平衡之道 第10集

大家好，欢迎收听《迪伦对迪伦》播客。

Hi everyone and welcome to Dylan versus Dylan podcast.

我已经有段时间没更新 episode 了，但你们知道，事情一直很多，还在隔离和放松中。

It's been a little bit since I posted an episode but as you know so much going on still quarantining and chilling.

但今天我想聊聊平衡的艺术。

But today I want to talk about the balancing act.

这关乎如何维持这个家的运转，让一切正常进行，以及如何在我的所谓有序混乱中每天生存下去。

This is all about what it takes to really keep this house going, make things work and just survive every day in my organized chaos as I like to call it.

所以你们知道，上次我谈到了整个托儿流程，还有试图重返工作岗位。到目前为止，我已经回去了，但依然在摸索自己的路，弄清楚事情会怎样发展，日程会是什么样子。孩子们现在还是每三到四个小时就要喝一次奶，所以我还在努力应对这一切，同时还要照顾其他三个年长的孩子，像怀孕前那样满足他们的需求，这真的很难。

So you know I spoke last time about the whole day care process and you know just trying to go back to work and at this point in time obviously you know I've gone back to work and you know, just still trying to find my way and find how things are gonna be and what's the schedule gonna be like, you know, the babies are still at this point, they were still, you know, eating, drinking their bottle every three to four hours and so still just trying to manage that still trying to be a mom to my other three children who were older and trying to still like cater to their needs and be for them the mother that I was prior to you know pregnancy and all that is hard.

哦，别忘了，我还要做个好妻子，继续履行我作为妻子的各种职责——不管那些具体是什么，我依然得去做。这真的非常疲惫。

Oh and let's not forget I still got to be a good wife you know still kind of perform all my wifely duties whatever those are for us that's what I still have to do And so it does get really really exhausting.

尤其是在我刚重返工作岗位时，平衡真的很难。

It is hard to balance, especially when I first went back to work.

你知道，我会因为多留了十五、二十、三十分钟而感到内疚。

You know I would feel guilty about staying over work an extra fifteen, twenty, thirty minutes.

因为你知道，我从弗吉尼亚州往返这边城镇的通勤时间，我总是得把这一点算进去，我也一直对托儿所感到内疚，从不希望宝宝们在那里待超过必要的时间，所以我每天早上7点半左右送他们过去，并希望在特定时间前赶回来，就是不想让他们在托儿所待那么久。

Just because you know my travel from Virginia you know back on this side of town, I will always have to factor that in and I had this guilt as well about the daycare like I never wanted the babies to be there longer than they have to so I would drop them off between you know seven 07:30 in the morning and you know I want to be back by a specific time because I just don't want them to be at the day care for those, you know, that long long period of time.

但我对谁去接孩子这件事也非常在意。

But I also was very territorial over, you know, who's gonna pick them up.

你知道，我有两套汽车安全座椅和两个底座，因为他们是双胞胎。

You know, as you know, got two car seats, two two bases because they're babies.

我丈夫的车里也安装了底座，所以他也可以去接孩子，但我总是亲自送他们去、接他们回来——并不是因为我丈夫不愿意，而是我自己觉得更安心，这样能确保他们的奶瓶、衣服全都带回来。

My husband has bases in his car so he could he could pick them up as well but I dropped them off and I picked them up and not because my husband didn't want to but I just felt more comfortable with picking them up every day because making sure that all their bottles came back, know, all their clothes came back.

我还会仔细分析他们一天的情况，跟他们的老师或看护人员聊一聊，问问他们今天又学会了什么新技能，所有这些细小的问题。他们所在的托儿中心用一个应用程序，我可以全天实时看到他们每个小时在做什么。

Really analyzing how their day went, speaking with the, their their teachers or, you know, their providers about, you know, what are the new things that they did today just all those little questions and the center that they go to they use an app so I could see all throughout the day like what they're doing every hour whatever it is that they're doing.

