没坐着，但你就是很美。
I don't know if you're sitting, we're not sitting, but it's just you are beautiful.
你和她之间所有的过往，并没有阻止你给她打电话，提供你认为可能对她有帮助的东西。
And all your history with her doesn't stop you from calling her and offering up something you think might serve her.
我喜欢在我们相处的时光结束后，你能够静下心来体会这一切。
And I love on the other side of our time together, you sit in that.
你很美。
You're beautiful.
没人必须知道、倾听、接受，或以那种方式看待它。
No one has to know it, or listen, or accept it, or see it that way.
这是你的生活。
This is your life.
看看你。
Look at you.
你知道，如果我觉得有人讨厌我，
You know, if I thought someone hated me,
我只是不知道我是否会有这么慷慨。
I just, I don't know if I'd be as generous.
你在我胸口感受到某种东西，心里有一种轻微的感觉。
You feel something in my chest, some something in my heart, like a a slight feeling.
我不确定那是什么。
I don't know what it is.
就让它这样吧。
Let it be.
就感受它吧。
Just feel it.
如果你必须给它命名，你会叫它什么？
If you had to name it, what would you name it?
轻微的不适。
Light discomfort.
但更像是一种充满爱的不适。
But more like a loving discomfort.
哦，自我。
Oh, ego.
自我害怕这种感觉。
Ego is terrified of that.
你知道，这意味着死亡。
You know, it means it's death.
是的。
Yeah.
所以，就去感受它，接纳它。
So just feel it, own it.
那就是你的真实面貌。
That's who and hell you are.
即使在你认为那个人憎恨你的时候。
In the face of believing the person you're calling hates you.
你知道，我就是要说出来，因为我实在忍不住。
You know, I'm just going to say it because I just can't help it.
你知道吗，你最喜欢你姑姑的哪些地方？
You know, what do you love about your aunt?
你们共度的时光？
Your time together?
你只是想帮她开车，但她会说：别管了，别管了。
You're just trying to help her driving and she'd say, No, just stop it, stop it.
我的意思是，美好的时光。
I mean, good times.
那种联系就是你的阿姨。
Connection that's your aunt.
你担心她的驾驶，但她根本不听。
You're worried about her driving, she's not listening.
这就是家人。
That's family.
这就是我们。
That's us.
你还在给她打电话。
You're still calling her.
正因如此，我才能自由地说出这句话。
That's how I can be free enough to say this thing.
她从不给我打电话。
She doesn't call me.
好的。
Okay.
现在有一个转折点，这种情况很少出现，但有时确实会发生。
Now here's a turnaround that is, it's rare that it shows up, but sometimes it does.
她从来不给我打电话。
She doesn't call me.
这个转折点在于：哦，她从来不给我打电话。
The turnaround for that is, Oh, she doesn't call me.
这是一种很大的自由。
That's a lot of freedom.
是的，我对她见我不见我或见我的感觉就是这样。
Yeah, that's how I felt about her meeting up with me, her not meeting up with me or meeting up with me.
我觉得，哦，好吧，她不和我见面，这真遗憾。
I felt, oh okay, she's not meeting up with me, that's unfortunate.
或者她和我见面。
Or she's meeting up with me.
这真遗憾。
That's unfortunate.
所以先坐一会儿。
So just sit in a minute.
她不给我打电话，你知道，她讨厌我。
She doesn't call me, you know, she hates me.
反过来想，哦，她不给我打电话。
Turn around, Oh, she doesn't call me.
我从这当中解脱了。
I'm free of it.
是的。
Yeah.
这是个很好的转变。
It's a good one.
对。
Yeah.
还有另一个转变，如果你想有一些好的练习表，那就是我不给她打电话。
And another turnaround, if you want some good worksheets, I don't call her.
你知道的，去给她打个电话，她会给你提供练习材料。
You know, so call her, she'll give you worksheets.
敌人就是那些给你带来不与你为伍的人的朋友，意思是那些根本不想和我们有任何瓜葛的人。
Enemies are the friends that give you the people that don't enemies, meaning people that want nothing to do with us.
去工作吧，我们与他们建立联系，启迪他们，变得与那些原本不可能与我们产生连接的人如此紧密，以至于自我根本不会认为这种连接是可能的，还认为这样才安全。
Do work and we bond them and we enlighten them and we become so connected to those people that didn't, there's no way the ego would even think it's possible to be connected and thinks it's safe in that.
但没有爱，才是力量。
But no love is the power.
