莎伊·米切尔：放手吧，你值得更好的（FBF）

他是我的伴侣。

He is my partner.

在很多事情上他都是我的搭档。

He's my partner in a lot of things.

他在我的事业上帮了我很多。

He helps me so much with my business.

很明显，我们是共同抚养女儿的合作伴侣。

Obviously, we're partners in raising our girls together.

他是我的生活伴侣，嗯。

He's my partner in life Mhmm.

这就是我们现在的生活状态，我很喜欢。

That we're living right now and I like it.

知道吗？

Know?

他对‘伴侣’这个称呼有什么看法？

How does he feel about the term partner?

我不确定他是否喜欢这个称呼。

I don't know if he loves it.

我不确定他是否喜欢这个称呼。

I don't know if he loves it.

你知道吗，有时他在电话里会说'我妻子'，我就很惊讶，心想'什么？'

You know, sometimes he'll be on calls and he's like, my wife and I'm like, what?

你知道吗，我总是这样反应——不是因为我在意这个称呼，而是...

You know, and I'm always like and not because I'm like like I want it, like I'm like

你觉得这是为什么呢？

Why do you think that is?

为什么我不喜欢'妻子'这个词。

Why I don't like the word white.

是啊。

Yeah.

我也不知道。

I don't know.

我就是，怎么说呢，我不是。

I just, like, I I'm not.

而且他不是我的那种，我也不清楚。

And he's not my like, I don't know.

你的伴侣。

Your partner.

我喜欢，我觉得女朋友这个称呼很可爱。

I love, like I think, like, girlfriend is cute.

而且，我们是在我19岁时相遇的，我很珍惜这段关系。

And, like, I we met when I was 19, and I love that.

那时候我们还不是男女朋友。

Like, we weren't girlfriend and boyfriend at that point.

但我很喜欢，真的很喜欢那种感觉。

But I love the I love I love that.

就像，我是他的女朋友。

Like, I'm like his I'm like his girlfriend.

就是，我们是朋友。

Like, we are friends.

所以你们有两个孩子。

So you have two kids together.

两个女孩。

Two girls.

是啊。

Yeah.

但你们是先认识做朋友的。

But you met and you were friends first.

对。

Yeah.

那时我19岁。

When I was 19.

你们是怎么从朋友变成恋人的？

How did you transition from friends to relationship?

已经很多年了。

It's been a lot of years.

其实我是在德雷克的生日派对上做酒瓶服务时认识他的。

I met him actually when I was doing bottle service at Drake's birthday.

就是德雷克在多伦多举办的20岁生日派对。

Like, Drake's, like, 20 birthday in Toronto.

我们都来自多伦多。

We're from Toronto.

嗯哼。

So Mhmm.

我当时在那里做酒瓶服务，然后我们就认识了。

I was doing bottle service there, and we met.

我们并没有立刻开始约会。

And we didn't start dating right away.

我们只是聊天，发现原来是邻居，然后就开始一起玩了。

Like we were just talking, we found out that we were neighbors and we started hanging out.

我会去看他的篮球比赛。

I'd go to his basketball games.

我们一开始只是作为朋友一起出去玩，然后，你知道的，我们试着让关系超越朋友层面发展。

Like we just started hanging out as friends and then, you know, we tried to, like, make it work in more than a friend way.

但没有成功。

It didn't.

我们尝试了几次，都没有成功。

We tried it a couple times, didn't work.

然后我们分开了一段时间，大概有四五年吧。

And then we took some time apart and then I think it was like four or five years or something.

后来很偶然地，一个共同的朋友把我们重新联系到一起，第三次尝试终于成功了。

And then randomly, a mutual friend just kind of connected us together together and it was like third time's a charm.

所以

So

当你们关系变得认真后，甚至在你怀孕的时候，你有没有跟他谈过你永远不想结婚这件事？

When you started getting serious and, like, even when you got pregnant, like, did you have to have a conversation with him to be like, I don't ever wanna get married.

我想我们有过那次谈话。

I think we had that conversation.

甚至在我们还是朋友的时候，我就经常表达我的感受。

Like, even when we were friends, I think I always spoke about my feelings.

我永远不会说绝对不结婚之类的话。嗯。

And I will never say, like, never say never about anything Mhmm.

但我从来不是那种会在Pinterest上收藏婚礼灵感板的女孩。

But I just was never that girl of, like, who had a Pinterest board of her wedding.

从来没有过。

I never did.

嗯。

Mhmm.

我的父母结婚大概有三十八年，甚至可能四十年了。

And my parents have been married for like thirty eight, maybe even forty years.

他们关系一直很好，但婚姻就是不是我想要的东西。

And they've had an amazing relationship, but it just wasn't something that I wanted.

我并不觉得需要靠一张纸、一场盛大仪式或一枚戒指来证明我的爱。

I didn't feel the need to like I didn't feel that a piece of paper and a big celebration and a ring would, like, justify my love.

就是，嗯。

Like, it's Yeah.

更像是，嗯。

It's more Yeah.

不。

No.

