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嘿，老伙计们，最近怎么样？
What is up, daddy gang?
我是创始人亚历克斯·库珀，欢迎收听《Call Her Daddy》。
It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with call her daddy.
爸爸。
Daddy.
爸爸。
Daddy.
爸爸。
Daddy.
亚历克斯。
Alex
沃伦，欢迎来到《Call Her Daddy》。
Warren, welcome to call her daddy.
谢谢。
Thank you.
我本来想说你这一年简直太疯狂了，但其实一切从疫情开始就不太一样了
You have had I was gonna say you've had the craziest year, but then I feel like it all started really in COVID for
对啊。
you.
是的。
Yeah.
从Hype House到现在做音乐，你的生活一路飙升，一下子成了超级明星，还拥有了自己的粉丝群体。
Your life has just been upwards since It was Hype House to now music, and you've just blown up into this superstar, and you have this fandom.
当然了。
Heck yeah.
就是啊。
You're like, yes.
继续说。
Keep going.
继续说。
Keep going.
我吃In N Out的时候，有时候也会多加点酱。
I sometimes get extra spread with my In N Out too.
你可真讲究啊。
So You're so high maintenance.
谢谢。
Thank you.
这种感觉真实吗？
Does it feel real?
现在确实觉得真实了。
It does feel real now.
过去这一年，我一直觉得像在做梦，直到最近才有机会回头看看，这才意识到，确实有点出乎意料，但现在感觉是真的了。
For a long for this last year, it's felt like a dream, and then I actually got a second to, like, look back at it, and and it it does feel like I guess it's a little shocking, but I guess it feels real now.
我不太想总出现在各种事情里，然后被别人说。
I don't wanna be in stuff and be
哦。
like, oh.
不是。
No.
不是。
No.
不是。
No.
我明白。
I get it.
你能感受到的，终究只限于你当下的经历，毕竟你还在继续生活，还在不断成长，作为艺术家，作为一个人，但看到你的成就，真的挺让人欣慰的。
It's like you can only you can only fathom as much as you can because you're also still living it, and you're also still growing obviously as an artist and as a person, but it is really cool to see your success.
谢谢。
Thanks.
我也刚意识到，我这是在欢迎你回到洛杉矶，没错。
I also realized I'm welcoming you back to LA Yes.
你以前住在这儿，后来搬去纳什维尔了。
Because you used to live here, then you moved to Nashville.
是的。
Yeah.
是什么促使你搬走的？
What inspired that move?
我 technically 住在田纳西州，不是纳什维尔。
I technically live out I live in Tennessee, not Nashville.
说实话，我现在不喜欢大城市了。
Think the city I I don't like major cities anymore.
你彻底搬走了。
You're done.
我只是……
I just
我妻子一直梦想养马，这也是我搬过去的原因之一。我原本来自圣地亚哥，热爱冲浪和滑板，这里有个地方让我巡演后能放松一下。但我希望妻子能过上她想要的农场生活。而且说实话，住得这么偏僻也挺好，没人知道我住哪儿。
my wife want want her dream was to have horses, and that was one of the things where I I'm from San Diego, and I love surfing everything, so I I have a place here that I surf and and skateboard and get away after tours and stuff, but I wanted my wife to have that farm life that she wanted, and it was also it's also nice because I live so far away that no one knows where I live.
明白了。
Okay.
但是从圣地亚哥一个爱冲浪的孩子，突然搬到这种荒郊野外，你觉得最大的变化是，
But to go from a San Diego surfing kid to being kind of in the middle of nowhere, what has been, like,
文化冲击方面，你感受最深的是什么？
the biggest culture shock for you?
这太有趣了。
It's so funny.
其实并没有太大的文化冲击。
There isn't really a culture shock.
圣迭戈唯一的问题是你不在海边。
San Die the only thing is you're not by an ocean.
像圣迭戈，特别是那里的人都很友善。
Like, San Diego, especially, everyone's nice.
你走在街上，每个人都会跟你打招呼。
You walk around and everyone's greeting you.
我住在那儿的时候，我去跟邻居们自我介绍，他们却问，你为什么要自我介绍？
When I lived here, I went and introduced myself to the neighbors, and they were like, why the are you introducing yourself?
他们说：离远点。
They're like, get away
别靠近我们。
from us.
对啊。
Yeah.
就是，大家都这样。
Like, everyone's you know this.
房子挨着房子，我小时候住的小区就是那种环形小路，邻里之间都认识，走路碰面都会打招呼。我在这儿也试着跟路过的人挥手，可他们根本理都不理我。
It's like these houses are next to each other, and I love I grew up in, like, the cul de sac vibe of everyone knew each other and said hi on walks, and I try to wave at everyone when they're on walks, and they just ignore me here.
这话说得真有道理。
That's actually such a good point.
我小时候也住过环形小路，还以为这很正常。
I grew up on a cul de sac too, and I thought that was the norm.
结果到了洛杉矶，人人都说：别给我送饼干。
Then you get to LA, and everyone's like, don't bring me cookies.
别欢迎我。
Don't welcome me.
天哪。
Oh my god.
我心想，去你的吧。
I'm like, fuck you.
没错。
Right.
我老婆给咱们街区的每个人都做了酸面团面包，我们把面包放在门口，结果在洛杉矶，第二天回去一看，面包还在那儿。
My wife made my wife made sourdough for, like, everyone in our cul de sac, and it was crazy where, like, we left it on our doorstep when people in LA, and we would go back the next day.
还是原样放着。
Was still there.
但在这里，或者在纳什维尔，人家会收下，还会回赠你一个。
And here, or in in Nashville, they'll they'll give they'll take it and they'll receive it, and then they'll make you another one.
这真的挺暖心的。
It's really cool.
你这是在刻意模仿吗？穿着牛仔靴？
Are you leaning in, like, you wearing cowboy boots?
巡演时我确实穿过一阵子靴子，不过那主要是跟本森·布恩学的。
I've worn boots for a little bit on tour, but that's more of like a I stole that from Benson Boone.
真喜欢他那样。
Love that.
但我还是不像他。
He I still don't look like him.
我还在努力学那部分，不过现在我干脆接受了：我本来就不该属于那种风格，这样反而挺自在的。
I'm still trying that part, but no, I I right now, I've just been I've just fully embraced that I'm I don't look like I belong there, and it's been nice.
我真替你们开心，也替你高兴。
Well, I'm so happy for you guys, and I'm so happy for you.
你出新歌了。
You have new music.
是的。
Yeah.
你马上就要开启体育场巡演了。
You have an arena tour coming up.
是的。
Mhmm.
你最近第一次获得了格莱美奖提名。
You were recently nominated for your first Grammy.
谢谢。
Thanks.
在这些事情里，哪一件最让你兴奋？
What has been the most exciting of all of those?
哇。
Wow.
我觉得格莱美奖提名最让人激动。
I think the Grammy's was the most exciting.
我小时候根本唱不好歌，还参加过合唱团，那时候老师都建议我别唱了，换个别的方向吧。
I the growing up, I was such a I was not a good singer growing up, and especially that I did choir and like, I think it was called chorus, and and the teacher was like, you know, you should probably try something else.
我那时候总去参加才艺表演，但根本没人关注，周围那些孩子还老笑话我。
And I would always do talent shows, and no one cared, and I all the friend all of these kids would make fun of me.
所以我觉得，能被提名格莱美，真的挺意外的。
And so I think the Grammy's being nominated for a Grammy was like, oh, cool.
好像我本来就该做这件事似的。
Like, I'm supposed to be doing this.
你能跟我讲讲，接到电话得知自己提名的那一刻吗？
Can you take me to that moment where you got the phone call and you found out though that you were nominated?
你当时在哪儿？
Like, where were you?
你穿着什么？
What were you wearing?
你在做什么？
What were you doing?
我真的完全没想到，说真的，我压根没觉得自己能被提名。
I totally did not, like, and I I mean this when I say this, I did not think I was getting nominated.
我觉得，尤其是在这个圈子里，来自社交媒体的肯定特别多。
I think especially I've had a lot of proof in this industry coming from social media.
所以当时我想，他们肯定要让我明白，我不属于这儿，我肯定会特别难过。
So for that, I was like, oh, like, they're gonna they're gonna show me that I don't belong, and I'm gonna get really sad.
我的朋友们全都飞过来，突然出现在我家，说要一起看直播。
My friends, they all flew out and surprised me at my house, and we're like, we're gonna watch it together.
我当时就说，你们疯了吗？
And I was like, are you crazy?
这简直是最糟的情况。
This is the worst.
于是我躲了出去，但幸好赶在最后一刻回来了，坐下后发现他们都在录像，当念到我名字的时候，我是倒数第二个，我一下子就崩溃大哭。
And so I left, and then I came back right in time, thankfully, and I sat down, and they were all filming, and when they said my name, I was the second to last person, and I just remember breaking down and crying.
有段视频记录了那一刻，我和妻子抱在一起哭得不行，真的特别动人。
There's a video of it, and I just remember breaking down and crying with my wife, and it was was really cool.
之后我就去吃寿司了。
And then I went and ate sushi.
好的。
Okay.
那你到了格莱美现场。
So you get to the Grammy's.
是的。
Yeah.
你最被谁吓到了？
Who were you the most starstruck by?
小时候在电视上看到这些场面，对吧。
Because you see it on TV growing up Mhmm.
结果真到了现场，才发现原来这一切都是真的。
And then you get in those rooms, and you're like, oh, it's real.
大家都在互相打招呼，而我居然也在其中。
Like, everyone's just rubbing shoulders with everyone, and I'm here.
是啊，确实有点让人紧张。
Yeah, it's a little bit intimidating.
确实如此。
It is.
我觉得当时我见到比莉·艾利什了，真的特别酷。
I think there's these I don't Wow, I was I met Billie Eilish, which was really, really cool.
她人特别好。
She's so sweet.
我每次进房间都觉得别人讨厌我。
I think I go into every room thinking everyone hates me.
为什么？
Why?
亚历克斯。
Alex.
不是。
No.
我说不上来。
I don't know.
我进到那个房间，他们人都特别温柔。
I went into this room, and I like, I'm They were very sweet.
Chapel Roan 主动过来找我。
Chapel Roan came up to me.
