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弗雷德·齐普洛克，这份报告和那个家伙无关。
Fred Ziplock, not report not related to that other guy.
而我在这里，是为了向一位前心脏脑外科医生寻求澄清？
And I'm here, to get clarification from a former heart brain surgeon?
我听过了。
I've listen.
已经有一段时间了。
It's been a while
自从神经外科医生以来。
since Neurosurgeon.
神经外科医生。
Neurosurgeon.
神经外科医生。
Neurosurgeon.
神经外科医生。
Neurosurgeon.
神经外科医生。
Neurosurgeon.
对我来说很好。
To me nice.
他是本·神经外科医生，他疯了。
It's Ben Neurosurgeon, he's nuts.
很好。
Good.
而且，是的，自从他退出医学界去加入特朗普竞选团队后，他的声望就一落千丈，他关于黑人奴隶制的种族主义言论，更是让他的黑人屁股被烧得滚烫。
And, yeah, you, he's ever since he's dropped to join the Trump campaign, he's kind of taken a fall from grace, and his racist statements about Black people in slavery have, turned up the fire underneath his Negro ass.
本，你能不能澄清一下你刚才说的话？
And, Ben, would you like to clarify what you were saying?
因为我认为你说过，奴隶制是一场疯狂的表演，纯粹就是氛围。
Because I believe your statement was, slavery was a wild show, nothing but vibes.
请解释一下。
Please clarify that.
实际上，你是在引用耶斯·朱尔斯的话。
Actually, you're quoting Yes Jules.
我从来没说过那句话。
I never said that.
我只说，奴隶制在最初设立时，是为了让黑人家庭聚在一起工作，说实话。
All I said was that slavery, in its inception, was made to keep the black family together and working, honestly.
工作，赚取诚实的收入。
Working earning an honest day's living.
我那句话的意思就是这些。
That's all I meant to say by that statement.
这是因为
It was because
词语被扭曲了。
words were contorted.
你是说，今天的自由黑人没有在赚取诚实的收入吗？
Are you saying that free black people today are not earning Honest A's living?
我的意思是，你说了那句话。
I mean, you said that.
我没有。
I did not.
我的意思是，你可以推断。
I mean, you can infer.
我是个非常聪明的人。
I'm a very intelligent individual.
我只是必须告诉你，嗯。
I just have to tell you that Mhmm.
因为我是医生。
Because I'm a doctor.
我不只是医生。
Not only I'm a doctor.
我是神经外科医生。
I'm a neurosurgeon.
这意味着我专攻大脑，而你们显然缺这个，因为你们这些蠢货根本听不懂我说的话——我话已经说得很清楚了。
That means I work with the brain, which it seems that y'all are lacking, because you stupid motherfuckers don't understand when I say something, I said what I fucking said.
所以我坐在这里接受你们的采访，其实是我自己傻，因为我根本不需要向任何人解释自己。
So me sitting here and granting you this interview is foolish on my behalf because I don't need to explain myself to anybody.
我曾经在Popeyes阻止过一起抢劫。
I once stopped the robbery at Popeyes.
让我问你个问题，记者先生。
Let me ask you a question, mister reporter man.
我可以吗？
May I?
可以。
Yes.
可。
May.
你这辈子有没有在越南的街头，用一只豚鼠的尸体和一把塑料叉子，为一个垂死的孩子重建过胸骨？
Have you ever in your life reconstructed the sternum of a dying child on the streets of Vietnam using only a gerbil carcass and a spork?
你曾经做过这个吗？
Have you ever done this?
我没有。
I have not.
我
I
没有。
have not.
你没有资格跟我讲话。
You have no room to speak to me.
我是本·波士顿，独一无二的人。
I am Ben Boston, the the inimitable.
我是始，我是终。
I am I am the alpha and the omega.
我是世界上第一的神经外科医生。
I am the number one neurosurgeon on the planet.
好的。
Okay.
你明白这个吗？
You understand this?
有好多书是关于我的。
There are books about me.
是的。
Yeah.
说到那本书《受赠之手》，你似乎更谦逊了，也更像是孩子们的好榜样。
Speaking of the books, Gifted Hands, you seem to be humbler, and you seem to be a better role model for children.
你现在看起来像是变成了一个灭霸式的人物。
You seem to have morphed into a Thanos like character now.
我正在收集
Am collecting
白人肆意妄为的行为。
white people acting out.
我已经收集到九本了。
I'm up to nine.
我只需要再在公共场合爆发一次，就能在地球上完全掌控所有雅可比矩阵。
I just need one more outburst in a public setting to go viral, and I will have full control of all Jacobians on this earth.
这一直是我的计划。
That was my plan all along.
好的。
Okay.
行吧。
Alright.
那么，这是真的吗
Well, is it true
在我做这次采访之前，你吸了大量DMT。
that smoked you a a large amount of DMT before I did this interview.
我想坦白一下。
I would like to disclose that.
听说你正在制作《这些天赋之手》的续集，叫《抓住这些天赋之手》，是吗，老兄？
Is it true that you are working on a sequel to These Gifted Hands called Catch These Gifted Hands, my nigga?
绝对他妈的是。
Abso fucking lutely.
好的。
Okay.
行吧。
Alright.
我想在这里，在Bodega Boys——人类历史上最辉煌的播客上，正式宣布一件事。
I would like to make this announcement right here on Bodega Boys, the most illustrious podcast known to man.
这在一定程度上要归功于我的存在。
Thank you, in part by my presence.
听到这个真好。
It's good to hear.
听到这个真好。
It's good to hear.
好吧，我们祝你全世界顺利。
Well, we wish you best in world.
新书。
New book.
不好意思，先生，记者先生。
Excuse me, mister reporter man.
我的新书《抓住这些该死的有天赋的手》，如果你再闭嘴，将在所有正规零售商发售。
My new book, catch these motherfucking gifted hands if you don't shut your claptrap, will be available at all fine retailers.
他是在跟我说话吗？
Is he is he talking to me?
谁的废话？
Who who's claptrap?
你。
You
你就是废话，先生。
are claptrap, sir.
我看到你在伸手。
And I see you reaching.
你为什么伸手，钱？
Why are you reaching, money?
看。
Look.
