#131 Why Nobody Listens To You (And How to Fix It)

你正说到一半，眼睁睁看着事情发生了。

You're mid sentence, and you watch it happen in real time.

对方的眼神突然软了下来。

The other person's eyes go soft.

他点了头，但那根本是早就没在听你说话的点头。

They nod, but it's the nod of someone who kinda stops tracking you sentences ago.

你好不容易说完，他来一句‘对对对’，立马把话题扯到别的地方去了。

Well, you finish your point, and they say totally, and then pivot the conversation to something else entirely.

到底怎么回事？

What happened?

你不是说得无聊。

You weren't boring.

你也没说错什么。

You weren't wrong.

你只是没抓住他的注意力。

You just lost their attention.

我见过太多聪明人一说话就被人走神了。

And I've seen how this happens to smart people constantly.

那些人明明有真东西要讲。

People who genuinely have something we're saying.

但问题不在智商、魅力或者自信。

And the reason it happens isn't intelligence or charisma or confidence.

而在于你说话时的结构和心理机制。

It's actual structure and psychology of the way you speak.

这事儿是能学会的，可惜没人教，大家压根没想过要这么说话。

It is learnable, but most people never study because we weren't taught how to have conversations this way.

但从现在开始，你要改掉这个毛病。

You're gonna fix that.

听完这期节目，你就掌握了一套让任何人专注的技巧——不管是面对面聊天、开会、吃饭，还是做提案，你都能牢牢抓住注意力，还会避开那四个让人一听就走神的坑。

By the end of this episode, you'll have a toolkit for holding attention in any room, a one on one, a meeting, a dinner table, a pitch, and you'll learn how to avoid the four forgetability traps that make most people stop paying attention to you.

我是科迪·桑切斯。

I'm Codie Sanchez.

欢迎收听《BigDeal》播客。

This is the BigDeal podcast.

让你的观点被人听见。

Let's get your points heard.

第一部分：注意力问题其实是生理性的。

Part one, the attention problem is physiological.

有件事该让咱们都清醒一下。

Here's something that should humble all of us.

普通人说话平均一分钟就125个词左右。

The average human, they speak about a 125 words per minute.

但人脑处理语言的速度，大概是一分钟400个词。

But the human brain processes language at roughly 400 words per minute.

所以中间差得可不少。

So there's a really big gap.

对吧？

Right?

而你的听众，脑子里想的全是购物清单、工作上的事、是不是忘了关烤箱、门有没有锁好——根本不是在听你说。

And your listener's brain, well, they fill it with grocery lists, whatever happened at work, whatever they left the the oven on, the door open, because they're not just not paying attention to you.

他们的大脑不是偷懒，

Their brain isn't being lazy.

而是在后台高效运转，把你说话时没填满的空档全用上了。

It's literally just efficient running in the background, and it's using all the unused bandwidth your voice isn't filling.

所以哈佛的心理学家马修·基林斯沃思追踪了人们日常生活中实际在想什么。

So Harvard psychologist Matthew Killingsworth tracked what people were actually thinking during their daily lives.

他用了一个iPhone应用，随机弹出问题问他们当时在想什么。

So he used an iPhone app, and it pinged them at these random intervals.

数据怎么说的？

What did the data say?

人们的心思走神的时间占了将近一半。

People's minds were wondering 47% of the time.

也就是说，你一生中差不多有一半时间都在走神。

So that's almost half of your life.

你的大脑容易分心。

Your brain is distracted.

而真正关键的是这一点。

And here's the part that actually matters.

数据显示，只要心不在焉，不管想的是啥，人就会更不开心。

They reported being less happy when their minds wandered regardless of what they were thinking about.

所以，当你专心在当下时，反而会更快乐。

So it actually makes you happier when you are present.

专注的感觉，远比走神好。

Presence feels better than absence.

但专注需要有个抓手。

But presence requires something to hold on to.

那问题来了：到底什么才能把人的注意力牢牢拴住？我们怎么用它，让别人完全被你吸引，全神贯注地听你讲的每一句话？

So the question is, what holds a brain in place and how do we use it so that other people aren't raptured by us and we can take up the entirety of their brain processing so that they will hang on every single word?

