336. #1 沟通专家：这样做让她快速上钩！社交技能让你魅力爆表！

他们有一大帮人。

There's a whole bunch of them.

个个都超级有钱。

All of them super loaded.

通常你会看到的场景是，比如说，我们会从泰的豪宅出发，去日落广场那边的寿司店'Sushi You'，那里有家寿司餐厅。

And the typical powder that you'd see is like, you know, say that we would go from Ty's mansion down to like Sushi You, which is a, in Sunset Plaza down there, there's a a sushi restaurant.

对吧？

Right?

大家基本上都在餐厅外面的街上用餐，就在餐厅门口那块儿。

And you're kind of all eating outside on the street, you know, kind of in front of the restaurant.

所以那里可能有大概20来个其他老板在场。

So there might be, like, say, 20 other business owners there.

多数人的做法是，他们会想凑近泰，毕竟这是泰的派对。

So what most guys would do is they would kind of, like, want to be near Ty because they're at Ty's party.

泰是个非常成功、智商极高的人。

Ty's a very successful, highly intelligent guy.

所以他们都会试图围在他身边。

So they kinda try to crowd around him.

而我每次遇到高调人物时，都会故意反其道而行——我要坐到桌子的另一端去。

What I would intentionally do, and I do this every time around high profile people, is I wanna go to the opposite end of the table.

我想去所谓的（重申一下，在上帝眼中人人平等），但在社交市场价值层面——这是现实——我要尽可能远离那个价值中心。

So I wanna go where there's the quote unquote, again, everyone's equal in the eyes of God, but I'm saying like in the social market value, which is just real, I wanna be as far away from the value as possible.

然后我要明确一点。

Then what I wanna do is I wanna be clear.

听着，无论走到哪里，我本身就是派对。

Look, everywhere that I go, I'm the party.

我玩得很开心。

I'm having fun.

而大多数人只会当观众。

So what most people do is they become spectators.

对吧？

Right?

比如如果酷炫的那头桌子在这边，不酷的那头在那边，那边的人往往会很安静地盯着这头看。

Like if if the cool end of the table is over here, the not cool end of the table is over there, people over there will tend to be very quiet and stare at this end of the table.

这是人之常情。

It's human nature to do that.

而我要做的是变得非常风趣、活跃、大声。

What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna become very funny, boisterous, loud.

我会和邻桌的人聊天，和大家一起玩嗨，然后他们就会看过来想：这家伙是谁啊？

I'm I'm gonna talk to tables that are adjacent to me, start having fun with everybody, and then they're gonna look over there and go, like like, who's this guy over here?

他们会想：我们不是最酷的一桌吗？

Like like, I thought we're the cool table.

会纳闷：为什么他们那边玩得那么开心？

Like, how come they're not you know, why are they having all the fun over there?

我常对大企业主做的另一件事是——我觉得永远不要玩0到10的攀比游戏，因为这个游戏你永远赢不了，总有人比你赚得多。

Another thing that I commonly done with big business owners is I feel like, again, you don't you never ever ever wanna play the game of zero, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, because the problem is is that if you play that game, you know, you you can't win that game because there's just gonna be people that make more money than you.

对吧？

Right?

你这话是什么意思？

What do you mean by that?

好吧，没错

Well The right

假设我每月能赚大约一百万美元。

let's say that I'm making about a million bucks a month.

嗯哼。

Uh-huh.

表面上听起来这是一大笔钱。

And let's say that's you know, that sounds like a lot of money on the surface.

对吧？

Right?

每月一百万美元。

A million dollars a month.

但其实不算多。

But it's really not.

现在你的很多听众可能会说，什么？

Now a lot of your audience might go, what?

你是说你太脱离现实了。

You're saying you're so out of touch.

比如，每月一百万美元并不算多。

Like, a million dollars a month is not a lot.

不。

No.

比如，我们现在坐在好莱坞山上。

Like, we're sitting up here in the Hollywood Hills.

比如，那并不是很多钱。

Like, that's not a lot of money.

要知道，Avicii和Tieso曾经住在这栋房子里。

Know, Avicii and Tieso used live in this house.

比如，运营EDC的那个人以前就住在这栋房子里。

Like, the guy that runs EDC used to live in this house.

在洛杉矶生活的话，那点钱真的不算多。

That's not a lot of money when you live in Los Angeles.

我是说，这栋房子确实挺不错的。

I mean, this house here is pretty cool.

泰的豪宅价值1亿美元，之前是文莱苏丹的住所。

Ty's crib is worth it's a $100,000,000 estate previously lived in by the Sultan of Brunei.

是啊。

Yeah.

这是个永无止境的游戏。

It's an endless game.

对吧？

Right?

但关键在于，即便拥有泰伊那样的财富，住在价值1亿美元的豪宅里，若他去某些地方，在财力上也只是小巫见大巫——而这其实正是你该追求的，顺便说一句。

But the thing is even at Ty's level of money, living in a $100,000,000 estate, if he goes to certain places, he's a small fry financially, which is actually what you wanna do, by the the way.

方式。

Way.

你不想只和与你同水平的人相处。

You don't just wanna be around people that are at your level.

你想和那些已经超越你所在层次的人在一起。

You wanna be around people who are past where you're at.

所以如果我进入那样的环境，然后玩那种'我在财富上是六分，而你是十分，普通人是一分'的游戏。

So if I go to an environment like that and then I play the game of, oh, I'm a six in wealth and you're a 10 in wealth, the average person being a one.

就像神坛一样。是的。

Like pedestal and Yeah.

如果我把对方视为10分，问题在于我是在玩他们的游戏，然后他们就会把我归为方程式中的6分，而他们自己是10分。

If I'm putting him at a 10, then the problem is I'm I'm playing his game, and then he's gonna he or she are gonna clump me as the six in the equation and them as the 10.

我在玩他们的游戏。

I'm playing their game.

我认为你应该做的是成为独一无二的存在。

I think what you wanna do instead is you wanna be what's called one of one.

所以你绝不应该以任何方式接受那种框架。

So you want to not in any way, shape, or form buy into that kind of frame.

对吧？

Right?

举个例子，如果你是个长相普通的男生想追一个非常漂亮的女孩，就不要以外貌来评价自己。

So for example, if you're an ugly guy and you wanna date a girl who's very beautiful, don't rate yourself based on your looks.

相反，要把幽默感、玩乐精神、积极氛围或在社交圈里的人缘等因素，以及你独有的特质，在你的认知中赋予更高价值，并对此深信不疑到让周围人自惭形秽的程度。

Instead, put things like sense of humor or having fun or good vibes or just being popular in your social group or things like that, make that more important in your reality as well as things like what whatever is particularly unique about you and be have so much conviction that that stuff is cool that people that are around you start to feel like they're not cool.

对我来说，典型的例子就是户外运动。

So a big thing for me example is the great outdoors.

我是个狂热的户外运动爱好者。

I'm a I'm a huge outdoorsman.

就是特别喜欢户外活动。

Like, love to be in the outdoors.

比如我在跟一个女孩聊天时，我们聊着聊着就开始谈论户外活动，然后我开始展示我去阿拉斯加、蒙大拿、怀俄明、亚利桑那、华盛顿州的旅行照片，还有沿着俄勒冈海岸驾驶、红杉森林以及夏威夷热带雨林之类的经历。

So if I'm talking to a girl and then, you know, we just get to talking and then we start talking about the outdoors, and then I start pulling out pictures from my trip to Alaska and my trips to Montana and Wyoming and and, you know, Arizona and Washington State and driving the Oregon Coast and the Redwood Forest and the, you know, rain forest in Hawaii and, you know, stuff like that.

