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怎么了，老爹帮？
What is up, daddy gang?
我是你们的开国元勋，亚历克斯·库珀，
It is your founding father, Alex Cooper,
带来《叫她爸爸》。
with Call Her Daddy.
老爹。
Daddy.
老爹。
Daddy.
老爹。
Daddy.
阿德丽娜·帕特里奇，欢迎来到《叫她爸爸》。
Adrina Patridge, welcome to Call Her Daddy.
非常感谢你邀请我。
Thank you so much for having me.
我太兴奋了。
I am so excited.
我一直是《比佛利山庄》的铁粉。
I have been an OG fan of The Hills.
恭喜你写了这本书《从比佛利山庄到回归》。
Congratulations on writing your book, Choices to The Hills and Back Again.
是什么促使你讲述你的故事？
What inspired you to tell your story?
你知道吗，真正激励我的是粉丝们发给我的私信。
You know, I guess what really inspired me was all the DMs from my fans.
还有这些年来我所经历的一切，他们总是给我留言，寻求建议，想知道我是如何挺过来的，以便能与我产生共鸣。
And just what I've been through throughout the years, they were always writing me wanting advice or to know how I got through this so they could relate to me.
而当时我所经历的，有时非常丢脸，我也对自己特别苛刻。
And at the time, what I was going through, sometimes it was so humiliating and I get so hard down on myself.
但读到这些留言让我重新振作起来，知道我不是一个人在战斗。
But reading that lifted me back up knowing that I'm not alone.
所以这让我想到，好吧，这是我一次性回答所有这些问题的机会。
So that kind of inspired me to think, okay, well this is my chance to answer all those questions in one place.
从《山丘》到我的人际关系，再到媒体或八卦中所有关于我的内容，我一直以来都忍着没说。
Everything from the hills to my relationships to basically everything that's out there in the media or gossip or whatever that I've I've always bit my tongue.
我从未说过任何话。
I never said anything.
我只是任由别人对我评头论足。
I just let people say whatever they wanted about me.
现在，这是我真正把一切都说清楚、澄清事实的机会。
Well, is my chance to really put it all in one place and set the record straight.
写一本书，我能想象，这绝对是一个庞大的过程。
Writing a book, can imagine, is it's a huge process.
在这本书中，你带领读者回顾了你经历过的创伤。
And you in this book take the reader through trauma that you've been through.
在写作过程中，重新经历这些痛苦困难吗？
Was it difficult to relive while writing this?
非常困难。
Extremely.
有很多次我都会崩溃，这对我来说太难了。
There were a lot of moments where I would break down, and it was so hard for me.
我的代笔作家珍·舒斯特非常出色，她几乎全程像我的治疗师一样陪伴着我。
And you know, my ghost writer, Jen Schuster, who is amazing, she was almost like my therapist through it all.
我会哭，她会和我一起梳理这些经历，而我总是说：‘我不行，我真的不能写进去。’
And I would cry and she'd you would talk through it and she's I was like, I don't I don't I can't put that in there.
她却说：‘阿德里娜，你必须写出来。',
And she's like, Adrina, this, you have to.
你知道吗？
You know?
这个过程非常有疗愈作用，我挺过来了，每当我一遍又一遍地重读这本书时，我谈论得越多，就越能面对它。
So it was very therapeutic and I got through it and the more I talked about it and the more I kept having to read the book over and over.
这几乎就像我战胜了某些曾经让我泪流满面的事情，现在我不会再为此哭了。
And it's almost like I conquered something that I don't I don't cry about anymore.
这简直是一种疗愈。
It's like it was very healing.
我能想象，因为这几乎就像你一开始就想终于说出自己的心声。
I can imagine that too because it's almost like you literally started this being like, wanted to finally just say my piece.
而我们内心总有一部分会想：等等，我该说这个吗？
And then naturally, there is a part of us that like, we always are like, wait, should I say this?
所以我很喜欢你的代笔人那样对你说：阿德丽娜，我们到底做不做这件事？
And so it was kinda like, I love how your ghostwriter is like, Adrina, are we doing this or not?
我们要全力以赴。
We're going all in.
我们要全力以赴，这正是我说的。
We're going all in and that's what I said.
我想展现脆弱。
I want to be vulnerable.
我想坦诚相待。
I want to be honest.
我想敞开心扉。
I want to be open.
所以如果我要做这件事，我就要做得对。
So if I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do it the right way.
那我们来谈谈你在书里写的内容吧。
Well, let's get into what you wrote about in the book.
好的。
Okay.
内容很多。
There's a lot.
喝一口。
A sip.
我们开始吧。
Here we go.
好的。
Okay.
我们要回到最开始的时候。
We're going all the way back.
怎么
How
你最初是怎么被选中出演《比佛利山庄》的？
were you originally cast on The Hills?
其实我当时搬到了洛杉矶。
So I was actually, I moved to LA.
我当时在橙县上夜校，想当一名心理学家。
So I was going to night school in Orange County, and I wanted to be a psychologist.
我不得不从社区大学退学，因为再不退学就要被开除了。
So I had to drop out of college, community college, because I was gonna get dropped.
我当时想，你知道吗？
I was like, you know what?
我就决定搬去洛杉矶，试试看。
I'm just gonna move to LA and give it a shot.
所以我看的那个地方没有空房，我在电梯里遇到了两个女孩，她们听到了我的谈话。
So the place I was looking at didn't have anything available and I met these two girls in the elevator and they overheard me talking.
她们来自俄克拉荷马州，需要一个室友。
They're from Oklahoma and they needed a roommate.
所以一切就这么顺理成章地发生了。
So it was just that fell into place.
于是我搬去和这两个我不认识的女孩一起住。
So I ended up moving in with these two girls I didn't know.
有一天我们正在泳池边晒太阳，亚当·德韦洛来了，他当时正在为劳伦和希迪物色人选，他走过来和我们搭话，我以为他是个俗气的制片人，又来了，一个男人在搭讪我们，‘你们常去哪家夜店？’
And then we were laying out at the pool one day and Adam DeVello, who was there scouting for Lauren and Heidi, came up to us and you know, I thought he was this kind of cheesy producer, here we go again, some guy hitting on us, what's your club?
对吧。
Right.
但他其实是在为《拉古纳海滩》的劳伦物色人选，我从来没看过那档节目，但通过小报知道过她。
But he was scouting for Lauren's, Lauren from Laguna Beach, which I never watched, but I knew of her from tabloids and stuff.
所以他喜欢我的故事，喜欢我在洛杉矶有固定的夜生活，人脉很广。
So he liked my story, liked that I had my go to nights in LA that I was very connected.
然后两三周后我们就开始拍摄了，我当时根本不知道自己卷入了什么。
And then we started filming two or three weeks later and I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
现在回头想想，这其实也很合理，因为你自己已经有了一些人脉，我敢肯定他们希望确保劳伦和希迪能有个落脚的地方。
That actually makes a lot of sense too now looking back that you had your like connections already because I'm sure they wanted to make sure that like Lauren and Heidi had a place to like plop in.
是的。
Yes.
你当时就说，咱们去Bootsie Bellows吧，或者不管那地方叫什么名字。
And you were like, oh, let's go to like Bootsie Bellows or whatever the hell it was called.
所以你很清楚自己在做什么。
So like you knew what you were doing.
你当时只是穿着比基尼在泳池边闲逛吗？
Were you just like chilling at the pool in a bikini?
是的。
Yes.
好吧。
Okay.
你到了那里，然后说：‘您好，先生。’
Got to where you were like, hello, sir.
我当时说：‘嗨。’
I was like, hi.
我能帮你吗？
Can I help you?
你却说：‘您好，先生。’
You're like, hello, sir.
好吧。
Okay.
这很有道理。
That makes a lot of sense.
所以你决定从《比佛利山庄》开始。
So you decide to start with The Hills.
我很感兴趣，因为我觉得很多人一想到真人秀，就会立刻问：‘你家人对你被摄像机跟拍有什么看法？’
I'm interested because I think a lot of people, when you think about reality TV, immediately people are like, what did your family think when you're getting followed around with cameras?
他们不知道该想些什么。
They didn't know what to think.
