蜜月期后的性生活

爸爸帮的各位，欢迎回到我和布鲁斯的又一个周日聚会。如果你正在看这个，说明布鲁斯也出镜了。亨利在地板上，你们看不见它，但两只狗狗都陪着我们，因为今天很温馨，我们需要爱。周日早晨，窝在这毯子里。每个周日都是这样慵懒的日子。

Daddy gang, welcome back to another Sunday session with me and Bruce. If you're watching this, Bruce has made an appearance. Henry's on the floor, but you can't see him, but both of the dogs are joining us because it's cozy and we need love today. Sunday morning, fat this cowlin. Every Sunday's far this day.

什么鬼？刚才那段挺不错的对吧？简单生活近况：我刚在东海岸度假，终于见到了几个好久不见的朋友。其中一个已婚，另一个刚陷入新恋情。

What the fuck? That was pretty good. Right? Little life update, I was on vacation on the East Coast and finally got to catch up with a couple friends I haven't seen in forever. One of them is married and the other is freshly in a new relationship.

所以我们自然聊起了那些经典问题：等等，你们怎么认识的？他是个怎样的人？做什么工作？性生活怎么样？刚问到性生活时，她眼睛突然睁大说：姐妹们，那方面简直疯狂。

So of course, we were talking and asking all the classic questions of like, wait, okay, so how did you guys meet? What is he like? What does he do for a living? How's the sex? And the second that we asked about the sex, her eyes got wide and she was like, you guys, the sex is so insane.

我们每天都做。尝试所有能想到的姿势。简直不可思议。后来晚上我们继续喝酒聊天时，我那位已婚朋友突然脱口而出：你们说我是不是该多做爱？我现在大概一周一次。

We are fucking every day. We're doing every position you could think of. It's absolutely incredible. And later that night, as we all kept kind of hanging out and drinking wine, my married friend suddenly just kind of burst out and was like, you guys, should I be having more sex? I think I'm having it maybe like once a week.

Alex，你和Matt频率怎样？我能看出她开始陷入焦虑，拿自己的婚后性生活和我们那位正处于蜜月期的朋友比较。但深入交谈后，很明显我朋友对目前的婚姻性生活并不不满。实际上她对频率很满足，整体上也觉得和丈夫心灵相通，婚姻很美满。

Alex, how much do you have sex with Matt? And I could see her start to kind of fully start spiraling and was comparing her married sex life to our friend who was literally in the middle of the honeymoon stage with a guy. But as we talked it through, it became really clear that my friend isn't unhappy in the state of her married sex life. She actually feels totally satisfied with the amount of sex that she's having. And overall does feel really connected with her husband and fulfilled in their marriage.

只是听到别人完全不同的节奏让她乱了方寸。当你和别人比较时，这种情况很自然。我觉得这特别能引起共鸣。我们都知道很容易拿自己的性生活去对比别人的。

It was just hearing that someone else was on a completely different rhythm. It threw her off. And naturally, when you're comparing yourself to people that is going to happen. And I think that's very relatable. I know it's easy to compare your sex life to someone else's.

太常见了——听到别人的经历就立刻怀疑是不是他们才是对的而自己是错的。因为我觉得恋爱初期时，你们的性生活肯定和一年后、两年后、十年后完全不同。我想让这种变化正常化。我们需要更多讨论来消除这种羞耻。所以今天想聊聊蜜月期结束后真实的性生活是什么样子。

It's so common to hear about someone else's experience and immediately start wondering if they're the ones that are doing it right and you're doing it wrong. Because I feel like when you start dating someone, your sex life is going look very different than it does in a year, in two years, and then ten years plus down the line. And I want to normalize that. And I think we need to start talking about it more normalizing it. And so I want to talk about what sex is actually like after the honeymoon stage ends.

马特看到这段肯定会说，什么叫我们已经过了蜜月期？不，宝贝，我爱你。但你知道，刚开始约会的那几个月和多年后的感觉确实不一样。在我看来，因为事实是，一旦你们的关系稳定下来，和伴侣的性生活频率很可能会减少。我认为这是事实。

Matt's gonna watch this and be like, what do you mean we're done with the honeymoon stage? No, babe, I love you. But, you know, like it's not like the first few months when you start dating a guy are so different than when it's been years down the line. In my opinion, because the truth is the amount of sex that you have with your partner is most likely it is going to decline once you settle into your relationship. I think that's a fact.

这是我所有感情经历中的体会。这不仅是完全正常的，实际上也极其普遍。让我先描述一下今天的场景好吗？在一段新恋情开始时，你和伴侣应该对彼此痴迷不已——如果没这种感觉，趁早抽身别浪费时间，因为你们本该为彼此疯狂的。

And that has just been my experience through all of my relationships. And not only is that totally okay, it's actually extremely normal. Let me set the scene for a second today, okay? At the start of a new relationship, you and your partner are absolutely obsessed with each other or you should be. And if you're not, then literally get out before you waste any more time because you should be obsessed with each other.

那种新鲜的火花让你们变得狂野。厨房台面、浴室、网约车后座...到处都留下你们亲热的痕迹。你们简直无法满足于彼此。但几个月后，节奏开始放缓。或许你们不再每次见面都急不可耐地撕扯对方衣服。

You have this fresh spark and it's making you guys feral. You're hooking up everywhere, kitchen counter, shower, Uber, backseat. You literally can't get enough of each other. And then a few months in, things start to slow down a little bit. Maybe you aren't tearing each other's clothes off every single time you see each other.

可能某天晚餐后你们直接睡着了，而不是亲热——多新奇啊。或许因为太忙，你们整整一周没有性生活。当这种转变发生时，你可能会陷入恐慌，开始自问：等等，火花消失了吗？我们不再吸引彼此了吗？

Maybe you fall asleep after dinner one night instead of hooking up. What a concept. Maybe you go a week without having sex because you're both just too busy. And the second that that shift happens, you may start spiraling and you may start asking yourself, wait, is the spark gone? Are we not attracted to each other anymore?

是他对我不感兴趣了？还是她对我没感觉了？我们的关系出问题了吗？因为没人真正讨论过这种降温期。但降温并不意味着关系结束。

Is he not into me? Is she not into me? Is something wrong with our relationship? Because no one really talks about the slowdown. A slowdown is not the end of your relationship.

我认为这恰恰标志着你们成功度过了蜜月期。明白吗？因为尽管那个阶段很美好，但它并不真实。蜜月期可能持续四五个月，或者一年——就算给你们一年吧。

In my opinion, it's actually a sign that you guys made it through the honeymoon stage. Right? Because as fun as that stage is, it's not real. It's a four to five month long, maybe year. Give you guys a year.

我不希望你们误解我的意思，说什么'不，我的蜜月期持续了一年多'。听着，最终那个充满新奇感、刺激感和魔力的爱情泡泡总会破裂。那段时光并不能完全代表你们未来关系的全貌。因为在蜜月期，大脑始终处于多巴胺的狂欢中。

I don't want you guys my idea as being like, no, my honeymoon saved last year. Okay. Whenever the Eventually that little love bubble where everything feels fun and exciting and magical with a new person, it eventually bursts. And that time wasn't indicative of what your relationship with them is going to fully be like. Because in the honeymoon stage, brain is in a non stop dopamine rush.

你正在了解这个人的世界，你正坠入爱河。你们彼此展现的都是最好的那一面。出门前你还会刮胡子。我都记不清上次和马特约会前刮腿毛是什么时候了。我爱你，马特。

You are learning this person's world, you're falling in love with them. You're both only showing up kind of as the best versions of yourselves to each other. You are still shaving before a night out. I don't know the last time I shaved my legs before a fucking date night with Matt. I love you, Matt.

好吧，我偶尔会修剪私处毛发。偶尔。偶尔。天啊。刚开始约会时，我绝不会让你看到我邋遢的样子。

Well, I'm shaving my vagina sometimes. Sometimes. Sometimes. Oh my god. The beginning days, I'd be like, you don't even catch me fucking slipping.

那里会光滑得像海豹一样。不，真的不会。但你们可能还处在那个阶段——会为了过夜买可爱但不舒服的睡衣对吧？可能还会涂上一斤重的化妆品就为了在FaceTime上跟他打招呼。天啊，记得在纽约刚开始约会时我常这么干。

That thing is going to be a seal. Nope, literally nope. But you guys probably are still in the phase of like, you're buying cute and uncomfortable pajamas for sleepovers, right? You're maybe putting on a pound of fucking makeup just to say hi to him on FaceTime. Oh my God, remember I used to do that in New York City when I would FaceTime guys I started dating.

我会故意错过电话，然后火速往脸颊、额头刷古铜粉，描唇线涂唇彩，把灯光调暗到刚好看不清五官轮廓的程度。然后说'嘿宝贝，抱歉我刚在厨房，怎么了？'实际上那会儿我看起来像个怪物，但就想让他觉得你很可爱。这个阶段太美妙了。

I would like miss the call and I would quickly take bronzer to the cheek, to the cheek, to the forehead, overline the lips, put a gloss on, put the lights down to a good old like you almost can't see me so you just see the outline features. And then I'm like, hey babe, sorry I was just like in the kitchen, what's up? Meanwhile, meanwhile, I just looked like a fucking ogre. But you want them to think you look cute. And so that phase is amazing.

但说到那时的性生活，你仍在努力留下最佳印象。你在探索什么能让对方兴奋，研究如何让他达到高潮，可能还会夸张表演高潮来取悦对方——我们都经历过。但最终你总得离开蜜月幻想乡，对吧？

But when it comes to the sex that you're having at that point, you are still trying to put forth your best impression and your best effort when it comes to sex. You're discovering what turns this person on. You're figuring out how you can make them finish. You might be putting on a little show with the orgasm to make him feel good as we all have been there before. But then eventually you're supposed to leave your honeymoon fantasy land, right?

你该重新联系那些被冷落数周的朋友，该发现新伴侣那些烦人的小毛病。总之你要回归现实了。到这个阶段，新鲜感已经消退。

And you're supposed to call your friends back who maybe you have been brushing off for weeks. You're supposed to find out that annoying fucking habit that your new partner has. And overall, you're just settling into reality. You're back to reality, okay? By this stage of dating, once you get out of there, everything isn't new and exciting anymore.