我演出时设备出问题了，她走过来跟我说：兄弟，真懂这种事的就只有屋里这些人，你唱得太棒了，我完全能体会。
I had a malfunction during the show, and she came up to me, and she was she was like, dude, like, if anyone understands it's the people in this room, and you sounded amazing, I totally we'll get into
是啊。
it.
对。
Yes.
我当时情绪很低落，她好像看出来了，直接到我桌边，特别暖心，我都忍不住说：我好爱你。
I I was I was down, and I think she could tell, and she came up to my table and was the sweetest ever, and I was like, I love you.
你说你一进房间就觉得别人都讨厌你，是针对这个行业，还是对整个人生都这样？
You saying that you walk into a room and you think everyone hates you, is that you think in this industry or in life?
对整个人生。
In life.
这挺有意思的。
I it's funny.
说实话，我要是去见心理医生，他们估计能给我开一堆诊断。
It's it's truly I I don't if I had a therapist, they'd probably diagnose me with so many different things.
我小时候被欺负得很惨。
I I don't know, I was a heavily bullied kid.
我经常被赶出派对，派对？
I got kicked out of parties all the time, and Parties?
是啊，我朋友被邀请去参加派对，我就跟着去，结果一进门，大家就骂我各种难听的话，现在都不能说出口。我想大概是因为我做社交媒体、唱歌吧。
Yeah, I would walk into a party because my friends would be invited, and I would walk in and everyone would be calling me a lot of words that you can't repeat today, and I think it's just because I did social media and I sang.
我在家洗澡时唱歌，录下来发到网上。我特别想做这行，但在成功之前，大家都觉得你特别土。所以我不是那种受欢迎的孩子。后来事情开始有起色，我反而去翻黑评，上推特看，心想：我生活这么顺，还能出啥事？
I would sing in bathrooms at my house, and I would just post them on the internet, and I wanted to do this so badly, and I think you're really lame until you make it in this type of stuff, and so everyone would just I was not a cool kid, and so as this stuff started happening, ordinary, I would look for the hate comments, I'd go on Twitter, and I'd be like, okay, well everything's going really well in my life, what could go wrong?
我一看自己在推特上的名字，大家都在骂我，我就想：果然，我还是那个被嫌弃的人。
And I looked at my name on Twitter, and everyone's calling me these different things, and I was like, So it is true, I'm still this.
所以，唉，我就这么一路扛过来了。
So, yeah, it was just now I carried on.
我觉得每个明星都看过我的TikTok，觉得我就是个尴尬的昙花一现的网红，真的。
I think every celebrity has seen my TikToks and thinks I'm just some cringey one hit wonder and yeah.
亚历克斯。
Alex.
没事的。
It's it's fine.
不是。
No.
但说真的，特别疯狂的是，我们都会把注意力完全放在自己身上，你呢，被赶出派对，被人老是说‘把他弄走’，这确实挺不容易的。
But it is like, I guess, what is so crazy is how we all internalize, obviously, the focus on ourselves of like what we and and to your credit, like, getting kicked out of parties, like, being the person that people were always like, get him out of here.
我们不欢迎你。
We don't want him here.
对。
Mhmm.
这种感觉会一直跟着你。
That's gonna stick with you.
但你也确实成长了，变得不一样了。
But then it also is like, you've evolved and you've grown as a person.
对。
Right.
有时候，我们还抱着一些根本不存在的自我认知。
And sometimes too, we still have self beliefs about ourselves that don't existed.
对。
Right.
很多人走进这些场合时根本不知道你的TikTok经历，可我们自己却像守卫一样盯着过去。
And a lot of people when you're walking into these rooms have no idea about your TikToks, but we're our own more sentin mes.
所以你走进这些地方，心里就想：天啊，他们肯定知道我跳过《Renegade》。
And so you're walking into these rooms and you're like, oh my god, they must know when I was doing the Renegade.
其实根本没人知道。
And it's like, no one no one knew.
天哪，一想到这个我就起鸡皮疙瘩。
Oh god, I get chills thinking about that.
你还记得怎么跳那个 Renegade 舞吗？
Do you still remember how to do the Renegade?
我从来没学过。
I never learned it.
这就是问题所在。
That was the thing.
我从来没……我当时是个胖乎乎的小家伙，连我自己都不清楚那时候到底是个什么状态。
I never I was a chubby little I don't even know what I was.
我一直都在镜头后面，你懂的。
I was behind the camera all the time, you know?
对我来说，我通常拍我老婆。我一直觉得她特别搞笑，她就是我最初的内容来源。
And like, that was like, for me, I would film my wife, and I thought my I I've still to this day think my wife's one of the funniest people ever, and she's that was my content.
我就想让大家看看这女人到底是谁，结果反响特别好。所以后来我开始做音乐的时候，我特别害怕，因为我觉得大家是冲着拍我老婆来的，不是冲着我来。
I was like, well, I wanna show everyone who this woman is, and it started doing really well, and that's why when I started doing music, I was terrified because I was like, they didn't sign up for this.
他们可不是为了我才关注我的。
They didn't sign up for me.
突然间，我发现自己写的歌是关于已故父母的，结果大家还挺喜欢，我简直不敢相信。
So all of a sudden, I'm like, hey, I make music about my dead parents, and people liked it, and I was shocked.
我当时就想，等等，终于有人喜欢我了。
And I was like, wait, people finally like me.
这背后肯定有什么不对劲。
Something has to be wrong.
于是我就去看了推特。
And that's when I went to Twitter.
我特别喜欢你这种反应，换成很多人处在你这种位置，大概都会说：天啊，终于有人喜欢我了。
I love how instead of like a lot of people in your position, I feel like would be like, oh my god, people finally like me.
我得死死抓住这份喜欢不放。
I'm gonna hold on to this for dear life.
对。
Right.
这简直是世界上最棒的感觉。
This is the best feeling in the world.
你心里想，哪儿不对劲？
You're like, what's wrong?
谁在跟我开玩笑？
Who's pranking me?
是的。
Yeah.
不是。
No.
我不希望有人在我话筒底下提问题。
I don't want question under my mic.
不过我们能再回过头说说格莱美吗？
Can we go back to the Grammy's though?
你明显提到了查佩尔的建议，这事儿确实影响巨大。
Because you obviously mentioned Chapel's advice, and obviously, this was huge.
对。
Mhmm.
大家本来特别期待你在格莱美上的表演，结果看到你演出时出现技术问题，我们都心碎了。
People were so excited for you to perform at the Grammy's, and then it broke our hearts when we saw you essentially have these technical difficulties during your performance.
现在你已经从那个时刻抽离了一段时间，那可是你职业生涯中最重要的时刻之一，回过头来看，那晚你是什么感受？
Now that you've had some time away from that moment, which was such a huge moment for you in your career, how did you feel about that night?
你能跟我详细说说当时的情况吗？
Can you just kinda take me through it?
现在你已经从那个时刻抽离了一段时间，那可是你职业生涯中最重要的时刻之一，回过头来看，那晚你是什么感受？
Now that you've had some time away from that moment, which was such a huge moment for you and your career, how did you feel about that night?
你能跟我详细说说当时的情况吗？
Can you just kinda take me through it?
我从来没跟人提起过这件事。
I've never talked about this.
那简直太可怕了。
It It was horrifying.
我们那一整周都在反复排练。
We had rehearsed it all week.
整整一周我们都在排练，一切都完美无缺。
All week we rehearsed and it was perfect.
演出进行得很顺利，直到现在我都不清楚到底出了什么问题。
It went well, and to this day, I don't know exactly what happened.
当时的情况是这样的，混音环节正在进行。
Right when I so the way it works is the medley's happening.
我耳麦里能听到在我之前表演的歌手的声音，对吧？
So in my ears, I can hear whoever was singing before me, right?
突然间一切声音都断了，持续了大约三十秒，我心想：我什么都听不见了。
Something happened and everything cut out, and they're like thirty seconds, and I said, I can't hear anything.
我听不到自己的声音。
I can't hear myself.
工作人员告诉我，这是直播，只剩二十五秒了，我说：不对劲，出问题了。
And the guy's like, it's live TV, twenty five seconds, and I go, guys, something's wrong.
突然一股声音猛地灌进左右耳，可我什么也听不见，我就喊：我真的听不到！当时 backstage 有人在拍，肯定有视频留下来了。
Something gets blasted into left ear and right ear, I hear nothing, and I go, guys, I can't hear, and so they start someone was filming this backstage, like there's definitely a video that exists.
他们在捣鼓我的设备，捣鼓我的耳机。
They're messing with my pack, messing with my ears.
他们说，是你耳朵的问题，是你耳机的问题。
They're like, it's your ears, it's ears, it's your pack, it's your pack.
十五秒，十秒，我心里马上想，抬头看了眼天花板，心想，这事儿就是命中注定，那就干吧。
Fifteen seconds, ten seconds, and in my head, I immediately go I look up in the sky and I go, this is meant to happen, and I just go, let's do it.
他们修不好了。
And so they can't fix it.
他们把音量调到最大，想看看是不是只是音量太低了。
They blast it to see if anything has happened, maybe it's just low.
我一开唱，听见的全是隔壁房间的声音，像是观众麦克风开着一样。
I start singing, and all I'm hearing is what's from the other room, like a crowd mic is on or something.
等我走到表演区的走廊时，左耳又突然炸响了。
And so once I start getting into the hallway, there's this hallway in the performance, I get the left ear blasting again.
现在只剩左耳有声音，右耳完全没声，左耳里传出来的，懂行的人都知道，是单声道，不是立体声，声音又大又差。
And so it's just the left ear, right ear's gone, and in the left ear, it's, for anyone who understands audio, it's mono, it's not stereo, so it's blasting and it's not good quality.
根本就没有混音。
There's no mix to it.
所以我听到的只有我自己的声音大得吓人。
And so all I'm hearing is my voice super loud.
我走到台阶时，右耳突然开始回响，我就把耳返取下来了，结果更糟了。等我一上台，耳朵里又咔哒响了一声，我赶紧重新戴上，问题就解决了。
I get down to the steps, and then immediately I start hearing echoing on the right ear, and so I take it out, and then that made it worse stupidly, and so once I get on the stage, I hear a and my ear gets a click again, and I put it right back in and it's fixed.