但我喜欢你这么说，因为我刚才就在想，有些听众听到你这话时

But I like that you're saying it because I was sitting here thinking, like, I think there's some people when they listen to that of you

会

are

可能会觉得'哇，这想法真有意思，甚至有点疯狂'。

like, woah, like that that's so interesting and like really crazy.

而我就觉得，嗯。

And I'm like Yeah.

如果是个男人这么说，他们就会觉得，哦，他从来没想过要结婚。

If a man was saying that, they'd like, oh, he never thought he was gonna marry get married.

就像，好吧，酷。

Like, okay, dope.

对。

Right.

不过我喜欢你这么说，因为不盲目追随前人的做法，而是去质疑它，这真的很健康。

I like that you're saying it though because it's really healthy to not just keep doing what the fuck came before us and not

质疑它。

questioning it.

现在确实有个趋势，越来越多人选择不结婚。

There is a trend because there's more people that aren't getting married now.

自上世纪七十年代以来，结婚年龄在不断推迟——这点我很赞同，就像我们必须达到法定年龄才能喝酒开车一样，二十多岁时我们的人格还在飞速成长。

Like, since the nineteen seventies, think it's like, a, the age is getting later on which I I love because I think similar to how we have to hit a certain age to drink and drive, we are developing so much in our twenties.

我们正在认识真正的自我。

And like we are learning who we are.

当你结婚并在一起生活时，你们是作为一个整体共同成长的。

And when you get together and you're married, you grow as a unit.

嗯。

Mhmm.

你知道，有时候这很棒，但有时这对你个人的发展是有害的。

You know, and sometimes that's great, but sometimes it's detrimental to your own development.

完全同意。

Totally.

我认为我很幸运能在大多数情况下拥有美好的关系，原因在于我在进入一段关系之前，首先对自己是谁感到相当安全和自信。

And I think the reason why I've I've been very lucky to be in for the most cases you know great relationships is because I've always felt pretty secure and confident with who I was first before getting into a relationship.

而且我觉得，在婚姻中有时你会更关心你们双方是如何共同成长的。

And I think that you know with marriage sometimes you're more concerned about how you guys are both growing.

你试图帮助他提升。

You're trying to help him lift up.

而在你二十出头的时候，你需要先把自己发展好。

When at that point in your early twenties you you need to get your own self out.

需要先认清自己。

Need to like figure out yourself.

这并不是说二十多岁就不能成功。

That's not to say that it can't work in your twenties.

对于那些做到的人，我真心为他们高兴，这很棒。

For all of those people I love it and amazing.

但对我来说，感觉没必要那么早。

But I feel like for me, it just wasn't necessary.

这也不是说我不相信婚姻，比如我就很愿意举办一个承诺仪式。

And that's not to say that I don't believe in something I like, hey, I'd love to have a commitment ceremony.

嗯。

Mhmm.

也许在...我不知道，十年后？如果真到了那一天，我可能会看着他说：嘿，我们该庆祝一下，因为我们做到了。

Maybe in like, I don't know, ten years, whatever the like if it ever happens, I could look at him and be like, hey, we should have a celebration because we just did that.

看看我们的姑娘们。

Look at our girls.

她们还在上高中，而我们就像碾压了一切困难。

They're like in high school and like we crushed it.

我们经历了风雨。

We went through storms.

现在我们依然屹立，击掌庆祝，因为我们承诺要共同经营这个家庭，抚养这些女孩和我们的孩子，无论怎样。

And we are here and we are standing and we're like high five because we just Like, did let's make a commitment to this family and to raising these girls and our kids at that whatever.

但我完全赞成那样做，因为有时庆祝来得太早，在你真正经历风雨之前，明白吗？

But like, I would be all up for that because sometimes I think the celebration happens before you've even been through some storms, you know?

我他妈太爱这个观点了，因为这本质上是在说，做让你感觉好的事，我们可以创造新花样。

I fucking love it because it's basically you're saying like, do whatever feels good for you and like we can make up new shit.

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

喝一口吧。

Take a sip.

马特

Matt

与德雷克合作。

works with Drake.

是的。

Yeah.

当我想到这个，你知道，他会和他一起巡演。

And when I think about that, you know, he goes on tour with him.

对吧？

Right?

没错。

Yeah.

他在他的管理团队里。

He's on his, like, management team.

很多创意都来自他。

He, like, a lot of the creative is from him.

说实话，他就像个创意天才。

Like, he's, like, a creative genius, truthfully.

所以他就像身处这样的世界，到处旅行，和这些人在一起。

So he's, like, in the world that is like he's traveling, he's with all these people.

嗯哼。

Uh-huh.

有派对，有女孩环绕，热闹非凡。

There's parties, there's girls around, there's a lot happening.

当他外出参加这些派对和活动时，你独自在家带孩子，心里想着'不知道他在做什么'，这种感觉如何？或者你如何应对这种情况？

How does it feel or how do you handle when he's like away and like at these parties and at these events and you're sitting at home with the kids being like, I wonder what he's doing.

我说的不是最近的事

And I'm not talking recently.

是啊

Yeah.

带我回到更早期的阶段，比如建立对这种生活方式的信任

Take me back to like more beginning stages of like building trust around this type of lifestyle.

没错

Yeah.

我是说，这确实百分之百很难。

I mean, it is a 100% hard.