上世纪七十年代，有个叫洛温斯坦的心理学家，在卡内基梅隆大学工作。

Well, in the seventies, there was a psychologist, Lowenstein, and he was at Carnegie Mellon.

这挺有意思的。

And this is interesting.

他提出了一个叫‘信息缺口理论’的东西。

He developed what he called the information gap theory.

这个理论讲的是好奇心——也就是你提供的信息和别人真正感兴趣的内容之间的差距。

And this is the theory of curiosity and the gap between the information you present and what other people are piqued by.

道理其实特别简单。

The idea is really simple.

好奇心不是来自一无所知。

Curiosity isn't triggered by knowing nothing.

不是的。

Nope.

而是来自你差不多知道了，比如只差一点的答案。

It's triggered by knowing almost enough, like a partial answer.

有疑问，但还没得到解答。

A question but not the resolution.

有铺垫，没结果。

A setup, no payoff.

大脑会觉得这种状态特别难受。

The brain experiences this as a physical discomfort.

所以这个缺口就像在说：我必须把它补上。

So a gap, it's like, I gotta close this.

我差不多知道了。

I know just enough.

剩下的我非得弄明白不可。

I gotta close the rest.

你也经历过这种感觉。

And you felt this too.

就像电视剧里卡在高潮的结尾。

Like the cliffhanger ending of a TV episode.

就是这种东西让你舍不得去睡觉。

That that's the thing that keeps you from going to sleep.

对吧？

Right?

这也是让你下周还回来的原因。

It's also the thing that brings you back next week.

或者那句你差点就想起来的歌词，那个就在嘴边却说不出来的名字——在娱乐行业里，这些根本不是偶然。

Or the the song lyric that you can almost place, the name on the tip of your tongue, those aren't actually accidents at all in the entertainment space.

这些都是精心设计的紧张感。

They're engineered tension.

厉害的沟通者，都在偷偷用这一招。

Great communicators, we steal this.

你也可以故意用这招来制造紧张感。

And you can use this to engineer tension deliberately.

你看，真正厉害的沟通者，不会一下子把信息全抖出来。

You see, when you're a great communicator, they don't deliver information immediately.

他们会故意压着，不马上说。

They withhold it strategically.

所以他们会暂时压着不说，制造一种蓄势待发的感觉。

So they kind of temporarily hold back to create this pent up momentum.

想想那些最会讲故事的人，他们是怎么开头的？

Think about how the best storytellers open.

他们一上来就告诉你发生了什么吗？

Do they just tell you what happened?

当然不。

Of course not.

他们会把悬念直接抖出来吗？

Do they give away the hook?

会把前因后果全盘托出吗？

Do they tell you all the context and backstory?

不会。

No.

他们可能会先抛出一个现在还答不了的问题。

Maybe they start with a question that can't be answered yet.

有时候我觉得，我们老是担心那452种能让人注意你的方法。

Sometimes I think we worry about 452 things we could do to drive other people to pay attention to us.

但你有没有想过，其实根本不需要你多聪明、停顿多精准、语调多上扬。

But what if it doesn't even have to be that you're so brilliant or you pause perfectly or you use the up tick perfectly.

有时候，就靠一句话就够了。

And instead, it's literally a sentence.

来，说个实用的法则。

So here is the practical rule.

在解释之前，先让人觉得这事跟他有关。

Before you explain something, create a reason to care about what you are explaining.

别一上来就给答案。

I do not want you to lead with the answer.

你要先抛出那个缺口。

I want you to lead with the gap.

举几个例子吧。

Let's give some examples.

假设你在开会，老板问了你一个问题，你想回答他。

Let's say that you're in a meeting and you wanna answer a question that your boss is is asking you.

他可能会说：嘿。

And they say, like, hey.

咱们为啥没达成2020年的营收目标？

Why why haven't we hit our 2020 revenue targets?

你当然可以直接开答。

And you could just start answering.