糖果？
Candy?
糖果？
Candy?
糖果。
Candy.
糖果。
Candy.
不。
No.
这个混蛋在伸手吗？
Is this motherfucker reaching?
Candy，这个混蛋在伸手吗？
Candy, is this motherfucker reaching?
我就是Candy。
I'm Candy.
不。
No.
Candy。
Candy.
Candy。
Candy.
取消那个婊子，Candy。
Cancel that bitch, Candy.
不。
No.
不行。
No.
哦，张开嘴，亲爱的。
Oh, open your mouth, sweetheart.
张开嘴，宝贝。
Open your mouth, baby.
来吧。
Come on now.
就张开。
Just open it
张开。
up.
张开嘴。
Open it up.
来吧。
Come on now.
你正在收听音频艺术，宇宙中最危险的播客。
You're listening to the audio art, the most dangerous podcast in the universe.
来个Drop。
Do the drop.
来个Drop。
Do the drop.
来个Drop。
Do the drop.
赶紧来个该死的Drop。
Do the fucking drop.
糖果在这儿晃悠。
Candy out here walling.
最糟糕的是，当糖果掏出枪时，我看到了一个乳头。
The worst part, when Candy pulled out the blicky, I saw a nipple.
喂。
Yo.
这是世界上最离谱的播客第二百四十七期。
Episode two forty seven of the world's most out of pocket.
离谱，离谱中的离谱。
Out pocket pocket.
继续。
Keep
继续说。
keep going.
在澳大利亚，他们管这个播客叫宝宝乔伊，乔伊。
See, in Australia, they call this podcast baby Joey boy boy.
没错。
That's right.
因为宝宝乔伊从妈妈的口袋里跳了出来。
Because baby Joey's hop out the mother's pocket.
这听起来很绕，但如果你在澳大利亚，这就说得通了，因为那里的马桶水流方向是相反的。
That's a convoluted But if you're in Australia, it makes sense because the toilets go the opposite direction.
没错。
That's right.
火是冷的。
And fire is cold.
是的。
Yes.
这在澳大利亚会发生。
That goes on in Australia.
没错。
That's right.
对。
Uh-huh.
Bodega Boys，你知道这是什么吗？
Bodega Boys, you know what it is?
两个来自布朗克斯的家伙。
Two Guys From The Bronx.
你明白我的意思吗？
You know what I'm saying?
你知道吗，我们的播客是事实界的不可能汉堡。
You know about we our podcast is the impossible burger of facts.
因为你知道吗？
Because you know what?
走吧。
Let's go.
有点类似。
It's kind of the same.
其实不是。
Not really.
你明白我的意思吗？
You know what I'm saying?
你说它很相似。
You're saying it's similar.
确实有很多东西都和我们这档播客差不多。
It's there's a lot of things that are like this podcast.
你懂我意思吧？
You know what saying?
它包含了好多元素。
There's a lot of elements.
你明白我的意思吗？
You know what I mean?
就好比，咱们这个播客，就相当于肖蒂在早午餐上公然自我抚慰的音频版。
Like, this podcast is like the audio version of Shorty fingering herself at brunch.
你懂我意思吧？
You know what I'm saying?
没错，就是这味儿。
Like, this is that.
你明白我在说啥吧？
You know what I mean?
就像这种级别的苏西。
Like, this that level of, like, Susio.
你懂我的意思吗？
You know what I mean?
就像
Like
如果你们还没看过，一定要去你们的推特或社交媒体上看一下。
If you people haven't got if you haven't seen that, be sure to go on your Twitter or your social media
去获取
to get
视觉内容。
the visual.
是的。
Yeah.
你只需要搜索一下‘早午餐女士’。
All you gotta do is type brunch lady.
你甚至不需要输入别的内容。
You don't even have to type anything else.
只要输入‘brunch lady’就行。
Just type brunch lady.
你对这个怎么看？
How you feel about that?
你本来就想提这个吗？
You wanted to bring that up?
说说你的看法。
Speak on it.
我的意思是，咱们来开个圆桌讨论吧。
I mean, let's let's talk about let's have a roundtable discussion.
你是从那个早午餐跳出来的吗？
Like, are you bouncing from that brunch?
如果有人开始了，我的意思是，好吧。
If somebody starts, I mean, like, alright.
就像，我们就这样，好吧。
Like, we're like, alright.
酷。
Cool.
所以，你知道我说的是什么意思吧？
So, like, it's you know what I'm saying?
小妹直接就开始往你对面的桌上扔豆子，你知道我说的是什么意思吧？
Shorty just starts flicking a bean, you know what I'm saying, on the table across from you.
你立刻就退出了吗？
Are you out immediately?
还是你会说，嘿，发生什么事了？
Or are you like, yo, what's going on?
你是在评估情况吗？
Like, are you assessing the situation?
还是你会说，哦，不妙。
Or are you like, oh, nah.
我们完了。
This we out.
这是新冠。
It's COVID.
我是真不想染上新冠，才不想在早午餐时被一个阴道喷出的东西传染上。
Like, I'm not trying to get some fucking I'm not trying to get no fucking I'm not trying to get COVID from a vagina squirting at brunch.
我就坐在这儿。
I'm just sitting here.
我想好好享受我的Migos音乐，她却在那边放屁。
I'm trying to enjoy my cast of Migos, and she's over there queefing.
不行。
No.
不行。
No.
这是我女朋友的生日。
It's my girl's birthday.
她刚满43岁。
She just turned 43.
你在干什么？
What are you doing?
她40岁了，依然精彩非凡。
She's 40 and fabulous.
你把大家的气氛都搞砸了。
You fucking it up for everybody.
她告诉我，我喝一杯玫瑰葡萄酒，她就会醉。
She told me I one glass of rose, then she gets tipsy.
明白吗？
Okay?
DK，你在干什么？
DK, what are you doing?
她平时不出来，因为上次她出来时，因为有个婊子对她无礼，她把那婊子揍了一顿，结果被关进了监狱。
She don't be coming out because last time she came out, she had to go to jail because she had to beat some bitch ass because a bitch shit to you is cute.
好吧？
Alright?
好吧？
Alright?
所以你需要冷静一下。
So you need to chill.
