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嗨。
Hi.
欢迎回到《Eat Your Crust》播客。
Welcome back to Eat Your Crust podcast.
我是Jisoo。
I'm Jisoo.
我是Crystal。
And I'm Crystal.
今天我们来聊个有意思的话题。
So we have an interesting topic to discuss today.
我们在列提纲的时候，一直在想身边那些我们认识并喜欢的伴侣，每一对都有属于他们自己的独特气质和个性。
What we were thinking about when we drew up the outline for this were the various different couples that we know and love in our lives and how all of those couples have a sense of identity and personality that is kind of unique to them and their partner as a pair.
有些朋友单独看性格就很特别，但一旦成了情侣，两个人组合在一起后，他们的整体气质就变得完全不一样了。
So we have friends that have very unique personalities as individuals, and when they become a couple with their partner, their identity and personality become slightly different and unique in a completely different way.
我们先来聊聊，哪些因素会影响和塑造一对伴侣的共同气质？
Let's start this off by talking about what are the different factors that help determine and shape a couple's identity?
我第一个想到的是第一次见到他们的时候。
One of the first things that come to mind is the first time meeting them.
我是分别见的他们，还是他们是一起出现的？
Am I meeting them separately or are they together?
有时候你会遇到一些情侣，你一见到他们就是两个人一起，不知不觉就把他俩当成一个整体了。
Cause you know, sometimes there's couples who you'll meet together, you just kind of start to associate them as a unit.
对。
Yes.
这确实成了一个很关键的特征。
And it becomes kind of like a defining factor.
反过来，也有一些情侣经常分开行动，这时候我可能更熟悉其中一方，比如我只认识女方。
On the flip side, there's definitely couples who often split up and maybe in that case, I get to know, for example, let's say it's like the girl in the relationship more because I've met only her so far.
是的。
Mhmm.
我觉得这会改变你对他们的看法。
I feel like that alters things.
对吧？
Right?
因为那时候你就会想，哦，原来如此。
Because then you're like, oh, okay.
你见他们的时候，他是谁的男朋友，而不是你们俩本来就是一对。
You're so and so's boyfriend when you meet them versus, oh, you two are like a unit.
是的。
Yeah.
这一点特别关键，因为它直接决定了你以后和他们的友谊会怎么发展。
That's such a good one because it totally does set the stage for your future friendship with these people.
我觉得同样重要的是，你认识这对夫妻的时候，是和你的伴侣一起，还是你一个人去的？
And I think what also matters too is were you with your SO when you met this couple or were you guys all individual?
说得对。
So true.
确实如此。
So true.
这就像是两对一对，还是四个人各自单独相处？
It's like, is it a two v two or is it like a one v one v one v one?
对吧？
Right?
是的。
Yeah.
这个观点真不错。
That's a really good point.
而且我觉得，和一对情侣见面，跟单独认识两个人还是有点不一样的，因为对方是情侣的话，聊的话题有时候会不一样。
And also, I think it's a little different from just straight up meeting like two new people because when it's a couple, then sometimes the conversation topics are different.
没错。
True.
我相信你也注意到了，如果我只是单独见一个人，我问的问题和聊的内容通常都会更聚焦在那个人身上。
And I'm sure you've noticed this too, but if I'm meeting someone just them, my questions and the topics are usually more focused on that individual.
但如果是和他们一对情侣见面，我经常会问一些像‘你们俩是怎么认识的？’这样的问题。
But if I'm meeting them as a couple, oftentimes the questions can be things like, oh, how'd you two meet?
你们在一起多久了？
How long have you been together?
这就像是在了解他们作为一对伴侣的样子。
It's like knowing them as a couple.
是的。
Yeah.
你很难真正了解他们各自的个性，比如兴趣爱好、喜欢去哪儿吃饭之类的。
You don't really get to know their individual traits as much like hobbies, where they like to go for dinners or whatnot.
更像是在了解他们作为一对未来的规划。
It's like getting to know their future plans as like a couple, essentially.
对。
Yeah.
或者他们是怎么作为一个整体相处的，诸如此类的事情。
Or like how they operate as a unit or things like that.
这就像是我认识的是一个整体，而不是两个独立的个体。
It's just like I know them as a blob instead of like individuals.
我在想，有没有过这种情况：我一开始认识的是一对情侣，后来才慢慢跟女方更熟起来，能把他们两个人分开来看。
I'm trying to think if there was ever a time where I met someone as a couple and then eventually became closer to like the girl or was able to separate them out from their unit.
是的。
Yeah.
也许吧，当我一开始就是以情侣的身份认识他们的时候，真的很难真正了解他们中的任何一个。
Maybe I find it harder to get to know a couple when I meet them as a couple.
在我的想法里，我认识一个人，然后我们做了个介绍，故事就这么开始了。
Maybe in my mind I'm just like I met you and then we had an introduction and then this is where the journey comes from.
我不是说不可能，但我觉得先认识一个人，再后来认识他的伴侣，要容易得多。
Not to say that it's not possible, but I think I do just find it way easier to get to know someone as an individual and then meet their SO later.
但我觉得，如果一开始就是以情侣的身份认识，门槛确实会高很多。
But I think there is a higher barrier to entry when you meet a couple as a couple.
这就像是，我们想直接变成四人组吗？
It's like, do we want to become a quad?
就是四个人一起玩那种？
Like a foursome?
这可是个更大的决定，对吧？
It's like a bigger decision, right?
是的，我完全同意。
Yeah, I definitely agree.
仔细想想，我认识的很多人都是先认识女生，后来她有了男朋友，我们才认识他们俩。
Now that I think about it, a lot of people I know is like I knew the girl first or something and then later on they got a boyfriend and then we met them.
现在再看他们，就完全是另一副情侣的样子了。
And we see them in a new light now as a couple.
对，就是这样。
Right, exactly.
不过，你觉得在判断一对情侣的特质时，还有没有其他因素？
Are there any other factors that you think of when determining a couple's identity though?
另一个让我想到的因素是，我也不太好形容，但情侣之间的融合程度确实很重要。
Another factor that comes to mind, and I don't really know how to describe this, but there is an element of how morphed together a couple is.
我用‘融合度’这个词来描述吧。
I'm going to describe this with the word fusibility.
我觉得最好的判断方式是，当你走进一个群体，看到一堆不认识的人时，能不能一眼就看出哪两个人是一对？
And I think the best way to describe this is when you walk into a group setting and you, like, say, see a bunch of people that you don't know, are you able to clock these two people as a couple?
哦。
Oh.
如果你一下子认识一堆新人，我能立刻知道你们俩在约会吗？
If you're meeting a bunch of new people at once, would I instantly know that you two are dating?
天啊。
Oh my god.
如果你回想一下你认识的那些情侣，总有一些特别明显，让我一看就觉得：对，就是他们。
And I think if you go through your Rolodex of couples, there's pairs that stand out to me as, oh, yeah.
我一眼就能认出他们是一对。
I would instantly know that these two are together.
但也有一些人，我就不敢确定，除非我观察他们更久，或者听他们聊起彼此的生活。
And then people that I would be like, oh, I wouldn't be sure unless I saw them, like, for a longer period of time or heard them talk about their lives.
是的。
Yeah.
天哪。
Oh my god.
我喜欢这个说法。
I like this one.
我现在正快速回想一下我认识的所有人。
I'm doing a super quick scan of everyone I know now.
是的。
Yeah.
我觉得这几乎和我之前说的有关，其实就是关于一对情侣到底是什么样子。
I think this almost ties in with what I had said earlier too about I guess it's almost just like how couple y a couple is.
对。
Mhmm.
这在很大程度上关系到一个人的身份认同。
And that's just a huge factor to, like, the identity.
不过现在想想，挺有意思的，我们很多亲密朋友——也许是因为认识太久了吧——其实都没那么黏糊。
But now that I think about it, it's also interesting because a lot of our close friends, and maybe it's because we've known each other for so long, a ton of us are not super couply.