那么，如果我对这些经历充满自信，她开始认同我的生活方式很酷，她就会想：'是啊，我虽然长得不错，但被困在洛杉矶，整天参加那些无聊的吸毒派对，而这家伙却过着精彩的生活，甚至都不怎么喜欢我。'

Well, then if she be if I'm confident about that and then she begins to buy into my frame, that that's a cool way to live, then she's like, well, yeah, I'm cute, but, like, I'm just stuck here in LA, like, going out to, like, these lame druggie parties, and this guy's living a fun life, and he doesn't even like me.

所以现在她处于一种与你比较的心态中。嗯哼。

So now she's in a frame of comparing herself to you Mhmm.

她在感知你对她的评价

Of you she's perceiving how you're ranking

这个局面。

the situation.

基于你设定的框架，对吧？

Based on a frame that you're establishing, right?

所以如果你不接受外貌是最重要的这一框架，那么那些可能比你好看的人，他们可能会接受你的框架，也可能不会。

So if you don't buy into the frame that looks the most important thing, then someone who might be better looking than you, look, they may buy into your frame, they may not.

你必须，甚至需要先处于能和他们展开对话的位置，这本身就是一个完整的过程。

You've got to, you have to even be in a position to even get into a conversation with them with which that's a whole process in and of itself.

但关键在于，如果你能和他们展开对话，假设一开始你表现得非常非常风趣。

But the point is that if you can get into a conversation with them and then let's say initially, you're very, very funny.

你一点都不显得有所求。

You're not needy at all.

你超级搞笑。

You're super funny.

他们没你那么有趣。

They're not as funny as you.

所以现在你的幽默感更胜一筹。

So now you have a better sense of humor.

他们正努力跟上你的幽默节奏。

They're trying to keep up with your humor.

哇，这家伙太酷了。

Oh, this guy's so cool.

就像，我一直希望能像这样风趣，但他实在太有趣了。

Like, I always wish that I could be, like, funny like this, but he's just so funny.

最终，他们会不断找机会和你多聊。

And then eventually, they keep pushing to talk to you more.

你完全没有以任何方式搭讪他们。

You're in no way, shape, or form hitting on them.

然后，你知道，你可能在谈论自然探险，或者你对圣经的热爱，或者你热衷于帮助他人，又或者你热爱演奏乐器。

And then, you know, you're talking you're talking about nature adventures, or maybe you're talking about your passion for the Bible, or maybe you're talking about your passion for helping other people, or maybe you're talking about how you love to play an instrument.

他们一直很钦佩会演奏乐器的人。

They've always admired people to play instruments.

就我们做社交媒体而言，我可以向你保证，很多非常漂亮的女性，她们在外表上很有吸引力，也知道自己有些话要说，但因为没承受过那么大压力，所以没怎么动过脑子。

For us to do social media, I can promise you a lot a lot of very beautiful women, they are visually attractive, and they know that they would have something to say, but they haven't been using their mind as much because they haven't had as much pressure.

所以如果你对她们说，嘿。

So if you were to say to them, hey.

比如，我真的很想看到你真正说点什么，而不是仅仅，你知道，靠外表。你无法想象这会引发怎样的反应，尤其是当你面对一位既美丽动人又极其聪明、却意识到自己一直没怎么用脑的女性时，你对她说‘我很想听你说话’。

Like, I'd love to see you actually talking a little bit and not just, like, you know, using your looks, you can't imagine the response that gets, especially if you have a beautiful woman who's also very, very attract or very, very intelligent, and she knows that she hasn't been using your mind, and you say, I'd love to I'd love to see you speak.

我很想看看你动脑思考的样子，然后，你知道，现在她们开始发些小故事，就是那种展示身材的内容。

I'd love to see you use your mind, like and then, you know, and they're now they're posting little stories of them, like, you know, showing boobs, like that kind of stuff.

你就会觉得，拜托。

And you're like, you're like, come on.

就像在说，我们这是在干嘛啊。

Like, what are we come on.

这是什么？

What is this?

比如，动动你的脑子。

Like, use your mind.

你知道吗？

You know?

对吧？

Right?

所以你完全就是，嗯哼。

And so you're totally, like Mhmm.

这相当于釜底抽薪——当然大多数人都在追捧她们，但你若不是朋友就是粉丝。

Pulling the rug on that, which, of course, most people are worshiping them, but you're either a friend or a fan.

大多数追捧她们的人都属于粉丝范畴。

Most people are worshiping them fall in the fan category.

你实际上是在建立一个她们内心深处知道可能是真实的框架。

You're you're actually laying down a frame that deep down they know is probably true.

所以突然间，他们想要达到那个标准，而你就成为了独一无二的存在。

So now all a sudden, they wanna live up to that frame, and you're becoming one of one.

就我而言，我恰好热爱即兴公开演讲。

In my case, like, I happen to love free associate public speaking.

我就是喜欢在公开演讲时即兴发挥。

I just love free associate when I'm public speaking.

所以，比如我会参加活动，走到房间前面，教房间里的每个人如何进行公开演讲，以及如何不用讲稿来完成演讲。

So, like, I'll do events I go to the front of the room, and I'm teaching everyone in that room public speaking and how to do it without a script.

换句话说，不用PPT，就能即兴进行公开演讲。

So in other words, without a PowerPoint, just being able to improvise in in public speak.

我对此充满热情。

I'm very passionate about this.

所以当我这样做两天后，那个房间的框架就是欧文——那就是我。

So by the time that I've been doing that for two days, the frame of that room is Owen is the that's me.

欧文是领导者，因为我们都喜欢自由联想式的即兴公开演讲。

Owen is the leader because we all like free associative improvised public speaking.

嗯。

Mhmm.

我们都在努力学这个。

We're all trying to learn it.

恰好在这个环境里他是最擅长的。

He happens to be the best of it in this environment.

但问题是，兄弟，他们没明白的是，首先我得让大家认同即兴演讲很酷这个设定。

But the thing is, bro, what they don't understand is I've got to impose the frame that improvised public speaking is cool in the first place.

对吧？

Right?

就像...是的。

Like like Yeah.

我们可以这样想，比如你去看一场NBA篮球赛。

We could like, if you look at a basketball game, like, say, you go to an NBA game.

对吧？

Right?

所有人都坐在那里盯着勒布朗看，但首先你得让大家相信，一个家伙把橡胶球投进篮筐这件事——我们坐在该死的体育场最高处，从廉价座位区俯瞰，为一场足够精彩的比赛花上几千美元。

Everyone's sitting there staring at LeBron, but you have to initially convince everyone that a guy throwing a ball, a rubber ball, bro, into a hole is we're sitting at the top of a freaking stadium looking down in the from the nosebleeds several of things up paying thousands of dollars if it's a good enough game.

艾德·希兰为某个把橡胶球投进篮筐的家伙疯狂。

Ed Sheerian going crazy for some guy throwing a rubber ball in a hoop.

是啊。

Yeah.

有一次我在公交车上遇到了一位老派冲浪者。

I was on a bus once and I met a old school surfer.