99%的人都这么干，但你不想当这99%里的一员吧。

That's what 99% of people do, but you're not gonna be a 99% communicator.

你不妨先问一句：你有没有想过，为啥我们96%的潜在客户都没成交？

Instead, you might say, have you ever wondered why 96% of our leads don't close?

你这是在干嘛？

What are you doing?

你马上就要告诉他你的答案了，其实就是：嘿。

You're about to tell him your answer, which is, hey.

其实咱们的问题不是出在线索上，而是收入本身没达标。

Actually, we don't have a revenue, problem from a lead problem.

咱们的问题是成交率太低。

We have a closing problem.

销售们根本没把单子谈成。

The salespeople aren't closing.

你本来可以直接这么说的。

You could have just said that.

但你没这么做，你抛了个有意思的问题，让他得好好想想。

But instead, you're asking an interesting question and he's got to think about that.

那这有什么用呢？

Now what does that do?

他心里立马就想着：我得弄明白这事儿。

He's like, now I need to know the answer.

这下我可真认真听了。

Now I'm really paying attention.

现在她给了我个有意思的东西，大家自然就凑近听了。

Now she's giving me something interesting and so they're going to lean in.

我打赌，你这么做的时候，别人更愿意听你说。

And I bet you, you get listened to more often when you do that.

你想想，平时聊天也是这样。

Now think about it even just in a conversation.

你有多少次为了抢话头而拼命争取注意？

How many times have you fought for attention?

比如吃饭时，和一群朋友在一块，总有些人天生就是讲故事的料。

Maybe you are at a dinner, you are with a group of friends and there are some people that just feel naturally they are storytellers.

他们可能觉得自己比你更会表达。

Maybe they feel more communicative than you do.

假设你也有件事想分享。

So let's say that you have something that you want to talk about.

你刚在推特上看到个特别抓人的消息。

You just read something titillating on Twitter.

对吧？

Right?

你可能会想：哎，我刚听了那个关于AI的超棒播客节目。

You're like, oh, I just listened to this podcast episode from this incredible guy on AI.

特别想跟他们讲讲这个事儿。

I want to tell them the story about it.

你本能地就会直接开讲。

Your natural inclination is going to be you just start talking about it.

而且一上来就切入正题。

And you're gonna lead with that.

我刚看了个超厉害的播客，事情是这样的，然后 blah blah blah blah blah。

I just watched this incredible podcast, and this is what happened, and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

他们可能感兴趣，也可能根本没兴趣。

And they may or may not be interested in it.

但如果你反过来想想，是什么让你对这个话题产生好奇的，你或许会问：你有没有想过，AI什么时候会变成通用人工智能？会不会有一天我们全都没工作了，政府得给我们发工资？

But instead, if you think about what piqued your curiosity in that conversation, you might say, have you ever wondered when AI will turn into AGI and if there will be a day in which we have no jobs and thus the government has to pay us?

人家肯定会说：啥？

People are gonna be like, what?

你干嘛这么问？

Why are you?

让我听听，我对这个特别好奇。

Let me I wanna know more about that.

或者你想说得简单直接点，就问一句：你有没有想过，搞AI的人自己会不会怕它？

Or if you wanna be more, you know, easy and straightforward, you could just say, have you ever wondered if the people who created AI are scared by it?

这两个问题都挺有意思的。

Both fascinating questions.

然后对方可能会说：嗯，我确实也想过这个。

And then it might be like, yeah, I have kind of wondered that.

然后啪一下，你就把答案抛出来。

And then bam, you give them the answer.

所以有个实用的技巧就是：先抛个问题。

So a practical rule is just start with a question.

第二部分。

Part two.

让人被遗忘的四个原因。

The four drivers of forgetability.

既然我们已经知道，注意力是一种有神经极限的资源，是大脑本身有限的资源，那咱们聊聊大多数人是怎么在不知不觉中把这资源耗光的。

Now that we, you know, know attention is a resource with real neurological limits, brain based limits, let's talk about how most people burn through it without realizing it.