他们甚至不太清楚我究竟在做什么，但他们非常支持我。
They didn't even really know what I was getting myself into, but they were very supportive.
我搬到洛杉矶是因为我想当演员，所以当时我已经在为音乐视频、广告等试镜了。
And I moved to LA because I wanted to do acting, so I was already auditioning for music videos and commercials and this and that.
所以我心想，为什么不试试真人秀呢？
So I figured, why not reality TV?
那根本就不是什么大事。
That's not even a thing.
我知道杰西卡·辛普森有一档节目。
I knew the Jessica Simpson had a show.
所以那正是
So that's
我当时的感受，嗯，看起来还不错。
kind of what I was like, well, it seems okay.
这会让我对镜头更自在。
It'll make me comfortable with cameras.
一开始非常不自在。
It was very uncomfortable.
我刚开始很讨厌，因为不止有一台摄像机。
I hated it in the beginning because it's not just one camera.
有三台摄像机，还有灯光，还有人盯着你看，在这种突然被扔进去的情况下，要保持真实、敞开心扉，压力很大。
There's like three and there's lighting and there's people staring at you and it's a lot of pressure to be yourself and open up when you're just kinda thrown into that.
我觉得你扮演了那个穿搭超棒的女孩，非常前卫，谢谢。
I feel like you played the character of the girl who had great style, like super edgy Thank you.
皮夹克、破洞T恤，我简直迷上了你的风格。
The leather jackets, like worn t shirts, like I was obsessed with your style.
你是那个酷女孩，还喜欢坏男孩。
You were the cool girl and you love the bad boys.
是的。
Yes.
我们都对你们和贾斯汀·博比的关系着迷。
And we were all obsessed with your relationship with Justin Bobby.
你第一次见到贾斯汀·博比是什么时候？你对他有什么印象？
When was the first time you saw Justin Bobby and what did you think about him?
我当时其实是Coyote工作室的接待员。
The so I was actually the receptionist at Coyote Studios.
我们第一次见面时，他正在那里和史蒂文·米泽尔为麦当娜拍摄。
And the first time we met, he was working there with Steven Mizell on a shoot for Madonna.
我是接待员，所以他不断在我办公桌前走来走去，但你能走多远呢？
And I was a receptionist, so he kept walking in front of my desk, back and forth and you can only go so far.
我当时就想：需要帮忙吗？
And I was like, can I help you?
他说：我只是想找些杂志，我就说：桌上有堆杂志。
He's like, I'm just looking for some magazines and I'm like, there's a stack of magazines on the table in there.
然后他又回来，说想喝点东西。
And then he would come back and he wanted a drink.
然后他总是给办公室打电话，我会说：‘您好，Coyote工作室。’
And then he would call the office all the time and I'd be like, good afternoon, Coyote Studios.
他会发出一些搞笑的声音，只是为了打电话找我聊天。
And he'd be he'd like make funny sounds and just call me to talk.
然后我们就开始一起出去玩了。
And we just started hanging out.
那是在《山丘》节目之前的事了。
And that's like before the hills.
我们知道，真人秀中的感情关系可能是假的，或者经过剪辑后看起来有些不同。
We know that reality television relationships can be fake or can be edited to look a little bit different.
你和贾斯汀的关系实际是什么样的？
What was the actual dynamic of your relationship with Justin?
我觉得，贾斯汀是个非常神秘的人。
I feel like, you know, Justin is a very mysterious man.
是的，他确实是。
Yes, he is.
和他的摩托车一起。
You With his motorcycle.
但你知道，当我们刚开始约会、不在镜头前时，贾斯汀有一颗最善良的心，他非常体贴，会倾听，真的在乎。
But, you know, when we first started dating and off camera, Justin has the biggest heart and he's so caring and he listens and he actually cares.
这不只是对我，而是对他跟任何人的态度。
And it's not just me, it's whoever he's talking to.
他真正地与你产生共鸣，关心你所说的话，并希望帮助你。
He's truly connected and cares about what you're saying and wants to help.
而且你知道，当我把他带入《山丘》的纷争时，他当时有点像，那不是他的世界，我根本不会踏入那种圈子，因为我从来不是爱闹事的人。
And, you know, I feel like when I brought him into the Hills drama, you know, he was kind of like, that's not his that wasn't even my circle that I would ever go into because I I was never a part of drama.
所以把他带入那种环境，让他瞬间被推到风口浪尖，这让他以自己的方式有点失控。
So bringing him into that where he was instantly just like put on the spot, it kind of made him act out a little bit in his own way.
然后他就像是，他好像不在乎，但他其实很在乎。
And then it's like he wanted it was like he didn't care, but he did care.
所以我看到了镜头前的贾斯汀和镜头后的贾斯汀。
So I got to see the Justin on camera and the Justin off camera
嗯。
Mhmm.
他们确实捕捉到了这两种状态。
Which they kinda captured both.
而且，你知道，他看完自己参与的第一或第二季后，对自己当时的行为并不满意。
And, you know, and after he watched the first or second season that he was on, he didn't like how he behaved.
不过，你有没有因为对你们的剪辑感到沮丧？
Were you frustrated though by the edit of you guys ever?
有。
Yes.
因为只要有摄像机在，人们的行为就会不一样。
Because whenever there's cameras around, people act different.
是啊。
Yeah.
我甚至在其他约会中也发现，摄像机就是会改变人的行为。
And I've even going on other dates, like, they just change people.
但你知道，我和贾斯汀都很不成熟。
But, you know, and Justin and I were very immature.
我们俩互相玩心眼。
We both played games with each other.
所以我不能把一切都怪在他身上，因为我也在做同样的事。
So I can't just blame it all on him because I was doing the same thing.
但我希望他们能多展示一些我们只是闲逛的片段。
But I wish that they would have showed more of us just like hanging out.
他们只想要刺激的部分，戏剧性的部分。
They just wanted the action side of it, the drama side of it.
因为如果我们只是闲聊，谈谈音乐，或者一直去打台球，那太无聊了。
Because if we were just hanging out talking and talking about music or going and playing pool all the time, that's boring.
绝对如此。
Absolutely.
你觉得如果没有摄像机，你们的关系会成功吗？
Do you think that your relationship would have worked out had there not been cameras?
我不认为在一开始就这样，因为我们当时深陷好莱坞的圈子，经常外出、喝酒，周围总是充满诱惑，还有其他人把我们往不同方向拉。
I don't think I've not in the beginning because we were so in the Hollywood scene and going out all the time and drinking and there's always temptation around and other people pulling us in different directions.
但我觉得随着我们关系 closer，是的，如果我们没有制片人总是挑拨我们、故意让我们互相嫉妒来制造戏剧场面，我们的关系本可以维持下去。
But I think as we got closer, yes, we could have if we didn't have the producers always trying to put us at each other's neck and trying to get us jealous at each other to get a scene going.
没错。
Yeah.
那你对劳伦·康拉德的第一印象是什么？
So what was your first impression of Lauren Conrad?
我第一次在泳池边见到劳伦和海蒂时，然后我们一起出去，她并不是个很友善的人。
My very first impression of Lauren when I met her with Heidi at the pool and then we went out, she wasn't the friendliest person.
她非常封闭。
She was very closed off.
随着拍摄开始，我渐渐明白了她为什么这样，为什么她不轻易接纳别人。
And as we started filming, I kind of started to understand why she was like that and why she didn't just welcome people instantly.
因为很多人利用她，把她当替罪羊，你知道的，现在我理解她为什么是那样了。
Because people used her a lot and would throw her under the bus or, you know, and I now I understand why she was like that.
但一开始，她并不那么友好或热情。
But in the beginning, she wasn't as friendly or welcoming.
我的意思是，她从高中就开始做这个了。
I mean, she was doing this since she was in high school.
对吧？
Right?
她是从拉古纳开始的。
And she started in Laguna.
我想知道，当你和她一起开始拍摄《比佛利山》时，根据你的观察，她是如何应对摄像机一直跟着她的？
I'm wondering, by the time you started filming The Hills with her, from what you observed, like, how did she handle all the cameras following her around?
她当时已经非常有经验了。
She was so seasoned already.
