新年，新我，新放荡的同性恋剧集

这真的很奇怪，每当我从我的播客休息一段时间，再回去拍摄时，我就完全不记得该怎么做播客了。

It's really weird, whenever I take like a bit of a break from my podcast and I go back to shooting after a time and then I just I can't remember how to do my podcast.

嗨，我美丽的生物们！

Hello my beautiful creatures!

欢迎回到《但这就是我一直在想的》2026年！

Welcome back to But Like That's On My Mind 2026!

朋友们，我知道我离开了一段时间。

Guys, guys, I know I've been gone.

已经一个月了。

It's been a month.

现在是寒假。

It's winter break.

你们懂的。

You know how it is.

过去四年一直都是这样。

It's been this way for the last four years.

但我真的很高兴能回来。

But I am so happy to be back.

对于那些已经了解我的人，你们都知道，我的自我价值感往往取决于我能完成多少工作——这一点我们大家都已经承认并不健康，但我非常喜欢做我的播客，因为那是我感觉最好的时候，天啊，我居然说出来了，尤其是因为我总是拖延做这个，因为它需要很多准备工作，而我的很多工作又不算正经工作，以前我是个懒女孩。

For those of you who know me already, you already know that I'm someone who my my level of love for myself tends to go off of how much work I can get done which is not healthy we have all established that but I love doing my podcast because that's when I feel the best I'm just like ugh I said it especially because I always procrastinate on doing it because it's like a lot to set up and a lot of my work is not in work and I was a lazy girl.

但我现在不再是懒女孩了，好吧，今年我们要改变对自己说话的方式，我真的很期待能回来。

I'm not a lazy girl anymore okay we're changing the way we speak about ourselves this year but I'm really excited to be back.

我已经为这个季度做了很多规划。

I've done a lot planning for this season.

我也非常兴奋，因为这次我终于不是家里唯一做播客的人了。

I'm also really excited because I'm finally not the only person in my family who has this podcast.

我妹妹也做了一个播客，主题是新手妈妈、婚姻、灵性之类的内容，我会在下方描述里放上她的播客名称，因为我没记下来，也想不起来叫什么了。

My sister also does a podcast as well hers is on being a new mother, marriage, spirituality, stuff like that so I will drop her podcast name in my description below because I did not write it down and I don't remember the name.

好吧，我为自己辩解一下，我连兄弟姐妹的生日都记不住，那我为啥要记得这个呢？

Well in my defense I barely remember my siblings birthdays so why would I remember?

不管怎样，这都不是重点，对于还不认识我的人，我叫香蒂·奥古斯丁。

You know whatever that's besides the point for those of you who do not know me, my name is Shanti Augustine.

我今年22岁。

I am 22 years old.

我本来想说23岁，但那还要等三个月，真是不可思议。

I was gonna say 23 but that's not for another three months which is crazy.

前几天晚上我刚想到这个，跟妈妈说：到五月，我就大学毕业两年了。

I was just thinking about it the other night and I was telling my mom I was like come May I'll have been out of undergrad for two years now.

真的吗？

Like what?

这太疯狂了。

This is insane.

我大学毕业已经两年了，但我感觉就像上个月才毕业一样，真是不可思议，但事实就是这样。

It's been two years since I graduated college and I feel like I graduated a month ago which is insane but that's, you know, that is what it is.

我已经做这个播客四年了。

I have been doing my podcast now for four years.

我们在2025年12月6日迎来了四周年。

We hit four years on 12/06/2025.

而且说实话，这感觉真的很奇妙，就像你们看到的，我这漂亮的太空背景正好契合了这种氛围。

And honestly it's kind of surreal as you can see for my for those watching me my beautiful space surreal background just fits the vibe.

我刚开始做这个播客的时候，我真的不记得为什么要做它了，我想我只是喜欢听别人的播客，想找个办法让自己习惯听到自己的声音。

My when I first started this podcast I I think I I don't even remember why I did it I think I just liked listening to them and I wanted a way of getting used to hearing myself talk.

我一直对看自己表演或听自己谈论事情感到非常不自在，很长一段时间我根本不会去听自己的播客。

I was always very insecure about like watching myself act or watching myself talk about things and stuff like that and for the longest time I never would listen to my podcast.

我的意思是，就在两三周前，我第一次真正坐下来，像你们一样听了自己的播客。

I mean I literally for the first time like two three weeks ago I actually sat and I listened to my podcast like you guys would.

我当时开车在路上，只是在听它。

I was just driving in the car just listening to it.

我当时想，哇，这还真有点奇怪。

Was like wow this is actually pretty weird.

谁能想到呢？

Who knew?

谁能料到呢？

Who would have known?

因为我从不剪辑我的播客，等等，这也不对，我其实会剪辑，只是不会完整地听一遍。我知道如果中间有停顿、间隙或被打断，我会在心里记下时间，然后回去修正那段，但我不会坐下来完整地听自己说了多久，因为我根本不想听自己说话。所以这次我完整地听了一集，感觉特别奇怪。不过我可能在某集较短的播客里哽咽了，因为我的集数时长不一，有时讲二十分钟，有时能讲一个半小时，这有点疯狂。

Because I don't edit my podcast okay that's not that's not true I edit it I just don't like listen to the whole thing I know if I took on a pause or like a break or like an interruption happens I'll like note the time in my head and I'll go and I'll just fix that but I don't sit and listen for myself talk for however long I had been talking in the episode because I'm just like I don't want to hear I don't want to hear myself so it was very weird for me to go and listen to an entire episode I think I choked one of my shorter episodes though because my episodes ranged I could speak for twenty minutes or I can speak for like an hour and a half which is kind of crazy.

但那次听下来感觉特别好，让我为自己感到非常自豪，有时候我甚至喜欢坐下来数一数我一共做了多少集。

But it was it was really nice and it made me feel very very proud of myself and sometimes I even like to sit and just go through how many episodes I have.

比如我会打开Spotify，一个一个往下刷，看我的播客列表。

Like, I'll sit on Spotify and I'll just look through and just keep scrolling.

我心想，这也太离谱了。

I'm like, this is crazy.

我已经干了四年这事儿了。

I've been doing this shit for four years.

你们这帮人过去四年一直在听我说话。

You motherfuckers listened to me for the last four years.

你们还一直回来，说：再来一集。

You still came back and said, more.

我不懂为什么，但我真的很高兴你们在这里。

Like, I don't get it, but I'm glad that you're here.

所以，对于那些看过我这一集标题的人，它叫《新年，新我，新放荡日节目》。

So, for those who've seen the title of my episode, it's called New Year, New Me, New Slutty Day Shows.

你们中那些属于我们的‘放荡派’的，说的就是我接下来要谈的内容，稍后我会详细讲，敬请期待。

Those of you who are one of our slutty a's exactly what I'm talking about which I will be talking about a little later in the episode so stay tuned for that.

那么，我们来进入今天这一集。

So let's get into today's episode.

终于到了2026年。

It's finally 2026.

这他妈到底意味着什么？

What the fuck does that mean?

不。

No.

时间过得实在太快了，简直疯狂，六年前还是新冠疫情，整个世界都停摆了，谁都不准出门。我现在之所以有这种感觉，是因为我住在得克萨斯，或者你们其他人也正在经历这场所谓的暴风雪——我得打个引号，因为我们根本没下什么雪，但媒体和人们把这词儿吹得天花乱坠，结果大家当然又跟往常一样行动了。

Time moves so damn quickly now it's insane it's insane I mean six years ago it was covid like the whole world came to a stop no leaving your house like I I think that I'm feeling this right now because I live in texas or anybody else who's kind of going through this snowstorm and I could air quotes around a snowstorm because we have not had anything freaking they the media and just people hyped up this phrase so badly that everyone of course does what they always do.

他们冲进超市，把所有面包和牛奶都抢光了。

They storm the the supermarkets and they take all the bread and all the milk.

把所有肉类都抢光了。

Wipe out all the meats.

H E B超市里的东西全都没了。

Like everything in H E B has been gone.

如果你只是想正常买点杂货，那你可真倒霉了。

If you are just trying to eat a regular grocery shopping you are shit out of luck.

你甚至连一个土豆都买不到。

There's you won't even be able to get a potato.

情况糟糕到这种地步。

Like that's how bad things are.

于是人们买了大量所谓的暴雪零食、发电机和其他各种东西。

And so people like bought all of these like you know storm snacks and generators and all these different things.

然后我们被告知，周五晚上别上路，尤其是周六，千万别出门，我觉得我们那儿只下了点小雨，只是冷而已，这在德克萨斯的冬天很常见。但他们又说，周六晚上到周日会变得非常糟糕。

And then we were told you know Friday night don't go on the roads Saturday especially you know don't nothing we need I think we got maybe a little bit of rain it's just been cold which is typical Texas weather in winter And then they're like, well, you know, Saturday night going into Sunday is gonna be real bad.

尤其是周日，千万别出门。

Sunday especially do not go out.

什么？

What?

我们被告知可能会停电。

We were told it was gonna have a potential power outage.

哪里？

Where?

没什么。

Nothing.

外面只是很冷。

It's just cold outside.

这和过去两个月的情况没什么不同。

It's not not any different than how it's been the last two months.

所以现在他们说今晚会非常糟糕，非常糟糕。

So now they're saying oh tonight's going to be real bad, real bad.