我在研究沟通、观察企业高管，还有大量相关研究后发现，有四种行为会彻底摧毁对话中的存在感，而做这些事的人自己根本察觉不到。

I found in studying communication and our CEOs and tons of research on the subject that there are four drivers that kill conversational presence, and they're all invisible to the person doing them.

我们身边都见过这样的人，但一直说不上来他们到底怎么了。

And we've seen all of these people, but we've never been able to name them.

你要是叫不出名字，就根本躲不开这些行为。

And you cannot not be them if you can't name them.

所以，如果你想彻底被忽略，没人愿意听你说，那你就该这么做。

So the first driver, if you wanna be completely forgotten and have nobody listened to, you should do this.

这叫‘信息轰炸’。

It's called the context dump.

就是一开口就把所有背景全倒出来，迟迟不讲重点。

So it's the habit of front loading everything before you get to the point.

你有没有听过人一开口就说：‘呃，是这样……’

Have you ever heard somebody go, so okay.

先说点背景。

A little background.

我为此忙活了好几个月，前因后果一大堆，但简单说就是，2019年的时候，我开始琢磨这个事儿。

So I've been working on this for a few months, and there's a lot of history But, basically, what happened was back in 2019, I was starting to think about a subject.

天哪。

Oh my god.

我都听困了。

I am so bored.

听众都在等你抛出核心内容，你却还在往卡车上装货。

What happens is your listener is waiting for the payload, and you're still loading the truck.

记者们管这叫一个专门的词。

So the journalists have a phrase for this.

他们说，你把重点埋得太深了。

They say, you're burying the lead.

你以前听过这种说法吗？

Have you ever heard that before?

比如报纸，他们很快就明白，要是不赶紧讲重点，读者立马就划走了。

Like, newspapers, they learned fast that readers are gonna bail if you don't get to the good part fast.

那他们怎么办呢？

So what do they do?

解决办法叫‘倒金字塔结构’。

The solution is a technique called the inverted pyramid.

普通的金字塔通常是这样的。

Pyramids usually start like this.

我们要把它倒过来。

We're gonna go upside down.

最重要的信息，得放在最前面。

The most important information, it goes first.

其余所有内容都按重要性依次递减。

Everything else descends from there.

对话中，这意味着先说结论，再倒着把证据一一展开。

In conversation, this means starting with the conclusion, then walking backwards through the evidence.

但你的大脑其实很抗拒这么讲，因为人脑天生习惯按时间顺序讲故事。

And your brain, it actually resists doing this in storytelling because our brains are made to chronologically order the events.

这样听起来才顺。

That feels natural.

可对你来说顺的事，对听的人却是折磨。

But natural to you is torturous to your listener.

别一上来就堆背景。

Do not context dump.

要简短、要抓人，开头就亮干货。

Be short, be sweet, and start with the spice.

第二点，闪现能量。

Driver two, semitic energy.

语气平淡，听众就提不起劲。

Flat delivery creates flat engagement.

不是你说的内容没意思，而是大脑会通过语调的变化来捕捉信号——有变化就意味着有重点，有重点就得留神。

Now it doesn't mean what you're saying is flat, but because the brain actually uses variation in voice as a signal, meaning something has changed, something changed means something matters, something matters means pay attention.

如果你说话一直一个调子，等于直接关掉了这个提醒信号。

So if you're monotone in your delivery, that actively disables the signal.

其实挺有意思的，如果你去研究不同语言是怎么形成的。

And in fact, it's sort of fascinating if you go and you look at different languages and how they're created.

有些语言特别浑厚，声音从喉咙深处发出来。

Some languages are really guttural.

就是那种从后喉咙冒出来的音。

You hear them back in in the back of your throat.

比如德语就是典型的例子。

That's like German, for instance.

有些语言则特别讲究声调变化。

Some language have a lot of tonality in it.

比如中文就是这样。

For instance, that would be like Chinese.

一个字能有五十种不同的意思。

One word can actually mean 50 different things.

就比如‘妈’，‘妈’，‘妈’，‘妈’。

It's like ma, ma, ma, ma.

光用这一个字，你就能说完一句话。

You could have an entire sentence with that word.

