将SOs融入家庭

嗨，欢迎回到Eat Your Crust播客。

Hi, welcome back to Eat Your Crust Podcast.

我是Crystal。

I'm Crystal.

我是Jeesoo。

And I'm Jeesoo.

今天，我们想聊聊如何融入另一半的家庭，或者如何让另一半融入你的家庭。

Today, we wanted to talk about integrating with your SO's family/integrating your SO into your family.

我们快过节了。

We're getting close to the holiday season.

接下来会有更多机会让另一半和家人互动，所以我们觉得聊聊这个话题会很有意思。

There's a lot more potential for SO and family interaction coming up, so we thought it would be interesting to talk through this.

说实话，我在这件事上还处于早期阶段，但我觉得我男朋友可能跟我父母更熟一些，因为住得近。

To be honest, I'm still a little bit early on in this, but I think my boyfriend is probably a little more integrated with my parents, just because of physical proximity.

不过我也很想知道你和James的情况，因为你们已经结婚了。

But I'm also very curious to hear about your and James's situation, because you are also married.

我觉得我和詹姆斯的安排跟你和你男朋友正好相反，因为我们住得离詹姆斯的家人更近。

I think me and James have the reverse arrangement as you and your boyfriend, because we live physically closer to James's family.

所以聊聊这段经历会很有意思。

So it'll be interesting to talk through the experience.

我先来问一个比较难的问题。

I'm going to start us off with kind of a hard question.

你对节假日给另一半的父母或家人送礼物，或者只是去拜访，持什么态度？

What is your stance on getting your SO's parents or family gifts during holiday seasons, or even just visiting?

那我先说说拜访吧。

So I'll start with visiting.

我觉得我和詹姆斯刚开始同居时，讨论的一个大问题就是怎么分配节假日。

I feel like one of the big conversations that me and James had when we first started living together was splitting holidays.

而且我们都是独生子女，所以我觉得和家人一起过节特别重要。

And we're both only children, so I feel like holidays with the family are really big.

要么我们在场，全家团聚；要么我们不在，某方的父母就只能自己过。

Either we're there and it's a family thing, or we're not there and somebody's parents are by themselves.

天哪。

Damn.

我们聊了很多，比如，怎么分配假期？

We had a lot of conversations about, like, okay, how do we split the holidays?

什么时候去看你父母，什么时候去看我父母？

When do we go see your parents versus when do we go see mine?

我觉得我们还没订婚的时候，反而更容易一些，因为虽然住在一起，但假期可以分开过。

I think when we were not engaged, it was almost easier in a sense, because even though we were living together, we could split up for the holidays.

但订婚后或结婚后，不知道为什么，感觉分开过有点不太对劲——

But after we got engaged/married, it, for some reason, felt a little bit cursed to like-

分开过

To split up

……假期分开过。

... split up for the holiday.

不是说别人选择那样做就奇怪。

Not to say that it's weird if people choose to do that.

但我爸妈比较传统一点。

But my parents are a little bit more traditional.

但我记得我们订婚后，我就说：‘妈，我会来看你们，詹姆斯可能会留在那边。’

But I just remember after we got engaged, I was like, "Oh, Mom, I'll come see you guys, and then James might stay back.

他可能会晚点来什么的。’

He might come later or something."

然后她听了，手放在胸口上，一脸震惊。

And she was like, hand on heart, shocked.

她说：‘你们俩要分开过节？’

She was like, "You guys are going to split up for the holidays?

不行，你们应该待在一起。’

No, you guys should stay together."

天哪。

Oh my God.

然后我说：‘我本来觉得没什么大不了的，直到你开始小题大做。’

And I was like, "Well, I didn't think it was a big deal until you started making a big deal out of it."

我觉得我们现在安排是这样的，感恩节跟詹姆斯的家人一起过。

I think our arrangement now is, we'll do Thanksgiving with James's family.

圣诞节和新年假期，我们一周跟我父母过，一周跟詹姆斯父母过。

Over the Christmas and New Year's break, we'll do one week with my parents, one week with James's parents.

所以现在有了固定的安排，就变得容易一些了。

So that has become a little bit easier now that there's something established.

有道理。

That makes sense.

