本集简介
双语字幕
仅展示文本字幕，不包含中文音频；想边听边看，请使用 Bayt 播客 App。
大家好，欢迎收听《引用需要》播客，这个节目里我们会选一个话题，读一篇维基百科上的文章，然后假装自己是专家，因为这可是互联网。
Hello, and welcome to Citation Needed, the podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia, and pretend we're experts because this is the Internet.
现在就是这么玩的。
That's how it works now.
我是伊莱·博斯尼基，今晚我要在国王面前谦卑一番。
I'm Eli Bosnicki, and I'll be humbolding myself before the king tonight.
不过，那些擅长写双关语的人也在场，我保证。
But the people who write good puns are here too, I promise.
塞西尔、诺亚和希思。
Cecil, Noah, and Heath.
那大概就像是在播客里当最帅的那个人吧。
That's like being the prettiest guy in a podcast, I guess.
嗯，我
Well, I
不知道你怎么会知道那种感觉。
don't know how you would know what that feels like.
但是，是的，我知道确实有这种感觉。
But, yeah, I know it does feel
哦，我在另一个播客上。
Oh, I'm on I'm on another podcast.
那个人快不行了。
That guy's almost dead.
所以这行得通，是的。
So it works Yeah.
当然。
For sure.
我很兴奋。
I'm excited.
坎博尔特。
Cumboldt.
嗯，你喜欢吗？
Well, you like it?
没事。
It's okay.
一开始我把自己的名字说错了。
I got my name wrong at the beginning.
在今晚开始之前，我想花点时间感谢我们的赞助人。
Before we begin tonight, I'd like to take a moment to thank our patrons.
赞助人们，我们正在尽全力解雇汤姆，并起诉他，要回我们已经付给他的钱。
Patrons, we're doing our absolute best to fire Tom and sue him for the money we've already paid him.
但这事很费钱，而且他还在找各种借口。
But the is expensive and he's making up all kinds of excuses.
但我向你们发誓，你们捐给我们的每一分钱，都会用来对付汤姆·库里，纯粹就是为了报复他。
But I swear to you, every dollar you donate to us will be used for spite and spite alone against Tom Curry.
不。
No.
如果你想了解如何加入他们的行列，一定要坚持看到节目结束。
If you'd like to learn how to join their ranks, be sure to stick around till the end of the show.
好了，废话不多说，诺亚，告诉我们，你今天要讲的是哪个人、哪个地方、哪个东西、哪个概念、哪个现象，还是哪个事件？
And with that out of the way, tell us, Noah, what person, place, thing, concept, phenomenon, or event will you be talking about today?
今天我们要讲的是亚历山大·冯·洪堡。
Today, we're gonna be talking about Alexander Von Humboldt.
哦。
Oh.
那为什么我们要讲亚历山大·冯·洪堡呢？
So why are we talking about Alexander Von Humboldt?
因为考虑到他对科学的贡献以及他生前的名气，我觉得现在没多少人知道他，这真的太离谱了。
Because given his contribution to science and his fame during his lifetime, I feel like it's fucking nuts that more people don't know about this guy.
他是现代地理学之父、生态学之父、环境保护主义之父、气候学之父，还有生物地理学之父。
He's the father of modern geography, the father of ecology, the father of environmentalism, the father of climatology, and the father of biogeography.
最后那个嘛，说实话，没前面那几个听起来那么厉害。
The latter of which is admittedly less impressive than the other ones.
那些其实也是埃隆·马斯克几个孩子的名字。
Those are actually some of the names of Elon Musk's kids too.
我觉得如果你发现了地理学，那些前缀和后缀的版本自然就跟着来了。
I feel like if you discover geography, all the pre and suffix versions just sort of come along with it.
你不会发现地理学的。
Now You wouldn't you wouldn't discover geography.
但是……
But...
所以，通常来说，我……你没有……
So so, normally, I I You didn't
只研究现代地理，不研究古代地理。
do ancient geography, only modern.
对，没错。
But right.
显然。
Obviously.
所以，通常我会把这类内容留到文章最后，但为了让你们感受一下这家伙对科学贡献有多大，他名下有企鹅、鱿鱼和松鼠猴都以他的名字命名。
So, normally, I would save something like this for the end of the essay, but just to give you an idea of the enormity of this dude's contribution to science, he has a penguin, a squid, and a squirrel monkey named after him.
还有兰花、百合和橡树。
Also, an orchid, a lily, and an oak tree.
还有狸藻、老鹳草、南美柳、河豚、蜂鸟、甲虫、蝴蝶、海螺、另一种海螺、地衣、果树，还有海湾、洋流、冰川、多座山、多条山脉、多个公园、天坑、州立公园、国家公园、干涸的湖床、一种矿物，以及六所大学。
Also, a bladderwort, cranesbill, and South American Willow, and a river dolphin and a hummingbird, a beetle, a butter butterfly, a marine snail, a different marine snail, a lichen, and a fruit tree, also a bay, a current, a glacier, multiple mountains, multiple mountain ranges, multiple parks, a sinkhole, a state park, a national park, a dry lake bed, a mineral, and six universities.
还有奇瓦瓦、南达科他、内布拉斯加、伊利诺伊、爱荷华、田纳西、堪萨斯、明尼苏达、亚利桑那和萨斯喀彻温的城市，加利福尼亚、内华达和爱荷华的县，芝加哥的公园，秘鲁的森林，布法罗的林荫道，而洪堡就是他吗？
Also, cities in Chihuahua, South Dakota, Nebraska, Illinois, Iowa, Tennessee, Kansas, Minnesota, Arizona, and Saskatchewan, counties in California, Nevada, and Iowa, a park in Chicago, a forest in Peru, and a parkway in Buffalo, and Humboldt is him?
一个月球上的海。
A lunar Mara.
对。
Yes.
还有一颗小行星和另一颗小行星。
And an asteroid and another asteroid.
好。
Okay.
我觉得重复命名有点浪费。
I feel like the duplications are just wasteful though.
比如有人说，哦，我也很喜欢亚历山大·冯·洪堡，我觉得他会更喜欢我的海螺而不是你的。
Like, someone was like, oh, well, I also loved Alexander Von Humboldt, and I think he would like my sea snail more than yours.
那就说，谢
So say, thank
谢。
you.
我当时特别生气，那里居然有两个海螺。
I was furious that there were two marine snails there.
那倒没什么了不起的。
Was not that impressive.
不过那两颗小行星，我觉得一颗叫亚历山大，另一颗叫冯·洪堡。
But the the asteroids, I think one of them is named Alexander and the other one is named Von Humboldt.
所以那……
So that...
就像，它们是……
Like, they're...
我不知道它们是不是成对的。
I don't know if they're in pair.
我做了我的事。
Did my thing.
谢谢。
Thanks.
真酷，克雷格。
That's cool, Craig.
真酷。
That's cool.
哦，而且信不信由你，顺便说一句，那个名单还远远不够详尽。
Oh, and believe it or not, by the way, that list is not remotely exhaustive.
