我妈发现了我的裸照

就像，我们当时只是有点，没有直接说出来，但我们在想，要不我们就这样说？

Like, we were just kind of, like, not saying it to each other, but we were, like, what if we just say this?

我们基本上是在问，我们当时在说什么来着？

And we're basically asking, like, what were we saying?

其实那时候也没那么糟，因为我想我们那时才五年级，但我们就在问，比如，你亲过女孩吗？

Like, it wasn't that bad at this point because, like, I think we were in, fifth grade here, but we were, like, like, oh, like, have you ever kissed a girl before?

劳伦。

Lauren.

我清楚地记得用了‘悸动’这个词。

I remember definitely using the word throbbing.

就像，我当时就像，你知道的。

Like, I was like, like, know.

我们当时在搞些奇怪的玩意儿，不。

We like We were doing some weird shit like No.

是啊。

Yeah.

就像，我们当时在说

Like, we were like saying

我觉得她才是幕后主使

I think she was the mastermind behind

我认为她才是这里的诗人

I think she was the poet here.

我来发布消息

I'm taking the news.

我在写

I'm writing.

因为再说一次，没人想听我说话

Because again, no one wanted to hear from me.

而且那只企鹅，好像没人知道我长什么样

And with the penguin, like, one knew what I looked like.

所以我们打字，打着打着就遇到这只企鹅，它真的、真的凑得很近

So we're typing, we're typing, and we get in this one chat with this penguin that is really, really leaning in.

加大力度。

Ramping it up.

他正全神贯注。

And he's he's leaning in.

谁知道是不是个'他'呢？

And who knows if it was a he?

我们无从知晓。

We don't know.

所以我们基本上是在和一只企鹅发暧昧信息。

And so we're having a Basically, we're sexting a penguin.

懂了吗？

Okay?

我们玩得很开心。

And we are like having fun.

但是，好吧。

But, okay.

补充一下背景，这大概是2000年代初的事。

And like for context, this is like early two thousand.

那时候我的电脑还是那种笨重的台式显示器。

So my computer was like a desktop chunky monitor.

如果你看背面，它有这么大一个

The back of it, if you looked, was this big of a

那时候还不是平板显示器。

It wasn't a flat screen yet.

于是劳伦和我一直在打字打字打字，突然在我们发送最后那条最下流的信息时，整个屏幕卡住了。

So Lauren and I are typing, typing, typing and then all of a sudden we press enter on our last nastiest message and the whole screen freezes.

就在我们给企鹅发色情消息的时候。

On our penguin sexting.

劳伦和我就坐在她卧室里，我们觉得这太奇怪了，为什么会卡住呢？

And Lauren and I are sitting in her bedroom and we're like, that's so weird, like why is it freezing?

算了不管了。

Whatever.

我们重启一下你的电脑吧。

Let's just restart your computer.

我们去重启。

We go to restart.

嗯。

Mhmm.

它重启不了。

It will not restart.

它重启后直接回到了那些色情内容。

It restarts, opens right back up onto the sex.

就像这些内容已经深深印在我电脑屏幕上了。

Like, these are just like ingrained on my computer screen.

就像画面会变得模糊。

Like it will muddy.

我们按退出键，试了所有方法。

We're pressing exit, we're doing everything.

劳伦终于哭了起来。

And so Lauren finally starts crying.

她在房间里来回踱步，念叨着：我该怎么办？

She's pacing around the room like, what am I gonna do?

就像在说：我父母会杀了我的。

Like, my parents are gonna kill me.

我说：劳伦，我也不知道该怎么办。

I'm like, Lauren, like, I don't know what to do.

我也开始来回踱步。

I start pacing.

我转身走开了。

I start walking away.

你跪下来了吗？

Do you get on your hands and knees?

我说：上帝啊，我们再也不做这种事了。

I say, God, we will never do this again.

我们再也不做爱了。

We will never sex again.

我们这辈子再也不会有性行为了。

We will never have sex in our lives.

我们再也不会这样做了。

We will never do this again.

求求你，看在上帝的份上，快把劳伦电脑上的东西删掉吧。

Please, please, please, for the love of God, just get it off Lauren's computer.

我们再也不会这样了。

We will never do it again.

就在我这么做的时候，我听到一声响，我赶紧喊劳伦，劳伦已经搬起她的台式机，窗户也打开了。

And as I'm doing this, I hear like a and I'm like Lauren Lauren has picked up her desktop and has the window open.

她真的在往外走，我差点就要跳起来了。

And she literally is walking and I was about to jump.

我

I

我差一点就把电脑从二楼窗户扔出去了，因为我觉得比起父母发现我们四年级时看的小黄企鹅色情内容，这个解释起来更容易些。

was this close to throwing the computer out our 2nd Floor window because I thought we'd be more likely to be able to explain that than my parents finding our horny little fourth grade penguin sex.

她并没有把电脑扔出窗外。

She did not throw it out the window.

她只是把它放下了。

She just puts it down.

我当时就想，

I'm like,

劳伦，你简直是迷路了。

Lauren, you're literally lost.

是啊。

Yeah.

亚历克斯就说，劳伦，别这样。

Alex is like, Lauren, no.

不行。

No.

不。

No.

就像，我在祈祷。

Like, I'm praying.

我的祈祷是我的祈祷会得到回应。

My prayers are my prayers will be answered.

所以我们最终拔掉了所有线缆，它确实消失了。

So it we finally eventually pull all the cords out and it does disappear.

那天晚上我们就这样睡着了。

And we went to sleep that night literally like this.

我们当时就像，哦。

We're like, oh.

我们保证。

We promise.

上帝啊，上帝，你听到了我们的祈祷。

God, God, you heard us.

你看到了我们。

You saw us.

我们再也不会发生关系了。

We will never sex again.

两年后我们该怎么办？

What do we do two years later?

开始给七年级男生看裸鳃类动物。

Start taking nudibranch to the seventh grade boys.

是啊。

Yeah.

那只是个开始。

That was just the beginning.

然后我们做了些更奇怪的事。

Then we and then we did some weirder shit.

等哪天我来披萨店哭的时候再讲那些故事。

We'll tell those stories one day when I came to the pizza shop crying.

天啊。

Oh my god.

我们今天不能说这个。

We can't tell that today.

整个七八年级期间，我们初中爆发了类似儿童色情的危机。

All seventh and eighth grade, we had a child pornography like crisis in my middle school.

不是因为我们有裸照，你知道的，对。

Not we had a nude picture because you know Yeah.

然后她的照片到处疯传，她下面毛发浓密而且

And her pic went viral everywhere and she had a huge bush and

我不记得了

I can't remember

任何事。

a thing.