我们不太喜欢当众亲热。
Like we're not super PDA.
如果你在房间里看我们，可能也不会觉得我们特别黏在一起。
And if you looked at us in a room, maybe we're not super fused together.
对。
Right.
而且很多时候，是伴侣们聚在一起，而主要的朋友圈反而在聊天八卦什么的。
And actually more often than not, it's like the partners get together and then the main friend group is busy like gossiping or something.
所以我觉得，我们周围更常见的模式是没那么紧密的。
So I feel like just the model that we have around us more often is slightly less fused.
我完全同意。
I totally agree.
我觉得通往同一个终点，可能有两条不同的路。
And I do think there's probably two pathways to get to the single destination.
如果你更习惯当众亲热，那你们可能会非常黏在一起。
You can be clearly a couplesuper fused if you're more comfortable with PDA.
比如说你们是一对经常牵着手的伴侣，或者男生会把手搭在你肩膀上，这种行为一看就很明显。
Say you're like a couple that holds hands or maybe the guy puts his arm around your shoulder or whatever that it's like super obvious.
但我总觉得，如果你们在一起很久了，或者你们身上有种说不清的气质，让人一眼就能看出是情侣，那这也是一种不靠公开亲昵行为来体现的方式。
But I also feel like if you've been together for a long time or there's just something about you that visually slash vibe wise, you're obviously a couple, then that could also be another element outside of the PDA way.
对。
Yeah.
就是那些在一起很久的情侣，往往会有某种特别的默契。
So just something about people who have been together for a long time.
有人说，长期在一起的人会越长越像，笑起来一个样，讲的笑话也差不多。
They say you start to look similarly or maybe you laugh the same or maybe the types of jokes that you tell are similar.
这些细节也能让周围的人一眼就认出你们是一对。
That could also be a way that you're like clearly and obviously a couple to people around you.
对了，就像那种情况。
Dude, it's like that thing.
你有没有在社交媒体上看到过那种帖子，问‘哪个才是我对象？’
Have you seen on social media where sometimes there's people who are like, which one is my partner?
他们展示出十来个男人抱着孩子，然后让你猜谁才是真正的伴侣。
It shows them like hugging, I don't know, 10 different And guys or then you have to guess who's the partner.
我觉得这种题其实出乎意料地难。
I feel like those are surprisingly really hard.
确实如此。
So true.
我觉得我也见过类似的，不过是爸爸版的。
I think I've seen the dad version too.
对，就是那种。
It's like Oh, yeah.
一群男人抱着婴儿，然后问谁是爸爸？
A bunch of guys hold a baby and it's like, one's the dad?
我觉得另一个能体现情侣特征的因素，我想称之为默契。
I think another factor that comes to mind for a couple's identity, I'm just gonna call it synergy.
就是他们彼此之间的互动有多自然。
Like, how well they bounce off each other.
他们是不是看起来特别了解对方？
Does it just feel like they're super familiar with each other?
而且我觉得，当他们一起聊天的时候，这点特别明显。
And I feel like you can really tell this when they're talking together.
比如他们会互相支持，或者一个人主动让另一个人出风头。
If they're like backing each other up or maybe someone is letting the other person shine.
我觉得这些小细节都会影响一对伴侣的独特气质。
I feel like those are all little details that affect a couple's identity.
对。
Yes.
这个说法真是一针见血。
This is such a good one.
我觉得用‘默契’来形容再贴切不过了，说实话吧。
And I think synergy is the perfect way to describe it because I'll be completely honest.
确实有过这样的情况，比如我早就认识其中一方，后来他开始和新人交往。
There have been couples where, say I've known one of the people in the couple for a longer time and they start dating a new person.
然后你偶尔会见到他们，可能嘴上没说，但心里其实会想，嗯，有点不对劲。
And then you, like, see them here and there, and you're kind of maybe not voicing it, but internally, I might have been thinking, okay.
这对情侣怎么看都不太搭。
This couple doesn't make a ton of sense
我完全看不懂他们怎么在一起的。
to me.
我真没看出他们有什么契合的地方。
I don't really see the vision here.
但我确实遇到过这种情况：一开始对一对情侣有点怀疑或困惑，结果突然看到他们之间那种惊人的默契。
But then I have definitely had moments where I go into a hangout having some sort of maybe like doubt or confusion about a couple and then I see this moment where they just have insane synergy.
有时候是一个人在讲故事，另一个人正好接上最贴切的细节。
Sometimes it's been when someone is telling a story and then the other person like chimes in with the perfect details.
还有些时候是两人互相调侃，特别搞笑，让我一下子明白了他们平时是怎么相处的。
Other times it's been a perfect roast session between the couple where it's like actually hella funny and I can kind of like understand what they're like day to day life looks like.
看到那个瞬间之后，我就明白了，哦，原来如此。
And then after I witnessed that one moment, I'm like, oh, okay.
我现在明白了，这个情侣我懂了，我也支持他们。
I get it now and I understand this couple and I support it.
对。
Yeah.
一对情侣看起来就是普普通通，直到你看到某个瞬间，心里突然说，哦，原来如此。
A couple is just a random ass couple until you see something that you're like, oh, okay.
这就是他们的风格。
This is their thing.
是的。
Yes.
没错。
Exactly.
有些情侣就像精密运转的机器，我甚至会想，他们参加聚会前是不是早有默契的安排。
There's like some couples where I feel like they're a well oiled machine to the point where I'm almost like, I wonder if this couple going into hangouts have some sort of game plan.
你懂的。
You know?
老兄，我觉得你和詹姆斯简直就是配合得天衣无缝。
Dude, I would argue that you and James are a well oiled machine.
我想是因为我们在一起太久了。
I mean, I guess we've just been together for so long.
我记得以前我们认识一对情侣。
I remember there was this one couple that we hung out with.
我特别佩服他们，聚会进行到一半时，我感觉他们俩都在不断鼓励我掏心窝子说八卦。
I was really impressed because halfway through our hangout, I felt like I was so encouraged by both members of this couple to spill all the tea.
我就坐在那儿，拼命地聊个不停。
And I was sitting there on my soapbox gossiping as much as I could.
对啊。
Mhmm.
结果到一半，我突然意识到，哇。
And then halfway through, I was like, woah.
他们是不是约好了一起来，就为了把所有八卦都挖出来？
I wonder if they planned it before they hang out to be like, oh, we should extract as much tea as humanly possible.
我当时就想，天啊，他们这是故意设局坑我啊。
I was like, dude, they fucking sent me.
但我真的很佩服他们。
But I respect that.
那你觉得这对伴侣有什么特点？
What would you describe this couple's identity as then?
我觉得他们表面上看不像那种特别黏糊的伴侣，但他们的行为和对话方式，明显是经过精心配合的。
I would describe this couple as not coming across super couple y, but in the way that their actions and how they lead slash go on with a conversation like it was very strategic in a sense as a couple.
我特别欣赏这一点。
I respected that a lot.
我当时就意识到，他们俩是在轮流引导话题，像打配合一样。
I was like, woah, they're like tag teaming in a way to like guide the conversation.
很明显，他们在这方面特别在行。
It was clear that they were like very good at doing it.
他们作为一对，把整个对话引导得很有章法，我觉得这真是一种高阶的伴侣能力。
They as a couple were like shaping the conversation a certain way and I was like, that's like a big couple skill.
我管他们叫‘对话高手’。
I'm gonna call them the conversationalists.
你有没有注意到其他类型的人？
Do you have any other identities that you've noticed?
有的，当然有。
Oh, yes.
我觉得还有一种类型，就是‘讲故事的人’。
I feel like there's another archetype too of like the storytellers.
比如，你跟他们一起坐在婚礼的桌旁，
And this is a couple where say, you're seated with them at a wedding table or something.
有时候你认识桌边的所有人，有时候可能一个都不熟。
Sometimes you might know all the people around the table, sometimes you might not.