没有人真正憎恨另一个人。
No one hates another human being.
另一种说法是，世界上有很多困惑的人。
Another way of saying that is there are a lot of confused people in the world.
仇恨是一种心态。
Hate is a state of mind.
那就是困惑。
It's confusion.
但这并不否定他们没有做那些事或说那些话的事实。
And it doesn't negate the fact that they didn't do what they did or say what they said.
只是，我理解了吗？
It's just, Do I understand?
理解就是力量，没有理解就没有爱。
Understanding is the power, there's no love without it.
让我们看看在这种情况下，你相信她不给你打电话，你认为她不给你打电话的情形。
Let's look at two in that situation where you're believing she doesn't call you, where you're thinking she doesn't call you.
你想要什么？
What do you want?
你希望她怎么想、怎么说、怎么感受或怎么做？
What do you want her to think, say, feel, or do?
我希望玛丽亚给我打电话，或者至少安排更频繁地见面。
I want Maria to call me or at least make an arrangement to meet more often.
好吧，那就想想这一点。
Okay, so consider that.
在完成第一项练习后，你变得更加开明了。
You're more enlightened after working number one.
你在填写工作表时所写的第二项内容是真实的。
What you wrote is number two is true when you were filling the worksheet.
你现在更有自我觉察了。
You're a little more self aware now.
你希望她给你打电话，或者至少安排更频繁地见面。
You want her to call you or at least make an arrangement to meet more often.
这是真的吗？
Is it true?
不是。
No.
这并不意味着你不爱她。
Doesn't mean you don't love her.
感觉像卸下了一副重担。
It's like a weight lifted off me.
我感受到她的存在。
I feel like her.
是的，你正在变得清醒。
Yeah, you're becoming sane.
了解你面对的是谁，电影里一对姨妈和侄女，她们一起拥有如此丰富的生活。
Understand who you're dealing with, an aunt and a niece in the movies that have so much life together.
不，这是你的姨妈。
No, this is your aunt.
你如何反应？
How do you react?
当你想到‘我希望她给我打电话，或者安排更多见面’这个想法时，会发生什么？
What happens when you think the thought I want her to call me or make arrangements to meet more often?
我以自我怜悯来回应。
I react with self pity.
我觉得这仅仅是自我怜悯。
I think it's just self pity.
只是在我脑子里盘旋，想着一些无用的想法。
Just all up in my head, just thinking of unuseful thoughts.
而且还在想象她根本不想听你说话？
And imagining she doesn't want to hear from you anyway?
是的，她并没有我期望的那么在乎我。
Yeah, that she doesn't really care as much as I want her to.
所以你真正联系的是这样一个人。
So that's who you're calling.
你不是在联系你希望她成为的那位阿姨，你联系的是这个阿姨，你要搞清楚。
Not the aunt, you're not calling the aunt as you want her to be, you're calling that aunt, get this straight.
在这种情况下，当我想到这些时，我希望我自己能打给自己，让我意识到我真正联系的是谁，而不是当她只是你那位熟悉的阿姨时，你却如此震惊。
In that situation when I'm thinking about it, I want me to call me and wake me up to who I'm calling and not be so shocked should she just be your aunt, the one you know?
有两位阿姨，一位是你希望她成为的，另一位是你真正的阿姨。
There are two aunts, one you want her to be and then there's your aunt.
我希望她能给我打电话，或者主动安排更多见面的机会。
I want her to call me or make arrangements to meet more often.
如果没有这个想法，你会是谁？
Who would you be without the thought?
打电话时，如果没有这个想法，你会是谁？
Making the call, who would you be without the thought?
想象你正在打电话。
Imagining you're making the call.
如果没有这个想法，你会是谁？
Who would you be without the thought?
我希望她给我打电话，或者安排更频繁地见面。
I want her to call me or make arrangements to meet more often.
现在，只是想象她接起电话时你打给她。
So now just imagine calling her as she answers the phone.
如果没有这个想法，你是谁？
Who are you without the thought?
我会是孤单的，但我一个人也没关系。
I'd be alone, but I'd be fine alone.
与其感到孤独，按我的想法和感知，我只是独自一人与自己相处。
Instead of being lonely, how I think, how I perceive it, I'd be just alone with myself.
现在，抛开这些想法，独自一人，留意你所站或所坐的位置。
Now be alone without those thoughts, and notice where you're standing or sitting.
现在，环顾一下房间。
Now look around the room.
四处看看，看看你周围。
Look around, look around you.