停下。
Stop.
你约会了，对吧？
You're date All right
对吧？
right?
那更别说了。
That's even Don't
引用所有滑溜的。
quote all the slippery.
我们根本不知道事实真相。
We don't even know the facts.
人们就是说，嘿，Shorty刚来吃早午餐，就开始像扔豆子一样乱扔东西。
People just like, yo, Shorty just came to the brunch and started, like, flicking a bean.
那倒是个理由。
That'd be a reason.
那倒是个理由。
That'd be a reason.
要么她看到了前男友，要么看到了一个她一直很想见、但因为疫情被隔离太久、都不知道怎么撩人了的男生，这才有了这出戏；或者，第三种可能，听好了，那些无限续杯的晨光莫吉托，有时候确实藏了猫腻，宝贝。
Either either she saw, like, an ex, she saw a guy she really likes that she's been locked up from COVID, doesn't know how to flirt anymore, and that's what this is Or reporting third, listen, those bottomless mimosas, sometimes they be hidden, Oh, baby.
有时候它们
Sometimes they
藏了猫腻。
be hidden.
听好了。
Listen.
而且
And
因为我喝了更多的桑格利亚汽酒。
because I had be like more of the mimosas.
是的。
Yes.
所以向我在布朗克斯的所有餐厅致敬，他们总是给你一个奇怪的用餐时间限制，而且根本没钟表可以查看。
So shout out to all my all my restaurants in The Bronx that'd like, yo, they give you a weird time limit and no kind of there's no clock to keep track.
他们会说，你只能在这张桌子坐108分钟。
They'd like, yo, you can only sit at this table for a hundred and eight minutes.
你可能会觉得，这不可能
You're like, that's not
根本没有计时器。
there's no timer.
什么？
What?
一共有48张桌子。
There's 48 tables.
你该怎么追踪这个呢？
How are you gonna keep track of this?
你们连电脑都没有吗？
How do you even y'all don't got a computer?
他们用的是老式的现金收款方式，像学校那样。
They got an old But school, like, cash
记住，如果一家店告诉你只能坐两小时，而你待了超过两小时，那两小时之后，饮料就免费了。
remember, if a place tells you you can only be at the table for two hours and you're there more than two hours, after the two hours, the drinks are free.
是的。
Yep.
因为这意味着管理层太怂了，不敢让你走。
Because that means the management is too pussy to tell you to move.
我就是这个意思。
That's what I'm saying.
你知道这句话说的是什么吗？
You know what saying?
就是这个意思。
That's what
我就是这个意思。
I'm saying.
现在很多餐厅经理都这样，德苏就像个传教士。
A lot of restaurant managers right now is like, Desus is a preacher.
德苏是个传教士。
Desus is preacher.
是的，是的，
Yeah, yeah,
是的。
yeah.
现在这已经是事实了。
Now it's a fact.
如果他们过来，试图以一种被动攻击的方式让你离开，比如在那儿放个检查单，然后还说不着急。
If they come and they try to, like, side like, passive aggressively try to get you out of there by just putting a check on there, and then they'd be like, no rush.
你就直接抓住他们的手腕。
You just grab them grab the wrist.
你明白我的意思吗？
You know what I'm saying?
然后看着他们说：我是个懦夫。
And look at them and be like, I'm pussy.
我记得
I remember
那些该死的检查单。
those damn check back.
喂，去把那个拿回去。
Like, yo, go take that back.
有一次聚餐，你知道的，我不想点名，就叫汤米吧。
There was a dinner with, you know, I don't wanna name any names, know, just Tommy.
我们在餐厅的时候，他们就说，那是坎耶的桌子。
Like, we were in the restaurant and they was like, that's Kanye's table.
我们就说，真酷。
And we was like, that's cool.
我们还没吃完呢。
We not done yet.
哇哦。
Wow.
哇哦。
Wow.
因为那是坎耶的桌子。
Because we That's have Kanye's table.
他显然总是喜欢在餐厅坐同一张桌子。
That he apparently he always likes the same table with his restaurant.
问题是，像汤米派对这样的场合，我们的餐费补贴标准下，我们很可能正在激烈地讨论一些愚蠢的事情。
The problem was, as is the per diem at a Tommy party, we were probably having a very spirited discussion about something stupid.
等等，索尼克和纳克鲁斯是恋人吗？
Like, were Sonic and Knuckles lovers?
当时人们都说，是的，他们是。
As people were like, yeah, they were.
他们为什么总是一起形影不离？
Why would they follow each other around like that?
那简直就是早期的数字版《月光》。
It was an early digital version of Moonlight.
我当时就想，你根本不知道自己在胡说八道什么。
And I'm like, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
明白吗？
Alright?
但到了某个时候，迹象已经很明显了。
What's the matter of at a certain point yo, there was the signs were there.
还记得索尼克和纳克鲁斯吗？你得把索尼克游戏和另一个索尼克游戏结合在一起才能玩。
Remember Sonic and Knuckles, where you had to take the Sonic game and penetrate it, like, with another Sonic game to be able to play it?
索尼克，是的。
Sonic Yeah.
而且
And
你还记得吗？
Remember that?
他们其实是在向你暗示些什么。
They were telling you something.
而且，索尼克不是曾跳到刺猬凯克尔斯背上滑翔吗？
And also, didn't Sonic get on Knuckles' back and glide?
我的意思是，喂。
Like, yo.
但我们都知道，索尼克真正的恋人其实是塔尔斯。
But but we all know Sonic's real lover was Tails.
所以别说了。
So stop it.
哦，对的。
Oh, yeah.
是啊。
Yeah.
没错。
Yeah.
嗯，今天聊得很开心。
Well, it's been real.
对。
Yeah.
他会拥有塔尔斯可不是没有原因的。
He had some Tails for a reason.
是呀。
Yeah.
嘿，听着。
Hey, yo.
嘿，哟。
Hey, yo.
你知道那句话是怎么说的吗？
You know what saying?
嘿，哟。
Hey, yo.
我现在正对着Spankbank上的视频呢。
I'm just under I'm under the video on Spankbank.
就是说，很高兴看到他在认真搞创作。
Like, oh, good to see him doing work.