但这些人一开口，整桌人都能被他们的故事逗笑，他们俩配合得特别默契，一来一往地补充细节，流畅得不得了，你根本移不开眼睛。
But these are the people that can make the entire table laugh with their story, and they have a set routine where they like bounce back and forth with each other adding in more details and it's just super smooth and you're just like captivated by the way they tell the story.
你这朋友可真有本事。
Damn, you got some skilled friends.
我觉得有些原型是基于技能的，但其他的可能更偏向于角色定位。
I mean, I think some of the archetypes that I can think of are skill based, but the other ones are maybe more role based.
我能想到的一个例子就是那种像父母和孩子一样的组合。
One that I can think of is the parent child combination.
这倒不是一件坏事。
It's not necessarily a bad thing.
原来如此。
Okay.
我觉得这主要是看这对情侣是怎么分工的，其中一个人负责掌舵，承担那些需要更多责任的事情。
I think it's just the way the couple is set up where one person is the one in charge taking on things that require more responsibility.
比如可能是预约、开车，或者安排一些事情，事后收拾一下等等。
So maybe like booking appointments or driving, you know, setting something up, cleaning something afterwards, etcetera.
而另一个人则负责活跃气氛。
And then the other person is the entertainment.
他们就像那个有个性的人。
They're like the personality.
我觉得这个角色最有趣的地方在于，即使在伴侣之间，父母和孩子的角色也会互换。
What's really interesting to me about this role is I think even within a couple, the parent and child can flip.
有时候另一方会站出来承担责任，而原本负责娱乐的人反而可以放松下来，开开玩笑什么的。
Sometimes the other person steps up and then the the entertainment is the responsible one and then the other person gets to like relax and be funny or whatever.
这种情形我也见过。
So I've seen this one as well.
我喜欢这种设定，一个人纯粹负责逗乐。
I like how one person is just the entertainment.
这么说比直接叫‘孩子’听起来舒服多了。
Feels better than saying, like, the child, I guess.
我觉得这有点像……
I guess it's kind of
就像喜剧里的捧哏和逗哏那样？
like the straight person and then the funny describe it in comedy?
对。
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah.
我觉得
I think
而且从这一点来看。
there's also going off of that.
他们是一对非常有责任感的伴侣。
They're just like fully responsible couple.
对。
Mhmm.
两个人都很有责任感？
Both people are responsible?
是的。
Yeah.
比如参加一些集体活动时，这对有责任感的伴侣会确保事情顺利进行，可能带头组织，或者承担了大部分筹备工作。
So if it's like maybe a group activity or something, the responsible couple is making sure things are happening, leading the group maybe, or maybe they did a big chunk of the organizing.
对。
Mhmm.
其他人就只是特别感谢他们操办了这一切。
And then everyone else just kinda, thank you so much for planning this.
这让我想起有一次我去旅行，有一对夫妇把整个购物清单和餐食计划都安排好了，因为人太多了。
That reminds me of this one trip that I went on, and this couple had planned the entire grocery list, the meal plan, because it was a lot of people.
所以，你知道的，我们总得有人负责吃饭吧。
So, you know, we were gonna have to be fed one way or another.
甚至在旅行途中，他们俩还主动负责烧烤、做饭、准备所有主菜，还给大家分配任务。
And then even during the trip, they both step up to, like, grill, cook, make all the protein, delegate tasks to everyone.
我当时就心想，真厉害。
And I was just like, wow.
简直是全能搭档。
Power couple.
是的。
Yeah.
好的。
Okay.
我觉得在这种情况下，至少有一方特别有责任心，事事都安排得妥妥的，另一方就自然而然地跟着被带动起来了，确实如此。
I do feel like sometimes in this case, it's like at least one of the people in that couple is pretty responsible, does a lot of planning, and so the second person just ends up getting swept up in that responsibility True.
尤其是在人多的群体里。
Especially in the larger group.
老兄，这让我突然想到一个问题。
Dude, that actually makes me wonder.
有没有那种相反的情况，就是一对情侣俩人都特别爱玩、特别嗨？
Is there like the opposite version of this where both people in a couple are like crazy, super fun?
就像我们说的，他们俩就是气氛组，谁都不管正事。
They are, as we have been saying, the entertainment and neither of them are responsible.
等等，我觉得这种情况完全可能存在。
Wait, I feel like that is totally possible.
我只是现在想不出具体例子。
I just cannot think of an example right now.
我觉得我认识的那些情侣，也不完全是只顾着玩、一点责任都不担。
I'm like, don't think the couples that I know are necessarily full fun and zero responsibility.
他们通常都保持着一种不错的平衡。
There's usually like a good balance that they have.
是的。
Yeah.
没错，确实如此。
Okay, that's true.
我完全可以想象，他们可能责任很少，更注重玩得开心。
I can definitely see maybe them having minimal responsibility and like more focus on fun.
对。
Yeah.
没错。
Yeah.
说得对。
True.
我现在也意识到，这些伴侣的身份可能会根据情况发生变化。
And now I'm also realizing for these couple identities that they can probably change based on the situation.
比如我之前说的，如果是一大群人出去，其中一方更负责，那在那次旅行或情境中，这对伴侣整体就会显得更负责。
Like, I described, you know, if it's a big group and one of them might be more responsible, then maybe in that trip or situation, the couple itself becomes more responsible.
没错。
Right.
但我相信，如果换一种旅行方式，换了另一个人担当负责的角色，那原本负责的那对伴侣反而能放松一点，展现出不一样的一面。
But I'm sure if it was a different kind of trip and someone else had stepped up as the responsible one, then that same originally responsible couple could let loose a bit and show a different side of themselves.
是的。
Yeah.
这真的太对了。
That is so true.
群里总是有个谁最负责的等级排序。
It's always like a hierarchy of who is the most responsible person in this group.
是的。
Yeah.
我会根据需要承担多少责任来调整自己的状态。
And then I situate myself on how responsible I need to be.
没错。
Yes.
就是这样。
Exactly.
你说的环境影响性格这点太对了，就算一个人，我也觉得这对我影响很大。
What you said about setting and how it changes your personality is so true because even as an individual, I feel like that's a big factor for me.
身边是谁，我在群体里又扮演什么角色？
Who's around me and then what role do I take in this group?
但作为一对伴侣，情况也是一样的。
But as a couple, it can be the same thing.
我和詹姆斯在认识新人时，和在不同朋友圈里时，表现出来的伴侣形象完全不一样。
So I think James and I have a completely different couple personality when we're meeting like brand new people versus when we're with our like different friend groups.
遇到新的人时，我通常让他主导，自己就比较安静。
When we're meeting brand new people, I kind of let him take the reins and I'm probably like the more quiet person.
但在我们各自的朋友圈里，我觉得我们俩都挺放得开的。
But then in our respective friend groups, I feel like we're both kind of crazy.
是的，我觉得在老朋友群里，大家更容易把你当成独立的个体，而不是一对情侣。
Yeah, I think in long standing friend groups, it's easier to not be identified as a couple and everyone gets identified as their own person.
没错。
Right.
但要是遇到完全陌生的人，你们俩往往会更依赖彼此，毕竟两个人面对一群陌生人，总比一个人单打独斗要安心些。
But then like meeting brand new people, you kind of stick with your partner a little more because then it's at least like two versus all these unknown people rather than one versus all of these unknown people.
对。
Yeah.
我觉得还有一种情况，比如我第一次见詹姆斯的朋友，或者詹姆斯第一次见我特别熟的朋友。
I guess there's also the situation where maybe I'm meeting James' friends for the first time or James is meeting someone that I know really well for the first time.
明白。
Mhmm.
我觉得在这种情况下，你的个性发挥还是会受到一定限制。
I feel like that also to an extent, like, caps how much personality you can have.
这样说得通吗？
Does that make sense?
我觉得是的。
I think so.
他们本来就认识詹姆斯。
They already know James.
对吧？
Right?