我们走着瞧吧，但那种感觉就是没人该上路，就像2020年那样，当时真的是到处都像鬼城，我记忆犹新。我记得有一天在超市，大家都保持六英尺距离，戴着口罩，有人叫你，你立刻转过头去，感觉就像身处一部末日电影，某种化学病毒蔓延，夺走无数生命，你环顾四周，心想：这就是那种感觉。所以当你把那时和现在对比，六年过去了，整个社会已经改变太多了，我觉得这并不是好事。

So we'll see but that kind of just like no one's supposed to be on the roads and that's how I feel like it was you know obviously in 2020 where it's just like now that was a legitimate like ghost town everywhere I remember that so vividly and it was just like I remember looking around I was in the supermarket one day and we're all six feet apart on everybody has masks on someone calls you just immediately whip your head towards them like it felt like you were in some dystopian film where like this chemical virus went around and it was killing everybody with like a whole thing you're just looking around and just like this is what that feels like and so when you look about when we think about then to now and it's six years later and it's just like as just a society we've all changed so much and I don't it's not for the better.

老实说，作为社会，我们变得更糟了。

We honestly as a society got a lot worse.

这集不是要谈这个，但进入新的一年，这确实很有趣。我有一个目标，是去年开始的，我不打算把它当作新年目标，而是我一直坚持的事情——读报纸。

That's not what this episode's going be about but it is interesting going into a new year and it's just like a one of my new year's goals which is something that I started last year so I don't want go to a new year goal but something that I've been maintaining is reading the newspaper.

你们中听我播客的人知道，我一直努力让自己远离社交媒体。

I those of you who listen to my podcast know I've been you know really trying to detach myself from social media.

过去几周，尤其是最近两周，我对自己宽容多了，允许自己更多地使用社交媒体。

The last few weeks have been less like more like last two weeks I've been giving myself way more grace with allowing me to be on social media.

但我发现，我认为我能获得更好的信息。我一直说，我留在Instagram是因为我喜欢了解世界上的事情，主要是关于一级方程式赛车。

But I found that I think I can get better information and you know I always said oh I stay on Instagram because I love to learn things about the world and this is mainly Formula One.

它让我及时了解那里的动态，但我想，如果我要获取关于正在发生的事情的信息和新闻，就不该从社交媒体上获取，因为那很可能有误或带有偏见。

Keeps me updated with stuff on there, but I was like well if I'm looking for information and news about stuff that's happening don't get it from social media because it's probably going be wrong or biased or something.

所以我开始读报纸，今天我读了几页，不得不停下来，转到另一个更积极的版面，因为那里全是负面消息，自从我成为同一个人、同一个组织的一员以来，一切都让人不堪重负。

And so I started reading the newspaper and just even reading that and I read a couple pages today and I had to like stop and go to like another section that was like a lot more positive because everything there was just like negative stuff that is happening all since I'm the same person in the same organization and it's just like it's just overwhelming.

当你进入新的一年时，我们都有这种想法，想重新塑造自己，你知道，一月是所有人都在同一频道上的第一个月。

And when you go into the new year it's like we all have this thing where we want to like rebrand ourselves it's like you know January is is that first month where everybody's on the same page.

我要去锻炼，想吃得更健康，多睡觉，改善和家人的关系。

I'm going to work out, I want to eat better, I want to sleep more, I want to have better relationships with my family.

但到了新年三周后，就没人再提去年年底许下的那些目标了。

And then like three weeks into the year, no one's talking about anything that they said they were going to do at the end of last year.

我觉得这特别特别有意思，因为我一直把自我提升作为生活的重心，因为我总觉得自己不够好，尤其是我注意力不集中、容易焦虑，还有注意力缺陷多动障碍，这些困扰影响了我生活的方方面面，让我总觉得自己有所欠缺，所以一直在努力改进。但最近我静下心来想了想，其实我对自己现在的样子和所处的位置感到非常自豪——从2020年我17岁的时候到现在，我已经完全变了一个人，成长和进步了很多。

And I find that really, really interesting because, you know, I have always centered a lot of my life on trying to constantly improve myself because I always felt and I always feel that I'm lacking especially because, you know I struggle with things like my attention span and anxiety, I have ADHD and so because I have these things that I struggle with I feel like it affects my whole life and like I'm lacking constantly and so I'm always trying to improve myself but I had to like sit with myself for a bit and think like know I'm actually really proud of who I am and where I am you know from where I was in twenty twenty I was 17 years old which is insane and to where I am now two completely different people and I've grown and I've improved so much.

当年我17岁时渴望成为的那个人，现在就是我。

Like the person that I was wishing that I was when I was 17, I am now.

但如今的我，却还是在希望自己是另一个人。

But yet I'm here I am now wishing that I'm someone else.

这到底怎么说得通呢？

Like how does that how does that make sense?

所以作为人类，我们永远难以对当下发生的事和真实的自己感到满足，因为我们总在期待下一件事，渴望成为下一个样子，渴望改变；等回过头看，才发现那段时间其实很好，真希望自己当时能更珍惜。因此，我一直在努力在新的一年里更用心地生活，但这有点难，尤其是新年第一周我就去洛杉矶上学了一周，完全脱离了我的日常生活。下周的节目我会跟你们详细讲讲那次旅行。

So like as humans we can never really be satisfied with what's going on and who we are with people in present day because we're always like waiting for the next thing or wanting to be the next thing or wanting to be different and then we look back and we're like damn that was a really good time and I wish I enjoyed it more you know and so I really have been trying to be a bit more mindful just going into this new year which has been a bit hard especially since I went to literally the first week into the new year January I went to LA for a week for school and that was a complete detachment from my life and I will tell you guys all about that trip in next week's episode.

那次经历让我彻底脱离了自己生活中的所有事情，因为我根本没法跟上这边的动态。

But it was a complete detachment from my life and everything that's going on in my life because I was it wasn't like I could stay in the loop for things here.

我的课程是十二小时的课，中间有两个一小时的休息，每天从早上9点到晚上9点上课，然后我们还会去酒吧之类的地方，第二天一早又重复整个流程，持续了六天。

My classes were twelve hour classes with two one hour breaks in between and I would you know, 9AM to 9PM go to class and then we would go out to some bar or something and then we'd get up early morning and do the whole thing all over again for six days.

从那里回来后，我发现这对我来说很难，因为当时我完全沉浸在自己热爱的编剧创作中，还见到了《摩登家庭》、《家庭琐事》和《未来世界》的编剧和行业高管，和这些很酷的人交谈，同时又和我非常喜爱的同学们在一起，而平时我根本不出门。

And that I found was difficult for me coming back from that especially because it's like I was really immersed in my craft which is screenwriting which I love so much and you know I was meeting industry execs and the writers of the modern family and Family Guy and Futurama, you know, and I'm talking to these really cool people, and then I'm also with my friends from school who I love so much, and, you know, I don't go out ever.

是的，我每晚都会去酒吧或秘密酒吧。

And, yeah, I'm going to a bar or Speakeasy every night.

所以回来之后，我的节奏完全被打乱了。进入新年时，我本来有明确的目标，今天我也会聊聊一些我正在尝试的方法，来确保自己能完成并实现这些目标。

And so coming back it like really messed up my rhythm because going into the new year I was like yo yo, I had my goals, I have like I which I'm going to kind of get into today with the different things I'm trying to do to like ensure that I do complete and accomplish my goals.

但我之前已经设好了所有计划，也做得不错，结果一走就是一周，完全没对自己设任何目标，因为我总觉得没时间做别的事，所以就算某天没完成一件事，我也不会苛责自己，反正我也不知道什么时候才有空做。

But I had all that set and I was doing good and then I was gone through a week and I didn't hold myself to anything I was really doing goal wise just because I was like I don't have time for different things so I'm not going to crop up myself if I didn't do this one thing one day because I'm like when will I actually have the time to do something.

我刚到学校时曾试过，比如我现在有一个习惯追踪器。

I tried when I first got to school because like for instance one of I have I have a habit tracker now.

我自己做了一个，专门买了适合的日记本，抱歉，我是说专门买了这本日记本，然后为这个月的每一天画了一条小条形图，选了一些我每天想完成或至少努力去做的事——这其实是个比较宽松的系统，如果实在做不到，我也不会强迫自己，但这样至少能让我在月底回顾时想想：下个月我最需要改进的是什么？

I made one, I got I got the journal specifically for it, excuse me, I got the journal specifically for it and I made one like a little bar graph for every day of this month and then I picked the different things that I wanted to make sure I do it every day or at least try to get to it's a very it's a bit of a loose thing if I can't I do not hold myself with it forage like it is what it is, but it's just like the for me to look back on at the end of the month and like okay this is what I can I can really improve on going into next month?

比如确保每天写日记、冥想，或者至少喝完一杯我的YETI水瓶或水壶。

On it was like making sure I journal every day, meditate, drink at least one of my YETI water bottles or water jugs.

我不知道它到底是多少盎司，我得查一下，因为我觉得这个信息对我很重要。

I don't know how many ounces it is which I need to look up because I feel like that's an important thing me to know.

我不怎么喝水，所以这是我在健康方面想要改善的一个重要方面。

I'm someone who does not drink a lot of water, so that's a big thing that I'm trying to improve on my health.

我们正努力改善这一点。

We're trying to improve on that.

但我之前是有在做的。

But I had that.