所以他们一直这样，他们一直这样

So they kept having these they kept having these

比如，集会。

Like, assembly.

集会。

Assembly.

他们不断召开集会，强调发送裸照是犯罪行为。

They kept having assemblies about, like, sending nudes is a crime.

你会因此坐牢。

You will go to jail.

而我坐在那里想着，

And I'm, like, sitting there, like

我当时就想，哦，我干得真漂亮。

I'm like, oh, that was great work by me.

我回家路上想着，绝不能有自己的裸照。

And I'm going home, like, no nude pictures of me.

但劳伦却说，

But Lauren's like,

晚上睡不着觉。

Not sleeping at night.

天啊。

Holy fuck.

好的，老爸帮。

Okay, daddy gang.

这是官方造型。

This is the official look.

我扎了个高马尾，因为我有个坏习惯，一紧张就总爱摸头发。

I did a high pony because I have a really bad tendency to touch my hair all the time when I get nervous.

我们戴了这些小小的钻石耳环。

We did these little diamond earrings.

脖子上戴了这么多闪亮的首饰。

We did so much bling on the neck.

我觉得我从没戴过这么多钻石。

I don't think I've ever worn this many diamonds.

这些东西也都不是我的，所以我会归还。

I also don't own any of these, so I will be returning.

这件普拉达的小白领衬衫、普拉达短裙、小袜子和普拉达高跟鞋。

There's this little Prada white collared shirt, Prada skirt, little socks, and Prada heels.

她是个生活在普拉达世界的普拉达女孩。

She's a Prada girl living in a Prada world.

这造型就像是女学生混搭'等着看现场好戏'的风格。

It's giving, like, school girl meets, I'm about to fuck up watch what happens live.

好的。

Okay.

我们在车里。

We are in the car.

我们正在前往《Watch What Happens Live》节目的路上。

We are on our way to watch what happens live.

其实我完全不知道我们要去哪里。

I actually have no idea where we're going.

我就想，我们在车里这是要去哪儿？

I'm just like, we're in the car going to where?

今天那位女士，我在做针灸时她一直问'你吃什么维生素？'

The woman today, I was getting acupuncture and she was so like what vitamins do you take?

我就说，呃...橙汁？

And I was like, like orange juice?

她说：不是

She's like, no.

又问：你到底吃什么维生素？

What vitamins do you take?

我说：避孕药？

I'm like, birth control?

她说：我给你写几个推荐产品吧

She's like, I'm gonna write down a couple recommendations.

我不知道那张纸条去哪了，但我肯定不会吃的——我现在有点小情绪

I don't know where that paper went, but I will not be taking I'm having a little mentee bee.

让我给你们看点东西。

Let me show you guys something.

我心想，天啊，能坐着做这事我太开心了，不用站着。

I am like, oh my god, I'm so happy that I'm sitting for this, I don't have to stand.

但我说很期待坐着做这个时，艾伦，抱歉别找HR，我们没有HR，我就是HR主管。

But when I say I'm so excited to sit for this, Aaron, I'm sorry, don't call HR, there is no HR, I'm the head of HR.

这就是你可能看到的东西。

This is what you're gonna potentially see.

那是张餐巾纸。

That's a napkin.

这不是我的比基尼。

This is not my bikini.

但如果是皱的，他们可能会说，天啊。

This is but if it's crinkle, they can be like, god.

她做了全身喷雾美黑。

She has such a spray tan.

比如，她的私处白得刺眼。

Like, her vagina is pale stark.

好笑。

Funny.

但这其实是我的衬衫。

But it's really my shirt.

衬衫从迷你裙下面露出来了。

The shirt is coming through the miniskirt.

所以有衬衫的一小角从裙底探出来，看起来像是我的私处，但其实不是。

So there is a little peaky peaky poking through of the shirt under my skirt that it looks like it's my vagina, but it's not.

所以我得用手兜住它，确保我的手一直保持这个姿势。

So I'm gonna need to cup it in and just make sure that I have my hand like this all the time.

安迪，不准偷看。

Andy, no lookie.

明白吗？

Okay?

我是说，听着，如果还有什么更符合我风格的，比如我在成长，也许我的品牌在提升，但她骨子里永远带着那股小骚劲。

I mean, listen, if there's anything more on brand, like I'm growing up and maybe my brand is elevating, but she's always gonna have that little nasty still in her.

你知道当你的事业起步是教别人怎么口交时，你就总得时不时回归下老本行。

You know when you start your career telling people how to suck dick, like you always have to make sure you dip back into the roots.

所以就像，哦，哦，哦，哦，哦，哦，哦。

So it's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

好的。

Okay.

我们开始吧。

Let's go.

谢谢。

Thank you.

喂？

Hello?

嗨。

Hi.

我们要一起继续吗？

Are we going on together?

是的。

Yes.

你好吗？

How are you?

这很棒

It's nice

很高兴见到你。

to meet you.

很高兴见到你。

Nice to meet you.

我太兴奋了。

I'm so excited.

很好。

Good.

你对此有什么保留意见吗？

What's your reservation for this?

比如

Like

我不知道。

I don't know.

我甚至不知道我们要聊什么。

I don't even know what we're gonna talk about.

好吧。

Okay.

我只是不用给你约会建议。

I just don't have to give you dating tips.

好的。

Okay.

我觉得你在这方面会完全得心应手，因为这就是我们在你播客里做的事。

I feel like you're gonna be a complete natural at it because like that's what we do on your podcast.

对吧？

Right?

就像让它自由发挥。

It's like let it fly.

对。

Right.

没错。

Right.

你会玩些游戏吗？

And do you play like games?

当然。

Sure.

哦。

Oh.

比如我来观看Rapids比赛

Like if I come on watch Rapids

对。

Right.

我会和一名剧组成员一起，然后就会超级专注于

And I would be with a cast member and then it's like so hyper focused on like the

剧集。

episodes.

但我们可以稍微放松一下。

But we can kinda just roll.

是啊。

Yeah.

既然不是其他剧组成员，我们很可能会

Since it's not another cast member, it's like we're gonna probably

就是随便

just have a bunch

找点乐子，你可能会狠狠吐槽我

of fun and you're gonna probably roast me a

一点点。

little bit.

不。

No.

我觉得如果我们来点有趣的调侃会很好玩。

I think it will be fun if we have a little fun banter.

我们会的。

We will.

我们会录下这个，让大家知道，天哪，免得网上的人以为我们互相憎恨。

And we're gonna record this, let everybody know, god forbid, people on the Internet think that we fucking hate each other.

只要知道那是个玩笑，是个桥段。

Just know it was a joke and it was a bit.