希望他能出更多视频。
Hope he does more videos.
对。
Yeah.
可惜他不拍肛交题材的内容了。
Sad he doesn't do anal.
他在长第二条尾巴之前看起来更好。
He looked better before the second tail.
我说得对吧？
Am I right?
是的。
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah.
哦，真恶心。
Oh, gross.
那些，他安了个尾巴。
Those oh, he bolted on a tail.
真恶心。
Gross.
为什么那些在色情评论区的人把乳房植入物叫做‘外接件’？
Why do motherfuckers in penal comments call breast implants bolt ons?
他们会说：‘她没做那些外接胸之前我更喜欢她，兄弟。’
They'd be like, I liked her better before she had those bolt on boobs, bro.
让我们再往回追溯一点。
Let's let's take it further back.
为什么色情评论区的人会这样？
Why motherfuckers in porn comment?
而且而且。
Also Also.
说得对。
Touche.
另外，如果事实上，如果p，如果q，如果p则q，再加上苏修的传递性质，我们就是那些人，因为我们读过
Also, if though facto, if p if q if p then q and the transitive property of Susio, we are those guys because we read
那些评论。
those comments.
那现在是个新现象。
I that's new thing now.
我甚至不看视频。
I don't even watch the videos.
我只是在看评论，因为它们
I'm just reading the comments because they're
太真实了。
so Life.
离谱。
Off the wall.
人们说的那些话。
Like, the the things the people say.
他们比
They're more busy than
你别打我了，莉萝。
you stop beating me, Lilo.
是的。
Yeah.
你两年前就不打我了。
You stop beating me two years ago.
我两年没自慰了。
I haven't jerked over two years.
我现在就只是看评论。
I'm just reading the comments now.
兄弟，这真是
Bro, it's
这就是新的Reddit，好吧？
the it's it's the new Reddit, okay?
我不希望你知道世界新闻。
I don't want you to know about world news.
告诉我这个事实，告诉我这个事实：有个女人在每一个场景里都穿着同一双鞋，而你还在指出这一点。
Tell me about the fact tell me about the fact that this one woman has wore the same shoes in every scene, and you're pointing this out.
喂。
Yo.
现在你又
And now you've
你毁了我的观感。
ruined it for me.
你毁了我的观感。
You've ruined it for me.
然后你就像说，
And you're like,
是啊，它们确实很贵，但我的意思是，如果你每双都穿，算了吧。
yeah, they're really expensive, but I mean, if you wear them every pair, that come on.
换双新的吧
Get a new pair
她红色的那双鞋里 probably 有脚趾印。
of She red probably has a toe print in them.
大概很恶心。
Probably gross.
它们 probably 很臭。
They probably stink.
这太恶心了。
That's gross.
我的意思是，我倒想闻一闻看是不是真臭，但你知道的，它们 probably 很臭。
I mean, I would like to smell them to see if they stink, though, but, you know, they probably stink.
没错。
That's right.
没错。
That's right.
还有，如果你们真的是Bodega铁粉，应该听过上一期播客，我有个坏消息：The Bodega Boys理发店，那个给小宝宝们剪头发的店，已经关门了？
Also, if you guys, you know, if you're true Bodega hive, you listened to the last podcast, and I got the bad news, The BBBB has been shut The Bodega Boys barbershop for baby brajos?
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是的。
Yes.
对。
Yeah.
我们被更好的企业局关闭了。
We got shut down by the Better Business Bureau.
对。
Yeah.
所以更好的企业局关闭了更好的企业局。
So the BBB shut down the BBB.
更好的企业局。
BBB.
所以是的。
So Yeah.
所以没有更多的刷毛了。
So But No more bristles.
不再，我
No more I'm
关闭它。
shutting it down.
维克多当时在意大利，所以他不知道这件事。
Victor was in Italy, so he did not know about this.
是的，维克多，我们有很多。
Yeah, Victor, we have a lot.
我们有太多剃须刀要卖，兄弟。
We got so many razors to sell, bro.
是的。
Yeah.
兄弟。
Bro.
兄弟。
Bro.
还有，你们都
Also, Y'all
在想也许
was thinking maybe
我们可以把它们放在周边商品里，就像，嘿，就像，嘿。
we do, like, we put them, like, in the merch, like, as a, yo, like, yo.
惊喜。
Surprise.
惊喜。
Surprise.
嘿，UGG 50。
Yo, Ugg 50.
你懂我的意思吗？
You know what I'm saying?
还有，
Also,
我们在威廉斯堡租了一个完整的街区。
we rented a full block in Williamsburg.
我不知道我们当时在想什么，还签了一年的租约。
I don't know what we were thinking, and we signed a one year lease.
所以是的。
So Yeah.
但我一直在想，我们在做行为艺术。
But I was thinking about We're doing performance art.
不。
No.
我更好了。
I even better.
我为此感到非常有压力，因为我想，我知道维克托，他甚至都不会生气。
I was a lot stressed about it because I was like, I know Victor, he's gonna he's not even gonna be mad.
他会说，我不生气。
He's gonna be like, I'm not mad.
我很失望，这更让人难受。
I'm disappointed, which hurts even more.
这就像是，我们该怎么解决这个问题？
And it's just like, how do we fix this?
因为我弄了这么多T恤，伙计。
Because I got all these shirts, man.
上面写着BB，Bodega Boys。
They're like, BB, Bodega Boys.
他们给我们留了地方，可以在领子上加点东西。
They got a space for us to add something on the neck.
自从你不能再用B B B B B了，就换了新的。
Ever since you can't do B B B B B, got the new one.
哎呀。
Uh-oh.
BBLs。
BBLs.
不。
No.
BB BB BB BBLs。
BB BB BB BBLs.
给婴儿做的巴西臀部提升。
Brazilian butt lifts for babies.
明白吗？
Alright?
没错。
That's right.
你知道的
You know
说什么？
what saying?
你需要什么？
What you need?
听好了。
Listen.
别让你的宝宝看起来像个傻子。
Don't bring them to your baby look like a dub.
嘿。
Yo.
你知道。
You know
我说的是这个意思吗？
what I'm saying?
甚至等个屁。
Even wait for yo.
听好了。
Listen.