我知道他们的一举一动，所以对此感觉挺放心的，但还是需要和看护人员面对面交流，问问‘今天发生了什么？你注意到什么异常了吗？有没有什么需要我们调整或改进的地方？’等等。

I know what they're doing so I felt pretty good about that but it's still having that human contact with the provider to say hey like what happened tell me what do you see what are you noticing anything you feel like you know we need to change or work on and things like that.

所以是的，我可能有点控制欲过强，即使现在宝宝们不在托儿所，而是在家和我一起度过疫情期间，我依然对接送他们这件事保持着强烈的掌控感。

So yeah I was probably a bit of a control freak and I'm still a control freak about dropping them off and picking them up even though right now they're not at daycare they're they're home with me while we're you know going through this pandemic.

但这样一来，事情就变得很多，所以我得打电话给我妈妈，她住得不远，跟她说：‘你能在这个时间去托儿所接一下宝宝们吗？我需要你帮忙。’

But so that probably was a lot and so what happens is I will have to call my mom who is not that far from me and say hey can you meet me at the daycare at this time because I need you to help me pick up the babies.

因为贾达有练习，啦啦队练习，或者抱歉，是步操练习。

Because Jada would have practice, cheerleading practice or I'm sorry step practice.

所以当她没有练习时，我会去接她，然后带她一起去，但我总是需要有人陪着我，因为独自一人要同时照顾他们、带他们出门、把他们塞进车里、整理所有东西，实在太困难了。

So when she didn't have practice I would go pick her up and then take her with me but I always had to have somebody with me because it's very hard trying to get them together and bring them out and you know put them in the car and load up and everything by yourself.

即使在送他们去托儿所时，贾达也总是在早上帮我送孩子，但我也有很多次独自完成接送，这负担很重，而且非常非常非常紧张。

Even with dropping them off Jada would always help me in the mornings drop them off but there are many times that I've done drop off and pick up by myself which is a lot and it can be very very very very stressful.

每天早上要抱着谢拉进车座，还要提着婴儿包，努力确保一切都安排妥当，让自己安心，然后去上班。

You know being She Ra carrying into car seats every morning and you know the baby bag and just trying to you know do all of that make sure they're good and then put my mind at ease and then go to work.

我知道，无论你是否养育多胞胎，所有父母都会经历这些，无论生活中发生什么，每次送孩子或接孩子时，你总会感到某种情绪，你只想知道他们一切安好，别无他忧。

So I know these are things that any parent really goes through whether you have multiples or not it's just always you know you always feel feel something when you drop off or pick up your your children, no matter what's going on in your life you just want to know that they're okay, everything's okay and you know not be worried about that.

所以是的，我想参与这个过程，这也就是我至今仍在坚持做的事。

So yeah I wanted to be involved in process so that's pretty much what I still continue to do.

所以回到家，把他们抱进屋里，换尿布，还要琢磨做饭的事——在他们出生前，我基本上一直是家里的主厨。

So then you know getting home getting them in the house you know changing diapers and trying to figure out like this whole cooking thing like you know I pretty much did majority cook majority of the time prior to having them.

我总说周五是我做饭的休息日，我们喜欢出去吃。

I always like to say Fridays is my night off for cooking we like to eat out.

周六我们也会出去吃，但有时候也会用乔治·福尔曼烤架随便烤点什么。

Saturdays we kind of eat out too but sometimes we'll have like something like you know like a throw on a George Foreman grill or something.

周日则总是大餐，其余几天都是我做饭。

And then Sundays would always be a big dinner and then all the rest of the week I would cook.

但有了这对双胞胎，我得说，做饭我真的没力气了，完全不像以前那样有劲了，这并不是因为我懒得吃——我可是个美食爱好者，我想要炸鸡、牛排、猪排，我不是不想吃，就是太累人了。

But having these twins let me tell you something cooking I just I don't have the energy for it no more like it's just not in me the way that it was and it is not because I don't want to eat because I'm a foodie I like to eat I want the fried chicken, steak, the pork chop, I don't want it all but it is exhausting.