而且安迪会全力配合这个玩笑。

And Andy's gonna lean into it hard.

哦，天哪。

Oh my god.

完全正确。

Totally.

他会欺负我们俩的。

He's gonna bully both of us.

他会欺负我的。

He's gonna bully me.

我从没见过他。

I've never met him.

好吧。

Okay.

嗯，你马上就会见到了。

Well, you're about to.

我是说，我爱安迪。

I mean, I love Andy.

这是，这是

It's and it's

我们彼此相爱。

we love each other.

该死的。

God damn.

说起来你刚才进来时气势汹汹，就像小凯撒餐厅的披萨一样热气腾腾。

It's something that you just walked in hot by the way, Like, hot and red hot, like a little Caesar's.

你风风火火地来了。

You came in hot and ready.

我们要练习坐姿。

We're gonna practice sitting.

问题是这件衬衫，我们不想让人以为那是我的私处。

So the issue is this shirt, we don't want people to think it's my vagina.

如果我这样坐着，你就看不见了。

And if I'm sitting like this, you won't be able to see it.

如果我这样动，你能看见吗？

If I go like that, can you see it?

不。

No.

它消失了。

It's gone.

天啊。

Oh my god.

因为我把它塞上去了。

Because I shoved it up.

是啊。

Yeah.

看起来那上面像有个黑洞。

Looks like a black hole up there.

谢谢，劳伦。

Thanks, Lauren.

正在装麦克风。

Getting miked up.

我们准备好了。

We're ready to go.

我本来不知道会发生什么，现在大家都在鼓励我狠狠吐槽奥斯汀。

I didn't know what to expect, and now everyone's encouraging me to roast the fuck out of Austin.

所以我就想，天啊。

So I'm like, oh my god.

没错。

Yep.

我们做了档好节目。

We made good TV.

我们做了档好节目。

We made good TV.

到时候见。

We'll see you then.

再见。

Bye.

很高兴认识你。

It was so nice meeting you.

见到你真好。

It's so good meeting you.

再见，各位。

Bye, guys.

太有趣了。

It's so fun.

这就是《Watch What Happens Live》节目上发生的事。

And that is what happens on Watch What Happens Live.

我们有很多要讨论的，各位。

We have so much to discuss, guys.

刚才很有趣。

That was fun.

节奏太快了。

That was so fast paced.

我感觉自己像是在夜店看表演一样。

I felt like I was at, like, a nightclub show.

那里的氛围很棒。

It's a vibe in there.

当劳伦在演播室时，我感到非常舒适、开心和惬意，因为你坐在前排。

I felt so comfortable and happy and cozy when Lauren was in that studio because you were sitting front row.

我知道。

I know.

我当时就想，

And I was like,

宝贝，哎哟。

babe, ow.

宝贝，哎哟。

Babe, ow.

所以我几乎感觉就像在家里一样，直到被提问时，我才突然从那种氛围中抽离出来。

So I kinda just felt like I was, like, home until I got questions, and I was, like popped out of the bubble.

我们只是对视了一眼。

We just locked eyes.

是啊。

Yeah.

我们就这么一直对视着吗？

Do we just stared at each other?

锁定目标，准备就绪。

Locked and loaded.

我的孩子们，加油，姑娘。

And my kids, it, girl.

继续努力，加油，加油。

Work it, work it, work it.

车上还有很多事情要复盘。

So much to debrief in the car.

我们那边见。

I'll see you guys there.

好的，各位。

Okay, you guys.

那段经历太疯狂了。

That experience was wild.

安迪太搞笑了，是个超棒的主持人，而且非常有趣。

Andy is hilarious and such an incredible host, and he's quite fun.

就像，我显然上过类似这样的节目，但他让我感觉真的像是在和朋友出去喝酒。

Like, I've been obviously on shows kind of like this, but he makes it I literally felt like I was out drinking with a friend.

时间过得飞快。

It went by so fast.

还有奥斯汀，和我一起上节目的那位，简直笑死我了，因为我一直在调侃他，感觉每个广告时间我们都在笑个不停。

And Austin, the person I was on the show with, it was like hilarious because I was just roasting him and we were I felt like every commercial break we were cracking up.

我就想，希望观众知道这只是玩笑。

I'm like, hope people know that this is a joke.

总之我玩得很开心，这次经历很有趣。

So but I had fun and it was fun to do.

感谢安迪邀请我，也感谢《Watch What Happens Live》节目组的每一位成员，我们今天就到这里。

And thank you, Andy, for having me and everyone at Watch What Happens Live, and that's a wrap.

好了，爸爸帮的各位，希望你们喜欢这段与安迪·科恩和劳伦的幕后花絮。

Okay, Daddy Gang, I hope you guys enjoyed that little BTS moment with Andy Cohen and Laren.

我边看这段剪辑边笑个不停。

I'm also laughing while I was looking at this edit.

我完全清楚劳伦和我给他讲的那个故事——天啊，那时我们才他妈七年级。

I'm like, I am fully aware that the story Laren and I told him, damn, we were in seventh fucking grade.

我觉得那个年龄段在性方面简直太诡异了，既要摸索自己的性取向，又要搞明白自我认同，每个人都他妈的又别扭又奇怪。

I think that time in your life is just so fucking weird sexually of like trying to figure out your sexuality, trying to figure out like who you are and just like everyone is so fucking awkward and weird.

如果你说自己不是这样，我才不信。

If you weren't, I don't believe you.

我也不信你当时完全没有那些念头。

And I don't believe that you weren't having some of those thoughts.

也许七年级时你没拍过裸照，但说不定你拿着电动牙刷背面溜下楼，边试边想：这样感觉好吗？

Maybe you weren't taking nudes in seventh grade, but maybe you were, I don't know, taking the back of your electric toothbrush and wandering downstairs and seeing like, does this feel good?

为什么六年级时在朋友生日派对上骑马会让我内心有种莫名的愉悦感？

Why does riding on the horse at my friend's birthday party in sixth grade make me feel a little good inside?

不，但确实，我们人生那段时期很疯狂，但我很高兴当时有个朋友能一起探索那些奇怪的感觉。因为我觉得作为女性，我们从小就被教育要压抑这些——‘别当小荡妇’、‘管好你自己’、‘不许有性冲动’、‘不许追求自由’。而我要告诉所有人：探索性取向是健康的，接纳身体自然产生的感受是健康的——只是别学我和劳伦那样。

No, but yeah, that time in our life was crazy, but I am just so happy I had a friend to like weirdly feel those feelings out with because I think as women we are raised and it's like fucking swatting your fingers away, don't be a little whore, like get your fucking shit together, don't feel sexual, don't feel liberated, and I'm here to tell everyone that exploring your sexuality is healthy and embracing feelings that you naturally physically feel are healthy, but maybe don't do what Lauren and I did.

