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嗨。
Hi.
我叫丹尼斯·利里，我觉得我根本不在乎是不是科南·奥布莱恩的朋友，因为我已经是他该死的表弟了。
My name is Dennis Leary, and I feel like I could give a fuck about being Conan O'Brien's friend because I'm already his fucking cousin.
是真的。
It's true.
是真的。
It's true.
你知道吗，首先，我们刚被PBS收购了。
You know, first of all, we were just acquired by PBS.
所以我要减少，你要减少这该死的玩意儿？
So I'm gonna reduce You're gonna reduce the fuckage?
是的。
Yeah.
你好。
Hey there.
欢迎来到《康南·奥布莱恩需要朋友》，一如既往地由索纳姆·奥布塞ッション加入。
Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, joined as always by Sonam Obsession.
是的。
Yeah.
你好。
Hi.
马特·戈利。
Matt Gorley.
你好。
Hi.
我要让大家稍微窥探一下我们这里的工作方式。
And I'm gonna let people have a little peek behind the scenes on how we work here.
我最近注意到一件事，那就是我们总是让嘉宾在采访开始时说：你好。
I noticed something recently, which is we always have the interview start with the guests saying, hello.
我的名字是，然后空白。
My name is and then blank.
嗯。
Mhmm.
我对成为康纳·奥布莱恩的朋友感到很空白，我们会给他们一张纸质文件。
And I feel blank about being Conor Brian's friend, and we give them a physical piece of paper.
我们这样做的时间已经快五年了吗？
And that's the way we've been doing it now for is it five years?
六年？
Six years?
快八年了。
Almost eight.
已经超过七年了。
It's over seven years.
七年半。
Seven and half.
天哪。
Oh my god.
飞速奔向坟墓。
Speeding towards the grave.
好吧。
Alright.
哦。
Oh.
总之，匆匆走向坟墓。
Anyway, walking hurriedly towards the grave.
哦，明白了。
Oh, okay.
我注意到，宾客们——不是每个宾客，但大约每三个中就有一个会坐立不安，他们面前有张纸，常常摆弄它、来回滑动，这让我分心。
And what I noticed is that guests, not every guest, but maybe one in three, they get fidgety, And so there's this piece of paper in front of them, and they would do this a lot with their paper and slide it around, and it would distract me.
我想有时候你会听到这个声音，爱德华多。
I think sometimes you would hear it, Eduardo.
是的。
Yes.
时不时地
Every now and
于是我开始意识到，一定有更好的方法。
And I just started to notice there must be a better way.
所以最近，我第一次建议：难道没有一种更好的方式，不用纸质文件吗？
And so finally, for the first time recently, we started I suggested, isn't there a better way where there's no physical piece of paper?
于是我们开始把内容显示在墙上的屏幕上，这样他们面前就没有东西了，也就无法摆弄了。
So we started putting it up on a screen over there on the wall so there's nothing in front of them, and they can't fidget.
我们最近首次尝试了这个方法，现在正在使用。
We try it out for the first time recently, and we're doing it.
客人说：你好。
The guest says, hello.
我叫空白，我对成为康纳·布莱恩的朋友感到空白。
My name is blank, and I feel blank about being Conor Brian's friend.
于是我们正式开始了。
And we're off to the races.
一切都很好。
Everything is great.
然后我开始听到‘哦’。
And then I start to hear Oh.
我当时想：‘什么鬼？’
And I'm like, what the hell?
我转头一看，是你，马特·戈利，是的。
And I look over, and you, Matt Goreley Yeah.
播客大师，是的。
The podcast maestro Yeah.
没想到还是制片人。
Didn't know producer.
不错。
Good.
你当时在翻动纸张，还一直拿着它。
You were like you were shuffling your paper, and you kept have it.
揉皱又展开它。
Crinkling it and uncrinkling it.
我一直在看你，而你也在看我。
And I kept looking at you, and you were looking at me.
你没接收到我的信号。
You weren't picking up on my signal.
然后在采访期间，我不得不指着你手里的纸，你做出了一个‘哎呀’的表情。
And then I had to point at you during the interview at your paper, and you made this oops face.
是的。
Yeah.
你当时在做什么？
What were you doing?
为我辩解一下，那是在凯文·尼隆那期节目。
In my defense, it was in the Kevin Nealon episode.
对。
Yeah.
你们当时简直疯了。
And you guys were just insane.
是的。
Yeah.
我当时就是，嗯，感觉脱节了。
That's I was just, like, disassociating.
你知道的。
You know?
因为那让人不舒服。
Because it was uncomfortable.
因为不，不。
Because no no.
不。
No.
那并不让人不舒服。
It wasn't uncomfortable.
我平时通常不会做这种事，但我当时在卷纸角。
I just normally don't do that kind of thing, but I was rolling the corner of my paper.
天哪。
Oh my god.
声音太大了。
It was so loud.
我很抱歉。
I apologize.
是的。
Yeah.
嗯，也不是。
Well, no.
听我说。
Listen.
道歉不接受。
Apology not accepted.
哦，那道歉撤销了。
Oh, then apology rescinded.
哦。
Oh.
哦。
Oh.
我该怎么
How do I
把道歉要回来？
get that apology back?
因为现在我重新考虑了，我想收回这个道歉
Because now I'm reconsidering, and I would like the apology
真正地让我看到你想要它。
where really show me that you want it.
道歉存放在哪里？
Where is it stored, the apology?
在我的道歉保险箱里。
At my apology safety deposit box.
好的。
Okay.
我得进去一趟。
I've got to get in there.
这将是我和朋友们拍的新部劫案电影。
That's my new heist movie with my friends.
我和朋友们必须潜入那个金库，把道歉拿回来。
Me and my friends gotta get into that vault and get that apology back.
天哪。
Oh my god.
有史以来最差的劫案电影。
The worst heist movie ever.
最差的。
Worst.
是的。
Yeah.
我做不到。
I can't.
我们拿到了。
We got it.
我们所有人都在一个我们负担不起的法国别墅里，因为我们身无分文，大家正举杯庆祝，而我正打开那个道歉信。
It's all of us in some villa in France that we can't afford because we got no money, and we're all toasting each other as I unbox the apology.
等等。
Wait.
你打开它，里面却什么都没有。
And you open it, and there's nothing in there.
你只听到一句：‘我道歉。’
You just hear, I apologize.
声音出来后，就消失在耳边了。
It comes out, and it disappears in the ear.
我道歉。
I apologize.
消散在虚空中？
Into the ether?
是的。
Yeah.