我觉得她已经有这种经验了。
I feel like she had that experience.
她对摄像机非常自在。
She was so comfortable with the cameras.
她知道在场景结束时该说哪些精彩的台词，该做什么。
She knew all the good one liners to say when the scene was ending, what to do.
她很清楚自己是个专业人士。
Like she knew exactly what she was a professional.
她知道自己在做什么。
She knew what she was doing.
当你们拍摄场景时，好了，一天的拍摄结束了，摄像机关掉了。
When you guys would shoot a scene, okay, you're done for the day, cameras are off.
当摄像机不拍的时候，你和劳伦的关系怎么样？
What was your relationship like with Lauren when the cameras were not rolling?
嗯，我们最后住在一起了。
Well, we ended up living together.
我们在一起度过了最愉快的时光。
We had the best time together.
我们笑得很开心。
We laughed.
我们做什么都在一起。
We did everything together.
你知道的，我们也有起起落落。
You know, we had our ups and downs.
劳伦是个很有主见、个性很强的人。
Lauren is a very opinionated person and a very strong personality.
而且，如果她不同意某件事或不喜欢某样东西，她一定会说出来。
And, you know, if she doesn't agree with something or like something, she's gonna say it.
这非常值得尊重。
And that's very respectful.
我喜欢这一点。
I liked that.
因为我讨厌模棱两可。
Because I don't like the black or the gray.
我喜欢非黑即白。
I like the black or white.
但我们确实有过一些疯狂的时光。
But we we had some wild times.
我记得看过他们。
I remember watching them.
哦，是的。
Oh, yeah.
那非常有趣。
And it was very fun.
我们实际上为播客看了一集，当时布罗迪和弗兰基说：天啊，你和劳伦，你们根本不在乎自己看起来什么样。
We actually watched an episode for our podcast and Brody and Frankie were like, oh my gosh, you and Lauren, you don't even care what you guys looked like.
你们只是睡了两个小时就滚下楼，脸上还带着妆容、假睫毛和发型。
You just roll downstairs after two hours of sleep because we had makeup down our face, our lashes, our hair.
我当时就想，我们真的完全不在乎自己长什么样。
And I was like, we really didn't give a shit what we looked like.
我们只是醒来就下楼去拍摄。
We just woke up and went downstairs to film.
你们有没有互相抱怨过这个过程，或者谁最讨厌制作团队？
Did you guys ever like complain to each other about the process or like who hated production the most?
你知道吗，一开始我们其实并不在意。
You know, I think in the beginning, we didn't really care.
我们都支持这个事。
We were all for it.
我们年轻、疯狂，愿意做任何事，因为本来每晚我们都要出去。
We were young, wild, willing to do anything and everything because we were out every single night anyways.
所以这很自然。
So it just made sense.
是啊，跟着我们吧。
Yeah, follow us.
我们会喝酒，认识男生。
And we would drink, meet guys.
我们没有任何责任。
We had no responsibilities.
如此年轻、狂野而自由。
So young, wild and free.
你知道，我们当时并没有真正地
Know, we didn't kind of
拥有值得过的生活。
really have a life to live.
是啊。
Yeah.
你对海蒂·蒙塔格的第一印象是什么？
What was your first impression of Heidi Montag?
我第一次见到海蒂时是在泳池边，我们立刻就聊得很投机，因为海蒂非常外向、有趣、友善，她完全活出了自我。
So my first impression when I first met Heidi, I met her at the pool and we instantly hit it off because Heidi is so outgoing and fun and friendly and like she oh, she lives in her own skin.
是啊。
Yeah.
你知道的？
You know?
她就是她自己。
She is who she is.
我们一见如故，经常一起出去跳舞，她会来我家，我们一起喝酒、大笑、讲笑话，那段时光太棒了。
And we actually hit it off immediately and we'd go out all the time dancing and like she'd come to my apartment and we would drink and laugh and tell jokes and we had the best time.
你能相信海蒂和斯宾塞还在一起吗？
Can you believe that Heidi and Spencer are still together?
我的意思是，我欣赏海蒂和斯宾塞的地方在于，他们坚持了下来，经历了很多。
I mean, that's one thing I respect about Heidi and them, or her and Spencer is because they have stuck it out and they've been through so much.
海蒂本可以离开他，过上完全不同的生活，但她爱他，愿意做出牺牲，尽一切努力让这段关系维持下去。
And I mean, Heidi could have left him and had a whole different life, but she loved him and she was willing to sacrifice and do whatever it took to make sure that that worked.
是的，他们现在还在一起。
And yeah, they're still together.
《山谷》正式结束了，你现在感觉如何？
How do you feel now that the hills is officially over?
说实话，我对这个结局感觉很好。
Honestly, I feel good about it.
我觉得它已经走到了尽头。
I feel like it ran its course.
我认为在上一季《新起点》中，我们所有人都到了一个故事线非常多的时候。
I think this past new beginning season, we all got to a point where there were a lot of storylines at this point.
我的真实生活并没有在节目中展现，所以我完全支持那些把真实生活搬上节目的故事线，因为很多人愿意把自己的真实生活拿出来拍摄。
A lot of my real life wasn't on the show, so I was all for the storylines, where a lot of the people were putting their real lives on the line and wanting to film their real lives.
比如海蒂和我，你知道，你们的真实友谊会面临考验，因为他们要求你为了节目说一些话、做一些事，但你又想支持他们，同时还要完成拍电视节目的任务。
Like Heidi and I, you know, your real friendship gets put on the line because they're asking you to say and do things for the sake of the show, but then you're trying to have their back, but you're also trying to like do what you're supposed to do to make a TV show.
这对我来说真的很难。
So that was really hard for me.
最后，我和海蒂把事情谈开了。
And Heidi and I, we ended up talking it out at the end.
但在我心里，我必须把工作和我的真实生活分开。
But in my mind, I had to separate my job from my real life.
这就是我们的工作。
Like, this is our job.
咱们得做个好节目。
Like, let's make a good show.
不过这一定有点苦乐参半吧，因为你已经做了这么久。
It must be like a little bittersweet though because you're like, you've done this for so long.
你现在就是第一季了。
Like, you now are the seasons one.
你认识了劳伦，你已经很有经验了。
Like, you met Lauren, you're you're seasoned.
现在轮到你了。
Now you're the one.
你是个老手了。
You're a vet.
你完全知道该怎么操作。
You know exactly how to do it.
现在你要开始新生活了，不会再有摄像机对着你，也不会再卷入这些疯狂的剧情了。
And now it's like you're moving on with your life and you're not gonna have cameras in front of your face and you're not gonna be a part of these crazy storylines.
这感觉像是一个沉淀的时刻，但也有点伤感。
It like it's like a settling moment but also like kinda sad.
我其实有个问题想问你。
I actually have a question for you.
嗯。
Yeah.
我不知道你知不知道，但我觉得他们昨天刚宣布了，《山丘》有了新的年轻卡司。
I don't know if you know this or not, but they just announced yesterday, I think, that there's a new cast for The Hills, a new young cast.
等等，我不知道这件事。
Wait, I didn't know that.
是的，确实，这是新一代的《山丘》。
That, yes, that they are, it's a new Hills of a new generation.
而且更多元化，讲的是洛杉矶的成瘾和约会故事，你觉得怎么样？
And it's more diverse, and it's about addictions and dating in LA again and like, what do you think of that?
你会吗？我的意思是，我想看，就是因为……
Would you, I mean, I wanna watch it just because, but I feel like
我的意思是，我觉得这真的很有趣。
I mean, I think that that's really interesting.
我之前没意识到这一点。
Didn't realize that.
我觉得，因为我已经和很多真人秀明星坐下来聊过了，我感觉确实有一些积极的一面，比如很多人说，他们的事业是因为这个才开始的，他们有了自己的平台，现在靠这个赚钱，带来了许多好事；但也有一个负面、有毒的方面，我觉得在最初的时代，可能更真实一些。
I think that as I've sat down with a lot of reality television stars now, I just feel there's so, of course there's some positives that come from I mean, I've had so many people be like, I have my career because of it, know, I have my platform, I make now money from it and it's brought so many good things but there is this negative toxic side that I think maybe in the OG days it was a little bit more authentic.