我有读报纸、写诗、阅读、拉伸、锻炼，我想就这些了，如果我没记错的话。

I had read the newspaper, write a poem, read, stretch, exercise, and I think that was it, if I'm correct.

在新年的头四天，我全都坚持得很好，但一月去学校后，头几天我还能保持喝水、拉伸、读点报纸，偶尔写首诗，可到后来就一样都没了。

And going into the you know the first four days of the year, I was doing all of it doing pretty good and then I went away for school on January and I the first couple of days of school I was able to you know keep with the drinking the water, the stretching, reading some newspaper, maybe writing a poem, by the end of it none.

我啥都没做，一点都没做。

It was nothing that I do a damn thing.

我连日记都没写，这我能理解，因为我太忙了，我知道自己可能没法坚持，但当我从学校回来后，我周六一回到家，就觉得要想重回正轨，必须来个重启——我通常每周日都会打扫、烤面包，现在主要安排在周六，因为我尽量让周日成为我放松、什么都不做的时间，可今天是周日，我也没这么做，因为今天实在有太多事要处理了。

I didn't journal nothing which I was like that's understandable because I'm so busy so I'm not I I understood that I probably wouldn't be able to you know but then I got back from school and I immediately I got back on a Saturday and for me I feel like in order to get back on track I have to do like a reset and I do that like every Sunday I clean, I bake bread, I give well mainly every Saturday now because I really try to get my Sundays as a time for me to just chill and do nothing which I'm not doing today's a Sunday I'm not doing that but I just got too much stuff to do today.

但我觉得周六也是这样。

But on Saturdays is what I think too.

我试着在周六打扫、整理，为下周做准备，同时烤一些甜点之类的东西。

I try to do my cleaning, my organizing, setting up for the week ahead, bake doing, you know, baking all of my treats and stuff.

我烤酸面团面包，但我真的需要停一停，因为我对麸质过敏。不过因为我从零开始做，不像市售的化学添加品那样高浓度麸质，所以我的肠胃不适感减轻了不少，也不会像吃商店买的那样疼。

I bake sourdough which I really need to take a break from because I have an allergy to gluten and it's been better because I bake from scratch so like, you know, I don't bake when it's at a high concentrated gluten so in my stomach discomfort but like I don't get a lot of pain as if I'm eating like store bought chemically induced stuff.

但因为我能自己烤，我家人就会说：‘你能做点什么吗？’

But because I can bake on my own and my family's like oh can you make something?

你能做这个吗？

Can you do this?

我姐夫 literally 有一次来我家，我刚离开一周，他就说：‘我的松饼呢？’

Like literally my brother-in-law was like I had came over his house and I had been gone for a week my he was like, Where is my are my muffins?

我的那些大点的点心呢？

Where are my big treats?

我说：‘你指的是哪个？’

I'm like, do you mean?

他总是说：你每次来都会带点什么好吃的。

He's like, You always bring some type of treatment.

你过来的时候什么都不带。

You come over and you don't have anything with you.

洛迪让我坐下来给他发了一堆不同的酸面包食谱，我说：你挑一个想要的，结果我做了蓝莓柠檬炸面团，特别美味，昨天我还做了蓝莓松饼。因为我现在总是在烤东西，也就总在吃，这可没帮到我的胃，最近几天我一直在疼，不过我们还是挺过来了。但当我周六回来时，我本以为一到家就能立刻开始整理，因为我就是这样的人——一回家就会马上把所有东西都收拾好。

And Lody made me sit and send him a bunch of different sourdough recipes and I'm like, You choose which one you want and I ended up making blueberry lemon fritters which were delicious and I made them blueberry muffins yesterday and so because I'm always baking stuff now I'm always eating it which has not been helping my stomach so I've been in I've been in the pain the last couple of days y'all but we're getting we're getting through it but when I came back that Saturday I was expecting to be able to because I'm the type of person that moment I get home from a trip I will unpack unpack everything.

我不会让行李箱一直放着不管，这让我很不舒服。

I do not let people in my suitcase sit there, it bugs me.

我宁愿先去洗衣服。

I would rather get my laundry.

我本来计划把行李箱里的所有东西都洗一遍，所以一直期待着回家后能立刻开始。

I had been planning to wash all of the stuff in my suitcase and so had the expectation that I'm going to come home.

我大概凌晨三点到家的。

I got home around 03:00.

不，我的航班是三点左右到的。

No, my flight got in around like three something.

所以我大概在四点半到五点之间到家，因为我住得有一小时车程。

So I got home around like 04:30 ish five because I lived an hour and away.

所以我就想，是啊，我住得离那儿有一个小时的路程，然后我姐姐们也在那儿。

So I'm like, yeah, I lived an hour away from and then there was my sisters.

所以没错，我大概在五点半左右到家。

So yeah, so about around like five ish 05:30 is the time I got home.

但我本以为我侄子和侄女会在家，我超爱他们，他们是我的宝贝，只要有机会我就想和他们待在一起。但那天我真的特别需要一个人安静待着，回家后能彻底放松、整理一下，然后睡一觉。那次旅行我根本没睡好，你们知道吗，我们每天晚上都出去玩，早上又起得特别早，睡眠完全不存在。不过只要孩子们来了，他们总会自然而然地往我这儿凑，我特别享受和他们在一起的时光。

And so but I was expecting my niece and my nephew to be there and I love them they're my babies any chance I get to spend time with them I do however that day I definitely really would have needed just like nobody to bother me to be able to just come home clean get a little reset and kind of go to sleep I was lacking sleep on that trip y'all like I said we were going out every single night and then getting up real early so my sleep was non existent but whenever the kids were over, they kind of always drift towards me and I loved being with them.

但我妈妈让我的两岁侄子很早就上床睡觉了。

But my mom had my two year old nephew sleep, like, at nighttime.

不是说他平时的睡觉时间，而是比平时睡觉时间还早，任何有孩子的人家都知道，尤其是这么小的孩子，你不能让他们在不该睡的时候睡。

But not like his bedtime, like before his bedtime, which anyone with kids knows, especially kids that young, you do not let them sleep until it is time.

他们白天可以小睡一会儿，但到了某个时间点就不能再让他们睡了，不然他们会整晚都醒着。

Like they can take their nap earlier in the day, but at a certain point you can't let them go to sleep because then they will be up all night.

他一直醒到凌晨三点，而我又得陪着他，那时候我的膝盖都快废了，但我又不能先睡，因为孩子醒了到处跑，你不能丢下他一个人睡觉，这太不安全了，真的不安全。

And he was up till like three in the morning and obviously I'm with him and so my know my knees I think was knocked out by that point but I can't go to sleep until he goes to sleep because just safety you can't go to sleep like you can't sleep while a two year old's up running around doesn't make sense it's unsafe guys it's unsafe.

所以我一直在给朋友发短信，没想到他还醒着，我就跟他说：天啊，我快撑不住了，太累了，连洗衣都没顾上，房间乱成一团，我本来想收拾一下，但因为孩子在这儿，到处乱翻，把架子上的东西全扯下来，我真是快崩溃了。

And so I had been texting my friend who surprisingly was still up and I was like dude I'm dying I need I'm so exhausted I wasn't able to do any of my laundry my room was a mess because I tried to start cleaning but because you know the kids were here and he was getting into everything and pulling everything off the shelves and I was, oh my god, it was dying.

所以周日我本想利用休息日好好调整一下，结果那天根本没休息，接着就进入工作周，我每天通勤一小时去上班，真的累到不行。

And so Sunday I ended up using my rest days a day to kind of reset and everything and then I so I didn't really get any rest that day, then I went into the work week and I worked an hour away from where I live and then it would you know, it like a lot.

然后我就整整一周都状态全无。

And then so I was out of it for literally a whole week.

唯一的原因就是时差——加州比德克萨斯晚三个小时，所以我那一周都处于严重时差中，根本没好好休息，也没法继续做我的习惯追踪，没法推进我真正想完成的目标，感觉特别没效率。

Was the only thing I was jet lagged because California is three hours away three hours away three hours behind Texas and so I was just like jet lagged the whole week and I wasn't getting proper rest and so I wasn't able to really get back on to doing my you know my habit tracking doing the things that I really wanted to, you know, pushing into doing my goals and stuff, so I was feeling really unproductive.

当我感到没效率、状态不对时，会让我难过，但不是那种‘哎呀真可怜’的难过，而是那种我能感觉到自己正慢慢陷入抑郁，像从山坡上缓缓滑落，我得想办法阻止它，这种难过真的很让人沮丧。

When I feel unproductive, when I feel out of, kind of out of it, it makes me, you know, kind of, it makes me sad, but not just not sad in the way where I'm just like, Aw, but sad in a way where it's just like I can feel myself slowly falling into a depression, like slowly rolling off that hill, and I need to figure out a way to like stop it, kind of sad.

生活真难啊，我懂你们，负能量爆棚。

Hard life I get you guys, bad vibes.

你们可能没听过我总说‘负能量’这个词，但我确实经常说，尤其是在加州的时候，因为四年前在Emma Chamberlain的一个视频里，有人好像在嘲笑她，她就说：‘这可是我生日周啊，负能量！’

Which y'all, so I don't know if y'all ever heard me say that, I would say bad vibes, I say that a lot, but especially when I was in California because like four years ago in an Emma Chamber video she had said that when someone was like she thought someone was making fun of her she's like and it's my birthday week bad vibes!