它就这样变得特别宏大。
It just goes So epic.
然后有人进来喊：滚出我的别墅。
Then someone comes in and says, get out of my villa.
你一分钱都不用付。
You don't pay anything.
你这是意大利口音。
You're Italian accent.
他们是法国人。
They were French.
是的。
Yeah.
我知道。
I know.
那是什么一个
What is was that a
法国人可以在法国拥有别墅。
French can own a villa in France.
在这部电影里，因为我买不起真正好的法国别墅，我就去了法国的意大利别墅，你这个混蛋爱德华多。
And in this movie, because I can't afford the really good French villa, I go to the Italian villa in France, asshole Eduardo.
哦，所以你的意思是意大利别墅质量很差。
Oh, the Italian villas are subpar is what you're saying.
不。
No.
这个只是恰好，我从不一概而论，但这个人真的连基本事务都理不清，除了账单方面他倒是挺在行。
This one just happens to be I would never generalize, but this guy really doesn't have to shit together, except he's on it with the billing.
总之，是的。
Anyway, yeah.
所以我想我得开始把纸从你那儿拿走了，因为我还有其他采访要发布。
So I think I have to start taking paper away from you because I'm gonna have other interviews that go up.
在几百次，差不多四百次采访中，就那一次。
One time in hundreds, three almost 400 interviews.
第一次我们删掉的那部分，那才是最好的部分。
What happened the first time that we had removed that was the best part.
那是我第一次从客人那里拿走纸张，试图阻止这个问题，结果我听到窸窸窣窣、窸窸窣窣、窸窸窣窣、窸窸窣窣、窸窸窣窣的声音，我就想：谁在点波浪薯条？
It was the first time I had removed paper from the guest to try and stop this problem when I hear crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, and I'm who's ordering crinkle cut fries?
我转头一看，我的女孩正蜷缩在
And I look over, and there's my girl crinkled in
邮件里。
the mail.
你也好不到哪里去。
You're not above this.
你经常在纸上涂鸦。
You're often doodling on your paper.
是的。
Yeah.
涂鸦是不一样的。
Doodling is different.
不。
No.
因为你能听到他表达自己。
Because you can hear expressing a himself.
哦，不。
Oh, no.
哦，就像我向你道歉。
Oh, like me an apology.
哦，就像你知道那些突然出现的噪音，哦，是的。
Oh, like you know about noises that come up in the oh, yeah.
你确实听这个播客。
You do listen to the podcast.
我是不是总发出滴答、滴答、滴答的声音？
Do I make a lot of dink, dink, dink noises?
不是。
No.
你实际上是这样做的。
What you do is this.
是的。
Yeah.
对。
Yeah.
我就是这样，我有很高的道德标准。
That's me well, I'm very I have a high moral standard.
观众不会知道这一点。
The audience wouldn't know that.
我大声地把它们剪掉。
I cut them out loud.
这就是我在对周围人的道德表示不满。
That's me disapproving of the morality of the people around me.
我在对他们啧啧摇头。
I'm tisking them.
那不是
That's not
所以我不该删掉它们吗？
a So I should leave those in?
不。
No.
你应该把它们删掉，但要把它们放进一个盒子，然后存进保险箱。
You should take them out, but you should put them in a box and put them in a safety deposit box.
我有一个那样的东西。
I've got one of those.
电影结尾是我和我的团伙在瑞士的一座意大利别墅里。
Movie ends with me and my gang at a at an at an Italian villa in Switzerland.
不。
No.
在爱尔兰的一座意大利别墅里。
An Italian villa in Ireland.
什么？
What?
我们打开盒子，所有这些东西都跑出来了。
And we open up the box, and all these come out.
然后有个人进来问：‘你是无铃，还是账单？’
And then a guy comes in and says, are you no bell, you bill?
现在滚出去，不然我拿这堆土豆砸你。
Now get out or I throw this pile of potatoes at you.
是的。
Yeah.
哦。
Oh.
爱尔兰。
Ireland.
因为那是爱尔兰。
Because it's Ireland.
我把一切都串联起来了。
I tied it all together.
天啊，他太棒了。
God, he's good.
谁在说话？
Who's talking?
康南。
Conan.
关于谁？
About who?
他自己。
Himself.
总之，你不能再用纸了。
Anyway, no more paper for you.
我不能再用纸了，我会尽量不这么做
No more paper for me, and I'll try not to do
是的。
Yeah.
为什么
Why do
你们觉得当他们需要做的时候？不。
you guys think When they need do it No.
但什么时候？
But when?
你通常是在即将开始一个想法的时候做。
You do it usually as you're about to begin a thought.
所以，你会这样，在回应一个猜测时你常说的另一件事是，你知道，'这很有趣'或者'这很滑稽'，然后你会接着说下去。
So, you go like, another thing you always say coming into a response to a guess is, you know, it's interesting that or it's it's very funny that and then you'll go, and then say something.
是的。
Yeah.
对。
Yeah.
仔细想想，这确实很撩人。
It's very erotic when I think about it.
这很色情。
It's erotic.
不是吗？
Isn't that it?
你觉得这对女性来说有吸引力吗？
Do you think that's a turn on for women?
哇哦。
Woah.
完全不是。
Not at all.
真的吗？
Kind Really?
色情的？
Of erotic?
嗯嗯，不是。
Mm-mm.
是的。
Yeah.
你什么意思？
What do you mean?
是的。
Yeah.
什么
What do
你去做什么，哦，是的。
you do you do to go oh, yeah.
这真的很好。
This is really good.
哦，天啊。
Oh, god.
听起来你像是
Sounds like you're
当男人对他们发出令人毛骨悚然的声音时，你试图这样应对。
trying when guys make creepy noises at them.
比如，这对很多人真的管用
Like, that really works for a lot
召唤一匹马。
of summoning a horse.
那就是我。
And that's me.
我在浴室里。
I'm in the bathroom.
他们在卧室里。
They're in the bedroom.
呃。
Ugh.
我只是在对着镜子说话。
I'm just talking to the mirror.
呃。
Ugh.
我不知道这到底发生了什么，我
I don't know what's happening in this I
我不知道发生了什么。
don't know what happened.
你知道吗？
I you know what?
你们为什么需要纸呢？
Why do you guys even need paper?
我面前从来不会有纸。
Like, I never have paper in front of me.
首先，纸。
Well, first paper.
你需要的是什么
What do you need in I
得写下来
have to write
笔记。
notes.
从不记笔记。
Never write notes.
你以前是我的助手，你从来不用纸？
You were my assistant, you never had any paper?