我觉得现在真人秀应该直接被标记为‘剧本化真人秀’。
I feel now reality should literally be labeled like reality scripted television.
是的。
Yes.
因为这根本不是真人秀，而是即兴表演和表演。
Because it's not It's improv gonna be acting.
是的。
Yes.
我觉得现在这对人们的健康有点有害，因为社交媒体已经深深融入了这个过程。
And I feel like it's kinda detrimental to people's health at this point because of how much social media is ingrained in the process of it.
如果你是反派，人们会给你发死亡威胁。
And people are getting death threats if you're the villain.
但其实我根本不是反派。
And it's like, I'm not actually the villain.
是他们让我这么说的。
They're telling me to say this line.
我对这件事感觉不太好。
I don't know how I feel about it.
看到这一面后，我觉得自己再也不会去参与了。
I don't think I would ever do it now that I see this side of it.
过去我觉得那看起来很酷，但现在我们看到了不同的侧面。
In the past, I'm like, that looks cool, but now I think that we see a different side.
现在真的不一样了。
It's so different now.
我想我们还是得继续关注下去。
I guess we're gonna have to tune in though.
我得追一下。
I'm gonna have to tune in.
那你必须追。
Then you have to.
我知道我昨天发给布罗迪了。
I know I sent it to Brody yesterday.
他还没回我。
He hasn't wrote back.
我当时就想，等等，他们本可以给它取个别的名字。
I was like, wait, they could have named it something else.
对。
Right.
比如给这个新阵容换个新名字，或者
Like give this new cast a new name or
对。
like Right.
就像《绯闻女孩》的重启版那样，大家都说，不可能没有布莱克·莱弗利出演，而且还是在复活节后期。
Something like the new Gossip Girl reboot where everyone's like, it's not gonna be with Blake Lively in late in Easter.
这感觉完全不对。
It's just not the vibe.
我知道。
I know.
我知道。
I know.
操。
Shit.
好吧。
Okay.
我们得看看这部剧。
We need to watch it.
而且，当你拿这些作品比较时，我觉得，任何东西都不可能超越《富家女》那些经典时刻。
Also, like, there's just when you compare things, I'm like, there's no way anything will ever beat the iconic moments of The Hills.
不。
No.
就像，最吓人的时刻。
Like, the The most scares.
瞬间。
Moment.
对。
Yeah.
没错，就是这样。
Like, exactly.
就像那些人人都记得的时刻，这些可怜的人根本不可能达到那样的高度。
Like, those moments that everyone remembers, like, these poor people aren't gonna live up to that.
所以给他们换个名字吧。
So give them a new name.
过渡中。
Transitioning.
好的。
Okay.
你的书。
Your book.
你坦诚地讲述了你与前夫科里关系中的经历。
You open up about what happened in your relationship with your ex husband, Corey.
我的意思是，书里内容太多了。
And I mean, there's so much in it.
你如此坦诚，这简直令人难以置信。
And it was incredible to how much you opened up.
我敢肯定，尽管这很艰难，但会有许多年轻女性阅读这本书，并从中获得巨大的力量，用于她们的个人生活。
I'm sure as hard as it was, there's so many young women that are probably reading this like truly gonna take so much from it for their personal life and gain strength.
所以，我只是想说，你太棒了。
So I just want to say like, you're amazing.
谢谢，这很难。
Thank That was hard.
我们从头开始吧。
Let's start from the beginning.
是什么让你最初爱上科里？
What made you first fall for Corey?
你知道，当我
You know, when I
通过一个共同的朋友第一次见到他时，我正和贾斯汀经历着起起落落。
first met him through a mutual friend, I was going through the ups and downs with Justin.
我只是觉得我需要一个在自己行业里受人尊敬、有自己的事业的男生。
And I just felt like I needed some like a guy that was respected and respected in his own industry and had his own thing going on.
所以当我第一次见到他时，我根本没往那方面想。
So when I met him at first, I never I didn't think of anything of it.
他当时有女朋友。
He had a girlfriend.
一年过去了，那时候Myspace还很流行。
You know, a year goes by, this is when Myspace was a thing.
你的前五名是谁？
Who was your top five?
现在告诉我。
Tell me now.
我知道我这一周的歌曲。
I know my song of the week.
我知道。
I know.
你知道，我们的朋友，这一切都是自然而然发生的，就是一起闲逛时发生的。
And, you know, our friend, it was just kind of happened organically just from hanging out.
当他和女朋友分手后，他在Myspace上联系了我。
And then whenever he broke up with his girlfriend, he hit me up on Myspace.
劳伦和我决定邀请他参加我们的万圣节派对，因为我们需要新的男生。
And Lauren and I decided to invite him to our Halloween party because we needed new guys.
我和这些来自X Games的专业BMX作家们一起玩，他们都很帅，你知道的。
And we were hanging out with all these, or I was, with these professional BMX writers from X Games and like, they're all hot and like, you know.
或者我当时想，好吧，我知道该邀请谁了。
Or I was like, okay, I know who to invite.
我们要邀请这群男生。
Like, we're inviting this group of guys.
所以那就是你第一次上节目的时候。
So that's whenever you first came on the show.
受人尊敬。
Respected.
他非常健康，全心投入自己的事业。
And he was very healthy and all about his career.
他身上有一种和这些洛杉矶男生完全不同的气质。
And he just had a whole different vibe about him than these LA guys.
然后
And then
情况并非如此。
that wasn't the case.
你写了很多关于你是如何抓到他出轨的内容。
And you write a lot about how you would catch him cheating.
嗯。
Yeah.
我们很多人都经历过，我想可以说，大多数人都被骗过，这是最糟糕的感觉之一。
Which we've all I mean, I think I can say a lot of us, most of us have been cheated on and it's one of the worst feelings.
嗯。
Yeah.
你第一次抓到他出轨是什么时候？
Was the first time you caught him cheating?
嗯，你知道的，每次他去巡演的时候，我总会收到一些看过节目的粉丝发来的推特消息，他们警告我，告诉我那天晚上他在俄勒冈州的一家酒吧里和朋友接吻，他们爱我，只是想让我知道。
Well, the you know, whenever he would go on these tours all the time, I would always get Twitter messages from my from fans that watched the show and they would warn me and tell me that he was in a bar in Oregon that night making out with his friend and they love me and they just want me to know.
所以每当我质问他时，他当然会说，他们只是在骗你，因为他们不希望你幸福。
So whenever I would confront him, he of course would say, they're just lying to you because they don't wanna want you to be happy.
他们的粉丝不相信别人。
Their fans don't believe other people.
你宁愿相信他们也不相信我。
You're gonna believe them over me.
于是我开始想，好吧。
So then I started thinking, okay.
那我就姑且相信你一次。
Well, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.
所以我努力把那些事抛在脑后，不断相信他，因为我根本不想相信这些事，但我还是不断收到这些消息。
And so I tried to block it out and constantly believe him because I didn't wanna believe it, but I kept getting these messages.
而且我们从未稳定、持续地约会超过六个月，直到我怀孕了。
And then we were never ever dating solidly, consistently for more than six months ever at a time until I got pregnant.
因为我总是在拍摄或旅行，而他总是在外旅行，过着自己的生活。
Because I was always filming or traveling and he was always gone traveling and had his life.
所以这是一段时分时合的关系，这并不是什么秘密，它一直很糟糕。
So it was this off and on relationship where it's not a secret that it was toxic.
我的照片里经常有我在街上哭泣的画面，到处都能找到这类视频。
Mean there's pictures of me crying all the time on the street or there's footage of it everywhere.
你能解释一下你在与科里的关系中经历过的那些警示信号和操控手段吗？
Can you explain some of the red flags and manipulation tactics that you experienced in your relationship with Corey?
我总是忽略一切，只想要去爱。
It's like, so I always disregarded everything and I wanted to be in love.
我爱他，我太希望这段关系能成功，以至于愿意改变自己，做任何事让他开心。
I loved him and I wanted it to work so bad that I was willing to change myself and do whatever to make him happy.