所以我在那之后就停不下来地用‘负能量’来形容各种事，虽然我平时不常这么说，但每次一发生点啥，我就脱口而出：‘这简直太负能量了’，哪怕其实也没那么糟，我朋友觉得特别好笑。但那一周我就是觉得：天啊，新年才刚开始一周，我就已经放弃所有目标了，尤其是专注力对我来说特别难，一旦失去动力，我就失去自律，而自律的真正意义就在于——当你没动力的时候，你依然坚持去做。

And so when I was there I just could not stop saying bad vibes for everything and I say that on a regular but I don't say it a lot but every time I every time something happens I'm like that's kind of crazy bad vibes even if it wasn't bad vibes that would be like bad vibes which my friend thought was hilarious but yeah and so I had that whole week where I just was like feeling like damn it's the new year and I've already abandoned my one week into the the new year and I've already abandoned all my goals especially because focus is really really hard for me and I I think if I if I lose motivation I lose discipline and the thing is when that's the point of discipline is when you lose motivation that's when discipline comes in and you keep doing it.

但自律一直是我很难做到的事情。

But discipline has always been something that's very hard for me.

所以这一直是我另一个重要目标，就是要重新投入进去，真正地把自律这个词狠狠地刻进我的日常里，你懂我的意思吗？

And so that's been like another big goal of mine is just to kind of get back get not even get back on it get into it like really really put that part put that shit hard on my vocabulary you know what I mean?

现在已经是三周了，我感觉好多了。我不得不再次远离社交媒体，因为我当时状态太差，干脆又下载了社交软件，就为了找点事做。然后我发现了这部大家都在Instagram和TikTok上疯传的轻浮同性恋剧集，当然我看了，这对我生产力一点帮助都没有——现在我完全被《Heat A Regularly》这部剧给困住了，你们都知道，因为纽约市长都亲自劝大家回家读《Wool》了，对吧？

And so now it's been what it's been three or three weeks and I'm feeling a lot better I had to really well a) I had to detach myself from social media again because I was in such of a state that I just downloaded social media because I just needed something to do and then I found this slutty little gay show that everyone was raving about on Instagram and TikTok and so I watched it of course and that was not helpful at all for my productivity because now like I have I was in parental chokehold for Heat A Regularly that's the studio all of you know because I mean the mayor of New York literally just told everybody go home and read Woolie, right?

拜托！

Come on!

但没错，我们现在又重新开始了。

But yeah, so now we're back at it.

新的一周开始了，我要跟你们详细说说我的新年新我计划。

We are it's a new week and I'm gonna tell you guys all about my my little New Year's new me plan.

我主要做的事情之一，就像我说的，是在用一个习惯追踪器，基本上就是观察自己的习惯，了解自己，弄清楚哪些日常安排最适合我。

So one of my main things like I said I am doing a habit tracker where I'm allowed pretty much just to more or less study my habits, study myself, figure out what routines work best for me.

我最近做得特别好的一件事，就是确保自己每天坚持写日记和拉伸。

Something that I've been really been doing good at is just making sure that I've been journaling and stretching every day.

这是我一生中惊人的发现。

I discovery of a freaking lifetime.

我其实喜欢锻炼。

I actually like to exercise.

我说这话是因为，在过去六年里，我一直说我不喜欢锻炼，除非有人追我，诸如此类。

And I'm saying this as someone who for the last six years of my life I have said I do not like exercise, don't want it unless someone's chasing me, all that.

我想是因为，我曾经打了大约三年半的长曲棍球，差不多三年到四年吧。

And I think it was because, when I played for, you know, three to almost four years, that cut half and a half a little bit, so three and a half years, I played lacrosse.

不，还是说四年吧，我们就说四年。

No, I'll say four years, we'll say four years.

从中学后期一直到高中，我一直在打长曲棍球，有时候很棒，有时候也很糟糕。

Whereas throughout the end of middle school to throughout high school I played the lacrosse and it was great at times and it was also really bad at times.

我效力过的球队，我一共待过三支队伍，但我的高中球队在某个阶段变得非常非常有毒。

My team that I played for, I played on three different teams, but my high school team at a certain point got really really really toxic.

教练有时候对我们不太好，就是他让我讨厌这项运动，还有其他各种原因。

Like a coach who's like not great to us at times and he just made me hate the sport, and this different thing.

这涉及很多方面，最终导致我在赛季开始前几个月退出了这项运动，但后来他们说服了我重新回来。

It's a lot of aspects and it ended up causing me to quit the sport for about a couple of months before the season had started and then I ended up going back into it because they convinced me.

但当我重新回归这项运动时，我已经对自己有了极大的信心，因为我已经放弃了那段对我而言极其糟糕的经历，所以我回来时只想说：我不在乎能不能表现得多好，我只希望玩得开心。

But by the time I went back into the sport after quitting, I had gained so much confidence in myself because I had quit something that was really horrible to me at the time, that I went back in and I was just like, I don't care about this being great, I just want to have fun.

我真的做到了。

And I did.

但正因为如此，有一段时间我们的团队变得极其有毒。

But because of that, there was a period of time where we were just super toxic.

我们每天都在高强度训练，整个夏天都是如此。

We worked out heavily every day, all throughout the summer, stuff like that.

所以我觉得这让我对这项运动产生了很负面的印象，因为那段时间真的很脆弱、很有毒——我当时还在处理家庭问题，正经历抑郁，一切都压得我喘不过气。因此，在我停止打长曲棍球后的多年里，我一直觉得：我绝不会再主动锻炼了。我曾多次尝试重新开始，但每次都只是觉得：我真的不喜欢这个。后来我爱上了骑自行车，住佛罗里达时我试过几家免费的单车课程。我嫂子住在她家附近的一家单车馆，她跟我说：‘嘿，我打算去上一节免费课，你要不要一起来？’

And so I think it just made like a really just gave me a bad connotation towards it just because you know, it just was it was very it was very vulnerable, very toxic time and I was dealing with my you know family stuff and I had depression at the time and it was just like a lot and so for years after once I stopped playing lacrosse I was like I will never voluntarily exercise again and I tried at different times to kind of get into it but I never I was like I just don't like this and so I I used I enjoyed cycling I I had tried a couple of cycle bars back when I lived in Florida you know the free classes and stuff but my sister-in-law she did a cycle bar close to where she lived and she's like hey I was gonna do like one of the free classes do you want go with me?

我说：‘好啊，为什么不呢？’长话短说，我第一次去的时候搞错了地点，去了休斯顿，而不是我们约好的地方，所以我只好重新预约。后来我重新安排的那天，她其实并不是特别狂热的粉丝——这么说太夸张了，她只是特别喜欢我们的教练，她说：‘她真的超棒，我特别喜欢她的课程。’于是我们去了，我真的非常喜欢，感觉非常好。说实话，那时候我刚结束学业，状态有点分心，整个骑行过程中我都心不在焉。

I was like yeah sure why not long story short I ended up missing the first Costco I went to the wrong cycle bar I went to Houston instead of the place that we were supposed to go and so I ended up rescheduling it and so the day I rescheduled it for her I had well she was a big fan of well not a big fan that's extreme she just liked the trainer that we have she's like she's really good I think they really really like her sessions and so we went and I really really liked it it was really nice I felt good like I'm not gonna lie I would this is during the period where I was coming back after school and I was like kind of distracted so I was I was distracted during the whole cycle thing.

但慢慢地，我的专注力又回来了，我觉得自己在注意力方面表现得还不错，于是我就报名了——我不知道该叫‘订阅’还是什么，但现在我每周都会去一家单车馆。说实话，这很贵，我一个月只上四节课，花80美元，确实不便宜。但因为工作安排，我身体上真的只能上四节课。而且，我喜欢这机会能和我姐姐一起度过，这很棒。不过它离我家有三十分钟车程，根本不是近在咫尺，否则我真能每天都去，你知道的？

But like slowly I kept getting back like my mind focus and I was I think was doing pretty good focus wise And so I ended up signing up for a I don't know if subscription is the term like but I go to a cycle bar now which it's expensive I'm not gonna lie I only do four classes like $80 a month which is a lot but I physically I literally can only do four classes a month because of my work schedule and because like I want I like this is like my opportunity just like to hang with my sister which is great but it's about thirty minutes from where I live so it's not like it's even down the street where I can if I could go every day I can go every day, you know?

所以我觉得，这太棒了。

And so I was like, this is great.

我可以在周六早上做这个，因为这让我觉得周六可以过得充实一点——我可以一整天忙我的播客、完成作业、打扫、烘焙，等等。

I can do this on my Saturday mornings because it's like a way I I kind of want my Saturdays to be something that's a productive day for me where I have the whole day to work my podcast, get any homework done, get cleaning, baking, all that stuff.

实际上，我上周五去了，因为当时他们说周六道路要封闭。

And so I had went on a Friday, actually, I went this past Friday because we were they were like, oh roads are gonna be closed Saturday.

你不能出门。

You can't leave the house.

别出门。

Don't go leave the house.

大家都对此特别认真。

Everyone was really extreme about this.

所以我想，算了，我也不出门了，不想冒险，周五晚上去就行，我妹妹本来周五晚上也要去，这简直完美。

So I was like well shit, I'm not going to leave the house, don't want to take any risks, I'll go Friday night, my sister was going Friday night, anyway so that was perfect.