是的。
Yeah.
我以前让你把事情记下来，你从来不干。
I used to ask you to write things down, and you wouldn't do it.
是的。
Yeah.
但看看现在谁不
But look who's not
谁不吵闹？
Who's not making noise?
这家伙。
This guy.
你承认吗？当你当我的助手时，你几乎从不用纸？
Will you admit that you rarely had paper when you were my assistant?
你知道我为什么不用纸吗？
You know why I didn't have paper?
因为我当时在用iPad和触控笔，想节省纸张。
Because I was using an iPad with the writing stylist because I was trying to save paper.
你用笔画鸡巴，还画鸡巴和屁股。
You were drawing dicks and You were drawing dicks and butts with your style.
也记了一些笔记。
Also taking certain notes.
那可不是全都在画鸡巴和屁股。
It wasn't all just it wasn't all dicks and butts.
我记得有一次，我凑过去看你的笔记，发现你正在画屁股。
I remember the time I I went over your notes, I looked over your shoulder, and you were drawing butts.
好吧。
Okay.
我觉得我画屁股是有原因的。
I I think there was a reason that I was drawing butts.
等等。
Wait.
还记得戈利当时用纸弄出很大噪音吗？
Remember when Gorley made a lot of noise with paper?
你知道吗？
You know what?
你说得对。
You're right.
是的。
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah.
哦，我喜欢这个。
Oh, I love it.
还有，记得他打喷嚏和擤鼻涕的时候吗？
Just also, remember when he sneezes and blows his noses
哦，记得你把水洒得满桌子都是吗？
Oh, remember you spilled water all over the table?
就那一次。
That was one time.
嘿。
Hey.
记得我们相处融洽、制作了很棒的播客的时候吗？
Remember when we got along and made a great podcast?
不记得。
No.
我不记得。
I don't.
我也不记得。
I don't either.
好的。
Alright.
好的。
Alright.
我们开始吧。
Let's get started.
是的。
Yes.
你把纸扔在
You threw papers on
地上。
the floor.
你证明了一个观点。
You prove a point.
你就是这样做的。
You do it.
亚当，我们这里给了
Here Adam we gave
我，我们开始吧。
me Here we go.
不。
No.
我不确定我们是不是在做这个环节。
I didn't know if we were doing if that was a segment.
我，呃，忘了。
I, like, forgot.
这是个环节吗？
Is that a segment?
那是不是‘不’？
Is that No.
我是认真的。
I'm I'm serious.
我不知道。
I don't know.
当然。
Sure.
我今天的嘉宾是一位喜剧演员和演员，你现在可以在福克斯喜剧《Going Dutch》第二季中看到他。
My guest today is a comedian and actor who you can now see in season two of the Fox comedy going Dutch.
我们有关系吗？
Are we related?
我们没有关系吗？
Are we not?
我们只是不知道，但你会知道的。
We just don't know, but you'll find out.
丹尼斯·利里，欢迎。
Dennis Leary, welcome.
在开始之前，我想说一件事，那就是我和你认识很久了。
I wanna say one thing before we get started, which is you and I have known each other a long time.
我们经常一起出去玩。
We've hung out.
我们都很享受彼此的陪伴。
We've enjoyed each other's company.
你总是特意告诉我你一直在听这个播客，还跟我讲播客里发生了什么。
You always go out of your way to tell me that you've been listening to the podcast and then tell me what happened on the podcast.
有些人会说，我超爱这个播客，但你能看出来他们只是在照着手机念台词，说他们有个播客。
So some people say, I love the podcast, and you can tell they're they're just reading it off their phone that I have a podcast.
是的。
Yeah.
但丹尼斯是铁杆粉丝，他总是滔滔不绝地谈论房间里另外两个人，而他们都不是我。
But Dennis is a TrueBlue fan, and he's always going on and on about two other people in the room who aren't me.
好的。
Okay.
行吧。
Alright.
这让我非常生气。
This enrages me.
哦，是的。
Oh, yeah.
听好了。
So listen.
这正是我说这件事的绝佳机会。
This is a perfect opportunity for me to say this.
我不知道这是什么意思。
I don't know what this means.
我根本就不会去听播客。
I don't really fucking listen to podcasts.
明白吗？
Okay?
但我之所以听这个，是因为它在广播里播放，而我到处开车。
So the but I I listened to this because it was on the radio, and I drive everywhere.
在曼哈顿，我开车去任何地方。
In Manhattan, I drive everywhere.
在布鲁克林，我也开车去任何地方。
In Brooklyn, I drive everywhere.
所以我当时简直惊呆了，天哪。
So I fucking was like, oh my god.
康恩有个播客。
Conan has a podcast.
现在我一上车，就变成我以前在老电视节目里最喜欢的一件事了，嗯。
And once I got in now my one of my favorite things on the old TV show Mhmm.
我想不起来是哪个版本了。
I can't I can't remember which iteration of this.
谁知道呢？
Who knows?
就叫它吧
Call it
你和索尼在做那些片段。
the you and Sony were doing the bits.
是的。
Yes.
好的。
Okay.
那些电影片段简直太牛了。
Those film bits were fucking genius.
是的。
Yeah.
对吧？
Right?
是的。
Yeah.
所以我超喜欢那些。
So I love those.
所以一旦我开始听这个，我就在后台跟这些人说了。
So once I started listening to this, I just told these guys this backstage.
但我本来打算听听看。
But I thought gonna listen.
我喜欢这个播客。
I like the podcast.
我喜欢这个节目里的大多数人，我知道。
I like most of the people that are on this show, I know.
我之前要么和他们合作过，要么一起玩过，或者认识他们很久了，早在我们出名之前，比如本·斯蒂勒，等等。
I've either worked with or I've hung out with or I've known for, like, forever before we were famous, like Ben Stiller, whoever.
对吧？
Right?
是的。
Yeah.
所以我很感兴趣，但真正吸引我的是当戈利和该死的索纳争吵、贬低别人的时候
So I I'm interested, but not what really brings me in is when these two, when Gourley and fucking Sona are arguing and shitting on
是的，你。
you Yeah.
一些最搞笑的操蛋事。
Some of the funniest fucking shit.
去你的，伙计。
Fuck you, man.
去你的，去你的。
Fuck Fuck you.
你。
You.
是的，太对了。
It's so Yeah.
也许比那更艺术一点。
Maybe maybe a little more artistic than that.
好的。
Okay.
我不是在开玩笑。
Not just kidding.
去舔吧
Go suck a
鸡巴。
dick.
是的。
Yeah.