我记得他对我说过，他说，知道我们以前是怎么做的吗？

And I remember he said to me, he said, you know what we did back in the day?

我们让全世界都相信站在海浪中的一块木板上很酷。

We convinced the world that sitting on a wood standing on a wood plank on a wave is cool.

但我们往往认为冲浪是件正经事。

But we tend to think that surfing is a thing.

篮球也是件正经事。

Basketball is a thing.

拳击也是一项了不起的运动。

Boxing is a thing.

公开演讲同样意义非凡。

Public speaking is a thing.

但总得有第一个站出来说'不'的人。

But somebody has to be that first person to come along and say, no.

这很酷。

This is cool.

你有没有看过那个短视频？在多洛雷斯公园里，有人开始跳舞，然后其他人也跟着跳起来。

There have you ever seen the little video where someone's at Dolores Park and they start dancing and then and then people start following?

是啊。

Yeah.

你得成为那个领舞的人。

You've gotta be sort of Dancing man.

没错。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

所以理想情况下，你得成为那个认为某件事很酷的先行者。

So you've gotta be ideally that first mover who thinks that something is cool.

如果你相信这一点，并且在沟通中如此热情，以至于其他人也开始觉得它很酷，你就能让它变得酷起来。虽然不会所有人都喜欢你，但那些认同并产生共鸣的人会觉得这超级酷。

And if you believe that and if and if in your communication you're so passionate about that that other people start to think it's cool and you can make it cool, then there's going to be it's not gonna be that everyone loves you, but of the people who do buy in and who happen to resonate with that and like they do connect to that, they're gonna think that's super cool.

举个例子，比如回到派对或社交场合中与另一个人交谈的场景。

Give us an example of like, let's go back to the party or networking thing speaking to another person.

对吧？

Right?

嗯哼

Mhmm.

我认为在约会中分析问题总是很简单。

I think it's always very simple to break it down in dating.

嗯哼

Mhmm.

明白吗？

Alright?

但我想说的是，比如男人之间的对话。

But I wanna talk like say like guy to guy.

因为我觉得和所有人交谈时——

Because I think like everyone well, talking to everybody.

我是在泛泛而谈。

I'm generalizing.

对我来说更容易的是，比如在搭讪女孩时调情，设定某种框架或玩这种框架转换的游戏。

It's easier I'm thinking for myself, it's easier to like say flirt if you're trying to pick up a girl and set a frame or play this sort of game of frame changing.

但现在我也设身处地地想象有人试图与我建立人脉，如果我不够自信，可能会觉得你是在试图压我一头。

But I'm also now putting myself in the shoes of someone trying to come out of network with me, and I could see that if I wasn't very secure, I could perhaps see it as you're trying to one up me, kind of.

那么你能不能举个例子，在这种高端人脉场合中如何进行框架设定和转换，同时如何避免让对方觉得你在试图压过他们？

So how do you one, like give us an example of like framing and changing frames in this networking situation with like a high caliber person, and how do you avoid ever putting them in a situation where they might feel like you're trying to one up them at

他们自己的

their Well, own

实际上，让我们回到那个很棒的问题上。

actually, let's circle back to that's a great question.

让我们回到泰·洛佩兹的例子。

Let's circle back to the, Tai Lopez example.

对吧？

Right?

那么寿司在哪里？

So where's Sushi Ah?

他和他那些即使不是亿万富翁也是千万富翁的人脉就在桌边。

He he and his multimillionaire, if not billionaire connections are on the table.

而我坐在桌子的另一端。

I'm at the other end of table.

对吧？

Right?

所以第一个避免用操控或怪异方式强加框架的做法就是——我坐在桌子的另一端。

So the first way that I'm not trying to impose my frame onto them in a way that's manipulative or weird is I'm at the other end the table.

我本可以像其他人那样试图挤到前面去，但我选择坐在桌子的另一端。

I could've I could've done what everybody else did and kinda try to push my way up there, but I'm at the other end of the table.

我只是和大家一起找点乐子。

I'm just having fun with everybody.

所以用笑声和轻松的态度，而不是显得有所求，并用你的肢体语言表达：嘿。

So laughter at having fun and not being needy and using your body language to show, hey.

我随时可以离开。

I could leave any time.

看。

Look.

我在这里玩得很开心，但我随时也可以离开。

I'm having fun here, but I could leave any time too.

这样会让人们在你身边感到自在，因为你向他们展示了你无所求。

That's gonna gonna allow people to feel comfortable around you because you should you're showing them you don't need anything.

明白吗？

Okay?

但接下来会发生什么呢？

But then what's gonna happen?

这就是我在类似情况下发现的规律。

And here's what I found in cases like that.

而我使用的那个例子就是泰国的案例。

And that that thing that I use is the Thai example.

我用这个例子是因为我们都知道泰国，但我在数百个不同案例中都这样做过。

I'm using it because we both know Thai, but I've done that this in hundreds of different cases.

通常，那些千万富翁或亿万富翁会主动过来问：'嘿，我怎样才能为你的业务增值呢？'

Typically, multimillionaire or billionaire will come up to and they'll say, Hey, listen, how can I add value to your business?

那么他们为什么会这么说呢？

Now, why do they tend to say that?

因为所有成功人士都明白，人际交往的真谛就是为他人创造价值，对吧？

They say that because anyone who's successful understands that the language of networking is adding value to others, right?

他们都懂这个道理，对吧？

They get that, right?

所以每个成功人士都会说：'嘿，我能为你提供什么价值？'

So anyone who's successful is like, hey, how can I add value to you?

那么，他们为什么要对你说这句话呢？

Well, why are they gonna say that to you?

他们会对你说这句话，是因为大多数富人错误地认为，只要变富有就能最终获得幸福。

They're gonna say that to you because most people that are rich believed wrongly that once they got rich, they'd finally be happy.

这些人中很多都拼命工作了一辈子，结果发现自己依然痛苦不堪。当他们终于看到有人脸上挂着笑容——而且这个人还特别擅长社交，能轻松自在地和所有人交谈，无论男女老少。

So many of these people have worked and worked and worked their whole life, realized they're completely miserable, and when they finally see somebody with a smile on their face, and by the way, who's also really good socially and is talking to everybody and at ease with everybody, men, women, everybody.

看到这一幕时，他们会想：等等，我以为买了名表就能得到这种状态。

And they see that, and they're like, wait, I thought that that's what happened when I got the watch.

我以为买了豪车就能拥有这种感觉。

I thought that's what happened when I have the car.

我以为住进豪宅就能获得这种体验。

I thought that's what happened with the mansion.

于是他们开始嫉妒你，因为你拥有了他们奋斗一生想要的东西——最终获得真爱、认可，以及那些不图钱财真心关爱他们的人。

So they begin to envy you because you have what they did all this for, which was to eventually have love or to eventually have approval and have people who actually care about them, not just for money.

所以他们看到了这一点。

So they see that.

所以当他们看到你玩得开心时，通常都会想和你做朋友。

So they'll usually wanna be friends with you when they see you having fun.

你会自然而然地吸引他们。

You'll kind of draw them in.

然后你要说的是，因为如果你经营企业，你的一部分会想着——其实这方面需要帮助。

Then what you say is because part of you, if you run a business, you're gonna wanna well, actually, need help with this.