蜜月期结束后你们可能吵过架对吧？他们可能见过你宿醉油腻的样子——回头想想这很棒，因为这才是真实的生活。你不再隐藏自己怪异的一面了。

You have probably had an argument once the honeymoon stage is over, right? They have probably seen you hungover and greasy, which is great in hindsight. Like it really is great because that's the real shit. That's life. You're no longer hiding the weird parts of yourself.

但你们依然想在一起，对吧？即便现在看到了这些缺点，你们依然觉得，好吧，我还是喜欢你。这时你才明白这段感情正在变得真实。它不再仅仅由内啡肽和那种席卷全身的兴奋感驱动。随着这种兴奋感的消退，取而代之的是一种美妙的舒适与平和。

And yet you still want to be with each other, right? You're seeing these flaws now and you're still like, okay, I actually still like you. And that's how you know this is becoming something real. And it's not just fueled by endorphins and this rush of endorphins that are taking over. And with this slowdown comes a really nice sense of comfort and peace around each other.

现在你们终于可以完全做自己了。性不再是每次见面的主旋律，对吧？也许某晚你们不再亲热，只是相拥着看剧。有时你们宁愿点外卖吃到撑，也不想搞什么性感晚餐约会。但这不代表你们对彼此失去了吸引力。

You get to just now really be completely yourself. And sex suddenly isn't the main event every time you see each other, right? Maybe instead of hooking up one night, you just cuddle and watch a show. Or sometimes you'd rather just order some takeout and pass out bloated than have a sexy dinner date night. And it doesn't mean that you're not attracted to each other.

这只是说明现实生活已成为你们关系的一部分。这个阶段往往会让人害怕。我理解这种感受，因为它可能本能地让人觉得火花正在消退。那种急不可耐想立刻扒光对方衣服的冲动似乎消失了。说实话，我现在有些周只做爱一次。

It just means real life is a part of your relationship now. This is the part where people can get scared. And I get that because it may innately kind of feel like the spark is fading. You don't feel that frantic, like rip your clothes right now off energy, like it's not present anymore. And I will be honest with you, there are weeks now where I have sex once.

有些周我完全不做爱。还有些周我每周做三到五次。这完全取决于我生活中的状况。在我工作压力特别大的时期，高潮根本不在考虑范围内，甚至被抛到脑后。

There are weeks where I don't have sex at all. And then there are weeks that I have sex three to four to five times a week. It literally just depends on what is going on in my life. And during really stressful periods of work for me, having an orgasm isn't top of mind. It's actually kind of at the bottom.

因为我知道自己连放松到能高潮的状态都达不到。我常跟马特开玩笑说：你可以试试看，尽管试试。但我告诉你，现在我的阴蒂坚不可摧。就算你他妈再努力，我的大脑和阴蒂也无法建立连接——不过你尽管尝试。

Because I know I'm like, I'm not even gonna be able to relax to even have an orgasm. Like I always would joke to Matt, I'm like, you can try. You can try. But I'm telling you my clit is impenetrable right now. Like my mind and my clit couldn't even connect if you fucking tried, but you could try.

这纯粹是心理状态问题。不代表我不再爱了，也不代表我们的关系完蛋了。这只是说明我是凡人，马特也是凡人。我们的生活都可能变得忙碌疲惫。

Like it's just not type of mind. That doesn't mean I've fallen out of love and that my relationship is doomed. It just means I'm human. Matt's human. Our lives can both get really busy and exhausting.

所以有些周里，性就是不如其他事情重要。这很正常。说实话，我认为这反而让我们的关系更牢固——我们明白性生活的频率可以起伏波动，却丝毫不影响彼此的感情。因为在那些性生活较少的周里，我从不担心我和马特的关系。而在性生活频繁的周里，无论性爱节奏如何，我们的感情始终如一。

So some weeks sex just isn't as big of a priority as other things. And that is okay. Honestly, I think it makes our relationship that much stronger to know that the amount of sex that we have can ebb and flow and it doesn't have any impact on how we feel about each other. Because even in those low sex weeks, I never worry about how Matt and I are doing. And on the high sex weeks, like it's consistent in how we feel no matter what's going on with the sex flow.

我们依然以多种方式相互支持，无论是倾诉烦恼、共进晚餐，还是依偎在沙发上，我们始终保持着联结。爸爸团，当你与某人共建生活时，卧室里的那点事儿自然是其中一部分，但我想说的是，它只是你们整体关系的众多方面之一。所以今天我带来的公益提醒是：约会初期和蜜月期过后，性生活频率下降是完全正常的。虽然我想让大家接受蜜月期后性行为减少的现象，但必须澄清——我绝不是建议你们彻底忽视性生活的优先级。

We're still showing up for each other in so many ways, whether it's venting to each other, cooking dinner, laying together on the couch, we are still connecting. And when you are building a life with someone, daddy gang, of course, what happens in the bedroom is part of it. But it's just one of the many aspects to your overall relationship, I guess is what I'm trying to say. So my PSA today is that a dip in your sex life after the initial stages of dating and the honeymoon stage is completely normal. And while I want to normalize having less sex in moments after the honeymoon stage, though, I do want to make sure I'm being clear that like in no way, shape or form am I saying that you should ever stop prioritizing sex entirely.

绝对不行。在我看来，这可能是你们关系出现深层问题的信号。难道这段关系只是燃尽了的肉体吸引？对吧？或者是否有第三者介入导致需求降低？

Absolutely not. That, in my opinion, is potentially a sign that there is a deeper issue going on in your relationship. Was this purely just a physical connection that burnt out? Right. Like, is there someone else in the picture that's why it's not as big of a need?

是否存在潜在问题让你们感到疏离或退缩？是否有人正在经历个人困境？是否一方有需求而另一方抗拒？这种差异是否在滋生怨恨？当亲密感开始消退时，我的建议是：该坐下来和伴侣好好谈谈了。

Is there something under the surface that's causing you guys to feel disconnected or withdrawn from each other? Are there things that you're personally, one of you is going through? Does one of you want it and the other doesn't? And is that building resentment? When you start to feel the intimacy disappearing, my advice would be I think it's time to sit down and have a conversation with your partner.

相信我，我知道讨论性生活现状可能非常艰难。我总爱引用Emily的「性爱三要素」——时机、语气和场合。爸爸团，千万别在争吵时提起这事，别突然来句『顺便问下，你上次让我高潮是什么时候？』

And trust me, I know that the state of your sex life can be a very kind of like hard, difficult conversation to bring up. I always go back to shout out sex with Emily. Her advice is always timing, tone and turf. If you want to bring up sex and your sex life to your partner, you are not bringing this up in the heat of an argument, daddy gang. You're not like, oh, and by the way, when's the last time you made me fucking cum?

对方肯定懵——『我们明明在聊我岳母，怎么突然扯到你爽不爽的问题？』不行，绝对别这么干。

And he's like, we're literally talking about my mother-in-law and somehow me going down on you is randomly getting thrown in there. Like, no. No. No. We're not doing that.

理想情况下，卧室里也不是讨论这事的场合。比如他正要进入时，你突然说『你最近都不碰我了』，结果只能是『好啊，那现在腿也别想开了，自己解决去吧』——千万别提这种扫兴话。

You also ideally aren't even bringing this up when you're in the bedroom. Like, he's, like, going to stick it in, and he's like, oh, by the way, like, you never fuck me anymore. And you're like, yeah, no, now my legs are closed. Like, go fuck yourself. Like, do not bring that shit up.

必须选个双方都心平气和的时机，带着关怀和好奇去沟通。如果你上来就指责抱怨，对方只会防御性反击，谈话必然陷入僵局。毕竟讨论性这么私密的话题时，人的自尊心很容易受伤。

You have to find a time where you are both in neutral ground. And then you need to try to come from a place of care and curiosity. Because if you roll in slinging accusations or throwing blame at them, they're just going to get defensive and the conversation will go nowhere. Because again, this is a very intimate thing to discuss sex. It's like egos can get hurt.

人们会感到尴尬、羞耻。这里面涉及很多复杂情绪。所以我的建议是，如果你想开启对话，或许可以这样说：'嘿，我想聊聊我们的性生活。我想了解你的感受。你还觉得我们有亲密感吗？'

People feel embarrassed, ashamed. There's a lot going on. So my advice is if you want to initiate a conversation, you could maybe say something like, hey, I just wanted to have a check-in about our sex life. I wanted to check-in how you're feeling. Do you still feel connected?

你心里有没有什么想分享的？因为我知道这个话题很难开口。如果你愿意的话，我也想分享一些一直想和你聊的事情。我知道你们有些人可能正在家里打扫卫生或上班，心里想着：'艾利克斯，我知道该谈这个，但我宁愿死也不想开口，因为这太他妈尴尬了。'听我说——

Is there anything that's been on your mind that you wanted to share? Because I know it's hard to bring up. And if you're comfortable, I would also love to share some things that have been on my mind that I want to talk to you about. I feel like and again, I know some of you are probably like in your house cleaning right now or you're at work and you're like, Alex, I know I need to have this conversation, but I actually would rather die than do that because it's so fucking awkward. Let me tell you this.

只要伴侣间能就性和性生活状态坦诚沟通一次，我保证100%会让后续交流变容易，就像打开了闸门，下次再聊时就不会这么尴尬。不是说永远不会尴尬了，但就像撕开创可贴，对话压力会减轻。你会意识到：我们聊家庭矛盾、工作压力、朋友纠纷，当然也可以聊性生活压力——或者不聊压力，聊聊想尝试的新玩法。如果你连'亲爱的我想试试这个'都说不出口，那不妨用'我们该聊聊性生活吗？你感觉怎么样？'这样温和的方式开场。

Once a couple is able to have one open and honest conversation about sex and their sex life and how each side is feeling, it 100%, I promise you, will make it easier and it opens the floodgate so it is not as awkward the next time you want to have a check-in. I'm not saying it's not going to ever be awkward again, but once you rip the band aid off, there is this alleviation to this conversation and it allows you to be like, this is we talk about our family drama, we talk about our work stress, we talk about our friend stress, we talk about our sex life stress or not stress or things we want to try. Like, have you ever talked to your partner about like, hey, I really have wanted to try this thing. Like, if you feel like you can't talk to your partner like that, I think this is probably a good way to just ease the conversation in of just like, should we talk about our sex life? Like, how are you feeling?