我觉得是无线信号干扰的问题。
So I think it was an RF issue.
排练的时候，他们没料到现场会有两万台手机，人人都在录像，结果无线信号被干扰了。我一上台，因为舞台上有两个金属鳍片，我猜就是这个原因。
When we rehearsed it, they weren't expecting 20,000 phones to be in and everyone was filming, And so the RF cut it out, and then once I got to the stage, because there's two fins, I would assume.
等我上了台，信号就恢复了。
Once we got to the stage, I got it back.
就在那一刻，你正经历这些的时候，我根本没想到你后台其实有点慌，我们都没看出来。
When this is happening in that very moment, because I didn't realize you had a little bit of panic behind the scenes that we didn't see.
对。
Mhmm.
你走下台阶的时候，有没有想过要暂停一下？
When you're walking down those steps, did you at all think like, can we stop?
我是不是该直接停下来？
Should I just stop this?
天哪。
Wow.
说实话，那时候我本该跟观众互动的，走下台阶时，我本该说‘嘿，朋友们，我在格莱美现场，太棒了’，但你看到的，是我脸上写满了惊恐。
I I to be honest, during that part, I'm supposed to be engaging with the audience, So, by the when I'm walking down, I'm supposed to be like, hey guys, I'm at the Grammy's, this is cool, and instead you will see pure horror in my eyes.
我当时只想着数拍子，根本没考虑要不要停，因为心里有个声音在说：听不见自己声音就停？那场面得多尴尬，时间是排好的，直播呢。
I truthfully was just trying to find the count, and so I did not think should we stop or anything because there was part me that like, okay, I can't hear myself and then just stop, but imagine what would have happened there because the time is slotted, it's live.
从通道出来的时候，我脑子里确实闪过‘要不要停’，但转念一想，要是真停了，就只剩我一个人站在那儿，镜头对着，眼泪都要掉下来了，那才真是社死现场。
So, it went through my brain as I left the tunnel, should I stop, But then I thought then this would be the most awkward social moment in the world where it's just a camera on me standing there crying.
对。
Right.
你心想，行吧，先暂停一下，然后你就……
You're like, alright, let's pause, and then you're like
我就想赶紧过去，等到了顶端，天啊，我恐高得要命。
I just wanted to get over it, and once I got over it, and once we were at the top, come on, I'm terrified of heights.
我特别怕高，那会儿根本没想自己在半空中，满脑子就一个念头：快点让我回到地上。
I'm horrified of heights, and that entire time I wasn't thinking about I was in the air, I was thinking, please get me back on time.
哦，等等。
Oh, wait.
那你干嘛答应做这个高空项目？
Why did you agree to do the heights?
我想让它变得特别一点。
I wanted it to be special.
嗯，明白了。
Okay.
现在我才意识到，这简直像大型布道会一样。
Now I'm realizing it was a bit mega church.
我也不太清楚。
I don't know.
不知道。
Don't know.
我特别喜欢你这样，本来对这件事有全套的设想，结果啥都没按计划来。
I love how you're like, so you had this whole vision for this whole thing, and then nothing went as planned.
没有。
No.
好的，亚历克斯。
Okay, Alex.
我忍不住想，你唱完这首歌的时候。
Then I can't help but also think, like, you end the song.
歌一结束，你那一刻最强烈的感觉是什么？
What is your immediate dominant emotion in that moment once it finishes?
别在直播时哭出来。
Don't cry on live television.
所以我一直等到摄像机关掉，因为我知道，有个瞬间镜头是对着我的。
So I waited until the camera went off on me, because I knew that there's a moment where the camera's on me.
但我当时强忍着泪水，因为往左右一看，大家都在说你太棒了，全场都在欢呼，我真的觉得这情绪太强烈了。
But I was, like, holding back tears because I looked to my left and right and everyone was like, you did so good, and everyone's screaming, and I was like, wow, this is like really, really emotional.
我一走下舞台就冲上楼梯，那儿有个小房间可以换衣服，别忘了，接下来马上就要宣布获奖者了。
I get off stage and I just run up the stairs, and there's a little room for change because keep in mind they're announcing the winner right after this.
所以我得赶紧回到座位上。
So, I have to get to my seat.
我只有三分钟时间。
I have three minutes.
他们跟我说，你必须立刻回到座位。
And they're like, you have to get to your seat.
我当时在想，我非得再出去一趟吗？
I'm like, do I have to go out there?
我还是就待在这儿好了？
Do I have to stay here?
他们说，你想待多久就待多久，别勉强。
And they're like, just stay as long as you think you can.
于是他们帮我换了衣服。
And so, they change me.
我赶紧跑下去。
I rush down.
我一边擦着眼泪。
I'm wiping my eyes.
我刚坐下，马上就宣布最佳新人奖的提名，而我也是候选人之一。
I sit down, and immediately it goes into the nomination for best new artist, which I was up for.
我立刻就觉得，我状态这么差，根本没希望赢了。
And immediately I'm like, I'm so destroyed, there's no shot I'm winning this.
我表现得太糟了，坐在那儿看着，奥利维亚·迪恩赢了，我当时就想，天啊，我真的为她高兴。
I just messed that up so bad, and I'm sitting there, and Olivia Dean won, and I was like, oh my God, like, I mean, I was really happy for her.
她完全配得上这个奖。
She deserved course.
但一发生这事，我就想，唉，真想马上回家。
It, 100 But that was, once that happened, I was like, damn, I wanna go home.
那你有时间哭了吗？
So, did you have time to cry?
没有，完全没有。
No, no, no, no.
我敢保证，全程都有录像。
So, I guarantee there's videos the whole time.
整个格莱美颁奖礼，我头一直靠在妻子肩膀上。
The whole entire Grammy's, my head was on my wife's shoulder the entire time.
我不敢抬头，也不想跟任何人说话，只有那么几个瞬间，查布尔100注意到我状态很差，特意过来安慰我，她那种温柔我一辈子都忘不了，那会儿真的特别糟糕。
I did not wanna look up, I did not wanna talk to anybody, and there was just a few moments, like again, Chabble 100 saw that I was just distraught, and she came out to me, was this sweet, like I will never forget how sweet she was because of that, and yeah, it was really bad.
你妻子当时跟你说什么了？
What did your wife say to you when she
她绝对是世界上最有支持力的人。
She's the most supportive person in the world.
说实话，这感觉真糟，因为我对她的支持已经习以为常了，听到这些话反而觉得没什么大不了。
Literally, it sucks because I expect it so much that I'm kinda just like, I hear just saying that.
我当时就觉得，我的事业完了。
I was like, my career's over.
我一遍又一遍地对自己说，我的事业结束了。
I literally over and over and over again said my career is over.
当你和她坐在一起的时候。
When you were sitting in the seats with her.
我只是硬撑着，根本没觉得有意思。
Just muddling it out, and I was not entertained.
我看着格莱美奖的摄像师走过来，又默默走开，因为他们不想拍我。
The the I would watch the Grammy's camera guys come up to me and then just move away because they didn't wanna do it.
我当时真的状态很差。
Like, it was it was I was not not doing well.
当你坐在那个位置上时，我忍不住想，你明明是那种在社交媒体上非常活跃的人。
And then when you're sitting also in that seat, I can't help but think you are someone who is obviously so heavily on social media.
你的事业就是从社交媒体开始的。
Your career started on social media.
在你去看手机之前，你觉得网上的人是怎么说你的？
What did you think that people were saying online about you before you got to check your phone?
那天晚上我把所有东西都删了。
Deleted everything that night.
我把推特删了。
I deleted Twitter.
我当时就想，现在绝对不能这么折磨自己。
I was like, there's no way I'm going to do that to myself right now.
我彻底下定决心，手机上再也不留这东西了。
I'm fully like, that's off my phone.
但我又想，算了，不如把我的经历真实地展示给大家看。
But I was like, you know what, like this should be I should show people what I went through, what it was.
于是我拍了视频，想让大家听听我耳朵里听到的那些话，感受一下我当时的状态，发出去之后，我把手机一扔，干脆不看了。
So, I filmed the video and I wanted to be like, oh, this is exactly what I heard in my ear, this is what it was like, and I posted it and I threw my phone and I didn't look.
第二天我再去看的时候，发现这段视频在互联网上已经获得了五十亿次播放。
And the next day I checked it, and ever it had $5,060,000,000 views on the Internet.
大家都全力支持你吗？
And everyone was fully supporting you?
是的。
Yeah.
你当时坐在那儿，觉得自己的事业彻底完了，后来是怎么走出来的？
How did you pull yourself out of you know, first, you're sitting there saying my career is completely over.
你是怎么重新振作起来的？
How did you pull yourself out of it?
Leve给我打了电话，又打了一次，给了我一场特别棒的打气，我觉得那时候能有这样的人理解我，真的很关键，因为只有音乐人最懂这种感受。
Leve called me, and she called me, and she gave me the coolest pep talk in the world, and I think that was like the right room to even do that, because if anyone gets it, it's musicians.
Leve给我打电话，就说：我为你感到骄傲。
Leve had called me and was just like, I'm so proud of you.
你根本不知道自己帮了多少人。
You don't realize how many people you just helped.
想象一下，每个参加才艺比赛的孩子，每个上台表演的孩子，当他们遇到类似的事，心里就会想：连格莱美奖得主都会这样，那我也没问题。
Imagine every kid who goes to a or does a talent show, or every kid who does a theater show, or does a performance and someone, this happens to them and they think, wow, this can happen at the Grammy's, this can happen.
我的意思是，这能给人一些动力，让人明白这事儿确实会发生，也没那么可怕。
Like, you know, I think it gives someone some motivation and know that it's okay and that stuff happens.
她给了我那段鼓舞的话。
Well, So she gave me that pep talk.
这番话真棒，因为它也说明了这个世界上有些事你根本控制不了。
I mean, it's a great pep talk because it's also such an indicator of there are things that you cannot control in this world.
对吧？
Right?
你已经准备好了。
You prepared for it.
你反复排练过了。
You rehearsed it.
排练的时候一点问题都没有。
There were no problems in rehearsals.
你的嗓音那么美。
You have a beautiful voice.