如果够详尽的话，那整集都得讲这个了。
If it was, it would be the whole fucking episode.
有超过1100种物种和地理特征以亚历山大·冯·洪堡命名，比任何其他人都多，而且多得多，紧随其后的是达尔文，但还不到他的三分之一。
There are over 1,100 species and geographical features named after Alexander von Humboldt, more than any other human being, and by a lot, the next closest is Darwin with fewer than a third as many.
所以这个过度的
So the excessive
我们说说那个海螺的名字，看看它会怎么反应。
Let's see which which name the sea snail comes to when we say it.
等等。
Wait.
这样不行。
That doesn't work.
我们说的是
We're saying
没什么。
nothing.
只是……
It's just...
靠。
Fuck.
所以那个名字特别长的
So the excessively named
把你的观点给丢了。
dropped your point.
弗里德里希·威廉·海因里希·亚历山大·冯·洪堡于1769年9月14日在柏林出生。
Friedrich Wilhelm Heinrich Alexander Von Humboldt was born on 09/14/1769 in Berlin.
但那时候还没有德国这个国家，所以严格来说他出生时是普鲁士人。
And that's not Berlin, Germany, because Germany didn't exist as a country yet, so he was actually born Prussian.
他父亲是个小贵族，因为在七年战争中的贡献，得到了租用国家彩票和烟草销售的合同作为奖励。
His father was a minor noble whose reward for his service in Seven Years' War included a contract to lease state lotteries and tobacco sales.
所以基本上，他就像是那种加油站里卖烟卖彩票的贵族。
So he was basically the duke of gas station vices, I guess.
如果你知道的话，他就像是那个王国的太子。
The crown prince of Khrotome, if you know.
但这意味着他的孩子们基本上什么都不用干，也能过得很好。
But what that meant was his kids basically never had to do shit, and they would be fine.
哦，好吧，我猜他的长子在他死后得继承那个‘加油站恶习公爵’的头衔之类的。
Oh, well, I guess his firstborn son had to, like, go on to be the duke of gas station vices after he died or whatever.
但我们的亚历山大不是长子，所以他被扔进了奢华的生活里，本来可以就这样过完一辈子。
But our Alexander was not the firstborn, so he was dropped into the lap of luxury where he could have very well spent the rest of his life.
但他却决定成为老式的大卫·爱登堡，顺便说一句，他是世界上名字被用来命名东西第三多的人。
Instead, he decided to become ye olde David Attenborough, who, by the way, is the guy with the third most shit named after him.
哦，这故事最后是不是以其中一个人被钉在另一个人的标本托盘上结束的？
Oh, this ends with one of them pinned to the specimen tray in the other's collection.
是这样结束的吗？
Is that how this ends?
亚历山大的爸爸在他很小的时候就去世了，维基百科说他妈妈感情上很疏远。
So Alexander's dad died when he was very young, and the wiki said that his mom was emotionally distant.
过了两百五十年再去批评她的育儿方式好像有点奇怪，不过随便吧。
Seems weird to criticize her parenting style from a quarter millennium's distance, but whatever.
她确实做了她的……
She did her...
不过，她确实为孩子们的成功铺好了路。
Set her kids up for success, though.
她给他们请了最好的家庭教师。
She got them the best possible tutors.
实际上，他童年时期的两位家庭教师都很有名，甚至都有自己的维基百科条目。
Two of his childhood tutors are famous enough to have earned their own Wikipedia articles, actually.
不过，其中一位的条目在第一段里还提到了亚历山大·冯·洪堡的导师，所以我……
Though one of them mentions also a mentor of Alexander Von Humboldt in the first paragraph, so I I...
你可能是在历史上把他们抬得太高了。
You might be holding them aloft historically.
抱歉。
Sorry.
在1769年，你得有多冷漠才会被特别提到啊？
How emotionally distant do you have to be for it to be worthy of mention in 1769?
她是不是连他的名字都记不住？
Could she not remember his name?
这有点奇怪。
That's weird.
感觉有点怨气。
It feels kinda resentful.
你懂我的意思吗？
You know what I mean?
就像，我是我自己。
Like, I'm my own person.
比如，在《七宝奇谋》里演Chunk的那个人，他现在是个律师。
Like, the guy the guy who played Chunk in The Goonies, he's a lawyer now.
你知道每个法官都会说，来吧。
And you know every judge is like, come on.
来一段松露舞。
Do the do the truffle shuffle.
我现在是律师了。
I'm a lawyer now.
所以他上了大学，各位。
So he he goes on to university guys.
他在那里跟着更多有自己维基百科条目的人学习，而且他几乎什么都学。
Where he studies under a bunch more guys, who have their own Wikipedia entries, and he studies pretty much everything.
洪堡最突出的特点就是他学习的领域非常广泛。
What marks Humboldt out more than anything else is how eclectic his learning was.
不像我们现在期望科学家那样，或者当时人们也差不多这样期望，专注于某一个特定领域，他学了地质学、植物学、矿物学、解剖学、生物学、天文学、人类学，几乎十八世纪末所有有名字的学科他都学了。
Instead of drilling into, like, one specific field of study, like we kind of expect scientists to do now and how they more or less expected scientists to do back then, he studied geology, botany, mineralogy, anatomy, biology, astronomy, anthropology, like, pretty much everything that they had a name for in the late eighteenth century.
毕业后，他在普鲁士矿业部门当了一名督察。
So after graduation, he got a job working as an inspector for the Prussian Department of Mines.
而且，显然他工作做得非常好。
And, apparently, he was super good at his job.
他的工作是去各个矿山，告诉他们怎么更好地开采，在他的领导下，他去的每个地方金矿产量都创了新高。
His job was to go to mines and tell them how to mine better, and under his leadership, gold ore production hit a new record everywhere he went.
这也是我们第一次看到他身上那种人道主义精神，这种精神后来贯穿了他所做的很多事情。
This is also where we get the first hint of the humanitarian streak that was gonna mark so much of what he did.
在他担任矿场检查员期间，他非常关心矿工的福祉，以至于用自己的钱为他们创办了一所学校，并为在工地事故中受伤的矿工设立了紧急救济基金。
During his time as a mine inspector, he grew concerned enough about the well-being of the miners that he started a school for them with his own money and established an emergency relief fund for miners injured in job site accidents.
哇。
Wow.
那时候，政府用
Back then, the government used
来帮助矿工，而不是掩盖贩卖人口的问题。
to help miners instead of just covering up the trafficking.
俄罗斯17世纪的美好时光。
The good old days of 17 of Russia.
天哪，我们国家现在变成什么样了。
Jesus is where we are as a nation.
所以从1792年毕业到1799年，他游历了整个欧洲，结识了许多有自己维基百科词条的有影响力的科学家和思想家。
So from his graduation in 1792 through 1799, he bounced all over Europe meeting influential scientists and thinkers who have their own Wikipedia articles.
他和歌德成了朋友，还解剖过被闪电击中的人。
He befriended Goethe, and he dissected people struck by lightning.
好的。
Okay.
这名单真奇怪。
That's a weird list.
