本集简介
双语字幕
仅展示文本字幕，不包含中文音频；想边听边看，请使用 Bayt 播客 App。
嘿。
Hey.
大家好。
Hello, everybody.
我们回来了。
We're back.
更多，更多，还要更多。
More, more, more.
哇。
Wow.
她这次真是超越自我了。
She's really outdone herself.
要知道，作为一个早在翼龙还在天上飞、耶稣还穿着腰布在街上游荡、科技根本还不存在的年代就开始做播客的人，有很多节目就这样默默堆积在网络深处，无人问津也是情理之中。
You know, as someone who's been podcasting since, you know, the days of pterodactyls in the sky, Jesus roaming the streets in a loin cloth, and basically, like, technology not even being a thing, there are a lot of episodes that have just kind of been collecting dust, rightfully so, in the trenches of the interwebs.
如今我初为人母，回顾这十年来的数字生活，过去几周我竟不幸地耗费了大量时间重温那些旧节目。
And now that I'm a new mom and I'm just reflecting on my life digitally speaking a decade in, I have had the grandiose misfortune of spending an obscene amount of time these past couple weeks listening to old episodes.
我唯一能告诉你们的是，这确实是我人生中最令人谦卑的经历。
And the only thing I can tell you is that it has been truly the most humbling experience of my life.
我无法告诉你们有什么比我早期的节目更令人尴尬的了。
I cannot tell you that anything that exists is more embarrassing than my early episodes.
我可以说，我至少花了三年半到四年时间才开始找到自己的节奏。
I definitely started to catch my flow, I would say, no sooner than three and a half to four years in.
最初那几年只能用最明目张胆的恶心、骇人的缺乏自我意识来形容。
The first few years are just what can only be described as the most blatantly disgusting, atrocious lack of self awareness.
我从未听过有人如此不称职、如此词不达意、如此愚蠢、彻头彻尾的虚伪。
I have never heard someone so so inadequate, so inarticulate, so stupid, so fraudulent through and through.
我以为自己玩得风生水起，结果我连游戏都没参与。
I thought that I was killing the game, and I couldn't I wasn't even in the game.
我连队伍都不在。
I wasn't on a team.
我连联赛都没进。
I wasn't in a league.
我甚至不在场上。
I wasn't on the field.
方圆五英里内连个球都没有。
I didn't have a ball within five miles of me.
我那时真的以为自己蓄势待发。
I I really thought that I was just chomping at the bit.
当我回听十年前那个处处碰壁却同时自认为是世上最有才华之人的自己时，那种感觉既悲哀又极其、极其难堪。
And when I listen back to this person ten years ago, just struggling through and through while simultaneously thinking that I am just the most talented person in the world is so sad and so deeply, deeply embarrassing.
不是那种'天啊戴牙套'的尴尬。
Not in a like, oh my god, braces.
完全不是。
Like, no.
不是。
No.
确切地说，我一直都信任自己——这很奇怪，因为本不该如此。
Like, in in the truest way, I was I've always trusted myself, which is weird because I I shouldn't.
但我始终相信，我的本意是好的。
But I've always trusted that, like, my intentions are good.
我没有什么见不得人的秘密。
I don't have a lot of, like, skeletons in the closet.
我不担心自己直言不讳、不加修饰，因为我从本质上了解自己是谁。
I'm not worried about being unfiltered, uncensored, unedited because I know who I am intrinsically.
而我曾说过的任何不当言论，都是刻意为之的幽默和完全跑偏的噱头。
And anything that I ever said that was off base was done in contrived humor and just completely misguided schtick.
但这并非因为完全缺乏伦理、精神、道德、理性或情感——或者让我随便扯些在电视节目里听过的拉丁语。
But not because of like a total absence of ethics or ethos or morals or logos or pathos or let me just ramble in some Latin that I heard once on a television show.
但当我回溯过去，我认为我当时拼命想脱颖而出、保持热度，扮演某种过度优越的洛杉矶富家女角色，这与事实相去甚远。
But as I go back in time, I think that I was really desperately trying to pop off the pages and be relevant and play like some form of a character of this, like, overprivileged Valley girl, which just couldn't have been further from the truth.
我不知道当时想塑造什么形象。
I don't know what angle I was going for.
而且，你知道，我要把责任推给2010年代初期至末期的有毒文化，正是它让我完全迷失了方向，背离了最初的使命宣言。
And, you know, I'm gonna blame toxic culture in the early to late two thousand tens for me just being completely aimless and and misguided in my mission statement.
但最终，我坚持得足够久，总算把事情想明白了。
But eventually, I stuck around long enough to kind of like get my head around things.
然后你就能做到。
And then you can.
这真的很疯狂，因为我能听出自己开始做真实自我时的转变，这真的让我大开眼界。
It's really crazy because I can hear the shift when I start being myself, which has been really eye opening.
就像生活中的任何事情一样，我觉得最好的出路就是穿越它。
And like anything in life, I feel like the best way out is through.
所以我会重新放出一些旧节目——有些非常精彩，就像需要从六英尺地下复活的沉睡金曲；有些则将成为心血管锻炼，因为你会蜷缩进自己都没想到能收缩的身体部位和缝隙里。
So I will be regurgitating some of these old episodes, some that are fantastic and just like sleeper bops that need to be resurrected from six feet under and some that will also act as a cardiovascular exercise because you will cringe in orifices and places that you thought weren't even capable of puckering.
我听过了。
I listened.
很快就会发布，等着看吧。
It's going to come out soon, so just wait for it.
我听了一段自己做的采访。
I listened to an interview that I did.
我是说，刚开始做播客还不到三周，那时甚至都没听说过播客，除了主持动员大会和学生会议外，从未碰过麦克风。
I mean, barely three weeks into podcasting, had never even heard of a podcast, had never been in front of a microphone except for hosting pep rallies and student council.
然后不知怎么地，灯光、镜头、开拍，就让她自由发挥了。
And then somehow lights, camera, action, let her run.
好吧。
Okay.
这可能是你有史以来听过最冒犯的内容了。
And it is the most offensive thing that you will hear maybe ever.
太糟糕了。
It's terrible.
尴尬得让人脚趾抠地。
It's cringeworthy.
完全不着调。
It is tone deaf.
完全是装出来的性格。
It is fabricated personality.
这完全是强装出来的。
It is it is forced.
我是说，我必须给每位如此宽容地陪我坐了四十五分钟的人，都送上一份顶级巧克力蘸水果礼盒，尽管我那会儿表现得磕磕绊绊、一塌糊涂。
It is I mean, I just have to say I am going to be sending individual edible arrangements top tier chocolate dipped fruit to every person that so graciously sat with me for forty five minutes while I just flub, fail and flounder.
而这些人绝大多数都极其友善，甚至愿意抽空出现，用对话让我感到愉悦。
And most of these people were so, so gracious to even show the fuck up and delight me with a conversation.
因为如果换成十年前的我，来听现在这个由我主持的播客，我会把自己批得体无完肤，彻底撕碎。
Because if I rolled up to a podcast hosted by me ten years ago, I would eviscerate me, eviscerate me.
而现在我就要这么做。
And now I'm going to.
所以作为《Bitch Bible》播客的首次经典回顾特辑，我想播放一集七年前和迈克尔·拉帕波特录制的节目。
So for the very first, you know, golden oldie flashback Bitch Bible podcast, I would like to air an episode that I recorded with Michael Rapaport.
我记得那应该是七年前的事了。
I believe it was seven years ago.
好的。
Okay.
这是我第一次如此兴奋地迎来一位嘉宾的时刻。
And this was the first one of the first moments where I had a guest that I was so excited about.