就像，我没法假装说这没什么。

Like, I can't be like, it's fine.

我并非毫无感觉。

I don't feel a thing.

不。

No.

这很难。

It's hard.

嗯。

Mhmm.

但之所以难是因为我在乎。

But it's hard because I care.

是啊。

Yeah.

艰难是因为我珍惜我们拥有的一切。

It's hard because I love what we have.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

所以，是的，这确实很困难。

So, yeah, it's like it's difficult.

但与此同时，我们刚聊过，他们正在南美洲旅行，我就想问问：你们玩得开心吗？

But then at the same time, I'm we we just talked and they're away in South America and I'm like, are you having fun?

你们在做什么呢？

What are you guys doing?

你看，还有这一层因素在。

Like, there's also that element.

嗯。

Mhmm.

因为我觉得，就像我处理友谊的方式一样，那些关系之所以成功，是因为我们彼此信任且保持沟通。

Because I feel like in the same way that I have with my friendships, like those are so successful because I trust them and there's communication.

倒不是说完全一样，但我们之间确实存在信任和沟通。

And not that it's the same, but like there's trust and there's communication with us.

虽然绝非总是完美，但信任是必须的。

And it's not always perfect by any means, but there has to be trust.

我也不能总想着其他可能性，或者那些假设性的情况。

And I can't think about other scenarios or, like, think about hypothetical situations.

如果真有什么事情曝光或存在欺骗行为，到时候我自会处理。

If it ever were to come out or anything there is, like, deceiving any of that, then, like, I'll deal with it then.

是啊。

Yeah.

但我也不能整天提心吊胆地揣测他的动向。

But I also can't live my life worrying about what he's doing.

他有自己的人生要过。

He is living his own life.

我们是两个独立的个体，选择共同养育孩子、组建家庭。

We are two individuals that have come together and chosen to, like, have kids together and, like, have a family together.

但与此同时，他也在做自己的事情，我为他感到高兴。

But at the same time, he is, like, doing his own thing, and I love that for him.

他玩得很开心。

Like, he's having fun.

他表现得非常出色。

He's crushing it.

他对自己所做的事非常在行。

He's so good at what he does.

我喜欢他和朋友们一起工作、一起玩乐的样子。

And I love that he's with his friends getting to work and have fun.

你懂我的意思吗？

You know?

完全理解。

Totally.

所以我非常喜欢这样。

So I love that.

但是，只要有沟通，一旦对我来说沟通中断了，那就结束了。

But, like, as long as there is communication, once that is broken for me, then it's done.

是啊。

Yeah.

这是我们之间心知肚明的事。

And that's that's a known thing that we have.

所以只要他明白这点，我也明白，我觉得我们就没问题。

So as long as he knows that and I know that, like, I feel like we're good.

我曾和一位运动员交往过。

I dated an athlete.

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

我喜欢我单数复数的说法。

I love how I singular, plural.

我过去交往过运动员，有几次发现自己和你一样的心态：我他妈在乎什么？

I dated athletes in the past and I found myself like in moments being the same as you of like, what do I give a fuck?

比如，我他妈正和闺蜜们坐在这儿，我们玩得超嗨，他爱干嘛干嘛去。

Like, I'm fucking sitting here with my girlfriends, we're we're having a great time like and he's gonna do what he's gonna do.

但有时候就会陷入那种胡思乱想的时刻。

But then there are like the spiral moments.

我记得以前要是他在密尔沃基或者德克萨斯这种鬼地方

I remember I used to if he was like in fucking Milwaukee or fucking Texas

或者密尔沃基。

or Milwaukee.

是啊。

Yeah.

他们总是会去

They always would go

那些最烂的地方，但那种时候我就知道你已经饥不择食了。

to like the worst places but that's when I know like you're desperate.

你肯定会随便找点什么，所以我总会想：'哦，他们今晚要是出去玩'，然后就开始疯狂翻查我知道他们会去的酒吧。

Like you're gonna find some type of like so I would always be like, oh, they're if they're going out tonight, I would like spiral and like, look up like the bar that I knew they were at.

然后我就会去刷Instagram。

And then I would go to like the Instagram.

然后我就会想，哦，酒吧里都有谁？

And then I would be like, oh, who's like at the the bar?

如果他们标记了任何人，我就会去看那个女孩的Instagram，在背景里找他，然后惊呼，天啊，他在那儿。

And if they tagged anyone, I would go to that girl's Instagram and like look for him in the background and then be like, oh my god, there he is.

比如他就站在那个女孩旁边。

Like he's standing next to that girl.

比如他离那个女孩真的很近。

Like he's really close to that girl.

发生什么事了？

What's happening?

然后我会发短信问他，'嘿，你今晚过得怎么样？'

And then I would text him be like, hey, like how's your night?

而且，这很正常...我以前总不好意思承认这点，我当时是爱着这个人的。

And like, it's a normal like I always used to be embarrassed to admit that and I was like, I was in love with this person.

对。

Right.

我曾与这个人交往，我很在乎他/她，我认为在恋爱关系中的嫉妒和焦虑某种程度上是正常的，这取决于其程度。

I was in a relationship with this person and I cared about this person and I think jealousy and anxiety in relationships is can be normal depending on like the level of it.