就是，挺怪的……
Like, that's a weird...
而且最后那条特别具体。
And very specific, that last one.
他老是从那些该死的骗子那儿弄到尸体，然后问，这不是闪电劈的吧？
He's always getting corpses from fucking liars, being like, this was not lightning, was it?
是吗？
Was it?
所以……
So...
这肯定是电鳗干的，我看得出来。
This was an eel, I could tell.
他那情感疏离的母亲就是在这个时期去世的，但这似乎一点都没影响他。
His emotionally distant mother died in this period, but that didn't seem to slow him down at all.
他和他的兄弟——他唯一在世的兄弟——都没去参加她的葬礼。
Neither he nor his brother, who was his only surviving sibling, bothered with her funeral.
好吧。
Okay.
什么……
What...
所以……
So...
这挺让人难过的。
That's sad.
她说，她是被闪电劈死的吗？
She said, was it lightning that killed her?
不是吗？
No?
好的。
Okay.
嗯，我这就来。
Well, I'm coming.
我觉得她死了更好。
I think she's Die better.
而且根据一位在他去世后不久给他写信的记者的说法，引用原话，'她的死一定让你特别高兴。'
And according to one correspondent that wrote to him shortly after, quote, her death must be particularly welcomed by you.
引用结束。
Quote.
别担心。
Don't worry.
我已经告诉仆人们把她放进正确颜色的垃圾袋里了。
I told the servants to put her out in the right colored trash bag.
我是说，为了环保。
I mean, into ecology.
这真是胡闹。
It's a horsing.
现在我们不完全确定他为什么那么恨他妈妈，但他确实给了那位来自普鲁士的传统古板贵族夫人不少生气的理由。
Now we're not entirely sure why he hated his mom so much, but he gave a traditional stuffy aristocratic lady from Prussia plenty to be angry about.
首先，洪堡可能是同性恋或双性恋，但他和男性有过好几段恋情，而且并没有完全保密。
First and foremost, Humboldt was gay or bisexual probably, but he carried out several love affairs with men, and he didn't keep it all that secret.
但这也可能……
But it also...
可能是因为他拒绝接受家族的路德教信仰。
It might have been because of his rejection of his family's Lutheran faith.
他否认自己是无神论者，但他的著作在很大程度上把上帝排除在外，这让很多同时代的人感到不安。
He pushed back against the label of atheism, but his writings left God out to a degree that made a lot of his contemporaries nervous.
他还对教会的许多滥用行为持强烈批评态度，不过这算是德国人的一种骄傲传统。
He was also highly critical of a lot of the church's abuses, though that was kind of a proud German tradition.
也许更有争议的是他对犹太教非常宽容，这在那时并不……
Perhaps more controversial was the fact that he was very tolerant of Judaism, which was not...
这确实不是德国的传统。
Very much not a German tradition.
其实也不是任何人的传统。
Not really anybody's tradition.
对。
No.
即使在犹太教里，也不完全是。
Not even in Judaism, really.
总之，到了1799年，他有了足够的人脉、关系和继承的财富，可以进行真正的旅行了。
Anyway, so by 1799, he had enough clout connections and inherited enough fortune to do some real travel.
但只是……
But just...
我的意思是，那时候，光是有能力自己组织探险还不够。
I mean, back then, just being able to charter your own expedition wasn't enough.
你还需要得到各个正在忙着瓜分世界势力范围的派系的许可，而他们中的大多数都在互相打仗。
You also needed permission from the various factions that were busy carving the world up into spheres of influence, most of whom were at war with one another.
这花了一段时间，但最终他为自己和艾姆·冯·普伦特获得了前往南美洲的许可。艾姆是一位法国医生和植物学家，当时几乎可以肯定是洪堡的情人。
It took a while, but eventually, he secured permission to travel to South America for himself and Aem von Plundt, a a French physician and botanist who was almost certainly Humboldt's lover at the time.
好的。
Okay.
宝贝，我知道狂欢节还没到，但相信我，这一定会超级疯狂、超级好玩。
Baby, I know Carnival isn't the thing yet, but trust me, this is gonna be so crazy and fun.
尽管他是普鲁士公民，名义上也是该国政府的雇员，但他还是从西班牙王室那里获得了探险许可。这主要是因为当时缺乏有能力的博物学家愿意自费前往地球上未开发的疟疾肆虐地区，去看看那里有什么。
But despite being a Prussian citizen and ostensibly an employee of that government, he was able to obtain permission from the Spanish crown for his expedition, and that was mostly because there was a shortage of competent naturalists willing to make the journey to an unexplored malarial part of the globe for the purposes of see what's there on their own dime.
所以各国政府抢占殖民地的速度比他们探索殖民地的速度还快，而西班牙希望通过了解殖民地到底有什么来抵消成本。
So governments were grabbing up colonies faster than they could explore them, and Spain was hoping to offset the costs by finding out, you know, what was actually in those colonies.
还有谁比一个擅长提高金矿石产量的矿山检查员更合适呢？
And who better to send than a mine inspector with a penchant for increasing gold ore production?
于是他们出发前往哈瓦那，但一场伤寒疫情迫使船只在委内瑞拉靠岸。正是在那里，亚历山大·冯·洪堡做出了他对科学的第一个重大贡献，而且这很可能是他最重要的贡献。
So they set out for Havana, but an outbreak of typhoid fever forces the ship to port in Venezuela, and that's where Alexander Von Humboldt will make his first major contribution to science, and it was probably his most important.
西班牙王室非常希望他做的一件事，就是考察他们的农业作业，并给他们提供提高产量和效率的建议。
So one of the things the Spanish crown really wanted him to do is take a look at their agricultural operations and give them ideas about how to increase production and efficiency.
所以他去参观加拉加斯附近的一个可可种植园，发现附近湖泊的水位下降了不少。
So he's visiting this cacao plantation near Caracas, and he sees that the water level of the nearby lake has gone down quite a bit.
在研究水位下降原因的过程中，他成了第一个提出人为气候变化概念的人。
And while he's studying the causes of that, he would be the first person to develop the concept of human caused climate change.
好的。
Okay.
那挺酷的。
That's cool.
他马上开始解释，结果被水球砸中了。
He starts explaining it immediately, gets hit with a water balloon.
詹姆斯，
James in,
别这样。
Come on.
你怎么……
What do you...
成熟点吧。
Grow up.
这到底是什么意思？
What does that even mean?
哪里有水？
Where there's water?
我不是说没有水。
I'm not saying there's not water.
真蠢。
So stupid.
所以……
So...
再给我来一个。
Hit me with another one.
你再给我扔一个水球。
You hit me with another balloon.
那到底是什么东西？
What even is that?
那是橡胶做的，还是……
Is that, like, rubber or is that...
那对环境可不好。
That's gonna be bad for the environment.
那是石油产品吗？
Is that a petroleum product?
所以他在委内瑞拉还干了一堆别的事。
So so he did a bunch of other shit in Venezuela.