这是一个巨大的警示信号。
That's a huge red flag.
如果一个人不信任你，总是想让你删除社交媒体账号，不断要求查看你的短信，不让你说话或外出，甚至你都不能和朋友吃顿饭，否则就会被大吵大闹，因为你被指控出去约会或遇到其他男人。
If someone doesn't trust you or they're constantly, you know, wanting you to delete your social media accounts or constantly wanting to go through your text messages or you're not allowed to talk or go on or you can't even go have a girl's dinner without being blown up the whole time because you're being accused of going out to cheat or there might be a guy there that you run into.
这些都是警示信号，快跑。
Those are all red flags, run.
这几乎让你有时感到自己变得多疑，天啊，我现在什么都不能做了，因为他会生气。
It almost, I'm sure, made you at times feel paranoid of like, oh my god, now I can't do any of this because he's gonna get mad.
当你总是想着如何确保伴侣不会生气时，这根本不是爱。
And when you're thinking all the time about making sure your partner doesn't get mad, that's not Yeah.
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你根本一点都不开心。
You're not even enjoying yourself.
是啊。
Yeah.
对我来说，事情发展到我宁愿不出门，也不愿面对争吵和指责。
So for me, it got to the point where, you know, I would rather not go out because I'd rather not have to deal with the fight and the accusations.
这不仅仅是一天的争吵。
And it wasn't just like a day fight.
它会持续整整一周，或者发生一件事，然后又反复出现，你知道，这都是投射。
It would string out over like a week or or something would happen and it would come back and like, you know, it was all projection.
如果他觉得我跟我的某个制片人有染，比如我在旅行节目里，没在特定时间给他打电话，一上床就断了联系，那简直天塌了。
And then if he thought I was cheating on him with one of my producers, you know, when I was on the travel show and I didn't call him at a certain time when I was in bed, like hell would break loose.
因为这样，我会好几天听不到他的消息，然后才发现他和一堆女孩待在酒店房间里。
And then because of that, I wouldn't hear from him for three or four days and then I'd find out he was with all these girls in his hotel room.
所以这是一场非常有毒的拉锯战。
So it was this really toxic struggle.
现在那些经历类似情况的女孩，如果看到了这些红色警报，一定要注意。
It's like, now girls that go through that and they see those red flags, pay attention.
是的。
Yeah.
你
You
知道吗？
know?
我觉得你提到的这一点，对所有听众都很重要，我确实也经历过：当他们一直说你出轨时，通常意味着他们自己才在出轨。
I think also something you said to anyone listening that I definitely have experienced is like the when they keep saying that you're the one cheating, that usually means they're the one cheating.
就像你说的，这是投射。
Like you said, projection.
等等，你为什么这么执着于我出轨？
Like, wait, why are you so obsessed with me cheating?
我根本没做过任何让你觉得我会出轨的事。
I have not done anything to make you think that.
通常你是在事后才逐渐发现真相的，这正是我和前男友关系中的问题——我会原谅他，然后一切都会变得很棒。
And you usually start finding the truth out after, and that's the thing with my ex and our relationship, I would forgive and then things would be amazing.
但过三个月后，当我发现真相时，就会想：‘又来了。’
And then I would find the truth out three months into us being amazing and it would be like, not again.
不，这为什么不好？
No, why isn't that good?
你写过你的书里提到，我已经习惯了在半夜被科里叫醒，他站在我上面大喊大叫，骂我‘你真可悲，你是个失败者，你是个假货婊子’。
You wrote in your book, I had grown used to being woken up in the middle of the night by Corey standing over me yelling and cursing things like, you're pathetic, you're a failure, you're a fake cunt.
是的。
Yeah.
你的家人和朋友对你们关系中的虐待性质了解多少？
To what extent were your family and friends aware of the abusive nature of your relationship with Corey?
他们并不知道这一点。
They weren't aware of that.
我试图向很多人隐瞒，因为这很丢脸，很羞耻。
I tried to hide it from a lot of people, because it's embarrassing, it's humiliating.
在那之后，你知道，我有了女儿，我希望能成功，我抱有希望，但情况却越来越糟。
And that's after, you know, I had my daughter and I wanted it to work, I had hope, But it just gradually kept getting worse.
我以为如果我们结婚了，现在我们有了这个可爱的孩子，一切都会变得很好。
And I thought if I if we got married and now we have this beautiful child together, like, things would be great.
他现在应该知道我是属于他的。
He could now know that I'm his.
我不会背叛他。
Like, I'm not gonna cheat on him.
别再担心这个了。
Like, stop worrying about that.
这就是我现在的生活。
This is my life now.
所以，这 again 是投射，因为他总是很晚回家，叫我那些名字，无端指责，还缺乏自控力，这都是巨大的警示信号。
So again, was projection because coming home so late and calling me those names and making accusations and not having any self control, that was a huge red flag too.
我对此忍耐了很久。
And I hit it for a long time.
嗯。
Yeah.
我真的很感谢你这么说，因为我觉得很多人都能感同身受，比如那种不敢告诉别人的羞耻感。
I really appreciate you saying that because I think a lot of people can relate to that, like feeling embarrassed to tell people.
这又是另一个信号，对吧？
And that's another sign, right?
当你对最爱你、愿意接受你一切的人隐瞒这一切时，就是这样。但要向他们敞开心扉真的很难，因为你内心还有一部分希望事情能变好，相信它能改变。
Like when you're hiding it from the people that love you the most that would accept anything that you come to them with, But it's so hard to just open up about it because there's also a part of you that wants it to get better and believes it can change.
你还写到了发现他手机里的裸照和色情内容。
You wrote also about finding the naked photos and the sex on his phone.
嗯。
Yeah.
我本人也经历过，那种感觉简直让人心碎
And I have personally experienced that and literally your heart
下沉。
drops.
它撕裂了你的心。
It rips your heart out.
在那些时刻，你是如何保持镇定的？
In those moments, how did you keep it together?
我必须这么做，因为我记得当我看到那些时，我第二天还得起床去拍摄，假装一切都没事。
I had to because I remember when I'd see that, it's like I had to get up the next day and go film and try to pretend like everything's fine.
我会哭。
And I would cry.
我渐渐学会如何屏蔽这些情绪，面带微笑出现，完成该做的事，然后私下再哭。
I I kind of started to learn how to block it out and like show up with a smile, do what I needed to do, and cry after.
就像你必须在需要面对镜头时切换状态，否则——我和海蒂经常发生这种情况。
Like you just it's like you turn it on when you need to for cameras because otherwise and and I this happened with Heidi a lot.
她很了解我，所以我们在拍摄时刚一开口说话，她只要说一句话，我就再也控制不住，直接哭出来。
I would always she knows me, so, like, we would start talking barely in a scene, and she'd say one thing, and then I couldn't hold it together, and I'd just start crying.
他们没放很多那段镜头，但我真的忍不住。
And they didn't show a lot of that, but it's like I couldn't help it.
对。
Right.
所以，是的，这很难，但每当你看到那一幕，都很艰难。
So, yeah, it's hard, but whenever you see that, it's hard.
我哭了，我生气了，你知道，我大喊大叫，我说：‘滚出我的房子！’
I cried, I was mad, you know, I yelled, I was like, Get out of my house!
现在就给我滚出我的房子。
Get out of my house now.
他就是不走。
And he wouldn't leave.
他就是不肯走。
He would not leave.
所以我只好去另一个房间睡觉，早上最终不得不离开自己的家。
So I would go sleep in the other room and I would end up leaving my own house in the morning.
然后，你知道，他会说，这是我的错，因为我没给他足够的关注。
And, you know, then he would be, it's my fault because I wasn't giving enough attention.
或者我没做这个，你知道的，所以我就想，什么？
Or I didn't do this or you know, so then it's like, what?
这简直让人脑子混乱。
Like this is such a mind.
这简直就是精神操控，你刚抓到他做坏事，结果两秒钟内责任就转到你身上了，比如‘是你没给我足够关注’。
Again, it's almost gaslighting like you just caught him doing something and somehow in two seconds it's turned around on you like, well, you don't give me enough attention.