说实话，是的，想想看，一旦结了婚，就自然多了，大家都会问“你另一半呢？”

And honestly, yeah, thinking about it, once you're married, it's just so much more natural to be like, "Oh, where's your partner?"

比如“你怎么一个人来了？”

Like, "Why did you come alone?"

你结婚了或者订婚了什么的。

You're married or engaged or whatever.

我觉得你讲你妈妈的故事特别好笑，因为最近……哦，上一集我们聊过，我觉得我最近跟父母见面不多。

I thought your story about your mom was really funny because actually recently... Oh, last episode, we talked about how I felt like I haven't been hanging out with my parents that much recently.

所以我就去看了他们，也告诉了我爸妈。

So I went and visited them, and I told my mom and dad as well.

我说：“我周五这个时间过来。”

I was like, "I'll come at this time on Friday."

结果我一到，我妈就问：“你男朋友呢？”

And so I arrive, and my mom's like, "Where's your boyfriend?"

挺关心的。

Concerned.

我说：“我这次就没让他来。”

I was like, "I just told him not to come this time."

她说：“哦，那他在干嘛？”

She was like, "Oh, well, what's he doing?"

我说：“哦，他好像去打高尔夫了还是什么的。”

I was like, "Oh, I think he went off to play golf or something."

我说：“我过来就是为了我们三个家人一起聚聚。”

I was like, "I came so we could hang out, us three as a family."

她说：“嗯，好吧。”

She's like, "Mm, okay."

那天晚上结束的时候，她说：“下次你可以带Jimin来。”

At the end of the night, she was like, "Next time, you can bring Jimin.

别让他一个人饿着。”

Don't let him starve on his own."

哦。

Oh.

然后我说：“等等。”

And I was like, "Wait.

我确定他不会饿着，但好吧，行。

I'm sure he's not starving, but okay, fine.

下次我带他来。”

I'll bring him next time."

很明显，你根本不在乎我们三个人一起聚。

Clearly, you don't care about us three hanging out.

哥们，其实你这么说太有意思了，因为我也有过非常类似的经历，就是和最初的那帮人在一起，家庭时光的感觉就是不一样。

Dude, actually, it's so funny that you say that because I've had such a similar experience where family time is just different when it's the OG.

你懂吗？

You know?

就像是最初的那个小团体。

It's like the OG squad.

如果你2008年就在那儿，那你就是元老，对吧？

If you were there in 2008, you're an OG, right?

虽然另一半在场的时候也很开心很有趣，但感觉就是有点不一样，没有那种怀旧的家庭氛围。

Even though it's really nice and fun when your SO is there, it's just a slightly different vibe, not as nostalgic of a family time.

感觉像是在创造什么新的东西。

It feels like you're inventing something new.

我觉得我有点理想化了独自回父母家的那种感觉。

I think I romanticized going back to visit my parents just by myself or something.

然后我真的那么做了一次，我父母也说：“对，你在这儿挺好的，但你应该试着协调一下詹姆斯有空的时间，再一起回来。”

And then I did that once, and my parents were also like, "Yeah, it's nice that you're here, but you should just try to coordinate when James is free and come back."

天哪。

Oh my God.

然后我就想，难道现在没人珍惜我们自己的家庭时光了吗？

And I was like, does no one value just our family time anymore?

但我觉得这也说明你有个很好的另一半——

But I think that also speaks to having a good SO-

……以至于你父母也非常珍惜和他们在一起的时光。

... to where your parents also highly value spending time with them.

这总比父母说“哦，你怎么把对象带来了？”要好。

It's better than parents being like, "Oh, why'd you bring your SO?"

对，确实是这样。

Yeah, that's true.

好，还有一个特别搞笑的细节，你知道我爸，他在家经常光着膀子。

Okay, another really funny detail is, you know my dad, and he's often just shirtless, I guess, at home.

所以当我说“哦，Jimin今天不来了”的时候，我爸说：“哦，哥们，我为了他特意穿了衣服。”

So when I was like, "Oh, yeah, Jimin's not coming today," my dad was like, "Oh, dude, I kept my shirt on for him.

我这就去把衣服脱了。

I'm going to go take it off."

他当场就在房间中间把衣服脱了。

Just immediately takes off his shirt in the middle of the room.

我觉得那太好笑了。

I thought that was so funny.

那太经典了。

That's iconic.