这方面我需要帮助。

I need help with this.

这方面我需要帮助。

I need help with this.

哦。

Oh.

对吧？

Right?

现在他们给你设了框架。

And now they've put their frame on you.

这就像有个美女走过来，开始用胸部蹭你的脸之类的。

It's almost like if a beautiful woman came and started, like, rubbing her tits in your face or something.

对吧？

Right?

你不会想

You don't wanna

直接开始舔。

just start sucking.

懂吗？

You know?

对吧？

Right?

你会想

You wanna you

想走开，嘿。

wanna go, hey.

嘿。

Hey.

懂吗？

You know?

明白吗？

You know?

把商品亮出来。

Hands out the merchandise.

你得稍微展示下你的牌面，表明你不会轻易被他们牵着鼻子走。

You wanna push your deck a little bit to show that you're not just gonna fall into their frame.

所以，即便你内心可能不这么想，但你必须克制。

So, you know, even even though you might feel otherwise, but you have to, you know, restrain.

对吧？

Right?

你触碰到了边界。

You fought the edge.

是啊。

Yeah.

因为如果你不这样做，他们就会把你框进他们的思维模式，满足他们的自我，然后转向下一个目标。

Because because what you're doing otherwise is they just they just shove you into their frame, feed their ego, and they're onto the next.

大多数情况下，他们就会直接走开。

They'll just walk off in most cases.

同理，如果他们问：‘嘿，我该怎么帮你的生意？’

So in the same way, if they say, Hey, how can I help you with your business?

通常，说实话，我会这么说：‘你知道吗？’

Often, and this is the truth, I'll say this, I'll say, You know what?

真的很感谢你这么说，老兄。

Really appreciate you saying that, man.

我真心实意地感谢。

I really, really do.

这真的非常酷，我现在正处于人生的一个阶段，主要目标就是找点乐子，兄弟。这感觉有点奇怪，我工作了一辈子，现在终于能享受一点乐趣了，这其实是一种委婉的说法，意思是我他妈的有的是钱。

That's really, really cool of I'm kind of at a phase of my life right now where my main goal is I just wanna have fun bro, it's weird like I work my whole life and I'm able to go have a little bit of fun at this point and that's kind of like a subtle way of saying like I'm fucking loaded.

就是，你去吧，对，我现在终于能享受一点乐趣了。

Just You go, yeah, I'm able to go have a little bit of fun at this point.

我每天的主要目标就是尽可能多地找些有趣的事情来做。

My main goal just day to day is just to find as much fun stuff to do as I can.

我已经有五年没工作过了。

I haven't even worked in like five years.

你一旦这么说，他们就完全无计可施了，对吧？

And as soon as you say that, they're completely powerless now, right?

因为实际情况是，他们用来向他人强加框架的手段对你无效，这突然会触发一种心理反应，让他们觉得‘我需要让这个人暴露弱点’。

It's because what's happened is the thing that they're using to push their frame on other people has no power over you, which now all of a sudden that triggers a psychological reaction of like, I need to get this person Vulnerability.

这就像有人把胸怼到你脸上，而你只是冷淡拒绝。

That's the same thing as someone who shove their tits in your face, and then you're just like, no.

然后他们就会想，等等，我那套让所有人崇拜我的方法怎么失效了。

Then it's like, wait a minute, but that way that I get everyone worshiping me didn't work.

好吧，现在我得另寻他法了。

Well, now I gotta find another way.

换句话说，情况是这样的：你会说，这就是我的风格。

So in other words, what happens is you say, that's like my thing.

我只想找乐子——这话会让他们进一步思考：等等。

I wanna have fun, which then that further gets them thinking, wait a minute.

我一直都想找乐子啊。

I've always wanna have fun.

所以他们现在真的、真的想和我交朋友。

So now they really, really wanna be friends.

然后当你一起出去玩时，兄弟，我都数不清有多少个千万富翁和亿万富翁曾和我坐在这阳台上，我从未向他们请教过，他们却硬要把建议和秘密往我脑子里塞。

Then when you hang out and bro, I can't tell you how many multimillionaires and billionaires I've been sitting with right on this balcony, and it I've never asked them for any advice, and they just shove advice and secrets down my throat.

但我只想要快乐。

But I just wanna have fun.

你看，道理是一样的。

And look, it's the same thing.

比如说，你知道的，就说你不想要身体亲密。

Like, say, you know, say that you don't want physical intimacy.

对吧？

Right?

然后，你知道的，就像，不。

And then, you know, it's like, no.

比如，我对和美女有身体亲密不感兴趣。

Like, I'm not about physical intimacy with, gorgeous women.

我感兴趣的是很酷的公开演讲，让大家看到你运用头脑。

I'm about cool public speaking and let it see you use your mind.

比如，让我们来运用你的头脑。

Like, let's like, use your mind.

你是有头脑的。

You have a mind.

你能运用你的头脑吗？

Can you use your mind?

突然间，等等，这样行不通。

And all of a sudden, like, wait a minute, but this isn't going to work.

我得用这个。

I have to use this.

现在你所做的就是翻转框架，或者说你超级风趣。

And now what you've done is you flip the frame or say that you're super funny.

对吧？

Right?

然后如果他们不够有趣，你会觉得有点无聊，就像你说个笑话，他们试图回个不那么好笑的笑话，你就会觉得那有点怪。

And then if ever they're not funny enough, you kind of get bored and you kind of just like, like you say something funny, they try to say something funny back when it's not good enough and you go, that was kind of weird.

然后你转身要走，他们就会说‘等等’，然后把你拉回来。

And then you turn your back, they're like, wait, you know, and then they pull you back.

因为你已经改变了买卖双方的动态关系。

They because you've tilted the buyer seller dynamic.

所以做销售时也是同样的道理。

So it's the same thing with when you do sales.

你知道，

You know,

如果你正在

if you're doing if you're

无论是在台上销售还是通过视频销售，都必须非常非常清晰明了。

selling from the stage or if you're selling in a video, it has to be very, very clear.

我是个忙碌的人。

I'm a busy person.

虽然不会明说，但应该通过你的沟通方式传达出来。

I've got like, you don't say this overtly, but it should be through the way that you communicate.

我是个忙碌的人。

I'm a busy person.

我生活得很充实。

I've got a great life.

我本不需要这么做，但如果你真心想要，我愿意帮你。

I don't need to do this, but I'm down to help you if you're serious about it.

这就是你所谓的机遇与推销之间的区别。

And that's the distinction between what you call an opportunity or a sale.

人们不会因为推销而购买。

People don't buy from a sale.

但如果是机遇，他们就会出手。

They will purchase if it's an opportunity.

埃文·帕甘，曾用笔名大卫·德安杰洛，是真正的元老级人物。

Evan Pagan, who used to go by the pseudonym David DeAngelo, is one of the true OGs.

你们的一些观众可能知道埃文·佩根是谁，e b e n p a g a n k a k 大卫·迪安杰洛，互联网营销领域真正的元老级人物之一。

Some of your audience may know who Evan Pagan is, e b e n p a g a n k a k David DeAngelo, one of the true OGs of Internet marketing.

就像，他是你们最喜欢的营销专家之一，与丹·肯尼或约翰·卡尔顿这样的家伙齐名。

Like, he's your favorite marketers here at marketer along with guys like, you know, Dan Kenny or John Carlton.