当然。

Sure.

所以我在想，因为这是一个非常公开的巡回演出场合，你如何在那些时刻不让自己陷入情绪漩涡？

So I'm wondering like because this is like a very public touring facing situation, how do you not spiral in moments?

我甚至不是指现在。

And I don't even mean now.

我是说，比如刚开始的时候，

I mean, like, beginning of

对于那些确实...的女孩来说

like For girls that are like sure.

完全正确。

Absolutely.

我做不到，我无法回头。

I can't I could not return.

我当年也做过一模一样的事。

I did the exact same thing back in the day.

嗯。

Mhmm.

我可以说在我二十多岁时，完全能理解你。

I would say for sure in my twenties, I fully get you.

我可能也会做同样的事。

I could do the exact same thing.

是的。

Yeah.

但后来到了某个时刻，我就想，好吧。

But it got to a point where I was like, okay.

那么如果他真做了，又能怎样？

So if he did, then what?

或者当时我正在交往的任何人。

Or if anybody at that point that I was taking.

嗯。

Mhmm.

如果他做了，然后呢？

If he did, then what?

是啊。

Yeah.

我会没事的。

I'll be okay.

我会继续前进。

I'll keep it moving.

这本就不是命中注定。

And it wasn't meant to be.

但这就是我的生活方式。

But that is how I live my life.

当你这样想的时候，那我就不想要了。

And once you think about it like that, I don't want that then.

是的。

Yeah.

如果你能把他从我身边带走，那他就是你的了。

If you can take him from me, then he's yours.

我很好。

I'm good.

我可以继续前进。

And I can keep it moving.

陪伴我的孩子是另一回事。

Be there for my kids or that's another story.

嗯。

Mhmm.

但就我们而言，我们的故事到此结束，这没关系。

But like in terms of us then our story ends and that's okay.

嗯

Mhmm.

我还有自己的人生要过

I still have my life to live.

我不能像二十多岁时那样生活了，因为我已经那样活过了

I cannot live my life like I did in my twenties because I did do that.

嗯

Mhmm.

这到底是为了什么？

And it's like for what?

我白白浪费了那么多不眠之夜是为了什么？

I wasted so many sleepless nights for what?

那改变了我们的行为方式吗？

Did that change how we acted?

没有

No.

无论你们男生女生要做什么，我们都会按自己的方式行事，就算你熬夜不睡盯着Instagram看，他依然会我行我素。

You're gonna do, the guys, the girls, whatever, we're gonna do what we're gonna do regardless if if you're staying up at night not sleeping stalking an Instagram, he's still gonna do what he's gonna do.

他根本不会在意'亚历克斯可能正盯着俱乐部的Ins照片放大研究'这种事。

He's not gonna be like well Alex is probably up looking at the club's Instagram trying to like you know zoom into this.

这根本阻止不了他。

That's not gonna stop him.

所以这除了让你失眠还有什么意义？

So like what is that you just lose sleep.

你说得太对了。

You're so right.

妈的。

Fuck.

懂了吗？

Okay?

我不会在事情发生前就为此焦虑。

Like, I'm not gonna worry about it before it happens.

如果你这么做了，

If you do it,

那我们就...我们就处理

then we we we deal

我会想办法共同抚养孩子。

and I'll figure out like co parenting.

但到那时，我希望你是快乐的，我真心这么想。

But like, then it is and I hope you're happy and I genuinely mean that.

我希望你快乐，因为当你真正爱一个人时，你会希望他们过上最幸福的生活。

I want you to be happy because I feel like when you truly love somebody, you want them to live their happiest life.

嗯。

Mhmm.

我确实这么想。

And I do.

如果那幸福不是与我共度，我也不想强求。

And if that's not with me, I don't wanna force that.

我也很喜欢这种能量，因为我觉得我在节目里说过类似的话。

I love this energy too because I feel like I've said this on my show.

就像，我知道有很多人。

It's like, I know there's so many people.

我总是只说女性，因为我知道听这个播客的女性最多。

I always just say women because I know women listen to this podcast the most.

我就说，嗨，女士们。

I'm like, hi ladies.

我觉得也有很多男性听众。

I think there's a lot of guys too.

你这么认为？

You think?

你这么认为？

You think?

你们有视频内容吗？这个节目有视频部分吗？

Have a video you have a video component to this.

他们过去

They used

曾经。

to.

他们曾经这样。

They used to.

现在变得有点太肉麻了，他们觉得，好吧，再也没有像你说的那种阴茎插入阴道的完整做爱场景了，我他妈的不干了。

It's gotten a little too sappy that they're like, okay, there's no more like full sex like you talking about like the dick going into the pussy like I'm fucking out.

我就说，好吧，变态们。

I'm like, okay, pervs.

我想在这个播客里我已经进行了很多对话，试图赢得女性的认同，比如‘我深深爱上了这个人’。

I think I've had a lot of conversations on this podcast trying to win women right in being like, I'm so in love with this person.

嗯哼。

Uh-huh.

