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怎么了，爸爸帮？
What is up daddy gang?
我是你们的开山鼻祖亚历克斯·库珀，叫她爸爸，爸爸，爸爸，爸爸。
It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with call her daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy.
我们准备好了吗？
Are we ready?
上次是什么时候
When is the last
你做过采访？
time you did an interview?
天啊。
Oh my god.
从来没有面对面
Not ever face
过。
to face.
我想我从来没有
I don't think I've ever done
面对面做过采访。
an interview face to face.
好吧。
Okay.
那么，我们开始吧。
Well, let's start.
艾玛·张伯伦。
Emma Chamberlain.
嗨，亚历克斯·库皮。
Hi, Alex Koopi.
欢迎来到《呼叫爸爸》。
Welcome to Call Daddy.
库皮，我的天啊。
Koopi, oh my god.
我们已经熟到可以互称昵称了。
We're on like nickname terms.
艾玛，非常感谢你欢迎来到《呼叫她》。
Emma, Thank welcome to Call Her you so much.
所以我的第一个问题是，你通常不接受采访。
So my first question for you is you don't do interviews.
是的。
Yeah.
那你为什么来这里？
Why are you here?
好吧。
Okay.
首先，亚历克斯。
Well, number one, Alex.
没错。
Yes.
我是你的忠实粉丝。
I'm a big fan.
比如，我一直都是你的超级粉丝。
Like, I've I've been a big fan of you forever.
我不知道怎么回事，真希望我能记得是怎么发现你的。
I don't know how, like, I wish I knew my discovery story of you.
时钟滴答滴答。
The clock clock.
老实说你别这样拖着我。
Honestly You're don't don't drag me like that.
我确实这么做了。
I did.
让我告诉你。
Let me tell you.
比如，我是在一个很性感的时期发现你的。
Like, I I found you when things were very sexual.
是啊。
Yeah.
我学到了很多。
And I learned a lot.
哇。
Wow.
是啊。
Yeah.
这让我非常开心。
That makes me so happy.
是啊。
Yeah.
所以我就这样找到了你。
So like that's how I found you.
我想我当时真的只是在寻求如何变得疯狂的建议。
I think I I was really just like looking for advice on how to be crazy.
但后来我却爱上了你。
But then like in turn, I fell in love with you.
天啊。
Oh my god.
所以我们这就是一场大型爱情狂欢。
So we're just this is a big love fest.
我们正要开始谈论我们是如何相爱的。
It's such a We're about to just talk about how we're in love with each other.
我知道。
I know.
快速给听众们介绍一下我们的故事背景。
Quickly to give people context that are listening of our story.
我前几天还在想这件事。
I was thinking about this the other day.
所以艾玛和我——我们签的是同一家经纪公司。
So Emma and I have we're like represented by the same agency.
这大概就是我刚开始做节目的时候，就像单亲爸爸独自带娃的阶段。
And this was like right when I started the show, like the single father era of taking the show on by myself.
那时我刚开始邀请嘉宾上节目。
And I was starting to have guests on.
我记得经纪人问我，要不要和Emma Chamberlain见面。
And I remember my agent was like, do you want to meet with Emma Chamberlain?
我当时就说，当然好啊。
And I'm like, absolutely, sure.
我们在Zoom上连线。
We get on Zoom.
结果视频聊了一个半小时，根本停不下来。
And we zoomed for like an hour and a half and we wouldn't shut the fuck up.
具体聊了什么就不说了，因为几乎无所不谈。
And we won't talk about what we were talking about because it was like Everything.
公关一直在旁边提醒：这些都不能公开。
Our publicist just kept being like, this is off the record.
这些都不能公开。
This is off the record.
这些都不能公开。
This is off the record.
Emma，别告诉她那些事。
Emma, don't tell her that.
我当时就说，我不会到处乱说的。
I'm like, I'm not gonna go say anything.
于是我们就开始聊了起来。
But so we just start talking.
但那是个奇怪的时刻，因为我觉得我的个人形象当时还很性感化。
But it was a weird moment because I think my brand was still very sexual.
是啊。
Yeah.
所以我们说可能会搞个合作之类的。
So we said we were going to potentially have like a collaboration.
你本来要参与的。
You were going to come on.
结果最后没成。
It never ended up happening.
只是时机不对。
It just wasn't the right time.
后来我们再次见面是在纽约时装周。
Then the next time we saw each other was New York Fashion Week.
我当时就觉得，真的不在乎聊什么内容。
I think that's what really like I was like, I don't even care what we talk about.
就觉得必须这么做，因为我们太投缘了。
Like, I need to do this because we just clicked so well.
我们聊了各种乱七八糟的事，就是特别合拍。
And we just like talked about so much random shit and, like, we just clicked so well.
对啊。
Yeah.
我们当时的情况其实挺有趣的，因为要给人们——再次说明背景——那是个十人晚宴。
We were it it was kind of funny because we were to give people, again, context, it was, a 10 person dinner party.
而我和艾玛在角落里，当时我正在吃面包。
And Emma and I are in the corner while I was eating bread.
你不在是因为你正准备去参加Met Gala。
You weren't because you were about to go Met Gala.
我当时正在做面部护理，顺便也做了美甲
I'm like getting a facial done and getting my toes And done while I'm at the
我们整晚都在自顾自地聊天。
we just were talking by ourselves the entire time.
聊的都是关于生活、这个行业以及它对我们影响之类的话题。
It was just about like life and the industry and how it's affected us.
那时候我们觉得，或许现在终于可以坐下来好好谈谈了，因为我们各自的品牌都成长了。
And it was like, I think that was when we're like, maybe we are eventually now ready to sit down and just converse because both of our brands have evolved.
确实如此。
Absolutely.
是时候了。
And it's time.
嗯，我觉得这是其中
Well, I think it was one of
你知道，我在网络上活跃太久了，以至于大家都记得我青少年时期的样子。
those things where, you know, I have been on the internet for so long that people know me as a teenager.
是的。
Yes.
而我20岁。
And I'm 20.
我快21岁了，但本质上还是个孩子。
I'm about to be 21, which is still literally like a child.
就像，我仍然处于青春期前。
Like, I still am like prepubescent.
虽然我21岁，或者快21岁了，但无所谓啦。
Like, know I'm 21, but whatever, or almost 21.
但我一直在努力成长，某种程度上是在公众视野中，因为我不能永远在大家心里保持青少年形象。
But I've been really trying to grow, like, in the public eye in a way because I'm I I can't stay a teenager in everybody's mind forever.
不过我觉得在来这里谈论'大人话题'之前，我需要先独自完成一些自我成长。
But I think I needed to do some of that work on my own before I came on here and was like, let's talk about big girl stuff.
你简直就是'咕嘟咕嘟熊猫'本猫。
You're like, so the Gluk Gluk Panda.
而我就像，
And I'm like,
每次我尝试'咕嘟咕嘟'时都
every time I tried the Gluk Gluk is
一年前的事，你们绝对猜不到发生了什么。
a year ago and you guys won't believe what happened.
完美无瑕的结果。
Impeccable result.
无可挑剔。
Impeccable.
我差点结过六次婚。
I almost got married six times.
不，听你这么说很有帮助，我们接下来会深入探讨，比如你的个人成长历程，以及你品牌的演变过程，因为这两者是不同的。
No, that is helpful to hear you say, and we're going to get into that, like the evolution of you and then the evolution also of your brand, because those are two different things.
我认为作为创作者，以一种很棒的方式，人们已经开始逐渐揭开表层，向互联网展示拥有网络人格与实际自我之间的差异，以及那个形象背后真实的你。
And I think as creators, like in a great way, I think people have started to kind of peel back the layer and show people on the Internet like what it is like to have an online persona versus like what is actually who you are versus that persona.
完全正确。
Absolutely.
我们开始吧。
Here we go.
就像我通常在每一期Caller Daddy节目里做的那样，我们要从头说起。
Just like I usually do in every Caller Daddy episode, we're going all the way back.
好的，从头开始。
Okay, all the way back.
你在哪里长大的？
Where did you grow up?
我在加利福尼亚的圣布鲁诺长大，那里恰好是YouTube总部所在地，有点讽刺，也算是个小小的伏笔。
So I grew up in San Bruno, California, which is actually where YouTube headquarters is, which is ironic, a little bit of foreshadowing.
我和父母一起长大，是独生子女，五岁时——这就要说到我的家庭剧了。
I grew up with my parents, I was an only child, and when I was five, we're already getting into my drama.
没关系，继续吧。
No, it's fine.
五岁那年父母离婚，母亲搬到离父亲二十分钟路程的地方。其实这段经历并不算特别糟糕，因为当时年纪太小，根本不懂有什么不同。
When I was five, my parents got divorced and my mom moved twenty minutes away from my dad, And that was actually not a super bad experience because I was so young that I just didn't really know any better.