所以我发现自己经常点外卖。

So I found myself you know ordering out a lot.

我老是去Outback、Jasper's，或者别的地方点外带，或者在别人的 Drive-Thru 买饭，因为做这些事实在太耗精力了。

I found myself at the Outback all the time or Jasper's or somewhere ordering takeout because or in somebody's drive through because it takes so much energy to do all of these things.

当我回家做饭时，总感觉是在从陪宝宝们的时间里偷走时间。

And when I would come home and cook I feel like it's time taken away from the babies.

我想和他们一起在地板上打滚玩耍，盯着他们的眼睛看，但如果我在做饭，就做不到，所以我得想办法平衡，比如让他们待在婴儿车、高脚椅或摇椅里，用各种办法让他们安静下来，好让我能做饭，或者请人帮忙照看他们。

Like I want to be on the floor rolling around playing with them or looking at them staring at their eyes but I can't do that if I'm cooking so I'm trying to balance it out you know I'm sitting them in their carriers or high chair or swings or whatever it is I got to use to keep them busy while I'm trying to cook or get somebody to help me watch them.

这真的太不容易了。

And it's a lot.

所以我知道我在做饭方面可能有点松懈了，但我们这儿饭还是吃得很好，没人挨过饿。

So I know I'm probably you know slipping a little bit in the cooking department but we still eating good over here though you can't tell anybody missed no meals.

但我想重新多做点饭，只是真的还是太累人了。

But you know I would like to get back to being able to cook a little bit more but I still it's just still it's still exhausting you know.

自从我开始在家工作，疫情又持续到现在，情况稍微好了一点。

It's been a little bit better it has been better since I've been home working from home and this pandemic is going on.

尤其是疫情刚开始的时候，我根本不想出门，连外卖都不点。

Especially in the beginning of the pandemic I wasn't ordering out or going and picking up anything because I just didn't even want to leave the house.

所以是的，我发现自己经常去超市，花很多钱买食材，然后回家不停地做饭。

So yeah I found myself going to grocery store and spending so much money on groceries and coming back home and cooking cooking cooking cooking.

所以现在情况还行，但依然有种挥之不去的疲惫感。

So you know right now it's it's okay but it still has a level of you know exhaustion.

我们只是尽力维持这些日常安排。

We're just trying to you know keep those things going.

还有，我女儿阿玛莉在打篮球，我就想去看她的比赛，支持她，所以我们全家一起去。

And then you know my daughter, was Amari was playing basketball so I was trying to go see her games and support her so we were going as a family.

我会带着双胞胎一起去。

I would have the twins.

我会走进球场，带着两个婴儿背带，贾达也会帮我。

I would walk in the games, and I would have two carriers, and, you know, Jada would be would help me.

有时候我丈夫也会去。

And sometimes my husband would go.

所以当他们有比赛之类的事情时，当然也就没时间做饭了。

And so that was a lot too just, you know, and when they have games and stuff, you know, obviously, there's no cooking either.

我们会停下来买点吃的，就这样解决了。

It's gonna we're gonna stop and get something and that's just gonna be it.

然后贾达还有步操练习和表演，所以我回家的时间甚至更晚了。

So I went through that whole thing and then Jada with her step practice and step performances so you know I found myself getting home later even later with that.

这就像是当一个职场妈妈，还要兼顾所有人，同时还要为自己留点空间。

So it is just a lot like being a working mom and trying to still be everything for everybody and still be something for yourself.

很难平衡。

It's hard to balance.

我有时会进入一种恍惚状态，变得有点麻木，但别误会，我非常热爱我的生活，一点怨言都没有。

Find myself going into like just a zone sometimes where you become a little numb like and don't get me wrong like I love my life as I have no complaints whatsoever.

这正是我想要的。

This is what I wanted.

我想要更多的孩子，想要一个更大的家庭，但真的太忙了，我觉得有些人并不明白这有多辛苦。

I wanted more children, I wanted a bigger family but it is it is a lot to do and I think that sometimes people don't realize how much it is.