你本来准备好了，结果技术出了问题，你只能愣在那儿，哎呀。
You were ready to go, and then tech failed you, and you're like, oh.
我觉得特别憋屈，因为这根本不是我的错。
I it think sucks because it wasn't my fault.
我能接受自己搞砸了的事实，那没什么。
Like, I can live with the fact that, oh, I messed up.
但我就是受不了，明明我已经尽力了，你懂我的意思吧？
Like, I hate the fact that I I didn't, you know what I'm saying?
对。
Mhmm.
但换个角度想，考虑到当时的情况，我反复看了整个场景和录像，觉得我该做的都做了。
But I also think for the circumstances that I it took me a lot of, like, looking at the scenario and watching the video of just like, Okay, I did everything I probably could.
你确实已经尽力了。
You really did.
除了查佩尔之外，还有别的名人来安慰你吗？
Were there any other celebrities other than Chappell that came up to you?
诺亚·汗。
Noah Khan.
诺亚过来找我了，我们之前只是偶尔打过照面，算不上深交。
Noah came up to me, Noah and and I have just been friends in passing.
我们总是在各种地方碰上，他住在田纳西，所以我们在超市或者别的地方偶遇，他每次都特别温柔，真的特别好。
We always just run into each other, and he lives in Tennessee, and so we literally will run into each other at a supermarket or whatever, and he comes up to me, and he's the sweetest, sweetest boy.
我特别特别喜欢他。
I love him so, so much.
他真的特别友善。
He was really kind.
比利也特别特别好，我超喜欢亚历克斯·沃尔夫，他也特别温柔。
Billy was really, really sweet, and I'm obsessed with Alex Wolf, and he was really sweet.
我觉得找上你的这些人，真是再合适不过了。
I feel like those are the perfect people that came up to you.
而且我怎么总觉得，诺亚·汗这名字有点耳熟？
Also, why do I feel like Noah Khan?
我就只想说，你能抱我一下吗？
I'd just be like, can you just hug me?
对啊。
Right.
他特别让人想靠。
Like, he's so cozy.
我确实抱了他一下，真的特别温暖。
I got a hug, and he was very cozy.
明白了。
Okay.
那胡子
That beard
特别舒服。
was very nice.
完美。
Perfect.
所以这就让人感觉更整洁了
So it made groomed if
你想想看。
you think about it.
太喜欢了。
Love that.
所以让你感觉好很多了。
So it made you feel better.
对。
Yeah.
一位老朋友，或者说同事，那天也和你一起去了格莱美奖现场，Addison Rae小姐。
An old I don't know if we should call her a friend or a colleague was also at the Grammy's with you, miss Addison Rae.
是的。
Yes.
我觉得特别有意思，网上的人因为这两个从TikTok起步的人居然同时出现在格莱美奖现场，都炸了。
I think it was so fun to see the Internet just freaking out that the fact that these two people who started on TikTok were both at the Grammy's together.
是的。
Yeah.
我知道你们得知双双获得提名后通过FaceTime联系了她。
I know that you FaceTimed her when you guys found out you both got the nominations.
是的。
Yeah.
那种圆满时刻的对话，感觉怎么样？
What was that conversation like in kind of that full circle moment like?
我当时情绪完全崩溃了，真的。
I I was I'm an emotional wreck, I guess.
我真的很激动。
Like, I I really am.
我给所有人都打了FaceTime，Addison是第一个接起的，她的反应和我一模一样。
I FaceTimed everyone, and Addison was the first to pick up, and she she was just like it was the same thing.
我们俩都高兴得飞起来了。
Were on Cloud9.
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我觉得我们谁都没料到会发生这种事，结果真发生了，简直太棒了。
None of us, I think, were expecting it, and so the fact that it happened was really, really cool.
她那时候穿着一件特别大的毛皮大衣，背后是雪景，时间大概是十一月吧，也可能九月，我记不清了。
She, of course, was in some huge fur coat somewhere with snow behind her in the middle of, I think it was November, I don't remember, or September.
我当时就想，这到底是怎么回事？
I was like, what is happening?
她说：‘是提名了。’
And she's like, it's it's foe.
我回她：‘你别逗我了。’
I was like, no, believe you.
这整个过程真的像一场旋风，对吧？
But it's crazy that, it's just this whirlwind, right?
你说了，我们俩认识的时候才十九岁，拍那些视频的时候可能才十八岁。
Like you said, we're both 19 years old when we met, and we're filming these videos, I think 18 even.
那时候你们关系很近吗？
Were you guys close back then?
我不这么觉得。
I wouldn't say so.
我觉得吧，能跟这些人住在一起，已经算是很亲近了，对吧？
I would say, like, as close as you can, you live with these people, right?
但那感觉挺怪的。
But it was weird.
在Hype House的时候，等级特别明显，尤其是我既不是那种颜值高、爱拍撩人视频的男生，自然就排在最底层，很多人甚至都不知道我在Hype House里，但我其实挺乐意这样的。
During Hype House, it was very much like a hierarchy, and especially because I wasn't a good looking fuck boy who made thirst traps, I was at the bottom of the pole, and so not a lot of people even knew I was in the Hype House, and that was I was fine with that.
我特别喜欢这样。
I loved that.
我只是想当个音乐人。
I wanted to be a musician.
当初我们创建Hype House的时候，我就说过，我不想跟它有任何牵扯。
When we created Hype House, I even said, I don't want to be attached to this in any way.
我只想专心做音乐。事情后来当然有了变化，但她一直都在，我们始终是朋友。
I just want to make music, And so that was how it was, and then things obviously went on, but she was always just we were always friends.
那你们快离开Hype House的时候，觉得大家是不是更亲近了？
And then do you think you guys ended up getting closer as you guys almost left the Hype House?
我觉得大家离开之后才真正 closer 了。
I think everyone got closer after.
你觉得是为什么？
Why do you think?
那时候每个人都跟别人说，你特别不一样。
It was so everyone told everyone that you were special.
每天都有人说，你就是下一个谁谁谁。
Everyone every day was like, you're the next this.
你太帅了。
You're so hot.
你将来一定会成为这样的人。
You're going to be this.
你比那个人还出名，或者你根本不行。
You're more famous than this person, or you suck.
你不是那样的人。
You're not this.
你也不是那种人。
You're not that.
那时候情况特别奇怪，你今天发个视频火了，大家就说你太棒了，可过一两天，你可能正经历点事，我们那时候都才十九二十岁，啥都干得出来，可每个人都有自己的私事。
And like, it was a very weird place where like, had a video do really well that day, and so you were awesome, and then the next day or two days later, maybe you're going through something, we were 19 year old kids, 20 year old kids, we were doing whatever, and you have personal things.
我妈妈去世了，我就想，这种事居然就发生在眼前，结果大家就突然开始冷落某个人，不约他吃饭，因为觉得他状态不好，而另一个人正火得不行。
My mom died, and I was like, this is happening here, and I think it was just like a weird thing where it's like, okay, well, that person is gonna start staying over there, we're not gonna invite that person out to dinner because of this, and like this person's doing really well right now.
后来，我想大家都觉得，算了，我真的需要休息了。
So and so after, I think everyone just was like, fuck, I need a break.
对。
Right.
就好像你们放下了那些竞争心态，终于能好好看看彼此，心想：天啊，我们居然一起经历了这些，现在我真正理解了每个人的感受。
It's almost like you allowed all of the competitive dynamics to kinda dissipate, and then you could just look at each other being like, wow, we have this shared experience, and I now have such empathy for all of us.
对。
Right.
如果有个人莫名其妙地在看这个视频，还不知道什么是Hype House的话。
If there is someone who, for some reason, is watching this and does not know what the Hype House is.
首先，你觉得这让你开心还是难过？
First of all, does that make you happy or sad?
我觉得挺开心的。
I think it makes me happy.
我觉得这让我
I think it makes
挺开心的。
me happy.
要是刚开Hype House那会儿，我可能会觉得挺难过的。
Think the beginning of Hype House, it would make me sad.
那时候它被过度神化了，搞得我都想问：这到底变成啥了？
I think that it was it was clinged on to for so long that it was kind of like, what the fuck is this turning into?
你能跟不了解的人说说，Hype House当初到底是个啥吗？
So can you explain to someone who is not familiar what the Hype House was?
那是一群十七到二十一岁的年轻人，大家凑在一起租了栋豪宅，这个想法在当时简直太离谱了——全是一群穷小子，连基本开销都负担不起。
It was a group of 17 to 21 year olds where all of us, and this concept was so foreign, was just a bunch of kids started renting a mansion together, and keep in mind, none of us could afford shit.
那些房子根本没家具，这反而是最特别的地方。
So, like, these houses weren't furnished, and that was, like, the thing.
我们就在这些空荡荡的豪宅里拍视频，你想象一下，大学时候你和一群朋友决定租下整栋兄弟会大屋，里面啥都没有，但房子特别棒，你们的任务就是拍些撩人的短视频，说实话我都不太清楚那算啥。
So, like, we would film in these empty mansions that were not furnished, and imagine you and all your friends during your college years decided to go rent a frat house that was fully empty but really nice, and your job was to film Thirst Traps, and I don't even know.
你得自己编个职业。
You had to make up a job.
每天早上醒来，你都会想：今天我该干什么工作？
One day you woke up and you go, what do I want my job to be today?
然后你就对着镜头咬嘴唇，摆个姿势，结果一不小心，真能买下兰博基尼了。
I'm gonna look at my camera and bite my lip and do this, and that all of a sudden, you could buy Lamborghinis.
事情就是这么回事。
That was that was that.
等等。
Wait.
那你们自己出钱养着房子，还是有中介或经纪人出钱，然后抽成？
And you guys actually were the ones that were funding the house, or were there like random agents and managers that were paying and then taking a percentage?
这得看是哪个月。
It depended on the month.
真的，完全看情况。
Like, really did.