他花了很多时间沿着奥里诺科河旅行，记录了沿途的植物、动物和当地的原住民文化。
He spent a ton of time traveling the Orinoco River, documented the flora, the fauna, the native cultures he found along the way.
他还成功记录了一个最近灭绝的亚马逊部落——阿图鲁斯人的部分文化。
He was also able to partially document the culture of a recently extinct Amazonian tribe called the Aturus.
我提到他们，是因为这引出了他维基百科文章里最有趣的一句话，引用一下：“这个部落的几个词，是由一只鹦鹉传给洪堡的。”引用结束。
And I only mention them because it gives rise to the most fascinating sentence in his Wikipedia article, quote, several words of the tribe were transferred to Humboldt by one parrot, end quote.
这只鸟？
This bird?
这就像个《摩登原始人》里的法庭记录员。
It's like a Flintstones court reporter.
上面就是这么写的。
That's what it says.
所以
So
然后他就去了
then he went living.
古巴，在那里他花了大量时间和精力记录植物、地质和文化，因此常被称为古巴的第二发现者，这说法虽然挺种族主义的，但在当时无疑是个很大的荣誉。
To Cuba, where he spent so much time and effort documenting the botany, geology, and culture that he's often called the second discoverer of Cuba, which is, like, super fucking racist, but no doubt quite an honor at the time.
那个真正重要的古巴发现者。
The discoverer of Cuba that mattered.
古巴，但这次是来真的……
Cuba, but you know, for real this time...
回到我身边来。
Come back to me.
我正试着……
I'm trying to...
各位，我们算白人吗？
Guys, do we count as white?
我觉得我们应该算吧。
Like, I I feel like we should.
我们是白人吗？
Are we white?
我们现在做的这件事，感觉挺白人的。
This feels white, the thing that we're doing.
嗯，说清楚点，第一个发现者也是个欧洲人。
Well, to be clear, the first discoverer was also some European to it.
所以……
So...
所以……
So...
好吧。
Okay.
所以……
So...
但后来他去了安第斯山脉，在那里他掠夺了一群土著，还有几个厄瓜多尔贵族爬上了白雪皑皑的钦博拉索火山，到达了19286英尺的高度。
But then he went to the Andes, where he bon plund a bunch of natives and a few Ecuadorian noblemen climbed the snow capped volcano Chimborazo to a height of 19,286 feet.
那是5878米。
That's 5,878 meters.
虽然他们离山顶还差个一千英尺左右，但他们确实达到了当时欧洲人认为的新高度纪录。
And while they missed the summit by a good thousand feet or so, they did achieve what Europeans thought at the time was a new altitude record.
天哪，之前连西方人都没在热气球里飞到过那个高度。
Hell, no westerner had even reached that elevation in a fucking hot air balloon.
然而，印加人几个世纪以来一直经常做到这一点。
Incas, however, had been routinely doing it for centuries.
真不想看到这样。
I hate to see it.
好吧。
Alright.
嗯，我得找只鹦鹉问问那座山顶上到底发生了什么。
Well, I've got a parrot to ask about what happened near the top of that mountain.
所以，趁我去打听内幕消息的时候，我们稍微休息一下，聊点别的。
So while I get the straight tea, we'll take a little break for some apropos of nothing.
看，Cheo，这就是哈拉帕山的山顶，而我，是第一个亲眼看到它的人。
There it is, Cheo, the top of Harappa Mountain, and here I am, the first man to gaze upon it.
确实是你。
Indeed you are.
这真是个了不起的发现，先生。
What an incredible discovery, sir.
嘿，Cheo。
Hey, Cheo.
你有没有
Have you
看到我的山羊？
seen my goats?
我感觉自己像“老兄”一样。
I feel like Dude.
老兄。
Dude.
哦。
Oh.
我是说，哇。
I mean, woah.
你们是怎么上来的？
How'd you guys get up here?
以前从来没有人到过这么高的地方。
Nobody's ever been up this high before.
太疯狂了。
It's crazy.
真的吗？
Really?
那你从哪儿来的？
Then where did you come from?
哦，我吗？
Oh, me?
我，我刚才在下面。
I was I was down.
下面？
Down?
下面。
Down.
对。
Yep.
下面。
Down.
我在下面。
I was down.
就是……
Just...
我大概就是在等一个白人发现这座山吧。
I was just waiting for a white guy to discover this mountain, probably.
嘿，克雷格。
Hey, Craig.
我查过这里，没有……
I checked up here, and there aren't...
而且……
And...
哦，靠。
Oh, fuck.
是个白人。
It's a white guy.
哎呀，得了吧。
Oh, come on.
你怎么跑到那么高的地方去的？
How did you get all the way up there?
我
I
跟着你来的？
followed you?
听着，我很清楚你们原住民早就发现了这座山，你们只是让那些来的白人以为是自己发现的。
Look, it's very obvious to me that you natives discovered this mountain first, and you're just letting white guys who come here think they discovered it.
什么？
What?
我们从来没有
We've never
没做过。
done No.
没有。
No.
不是的。
No.
不对。
No.
太晚了，你把我兴致都扫没了。
It's too late, and you've ruined it for me.
哎呀。
Aw.
得了吧，哥们。
Come on, man.
嘿。
Hey.
嘿。
Hey.
河的另一边有一条从来没人去过的河。
There's a river on the other side that nobody's ever before.
你想不想去探索一下？
You wanna you wanna discover that?
我愿意。
I would.
别让所有人都离开河，大概十五分钟。
Don't tell everybody to get out of the river for, like, fifteen minutes.
我这就去办。
I'm on it.
你说什么？
What'd you say?
我说，我很荣幸见到你。
I said I'm honored to meet you.
好的。
Okay.
现在试试。
Try it now.
不行。
Nope.
还是没信号。
Still no signal.
嘿，伙计们。
Hey, fellas.
你们在干嘛呢？
What you up to?
这卫星设备是怎么回事？
What's with the satellite rig?
哦。
Oh.
嘿，诺亚。
Hey, Noah.
嘿，塞西尔。
Hey, Cecil.
自从我们通过Mint Mobile夏季促销摆脱了大无线运营商，我们一直在想还有什么能摆脱。
So ever since we freed ourselves from big wireless with the Mint Mobile summer sales, we've been seeing what else we're free from.
结果发现，其实没
Turns out it's not a
多少。
lot.
你们知道
Did you guys
每个州都有法律吗？
know there are laws in like every state?
我，我知道，是的。
I I did know Yes.
但是Mint Mobile的夏季促销是什么？
But what's the Mint Mobile summer sale?
现在，Mint的所有套餐都是每月15美元，包括无限流量。
Right now, all of Mint's plans are $15 per month, even unlimited.
所以，摆脱大型无线运营商和他们的花招和陷阱，改用Mint，享受高速数据和T-Mobile 5G网络的覆盖。
So free yourself from big wireless and their gimmicks and gotchas, and switch to Mint for high speed data and coverage on the t mobile five g network.
听起来不错。
Sounds great.
确实。
It is.
你甚至可以保留你现在的手机和号码，不像自己创业那样麻烦。
You can even bring your current phone and your number, unlike trying to start your own internet.