但当我到那里时，天哪，真是太棒了。

But when I was there y'all it was amazing.

首先，我的教练进来了，她说：‘各位，我今天感觉不太舒服，所以我们这节课就轻松点吧。’

First of all my instructor came in and she was like guys I'm not feeling really well so we're gonna take this you know this class easy.

天哪，她练得太猛了，腿抽筋了，我都不得不停下来。

Y'all she went so hard she got a charlie horse I had to stop.

我头靠着显示器，那是用来追踪我骑行数据和转速的设备，因为我实在太累了，但腿还是在动。上完课后我依然浑身酸痛，膝盖一直发软，但感觉特别棒，强度很大，我在逼迫自己，可这种感觉太好了，我特别专注，心里只想：这真的太棒了。那天我情绪并不好，心理状态也不佳，感觉整个人都不对劲，但就是这堂课让我重新找回了状态。

I had my head resting on my like monitor that was tracking me in my RPM and stuff because I was so exhausted my legs are still going I was sore after that class I kept feeling my knees buckled but felt so good it was like a lot and I was pushing my body but it felt so good I felt so focused and I was just like this feels great to me I'm feeling really really good about my and I wasn't feeling great that day like mentally I just wasn't having a good day Emotionally I just wasn't feeling myself, feeling different things and stuff, but that I felt like that right there got me back on track.

老实说，从那以后我一直状态不错。

And I feel like I've been doing good ever since honestly.

于是我心想：骑自行车确实是我做过的好选择，我甚至决定要自己买一辆健身单车。

And so I was like okay cycling had definitely been a good choice for me and I even decided I'm going get a cycle bike on my own.

我找到了一款，心想：我就买个Peloton吧，因为我刚读完《书痴》这本书，待会儿我会跟你们聊聊，这本书简直太棒了。

I found one I was like oh I'll get a Peloton because I just finished reading Book Lovers which I will talk to you guys about that book in a bit because it's so damn good.

《书痴》里的女主角不断提到她的Peloton，说有多想念它、多爱它。

But the main protagonist in Book Lovers like constantly mentioned her Peloton and how much she missed it and loved it.

然后我就去查了下Peloton的价格。

And then I looked at how much a Peloton cost.

我不会买一个Peloton。

I will not be getting a Peloton.

那相当于一个月的房租。

That was the price of rent.

一个Peloton的价格差不多是一个月的房租。

For one Peloton was the price of like one month's rent.

这太疯狂了。

That is crazy.

但我发现亚马逊上有一些很不错的，价格只要206美元，我找到了家里能放的地方，我觉得这对我来说会很棒，当我处于无法集中注意力的状态时——这种情况经常发生，这是我的注意力缺陷多动障碍（ADHD）导致的。那些不听我播客、不了解我的人，我可不是像社交媒体上那些人那样随便说‘我好有个性，我有ADHD’，我是经过多位治疗师、心理学家和药物治疗确认的。我确实有社交方面的困扰，但重点是，集中注意力对我来说非常困难，有时候我就是无法专注，身体完全动不起来，那种感觉特别糟糕，你只能想：‘怎么办？’

But I found some really nice ones for like $2.06 $0 on Amazon, found a place in my house that I could put it and I was like I think this would be like great for me to be able to like if I'm having a moment of I can't focus because it happens a lot where I just like it's an ADHD thing which for those who don't listen who have not who don't know me don't listen to my podcast you know I'm not saying I have ADHD like one of these social media people are like oh my god I'm so quirky I have ADHD no I mean like you know multiple therapists, psychologists, medicine medicine established you know this girl we she got some social issues that's not even her over there but I focus is a really difficult thing for me at times where it's like I can't lock in, I can't physically get myself to do anything, and it's a horrible feeling to have, and you're just like what?

就去做吧。

Just do it.

你会想明白的。

You will think.

就去做吧。

Just do it.

这很容易。

It's easy.

而且说实话，我能让自己坐下来，但接着我就想，好吧，你们看不到我，所以我不明白为什么。

And hell, I can get myself to sit down, but then I'm just like this Okay you guys can't see me so I don't know why.

我当时完全在玩手机，腿一直在抖。

I was totally in my thumbs and shaking my leg.

所以我觉得，这其实是个很好的方法，能让我快速找回专注力，哪怕只是骑十分钟自行车，然后告诉自己：好了，赶紧把这事搞定。如果还是感觉状态不对，那可能就是老天在提醒我：休息一下吧，找点不那么烧脑、不需要太多精力的事情做，然后再回到原计划。

And so I think that's right there like would be a good way just for me to be able to get my focus back quick even if I get on my bike for like ten minutes and I'm like alright let me just power through this real quick and I'm still feeling off about it then maybe it's just this god sign like alright take a break find something that's not as mind boggling or doesn't require require a lot out of you to do and then get back into what you had planned.

但它也让我意识到，我其实很喜欢锻炼。

But it also made me realize that I do enjoy exercising.

我喜欢那种感觉，尤其是因为我总是和我妹妹一起锻炼。前几天晚上我跟她说起这事，她直接笑疯了，说：‘你到底怎么了？’

I like the feeling especially because since I go with my sister, and I told her this the other night, she started laughing, she's like, what the hell is wrong with you?

但天啊，刚才我差点被呛到，我需要点水压压惊。说实话，如果你真的逼自己去适应，也没那么糟糕。第一次参加免费试听的骑行课时，我坐在她旁边，房间很暗，屏幕反光，除非你特别仔细看，否则根本看不清别人。我当时觉得她骑得比我快，于是就盯着看，发现她那边的某个数值比我高。那时候我还不懂这些数据代表什么，只是注意到教练总提到她的数值比我的高，我就想：‘天哪，怎么可能？’那个数值高到我都看清楚了，但因为看不太清，我就默认她比我快，于是拼命踩，心想：我绝对不能输给她，我就是不喜欢输，我特别好胜。结果课程结束时，我在排行榜上居然领先她了——我排第20名，班上一共30个人，所以你知道的。

But oh my god it just choked one second I need liquid courage water it's honestly not that bad if you really force yourself to lick it but so the first time I had did the cycle class from my free trial one I had I had been sitting next to her and the room was dark and it's kind of like a glare on our screen so you can't really see the other person unless you like really look and I thought she was going faster than me and so I'm like looking and one of her her thing was higher I'm still like I still couldn't at this time I didn't really know what anything meant but I just noticed that one thing that the our coach kept mentioning hers was just like higher than mine and I was like oh hell no what is it was higher to where I could see which wasn't very well so I didn't think I just assumed it was higher and so I was just like held on until like I'm just going faster than her like as fast as I can thinking like this whole time thinking like she's beating me I don't like this I don't like I don't like losing y'all I don't like losing I'm very competitive and so turns out by the end of the class I was ahead of her on the leaderboard so I was like well I don't think she was even on the leaderboard, mean I was number 20 but there were 30 people in the class so you know there's that.

但对了，前几天晚上我跟她说起这事，她却说：‘什么？’

But yeah and so I told her this the other night she was like I don't what?

你为什么要这么做？

Why would you do that?

我当时就想，我只是不喜欢输，所以在上星期五我们上完下一节课时，我又像往常一样争强好胜了。我现在已经不举重了，以前我举重可厉害了，25磅听起来可能不多，但你懂的，你家姑娘那时候可是肌肉紧实。

And I was like I just don't like losing and so during the next class that we had this past Friday same thing I was being competitive as usual and I don't lift anymore I used to be really really great when it came lifting weights 25 pounds may not sound like a lot, but your girl, you know, your girl was was kind of ripped.

我打长曲棍球的时候也不是素食者，所以身上有肉。

I also was not a vegetarian when I played lacrosse, so I had meat on my bones.

现在我瘦得跟竹竿一样。

Now I'm twig.

但我们那时候有那种特别重的杠铃。

But we had these like, like bars that were like heavy bars.

所以我本来想拿轻一点的，结果看到我妹妹拿起了更重的，我就说：‘你这个坏蛋！’

And so like I was just going to grab like the lighter one and I saw my sister grab the heavier one and I was like you bitch!

于是我一把抓过来，天哪，我快不行了。

And so I took it, y'all, I was dying.

我胳膊都快断了。

My arms was killing me.

我看着她，心想：我恨你。

And I looked at her and I was like, I hate you.

她却说：你本来可以选轻一点的啊。

She's like, You could have just did the lesser one.

我说：但你没选啊。

I was like, But you didn't.

这意味着我也不能选。

Which means I couldn't.

但我喜欢这样，因为她问我：你为什么要去上课，还买辆自行车？

But I like that because she was like why are you going to do classes and get a bike?

好像你很有钱似的，我说：不是因为钱。

Like that's too like you got money and I was like it's not that.

我只是觉得，对我来说，骑车就是我想一直做的事。

I just feel like the bike for me is just I think it's just something I want to do all the time.

我觉得这是一种我每天都会想做的锻炼方式，而且很方便，因为我只要走过去就行了。

I think it's a form of exercise that I would like to get in every day and it's easy because I can just go right over there.

我不用去健身房，直接去车库，骑二十到四十五分钟就完事了。

I don't gotta go to a gym, can just go to my garage, cycle for twenty, forty five minutes, be done with it.

但我喜欢课程，因为我享受那种竞争氛围。

But I like the classes because I like that competitive edge.