但关键在于你怎么说，语调一变，意思就全变了。

But it's the way that you deliver it, the tonality, that changes the signal.

所以大脑其实会自动忽略重复不变的声音信息。

So the brain actually deprioritizes constant frequency information.

它听起来就像白噪音一样。

It becomes sort of white noise.

对吧？

Right?

所以摇篮曲才管用。

That's why lullabies work.

想让人睡着，你就别变声调。

If wanna put somebody to sleep, you just don't vary your tone.

这就跟有人爱看高尔夫一样。

It's like why some people watch golf.

你就听着解说员唠叨怎么把球打上球道。

You just listen to gymnants talk about hitting down the fairway.

今天外面天气真好。

It's beautiful outside today.

对吧？

Right?

特别让人放松。

It's very calming.

但如果你想让人醒着，那就得啥都变着来。

But if you want them awake, you gotta vary everything.

语速、音量、停顿。

Speed, volume, pause.

尤其是停顿。

The pause especially.

我觉得大多数人一谈到对话就怕冷场，这我懂。

Most people, I think, are terrified of silence and conversation, and and I get it.

这得花功夫。

It takes work.

感觉特别不自在。

It feels uncomfortable.

一停顿，别人可能就抢走你的风头了，你知道的。

Somebody can steal your spotlight during it, you know.

但只要停顿得当，接下来的话效果能强四成。

But whoever comes or whatever comes after a well placed pause, it actually hits with 40% more impact.

这是阿姆斯特丹大学关于演讲的实证研究结果。

And that's from real research on speech at the University of Amsterdam.

所以，你一定要努力做到一件事。

So try really hard to do one thing.

如果出现了沉默，别急着填满它，就让它停那么一会儿。

If you get silence, use it and allow it to sit there for a moment.

第三个关键点：抽象层级。

Driver number three, the abstraction ladder.

每个想法其实都处在从具体到抽象的连续谱上。

So every idea exists on a spectrum from concrete ideas to abstract.

比如具体地说：她啪地合上笔记本，整整二十分钟没吭声。

Concrete would be like, she slammed her laptop shut and didn't say anything for twenty minutes.

抽象地说：这次会议进行得不顺利。

Abstract, the meeting didn't go well.

这两句话说的其实是同一件事。

Both sentences are the same thing.

字面上看，这两种说法描述的就是当时发生的情况。

That that is like literally what happened in both situations.

但其中一种，你更容易记住。

But one of them, you can remember more.

你可能会说：‘啥？’

You're like, what?

她啪地合上笔记本电脑，然后整整二十分钟没说话？

She slammed her laptop shut and then she was quiet for twenty minutes?

这立马就能引发一来一往的对话，而不是说‘会议进行得不顺利’这种话。

You're gonna immediately get a conversation back and forth as opposed to like, the meeting didn't go well.

你就会说：‘哦，原来如此。’

You're like, oh, okay.

唉，随便吧。

Well, whatever.

你记得住其中一个，另一个还没说完下一句就被你抛到脑后了，因为人的大脑根本不在乎抽象的东西。

One of them you are going to remember and the other is forgotten before the next sentence even lands because the human brain actually doesn't care about abstractions.

它压根不存这些抽象概念。

It doesn't store them.

事实上，人类大脑记住的是画面、故事和具体的瞬间。

In fact, the human brain stores images, stories, specific moments.

其实我有个高管就老这么干。

In fact, one of my executives constantly does this.

他特别喜欢讲理论。

He really likes to talk in theories.

你要是挺聪明的，这么说话可是大忌。

This is a huge mistake you make in communication if you're smart.

聪明人爱用高深词汇和抽象概念。

Smart people like to use big words and abstractions.

他们觉得这样显得自己有学问。

They think that it makes them sound smart.

可实际上只会让人听得犯困。

What it actually does is make you bored.

所以很多博士生明明最该听，却最难抓住别人的注意力。

And that is why a bunch of PhDs often has have a really hard time getting people's attention even though they're probably the person you should be listening to on most subjects.