我小时候确实很无聊，因为我是独生子女，而且父母都是全职工作的。
I was definitely a really bored kid because I was an only child and like my parents were both like fully working parents.
所以我有很多独处的时间，经常感到无聊，但我觉得这是件好事。
And so I had a lot of time by myself And I was very bored a lot of the time, which I think is good.
回想起来，我认为这是有益的，因为这让我变得更好奇，毕竟我没什么娱乐消遣。
In retrospect, I think it was good, because it made me a lot more curious, I would say, because I didn't have a lot of distractions.
你知道的，这可是硅谷啊。
You know, it's the Silicon Valley.
这是个大型科技区，那里的很多孩子都超级聪明。
It's a big tech area, and a lot of kids there are super smart.
而且大家都有疯狂的压力要考上好大学，尤其是斯坦福——你知道的，就是那里人人都想进的名校。
And there's this crazy pressure to go to a really good college, especially Stanford is like, you know, the big school there that everybody tries to go to.
那里也有很多富裕家庭。
And there's also a lot of wealthy families, too.
所以很多人会默认住在那里的人都很富有。
And like so a lot of people assume that if you live there, you're wealthy.
但我和我的家庭完全不是这种情况。
But that was not the case for me and my family at all.
不过那里确实有很多非常富裕的人。
But a lot of people there are very wealthy.
我觉得那里的贫富差距非常大——要么是超级富豪，要么就是中下层阶级，中间阶层确实存在但比例不高。
There's like a very big gap, I would say, between it's like very, very, very wealthy and then like very like lower middle class and like definitely an in between for sure, but not as much an in between.
感觉就像存在非常鲜明的两极分化。
It felt like there was a very stark difference.
但你知道，我父亲是个艺术家，所以我觉得自己更像是中产偏下的阶层，这挺艰难的。
But I've you know, my dad's an artist, so, like, I felt more on the, you know, lower middle class side of it, which was tough.
你觉得你的家庭格格不入吗？
Did you feel like your family didn't fit in?
确实如此。
For sure.
我们住在一居室公寓里，而我学校的朋友们都住在那些豪宅里。
We're living in a one bedroom apartment and all my friends at school are living in these massive mansions.
可以说，在社交方面很艰难。
It was tough socially, I would say.
我不想邀请别人来家里。
I didn't want to have people over.
那是肯定的。
That's for sure.
所以你父母也出现在你的一些内容里。
So your parents are in some of your content.
是的。
Yeah.
他们看起来非常随和。
They seem very chill.
你会怎么形容你的父母？
How do you describe your parents?
那我们就从我爸说起吧。
So we'll start with my dad.
我爸爸思想开明又有创造力，而且还非常睿智。
My dad is very open minded and creative, but also very wise.
爸爸，你知道的，这个男孩是我一生的挚爱。
Dad, this is, you know, this boy is the love of my life.
然后他说，艾玛，那家伙是我见过最差劲的人。
And he's like, Emma, that dude's the that's the worst dude I've ever met.
就像，他...你认真的吗？
Like, he's You're like, really?
我说，爸爸，搞什么鬼啊？
I'm like, dad, what the fuck?
不。
No.
就像，他...
Like, he's
太不可思议了，爸爸。
incredible, dad.
我说，但他...
I'm like, but he's
太帅了，爸爸。
so hot, dad.
你在说什么啊？
What are you talking about?
不。
No.
但他呢，思想非常开放，为人也很温柔，还很有创造力，而且你知道的，不会过分控制别人或咄咄逼人。
But he, like, he's very open minded and very sweet and very, like, creative and, you know, not super controlling or super pushy or anything like that.
但他也很有主见，因为他对很多事情都有丰富的知识和见解。
But he also is opinionated because he has a lot of knowledge and wisdom about things.
所以他的温柔和创造力并不会让他显得软弱可欺。
So he's not sweet and creative in the way that makes him a pushover.
他会直言不讳地告诉我他的想法。
He'll tell me what he thinks.
但他也给我自由，让我可以犯错。
But he also gives me the freedom to, like, make the mistakes.
他一直都是这样做的。
And he's always done that.
而且他从不评判我。
So and he never judges me.
是个非常非常酷的男人。
But a very, very cool man.
是我认识的最酷的人。
The coolest person I know.
我是说，他每天都会画画和冲浪。
I mean, he, like, paints paintings and surfs every day.
而且，画画卖画就是他的工作，还比我先开始做YouTube视频。
And, like, that's his job is painting paintings and selling them and, like, started making YouTube videos before I did.
他真的很酷，对吧？
Like, he's very cool, right?
我妈妈该怎么形容呢？
My mom is how do I describe my mom?
她就像个闺蜜一样。
She's like one of the girls.
你懂我的意思吗？
You know what I mean?
她非常讨人喜欢。
She's very is lovable.
我什么事都跟她说。
I tell her everything.
真的是所有事，我完全不会犹豫。
Like, everything, and I have no hesitation.
比如，她了解我从小到大做过的每一件事。
Like, she knows everything I've ever done in my whole life.
明白了吧。
Got it.
所以我跟她非常非常亲密，但我觉得我们更像是姐妹。
So I'm very, very close with her, but we're we're more like sisters, I would say.
你知道吗，我小时候我们经常吵架，因为她很挑剔。
Like, you know, we used to butt heads a lot when I was growing up and, you know, because she's picky.
她非常爱干净，喜欢把东西按特定方式叠好，对这些细节特别讲究，做任何事都一丝不苟——这种品质很让人敬佩，但当你还是个孩子时，连毯子都叠不好，就难免会...
She's very, like, likes to keep the house clean and likes to have things folded a certain way, and she's very particular about things like that, very meticulous woman about everything that she does, which is a very admirable quality, but when you're growing up and, you know, you don't know how to fold a blanket properly, like, it can cause some
闹矛盾。
problems.
确实如此。
Absolutely.
但说到底，我们的关系非常亲密。
But no, we at the end of the day, we're very close.
即使我们吵架，就像亲姐妹那样，她总会在那里。
And even when we do fight, like, literal sisters, like, she's always there.
是啊。
Yeah.
我真的很幸运，你知道，我的父母从来都不是那种传统的家长。
I'm really lucky that, you know, my parents have always been very not like traditional parents.
他们更像是兄弟姐妹一样。
Like, they're very sibling like.
好吧。
Okay.
我想这是因为他们甚至从未想过自己会成为父母那种类型的人。
And I think it's because they didn't even consider themselves to be the type to be parents ever.
所以他们生下我是因为想要我，但他们觉得，我们不适合做传统意义上的父母，所以我们要用自己的方式来做。
And so they had me because they wanted to, but they were like, we don't fit the parent mould, so we're just going to do it in our own way.
这样一直很棒。
And it's been great.
我知道你说过，你当时并不知道有什么不同。
I know you said, like, you didn't know any different.
但现在回想起来，你父母的离婚对你有什么影响呢？
But do you now looking back, like how did your parents divorce affect you?
嗯，你知道，我认为从某个角度来看这不是任何人的错，对吧？
Well, you know, I think in one in one way and this is no one's fault, right?
比如，我很感激他们离婚了。
Like, I'm grateful for their divorce.
而且我要在进去之前说清楚，你知道，第一，这对他们和他们的幸福是最好的。
And I'll say that before I, like, go in and, you know, it was, number one, what was best for them and for their happiness.
第二，我从未见过他们吵架。
Number two, like, I never saw them fight.
我从未见过他们争执。
I never saw them argue.
他们在可能对我造成那种心理创伤之前就离婚了。
They divorced before it could ever become traumatizing in that way for me.
这真的很成熟。
And that's really mature.
而且他们现在还是朋友，经常聊天。
And also, they're still friends and they talk all the time.
我的意思是，在这方面我也真的很幸运。
I mean, I'm really lucky in that way, too.
比如，他们相处得非常好。
Like, they get along great.
比如，他们经常交流，而且非常支持对方。
Like, they talk all the time and they're so supportive of one another.
所以从这方面来说这并不是件坏事。
So it's not been a negative thing in that way.
但我要说，成长过程中没有一个可以仰望的恋爱榜样，确实会在你长大后感到有些无所适从，就像现在，好吧，这是我的初恋。
But I will say that, for one, not having a relationship to look up to when you're growing up does become a little bit jarring when you're older, and you're like, okay, I'm in my first relationship.
这应该是什么样子的？
What is this supposed to look like?
我不知道。
I don't know.
我从未见过。
I've never seen it.
你呢
Did you
希望你有兄弟姐妹吗？
wish you had had siblings?
你知道，并不。
You know, no.
因为，我和父母的关系非常亲密，正是因为没有其他因素干扰，明白吗？
Because, again, like my relationship with my parents was so close because wasn't there was nothing in the way of it, right?
比如，父母之间不会互相妨碍我与另一方的感情。
Like, parent was not in the way of my relationship with the other parent.