好，但我们还是回到原来那个关于礼物的问题吧。

Okay, but back to the original question regarding gifts and stuff.

我刚想起来，你和詹姆斯都是独生子女。

I just remembered that you and James are only children.

所以送礼物的对象就只有父母了，我觉得这有时候比送给年龄相仿的兄弟姐妹更尴尬。

So the only people to give gift to are the parents, which I feel like is sometimes more awkward than if it's a sibling who is similar aged.

等等，不好意思。

Wait, sorry.

我完全忘了还有兄弟姐妹这回事。

I totally forgot that siblings exist.

其实我回想了一下我们之前记要点的时候——

I'm actually just looking back to when we were jotting down bullets and stuff-

……为了这期节目。

... for this episode.

我们写下来的全都是关于父母的。

Everything we wrote down is about parents.

因为我完全忘了兄弟姐妹的存在——天哪，这也太离谱了。

Because I totally forgot siblings ex- oh my God, that's crazy.

不过确实。

But yes.

我没法说给另一半的兄弟姐妹买礼物是什么感觉，但给另一半的父母买礼物确实是融入家庭的重要一环。

I can't speak to what it's like getting gifts for your SO's siblings, but getting gifts for your SO's parents is a big part of integrating.

而且这些年我意识到，你要融入的那个家庭的文化也很重要。

And I realize over the years that the culture of the family that you're integrating into also matters.

我这么说是因为我觉得有些家庭喜欢送小礼物——

I say that because I think some families are trinket gifters-

如果这么说你能理解的话。

... if that makes sense.

你可能会准备一个大礼物，但也会有一些小礼物塞在袜子里之类的，然后整个圣诞节就特别有气氛。

You maybe have a big gift, but then you have some small stocking stuffers or something, and then it's a big Christmasy event.

我父母比较低调，他们喜欢直接送现金或者送点子，你懂吧。

My parents are low-key like Cash gifters/like idea gifters, if that makes sense.

所以他们会问我们想要什么，但通常是在圣诞节前一周或者前几天才问，然后我和詹姆斯根本不知道想要什么。

So they'll ask me what I want, but say it's like a week before Christmas or a couple of days before Christmas, and then me/James, we have no idea what we want.

他们就会给我们一个点子。

They'll gift an idea to us.

就像说："这是多少钱。

It'll be like, "Here's an X amount of cash.

我们觉得这些钱应该花在高尔夫球杆、厨具或者别的东西上。"

We think that this should go towards golf clubs, cooking items, or something."

这样既有心意，又跟礼品卡似的。

That way, there's sentiment behind it, but also it's like a gift card.

至于詹姆斯的父母，我觉得他们更倾向于送实体的礼物。

For James's parents, I think they're more insistent on having a physical gift.

不过他们还是喜欢送那种你明确想要的东西。

But they still like gifting something that's firmly what you want.

所以这就有点压力了，得赶紧说："哦，行，12月18号之前你得告诉我你想要什么圣诞礼物。"

So then there's a little bit more pressure to be like, "Oh, okay, by 12/18, you better tell me what you want for Christmas."

天哪。

Oh, God.

哦，挺有意思的。

Oh, interesting.

不过有个问题。

Okay, question though.

在订婚之前，甚至可能是在谈恋爱之前——

Before being engaged and stuff, and maybe even before being in a relationship-

……你们家的送礼文化是怎样的？

... is your family culture gift-giving?

这是常见的事情吗？

Was that a common thing?

是的，确实如此。

Yes, it was.

但我觉得礼物的性质发生了变化。

But I think the gifts changed in nature.

在我们订婚之前，礼物都是些消耗品。

So before we were engaged, the gifts were consumables.

就像那种感觉，比如你带点什么去朋友家吃饭，或者……

It's like kind of the vibe of what you bring if your family friend hosts dinner-

……或者你有同事什么的，带一盒很漂亮的饼干到公司。

... or you have coworkers or something, and you bring a really nice cookie tin or something to work.

就像是威廉姆斯·索诺玛那种类型的礼物。

It was like Williams Sonoma, that type of gift.