但你怎么知道自己在说抽象东西呢？就是当别人说：‘从宏观角度看，理论上我们得想想，这个结果会不会产生不一样的影响’的时候。

But how you'll know you talk in abstractions is when somebody goes something like, theoretically, when we're talking about this from an enlarged perspective, what we really need to ponder inside of our heads is the ability for the outcome to have a different effect.

你心里肯定在想：‘卧槽，托德，你到底在说什么？’

You're like, what the fuck, Todd?

我们到底在聊啥？

What are we talking about?

我反而希望你能讲具体的事例。

Instead, I want you to speak in those specific moments.

因为你一说抽象话，比如‘我们需要更好的沟通’‘文化有问题’‘这是信任问题’——大脑根本听不懂你在讲啥。

Because when you speak in abstractions, like we need better communication even, the culture is the problem, it's a trust issue, the brain really has no idea what you're talking about.

所以你得往下走，我们管这叫‘降维’，把具体细节说出来。

So you gotta descend the ladder, is what we call it, and name the specifics.

就举那个具体的例子。

So cite the particular moment.

关键在于细节，越具体越好。

The concrete detail is what is important.

别整这些空洞的套话。

Not all this abstract decoration.

比如说，我们需要更好的沟通——

So for instance, we need to have better communication.

这话简直没劲透了。

That's a terrible sentence.

你这话说的到底啥意思？

What does that mean?

谁来定义什么叫‘更好’？

Who defines better?

谁来定义‘沟通’？

Who defines communication?

我真的听不懂你在讲啥。

I have no idea what you're talking about.

那你说，该怎么说才对？

What would be better instead?

每天结束的时候，咱们花五分钟复盘一下当天发生了啥，然后定好第二天的计划。

We need to have a five minute download at the end of every day about what happened and then figure out our plan for the next day.

行。

Okay.

这就靠谱了。

Concrete.

这事儿咱们能办。

We can do that.

我说啊，你对我态度能再好点不？

You know, I like you to be nicer to me.

好。

Okay.

什么叫好啊？

What is nice?

咱们怎么定义‘好’呢？

How do we define nice?

不如你直接说：你知道吗？

Instead, it'd be better if you said, you know what?

我喜欢你夸我，也喜欢你生我气的时候。

I love it when you give me compliments and when you're upset at me.

你用特别平静的语气跟我说话，给我具体的反馈，又不提高音量，我真的特别喜欢这样。

I really love it when you talk in a very calm tone with me and you give me specific feedback, but you don't raise your voice.

这样我才觉得你是在对我好。

That makes me feel like you're being nice to me.

你看出这招有多管用了吗？

Do you see how much more useful that is?

我觉得这其实也是我们女性沟通的一个大问题，抱歉各位女生。

I think this is also a big flaw, sorry ladies, in our female communication.

我们老是说：你温柔点。

A lot of times we'll be like, be nice.

我就希望你对我好一点。

You know, I just want you to be kind.

男人会说：我对这个词的理解跟你不一样。

And men are like, I don't have the same definition for the word as you.

因为我们可能想的是：我希望你能把所有感受都告诉我，咱们好好聊聊细节。

Because we might say, hey, I really want you to express all of your feelings and tell me everything and we could talk about it in detail.

可男人心里想的是：老天爷啊，别这样吧。

And the guy is like, please God, don't do that.

这根本不是体贴。

That is not kind.

所以要说具体点，别老说些空话。

So be concrete and do not talk in abstraction.

第四种信号：假收尾。

Driver four, the false finish.

就是你暗示对话快要结束了。

This is where you signal the conversation is winding down.

靠语气，比如用‘反正’‘算了’这类词。

You do it through your tone, you know, through the words like anyway.

所以说到底，你明明已经点到为止了，可还是停不下来。

So basically, the bottom line is, and but then you keep talking.

你明明在收尾，却根本没把话收住。

So it's like you're closing the conversation, but you don't close the conversation.

对方早就心不在焉了。

The listener has already checked out.

他们已经听见起落架放下的声音了。

They heard the landing gear.