不只是和她比，而是和所有人比，我都想超越他们所有人。

Just not even with her but with everyone where it's like I want to be all of them.

我想成为排行榜上最高分的那一个。

I want to be the higher one on the board.

但我真的很喜欢，你知道的，我喜欢那个教练。

But I love, you know, I love the instructor.

我喜欢那种氛围。

I love the vibe.

她真的、真的很有鼓励性。

She's really, really encouraging.

她会走过来，在讲话的时候给我们比个赞之类的。

She comes up to us and just like as she's, you know, talking and she'll give us a thumbs up or whatever.

但这环境真的很不错，你知道的。

But it's just a nice environment, you know.

我的书架上是不是少了一本？

Is one of my bookshelves missing this through?

我得修一下。

I gotta fix that.

抱歉。

Sorry.

抱歉。

Sorry.

对不起。

I sorry.

我很抱歉。

I'm sorry.

但，是的，你看，这正是我正在做的，对我来说，这真是让我无比兴奋的事情。

But, yeah, see, this is something I'm and so that to me is something I'm really really really, really really excited excited about about.

但这件事极大地激励了我，让我更想多锻炼，所以今天我确实要做一个腹部训练，本来昨天就打算做的，结果我躺在地上睡了三个小时，那真是让我尴尬到极点。

But it has encouraged me that much I do want to exercise more and so I'm going to actually do an ab workout today I intended to do one yesterday and then I laid on the ground and I fell asleep for three hours Yeah that was my level of embarrassment.

我 literally 去锻炼，把视频都准备好了，结果直接睡着了，我的猫也躺在我旁边睡着了，这可没帮上忙。

I literally went to work out, got my video ready and everything, and then I knocked out and my cat knocked out right next to me which didn't help.

我觉得你这是在纵容我的这些小举动啊，小猫咪。

I'm like you're encouraging my antics kitty.

所以，我真的对这件事感到非常兴奋。

And so yeah, so I'm really excited about that.

我觉得我变健康这件事会给我带来很大的帮助。

I think me getting in shape is something that's going really help me.

我非常非常瘦。

I'm very, very skinny.

我很难保持体重。

I struggle to keep weight up.

我有缺铁的问题。

I have an iron deficiency.

我马上就要大干一场了。

I'm about to tear it in y'all.

我还想强烈推荐的是多吃点。

That's another thing I'm really recommend is eating more.

我一直在给自己做奶昔，蛋白质奶昔，虽然能喝。

I've been making myself smoothie, protein smoothies, which they are edible.

大家都清楚我做不好奶昔。

Everyone knows I can't make one.

不知怎么的，它们总是出来是灰色的。

I mean they always come out gray for some reason.

我让我的奶昔颜色更偏绿一点了，但还是带着明显的灰调。

I got mine to be more of a greenish than gray but still fairly gray tint on it.

我不明白怎么会这样。

Don't understand how that happened.

我朋友真的会坐在电话旁陪着我，一步步教我怎么做奶昔，她说：我真的不知道怎么会这样。

My friend literally will sit on the phone with me and walk me through making a smoothie and she's like I I don't know how this happened.

我不明白这是怎么发生的。

I don't know how this happened.

但我一直在努力改善，多吃几餐，即使分量不大，也试着一天多吃几次，因为我以前真的每天只吃一次零食。

But I've been like you know trying to do better eating a lot more multiple meals even if it's not large portions trying to eat multiple times a day because I will literally eat a snack a day.

不是正餐，只是零食。

Not meals, a snack.

到了晚上我就开始想，天啊，头快炸了，或者半夜醒来，心想：天哪，我饿了。所以我们在社交媒体方面也在努力调整，我其实就是重新下载了Instagram，它让我想起了两件事：一是我为什么喜欢Instagram。

And then I hit the night and I'm wondering oh my god my head's killing me or I'll wake up in the middle of the night I'm like fuck I'm hungry you know so we're you know we're trying to trying to be better with that social media wise I I just it's just it's back I miss Instagram y'all I when I allowed myself to download Instagram it just reminded me two things it reminded me of one why I love Instagram.

我从来就不是特别喜欢TikTok的人，以前是，但现在我真的不怎么喜欢，它在我某个阶段变得太刺激了。

I was never I'm not much of a TikTok person I used to be but it's just I'm not a fan of it really it just became over stimulating for me at a certain point.

尤其是因为TikTok上的内容都是实时的，而Instagram——抱歉，你看到的新闻至少会落后两个月。

Especially because everything on TikTok is like live time you know at least with Instagram excuse me you're going to be at least two months behind on whatever news you're learning.

除非你的账号专门关注当下发生的事，但我的做法是纯粹刷推荐页，看到有趣的内容就点进去看，但有时候我会看到一些新闻，心想：天啊，这事儿发生了？她却说：这都三个月前的事了，你在说什么？我就觉得这样挺好，因为这让我稍微脱离了信息洪流，我知道这事发生过，但不知道具体时间。我觉得现在社会对实时信息的执着真的太疯狂了。

Unless you're unless you have your page strictly towards, I don't know, present day stuff, but I will literally I just scroll my explore page and then whatever post looks interesting I'll just scroll through that, but I'll see something else sometimes I'm like dude this happened this is crazy and she's like that happened three months ago what are you talking about and I'm like oh I love that because I feel like that it kind of keeps me out of the loop a bit or it's like a I still know this thing happened but I don't know the exact time that it happened I think as society it's really crazy how everything is like real time for us.

这让人很难真正抽身，摆脱这种状态。

And it just it gets it very hard to kind of just distract track yourself from that.

把自己抽离出来。

Take yourself out of it.

我不记得具体是怎么回事了，但当一切都在实时发生时，要摆脱这种循环真的会变得非常困难，抱歉，我的围巾有点碍事。

I don't remember how I don't know how the term will go, but it can get very hard to sorry, my scarf is to kind of get yourself out of that loop when everything is happening in real time.

还有，Instagram的推荐页面真是太搞笑了，我给自己培养的页面全是些离谱到极点的内容，要么是特别黑暗的幽默，要么就是极度同性恋风格，基本上就这两种，所以我当时就想，啊，我真想念这个，但F1也让我吓了一跳——不是惊吓，是惊喜，因为我突然意识到，我已经整整一个月没看到刘易斯·汉密尔顿的脸了！我之前一个月都没好好刷手机，结果他就在页面上闪闪发光地出现，我就喊：拜拜，宝贝！

Also it's just so funny the way the Instagram for you page explorer page that I've cultivated for myself is just all things that are heavily out of pocket that is just like extremely dark humor or just really really gay it's usually just one of those two things just dark humor or gay and so it's just I was like oh I miss this but also formula one is like I I literally had like not a jump scare but like a happy scare where it's just like I because I it made me realize I haven't seen Lewis Hamilton's face in like a month I was off in the chair for like a month and I don't right right right right on the page he was just there looking all glorious so I was like bye baby!

这也让我超级想念F1，真的。

It also made me miss formula one so much y'all.

我觉得，作为一个普通人，一旦F1回归，我会更开心，因为我的一半个性都跟F1有关。自从十二月以来的冬歇期真的太难熬了，因为这个赛季太令人期待了：两位老车手回归——虽然他们确实年纪不小了，但还有全新车队，嗯，我们有两个新车队，但只有一个刚加入赛道，因为Stake转成了奥迪，然后又加入了凯迪拉克，而宇佐美不在了，他们换上的那个新司机我记不起名字了，但他连驾照都还没拿到，所以现在有这么多新东西：新车、新规，我真的太兴奋了。

I think that I think as a person I will be happier once formula one is back because half of my like personality is formula one and this winter break that we've been on since the December has been so freaking hard us just because this season is going be so exciting we have two old racers back well not old well they are old but like two former racers back, a whole new team, well we have two new teams but one that's just been added to the track, well to the grid because State turned to Audi and then they just added Cadillac and Yuki's not there anymore and they the guy that they you know replaced him with I can't remember his name but he doesn't even has his license yet so it's just like there's just so much stuff is happening and new cars and new regulations and just like I'm so excited.

所以我觉得，虽然我是个法拉利车迷，知道他们大概率又要气到我，但我还是决定保持积极，至少先积极五次。

So I think you know and I say this as a Ferrari fan who knows that they're probably gonna piss me off but you know I'm gonna just I'm just gonna be positive I'm gonna be positive out of five.

我真他妈讨厌我们车队的车，这车丑爆了。

Fucking hate our car though the car is so ugly.

白色太多了，线条太杂了，我平时都不想提，但没错，所有这些又让我想起了我为什么这么爱Instagram，但当我继续刷的时候，A）我精心培养的页面开始转向其他内容，那些我真正想看的东西——这也就是我为什么看报纸，因为真的会让人烦躁；而且我发现，自己不知不觉就浪费了大量时间，你根本意识不到，直到你抬头看手机，发现一个半小时已经过去了，然后你惊呼：天啊？

There's too many hps, too much white like I don't I don't talk about it but yeah so it's like all that just reminded me of why I love Instagram so much but then I you know as I'm scrolling A) my you know my cultivated page turns to other things things that I really want to see things that that's why I read the newspaper to get done is because it's just like yeah I just gets frustrated but also I found that it just you know I found myself losing time you know you don't realize how much time you lose until you look up on your phone and an hour and a half has passed and you're like, what the fuck?