嘿。
Hey.
这样好多了。
That's better.
现在你开始
That's now you're on
一个该死的念头了。
a fucking mind.
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真他妈好笑。
Fucking funny.
而且，当你回击他们的时候，就是这种情况。
And, also, it's just when you're firing back at them.
那真是我最喜欢的部分。
That's really my favorite part.
所以，比如我刚在《Right》之前见到索娜的时候。
So, like, when I met Sona just before Right.
你不能，我已经在这儿待了四个小时了。
You can't I've been here for, like, four hours.
康纳直到快开拍前一分钟才到。
Conan doesn't get here until, like, a minute before you start shooting.
他太有名了。
He's too big of a star.
是的。
Yeah.
我在楼下听到我的直升机降落在屋顶上
I was downstairs hear my helicopter landing on the roof
这栋楼的屋顶上。
of the building.
嗯，我以为它是不是降落在以前游泳池的地方？
Well, I thought it does it land where the pool used to be?
你干嘛非得这么做？
Why the fuck would you?
你会在那里吗
Would There you
我们买下这栋楼的时候有个游泳池，我把它盖上了
was a pool when we bought the building, and I covered it
为什么？
by the Why?
因为你在阳光下没法待着。
Because you can't go in the sun.
那其他人呢？
What about everybody else?
索妮亚显然可以晒太阳。
Sonia obviously can go in the sun.
我不行。
I can't.
我想把它拿走。
I want to Take it away.
把它拿走。
Take it away.
我再也不能晒太阳了。
I can't go in the sun anymore at all.
我以前经常晒太阳。
I used to go in the sun all the time.
我不能。
I can't.
现在每次我晒太阳，都会得黑色素瘤。
Now I'm just every time I go in the sun, get a melanoma.
好的。
Okay.
等等。
So Wait.
是立刻发生的吗？
It happens instantly?
立刻发生。
Instantly.
如果这里的光，这种光，这种光，还没播完这个播客，就会导致黑色素瘤。
If that light here, this light, this light is gonna have melanoma before the podcast.
我知道我们有血缘关系，是因为
How I know that we are related, is that
这是由皮肤癌引起的。
It's from the skin cancer.
你是
You are
这太有趣了，因为人们总是纠结于你的肤色或种族之类的事情。
It's so funny because people get hung up, you know, like, who's what's your skin color or race, all that kind of stuff.
我们可不只是白人。
And we're not just white.
你脸色苍白得吓人，我觉得我比你还白。
You are a deathly pallor, and I think I'm whiter than you.
但是？
Except?
是的。
Yes.
但我们根本就不是白人。
But we are not even white.
我们更像是……透亮的。
We're, like, we're into a different it's like translucent.
你们是紫外线的。
You guys are ultraviolet.
是的。
Yes.
是的。
Yes.
就像一种紫外线形式的
It's like a UV form of of
皮肤。
skin.
是的。
Yes.
是的。
Yes.
对。
Yeah.
它是透明的。
It's see through.
发出光。
Emit light.
是的。
Yeah.
这就是我们有多白。
That's how white we are.
你的棱镜。
Your prisms.
是的。
Yeah.
人们曾用我在矿井里开采铜。
People have used me in people have used me in mines to get copper out.
我们简直就是会走路的灯。
We are literally walking lamps.
是的
Yeah.
好吗？
Okay?
所以，哦，他来了。
So Oh, here he comes.
好。
Good.
好。
Good.
打开旧文本。
Open the old text.
我要读了。
I'm gonna read.
他妈的，找我的手机。
Fucking find my phone.
把康纳叫过来。
Get Conan over here.
康纳，往里看看
Conan, look in
那儿。
there.
是的。
Yeah.
床边总得放个康纳或者牙医。
Always keep a Conan or a dentist by the bed.
这太他妈好笑了。
That's so fucking funny.
就在那儿，以防 emergencies。
Right there in case there's an emergency.
好了。
Alright.
我们马上开始吧，因为有很多事情要谈
Let's crack into this right away because there's I a lot to talk
我想再说一件事
wanna say another thing
是的
Yeah.
关于我们有多老。
About how old we are.
对。
Yeah.
因为当他告诉我时，我刚从我知道的状态中走出来。
Because it's when he told me I just out of the I know.
我刚和你一起表演了一场。
I just did a gig with you.
我知道你多大了，但在我心里，我觉得自己大概四十岁。
I know how old you are, but and I'm not in my mind, I think I'm, like, 40.
是的
Yep.
当我看到像你这样和我同龄的人时，我会想，康纳看起来一点都不像40岁了。
And then when I see somebody like you who's in my age group, I go, Conan doesn't look like he's 40 anymore.
是的
Yeah.
这让我想起我自己快70岁了。
And that's what reminds me that I'm fucking almost 70.
是的
Yeah.
看到康纳，我就觉得自己老了。
Feel older by looking at Yeah.
看到康纳。
At Conan.
顺便说一句，我为每个人提供这种服务。
I provide that service for everybody, by the way.
我能说一句吗？
Can I just say that?
我不只是发光，我光是看着我，就能帮你判断你有多大年纪。
I don't just emit light, but I will help you determine how old you are by just looking at me.
等等。
Wait.
我只要在你身边就会变老。
I'm just aging in your presence.
是的。
Yeah.
天啊。
Oh my god.
是的。
Yeah.
我刚才在楼下看见了布莱恩·凯利。
I saw Brian Kiley downstairs.
布赖恩·凯利从一开始就跟在我身边。
Brian Kiley has been with me From the beginning.
那些人现在在楼下。
Those guys are downstairs.
他们正在处理，而布赖恩·凯利从1993年左右就一直跟着我。
They're working on the And Brian Kiley's been with me since, I think 1993.
是的。
Yes.
布赖恩·凯利来自马萨诸塞州的牛顿，是爱尔兰黑手党的一员，他还上过我的主日学。
Brian Kiley from Newton, Mass, and part of the Irish mafia, and he went to my Sunday school.
我们的主日学课程是在周一晚上举行的，我想是这样。
We had Sunday school instruction that happened, I think, on a Monday night.
它叫‘圣所’。
It was called the Cenacle.
我们会去布莱顿，每周由修女给我们上课。
We'd go out to Brighton, and we were taught by nuns once a week.
家长们会送孩子去那里，以确保他们接受到正确的天主教教导，无论是儿子还是女儿。
Parents would send their kids to make sure they got proper Catholic instructions, sons and daughters.