甚至不用等肚脐带脱落。
Don't even wait for the belly button umbilical cord to fall off.
带着脐带直接把他们带过来。
Bring them through with the umbilical cord still on.
这有帮助。
It helps.
没错。
Exactly.
你知道吗
You know what
我的意思是？
I mean?
没错。
Exactly.
这太难了，这
It's way It's
很难通过那里把脂肪减掉。
not easy to get the fat out through there.
你知道你在说什么吗？
You know what saying?
来吧。
Come on.
来吧，棒极了。
Come on, fab.
你见过那些妈妈们了。
You've seen the moms.
咱们留着吧，兄弟。
Let's keep it, bro.
你知道我的意思吧？
You know I mean?
你的宝宝你的
Your baby your
宝宝都没脸蛋了。
baby don't got no cheeks.
你的宝宝出生时背上长满了浓密的毛发。
Your baby was born with wild, long back.
你知道我说的是什么意思吧？
You know what I'm saying?
嘿。
Yo.
你有没有看过宝宝玩耍的样子？哪里是卡门·圣地亚哥，或者试图打败斯蒂芬妮·圣地亚哥？
Do you watch a baby playing where in the world is Carmen San diego or trying to beat Stephanie Santiago.
拜托。
Come on.
想想看。
Think about it.
你知道我说的是什么意思吧？
You know I'm saying?
便利店男孩的婴儿屁股提升。
Bodega Boys baby butt lifts.
是的。
Yeah.
好吧？
Alright?
你的宝宝也可能和德雷克去私密约会。
Your baby too could go on a private date with Drake.
你明白我的意思吗？
You know what I'm saying?
过来给你宝宝做一下BBL吧。
Just come through and get that baby BBL.
你懂我的意思吗？
You feel me?
那就是
That's
对的。
right.
由Gerber赞助。
Sponsored by Gerber.
你只是说，哇。
You're just like, wow.
这太火了。
This is hot.
你只是说，哇。
You're just like, wow.
Hot ninety seven 真的需要钱。
Hot ninety seven really needs money.
他们只是超级
They're just hella
在找广告商。
getting an advertiser.
嘿。
Yo.
喂。
Yo.
向你致敬。
Shout out to yo.
向Ebro致敬。
Shout to Ebro.
Ebro在推特上说，喂。
Ebro went on Twitter and just like, yo.
向纽约市历史上第二位黑人市长埃里克·亚当斯致敬。
Shout out to Eric Adams, New York City's second black mayor of all time.
不。
No.
好吧。
Okay.
我
I
我当时就想，
I was just like,
兄弟。
bro.
不。
No.
老兄。
Bruh.
老兄。
Bruh.
那根本不是这么回事。
That that's not a thing.
你不能说我们不是，我们完了，不。
You can't be We're not we're shot nah.
只有当这个人是第二个黑人罪犯或者第二个黑人色情演员，而且还做肛交的时候，才会有人说他是第二个黑人什么的？
The only time the only time anyone says this person is second black anything if they're the second black criminal or the second black porn performer they perform anal with?
他们说，是的，两个。
They're like, yeah, two.
杰里米·斯波克斯和火鸡棒。
Jeremy Spokes and Fire Cockrod.
明白吗？
Okay?
对。
Yeah.
他们在评论里抱怨这个。
They complains about it in the comments.
她是谁，哈莱姆？
What is she, Harlem?
有多少黑人男性会从她身上经过？
How many black guys are gonna run through her?
你会说，好吧。
You're like, alright.
放松一下。
Relax.
嘿。
Yo.
别激动。
Chill up.
放松。
Relax.
是的。
Yeah.
上面的黑人比113街的2号线还多。
There's more black guys on it than the two train at 1 13th Street.
太离谱了。
It's out of control.
天哪。
Fucking Christ.
她为什么眼神飘忽？
What does she eye hop?
因为每个人都想在115街跟她眼神交流。
Because everyone wants to eye hop on her on one two five.
你会想，哇，厉害。
You're like, oh, wow.
给我
Give me
一个给
a give
我一个
me a
嘿，我在付钱呢，我是来自斯塔滕岛的托尼，抱歉。
Yo, I'm paying I'm that Tony from Staten sorry.
对不起，因为我希望我最爱的运动的超级明星能说英语。
I'm sorry because I want, the superstar of my favorite sport to talk English.
好吧？
Okay?
为什么斯蒂芬·A.
Why is Stephen A.
史密斯会这样，或者你知道，我该怎么理解这个家伙在说什么？
Smith getting or, you know, I'm supposed to understand what this guy over here is talking about?
你知道吗？
And you know what?
我希望他是那种好人，比如，像松井秀喜或者铃木一朗。但首先，洋基队球迷或者一般的棒球迷并不是最开明的人。
I wish he was one of the good ones, like, know, Hideki Matsui or maybe Suzu Okay, first of all, off the rip, Yankee fans or baseball fans in general are not the most progressive people.
哦。
Oh.
记得
Remember
我们当时，我那时
What was our what was I
本可以
could have
在做竞选活动。
been doing campaign.
然后说，你好。
And be like, hello.
洋基队球迷给松井秀喜的绰号是什么？
What was Yankee fan's nickname for God for Hideki Matsui?
哥斯拉。
Godzilla.
哥斯拉。
Godzilla.
不。
No.
不。
No.
不。
No.
不。
No.
不是哥斯拉。
Not Godzilla.
因为哥斯拉还不够种族歧视。
Because Godzilla is is not racist enough.
他们得用上那个梗。
They gotta throw the yo.
把亚洲人把L发成R的刻板印象加进去。
Asian the Asian people replace l's with r's trope onto that.
你懂我的意思吗？
You know what I mean?
他们得用哥斯拉。
They gotta throw Godzilla.
他们会说那种话，比如‘我简直要跪了’之类的表达。
They would say that shit like and the words like I'm like, oh my god.
但最糟糕的是，我们说这些话时是带着爱的。
But the worst part is the worst part is we meant that with love.
我们确实是。
We did.
是的。
Yeah.
对。
Yeah.
他作为MVP参加的最后一场世界大赛。
That last World Series game he played in when he was MVP.
是的。
Yeah.