我认为这个问题在同居后会变得尤为突出，因为性生活很容易被搁置。不同居时，约会前的准备过程本身就充满刺激和乐趣——你在公寓里洗全身澡，阴部剃得前所未有的精致，心里还暗自得意：'说真的，这简直是老娘的人生高光时刻。'

And I think the biggest emphasis of this will come when you live together and it becomes very easy to put sex on the back burner. It is more than exhilarating and fun to get ready for a date night when you don't live together. You're in your apartment, You do your full body shower. You like literally have never shaved your vagina cuter. You're like, honestly, it's some of my best work.

你剃腿毛、腋毛，甚至可能还有小胡子，全副武装懂吗？接上发片，挑好 outfit，穿上可爱内衣，成套的那种，必须是成套的。整个准备过程都充满仪式感，因为你知道今晚很可能要滚床单。

You shave your legs. You shave your armpits, maybe even your mustache. Like you go all in, Okay? You clip in the extensions, you pick out an outfit, a cute pair of underwear, matching underwear, matching underwear. And you make a moment out of seeing your partner with the excitement that you're probably going to have sex that night.

但同居后，很难刚从洗碗槽边站起来三十秒就突然想和对方翻云覆雨。所以我认为，在长期关系中刻意讨论性生活至关重要。我知道'计划性爱'听起来毫无情趣，但听我说完——不是让你在谷歌日历写'今晚和杰瑞米啪啪'。

And when you're living together, it's not the easiest to go from cleaning or doing the dishes and then wanting to jump each other's bones thirty seconds later. That's why being intentional about discussing your sex life, in my opinion, as you progress in a long term relationship is so imperative. It's so important. And I know this concept of like scheduling sex can sound completely unsexy. But hear me out, I'm not saying you're literally putting in your Google Calendar like sex with Jeremy tonight.

别这样，你同事经过工位时不需要看到这个，你自己也不需要——这种预设压力太诡异了。重要的是你们要预留专属时间，能够放松身心地相处。要有意识地创造这样的时刻。

Like, no, your co workers don't need to see that after passing your desk. You don't need to see that because that's like weird pressure, God forbid. No. What I think is important is you need to set aside purposeful time when you're able to unwind with each other and just connect. Be intentional.

就像马特和我经常这样做，尤其是当我们的生活变得越来越疯狂时。我们会说，好吧，周四晚上是我们的约会之夜。我们要完整地度过约会之夜。一切都是关于我们俩的。无论是外出还是待在家里，都不碰手机，然后调情就开始了。

Like Matt and I do this all the time, especially the crazier that our lives are getting. We'll be like, okay, Thursday night is our date night. We are doing full date night. It's all about us. Whether we go out, whether we stay home, no phones and the flirting begins.

记得我那次是怎么做的吗？所以在这个家里，你们的调情从早上7点就开始了。好吧。马特知道调情是几点吗？有时候可能是早上6点。

Remember when I did that up? So you guys foreplay begins at 7AM in this household. Okay. Matt knows foreplay what time? Sometimes it'll be like 6AM.

我就说，哦，好吧，不，别把我叫醒。但早上7点调情就开始了，因为我觉得，这非常重要，整个白天你都在积累情绪，调情，发短信或打电话，或者做任何事，你都在用心。我认为你需要确保这些时刻是为你们自己创造的，它们是亲密的。你们拥有彼此的全部注意力。这是高质量的共处时光，这会让你想做爱。

I'm like, oh, well, no, don't wake me up. But 7AM foreplay begins because it's like, I don't, that is so important that throughout the entire day you are like building up and you're flirting and you're texting or you're calling or whatever is, you're being thoughtful. I think that you need to make sure that these moments you make for yourselves, they're intimate. You have each other's undivided attention. It's quality time together and that makes you want to have sex.

好吧，我和朋友们有过很多次这样的对话，他们在抱怨，感到沮丧，因为他们晚上10点才上床，工作累得要死，那天几乎没机会和伴侣说上几句话。然后他就翻过身来，说，那我们要做爱吗？凯特，听我说清楚，我想确认这种情况发生在任何人身上。

Okay, I have had so many conversations with my friends where they're venting and they're frustrated because they get into bed at ten p. M. Exhausted from work, having barely had a chance to even have a conversation with their partner that day. And he just rolls over and he's like, so should we have sex? Kate, listen to me so clearly, I want to validate anyone that's happened to.

我也不想在那种情况下做爱。就像，不，不，我不想和你做爱。哦，嗨，见到你真好。你今天过得怎么样？就像，不。

I wouldn't want to have sex in that situation either. Like, no, no, I don't want to have sex with you. Oh, hi, nice to see you. How was your day? Like, no.

所以如果这就是你在恋爱中陷入的状态，我想再次确认，把它放在次要位置是非常正常的。因为再说一次，我们在恋爱中不太谈论性。所以如果我们不谈论它，我们怎么能一起改善它呢？就像你不能默默地改善你的性生活来发生性行为。好吧，你可以一个人做，但我们不想一个人做。

So if that's kind of what you've gotten into in your relationship, again, I want to validate you that it is so normal to put it on the back burner. Because again, we don't talk about sex that much in our relationships. So if we're not talking about it, how are we working on it together? Like you can't silently work on your sex life to have sex. Well, you could do it alone, but we don't want to do that alone.

你们想要一起。这就是恋爱的好处。你们可以真正地做爱。所以你不能只是默默地做爱，哦，我希望，我希望，我希望你这样。你必须承担责任，真正地说点什么。

You want to come together. Those are the perks of being in a relationship. You get to actually fuck each other. So you can't just have a silent fucking, oh, I wish and I wish and I wish I wish you did this. You then have to take accountability and actually fucking say something.

如果这就是你们的现状，我认为你们可能需要重新调整与伴侣对待性爱的方式。你们是否把它排在待办事项的最后？还是有意识地规划如何对待它？听着，关键在于，蜜月期后性爱必然会发生变化，这完全、完全正常。

And if that's where you're at, I think you may need to reset the way that you and your partner are approaching sex. Are you leaving it at the very end of the to do list? Or are you being intentional about the way that you approach it? Right. Bottom line, sex is going to evolve after the honeymoon stage and that is completely, completely normal.

但最重要的是你们彼此沟通，最终双方都感到满足。所以，亲爱的朋友们，别再拿我们的性生活与其他夫妻的臆想作比较了——别管电影里的桥段，别信网友的吹嘘。我敢保证没有哪对夫妻每晚都有惊天动地的性爱，根本不存在这种事。

But all that matters that you and your partner are communicating and that you both feel satisfied where you end up. So, daddy gang, let's stop comparing our sex lives to what we think other couples are doing. What we see in movies, what we see people online saying. I can promise you no couple is having mind blowing sex every single night. It is not happening.

根本他妈不存在。人们会疲惫、会焦虑、会饥饿、会烦躁。

It is not fucking happening. People are tired. They're stressed. They're hungry. They're annoyed.

他们可能工作不顺心，可能整晚并肩躺在床上刷TikTok——没错，我也这样。但我们的目标不是永远停留在那种原始狂热的蜜月泡沫里，那并非现实。

They had a bad day at work. They have nights scrolling TikTok in bed next to each other. Okay, I do it too. But the goal isn't to stay in that early feral honeymoon bubble forever. That's not reality.

真正的目标是建立能长期维系的关系。我的经验是——这也是最后一条建议——要坦诚沟通。比如我和马特，即便经历疯狂加班周，我们也会开玩笑说'天啊，等不及周末见你了，你懂的'。

But the goal is to build something that actually is going to work long term. And what has worked for me and this is my last piece of advice on this is talk about it. Like Matt and I, even we make jokes together when we have been had the craziest weeks of like week of work. We will be like, oh my God, like, I can't wait to see you this weekend. Wink.

这其实就是在说'我等不及周末亲热了'。我清楚现状——这周我们忙得昼夜颠倒像错过的船只，我们都讨厌这样。但周六，就等周六。

And it's basically being like, I can't wait to fuck this weekend. I know I am acknowledging. I know that this work week we have barely been able, we're like ships in the night right now. We hate that. Saturday, Saturday.

哦，虽然很多人邀请我们参加各种晚宴。不，我们都不去。周六晚上只属于我和你。是的，我会准备好成套内衣，是的，我会精心打理自己。

Oh, we had a bunch of people invite us to a bunch of different dinners. Nope, we're not going to them. Saturday night, me and you. Yes, I'm picking out matching underwear and a bra. Yes, I'm going to shave myself.

猜怎么着？大多数时候我这么做是为了自己，甚至都不是为了马特。爱你哦马特。但我现在不再为马特做这些了。

And guess what? Most of time I'm doing it for myself. I'm not even doing it for Matt. Love you, Matt. But I'm not doing it for Matt anymore.

姐妹们，我觉得有时候——当然不是代表所有人——但很多时候确实很难...我常对马特说，我个人需要耗费更多精力才能进入那种性感状态。所以对我而言，我必须先让自己有心情，为自己做些事。这样我才能感到性感，而不是全靠马特在早上七点发些甜言蜜语的短信开场——虽然短信也不错啦。

Ladies, I think sometimes, and I'm not speaking for everyone, but like, I think a lot of times it can be hard to I always say to Matt, I take more energy personally to like, get myself in a like sexy sexual zone. So I know for myself, like I have to get myself in the mood and do things for myself. So I feel sexy on top of Matt starting for a play at seven a. M. Where he's texting me nice things or it's a text, okay?

做这些根本不用花钱——虽然鲜花总是讨喜的。偶尔收花很有趣，但重点是要有那些能体现彼此在乎的用心举动。这样当世界混乱、生活压力、财务问题、房租家庭琐事缠身时——尽管这些客观存在——你们的性生活（我几乎不想用这个词）更重要的是亲密关系，仍能被持续滋养、关注和重视。

You don't spend any money to do this. Although flowers are always nice guys. Like it's fun to get flowers once in a while, but just doing intentional things that show you care about each other so that the chaos of the world and your life and finances and stress and rent and family shit, although it's all there, your sex life is also there. And your intimacy, more importantly, I almost hate saying sex life. The intimacy of your relationship is constantly being nurtured and focused on and acknowledged.