除了你的想法或信念之外，你还好吗？
Other than what you're thinking or believing, are you okay?
我完全没问题。
I'm absolutely fine.
我希望她给我打电话，或者安排更频繁地见面。
I want her to call me or make arrangements to meet more often.
这是一个很大的问题。
This is a big one.
好吗？
Okay?
聆听时敞开心扉。
Open your mind as you listen.
我来倒过来想想。
I'll turn it around.
我希望我主动给她打电话或安排更频繁地见面。
I want me to call her or make arrangements to meet more often.
我希望我能做到这一点。
I want me to do that.
她可以同意或拒绝，但如果我想要那样，我会去问。
She can say yes or no, but if I want that, I'm going to ask.
但我不应该对我想要安排见面的人感到惊讶。
But I'm not going to be shocked at who I want to make arrangements with.
那是你的阿姨，不是你希望她成为的那位阿姨。
It's your aunt, not the aunt that you want her to be.
总是让她来安排，虽然不是每次都这样，但大多数时候都是如此。
Always leave it to her to make the arrangements, not always but most of the time.
如果我来安排，我不会太频繁，因为我觉得她不希望经常见面。
If I make arrangements I don't try to make them too often because I feel that she doesn't want to meet too often.
你知道吗，你们俩可能都处于相同的心态。
You know, you could both be sitting in the same state of mind.
你信任她的驾驶吗？
You trust her driving?
你们之间另一段过往是，当你小时候，她让你相信她讨厌你，她可能至今仍持有那种感觉，或是她说过的话、做过的事。
Another history that the two of you hold, if she led you to believe when you were little that she hated you, she could be holding that, something she said or did.
你并不知道。
You don't know.
这需要你在我们结束对话后，回去重新梳理。
It's something for you to go back on after our time together and rework.
我的意思是，再好好想想。
I mean, work it again.
是的。
Yeah.
对。
Yeah.
所以她恨你，这是真的吗？
So she hates you, is it true?
不，她爱我。
No, she loves me.
天哪。
Oh my goodness.
我知道她爱我。
I know she loves me.
天啊。
Oh my gosh.
好吧，你有一些抱怨，但我从你这里也听到同样的说法。
Well, you have a few complaints, but I get the same from you.
尽管你脑子里想了很多，你还是要给她打电话。
With everything in your head, you're still gonna call her.
我真为你感到高兴。
I love that for you.
我们来看看第三点。
Let's look at three.
我很欣赏你知道关于你姑姑的这些事。
I love that you know that about your aunt.
她会来接你，而且会成为你的姑姑。
She's going to pick up and she's going to be your aunt.
是的。
Yeah.
对。
Yeah.
我们来看看第三点。
Let's look at three.
如何获得你想要的东西？
What advice to get what you want?
第二点，你会给她什么建议？
And number two, what advice would you offer her?
玛丽亚应该像她答应的那样偶尔给我打电话，但我不想总是我主动打。
Maria should call me sometimes like she asked me to do, but I don't want to do all the calling.
这听起来很傻。
That sounds silly.
你知道，同时做这两件事，会带来很多启发。
You know, working two of these, there's just so much enlightenment that comes.
你知道，所谓的启发，是不是和我以为发生的事不一样？
You know, what does enlightenment seem that what I thought happened didn't?
并不是我们当时认为的那样，她应该偶尔给你打电话。
Not the way we believed at the time, she should call you sometimes.
这是真的吗？
Is it true?
真让人好奇。
Wonder that.
她知道你会给她打电话。
She knows you're going to call her.
她不必承担这个责任，她信任你。
She doesn't have to take on that responsibility, she trusts it.
我只是猜测，但她应该偶尔给你打个电话，这是真的吗？
I'm guessing with that one, but she should call you sometime, is it true?
不，她知道你会给她打电话。
No, she knows you're gonna call her.
是的，确实如此。
Yeah, that's so true.
她应该偶尔给我打个电话？
She should call me sometimes?
你会和我在一起吗？
Who would you be with me?
不。
No.
是的，所以让我们反过来想，我应该。
Yeah, so let's turn it around, I should.
我应该有时候给她打电话。
I should call her sometimes.
每当这种情况在你身上出现时。
Anytime it arises with you.
是的。
Yeah.
你可以给她打电话。
You can call her.
你了解她。
You know her.
她会成为你的姑姑。
She's going to be your aunt.
你的姨妈玛丽亚。
Your aunt Maria.
我这儿有一阵剧烈的刺痛。
I've got that throbbing streak.