我们是试验品，别学我们。

We were the test product, don't do that.

希望没有七年级学生在听这期节目。

I hope no one in seventh grade listens to this show.

我学到的宝贵经验是：你可以尝试探索，但最好别留下数字痕迹。

The beautiful thing that I did learn is you can explore dieting, but maybe just try to do in a way that will not leave a digital footprint.

众所周知，艳照永不消失——这是《叫她爸爸》第四集的主题，懂吗？

As we know, nudes never die, episode four of Call Her Daddy, okay?

好了，我想这期节目就我们俩悄悄收尾吧，老爹帮的伙计们，最后问几个小问题。

Okay, I figured I wanna wrap up this episode just between you and me, Daddy Gang, with a couple little questions.

本周的终极问题环节。

Questions of the motherfucking week.

本周的劲爆问题。

Questions of the motherfucking week.

本周的劲爆类似问题。

Questions of the motherfucking like.

本周问题。

Questions of the week.

我们要去法国了。

We're gonna go to France.

好的。

Okay.

让我们来读几个问题。

Let's read some questions.

思考恋爱时该如何处理杂念。

Wondering what if thoughts while in a relationship.

如何摆脱在已有美好恋情时，仍渴望更多约会与性经验的杂念。

How to get rid of wandering thoughts about wishing you had more dating and sex experiences while in an amazing relationship already.

我和男朋友交往两年了，我很爱他，但总忍不住想：如果在他之前我有更多和男性交往的经验，真正经历过一段'放荡期'会怎样？

I've been with my boyfriend for two years and I'm in love, but can't help but think, what if I had more experience with men before him and truly had a single hoe phase?

这个问题问得太好了，确实非常非常棘手。

That is such a good question, and that's really, really tough.

我记得刚认识Matt时，在我们恋爱初期我甚至有点恐慌，因为当时我就隐约意识到——我可能遇到要结婚的人了。

I I remember even meeting Matt and freaking out a little bit in the beginning of our relationship because I was concerned with, like I kind of knew immediately when I met Matt that he was probably the one that I was going to marry.

虽然这种认知对我的心理健康很振奋——天啊，你找到了让你感觉超棒的完美男人，但同时也伴随着焦虑——天啊，我找到了想共度余生的人。

And as exciting as that was for my mental health of like, oh my god, you found an amazing guy that makes you feel amazing, there was also the nerves of, oh my god, I found the guy that I want to spend the rest of my life with.

这某种程度上关闭了和其他人发展可能性的章节。

And it kind of closes this chapter of opportunity with anyone else.

对此我想说，这个问题其实有两面性。

And what I will say to that is, I guess there's two sides to this.

第一，如果你二十多岁只认真交往过一个主要伴侣——我个人强烈认为人生应该多经历。

Number one is, if you have only been with one, like, main partner in your 20s, I am a huge like, I believe that you should have experiences in life.

我觉得如果没真正体验过其他可能性就结婚，这种状态是不健康的。

Like, I don't think it's healthy to marry someone if you haven't been able to actually, like, experience what else is out there.

就我个人而言，我非常清楚有些人高中就遇到了真命天子，他们会说'我准备好了，至死不渝'，这真的很美好。

For me, personally, I so know there are people that meet their person in high school and they're like, I'm locked and loaded, till death do us part, baby, and that's amazing.

但我觉得你的问题是你在产生这些'如果当初'的念头，这显然意味着你在好奇：我是否做了正确的决定？

But I think your question is you're having these what if thoughts, and that clearly means like, you're curious, like, did I make the right decision?

这其实也很正常。

And that's also just normal.

我的第一反应是，你可能需要评估一下：如果结束这段关系，你的生活会变成什么样子？

Like, think my first thing is like, I guess you have to evaluate what would life look like if you ended your relationship with this person.

我需要了解更多信息，比如你之前有过多少伴侣？

And I would have to have a little bit more information of like, how many partners have you been with?

你经历过多少段感情？

How many relationships have you been in?

但我想说，人生充满了'如果当初'，你必须学会跨越这种想法。

But I would say, I think a lot of life is about what ifs, and I think you kind of have to just like get past that.

我理解作为人类的天性，我们总会忍不住张望：外面的世界还有什么可能？

Like, I I understand even as natural human beings, we're always gonna look to see like, what else is out there?

比如，当马特和我外出时看到好看的人，你可能会想‘哦，那个人挺有魅力的’。

Like, of course, when Matt and I are out and we see good looking people, you're like, oh, that guy's attractive.

但我觉得你必须清楚自己内心，这种‘如果’是否只是出于天性——比如‘我很爱他，但如果我有过更多恋爱经历会更有趣’。

But I think you have to know within yourself, is it a what if because it's just a natural, like, I love him so much, but like, it would have been interesting if I had more relationships.

还是说这是一种深层次的不满足？你不断在比较‘我喜欢他，但我们的性生活并不那么美妙，也许他从未让你达到高潮’，或者‘你爱他，但这份爱更像一种稳妥的选择，你总想着自己从未体验过那种灵魂伴侣般的火花’。

Or is it like a deep unfulfillment where you are constantly comparing like, oh, I don't, I like him, but like, our sex isn't amazing to the point where like, maybe he's never given you an orgasm or maybe you love him, but it's like a safe kind of love where you're like, I wonder if like, I've never had that like love of your life spark feeling.

如果你存在这些细微的缺口——我个人是绝不愿意人生留有‘当初如果做了某件事就好了’这种遗憾的，我认为你不该让一段关系阻碍你去体验生活。

Like, if you have these little gaps almost, I would say that I'm someone that never wants to like go through life and feel like I wish I had done something, and I don't think you should let a relationship hold you back from experiencing things.

我不是劝你分手，但希望你能更深入地思考：你所谓的‘如果’到底指什么？

So I'm not saying break up with your partner, but I would ask you to be a little bit more thoughtful of like, what do you mean what if?

比如，你在这段关系里是否感到不满足？

Like, are you unfulfilled in your relationship?

你看起来像是在否认，但某种程度上，如果你总想着‘如果我经历过那种放纵阶段会怎样’，这种心态其实不太健康。

You kind of seem like you're saying no, but I do think to a certain degree it's not that healthy if you're constantly thinking like, what if I had had a whole phase?

这说明你可能确实对体验其他伴侣存有好奇和渴望。

That means you probably are interested and you want to experience other partners.

我觉得人在生活中必须有点自私。

And I would say you have to kind of be selfish in life.