我们一见如故，默契十足。
And we just clicked, connected and vibed.
这期节目至今仍经得起时间的考验。
And this is an episode that is, you know, it still has withstood the test of time.
这算是《家庭主妇》系列的经典特辑，听到七年前Bethany Frankel与《真实主妇》系列的关联及其在节目中的地位，再对比如今的演变，非常有趣。
This is a bit of a Housewives anthology episode, and it's very interesting to hear the perspective on Bethany Frankel and her connection to the Real Housewives franchise and her stature within the franchise from seven years ago to now and how much has evolved and changed.
我觉得这期节目非常有意思。
And I just think it's a very fun episode.
接下来我们要聊Cardi B。
We're going to move on to Cardi B.
我们要请来表弟Joe。
We're going to get cousin Joe.
我们要播放那些我现在终于能承担法律后果的经典恶作剧电话。
We're gonna play all the greatest prank calls that I now can luckily afford the legal ramifications of.
我是说，当年我根本没什么可失去的。
I mean, I had I had nothing to lose back in the day.
我当时想，谁的电话我都敢打。
I was like, I'll call anyone.
我还要录下来。
I'll record them.
他们尽管告我。
They can sue me.
我他妈银行里就剩3块钱。
I have $3 in the fucking bank.
有种你就试试。
I dare you.
全程假装自己是个软骨头菲奥娜。
All the while pretending that I was just like a flexi Fiona.
真的老铁们，你们根本想象不到。
It is you guys, You have no idea.
你们根本不知道。
You have no idea.
你以为你了解，其实你一无所知。
You think you know, you have no idea.
唉，所以我们现在就这样了。
So alas, here we are.
我和迈克尔·拉帕波特就像家庭主妇那样闲聊打发时间。
Me and Michael Rapaport just shooting the shit housewife style.
我以为这能填补空虚，毕竟现在这个时代我们连一档《真实主妇》系列节目都没有。
I thought this would fill a void now that we have to exist in a world current day where we have no Real Housewives franchises on.
一档他妈都没有。
Not fucking one.
知道吗，对我来说电视的黄金时代就是，那种最特别的三周——纽约的《真实主妇》刚完结，比佛利的《真实主妇》新季开播，盐湖城的《真实主妇》还在季中待播。
You know what, like, the golden time of television for me is when you know that, like, oh, God, it's like the most special three weeks of the year when you've got like a Real Housewives in New York ending a Real Housewives of Beverly Hills premiering and then like mid season Real Housewives of Salt Lake City on deck.
整整三天的故事素材。
You've got three days of stories.
那就是我的超级碗时刻。
That is my Super Bowl.
那是我皮质醇和血清素达到巅峰的时候，走路都带着一股劲。
That is when I'm peaking in cortisol and serotonin and just like I walk around with a little oomph in my step.
你知道，我简直不是在走路。
You know, I'm not walking.
我他妈的是在蹦跳，因为我的精神食粮太满足了。
I'm fucking skipping because I'm just so satiated with my stories.
现在正处于一个低谷期。
Right now, we're in a bit of a lull.
我刚看到《范德普规则》暂停制作的消息，可能这是件好事。
And I just read that Vanderpump Rules is halting production, which I probably think is a good thing.
节目有点失去光彩了。
It's like losing its luster a little bit.
我们需要暂停一下，让尘埃落定，等风波过去再重启拍摄——这是我谦逊的非专业意见。
We need to, take a beat, let the dust settle, let some shit go down and then pick cameras up in my humble, non professional opinion.
不过话说回来，我们开始吧。
But anyways, here we go.
希望能填补你内心的空虚，那个家庭主妇般的小空虚。
Hoping to fill that void for you, that little housewives void.
我们来了。
Here we are.
不客气。
You're welcome.
各位，我他妈太兴奋了。
You guys, I am so fucking excited.
我正对面坐着迈克尔·拉帕波特这混蛋。
I am sitting across from motherfucking Michael Rappaport.
我也超爱你的小笑声。
I love your little laugh too.
你能来我太高兴了。
I'm so excited that you're here.
很高兴来到这里。
Glad to be here.
正如我所说，我喜欢有男性嘉宾参与。
I love having a guy on, as I told you.
对。
Right.
我喜欢男性的视角，尤其喜欢在《真实主妇》节目中引入男性的观点
I like having a penile perspective, and I really love having a penile perspective on The Real Housewives
没错。
Right.
因为我们不常有机会这样做。
Because we don't get to do this very often.
确实。
Right.
这是事实。
It's true.
确实如此。
It's true.
我们这样的人不多。
Not many of us.
你们这样的人不多。
Not many of you.
我在努力。
I try.
我是说，我真的在努力影响我丈夫，但他就是不上钩，这导致
I mean, I'm really working on my husband, but he's just not taking the bait, and it's causing
他完全没兴趣吗？
He's not into it at all?
他假装这就是问题所在。
He pretends this is the thing.
他假装自己没兴趣，但其实他就像在说，不。
He pretends that he's not into it, but he's like, no.
你可以穿上它。
You can put it on.
然后他会追问细节，我还以为他根本没在听。
And then he'll ask follow-up questions, and I just assumed he wasn't paying attention.
他会说：等等，塔玛拉和薇琪又和好了？
He'll be like, wait, are Tamara and Vicky friends again?
我就说：听着，混蛋。
And I was like, listen, motherfucker.
我非常清楚现在是什么情况。
I know exactly what's going on right now.
你明明在看。
You're watching it.
你明明很感兴趣。
You're into it.
别装了。
Don't even try.
是啊。
Yeah.
你知道的，我对《家庭主妇》节目毫无顾虑或尴尬可言
I don't have any you know, I don't have any qualms or embarrassment about about the Housewives
你不应该感到尴尬
you shouldn't
我觉得这是很棒轻松的电视节目，有戏剧性、有曲折、有欢笑，你知道的
I think it's great easy watching television, you know, and it has drama it has twisted has turns it has you know it has laughs you know, so
很多欢笑。
Lots of laughs.
没错。
Yeah.
所以说到电视节目，我不明白为什么。
So so as far as television, I don't know why.
我认为这只是人们对它先入为主的观念，尤其是男性对它的看法。
I think it's just a preconceived notion that that people have about it and and, you know, specifically men have about it.
要知道，有时候他们会觉得，我到底在看些什么鬼东西？
You know, it gets to a point where sometimes they're like, what the fuck am I watching?
哦，确实。
Oh, yeah.
完全同意。
Totally.
剧情确实会发展到那种程度。
It it goes there.
但你会觉得，这简直是一种解脱。
But then you're like, it's such a reprieve.
这是一种逃避现实的方式。
It's escapism.
你会想，这什么鬼？
You're like, what the fuck?
但之后你又能完全抽离出来。
But then you can completely detach.
是的。
Yes.
对啊。
Yeah.
这就是《真实主妇》的魅力所在。
Which is the beauty of The Real Housewives.
没错。
Yes.
这样你就能安心入睡了。
So You can go to sleep.
不像《西部世界》那种要看85遍才能懂的玩意儿。
It's not like that Westworld shit where you have to watch it 85 times.
还得不停谷歌搜索。
You're googling.
正是如此。
Exactly.
而且，我觉得这完全正确。
And, like, I that that's that's totally true.
就像，我不需要那种得等到第二季第三集才能看懂的剧集。
Like, I don't, like, have to, like, having shows or series where it's like, well, just wait till episode three of season two, then it all makes sense.
我既没那个时间，也没那个注意力去折腾这些。
I don't have that time or attention span to to to do all that.