同时，也没有兄弟姐妹影响我与父母的关系。
And also, didn't have a sibling in the way of my relationship with my parents.
听着，我觉得有个兄弟姐妹可能会很有趣。
And listen, I think it could have been really fun to have a sibling.
我不知道。
I don't know.
我永远都不会知道了。
I'll never know.
对吧？
Right?
但我很喜欢能与父母建立起的这种友谊和亲密感。
But I liked the friendship I was able to develop with my parents and the closeness.
我觉得如果我有兄弟姐妹，可能就不会有这种关系了。
And I don't think I would have had that if I had a sibling.
你还记得第一次注册社交媒体账号时的情形吗？
What do you remember about signing up for your first social media account?
我有两个表姐。
I had two older cousins.
嗯，现在也有两个表姐。
Well, have two older cousins.
她们比我大三岁，在我成长过程中就像偶像一样。
They're three years older than me, and they were like my idols, you know, growing up.
她们在用Snapchat，然后对我说：'艾玛，宝贝，是时候在你的iPod Touch上下载Snapchat了'。
And they got Snapchat, and they're like, Emma, babe, it's time to download Snapchat on the iPod Touch.
我当时就说：'没问题，姐妹们'。
And I was like, you got it, girls.
走起！
Let's go!
于是我就下载了Snapchat，我们经常互相发送些搞怪的内容。
And so I downloaded Snapchat, and, you know, we would just send each other silly stuff back and forth.
没过多久，Instagram就上线了，我当时就想，好吧，开始了。
Pretty soon after that, Instagram came out, and I was like, alright, here we go.
所以我也下载了那个应用。
So I downloaded that too.
我记得是表兄妹们推荐我下载的，我的第一条动态是拍了包迷你芝士饼干，还加了个超夸张的滤镜。
I think my cousins told me to download that too, and my first post was a picture of a mini bag of Cheez Its with some crazy ass filter on top of it.
配文大概是「嘎嘣脆，真香」之类的。
And I think my caption was something crunchy, yum.
啥玩意儿？
The fuck?
回想Instagram刚上线那年，我们给照片加边框和辣眼睛的滤镜。
Thinking back to the first year of Instagram, we would have borders on our photos and disgusting filters.
我知道。
I know.
你会拍自己的鞋子或一根延长线。
You would take a picture of your shoe or an extension cord.
对啊。
Yeah.
然后配文「人生漫长」之类的。
And be like, life's long.
发完自己都懵：我在说啥？
And you're like, what am I saying?
净是些蠢东西。
It was dumb shit.
好奇怪。
So weird.
我愿意付出任何代价找回我的旧Instagram账号。
I would do anything to be able to find my old Instagram.
我不确定我会不会这么做。
I don't know if I would.
不，我会的。
No, I would.
我都有心理阴影了。
I'm like traumatized.
我在想，我当时到底在发些什么鬼东西？
I'm like, what the fuck was I posting?
因为我当时年纪稍大些，总想装酷。
Because I was like a little older and I was like trying to be cool.
好吧。
Okay.
还发些自以为可爱的自拍。
With the cute selfies.
是啊。
Yeah.
那些自拍其实一点都不可爱。
And those were not cute selfies.
那些照片又吓人又诡异。
Those were scary and spooky.
你刚开始用Snapchat和Instagram时，父母有没有制定什么规则或指导原则？
What did your did your parents have any rules or guidelines when you like first started on Snapchat and Instagram?
还是他们基本放任你自由使用？
Or did they just kind of let you do whatever you wanted?
老实说，他们根本不在乎。
Honestly, they didn't care.
好吧。
Okay.
真的，他们从来就没提过这事。
Like really just never brought it up.
就是完全不管的意思。
Like, they didn't care.
是因为你小时候经常惹麻烦吗？
Because were you getting in trouble as a kid?
你算是个乖孩子吗？
Like, were you a good kid?
还是
Or
我小时候特别乖。
I was a really good kid.
因为我有童年焦虑症，所以道德感特别强，这其实是好事。
I had because of my anxiety as a kid, I think I had a really strong conscience, which is good.
你懂我意思吧？
You know what I mean?
我做的任何坏事，父母总会在二十四小时后发现。
I never did anything bad without my parents finding out about it twenty four hours later.
明白了。
Got it.
所以他们知道我会告诉他们。
So they knew that I would tell them.
比如如果我做错了事，我的良心会迫使我向他们坦白。
Like, if I did something wrong, my conscience would force me to report it back to them.
懂了。
Got it.
我不知道这种性格是怎么形成的。
I don't know what that stems from.
我不明白为什么会这样。
I don't know why that is.
但我对他们非常坦诚。
But I was very transparent with them.
所以当涉及到社交媒体这类事情时，他们的态度就是
And so when it came to things like social media, they were like
她不会
She's not going
乱来的。
to shit.
她是个坏孩子。
A She's bad kid.
比如，她就是不会在上面干坏事。
Like, she's just not going to do bad shit on there.
而我没有做坏事，因为我根本不知道怎么做坏事。
And I didn't because I just didn't even know how to do bad stuff.
我当时就是，我我，压根不知道坏事是什么。
I'm like, I I, like, didn't know what bad stuff was.
对。
Right.
我确实用过Kick。
I did have a kick.
这让我想起来了。
That just reminded me.
我用Kick来联系学校里的孩子，给学校的孩子们发消息。
I had a kick that I used for, like, just kids at school, messaging kids at school.
我忘了。
I forgot.
然后我就会收到，比如，丁丁照片，在Kick上，当时我超级害怕。
And then I would get, like, dick pics and kick, then I got super scared.
你是说，你他妈看到了一根鸡巴？
Like, so fucking you saw a penis?
是啊。
Yeah.
太可怕了。
Terrifying.
哦，我当时简直了，我觉得我对任何东西都没有性吸引力。
Oh, I was so fucking I was like, I don't actually think I am sexually attracted to anything.
你就像在说，我真的不知道自己喜欢什么，但我不喜欢那个。
You're like, I do I do not know what I like, but I don't like that.
我不喜欢那个。
I don't like that.
所以，谁知道接下来会发生什么呢？
And so, like, who knows what's next?
这不是很可悲吗，如果你收到一张下体照片，那是你第一次看到阴茎，你竟然对它没有感觉。
Isn't that so sad that, like, it when you if you get a dick pic and that's the first penis you see, like, you're, like, not attracted to it.
我当时吓坏了。
Like, I was terrified.
这让你感到害怕。
It makes you scared.
我大概到16岁之前都害怕阴茎。
I was scared of penises until probably, like, I was 16.
好吧。
Okay.
真的。
Like, seriously.
我并不是害怕它们，但觉得那太陌生了，对我来说太怪异了。
Like, I was, like, not scared of them, but I was, like, that is such a foreign like, it was so alien to me.
是啊。
Yeah.
因为我没有兄弟姐妹。
Because I didn't have siblings.
所以不像我有个弟弟，可以看着他长大，见证一个男孩的成长过程。
So it's not like I had a little brother where, like, I, like, saw him growing up and, like, I saw a boy, like, exist.
我也没有很多男性朋友。
I didn't have a lot of guy friends.
对我来说就像一颗花生。
Like, so to me, like a peanut.
我当时想，我不明白那是什么东西。
I was like, I I can't I don't know what that is.
这让我感到害怕。
I get scared me.
所有听我节目的人都知道，我小时候对汉娜·蒙塔娜非常着迷。
Everybody that listens to my show knows that I was obsessed with Hannah Montana growing up.
我也是。
Same.
好的。
Okay.
因为我正想问你，你小时候痴迷崇拜和追看的是谁？
Because I was going to ask you, I'm like, who were you idolizing and watching when you were growing up that you were obsessed with?
嗯，我得列举几个。
Well, I have to give a few.
这些年来。
From the years.
给我。
Give it.
好的。
Okay.
我最初在YouTube上痴迷的是Fred。
My first YouTube obsession was Fred.
你还记得Fred吗？
Do you remember Fred?
哦，我的标志性人物。
Oh my iconic.
标志性的。
Iconic.
我完全忘了那件事。
I completely forgot about that.
嗯，我也很小就开始上YouTube了，因为我爸爸很喜欢YouTube。
Well, I got on YouTube super young too, because my dad was into YouTube.
在YouTube刚推出时，他就经常在上面发布翻唱歌曲。
Used to posting singing covers on YouTube when it first came out.
所以他发现这个平台后就说，艾玛，这太棒了。
And so he found out about it and was like, Emma, this is great.
而且我们家没有有线电视。
And we didn't have cable.
所以他就说，给你，小家伙。
So he was like, Here you go, little one.
要知道，没有有线电视，但你拥有这个，宝贝。
You know, you don't get cable, you do get this, babe.
好好享受吧。
Enjoy.
这是个相当不错的交换。
It's a pretty good trade.