每个月都不一样，因为那时候根本没这种模式，所以每个月都会有人来跟我们说：嘿，这个月你得拍十条TikTok视频才能住这儿；下个月又变了，得拍四条，还得帮某个功能饮料打广告，才能继续住，说白了就是，你免费住豪宅，但代价是——
Like, it depended on the month of like what was innovative at that time, because there was not a thing like that, and so every single month, we'd get, like someone would come down and say like, hey, by the way, now you have to film 10 TikToks per month if you want to live here, and then the next month it was, hey, you gotta film four TikToks and shout out this energy drink and you can live here, and it was like very much like, oh, cool, you get to live in this house, you get to live rent free, and then all you have to
你只需要拍这些视频。
do is make these videos.
这简直是
It was
这辈子最好的工作了。
fucking the best gig ever.
用三个词形容你在Hype House的生活体验？
Can you describe your experience living in the Hype House in three words?
天哪。
Jesus.
我不想让人觉得那日子特别美好。
I don't want to, like, make it like it's it was great.
不，那日子真的很棒。
No, it was great.
那日子真的很棒。
It was great.
但也很伤人。
Traumatic.
这简直就是我人生经历的概要，顺便说一句，也很有收获。
This is the synopsis of my biography, by the way, and rewarding.
如果没有那段经历，我不会走到今天。
I would not be here without it.
我喜欢‘伤人’这个词，就这么自然地摆在那儿。
I love how traumatic just sits like right
就在这儿呢。
It's right there.
然后呢，要是你把它分开来看，创伤这部分——
And then it's a very it's like if you put like you divided it, traumatic
就在这儿，
is here,
而那一部分在那儿。
and it's there.
你觉得大家多少岁的时候愿意办一场重聚？
What age do you think you guys would be down for a reunion?
我觉得你们俩之间，确实需要一点空间。
Because I feel like you guys, like, need a little distance.
真的吗。
Wow.
我不确定有没有人愿意再参加。
I don't know if some members would ever be down.
我觉得这得看是谁，比如查理，我觉得她根本不该再参与这种事。
I think, depending on who you are, like Charlie, like, I don't think Charlie should ever do that.
查理那时候太小了，尤其是科弗对她保护得特别严，这女孩真的经历太多了，说实话，我都不知道该怎么说。
I think Charlie was such she was so young, and especially Cover was so protective of her, and it's really I don't know, like that girl's been through a lot.
确实经历了很多。
A lot.
大家都盯着查理，尤其是她表现好的时候，总有人想凑过去拍她，我觉得这事儿特别怪， probably 不该这样。
Everyone saw Charlie, and especially when she did really well, and was just like, oh, let me go film with her, and I felt like that was such fucking weird thing, and probably not.
对。
Yeah.
可能确实不太健康。
Probably not the healthiest.
谁不该参与？
Who shouldn't?
也许有一天吧。
Maybe one day.
也许等到你六十岁的时候。
Maybe when you're just like 60.
我们去动物园。
We go to the zoo.
那是我们最喜欢的。
It's our favorite.
完美。
Perfect.
好的。
Okay.
我们马上做个简短的收尾，然后结束Hype House的拍摄。
We're gonna do quick wrap and fire to close out Hype House.
好的。
Okay.
不错。
Cool.
天哪。
Oh, god.
好的。
Okay.
行吧。
Okay.
你一副满不在乎的样子。
You're like, cool.
然后你突然反应过来，等等。
Then you're like, wait.
又来这套，真让人受不了。
It's traumatic again.
不是。
No.
咱们来搞
Let's do
就是它。
it.
好吧。
Okay.
你为了拍视频做过最疯狂的事是什么？
What was the most reckless thing you ever did for a video?
我们玩捉迷藏的时候，我躲进了一架直升机里。
Oh, we were playing hide and go seek tag, and I I I I hid in a helicopter.
好吧。
Okay.
那直升机是随便停在Hype House外面的吗？
Was it just casually sitting outside of the Hype House?
是的。
Yeah.
停在车道上。
Was on the driveway.
这简直太能说明现在的情况了，直升机就这么随便停在门口。
This is, like, very indicative of the times, the fact that there's just casually a helicopter sitting out in front of the okay.
完全没错。
100%.
你在网上发过最尴尬的是什么？
What's the most embarrassing thing you ever posted on the Internet?
天啊。
Oh my god.
我删掉了很多。
I deleted a lot of them.
你删了？
You did?
是啊。
Yeah.
不过你难道不能靠那些赚钱吗？
Couldn't you monetize that though?
我不在乎。
I don't care.
不。
No.
我真的不在乎。
I do not care.
我不希望我孩子说出这种话。
I don't want my kids saying that.
等等。
Wait.
举个例子。
Give me an example.
我之前发过很多
I just a lot of the
哦，我们会说到的。
oh, we'll get there.
我们会说到的。
We'll get there.
我们会说到的。
We'll get there.
等一下。
Wait.
能举个例子吗？
What is an example?
最让人尴尬的是什么？
What's the most what embarrassing
比如你在网上发过的尴尬视频。
Like embarrassing video you posted on the Internet.
有一段视频，是我朋友迪克西的。
There's a video that I a friend of mine or Dixie.
迪克西会穿那种衣服，我就借来穿，结果发现自己穿吊带裤根本不好看，就删了。
Dixie would dress she would dress in clothing, and then I I asked to borrow her clothing so I could dress like that, and realizing that I did not look good in the thong, so I deleted that.
我现在可能看起来不错，但那时候真的不行。
I probably look great now, but just back then I didn't.
你懂的。
You know?
是的。
Yeah.
那事儿挺让人难堪的。
It's a bit scarring.
我只是在努力想象，其实我真不想去想那个画面。
I I'm just trying I'm not actually I'm not trying to picture it.
别想了。
No.
别想了。
No.
别想了。
No.
我就是想试着 Yeah.
I'm just trying to yeah.
好的。
Okay.
这个以后可以卖出去。
I could sell that later.
不错。
That's good.
挺好。
That's good.
电影的图片。
The movie picture.
现在就在你的草稿里了。
It's in your drafts now.
是的。
Yeah.
就在那儿吧。
Somewhere there.
没关系。
It's okay.
我老婆用的是这个当壁纸，不过也行。
My wife is it's her wallpaper, but it's fine.
封面，我们爱你。
Cover, we love you.
是的。
Yeah.
那时候在Hype House里，谁最让人烦？
Who in the Hype House at the time was the most annoying?
最让人烦的。
The most annoying.
是
Is
就是，有张照片
there, like, a shot that
我能不能先喝一口再回答这个问题？
I could drink besides answer that question?
要说最烦的人，我想实话实说，得好好想想。
The most annoying I wanna be honest, so I'm trying to think.
我觉得最烦的人肯定是文尼。
I think the most annoying person had to be Vinny.
好吧。
Okay.
就是因为文尼长得太帅了，还一副懒得搭理人的样子。
And it's because Vinny's so good looking and didn't try.
你明白我的意思吗？
Does that make sense?
对，他就是最近才慢慢变低调了。
Yeah, he's just coming around.
不是，但是
No, but
那家伙吃汉堡。
the guy eats burgers.
重点就在这儿。
Like, that's the thing.
他吃的量，抵得上那人在塔可钟花的钱了，然后他还说，对啊。
Like, he eats the the amount of money that man spent on Taco Bell alone, and then he'd be like, yeah.
我就喝个六瓶装的啤酒。
I just have a six pack.
我心想，真服了。
I'm like, fuck.
你就坐在那儿看着这些人，心里想，
And so you're sitting there looking at these guys, and you're like Do
你知不知道我多希望自己也能那样？
you know how badly I wish I could have done that?
你该不会在开玩笑吧？
Aren't you joking?
你认真的？
Are you kidding?
你心里想，我根本不想放这首歌。
You're like, I didn't wanna put on the song.
我是说真的，我没骗你。
That's what I'm I'm not kidding.
每天我都盯着他们吃东西，想模仿他们的吃法，结果我发誓，跟他们住一块儿之后，我感觉自己得了某种饮食障碍。
Every day, I would watch what these guys ate trying to replicate it thinking that, like, I swear I have, like, an underlying eating disorder after living with these guys.
他们吃的全是塔可钟。
All they ate was Taco Bell.
每顿饭，每顿都是塔可钟。
Every goddamn meal was Taco Bell.
我当时还觉得自己在吃生酮饮食呢。
Like, was die I was keto.
我整个人都被奥兹潘瘦了。
I was Ozempified.
我当时什么药都试了，就是减不下来，而他们却天天狂吃塔可钟，还一天抽三十次大麻。
I I was on everything, and I couldn't lose the weight, and these guys were fucking stuffing Taco Bell and smoking weed 30 times a day.
简直疯了。
It was crazy.
是的。
Yeah.
这真的太让人烦了。
That's really fucking annoying.
打游戏。
Playing video games.
好吧。
Okay.
那时候网上流传得最离谱的谣言是什么？
What is the craziest rumor that spread online during that time?
哦，各种各样的事。
Oh, everything.
我记得当时，比如说，
I would I remember, like,
因为狗仔队，那可是真的。
because paparazzi, that was real.
我猜有
Like, I bet a
好多人都自称是狗仔，但我经常一觉醒来，只穿半截衣服，想起那会儿有个全玻璃的Hype House，我往窗外一看，四百多个孩子蹲在外面，就想拍到谁的照片，还有正经狗仔在那儿，我都记不清当时问了什么了。
lot of them called paparazzi, but I would wake up half naked, and remember, like, there was the Hype House that was with all glass, and I would look out the window, and there's 400 kids waiting there trying to get pictures with whoever, and paparazzi there, and I don't even remember the question.
这事真把我吓坏了。
I'm so traumatized by this.
不会吧。
No.
那时候网上流传得最离谱的谣言是什么？
What was the craziest rumor that was, like, spread online at that time?
你简直就是在玻璃房里醒过来，一丝不挂。
You're like, I'm waking up naked in a glasshouse.
不好意思。
Sorry.
你刚解锁了更多
You're just unlocking More
外地人。
country people.
我真不知道。
I don't even know.
很多时候，就是有人截个图，随口编些瞎话，说我跟别的女生聊天什么的，可你有没有好好看看我？
I think a lot, like, a lot of the time it was like people would, like, screenshot shit and, like, just make up things that, like, I was not, like, I was texting other girls or stuff like that, and I was like, have you guys looked at me?
我都开始怀疑，我老婆到底看上我哪点了。
Like, I'm questioning what my wife sees in me.