我也很喜欢你的建议，因为我知道凯特总是说，你就像是朋友中的治疗师，所有朋友都会来找你。

And I love your advice too because I know Kate has always said like, you are like almost like the friend therapist, like all your friends go to you.

我在朋友圈里也有类似感受，你得抽身出来，用第三方视角看待问题——你会给你朋友什么建议？

And I feel similar with my friend group of like, you have to almost like back out of it and look at it like from a third POV of like, what would you tell your friend?

对。

Right.

我觉得很多女性听众这期节目时都在想：'是啊，但谢伊，我实在太爱他了。'

And I feel like a lot of women listen to this podcast being like, yeah, but Shay, like, I'm so in love with him.

好吧。

Okay.

但我几乎每次都有这种感觉，他总是参加男生之夜活动。

But I just have that like feeling almost every time he's always doing boys nights.

他总是外出，而我感觉无法完全参与那些时刻，只能坐在家里。但当我们在一起时，我们的关系很好，但他让我感到非常不安，我该怎么办？

He's always kind of like out and I just feel like I'm not fully a part of those moments and I sit at home but like when we're together, our relationship is great but he makes me feel really insecure like what do I do?

比如说

Like what would

那你应该更爱自己一些。

you You be in love with yourself more then.

嗯。

Mhmm.

你需要更爱自己，因为我会告诉我的女儿们，你不该那样做。

You need to love yourself more because I would tell my daughters like you shouldn't be doing that.

我不希望她们度过无数个不眠之夜。

I don't want them having a million sleepless nights.

偶尔几次没关系，这很正常，我们理解。

A couple are fine, like it's healthy, whatever, we get it.

但在一段健康的关系中，你不该有那种感受。

But like you shouldn't be feeling that way in a healthy relationship.

如果你有，那可能说明这段关系并不适合你。

And if you are, then maybe it isn't the right one.

我不想一直活在焦虑中，时刻担心他们在哪里、在做什么。

I don't wanna constantly be living in a state of anxiety wondering where they are, what they're doing.

其实我很喜欢他经常和最重要的人一起旅行，嗯。

Like I actually love the fact that he's traveling with the biggest person and like Mhmm.

你能看清这一切。

You get to see all of that.

如果你还是选择回来，那我就是最厉害的那个。

And if you still come back, then like I'm the baddest bitch.

你懂我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

没错。

Right.

这就是我的感受。

That's what I feel like.

如果我不这么觉得，那也好，去和她在一起吧，我也会继续我的生活。

And if I don't, then like cool, go be with her and then I'll keep it moving too.

就像这本来就不该成真，我对此深信不疑。

Like it just wasn't meant to be and I'm such a believer of that.

我觉得这就是为什么我对生活和各种经历的看法——如果我错过了一班飞机，我会想，这一定有它的原因。

I feel like that's why my perspective on life and different experiences, if I miss a plane I was like, there is a reason for that.

这就是我的生活方式。

That is how I live my life.

让我告诉你，这比以前平静多了。

And let me tell you, it's a lot more peaceful than what it was before.

我真正意识到这种方式对我如何有效以及它应该是什么样子。

I had this sort of like real realization about how it how it works for me and how it should be.

我也很喜欢这个建议，因为我觉得它就像是

I love that advice too because I feel like it's like

多半时候，甚至超过一半时间，我们得明白其实问题根本不在他身上。

half the time, more than half the time, we have to look at it like it's actually not about him.

你坐在那里干嘛要自寻烦恼？

You're sitting there like why are you sitting there stressing?

为什么我当时要那么专注地盯着手机——因为大学里太无聊了，觉得这比和校园里那些男生约会强多了。

Why was I on my phone zooming so intensely like because I was bored in college being like this is better than the guys that could be dating here.

如果深究起来，我想和他在一起是因为地位、金钱和生活方式，我沉迷其中不愿失去，甚至愿意睁只眼闭只眼——因为我太爱这一切了。

There's always if you break it down, I wanted to be with him because of the status and the money and the lifestyle and I loved it and I didn't wanna lose it and I was willing to maybe look the other way because like I love that.

现在回想起来，那对当时的我来说再合适不过了。

Now in hindsight, I'm like that was perfect for where I was in that moment.

我无比珍视人生中的那个阶段。

I absolutely love that moment in my life.

但现在我绝不会容忍那种事，因为

Now I would never put up with that because I

那些时间本可以用来提升自己——比如读书学习、去健身房锻炼、和朋友聚会、做些其他有意义的事。

want That's time you could be putting into building yourself like a, reading a book, educating yourself, going to the gym, hanging out with your friends, like doing other things.

我觉得随着年龄增长，就像我说的我在二十多岁时也那样，但30岁就改变了，因为我意识到每一天都无比珍贵。

I think as you get older and the reason why I say like I did that all in my twenties but like it changed when I was 30 is because I realize how valuable every single day is.

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

我可不想他妈把时间浪费在窥探别人的动态上。

And I do not wanna waste my fucking time stalking other people's movements.

你懂我意思吧？

You know what I mean?

这样我就剥夺了自己生活的时间，无法与朋友共度优质时光，反而在关注别人的一举一动。

Like then I'm taking away my time and living my life and like spending quality time with friends or people that are watching somebody else's move.