我觉得作为家里的妈妈，有时候我会觉得被大家忽视了，因为他们已经习惯了我做这么多事，觉得这一切都是理所当然的。

I think being the mom of the house sometimes I do feel taken for granted a little bit by everybody because they're so used to me doing so much that I feel like it's expected right.

所以当我告诉别人我累了，他们就会用一种奇怪的眼神看着我，说：‘什么？你累了？’

So if I say I'm tired people are looking at me like what you mean you tired?

而有些情况可能也是我的错，因为我总是默默承担一切，等我终于崩溃时，他们却一脸困惑：‘怎么了？出什么事了？’

And some of that maybe it's my fault because I'm always she ra all the time and then when I finally have a breakdown they're looking at me like what what is what's the issue what's going on?

但是的，我真的累到极点了，我从怀孕前就没好好睡过一觉。

But yeah I'm tired as hell like I'm tired I haven't slept since real good since even before beginning my pregnancy.

从那以后，我就再没睡过好觉。

I haven't slept good since then.

所以我觉得有时候他们忘了，因为每天早上都是我最早起来照顾宝宝。

So I think sometimes you know they forget that right because you know I'm the one that wakes up early in the morning with the babies all the time.

晚上要是他们睡不着，也是我守着。

You know I'm the one up late if they don't want to fall asleep.

我老公一翻身子就打起呼噜，而我却坐在那儿换台、拍着宝宝的背说：‘乖，快睡吧，快睡吧，躺好，晚安晚安晚安’，你知道吗？有时候是晚上十点，有时候是凌晨一点，全看当天的情况。

My husband rolls over and his ass is snoring meanwhile I'm sitting there flipping channels patting babies on the back like okay go to sleep go to sleep lay your head down night night night night night night you know and sometimes it's 10:00 at night sometimes it's 01:00 in the morning it just depends on what's going on that day.

然后我的大脑终于能休息了，但直到现在，他们还是会在凌晨两三点醒来，不是因为要喝奶，而是因为姿势不舒服，或者海斯找安抚奶嘴，哈珀睡得不安分，老踢我们脸。

And then my mind my mind finally rests you know there's sometimes waking up like even right now to this day they still wake up at two or three in the morning not for any bottles or anything like that but just waking up because they maybe weren't positioned right or you know Hayes and his pacifier and Harper sleeps wild and she's kicking us in the face.

哦，这个我还没说呢。

Oh because I didn't say that.

是的，他们和我们睡一张床。

Yes they do sleep in a bed with us.

刚带他们回家的时候，他们就是睡在我们床上的。

When I first brought them home they were sleeping in.

我们房间里有两个婴儿床。

We have two pack and plays in our room.

你知道，婴儿床其实就是围栏。

You know pack and plays are basically playpens.

所以哈珀睡在一个里面，海耶斯睡在另一个里面。

And so Harper sleeps in one, Hayes sleeps in another.

他们小的时候在那里面睡得更久一些，比现在睡得时间长。

And they slept in there probably a little longer, a little more when they were younger than what they are now.

所以我觉得那时候其实也还行，但他们还是每三个小时就醒一次，要喝奶。

So I think that you know it was it was okay but they were still waking up like every three hours for their for their bottle.

所以每次他们醒来，我都会给他们喂奶，尽量一起喂，然后马上再哄他们睡下。

So when they would wake up I would give them a bottle try to give them together and put them right back down to sleep.

但现在他们长大了一点，醒来不是因为要喝奶，而是因为他们意识到：我一开始把他们放在婴儿床里，但每天晚上他们最后都会跑到我们的床上来。

But now as they've gotten a little older they wake up not for a bottle but just wake up because they realize I start them off putting them down in the pack and play and every night they end up in the bed with us.

他们整晚都待在婴儿床里的时候非常少。

It's very rare that they spend a whole entire night in in their in their pack and play.

他们现在睡在我们俩中间。

They're in between us.