你觉得我会去Snap上找别人？
You think I'm gonna go find someone on SNAP?
这
It
就是感觉
was just like
特别奇怪，好像大家都想把你拉下马，我能理解。
a weird thing where, like, I think everyone especially was just trying to, like, tear you down, which I get it.
回头想想，那真是一段挺荒唐的时光。
Looking back at it, it was a weird fucking time.
那会儿真这么Saddle Ranch吗？
It was so Saddle Ranch?
天哪。
Oh my god.
我前几天还去过那儿。
I was there the other day.
为什么？
Why?
我当时在格莱美颁奖派对上。
I was there at the Grammy after party.
有个人在街对面，我往那边一看，简直惊呆了。
Someone was I was across the street, I looked over, and I was like, wow.
这太疯狂了。
That's fucking crazy.
天哪。
Oh my god.
你去了日落塔？
You were at Sunset Tower?
对。
Yes.
那地方到底是干嘛的？
What is that place?
那地方到底是干嘛的？
What is that place?
你搬上去了。
You moved up.
你以前在马鞍牧场。
You used to be at Saddle Ranch.
现在你住进日落塔了。
Now you're at Sunset Tower.
我总看着那些酷 kids 往日落塔去。
I would watch all the cool kids go
我一边回答问题，一边看着他们去日落塔。
to Sunset Tower as I was answering,
在马鞍牧场外面应付狗仔队的时候。
you know, paparazzi questions in front of Saddle Ranch.
我就想，我也想去那儿。
I'd be like, I wanna go there.
然后它
And it
那时候根本进不去。
was like, you couldn't go.
现在你可真在那儿了，亚历克斯。
Well, now you're there, Alex.
我真的没有。
I'm really not.
我就像是
I'm like
在外面等着。
waiting outside.
你确实是。
You are.
你都提名格莱美了。
You were nominated for Grammy.
别逗了。
Shut up.
最后一个是什么？
What is last one.
你花在视频上的最多一笔钱是多少？
What is the most money you ever spent on a video?
如果不是我自己的钱，那就是品牌方的钱。
Oh, if it wasn't my own money, it was branded money.
大概七万五千美元。
It was like $75,000.
哇，真的吗？
Oh, wow.
那时候我连住的地方都没有。
And keep in I was homeless.
所以，这笔钱我本来都不想拍视频，但签了合同，说好要花掉这笔拍摄经费，对吧？
So like that that is like wanting to keep that money was such a thing where I just didn't wanna even post the video, but it was like I had signed a deal saying I will spend the money that I was given for the video, right?
或者你会因为这些事获得认可。
Or like you get credit for things.
我明白了，那这个视频到底拍的是什么？
I see, and like What was the video?
是这样的，当时在Target，或者不是Target，反正我得买一堆充气设备，搞个大动作——把整个房子里面布置成一个水上乐园，各种设施都有，这笔钱就是品牌方给我的视频预算。
I had It was like something in Target or or not Target, it was I had to buy like a bunch of inflatable stuff to do like a thing where I surprised the whole house inside of it with like a water park and all these different things, this was the budget to spend on the video for the brand.
那时候我还没赚到什么钱，他们把钱打过来的时候，我真想把这笔钱据为己有，结果还是全花掉了。
And I remember at that time I had not made any money yet, and when they sent me the credit, I wanted to keep that money so badly, and I spent it all.
我当时纯粹赌视频能赚钱，结果那条视频被平台限流了。
I didn't get I literally was betting on the monetization, and that video got demonetized.
哦，我当时真想骂人。
Oh, and you're like, motherfucker.
你知不知道我多少次后悔，当初要是把钱存下来该多好？
Do you know how many times I wish I I saved that money?
但现在你明白了，也长记性了。
But now you know, and you learned your lesson.
是的，我懂了。
I did.
但那时候有太多钱在流动了，多得离谱。
But there was a lot of money floating around at Too that much.
太多了。
Too much.
尤其是，你得想想，那时候我们很多人都是年轻人，我才十九岁。
And especially, like, you have to think, like, lot of us at that time, like, I was a 19 year old kid.
我十八岁的时候无家可归。
I was homeless at 18.
就在那之后不久，我这辈子从来没见过这么多钱，突然就进了账户。
Like, I was that was right after, and I'd never seen that much money ever, and it hit your bank account.
你根本忍不住不花掉。
You have to spend it.
咱们能聊聊这个吗？
Can we talk about that for a minute?
因为我在想，你刚才说你住在那栋房子里，是吧。
Because I'm thinking about you talking about how you're living in this house Mhmm.
那就是那栋玻璃豪宅。
That is this glass mansion.
没错，有些人说那是个梦想，你也说那是梦想，但确实如此。
And yes, some people were saying, you know, it was a dream and you're saying it was a dream, but it yeah.
对你来说，这感觉显然更重，因为你搬进Hype House之前是无家可归的。
It feels like it clearly had a little bit more weight to you because you were homeless before moving into the Hype House.
对。
Right.
你妈妈把你赶出了家门。
Your mom had kicked you out.
能不能跟大家说说，如果有人不了解的话，
Can you for anyone who's not familiar, can you
嗯，可以。
just Yeah.
讲讲这个故事？
Tell that story?
我九岁那年，爸爸因癌症去世了。
Dad passed away when I was nine to cancer.
对。
Mhmm.
从那以后，妈妈就彻底垮了。
My mom spiraled ever since then.
说真的，这也难怪。
I mean, rightfully so.
她一个人带着四个孩子，正好赶上经济衰退，什么都没留下。
Single, four kids, right during the recession, left with nothing.
她根本不想再活下去了。
And she just didn't want to live anymore.
于是她不停地喝酒，只想把自己喝死。
And so she just drank and drank and drank just trying to kill herself.
随着时间推移，我慢慢意识到出了问题。那时候我还是个孩子，不懂事，但我会直接指责她，把酒全倒掉。
And as time went on, I realized there was a problem and I would I was a kid, I didn't know, but I would just call her out, and I would pour it out.
我当时想，妈妈不是应该完美的吗？你这是在干什么？
I thought, my mom's supposed to be perfect, what are you doing?
我把酒全倒得满地都是，结果成了我妈眼里头号敌人。
And I would just dump it out everywhere, and I became enemy number one for my mom.
她觉得都是我害得她突然开始喝酒，这反而让她觉得，哦，我得靠喝酒才能应付这一切。
I was the reason why she was drinking all of a sudden, and it gave her a sense of, oh, I need to drink to deal with this.
所以后来，我觉得我十八岁那年，生日那天她把我赶出了家门，我只能带走自己手里的东西，那时候就一台相机和一台电脑。
And so yeah, as time went on, I think once I turned 18, it was like that day on my birthday, she kicked me out and I couldn't take anything except for what I owned, and at that time it was a camera and a computer.
之后我就开始睡朋友的沙发，睡车里，也正是从那时起，我用相机拍视频，用电脑剪辑，生活才慢慢好起来。
And so I started sleeping on my friends' couches and sleeping in cars, and that's when I started filming with the camera and editing with the computer, and that's when I started doing well.
你有兄弟姐妹吗？
Do you have siblings?
有，是的。
I do, yeah.
他们留在妈妈身边了吗？
Did they stay with your mom?
是的，他们都在。
They did.
我姐姐年纪大很多，那时候已经在上大学，根本没意识到家里出了多大的事。
My older sister was is a lot older, so she was in college and didn't really understand the scope of things.
我哥哥是海军，常年不在家，最小的妹妹还太小，根本不懂这些。
My older brother was a marine, so he was not home, and then my youngest sister was too too young to understand.
我觉得她那时候就跟所有孩子一样，觉得父母都是完美的，还没反应过来真相。
I think she was just like, I think everyone growing up thinks your parents are perfect, and it hadn't hit her yet.
我一走，她才慢慢明白过来，心里就想着：我得赶紧离开这儿，后来是我叔叔把她带走了。
And once I left, it started hitting her, and she was like, I need to get the F out of here, and eventually my uncle took her out of it.
但我老是被人问：那你兄弟姐妹都干嘛去了？
But, it's it's it's always I always get the questions like, what did your siblings do?
他们怎么从来没出现过？
Why wouldn't they they were never there?
我跟朋友，或者我节目里的嘉宾聊过很多次，发现当你跟兄弟姐妹聊创伤，或者只是童年往事时，大家的记忆居然能差这么多。
I've had a lot of conversations with friends or people on my show where like, they they're it's so weird when you talk to your siblings about trauma or even just childhood in general, and you have such a different experience than siblings.
我觉得有些人很难理解这一点，他们会觉得，什么？你们不是住在一个屋檐下吗？
And I think sometimes it's hard for people to fathom that because they're like, what do mean you're in under the same roof?
但事实就是。
But it's
没错。
like Right.
你和兄弟姐妹虽然有同一个父母，但经历却可以完全不同。
You really can have such a different experience with a parent than your sibling.
要接受这一点，其实挺奇怪的。
And to eventually come to terms with that is weird.
你和你妹妹有没有聊过
Like, have you and your sister been able to talk about
童年的事？
your childhood?
真有意思。
So interesting.
就好像我身上装了摄像头一样。
It's like you're I have a camera on me.
我真的是上周才跟我妹妹聊过这个事。
I literally talked to my sister about this like a week ago.
是的。
I yeah.
有很多没解决的紧张情绪。
There's a lot of unresolved tension.
我觉得就是，我不太清楚她经历了什么。
I think it's just like, I don't know what she went through.
她比我大好多岁。
She was so much older than me.
她对爸爸的记忆比我深得多，而我根本不知道我兄弟姐妹们经历了什么。
She remembers my dad way more than I do, and I don't know what my siblings went through.
我只知道，他们多多少少都挺过来的。
All I know is they all somewhat got it.
我刚搬出去那会儿，记得我妈正对着我大打出手，把我打倒在地，但我从来没还过手。
Like, The moment I moved out, I remember my mom had just been wailing on me, just punching me on the ground, and I had never hit back ever.
我从来不信这种事，所以当时我就躺在那儿挨揍，我哥刚从部队回来，听见动静冲出来，一看这情况，直接把她制住，往后一拉，说：‘你再敢这样，我就跟你没完。’
I just don't believe in that, and so I'm sitting there taking these punches to the face, and I remember my brother, he just got home from the military, walks out, hears it, and sees it, and he just puts her in a choke hold and backs up and says, you're not doing that anymore.