希望这些对陷入倦怠期的人有所帮助。我懂那种感觉，我也经历过。你们都知道我以前总爱吹牛，说什么'老娘现在性事不频繁？快拨打Call Her Daddy热线'之类的鬼话。

So I hope that was helpful if anyone was feeling like a little bit in a rut. I get it. I've been there. You guys know I always say this back in the day, you couldn't catch me fucking being like, oh, I'm not having that much sex right now. Call her daddy.

其实说什么一天十五次根本是胡扯，完全不符合事实。所以如果对这个话题有疑问或想听更多，欢迎来信。爱你们。

I fuck 15 times a day. Like that's literally just not true. It's just not the truth. So please write in if you have any questions about this or want me to talk more about this topic. And I love you guys.

快去享受高潮吧。好了，现在进入本周问答环节。今天就不做我的标志性开场白了，因为如你们所见，我家帅破天际的布鲁斯正在打盹。每次我搞那些动静他都会吓到。嗨，布鲁宝贝。

Go have an orgasm. Alright, we are now going to get into some questions of the week. I'm not gonna do my little natural intro today because as you can see, my gorgeous, gorgeous Bruce is asleep kind of. And whenever I do that, he kind of freaks out. Hi, Brewy.

天啊快看他！他好像在说'妈妈我不想去法国！就是不想去法国！'现在进入他妈的本周问答时间。

Oh, my God. Look at him. He's like, mom, I don't want to go to France. I don't want to go to France. Questions of the motherfucking week.

我们开始吧。好的，第一个问题。亚历克斯，我被诊断出患有性病，当时我吓坏了。于是我在学校向两个亲密朋友倾诉了这件事，这是我唯一告诉的人。几周前，学校里有个男生说的话明显表明他知道我的诊断结果，而他不可能知道，除非是那两人中有人透露了。

Let's go. Okay, question one. Alex, I was diagnosed with an STD and I was freaking out. So I confided in two close friends at school, the only people I told. A couple weeks ago, a guy at our school made a comment that made it very clear he knew about my diagnosis, and there's no way he would have unless one of them said something.

现在我感觉被背叛和羞辱。我把如此私密的事托付给他们。想到有人在背后议论这件事，我就感到恶心。我又愤怒又崩溃，但也不知道该如何质问他们才能不破坏友谊或让情况恶化。我该怎么办？

Now I feel betrayed and humiliated. I trusted them with something so personal. And the thought of people talking about it behind my back makes me sick. I'm angry and spiraling, but I also don't know how to confront them without it blowing up my friendships or making the situation worse. What do I do?

哇哦。好吧。天啊。这让我回想起大学时光。大学可真是残酷啊，伙计。

Woah. Okay. Oh, my God. This like brings me back to college. College is ruthless, man.

那里不适合心理脆弱的人。首先我想说的是，你们到底有多亲密？因为在大学里，尽管你有所谓的密友，但很多所谓的密友其实并不算真正亲密——你可能还是会称高中好友为死党，或者在大学里只有一个真正的挚友。所以我的第一个建议是：认真评估你与这些人的亲密程度。我担心的是，如果真是超级亲密的朋友，第一，他们根本不会这么做。

Like it is not for the week. All right. My first point that I would want to make is actually how close is close? Because I feel like in college, as close as you have close friends, a lot of close friends are not still like, you actually still call your best friends from high school because those are like your ride or dies or you have that one person in college where you're best friends with. So my first kind of point would be like, really assess how close you are to these people when you're saying that because my worry for you is if it was a super close friend, one, they would probably never do that.

第二，即使他们做了，你也可以用重建关系的方式去质问：'我们需要修复关系，我想知道你为什么要这样做'。但如果这些只是大学里表面亲密的酒肉朋友，我担心你去质问（尤其是同时质问两个人）可能会引发反击——他们会因为被质问而恼羞成怒：'你他妈凭什么质问我们？我们什么都没说'，然后反而更广泛传播这件事。毕竟这些人能把你如此私密、痛苦又可怕的隐私到处散播，本身就够恶心的了。

But two, if they were to do it, you could confront them in a way that is like we're building back to get to our relationship and I need to understand why you did this. If these are like close but also kind of like close fake college party friends, I worry that if you go at them because there's two of them especially, it could become this situation where they almost retaliate and our butthurt where they're like fuck you for like confronting us. Like, No, we didn't fucking say anything. And then they get mad at you and they almost then spread it even more. Because the fact that these people were that fucking disgusting to spread this information that is so personal and so hurtful and scary for you, That's so fucked up.

所以在质问前，我担心你可能得不到想要的答案。我甚至不确定你是否该去质问。如果非要质问，或许可以带点操纵手段（虽然我不愿这么说），但大学本就是人会变得有点toxic的时期。我可能会装作崩溃地找他们：'伙计们，我他妈恐慌症发作了'，能挤出眼泪最好，然后说'约翰尼还是那家伙叫什么来着...'

So before you confront them, my worry for you is you may not get the answer you want out of it. And so I almost don't know if you confront them. If you do, I think you could be a little manipulative, which I hate to say, but college is when you are kind of toxic and manipulative. And I think I would almost go to them freaking out and be like, you guys, I am having a fucking panic attack. If you can bring up the tears, bring up the tears and be like Johnny or what the fuck is the guy's name?

某个男生。对，约翰尼。不是真叫约翰尼，但就约翰尼吧。约翰尼·卡森来找我了。这名字是不是像个冲浪手？

Some guy. Yeah, Johnny. It's not Johnny, but Johnny. Johnny Carson came up to me. Isn't that a surfer?

约翰尼·卡森走过来，居然在谈论我的性病，还开起了玩笑。我只告诉过你们几个，现在简直吓疯了。他怎么会知道？你觉得是怎么回事？但要用那种天真无辜的语气，像是‘天啊，你觉得这是怎么发生的？’

Johnny Carson came up to me and literally was talking about my STD and he was making jokes. And I only obviously told you guys and I'm like freaking the fuck out. Like, how does he know? Like, do you think like, what do you think happened? But do it in like this innocent, like, oh my God, like, what do you think happened way?

这样或许能让他们愧疚到极点——因为你几乎是在给他们怀疑的余地：‘我知道你们绝不会说出去的，那他是怎么发现的呢？’诸如此类。希望他们再也不敢这么干，毕竟你是真诚去质问的。我知道有人可能不赞同这建议，但我太了解大学和女生了，我可是亲身经历过的。大学时我被女生坑过，那个年纪很多时候根本没法进行什么心理治疗式的健康对话。当然也有人足够成熟，但如果这些贱人真的跑去泄露你最深最黑暗的秘密，那她们确实不值得信任。

And it will hopefully make them feel so fucking shit because you are almost giving them the benefit of the doubt of like, I know you guys would never say anything like, how do you think he found out? Blah, blah, And then hopefully they will never fucking do it again because you're coming and you're being earnest. I know some people may not agree with that advice, but like, I know college and I know girls and I lived it to the fullest extent. And I had girls fuck me over in college and you are not at a point in your life a lot of times in college to have these like therapist healthy conversations. Some people are mature enough, but if these bitches actually fucking went and told your fucking deepest darkest secret, yeah, then they're probably not to be trusted.

所以我打算好好操纵他们一把。不过结束前我还有两点要说：第一，有可能不是她们说出去的（虽然我觉得就是）。另外，你的性病是别人传染的吧？

So yeah, I'm going to manipulate the fuck out of them. My other question before we kind of end this though, is two more points I would have. Number one, there is a chance that they didn't say anything. And I do think they did. But I do want to say you got the STD from someone, right?

所以我想到这段关系里涉及两个人。有没有可能是他说的？我知道你大概觉得‘不可能，因为这对他也很丢脸，毕竟是他传染给我的’。但大学里的男生都他妈是疯子。而且我觉得他可能想抢占舆论先机——

So my brain goes to there were two people in this dynamic. Is there a world he said something? And I know you'd probably be like, well, no, because it's embarrassing for him because he gave it to me. Men are fucking insane in college. And I also believe that there is a world he could be trying to get ahead of the narrative.

说不定他正假装是你传染给他的呢？所以别相信那个传染性病给你的混蛋。况且也不知道他现在在哪。第三，你还可以去找约翰尼·...我刚才说谁来着？

Maybe he's acting like you gave it to him, right? So don't trust the piece of shit that gave you the STD. Also don't know where he is. And then third, you could also go to Johnny Tsunami. Who did I say?

卡森·戴利。杰森·杰森·凯尔西？约翰尼·卡森。你可以去找约翰尼·卡森说：‘嘿，我保证不会告诉别人，但我生活里明显有个泄露秘密的内鬼。’

Carson Daly. Jason Jason Kelsey. Johnny Carson. You could go to Johnny Carson and be like, hey, I promise you I'm not gonna tell anyone. But clearly, have like a mole in my life that is like telling my shit.

能不能告诉我是谁跟你说性病的事？我绝不会声张，但我想知道该信任谁。故事的教训就是：大学就是个粪坑，充满小团体。虽然不愿承认，但回想我的经历，大学就是女生为了讨好男生而互相伤害的典型舞台。

Could you just tell me who told you about the STD? Because I am not gonna say anything, but I do want to know so I can know who to trust. The moral of the story is college is a fucking cesspool. It is clicky. And I hate to say it, but when I look back at my time, like college is the perfect example of when women fuck women over to impress and get with guys.

而且很多时候我甚至不想妄加评判，不是针对这种性病的情况，而是针对那种现象。因为在大学里，一切都关乎社交平等、人际关系、派对活动，以及你要去往何方。

And half of the time I don't even want to be judgmental, not about this STD situation, but about that. Because in college, it's all about social equity. It's all about social connections. It's all about the parties. It's about where you're going.

这关乎谁能收到邀请，关乎邀请名单，关乎那些琐事，关乎食堂里谁和谁坐在一起。全都围绕着社交。所以人们会失去理智，做出愚蠢的事情，就因为约翰尼·卡森在电子商务课上坐在她旁边调情，然后她拿你开玩笑，因为她觉得那样很有趣。

It's about who gets invited. It's about the invite list. It's about the blah, it's about the dining hall and who's sitting with who. It's so all about social. And so people get out of their fucking minds and they do dumbass shit because fucking Johnny Carson was sitting next to her in her fucking e com class flirting and then she made a joke about you because she thought it was funny.