可能因为我心不在焉，注意力都被《家庭主妇》搞坏了。
And it's probably because I'm detached, and my attention span is fucked up from watching the housewives.
百分百即时行动。
A 100 instant action.
哦，一切都在发生。
Oh, it's all happening.
我是说，就上周《纽约》那集。
I mean, just last week on New York.
根本不需要铺垫。
There's no buildup.
不。
No.
顺便说一句，我感觉像是被公交车撞了一样。
You're just by the way, I feel like I got hit by a bus.
在伯克希尔？
In the Berkshires?
在伯克希尔。
In the Berkshires.
是叫伯克希尔还是希尔斯？
Is it Berkshires or she Shires?
我说伯克希尔。
I say Berkshires.
好吧。
Alright.
但我...继续说吧。
But I I Carry on.
你刚才说的是伯克希尔吗？
Did you say Berkshires?
他们在圣诞派对上交换礼物。
So they're at the Christmas party, and then they're exchanging gifts.
然后出现了一个胡桃夹子。
And then there's a nutcracker.
接着卢安就这么随意地俯身给一个陌生人做人工呼吸。
And then there's Luann just casually drops down and gives mouth to mouth to a stranger.
然后就是逮捕场面。
Then there's the arrest.
这一集里发生的事简直比《橘子郡》整季还多，搞什么鬼？
Like, what the fuck more happened in that episode than in an entire season of Orange County?
在伯克希尔总是玩得很开心。
There's always a good time at the Berkshires.
从来...从来不会让人失望。
It's it never it never fails.
你得被邀请才能去伯克希尔。
You gotta get invited to the Berkshires.
我觉得多琳达会邀请你。
I feel like Dorinda would have you.
是啊。
Yeah.
你是说在节目里，还是现实生活中？
You mean on the show or, like, in real life?
不。
No.
就现实生活中。
Just in real life.
哦，是啊。
Oh, yeah.
对啊。
Yeah.
是啊。
Yeah.
没错。
Yeah.
我觉得她会接纳我的。
I I think she would have me.
我挺想去伯克希尔的，不过我是说，比如伯克希尔那集，卡罗尔，还有拉兹和贝瑟尼闹翻那段。
I I would love to go to the Berkshires, but, I mean, like, the Berkshires episode, the Carol, and the the Radzi and Bethany fallout.
对了，你对这事怎么看？
What's your take on that, by the way?
你站哪边？
Whose side?
你必须选边站。
You gotta pick a side.
这个嘛，我永远站在贝瑟尼这边。
Well, I'm always gonna be on Bethany's side.
我完全同意你的看法。
I totally agree with you.
我一直支持贝瑟妮。
I always fuck with Bethany.
就像，她可以说是带我入坑《家庭主妇》的人，所以我对她有种情感上的依恋，而且我认为她是家庭主妇界的迈克尔·乔丹——我公开说过这话。
Like, that's like my she's my she's she's sort of my into the housewives, so I'm gonna have a sentimental sort of attachment to her and I think she's the Michael Jordan of Housewives I've I've been on record.
哇。
Wow.
我称她为家庭主妇界的迈克尔·乔丹，还因为考虑到...
I call the Michael Jordan Housewives because also in in regard
是维姬，不是妮妮。
to Vicki not Nene.
差远了。
Not even close.
差远了。
Not even close.
同意。
Agree.
但我认为差得远呢，因为Vicki和Nina显然都功成名就——乔丹的比喻在于她离开后又回归，依然大放异彩，就像乔丹退役复出后依然所向披靡。
But I was not even close because Vicki and Nina obviously vote both accomplished House was the Jordan comparison is because she left came back and was still kicking ass just like Jordan kicked ass retired came back kick.
我要说——抱歉，我要说NeNe排第二，Vicky排第三，算是家庭主妇界的三巨头。
I would say that excuse me, I would say that NeNe is second and Vicky is is third in terms of, like, the big three of housewives.
那Ramona呢？
What about Ramona, though?
Ramona是个被低估的杰出家庭主妇
Ramona's a she's an unheralded great housewife
但Luann她...
but -But Luann she's though.
作为家庭主妇，但你不能让整档节目都围绕Ramona和Luann转。
Housewife but she's not like you can't have a show revolve around Ramona and Luann.
像Bethany那样，她都有衍生剧了。
Like Bethany, she's had spin offs.
她有过，你知道的，多个衍生节目。
She's had her, you know, multiple sonos.
妮妮虽然没有衍生节目，但当她在最佳状态时，整个节目都围绕着她转。
Nini, she hasn't had spin offs, but you can like, she when when she's at her best, like, the show revolves around her.
哦，没错。
Oh, yeah.
你明白我的意思吗？
Do you know what I'm saying?
就像我说的，我用体育来打比方，因为我知道有很多直男听众
Like, I'm talking about, like it's like, I I use the sports equation because I know you have many straight men listening to this Oh,
多得很。
tons of them.
所以，就像勒布朗、乔丹、科比或汤姆·布雷迪（说给所有爱汤姆·布雷迪的直男听众听的）
So, yeah so so, you know, like, like, a LeBron or a Jordan or a Kobe or a Tom Brady for all the straight men that are listening who love Tom Brady, you know, like
我爱汤姆·布雷迪。
I love Tom Brady.
是的。
Yeah.
但反抗就像MVP类型的人。
But a revolt like an MVP type of person.
对。
Yeah.
所以拉蒙娜的稳定性
So Ramona's, the consistency
哦，它就在那里。
Oh, it's so there.
关于拉蒙娜，我喜爱的一点是，贝瑟尼表达得和我看法不完全一致，但她说了同样的话。
And one of my things that I love about Ramona, and Bethany articulated it not quite the way I see it, but she said the same thing.
当拉蒙娜处于权力位置时，-是的。
When Ramona somehow is in a power position, -Yeah.
-比如，当她有机会训斥贝瑟尼时，她就在曼哈顿第二大道上，那地方离我和我妻子的公寓很近，我们看着电视说，那就在公寓旁边。
-Like, when she got to tell Bethany off and she was, like, on 2nd Avenue in Manhattan, which is, like, right by Like, me and my wife, we were watching, we were like, That's, like, right by the apartment.
我当时就想，我他妈会当场去世。
And I was like, I would fucking die.
-是啊。
-Yeah.
-如果我在曼哈顿上东区散步时看到两个摄像师和拉蒙娜在打电话，我大概能猜到他们在拍摄，那感觉就像...就像我看到德尼罗和斯科塞斯在拍电影一样。
-If I was walking on the Upper East Side Of Manhattan and I saw two camera people and Ramona on the phone and I Like, I was able to put together that they were filming, I would Like, it would be like It'd be like if I saw, like, you know, them filming, like, a De Niro Scorsese movie.
就像，卧槽。
Like, oh, shit.
如果我看到那场景，我肯定会激动得不行。
Like, I would trip out if I saw what
她也是。
she's Same.
我他妈会激动疯的，
I would freak the fuck out,
要是你在街角看到拉蒙娜，我...
cardiac And if you saw Ramona on the corner I
会死的。
would die.
而且，你知道的，就像在下午两点钟在上东区尖叫，而且你知道有摄像机，所以你知道他们在拍摄。
And, you know, like, fucking screaming at, like, two in the afternoon on the Upper East Side, and you know there's cameras, so you know they're filming.
大多数人根本不知道发生了什么。
Most people don't know what the fuck is going on.
我可能会说，哦，天哪。
I would be like, Oh, shit.
就像，
-Like,
我会被拍到的。
I'm Be seeing posted.
这就像看到毕加索在画画一样，你会觉得，我正在见证一件伟大艺术品的诞生。
It's like seeing Pablo Picasso paint Like, you're like, I'm watching something a great piece of art.