是的，没错，我们想法一致。
Yeah, no, we're on the same page.
我本来正想说和你一模一样的话。
I was going to say just the same thing that you're saying.
她在这儿。
There she is.
天啊，一位独立的女性。
My gosh, an independent woman.
是的，有那些东西和那种感觉。
Yeah, got that stuff and streak
而且不
and not
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给她打电话
calling her for
给你阿姨打电话。
call your aunt.
她不必接电话。
She doesn't have to pick up.
是的。
Yeah.
而且
And
她也不必跟你说话。
she doesn't have to talk to you.
这一切都是为你做的，完全是为了你，只是为了打个电话听听她的声音。
This is all for you, all about you, just to call and hear her voice.
所以
So
我不想一直打电话，好吗？
I don't want to do all the calling, okay?
你不想打，是你一直打，是这样吗？
You don't want to do You do all the calling, is it true?
她以前打过电话给我，没多久以前。
She's in the past, not so long ago, called me.
是的，她可能和我一样，年纪渐渐大了。
Yeah, she could be like me, she's getting a little older.
亲爱的，这真的意义深远。
Honey, that really runs deep.
我不想一直打电话。
I don't want to do all the calling.
我们仔细想想，这有点曲折，但我真的不想一直打电话。
When we look at it, this is a kind of twist, but I don't want to do all the calling.
所以如果你不打给她，那为什么她会这样呢？
So if you don't call her, why is that happening for her?
这为什么是对她的馈赠？
Why is that a gift to her?
我不想去打电话，那这件事该怎么处理？
I don't want to do the calling, so where do you go with that?
这关乎控制，实际上是我们两个自我之间的一种受控博弈。
It's a matter of control and it's really like a controlled struggle between our two egos.
是的，这个理解非常深刻，真的很到位。
Yeah, that's very, that's really a great understanding.
你可以照顾好你们中的一个自我，这正是我们所关注的。
You can take care of one of you, the ego, which is what we're looking at.
我不想去打电话，这完全颠倒了。
I don't want to do all the calling turned around.
我想去。
I want to.
我想去打所有的电话。
I want to do all the calling.
当你想到你阿姨时，为什么会这样呢？
Why might that be so when you consider your aunt?
因为我更常有消息告诉她，我想告诉她新闻，而不是她打电话给我。
Because it's more I've got news for her more often and I want to tell her news, then she wants to call me
然后告诉我一些事情，这是妈妈。
and tell me something, it's mummy.
你阿姨多大了？
And how old is your aunt?
62岁。
62.
所以她其实还挺年轻的。
So she's quite young really.
好的，我想负责所有打电话的事。
Okay, so I want to do all the calling.
她给你的生活带来了各种各样的东西，她很活跃，热爱生活。
She brings all kinds of stuff into your life, she's active, She's into life.
我呢？还有别的吗？
Me what else?
比如你一个人做这项工作时，列个清单。
Like when you're doing this work alone, make a list.
我想负责所有打电话的事。
I want to do all the calling.
我想负责所有打电话的事，还想安排更频繁地见面。
I want to do all the calling and I want to make arrangements to meet more often.
你可以问。
And you can ask.
我可以问，她也可以拒绝，这没关系。
And I can ask and she can say no, and that's fine.
是的，然后无论你想和她做什么，你都可以自己去做。
Yeah, and then whatever it is you want to do with her you can do with you.
你知道，你是个很好的伴。
You know, you're good company.
当你能成为自己的好伴侣时。
When you're good company to yourself.
我喜欢独自去地方，就像我喜欢和人在一起一样。
I love going places alone like I love being with people.
是的。
Yeah.
陪伴。
Company.
让你从这当中解脱出来，你也是。
Living Me out of this, you too.
好吧，我们来看第四点。
Okay, let's look at four.
我需要玛丽亚向我道歉，说我没打电话或安排见面的时间，并说明原因。
I need Maria to say sorry that I haven't called or arranged a time to meet and say why?
好吧，为了节省时间，我们反过来想一想，我让你自己去处理这个问题。
Okay, so let's turn it around in the interest of time and I'm to leave you to work this one.
要感到快乐，你需要她道歉，说她没有打电话也没安排见面的时间。
To be happy, you need her to say sorry, I haven't called and arranged a time to meet.
你希望她道歉。
You want her to say sorry.
这是真的吗？
Is it true?
为了什么？
For what?