也许在那一刻她并非恶人，她只是觉得这样能让她更有影响力，因为约翰尼会因她的笑话发笑——毕竟她是个愚蠢至极的失败者，毫无幽默感。可悲的是，你只是被殃及的池鱼。我不得不说，大学里大多数时候就是这样。所以我很抱歉，但请保护好自己。任何在大学里的人都要明白，你可能交到一两个朋友，但必须找到那些真正值得信赖的人。

And maybe she isn't a horrible person in that moment. She just thought it would give her more clout because Johnny would laugh at a joke of hers because she's the dumbest fucking loser ass bitch and she has no comedy game. And sadly, you were just collateral. I hate to say it, but most of the time in college, that's what happened. So I am sorry, but protect yourself and anyone in college just know you can find a friend or two, but you got to find your people that you can actually trust in college.

但我很抱歉你经历了这些。不过你知道吗？你再也不会向那种人敞开心扉了，对吧？吃一堑长一智。

But I'm sorry you had to go through that. But guess what? You're never going to tell someone like that again. Right? Lesson learned.

好了。第二件事，老爸，我哥哥订婚了。恭喜。但他的未婚妻和我们全家政治立场完全不同。自从他们在一起后，感觉她正在慢慢给他洗脑。

Okay. Number two, Daddy, my brother is engaged. Congrats. And his fiance has completely different political views from the rest of our family. Ever since they got together, it feels like she's slowly brainwashing him.

他以前很随和开明，现在每次聚会，他都逐字复述她的观点。现在连和他正常聊天都越来越难，动不动就变成辩论。我感觉正在失去这个哥哥。我该说点什么，还是指望他迟早会醒悟？唉，这太难了。

He used to be chill and open minded and now every time we hang out, he's repeating her opinions word for word. It's getting harder and harder to even talk to him without it turning into a debate. I feel like I'm losing my brother to her. Do I say something or just hope he eventually wakes up? Oh, this is so hard.

是啊，这确实很难。我想现在看节目的观众多多少少都能感同身受吧？我们国家从未像现在这样分裂过。无论是感恩节、家庭聚会还是工作活动，只要把很多人聚在一起，就难免会有意见分歧。你只能希望人们至少能保持基本的自知之明和社会礼仪——比如在圣诞聚会、慈善活动或生日宴会上，我们没必要争论这些。

Yeah, this is really hard. And I think I'm assuming everyone watching this show right now can almost relate to this in some capacity, right? Like, I think we've never seen our country more divided. And I think Thanksgiving, family holidays, work events, like when you bring a lot of people together, there's going to be people with a lot of differing opinions. And what you hope is people can just kind of be not even respectful, just like have the self awareness and the social decency to like, we don't need to get in to this while we're all here for Christmas or a charity event or a nice dinner to celebrate this person's birthday.

比如，现在不是谈论政治的时候。所以我的建议是，虽然很遗憾，但你哥哥已经是成年人了。关于兄弟姐妹关系，最难的是你必须重新调整心态——我们不再是10岁的孩子了，我不能冲进你房间骂你，我们也不再是高中生，甚至不是大学生，我们都是成年人了。

Like, that's not the time to talk about politics. So my advice to you would be, unfortunately, your brother is an adult. And I think when it comes to siblings, something that's really difficult is when you have to retrain your brain that we are no longer 10 anymore and I can't run into your room and curse at you and we're not in high school anymore. We're not even college. We're adults.

你已经订婚了。你哥哥可能很快会有孩子组建自己的家庭，对吧？我理解这让你很受伤，但你真的无法改变他正在成为的样子，尤其是涉及到他的未婚妻。不过我觉得可以开个家庭会议说：'嗨，我今天对某些称呼感到很不舒服。比如比阿特丽斯。'

You are engaged. Your brother may go on to have children and build his own family, right? So like, I get this is hurting you, but I do think you kind of can't change who he is becoming, especially that this is his fiance. I do think you could have a family conversation though and say, hey, I'm really having a hard time with names today. Hey Beatrice.

这不是男人名字对吧？嗨，布鲁斯。嗨布鲁斯。我很喜欢家庭聚餐，但有件事想提一下。我知道我们政治观点各不相同。

It's not a man name, is it? Hey Bruce. Hey Bruce. I love when we have family dinners, but I just wanted to bring something up. I know that we all have different political opinions.

我觉得为了让大家都能享受聚会，最好避免在周日家庭聚餐叙旧时让话题变得火药味十足。爸妈和我都保证不会提起这些话题，我在想你和克劳黛特能不能也确保不把你们疯狂的观点强加给我们——别这么说。就说希望你们也能尊重这点，让大家都能愉快相处。

I think that it would be really helpful in order for us all to enjoy ourselves is if we could all refrain from letting it get heated and political when we're just all catching up on like a Sunday dinner for family. And mom and dad and I and all of us, like we promise that we won't bring these things up. And I just am wondering if you and Claudette could make sure that you also aren't shoving your psychotic beliefs down our throat as well. Don't say that. Just say if you and Claudette could also respect that too so that we can all enjoy ourselves.

如果他坚持说'不，我就要讨论为什么你不该有身体自主权'，那可能会造成家庭隔阂。但如果你表明'我们不会讨论这个'，你觉得能做到吗？先管好你自己，对吧？

And if he's like, no, I want to talk about how you shouldn't have rights to your own body. Then it may drive a wedge between your family. But I do think if you show that like we won't go there. Do you think you can do that? Take accountability yourself, right?

每个人观点不同，先听听他怎么说。最后建议是：为了保护你们的关系，其实没必要争论每件事。如果能找到共同兴趣点做些与政治无关的事，这样反而能维持兄弟关系。当存在政治分歧时，有时候保持耐心才是上策，对吧？

Everyone has differing opinions and see what he says. The last thing I would say is what you could do is in order to protect your relationship is you really don't need to debate every single thing. Right? I think that like if you could find neutral ground to like do things that you can enjoy together that don't bring up politics, I think that will allow you to maintain a relationship with your brother. I think sometimes it's best if there are political differences to just be patient, right?

你不能把他锁在房间里大喊大叫试图说服他回归。就像'他走了姑娘，他已经离开了'，你唯一能做的就是设定家庭聚餐不谈政治的界限。好吧你完蛋了——开玩笑的。

You can't lock him into a room and scream at him and try to convince him to come back to us. We miss you. It's like, he gone girl. He's gone and all you can do is just kind of set the boundary of politics at family dinners and yeah, you're fucked. No, I'm just kidding.

我很抱歉。这真的太糟了，因为就像，根本没有正确答案。我觉得你会用你自己的方式处理。但之后肯定会有爆发的晚餐。相信我，我经历过这些，会有那种火药味十足的晚餐，你只能尽量不在气头上说些伤人的话，对吧？

I'm sorry. It's just so fucked because it's like, there is no right answer. I think you're gonna handle it the way you're gonna handle it. And then there's gonna be blow up dinners though. Trust me, I've had those like, there's gonna be blow up dinners and you just gotta try to not say heated personal things in the moment, right?

这有点像人们讨论宗教时的情形。就像，能不能别聊这个？但现在宗教和政治绑在一起，成了个大问题。所以我们全都完蛋了。你懂我意思吗？

It's kind of like when people talk about religion too. It's like, can we not? But now religion is tied into politics and it's a whole thing. So it's all like we're all fucked. Do you know what I mean?

此时此刻我们从未如此糟糕过。一切都在走下坡路，一切都失控了，一切都像砰砰砰，完蛋完蛋完蛋。然后我们又不得不寻找——你们记得《天线宝宝》里那个太阳宝宝吗？我们得仰望天空寻找它，就像在祈求一个我们会没事的信号。如果没看到，那就继续咬牙坚持吧。

We have never been more fucked at this exact moment in time. Everything's downhill, everything's off the rails, everything's just like boom, boom, boom, fucked, fucked, fucked. And then again, we just kind of have to look for do you guys remember the baby son in Teletubbies? We got to look for him in the sky to just be like, give us a sign that we're going to be okay. And if you don't see it, well, just keep pushing through.

总会出现的。是的，我很抱歉。说真的，去他的和克劳黛特。好了，下一个问题。这里有点热起来了，如果我开始胡言乱语请见谅。

It'll come. Yeah, I'm sorry. Fuck him and Claudette, honestly. Okay, next question. It's getting a little hot in here, so I apologize if I'm getting a little loopy.

嗨，爸爸。我26岁。布鲁斯简直是在对我敞开双腿。抱歉各位看到我在搓这只脚，要是你们在看的话，这动作看起来像在玩我的一缕头发。

Hi, daddy. I'm 26. Bruce is like literally opening his legs to me. I'm sorry if you guys see me just like rubbing this foot. Only that kind of looks like it's a piece of my hair if you're watching this.

有点可爱呢。好吧。嗨，爸爸。我26岁，有一段快三年的恋情。我们曾经是酒友。

Kind of cute. Okay. Hi, daddy. I'm 26 and in an almost three year relationship. We were heavy drinkers together.

但七个月前，当我发现我们正走向黑暗深渊时，我决定戒酒。我男友说他工作日不喝酒要提升自我，可四个月内我抓到他四次撒谎藏酒，甚至在我手握证据时当面撒谎。破碎的信任让我难以相信他会如所说那样变好。我该如何原谅并忘记？亲爱的，你不可能忘记。

But seven months ago, I decided to get sober because I saw us going down a dark path. My boyfriend told me he wasn't going to drink throughout the week to better himself, but I've caught him lying and hiding it four different times in four months, even lying to my face when I have literal proof. It's been hard to move past the broken trust to believe he's going to be better like he says. How do I forgive and forget? Well, sweetie, you don't forget.

我是说，这件事你肯定不会忘记。我认为，大量饮酒可能掩盖了许多先前存在的性格不合问题。就像，当人们一起离开大学后关系破裂，你问他们原因，他们会说因为我们太不一样了。但我们在大学那个对关系如此有利的环境里时——

I mean, it's you definitely don't forget. I think that there's a potential that a lot of preexisting incompatibility issues may have been hidden by the heavy drinking. Like, I think when you it's like when people leave college together and then they don't work out and you ask them why. And they're like, because we're just so different. But we were in this environment together in college that was so conducive to our relationship.