人家都准备落地了。

They're they're ready for landing.

结果你又来一句：等等，还没完。

And then you're like, nope.

重新飞回天上去了。

Back up again in the air.

你要是这么干一次，人家就彻底不信你给的信号了。

Do this once, and they start to lose trust in your structural cues really entirely.

之后不管再说什么，听众都会提早走神不听了

Every anyway after that triggers early checkout.

所以你真的要少说话，收尾干净一点，既然都说要结束了，就真的结束话题

So you really need to say less, finish cleaner, and when you signal the end, end.

如果你是做销售的，这点尤其重要

If you're a salesperson, this is really important.

我觉得我们做销售的都被一句话坑惨了，那完全是谎言

I think we were sold a big lie as salespeople with this one sentence.

有人说，一直拖着别人跟你聊，才能卖出更多东西。

You'll sell more if you keep them talking.

这完全不对。

That is not true.

放在现在这个年代，这么做只会把更多人惹烦。

You will annoy more people if you keep them talking in this generation.

所以千万别搞那种“哦对了，我再补最后一句”的操作。

So don't do the, oh, let me just add one more thing.

哎，我就再补充一句。

Oh, let me just add one more thing.

你知道接下来会发生什么吗？

You know what's gonna happen?

他们再也不会接你电话了。

They're never gonna pick up your phone call again.

你唯一能卖给他们的方式，就是让他们继续聊下去，但那样退货率肯定高得离谱。

The only way you're gonna sell them is if you get them in that conversation and then you're probably gonna have a really high refund rate.

该结束的时候，就干脆利落地结束。

So just make it the end when it's the end.

看在老天的份上，这对我们所有人来说都至关重要，求你们了。

For the love of all, it's holy for all of us, please.

第三部分：如何让人记住。

Part three, the mechanics of memorability.

抓住注意力是一回事。

So holding attention is one problem.

被人记住，这是完全不一样的事儿。

Being remembered, totally different one.

解决办法也不一样，但我们会把工具交到你手上。

And they require different tools, but we're gonna give them to you.

等到听完这部分，你就能让人注意到你，还能留住他们。

So by the end of this, you can make people pay attention to you and then you can keep them.

你知道吗？1885年有个研究。

You know, there's a study in in 1885.

一个叫赫尔曼·艾宾浩斯的人，提出了著名的‘遗忘曲线’。

This guy by the name of Hermann Ebbinghaus published what became known as the forgetting curve.

他拿自己做实验，记一堆无意义的音节，结果发现：24小时内，人会忘掉将近70%的新信息。

He basically tested his own memory on nonsense syllables over time and found that within twenty four hours, people forget roughly 70% of all new information.

到一周后，就忘掉90%了。

With a week, 90%.

基本上全忘光了。

It's almost all gone.

差不多全忘光了。

It's almost all gone.

所以你说的大部分内容，转眼就没了。

So most of what you say, it's it's it just evaporates.

这可不是因为听众没在听。

And it's not because the listener isn't even listening.

而是因为大脑一直在做优先级筛选。

It's because the brain is running constant triage.

它得判断哪些信息值得保留，毕竟每存一点东西都要消耗代谢能量。

It's it's figuring out what's worth keeping because everything you keep costs some type of metabolic energy to store.

所以，除非你给大脑一个记住的理由，不然它才懒得存呢。

So the brain is not gonna store something unless you give it a reason.

现在已经有三种被证实有效的方法，能打断这个遗忘曲线。

And there are now three proven mechanisms that interrupt the forgetting curve.

第一个叫情感编码。

The first one is emotional encoding.

太有意思了。

Fascinating.

纽约大学的神经科学家约瑟夫·拉德勒花了数十年时间，研究杏仁核——也就是大脑的情绪处理中心——是怎么影响记忆形成的。

So the neuroscientists, Joseph Ladder at NYU, has spent decades basically mapping how the amygdala, so that's the brain's emotional processing center, interacts with memory formation.

简单说，情绪激动会促使去甲肾上腺素释放，给大脑发信号：这事儿重要，得记下来。

Basically, TLDR, emotional arousal triggers the release of niopinephrine, which essentially flags to the brain, this is important.