不，简直太棒了。
No, was great.
我超爱它。
I loved it.
所以我从小就沉迷YouTube，特别喜欢弗雷德。
So I got super into YouTube, super young, loved Fred.
后来长大些，乔纳斯兄弟成了我的最爱，尤其是汉娜。你最喜欢哪个？
Then as I grew a little bit older, it was Jonas Brothers for me, in Hannah Which one was your favorite?
我总是在尼克和乔之间摇摆不定。
It kind of teetered between Nick and Joe.
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对不起了凯文，说真的凯文正在东山再起。
Sorry Kevin, honestly Kevin's Kevin's coming back.
不，凯文他可是个天使般的存在。
No, Kevin's He's a fucking angel.
他值得更多认可。
He deserved more.
确实如此，确实如此。
He did, he did.
你见过他们吗？
Have you ever met them?
我见过乔。
I've met Joe.
我去过汉娜·蒙塔娜的演唱会，那场演出半是汉娜·蒙塔娜，半是麦莉的秀。
I went to the Hannah Montana concert where it was like half Hannah Montana, half the Miley show.
我记得乔纳斯兄弟为他们开场。
And I remember the Jonas Brothers opened for them.
我还记得我爸当时说，我保证一年后所有人都会为这几个家伙疯狂。
And I remember my dad being like, I promise you in like a year, everyone's gonna be obsessed with these guys.
我当时心想，才不会呢。
And I was like, no.
结果一年后我就真香了。
And then I was obsessed in a year.
我当时觉得，我爱死他们了。
I was like, I love them.
后来当尼克爆出糖尿病那件事时，我们都崩溃了，所有人都疯狂关注，我们当时就想着...
And then when like Nick had the diabetes thing, we were all like devastated and everyone was obsessed and it was like, We were like, and we
我们愿意做任何事来救他。
that's will do anything to save him.
不惜一切代价。
Everything.
简直太戏剧性了。
Like it was so dramatic.
是啊。
Yeah.
不，我知道。
No, I know.
所以你那时喜欢乔纳斯兄弟，喜欢麦莉。
So you had Jonas Brothers, you liked Miley.
我超爱汉娜·蒙塔娜、麦莉，所有这些。
I loved Hannah Montana, Miley, all of that.
什么？
What?
哦天哪。
Oh, boy.
好吧，我必须提这个因为实在太搞笑了。
Okay, I have to bring this up because it's so fucking funny.
好吧。
Okay.
但就像我十二三岁时Vine刚兴起，我可是MagCon的狂热女粉。
But like, when I was like 12, 13 and Vine came out, I was a huge MagCon girl.
好吧。
Okay.
没关系。
That's okay.
不，这太扎心了。
No, it hurts.
等等，为什么？
Wait, why?
解释一下。
Explain.
为什么会疼？
Why does it hurt?
是啊。
Yeah.
好吧，你知道的，让我们给不了解MadCon的人解释一下。
Well, you know, let's explain this for people who don't know what MadCon is.
基本上，当时有一群非常火辣的...呃，现在我都20岁了还说他们火辣感觉有点怪。
Basically, there was a group of really hot Well, it's creepy to say that they're hot now that I'm 20.
不，没关系。
No, it's okay.
但你...就像当时，我觉得他们是我见过最帅的男生。
But you but like at the time, I thought they were the hottest guys I'd ever seen.
他们在Vine上发些毫无营养的内容。
They were on Vine doing absolutely nothing of substance.
对。
Right.
没错。
Right.
这也没什么，你知道的，这不是他们的错。
Which is fine, you know, like, that's not their fault.
对。
Right.
就像抖音一样。
It's like TikTok.
简直和抖音一模一样。
It's exactly like TikTok.
很基础。
It's basic.
就像一群在Vine上走红、长相出众的孩子们。
It was like a group of, like, really good looking kids that were on Vine that were famous.
他们会巡演、办见面会，见那些年轻女粉丝，在舞台上做些毫无意义的怪事——仔细想想，他们其实没什么才艺，不过肖恩·门德斯确实参加过NatCon，现在人家可是正经歌手了。
And they would, like, go on tours and do meet and greets and, like, meet all their young girl fans and, like, you know, do weird shit on stage that made no sense because they really, if you think about it, didn't necessarily have some sort of talent except for actually Shawn Mendes was in NatCon, and he is, like, now Shawn Mendes.
所以对某些人来说这条路是走通了。
So, like, it worked out for some of them.
比如卡梅伦·达拉斯和纳什·格里尔那些人。
It was like Cameron Dallas and Nash Greer.
你懂我意思吧？
You know what I mean?
我记得这事，是的。
I remember that, yes.
我当时可迷他们了。
I was obsessed with them.
他们还有YouTube频道，我每晚睡前都会重看他们的视频。
And they had YouTube channels, and I would rewatch their videos every night before bed.
我当时就想，总有一天我会遇到一个MadCon男孩，然后就能和他们中的一个约会，他们会爱上我，我就是这么想的
I was like, one day, like, I'll meet a MadCon boy, and I'll be able to just date one of them, and they'll fall in love with me, and, like, I was was think that's how
不过很多人都有同感。
a lot of people felt, though.
哦，那当然。
Oh, for sure.
是啊。
Yeah.
但我要说，我年轻时的暗恋都是全情投入的。
But I will say that, like, my crushes as a young person were all consuming.
那些根本不是什么可爱的小暗恋。
Like, they were not, like, cute little mini crushes.
我简直痴迷得不行。
Like, I was obsessed.
渴望得要命。
Fiending for that.
我当时真的上瘾了。
I was fiending.
现在想想挺奇怪的。
I don't it was weird.
不过回想起来，这倒也不算太反常。
Like, in retrospect, I don't it's so out of character.
没错。
Right.
虽然人们不会这样看我，但我一直是这样的人，当我喜欢上谁时，并不会表现得像个怪人。
Like, people would not assume that of me, but I've always been somebody that, like, when I have a crush on I'm not creepy.
我不会去跟踪任何人，但那种感觉确实占据了我全部心思。
I don't, like, stalk anybody, but it is all consuming for me.
我懂这种感觉，然后你就会陷入恶性循环，比如看遍所有YouTube视频，看完所有能找到的关于他们的内容，像是采访之类的所有东西。
I get that because then you go spiral down like you watch every YouTube video and you watch every single possible thing that you consume of them, like interviews and everything.
所有的一切。
Everything.
然后你就深深陷入了他们的生活。
And then you're invested in their life.
是啊。
Yeah.
而他们甚至不知道你是谁。
And they don't even know who you are.
没错。
Nope.
不过现在他们可能知道了。
Well, now they probably do.
我们来聊聊高中吧。
Let's talk high school.
好啊。
Yeah.
你上的是私立学校。
You go to a private school.
是的。
Yeah.
我看过那些视频。
I've seen the videos.
你穿着一条格子裙，某种
You're wearing a plaid skirt, sort
格子。
of plaid.
那真是...我他妈的根本不想回忆这件事。
It was it was I don't even fucking want to think about it.
描述一下你的高中。
Describe your high school.
我的高中经历很特别，因为我本质上是个学术上非常拼命的学生。
So I had an interesting experience with high school because basically I was a really academically driven student.
好吧。
Okay.
所以我当时痴迷于要上顶尖名校的念头，愿意为此付出任何代价。
And so I was obsessed with the idea of going to a super prestigious college, and I was willing to do anything to get there.
因此在选择高中时，我们当地的公立学校都不怎么样。
And so when it came time to choose what high school I was going to go to, the public schools in my area were not great.
而我想去那种学校。
And I wanted to go to that.
我想去那种能炫耀的，你知道的，超级有名望的，让人印象深刻的学校。
I wanted to go to a braggy, you know, super prestigious, like, you know, impressive school.
我当时就想，如果上公立学校的话就得不到这些。
And I was like, I can't get that if I go to these public schools.
所以我就对爸妈说，我想去私立学校。
So I was like, mom and dad, I want to go to a private school.
我去参观了这所天主教女子学校，那里的教育质量非常棒。
And I went and I toured this all girls Catholic school God that had a really great education.
我当时觉得，这或许真的不错。
And I was like, you know, this could actually be good.
参观学校时我特别喜欢那里的环境。
I really liked the environment when I toured the school.
后来我申请到了助学金，这样经济上就能负担得起，否则根本读不起。
And I was able to get financial aid so that I could financially go there, because I would not have been able to afford it otherwise.
于是我就去了。
And so there I went.
我上了那所天主教女子学校。
I went to all girls Catholic school.
第一年过后我就开始讨厌它了。
And I hated it after the first year.
我当时觉得犯了个天大的错误，而且已经很久没见过男生了。
And I was like, I made a big fucking mistake, and I haven't seen a boy in a long time.