我们有共同的朋友，喜欢去同一家酒吧，诸如此类。那时候一切都很简单。当你们有像饮酒这样的共同纽带时，如果你们喝得那么凶，可能也会让你们与很多正常人疏远。

We had the same friends. We like going to the same bar. We blah, blah, blah. Like, it's very it was very easy. I think when you have something like drinking that you can bond over that probably also alienates you from a good amount of people if you're going that hard.

我认为一旦有人退出这种模式并开始想要改变，不仅会凸显饮酒问题，还会暴露其他所有问题——比如他的职业道德如何？他的目标是什么？他有规律作息吗？还是因为酗酒变得懒惰？他是否始终如一？我不知道，但这些都值得评估。

I think once one person retracts from the dynamic and starts to be like, I want to change, it just highlights not just the drinking, but all of the other things of like, whether it's what is his work ethic and like, what are his goals? And does he have a routine or is he becoming lazy because of the drinking? Is he consistent? And like, I don't know. But this is just something I think to assess.

是因为酗酒吗？但突然间酗酒导致了撒谎。对我来说这是关系中绝对不可触碰的底线。如果谎言持续，我会结束这段关系。如果是因为他处于非常糟糕的境地——比如他可能是酒鬼或正在经历酗酒阶段——被抓到一次后他说再也不会了，那另当别论。

Is it the drinking? But then all of a sudden the drinking is bringing on lying. That for me is an absolute full stop no in a relationship. Like I would leave a relationship if lying continued. It's one thing if there is a lie and the person is in a really bad situation because he, you know, maybe he's an alcoholic or he is going through this patch with drinking and he you get caught once and then he's like, I'm never going do it again.

他以为你会指责，之后也确实没再犯。但你说几个月内抓到他多次，这让我很为你难过。因为被抓后他还在继续，说明情况不会好转。他每次被抓后对你表现的悔恨，只是懊悔被逮到，而非真心悔改。

I thought you were going judge and then he never does again. You're telling me that you caught him multiple times in a few months. That makes me really sad for you because I don't think that it's going to get better because he's getting caught and then he's continuing to do it. So whenever he's getting caught and he's doing this like pleading of sorrow for you, he's only sorry he got caught. He's not sorry that he did it.

不过如果你还爱这个人，我认为或许还有转机。他可能有酗酒问题，你能做的最好的事就是尝试帮他。但这非常困难。我知道观众里可能有人经历过——面对成瘾者，你只能尽力提供帮助，但若对方拒绝，你不能为此搭上自己整个人生，对吧？

I do think there's a potential though, if you do love this person. He may have a drinking problem and the best thing maybe you could try to do. But again, this is so hard. And I know there's probably people that have watched if you have dealt with an addict or, you know, someone that uses, you can only try so hard to get them help and you can lead them there. But if they won't go, you also can't sacrifice your entire life to try to get this person help, right?

现在你已找回良好状态。或许可以再给他一次机会，设定你能接受的界限。如果他达不到要求，你可能需要暂时分开，迫使他独立面对自己的行为和生活。也许四个月后他会打电话说失去你让他醒悟，他去寻求帮助或进了戒酒所。但你不能为了让他康复而让自己沉沦。既然你已开启人生新篇章，就别为拖累你的人倒退。

So you've gotten yourself to a place where you feel good. I think you could ask him once more and kind of set some steps boundary wise that would work for you. And if he can't meet those expectations, you may need to take a break from this person to kind of force him to become independent on his own and take accountability for what he's doing and how he's living his life, he may call you in four months and be like, losing you literally made me wake up and I went and I got help and I went to rehab, whatever it be. But you can't drown yourself in trying to make this person become healthy. The fact that you are on this new part of your life, don't keep regressing for another person that's dragging you down.

操，但我很抱歉，因为无论是酗酒、财务问题、婚外情还是家庭破事，当你开始对伴侣撒谎、隐瞒、保持秘密，故意确保他们不了解你的某一部分时，那就是关系终结的开始。作为一个整体，你们本应了解彼此的一切，本应互相扶持，更重要的是在艰难时刻彼此陪伴。但你甚至不知道他正在经历这些，因为他在撒谎。妈的。

Fuck, I'm sorry, though, because whether it's, you know, drinking or finances or, affairs or family shit, like when you get down the path of lying about something to your partner and hiding things and their secrecy and there is a part of you that you are intentionally making sure they don't know about, that is the beginning of the end of the relationship. Because as a unit, you're supposed to know everything about each other. You're supposed to build each other up and you're supposed to, if anything more importantly, be there for each other in the really hard moments. But you don't even know he's going through this because he's lying. Fuck.

对不起，爸爸，但你不该被欺骗。没人应该。下一个问题。嗨，爸爸。我不知道是否该把一位朋友从我的婚礼伴娘团中踢出去。

I'm sorry, daddy, but you don't deserve to be lied to. No one does. Next question. Hi, daddy. I don't know if I should kick one of my friends out of my wedding party.

狗血剧情。抱歉，这确实糟透了，但对播客来说是好事。所以我们会帮你解决。我当时反应是‘天啊姐妹，这绝对是个好问题’，然后突然意识到‘等等，操，抱歉’。

Drama. Sorry, that actually fucking sucks, but it's good for the podcast. So we're gonna help you though. Me being like, oh my God, girl, this is gonna be such a good question. I'm like, oh wait, fuck, sorry.

好的，我们从15岁就是朋友。很好，这是背景，发小。现在我25岁，月底结婚。上周末我们举办了联合单身派对。

Okay, we've been friends since we were 15. Okay, good context, childhood friends. And now I'm 25. I'm getting married at the end of the month. This past weekend, we went out for a combined bachelor bachelorette night.

整晚她都对我未婚夫和他的朋友很无礼，不停把我拉开好像不想和他们待在一起。最后她把我带到外面，告诉我她不喜欢我未婚夫，说我在犯人生中最大的错误。现在距离婚礼只剩两周，我不想让不支持我婚姻的人站在我身边。但这么晚踢掉她又让我愧疚。我该怎么办？

The whole night she was rude to my fiance and his friends and she kept pulling me away like she didn't want to be around them. Eventually, she took me outside and told me she doesn't like my fiance, and then I'm making the biggest mistake of my life. Now I'm two weeks out from my wedding, and I don't want someone standing up with me who doesn't support my relationship. But I also feel guilty cutting her this late. What should I do?

姐妹，好吧，哇靠，这...抱歉，她这么做真的很自私。第一条建议：你需要和她清醒冷静地谈一次。你的单身派对已经过去几天了？不重要。

Girl, okay, woah, fuck. That is, I'm sorry, that's really selfish of her to have done. First piece of advice, you need to have a sober, calm conversation with her. And it seems like your bachelorette was a little bit ago. It doesn't matter.

婚礼临近，你仍可以和她沟通。任何时候都不算太晚。我认为你需要让她坐下来，首先应该说：'我想谈这个是因为一直压在心里。单身派对上，你不断拉我 aside 表达对我未婚夫的不满，那种强烈和固执让我受伤、震惊且措手不及。第一，那晚本该是我和未婚夫特别的日子，你却不仅让一切围绕你，还用负面情绪毁了我的体验。'

You're leading up to a wedding, you can still have this conversation with her. It's not too late for anything. I think you need to sit her down and I think you first should basically be like, I wanted to have this conversation because this has been weighing on me and I wanted to share with you that during my bachelorette, the bachelor bachelorette party, I was so hurt and honestly blindsided and taken aback at how intense and persistent you were at the event to me to pulling me aside and letting me know how you essentially didn't approve of me marrying my fiance. Number one, it hurt because that night was supposed to be so special for me and my fiance. And somehow you not only made it about you, but you made it so that I was incapable of enjoying it because of the negativity that you brought.

你本可以在几个月前就这么做。甚至第二天就可以。不是说那样就合适，但在当时那样做真的制造了一种非常有害的氛围，让人很不愉快。第二，我不喜欢你带着如此强烈且负面的情绪来谈论我正在交往的人。

You could have done this months prior. You could have done this even the day after. Not that that would have even been appropriate, but like to do it in the moment. It really created this just toxic environment that was not fun. Number two, I don't appreciate you coming to me with such intense and negative feelings about someone that I'm in a relationship.

这不是你的感情关系，而且你之前从未表达过担忧。所以在我进一步谈论我的感受之前，我想先听听你的想法。作为我最亲密的朋友之一，有什么我遗漏的事情你想告诉我吗？他出轨了吗？还是你听说他在某些事上撒谎了？

This isn't your relationship and you've never expressed concern before. So I guess before I kind of talk about more of how I'm feeling, I want to just give you the floor. Is there something I'm missing that you want to share with me as one of my closest friends? Has he cheated? Did you hear he was lying about something?

发生了什么吗？因为我洗耳恭听。真的，我准备好听了。如果确实发生了什么，而她却只是说'不，我只是觉得他不适合你'之类的废话——这很可能他妈的就是实情——那我认为你需要说：听着，弗兰妮。

Did something happen? Because I'm all ears. Like, I'm Like, I'm ears. If something happened and if she's just like, no, I just think like he's not right for you, blah, blah, blah, blah, which is probably going to be the fucking case. I think you need to say, listen, listen, Franny.

给我听好了，你这小混蛋。别那么说。你应该说：好吧，弗兰妮，这件事让我压力很大。当我想到即将到来的婚礼，我必须坦白，由于你对我未婚夫以及我们关系的评价和感受，我不再放心让你出现在婚礼队伍中。

Listen here, you little fucking shit. Don't say that. You're going to say, all right, well, listen, Franny, weighing on me so much. And when I think about my wedding coming up, I need to be honest. I don't feel comfortable with you being in the wedding party anymore because of the way that you spoke about my fiance and me and how you feel about our relationship.

我不是说这代表我们友谊的终结，但那天理应是我生命中最重要的日子之一。我不想再体验单身派对上那种感受。为了确保这点，我不愿走在过道时向右看看到你，怀疑你是否在评判或怀有那些情绪。我不愿留下那样的记忆，不愿被提醒你对我的感情关系的看法。

And I'm not saying this is the end of our friendship or whatever, but like that day is supposed to be one of the most important days of my life. And I want to feel nothing that I did at the bachelorette party. And in order to feel that I don't want to be up on the aisle and looking to my right and seeing you and wondering if you're judging or if you're feeling those feelings. I don't want to have that memory. I don't want to have that reminder of how you feel about my relationship.