所以我会和兄弟们一起被送去那里，而布莱恩·凯利就是我们当时经常胡闹的那些孩子之一。
And so I would get driven out there with my brothers, and Brian Kiley was one of the kids that we used to talk crazy.
是的。
Yeah.
而且我们总是聊关于
And it was always about
因为你知道，我打曲棍球
because you know, I played hockey
和他一起。
with him.
是的。
Yeah.
真的吗？
Oh, really?
你真的吗？
You did?
是的。
Yeah.
偏偏是在查尔斯顿。
In Charlestown, of all places.
对吧？
Right?
他打过冰球吗？
Has he played hockey?
他腿部肌肉一点都没有。
He has no leg muscle.
但他一直坚持锻炼，拥有令人惊叹的健硕上身。
So He works He's a guy that works out all the time, and he has this incredible, you know, buff torso.
可他的骨盆两侧却挂着两条瘦弱的胳膊。
And then two pork slim jims hanging off of his having off his pelvis.
嗯，这就是为什么你没必要花太多时间谈论凯莉。
Well, this is how good well, you don't have to waste a lot of time talking about Kylie.
但凯莉看起来一点都没变。
But Kylie looks the same.
是的。
Yeah.
他看起来根本没变，因为我们在二十岁左右的时候他就已经秃顶了。
He looks literally because he was bald when we were, like, 20.
是的。
Yeah.
而且他一直都很健壮。
And he and he was always in shape.
是的。
Yeah.
所以现在
And so now
他看起来没变。
He looks the same.
他看起来完全一样。
He looks exactly the same.
他是戴着眼镜的布莱恩·凯利。
He's Brian Kiley with glasses.
是的。
Yeah.
你知道的吗？
You know?
因为他，是的。
Because he Yeah.
他正在变老。
He's getting old.
而且他的眼睛是
And his eyes are
变老了。
getting old.
他110岁了。
He's a 110 years old.
他110岁了。
He's a 110 years old.
他参加过朝鲜战争，
He fought in the Korean conflict,
所以呢。
which Yeah.
所以我们一起表演了，他是和我同辈的喜剧演员。
So we played and he was a he was a comic from my generation.
他非常非常棒。
He's a great Great.
很棒的作家。
Great writer.
是的。
Yeah.
就是一个很棒的笑话。
Just a great joke
作家。
writer.
在谈论他？
Talking about him?
你知道吗？
You know what?
我也有同样的情况。
I have the same thing.
当我们谈论另一位喜剧演员，而他不是我们中的一员时，我会用一个计时器，三秒后就会响。
When we're talking about another comic and it's not one of us, I have an egg timer that goes off after three seconds.
比如，
Like,
我们为什么要谈这个人？
why are we talking about this person?
他是个很棒的
He's a great
作家。
writer.
我可能提过这件事，但很多年前我们曾邀请吉恩·西蒙斯参加深夜秀，当时有个小品让他出演，我记不清具体背景了，但他对很多笑话都同意了，唯独有一个笑话涉及他说：‘我和健身教练理查德·西蒙斯一起上爵士健身课。’
I may have mentioned this, but we had Gene Simmons on the late night show years and years and years ago, and we had some sketch that he was gonna be in, and I can't remember the context, but for some reason, he said okay to a lot of the different jokes, but then there was one joke that involved him just saying, and I take a Jazzercise class with Richard Simmons, the workout guy.
他在这句上打了叉，当时我们的首席编剧问他：‘你不喜欢这个笑话吗？’
And he put an x through it, and our head writer at the time said, well, you don't like that joke?
有什么问题吗？
Was there a problem with it?
他回答：‘他随时可以提我，但我没必要提他。’
And he said, he's welcome to mention me anytime, but I I I I don't need to mention him.
我们的编剧说：‘等等。'
And our writer said, well, wait a minute.
你跟他有什么过节吗？
Do you have a beef with him or something?
他说，完全没有。
He went, not at all.
但他说，没有免费的午餐。
But he said, no free rides.
这件事一直让我耿耿于怀。
That was the thing that haunts me.
他说他是这么说的。
He said he said this.
他说，没有免费的午餐。
He said, no free rides.
这句话的意思是
And what that means is
是的。
Yeah.
我要是提别人，除非我能从中得到什么，否则干嘛提？
Why would I mention someone else unless I'm getting something for it?
真的是另一个人。
Literally another person.
比如，嘿。
Like, hey.
西蒙斯。
Simmons.
你的孩子们最近怎么样？
How are your children doing?
那些家伙。
Those guys.
那些家伙。
Those guys.
他们是谁？
Who are they?
嗯，没有免费的午餐。
Well, no free rides.
天哪。
Oh my god.
这不是很疯狂吗？
Isn't that crazy?
好吧，如果你没法从中盈利的话，
Well, if you can't monetize it,
确实是。
it is.
对吧？
Right?
如果你没法把它变成一个凯膳怡搅拌机，那有什么意义呢？
If you can't turn it into a kiss Cuisinart, what's the point?
总之，我想弄清楚
Anyway, wanna I get to the bottom of
顺便说一句，我非常印象深刻。
very impressed, by the way.
我要说点夸你的话了。
A cup I'm gonna say something nice about you now.
哦，天啊。
Oh, god.
哎呀。
Aw.
顺便说一句，这些都毫无用处。
This these go nowhere, by the way.
这些他妈的……我不说了。
These are fucking I'm not gonna say anything.
不错。
Nice.
不错。
Nice.
不错。
Nice.
不错。
Nice.
然后你可以进来接着说，
And then you can come in with,
你知道的，
you know,
去吃屎吧。
eat a dick.
你。
You.
是的。
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah.
我只是想说，
I just wanna say,
他
he
我每年在波士顿为卡姆·尼利基金会举办一次‘喜剧回家’演唱会，这个慈善机构我一直在参与。
did the Comics Come Home concert I do in Boston every year for the Cam Neely Foundation, which is a charity I've been involved with.
你这个慈善活动已经做了二十多年了吧？
It's a big charity you've been doing for, like, twenty something?
二十九年了。
Twenty nine years.
二十九年了。
Twenty nine years.
三十年了。
Thirty.
不管怎样，今年他参加了。
Anyways, he did it this year.
我们知道他在舞台上一定会很搞笑。
He was we knew it was gonna be funny on stage.
那该死的乐队特别喜欢表演《Roadrunner》。
The fucking band loved doing Roadrunner with Roadrunner.
是的。
Yeah.
这真的特别搞笑。
Which was really funny.
但他对每个人都特别友善，包括我的小妹妹，还有现场所有其他人。
But he was so fucking nice to everybody, including, like, my baby sister backstage and and all these other people there.