我
I
你是
You're
比如现在那些球鞋上的鸡巴照片
like, now those dick pics on kicks are
突然之间，我试图
Suddenly, I'm trying to
他妈的黑回我的蛋糕账号就为了看那些鸡巴照片
fucking hack back into my cake to see those dick pics.
我就觉得
I'm like,
伙计们，随便什么都行
guys, anything.
当你...当你开始上高中时，知道这个还挺有意思的
When you so when you started high school, that's interesting to know.
你确实有过大学目标
You did have college goals.
哦，是啊
Oh, yeah.
你原本想去哪里？
Where did you want to go?
我梦想的学校是哥伦比亚大学，虽然他妈的根本不可能
I my dream school was Columbia, which was like not going to fucking happen.
但其实你知道，我是个好学生
But like, you know, actually, I mean, I was a good student.
虽然我也不知道自己怎么就算好学生了
Like, I don't know how I was a good student.
好的。
Okay.
为什么？
Why?
我，
I,
不知怎么的，我就是很会应付学校那些事。
like, just knew how to do school for whatever reason.
所以我成绩一直很好，每年GPA都保持在4.0以上。
And so I got really good grades, like, always above a four point o every year.
听着，我自己他妈都不知道这是怎么做到的。
I listen, I don't fucking know how it's possible.
凯特，炫耀是吧。
Kate, flex.
我当时真的...而且我觉得学校并不能很好衡量一个人的智商。
I was, like, really just and I don't think that school is a great measure of intelligence.
我第一个承认这点。
I'll be the first one to say it.
因为我在很多方面就是个白痴。
Because I'm a fucking idiot in a lot of areas.
所以随便吧，但我确实擅长应付学业。
So, like, whatever, but I was good at school.
所以我就想，我得利用这个优势，你知道的，我想进入医学领域，比如当个麻醉师。
So I was like, I'm gonna use this, you know, I wanted to go into the medical field, like I wanted to be an anesthesiologist.
哇。
Wow.
但是，凭什么这么说？
But like, on what basis?
有次做手术打了麻醉，那个麻醉师...靠我连这个词都他妈念不利索。
One time I had anesthesia when I had a surgery, and the anesthesiologist, see I can't even fucking pronounce the word of it.
没关系，你发音挺好的，
That's okay, no, you sound good,
无所谓啦，听着差不多就行。
that's good Whatever, sounds good enough.
是啊，
Yeah, is
我高中辍学了，所以不会念这个词很正常，懂吗？
I dropped out of high school, so it's fine that I don't know how to pronounce it, okay?
嗯。
Yeah.
毕竟我没完成学业，你们别对我期望太高。
Like I didn't finish my education, so you can't expect too much from me.
比如有次做完手术就觉得，哇这工作挺轻松啊。
Like, I got a surgery once and was like, oh, this job seems chill.
然后我查了查他们
And then I looked up how
一年赚多少，当时就想，这工作简直爽翻了。
much they make a year, and I was like, oh, this job's super chill.
这氛围不错，很放松。
And this is a good this is a good chill vibe.
比如说，你
Like, you
得上大概十一年学吧，不过，还行。
have to go to school for, like, eleven years, but, like, fine.
最终你会拿到那张支票的。
Eventually, you'll get that check.
为什么不呢？
Why not?
你第一次接吻是什么时候？
When did you have your first kiss?
比如，如果你不和男生交往，那你第一次接吻是什么时候？
Like, if you're not with boys, like, when did you have your first kiss?
我是在大一那年除夕夜初吻的。
I had my first kiss freshman year on New Year's Eve.
还挺可爱的。
That's kind of cute.
不。
No.
哦，其实一点都不可爱。
Oh, it was not cute.
不。
No.
其实回想起来，当时还好。
Actually, you know, in retrospect, it was fine.
就是说，情况本可能更糟的。
Like, it could have been a lot worse.
好吧。
Okay.
但确实挺糟糕的。
But it was pretty bad.
你是怎么
How did
在女校读书时认识那个男生的？
you meet the guy then if you were at an all girls school?
基本上，那所女校有对应的男校。
Basically, the all girls school had a corresponding all boys school.
没错。
Yep.
经典套路。
Classic.
所以我们常和男校的男生一起聚会，他们还有初中就认识的朋友在混校读书，我们也有其他在混校的女生朋友。
So we would kind of party with the boys from the all boys school, and they had friends that they knew from middle school that were at other, like, co ed schools, and then we knew other girls that went to other co ed schools.
就这样大家慢慢熟络起来了。
So it kind of all, like, congealed.
但我觉得能让男女学生走到一起的原因，是男校和女校的学生都极度渴望接触异性。
But I think that the thing that made it possible for the boys and girls to be together was the fact that both boy and girl schools were desperate for each other.
明白了。
Got it.
懂我意思吗？
Know what I mean?
是啊。
Yeah.
所以，你知道，就像有个明显的，嗯，好吧，这就是对应的男子学校。
So, and, you know, there was like a distinct, like, okay, this is the corresponding boy school.
所以我们虽然不常见面，但在橄榄球比赛、毕业舞会这类场合还是会碰面。
So it was like, we didn't see each other every day, but at football games, we'd see each other in prom and things like that.
结果我最后亲了个大概半小时车程外学校的男生，他来参加我们办的新年派对，整个场面尴尬到极点。
Anyway, I actually ended up kissing a guy from like a school that was probably thirty minutes away, that, like, came to a New Year's party that we were throwing And at the two it was extremely set up.
那种最糟糕了。
Those are the worst.
你知道吗，当时情况就像'哦，他现在就在外面等着呢'。
You know, was like, oh, he's outside waiting now.
好吧。
Okay.
但你还有
But you also have
这也太惨了吧。
to, That like is so rough.
我们能描述下场景吗？
Can we paint a picture?
就是，我发育得超级晚。
Like, I was a super late bloomer.
我是说，我那时候基本没胸。
I mean, I had, like, no boobs.
就是，我看起来特别显小。
Like, I looked really young.
怎么说呢，我看起来简直年轻得过分。
Like, it was like I looked super young.
对。
Yeah.
一直都是这样。
I always have.
甚至现在看起来也有点显小。
I even now look kind of young.
很多人都觉得我现在看起来很年轻。
A lot of people think I look young now.
所以我感觉特别...而且我总觉得自己的成熟度配不上这类行为。
So I felt super Also, I never felt like mature enough for like this type of behavior.
你懂我意思吧？
You know what I mean?
因为心理上我觉得够成熟了，但生理上还没跟上。
Because mentally, I felt mature enough, but physically, I didn't.
我觉得自己不符合那种超级女性化的模板，你懂吗，就是要有胸啊、穿低领啊之类的。
I felt like I didn't fit the super feminine mold, right, where you, like, have, like, boobs and, like, you know, you wear, like, a low top and, like, you whatever.
我无法参与其中。
I could not participate in that.
所以每当要和男生互动时，我就特别不自在，因为我内心其实很想参与。
So I felt so uncomfortable when it was time to do anything with boys because I was like, I want to.
而且，从心理上来说，我觉得自己已经准备好了。
And, like, I mentally feel ready.
但外表上，我觉得自己看起来还没准备好。
But outwardly, I don't feel like I look ready.
是啊。
Yeah.
我对自己的外貌感到不自信，尽管我心里清楚自己已经准备好了。
And I feel insecure of my appearance, even though I know that in my brain, like, I'm ready.
而且我其实很喜欢男生。
And that I, like, love boys.
事实上，我简直对男生着迷。
And in fact, I'm, like, quite obsessed with boys.
但我觉得自己看起来不像那样的人。
Like, but I didn't feel like I looked that way.
你对外貌哪方面最不自信？
What were you most insecure about appearance wise?
我对自己的胸部特别不自信。
I was super insecure about my boobs.
好吧。
Okay.
因为现在我觉得，我爱我的小胸部。
Because which now I'm like, I love having small boobs.
就像，这是最棒的事情。
Like, it's the best thing ever.
就像，我不在乎。
Like, I don't care.
但你知道，我小时候，就像，完全没有胸部。
But, you know, when I was younger, I, like, didn't have any boobs.
就像，不只是说，哦，它们没有，它们是平的。
Like, it wasn't just like, oh, they're no, they're flat.
而且你知道，初中的男生们曾经因此狠狠嘲笑我。
And, you know, guys in middle school used to give me a hard fucking time about that.
太刻薄了。
So mean.
就像，叫我，你知道，像个什么似的，随便啦，诸如此类的烂话。
Like, calling me, you know, like a doer, like whatever, like shit like that.
不过这也没什么。
And which is fine.
就像，无所谓啦。
Like, whatever.
我现在和那些孩子是朋友了。
I'm friends with those kids now.
就像，我原谅了。
Like, I forgive.
好的。
Okay.
那很好。
That's good.
你知道，宽容是件好事。
You know, it's good to be forgiving.
但我也是直到16岁才来月经。
But, I also, like, didn't get my period until I was 16.