不，如果她没做错什么，就不需要道歉。
No, if she hasn't done anything wrong, there's no need to say sorry.
哦，那就接受这个吧。
Oh, so sit in that.
她没做错任何事。
She hasn't done anything wrong.
她很积极。
She's active.
她有自己的生活。
She's got a life.
她相信，无论怎样，只要你爱她，你就会给她打电话。
And she trusts that no matter what you love her, you're going to call her.
她不必这样。
She doesn't have to.
这说明你很好。
And that's good on you.
我需要我向她道歉并问她：我是不是打电话太多了？
I need me to say sorry and ask her, Do I call you too much?
你希望我少打点电话吗？
Would you prefer I call you less?
是的，我可以做到。
Yeah, I could do that.
这是一个简单的解决方案。
That's a simple solution.
是的。
Yeah.
对。
Yeah.
那是个不错的五分。
That's a good five.
你可以把第四点剩下的部分处理掉。
And you can work number four the rest of it.
玛丽亚很傲慢且要求苛刻。
Maria is arrogant and demanding.
我打电话给她之前，我的心态是怎样的？
And my state of mind when I'm holding the phone before I called her, my state of mind is?
是傲慢且要求苛刻。
Is arrogant and demanding.
是的，你一直在记谁给谁打电话。
Yeah, you're keeping score of who calls who.
你内心深处的傲慢与苛求。
Arrogant, demanding inside of you.
这就像一次小小的发脾气，然后演变成伤害，而她根本不在乎我。
It's like this minor tantrum or and it goes to hurt and she doesn't care about me.
你的自我会带你去到你并不想前往的地方。
It goes to places, your ego will take you places you don't want to go.
这就是为什么我们坐在这里一起讨论。
And that's why we're sitting here together.
你并不孤单。
Because you're not alone.
你并不孤单。
You're not alone.
这对大多数人来说都如此熟悉。
This is so familiar to most of us.
我从观看你的其他视频和阅读你的书中学到了这一点。
I get that from watching your other videos and reading your book.
哦，哦，我太喜欢了。
Oh, oh, I love that.
我也希望如此。
I'd love that.
我希望能那样
I'd love that that would
让你过上更好的生活。
give you a better life.
是的，智慧就是我太有智慧了。
Yeah, wisdom is about I'm so wise.
这就是生活，是充实的一生，是活得好好的一生。
It's just living, it's a life well spent, a life well lived.
这正是我所关注的所有智慧。
That is all the wisdom that I'm interested in.
善良的心，你所拥有的理解。
Kind mind, understanding which you've got.
她傲慢又苛刻。
She is arrogant and demanding.
在那种情况下，我对她的看法是傲慢且苛刻的。
My thoughts about her are arrogant and demanding in that situation.
她应该给谁打电话，以及多久打一次。
Who she should call and how often.
我现在为Kris做的事情。
Things I do to Kris now.
我把事情放在更广阔的视角来看。
I put it into perspective.
你知道，把傲慢和苛刻分开来，一次只针对一个信念来处理会很有趣，比如我阿姨很傲慢，因为你显然爱她，你们俩有着非常美好的关系。
You know, would be fun to separate arrogant and demanding and do one belief at a time on my aunt is arrogant, because you obviously love her and the two of you have really quite some beautiful relationship.
所以她很傲慢，就针对这一点做一个单一信念的练习表。
And so she is arrogant, just do a one belief at a time worksheet on that.
也许吧，我不知道这是否真实。
And it could, I don't know that it's true.
我的思绪无法到达那里，也许是因为我做不到。
My mind can't go there as though it might even might be because I'm unable to.
因为我能理解你阿姨为什么会把你当成理所当然。
Because I can understand why your aunt would just take you for granted.
你总是为她付出。
You're always there for her.
你爱她。
You love her.
你给她打电话。
You call her.
你是她依赖的人。
You're her person.
她不必主动，但你却总是打电话。
She doesn't have to and you call.
我的意思是，她在外面，很活跃。
I mean, she is out there, meaning active.
如果别人觉得我理所当然，那是一种赞美。
And if people take me for granted, it's a compliment.
我的意思是，如果别人觉得我理所当然，这说明我很在乎他们。
I mean, says a lot for me if people take me for granted that I care about them.
所以，一次只处理一个信念，对埃里克来说，她很傲慢；另一个信念，一次一个，她很苛刻。
So to do one belief at a time for Eric, she's arrogant, and another one, one belief at a time, she's demanding.
哦天哪，这些可真有意思。
And oh boy, those are juicy.