然后他们第一次见我，是作为詹姆斯的伴侣。
And then they're meeting me as James's partner for the first time.
那我的身份就已经有一半是詹姆斯的伴侣了。
Then my identity is already like 50% James's partner.
明白了。
Okay.
确实如此。
True.
性格特点或者兴趣爱好这些，你知道的，可能只会再增加百分之五十的成分，但我永远不可能在他们眼里变成一个完全陌生的人。
Personality traits or like hobbies, you know, things that I might have that can only add up to like 50% more, but I could never be like a completely new individual to them.
所以某种程度上，这反而让我轻松一点，因为我本来就不擅长第一次见面就和陌生人敞开心扉。
So in some ways, it kinda takes the pressure off for me sometimes like I kind of find it hard to like meet new people and like be really open on the first time.
但我想，反正我本来就是詹姆斯的伴侣嘛。
But I'm like, I'm just James's partner anyway.
我不用非得拼命展现自己有多特别。
I don't have to pop my personality pussy.
是的。
Yeah.
你有这个底牌在。
You have that full back.
是的。
Yeah.
你可以直接说，这就是我，你知道的。
The baseline you can just be like, yeah, that's just me, you know?
是的
Yeah.
别管我
Don't mind me.
没错
Exactly.
天哪
Oh my god.
这真有趣
That's funny.
我部分同意
I agree to a certain extent.
如果一个人和詹姆斯关系很近，就能了解你很多
People can learn a lot about you if they're really close to James.
因为他们会想，哦，既然已经了解詹姆斯了
Because then they're like, oh, well, already know about James.
我现在想多了解你。
I wanna know about you now.
哦，是的。
Oh, yeah.
我想这没错。
I guess that's true.
我刚才在想象，要是我见到詹姆斯的同事之类的场景。
I was just like envisioning a situation where I'm meeting James's coworkers or something.
好吧，对。
Okay, yeah.
不过这确实挺具体的。
But I guess that's pretty specific.
不，我完全同意这种情形——关系没那么紧密，以后可能也见不了几次。
No, I completely agree with that kind of situation where it's a little more fleeting, I guess, and you might not even see them that much in the future.
如果你还没见过詹姆斯的某个密友，那他们肯定特别想了解你，毕竟你是自己好朋友的伴侣。
If it's like a close friend of James that you somehow haven't met yet, then I'm sure they're like more excited to be like, Oh my god, I want to know much more about you because you're like one of my good friends' partner.
我现在才意识到，很难把我和詹姆斯放在这种情境里，因为我们谈恋爱的时候都还很年轻。
I'm now realizing, I mean, it's just hard to put me and James in this situation because we were like quite young when we started dating.
但对你来说，你已经见过不少你男朋友的密友了。
But for you, like you have met a lot of your boyfriend's close friends.
对的。
Mhmm.
我想应该是这几年陆陆续续、一批一批见的吧。
I'm sure in like waves or batches over the last few years.
那当你去见这些人的时候，心里是怎么想的？
So then what is your mindset going into like meeting these people?
说实话，一开始我根本没想那么多。
Honestly, at first, I didn't have that much of a mindset.
就觉得挺好的。
It was just like cool.
反正就是去见他的朋友嘛。
Like, I'm meeting his friends.
但这么说可能有点自恋了。
But this might sound too self glazy.
几次之后，Jimin 就一直给我发消息。
After a few times, Jimin would keep texting me.
他说：‘老兄，’
He's like, oh, dude.
每次你见完他们，大家都会印象特别好。
Everyone always has such a good impression after meeting you.
他们都说：‘天啊，’
They're like, oh my god.
Crystal 真酷。
Crystal's so cool.
我当时就想：‘糟了。’
I was like, oh, shit.
这下我得一直保持这个形象了。
Like, now I have to keep up this this trend.
就是说，我得提前准备好，想好要说些什么，
Like, I need to go in prepared and have some stuff to say, I
我想，大家都会问的。
guess, that people ask.
你得保持这种势头。
You gotta keep that streak up.
对。
Yeah.
没错。
Exactly.
哦，那真的挺可爱的。
Oh, that's really cute.
我完全能想象到，志旼的朋友们给他发信息说：天哪，Crystal 可比你有魅力多了，之类的。
I can also totally see Jimin's friends texting Jimin being like, my god, Crystal's so much cooler than you or whatever.
这样你面对其他人时，压力就更大了，得表现得更有魅力。
And you having even more pressure to be cool meeting other people.
是的。
Yeah.
我觉得我本身没那么自负，但有时候我觉得，可能也是我男朋友说话的方式影响了我。
I feel like I'm not super egotistical, but sometimes I feel like maybe it's also the way that my boyfriend will phrase things.
他总是特别注意说些好听的话。
He's just like always trying to say super nice things.
对。
Mhmm.
时间久了，他就会想，也许这样并不太合适。
And after a while, he's like, maybe this isn't the right way to approach things.
我们不希望把你捧得太高。
We don't want to blow up your ego too much.
不过这挺暖心的。
That's sweet though.
当你融入对方的生活，刚好自然地融入其中，连他朋友都特别喜欢你，这确实是最理想的状态。
And that's ideal honestly when you like are getting folded into someone's life and you like perfectly fall into place where his friends already love you.
所以，在你们这段关系里，你个人的独特性反而变得更加重要了。
So then your individual identity actually takes even more weight in your couples identity.
大家本来就已经喜欢你这个人了。
People like you as an individual already.
是的。
Yeah.
我有时候能明显感觉到，因为他们了解我的一些个性特点，这可不是单纯因为我是他女朋友才这样。
And I feel like I can really tell sometimes because they'll know certain traits of mine, I guess, and it's not just like a couple thing.
对。
Mhmm.
最近发生了一件挺有趣的事，我和Jimin去参加了他一位朋友的宝宝满月派对。
So one funny thing that happened recently was Jimin and I went to a baby one of his friend's baby showers.
那天喝了不少酒，因为来了很多家人和朋友。
There was some drinking involved because there was a lot of family and friends.
Jimin的朋友直接就说：没错。
Jimin's friend was basically like, yeah.
我们知道你们俩里面你是爱喝酒的，所以我们干脆就安排你跟我们一起喝，而不是让Jimin陪我们喝。
We know that you're the drinker in this couple, so we just planned that you would be drinking with us over, like, Jimin drinking with us.
真不错。
Nice.
我当时就心想，没错。
And I'm like, yeah.
如果他们只是把你们当成一对来认识，根本不会知道这些细节。
They wouldn't have necessarily known that if they just had slapped on, like, a couple identity.
对啊。
Mhmm.
但他们确实了解我们两个人各自的特点。
But they actually, like, know individual things about us.
真有意思。
Wow.
听你讲这些关于婚后才相识的伴侣的故事，真的很有趣。
It's so interesting to hear about, I don't know, these things that happen with couples that meet later on in life.
对。
Mhmm.
我觉得我当初在建立我和詹姆斯的伴侣身份时，面对的是一套完全不同的任务或者挑战。
I feel like I had a completely different set of, I don't know, tasks or like maybe challenges in setting up me and James's couple identity.
对。
Mhmm.
我根本不用操心去认识詹姆斯的密友，因为当我们开始约会时，我已经认识了他不少亲近的朋友。
I didn't really have to worry or think too hard about like meeting James's close friends because by the time that we had started dating, I had kind of met a lot of his close friends.
所以我不是从零开始的。
So I wasn't going into it brand new.
我更在意的是，该怎么在做他朋友的同时，又做好他的伴侣？
I feel like the things that I had to worry about were like, how do I balance being friends with his close friends while also being his partner?
详细说说。
Please elaborate.
好的。
Okay.
举个例子是
One example is
我和詹姆斯很多高中时期的女生朋友都特别熟。
I'm really good friends with a lot of James' high school friends who are girls.
对吧？
Right?
是的。
Yeah.
当然也包括你。
You included, obviously.