我不需要这些。所以你依然被邀请参加婚礼，但唯一条件是：如果你觉得自己能不带负面情绪来参加，不将消极氛围扩散到我的婚礼上，那么欢迎你来。如果你觉得做不到，那我请求你别来。或许婚礼后我们可以重新联系，尝试修复我们的友谊。

I don't want it. And so you're still invited to the wedding. But I think the one condition would be, I would just ask you can come if you feel that you are able to not bring and spread negativity to my wedding. And if you don't feel like you can do that, then I ask that you don't come. And maybe after the wedding we can reconnect and have a follow-up and we can try to work on our friendship.

但我不愿因为你对我感情关系的看法而牺牲我的幸福和重要日子。就这样。摔麦走人。拜。说真的，涉及到别人婚礼时，就让他们拥有属于自己的时刻吧。

But I'm not willing to sacrifice my happiness and my day because of a feeling that you have about me and my relationship. Period. And drop mic motherfucker. Bye. I just like dude, when it comes to people's fucking weddings, let them have their fucking moment.

当遇到世纪级新娘zilla时，如果她表现得像个混蛋，我会觉得那是特例，你会想，好吧，这人确实对所有人都疯得离谱。但如果有人只是想当个婚礼上的焦点女王，那是她的大日子，她想让一切顺利进行，那就让她当女王吧。让她拥有那一刻。听起来你甚至都没在耍大牌，你简直是最低要求了，能不能别在酒吧外训斥我，还冲我尖叫说你讨厌我丈夫？

When it's the bridezilla of the century, if she is being such a cunt, I get those are one offs where you're like, okay, this person's actually being fucking insane to everyone. But if someone's just wanting to be a diva and it's their wedding and they want these things to go, great, let them be a diva. Let them have their moment. It sounds like you're not even being a diva. You're literally like bare minimum, could you just not berate me outside of a bar and like literally scream at me that you like hate my husband?

所以我认为你不该再妥协了。我觉得这位朋友非常自私。除非她抛出猛料，比如'其实我和他上过好几次床'，或者'你都不知道他上个月睡了某某'。要是她没爆这种料却散发着嫉妒的怪异能量——搞不清状况，但亲爱的，无视她，享受你的时光吧。

So I think you shouldn't compromise anymore. And I think that that's a really selfish friend. Again, unless you he's she's like, well, he and I have fucked multiple times or like, yeah, you didn't hear that he fucked XYZ the other month. Yeah, she doesn't come with tea then like jealous, weird energy. I don't know what's going on, but like ignore and enjoy yourself, sweetie.

好的，下一个问题。嗨，老爸。我和男友交往四个月了，他善于沟通、温柔体贴，简直是完美男人。但他至今没说过'我爱你'。

Okay, next question. Hi, daddy. I have been dating my boyfriend for four months. He's communicative, kind and is honestly the perfect guy. But he still has not said I love you.

和他在一起我感到安心被呵护，但这句话对我很重要。是我多虑了还是他应该主动说？在我看来，交往四个月说'我爱你'有点早。当然也有人更早说过。

I feel safe and cared for with him but the words matter to me. Am I overthinking this or should I expect him to actually say it? Okay, in my opinion, four months in of saying I love you is a little early. That's just me. I'm sure there are people that have said it earlier.

但既然你说男友沟通良好、温柔性感、各方面都很完美，只是还没说那句话——可能你有点着急了。你陷在自己的思绪里渴望关系进阶。我的建议是：就像本期开头说的，你们正处于蜜月期，好好享受约会时光，彼此了解才四个月，这段关系既有趣又火热。相爱的日子来日方长。

But I think that if you are saying that your boyfriend is communicative, he's kind, he's sexy, he's hot, everything's going well, he just hasn't said I love you. I think maybe you're just trying to rush it a little bit. And I think you're in your own head and you're looking for that next step. And if I can give you any advice, like I kind of talked about the beginning of this episode, like you're in honeymoon land, enjoy yourself, like have fun, you're dating, you're experiencing each other, you're figuring each other out, you've known each other for four months, this is fun, this is hot. You have all the time in the world to be in love.

等到七八个月左右，如果你们还没自然发展到那一步——我记得和好几任男友都有过这种时刻，我们会说'我也好喜欢你'，用开玩笑的方式表达。如果到七八个月甚至一年还没有进展...

I think when it gets closer to that like seven, eight month mark and if you're not both actively like I remember with multiple of my boyfriends that I've said, love you too. Like you're you have that moment where you're like, I like you so much. And you guys have like a joke kind of like, I'm sure people have done that in their relationships where you're like, I like you, you, like you, like you, like you a lot. And you're basically like, I literally want a word vomit that I love you, but I want to wait a second longer. If that doesn't come by like seven, eight to like a year mark.

那确实需要谈谈。不过要注意，'我爱你'对不同的人意义不同。

Sure. I think you have a problem. Not a problem, but you should have a conversation about it. Like, how are you feeling about our relationship? I just also think I love you mean like saying I love you means different things to different people.

这并不意味着不同。好吧，它确实意味着不同的事情，但它也有不同的分量，对吧？你不知道他的背景故事。他以前说过‘我爱你’但对方没回应吗？还是他在感情中进展特别慢？

And it doesn't mean different. Well, it does mean different things, but it also has a different weight, right? You don't know his backstory. Has he said I love you before and someone didn't say it back? Has he just have extreme like he moves slower in relationships?

但话说回来，四个月并不算慢。我给你的最后一点建议是，为什么不你先说呢？我是说，我不知道你会不会因此讨厌我，但如果你有这种感觉，就应该说出来，对吧？我觉得如果你感受如此强烈的话。但问问自己，如果你说‘不，我永远不会’——

But again, four months isn't slow. My last bit of advice to you, is that why don't you say it first? I mean, I don't know if you're going hate me for saying that, but if you're feeling it, you should say it, right? I think that if you're feeling it so deeply. But ask yourself if you say no, I would never.

为什么？因为如果你们是双向奔赴的关系，你应该能坦然告诉他你爱他。即使他不会立刻回应还需要时间。如果这是你的顾虑，那你也该等待。但我觉得为‘我爱你’这句话焦虑，确实有点幼稚，尤其是才交往两三四个月的时候。

Why? Because you're in a if you're in a mutual relationship, you should feel comfortable to tell him you love him. Even if he doesn't say it back immediately and still needs more time. If that's your fear, then you should wait too. But I think getting stressed about the I love you's, I do think is a little immature if you're worried in the first like two, three, four months.

超过七个月后，开始怀疑这是爱不是欲就合理了。好，下一个问题。我未婚夫的母亲坚持要陪我去试婚纱，但她已经对我的体型指指点点，说某些款式不适合我。杀了她。直接送这个贱人归西。

Past seven month mark, that's fair game to start wondering if there's love not lust. Okay, next question. My fiance's mom insists on coming wedding dress shopping with me, but she's already made comments about what I shouldn't wear because it's not flattering for my body type. Kill her. Absolutely kill this bitch.

我们要开车碾过她。天啊。你说‘我希望这天特别点，想好好享受，但她在场我就做不到’。废话，当然做不到。我完全同意你。

We're gonna run her over. Oh my God. You said I want this day to be special and I want to enjoy it and I feel like I won't be able to if she's there. Yeah, no shit. I agree with you.

但另一方面，不邀请她又怕引发矛盾。我该怎么办兄弟？这种破事真他妈难搞。我特别理解你，因为我知道你的意思。这多离谱啊？

But also I don't want to start a war by not inviting her to join. What should I do, dude? This type of shit is so fucking hard. And I have so much empathy for you because it's like, I know what you're saying. How crazy is this?

这女人让你对自己的身材产生焦虑，还对你指手画脚说穿什么不好看。太好了。所以她基本就是在说你胖，而你心想：老子他妈在选婚礼上穿的裙子，你个蠢货。但你还得保持微笑，毕竟她是婆婆。更糟的是，你还得担心不邀请她会伤感情引发家庭大战。

This woman is making you feel insecure about your body and telling you things that you shouldn't wear because it's not flattering on your body type. Great. So she's basically calling you fat and you're like, hey, so I'm trying to find like the dress that I love for my fucking wedding, you fucking dumb cunt. But meanwhile, you sit there and you just have to smile because it's your mother-in-law. Meanwhile, you're then having to worry about not inviting her because her feelings will get hurt and it will start a war.

这说得通吗？她才是挑衅者，她才是那个混蛋。但你还是得邀请这个混蛋，因为她会大发脾气。想想看，这里唯一的共同点是什么。

Make it make sense. She's the aggressor. She's the piece of shit. But then you still have to invite the piece of shit because what she will cause a temper tantrum. Think about what is the one common denominator here.

一切都是围绕她。这是谁的婚礼？是你的。我给你个建议，我认为你首先需要和你伴侣谈谈。

It's all about her. Whose wedding is it? Yours. Here's my advice to you. I think you actually need to start by talking to your partner.

如果这是随便一个路人，如果是他妈的路边随便一个朋友或妓女对你说这种话，我会说揍她一顿，让她知道谁才是老大。但这是你婆婆。所以姑娘，这是你丈夫，你们的路还长着呢。我们在玩长线游戏，懂吗？

If this was another random, if this was the fucking a random friend or random whore on the side of the road saying this shit to you, I would be like clock her, let her know who's boss. This is a mother-in-law. So this is like, girl, this is your husband, you got a long ways to go. We're playing the long game. Okay?

我们不是在玩短线游戏。所以第一，我们要去找她生的儿子。你要向你的伴侣倾诉，说：宝贝，我需要告诉你一些让人受伤、尴尬又奇怪的事。我只是想让你知道。也许他已经知道了。

We're not playing the short game. So number one, we're going to go to her son who she birthed. And you're essentially going to go and confide in your partner and say, babe, I need to tell you something that is kind of hurtful and embarrassing and weird. And like, I just need you to know. And maybe he already knows this.