是的，我很期待做这些。
Yeah, I look forward to doing those.
对，对，对，对。
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
你将发现的关于自己的事情，可能会彻底改变你的认知。
What you re going to discover about yourself could just be earth shaking.
回应一份礼物。
Answer a gift.
当你提到你阿姨的时候，我想起了我一位阿姨。
As you're talking about your aunt, I'm thinking of one of my aunts.
就是，天哪，这真是
It was just, oh my gosh, it's
就是，天哪，这真是
just, oh my gosh, is
力量。
the power.
她热情奔放，热爱生活。
She was wild and into life.
让我们来看看性。
And let's look at sex.
在这种情况下，你最不想要的是什么？
In that situation, what is it you never want?
我再也不想被抛弃，独自一人了。
I don't ever want to be alone, left alone again.
所以她把你一个人丢下了。
So she left you alone.
我一定感受到了某种被遗弃的感觉，是的。
I must have felt some kind of abandonment or yeah.
好吧，你认为她把你一个人丢下了，再转过身来。
Well, you believe she left you alone, turn around again.
她把我一个人丢下了。
She left me alone.
好的。
Okay.
转过身来。
Turned around.
哦，谢天谢地她把我一个人丢下了。
Oh, thank goodness she left me alone.
然后列出这样对你和你的生活有哪些好处。
And then make a list of why that's an advantage to you and your life.
这并不意味着你不希望她打电话给你。
It doesn't mean you don't want her to call.
如果我是你的姑姑，我绝不会有一刻觉得你需要我的电话。
It doesn't mean, if I were your aunt, I wouldn't think for a moment that you needed my phone calls.
而且我会很安心，知道你终究会主动给我打电话。
And I would be secure in knowing that you're going to call me anyway.
这两者都是对你的赞美。
And both of those are compliments.
这是一种尊重你和你的隐私的方式，也是对你有信心的表现——无论发生什么，你都会给我打电话，我可以依赖你。
It's a way of honoring you and your privacy and the confidence of knowing no matter what you're going to call me, that I can depend on
这一点。
that.
而且
And
这些话都是爱的表达。
those are words for love.
你知道她会的。
You know she will.
只是时机的问题，你可以问她：为什么你不经常给我打电话？
It's just the timing that and you can ask her, Why don't you call me more?
我有个想法，如果我打电话给她，看看她会怎么说。
I have the thought I'd love if called and see what she says.
你可能已经知道答案了。
You probably already know the answer.
她的生活就是这样。
Her life is just something.
总之，亲爱的，你可以给她打电话，你想给姑姑打电话，就打吧。
Anyway, honey, you can call her and you want your aunt, call her.
我会的。
I will.
是的。
Yeah.
别指望她会给你打电话。
Don't expect her to call you.
不会。
No.
我已经放下了那些期待。
I let go of those expectations.
是的。
Yeah.
你要明白，你爱的那只蚂蚁正过着充实的生活，她不需要你，这其实是一种肯定。
Just know that that ant that you love is living a full life, doesn't need you, that's a compliment.
是的。
Yeah.
你的爱依然鲜活而美好。
And your love is alive and well.
继续给她打电话吧。
And keep calling her.
我的意思是，我从你的工作表中学到了这一点。
I mean, that's what I'm learning from your worksheet.
你爱你的阿姨。
You love your aunt.
打给她，不管她会不会接。
Call She'll pick up or not.
是的。
Yeah.
谢谢你，凯蒂。
Thank you, Katie.
自从和你一起做了这些练习，我突然充满了感激，无缘无故地流泪，更多的是出于感激和喜悦。
Since I've done the work with you, I felt so much gratitude towards and crying for for no reason and, well, for gratitude and joy.
很好。
Good.
它正在改变我的人生。
It's changing my life.
那种类型的哭泣，就像是一种排毒。
Those those kind that kind of crying, it's like a detox.
哦，一切都会通过这种方式涌现并释放出去。
Oh, everything worked comes through like that and exits.
身体、心灵、精神。
Body, mind, spirit.
我曾经坐在沙漠里，一连好几天邀请死亡来带走我，但它并没有发生。
I used to sit out in the desert and just invite it to kill me for like days and it didn't happen.
我是说，我邀请死亡来带走我，只是为了见证自我所呈现的恐惧与惊骇。
I mean invited to kill me and just to witness the fear and terror that the ego offers up.
这是一次绝佳的练习，去观察那些未曾浮现的东西。
It was a great exercise in what is it that is not surfacing.