他们想做就会去做。

They're gonna do it if they're gonna do it.

而我无法阻止。

It's And I can't stop it.

这不健康。

It's not healthy.

这不健康。

It's not healthy.

我们必须戒掉这个习惯。

We need to cut it out.

人生太短暂。

It's too short.

我不想回首人生时，发现自己把那么多宝贵时光都花在这种事上。

I don't wanna look back at my life dedicating so many of my, like, precious days to doing that.

阿门。

Amen.

没有什么比听到别人称赞我‘亚历克斯，你闻起来真香’更让我开心的了。

There is nothing that makes me happier than when I get a compliment from someone and they say, Alex, you smell delicious.

懂吗？

Okay?

我是说，还有比被人夸好闻更棒的事吗？

Mean, is there anything better than someone telling you you smell good?

没有。

No.

想知道我用的是什么吗？

And you wanna know what I'm wearing?

你们早就知道我用的什么了。

You already know what I'm wearing.

圣罗兰美妆。

Yves Saint Laurent beauty.

好的。

Okay.

我们开始吧。

Let's go.

如果你正在寻找一款引人注目的新香水，伊夫·圣罗兰标志性的Lieb系列正是你梦寐以求的——它能让你成为焦点，展现最自信的一面。

If you are looking for a new statement fragrance, Yves Saint Laurent's iconic Lieb collection is everything you've been looking for to turn heads and feel your most confident.

香草调香水正风靡一时，而伊夫·圣罗兰的Lieb香草高定版是其中的佼佼者。

The vanilla fragrances are all the rage, and Yves Saint Laurent's Lie Vanille Couture is the best one out there.

听我说，老爸帮。

Listen to me, daddy gang.

这是Lieb首款限量版香水。

It's Lieb's first ever limited edition fragrance.

它甜而不腻，大胆融合了浓郁香草鱼子酱、朗姆利口酒、纯薰衣草和橙花精华。

It's sweet yet bold with rich vanilla caviar, rum liqueur, absolute lavender, and orange blossom.

这是Lieb最令人陶醉的版本。

The most delectable version of Lieb.

当然，原版的Lieb淡香水也绝不会让你失望。

Of course, the original Lieb eau de parfum never misses either.

其标志性香调融入了薰衣草与橙花精华。

Its iconic fragrance is infused with lavender and orange blossom.

这是我每天都会用的最令人惊艳的温暖花香调，你们已经听我介绍过了。

It's the most amazing warm floral for every day, which you've heard me talk about.

但是老爹帮的各位，这就是你们的本命香。

But daddy gang, this is your sign.

明白吗？

Okay?

Liebe香草高定版。

Liebe Vanilla Couture.

砰。

Boom.

我们开始吧。

Here we go.

你会想要闻起来棒极了，就是这样。

You are gonna wanna be smelling amazing and there you go.

现在就在丝芙兰选购吧。

Shop now at Sephora.

所以你母亲

So your mother

是的。

Yeah.

我是位母亲。

I'm a mother.

你是位母亲。

You're a mother.

你一直想象自己会有孩子吗？

Did you always picture you're gonna have kids?

是的。

Yeah.

嗯

Mhmm.

是的，我有过这样的想法。

Yeah, I did.

好的。

Okay.

我从来没有设定具体的年龄。

I never had a set age.

我当时想，等我26岁的时候，我不会要孩子。

I was like, when I'm 26, I'm gonna have no.

我我我知道我想要体验

I I I knew that I wanted to experience

当你想到为人母会带来那么多美好的事情时，确实如此。

When you think about there's so many beautiful things that come with motherhood Yes.

但我觉得和你聊这个很合适，因为你不喜欢给事情贴标签。

But I feel like you're a good person to talk to about, like, because you don't like to label things.

嗯。

Mhmm.

就是，

Like,

绝对不是。

absolutely not.

当我想到母亲们时，嗯。

When I think about mothers Mhmm.

如果你没有把整个人生都奉献出去，就会面临很大压力，嗯。

There's a lot of pressure if you're not just dedicating your entire life Mhmm.

在别人眼中，就是要完全奉献给你的孩子。

In other people's eyes to your children.

嗯。

Mhmm.

在初为人母的阶段，你是否曾迷失过自我？既要当好母亲，又要保持作为谢伊·米切尔这个独立成功女性的身份，想要两者兼顾。

Did you ever lose yourself in the beginning stages of trying to navigate, like, being a mother, being also Shay Mitchell, this, like, independent successful woman that wants to have both?

嗯

Mhmm.

天啊

Oh, my gosh.

我记得刚怀上阿特拉斯的时候，那时已经怀孕九个月了

I remember when I was first pregnant with Atlas and I was, like, nine months.

当时我正在和我的导乐师交谈，突然聊着聊着我就开始嚎啕大哭

I was talking to my doula at the time, and all of a sudden we're talking and I just started bawling.

她当时说：'天啊'

And she's like, oh my gosh.

'你是不是特别兴奋？'

Are you so excited?

我说：'不'

I was like, no.

'我感觉自己的一部分正在死去'

A piece of me is dying.

我要当妈妈了。

I'm gonna be a mother.

就是说，我现在要成为母亲了。

Like, I'm now gonna be a mom.