我们去了VIP捐赠者晚宴，那些人给医院和这个事业捐了巨款。
We went up to the VIP donor dinner, which is people who really donate a shitload of fucking money to the hospital and the cause and everything.
那里也很有趣，他拍了很多照片。
And and was funny up there, took all the pictures of there.
他对每个人都特别友善。
He was so fucking nice to everybody.
然后他就完全是个混蛋
And then he was a complete asshole
后来。
later on.
不。
No.
我的意思是，我知道什么时候该收
I mean, you know I know when to turn
起来。
it off.
是的。
Yeah.
就持续大概九分钟。
It only lasts for, like, nine minutes.
我看到的时候就会环顾四周
I'd look around it when I'd see
那时候只有我和丹尼斯，或者还有门尼斯卡科。
it was only me and Dennis or Meniscalco too.
我就只是想，好吧。
I'd just I'd be like, okay.
我现在要换人了。
I'm I'm gonna tag out now.
去你们的吧，你们这些人。
Screw you guys.
哦，他还是个混蛋。
Oh, he was still a dick.
但没错，有一部分原因是，他当时说不。
But, yeah, part of it, he was like no.
你真的太好了，居然这么做，而且你表现得特别棒。
You were really it was fucking nice of you to do that, and every and you killed.
当你在后台跟我妹妹聊天时，她特别喜欢你。
And the when you were backstage talking to my baby sister, she loves you.
她当时说：天啊。
And she was like, my god.
康纳真的很好。
Conan was so nice.
我当时想：这完全是装的。
I was like, that's fucking front.
但他确实对你很好，大概有五分钟吧。
But he was nice to you for, like, five minutes.
是的。
Yeah.
很短暂。
Little.
但还是谢谢你这么做。
But thank you for that.
哦，不用谢。
Oh, no.
不。
No.
嗯，是这样，然后我们最终会在结尾谈到我想要问你的问题。
Well, this is the thing, and and then we'll get to the question I had for you eventually at the end.
是关于皮肤癌的问题吗？
Is it a skin cancer question?
不是。
No.
我只是想让你
I just I want you
看一下这个，然后
to look at something and
告诉我。
tell me.
哦，因为它的边缘有一圈凸起。
Oh, because it's got a ridge around the edge of it.
哦，是的，不，你得把它摘掉。
Oh yeah, yeah, no, you gotta get that taken out.
你之前跟我说：‘嘿，你能来帮忙做卡姆·尼利的事情吗？’
So you said to me, Hey, can you come do the Cam Neely thing?
我说：‘是的，我以前一直没法做，因为我总在录节目。’
And I said, Yeah, I've never been able to do it before because I'm always taping.
我说：‘不，今年我可以做了。’
And I said, No, this year I can do it.
所以我答应了。
So I said yes.
我去了波士顿，当时没多想。
I go to Boston, and I'm not thinking.
然后我到了，心想：‘好吧，我现在去哪儿？’
Then I get to I'm like, Okay, where am I going now?
TD花园。
TD Garden.
所以这是一个体育馆。
So this is an arena.
我想，哦，这是个体育馆。
I think, Oh, it's an arena.
我走上舞台，偷偷掀开幕布一看，全场座无虚席。
And I I I get up to the stage, and I peek through the curtain completely packed.
我发誓。
I swear to god.
我觉得波士顿的所有人都来了。
I think everybody in Boston was there.
你也会有一瞬间想，天啊，看看这阵势。
And you have a moment of, Jesus Christ, look at this.
这可是体育馆啊，人们在篮球赛季总决赛最后一场比赛时看到的就是这种场面。
This is I mean, an arena, this is what people see when they're playing the last game, you know, in the basketball season, in the championship.
你眼前看到的就是这个场景。
This is what you're looking at.
第二天早上，我走在波士顿的纽伯里街上，场地依然爆满。
And it was packed the next day, the next morning, I'm walking around Boston, like Newbury Street.
我靠近汉考克塔楼附近。
I'm over near the Hancock Tower.
我只是在办些杂事。
I'm just running some errands.
我打算去和家人聚一聚。
I'm gonna go hang with some of my family.
人们从窗户里大喊：昨晚太棒了！
And people are just yelling out windows, great job last night.
嘿。
Hey.
玩得特别开心。
Had a lot of fun.
整个城市的人，天哪。
Like, everyone in town Oh my god.
是的。
Yeah.
为了这个活动。
To this thing.
你们所建立的这一切真的令人印象深刻，因为确实有很多不同的慈善机构，但我很难想到还有哪一个能让整个城市的人都参与进来。
It's really impressive what you've built because, yeah, there's there's a lot of different charities, but I'm hard pressed to think of one where everybody in that city goes.
听我说。
Well, listen.
这一直都很酷。
It's always It's really cool.
卡姆·尼利，你知道的，他曾经为波士顿棕熊队效力，是冰球名人堂成员。
Cam Neely, you know, who played for the Boston Bruins and is a hockey hall of famer.
他是总裁。
You know, he's the president
波士顿棕熊队的主席。
of He alleged Bruins.
他负责管理球队。
He runs the team.
所以，你知道，他们都会响应这个事业。
So it's like, you know, they're they're they respond to the cause.
波士顿的喜剧场景太棒了，而且至今依然繁荣。
Boston's such a great fucking comedy scene, and the the it's still thriving there.
所以那些从这个场景中走出来的人，还有像你这样来自波士顿的人，都会回来。
So the guys coming back and who who came out of that scene, but people like you as well who were from Boston.
不管怎样，这些人都很认可这一点。
Anyway, that that comes into do they appreciate that.
但卡姆，你知道，他已经把这个慈善事业做得非常成功。
But Cam, you know, he has turned that charity into such a big success.
是的。
Right.
而且他在那个城市里非常活跃。
And he's, you know, he's a very present guy in that city.
人们喜欢他。
People love him.
他们喜欢棕熊队。
They love the Bruins.
这是一座冰球之城。
It's a hockey town.
这是一座体育之城。
It's a sports town.
所以我认为他们也以这种眼光看待我们。
So I think they see us within that light as well.
你知道的。
You know?
是的。
Yeah.
就像，我们是
Like, we're
在
at the
凯尔特人队和棕熊队比赛的花园球馆。
garden where the Celtics and the Bruins play.
昨晚我在花园球馆看到了康纳。
Like, I saw Conan at the garden last night.
这太酷了。
Which is so cool.
我小时候，根本不敢想有人会在花园球馆看到我。
For me growing up, the idea that anybody saw me at the garden.