直到我允许自己去面对，并获得这样的机会——当然，我并不是邀请你们亲爱的去沙漠里这么做，你们在家沙发上就能做到。
And until I allow that and get an opportunity, and I'm not inviting you dears to go out into the desert, you can do it from home on your couch.
你们不必如此极端。
You don't have to go to such extremes.
我们每个人都有自己的道路。
It's just we all have our path.
然后我会走进沙漠，知道怎么往北、往南、往东走，但我就是迷路了，迷路了，迷路了。
And then I'd go out into the desert and know my way back, north, south, east, I just lost, lost, lost.
事实上，在我的觉知中，这就像在和你们一起工作。
And the truth is, in my awareness it was like working with you.
就好像我知道结局。
It's like I knew the end.
我并没有迷路，我只是坐在或站在原来的地方。
I wasn't lost, I was sitting or standing where I was sitting and standing.
我根本就没有迷路。
I wasn't lost at all.
一点都没有。
Not at all.
那里才是我该在的地方。
That's where I belonged.
然后我想到，我的脚知道该往哪里走。
And then I had the thought my feet know where to go.
她把我的思绪拉了出来，而我的脚带着我向上走。
And she took my mind out of it and my feet took me up.
我当时非常极端。
I was very extreme.
我收到了一份礼物，正在测试它。
I received a gift and I was testing it.
但我们可以在‘审判你的邻居’工作表上测试它。
But we can test it on Judge Your Neighbor worksheets.
我们不必走出去
We don't have to go out
去做那些测试。
and do that and test it.
我们有其他方式可以进行测试，否则它只会给我们同样的觉悟。
There are tests we can do otherwise it'll give us the same enlightenment.
是的
Yeah.
所以你的反转又是，我愿意，我期待着。
So your turnaround again, I'm willing to, I look forward to.
期待被独处。
Forward to being left alone.
我愿意被独处。
I'm willing to be left alone.
我也期待着。
And I look forward to.
我也期待被独处。
And I look forward to being left alone.
知道你阿姨过着充实的生活，并再次给她打电话，不断尝试，直到联系上她。
Knowing your aunt is having a full life and to call her again, try again until you get her.
亲爱的，做得真棒。
Honey, beautiful work.
精彩的工作。
Beautiful work.
我在这段话里说得有点多，但你就是让人无法抗拒。
I talked a little too much in it, but you're irresistible.
是的，但我不是个爱说话的人。
Yeah, but I'm not a big talker.
抱歉我经常这么沉默。
Sorry for being so silent so often.
我只是不爱说话。
I'm just not a big talker.
不过，你确实会在有價值的地方开口。
Well, you sure talk where there's value.
我非常感激这一点。
And I'm grateful for that.
还有，亲爱的，你在追随梅兰妮的过程中有什么收获？
And B, honey, what are your takeaways as you follow Melanie's
工作？
work?
梅兰妮，非常感谢你。
Melanie, thank you so much.
另外，在她开始说话之前，我只是把她当作一个陌生人。
Also just listening also, before she started to talk, I saw her just as a stranger.
但随着她继续讲述，我看到了她是一个非常美丽而勇敢的人。
But then as she talked, I saw her as this really beautiful and courageous person.
说出这些想法真的需要很大的勇气。
It really does take a lot to just speak up these thoughts.
我们总是把它们藏起来。
We hide them.
是的。
Yeah.
我想我现在要把所有衣服都脱了。
I think I'll take off all my clothes now.
这就是它的样子。
And that's what it's like.
就是毫无保护地完全透明。
It's just being transparent with no protection whatsoever.
自我的缺席。
The absence of ego.
是的。
Yeah.
这让我们所有人都感到不那么孤单。
It makes us feel less alone, all of us.
这也让我理解了你所说的，每个人只对自己负责。
And it makes me understand when you say, like, one is responsible just for themselves.
我真的看到，当你真正去做的时候，它会改变你周围的所有人。
And I really do see when you do the work, it changes everybody else around you.
这难道不令人惊叹吗？
Isn't that amazing?
如果我们想改变世界，就要从自己做起。
If we want to change the world, we look to ourselves.
是的。
Yeah.
你正在为我们做这件事。
And you're doing this for us.
非常感谢你。
So thank you very much.
哦，亲爱的。
Oh, honey.
这让人无法抗拒，而且有点自私。
It's irresistible and it's selfish.
你活在我心里。
You live in me.