埃文写过一本书，书名就直接叫《机会》。

Evan, he had a book, and he literally just called it opportunity.

对我来说，最关键的是当你与人交往时，这给人的感觉是在推销——那种油滑的推销，还是一个真正的机会？

And to me, that's the biggest thing is when you're socializing with somebody, is this coming across as a sale, like as a shmarmy sale, or is it an opportunity?

这需要通过你的语调、肢体语言、你说的话、以及你在环境中的工作方式来体现。

And that has to be framed through your vocal tone, body language, things that you say, the way that you're working in an environment.

必须明确这是一次机会。

It has to be clear that it's an opportunity.

一旦变成推销且你有所求，他们就会本能地离开，对吧？

As soon as it becomes a sale and you want something, reflexively, they leave, right?

我能想到的最佳例子就是名贵手表，对吧？

Best example I could think of would be fancy watches, right?

你看一块普通的名贵手表。

You look at a basic fancy watch.

比如爱彼、百达翡丽、劳力士。

You know, Audemars Piguet, Patek Philippe, Rolex.

很多人认为这些表昂贵，特别是因为里面可能有非常昂贵的机芯，或者含有黄金之类的。

Like, a lot of people think these are expensive, specifically because there might be like some really expensive movement in it, or maybe there's gold in it or something.

就像是，你知道的，里面的黄金。

It's like, oh, you know, the gold in that.

对吧？

Right?

比如，这块手表里的黄金含量可能还不到一千美元左右。

Like, like, the amount of gold in this watch is probably less than like a thousand dollars or something like that.

但爱彼（AP）的做法是告诉你：你不能买它。

But AP, what they do is they say, you can't buy it.

就是说，你没资格直接购买。

Like, you're not allowed to buy it.

你得先预约。

You're gonna have to book an appointment.

你得排队等候。

You're gonna have to wait in line.

你还得给我们写篇文章，说明你为什么喜欢爱彼品牌以及该品牌的历史。

You're gonna have to write us an essay about why you like the brand AP and the history of the brand AP.

如果你直接要求买皇家橡树系列，我们是不会卖给你的。

If you demand a Royal Oak, we're not gonna sell it to you.

如果你带着100美元进来，我们不会卖给你的。

If you walk in with a $100, we're not gonna sell it to you.

你得来回跑好几趟，然后基本上还得祈祷他们会把这该死的东西卖给你。

You're gonna have to come back multiple times, and then you're gonna have to basically pray that they'll sell this damn thing to you.

现在那块可能值10万美元的手表，人们会说，等等。

Now that watch that could be worth a $100,000, people say people say, wait a minute.

什么？

What?

如果我走进去直接给他们100美元，他们也不会收我的钱吗？

If I go in and I just give them a $100, they won't take my money?

不会。

No.

我们不想要你的钱。

We don't want your money.

所以看看他们在做什么。

So look what they're doing.

他们完全颠覆了常规做法。

They're flipping the script.

对吧？

Right?

没错。

Yeah.

有个叫Philip Reed的人拍了个很棒的视频，他详细讲述了要买到一块AP有多难。

There's a great video by a guy named Philip Reed who Phil Reed who actually talks about how hard it is to get an AP.

大家可以搜来看看。

People can look that up.

要买到我们的爱彼表有多困难。

How hard it is to get our Audemars Piguet.

于是你会想，他们为什么不干脆卖给所有人呢？

And so you say to yourself, well, why wouldn't they just sell it to everyone?

所以他们说我讲

So they say that I say

他们是在控制稀缺性吗？

Do they control the scarcity?

是的。

Yes.

但这都是将一块实际价值可能只有500或1000美元的手表，以10万美元售出的艺术手法。

But it's all an art form of selling a watch that physically is maybe worth $500 or a thousand bucks for a $100,000.

所以整个营销框架都必须营造出这是一块价值10万美元的手表。

So everything about the framing has to be done in a way that it's a $100,000 watch.

你看，如果他们直接把手表给你——比如你带着100美元走进去，他们就给你表。

So, you know, if they just give it to you, like say you walk with a $100, they give it to you.

价格并不会因此从100美元涨到5万美元。

It's not like the price would go from a 100 to 50,000.

就像——如果他们把手表给所有人，他们可以...你知道的，与其每周以10万美元卖出一块，不如以5万美元卖出大量手表。

Like, oh, well, if they give it to everyone, they could they you know, rather than selling one a week for a 100,000, they could sell a ton of them for 50,000.

事情不是这样运作的。

It doesn't work like that.

如果你把它随便提供给所有人，它的价格就会跌至商品水平。

If you just make it available to everybody, it goes down to commodity level price.

基本上，就像它实际只值这个价，但没有了品牌加持，那同一块手表可能就值200、300美元，也许一千美元。

Like, basically, just like what it's just literally worth, but not with the brand, which would mean that that same watch might be worth $200, $300, maybe a thousand dollars.

它就会变得一文不值。

It wouldn't be worth anything.

所以每件事都必须做到：有些人被告知不行，不是每个人都能得到这个，这是非常独家的。

So every single thing has to be like, some people are told no, not everybody gets this, this is very exclusive.

人们会说，我不想玩这种把戏。

And what people will say is like, well, I don't wanna play games.

对吧？

Right?

我不想玩这种把戏。

I don't wanna play games.

没人强迫任何人参与这种游戏。

No one is making anybody play a game.

如果我认为世界上每个人都应该拥有固定的朋友。

If I think that every single human being in the world should have regular friends.

举个例子，泰·洛佩兹。

Take a golly, Tai Lopez.

泰·洛佩兹曾有位叫扎克的朋友，但已不幸离世。

Tai Lopez had his friend, Zach, who actually passed away.

他经常和祖母保持联系。

He hangs up regular with his grandmother.

泰还经常和他姐姐一起玩，也常和他弟弟本待在一起。

Tai happens to also hang out with his sister, hangs up with his brother, Ben.

你在地球上绝对找不到比泰拥有更多高中老友或家族世交的人了。

You'll never see a you'll never see a man on Earth that has more old high school friends or old family friends than Ty.

所以泰有一个核心朋友圈，那些才是他真正的朋友。

So Ty has a core group of friends that are his real friends.

我不认为泰是想在他弟弟本或玛雅面前装得像块AP手表，但泰确实很会社交——金州勇士队夺冠后，他还邀请全队来他家的庆功派对呢。

I don't think that Ty is trying to look like an AP watch to his brother Ben or to or or to Maya, but Ty also networks Ty also had the Golden State Warriors come to the after party at his house after they won the championship.

泰还结识了全球一些最顶尖的人物。

Ty has also networked with some of the biggest people in the entire world.

我向你保证，如果泰试图引起某个带宽有限的人的注意——就是那种资源有限、所有人都想从他们那里获取些什么的人——他会懂得如何与这种带宽有限的人建立联系。

I promise you, he had you know, if Ty is trying to get the attention of somebody who has limited bandwidth, right, there's limited, this is a person with limited bandwidth and everybody wants something from them that he will understand how to network with that person who has limited bandwidth.

所以我们在这里讨论的大部分内容，请记住你绝对应该拥有真正的发小——那些和你一起长大的家人朋友。

So most of the stuff that we're talking about here, remember you absolutely should have real family friends that you grew up you you that you grew up with.