有时候会出现一种情况，他的朋友们会拿他开玩笑。
Sometimes there's, like, this setup where his friends roast James.
哦。
Oh.
因为我跟他们所有人都特别亲近，算是朋友圈里的一分子。
Because I'm, like, kind of in the friend group slash really close friends with everyone.
这挺搞笑的，我就跟着笑。
It's, like, funny and I laugh.
但一旦过了线，我就觉得算了。
But then after, like, a certain line is crossed, I'm like, okay.
我是詹姆斯的伴侣啊。
Well, I am James' partner.
可我其实同时扮演着两种角色。
But it's like, I'm like two roles at once.
一方面我是这个朋友圈里的人，另一方面我是詹姆斯的伴侣。
Like one, someone in this friend group slash two, James' partner.
我总是拿不准，到底该笑到什么程度。
And I never know to what extent I keep laughing.
明白。
Okay.
我完全能理解这一点。
I totally understand that, actually.
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是的。
Yes.
詹姆斯和那些女孩之间有点过往。
There's a bit of a history with James and the girls.
不过现在我们都长大了，他被调侃的方式也温和了不少。
But I will say now that we're older, the way that he gets roasted, I guess Mhmm.
没那么激烈了。
It's dialed back a bit.
你现在可以放心地在任何时刻笑出来。
I think you're safe to laugh at all points right now.
对。
Yes.
我完全同意。
I totally agree.
但我也有过这样的经历，我和詹姆斯有时候会互相调侃，但都只是开玩笑，没什么过火的。
But I've also had experiences where I feel like me and James will kind of roast each other, but it's not anything crazy.
我们倒不至于互相挖苦得太过分，但我见过一些情侣，他们真的会拼命调侃对方。
Like, wouldn't say we go over the top with roasting each other, but I've had experiences where I'm talking to a couple and they, like, go in on roasting each other.
他们可是真放得开。
Like, they go ham.
简直就是在互相贬低了。
They're, like, almost insulting each other.
明白了。
Okay.
这可是他们的风格。
And that's, like, their shtick.
但我也遇见过一些情侣，他们根本不会互相调侃。
But I've also had experiences where I'm talking to a couple and they, like, only glaze each other.
根本没什么挖苦的意思。
There's not that much roasting.
就是那种，天哪。
It's just like, oh my god.
这个人简直太棒了，因为什么什么的。
Like, this person's so amazing because blah blah blah.
或者当这个人做了什么事，他们就会说：‘哇，太好了。’
Or when that person does something, they're like, oh, yay.
干得漂亮，比如在副总统职位上之类的。
Great job, you know, during VP or whatever.
但我觉得我和詹姆斯在聚会场合不会这样互相捧场。
Whereas I don't think me and James would really root for each other like that in, a party setting.
是的。
Yeah.
每当我看到一对情侣的行为跟我和詹姆斯不一样，我就觉得特别困惑。
Anytime I'm, like, with a couple that acts differently from me and James, it gives me, like, an identity crisis.
我是不是该让我和詹姆斯也改变一下相处方式，去迎合他们？
I'm, should me and James change our couple's identity to match these people?
天哪
Oh my
天啊。
god.
好吧。
Okay.
等等。
Wait.
那意思是，我和Jimin在一起的时候，你也会有身份认同危机？
Then does that mean you have identity crisis when you hang out with me and Jimin?
是啊，这让我重新思考我和James现在的相处方式和那些习惯。
Yeah, it does make me like reevaluate what me and James do as our current couples identity and the associated routines that we have.
我在想，我们是不是该改一改了？
And I'm like, do we need to be changing it?
哇，那我下次是不是该表现得中立一点？
Woah, Should I be more neutral next time?
不用，没关系。
No, it's okay.
你们俩挺平衡的，因为Jimin总夸你，而你反过来调侃或取笑Jimin，这样既不是一味夸奖，也不是全程怼人。
You guys are pretty balanced because Jimin glazes you and then you roast or make fun of Jimin so that it's not like a full glaze or like a full roast couple.
你们有自己的节奏，我挺尊重这一点的。
It's like you have your routine and I respect that.
一个人只夸，另一个人只怼，这样真的好吗？
Is it even good that one person only glazes and one person only roasts?
我觉得这样挺好，毕竟你是女生，负责调侃Jimin。
I think it's good because as the woman, you're like the one roasting Jimin.
Jimin作为男生，主要负责夸你。
Jimin as the man is the one glazing you.
但如果反过来，我可能会有点不自在。
But if it was the other way around, I would be like maybe slightly uncomfortable.
我们就是喜欢让男生保持谦逊，同时支持女生成长。
But we love to keep a man humble and we love to uplift women here.
如果你和James要改变你们的相处模式，你会怎么做？
But if you were to like change your identity with James, what would you do?
多互相调侃一下？
Like roast each other more?
不用。
No.
不用。
No.
我觉得恰恰相反。
I think it would be the opposite.
我在想，我是不是该多夸夸詹姆斯，还是他该多夸夸我？
I'm like, should I be glazing James more or like, should he be glazing me more?
要是因为看到别的情侣做法不一样，就突然改变我们平时的相处方式，那感觉也挺怪的。
I guess it would also be weird to like suddenly alter the way we act around people just because other couples that I've seen do something different.
所以我从来没认真考虑过。
So I haven't seriously considered it.
不过说实话，看到那些彼此鼓励更多、经常公开赞美对方的情侣，确实会让我也想多支持他一点。
But I will say like being around couples that cheer each other on more or are like super vocal and praise for each other does make me want to be more supportive.
你知道吗，随着年龄增长，我一直在重新思考什么才算真的好笑。
You know, just as we age, I am constantly evaluating what is actually funny.
我觉得这些年的喜剧变化挺大的，以前互怼真的特别有意思。
I feel like comedy has changed a lot over the years to where, like, roasting was really fucking funny back in the day.
但现在，幽默的方式早就不止这一种了。
And now that's not like the only way to be humorous.
是的。
So Yeah.
我想，这其实也是重新评估的一部分。
I guess it's just a part of reevaluating that as well.
我觉得你根本没必要去夸詹姆斯。
I'm gonna just say that there's no need for you to glaze James.
他自己夸自己都夸不够了。
He already glazes himself enough.
你就是说，别改任何东西。
You're like, please don't change anything.
因为你知道，詹姆斯挺爱较劲的。
Because, you know, James can get competitive.
对。
Mhmm.
他爱较劲的好处是，他能自己给自己打气。
The good thing about him being competitive for himself is that he can self glaze.
他总能激励自己，对自己充满信心。
Like, he he pumps himself up, and he believes in himself.
所以我觉得，你真没必要再推他一把。
So I'm like, dude, you do not need to feed into that.
我们其实没怎么改，你说得对。
We haven't really changed anything up, and I think you're right.
我们的流程本来就很有效，但时不时看看别人在做什么，也能帮我们判断自己是不是在正轨上。
Our routine already works, but it's good to always kind of pulse check and see where everyone else is at so that I can evaluate if what we're doing is like normal slash good.
是的，顺便说一下，我在私下里是支持他的。
Yeah, hey, just to clarify, I'm supportive behind closed doors.
是的。
Yes.
对。
Yes.
我完全同意这一点。
I totally believe that.
而且我觉得金旻智也不需要你一直给他打气。
And I don't think Jimin is someone who needs you to be glazing him all the time either.
我们只是在讨论公开场合的惯例，对吧？
So it's just we're just talking about routines here, like public routines.
没错。
Right?
其实情况正好相反，我觉得我在私下里挺支持他的。
Oh, actually, it's kind of the opposite, I think, where I am actually, I would say, pretty supportive in private.
对。
Mhmm.
而且吉敏这人，私下其实挺刻薄的。
And Jimin actually dude, he's like kinda mean in private.
真的假的。
Damn.
他私下肯定老怼我。
He'd be roasting me in private.
别开玩笑了，兄弟。
No way, dude.
现在就把他那些事抖出来。
Put him on blast right now.