如果你总是想着外面还有什么更好的选择，想着自己本该多约会、多体验，这对你的伴侣也不公平。

Like, it's also not fair to your partner if you're constantly having these feelings of wondering what else is out there and wondering if you should have taken more dates and gone out and experienced more things.

我想说的是，你必须先选择自己，因为如果你一直有这些想法，其实你也没有把伴侣放在第一位。

Like I would say, you kind of got to choose yourself first because you're also not choosing your partner first if you constantly have these feelings.

所以偶尔的'如果当初'很正常，但如果这种想法持续存在，也许你需要暂时分开，去体验生活。

So there's a normal what if feeling, and then if it's constant, I would say maybe you need to go on a break, maybe you need to experience life.

重申一次，我不了解你的经历，但我觉得你要意识到人生只有一次。

And again, I don't know your experience, but I do think it's being aware that you're literally here once.

你肯定不想等到有了孩子、慢慢变老时，才愤怒地发现自己当初没敢追求内心真正渴望的东西，就因为怕伤害伴侣的感情。

You don't want to have kids and and be growing old and be like so mad at yourself that you didn't fucking go for something that felt naturally like you were being so drawn to something, but you didn't want to hurt your partner's feelings.

于是你选择留下，放弃了自己真正想要的东西。

So you just stayed and you kind of didn't go for something that you wanted.

我觉得最可怕的是，有些人维持关系仅仅是因为害怕离开会伤害对方。

So I think something that's so scary is when people stay in relationships because they're afraid that they're going to hurt the person they're with by leaving.

你们其实是在通过维持一段不合适的感情来伤害彼此。

You're just actually hurting your both of yourselves by staying in something that isn't right.

我知道这很难，分手很难，但与终身困在一段感情里相比，这只是一次对话——仅仅因为愧疚而勉强维持。

So I know it's hard and breakups are hard, but it's also a conversation compared to a lifelong situation where you're stuck with someone and you're just saying because you feel bad.

不要让自己这样做，也不要这样对待对方。

Don't let yourself do that and don't do that to the other person.

他们也值得更好的对待。

They also deserve better than that.

所以我认为还有一点要记住：当你生活感到无聊时，或者压力极大时——无论是百无聊赖四处张望想挑刺的状态，还是压力山大渴望改变的阶段——

So I also think something just to keep in mind is sometimes when you are bored in your life, maybe, or even super stressed in your life, like if you're on one or the other side of like super bored where you're looking around and you're trying to pick holes and like, ugh, what is life?

有时候你会忍不住挑剔亲密关系，因为它离你最近。你可能会开始审视伴侣：'也许你才是问题所在，也许我想要些不同的东西'。

Or if you're super stressed and you're just like, I need something, a change, I need something different, sometimes you can almost try to just poke holes in your relationship because it's the closest thing to you in that moment, and you can start to look at your partner like, maybe you're the problem, maybe I do want something different.

我认为在做感情重大决定前，应该先梳理生活中的其他方面：

And I think I would say before making a really big decision about your relationship, I would start to try to map out in your life like, what else is going on in your life?

你的工作怎么样？

How is your job?

你与朋友们的相处关系如何？

How are your friendship dynamics?

你多久和闺蜜们出去玩一次？

How often do you go out with your girlfriends?

你的家庭关系怎么样？

What's your family relationship like?

我觉得有时候当我们生活中发生其他不想面对的事情时，就会产生这种不安感，结果我们最直接的亲密关系反而会受到影响，因为我们逃避了周围所有事情，而实际上可能并不是你想要彻底改变现状。

Like, I think sometimes we can get an itch when something else is going on in our life that we don't want to focus on so then our immediate primary relationship can suffer because we're avoiding everything else around us when it's really like, maybe it's not that you wish you had a whole face.

也许真正的原因是你内心深处存在从未处理的不安全感，而这种情绪正在你的关系中显现出来。

Maybe it's actually the fact that you have a deep rooted insecurity that you've never handled and it's showing through in your relationship.

所以可能你实际上并没有让自己在情感上与伴侣建立连接，就像如果你能剖析那些内心创伤时那样。

So maybe you're not actually allowing yourself to emotionally connect with your partner in the way that you would if you were able to like dissect some of that internal trauma.

而你永远无法知道自己是否真的那么相爱、那么自由，因为你还没有进行自我成长。

And you won't know if you are actually that in love and that free or whatever because you haven't worked on yourself.

这其实与你的伴侣无关，而且无论你选择什么样的伴侣，你都必须先独自解决这些问题。

It actually has nothing to do with your partner, and it kind of doesn't matter what partner you choose, you got to work on that shit first on your own.

另一个我想非常坦诚面对的问题，因为长期以来这是我的标签，当时我不能说，但现在回想起来，所谓的'放荡期'有时并不像人们吹嘘的那么好。

The other problem I think that I just want to be really honest about because for so long it was my brand and I couldn't say this at the time, but now I look back and it's like, a ho phase is not all that it's cracked up to be sometimes.

别误会，出去约会、玩乐确实有些时刻你会真正享受，但大部分时候，当我回首那段时光，我感到孤独、缺乏安全感，对自己不满意，总想在别人身上寻找自己缺失的东西。

Like, don't get me wrong, going out and hooking up and having fun, like, there are moments where you actually enjoy it, but for the most part, when I look back, like, I was lonely, and I was insecure, and I wasn't happy with myself, and I was constantly trying to search for things in other people that I was just lacking in myself.

所以我觉得有时候我们必须...我很喜欢单身状态，但我爱单身主要是因为我喜欢自我提升的过程，而不是因为我喜欢周旋于各种男人之间。

And so I think sometimes we have to I love that I loved being single, but I loved being single mostly because I loved working on myself, not because I loved interacting with all these different men.

我当时在寻找一个能与我契合的男人，我想当人们想到'放荡期'时，会有种冲动想出去寻欢作乐——但事实上，这些事在恋爱关系中同样可以做。

I was searching for a man that I could be compatible with, and like, I think when you people think of a whole phase, you get this itch to like go out and fuck and have fun, and it's like go out and fuck and have fun.

你完全可以在恋爱关系中做所有这些事。

You can do all of those in a relationship.

但关于'放荡期'，人们总以为会伴随一种解放感，可据我和每个朋友反思时的共识——那其实是孤独的，疏离的，甚至有点空虚，就像你不断约会却进行着无聊的对话，心想'为什么我要在晚上9点浪费宝贵时间？'

But the whole phase, I think there's this like liberating feeling people think comes with it, but from what every single friend I've ever talked to when we reflect, it's like it's lonely, it's isolating, it's kind of like vapid of just like, you're going on these dates and you're having these pretty boring conversations that you're like, why am I out at 09:00 wasting my fucking time?