这就是为什么他为自己看裸照的行为找借口，我记得你写过，你会试着说服自己，也许那个女孩并不是故意发给他的，而且……
That's why and he's justifying like him getting nude photos and I remember you wrote about how you're like, and then I would try to convince myself like maybe the girl didn't mean to send it to him and like
我知道，但后来那个女孩会给我发消息，因为他给她打了电话，她会写信告诉我，他有多爱我，他们总是谈论我。
I know but then I would get a message from the girl because he called her and she would write me saying how he loves me so much and they just talk about me all the time.
我心想，是啊，但我亲眼看到你的整个私处，还有你写给他的那些话。
And I'm like, yeah, but I saw your entire vagina and what you wrote to him.
你明明是个粉丝，却去追我男朋友？
Like, how are you and you're a fan, but like, you're going after my boyfriend?
这到底是怎么回事？
Like, what?
这真的很奇怪。
It's just it's weird.
这非常有毒。
It's very toxic.
是的。
Yeah.
你写到你发现自己怀孕的时候，提到科里有多么兴奋。
You write about when you found out you were pregnant and you talk about how Corey was so excited.
他非常兴奋，准备好和你一起迎接这个孩子，迎接未来。
He was so excited, so ready to have this baby with you and for the future.
你当时相信科里成为父亲后会改变吗？
Did you believe that Corey could change once he became a father?
我确信，百分之百相信。
I did, like a 100%.
是的。
Yeah.
我记得他那时有起有落，尤其是基拉出生后，我从未见过他这么开心。
And I remember he was, you know, there is these ups and downs and especially once Kira was born, it's like the happiest I had ever seen him.
他非常期待成为父亲，期待我们生活中的这个新篇章，但事情逐渐变得更糟。
And he was so excited to be a dad and just for this new chapter in our lives, you know, but things gradually got worse.
情况越来越糟，而且
It kept getting worse and worse and
更糟。
worse.
你感到那么孤独吗？
Were you so lonely?
是啊，一说起这个我都要哭了。
Yeah, gosh, I'm gonna get teary eyed going.
这又是另一段，很难再回去回忆。
This is another, it's hard to go back.
是啊。
Yeah.
我当时是，但我有我的家人。
I was, but I had my family.
所以我卖掉了我在洛杉矶的房子，因为那里让我觉得不安全，我暂停了电视工作，心想：这就是我的生活。
So I sold my LA house because I didn't feel safe there, and I took a break from TV, and I was like, this is my life.
现在我要让它顺利下去。
Now I'm gonna make it work.
我是个非常坚强、意志坚定的人。
Like, I am such a fighter and so determined.
你知道，我最重要的任务是照顾我的孩子，和他一起把生活撑下去。
You know, my main priority was my baby and making it work with him.
于是我搬去和父母住在一起。
And I moved in with my parents.
我一直和他们住到我的家庭重新稳定。
I stayed with them until my household.
我来回奔波。
I was back and forth.
但幸运的是，我有家人和朋友。
But thankfully I had my family and friends.
所以
So
他们是不是后来才意识到，因为他甚至没有参与你的怀孕？
did they kind of then start to realize, because now he's not even a part of your pregnancy?
我的意思是，他们确实意识到了，但他们也知道他的工作，他当时在布达佩斯，或者在澳大利亚待了三个月，或者必须在这里，那是他的工作。
I mean, they did, but they also knew that his career, he was in Budapest, or he was in Australia for three months or he had to be here, that was his job.
但至少别消失四天。
But at least don't disappear for four days.
甚至都不回你消息。
And not even text you back.
他连电话都不打，也不发消息，所以我们当时觉得
He wasn't even calling you or texting you So and we were like
这让我疯了。
that drove me crazy.
而且，我也不希望任何人知道这件事，因为我当时压力很大，但又不想让人看出来。
And again, that's something I didn't want anyone to know either because I was stressing out, but I didn't want it to appear like that.
我真的希望这一切能顺利。
Like I really wanted it to work.
因为怀孕本该是一个无忧无虑的时期，所以我能理解你为什么只是想撑住，因为你要为宝宝提供能量，我只需要专注于这个，而不是那些事。
And because like when you're pregnant, that's supposed to be a time where you're stress free, and you're trying to So I can understand why you probably were just trying to keep it together, because you're like, the energy for my baby, I just need to and see with my not focus on that.
你渐渐学会了调整自己的注意力和优先级。
You kinda learn how to change your focus, your priority.
我的首要任务是为这个宝宝保持健康，不管发生什么，我都会全力以赴。
And my priority is to be healthy for this baby and do whatever it takes no matter what happens.
这个宝宝就是我的一切。
This baby is my everything.
所以你生完孩子后，是不是写过关于科里很难做个好爸爸的事？
So once you gave birth, was you write about basically like it was a struggle for Corey to be a good dad.
你放心让他在你不在的时候独自带孩子吗？
Did you trust him to parent without you there?
你知道吗，当我们和基拉在一起的时候，他是个很棒的父亲。
You know, when we were together with Keira, he was an amazing dad.
你知道，他逗她笑，陪她玩，还给我带饭，非常帮忙。
You know, he made her laugh, he played with her, he'd bring me food, he'd he was very helpful.
但他总是不在家。
But he was gone all the time.
他总是不在。
He was always gone.
但你知道，他就是不能好好陪她。
But that, you know, he couldn't just be with her.
他总得带着所有朋友来，搞成一场酗酒派对。
He had to have all of his friends there and turn it into like a drinking fest.
你难道不能就一两个晚上，只和女儿待在一起，别搞成朋友聚会那样的事吗？
And it's like, can't you just be with your daughter one night or two nights, just you and her, and not make it a thing or like a friend thing?
我的意思是，虽然我不是母亲，但我能想象，当你有了孩子之后，那种焦虑感——孩子每走一步、每呼吸一次，你都会想：天啊，你必须全神贯注在他们身上。
I mean, I can imagine like, I'm not a mother, but I can imagine the anxiety you have the minute you have your child and everything, every step they're taking or breath they're having, you're like, oh my God, you need to focus on them.
当你在书里写到，你走进去时发现女儿吐了一身
And when you wrote about in the book, how you walked in and your daughter had throw up
哦，是啊。
Oh, yeah.
全都吐在她身上了。
All over her.
到处都是。
Over.
嗯，她吐了，婴儿床到处都是污渍。
Well, she had it, it was like stains all over the bassinet.
那天我回家时，当我视频通话看到他正在喝酒，和朋友们赤身裸体在客厅里跑来跑去，音乐还开得很大声。
And when I got home that day, I knew when I FaceTimed him and they were drinking and running around naked in the living room, the music was loud.
我立刻就知道了，你的优先级完全错了。
I knew right then, was like, okay, your priorities are not right.
这种事情不会再发生了。
Like, this isn't happening again.
因为她当时只有四到五个月大。
Because she I think she was only four or five months.
所以你知道，你不能喝酒或玩得太疯。
So, you know, you have to be you can't drink or have too much fun.
你必须在场，精神上要保持警觉，以防发生什么状况，或者他们醒来时。
You have to be there, like, mentally in case something happens or they wake up and
他们哭了。
they cry.
你不能跟朋友去喝酒，然后把婴儿留在楼上自己醉倒。
You can't go drinking with your friends and then pass out with a baby upstairs.
然后你就结婚了。
You then get married.
你婚礼当天早上在想什么？
What was going through your head the morning of your wedding day?
你婚礼当天早上在想什么？
What was going through your head the morning of your wedding day?
有太多事情了。
There is so much.
我生完孩子五个月后就结婚了，你知道的。
And I got married, you know, five months after I had my baby.
我记得前一天晚上我姐姐也在，她甚至说：‘特里娜，你不必非得这么做。’
And I remember my sister was there the night before and was even like, Trina, you don't have to do this.
我们干脆搭飞机走吧。
Like, let's get on a plane and let's go.
爸妈会处理的。
Mom and dad will handle it.
我说：‘但我不能那样做。’
Like and I was like, I can't do that though.
我们都走到这一步了。
Like, we've gone this far.
我们所有家人都从澳大利亚、从各地赶来了。
All of our family's here from Australia, from like, everywhere is here.