我当时觉得没有它就不算女人，你懂吗？
And I felt like I wasn't a woman without it, you know?
就像是
Was like
你在高中某个阶段开始拍视频。
You start making videos at one point in high school.
是的。
Yes.
我成长过程中对镜头很熟悉，因为我父亲在电视行业工作。
And when I was growing up, I was familiar with having a camera in my face because my dad is in the TV industry.
没错。
Yes.
所以每个圣诞节或生日，我家里到处都是摄像机。
And so every single Christmas or birthday, there's cameras everywhere in my house.
所以很自然地，我知道自己就是明星。
And so naturally, I knew I was the star.
我知道那很尴尬。
And I know that's cringe.
不，那并不好，当时我就想，老爸，快开摄像机。
No, it's not great Back then I was like, dad, cue the cam.
我注定要站在这里。
Here I I'm meant to be right here.
你还记得早期在镜头前表演的经历吗？
What do you remember about your early performances on a camera?
嗯，我一直对YouTube非常着迷，因为正如我之前提到的，我没有有线电视。
Well, I was always really obsessed with YouTube because as I mentioned earlier, I didn't have cable.
所以我看了很多YouTube视频。
And so I watched a lot of YouTube.
五年级的时候，我尝试用iPad拍了个YouTube视频。
And when I was, like, in fifth grade, I tried to make a YouTube video on my iPad.
噢，真希望能看看那个视频。
Oh, I wish we could watch it.
我超想再看一次那个视频。
I wish we could watch it so bad.
我得找到那台iPad，上面存了太多好东西了。
I need to find that iPad because it has so much good shit on it.
我和表兄弟们总是不停地拍小视频，家庭度假时、节假日时，反正就是不停地拍。
But my my cousins and I were constant like, we were constantly making little videos during family vacations, during, you know, holidays, like whatever, constantly making little videos.
当时iMovie有些预告片模板可以用，你只要拍些小片段，它就能自动剪辑成电影预告片的样子，我们经常玩这个。
Like there were these iMovie trailer templates that you could use, so you could make like a movie trailer, but iMovie provided the template, so all you had to do is like film little things and then they would And plug it in for so we would do those all the time.
所以在这方面我很熟悉也很自在，你知道的，我和我的表兄弟们一直都很痴迷。
So I was familiar and comfortable in that sense where, you know, my cousins and I were always obsessed.
录制内容和点击上传之间有很大的区别。
There is a big difference between recording something and then pressing upload on that.
你得有胆量才敢点上传。
You got to have balls to press upload.
确实。
For sure.
是什么促使你上传了第一个YouTube视频？
What compelled you to press upload on your first YouTube video?
我人生第一个YouTube视频是在五年级时拍的，我当时想，我才不在乎呢。
Well, my first YouTube video ever, I was in fifth grade and I was like, I don't care.
我甚至没想过要出名。
I didn't even want to, like, be famous.
我从来没想过能从中获得什么认可。
Like, I never thought I could, like, get any, like, recognition from it.
直到今天，我一直觉得成名是件不可能的事。
I to this day, I've always, like, looked at fame as an impossible thing.
所以我想，我不会因为这个出名的。
So I was like, I'm not going become famous from this.
但我觉得，哪怕只有几个人评论也会让我很开心。
But I was like, even just a few people commenting will make me feel good.
发布。
Post.
然后，当然，什么都没发生，一周后我就把它删了。
And then, of course, nothing happened, and then I deleted it like a week later.
那是我的第一个视频。
That was my very first one.
但你知道，我16岁上传视频时，真的就是处于人生低谷，觉得没什么可失去的了。
But then, you know, when I was 16 and I uploaded, I honestly just, I was in such a shitty spot that I was like, I have nothing to lose.
我当时太抑郁、太不开心了，就想做点让自己开心的事，而YouTube总能让我感觉好些。
Like, I'm so depressed, I'm so unhappy, I want to do something that makes me feel good, and YouTube has always made me feel good.
所以我就决定在上面发视频。
So I'm just gonna pose on there.
你高中同学看到那个视频后，有人嘲笑你吗？
Did anyone from your high school, when they saw that, make fun of you, or
说过什么难听的话吗？
say anything mean?
背地里确实有，但从不当面说。
Behind my back, yes, but never to my face.
我听说有人在背后说三道四，
And I heard about people saying shit behind my
比如他们都说了些什么？
back, but it's like Like, what were they saying?
他们大概就是说：她真以为这能搞出什么名堂吗？
They were just like, does she really think anything's gonna come of that?
要我说——去他的吧。
Which is you know what?
不。
No.
听着。
Listen.
有道理。
Fair enough.
就像，如果我看到高中同学在YouTube上发视频，第一反应肯定也是这么说他们。
Like, if I would have seen someone from my high school posting on YouTube, number one, would've said the same thing about them.
我可能会说，真的假的？
I would've been like, really?
大家振作点。
What's gonna Come on, you guys.
这并不容易。
It's not easy.
但另一方面，我甚至对自己也这么说过。
But on the other hand, I was even saying that to myself.
我当时发YouTube视频时也没想着'总有一天我会红'。
It wasn't I was posting YouTube videos being like, I'm gonna make it big one day.
懂吗？
Know?
对。
Right.
我当时发视频的心态就是'这只是我的爱好'。
I was posting videos like, this is just a hobby for me.
而且，就算只有100个订阅者，也挺有意思的。
And like, even if I just get 100 subscribers, like, that's fun.
就是一个小社区，而且我很享受制作视频的过程。
Like, just a little community, And also, I enjoy making the videos.
我很享受这个过程。
I enjoy the process of it.
所以我按下上传按钮后发生的事情更像是，好吧，至少它存在于某个地方了。
So what happened after I pressed upload was more just like, well, at
至少它有个去处了。
least it lives somewhere.
你是什么时候走红的？
When did you go viral?
所以
So
大概是在我开始后的两三个月吧。
about about, like, two or three months after I started.
太疯狂了。
That's crazy.
你知道，确实很疯狂，但我觉得主要原因是我他妈每天都在上传视频。
It was, you know, it was crazy, but I also think that a big reason for that was I was uploading every fucking day.
整个夏天我每天都坚持上传。
Like, I was uploading every single day during the summer.
到夏天结束时，我已经有大约50个视频了。
And by the end of the summer, I had like something like 50 videos.
所以我当时就是这样的
And so I had such a
已有的收藏让事情变得简单
collection already that it was easy.
因为我在拼命工作，所以耗时没那么长。我的意思是，我每天都想着必须日更视频
It didn't take as long because I was grinding, I mean, every day I was like, I need to make a video every day.
后来我逐渐减少频率，先是降到每周三天，然后每周两天，最后每周一天。但最初开始时我就想着要尽快他妈地做到最好。直到有支视频突然爆火——那是我去一元店瞎买了一堆破烂拍假开箱的视频
And then I ended up cutting it down, I was like three days a week, and then I cut it down two days a week, and then I cut it down one day a week, but it was like, in the beginning I started, and I was like, I just want to get as good at this as I can, as quickly as fucking possible, and then when that one video did really well, I it was this video where I went to the dollar store and I bought a bunch of random shit and did a fake haul.
我当时就是随便拍着玩的假开箱
I was kind of kidding around doing a haul.
但我对那个视频特别自豪
And I was really proud of the video.
发布两周后播放量就达到50万左右
It, like, after two weeks, it had, like, half a million views or something.
也可能是10万播放量吧...对
Or maybe it was like, it had 100,000 views after, like Yeah.
那时候你正在做什么？
And when that was happening, what were you doing?
比如告诉父母了吗？
Like, you telling your parents?
你当时
What were you
我父母...我爸当时特别感兴趣
My parents, my dad was, like, super interested.
他说，我觉得你真的可以在这方面有所作为。
He was like, I think you could really do something with this, actually.
而我说，好吧，我不行。
And I was like, Okay, I don't.
不过还是谢谢你，爸爸。
But thanks, Dad.
我说，爸爸，这概率简直小到万亿分之一。
I was like, Dad, that is like one in a trillion.
我们为什么不去那里呢？因为我知道只会失望，你懂吗？
Why are we let's not go there, because I'm just going to get disappointed, you know?
但他说，我不知道，艾玛。
But he's like, I don't know, Emma.
我觉得如果你真的擅长这个，可能会有所成就。
Like, I think if you really get good at this, like, something could come of it.
突然间，这么多人都在看。
When all of a sudden, like, so many people are watching.
你会觉得，我实在无法理解这么多人。
You're like, I actually cannot comprehend this number of people.
我无法理解突然间开始赚钱这个事实。
I can't comprehend the fact that all of a sudden now I'm making money.
你知道，我完全无法理解这一切。
You know, I can't comprehend any part of this.
所以我只能进入机器人模式，就像，在某个节点停止思考。
So I'm just going to go robot mode and, like, just, like, you know, you stop at a certain point, you stop processing it.