真的让人精疲力竭。

Like, it's exhausting.

所以请务必分辨清楚：你进入'放荡期'是真的想测试与他人的身心契合度，还是仅仅因为现有关系无法让你满足？

So just make sure you can discern a whole phase of like, do you physically want to see if you are compatible and emotionally compatible with other people because you don't feel fulfilled in your relationship?

还是说你想经历一段放荡期只是为了找乐子？

Or is it you want a hoe phase because you want to have fun?

那我要说，可能你只是生活太无聊了，这跟你的感情状况毫无关系。

Then that's where I'm saying, maybe you're bored in your life and this has nothing to do with your romantic relationship.

我也见过有人美化单身状态，虽然我认为重要的是要明白——当你正在自我探索时，独处完全没有问题。

I have also seen people glamorizing being single, which I think is so important to be like, it is not, there is nothing wrong with being alone when you especially are trying to figure yourself out.

我觉得独自成长比匆忙投入恋情更健康。但让我难过的是，很多女性会担心'恋爱后我是不是就变得无趣了'？

I think it's healthier to be alone than throwing yourself into relationships, But something that upsets me is I think so many women feel like, oh, do I just become boring when I get into a relationship?

如果是合适的伴侣，你反而会成为最好的自己——因为你不仅自我状态良好，还有个共同成长的伴侣。

And if it's the right relationship, you actually become the best version of yourself because then you have not only yourself that you're in a great position, but you have a partner that's lifting you up.

每当我看到'某人恋爱了，我们失去她了'这类评论时都很难过。

I just feel bad when I see comments of like, if I see someone like get into a relationship, it's like, oh, we've lost her.

好像她从此就不是姐妹团的一员了。

Like, she's not for the girls anymore.

我记得当初公开和马特恋爱时特别害怕大家的反应。

Like, I remember I was terrified when I admitted that I had a boyfriend with, like, I started dating Matt.

然后我就想，等等，我从未感觉这么好过。

And then I was like, wait, I've never been better.

我从未如此快乐过。

Like, I've never been happier.

我从未如此清楚地了解什么能让我快乐、什么能让我感到满足。

I've never been more aware of like, what makes me happy and what fulfills me.

我也成为了更好的朋友，因为我现在处于更稳定的状态。

And I've never been a better friend because I'm now just like in a more stable situation.

这是健康恋爱关系带来的，但我不确定，我在网上看到太多类似'姐妹就该为姐妹而活'、'我们讨厌男人'之类的言论。

And that's being in a healthy relationship, but I I don't know, I feel like I see it online and it's a lot of like, the girls girls are the ones that are for the girls and we hate the guys and we don't blah blah blah.

我觉得现在关于恋爱关系的负面言论有点太多了，这不该是这样的。

And it's like, I just think there's a little too much like negative rhetoric around coupling up, and that is not what it should be.

我认为我们天生都渴望与人建立联系。

I think we all naturally crave connection.

我们都想要拥有恋爱关系。

We want to be in relationships.

我们都渴望与对的人相爱，是的，但别因为恋爱了就觉得自己变得无趣了。

We want to feel loved with the right person, yeah, but don't feel like you're just boring now because you're in a relationship.

这时候就需要你自己去为生活增添些情趣。

It's then on you to, yeah, spice it up.

日子可能会变得平淡，但这就是生活。

Things can become mundane, but that's life.

我发现回顾自己的约会阶段时，没人教过我们的是——单身时我们都在寻找下一个人。

Something I have found is like, when I look back at all of my dating phases, I think that what happens, and no one teaches us this shit, is like when you are single, we all are trying to find that next person.

我们不断约会，却没人告诉你：单身时要完善自我，这样下次恋爱时才能以最健康的状态投入，同时保持独立人格，避免在关系中迷失自我。

We're going on dates, but no one ever says like, being single, work on yourself because the next time you get into a relationship, to be the healthiest version of yourself, but you also want to be such an individual that when you go into that relationship, there is no losing yourself.

不必妥协你的道德准则和信仰，更不该让对方吞噬你的个性。

There is no compromising your morals and beliefs, and this person just swallows you up and you lose yourself.

因此我认为单身期至关重要，但这不只是意味着放纵玩乐。

And so I think being single is such an important time, but it's not just about hoeing it up and being crazy.

这是发现自我喜好、寻找快乐源泉、真正认识自己的重要阶段。

It's about finding what you like, finding what makes you happy, and knowing yourself.

我觉得有时候我们没被教过这些。

And I think sometimes we're not taught that.

就像直接进入一段关系，然后我们有多少次看到那些朋友——我自己也曾经是那样的朋友——在关系中完全迷失了自我。

It's just like get into a relationship, and then how many times you guys have we had those friends, and I've been one of those friends, that we just fucking lose ourselves in relationships.

我们会在试图经营伴侣关系的同时，迷失了寻找自我的方向。

And we just lose ourselves in, like, trying to find ourselves while trying to be in a partnership.

这简直是不可能的。

It's like, it's impossible.

因为如果你不了解自己，在关系中自然会变得很糟糕。

Because if you don't know yourself, you're naturally going to be toxic in a relationship.

你自然会被对方的行为所刺激。

You're naturally going to be triggered by things they do.

他们也会被你的行为所刺激。

They're going to get triggered by things you do.

所以，享受单身阶段吧，但除非你真正了解自己，否则不要急着摆脱这个阶段。

So it's like, enjoy your single phase, but don't push yourself to get out of it so quickly unless you know who you are.

所以我想说，如果你现在单身，就他妈的好好关注自己。

So I would say if you're single right now, focus on your fucking self.

暂时别再去参加那些约会了，问问自己：我到底想要什么？

Stop maybe going on all those dates for a second and be like, what do I want?

你不仅仅是要找个喜欢你的人。

You don't just want a guy to like you.

你需要的是具备X、Y、Z特质的男人，每个人的标准都不同。

You want a guy that has x y and z, and everyone's criteria is different.

但我认为我们应该更自私地利用单身时光来提升自己，这样当我们真正开始约会时，才能要求更高的标准。

But I think that we've got to be a little bit more selfish with our single time in terms of for ourselves, so that when we actually do start dating, we require like a higher standard.

而不是只会想着'他喜欢我而且回我电话了，那我就勉强约会吧'。

And we don't just be like, he likes me and he called me back, so I guess I'll go on date too.

问题是：你喜欢他吗？

It's like, do you like him?

他身上有什么特质能让你愿意继续和这个人交往？

What what does he have in himself that, like, you would want to continue to date that person?