你知道，这还加剧了我的分心，因为我无法集中注意力。现在我重新回到社交媒体，我本来在做别的事，但总是想：哦，我宁愿刷手机。以前我甚至能在红灯前坐得住，那说明我的社交媒体成瘾有多严重。

You know, and it also just like added to my levels of distraction, not being able to focus because now that I got back into social media I'm I was doing these and just like, oh but I would rather sit on my phone scrolling or like I was good getting pretty good at being able to be at a red light that's how you know my social media addiction was bad.

我根本无法在红灯前不立刻掏出手机刷起来，红灯也就三十秒左右，可能更短。我曾经已经能做到不一坐下来就伸手拿手机了，但这次我只要一刷上几个小时，再遇到红灯，我就完全坐不住了。所以，这是我另一个重要目标：学会适度使用，我不想彻底戒掉，因为我确实喜欢它，也经常通过它和朋友聊天。我得重新审视这一切，因为除了少数几个朋友我会直接打电话或用iMessage发消息，或者我们有个群聊，大多数大学和高中朋友都通过Instagram和我交流。

I could not be at a red light without immediately going to my phone and going to scroll or something like red lights are like thirty seconds if any if maybe like you know and I was getting to a point where it's like I could sit and not immediately reach for my phone but now that I got I started scrolling for like not even a day a couple hours automatically I'm back at a red light I can't sit still you know and so that's another really big goal of mine is just learning moderation like I don't want to take it out of my life completely because I do enjoy it and I do text a lot of my friends through it so it's like that's another thing I had to sit and go through all of because all my friends text me through there unless you're a specific friend where it's like I will call you or we will text we're a group chat we'll text like iMessage but majority of my friends from college or high school, we talk through Instagram.

我是表情包女王。

And I'm I'm a queen of memes.

我发太多短视频了。

I send so many reels.

所以，这又是另一件事。

So I'm like, that's another thing.

我觉得我一直在辜负大家。

I feel like I've been doing a disservice to everybody.

他们都没看到我的表情包了，我知道他们一定很难过，对吧？

Like, they haven't had the presence of my memes, and I know they must be so sad about that, you know?

所以，往前看，我有了个主意。新年伊始，我喜欢看一些关于效率的视频，这对我来说是个大痛点——如果看到别人高效，我就会莫名其妙地也想变得高效，这是一种心理作用，而且大多数时候都管用。有个叫Ali Abdul的YouTuber，人超棒，我一向喜欢他的视频，内容也很好。

And so moving forward I found and I had an idea so I as I was going into this new year I like to watch videos on productivity that's a big pain for me if I feel like I can watch other people being productive it will somehow magically make me productive it's a mental thing and it works majority of the time but this youtuber Ali Abdul great great guy, I've always liked his videos, great videos and stuff.

他原本是医生，后来成了创业者，但我看了他很多视频，还有彼得·麦金农的一些内容。

He was a doctor turned entrepreneur but I watched a lot of his videos and a lot of his videos, Peter McKinnon, some of the things.

彼得·麦金农是个电影制作人，但他不知怎么拍了一些特别随机的效率类视频，但我就是觉得太棒了。

But Peter McKinnon is a filmmaker but he just for some reason made some like productivity videos that was like really random, but I'm like, live it.

我超爱这个。

I love it.

我活着就是为了这个。

I live for it.

他和其他一些人提到过，人们在新年立目标时，常常难以实现，到年底时什么都没做成，原因就是目标定得太笼统，比如‘我夏天前还没完成这个’。

And so something that he and some other people have been talking about, you know, people when they make goals for the new year, they struggle to get those goals accomplished, and by the end of the year, they haven't done anything, and that's because they just keep them very broad, and they're just like, well, I didn't get this done by the summertime.

哦，都夏天了，我还没做到呢。

Oh, I oh, it's summer his here, I haven't hit that yet.

到了秋天结束，我总算把这事搞定了。阿里·阿卜杜勒曾说过，最好每周都评估一次目标：我现在在哪？这周结束时我想达到什么状态，才能更接近我的目标？但最关键的是，别只定年度目标，要定季度目标。

By the end of fall, I got this in the bag, and something that Ali Abdul has said was like it'd be best to you know well, hey, you need to evaluate your goals every single week like where here I am now where do I want to be by the end this week to further push me towards accomplishing my goals But the main thing was like instead of doing annual goals, do quarterly goals.

我特别喜欢这个想法，因为我跟别人一样，总爱列一整年的目标清单，但每到年底一看，发现自己一样都没完成，主要是因为忘了，也没做任何检查或推进，只是默认自己年底自然能搞定，但其实根本没为此努力过。所以我列出了年度目标，然后又拆分成季度目标，只先做了第一季度——也就是一月到三月。我设定了这个季度要完成的任务，现在我会至少每两天看一眼，虽然有些事我确实做不到，不是因为我懒，而是因为外部因素，比如财务方面，有些计划中的事没发生，我还在继续努力。

And I really like the idea of that because I'm as guilty as anybody else where I will be I'll make a list of goals for myself for the year and every year at the end the year I look I'm like I did not accomplish any of this because I mainly forgot about all of this because I was not doing check ins I wasn't really doing anything to push towards them I just like assumed that I'd be able to do this all by the end of the year but yeah I didn't have to work towards that at all and so I had, wrote out my annual goals that I there were things I gave I was like okay I want to have this you know accomplished by the end of year and then I created a quarterly goal, and I only did the first quarter which is, January to March and they're like okay well this is the stuff that I want to get done by the end of this quarter and even you know looking at it and I try to look at it at least every other day I mean there's something that I know I will not be able to and it's not even because of me but because of outside reasons just more like on the financial aspect just certain things that were supposed to happen did not happen and I'm like still working on.

但像我的写作、我的播客，或者我正在做的其他事情，比如健身或者其他方面，我知道自己 personally 能完成这些。

But stuff like you know my writing or my podcast, or, you know, just different things that I have going for myself, whether it's like, you know, my fitness or just different things.

我知道自己能亲自完成这些，这对我来说非常有帮助，也更现实。是的，现实——我觉得年度目标过一段时间后会显得不切实际，我们回头一看会想：我当初怎么会写下这些？我根本不知道怎么实现。但如果我们拆解成步骤，比如：要达成这个年度目标，我需要完成哪些具体步骤。

I know that I can personally get those done, so that I have found has been very, very helpful and a lot more, what's the term realistic for me yes realistic I think our annual goals can feel unrealistic after a while we look back on them we're like why did I write this I don't know how I would get there but breaking it down like, okay, here are the steps that I have to get to this annual one.

通过季度目标，我就能这样一步步实现它。

This is how I can, you know, get there with this quarterly goals.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

所以我推荐给所有在努力实现目标却遇到困难的人。

So I recommend that for anyone who is struggling with trying to get their goals done.

给自己设定一些与年终目标相匹配的季度目标。

Give yourself a quarterly goals that match with the ones that you want by the end of the year.

我觉得这真的非常有用。

I think that is, you know, really, really helpful.

我真心希望今年能过得很好，你知道，我总说这是我的一年，但作为人类我们可能不该这么说，因为事情从来不会这么简单。但我觉得，哪怕这一年很艰难，只要你能拥有更多——至少努力让自己比去年更好，或者哪怕只是改变你的思维方式，我相信任何一年都可以成为你的好年。

I really want a good year just love, you know, I keep saying that this is my year, which we probably shouldn't say as humans because it's never that way, but I think every year can be our year even if you have a hard year, As long as you have more, you know, at least try to have more fit than that or even just the way you change your mindset, I think anything could be, you know, a good year for you.

我真的很想认识新朋友。

I really want to meet new people.

那不是不行，那不是真的。

That is not a no, that's not true.

我不喜欢认识人，但我想要认识新朋友，因为我希望适应与人见面，并学会更好地与人交谈。

I don't like meeting people, but I want to meet new people because I want to be able to get used to meeting new people and get good at talking with people.

但我并不特别喜欢与人交谈或做类似的事情，不过我觉得这样做也有好处。

But I don't particularly like talking to people or doing anything like that, but I think it's also good you know to do so.

我加入了一个读书会，这非常有趣，因为选的书我们都不喜欢，所以我们在一个读书爱好者App的大群聊里，大家都在说：‘你们也讨厌这本书吗？’

I joined a book club which has been very interesting because the book they chose none of us like so we're on this like big group chat, on this book lovers app and everyone's just like this y'all y'all hating this too?

然后大家就回复‘是的’，而这本书的作者却说：‘如果你们有机会和作者坐在一起，比如通过Zoom通话并问他一些问题，你们愿意吗？’

And it's just like a yes and then the the runner in the book closes like if you guys have the opportunity to sit with the author like if I can have him on a zoom call and he can ask some questions you know we gotta be down for that.

他们回复：‘你们没看我们对这本书的所有评论吗？’

And they're like did you not read the comments that all of us have had on this book?

我没读完它。

I dnf'd it.

到了这个地步，我根本不在乎，我还是会去参加，会跟人聊天，但只谈我自己的原因——因为我这个人，只要我有理由去读某本书或看某部电影，我都会尽力读完或看完，哪怕我不喜欢，我也会坚持到底，因为我做事是有目的的。

Was like at this point I don't care I'll still go, I'll you know I'll talk but it will only be about I just personally because I'm someone where it's like I if I have a reason for reading a certain book or watching a certain film I will do my best to finish it like even if I don't like it I will finish it because I'm like well I'm doing this for a reason.