你的思想，你的思想，世界就在我心中。
Your mind, your mind, the world is in me.
如果我不爱你，我就不会爱这个世界；如果我不在我的世界里爱你，那你只是在为我服务，你只是我的下一份工作表，你是我的老师，不和我的老师们相处才真是疯狂。
If I don't love you, I don't love the world and if I don't love you in my world, you're serving me, you're my next worksheet, you're my teacher, crazy not to hang out with my teachers.
这个世界，这个世界，我们的老师，都是老师。
The world, the world, our teachers, teachers all.
我们生活在一个有趣的时代，在这些美利坚合众国，这些
And we live in interesting times, Interesting times in these United States, these
表面上的美利坚合众国。
apparent United States.
一个分裂的美利坚合众国。
Un United States Of America.
是的。
Yeah.
分裂的。
Disunited.
是的。
Yeah.
哦，
Oh,
是的，这是一种心态。
yeah, it's a state of mind.
我仍然生活在美利坚合众国。
I still live in The United States.
我生活在整个世界。
I live in The United World.
天哪，这是一个美丽的世界。
Oh my gosh, it's a beautiful world.
对。
Yeah.
世界。
The world.
没有两个人生活在同一个世界。
No two people live in the same world.
只有一个人能改变它。
Only one person can change it.
你对你自己的世界负责，我对我自己的世界负责，这就是同一页。
You're responsible for your world, I'm responsible for mine, and that's the same page.
剩下的就是同一页，站在同一页上。
What's left is the same page, being on the same page.
对。
Right.
还有我，亲爱的，你非常珍贵。
And me, honey, you are precious.
我欣赏你的工作。
I love your work.
我喜欢你如何承担起它。
I love how you've taken it on.
你是一份礼物。
You're a gift.
我好害怕，甚至只是这样说话，恐惧就涌了出来。
I'm so scared even talking like that the fear is just coming out.
是的，亲爱的，这没什么责任可言。
Yeah, well, there's no responsibility to it, sweetie.
这只是你的世界。
It's just your world.
除了你所想和所信的，其他都没关系。
And it's okay, other than what you're thinking and believing.
你有勇气，也有随之而来的泪水。
And you've got the courage and you've got the tears to go with it.
泪水也有权存在。
And tears have a right to life.
你不知道里面藏着什么。
You don't know what's in there.
你并不知道。
You don't know.
然后声音可能会出来。
And then sound may come out.
你不知道会冒出什么。
You don't know what's coming out.
就敞开吧。
Just just open.
就看看吧。
Just see.
就感受吧。
Just feel.
就让它掌控你。
Just let it own you.
让它拥有你。
Let it have you.
是的，是的，我们正坚持着
Yeah, yeah, we're hanging in for
全部。
all of it.
谢谢，而且
Thanks, and
再次感谢NB，伊丽莎白。
thank you again NB, Elizabeth.
我只是想对梅兰妮表示衷心的感谢，她做了一份练习表，而我甚至都不知道我需要做这份练习。
I just wanted to say thank you so much to Melanie for doing a worksheet, a worksheet that I didn't even know that I needed to do.
我和我的一位阿姨也有同样的那份。
I have the same one with one of my aunts.
所以
So
我当时是我想
I was I
我一直在和她一起做，这真是太美好了。
was doing it right along with her, and it was so beautiful.
我非常感激你，凯蒂，也感激在座的每一位。
And and I'm just so grateful to you, Katie, and for everyone here.
这真是一种祝福。
It's such a blessing.
哦，谢谢你，亲爱的。
Oh, thank you, honey.
也谢谢你，亲爱的。
And thank you, dear.
谢谢你们所有人带来如此美好的一切，也感谢你们的贡献。
Thank you all for something so beautiful, and thank you for for your contributions.
你知道，这让我们能够作为一个社区坚持下去。
You know, it allows us to it allows us to to hang in here as a a community.
总之，谢谢你们带来如此美好的一切。
And bottom line, thank you for something beautiful.
对了，各位，如果你们喜欢这个播客，请在iTunes上给我们五星评分和评论。
By the way, everyone, if you enjoyed this podcast, please give us a five star rating and review on iTunes.
这真的很重要，谢谢你这么做。
It really matters, and thank you for that.
我很喜欢你们每周一、二、三上午九点到十点（太平洋时间）和我一起参与。
I love that you join me every Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday from nine to 10AM Pacific time.
请访问 homewithbk.com。
At homewithbk.com.
让我们一起努力吧。
Let's do the work.
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