空军击落了我们的火箭。
The air force shot our rocket down.
他们
They
他们确实这么做了。
do that.
但你真的试过吗？
But have you actually tried it?
我当然试过。
I sure have.
他们成为赞助商的时候，我就换到了Mint Mobile。
I switched to Mint Mobile when they became a sponsor.
现在我的服务和以前一样好，但价格便宜多了。
Now I get the same great service as my old plan, but it's at a fraction of the cost.
这就是为什么我，Eli Bosnic，亲自推荐Mint Mobile。
That's why I, Eli Bosnic, personally endorse Mint Mobile.
好了，各位。
Alright, fellas.
我信了。
I'm sold.
我在哪里注册？
Where do I sign up?
要获得每月只需15美元的新无线套餐，请访问mintmobile.com/citation。
To get your new wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com/citation.
就是mintmobile.com/citation。
That's mintmobile.com/citation.
把无线账单降到每月15美元，访问mintmobile.com/citation。
Got your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com/citation.
就这样。
That's it.
没有陷阱。
There's no catch.
预付45美元
Upfront payment of $45
三个月90美元，六个月180美元，或者十二个月
for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for twelve
需要选择月套餐。
months plan required.
相当于每月15美元，税费另计，仅限初始套餐期，超过50GB流量时在繁忙时段可能会降速，包含最多20GB热点流量，需要支持相应功能的设备，可用性、速度和覆盖范围因地区而异。
$15 per month equivalent, taxes and fees extra, initial plan term only, greater than 50 gigabytes may slow when it is busy, includes up to 20 gigabyte hotspot, capable device required, availability, speed, and coverage varies.
详情请见mintmobile.com。
See mintmobile.com.
好了，各位。
Alright, guys.
谢谢。
Thanks.
嘿，你从哪儿弄来的火箭和卫星？
Hey, where did you get a rocket and a satellite anyway?
哦，我有门路。
Oh, I've got a guy.
有门路？
Got a guy?
展开剩余字幕（还有 274 条）
我忘了。
I forgot.
我们回来了。
And we're back.
我们上次说到，这家伙干的事简直太离谱了，我从来没听说过。
When we left off, this man was doing some sea snail worthy shit if ever I've heard about it.
可能甚至比离谱还离谱。
Maybe maybe even two sea sails.
我能这么说吗？
Can I say that?
知道。
Know.
告诉我们，诺亚，接下来发生了什么。
Tell us, Noah, what happened next.
好的。
Alright.
所以我在说这些地方的时候，有一点值得注意，就是你知道，他要去的地方，基本上都没有路。
So it's worth noting as I'm talking about all these places that, know, you that he's going to, like, none of them have roads.
而且很多地方连小路都没有。
Again, many of them don't even have paths.
或者说，就算有路，也不是他想走的方向。
Or, I mean, not paths going the way he wants to go.
就算有地图，也都是特别简陋的那种。
If there are maps at all, they're rudimentary as all shit.
就是那种，想想看，跟餐垫一样的地图。
I mean, think fucking placemat map.
所以当洪堡和邦普兰决定翻越安第斯山脉去太平洋的时候，他们就是完全凭感觉走，基本上他们所有的探险都是这么干的。
So when Humboldt and Bompland decide to cross over the Andes to the Pacific, they're just winging it, which is how basically all their exploration is done.
他们遇到了刘易斯和克拉克，就像《僵尸肖恩》里另一队人一样，互相指着对方。
They come across Lewis and Clark like the other team in Shaun of the Dead that were pointing at each other.
所以从安第斯山脉出发，他们在太平洋沿岸搭上了一艘船，前往——
So from the Andes, they catch a ship off the Pacific Coast to
也进入大门。
Enter gate too.
厄瓜多尔，然后他们前往当时称为新西班牙、现在称为墨西哥的地方。
Ecuador, and they head to, what was then called New Spain and is now called Mexico.
在那里，他撰写了一份关于该国矿业的极其详尽的报告，让西班牙人高兴得不得了。
While he was there, he produced an incredibly extensive report on the nation's mining that tickled the shit out of the Spanish.
他还详细记录了阿兹特克遗址，测量了海拔，帮助建立了一条从墨西哥城到韦拉克鲁斯的更安全路线，识别了当地植物，还做了其他那些能让人以你名字命名事物的那种事，李。
He also detailed Aztec ruins, measured elevations, helped establish a safer route from Mexico City to Veracruz, identified local plants, and otherwise did the kind of shit that gets shit named after you, Lee.
好的。
Okay.
等等。
Hold on.
希思肯定在某个地方有一种以他名字命名的饮品，而且我敢打赌，那个获得这份荣誉的东西肯定没什么尊严可言。
Heath definitely has a drink named after him somewhere, and I guarantee there is not a lot of dignity in whatever did get that honor.
就这些。
That's all
我也是这么说的。
I'm saying.
那确实不太体面。
It was not dignified.
没错。
That is correct.
不过说实话，洪堡在墨西哥的时候可能也干过这事儿。
Well, but to be fair, Humboldt did that too while he was in Mexico, probably.
所以
So
所以从那以后，这玩意儿就叫希斯棒 punch。
so from there It's called Heath Barpunch.
所以从那儿开始，他决定想去美国看看。
So from there, he decided he wanted to see The United States.
他从西班牙那边拿到的许可文件……
His permission slip from the Spanish mark...
显然，君主制不会让他入境，但到那时，他已经是一位相当知名的欧洲科学家，而当时的总统托马斯·杰斐逊非常渴望欧洲科学家来让美国得到重视。
Monarchy wouldn't get him in, obviously, but by now, he's a pretty well known European scientist, and then president Thomas Jefferson was desperate for European scientists to make...
让美国被认真对待。
Take America seriously.
所以当洪堡写信请求许可来美国做研究时……
So when Humboldt wrote to ask permission to come do and so...
杰斐逊回信表示，如果这能让他快点来，基本上愿意为他做任何事。
Do some scientisting, Jefferson sent back an offer to basically suck his dick if that would hurry him along.
这确实有用。
It would.
他告诉杰斐逊他在赤道附近发现了猛犸象的牙齿，这大大促进了事情的发展，因为杰斐逊一直痴迷于美洲大陆上可能还有活着的猛犸象这个想法。
It helped matters a lot that he told Jefferson that he found mammoth teeth near the Equator, and Jefferson was kind of obsessed with the idea that there were still living mammoths somewhere on the American continent.
我觉得在找到牙齿之前应该早就有人注意到了，但我欣赏这种乐观。
I feel like someone would have noticed before they found teeth, but I appreciate the optimism.
先发现牙齿确实有点奇怪。
Teeth first is weird.
所以
So
在美国待了几周后，他回到欧洲，开始出版他在美国旅行期间记录的4000页日记的删减版。
after a few weeks in The US, he goes back to Europe, and he sets about publishing an abridged form of the 4,000 pages of diary notes he kept while he was on his American sojourn.
而且他出版得非常奢华。
And and he publishes them extravagantly.