好吗？但如果他不知道，你就告诉他：你妈妈多次对我的身材评头论足。在我们为婚礼挑选礼服的时候，我希望被兴奋和爱包围。我想感受美丽，想感受当你把我看作房间里最特别、最美丽的女孩时的感觉，对吧？

Okay? But if he doesn't, you share with him that your mom has made so many comments about my body. And in the wake of dress shopping for our wedding, I want to be surrounded by excitement and love. And I want to feel beautiful. And I want to feel how I feel when you look at me like the most special girl, most beautiful girl in the room, right?

我非常担心邀请你妈妈一起去选礼服，因为她已经这么做了，而且还在继续。她多次这样评论我的身材。所以我在想你是否能帮我处理这个对话。别把责任推给他。但我在想你是否能帮我，你觉得我该怎么应对这种情况，因为他比任何人都了解这个贱人，对吧？

And I am so nervous about inviting your mom dress shopping because she's already done this and she continues to do it. And she said this about my body multiple times. So I was wondering if you could help me in this conversation. Don't put it on him. But I was wondering if you could help me and how you think I should navigate the situation because he knows this bitch more than anyone, right?

第一，如果他开始回避，如果他说：哦，我确定她在你选婚纱时不会这样。哦，是吗？不，她在我他妈面试穿裤子时就这么干了，但不会在我试穿白纱时这样？不，不会的，对吧？如果他开始闪烁其词，像是在为她辩护，又不愿让她承担责任，你们就需要去做伴侣治疗。因为我告诉你，这将是你余生的常态——她与你为敌。

Number one, if he kind of shuts down, if he shuts down and it's like, well, I'm sure like she won't do it when you're wedding dress shopping. Oh, yeah, no, she just did it when I was like trying on slacks for a fucking job interview, but she won't do it when I'm trying on the white dress. No, no, won't do it then, right? Like if he starts to kind of like move around in a way that he's like kind of defending her, but kind of like not willing to put accountability onto her, you need to get into couples therapy. Because I am telling you, this is going to be for the rest of your life that it is going to be her against you.

如果你未来的丈夫在这件事上不支持你，你要么只能妥协，默默忍受一辈子——作为‘爹系家族’的一员，我认为你不是那种会逆来顺受的人。要么你将独自对抗这位婆婆，余生都会陷入激烈的冲突中。你需要伴侣站在你这边为你发声，特别是在这种是非分明的情况下。错的人是她。所以首先，和你的伴侣谈谈他认为该如何妥善处理。

And if you don't have your future husband backing you on this situation, you are going to either have to concede and just sit there and take it for the rest of your life, which I don't think as a daddy gang member, you are the type of person that will do that. Or it's going to be you against this mother-in-law and it's going to cause serious fucking issues for the rest of your life where you're butting heads. You need your partner next to you advocating for you, especially in these moments where it's so clear cut. She is the one in the wrong. So first, talk to your partner about how he thinks that this could be handled well.

第二，我认为你本质上需要做的是给她打电话。在听取丈夫的建议后——希望那是莎士比亚级别的、充满情商的金玉良言，毕竟这是你要嫁的男人对吧？但愿他是个全力支持你的‘顶梁柱’——采纳他的建议，打电话给婆婆。把要说的话写在手机或电脑上，然后照着念。

Number two, I think essentially what you need to do is you need to call her. And after you get advice from your husband, hopefully it's some brilliant, brilliant, grade A Shakespeare, emotionally intelligent advice because that's the man you're marrying, right? Hopefully he's so supportive, supportive king. You take his advice, you call the mother-in-law. Write your script down on your phone or your computer and you're going to read it.

嗨。我该编个假名吗？等等让我想想。嗨！我正在想个该死的恶搞名字。

Hi. Should I come up with another name? Yeah, give me a second. Hi! I'm trying to think of a fucking little shit fuck name.

玛莎，是我。方便聊几句吗？嗯好。我打这个电话是因为有些话很难启齿，说实话我有点不安，但我想坦诚告诉你我的感受。希望你能听我说完。

Hey Martha, it's me. Do you have a second to chat? Yeah, sure. I wanted to call you because this isn't an easy thing for me to bring up and honestly I'm a little uncomfortable, but I, want to be upfront and honest with you about how I've been feeling. And I hope you can hear me out here.

我对试婚纱感到焦虑，因为我真心希望你能参与其中，但又担心你过去对我身材的评论——那些话真的让我很自卑很难受。我不知道你是否意识到这点，但这种情况多次发生，导致我现在试穿婚纱时总会担心又听到你的评价。此刻我最需要的是支持和爱意，需要人们让我在试穿梦想婚纱时感到无比美丽。

I am a little anxious about wedding dress shopping because I really would love you to participate and feel included in this and I want you to feel comfortable to come. But there have been comments that you've made in the past about my body that have made me honestly feel really insecure and really shitty about myself. And I don't know if you were doing it and not noticing you were doing it. But it's happened multiple times to the point where I can't help but get some anxiety thinking about me putting on my dress and hearing these comments from you. And what I need is support and love and people making me feel so beautiful when I try on these dream dresses of mine.

我只想开诚布公地谈谈，看你是否愿意来参加。但希望在这些时刻你能给我更多支持。理想情况是她会说：萨曼莎，我羞愧难当，非常抱歉。我简直不敢相信自己说过那些话。说实话，我长期受自我形象问题困扰，有时会不自觉地投射到别人身上。

And I just wanted to have an honest conversation and see if you would like to come. But if you felt like there was a way to have more of a supportive energy in these type of moments for me. The goal is that she is like, Samantha, I am so mortified and I am so sorry. And I cannot believe that I said those things. And if I'm honest, I have dealt with self image for a very long time and I find myself projecting it sometimes onto others.

这绝不是你该承受的。我深感惭愧并向你道歉，我真心希望能陪在你身边...算了我不继续编了，因为她八成根本不会说这些。我们都在听着呢，心里想着：天啊，这简直是梦幻婆婆。

And that is not for you to ever, ever have to deal with. And I'm embarrassed and I apologize and I promise you, I want nothing more to be there for you. I'm actually not even gonna finish the statement because I'm so sorry, but this is probably not even what she's gonna fucking say. We're all listening. We're like, my god, dream mother-in-law.

这贱人听起来像个该死的泼妇。咱们直接猜她可能会说什么吧。她八成要对你进行煤气灯操控，对吧？山姆。哦，我的天。

This bitch sounds like a fucking cunt. So let's actually get to what she's probably gonna say. She's gonna gaslight you probably, right? Sam. Oh, my God.

活脱脱就是《灰姑娘》故事里的希拉里·达芙和詹妮佛·库里奇。山姆。她会装傻说：山姆，我不知道你在说什么。然后摆出受伤的样子：山姆，说实话我现在很受伤也很委屈，真不明白你什么意思。

It's literally Hilary Duff and Jennifer Coolidge in the Cinderella story. Sam. She's like, Sam, I don't know what you're talking about. She's going be like, Sam, I'm honestly quite hurt right now and insulted. I don't know what you're talking about.

我一直都很支持你和克里斯。甚至清楚这些矛盾的根源。她要么会暴怒，要么就推卸责任，总之绝不会认错。听着，如果她发飙了，我会通知你什么时候可以过来看试穿婚纱——当然前提是我真会试穿的话。

I am always supportive of you and Chris. And even know where this is coming. She's gonna go, she's gonna probably go off or she's gonna take no accountability, whatever it be. Totally. I will let you if she goes off, say, I will let you know if there is a place for you to come in and to see the dresses as I'm trying them on.

我会随时通知你，但说实话，我需要守护自己的平静与快乐。所以虽然会说保持联系，但绝不会给具体时间。要我说，这贱人该滚回去找她的亲友团挑婚纱。要是接下来几周她突然积极起来——因为这蠢货想假装婚纱是她选的——她肯定会问：克里斯，喜欢这件吗？这可是我帮她挑的。

I will keep you updated but I'll be honest, I need to protect my peace and my happiness and so I'll keep you updated. Give no dates, give no times. And then what I would do is this, bitch, go fucking with your family and your friends and go get your dress and find your dress. And then if she somewhat makes more of an effort in the next few weeks because that dumb bitch wants to see the fucking dresses and pretend she picked it, she's going to be like, Chris, do you like the dress? I picked it for her.

我猜她会疯癫到这种程度。到时候你可以打电话问：嘿，要来看最终试穿吗？但我还是担心你。问题的核心在于她觉得自己有权对你身材样貌指手画脚。

Like she's probably going to be crazy. I think then you can call her and be like, hey, do you want to come? I'm doing the final fitting. But still then, I just worry for you. The bigger theme is that she feels entitled to comment on your body and your appearance.

现在正是开启对话的完美时机，因为这种羞辱永远不会停止。现在是婚礼，接着就会问要不要孩子，或是今年生日穿什么衣服。只要丈夫支持你，再难的局面都能熬过去。如果他不支持...那就是另一集的故事了。

And I just think this is a perfect moment to initiate the conversation because it's never going stop. The wedding right now. And then it's going to be if you want to have kids or you don't want to have kids or when you are dressed up for your birthday this year, whatever it be. As uncomfortable as it be, if you have the support of your husband, you will get through this. And if you don't, that's for another episode.

好了亲爱的粉丝们，爱你们！希望我的建议有帮助。等等，你们想看看亨利吗？感觉你们只见过布鲁斯。亨利，过来！

Okay, Daddy Gang, I love you guys so much. I hope that my advice was helpful. Wait, do you guys want to see Henry? Because I feel like you only saw Bruce. Henry, come here.

过来。过来。过来。哦，布鲁斯。等等。

Come here. Come here. Come here. Oh, Bruce. Wait.

布鲁斯。好的。好的。各位，这是家庭聚会。亨利和布鲁斯只想对你们说，非常感谢观看这期《呼叫爸爸》。

Bruce. Okay. Okay. You guys, it's a family affair. Henry and Bruce just wanted to say thank you so much for watching this episode of Call Our Daddy.

哦，亨利，给你。好的。非常感谢观看这期《呼叫爸爸》。男孩们很高兴我们能帮助任何需要帮助的人。

Oh, here, Henry. Yeah. Okay. Thank you so much for watching this episode of Call Our Daddy. The boys are happy that we could help anyone in need.

如果你需要任何帮助，请随时写信提问。下周三见。再见。

Please write in questions all the time if you ever need any help. And I will see you guys next Wednesday. Bye.