-是啊。
-Yeah.
这是时光中的一个瞬间。
It's a moment in time.
但贝瑟尼说的是，当拉蒙娜处于权力位置时，因为贝瑟尼的性格、态度以及她那种时而爆发时而克制的行事方式。
So But the thing that Bethany said was that, like, when Ramona's in a power position, like, when Ramona You know, because Bethany's personality and her attitude and her sort of the way she, you know, shifts and flips out or doesn't flip out.
嗯，然后拉蒙娜就会有点像是说，'知道吗，贝瑟尼？'
-Mm -And then, like, Ramona gets a little bit of, like, Well, you know what, Bethany?
这就像是她所有的怨恨，因为贝瑟尼多年来一直对她穷追猛打。
It's, like, all her resentment because Bethany will fucking pound on her for years.
哦，那是肯定的。
-Oh, for sure.
所以当拉蒙娜得到她那一次反击机会时
-So when Ramona gets to get, like, her one shot
稍微占点上风。
little leg up.
是啊。
Yeah.
而且，我觉得贝瑟妮在这一季的某个时候会放过她。
And, also, I feel like Bethany at some like, this season, she'll let her go.
好吧，拉蒙娜。
Like, alright, Ramona.
就狠狠地教训她吧，因为我觉得贝瑟妮是个非常有趣的人，她既能承受也能给予同样的反击。
Just just fucking pound her because I think Bethany is such an interesting personality because she she can give it as good as she takes it.
我也这么认为。
I think so too.
人们可能会不同意这点。
People would disagree with that.
我觉得他们认为
I think they think
今年她已经证明了自己能承受这些。
This year, she's she's shown that she could take it.
我也这么认为。
I think so too.
我觉得前几季和希瑟合作时不是这样的。
I think a couple seasons ago with Heather No.
她那时有点像漏水的桶，个人问题一大堆，整天哭哭啼啼的，
She was a little bit of a leaky bucket, a lot of personal shit going on, and she's crying all
没完没了。
the time.
漏水的桶。
Leaky bucket.
水桶综合症。
Bucket syndrome.
嗯。
Mhmm.
没错。
Exactly.
但我觉得她把自己的事情处理好了。
But I think she got her shit together.
她把桶补好了，现在情况还不错。
She patched up the bucket, and things are okay.
你知道，我觉得这些节目，人们总说它们是假的、安排的，显然情境是被放大的，但这就是他们的真实面貌。
You know, I think that with these shows, when you you know, people say that they're fake and set up and obviously situations are enhanced and all that stuff, but these are who they are.
没错。
Right.
你知道，这些人就是他们本来的样子。
You know, these people are who they are.
要知道，在镜头前你能做的表演终究有限。
You know, you know, you can only, you know, play up for the camera so much.
那可是连续拍摄好几个小时。
It's hours and hours and hours of filming.
我认为这展现了他们最本质的一面。
I think, like, this is the essence of who they are.
当然，这并非他们的全部。
Obviously, it's not all of who they are.
是啊。
Yeah.
那未必是他们安静的时刻。
It's not necessarily their quiet moment.
也不一定是他们放松的样子。
It's not necessarily, like, them chilling.
谁他妈会在乎啊？
Who the fuck would care?
我可不想看贝瑟妮在海滩上看书。
I don't wanna watch Bethany read a book at the beach.
你懂我意思吧？
You know what I mean?
我想看她脱光衣服赤身裸体躺在地板上。
I wanna see her, like, fucking take her clothes off and be naked on the floor.
这确实是他们真实的一部分。
This is a part of who they actually are.
他们所有人。
All of them.
是啊。
Yeah.
还有还有还有那些哭泣、叫喊和歇斯底里，就像，你懂的
And and and and all the crying and yelling and hysteria, like, I you know
太棒了。
So good.
马龙·白兰度、梅丽尔·斯特里普在他们最巅峰时也做不到多琳达那样。
Marlon Brando, Meryl Streep on their best day couldn't do what Dorinda does.
确实。
No.
我
I
没有演员能做到那样。
No actor actor can do that.
我不知道你是谁。
I don't know who are.
管他妈的你喜欢谁。
Fucking whoever you're into.
就像，你知道，劳伦斯·奥利弗爵士也做不到尼内·利克斯那样。
Like, you know, sir Laurence Olivier couldn't do what Nene Leakes does.
就像，这才是真实的。
Like, this is real.
蛋糕砸在脸上
The cake in the face
还带着点燃的蜡烛。
with the lit candles.
没人能做到那样。
No one can do that.
这他妈是什么
What the fuck is
在她最风光的日子里沉睡，当
sleep on her best fucking day when
希望她
wishes she
能像卢安那样活在当下。
could be in the moment as much as as as, you know, Luann.
所以这这这是真实的。
So it it it is it's real.
这是被强化的现实，也是被剪辑的现实，但它是真实的。
It's heightened reality, and it's edited reality, but it's it's real.
而且他们在娱乐大众。
And they're entertaining people.
所以我说，我爱这些节目，对此我毫无顾虑。
And, like, that's why I said, like, I I love the shows, and I have no qualms about it.
对此我毫不羞愧。
Like, I have no shame about it.
我就是不明白为什么其他人不喜欢这些节目。
Like, I don't understand why other people aren't into it.
而且，
And and,
因为那些都是自以为是的混蛋，他们会说'哦，我只看这个'。
like Because it's a bunch of elitist motherfuckers who are like, oh, I I only watch this.
我不看电视。
I don't watch TV.
去你妈的。
Go fuck yourself.
顺便说一句，你要是能跟上我们的节奏打开Bravo频道，你会过得更好也更合群，
You wish by the way, you'd be better off and more socialized if you got on our tip and turned on Bravo and
之类的。
something.
合群。
Socialized.
我同意。
I agree.
没错。
Exactly.
一群自以为是的混蛋。
Elitist motherfuckers.
我其实不怎么看电视。
I don't really watch TV.
我就想说，拜托。
I'm like, oh, please.
你是不是觉得自己很高级？
Aren't you so fancy?
是啊。
Yeah.
对啊。
Yeah.
真让我作呕。
Gag me.
是啊。
Yeah.
你可真是高高在上。
You're so elevated.
是啊。
Yeah.
是啊。
Yeah.
不如杀了我吧。
Please kill me.
好吧，迈克尔。
Alright, Michael.
我们继续聊家庭主妇吧。
Let's get back to housewives.
展开剩余字幕（还有 480 条）
你最喜欢哪个系列？
What's your favorite franchise?
如果必须选的话，你得选纽约篇。
If you had to pick You have to go to New York.
你必须看纽约篇。
You have to go to New York.
我不信任不看纽约篇的人。
I don't trust people who don't watch the New York.
比如，如果你在看《真实主妇》却不看纽约篇，那你肯定有问题。
Like, if you're if you're watching Real Housewives and you're not watching Real Housewives of New York, something is wrong with you.
我完全同意。
I totally agree.
橙县篇我也都看，但你知道，我有自己偏爱的。
Like, OC, I watch them all, but, like, you know, I have my favorites.
你最喜欢的...你的前三名是哪些？
What's your fave what would you do your top three?
纽约。
New York.
哦。
Oh.
我会选纽约。
I'd do New York.
整体来说，我一直很喜欢橙县。
I love as a whole, I've always loved Orange County.
我觉得上一季简直糟透了。
I think this past season was a fucking bust.
嗯哼。
Uh-huh.
其实我也很喜欢达拉斯。
I'm gonna go I love Dallas too, actually.
我想我会选橙县、达拉斯和纽约。
I think I'm gonna go o c Dallas and New York.