情绪越强烈，大脑就越会释放那种‘赶紧记住这玩意儿’的化学物质。

So the more emotion, the more you're gonna trigger a chemical that says keep this shit.

这就是为什么你对某些日子的记忆特别清晰，比如你要是年纪大点，肯定记得 JFK 被刺那天你人在哪儿。

This is why you remember exactly where you were on certain days with, like, unusual clarity, such as if you're old enough, where you were when JFK died.

要是你年纪大点，也肯定记得 9 点 11 分那天你在哪里。

If you're old enough, where you were at 09:11.

闻到你奶奶身上那种味道，或者她家老房子特有的气味，你也会一下子想起来。

If you have a scent of your grandma, what her house always smells like.

要是经历过创伤事件，你甚至能记起当时那些奇怪的气味、声音，或者陌生人的样子。

If you had a traumatic event, you might remember weird smells, weird weird sounds, weird people.

所以咱们能记住那些特别古怪、尖锐的事件，却想不起昨天午饭吃了啥。

And that is why we can remember very odd spiky events, but you can't remember what you had for lunch yesterday.

这种信息根本没啥情绪波动，大脑就不会给它打标记。

And this is really emotionally neutral information, doesn't get the flag.

压根就不会存下来。

It it doesn't get stored.

那这对咱们来说意味着啥？

So what does this mean for you?

如果你能在表达时带上情绪线索，这信息就能记得更久。

If you can use emotional cues in context, it is going to have a much higher shelf life.

不用非得演得特别夸张，但你得让听众觉得你讲的东西跟他们有关，能触动他们。

Like, you don't need to be dramatic, but you do need to give the listener a reason to feel something about what you're telling them.

只要你能把你想传达的信息，跟他们真正在乎的情绪绑在一起，他们就忘不掉。

If you can connect to the info you want to give them with an emotion that they care about and you slap them together, that's going to make them remember.

所以你可以问问自己：如果他们搞懂了这个，会有啥不一样？

And so some of the questions you could ask yourself is like, what changes if they get this right?

那如果他们没做到，会怎么样呢？

What goes wrong if they don't?

你有没有发现，最近的播客里流行这么一句话：你能告诉我们的听众，听了这期节目，他们的生活会有什么不同吗？

Have you ever noticed in podcasts, it's a new thing I've seen lately, where people will say, can you tell our listener how their life is going to change by listening to this podcast today?

他们到底想干嘛？

What are they trying to do?

他们是想在给你一堆信息之前，先让你的情绪动起来，给你一个情感上的钩子。

They're trying to get you right now to have an emotional change, an emotional cue before they give you a bunch of information.

他们在告诉你：为什么这件事值得你在意。

They're telling you why to care.

所以答案可能是：他们的人生会彻底改变。

And so the response might be like, well, everything in their life will change.

比如，再也不用离婚了。

Well, they'll never get divorced.

或者，赚更多钱。

Well, they'll make more money.

他们会像我一样，变得更快乐。

Well, they'll do what happened to me and they'll become happier.

对吧？

Right?

随便吧。

Whatever.

所以你说话的时候，别光顾着报日期、念名字、堆数字，得给这些信息配上情绪。

And so I want you to ask yourself when you're speaking, how can you not just rattle off dates, names, numbers, but tie an emotion to them?

比如说，你希望别人记住某件特别的事，比如你的生日。

Let's say you want someone to remember something very specific for you, like a birthday.

我记性特别差，这种日子老是记不住。

I have a terrible memory, so I have a hard time remembering things like dates.

我老公特别聪明，每次想让我记住重要的事，比如他生日，他都会配上一个情感故事。

So one of the best things that my husband does about it is every time he wants me to remember something important like potentially his birthday, he will tie an emotional cue to it.

他会告诉我，他小时候生日离圣诞节太近，每年都只能收到一份礼物，特别难过。

He'll tell me a story about how when he was a little kid, his birthday was so close to Christmas that he was always sad because he only got one present.