是啊。
Yeah.
我们公开的形象和私下真实的自己，有时候完全相反。
Our public perception and our private identity, I guess, is sometimes flips.
挺有意思的。
Interesting.
我的意思是，他私下里还是支持你的，只是可能觉得更自在，能放开嘴说点狠话。
I mean, he's still supportive in private, but maybe he feels more free to let loose and let some roasts out.
真的吗。
Wow.
他平时都戴着好人面具。
He puts his nice guy mask out.
开玩笑的。
Just kidding.
我真没法想象他会那么刻薄，就算他真发狠了也做不到。
I honestly can't even imagine him being that mean, even at his full mean.
这挺有意思的。
That is interesting.
我正努力回想我认识的其他情侣。
I'm like trying to think about all the other couples that I know.
我在想，他们是不是也在外面和私下里表现得完全不一样？
And I'm like, are they also portraying, like, an opposite image in public versus behind closed doors?
因为我觉得这确实是个普遍现象。
Because I do think that's a thing.
就拿我来说，我在外面表现出来的样子，可能跟我内心真实的感觉或者自言自语时完全不一样。
Even for me as an individual, how I portray myself or choose to portray myself can be completely different than how I, like, feel internally or, like, talk to myself internally.
我觉得其中一个关键点是，支持——不管是言语上的还是别的形式——其实也是一种公开示爱。
I think one of the big things is I actually think support, whether it's verbal or whatever, is another form of PDA.
这让我在公共场合特别不自在。
And that just makes me really uncomfortable in public.
等等。
Wait.
这简直太搞笑了。
That's so fucking funny.
是啊。
Yeah.
所以，这其实就是我的一种自我保护方式。
So, you know, it's just my defense mechanism.
天啊，所以当金珉锡盯着你的时候，你才不得不调侃他，跟大家说，喂，喂。
Oh my is that why when Jimin glazes you, you are forced to roast him to be like, guys, guys.
这根本不算亲密举动。
Like, this isn't PDA.
明白吗？
Okay?
我稍微收敛点吧。
I'm cutting it back a notch.
说实话，也许吧。
Honestly, maybe.
天哪。
Oh my god.
这也太搞笑了。
That's so funny.
老兄，这确实算一种亲密举动。
Dude, it kind of is a form of PDA.
是的
Yeah.
我就是这个意思。
That's what I'm saying.
哇。
Wow.
但我要说，那些在言语上互相支持的伴侣，未必就会在公共场合表现亲密，这点挺有意思的。
But I will say that couples that verbally support each other aren't always the ones who have PDA, interestingly.
说得对。
That's fair.
对。
Yeah.
我就是受不了任何形式的公开亲昵。
I just can't handle any form of PDA.
说实话，情侣在公共场合都该保持普通朋友的样子，只有私下才能表达亲密。
Honestly, couples should all just be, like, platonic in public, and then you can only be affectionate behind closed doors.
是的。
Yeah.
所以这大概就是我在一段关系里想要的样子。
So that is, like, kind of my goal in my couple identity, I guess.
如果你看我们，会觉得我们只是朋友之类的。
If you looked at us, you should think we're just friends or something.
你根本不会意识到我们是一对，除非我们比如一起离开什么的。
You shouldn't realize that we're a couple until, I don't know, we like leave together or something.
这太搞笑了。
That is hella funny.
说实话我同意你，但我得说，我唯一喜欢、甚至觉得挺温馨的亲密行为，是看到伴侣之间那些细微的照顾——比如你顺手把对方的垃圾也一起扔了，因为你自己也要去倒垃圾；打完高尔夫帮对方收球杆之类的小事。这些都不是拥抱亲吻牵手，但却是实实在在的陪伴。
Honestly, I agree with you, but I will say the one form of PDA that I do like and I even enjoy seeing in other couples is seeing the little bits and pieces of ways that people take care of each other in a couple, whether it's like picking up your partner's trash afterwards because you're taking yours to the trash bag anyway, helping take care of the golf clubs or something after golf, small things and ways that you show up for your partner that isn't necessarily hugging, kissing, holding hands, whatever.
对。
Yeah.
这确实说得在理。
That's totally fair.
人与人之间还是得体现出一定的关心才行。
There still needs to be a certain level of care that you're seeing between people.
你这等于在定义当一对情侣最起码得做什么。
You're like defining the bare minimum thing that you have to do to be a couple.
不过我很好奇，你有没有觉得，你和詹姆斯在不同人群或场合中，作为情侣的表现会有明显不同？
But I do have to ask, do you feel like there's any really maybe standout or obvious times when you and James' couple identity kind of shifts or is different among different groups or settings?
我觉得是有的。
I think there is.
最明显的变化就是，我们和他朋友在一起，跟和我朋友在一起的时候不一样。
The clearest shift to me is when we hang out with his friends versus my friends.
我们认识太久，很多地方已经混在一起了。
We have known each other for so long to where a lot of it is kind of morphed.
我不会说詹姆斯的高中朋友只是他的朋友，但确实有些朋友圈里，他更主导一点，我这边就相对少一点。
I wouldn't necessarily call James's high school friends only his friends, but I feel like there are friend groups where it is a little bit more James leaning versus me leaning.
在这种情况下，我觉得谁来活跃气氛的角色也会跟着变。
And in those circumstances, I feel like the role of the entertainer is shifted.
比如和我的朋友在一起时，我会多说点，讲更多故事；而和詹姆斯的朋友在一起时，他可能更爱讲笑话什么的。
Like maybe I talk a little bit more, like tell more stories or something when it's my friends versus with James's friends, he's probably the one making more jokes or whatever.
所以在那种情况下，另一个人就会稍微退后一点。
So then in that case, I think the other person takes a step back a little bit.
对。
Mhmm.
另外，你有没有注意到，你朋友中的情侣也会根据场合改变自己的表现？
Also, have you actually seen your friends as couples shift their personality based on the setting?
说实话，我确实见过。
Honestly, I have.
我觉得我身边一些亲密的朋友就有类似的情况，尤其是他们办聚会的时候，对吧？
I think I've seen something similar with some of my close friends and it's easier to see this when they host stuff, right?
你被邀请去参加他们主办的活动时，就能看出来。
And you're invited to something that they're hosting.
我有个朋友就是如此，如果是她朋友的聚会，她就会特别活跃，讲很多故事，讲笑话，到处跟人打招呼。
But I've seen my friend do something similar where if it's her friends and her party, then she's the one chatting, telling more stories, making more jokes, going around doing rounds.
而那个男生就退到一边去了，但之前和他朋友在一起时，我从来没见他这么能说。
And then the like guy is the one stepping back versus when we were with his friends, I had never seen this guy talk so much ever.
我就觉得，他们各自都有自己的模式，根据场合不同也会调整。
I was like, oh, they have their like own routines and sticks too depending on their setting.
这还挺有意思的。
So that's kind of interesting.
我想这其实挺正常的。
I guess it's kind of normal.
当你伴侣和他们朋友在一起时，你自然会退后一步，支持他们，而不是非要成为全场焦点。
It's like when your partner is with their friends, you kind of take a step back and support them during their hangout, not try to make yourself the only focal point.
确实如此。
That's true.
我注意到，当我们和成年人在一起时，我们作为一对的表现会有明显变化。
One thing I've noticed is definitely a shift for, like, my couple identity is actually when we're hanging out with adults.
哦。
Oh.
我不是说我们不是成年人。
Not to say that we're not adults.
我还在慢慢接受这一点。
I'm still coming to terms with that.
我是说那些真正的成年人。
But the actual grown ups.
没错。
Exactly.
一个很好的例子就是和家人聚在一起的时候。
One good example is, like, hanging out with family.
你觉得你们俩在这种情况下的互动有什么变化？
How do you think it shifts for you guys?
其实挺有意思的，因为智旻的中文特别好。
Actually, it's pretty interesting because Jimin's Chinese is, like, really good.