他们房间里确实有两张婴儿床，但只睡过一晚，那晚简直太痛苦了，不只是对我，对我丈夫也是。

They do have two cribs in their room and they've only slept in there probably one night and that was painful actually not just for me before my husband.

他说他一直担心他们，因为他们离得实在太远了。

He said that he just kept worrying about them because they were all the way down the hall.

我们有监控器，我能听到他们的动静，所有设备都齐全。

We had the monitor I could listen to them I could hear them got all of that.

但我们已经习惯了他们和我们睡在一个房间，大家都觉得这样最舒服。

But we've become so accustomed to them being in a room with us that it's just everybody's just comfortable with that.

是的，你知道吗，晚上被踢到脸、眼睛、头或者肚子，虽然他们和我们睡在一张床上，但还是会半夜醒过来，因为各种原因哼哼唧唧，我得哄他们重新睡着。

So yeah you know between getting kicked in the face at night you know kicked in the eye, kicked in the head, know kicked in the stomach or just them waking up and just even though they sleep in the bed with us they still wake up and whine sometimes in the middle of the night for various different reasons and I have to console them and get them back asleep.

我丈夫好像根本听不到这些事，我不知道各位女士，你们的丈夫能听到这些吗？

My husband never seems to really hear this kind of stuff and I don't know ladies you tell me like do your husbands hear hear these things?

他们真的能听到这些吗？

Have they heard these things?

真不可思议，他们居然能对这些声音充耳不闻。

It's amazing how they tune these things out.

第二天早上我醒来，说：‘哦，你睡得真好啊。’我丈夫说：‘是的，是的，是的。’我也说‘是的’，因为哈珀醒了，她确实醒了，我真的不知道你没听到吗？

Next morning I'm waking up I'm like oh you slept good and my husband's like yeah yeah yeah I said yeah because Harper woke up and she was oh yeah really yeah I didn't know you didn't hear that?

与此同时，我心里想：好吧，我累了，真的很累。

Meanwhile I'm like okay I'm tired I'm tired.

所以我现在更擅长说：‘嘿，听着，如果戴夫在四五点就醒了，孩子也醒了，我知道我还在犯困，等他起来时，我就说：好吧，你今天没什么事，咱们把他带到楼下，给他吃早餐，然后我回去继续睡，我需要几个小时的睡眠。’我丈夫在这方面做得非常好，你知道，他是个非常棒的父亲，也非常棒的丈夫，但有时候我真的需要多一点帮助，比如：‘我昨晚根本没睡好，你得替我一下，让我好好休息’，或者我只是需要一点独处时间。我现在更懂得说：‘我只需要一点时间’，这没问题，我现在明白，对自己说‘我需要一点时间’是完全正常的。

So I have gotten a lot better about saying hey listen if Dave woken up at four and five in the morning and they're up and I know I'm still tired when he gets up I'm like okay alright you're not doing anything today hey let's take him downstairs let's feed him breakfast and I'm going back to bed I need a couple of hours of sleep and my husband's very good about that piece of it you know he's very good very good father very good husband but sometimes I do need a little extra like okay I didn't really sleep last night so you won't have to let me let me get my sleep I need you to relieve me or I just need some alone time I've gotten better by saying okay I just need a moment and it's okay It's okay I recognize now that it is okay for me to say I need a moment.

我认为这正是平衡的第二部分。

And I think that's a part of balancing act two right.

你必须知道什么时候接近崩溃的临界点，我知道很多我们这样的人都很难开口说自己快撑不住了，但你必须意识到自己什么时候快到极限了。

You got to know when you reach your breaking point and I know a lot of us maybe have issues just saying that we're even close to a breaking point but you you got to know when you're getting there.

这样你才能主动举手寻求帮助，无论是来自你的父母、配偶、孩子，还是你拥有的任何支持系统，比如心理咨询、治疗等等。

So that you can raise your hand and ask for help whether it be from you know your parent, your spouse, you know your children whatever support system you have therapy, counseling, whatever.