你应该拥有那些已经交往了二三十、四五十年的老朋友。

You should have friends that you've been friends with for twenty, thirty, forty, fifty years.

你应该参与一些公开的慈善工作，比如帮助无家可归的陌生人。

You should have you should have charity work that you do out in public just helping random homeless people.

你应该拥有一些非功利性的人际关系。

You should have people that you have a non transactional relationship with.

我认为每个人的核心圈子里都应该有些纯粹因为你是你而爱你的人，这非常重要。

I I think it's very important for everyone's core to have people who love you just for you.

完全不是功利性的，也完全不基于表现。

Not transactional and not performance based at all.

完全不基于表现。

Not performance based at all.

你需要真正的爱，比如母亲的爱、父亲的爱、兄弟的爱、姐妹的爱、朋友的爱。

You need real love, like the love of a mother, the love of a father, the love of a brother, love of a sister, love of a friend.

你的生活中必须拥有这些。

You have to have that in your life.

但我认为人们做的是，他们接受了这种真实，然后说，这就是全部了，但等等。

But I think what people do is they take that realness, and then they say, well, that's all there is, but it's like, wait a minute.

比如，你想有能力给孩子买有机食品吗？

Like, would you like to be able to buy your kid organic food?

我的意思是，我有三个孩子。

Well, that's I mean, I have three kids.

给他们买有机食品非常昂贵，但我的孩子们现在正在滑雪旅行。

Buying them organic food is exceedingly expensive, but my kids are on a ski trip right now.

我有员工在，因为我这个周末忙着和你们一起做这些事情。

I have staff that are because I'm busy this weekend doing this stuff with you.

我有工作人员带他们去私人滑雪旅行，他们还能上私人课程。

I have staff that take them on a on a private ski trip, and they get private lessons.

你希望你的孩子拥有这些吗？

Do you want your children to have that?

要让孩子上常春藤盟校，一年大约需要6.5万美元。

For your kid to go to an Ivy League school, you're looking about $65,000 a year.

假设他们去纽约的哥伦比亚大学，可能还要每月多付1万美元房租，或者便宜点每月5000美元。

Let's say they go to Columbia, New York City, you're probably looking another $10,000 a month in rent or $5,000 a month in rent if that's cheap.

这样算下来，一年大概要15万美元供他们上哥伦比亚大学。

You're looking at about, I don't know, probably 150,000 a year for them to go to Columbia.

那就是60万美元。

That's $600,000.

如果你的孩子跑来跟你说：'妈妈/爸爸，我被常春藤学校录取了'，你会怎么办？

What if your kid comes to you and says, hey, mommy or daddy, I got into an Ivy League school.

我想去哈佛。

I wanna go to Harvard.

我想去哥伦比亚大学。

I wanna go to Columbia.

我想去耶鲁大学，但他们去不了，因为你负担不起学费。

I wanna go to Yale, but they can't go because you couldn't pay for them to go.

如果你的孩子因为吃麦当劳得了癌症或某种儿童疾病怎么办？

What if your kid goes and gets cancer or some kind of childhood disease because you're feeding them McDonald's?

你请不起好家教又该怎么办？

What about the fact that you can't get them good tutors?

我很幸运。

I'm very fortunate.

我的孩子们已经多次自驾游遍全国。

My kids have traveled the entire country multiple times over by car.

他们几乎滑遍了所有大型滑雪场。

They've skied almost every major ski resort.

他们有各种各样的家教辅导。

They have all sorts of tutors.

他们吃的是最健康的食物。

They have the healthiest food.

他们非常出色，我还经常带他们在观众面前露面。

They're incredibly I also bring them up in front of audiences.

我让他们练习公开演讲。

We I get them doing public speaking.

我们进行过非常危险且具有挑战性的活动，但要知道，我们是以安全的方式进行的。

We've done very dangerous, challenging, but, know, we do it in a safe way.

比如过夜的徒步旅行之类的活动。

Overnight hikes and things like that.

他们徒步走过波利海岸的卡拉劳步道。

They've hiked the Kalalau Trail in the Poly Coast.

他们在俄勒冈州徒步走过鹰溪步道。

They've hiked Eagle Creek in Oregon.

他们还在阿拉斯加徒步走过哈丁冰川。

They've they've hiked the Harding Glacier in Alaska.

他们在十岁前就已经完成了所有这些。

They've done all this before they even turned 10.

那么，你想为你的孩子做到这些吗？

Well, do you wanna be able to do this for your kids?

你是否希望拥有一位你通常会被吸引、与之有着深厚身体亲密纽带的伴侣？

Would you like to have a partner who you're generally attracted to, who you have a great, physical intimate bond with?

你想服用高级补品以延长寿命，从而能给予他人更多吗？

Do you wanna be able to take fancy supplements so that you can live an extra long life so that you can give more to other people?

你希望拥有一个基础价值水平，以便能更多地给予他人吗？

Do you wanna have a base level value to give more to others?

是的。

Yeah.

这需要金钱、地位和影响力之类的东西。

That takes things like money, status, and clout.

我很抱歉告诉你这些。

I'm sorry to tell you that.

所以，如果你想为你所在的核心圈子做得更好，为他们贡献更多，那就先让自己强大起来。

So if you want to do even better for that core group that you're with and add more to them, make yourself strong.

你看到有些人刚接触慈善。

You see people that just get into charity.

就像，老兄或老妹，你自己都一无所有，拿什么来做慈善。

It's like, you've got no charity to give my man or my woman.

你懂我意思吗，兄弟？

You know what I'm saying, brother?

你根本没什么可给予的。

You got nothing to give.

对吧？

Right?

所以你要先让自己强大起来，同时在力所能及的情况下为他人付出，但首先要提升自己。

So you wanna make yourself strong first while also doing that since for other people where you can, but build yourself up.

因此，并不是说这些关于地位的浅薄认知应该影响你核心圈子的关系。

So it's not that these little understandings of status should come into play with your core group.

事实上，你应该能在核心圈子里放下防备，拥有一个非常紧密的内部圈子，但同时也要具备扩展这个圈子的意识或知识。

In fact, you should be able to let down your guard with your core group and have a really, really tight inner circle, but you should also have the awareness or knowledge of how to expand that circle.

顺便说一句，我要说的最后一点是，那个你最初可能拉拢的人，最终可能成为真正的朋友。

And by the way, last point I make is this, that same person that maybe you initially kind of pulled in can become a real friend.

他们并不了解你。

They don't know you.

他们的时间有限。

They have limited time.

他们的精力有限。

They have limited bandwidth.

对吧？

Right?

那个私信里有无数男人发消息的漂亮女人，她的精力是有限的。

That that beautiful woman who has a million guys in her DMs texting her has limited bandwidth.

她不可能和所有人约会，更不可能和所有人发生关系。如果她真这么做了，你反而会不再喜欢她。

She can't date all of She certainly can't hook up with all of And if she did, you wouldn't even like her anymore.

但从很多方面来说，一旦你懂得如何将她带入你的生活，她完全可以成为你在这个世界上最好的朋友，你们的关系可以从基于表现转变为真正的情谊。

But how but in many ways, once you might understand how to bring her in your life, then she can become literally your best friend in the entire world, and you can go from a performance based relationship to a genuine relationship.