是的。
Yeah.
我
I
明白。
know.
它
It's
太疯狂了。
so crazy.
是的。
Yeah.
因为听起来就像，我的意思是，对我来说，这让我只想说，是的。
Because it sounds like I I mean, to me, it just makes me think, yeah.
我投进了一个三分球。
And I drained a three pointer.
你知道的？
You know?
简直就像，天啊，我没有。
It's like, hell, I didn't.
没有。
No.
我瞎搞了一通。
I fucked around.
你知道最搞笑的是什么吗？因为我们的家人，后台在我的化妆间里，还有几个地方，都是我妹妹、我哥哥，以及一堆堂表兄弟姐妹。
Well, you know what's so funny is, like, because of our families, backstage in my dressing room and and and a couple of the areas are like my sisters and my my older brother and and a bunch of my cousins.
对吧？
Right?
然后我去食堂把康纳介绍给我妹妹，那时候他们正在提供一些食物之类的。
And then I go and introduce Conan to my baby sister, like, in the cafeteria where they're serving some food or whatever.
节目结束后，我想着得再去谢谢康纳，因为他表现得太棒了。
And then the show gets done, and I was like, I gotta go in and thank again, thank Conan because he was so fucking good.
我走进他的化妆间，结果发现有个表亲在那儿。
And I go in his dressing room, and there's a cousin.
我不确定她是不是我表亲，但她是你们沃斯特那边的表亲，没错。
I don't know if she's a cousin of mine, but she's a cousin of yours from Worcester Yep.
她就在里面。
Who's in there.
她是不是在宣扬什么阴谋论？
Was she espousing a conspiracy theory?
如果是我的表亲，那很可能。
If it's a cousin of mine, then probably.
是的。
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah.
于是我走进去，他跟我说：嘿。
So I walk in and he goes, hey.
这是我的表亲， blah blah blah。
This is my cousin, blah blah blah.
是的。
Yeah.
她就说，我记得她说了，这是我的丈夫吗？
And she's like, I just remember she went, this is my was it her husband?
她叫凯瑟琳，但我们叫她 Boo。
Her name's Catherine, but we call her Boo.
好的。
Okay.
她的丈夫是阿蒂吗？
And her husband is Artie?
我们就说他是阿蒂吧。
Let's just say he's Artie.
好的。
Okay.
她嫁给了阿蒂·朗。
She's married to Artie Lang.
哦，是的。
Oh, yeah.
这进展得不太顺利。
Which is not going well.
不管怎样，这太搞笑了，因为她跟我们讲了一个关于伍斯特的奇怪故事，她说，哦，这是我的丈夫尼尔，或者不管他叫什么名字。
Anyways, it was so funny because she was telling us some weird story about Worcester, and she was like, oh, this is my husband, Neil, or whatever his name is.
是的。
Yeah.
他就只是坐在角落里一言不发。
And he's just like a guy saying nothing in the corner.
这是因为她
It's because she's
在任何奥布赖恩或雷登周围都没地方说话了。
There's no room to talk around any O'Brien or Rairdon.
我知道。
I know.
太搞笑了。
It's so funny.
你让我说到我想谈的事了，我根本不知道，但几年前，你说过，嘿。
You've gotten me to what I wanna talk about, which is I didn't even know this, but a number of years ago, you said, hey.
我是你的表亲。
I'm your cousin.
我们有血缘关系，因为我想你也不知道这件事。
We're related because I think you didn't know it either.
我完全不知道。
I had no idea.
然后我们就试着去查了一下。
And then I so we we try to look into it.
你来自马萨诸塞州的伍斯特。
You're from Worcester, Mass.
是的。
Yep.
我所有的家人都来自马萨诸塞州的伍斯特。
All my people are from Worcester, Mass.
是的。
Yep.
我父亲一方的家人来自伍斯特郊外。
My father's side of the family is from just outside Worcester.
我母亲一方的家人来自伍斯特。
My mother's side of the family is from Worcester.
所以里登家来自伍斯特。
So the Reardon's are from Worcester.
奥布莱恩家来自米布里和斯塔布里奇附近的城镇。
The O'Brien's are from, like, towns outside Millbury, Sturbridge.
基本上就是伍斯特。
And so Basically Worcester.
基本上就是伍斯特。
Basically Worcester.
对。
Yeah.
我祖父曾在伍斯特市中心指挥交通，那就是他的工作。
And my grandfather was directed traffic downtown in Worcester, and that was the job he had.
或者像我们说的伍斯特。
Or as we say Worcester.
伍斯特。
Worcester.
伍斯特。
Worcester.
伍斯特。
Worcester.
我小时候常去那里和表亲一起玩，在伍斯特闲逛，当时只有一件事可做，而且只有那一件事，不知为何，那里有一栋自1920年左右就关闭废弃的建筑，里面堆满了他们从未清理过的盔甲。
And I used to go and hang out with my cousin there when I was growing up and hang out in Worcester, and there was one thing to do and one thing only, which is for some reason, there was a building that hadn't been used that had been shut down in, like, 1920, and they filled it with armor that they didn't clean.
我想大部分盔甲甚至都没有套在人体模型上。
It was just I think some of it most of it wasn't on a mannequin.
就是那样。
It was
太可怕了。
just Horrible.
那地方太可怕了，看起来就像一个盔甲收藏狂的阁楼。
It was horrible, and it looked like a hoarder's attic of armor.
我记得我住在表亲家时，我姑姑会说：去见见戴安娜吧。
And so I remember I'd be staying with my cousin, and my aunt would be like, go see Diana.
你为什么不去看看安娜呢？
Why don't you go see some Anna?
那可是伍斯特的一大亮点。
And That was a big highlight of Worcester.
我们昨天真的就去做了。
And literally like, we did that yesterday.
再做一遍吧。
Do it again.
因为这是伍斯特，你就是要这么做。
And because it's Worcester, and that's what you do.
没多少东西。
There's not a lot.
你会四处走走，然后说：对。
And you'd walk around and go, yep.
就在那儿。
There there it is.
现在他们有了一个红袜队的小联盟棒球队，叫波拉尔公园，位于市中心。
Now they have a minor league baseball team for the Red Sox, Polar Park, which is downtown.
以前是帕特里克红袜队，后来搬走了。
Used to be the Pawtucket Red Sox, and they moved.
是吗？
Is that right?
搬到伍斯特了。
To Worcester.
是的。
Yep.
而且它叫波拉尔公园，是伍斯特市中心一个不错的小小棒球场。
And it's Polar Park, nice little ballpark in in Downtown Worcester.