他很有钱，也不节俭，所以他的书里满是全彩插图和视觉上很吸引人的图表之类的东西。
He was rich, he wasn't frugal, so his books were filled with these full color illustrations and visually engaging charts and shit.
他还把自己的作品翻译成尽可能多的语言，直到几乎耗尽了他所有的个人财产。
He also had his shit translated into as many languages as he could before he exhausted pretty much his entire personal fortune.
听起来这家伙研究过生物学、地理学和宣传学。
Sounds like this guy studied biology, geography, and publicity.
我说得对吧？
Am I right?
就是没学过会计。
Just not fucking accounting.
但他不只是……
But he wasn't just...
听起来这家伙的老婆在购物。
Sounds like this guy's wife be shopping.
我说得对吗，比尔？
Am I right, Bill?
我说得对吧？
Am I right?
我他妈在跟凳子做爱。
I am fucking a stool.
你看不见，因为这是音频会议。
You can't see it because it's an audio meeting.
但他不只是个文笔好、书做得漂亮的作家。
But he wasn't just an engaging writer with really pretty books.
他还是个非常出色的科学家。
He was also a fantastic scientist.
他在探险期间的测量和记录，对地理学、气象学和植物学都做出了重大贡献。
His measurements and records during the expedition made major contributions to geography, meteorology, and botany.
他也是最早意识到描述一个新生物标本时，还得描述其环境的博物学家之一。
He was also among the first naturalists to realize that part of describing a new biological specimen was describing its environment.
这在今天看来可能没什么，但在当时可是革命性的。
And that might not seem like much today, but it was revolutionary at the time.
他对环境因素的关注，催生出了全新的科学领域，而且不止一个。
His focus on environmental factors would spin off whole new sciences, like multiple sciences.
他测量极其精准，以至于今天我们称那种在非实验室环境下进行精确测量的科学为“洪堡式科学”。
And he was so good at taking the most precise possible measurements that today, we call the type of science that goes out and takes really precise measurements in non laboratory environments, Humboldtian science.
各位，你们看。
Guys, look.
我和其他科学家一样喜欢估算，但如果我们真的把全部洪堡精神都投入到
I love guesstimating as much as the next scientist, but what if we really put our full Humboldt pussy into
树桩上呢？
the stump?
你懂我的意思吧？
You know what I'm saying?
嗯，洪堡也是以门蒂兰命名的，对吧？
Well, Humboldt is another thing named after Mentilan, doesn't it?
你可以把名字放在“量两次再剪一次”上，或者放在你的
You can have your name on measure twice cut once, or you can have your
名字放在屁眼上。
name on butthole.
你得选一个，不然会
You gotta pick one or it's gonna
搞混的。
be confusing.
那会是悲剧性的混淆。
It's be a tragic confusion.
我能有多少只c蜗牛？
How many c snails can I have?
那是……
That's...
所以他的另一个重大贡献，就是理清了自然界的整体性。
So his other big contribution was to sort of suss out the holistic nature of nature.
现在听起来当然觉得理所当然，但这只是因为我们几百年来一直在沿用亚历山大·冯·洪堡的模型。
Again, it sounds pretty fucking obvious today, but that's only because we've been building off Alexander Von Humboldt's model for centuries now.
在他之前，欧洲人对自然的普遍看法是圣经式的。
Before him, the common European worldview when it came to nature was biblical.
自然就是用来被人类征服的。
Nature was there for humans to subdue.
上帝把动植物放在那里供我们使用，我们想怎么糟蹋就怎么糟蹋。
God put the animals and the plants there for us, and we could do whatever the fuck we wanted with them.
即使在宗教界之外，这种观点也依然盛行。
And even outside of the religious world, that view still held sway.
你只要看看十八世纪末那些科学实验的残忍程度，就能明白这一点。
You don't need to look any further than the abject cruelty of scientific experiments of the late seventeen hundreds to verify that.
而且，是的，我是在拿这个跟往兔子身上泼腐蚀性化学品做比较，看看它们能不能做成好眼影之类的。
And, yes, I'm comparing that to pouring caustic chemicals on bunnies to see if they make good eye shadow and shit.
你得把它们点着了，才能做出真正的烟熏妆。
You have to light them on fire to get a proper smoky eye out of them.
好。
Good.
整件事。
A whole thing.
听起来你像是在侮辱萨拉·赫卡比·桑德斯。
Sounds like you're insulting Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
我不
I'm not
确定为什么。
sure why.
总是。
Always.
所以他们就把你屏蔽了。
So They block you.
那我给你举个简单的例子，说说伊丽莎白·霍姆斯是怎么……
So let me give you a quick example of how Elizabeth Holmes, is
那是你吗？
that you?
不是。
No.
那我给你举个简单的例子，说明我所说的这种观念在这里有多根深蒂固。
So let me give you a quick example of how baked in the perception that I'm talking about is here.
今天我们谈到自然资源保护部门时，我们默认保护的对象就是自然本身。
When we talk about the Department of Conservation today, we assume that the thing that's being conserved is nature itself.
我们是在保护溪流、森林和田野，让它们保持自然状态，或者更现实地说，我们只是象征性地做做样子，同时却为资本主义赖以生存的那种荒谬的无限增长幻想让路。
We're conserving the streams and the forests and the fields in a natural state, or more realistically, we're sort of making a vague stab at doing that while making way for the fucking pipe dream of infant growth that fuels capitalism.
但我们至少认为，保护自然才是目的。
But we think at least that the point is to conserve nature.
但是当“保护部”这个词被创造出来的时候，他们想要保护的是足够的鱼和猎物，供户外运动者使用。
But when the term Department of Conservation was coined, what they were trying to conserve was enough fish and game for outdoorsmen.
换句话说，他们想确保周围总有足够的鹿和鱼供他们猎杀。
In other words, they wanted to make sure that there was always enough deer and fish around for them to kill.
你知道，就像AI看待人类那样。
You know, the way AI feels about humans.
没错。
Exactly.
问题是这样的。
Here's the thing.
他们可能会想留几个我们这样的人在身边，好让他们在赢了之后嘲弄我们。
They're gonna want a few of us around so they can taunt us, like, you know, after they win.
不然就没意思了。
Otherwise, it ruins it.
我觉得他们会选我
I feel like they're gonna pick me
选我。
for it.
他们会喜欢我这种一被选就特别生气的人。
They're gonna love me for somebody who gets really mad when you pick them.
我容易被激怒。
I tauntable.
那当然。
That's for sure.
特别容易被激怒。
Very tauntable.
特别容易被激怒。
Very tauntable.
容易被激怒。
Tauntable.
我正巴不得被他们激怒呢。
I'm backing into just eagerly the taunting.
但是，当然，洪堡在一个刚刚被资本主义征服的地区进行的观察和测量，确实挑战了那种整体观点。
But, of course, Humboldt's observations and measurements in an area that was only just being subdued by capitalism really challenged that whole view.
他无意中表明，我们急于砍伐所有树木、排干沼泽、修建运河，实际上正在对我们周围的环境造成不可逆转的改变。
He showed without even meaning to that our rush to cut down all the trees and drain the swamps and build canals actually was making irreconcilable changes to the environment around us.