但我其实有好多书，我刚重新整理了我的书架，本来打算——抱歉，我正看着我墙上装的那些书。

But I'm like I have so many yeah I just redid my bookshelf and I had been planning to sorry I'm looking at the books on my shelf that I mounted on my wall.

我本来计划重读我五颗星评价的五本书。

I had been planning to reread like five of my five star books.

我想给自己一个机会，重新体验一下，毕竟已经过去很久了。

I'm like I want to give myself a chance to just experience this, you know, enough time has passed.

然后我重新整理了书架，心想：算了，我根本做不到，因为我还有六十多本书等着读，今年我一定要读完它们，我甚至不允许自己靠近任何一家书店，不然我肯定会进去买至少五本书——每次都是这样，从没例外。而且我连我最爱的作者什么时候出新书都不知道，因为我根本不上社交媒体。所以我想，算了，我还是专心把现有的书读完吧，比如《书虫》这本艾米莉·亨利的作品。

And then I redid my bookshelf and I was like I don't think I can do that because I have 60 plus books that need to be read and I want to get them read this year and I'm not allowing myself to even go within a 10 mile radius of a garden nobles because then my ass will go in there and buy at least five books books like that it happens and it happens every time there's no fail and I won't know when my favorite authors are releasing new books because I'm off on social media so there's like you know we're trying in here and so I was like well screw it I'm just gonna stick with the you know with trying to get through the books that I have which Book Lovers by Emily Henry.

她现在正式成了我最爱的作家，这有点让人难过，因为过去四五年里，我最爱的作家一直是詹妮弗·阿曼特鲁特，但我觉得她现在也开始走下坡路了，就像丽贝卡·亚尔里斯、莎拉·J·马斯里奇那些人一样，为了多赚钱，硬往书里塞一堆没必要的内容，文笔真的不如从前了。

I she's officially my new favorite author which is a little sad because my previous author for the last four or five years was Jennifer Armentrout, but I feel like she's now just falling into the like the loop where just like where like Rebecca Yarlis and all them and Sarah J Maasricht, they just write unnecessary shit in their books to like make more money, and it's just like you can it's just not good in their writings just not that good anymore.

这真让人失望，太糟糕了。以前詹妮弗的书我全都会读，连简介都不看。

And it's disappointing, and it sucks and Jennifer was always like I'll read any of her books I won't even look what they're about.

但她的最新一本小说——那是我仅次于《哈利·波特》的最爱系列——却让我大失所望，我连下一本书都不想读了，这简直不可思议，因为这个系列到底有多少本书来着？

And then her last book which is my favorite series outside of Harry Potter which is so utterly disappointing that I don't care to read the next book which is crazy because it's like how many books is in the series?

等一下。

Hold on.

这个系列到现在大概有八本，可能九本，如果我没法看清更远的话，但大概就是八到九本，我每一本都认真读过。

There's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, around eight and might be nine if I'm if I can't really see past certain point but it's around eight or nine books in that this series so far and I've read each of them religiously.

有些书我甚至读了两三次，可能四次。

Have even read some of them like two or three maybe four times.

而最后一本，她根本没做好。

And the last one was just like she just did not do a good job.

她还弄了一本闻起来像大蒜的书，我不是不喜欢大蒜，但我可不想要一本闻起来像大蒜的书，这太奇怪了。

She also put on a copy that smells like garlic and I didn't I I love garlic but I don't want a book that smells like garlic that's fucking weird.

所以我心想，她得被拉下神坛了。

So I was like she had to be dethroned.

我的朋友瓦伦，嗨，宝贝，特别迷Emily Henry，我大概在十月的时候给她发过消息？

I my my friend Valen, hi babe, is obsessed with Emily Henry and I had texted her, probably once ago back in October I think?

十月或十一月，我跟她说：嘿，我想读一本Emily Henry的书，你推荐哪一本？

October, November and I was like, hey I want to read an Emily Henry book which one should I read?

她立刻就回复了，这个女孩发短信从不快，总是要过几个小时甚至几天才回。我一开口就说：‘你一开始就给我来个甜头是吧？’她马上给我列了一长串书单，告诉我该按什么顺序读。我先读了《比阿特丽斯》，立刻爱上了这本书，她的文笔实在太棒了。接着我读了《我和我的假期》，这本书还不错，但没那么好，某些部分还让我有点生气。后来他们把它拍成了Netflix电影，电影本身不错，演员选得也很好，但他们彻底改了原著，所以书和电影完全是两回事，这让我气得要命——不过这不重要。之后我又读了《书痴》，这是我之前唯一读过的艾米莉·亨利的书，但那是我大学大三的时候，当时才19岁，早就忘得一干二净了，这反而太棒了，因为我记得当初第一次读它时特别喜欢，那时是参加读书会，我爱死了它。所以这次重读，就像第一次体验一样，简直太棒了。

She immediately this girl does not respond to text fast she will respond after like a couple hours or a couple days immediately was like you're starting with would be treat yes immediately you're starting with be treat gave me a whole list of like which which ones I should read in which order and I read Beatrice and I fell in love with that book like I was like the writing is just so good her writing is so good then I read Between Me on Vacation which was good not as good kind of pissed me off a little bit in certain eras and then they made the Netflix film about it which is like the film was good I loved the acting acting that they chose but they completely changed the book so the book and the movie are two completely separate things I don't so that irritated the fuck out of me but that's beside the point and so I just read Book Lovers which I Book Lovers was the only Emily Henry book that I had read before but I read this back in my junior year of college I was like 19 so I didn't remember a single a single thing that happened which is great because I just know that because I know that I really liked it when I was when I first read it because I read it for a book club and I loved it and I thought oh this is great so the fact that I did not remember I was able to relive that experience was amazing.

太好看了。

It was so good.

好吧，行吧。

Thing okay.

我是个爱哭鬼。

I'm a crybaby.

一部电影就能让我哭。

A movie will make me cry.

抱歉啊。

Well, pardon me.

有时候真的特别特别惨，比如非得有人死掉才行。

Sometimes it's really fucking sad for it's like or someone has to die.

或者一个广告，比如公益广告，有些东西就该让我哭出来。

Or like a commercial, like a public commercial, some things you should make me cry.

但书籍不会让我流泪。

But books don't make me cry.

除非我正在处理自己的事情，有些事会触发我哭泣，但那是因为我自己的原因，这才是我唯一会哭的理由。

Unless I'm I'm dealing with my own stuff and something and it will kind of trigger me to cry, like that because of myself, that's the only reason I'm gonna cry.

但读这本小说时，我本该哭的，我不知道，可能它还不值得让我哭，但我觉得它太棒了，给了五颗星，于是我心想：好吧，艾米莉·亨利，你正式成为我新的最爱作者了。不过，除了她最新的那本《大美人生》，我其他书都读过了，那本我还没读，也没决定要不要读。我决定暂时不读她的新书了。我的情况是，朋友们，我有多本她的书，因为我有三本她的书的英国版，而其他三本我也已经有了。

But with this book, I don't even I should have been crying I don't know but it probably didn't deserve to be crying about I don't know but I was stopping it amazing five star and I was like okay Emily Henry you're officially my new favorite author So but and I would I have all of her books besides Big Great Big Beautiful Life, which is her last one, and I haven't read it yet no, I haven't decided I've decided to not be reading any more of hers for a while, and my thing is, guys, I have multiple copies of her books because I have the, like, the The UK version of three of her books, and I already have those other three.

这事儿可真够复杂的。

It's a whole thing.

因为我就觉得，她写的书本来就没几本。

Because I'm just like, she only has so many books that she's written.

至于阿曼德拉，她写了那么多书，我觉得我永远不可能不剩下一本她的书没读。

And it's like, it's one thing about Armamentrout, she has so many books I don't think I'll ever be able to just not have another book on her feet to read.

而艾玛不一样，她写的书数量有限，所以我得把它们间隔开读，免得一口气全读完，之后就没书可看了。

Whereas, Emma, like, I have a certain amount of books that she's written so I have to, like, space them out so that I don't read all in one and I don't have any more MLA material.

所以我想，好吧，这给了我一个机会，咱们来读本悬疑小说吧。

So I was like, you know what, this gives me the opportunity, let's read a mystery.

所以我现在正在读吉妮·马尔斯金的《当骨头歌唱》。

So I'm currently reading When the Bone Sings by Ginny Maerskine.

到目前为止还行，我才看了几章。

That was okay so far, I'm only a couple chapters in.

它还没能吸引我，但她是我最喜欢的悬疑作家之一，因为她真的很出色。

It's not anything that's like grabbing me yet, but she's one of my favorite mystery writers because she's really good.

她让我真正理解并感受到‘毛骨悚然’这个词的含义。

She allows me to understand and really feel what the term bone chilling means.

所以我完全相信，她这次也会像每次一样让我大吃一惊，而我也正享受着阅读的过程。

So I have complete faith that she is going to blow my mind with this book that she does so every single time, and I'm enjoying it.

所以，这就是我目前读书的状态。

And so, like, that's where where I am with my books.

哦，等等。

Oh, wait.

我想跟你们聊聊我的诗歌。

I wanted to talk to you guys about my poetry.