每个人都在这个岛上待了一周。
Like, everyone's here on this island for a week.
那时候我特别爱讨好别人，但现在我经历了大量的疗愈，成长了很多。
And I was such a people pleaser at that point, which now, I mean, I've done so much healing and I've grown so much.
如果我能回到过去，事情会不一样的。
If I could go back, things would be different.
但没错，我当时就像进入了机器人模式。
But yeah, I was I just kind of was in robot mode.
有点像回到了以前在山丘上那种状态，几乎就像表演模式。
Kinda like jumped back into this mode that I used to get in on the hills where almost like performance mode.
只要把头发和妆容弄好，走过红毯，一切都会好起来的。
Like, just get your hair and makeup done, walk down the aisle, everything's gonna be fine.
只要熬过去就行了。
Just get through it.
一切都会好起来的。
Everything's gonna be fine.
这也很令人难过，因为和山上相比，你似乎学会了如何开关这种状态。
It's so sad too because comparing it to the hills, it's like you've learned to how to kinda like just turn it on and off.
把自己关掉，然后切换到‘硬撑过去’模式。
Turn yourself off and turn on like just get through it mode.
但我们谈论的可是你的生活啊。
And yet we're talking about like your life.
这又不是在拍电影。
Like this wasn't being filmed.
这是你的婚礼。
This is your wedding.
你会给什么建议呢？
What advice would you give?
我知道很多女性写信来说：我不知道，但我即将结婚。
Because I know a lot of women that have written in being like, I don't know, but I'm getting married.
你会给那些在婚礼当天早上醒来，心里沉甸甸的，知道自己不想结婚却觉得应该结婚的人什么建议？
What advice would you give to someone who's waking up on their wedding day with a pit in their stomach knowing they don't want to but they feel like they should.
比如，什么建议？
Like, what advice?
别这么做。
Don't do it.
因为一旦你把孩子带到这个世界上，生活并不会变得更容易。
Because once you bring a baby into it, into the world, things don't get easier.
反而会更艰难。
It gets harder.
再加上婚姻，涉及财务、育儿和各种决策，这些都会带来巨大的影响。
And then marriage on top of that with finances and parenting and decisions, like that all makes such a difference.
这不再只是约会或拥有自己的空间了。
And it's not just dating or having your space to go to anymore.
你将与一个人永远在一起。
Like you're together with someone forever.
所以别急于结婚，慢慢来。
So don't rush into getting married, take your time.
事情变得更糟了。
Things kinda got worse.
你写到一个他对你动手、而你正抱着宝宝的时刻。
You write about a moment where he physically pushed you and you were holding your baby.
你能跟我详细说说当时你的感受吗？
Can you kinda walk me through that moment of what you were feeling?
我当时就像是进入了战斗或逃跑模式。
I It was kinda like that fight or flight mode.
我有点僵住了，不知道该怎么办。
Like, I kinda froze and I didn't know what to do.
但情况不断升级，当我被推回去时，基拉开始尖叫哭闹，然后我也哭了，接着他意识到发生了什么，也开始哭了。
But things kept escalating and when I was pushed back, you know, and Keira started screaming and crying and then I started crying and then he realized what happened and then he started crying.
一切都失控了，情况变得更糟。
It's just like everything just spiraled and it got worse.
就是那时候，我的家人介入了，警察也介入了。
It's like, you know, that's when my family got involved and when the police got involved.
在去接受治疗并努力修复关系之后，情况还是这样，你根本没在改变。
And that's after going to therapy and trying to make it work, it's like, you're not changing.
你根本不想改变。
You're not wanting to change.
我真的再也无法继续下去了。
Like I can't do this anymore.
不仅推你这种行为显然不可接受，而且想到你抱着女儿时他却推你的画面，真的让人心碎。
Not only is it obviously not okay to shove you, but the image of reading it, of you holding your daughter while he's shoving you, it's just heartbreaking.
因为这又回到了那次争吵，是不是因为他觉得你出轨了？是的。
Because it's going back to the fight, wasn't it about he thought you were cheating Yes.
但其实我并没有出轨。
Well, not that I was.
我知道他才出轨了。
I knew that he was.
他确实出轨了。
He was cheating.
嗯。
Yep.
在那一刻，我已经麻木了，什么都不在乎。
And at that point, I was so numb, I didn't care.
我提到过这一点，在书里，我到了几乎觉得‘你去出轨吧’的地步。
I was kinda like, and I talk about this in the book, I got to the point where I was almost like, I'm glad that you're cheating.
去和任何人在一起吧。
Like, go be with anyone you want.
只是别碰我。
Just don't touch me.
我不想再和你待在一起。
Like, I don't wanna be around you.
你的能量，所有的一切，都让我只想逃跑。
Your energy, like, everything, it just made me wanna run.
我觉得你写到这一点非常令人钦佩——你知道，一旦报警，一切就结束了。
I think it was very admirable of how you wrote about how like you knew the minute you called the police it was gonna be kind of over.
嗯。
Yeah.
如果你正在听，能不能解释一下，你当时在心理上处于什么状态，让你意识到你必须为了自己和女儿这么做？
Can you, if someone's listening, explain where you mentally were at where you knew like that you needed to do this for you and your daughter.
我知道，当我报警的那一刻，一切就结束了。
I knew that that moment I called the police, that's the end of it.
我知道，在经历了那些事情之后，他根本不会改变。
And and I knew that after what had happened and just the he wasn't gonna change.
嗯。
Yeah.
我给了他那么多机会。
And I gave him so many chances.
有了女儿之后，我就不再是为自己而活了。
And once I had my daughter, it's like I wasn't living for me anymore.
现在我的人生就是保护她，确保她拥有最好的生活。
It was my life now is to protect her and to make sure she has the best life.
我知道这件事会登上所有小报，因为这是公开记录，事实确实如此，我本来很害怕会这样，所以才不想这么做。
And I knew that it would go all over the tabloids because it's public records, which it did, which I was dreading, and that's why I didn't wanna do it.
我想让我们的生活保持私密，但它还是传得满城风雨。
I wanted to keep our life private, and it did go everywhere.
你知道，这让人感到羞辱。
You know, it's humiliating.
你报警之后，是不是也那时候申请了保护令？
After you called the police, was that also when you got the restraining order?
是的。
Yeah.
所以保护令是之后才申请的，因为他一直出现在我的活动中，跟踪我，制造麻烦。
So that kinda came after because he kept showing up at my events, following me, making a scene.
他不断打电话，不断出现。
He kept calling, he kept showing up.
你就别再纠缠我了。
And it's like, leave me alone.
所以，你知道吗，后来我的律师对我说：‘阿德丽娜，这不对劲。’
So, you know, after eventually my lawyer was like, Adrina, this is not right.
证据已经足够了。
There is enough evidence.
她说：‘我给你申请一份保护令。’
She's like, I'm getting you a restraining order.
我当时说：‘你确定这是正确的做法吗？’
And I was like, well, are you sure that's the right thing to do?
这下就要公之于众了。
That's gonna go public now.
而且当时我不断意识到，我必须停止在意公众的看法，只为自己和我女儿做对的事。
And like, it was constantly like, I had to stop caring about the public and what people thought and just do things for me and what was good for me and my daughter.
有时候，在那个阶段，采取这些极端措施是必要的，因为如果再不行动，情况还会恶化到什么地步呢？
Sometimes those extreme measures are imperative at that point because how much farther would it go if Yes, it
我知道，是的。
I know, yeah.
所以在我心里，我知道就是这个时候了，我身心灵都彻底耗尽了。
So in my mind that's where I knew, this is it, it's And I was so depleted energetically, emotionally, physically, spiritually.
我的意思是，我身边所有人都知道出了问题，我只是瘦了很多。
Was, I mean everyone around me knew that something, I was just, I lost so much weight.
我与世隔绝了。
I was isolated.
我已经不是原来的自己了。
I wasn't myself.
我试图重新走出来，强颜欢笑，但那种感觉就是找不回来了。
And I was trying to get back out there and smile and like, but it just, it wasn't there.
所以我清楚地知道，是时候了。
So I just knew like it's time.