当然，你永远无法百分百摆脱表现因素，因为你仍应保持优秀个人领导者的形象，但你可以更加真实，减少交易性质。

Now you're never a 100% non performance based because you should still be like a good strong personal leader, but you could be a lot more real and a lot less transactional.

所以你能达到那种境界，但这并非仅靠空想就能实现——不能只是盯着地位最高或最漂亮的人说'我选你做我新闺蜜'就指望立刻建立深厚联系。

So you can get to that place, but it's not it's not from you just wishing for it and going well we should just have a connection like you know looking at the most like high status person or the most beautiful person go I pick you to be my new best friend.

要知道，你必须懂得如何为他们创造价值。

You know, you've got to know how to add value to them.

你必须提供价值，正如你所说，当你谈到如何与百万富翁、亿万富翁坐在阳台上，他们却只想强行向你灌输所谓的价值时，我一直在思考——究竟是什么会让他们愿意这样做？因为我一见到你，立刻就...我们甚至还不认识，但有趣的是，不知道你是否还记得我们初次见面时，我们俩都在以多快的速度试图向对方抛出价值球。嗯哼。

You've got to add value, and as you're saying this, when you're saying about how you're sitting here on the balcony with millionaires and billionaires, and how they just want to jam stuff down your throat like value, I was trying to understand like what would make them want to do because as soon as I met you, was instantly like we didn't even know each other, but it was interestingly, I don't know if you can think back when we first met, it was how fast we both trying to like throw the ball of value to each Mhmm.

我当时就说，嘿，我可以帮你做这个。他马上回应，哦，那我也可以帮你做那个。

I was like, hey, I I could do this for He's like, oh, I could do this for you.

那不如我们这样做？

Well, how about we do this?

要不你来做这个？

Well, how about you do this?

然后这就像一场游戏，一小时后，我们在你家彻夜畅谈，明白吗？

And then it was that was like a game of and then like one hour later, we hung out here at your house all night long, you know?

彻夜狂欢，宝贝。

All night long, baby.

是啊。

And Yeah.

但这就是我玩的游戏。

But it's but that that's that's the game that I play.

嗯哼。

Uh-huh.

其实不算游戏，因为这对我而言太自然了——但我总会思考他们可能需要什么，而我恰好拥有或能获取，这样我就能提供价值。

Not really the game because this becomes so natural for me, but I'll always think of what is it they that they might want that I I have or I could get access so I could just add value.

有人曾问我为什么要这么做？

And someone asked me on time like why do you do it?

我的答案是：因为我能。

The answer was because I can.

因为我的动机是，当我与人交往时，如果能为你创造价值我就会去做，不是因为我有所图，仅仅是因为我能做到，同时也因为我深信宇宙的法则。

Because my motive is, when I'm networking with somebody, if I can add value to you I will, not because I want something but just because I can, because I just believe in the law of the universe as well.

就像如果我能为你创造巨大价值，或许现在不会从你那里得到什么，但你知道吗，我生活的世界里总有很多人免费给我各种帮助。比如我刚在凤凰城朋友家住，他们直接说'来我家住整栋房子吧'。

That like if I can add tremendous value to you, I might not get something from you now, but you know, I live in a world where a lot of people give me free shit all the time, or like I just stayed in Phoenix with friends, they're like come stay at my whole house.

我在一场葬礼上认识了这位了不起的人——佩斯·莫比。

I met this amazing guy on a funeral, Pace Morby.

我和他相处了几个小时，他就说'兄弟，下次来凤凰城就住我家'。

I I met him for a few hours, he's like, dude, next time you're in Phoenix, come stay with me.

我当时就觉得太魔幻了，一个两小时前还是完全陌生的人居然说'来和我家人一起住'。

And I was like, this is so fucking bizarre that some absolute stranger two hours ago was like, come and stay with me and my family.

但转念一想，不，这就是我生活的常态——因为我先给他提供了价值，之后还会免费培训他整个社群。

But then I'm like, no, I live in a world where that's actually normal because I give him value and then I'm going to train all of his community for free.

我们就是生活在这样的世界里。我总在思考'嘿，认识什么人可以介绍给你'之类的事。上次在Tides就有人回复我的动态说'你应该开个社交课程'。

Like we just live in this world, I'm just trying to always think like, hey, know someone I can connect you with or this person or you know, and I think that's last time was actually at Tides, someone replied to my story and they're like, you should make a course on networking.

我当时想：也许真他妈该开一个。因为正如我们之前聊到的，我满脑子想的都是关于'真实性'这件事。

I'm like, maybe I fucking should actually, because I'm like, but all I think about is what we were talking actually about before is authenticity.

我觉得，我以真诚为生活准则，确保言行一致，因为我的能量振动频率与众不同。

I'm like, I live with authenticity, I make sure that I do what I say and I say what I do, because I vibrate at a different level.

当你遇到真诚的人时，你会觉得和他们交谈很轻松。

Like you can meet someone, you meet someone if they're authentic, you're like, it's easy talking with you.

但也会遇到骗子、冒牌货，他们戴着面具，试图伪装成别人，你其实能感觉到。

Then you can meet someone who's a fraud, an impostor, they're wearing a mask, they're you know trying to be someone they're not, and you know it.

所以我努力保持真诚，并始终以'我能为这个人提供什么价值'为出发点。

So I try to leave with authenticity, and then I always just go from the baseline of going, how can I add this value to this person?

互惠法则。

Law of reciprocity.

这样对方自然会产生回馈的意愿——就像你们在阳台上聊天那样，分享酷炫的知识点，聊着聊着对方就会想'我能帮这家伙做点什么？'

So they're probably just going to want to feel like giving something back to me, I reckon that's what you do on the balcony here, because you just talk about like cool stuff and the things you know, and after a while some they're probably just thinking like, how can I help this guy?

因为我不求回报地付出，而其他人总是索取——你有同感吗？

Like he's just so giving, he hasn't asked me for anything, everyone else asked me for shit all the time, do you find that happens?

没错，再加上展示他们渴望的东西，就像你说的，真正的人际连接。

Yeah, that combined with showing them something that they crave, right, which is like, again, like you said, real human connection.

我是说，对啊。

I mean Yeah.

当你出名了，或者作为一个美女，几乎不可能交到真正的朋友。

When you're famous or you're also as a as a beautiful woman, it's almost impossible to make a real friend.

实际上你根本不可能有真朋友，因为你与人交朋友后，他们看似是真朋友。

You it's virtually impossible to have a real friend because you make friends with people, and then they seem to be a real friend.

但最终他们总会向你索取些什么。

And then inevitably, they do ask for something.

然后你就会意识到，哦，通常情况是当他们停止获得那些交易性的东西时——没错。

And you start to realize, like, oh, and then oftentimes, the experience is that when they stop getting the thing that they wanted transactionally Yep.

他们就会翻脸，甚至背后说你的坏话。

They flip on you, and they even shit talk you.

所以这就是为什么，当你能展现真挚友谊时，那会非常非常有力。

So it's one of these things where, when you can show genuine friendship, that's very, very powerful.

但我认为，当你能展现他们向往的特质时——比如如果你在社交上比他们更自由，而他们渴望这种自由——这对他们来说就是附加价值。

But I think that when you can show something that they like, for example, if you're a little bit more socially free than them and they crave to be socially free, that is an added value to them.

如果你比他们更享受生活，比如我经常度假，玩得很开心。

If you, are just enjoying life more than them like, I like, I'm like, I do a lot of vacations, and I have a lot of fun.