他们还有一支小联盟冰球队，所以情况
And they have a minor league hockey team, and so things
正在好转。
are looking up.
这其实是这样的，当你来自伍斯特时
This is how and the thing is, when you're from Worcester
哦，我们花了整整一百五十年。
Oh, it took us one hundred and fifty years.
这真是件挺有趣的事。
This is a really funny thing.
是的。
Yeah.
那座工厂大约在1902年关闭了。
The mill closed in, like, nineteen o two.
听好了。
Listen.
让我告诉你。
Let me tell you.
我小时候，还有些人至今还在为此哀叹。
When I was growing up, and and there some people are still bemoaning this.
我十几岁的时候，这里曾是新英格兰的海洛因之都。
It was the heroin capital of New England for a while when I was, a teenager.
你猜我为什么会在那儿？
Why do you think I was there?
我我
I I
但我们当时真的就是，嘿。
but we were literally like, hey.
我们因为某件事而闻名。
We're famous for something.
是的。
Yeah.
对吧？
Right?
哇。
Wow.
然后，我想现在轮到劳伦斯了。
And then and then I think it's now Lowell.
不管怎样，大概是十年前。
Anyways, it's like ten
十年前，劳伦斯夺走了这个头衔。
years Lowell ago took the crown.
劳伦斯夺走了这个头衔。
Lowell took the crown.
我们可以把它赢回来。
We can get it back.
我们知道。
We know.
我当时就想，那我们现在什么都没了？
And I was like, we so now we have nothing?
所以Lowell夺走了新英格兰被偷走的首都。
So Lowell took the stolen capital of New England.
我们连那个都没有了。
We don't even have that.
我觉得
I think
我们仍然拥有军械库。
we still have the armory.
是的。
Yeah.
但没错。
But yeah.
问题是，伍斯特的人就是这样变得以伍斯特为中心的。
And the thing is Worcester, this is how Worcester centric people get.
不过别误会，我真的很喜欢伍斯特。
And don't get me wrong, I love Worcester.
我也一样。
So do I.
我全家都跟那里关系密切，这很重要，那里的人也很友善。
My whole family's It's a big deal, and the people are lovely.
它在我成长过程中占了很大一部分，因为每次去看祖父母和堂兄弟姐妹，我都会去那里。
And it was a big part of my growing up because that's where I'd go see my grandparents and cousins.
所以它对我来说意义非凡。
So it's very near and dear to my heart.
但我要说的是，当你在伍斯特时，一切事情都以伍斯特为中心，你在那里时，仿佛伍斯特之外什么都没有。
But I will say that when you're in Worcester, everything's Worcester centric, and nothing exists outside Worcester when you're there.
所以我在1993年得到深夜节目时就有了这样的经历，首先，连我自己的亲戚都问：‘这到底怎么回事？’
So I had the experience of, when I got the late night show in 1993, there was all this specula first of all, my my own relatives were like, what the hell?
你要接替莱特曼的节目吗？
You're gonna take over for Letterman?
我会说，是的。
I'd be like, yeah.
我想是吧。
I guess so.
我的意思是，你们在说什么啊？
I mean What the hell are talking about?
你不可能接替莱特曼吧？
You can't take over for Letterman?
他们当时我觉得他们
They were I think they
我记得我家人，你知道的，因为大家都还住在伍斯特，他们全都说，嘿。
I remember my family, you know, because my everybody still lives in Worcester, and they were all like, hey.
你认识这个人吗？
Do you know this guy?
我就说，不。
And I'm like, no.
我不认识这人。
I don't know this guy.
没人认识这人。
No one knew that guy.
还有接替莱特曼？
And for Letterman?
是的。
Yeah.
我当时就说，是的。
I was like, yeah.
不知道。
Don't know.
我不知道。
I don't know.
我
I
不知道。
don't know.
我们走着瞧吧。
We'll see.
祝你好运。
Good luck
给他。
to him.
是的。
Yeah.
所以，嘿。
So Hey.
看看这个。
Look at this.
多年后，你竟然在好莱坞忙着封掉游泳池。
Years later, here you are covering up pools in fucking in Hollywood.
我是怎么做到的。
How I done.
该死的游泳池。
Fucking pool.
所有人都进去。
Everybody inside.
好好享受吧。
Enjoy it.
用水泥填满它。
Fill it with cement.
所以，我就在那里。
So so I I am there.
我在伍斯特探望我的叔叔吉姆·里登。
I'm in Worcester visiting my uncle, Jim Reardon.
我们叫他加文。
We called him Gavin.
等一下。
Wait a minute.
什么？
What?
这完全说得通。
Makes perfect sense.
是的。
Yeah.
他的名字叫加文。
His name was Gavin.
我们就这样叫他，加文叔叔。
That's what we called him, uncle Gavin.
加文叔叔对我说，我知道你的第一位客人应该是谁。
And uncle Gavin said to me, I know who your first guest should be.
而且你知道，那时候我们说，当你做脱口秀时，几乎可以请任何人做你的第一位嘉宾。
And, you know, at the time, were saying, you know, when you have your talk show, you can have pretty much anyone as your first guest.
任何人都会说，天哪。
Anyone will be like, oh my god.
脱口秀的首位嘉宾，如果成功了，那我永远都会是第一位嘉宾。
First guest on a talk show, and if it goes, then I'm always gonna be the first guest.
所以你基本上可以请任何你想请的人。
So you pretty much have whoever you want.
他说，我知道该请谁，这就是你要做的。
And he went, I know who it's gonna be, and this is what you gotta do.
我说，他说，鲍勃·库西。
And I said, And he said, Bob Coosey.
我说，什么？
And I said, what?
他说，鲍勃·库西。
And he said, Bob Coosey.
鲍勃·库西
Bob Coosey
天哪。
Oh my god.
他是伍斯特圣十字学院的一位巨星，在上世纪四十年代和五十年代为凯尔特人队效力，那时人们投篮还很原始，他投篮时手比我还白，罚球时会像老奶奶一样从两腿之间投出去。
A big star out of Holy Cross College in Worcester who was a big star for the Celtics in the nineteen forties and fifties back when people shot he would shoot his whiter than me, and he would shoot his free throws between his legs like he'd Granny Granny style.
老奶奶式投篮。
Granny style.
他会从两腿之间投篮。
He would shoot them between his legs.
他是个伟大的球员，但那是1993年。
And great player, but this is 1993.
而且我——
And and I'm
顺便说一句，他还活着。
By being the way, he's still alive.
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