真的吗？
Really?
你看，我其实没看过《达拉斯》，但我知道我
See, I I don't watch Dallas just and I know it's I'm
缺失的是你生命中需要的那个人。
missing is somebody you need in your life.
你会爱她胜过你爱过的任何人。
You will love her like you've never loved anyone before.
这部剧有多少季？
How many seasons are there?
两季吧，我想。
Two, I think.
好的。
Okay.
那我还能补看吗？
So I could catch up?
你知道，我不会把它排进前三名。
You know, I wouldn't put it in my top three.
我觉得我得换成泽西版。
I think I gotta swap it out for Jersey.
不过泽西版有时候会很阴暗。
Sometimes Jersey gets dark, though.
这就是家庭主妇剧的特点。
That's the thing with the housewives.
有时候
Sometimes
会变得很阴暗。
it gets dark.
就像，那种阴暗，就像去年亚特兰大那季的结局方式，亚特兰大
Like, the dark like, the the way the way Atlanta ended last year, the way Atlanta
的结局我也超爱亚特兰大。
ended I love Atlanta too.
操。
Fuck.
《亚特兰大》是不错，但当剧情过于阴暗时，你想要的是戏剧冲突，而不是他妈的一片漆黑
Atlanta's good, but, like, when it gets too dark like, you want drama, but when it gets too fucking dark
退订。
Unsubscribe.
不。
No.
我可不想在睡前看这个。
I'm not trying to do this before I go to bed.
是啊。
Yeah.
我也不想在睡前看这个。
Before I go to bed, too.
我可不需要这种糟心玩意儿。
I don't need this shit.
我本可以看个该死的HBO节目，对啊。
I I could watch a fucking hell an HBO show Yeah.
或者来点Netflix，你知道的，那种谋杀、医生加休闲的玩意儿
Or some Netflix, you know, Murder, Doc, and Chill shit
嗯。
Yeah.
如果我想看些黑暗的。
If I wanna go dark.
是的。
Yes.
我想要真实的，也不介意有些泪点，但要是太黑暗了，比如那个波托马克，叫什么来着，卷发那个和她妈妈？
I want real, and I don't mind some tears, but when it gets into too dark, like Potamac with what's her name with the curly hair and her mom?
哦，艾希莉。
Oh, Ashley.
还有她妈妈的故事线呢？
And the mom's storyline?
这对我来说太过分了。
This is too much for me.
是啊。
Yeah.
不。
No.
我可不想在这儿找罪受。
I'm not trying to fucking do pain here.
不想在周日晚上搞这个。
Not trying to do this on my Sunday night.
没错。
Yeah.
正是。
Exactly.
没门儿。
It's not happening.
这太过分了。
It's too much.
我喜欢波托马克。
I like Potomac.
我在想她叫什么来着？
I think what's her face?
凯伦
Karen
是的。
Yes.
相当了不起。
Is pretty epic.
我爱吉赛尔。
I love Giselle.
是的。
Yes.
罗宾有点无聊。
Robin, a little boring.
是啊。
Yeah.
是啊。
Yeah.
是啊。
Yeah.
我想让亚历克西斯·贝利诺回归。
I want to bring back Alexis Bellino.
好吧。
Okay.
我对此有强烈感受。
I feel strongly about it.
格雷琴在镜头前做作。
Gretchen plays to camera.
她对我来说已经结束了。
She's done for me.
她和斯莱德该滚蛋了。
Like, her and Slade need to go bye bye.
是的。
Yes.
亚历克西斯·贝利诺，快回来吧，姑娘。
Alexis Bellino, come on back, girl.
爱死她了。
Love her.
是的。
Yes.
喜欢她带来的那种感觉。
Love what she brought to the table.
喜欢她和吉姆这一对。
Love her and Jim.
不认为布兰迪·格兰维尔需要回来。
Don't think Brandi Glanville needs to come back.
你你还没提到比佛利山庄。
You you haven't mentioned BH.
哦，比佛利山庄？
Oh, Beverly Hills?
你甚至没提任何关于比佛利山庄的事。
You haven't even mentioned anything about Beverly Hills.
我知道。
I know.
我知道。
I know.
我爱比佛利山庄。
I love Beverly Hills.
我还在看这部剧。
I still watch it.
这一季简直无聊透顶。
This season was so fucking boring.
我同意。
I agree.
内容实在太少了。
There was just not enough.
我觉得大家都太做作了。
I felt like everyone was playing too much.
感觉太过火了。
Felt Too much.
太过火了。
Too much.
艾瑞卡·杰恩
Erika Jayne
太过火了。
Too much.
而且我很喜欢艾瑞卡。
Too And I love Erika.
噢，我真的很喜欢她。但我觉得现在艾瑞卡·杰尼的部分太多了，艾瑞卡·吉拉尔迪的部分太少了。
Oh, I love Love But I feel like it's too much Erika Jayne, not enough Erika Girardi.
并不是说我想看任何关于汤姆的内容。
Not that I need to see anything with Tom.
不。
No.
完全不想。
Not at all.
但现在她太浮夸了。最初让她出彩的是那种反差感。
But just it's too glam the fuck out every there has to the thing that made her so good in the beginning was, like, you saw this dichotomy.
现在只剩艾瑞卡·杰尼和艾瑞卡·吉拉尔迪这两个身份了。
Now it's just Erika Jayne and Erika Girardi, just the person.
她太沉迷于扮演某个角色了。
She's playing a character too much.
太过分了。
Too much.
不过很喜欢多莉特。
Love Dorit, though.
超级喜欢多莉特。
Love the fuck out of Dorit.
我很喜欢她在节目里的表现。
I love her on the show.
我是说，又爱又恨她。
I mean, love to hate her.
是啊。
Yeah.
我是说，她太荒唐了，但我就是喜欢她。
I mean, she's ridiculous, but I love her.
你看过这节目里的哪位家庭主妇
Have you had a housewife on this show
有吗？
yet?
好几个。
Multiples.
好几个。
Multiples.
那么除了我在这儿，你还
So what was your, like besides me being here
我私下认识的最喜欢的家庭主妇是泰迪·梅伦坎普。
My favorite housewife that I know personally is Teddy Mellencamp.
她酷毙了。
She's cool as fuck.
不会吧。
No.
你跟她交情不错。
You're friends with her.
我是说，她上过这个播客。
I we're I mean, she's been on this podcast.
我们偶尔会聊聊天。
We talk here and there.
我们不会一起出去吃饭，但我觉得她——而且我理解为什么人们在她出现时觉得她很正常。
We're not, like, going out to dinner, but I I think she's and I understand why people you know, when she comes on, she is very normal.
所以我认为她和Erika Jayne形成的对比让人意外，但我确实认为她对这个节目很有帮助。
So I think that the juxtapose of her next to Erika Jayne, people are thrown off, but I actually think she's really good for the show.
我同意。
I agree.
所以她上过这个播客。
So she came on the podcast.
是的。
Yeah.
我想她下周会再来。
I think she's coming back next week.
她来上播客时你有多兴奋？
How excited were you when she came on the podcast?
我是说，我挺兴奋的。
I mean, I was pretty excited.
我确实挺兴奋的。
I was pretty excited.
但对我来说她就是个普通人。
But she's, like, normal for me.
你懂我意思吧？
Like, you know what I mean?
还有谁上过节目？
Who else has been on?
很多Bravo电视台的人。
A lot of Bravo people.
什么时候
When
我见过Leanne伯爵夫人，她本来应该来的。
I met countess Leanne, she was supposed to come on.
她取消了两次。
She canceled twice.
真的很生气。
Real pissed.