挑剔一点，Dottie Yang。

Like, be picky, Dottie Yang.

他妈的就该这么挑剔。

Be so fucking picky.

我觉得接下来这一年，每个人都该把新年决心定为：自私一点，对你的时间和精力挑剔一点。

I think this upcoming year, like, that should be everyone's New Year's resolution, is like be selfish and be picky with your time and your energy.

就算你已经在恋爱中，也要挑剔。

And even if you're in a relationship, be picky.

因为你对自己想要的东西越明确，周围的事物就越能让你快乐。

Because the more that you are specific about what you want, the things around you are going to be make you happier.

就像我在另一期节目里说的，也许是时候结束某些友谊了。

Like I said in my other episode, I was like, maybe it is time to end certain friendships.

也许是时候给某些言行不当的家庭成员划清界限了。

Maybe it is time to put boundaries on certain family members that are inappropriate.

我们越是这样做——尤其作为女性，我们总被教导要逆来顺受，要接受生活中那些你不想做的事——当然，但得有个限度。

Like, the more that we do that for ourselves, and I think especially as women, we're taught like, you to just be complacent, you need to just accept that you need to do certain things that you don't want to do in life, sure, but to a point.

我觉得在选择如何分配精力这件事上，我们可以更激进一些。

Like, I think we can be way more aggressive in what we decide to choose with how we spend our energy.

所以我刚才自顾自地滔滔不绝，根本没人问我问题，但我就是停不下来。

So I just went on a rant and a tangent and no one asked me another question, but I'm just talking.

我真是服了自己，明明巡演期间要保护嗓子少说话。

So I love how I'm like, I'm supposed to stop talking because I'm losing my voice for tour.

我现在满脑子都在思考生命的意义，以及如何突破自我极限，亲爱的同志？

I'm like, let's begin to think about what is life and how do we reach higher for ourselves, daddy gay?

这他妈什么跟什么？

Like, what the fuck?

好吧。

Okay.

行吧。

Okay.

关于如何通过口爱达到高潮的小技巧。

Tips on how to cum from oral.

我的未婚夫很喜欢给我口交，但我一直更想要直接做爱。

My fiance loves to go down on me, but I've always rather just wanted to fuck.

感觉不错，但没法让我高潮。

It feels good, but doesn't make me cum.

有什么通过口交达到高潮的建议吗？

Any tips on how to cum from oral?

我觉得他已经尽力了，问题出在我身上。

I feel like he's doing everything he needs down there and it's me.

好吧。

Okay.

我不知道在这个节目里能不能提毒品，毕竟这不合法。

I don't know if I'm allowed to promote drugs on this show because I know it's not legal.

但我还是想诚实地分享对我有效的方法。

But I'm just going to be really honest and share what's worked for me.

所以我现在已经不抽大麻了。

So I don't like smoke weed anymore.

其实我从来都不是那种大麻瘾君子，但我喜欢偶尔尝试些食用大麻产品，特别是睡前。

Like, I have never really been like a big weed smoker, but I like to dabble in some edibles, Okay, when I'm going to bed specifically.

这是我的个人经验，稍后我会为大麻不合法的州提供一个合法版本的建议。

And this is my version and then I'll tell a legal version for the states that weed is not legal.

好的。

Okay.

但我觉得，唯一能让你达到高潮的地方大概就是加州、丹佛或纽约了。

But I'm like, the only place that you can have an orgasm is in California or Denver or New York.

我最近发现一个很有效的方法——最近我一直在和闺蜜们讨论这个话题。

Something that's really worked for me is I realized that women, we are I've been talking about this with my friends recently.

为什么男人压力大的时候就想做爱？

Why is it that when men are stressed, they're like, let's fuck?

而女人压力大时却觉得，给钱都别想让我张开腿。

And when women are stressed, we're like, you couldn't pay me to open my legs right now.

真的，当我被无数邮件、短信、待办事项、家庭破事和工作压力包围时，就算硬来也根本享受不到性爱。

I will not, like, I couldn't enjoy sex if I tried when I have a million emails, a million text messages, a million things to do, family shit, work shit, like, it's not happening.

压力大时，我宁愿做任何事也不愿做爱。

I would rather do anything but have sex when I'm stressed.

所以我觉得很多时候我们需要更长时间才能真正享受性爱，找到让自己舒服的节奏。

So I feel like a lot of times it takes us a lot longer to be able to enjoy sex and to actually get into a rhythm with ourselves where we can actually enjoy it.

所以亲爱的姐妹们，第一步，先他妈吃颗软糖。

So daddy gang, step one, take a fucking edible.

不。

No.

但这就是我的做法——我会吃颗软糖。

But that's that's kind of what I do is I'll take an edible.

而且我觉得你得为自己营造氛围。

And I think you have to set the mood for yourself.

这和他关系不大，除非他口活实在太差，那你就得教教他。

This is less a little bit less about him, unless he's so fucking bad at, like eating you out, then I'm then you need to teach him.

但我要说有一半时间，比如有些晚上马特给我口交时简直绝了。

But I would say half the time, like there's nights where Matt is so good at going down on me.

他简直太棒了。

He's phenomenal.

但说实话，就算我尝试也无法达到高潮，因为我脑子里想太多。

But like, I couldn't come if I tried because I'm too in my head.

所以我服用可食用药物的原因是——当我压力太大时，我会在知道要上床前服用，然后洗个澡。

So why I take an edible is like when I'm so stressed, I will take it before I know we're going to bed and I will take a shower.

我会给全身抹上乳液，通过这种身体上的放松行为，让我真正进入卧室时不会满脑子想着'我们忙了一整天，我刚下班，还在想着工作'。

I will put lotion on my body, like physically doing things that calm me down so that when I actually get into the bedroom, I'm not just like, we had a full day, I was at work, I'm thinking about this.

哦对，来给我口交吧，这就开始了。

Oh yeah, go down on me, here we fucking go.

所以我认为第一步其实是营造氛围——让你身体进入状态去享受被口交的过程。

So I would say step one is actually setting the like tone of how you're going to physically get in the mood to enjoy someone going down on you.

我想说的是，当他真的在给你口交时，最难的是保持身体感知的专注。

I would say when he's actually going down on you, something I think is that's really difficult is like being physically present in your body.

说真的，我可不是什么瑜伽达人。

Like, I'm not a yoga bitch.

我不是那种灵性至上的人。

I'm not a spiritual bitch.

比如，我不会做什么深呼吸练习之类的。

Like, I don't do, like, deep breathing exercises or anything.

但我意识到，当有人为我口交时——好吧，我未婚夫，还有其他人每周都会这么做。

But what I realized is when someone is going down on me, well, my fiancee, all these people go down on me all the time during the week.