她当时就说，好吧。

And she was like, okay.

像是说，这很棒啊。

Like, that's amazing.

我说，不是的。

I was like, no.

我现在是个妈妈了。

I'm a mom now.

就是说，我已经是个母亲了。

Like, I am a mother.

她就说，好吧。

She's like, okay.

太神奇了。

Amazing.

就是，完全不明白。

Like, not understanding.

我想我必须接受的是，没错，过去的那个我必须有一部分要放下。

And I think what I had to come to an understanding with is that, yes, old Shay did a part of me did have to be put to rest.

我现在是个母亲了。

I am a mother now.

之前我并不是。

I wasn't beforehand.

就像，这确实会改变一切。

Like and it does change.

当你怀孕时，就像树叶翻开了新的一页。

There's a leaf that turns when you get pregnant.

而且，从你在验孕棒上看到怀孕的那一刻起，一切就都变了。

And, like, from the moment you see that you are pregnant on that stick, it changes.

你过去的生活就此结束了

And that life that you lived before is over.

嗯

Mhmm.

但这没关系，因为会有新的生活

And that's okay because there's a new life.

就像开启新篇章，建立新的关系

Like, there's a new chapter, like, a new relationship.

这很有趣也很令人兴奋

And that's it's fun and it's exciting.

同时也让人害怕

It's also scary.

要知道在那时还会感到些许孤独，因为你的伴侣无法真正理解

And you know at that at that point it was also a little bit lonely because like your partner won't understand.

他们不会经历同样的事情

They don't go through the same thing.

他们不理解我们做出的改变和牺牲，尤其是像我这样曾经在工作、社交等各方面都非常活跃的人。

They don't understand the changes and the sacrifices that we make especially being somebody who also, you know, was very active like in my work and you know my social and everything.

就像我不得不按下暂停键。

It was like I have to take a pause.

我很幸运能一直工作到怀孕八个月左右，但我仍然需要停下来休息，而他不需要。

I can't be like I was fortunate to be able to act up until the point where I was like eight months, but still I had to take a moment, had to take a break whereas he didn't.

所以那段时期对我来说真的很艰难。嗯。

And so that was really difficult for me Mhmm.

在我怀孕的时候。

When I was pregnant.

你对那些刚生完孩子、正在艰难寻找或重获自我认同的人有什么建议吗？

Do you have advice for someone that's currently having a little bit of a difficult time finding their like, regaining their identity after they just, like, gave birth.

现在孩子健康平安，但她们却在想：'除了母亲身份，我到底是谁？'

Now they've, like, their kid's alive and well and they're, like, fuck, who am I independent of being a mother?

我认为你需要一些不围着孩子转的时间。

I think you need that time outside of your kids.

我认为这非常关键。

I think it is so crucial.

我爱我的女儿们。

I love my girls.

我当然愿意付出一切。

I will do anything, of course.

说实话，有孩子就像让心脏在你体外跳动。

It is like having kids truthfully is like having a heart live outside of you.

就像我的心跳在她们身上，但我仍需为自己做些事，让自己感到休息充足，完成我需要做的事——因为这样当我回来时，我会成为更好的母亲，感觉良好。

Like, my heartbeat's in them, but I also need to continue to do things for myself and for me to feel rested, for me to feel like, you know, I've done what I needed to do because then I'm a better better mother when I can come back and, like, I feel good.

你明白吗？

You know?

我觉得这才是重点。

And I think that that's the thing.

这真的很难，尤其是在...我常说我喜欢婴儿洗礼。

It is really hard, especially after like, I always say I love a baby shower.

我觉得这很棒，尽管我是在《魔力麦克》那种场合办的。

I think that's great even though I did mine at, like, Magic Mike.

什么？

What?

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

我还觉得应该再办个产后派对之类的，专门给妈妈们的。

Also think there needs to be, like, another like, a postpartum sort of like, mama shower after.

因为当宝宝还在肚子里时，一切都很美好，有庆祝活动，有无数鲜花和朋友围绕着你。

Because it's all fine and dandy when you have that celebration when the baby's in your stomach and, like, things are cool and there's a million beautiful flowers and friends and all of that around you.

产后阶段才真正需要这样的关怀。

Needs to be something after when you're in the postpartum.

当你独自躺在床上，或者和伴侣一起，感觉自己一团糟，无论是母乳喂养还是用奶瓶喂奶，都觉得自己状态不佳。

When you're in the bed by yourself or maybe with your partner, like in and feeling like a mess, feeling like if you're breastfeeding or you're feeding them with a bot, like you just don't feel your best.

是啊。

Yeah.

那时候真该为你办个庆祝会。

There needs to be a celebration for you at that moment.

我在想，我要发起一个妈妈派对。

I'm like, I wanna start, you know, the mama shower.

就是邀请所有朋友来参加的那种。

Something where you have all your friends come.

当宝宝哭闹、阿特拉斯尖叫、家里一团糟的时候，我多需要戴个花冠啊。

I needed a flower crown then when the babies were crying, when Atlas was screaming, when the house was a mess.

我需要那种，你懂的，对。

I need that, like, you know Yeah.