但我见过她。
But I met her.
他们邀请我去看她的表演，她的卡巴莱秀
They invited me to come to her show, her cabaret
在洛杉矶的演出。
show in LA.
我也被邀请了。
I got invited too.
然后我去了。
And I went.
他们随后立刻把我拉了过去，我得以和伯爵夫人一起进了化妆间。
They pulled me right afterwards, and I got to go in the dressing room with the countess.
伯爵夫人就是伯爵夫人。
Countess is the countess.
当时只有你和伯爵夫人。
It was just you and the countess.
只有我、伯爵夫人，还有她的化妆师。
Just me and the countess and, like, her makeup artist.
那简直太疯狂了。
Like, I it was crazy.
她们都有化妆师。
They all have makeup artists.
当然。
Of course.
她们都有助理之类的随行人员。
And they're all, like, the assistants and the this.
当然，我毫无矜持可言，直接说，我想进入你的身体。
And, of course, me having no chill, I'm like, I wanna be inside of you.
然后我就想，我为什么要说那种话？
And I was like, why did I say that?
你对伯爵夫人说了那种话？
You said that to countess?
我当时说，我为你痴狂。
I was like, I'm obsessed with you.
我爱你。
I love you.
我想进入你的身体。
I wanna be inside of you.
我要你生下我，然后我想去萨格港住在你家。
I want you to give birth to me, and then I wanna go to Sag Harbor and stay in your house.
我还要和诺埃尔结婚，就像粉丝那样，我当时完全失控了，太糟糕了。
And I will marry Noelle into the fan like, I was I lost all it was so bad.
这一点都不酷。
It was not cool at all.
然后她邀请我去吃午餐。
And then she invited me to lunch.
就你和她两个人吗？
Just you and her?
不是。
No.
还有一群人在泵那儿。
With a bunch at pump.
你去了吗？
Did you go?
没有。
No.
我没去。
I didn't go.
我就是这么酷。
I'm cool like that.
不想把事情搞得太复杂。
Didn't wanna I didn't wanna take it too far.
维持表面功夫。
Up the facade.
对吧？
Right?
不。
No.
我又不是非要去那里吃午饭
I'm not, like, trying to go have lunch at
正确。
the Right.
你懂我意思吧？
You know what I mean?
我可比那酷多了。
I'm cooler than that.
对吧。
Right.
对。
Right.
没错。
Right.
是的。
Right.
真有意思。
That's funny.
是啊。
Yeah.
每次我遇到家庭主妇时，他们总是让我觉得，哦，天哪。
They they they every time I've met a housewife, like, I'm always like, oh, shit.
就是有种，我会
There's a like, I get
哦，我也是。
Oh, me too.
我会在胸口起些小疹子。
I get, like, a little rash on my chest.
我对此感到非常非常兴奋。
I get really, really excited about it.
这很尴尬，因为我在听。
It's very embarrassing because I am listen.
我在洛杉矶出生长大。
I'm born and raised in LA.
我他妈才不在乎名人。
I don't give a fuck about famous people.
而且我有些名人朋友，我绝不会——好吧，
And I've got famous friends that I would never Well,
你有哪些名人朋友？
who are your famous friends?
我绝不会透露他们的名字。
I would never mention them.
别这样嘛。
Just come on.
告诉我一个就好，说说你的一位名人朋友。
Give me one give me one of your famous friends.
不行。
No.
我不会做这种事
I won't do what I
可你刚说自己有名人朋友啊。
want to You just said you have famous friends.
是啊。
Yeah.
嗯，我丈夫是音乐制作人，所以这让我有些接触名人，但我绝不会透露
Well, my husband's a music producer, so that kinda lends itself to that, but I would never Give
就告诉我一个，一个就好
me one just one.
就说说一个吧
Just tell me about one.
我不喜欢指名道姓
I don't name drop.
我讨厌别人那样做
I hate when people do that.
就他妈说一个名字会死啊
Just one fucking name drop.
什么时候？
What time?
我也有名人朋友
I got famous friends.
我要报个名字给你听听。
I'll name drop somebody.
史黛西·施罗德。
Stasi Schroeder.
这下你满意了吧。
There you go.
她那是要上《家庭主妇》节目的。
She's That's gonna in the housewives.
我知道。
I know.
我不会这么做的。
I'm not doing it.
好吧。
Alright.
行。
Fine.
我不会那么做的。
I won't do it.
我讨厌别人那样做。
I hate when people do that.
我觉得这种手段太低级了。
I think it's such a cheap move.
而且，我不想因为跟我扯上关系而毁了他们的好心情。
And also, I don't wanna I don't wanna fuck up any of their day by being associated with me.
你懂我意思吗？
You know what mean?
你这么做更多是为了他们
You're doing it for them, more for
哦，相信我，不是这样的
Oh, it's not believe me.
我是在...你这是在放过他们
I would I'm You're sparing them.
如果对我个人有利，我会毫不犹豫出卖他们，但我足够爱他们，不想因为与我有关联而让他们难堪。
I'd sell them out in a second if it personally benefited me, but I love them enough not to embarrass them with my affiliation.
我懂你。
I got you.
你知道我...我...
You know what I I
我明白。
got you.
这手段太下作了。
It's a cheap move.
没问题。
No problem.
我想问...你和霍华德·斯特恩是朋友吗？
I think are you friends with Howard Stern?
我和他不是朋友。
I'm not friends with him.
我爱他。
I love him.
哦，老兄。
Oh, man.
我爱霍华德
I love Howard
·斯特恩。
Stern.
超级爱他。
Fucking love him.
上霍华德·斯特恩秀是我的梦想。
It is my dream to to go on the Howard Stern show.
你可以先从《总结秀》开始。
You should start with the wrap up show.
我很乐意那么做。
I would love to do that.
你应该
You should
我是个霍华德·斯特恩的狂热粉丝。
I'm a I'm a Howard Stern freak.
这是
It's I
你是那种超级粉丝吗？
Are you, like, a super fan?
我的意思是，从收听的角度来说我是个超级粉丝。
I I mean, I'm a super fan in the sense that I listen.
你能上《总结秀》节目吗？比如，你会听《总结秀》吗？
Could you could you go on the wrap up show and, like, you listen to wrap up show?
是的。
Yeah.
我全都听。
I listen to it all.
我超爱这个节目。
I love it.
试着联系一下去参加总结秀吧，首先他们特别喜欢女性嘉宾上节目。
Reach out and go on the wrap up show because first of they love women to be on the show Yeah.
是啊。
Yeah.
就为了总结秀，因为它能调剂一下节奏。
For the wrap up show just because it breaks it up.
是啊。
Yeah.
你只需要做个粉丝就行。
And all you need to do is be a fan.
我是说，我就是个粉丝。
I mean, I'm a fan.
你那位叫什么名字？
What's your guy's name?
雷蒙德？
Raymond?
雷。
Ray.
雷。
Ray.
他应该，他应该搞定这件事。
He should he should get that hooked up.
是啊。
Yeah.
我们应该这么做。
We should do that.
我爱他。
I love him.
如果是我，我会激动得发疯
I would freak out if I
遇到Start start你可能还上不了Howard的节目，因为上Howard的节目很难。
met Start start you might not get on Howard yet because it's hard to get on Howard.
不。
No.
我没有。
I'm not.
那那是个遥远的梦想。
That's that's a distant dream.
但当你戴着耳机站在Gary Delevante和John Hein面前时
But when you're standing in in front of with the the headphones on Gary Delevante and John Hein
是的。
Yeah.
那是个超现实的体验。
It's a surreal experience.
是的。
Totally.
是啊。
Yeah.