我的中文还凑合，但最近越来越差了，因为我已经不住在家了。
Mine is passable and mine's also been getting worse because I don't live with my parents anymore.
所以我现在平时都不说中文了。
So I don't speak Chinese on the daily anymore.
所以跟父母见面的时候，我觉得智旻其实能聊挺多。他不像以前那样只是安静地待着，而是很主动地跟父母交流。父母也挺喜欢跟他聊天的，因为他们觉得这孩子中文真不错，这样他们就不用像跟Crystal说话时那样费劲了。
So when we hang out with my parents, I feel like Jimin is actually able to speak a lot and like really like not just be the quiet boyfriend but he's proactive in speaking with my parents and my parents enjoy speaking with him because they're like oh dude this kid's Chinese is like really good so we don't have to speak like the way we speak to Crystal, I guess.
真是厉害。
Damn.
是啊，有时候他们还会合伙吐槽我的中文。
Dude, and sometimes they like gang up on me and they roast my Chinese.
那个让我着迷的Jimin到底在哪呢？
Where is the Jimin that glazes you that I do?
有一次
One
我们出去吃饭，去了一家中餐馆。
time we were out eating and we were at this Chinese restaurant.
我忘了当时聊到什么话题了，但有一回我爸叫我‘文盲’，基本上就是这个意思。
I forgot what the topic was, but at one point my dad called me a which means illiterate, basically.
真够狠的。
Damn.
这太狠了。
That's fucking brutal.
是啊，真的。
Dude, yeah.
我当时就愣了。
I was like, wait.
什么情况？
What the fuck?
然后贾米尔就说：
And then Jamil was like,
天哪。
oh my god.
她确实如此。
She totally is.
就坐在那儿，一脸懵，这到底发生啥了？
Just sitting there like, what is happening?
对啊。
Yeah.
我当时就说，兄弟，你等一下。
I'm like, dude, excuse me.
我是真能认字的，好吗？
Like, I'm like, I can read some words.
明白吧？
Okay?
最近我们又出去吃饭，我爸一看菜单。
More recently, we were out eating again and my dad looked at the menu.
他扫了一眼。
He took one look.
他就说，天哪，兄弟。
He was like, oh, dude.
水晶肯定看不懂这个菜单。
Crystal definitely cannot read this menu.
我当时就想，我怎么老是收留这些‘流浪者’啊？
And I was like, dude, why am I catching strays?
我觉得这越来越像一个固定梗了。
I love how it's becoming like a running thing.
简直就是他们随时能拿出来用的笑点。
It's like the joke they can always fall back on.
是的。
Yeah.
我觉得这反映出越来越多亚洲成年人，或者说中国成年人的变化。
So I feel like that is just like a cool shift with more Asian adults, I guess, or with Chinese adults.
对。
Mhmm.
Jimin 在说中文的时候特别能发挥。
Jimin can, like, shine with his Chinese speaking abilities.
对。
Mhmm.
我觉得另一个可能有点不同的场景是，你之前也提到过，就是当我们跟同事见面，或者在那种比较正式的场合，我们俩都会尽量表现得更成熟、更靠谱一点。
And I think another setting where it might change a bit is, you mentioned this earlier too, but, like, whenever we're meeting coworkers or in a more formal setting like that, we both try to be more, you know, mature and responsible seeming.
就像是戴上职业面具一样。
It's like putting your professional face on Yes.
去见同事的时候。
And going to meet coworkers.
是的。
Yeah.
不过我有一次挺搞笑的经历，我同事第一次见他时，我们团队主管直接问：你对我们的Crystal有什么打算？
Although I did have a funny experience where the very first time my coworkers met him, my, like, team lead, she was like, so what are your intentions with our crystal?
太可爱了。
So cute.
是的。
Yeah.
我想是因为我在团队里年纪最小。
I guess because I am the youngest in my team.
所以我不确定他们有没有这种感觉，但也许他们觉得，哦，她是我们的小妹妹吧。
So I don't know if they see it in any way, but maybe they're like, oh, she's our little baby, I guess.
这挺有意思的。
That's funny.
我觉得，能自然地在随性状态和专业状态之间切换，确实很可贵。
I mean, I think it's always nice to have someone who is able to like switch back and forth between the their like casual selves and their professional selves really seamlessly.
对。
Mhmm.
我可能比詹姆斯觉得更难一些。
I probably find it a little bit harder than James does.
所以当他能主动切换成专业模式，成为对话中的主导者时，我就不用老是纠结该说什么，也不会觉得那么不自在了。
So then I also like when he's able to step up and put his professional hat on and then like be the more active person in these conversations so that I don't have to be like overthinking what I'm about to say or like just feel a little bit less comfortable in that element.
对。
Mhmm.
假设你们俩马上要去参加一个聚会。
Let's say you're both about to go to some sort of hangout.
你有没有过这种想法：行吧，这次聚会咱们得注意点表现。
Are you ever like, alright.
你和我，这次聚会得收敛点。
You and I, we have to behave at this hangout.
老兄，我们确实经常在活动前做一番准备。
Dude, we do do a lot of pre event game plan setting.
我觉得这么说最贴切了。
I guess that's like the easiest way to describe it.
举个简单的例子，有时候去聚会，要是我特别累，或者詹姆斯特别累的话。
Because Okay, one really easy example is like there's times where you go up for a hangout and let's say I'm feeling super tired or like James is feeling really tired.
他就会说：行，今晚你来主导吧。
Then he'll be like, Okay, you have to like carry tonight.
我会回他：别担心，我状态很好。
I'm like, don't worry, I feel really refreshed.
会挺好的。
It will be good.
天哪，我喜欢这个。
Oh my God, I love that.
反过来，有时候我们也会事后复盘，想想刚才那场活动，老弟。
And I guess the reverse is like sometimes we'll do postmortem analysis about the event Dude, that we just
这算工作吗？
this is this work?
我们现在是在办公室吗？
Are we in the office right now?
这很自然，就是回头想想刚发生的事。有几次詹姆斯被困在一段他其实不想待太久的对话里。
It's just natural, Like reflecting on what just happened and there have been times where James was like, say, stuck in a conversation that maybe he didn't wanna be for a long time or something.
对。
Mhmm.
正因为这样，我才能去和朋友玩，做点别的，轻松自在一点。
Because of that, I was able to like go and have fun with my friends or do whatever, be more carefree.
然后他会说：‘嘿，你欠我一个人情。’
And then he'll be like, damn, you owe me one.
天哪。
Oh my god.
这太搞笑了。
That's so funny.
你们真有意思。
You guys are funny.
你们平时不这么做吗？
Do you guys not do anything like this?
我觉得最接近的可能是我会说：‘好了，注意点。’
I think maybe the most is I'm like, alright.
我们得规矩点。
We need to behave.
不能这么闹腾。
We can't be acting out.
我们跟这些人见面的时候，得表现得自然点。
We need to like be real people when we hang out with these people.
对。
Sure.
有时候我会跟人聊聊那些我没见过的人，或者问问别人对他们的看法。
Oh, maybe I'll give some debriefs on people or I'll ask for debriefs on people that I haven't met.
是的。
Yeah.
我总是会问，都有谁去啊？
I'm always like, who's there?
谁会参加？
Who's going?
其实有时候事后是会聊聊，但多半是我太较真了。
Actually, guess sometimes there is a debrief later, but it's probably it's more like me being nitpicky.
你会问，你干嘛跟那个人说那种话？
You're like, why did you say this to this person?
我之前跟你说过这事。
I briefed you about it before.
有时候我真想说，天哪。
Sometimes I'm like, oh my god.
你当时不开心吗？
Were you not having fun?
你最后不是一直在玩手机，好像都出神了。
Like, you started disassociating at the end when you're on your phone or something.
他说，没事，还行。
And he was like, No, it was okay.
我就想，下次你直接跟我说，咱们就走了。
And I was like, Next time you can just tell me and we could leave.