只是彼此非常尊重地鞠躬。
Just very respectfully bowing to each other.
看看利萨尼蒂的故事。
Look at the story of Lissanity.
嘿。
Yo.
我们很幸运，利萨尼蒂最终停在了那个点，因为当时人们几乎就要给他化上全套吉沙妆了。
We are lucky Lissanity ended what it did because people were coming very close to putting on a full Gisha makeup
嘿。
Yo.
然后就走进去，像是
And coming into, like
说说这个。
Talk about it.
德苏斯提到这个，每次他投进一个三分球就来个梗，像是
Desus about this, like, hitting a gag every time he hit a three shit, like
天哪。
Oh, god.
我们用爱迎接了他。
And we met him with love.
我们用爱迎接了他。
We met him with love.
人们都说，嘿，
People people were like, yo,
买啤酒送春卷。
get a free spring roll with your beer.
你可能会说，别了。
You're like, no.
什么？
What?
别了。
No.
别了。
No.
哇。
Wow.
我们这里不是这么做的。
That's not what we're doing here.
不。
No.
就像，
Like,
嘿。
yo.
为了获得地道的体验，坐三轮车去麦迪逊广场花园。
For authentic experience, take a rickshaw to Madison Square Garden.
你可能会说，好吧。
You're like, That Okay.
那听起来肯定有种族歧视的意味。
That gotta that gotta sound racist.
-喂。
-Yo.
-他们说：‘来，给你一只鸡，路上拿着。’
-They're like, Here Here, here's a chicken for you to hold on the way there.
明白吗？
All right?
-是的。
-Yeah.
-走吧。
-Let's go.
对。
Yeah.
而且很多时候，他们只是说：‘嘿。’
And half the time, they're just like, Hey.
嘿，我们就要来个中国风——DAVID：火
Hey, we're just gonna do a Chinese -DAVID: fire
是的。
Yeah.
对。
Yeah.
哇，哇。
Wow, wow.
中场娱乐环节，我们有刘康。
For Halftime Entertainment, we have Liu Kang.
各位，哇，老铁。
Ladies and gentlemen, like, wow, dawg.
你看，这就是种族主义的可怕之处。
See, this is how this is the thing about racism.
它会潜入你的脑海，让你意识不到自己正在经历种族主义。
It gets inside your head and it blocks out you realizing it is racism.
我们是不是在尼克斯队的比赛上，有人对林书豪喊种族主义口号，然后又把红熊猫搬出来，搞什么超级复合？
Were we at Knick Games where people were doing racist chants for Linsatity and then they were bringing out Red Panda on the Unicite Oh, Super Compounding.
这是反亚裔的。
That's anti Asian.
哦，天哪。
Oh, wow.
哇。
Wow.
你看他们那样。
That's like, look at them.
他们喜欢饭碗。
They like rice bowls.
嘿。
Yo.
饭团和米饭。
Pantas and rice.
那就是全部，他们就只关心这些。
That's all that's all that they that's all they're about.
你知道最糟糕的是什么吗
You know what worst
部分吗？
part is?
我们很喜欢。
We loved it.
我们很喜欢。
We loved it.
嘿。
Yo.
每个刻板印象是什么？
What is every stereotype?
我知道，比如多米尼加人的刻板印象就是可卡因或者理发。
I know, like, the stereotype for Dominicans is, like, cocaine or haircuts.
就像秘密家庭。
Like Secret families.
秘密家庭。
Secret families.
是的。
Yeah.
牙买加人的刻板印象是吵闹。
Jamaicans is Aloud.
他们无法控制。
And they can't help.
对。
Yes.
牙买加人的刻板印象是做多份工作。
Jamaican stereotype is multiple jobs.
多份工作，辛苦劳作的秘密家庭。
Multiple jobs, hard handed secret families.
秘密家庭。
Secret families.
他们喜欢
They like
他们很容易生气。
to they get angry very fast.
他们非常虔诚，同时也非常恐同。
And they're super religious, they're also super homophobic.
你明白吗？
You got that?
可能那就是相同的。
Is probably Which the is probably the same.
还有呢？
What else?
另外，他们很看重肤色。
Also, they're color they they're color struck.
所以，你知道，有点美白的现象。
So, you know, you got a little bleaching going on.
所以如果你看到肤色较浅的德苏出现，你就明白了？
So if you see light skinned Desus pop up, you know?
军阀。
War warlord.
好的。
Alright.
就在加沙，准备好吧。
Just in Gaza, get ready.
喂。
Yo.
我快回家了，操。
I'm so home and shit.
就像在用蛋糕一样。
It's like using the cake.
所以我会突然出现，说：喂。
So I'll pop up like, yo.
便利店男孩。
Bodega Boys.
不错。
Nice.
便利店男孩。
Bodega Boys.
嘿。
Yo.
嘿。
Yo.
嘿。
Yo.
走吧。
Let's go.
干吧。
Let's do it.
头条是太阳闪光。
Headline is sunflash.
走吧。
Let's go.
混合包。
Mix pack.
混合包。
Mix pack.
把它实现。
Make it happen.
我们需要那张Desus的舞厅专辑。
We need that Desus dancehall album.
走吧。
Let's go.
突发新闻。
Breaking news.
突发新闻。
Breaking news.
德苏·梅罗没有获得艾美奖提名。
Desus MERO did not get nominated for an Emmy.
哇。
Wah.
哇。
Wah.
哇。
Wah.
哇。
Wah.
谁在乎？
Who cares?
你知道吗？
You know what?
我们已经习惯了
We're used to
它。
it.
所以
So
那些东西甚至我都
those thing is but not even I
如果我们获得提名，我并不会感到惊讶。
would have been surprised if we did got nominated.
我会说，哇哦。
I would be like, woah.
因为他们，我们赢得了WGA奖。
Because they were they we won the WGA.
在我的脑海里，我这个笨蛋就以为，哦，这意味着我们很可能会被提名。
And in my mind, my dumbass mind, I was like, oh, that means that we are probably gonna get nominated.
但后来我开始认真想想，就觉得算了吧。
But then I started thinking about it, and I was just like, nah.
他们就像说：嘿，给你，拿着吧。
They're like, yo, here, take this.
你懂我意思吧？
You know what I'm saying?