你要相信，每当我与非常成功的商人交谈时，话题更可能转向开玩笑、与人社交、愉快约会、谈论旅行见闻这类事情。

And you better believe that whenever I'm talking to a really, really successful business person, that's the the conversation's more likely to go to joking, talking to other people, having fun dating, having fun socializing, talking about places that I'm visiting and things like that.

然后他们往往会进入舒适区，通过给你商业建议来提供价值。

And then they're gonna tend to go into their comfort zone, which is adding value by giving you businesses.

对吧？

Right?

我是说，和女性交谈也是同样的道理。

I mean, same thing if you're talking to a woman.

如果你只是像其他人那样说'你真漂亮'，那你就落入了她的框架。

You know, if you're just like, you're so beautiful, which everybody's doing, well, then you're playing into her frame.

如果你只是开玩笑找乐子，甚至谈论运用你的智慧。

If you're just joking, having fun, you know, even even talking about using your mind.

对吧？

Right?

如果是一个真正渴望更多运用自己思维的女孩，你知道，类似这样的情况，那么现在她看到了她渴望的东西，而你又代表了那种特质，你就能在这方面帮助她。

If if it's a girl who actually craves to use her mind more, you know, things like that, then now she is seeing something that she craves and that you represent that, and then you can help her with that.

对我来说，公开演讲也是一样的道理。

With me, public speaking, same thing.

对吧？

Right?

我在前面展示公开演讲。

I'm showing public speaking at the front.

那些想学习成为更好的公众演讲者的人看到这个就会心生向往。

Somebody who wants to learn to be a better public speaker is watching that and craving it.

所以我觉得就像你说的，关键在于真诚。

So I think that it's like like you said, it's the genuineness.

是那种真实感。

It's the authenticity.

但我也认为，比如，你知道，你是个跳伞爱好者就是个例子。

But, also, I think, like, you know, you're a skydiver as an example.

你还是个公众演说家。

You're also a public speaker.

你还是个国际旅行者。

You're also an international traveler.

你还非常聪明。

You're also highly intelligent.

所以人们在你身上看到的不仅仅是核心的真实性。

So there's things that people also see in you beyond just the core authenticity.

对吧？

Right?

因为，要知道，如果一个人完全没有价值可提供，他们只会说：'我就是这样，而且我无家可归'。

Because, know, if somebody has no value to add at all, and they're just like, well, I'm really myself and I'm homeless.

比如，很多无家可归的人非常真实。

Like, a lot of homeless people are very authentic.

但这并不意味着你要住在车棚箱里。

It doesn't mean you're gonna live in a carport box.

就像你说的，我其实很困惑——这话从何说起？

As you said it actually, I'm like where did that come from?

其实是有位导师不久前对我说的，因为我最初是从网络营销起步的。

A mentor said to me a while ago actually because I started in network marketing.

那是我正经开始的第一份事业，在那个行业里你都做些什么呢？

It was my first like proper business we got started in, and what do you do in that industry?

你得他妈的跟一大堆人打交道。

You got to talk to a lot of fucking people.

你跟很多人聊他们可能并不真正关心的话题，他们对此已有先入为主的观念，你懂我意思吗？

You talk to a lot of people about shit that they probably don't really want, they've already got preconceived ideas about it, you know what I mean?

他对我说的其中一件事是：去成为一个有趣的人。

And one of the things he said to me, he's like, go and become just an interesting person.

他说，因为如果你去跟人交谈，除了你那该死的生意（这我早听腻了），你根本没别的话题可聊，那你就哪儿也去不了。

He's like, because if you go talk to somebody and you've got nothing to talk about except your fucking business I've already heard about, you don't have go anywhere.

他说，如果你能成为一个有趣的人，有爱好、有旅行经历、做过各种事情，你就有很多话题可聊。

He's like if you can become an interesting person that has hobbies and have traveled and done stuff, you have multiple things to talk about.

这就是我在这个世界的处世之道。

And that's how I get my way through the world.

实际上我最喜欢的一句话——接下来我想谈谈这个——当我在领导力、销售或任何关于人际连接的培训中对人们说：如果你在任何地方和我坐在一起，看到我与新认识的人交流，我第一句话总会问‘你来自哪里？’

And one of my favorite actually lines, which I want to talk about this next actually is, if and I say this with people when train people in leadership and sales and anything, connecting really, is if you sit with me anywhere and you find me connect with a new person, the first thing I'm going to say to them is, Where are you from?

对吧？

Right?

你来自哪里？

Where are you from?

我只是想了解，这归根结底是因为——不知为何我很在意这个——如果要和你交谈，我需要知道你的来处或住处，这样我脑子里就会有个概念，觉得‘好了’。

I just want to understand, and this comes down to one, I want to lock it in my head, for some reason I like it, if I'm going talk to you I need to know where you came from or where you live, and then it just sits in my head I'm like, Okay.

大概因为接着我就会想‘噢，我认识住在那里的人’。

Probably because then I go, oh, I've got to know someone who lives there.

但我总是尽可能快地寻找共同点。

But I'm always just trying to find common ground as fast as I can.

我的做法是：如果我从没去过洛杉矶，在纳什维尔遇到你说‘我来自洛杉矶’，我就会说‘哇真的吗’

And how I do that is, if I had never been to LA and I meet you in Nashville and you're like, I'm from LA, I'm going to say, oh, no way.

我正考虑去那儿呢。

I'm gonna go I'm thinking about going there.

比如，我该去哪些最棒的地方？

Like, where's the best place should I go?

我该住在哪个区域？

Where do I say?

哪些地方要避开？

Where do I avoid?

因为人们最爱聊的就是自己的家乡。

Because the one thing people love to talk about is where they're from.

他们可喜欢这个话题了。

They love it.

或者我会说：我去过那里，太棒了，我超爱那地方/我正打算去呢。

Or so I'll even say, I've been there, that's amazing, I love this place, or I'm thinking of going there.

有人会问：那要是遇到尼日利亚人呢？

And people go, well, what if you meet someone from Nigeria?

你正考虑去那里吗？

You're thinking about going there?

可能吧，说不定哪天我就会去。

Probably, one one day I'll probably go there.

可能不是下周，也不是下个月，但总有一天会去。

Might not next week, not next month, but sometime.

这一直是我的切入点。

And that's always my my way in.

但我很好奇，对于坐在那里想要那句话、那个套路、整个搭讪开场白的人来说——就像我们刚开始开玩笑说的那样。

But I'm curious to know, like, this for someone sitting there wanting that line, that script, the whole pickup line, and we joked as we started.

其实，你的是什么样的？

Actually, was yours?

你的搭讪开场白是什么？

What was your pickup line?

告诉他们，其实正在听这个节目的任何人都会喜欢这个。

Tell them, actually, this any of you guys listening to this thing, they're love this one.

他能承受的。

He can take it.

他从未听说过这个。

He had never heard this.

他从来不喜欢这个。

He never loved it.

对其他人来说，真正好笑的是他居然没听过这个。

For everybody else, the the real joke here is that he'd never heard this.

我太震惊了。

I'm so shocked.

他居然没听过这个。

He's never heard this.

但你是从田纳西州来的吗？

But it's are you from Tennessee?

因为你是唯一的十分。

Because you're the only 10.