你写了很多关于精神虐待如何影响你自我认知的内容。
You wrote a lot about how the mental abuse affected how you viewed yourself.
你写道，每天被人说成是垃圾，你就会开始相信这一点。
You wrote, when you're told you're a piece of shit every day, you begin to believe it.
这成了你的现实。
It becomes your reality.
你不再反抗，而是慢慢在内心死去。
You stop fighting back and slowly start to die inside.
当你感到如此耗尽时，你是如何获得离开的力量的？
How did you get the strength to leave when you feel so depleted like that?
所以我通过去教会获得了力量。
So I got the strength through going to church.
哇。
Wow.
我转向了上帝。
I turned to God.
我确实和基拉每周日都去。
I literally, me and Kira would go every Sunday.
我加入了一个小组。
I got into a small group.
我得到了支持。
I had support.
我有一个支持系统和指导。
I had a support system and guidance.
我总是不停地哭。
And I would cry all the time.
我终于鼓起勇气，一直祈祷。
I finally built up that courage and just kept praying.
我在想，这是正确的决定吗？
I was like, Is this the right thing to do?
离婚在当时我们的家庭中是不被接受的。
Divorce doesn't, at the time it didn't run-in our family.
你结婚了，就要坚持到最后一刻。
You married, you hash it out till the end.
你要让事情好转。
You make things work.
所以这个决定对我来说真的非常非常艰难。
So it was really, that decision was really, really hard for me to do.
但去教会、保持信仰，并为我女儿做正确的事，这帮助我度过了难关。
But going to church and just having faith and doing what was right for my daughter, that's what helped me through it.
我认为这是我做过的最好的决定。
And I think that was the best decision I've made.
所以我现在状态非常好，我的意思是，我过得很好。
So I'm in such a happy I mean, I'm in such a good place now.
我很开心。
I'm happy.
我女儿也很开心。
My daughter's happy.
她拥有了最好的两全其美，和所有家人在一起，也在她学校里。
She has the best of both worlds and she's with all of her family and her school.
我已经愈合到足以重新开放去约会了。
I'm healed enough where I'm open to dating now.
自从你离婚后，你是否尝试建立更健康的关系？现在你有没有特别关注某些方面，并设定了界限？
Since your divorce, have you been able to try to find healthier relationships and are there things you're immediately looking for and having boundaries now?
天啊，我的界限可能设得有点太严格了。
Oh my gosh, maybe a little too hard of boundaries.
阿德丽娜，根本不存在这种事。
Adrina, no such thing.
明白吗？
Okay?
我太喜欢这样了
I love this for
我的朋友们都说：阿德丽娜，你的标准高得离谱。
My friends are like, Adrina, your standards are up to here.
你知道的，我喜欢调情什么的，但不行。
Like, you know, it's like I love to flirt and whatever, but no.
我不再是为了自己而约会了。
I it's like, I'm not dating for me anymore.
这也是我的女儿。
It's my daughter too.
所以，我下一个约会的对象必须是真心实意的人。
So it's whoever I date next has to be the real deal.
我不是随便带个人进入我的生活去见我的家人或朋友，而是要等到关系稳固、真正好的时候，才会让别人知道我在交往。
It's not I'm just not just gonna bring them into my life to meet my family or my friends or it'll be someone that no one will really know I'm with until it's solid and it's good.
然后人们会说，哇，真的吗。
And then people will be like, oh, wow.
我现在就是这种状态。
That's that's where I'm at right now.
我真的很为你高兴，你值得拥有这一切。
I love that for you so much and you deserve that.
你希望人们理解在一段虐待关系中是什么感受吗？
What do you wish people understood about what it's like to be inside of an abusive relationship?
虐待关系并不一定只是……当人们提到虐待关系时，往往只想到身体暴力。
It doesn't have to just it's not sometimes when people say abusive relationships, they think physical.
但虐待关系并不总是身体上的。
But abusive relationships aren't always physical.
它是情感上的。
It's emotional.
是被人骂作垃圾。
It's being called a piece of shit.
是经常被贬低。
It's, you know, being put down all the time.
内心从这种伤害中恢复并重拾自信、重新感受到自己值得被爱，需要很长时间。
Internally, it takes a long time to recover from that and to get your confidence back and to feel like you're you again or like you are lovable.
像有人会再次爱你一样。
Like someone will love you again.
别相信你再也不会被爱了，或者你不够好。
Like don't believe that you're never gonna be loved again or you're not good enough.
你值得被爱。
Like you are.
所以，你知道的，可能是精神上、身体上、情感上的任何一种虐待。
So it's just, you know, it could be a spiritually, physically, emotionally, any kind of abuse.
只是这个词并不一定意味着身体上的暴力。
It's just that word doesn't necessarily mean physical.
是的。
Yeah.
还有，你知道的，有毒的关系。
And it's, you know, toxic relationships.
这不对。
Like, it's not right.
你得赶紧离开。
You gotta get out of it.
你需要支持。
You need support.
赶紧让自己脱离出来。
Get yourself out.
一旦陷入其中，就很难脱身了。
And it's not easy once you're in it.
就像你在游泳，努力把头露出水面，几乎喘不过气来，有时候你需要有人来把你拉出去。
It's like you're swimming and you're trying to keep your head above water and you're barely breathing and you need someone sometimes to come and pull you out.
你一个人是做不到的。
You can't do it on your own.
奥德琳娜，
Audrina,
非常感谢你来参加。
thank you so much for coming on.
你的书真的让我感觉像经历了一段旅程，有那么多有趣的时刻，那么多紧张的时刻，所有的一切都完美地融合在一起，我真的很期待看到你接下来会做什么，因为我们已经关注你很久了。
Your book truly like I felt like it was such a journey to read and there were so many fun moments, so many intense moments and it all really came together and I feel like I'm excited to just see what you do next because we've watched you for so freaking long.
我有点难过，因为我不再能
And I'm like sad that I'm not gonna
够
be able
看到
to see
你在电视上，你现在有个播客了。
you on TV, you have a podcast now.
是的。
Yes.
和布罗迪与弗兰基一起的播客。
The podcast with Brody and Frankie.
这是一个《山丘》的重看节目，但我们也会聊其他事情。
It's a Hills rewatch, but we talk about other things too.
不只是《山丘》。
It's not just the Hills.
你觉得重看有趣吗？还是你觉得你
Is it fun for do you think it's like a fun thing to rewatch Or do you think you'd
像，我为什么要这么做？
like, why am I doing this?
好吧。
Okay.
我可以坦白说吗？
Can I be honest?
可以。
Yes.
看这个对我来说太尴尬了。
It is so cringey for me to watch.
我如果不喝杯葡萄酒，根本没法看。
I cannot watch it without having like a glass of wine.
你简直说出了那种话。
You're like, didn't say that.
我在想什么啊？
It's like What am I thinking?
然后我想，好吧，这真不错。
Like, and then I think, okay, this is great.
等我女儿长大一点，我会和她一起看，告诉她：你不要这么做，如果你像我这样做了，就会发生这样的事。
Like, one day when my daughter's old enough, I'll watch it with her and be like, this is what you're not doing and this is what will happen if you do what I did.
我真的无法想象一个没有《比佛利山庄》的世界。
Like I truly don't know a world without The Hills.
你们基本上，可以说是在某种程度上创造了真人秀。
You guys basically, like, created reality television in a sense.
虽然看到它结束会让人感到难过，但我对这个播客感到兴奋。
And it's it's gonna be sad for it to be gone, but I'm excited for the podcast.
也许当我们再次变老的时候。
Maybe when we're, like, old people again.
再来一次？再做一遍？
Like, give it another Do it again?
二十年后，我们都会五十、六十岁了，准备好再做一次了。
Twenty years, we'll be, like, fifty, sixty ready to do it again.
我不知道。
I don't know.
让我说得清楚一点。
Let me be so clear.
我会看的。
I would watch.
你想象一下。
You imagine.
谢谢。
Thank you.
谢谢你，阿德里娜。
Thank you, Adrina.
非常感谢。
Thank you so much.
这说的就是你。
That means you.
非常多。
A lot.
谢谢。
Thank you.
感谢。
Thanks.
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