我一直在听。
I've listened forever.
没错。
Yeah.
就像是，我超爱
It's like, I love it
至极。
so much.
所以我会说，虽不算朋友，但很友好。
So so I wouldn't say, like, friends, but Friendly.
九十年代时，我曾和他共进晚餐，大概有两次，当然不是单独，是和其他人一起。
I used to, in the nineties, I had dinner with him, I think, twice, not just him, like, with a group of people.
我对霍华德·斯特恩充满崇敬。
And I revere Howard Stern.
我真的觉得，他在自己所做的事情上非常出色。
Like I literally like I think he's so good at what he's done.
太棒了。
Amazing.
而且我认为他变得更好。
And I think he's gotten better.
他进化了。
He's evolved.
他改变了自己的节目。
He's changed his show.
是啊。
Yeah.
我是说，他真是个改变游戏规则的艺术家。
I mean and he's such a game changing artist.
没错。
Yeah.
他简直太棒了。
He's fucking dope.
而且，你知道，我是说，我就是爱他。
And and, you know, I mean, I just I love him.
就像，所以我的，你知道，人们
Like, so my you know, people
他们说你不该见你的偶像。
They say you're not supposed to meet your heroes.
不。
No.
不。
No.
不。
No.
他简直太棒了。但是，就像，那是另一回事。
He's fucking But, like, that's another thing.
就是，你知道，比如我在节目上不会那样做，我在《看看会发生什么》节目上也不会那样做，诸如此类。
Like, you know, like I'm I'm, like, you know, like, don't do it when I'm on the show, and I don't do it when I'm on Watch What Happens Live and and all that stuff.
但是，比如当我上《看看会发生什么》或者霍华德·斯特恩的节目时，我就会随便乱来。
But, like, when I go on Watch What Happens Live or when I go on Howard Stern and I'm fucking around.
-是啊。
-Yeah.
-你知道，我管那叫随便乱来。
-You know, I say call fucking around.
人们以为那就是真实的我。
People think that that's really me.
-没错。
-Yeah.
-你懂我意思吗？
-You know what I'm saying?
比如在斯特恩的节目上，他们以为我真的就是那样的人。
Like, on the Stern Show, like, they think that I'm really like that.
我是说，我不会去看的。如果你上了《看看会发生什么》直播，我是说，你应该去上那个节目，你是粉丝。
I'm like, I'm not gonna See, if you went on Watch What Happens Live, Like, I'm saying, you should go on there, you're a fan.
-对。
-Right.
-但是，像我这样年纪的人，在纽约长大，那时他们在某个电台——我记不清是哪个了。
-But, like, for me and my age and growing up in New York City when they were on I can't remember the station.
我还记得听到那些乱七八糟的东西。
And I remember hearing the shit.
你知道，那是80年代，在出租车里都能听到。
Like, you know, this is in the '80s when you'd hear it in cabs.
在熟食店也能听到。
You'd hear it in, you know, delicatessens.
人们会开着收音机听这个。
You know, like, people would have the radio on it.
我当时就想，这他妈是什么鬼东西？
And, like, I remember, like, what the fuck is this shit?
你知道吗？
You know?
就像，我不是在家听的，但我会听到。
Like, I didn't listen, like, at home, but, like, I'd hear it.
就像，在纽约街头闲逛时你会听到，比如加里他们大喊大叫，他对着加里结结巴巴地吼。
Like, you'd hear it, like, walking around New York City, like, Gary and them yelling, him yelling at Gary and stuttering.
这他妈是什么玩意儿？
What the fuck is this?
所以我去那儿的时候，才不会表现得像个粉丝。
So when I go on there, I'm not gonna fan out.
就像，我宁愿成为画中之人。
Like, I'd rather be inside the painting.
噢，那当然。
Oh, for sure.
所以我去那儿就是为了说三道四。
So I'm going there to talk shit.
对
Yeah.
对
Yeah.
对
Yeah.
我不是
I'm not
去那儿可不是为了舔屁眼
going there to fucking suck dick.
不
No.
不
No.
不
No.
等我上节目时要好好戏弄他们一番。
I'll tease them when I go on the show.
我就说，你知道你请来的这些嘉宾都在拍你马屁。
And I'm like, you know, all these guests you have on there here sucking your dick.
我会直接说，我他妈的要干你，你这个傻逼。
And I'm like, I wanna fucking you're you're fucking ba ba booey.
顺便说一句，这才是正确的玩法。
By the way, that's the way to play it.
对我来说。
For me.
不。
No.
总的来说，我
I think in general, I
你知道，我并不指望你上去就说，我要去，你知道，对Baa Baa Bowie说三道四。
think You know, I'm not expecting you to go on there and say, I'm going, you know, to to talk shit to Baa Baa Bowie.
但对我来说
But for me
我可不会去舔任何人
Well, I'm not sucking anyone's dick.
除非这对我有极大的好处
So unless unless it severely benefits me.
还有，凯文，舔布伊的
And, Kevin, sucking Bui's
我丈夫只能接受这个事实
My husband will just have to be okay with it.
让我们看看
Let's see.
你知道吗？
You know what?
我才不会去舔波巴·布伊
I wouldn't suck Boba Bui's dick.
所以对我来说，去那里搅和一下，人们却把这当回事儿。
So so, like, for me, like, going on there and stirring it up, like, it's it's like but people, like, take the shit dead seriously.
我希望隔壁还在通话中，希望他们都听到我大声说了那句话，
I hope they're still on the call next door, and I hope they all heard me say that in a very loud,
就像，我不是来舔的，而你好像是来干嘛的。
like, I'm like, I'm not here to suck dick, and you're like, I'm there to something.
懂吗？
You know?
所以我真的，我超爱那些家伙。
So So I like, I I love I love I love those guys.
他们都是好人。
And they're good dudes.
对我来说，能作为嘉宾上那些节目真是荣幸。
And, you know, like, for me, it's just a privilege to, like, be a guest on those shows.
确实。
-For sure.
我从来没有，比如，当我上那个节目时，我从来不会像在《总结》节目里那样——我已经上过很多次了，最近也上过几次霍华德的节目——我总是感觉像灵魂出窍一样。
I never Like, when I'm on that show, I'm never like, when I'm on wrap up, and I've been on there a bunch of times and the couple of times I've been on Howard recently, like, I'm always, like, outer body experience.
是啊。
Yeah.
你懂我意思吗？
-You know what I mean?
这可是大实话。
-That's real shit.
-就像，我一直保持...我不想让自己感觉像是团体的一部分。
-Like, I keep I like to keep I don't wanna feel like I'm part of the group.
我喜欢保持内心粉丝的那份热情永不消退。
I like to keep the fan in me very alive.
而且，就是那种...
And and it's that's that's
就像你内心的孩子。
Like your inner child.
这就是我。
That's what I am.
就像，保持那样。
Like, keep that.
我不是那种，哦，我们很熟的样子。
I'm not like, oh, we're cool.
就像，你知道的，霍华德在说话。
Like, I'm you know, Howard's talking.
比如，我不想被霍华德采访。
Like, I don't wanna be interviewed by Howard.
我想，就像，我想融入其中。
Like, I wanna, like, I wanna be in the mix.
我甚至不想做什么，只想坐在录音室里。
I don't even I wanna just sit in the studio.
这就是我全部想做的事。
That's all I wanna do.
你可以让这件事发生。
You could get you could get that to happen.
我可以假装生病然后联系许愿基金会，也许他们会让我进去。
I could do, like I could fake an illness and do a Make A Wish foundation, and maybe they'd let me in.
你知道吗？
You know?
你可以那么做。
You could do that.