这就像艺术，是个艺术类奖项。
It's like the art it's an artsy award.
是的。
Yeah.
这其实就是个随便的东西。
It's a real whatever.
然后你们还对这个挺满意的。
And then y'all are happy with that.
你是说他们就像耐克推出白色球鞋那样做吗？
You're saying they do what, like, Nike does when they drop off white sneakers?
他们推出了一些很烂的空军一号。
They they drop some whack ass Air Force Ones.
他们说：嘿，Off Whites 是热门款，但你可以直接花钱买这些，保证现在就能拿到。
And they're like, yo, the Off Whites are a draw, but you can pay for these and be sure to get them right now.
你当时说：我没想买。
And you're like, I didn't Yeah.
他们说：嘿，
Want They're like, yo,
你真的想要它们吗？
I do you want them.
他们说：你想要那个土豆鞋款吗？
They were like, you want the Potato Skids ones?
它们是用真正的土豆做的。
They're made from real potatoes.
我当时说：
I was like,
你知道吗？
you know what?
天啊，那土豆鞋到底是什么？我不懂。
What the fuck are the I Potato Skids don't know.
哇，老兄？
Woah, dog?
我根本不想买它们。
Don't I want them at all.
我只关心奶酪味和培根碎。
I listen for cheddar and, like, bacon bits.
你知道吗，那些土豆鞋的设计是因为你穿上时，别人会说：‘哦，你不想穿Off Whites吗？’
You know that the potato skits were because when you wear them, people are like, oh, you ain't want them off whites?
你会说：‘去你的。’
You're like, fuck up.
嘿。
Yo.
来吧。
Come on.
那些Off Whites本来就是垃圾。
Them off whites is them off whites is trash anyway.
嘿。
Yo.
去他的运动鞋应用。
Fuck that Sneakers app.
那玩意儿太棒了。
That shit is fat.
嘿，兄弟。
Yo, bro.
那玩意儿真是垃圾。
That shit is trash.
它他妈的一直在搞砸我的东西。
It's stay fucking fucking my shit up.
我从来没说过，哦，要留下来找女孩。
I never said, oh, stay to girls.
问题是你们都不懂。
The problem is y'all people don't know.
看看我。
Like, look at me.
你们以为我这些球鞋都是直接从耐克拿到的吗？
You think I got all these sneakers, like, direct through Nike?
问题在于你们去应用商店。
The problem is go into the App Store.
你们得下载一个结尾有两个'r'的球鞋应用。
You need to download sneaker app with two r's at the end.
这就是你们所有人都犯的错误。
That's the mistake y'all all making.
你们都用错了，自己的球鞋应用只有一个
Y'all use I your own sneaker got one
这可能会让你打开它。
This might you open it.
啊
A
一个白人女性说：‘你想要哪款耐克运动鞋？’
A white woman is like, what Nike sneakers do you want?
我当时说：‘谢谢，米尔德丽德。’
And I was like, thank you, Mildred.
她把名字写下来了。
And she wrote it.
是的。
Yes.
就是这样。
That's it.
兄弟，名字。
Name Bro.
她的名字叫米德丽德·耐克。
Her name is Mildred Nike.
她是这个的创始人，亲手缝制这些鞋子。
She's the originator on that she hand sews them.
不是那种东西。
None of that
你明白我的意思吗？
You know what I'm saying?
是的。
Yeah.
我不会说些什么，我不想惹上斯蒂芬·A。
I'm not gonna say something, I don't wanna get Stephen A.
史密斯。
Smith.
你明白我的意思吗？
You know what I'm saying?
所以，你知道的。
So, you know.
是的。
Yeah.
你懂那种氛围。
You know the vibes.
你懂那种氛围。
You know the vibes.
嗨，嗨。
Hi, Hi.
各位。
Guys.
这是德斯·尼斯。
This is Desus Nice.
我想为我之前一些不恰当的言论道歉，我想说，还不足三十秒，我只是想说我现在要休息一下。
I would like to apologize for some insensitive comments I made, I wanna say, not even thirty seconds I just wanna say I'm taking a break right now.
我在听。
I'm listening.
我在学习。
I'm learning.
我在努力改进。
I'm doing the work.
是的。
Yeah.
我向所有因我之前言论感到被冒犯的人承诺，今后我会更加谨慎，不再说那些可能被懦弱之人视为冒犯的话。
And I've just promised to all of you guys who were offended by what I said that in the future, I'll be more careful to say things that can't be taken as offensive by pussies.
所以，是的。
So Yeah.
你才是个懦夫。
You're a pussy on.
你知道吗？
You know what?
有人告诉我，下一条笔记必须用苹果备忘录。
Was told my next note has to be on Apple Notes.
所以我只是想，我靠，这是什么情况？
So I'm just like, I'm like, what the fuck?
备忘录的图标到底是什么？
What's what's the fucking what's the icon?
备忘录的图标是什么？
What's the icon for Notes?
找一部在美国制造的手机。
Find a phone made in America.
然后我说，老兄，你为啥惹上麻烦了？
Then I said, dude, why are getting in trouble?
不。
No.
你知道吗，还有件更离谱的事？
You know what's wild too?
就是说，这时候我们本来应该在讨论NBA总决赛，但没人提这事儿。
Like, this is around this, like, the time where we would, like, be talking about, like, probably, like, the NBA finals, but, like, nobody's talking about this shit.
我们都在问，你看了吗？
Like, we're like, have you have you watched it?
有点像
Like, kinda like
不是被取消了吗？
Didn't it get canceled?
没有。
Nah.
就是事情发展的方式而已。
It was just how they it's happening.
但是呢
But, like
没有。
Nah.
它必须被取消，因为
It had to get it had to get canceled because
哇哦。
Woah.
是的。
Yeah.
有防守就能赢冠军，但你不可能得了150分还指望输。
Defense with championships, but you can't score a 150 points and expect to lose.
他说得对。
He's true.
那是很久以前的事了。
That was a long time ago.
别再提了。
Let that go.
不。
No.
下一个。
Next guy here.
下一个。
Next.
下一个。
Next.
不行。
Nope.
不行。
Nope.
不行。
Nope.