他说，是啊，没事。
He was like, Yeah, it's okay.
大概是这类话吧。
Or something like that.
我想这也很正常。
I guess that is also a natural one.
有一个人想走。
One person wants to leave.
如果詹姆斯开始退缩，我就觉得自己得说更多话什么的。
If James starts to pull back socially, then I feel like I have to like talk more or something.
这些细节只有在情侣之间才会注意到，对外人来说，你们俩就是再普通不过了。
It's like these little things that you notice when you're in the couple, but to other people you're just both like completely normal.
老兄，估计根本没人在意。
Dude, probably like no one even cares.
对啊，就是觉得没什么不对劲。
Yeah, like Oh yeah, nothing was weird.
看到我们日常中哪些行为其实很普遍，挺有意思的。
It's very interesting to see like what is more normal and commonplace like even within the couple of routines that we have.
事后的复盘分析好像挺正常，但提前定好完整计划可能就没那么常见了。
Seems like some sort of briefing slash analysis after is normal, but maybe not so much the full game plan setting.
好的。
Okay.
我想说，有一段时间我们每次出去都会待得太晚，或者回来时状态不太好，之后我们就认真地谈了一次。
I will say we did have a more serious debrief after there was a period of time where every time we went out, we would end up staying out too late or just like not the ideal conditions coming back.
所以我们就坐下来好好聊了聊，说好了。
So we had to talk it through and be like, okay.
如果你打算走，就得说出来。
You know, if you wanna leave, you have to say it.
谁想走，就直接打个信号，发个消息给对方。
Like, whoever wants to leave, just signal it somehow, text it to each other,
对，就是这样。
like Yeah.
这样大家才不会误以为所有人都想留，结果不知不觉待到很晚。
Make it clear so that we're not accidentally there for hella long because we think everyone wants to stay.
哦，不会吧。
Oh, no.
我突然想起我们以前那些熬到很晚的夜晚。
I have flashbacks to a couple of long nights that we have.
是的。
Yeah.
那些经历很可能正是我们当时讨论的内容。
Probably some of those are part of the conversation.
我能清楚地回想起促成这次谈话的那几周。
I can just see the few weeks that led up to this conversation.
我想那次谈话之后，大家突然都变得有责任感了，之后就没再像以前那样一群人熬夜到很晚。
I guess after that debrief, we all became responsible suddenly and we haven't had late nights just like as groups in a I
我觉得我们当时达到了某个临界点，之后每个人都和伴侣做了同样的复盘。
think we hit like a certain tipping point and then we all had the same debrief with our partner.
大概吧。
Probably.
现在要是熬夜，就只剩女生们了。
Now when we stay out late, it's like girls only.
是的
Yeah.
我确实总注意到，当一对情侣互相看一眼，那种‘该走了’的眼神。
I do actually always notice when couples turn to each other and give each other that look like we gotta go.
是的
Yeah.
我总是不经意间瞥见，心里就想，真有意思。
I always see it out of the corner of my eye and I'm like, interesting.
所以这就是你的暗号。
So So that's your signal.
这就是你的小动作。
That's your tell.
是的
Yeah.
天哪。
Oh, dude.
我的小动作可能更明显。
My tell might be even more obvious.
有时候，我干脆直接给听众比个大拇指，朝门口示意。
Sometimes I'm literally like for our listeners, I just like point at the door with my thumb.
我觉得我见过最含蓄的信号，就是一对情侣长时间对视。
I think the most subtle tell that I've seen is just prolonged eye contact between a couple.
他们盯着对方眼睛看个三秒，然后突然其中一个就说：咱们该走了。
They like look into each other's eyes for like three seconds and then suddenly one of them is like so we have to go.
你一听就明白，刚才那是一场对话。
You're like oh that was a conversation.
完全是用眼神完成的一场交流。
Just a full visual conversation.
有时候我们会提前定个计划，比如我就会说：不管发生什么，咱们十点半准时走。
I think, okay, there are some times where we have a brief game plan where I'm just like, hey, no matter what happens to me, let's leave at 10:30.
类似这样的安排。
Something like that.
因为你知道，我向来比较乱糟糟的。
Because you know I'm like the messier one.
哎。
Hey.
我跟你一样。
I'm right there with you.
没错。
Yeah.
有时候我和詹姆斯出门前也会定个计划，但半路上出了状况，事情就乱了，只好在开车回家的路上赶紧聊一聊。
There's also been times where, like, me and James have a game plan going in, and then something happens along the way, things get muddled, and then we have to have, like, an immediate conversation in the car after we're to.
对。
Yeah.
就是回家后那场对话。
That conversation back home.
没错。
Yeah.
漫长的车程。
The long car ride.
希望现在这种情况已经少多了。
Well, hopefully, it's been happening less now.
是的。
Yeah.
我觉得我们可以轮流来。
And I think we'll we'll take turns.
你懂的？
You know?
对。
Yeah.
好的。
Okay.
我记得有一次，我们俩各自都被对方好好说了一顿。
I do remember one time where, I guess, we each either had a talking to or had a talking from our partner.
那时候我们在纽约，参加了一个随机收到邀请的派对，你和我还在聊这事。
And we were in New York and we were at some random party that we got invited You and I were discussing it.
我们就说，好吧，最晚得在午夜前走。
We're like, okay, we need to leave by like midnight latest.
是的。
Yeah.
谁先提出来，另一个人都会惊呼天哪。
Whoever brought it up first, the other person was like, oh my god.
对。
Yeah.
我也是。
Same.
我们其实早就一直在讨论这个问题了。
Like, we've been having conversations about this.
现在时间可不多了。
Like, we're on the clock right now.
然后我记得，我们俩都会紧张地回头看看自己的伴侣。
And then I remember we would both give like nervous glances back to our partners.
时间越来越近，我们就想：糟了。
Like, as the time got closer and closer, we're like, oh, shoot.
不过我们还是玩得挺开心的，但得负责任啊。
We started having fun though, but we we need to be responsible.
我们还是得回家。
We we need to, like, go home still.
就是不停地紧张地来回张望。
Just, like, nervously looking back and forth.
是的。
Yeah.
但他们最后还是玩得很开心。
But then they ended up having fun.
确实如此。
That is true.
对他们来说，那晚过得特别晚。
Unfortunately for them, it that night was a very late night.
不过，可不是像我们俩这样拖着不睡。
However, it wasn't like you and me dragging the night on.
是那群人把夜晚拖得特别长。
The group was dragging the night on.
是啊。
Yeah.
大家都玩得很开心。
Everyone was having fun.
没错。
Yeah.
说实话，录这期节目特别有意思。
Well, this was honestly such a fun episode to record.
我觉得退一步看看情侣之间的生活细节，那些年复一年积累的小习惯、小互动，特别有意思。
I feel like it's very interesting to kind of take a step back and observe the ins and outs of what it's like being in a couple and the small routines or small habits that we have stacked up over the years.
谢谢您，Crystal，今天抽出时间跟我聊了聊我们作为伴侣的身份和个性。
So thank you, Crystal, for sitting down and talking to me about our couple identities and personalities today.
也感谢所有听众，如果你们觉得还有哪些因素会影响伴侣的身份，而我们今天没提到的，欢迎给我们留言。
And for any of our listeners out there, if there are any factors that you think also determine a couple's identity that we didn't talk about, then feel free to shoot us a note.
我们有Instagram账号：eatyourcrustpod，也有邮箱：eatyourcrustpod@gmail.com。
We have Instagram at eatyourcrustpod, and we also have email, eatyourcrustpod@gmail.com.
别忘了关注
And don't forget to follow
我们在Spotify、Apple Podcasts这些平台都有更新，无论你用哪个平台听播客。
us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, wherever you listen to your podcasts.
我们每两周的周三早上都会更新新一期内容。
We upload new episodes every other Wednesday morning.
感谢收听。
Thanks for listening.
别忘了吃掉面包皮。
And don't forget to eatyourcrust.
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