而这一观察很难与当时主流世界观中那种“别担心，上帝会解决的”观点相调和。
And that's a really hard observation to reconcile with the don't worry, God will fix it view that sort of undergirded the dominant worldview of the time.
谢天谢地，现在人们不再这么想了。
Thank goodness people don't feel that way anymore.
那太可怕了。
That would be awful.
所以，总之，在探险之后，他开始着手出版这部巨著。
So, anyway, so following expedition, he sets out to publish this massive work.
他以为大概需要两年时间。
He thinks it's gonna take about two years.
结果花了二十一年，而且即便如此，与其说是完成了，不如说是被放弃了。
It takes twenty one, and even then, it was it was more abandoned than finished.
但在1829年，他决定要出去再探索一番，这简直疯了，因为1829年的时候他已经60岁了。
But in 1829, he decided he wanted to get out there and do some more exploring, which is fucking nuts because in 1829, he was 60 years old.
那可是1829年的60岁啊。
And that's 60 in 1829 years.
换算成2026年，相当于143岁。
That's a 143 in twenty twenty six years.
但在1829年，一位俄罗斯的财政部长……
But in 1829, a Russian finance mister...
主动联系他，希望他能去乌拉尔山脉，评估一下俄罗斯推行铂金本位货币的可行性。
Minister reached out to him hoping that he would come to the Euro Mountains and assess the feasibility of Russia starting a platinum based currency.
其实铂金本位货币这个想法很蠢，他自己心里清楚，根本不用爬什么山去告诉别人，但他不想错过一次好玩旅行的机会。
Now the idea of a platinum based currency was stupid, and he knew that without having to go up to any fucking mountain to tell anybody, but he didn't wanna pass up on a chance for a cool trip.
所以他接受了那位先生的邀请，假装自己会认真评估。
So he took the dude up on the offer, and he pretended that he was gonna assess it.
既然他反正要往那边去，俄罗斯又问他，要不要顺便参观一下他们的许多矿山，看看有没有什么提高产量的建议。
And once he was heading that way anyway, Russia asked if maybe he'd like to take a tour of their many mines and see if he had any ideas on how to increase production in them.
他们哪知道，其实只要出钱请他这趟差事，就足以把他吸引过去了。
Little did they know, all they really needed to do to entice him though was just pay for the fucking trip.
他早就把遗产挥霍在给自己书里那些酷炫的插画上了，所以只要能再参与一次大型探险，这就足够让他心动了。
He'd long since squandered his inheritance on groovy illustrations for his books, so just the ability to take on another big expedition was more than enough to convince him.
于是从1829年5月到11月，洪堡和他的探险队走了将近一万英里，也就是超过一万五千公里，从圣彼得堡一路到了西伯利亚中部，而这两地直线距离其实只有两千五百英里左右。
So between May and November of eighteen twenty nine, Humboldt and his expedition traveled almost 10,000 miles, over 15,000 kilometers from Saint Petersburg to Central Siberia, which are only about 2,500 miles apart.
所以他们走的路线肯定不是直线的。
So they certainly didn't take the direct route.
一路上，他们把能想到的所有东西都测量了一遍，唯独没去碰那些跟俄国农奴的生活和处境有关的事。
All along the way, they measured everything they could think to quantify except anything to do with the lives and conditions of Russian serfs.
跟他之前在美国的那次探险不一样，这次他身边一直跟着政府派来的人，不停地指手画脚：别往那边看。
Unlike his American expedition, this one was constantly accompanied by government representatives going, don't look in that direction.
往这边看。
Look over that way.
这种做派，俄罗斯一直延续到了今天。
A tradition that Russia maintains to this very day.
我敢打赌他们的一些士兵希望‘向上’也是一个选项。
I bet some of their soldiers wish that up was an option.
精神。
The spirit.
他的俄罗斯探险持续了八个月。
His Russian expedition lasted for eight months.
维基百科还贴心地补充说，沿途用了12,244匹马，以防有人对这个数字好奇。
The wiki helpfully adds that it used 12,244 horses along the way in case anybody was curious about that number.
最终，他对这次探险感到失望。
Ultimately, he was disappointed in the endeavor.
政府的干预让他没法做任何特别有用的科学研究，而且他在每个地方停留的时间都很短，甚至都没来得及以他的名字命名任何东西，但严格来说，这确实让他在有生之年踏足了四个大洲进行科学研究。
Government interference kept him from doing any particularly useful science, and he was barely in any one place long enough to even get anything named after him, but it does technically have him doing science on four continents before the end of his life.
12,244匹马。
12,244 horses.
他们是不是把它们一头接一头地排成
Did they just put them end to
排成一排，然后踩着它们的背走过去？
end and walk there on their backs?
这到底是怎么回事？
What the fuck happened?
他89岁时在柏林去世，临终遗言还挺有水平的。
So he died in Berlin at the age of 89, and he had some pretty solid last words.
他说：这些阳光多么灿烂啊。
Quote, how glorious these sunbeams are.
仿佛在召唤大地升向天堂。
They seem to call Earth to the heavens, end quote.
不知道他在说什么，但听起来挺美的。
No idea what he's talking about, but that sounds good.
好吧。
Okay.
我觉得，这显然是事先想好的。
I mean, clearly planned that out.
不过我还是希望，他做完那件事之后并没有立刻死掉，然后他
I wanna believe that he didn't die right away, though, after he did that, and then he
心想，糟了。
was like, fuck.
我得
I have to
保持沉默一会儿。
stay silent for a while.
对。
Yes.
或者也许那就是他说的全部内容了。
Or maybe that's, like, all he said.
就像，他会……
Like, he would...
就像，他那样，跟格鲁特似的。
Like, he was, like, Groot.
有一段时间，不管你说什么，他都只会用那句话来回答。
He would just answer no matter what you said with that for a while.
所以到他去世的时候，他几乎当选了当时世界上所有存在的学术团体的成员。
So by the time of his death, he'd been elected to pretty much every learned society that existed in the world at the time.
他像战争英雄一样荣誉满身，而且对达尔文、梭罗等著名思想家产生了重大影响，还有另外九个我从未听说过的人，但他们重要到都有自己的维基百科页面。
He was as decorated as a war hero, and he was a major influence on such eminent thinkers as Darwin, Thoreau, and nine other guys I'd never heard of, but were important enough to have their own wikis.
好吧。
Alright.
维基百科居然有“觉得你很棒”的板块，真是奇怪。
Weird for Wikipedia to have a thought you were neat section.
那挺好的。
That's good.
那挺好的。
That's good.
不过确实有。
It did, though.
但是，当然，在他所有的荣誉中，也许最伟大的就是他是加州洪堡县的同名者，那里基本上是大麻界的波尔多，这大概不会让你们任何人感到惊讶，这也是为什么我一开始会学到这么多关于这个人的原因。
But, of course, of all his honors, perhaps the greatest is that he is the namesake of Humboldt County, California, which is basically the Bordeaux of weed, which, as will probably surprise none of you, is why I end up learning so much about the dude in the first place.