凯文·杜兰特赢了。
Kevin Durant for the win.
哦，三不沾。
Oh, air ball.
真不想看到这种场面。
You hate to see it.
天哪。
Oh my.
这就是为什么我现在喜欢这样，因为在采访KD并跟他搞在一起之前。
And that's why I enjoy this now before we interview KD and hop on his dick.
这孩子真冷。
It's a cold baby.
在纽约市打球感觉怎么样？
How's it feel to play in New York City?
嘿，老兄。
Yo, man.
你看你，简直像这城里最年长的球手，兄弟。
You look, you like the eldest hooper in the city, bro.
我的意思是，你知道我在说什么吧。
Like, you know I'm saying?
就像
Like
KD，你知道我真的很喜欢什么吗？
KD, you know what I really like?
老兄，你在网上虐人的样子。
Man, the way you be cooking niggas on Twitter.
跟我们说说这个。
Tell us a little about that.
喂，喂，真的。
Yo, yo, for real.
你老是在网上喷人，老兄。
You be flaming motherfuckers, bro.
把我拉上，让我们上场。
Put me up, put us on the game.
喂，KD。
Yo, KD.
人们总想说你在推特上软弱，对你指指点点。
People be trying to say you soft on Twitter and at you.
但老兄，你是个真汉子。
But yo, you a real nigga.
就像，老兄，这事儿现在对你来说太疯狂了。
Like, yo, like, it's so insane to you right now.
你会怎么说？
What would you say?
因为你知道，你就是那个关键人物。
Because you were you know, you the man.
你说的是什么意思？
You know what saying?
哎。
Yo.
我帮你梳梳头行吗，老兄。
You mind if I brush your hair, yo.
你知道我在说什么吗？
You know what I'm saying?
我是说，我不知道你有没有拿那事儿开玩笑什么的，但哥们，你真牛。
Like, I don't if you made jokes and shit about that, but like, yo, you shit.
嘿。
Yo.
你的行为太疯狂了，兄弟。
Your ways are spinning, b.
你知道我在说什么吗？
You know what I'm saying?
我只是想确保它们保持得体。
I just wanna make sure they stay proper.
凯蒂，你介意我穿着这件球衣，里面不穿内裤，在你家走动吗？
Katie, you mind if I just, you know, wear this jersey with no underwear underneath it around your house?
是的。
Yeah.
我们有两个小 hose，两个小 patties 在 KD 的 crimp 和球衣上走来走去。
We we got two little hoses, two little patties just walking on KD's crimp and jerseys.
而且，呃，这正是我我的
And, like, this is I my
球衣皱巴巴地裹在发圈上，我给他煎蛋时露出一点 yeeks。
jersey bunched up with on a scrunchie, showing a little yeeks as I make him eggs.
你们全都看起来像
Y'all all look like
那个吃早午餐的阿姨？
and act like the brunch lady?
嗯哼。
Uh-huh.
你只是特别卖力地笑他的笑话什么的。
You just laughing extra hard at his jokes and shit.
Kenny，你太好笑了。
Kenny, you're so funny.
天哪。
Oh my god.
天哪。
Oh my god.
嘿。
Yo.
梅罗，他太搞笑了。
Mero, he's so funny.
他太搞笑了。
He's so funny.
嘿，让我看看。
Yo, let me see.
嘿，你看到他评论了吗？
Yo, you saw him commenting?
嘿，他
Yo, he
声称他。
claimed him.
哦我的
Oh my
我的天啊。
Oh my god.
我和Mero正在做OnlyFans和KD球鞋房。
Me and Mero are making OnlyFans and KD sneaker room.
我的天啊。
Oh my god.
我的天啊。
Oh my god.
我的天。
My god.
太燃了。
That's so lit.
我们完全是布朗克斯的塔蒂斯风格，等等。
We are full Bronx Tatis and shit.
我们互相化妆，等等。
We doing each other's makeup and shit.
我们喜欢帅气，而且对帅气、帅气、对帅气、帅气、对帅气很自在。
We like handsome and ease with handsome handsome and ease with handsome handsome
还有激情。
and passion.
帅气又随性，随性地展现帅气的时尚。
Handsome and ease ease with with handsome fashion.
喂。
Yo.
想看看我们吗
Wanna see us
谁想看我们接吻。
who wanna see us make out.
好吧？
Okay?
大手笔 spender 们。
The Big Spenders.
再多点代币吧，各位。
More tokens, y'all.
嘿。
Yo.
想象一下我？
Imagine me?
维克多说 Showtime 那边，Desus 和 MERO 不在演播室。
Victor got a Showtime is like, Desus and MERO are not at the studio.
维克多说，他们不知为啥去了图卢姆。
Victor's like, they are in Tulum for some reason according to their idea.
嘿。
Yo.
就这样了，兄弟。
That's it, bro.
去他的，兄弟。
Fuck this shit, bro.
咱们就当个辣妹吧，兄弟。
Let's just be thotties, bro.
咱们就当个辣妹吧。
Let's just be thotties.
咱们要不要当个NBA辣妹？
Should we NBA thotties?
嘿，这想法真棒。
Yo, that's Think
想想看。
about it.
比如，嘿，我可以说，我哥们儿，我虽然没好身材，但我幽默啊。
Like, yo, I could be like, yo, my nigga, I don't got the body, but I'm funny.
他们总是说，那就是
They be like, that's
你懂我的意思吧？
You feel me?
没错。
That's true.
嘿，我
Yo, I
我有Yeeks和一卷凶狠的血性。
I got Yeeks and a roll of mean blood.
什么
What's
事？
up?
我会直接过去找你。
I'm a come through right there.
我会说，嘿，我要保持真实，兄弟。
I'll be like, yo, I'm a keep it I'm a keep it G real, my nigga.
嘿，这些女人多得是。
Like, yo, like, these bitches is a dime a dozen.
我可以跟你开玩笑什么的。
I could joke with you and shit.
我可以玩《使命召唤》。
I could play Call of Duty.
你知道吗
You know what
我就像说，
I'm Like,
老兄，我们可能穿的是同一款运动鞋。
nigga, we probably wear the same sneakers.
所以你多拿了你的鞋子之类的东西
So you getting extra You shoes and shit like
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