我记得当时立马就冲出了家门，我哥也跟着跑出来，我后来睡在朋友家，结果我妈反应过来，报了警，说是我打了她。
And I remember just then and there running out of the house, my brother ran out with me, and I was sleeping at a friend's house, and she had figured it out, called the cops, and said I hit her.
幸好有我哥作证，不然我真得被带走，但那时候，我妈就是这个样子。
And so it was just this whole thing of, thankfully, had my brother to corroborate what actually happened or else I would have gotten picked up, but, like, my mom was like that.
那真是一段特别疯狂的经历。
And that was, like, a really crazy thing.
太疯狂了，因为我记得你以前说过，你妈不喝酒的时候是世界上最棒的女人，但问题在于，她每天都在跟酒精作斗争。
Very crazy because I also remember I read somewhere you had said that your mom was the greatest woman in the world when she wasn't drinking, but the problem was she struggled with alcoholism every single day.
你是怎么调和这两个完全相反的她呢？毕竟你也见过她清醒时的样子。
Like, how did you reconcile those two complete different versions of her because you had experienced her without it?
我妈早上五点就开始喝酒，然后一整天都睡着。
My mom would drink at 5AM and sleep all day.
她每天凌晨三四点就开始喝酒，熬到送我们上学，然后一整天都睡过去，从来不去接我们放学，可到了晚上八点，她又活蹦乱跳的。
So she would start drinking at like three or 4AM, stay up all the way to take us to school, and then she would sleep all day from there and consistently miss us from picking up at school, but then would be alive and well at like 8PM.
那时候我就知道，有个时间段——只要让她一直喝着，等她醉了，我就拿封自杀信给她看，说：‘这封信是我写的，全是你的错。’
So around that time, I knew there was a window where like, keep my mom drunk, letters and then show me it and go, I just wrote this suicide letter and I'm telling everyone it was your fault.
就在同一天的晚上八点，
And then literally that same day at eight p.
她又会说：‘我想让你知道，你是我最疼的儿子。’
M, it would be, I just want you to know you're my favorite son.
她会特别温柔，特别真诚，想抱着我，一起看电影，好好过一家人的时光。
And like she would be so kind and so genuine and want to cuddle and watch a movie and spend family time.
她说：‘咱们出去吧，或者除夕夜，咱们到后院敲锅打盆庆祝一下。’——那时候我就知道，那个窗口又来了，对吧？
Let's go out, or on New Year's Eve, let's bang the pots out back, and that was all of a sudden, you knew a window, right?
但后来我大概十五岁那年，那个窗口就彻底消失了，她整个人就只剩下酗酒的样子。
But then all of a sudden, I think I turned 15, and that window just never existed anymore, and it just became her.
在慢慢消化母亲离世、和她疏远的这段经历时，你有没有试着去理解，她那些对我充满恶意和伤害的时刻，到底是从哪儿来的？
Have you been able to, in processing, like, the loss of your mother and time away from it, like, tried to wrap your head around, like, where you think the, like, vitriol and hateful moments towards you came from in her most And painful
我终于想明白了。
I I I figured this out.
我觉得我弄清楚了。
I think I have it figured out.
我太误解我妈了。
My mom my mom was so I misunderstand my mom so much.
我妈深爱着我爸，爱到无法想象没有他的生活，所以她选择不活了。
My mom was so in love with my dad, so in love with my dad that she could not imagine a world living without him, and so she didn't.
她只是勉强撑着。
She just survived.
她并不是在我们全都离开后立刻就走了。
She did not like she died right when all of us left.
我妹妹是最后一个走的，等她知道妹妹有依靠了，就走了。
Like my little sister was the last to go, and once she knew she was taken care of, she died.
说实话，那段时间，我觉得我妈根本不在乎有没有孩子。
And truly, that entire time, my mom I don't think my mom cared about having kids.
我觉得我妈妈在乎的是和我爸爸一起生孩子，一旦这个没了，她就只想说：算了，我真受不了了。
I think my mom cared about having kids with my dad, and once that disappeared, it was just, okay, I hate this.
我讨厌我的生活。
I hate my life.
我讨厌我的孩子。
I hate my kids.
我讨厌我所处的这一切，我不觉得她本意是这样，但我真的觉得，她已经不想再活下去了。
I hate the things that I'm in, and I don't think she meant it in that way, but I truly just don't think that she wanted to live anymore.
于是她选择了活下去的方式——用酒精麻痹自己，耗尽余生。
And so she did what she had to do to survive, and that was to drink her life away.
但我永远无法把自己放在那样的境地。
But I could never put myself in that position.
我永远无法想象，有四个孩子，一生的伴侣，偏偏赶上经济衰退。
I could never say, I could never be there and try and imagine that just because like imagine having four kids, your husband of your life, and a recession hits.
然后他去世了。
He dies.
你背了一身医疗债务，根本爬不出来。
You're over your head in medical debt.
你身上一分钱都没有。
You have no money to your name.
你欠了三十万到四十万，突然之间你从来没工作过，现在却得活下去？
You're 300,000 to $400,000 in debt, and now all of a sudden you've never had a job, and all of a sudden you have to just live?
我做不到。
I couldn't.
这真的特别难，因为你现在长大了，结婚了，我记得你之前提到过，也许有一天会要孩子，这些事会让你特别清楚地意识到，自己以后想怎么过不一样的生活。
It's also so hard too because when you then now are becoming an adult and you're married, and I know you earlier referenced like maybe one day having kids, like all of these things you become really, like, cognizant of, of, what you would want to do differently.
你其实是在说，现在你终于看懂了你妈妈。
And you're kind of talking about how now you have perspective on your mother.
在她走之前，你们有没有和解过？
Like, before she passed, were you able to reconcile at all with her?
没有。
No.
这就是我众多遗憾中的一部分。
I and that's that's the many regrets I have.
我记得，不知道怎么就想到这个，当时我正开车，突然觉得最害怕的事就是孤身一人死去，连我自己都不明白为什么会冒出这种念头。
I remember, I don't know what spawned this, I was driving I literally was like, my biggest fear is dying alone, and I don't know why I started thinking about that.
我心想，一个人孤独地死去，简直无法想象，然后我就想到了我妈，我意识到，她身边一个人都没有。
And I was like, wow, dying alone, I could not imagine, and I started thinking about my mom, and I said, she has no one.
连帮她倒个垃圾的人都没有。
There's no one there to even help her take the trash out.
于是我给她发了条消息，说只是突然想到她，想发张照片给她什么的，结果消息根本没发出去。
So I texted her and I was like, hey, just thinking about you, wanted to send you this picture and whatever, and never delivered.
后来我才得知，那时她其实已经快不行了，我当时就骂了句：操。
And it turns out that she was already pretty much dead, and I was like, fuck.
我记得去医院的时候，有人告诉我，她能听见我说话，但她的脸已经发黄了。
I remember going to the hospital, and tell you she can hear you, but she's yellow.
你可能没见过，但肝衰竭临终的人，绝对是这辈子最不想看到的景象之一，他们根本不像个人了。
I don't know if you've ever seen it, but someone dying from liver failure is probably top fucking five worst things to see, and they're just They don't look like a human.
他们看起来就像僵尸。
They look like a zombie.
整个人黄一块紫一块，头发全掉光了，剩下的也都白了，因为根本活不下去。你看着这样的画面，还会遇到一种叫‘临终呼吸’的现象。
They're yellow and purple and they have no hair, and their hair's all white because it couldn't survive, and so you're seeing this, and there's something called the death breath.
这大概是世界上最可怕的事了——你以为那是最后一口气，结果它还在继续，一连好几次。那一刻我整个人都懵了，但就在那时，我突然觉得，我们都原谅你了。所有人都离开了房间，我一个人坐在那儿，心里只想着：对不起，真的对不起。
This is the most fucking horrifying thing in the world where it's like you think it's the last breath and it's like, and then it keeps going, and that was, woah, woah, but that was something where I think we all had a moment where we were like, we forgive you, and everyone left the room and I sat there and I'm just like, I'm so sorry.
我真的很抱歉，没能好好陪你，但我更抱歉的是，我总觉得这事该由我来负责。
Like, I'm so sorry I let you not let you, but I'm so sorry that I I felt a sense of responsibility.
不管我妈做过什么，你爱怎么说都行。
I felt like the thing is like, say what you want that my mom did.
我是个儿子。
Like, I am a son.
我本该做得更多。
I should have.
不管她做过什么，可能什么都算，我觉得有些人会说，哦，你根本不配得到这些。
Like, whatever she did, and it could be anything, and I think like, yeah, some people could say like, oh, well, you didn't deserve it.
这已经不重要了。
It doesn't matter.
我是她的儿子。
I am her son.
我无法想象她独自一人离世时是什么感受，对一切都一无所知。我记得她最后发给我的那条短信，可我居然傻傻地没回。
I can't imagine what it's like dying alone, not knowing anything, and I remember the last text she ever sent me before, and I stupidly didn't respond.
她最后发给我的是：我遇到麻烦了。
The last text she sent me was, I have a problem.
她说要去参加戒酒会，还有别的事，然后就走了。
I'm going to AA, something else, and she died.
她要么是察觉到不对劲，想努力挽回，但为时已晚；要么就是她拼命想补救，结果在努力的过程中离开了。
She tried she either thought knew something was wrong, and she tried to fix it, and it was too late, or she tried to fix it, and she died trying.
天哪。
Oh my god.
我的意思是，亚历克斯，光是听你讲这些，就能感受到你心里压着那么多层愧疚——你确实想修复和妈妈的关系，你们俩都试着主动靠近对方，只是当时对方还没准备好接受。但你们的初衷，其实是一样的。
I mean, Alex, like, even hearing you talk about this, there's so many layers of you have guilt, you wanted you obviously made an attempt to repair it with your mother, you both, which is so relatable, kind of reached out to the other person, and the other one wasn't ready to accept it or willing to accept it at the time, but you both had the same intention.