听好了，我有心理治疗师，我一点都不避讳说我有心理治疗师。

Listen I got a therapist I'm not afraid to say I got a therapist.

我有心理治疗师，我找她谈各种各样的事情，同时我也和其他妈妈们交流。

I got a therapist and I talk to her for a multitude of different reasons but I also talked to other moms.

我还在Facebook上加入了一个双胞胎妈妈群，那里有各种年龄段双胞胎的母亲，她们会讨论同时抚养两个婴儿的经历。

I'm also in a twin group on Facebook where you know women have you know twins of all different ages and they just discuss how it is raising raising two babies at one time.

我告诉你，很多人给我提了很多建议，我不会说我不想知道这些，因为那样说可能有点苛刻，但当你从未经历过同时照顾两个婴儿的情况时，很难告诉我该怎么做。

Because I tell you people have a lot of advice for me and I'm not gonna say that I don't like want to hear it because that's probably a little harsh to say I don't want to hear it but it's hard for you to tell me what I need to be doing when I have two babies and you've never been in that experience.

但那些有过双胞胎养育经验的妈妈们，我们可以互相交流、借鉴经验，进行这样的对话。

Now those moms that have raised twins or have twins we can kind of compare we could take notes and you know we can have that dialogue.

但对于那些没有这种经历的人，我真的不想听。

But for people that haven't you just I don't want to hear it.

我们说的是两个婴儿和一个婴儿的区别，每个孩子都是不同的，这是事实。

Mean we're talking about two babies over one baby and all children are different periods.

所以，我不想被人说教关于我的宝宝和我睡在一个房间的事，不，我不想听。

So you know I don't want to be lectured about my babies sleeping in the room with me no.

我不想被人说教关于什么时候该训练他们如厕，不，我不想听。

I don't want to be lectured about when I'm gonna potty train them no.

我不想被人说教关于他们什么时候该戒掉安抚奶嘴，不，我不想听。

I don't want to be lectured about when they're gonna come off a pacifier No.

我们来看看。

Let's see.

还有其他哪些事情呢？

What are other some of the other things?

我不知道有什么好被说教的。

I don't know what to be lecturing about anything.

如果我想听别人的建议，我会主动问。

If I want someone's opinion, I'll ask.

但如果别人没被要求就提意见，我真的不需要。

But if it's not solicited I really I don't need it.

我正在经历这段旅程，边走边摸索，带这两个孩子和带Brea、Amari以及Jada完全不一样，即使把他们各自当作独生子来带，他们三个也全都不一样。

I'm going through this journey and I'm figuring things out as I go and raising them is completely different than it was raising Brea, Amari, and Jada and even raising them as singular babies they were all three different babies.

这两个宝宝就是不一样，他们有自己的个性，过着属于自己的生活，正在逐渐形成自我，展现各自的性格，他们确实很相似——就像德莱恩和德莱恩，但也有很大不同。

These babies are just different they they have their own personalities, they have a life they're living a life of their own, they're really coming into themselves their personalities and everything they're very much alike which is the Dylan versus Dylan but they're also very different.

所以我正在调整自己的节奏，去处理每一件事，因为你只有一次机会去陪伴每一个孩子，对吧。

And so I'm pacing myself with the things that I do and how you know you only get one time to do this thing with which each child that you have right.

如果你还有更多孩子，当然可以再做一次，但对这个特定的孩子来说，这只有一次机会。

You could always do it again if you have more but with that particular child this is the one time you get to do it with that child.

所以这就是我在做的。

And so that's what I'm doing.

因此，只要能帮我理清思路、平衡生活的方法，我都会去做。

And so whatever works for me to figure that out to balance out my life you know that's what I do.

你知道，就连做房地产，出门带人看房子什么的，我也得想办法配合宝宝们的时间。

You know even like doing real estate you know being out the house and going and showing people homes and stuff and trying to work that around the babies.

我和我丈夫有个很好的分工系统。

And me and my husband have a good system.