马特是最棒的，但伴侣实在太多了。

Okay, Matt's the best, but there's just so many partners.

不知道该怎么说，当马特为我口交时，如果我有点走神，第一件事就是关掉他妈的所有灯。

Don't know what to no, when Matt's going down on me, sometime if I'm a little, like, just two in my head, number one, turn off the fucking lights.

懂吗？

Okay?

我知道做爱时你想看到些东西，但至少调暗灯光，点根蜡烛，营造氛围。知道我会怎么做吗？

I know you want to be able to see some stuff when you're having sex, but like at least turn down the lights, dim the lights, light a candle, and set again the vibe and put you know what I do?

有时他给我口交时，我会拿枕头盖住头，因为我要进入太空了。

I put a fucking pillow over my head sometimes when he's eating me out because I'm like, I'm going into outer space.

我不想看着他。

I don't want to have to look at him.

我也不想让他看着我的脸。

I don't want him to have to look at my face.

谁他妈在乎你需要做什么？

Like, who gives a fuck whatever you have to do?

比如戴个该死的眼罩。

Like, put on a fucking eye mask.

就像你自慰时那样投入。

Go into how you would if you were masturbating.

懂了吗？

Okay?

因为我发现人们自慰时才是最真实的自己。

Because something I find is when people are masturbating, they are 100% themselves.

不是说你觉得伴侣在评判你，而是除了自己的身体外没有其他需要关注的东西。

You have no Not that you think that your partner's judging you, but there's just no, like, there's nothing else to focus on other than your actual physical self.

而且你不会纠结于他是否喜欢我这样摆腿？

And you're not focused on, does he like the way my legs are?

他有没有在看着我？

Is he looking up at me?

比如，我呼吸顺畅吗？

Like, am I breathing okay?

发出你自然的声音。

Make the noises that come to you.

做出你自然的表情。

Make the faces that come to you.

就让自己存在。

Just let yourself be.

然后我想说的是，如果这是你爱的人，没有比直接说‘宝贝，不知道为什么，当你给我口交时我很紧张，我在想着做爱’更好的方式了。

And then what I would say is, if this is a person you love, there's nothing better than actually just being like, babe, I don't know why, I love when you eat me out and I find myself being just so tense when I'm doing it and I'm like thinking about fucking.

我只想放松一下，花点时间。

I want to just relax and take some time.

所以我认为，当你给我口交时，让我的大脑真正开始放松的方法是引入我熟悉的东西——我的振动棒。

So I think the way for my brain to actually like physically start to relax when you're eating me out is bring something in that I'm used to, which is my vibrator.

如果一个男人一边给你口交一边使用振动棒，你达到高潮的几率会增加100%。

If a man is eating you out and using a vibrator at the same time, you are a 100% more likely to have an orgasm.

明白吗？

Okay?

所以让他一边给你口交一边用那该死的振动棒刺激你的阴蒂，试着放松。

So have him use that fucking vibrator on your clit as he's eating you out and just try to relax.

但我觉得这就像再次变得自私一样——如果他知道你其实并不享受，他会很崩溃的。

But I think it's like being, again, selfish of like, if he knew you weren't actually enjoying it, he'd be devastated.

所以要用一种方式和他沟通，你可以具体指出他能做的某些事情，比如再次把玩具带进卧室。

So do it talk to him about it in a way that's like, you can physically locate certain things for him that he can do, which is, again, bringing a toy into the bedroom.

姐妹，谁在乎这需要三十分钟？

And girl, who gives a fuck if it takes thirty minutes?

就躺在那里。

Lay there.

躺在那儿，让他好好沉浸其中。

Lay there and let him fucking marinate in that shit.

明白吗？

Okay?

让他把脸埋进去，好好享受一番。

Let him fucking get his face, a nice little facial up in that bitch.

懂了吗？

Okay?

因为我根本不在乎。

Because I don't give a fuck.

我们太慷慨了。

We are so generous.

我们他妈的大方极了。

We are goddamn generous.

让这个男人也对你慷慨一回。

Let this man be generous back to you.

我觉得有时候我们会感到不安。

And I think sometimes we get insecure.

统计数据证明，我们无法像男性那样快速达到高潮。

It is statistically proven that we cannot come as fast as men.

这意味着他们应该加倍努力为你口交。

So that means they should double the fuck down on going down on you.

所以就像，营造氛围。

So it's like, set a vibe.

也许你需要放点音乐，也许你想要背景里有电视，不管是什么，就像你准备自慰时那样布置好一切，而你的伴侣碰巧也在那里。

Maybe you need music playing, maybe you want TV in the background, whatever it is, like, set your fucking shit as if you're about to masturbate on your own and your partner just happens to also be down there.

但我知道我这么说之后，有时人们会说，好吧，亚历克斯你说得对，但是，不不不，爸爸帮。

But I know I say this and then I think sometimes people are like, okay, you're right, Alex, but it's like, no, no, no, daddy gang.

营造氛围。

Set the vibe.

营造好它。

Set it.

去做吧。

Do it.

把灯光调暗。

Turn down the lights.

点上蜡烛。

Set the candle.

把枕头盖在头上。

Put the pillow over your head.

想想一些事情。

Think about think about something.

比如，也许你想打开色情片，或者任何能制造背景音效的东西。

Like, maybe you want to turn on porn, like whatever it is to have like sounds in the background.

我觉得我们变得太懒散了。

Like, I think we get lazy.

也许你正在听我说，心里想着：好吧，对，是你在开车。

Like, maybe you're listening to me and you're like, okay, yeah, you're driving.

你心想，好吧。

You're like, fine out.

爸爸帮的各位，答应我你们会私信告诉我，好吗？我他妈营造了氛围，也他妈让自己放松下来，这样才能达到高潮。

Daddy gang, promise me you'll DM me and tell me, okay, I set the fucking vibe, and I actually fucking put myself in a position to relax so I could have an orgasm.

但这某种程度上要从我们自己开始，除非他实在太差劲了。

But it kind of starts with us, unless he's so fucking bad.

那你就得他妈用膝盖顶他脑袋，然后质问：这算什么？

Then you need to, like, fucking knee him in the head and be like, what is this?

就像我们喝醉时不会抱着一碗通心粉猛塞，那声音太恶心了。

Like, we are not eating a bowl of mac and cheese when we're drunk, like shoving it and just like We're not that sound was so disgusting.

非常抱歉如果你正戴着耳机听这些。

I'm so sorry if you're listening to this in headphones.

但你懂我意思吧？

But you know what I mean?

兄弟们，要慢慢来，掌握节奏。

Like, slow, pace it out, men.