这确实是件很难解释的怪事，毕竟你不像歌手那样能在演唱会上让整个体育场座无虚席。
It's a really weird thing to try to explain, too, because it's not like you're a singer where you're like filling a stadium for a concert.
所以你就像这样制作内容、点击上传、然后上床睡觉。
So you're like making these things and pressing upload and then going to bed.
但看到那个数字还是很疯狂，我依然无法完全理解——哇，居然有五十万人看了那个视频。
And like, yet it's crazy to see that number, but it still doesn't fully register that like, woah, like half a million people just watch that video.
是啊。
Yeah.
感觉就像是
It feels It's like a
大脑用了另一种计量方式。
different metric in your brain.
没错。
Yeah.
就像...你用一种奇怪的视角在看，既没把它当成真实的人群，也没单纯当作数字。
Like, it's like you're looking at it in a different you're not looking at it as real people, but you're also not looking at it as just a number.
你的大脑会以这种介于两者之间的诡异方式处理它。
There's this, like, weird in between way that your brain processes it.
对。
Yeah.
但某种程度上...我潜意识里知道，如果深究太多、想得太深，反而会让自己心态崩溃，把整件事搞砸。
But it's kind of I think I knew subconsciously that if I looked into it too deeply and I thought about it too deeply that I'd psych myself out, fuck myself over, and ruin the whole thing.
所以我就想：干脆别去思考了。
So I was like, I'm not gonna think.
我打算保持专注，继续前进。
I'm just gonna just tunnel vision, keep going.
大概直到过去三个月前，我一直都是那样做的，那感觉真的很不舒服。
And, like, I did that up until probably the last three months, and it has been really uncomfortable.
当你真正醒来并意识到，哦糟糕，这就是现状。
When you really, like, wake up and realize, like, oh shit, this is the situation.
就像我终于关闭了视野狭窄的状态，感觉所有累积了四年的事情现在都摆在眼前，而我从未正视过它们。
It's like I finally turned off my tunnel vision, and it felt like everything was like, that it had been building for four years was now right in front of me, and I had never looked at it.
你懂我的意思吗？
You know what I mean?
是的。
Yes.
我们会深入探讨这个问题的，因为是的。
And we're going get into that because Yes.
但首先，是的。
But first Yes.
你为什么高中辍学？
Why did you drop out of high school?
在高二那年夏天，我因为抑郁而开设了YouTube频道。
So the summer of sophomore year, I started my YouTube channel because I was depressed.
我爸当时说，你需要个爱好吗？
My dad was like, You need a hobby?
我说，好吧。
I said, Okay.
于是我开设了自己的频道，到夏天结束时，你懂的，我开始赚钱了。
So I started my channel, and by the end of the summer, you know, I was making money.
我当时就觉得，我以前从来没赚过钱，明白吗？
And I was like and I've never made money, you know?
然后我就想，卧槽。
And I was like, Oh, shit.
好吧，这其实挺严肃的，你懂吧？
Okay, this is actually pretty serious, you know?
而且我乐在其中。
And I was loving it.
学校里的人也开始尊重我，因为他们不再对我使坏了。
And people at school were, like, respecting me because they weren't being an asshole anymore.
有些人还是那样，但你知道，大家都为我感到高兴，我也很兴奋。
Some people still were, but, you know, people were, like, excited for me, and I was excited.
到了高三那年，我想，好吧，这一年我要挑战高难度课程。
And junior year, I was like, Okay, this is the year I take hard classes.
所以我选了大概三门AP课程。
So I was taking, like, three AP classes.
长话短说，结果就是我没法兼顾学业和YouTube，但显然学业更重要。
And long story short, it just was so I couldn't do schoolwork and YouTube, but I was like, obviously, schoolwork is more important.
于是我就想，好吧，我就退掉几门课，选些简单点的。
So I was like, okay, I'll just drop some of my classes and take easier classes.
但后来YouTube事业持续发展，我就觉得，反正我已经修完了所有——现在选的课只是为了申请大学加分罢了。
But then YouTube kept building, and I was like, I already took all the I'm just taking added shit to help me for college.
我开始质疑，好吧，我真的还要去上大学吗？
And I started questioning, Okay, am I even going go to college anyway?
现在YouTube发展成这样，我已经有收入了。
Now that this YouTube thing is going the way that it is, I'm making an income now.
我现在能养活自己了。
I can support myself now.
突然到了夏天快结束时，我发现我真的可以自食其力了。
All of a sudden, by the end of the summer, was like, I actually could support myself.
这改变了一切，我当时就想，我不需要这么拼命了，因为我觉得自己可能不会去上大学了。
I don't It changed everything, and I was like, I don't think I need to be working this hard because I don't think I'm actually going to college anymore.
我可能会试着坚持下去，等这条路走不通了再去上大学，哪怕那时候已经30岁了。
I might try to ride this out, and then when this doesn't work out anymore, then I can go to college, even if I'm like 30.
这又有什么关系呢？
Like, who gives a fuck?
你懂我意思吧？
You know?
于是我参加完一个标准化考试就直接退学了。
And so I took one of those standardized tests and just left school.
我基本上一直在退课，直到最后觉得——我根本不需要待在这里。
Like, I kept basically dropping classes more and more until it got to a point where I was like, I just don't need to be here.
因为首先，我学的东西都不是必需的。
Because I'm not, number one, I'm not learning anything that is necessary.
那些知识都只是为了上大学才需要。
It was all stuff that was only really necessary for college.
我已经修完了所有需要的高中水平课程。
I had already taken all of the classes that I needed to that were like normal high school level.
我只是在做些多余的事情。
I was just doing added shit.
这有什么意义呢？
What's the point of that?
我当时就觉得这太蠢了。
I was like, this is stupid.
所以我直接离开了那里。
So I was out of there.
你是怎么告诉父母的？他们有什么反应？
How did you tell your parents and how did they react?
说实话，这其实是他们的主意。
Honestly, it was kind of their idea.
某种程度上这不只是我的想法。
It was kind of like it was not just my idea.
并不是那种'爸妈我想退学'的情况。
It wasn't like, Mom and Dad, I want to leave school.
他们当时说'你在学校这么痛苦'。
They were like, You're so miserable in school, you know.
其实最初我们考虑过让我在家自学。
Well, actually, at first we were thinking about homeschooling me.
有意思。
Interesting.
实际上，那是最初的想法。
So actually, that was the first idea.
他们当时说，你这个结构行不通。
They were like, you this structure's not working.
对吧？
Right?
于是我们开始考虑在家教育这个方案。
And so we toyed around with the idea of homeschooling me.
但经过更多调研后，我们决定还是放弃这个念头。
But then, after doing more research, we were like, Okay, actually, let's just cut it.
彻底放弃。
Cut it.
因为...你知道，我通常不建议人们辍学。
Because, in in, you know, I know that I don't recommend people drop out of school.
我认为我的情况很特殊，因为我很幸运地在头两年就完成了所有高中通识教育
And I think that my situation was very unique because I was fortunate enough to get all of my general high school education out of the way in the first two
课程。
years.
而且
And
这真的是...重申一次，如果没完成学业就离开会很不负责任。
that's a really like, again, it would have been irresponsible to leave if that had not been completed.
其实我...我从来没大声说过这句话，应该没有。
And I always I actually have never said that out loud, I don't think.
但我知道那种放纵的感觉很有趣，就像说'我退学了'一样。
But I I know it's kind of fun to be reckless and be like, I dropped out of school.
就像，去他的。
Like, fuck it.
但这并不是那么不理智，也不是那么不负责任。
But it was it wasn't this super irrational, super irresponsible.
其实从那时起，我本可以直接去上大学的。
I could have gone straight to college from that point that I was at.
明白了。
Got it.
你知道，所以就像，我并不需要那样做，这并没有毁了我。
You know, so like, I didn't need to It wasn't fucking me over.
我已经完成了高中学分。
I completed my high school credits.
我完成了学业。
I was done.
你知道吗
You know what
明白我的意思吗？
I'm saying?
那么当你告诉他们时，你朋友们有什么反应？
So how did your friends react when you told them?
比如，你在高中时和很多人关系密切吗？
Like, were you close with a lot of people in high school?
你以前有很多朋友吗？
Did you have a lot of friends?
高中前一年半的时候确实有。
The first year and a half of high school, yes.
但到后来就没有了。
But towards the end, no.
我实际上只有一个朋友。
I only really had one friend.
甚至连她也知道所有事，她知道学校如何给我带来负面影响，知道我有多抑郁，所以我根本没法社交，你懂吗？
And even and she, like, knew everything about like, she knew about how school was, like, affecting me negatively and how I just was depressed, so, like, I couldn't be social, you know?
对。
Right.
我无法应对友谊的起伏变化。
I couldn't deal with the ebbs and flows of friendship.