当我需要出门办事时，我的女儿们会帮我很多。

My girls help me a lot when I need to get out and I need to do things.

我要说，我几乎没有过成年人的独处时间，但这并不是因为我没机会。

I will say that I haven't had a lot of adult time and it's not because I probably couldn't have had it.

我只是不想而已。

I just didn't want to.

我只是觉得没必要出去。

I just didn't feel the need to go out.

看到自己想要度假，这真是疯狂。

And it's crazy to see like you know wanting a vacation.

我想去度假，但其实我想带着宝宝们一起去。

Like I want to go on vacation but I actually want to take the babies with me.

去年我们全家去了拉斯维加斯，宝宝们也去了，因为我就在那儿。

We went to Vegas last year as a family vacation and the babies went because that's where I'm at.

我现在还没到想把他们交给别人照顾的地步，当然我信任我的家人，信任我妈妈、阿姨和表亲们，但我就是还没到那一步，这也没关系，这适合我。

I'm not at a point that I want to leave them with anybody and obviously I trust my family, trust my mom and my aunts and cousins and stuff like that but I'm just not there and it's okay that's what works for me.

有些妈妈则完全相反，有人说：‘别想碰我的孩子，我要把他们扔下，再也不回来了。’

And then you have some moms that are like hell no somebody said they're keep these babies I'm gonna drop them off and they ain't never coming back.

如果这对你有效，那也很好。

And that's cool too if that works for you.

但我觉得我们都得弄清楚自己需要什么，知道什么时候该停下来。

But I think that we all just have to figure out what it takes right and just knowing when you've had enough.

知道什么时候需要休息。

Knowing when you need a break.

知道什么时候无法平衡，因为这确实是一种平衡的艺术，我觉得天平总是在上下起伏、上下起伏、上下起伏。

Knowing when you can't balance it because it is a balancing act and I think the scales always tip up and down up and down up and down.

我觉得有些周比其他周好，有些日子比其他日子好。

I think some weeks are better than others some days are better than others.

我尽我所能，我的目标是每天都能让这一天比昨天更好。

I do the best that I can and my goal is to each day you know make it a better day than it was yesterday.

如果我能做到这一点，那就很好了。

If I can do that then that's okay.

幸运的是，他们都很健康，除了刚出生时在新生儿重症监护室之外，没有住过院，也没有得过什么大病。

The good thing is is that you know they're healthy they haven't had any hospitalizations or you know major illnesses outside of when they were first born in the NICU.

除此之外，他们一直都很棒。

Outside of that, you know they've been really good.

我真的很幸运，我只是希望继续这样下去。

I've been really really blessed and I just wanted to continue.

但我知道我确实想重新回到那个会外出社交的自己，我正在慢慢恢复，但疫情确实对一切造成了影响。

But I do know that I do want to get back to the brandy that does go out and hang out sometimes and I'm slowly getting there but with the pandemic that kind of like damaged everything.

但我希望能做得更好，多一些成年人的时光，喝点酒不只是一个人在家喝一杯葡萄酒，而是和丈夫一起，或者和闺蜜们出去聊聊天。

But I do wanna do better with probably have a little bit more adult time and you know having a few more drinks not just sitting at home having a glass of wine by myself but with my husband but just going out with my girlfriends and talking.

我觉得这些事情都很好。

I think those things are good to do.

无论你需要做什么，只要是对你有益的，那就很好。

Whatever it is that you need to do you know is good for you.

但平衡真的很难。

But balancing is hard.

工作、家庭、各种活动，如果你做饭，或者不做饭，都要操心家务。

Work, home, you know activities, you know, if you cook, if you don't cook just trying to take care of the house.

我知道我家要保持干净真的需要整个村子帮忙，有时候家里到处都是东西，我可能会因此自责，但我也得明白：没关系，你只是凡人罢了。

I know that my house you know it takes a village to keep this house clean and sometimes there's stuff everywhere and I might beat myself up about it but then I have to realize like it's okay you're only human right.