你们彼此是真的爱着对方的，只是没能表达出来，也许是因为她当时的病情，或者你对她怀有的愤怒，还有你遭受的身体虐待。
You both were genuinely you loved each other, and you weren't able to show that whether it was because of the illness she was experiencing or the anger that you had for her and you're getting physically abused.
所以有些时候，当然你得从这种环境里抽身出来。
So it's like, at some points, of course, you should remove yourself from a situation.
你不该张开双臂迎向那样的处境。
You shouldn't be there with open arms.
是的。
Yeah.
但她去世后，我不禁想到，你这一生其实挺孤单的。
But when she passed, I can't help but also think like you were alone for a lot of your life.
对吧？
Right?
她活着的时候，你只是在勉强活着，感觉特别孤单，因为你没有妈妈，也没有爸爸。
When she was alive, you were surviving and it felt like you were alone because you didn't have a mother and you didn't have your father.
对。
Mhmm.
她走之后，你真的是一个人，孤零零的。
And then when she passed, you were physically, literally alone.
这两种状态的感觉有什么不一样？
How did both of those versions feel different?
我觉得她还在的时候，反而激起了我要证明给她看的决心。
I think when I when she was alive, it fueled me of I'm going to prove this person wrong.
我妈妈一辈子都说我不可能当歌手。
My entire life, my mom told me that I wouldn't be a singer.
这事儿根本不可能发生。
It just wasn't going to happen.
我唱得太差了。
I suck.
我声音难听得要命。
I sound bad.
你得上大学，拿个学位，人生就得这么走。
It's you need to go to college and get a degree because you need to do it this way.
这根本不可能发生。
It's never gonna happen.
那些人跟你不一样。
Those people aren't like you.
所以当这件事发生时，我特别想说：我做到了。
So when this happened, I wanted to so badly be like, I did it.
去你的。
Fuck you.
现在我想，我做到了，但我好想你。
And I think now, I did it and I miss you.
我觉得最难的是，我以前很不自信，也不懂，现在才明白，天啊，真希望我能亲口告诉你。
And I think that's that's the hard part is like, I think I was insecure and I didn't understand it, and now it's kinda like, fuck, dude, I wish I could tell you.
我朋友刚生了孩子，她正在学骑自行车，前几天他跟我讲了一件事，特别有意思。
You know, like, this my friend just had a kid, and she's learning how to ride a bike, and there's this thing he was explaining to me the other day of like, you know, it's so cool.
那个人刚开始骑车，回头一看，就说：爸妈，我做到了。
It's like this person, she started riding a bike and she looked back and she says, look mom and dad, I did it.
至于格莱美这些事，其实我就是想回头想想，真牛逼。
And the thing with the Grammys and all these different things is that really I wanted to look back and say, fuck yeah.
你懂的吧？
You know?
我爸爸以前常参加才艺表演，正是这些事让我对孩子们充满期待——我真想成为我爸曾经为我那样的人。
Like, my dad would do these talent shows, and he was so and this is what makes me excited for kids is I can't wait to be what my dad was for me.
他是个特别支持你的人，不管发生什么，他总说：你能行。
He's a supportive person that no matter what, like, it was just you can do it.
他当时正在和癌症抗争，每天早上还是坚持起来，就为了给我们创造这些经历，因为他知道时间不多了。我也想为我的孩子做到这些，支持他们，让他们相信任何事都可能做到，而我自己就是最好的证明。
Like, He was fighting cancer and waking up every morning just to give us these experiences just because he knew it was limited, and to be able to do that for my kids and be able to be supportive and show them that you can do anything, and I think I'm a testament to that.
这一路走来，经历了这么多，现在能站在格莱美舞台上，还能获得提名，你看看这一切，根本没人能说这不可能。
This entire time and the things I've gone through, to be able to play at the Grammys and and be nominated for Grammy with everything that I've gone through, I feel like is you can't You cannot prove to anyone that it's not possible if if you look at that.
完全同意。
Oh, completely.
你童年经历的那些磨难，承受的种种逆境，本不该由你来扛，但正因如此，你才更准备好面对现在这个混乱到极点的行业。
Like, I think the the amount that you survived throughout your childhood and the adversity that you had to overcome, you shouldn't have had to go through it, but it only prepared you more for this chaotic fucking industry that you've now walked into.
你现在感觉安全了吗？
Do you feel safe now?
天啊，是的。
Woah, yeah.
对，没错。
I I I Yeah.
这问题可太重了，老天。
That's a loaded fucking question, Jesus.
我确实感觉安全了。
I am, yeah.
我的职业生涯就是最好的例子。
My career is a perfect example.
想想我现在事业到什么位置了，很多人可能都达到了，但我也亲眼看着它跌落过，你知道吧？
Think where I am in my career right now, I think a good amount of people have gotten to, and I've also watched it just go down, you know?
我觉得这正是我性格的一部分——我总处在一种应激状态，因为我曾经和妻子无家可归。
And I think that's part of me is like I'm such in a fight or flight moment that like I don't ever want I was homeless with my wife.
我完全明白那种感觉。
I know exactly what that's like.
虽然和我妻子在一起的日子挺开心的，但我再也不想经历那样的生活了。
And as much fun as I had with my wife, I never want to do that again.
我想生孩子，想给他们我从未拥有过的生活。
I want to have kids and I want to give them the life I never had.
你知道，我想陪在孩子身边，这就意味着我得继续干下去。
You know, like I want to be able to be there for my kid, which means I want to keep doing this.
我想继续巡演。
I want to keep touring.
我想有能力养活孩子，也能真正参与到他们的生活中，我觉得这其实是一种特权，一种很多人享受不到的奢侈。
I want to be able to provide for a child and be able to be present in their life, which I feel like is a privilege and a luxury that not a lot of people have.
我小时候没有这种条件。
I didn't have that.
正因为如此，我可能是最难活在当下的那种人了。
And so I'm probably one of the most not in the moment person ever because of it.
我一直在想，该怎么做到这一点呢？
I'm constantly thinking, okay, how do I do this?
怎么做才能确保自己不会再回到那种状态？
How do I do that to make sure that I don't go back to this?
每次歌卖得不好，或者演出表现差，我都会狠狠责怪自己，因为我太害怕妈妈说得对，或者自己会重新跌回过去的样子。
And every time a song might not do well or I suck at a performance, I'm beating myself up about it because I'm so scared that either my mom's opinion is right or that I will go back to where I was.
是啊。
Right.
你一直处在求生模式里。
You're like constantly in survival mode.
对。
Right.
对。
Right.
对。
Right.
你总是觉得自己随时可能失去一切。
You're constantly on the edge of like, I could lose it all.
格莱美奖就是一个完美的例子。
I mean, the Grammy is a perfect example.
我那会儿全程都在想，我的职业生涯完了。
I sat there the entire time saying my career is over.
你觉得是不是只要继续经历像格莱美这样的事，然后呢？
And do you think it's gonna just take you continuing to live experiences like the Grammys, and then guess what?
你现在坐在这儿，新歌也发布了，一切都很顺利。
You're sitting here today, you've got a new song out, like, everything Yeah.
一切都还好吗？
Is okay?
我真希望如此。
I fucking hope so.
我会告诉你的。
I'll let you know.
你的歌都发布了。
You songs out.
我可以
I can
谁知道会不会一路下滑呢。
go downhill for all I know.
我觉得我可能再也爬不出来了。
I don't think I'll ever get out
这个困境。
of this.
好吧。
Okay.
我们会慢慢解决的。
We're gonna work on it.
一点点来就好。
Just a little bit.
下次见到你的时候，希望那时候能感觉好点了，真的希望吧。
Next time I see you, hopefully be like, okay, hopefully.
希望如此。
Hopefully.
不行。
No.
我已经做了很多了。
I've done a lot.
我有个特别棒的老婆。
Like, I have an amazing wife.
我也有份很棒的职业。
I have an amazing career.
我做的音乐是我真心热爱的。
I make music that I absolutely fucking love.
我做着自己热爱的事。
I do what I love.
我能去大型场馆演出。
Like, I get to play arenas.
这简直太疯狂了。
Like, that's fucking nuts.
我有一群很棒的朋友。
I have amazing friends.
我现在所处的位置，而且我还很健康。
Where I am today, and also I'm healthy.
我热爱我所做的事情。
I love what I do.
我健身。
I work out.
我锻炼身体。
I exercise.
我这辈子从来没这么开心过，而且我能坦然说，我对现在的自己很满意。
I'm quite literally the happiest I've ever been, and I'm able to say I'm happy with who I am today.
但我花了好长时间才做到这一点。
It took me so long to do that though.
好吧，
Okay,
咱们聊聊感情关系吧。
let's talk about relationships.
你之前在一次采访中说过。
You said in an inter perfect.
是的。
Yeah.
你提到，在结婚之前，你经常被伴侣背叛。
You said in an interview that before you got married, you were notoriously cheated on.
那到底发生了什么？
What was happening?
对吧？
Right?
因为我总觉得自己是问题所在。
Because I have to be the problem.
我当初就是这么想的。
That's exactly what I thought.
不是的。
No.
不，我有个特别帅的朋友，他是我最好的朋友，到现在还是我特别亲近的朋友之一。
No, I had a really good looking friend, and he was my best friend, and he's still really one of my close friends.
我经常跟他联系。
I talk to him all the time.
长得特别帅。
Very good looking.
每次我约会女孩，都会带他一起去，因为大家都知道他特别容易把我的女朋友勾走。
Every time I dated a girl, the test was to bring him around because he was notorious for stealing my girlfriends.
你最好的朋友？
This is your best friend?
是啊。
Oh, yeah.
我们后来就没再做朋友了，就是最后一个之后，但他一直特别招女孩子喜欢，长得太帅了，总有种魔力，他就是会——
We weren't friends after this, the last one, but he was notorious for trying to get with my girlfriends or he was very attractive, and there was something about it, but he would just
你在他多次这样之后还跟他保持友谊？
And you stayed friends with him after I'm multiple
我这个人就是心软，亚历克斯。
a very forgiving person, Alex.
就是嘛。
It's just
这么回事。
a thing.
等等，这种情况发生过好几次？
I'm like, wait, so this happened multiple times?
我直到最后一次才反应过来。
I didn't realize until the last one.
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