我内心根本没有那种能力。
I just didn't have that in my in me.
所以她理解这点，她会及时了解我的近况，但她毕竟还有其他朋友，所以她就...就这样散了。
And so she understood that, and she was kinda kept up to date on how things were evolving, but she, you know, she was like, she had other friends, so she was just like, Peace.
你知道，大家基本上都...
You know, everybody was just kind
就这样散了。
of like, Peace.
说实话，有一天我就这么突然消失了。
I really just disappeared one day, honestly.
如果能改变你人生中的一件事，那会是什么？
If you could change one thing about that time in your life, what would it be?
没有。
Nothing.
真的，我人生中有很多现在回想起来会感到尴尬的时刻，也有很多让我后悔的时刻。
I really, you know, I have a lot of moments in my life that I look back at and cringe at, and I have a lot of moments that I regret.
确实如此。
Like, for sure.
也不是后悔。
And not regret.
这个词其实完全用错了。
That's actually completely the wrong word.
有很多时刻我会想，天啊，现在我会用完全不同的方式处理。
I have a lot of moments that I'm like, damn, I would do that so differently now.
但我拒绝去想要如何改变过去，因为每个糟糕的经历都造就了现在的我。
But I refuse to ever even think about how I would change things because every bad experience has just made me me.
你呢
Do you
你有没有过那种时刻，比如有点羡慕TikTok上看到的经典大学生活，人们在兄弟会派对上狂欢。
have you ever been had one of those moments, like a little jealous of that, like classic college experience you see on TikTok, people are at the frat parties.
你有没有过那种，好吧。
Do you ever be like, okay.
有。
Yes.
你做的事情更多是像那种你希望参与其中的社交活动吗？
What so you do is it more about like the social aspect that you kind of wish you could partake in?
我觉得有时候让我有点难过的是，我不得不那么快长大。
I think the thing that I sometimes get a little bit upset about is, like, how quickly I had to grow up.
而且这听起来又像是，艾玛，快他妈闭嘴吧。
And it sounds so again, like, just so, like, Emma, shut the fuck up.
但我不认为当我离开学校后立即开始工作时，意识到自己再也没有任何缓冲余地了。
But I don't think I realized when I left school and immediately started working, how there's no leeway for me anymore.
你懂我的意思吗？
You know what I mean?
再也没有当孩子的空间了。
There was no room for being a kid anymore.
就像是，好吧，不行，你必须他妈的好好振作起来。
Like, it was like, okay, no, you have to get your fucking act together.
是啊。
Yeah.
因为你在说，你知道，你可以靠自己谋生，你会让这一切运转起来，你会坚持下去，搬到洛杉矶是个好主意，和其他YouTuber做朋友是个好主意，还有自己洗衣服、洗碗、做饭、报税这些事。
Because you're saying, you know, that you can make a living on your own, and that you're gonna make this shit work, and that you're gonna make it last, and that, you know, moving to LA is a good idea, and that being friends with other YouTubers is a good idea, and, you know, having to do your own laundry, and do your own dishes, and cook for yourself, and taxes.
就像，这里面有太多方面会让你觉得，卧槽，你知道，我没想到这个还附带这些。
Like, there's so many facets of it that you're like, oh shit, you know, I didn't realize that this came with this.
对吧。
Right.
辍学后直接进入技术上的自雇状态，也等于在宣称我能处理好所有那些其他事情。
Quitting school, and by just going straight into being technically self employed, I was also saying that I could handle all those other things.
我父母在技术方面帮了很多忙，但在情感方面，你知道的，根本没法提前准备。
My parents were very helpful with the technical stuff, but emotionally, you know, there's no way to prepare.
大学基本上就是让你用四年时间学会假装像个成年人。
College is basically four years of you to be able to fake act like an adult.
你其实没什么责任，但得靠自己了。
You don't really have much responsibility, but you are on your own.
而对你来说就像是，等等，不，你其实是有责任的。
And for you, was like, oh, wait, no, you actually do have responsibility.
因为如果你不持续更新视频，就像没有工作也没申请大学，那我们该何去何从？
Because if you don't keep uploading, like you don't have a job and you didn't apply to college, so like where are we going?
16岁时，你在网络上走红了。
At 16 years old, you become famous on the internet.
人们开始怎样用不同的态度对待你？
How did people start treating you differently?
我得说最初变化不大。
I would say at first, not much changed.
这很有趣，因为虽然我在网上有粉丝群——10万订阅量，这他妈可是超多订阅对吧？
It was really interesting because, yes, I had a following on the internet that if you look at it, you know, like 100,000 subscribers, that's a fuck ton of subscribers, right?
但在更宏观的世界里，人们其实并不在意，他们觉得等你有百万粉再说吧。
But in the grand scheme of the world, people didn't really, they were like, we'll see you at a million.
就像，你知道的，这根本不算什么。
Like, you know, this is, whatever.
我的家人都持怀疑态度。
My family was very skeptical.
比如，外部的家庭，
Like, outer family,
他们有点像是问，这是怎么回事？
they were kind of like, What is going on?
你知道吗？
You know?
所以他们并没有区别对待我，但他们确实只是好奇。
And so they didn't treat me any different, but they were definitely just curious.
很多人都非常好奇，但我真的没有什么朋友。
A lot of people were really curious, but I didn't really have any friends.
所以我没有朋友来对发生在我身上的事情做出反应。
So I didn't have any friends reacting to, like, what was happening to me.
当你说你没有朋友时，你感到孤独吗？
When you say you didn't have any friends, did you feel lonely?
是的，当我开始把YouTube变成我的工作时，我真的开始觉得我无法真正理解我高中的孩子们，所以我仍然会和那些孩子一起玩，我们会玩得很开心，这很好，但有一种隔阂。
Yes, I really wanted once I started to, you know, turn YouTube into my job, I started to feel like I couldn't really relate to kids in my high school as well, and so I was like, you know, I would still hang out with those kids, and we would have fun, and, like, that was fine, but there was a disconnect.
于是我开始寻找在这个领域可以成为朋友的人，最终我找到了那些朋友，这真的很棒。
And so I started looking to find people that were in this space that could be friends with me, and I ended up finding those friends, and that was really awesome.
所以，虽然我们不住在附近，但我在网上交了不少做同样事情的朋友，这很好，因为我们有共同的理解，而且没有任何奇怪的感觉。
So, like, and we didn't live near each other, but I made quite a bit of friends on the Internet that were doing the same thing, and it was nice because there was a mutual understanding, and also, there was no weirdness.
对此没有任何疑问。
There was no questions about it.
当时有一种不言而喻的理解，非常特别。
There was just, like, an unspoken understanding that was very special at the time.
总会有那么一刻，你开始在公共场合被人认出来。
There's always the moment when you start getting recognised in public.
是啊。
Yeah.
你还记得第一次被人认出来是什么时候吗？
When do you remember, like, the first time you got recognised?
我每年夏天都会和家人去缅因州度假。
So I go to Maine every summer with my family on vacation.
大二那年夏天去的时候，我大概有6000个订阅者。
And I had like 6,000 subscribers when I went the summer of sophomore year.
6000个订阅者，懂吗？
Like 6,000 subscribers, okay?
当时我就觉得，天啊，你们都弱爆了。
Which to me was like, Oh my God, fuck all y'all.
我要火了。
I'm popping off.
我要火了。
I'm popping off.
你们现在都高攀不起我了。
Y'all don't know me anymore.
现在的我不一样了。
I'm different now.
不，但当时我在缅因州度假，有个女孩走过来找我合影。
No, but, so I'm on vacation in Maine, and this girl comes up to me and asks me for a photo.
我当时有6000个订阅者。
Now I had 6,000 subscribers.
我以为这是真实的互动。
I thought that this was a real interaction.
那是我奶奶设置的。
My grandma set that up.
不是。
No.
你会说，天啊伙计们，刚有人找我合影了。
You're like, oh my god, you guys, I just got asked for a picture.
你奶奶？
Your grandma?
奶奶，我已经开始膨胀了。
I'm already getting a big fucking head, grandma.
别这样耍我。
Do not play with me like this.
卧槽。
Holy shit.
不是。
No.
但这很暖心。
But it was it was sweet.
真的很暖心。
It was sweet.
这真的太可爱了。
That's actually so cute.
简直太搞笑了。
It was hilarious.
不过最终，你确实开始受到关注了。
Eventually, though, you did start to gain attention.
你最初是怎么应对在公共场合被认出来和这种关注度的？
How did you handle initially getting noticed in public and like the attention?
一开始，我其实经历了好几个阶段。
At first, I've actually gone through phases with it.
就像最开始的时候，我超级兴奋。
Like, in the very beginning, I was stoked.
我当时就觉得，这也太棒了吧。
And I was like, so I was like, this is so awesome.
就像，你知道，我的梦想正在成真。
Like, it was, know, my dream was coming true.
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