现在你得洗双倍的衣物，做双倍的奶瓶，给两个宝宝准备双倍的餐食、辅食，还要换双倍的尿布。

You got double the clothes to wash now, you had double the bottles to make now, double the meals for the babies, baby food, all the diapers are changed.

我知道我无法面面俱到，他们都需要我的关注，总得有所取舍。

And I recognize I can't do everything you know they need my attention and something is gonna give.

我觉得，对我而言，重要的是明白我不必事事完美，我知道不可能每件事都做到最好，这对我来说没问题，这种认知也帮助我坚持下去，因为我明白自己肯定会在某些方面松懈。

Think, I think knowing for me knowing that I'm not trying to be perfect at this and I you know I know I'm not gonna get everything right that's okay with me and I think that helps me get through too like knowing that I'm probably gonna slack in something right.

但这没关系，因为我清楚自己不可能什么都做到。

But that's okay because I know I can't do everything.

所以我在某些方面肯定会有所欠缺。

So I'm gonna be lacking in something.

对我来说，大概最让我感到不足的就是家里杂物太多。

I think for me it's just trying to keep the junk down in the house is probably where I know I lack.

但其他方面都还好，孩子们干净整洁，头发梳好了，婴儿的衣服洗了，我的大女儿们也都很好。

But everything else hey the kids are clean, the hair is combed right, the baby's clothes are washed, know my older girls are good.

这些才是对我来说重要的事。

So those are the things that are important to me.

所以平衡这件事是每天都要面对的。

So the balancing act is an everyday thing.

我现在还好，但也许四五个星期后我录这期节目时，会告诉你我快急得抓狂了，因为现在实在没法平衡好。

I'm okay right now I might be doing the episode you know four or five weeks from now and I might be telling you I'm about to pull my hair out because I can't balance it right now.

这就像天平，上下起伏，但没关系。

It's a scale we go up and down we go up and down but it's okay.

所以，如果你也觉得自己找不到方向，有孩子，感觉快要崩溃、无法集中精力，那就先退一步吧。

So anybody out there that you know if you feel like you know you can't find your way, you know you have children and you know you just feel like you just you're falling apart you can't get together just take a step back.

想想家里哪些事情是真正必须做的，最重要的是什么。

Evaluate what's most important in your house that really has to be done.

从清单的顶端开始，然后逐步往下处理。

And start from that that top of that list and work yourself down.

不那么重要的事就先放着，以后再处理。

The things that aren't as important leave them where they be and pick them up later.

你知道，做不到所有事没关系，承认这一点也没关系。

You know it's okay when you can't do it all and it's okay to say that.

另外，我觉得关键是要意识到，如果你需要休息，或者想找人聊聊，就别害怕开口，寻求帮助是完全可以的。

And then just the key I think too is just recognizing if you need a break, if you need somebody to talk to you know, don't be afraid to do so it's okay to ask for help.

我会这么做，我们都会这么做，我认为归根结底，寻求帮助并在需要时获得不同的视角，会让你成为一个更好的母亲、更好的配偶，以及更好的人。

I do it we all do it and I think at the end of the day it makes you a better mom, better spouse, a better person just to ask for help and get some different perspective sometimes when you need it.

如果你不想要别人主动提供建议，也完全可以这么说。

And if you don't want unsolicited advice it's okay to say that too.

听好了，我明白这一点。

Listen hey I got that.

这招对你在训练孩子如厕时有用，或者在喂宝宝时有用，不管是什么情况，对你有效就好，那很好。

That worked for you when you you know were potty training your child that worked for you or that worked for you when you were feeding your baby or whatever it is okay good for you.

但如果这招对你无效，对我也没用，我就是不打算这么做，我坦率地告诉你。

But if it's not working for you it's not working for me it's not working for me and I'm okay with telling you that I'm not gonna do it.

这就是《平衡之道》，我们下次再见。

So this is The Balancing Act and I will see you all next time.

感谢收听《迪伦对迪伦》播客。

Thanks for checking in to the Dylan versus Dylan podcast.