你可以你可以你可以让这件事发生。
You could you could you could get that to happen.
可以从总结开始。
Could start with wrap up.
我可以设法搞定，
I could finagle that,
如果
if
如果你愿意的话。
you like.
是啊。
Yeah.
我已经走投无路了。
I'm desperate enough.
请告诉大家在哪里可以收听你的播客，在哪里可以关注你，所有的
Please tell everyone where they can listen to your podcast, where they can follow you, all of the
我是，我就是拉波波特。
I'm I'm all I am rappoport.
《我是拉波波特》系列播客和社交媒体都是我的最爱。
The I am rappoport serial podcast and social media is all my favorite.
在推特上。
On Twitter.
我爱你在推特上的表现。
I love you on Twitter.
谢谢。
Thank you.
推特真是个混蛋。
I've Twitter's a motherfucker.
推特就是个混蛋。
Twitter's a motherfucker.
你在推特上惹过麻烦吗？
Have you gotten in trouble on Twitter?
经常惹麻烦。
All the time.
是啊。
Yeah.
经常的。
All the time.
我就是不在乎。
I just don't care.
你懂的，对吧？
It's just you know?
我从不删推文。
I don't delete tweets.
我就是坚持到底，写出来，然后希望24小时过去后大家就忘了这事。
I just stick it out, write it out, and then hope that twenty four hours will pass, and everyone will get over it.
你在推特上遇到过最严重的舆论风暴是什么？
What's the biggest shit storm you've ever had on Twitter?
在推特上？
On Twitter?
让我想想。
Trying to think.
不确定是不是在推特上。
I don't know if it's on Twitter.
老实说，可能是在这个播客上发生的。
It's probably been on this podcast, honestly.
你知道，有人开过一些犹太人的玩笑，但我自己就是犹太人。
You know, there's been some Jew jokes, but I'm Jewish.
所以就像，别来烦我。
So it's like, get off my dick.
而且我想我也搞过类似#MeToo的事情。
And I think I made a me too.
犹太人会被你的犹太笑话冒犯到吗？
Would Jews were offended by your Jew jokes?
我甚至不觉得...听着
I don't even think listen.
我不是在评判，但我后来查了查，我觉得他们甚至根本不是犹太人。
I'm not judging, but I looked at I looked them up afterwards, and I don't think they were Jews even.
听着
Like, listen.
让我过我的日子吧
Let me live.
然后就像，我
Then there was like, I
谈话 你是说两个笑话？
talked You mean two jokes?
不是笑话，而是，你知道，我痴迷于我的狗，我谈论兽交以及我为什么想让它合法化，因为我太迷恋我的狗了。
Not a joke, but like, I you know, I'm obsessed with my dog, and I talk about bestiality and how I wanna make it legal because I'm so attracted to my dog.
这他妈是个笑话。
It's a fucking joke.
不是要操我的狗。
Not fucking my dog.
你这么说。
So you say.
所以我这么说，而你永远无法知道真相。
So I say, and you'll never know.
对吧。
Right.
我是否如此。
If I am or not.
但他实在是太可爱了。
But he's just so fucking cute.
这就是一种爱之狂热。
And I just it's a love rage thing.
对。
Right.
对。
Right.
对。
Right.
所以我喜欢谈论他的小弟弟，你知道，我觉得他那地方很可爱，但人们对此非常不满。
So I like talk about pee pee and his little you know, I'm like, he's got cute as little and people get really upset about it.
而我根本不在乎，因为
And I don't give a shit because
去他妈的推特，老兄。
Fuck Twitter, man.
你知道吗，我发现Instagram和...我发现这种敏感度。
You know, I find that Instagram and and I I I find this the sensitivity.
推特是最严重的。
Twitter's the most.
嗯。
Mhmm.
Facebook紧随其后，它们现在都一团糟。
With Facebook looming second, they're all fucked up now.
哦，是啊。
Oh, yeah.
太多人能接触到别人了。
Too much access to people.
我觉得你懂我意思？
I feel like you know what I mean?
你可以立刻，比如，写条评论，私信轰炸，发表你的意见。
You can immediately, like, write a comment, slide into the DMs, voice your opinion.
我不喜欢这种破事。
I don't like that shit.
你懂我意思吗？
Like, you know what mean?
当人们看到我对粉丝说些难听话时，我就想，是你们先对我说三道四的。
When when people see me talk, like, shit to fans, I'm like, you're saying things to me.
要是我看到你的推文，我会让你滚一边去。
And if I catch your tweet, I'm gonna tell you suck my dick.
我也是。
Me too.
这有什么冒犯的？
Why is that offensive?
比如，你现在跟我说话的方式，要是我真站在你面前，你肯定会求着要自拍。
Like, you're talking to me like like if and if I was in front of you, you'd be asking for a selfie.
但你他妈的在胡说八道。
But you're talking shit.
嗯哼。
Mhmm.
我看到了你的推文。
I caught your tweet.
现在我要说舔我的
Now I say suck my
鸡巴。
dick.
最让你火大的是什么？
Pisses you off most?
最让我火大的是——不对，应该说最能刺激我的是什么？
What pisses me off most well, what what what prompts me the most is not trigger?
倒也不至于让我特别火大。
It's not so much to piss piss me off.
但如果我的规则是这样，而且我已经做了三个视频。
But if my rule is this, and I've made three videos.
我有第一部分、第二部分和第三部分。
I have part one, part two, and part three.
等你走了我会全部看完。
I'm gonna watch them all when you leave.
如果如果你对我出言不逊，而你的头像里还放着你妈妈——你已故的父亲、妻子或孩子的照片。
If if you talk shit to me and there's a picture of your mom -Your your dead dad, your wife, or your kids in your avatar.
听着，我对你一无所知。
See, I don't know anything about you.
你可以谷歌搜索我。
You can Google me.
我从1981年就开始干这行了。
I've been doing this shit since 1981.
1991年。
1991.
但如果你敢用某种方式冒犯我——是的。
But if you talk if you have the audacity to slight me in a way -Yeah.
而你的头像里还放着孩子、狗、妈妈或已故父亲的照片。
And you have a picture of your kid, your dog, your mom, RIP dad.
我说的就是这些人。
I'm talking about any of them.
我已经说得很清楚了。
And I've made it clear.
而且我还做了三个版本。
And I have made three versions of it.
我觉得这很公平。
I think that's fair.
没错。
Yeah.
至少你可以这样评价我。
All I know like, you can say this about me.
你可以这样评价那件事。
You could say this about that.
这部电影烂透了。
This movie sucks.
我就是这样。
I'm this.
但我看到的只有那个头像。
But all I see is the avatar.
我就看头像行事。
I just go off the avatar.
所以如果我看到头像里有什么可以攻击的点，我就会出击，然后那些小孩全都吓得屁滚尿流。
So if I see anything in the avatar that I can reach at, I'm going and then the kids are all flimming.
不包括你家那个小崽子。
Not your fucking kid.
那个小混蛋是个斜眼，还他妈需要戴牙套。
That fucking kid is cockeyed and needs fucking braces.
我看到的就只有这些。
I don't go that's all I see.
他们就会说，哦，你在谈论我的孩子。
They're like, oh, you're talking about my kids.
我说，因为你看到的就只有这些。
I go, because you're that's all I see.
现在别他妈给我退缩。
Now don't fucking back pedal now.
那是
That's a
反向米歇尔·奥巴马。
reverse Michelle Obama.
他们走低端路线。
They go low.
我们走得更低。
We go lower.
关于 Bayt 播客
Bayt 提供中文+原文双语音频和字幕，帮助你打破语言障碍，轻松听懂全球优质播客。