就是那种集体派对。

That kind of, like, group and party then.

我其实也超爱这个主意，因为你说得太对了。

I actually love that too because I you're so right.

那时确实会有很多庆祝活动，就像，就在之前，感觉一切都会很棒。

There's such a celebration of, like, right before, like, this is gonna be great.

然后，就像，生活开始了。

And then, like, life happens.

然后生活就开始了。

And then life happens.

随之而来的还有各种评判。

And there's judgment.

是啊。

Yeah.

你是个非常独立的人。

You're a very independent person.

嗯。

Mhmm.

我很好奇，对你来说独立意味着什么？

And I wonder what does independence look like for you?

对我来说，独立意味着，就像ASMR一样，因为我正在咀嚼这些百香果广告。

Independence to me means that, like, this is like ASMR because I'm crunching these passion fruit ads.

是吗？

Is it?

你听到了吗？

Are you hearing that?

独立

Independence

好的。

Okay.

独立意味着，我可以自己做决定，做我想做的事。

Is Independence means that, like, I can make my own moves and do what I wanna do.

而且，当我想做什么的时候，我就去做，我也不知道。

And, like, when I wanna do something, I do I don't know.

听着。

Listen.

我跟你说件事。

Let me tell you something.

那时候我多大来着？

This is when I was how old?

我到了能开车的年纪。

I'm driving age.

当我拿到第一辆车的时候，嗯哼。

When I got my first car Mhmm.

我父母给我买了辆车。

My parents got me a car.

好。

K.

我当时特别兴奋。

And I was so excited.

开着它到处跑。

Drove it around everywhere.

我和我的闺蜜们经常开车去接她们，你知道的，就是那种日常。

Me and my girlfriends had picked them up, you know, as you do.

我当时刚拿到驾照。

You're like, just got my license.

我们就开车去麦当劳。

Let's drive to McDonald's.

然后有一天，我下楼时突然发现钥匙不见了。

And then one day, I came downstairs and I was like, where are my keys at?

我到处都找不到。

And I couldn't find them.

我就喊：'等等，爸妈，我的车钥匙呢？'

And I was like, wait, hi, mom, dad, like, where are my keys?

我爸说：'你今天没车开了。'

And he's like, you don't have your car today.

我当时就愣住了。

I was like, wait.

为什么？

Why?

车在修理厂吗？

Is it in the shop?

是去洗车了吗？

Are getting it washed?

你在加油吗？

Are you filling it up?

到底怎么回事？

Like, what's going on?

他说，你今天就是没车用了。

He was like, you just don't have it today.

我把它拿走了。

I took it.

我就说，好吧。

And I'm like, okay.

然后他说，你想开这车吗？

So he's like, you wanna drive it?

我能开你的车吗？

Can I drive yours?

这到底怎么回事？

Like, what's going on?

他说，不行。

He's like, no.

我买的。

I bought it.

车是我的。

I own it.

这是我的车。

It's mine.

你没有车。

You don't have it.

我当时就说，等等。

And I was like, wait.

什么？

What?

是你买的。

You bought it.

那是我的车。

It's my car.

他却说，这不是你的车。

He's like, it's not your car.

这是我买给你的，我也可以收回去。

I bought it for you, and I can take it away.

我就说，我明明什么都没做。

And I was like, I didn't even do anything.

然后我就开始努力思考。

Then I'm like trying to think.

我当时想，我昨晚是不是做了什么？

I'm like, did I do something last night?

比如，他是不是翻了我的东西，到底发生了什么？

Like, did he go through my like, what is happening?

根本什么都没发生。

Nothing had happened.

他只是为了证明车是他买的、不属于我，就把车开走了。

He just took my car away because he wanted to prove a point that, like, he bought it and I didn't own it.

仅仅因为你知道，车当时是他给我买的，所以他也能随时收走。

And just because, you know, he had got me the car at that point, like, he could also take it away.

这件事让我特别恼火。

And I was so annoyed by it.

但后来我又觉得，你是对的。

But then I also was like, you're right.

车确实是他买的，但这真他妈让人火大。

He did buy from but like, this is so fucking annoying.

从那一刻起，我就想，我绝不想再让这种事发生。

And from that moment, I was like, I don't ever want that to happen.

因为我确实需要去一个不是免下车服务的地方。

Because I actually had to go somewhere that wasn't a drive through.

那时候我需要我的车。

And I needed my car at that time.

我是

I was

当然需要啊，Shay。

like Of course you did, Shay.

我当然需要。

Of course I did.

你知道吗？

You know?

我当时想，我得去趟商场。

I was like, I need to go to the mall.

没错。

Right.

所以我当时就想，我绝不会让这种事再次发生。

So I was like, I will never have that happen again.

我要对自己的烂摊子负责。

I'm gonna own my shit.

正是这种想法突然让我醒悟过来。

And like that is what kinda clicked in.

这背后有个更深层的启示——我必须为自己负责，因为没人能夺走这份担当。

There was a bigger message with that that was just really like, I need to own my shit because nobody can take that away from me.

当我真正做到时，一切都感觉好多了。

And everything just feels better when I like, I did that.

你懂吗？

You know?

就像...是啊。

And like Yeah.