好的。
Alright.
那你准备好……
And are you ready for the...
好的。
Alright.
如果你必须用一句话总结你学到的东西，那会是什么？
And if you had to summarize what you learned in one sentence, what would it be?
我关于门多西诺县命名的那位老兄的文章，可不会像这个这么有趣。
My essay on the dude they named Mendocino County after is not gonna be as fun as this.
那你准备好参加测验了吗？
And are you ready for the quiz?
当然准备好了。
Always.
好的，诺亚。
Alright, Noah.
显然，洪堡与大麻的联系才是他最重要的事情。
Obviously, Humboldt's association with the dank is the most important thing about him.
可悲的是，目前似乎还没有以他名字命名的大麻品种。
And tragically, he appears not to have a strain of weed named after him yet.
那我们该叫它什么呢？
So what should we call it?
A，普鲁士蓝梦？
A, Prussian blue dream?
B，观测地质学库什。
B, observational geology kush.
什么？
What?
C，越来越差。
C, they get worse.
茂宜哇哇，这发表的论文可真多啊。
Maui wowi, that's a lot of publications.
我喜欢这个。
I like that one.
我确实喜欢这个，这个挺不错的。
I actually like that That one's pretty good.
这个不错。
That one's good.
这个不错。
That one's good.
或者D，亚历山大·冯·洪堡的《新大陆赤道地区旅行个人叙事》
Or d, Alexander Von Humboldt's personal narrative of travels to the equinevocatucketal religions
新大陆的
of the new
大麻。
cannabis.
大麻。
Weed.
哦，Eli，你刚才问这个问题的时候，听起来从来没这么老过，兄弟。
Oh, Eli, you have never sounded older than you do during this fucking question, man.
他们……
They...
你说“dank”的时候，那真是你最老的一次。就是……
When you said the dank, that was, like, the oldest you've ever It's...
这就是我们在食品……里叫它的方式。
That's what we call it in the food...
当Eli吸毒的时候。
When Eli does the drugs.
他确实。没错。
He does Exactly.
毒品。
The drugs
我在过去
which I have done in the
三年里
last three years
抽过这些。
on them.
Eli最近抽了好几种毒品。
Eli smoked several drugs recently.
也许你听说过？
Maybe you've heard of them?
它们
They're
在加拿大。
They're in Canada.
规则？
Rule?
它们被称为毒品。
They're called the drugs.
好的。
So Okay.
我在YouTube上。
I'm on YouTube.
我觉得是Maui Wowi，那有很多出版物。
I think it's c Maui Wowi, that's a lot of publications.
当然。
Sure.
只要能把我从自己话语的牢笼中解放出来就行。
Whatever frees me from the prison of my own words.
好吧。
Alright.
不。
No.
到时候，我会在播客里说我的遗言，你知道的。
When the time comes, I'll be
对，就是我的遗言，在播客里说。
doing my last words, as you know, on a podcast.
哦，对。
Oh, yeah.
那遗言应该是什么呢？
What should they be?
比如，
A,
狂点那个点赞和订阅按钮。
smash that like and subscribe button.
还有什么更好的建议吗？
What's better help?
嘿，Eli，最后一句话。
Hey, Eli, last word.
对。
Yep.
C，你当初就该投票给希拉里·克林顿。哦，之前那个……
C, you should have voted for Hillary Clinton Oh, before
那些是最好的。
those are best ones.
咱们英灵殿见。
I'll see you in Valhalla.
狂点那个点赞和订阅按钮。
Smash that like and subscribe button.
好了。
Alright.
所以D也不错，但你可能会把卡什·帕特尔招来。
So d is good, but you you risk summoning Cash Patel.
所以我觉得应该是C，那个希拉里·克林顿的。
So I think it's gonna be c, the Hillary Clinton one.
我本来想骗你的，
I tried to trick you,
但你还是答对了。
but you got it.
干得漂亮。
Nicely done.
诺亚那些特别贵的插画书确实登上了畅销榜。
Noah, his very expensive illustrated books did break into the best selling charts.
他的哪本书最受欢迎？
Which of his books was the most popular?
A，关于小苍蝇有多厉害的书，《伟大的格纳茨比》；B，未成年牛类的交配习惯，《水牛莉达》；C，非洲平原上大型灵长类打架，《猿之怒》；还是D，关于种族主义狮子的书，《傲慢与偏见》。
A, his book on how amazing small flies are, the the great gnatzby, b, mating habits of underage bovines, buffalo, Lida, c, large primates fighting on the African Plain, apes of wrath, or d, his book on racist lions, pride and
偏见。
prejudice.
太棒了。
Fantastic.
没有狮子王。
No lion kings.
我选E，全部都是，因为这些都太棒了。
I'm gonna go with e all of the above because those are all fucking gold.
它们都成了畅销书。
They all broke the bestseller.
是的。
Yes.
不。
No.
对。
True.
就是
There
这样。
it is.
好的。
Alright.
好吧，塞西尔，你说狮子是种族主义者，所以你赢了。
Well, Cecil, you called lions racist, so you win.
好的。
Alright.
那是……
That's...
下周我选希斯。
I'll choose Heath for next week.
好的。
Alright.
干杯。
Cheers.
嗯
Well
干杯。
Cheers.
我是伊莱·博斯尼奇，代表诺亚、塞西尔和希斯。
For Noah, Cecil and Heath, I'm Eli Bosnic.
感谢大家今天和我们一起聊天。
Thank you for hanging out with us today.
我们下周再见。
We'll be back next week.
到那时候，希斯又会成为另一个领域的专家了。
And by then, Heath will be an expert on something else.
从现在到那时，你可以把汤姆参与的所有播客都听一遍，以防万一，你知道，以后听了会不开心。
During now and then, you can listen to all the podcasts that Tom is on just in case, you know, they bum you out later
听一听。
to listen to.
天哪，老兄。
Christ, dude.
如果你想帮助这个节目继续做下去，你可以在patreon.com/citationpod上按集捐款，或者在任何你能留下五星好评的地方给我们留个好评。
And if you'd like to help keep this show going, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com/citationpod, or leave us a five star review everywhere you can.
如果你想联系我们、查看往期节目、在社交媒体上和我们互动，或者查看节目笔记。
And if you'd like to get in touch with us, check out past episodes, connect with us on social media, or check the show notes.
一定要去citationpod.com看看。
Be sure to check out citationpod.com.
感谢这位勇敢的探险家，从此以后这里就叫洪堡河三角洲了。
And thanks to this brave explorer, this will from henceforth be known as the Humboldt River Delta.
嘿。
Hey.
我们现在能去游泳了吗？
Can we come swim now?
真的吗，克雷格？
Really, Craig?
怎么了？
What?
怎么了？
What?
都过了大概二十分钟了。
It's been, like, twenty minutes.
关于 Bayt 播客
Bayt 提供中文+原文双语音频和字幕，帮助你打破语言障碍，轻松听懂全球优质播客。