然后我觉得我们订婚或结婚之后，礼物就变成了他们真正想要的那种很棒的毛衣或者雨衣，或者更贴合他们个人喜好的东西，而不是那种圣诞节随便送人的通用好礼物。

And then I think after we got engaged/married, it became more along the lines of a really nice sweater or like a rain jacket they've been wanting, or something that aligns more to them, and less so generically nice thing to give someone for Christmas.

哦，等等。

Oh, wait.

所以这是你给他们送礼物？

So this is you giving gifts to them?

对，是我送礼物。

Yes, this is me giving gifts.

哦，对。

Oh, yeah.

我在想，他们以前给我送过礼物吗？

I'm like, did they give me gifts before?

我觉得送过，但好像也是那种消耗品之类的。

I think they did, but I think it was also kind of consumable-

如果我没记错的话。

... if I remember correctly.

差不多也是这个趋势。

Similar trend.

好吧，我觉得我在这点上跟你很不一样。

Okay, I think I'm very different from you in this.

我在想是不是因为，嗯，一个可能是我们父母的性格，另一个可能就是懒。

I wonder if it's because okay, I think one might be our parents' personalities, and maybe two is laziness.

我家不太搞送礼这一套，所以最多的情况就是，如果我男朋友跟我在一起，跟我爸妈一起玩，他可能会带个礼貌性的礼物表示一下。

My family doesn't really do gifts, so maybe the most that's happened is if my boyfriend's with me, and we're hanging out with my parents, maybe he'll bring a courtesy gift for being there.

但就算那样也不是很严格或者什么的。

But even that is not super strict or anything.

哦，我明白了。

Oh, I see.

我还在试着摸清我男朋友家的习惯，但我觉得他们也很像。

I'm still trying to gauge my boyfriend's family, but I think they're very similar.

他们也不是那种特别注重送礼的家庭。

They're also not very gift-driven.

但我第一次住他们家的时候，带了些小东西。

But the first time I stayed at their place, I brought some small things.

这真的很有意思，因为在我家，送礼文化特别重要，所以我一直以为每个家庭都是这样的。

That's actually very interesting because gift culture is so big in my family that I always grew up assuming that it was the same in every other family.

比如圣诞礼物很重要，生日礼物也很重要。

Like Christmas gifts are a big thing, birthday gifts are a big thing.

说起来，我突然想到，刚开始和詹姆斯约会的时候，我就想：“天哪，这是我收到的圣诞礼物。”

Low-key, now that I'm thinking about it, I remember when I first started dating James, I was like, "Oh my god, this is what I got for Christmas.

“你收到了什么？”

What did you get?"

然后他说：“哦，我妈给我买了雪宝的睡裤。”

And then he was like, "Oh, my mom got me Olaf pajama pants."

我就问：“圣诞礼物？”

And I was like, "For Christmas?"

他说：“对啊。”

And he's like, "Yeah."

我记得我当时想，哇，等等，这也太夸张了。

I remember thinking like, whoa, wait, that's crazy .

我就想，是不是因为我的原因，詹姆斯家才开始送更大的礼物，还是说就那一次他们没准备大礼物过圣诞？

I'm like, did James's family start doing gifts in a bigger way because of me, or was it just that one time they didn't really do a big gift for Christmas?

我就想，是不是我给了他们压力，让他们不得不送大礼物？

I'm like, did I pressure these people into doing big gifts?

嗯，这得看情况。

Well, it depends.

我猜你送了他们一份不错的礼物，然后他们可能就想，"哦，我们得回礼"之类的。

I'm guessing you gave them a nice gift, and then maybe they're like, "Oh, we must return the favor," kind of thing.

所以这可能只是一个自然的过程。

And so it's probably just a natural progression.

而且我觉得有些家庭会在不同场合送不同的礼物。

And I guess also some families do a different set of gifts for different occasions.

也就是说，我觉得詹姆斯家一直都很重视生日礼物。

As in, I think James's family also always did big birthday gifts.

但也许圣诞礼物更随意一些——

But then maybe Christmas gifts were more casual-

……如果仔细想想的话。

... if I think about it.

我觉得送礼这个过程是了解对方家庭的一种轻松又酷的方式，因为如果他们不是特别注重礼物的人，你可以送小礼物。

I kind of feel like the gifting process is kind of an easy/cool way to get to know someone's family, because if they're not big gift people, you can get small gifts.

就像你说的，你带了几件小东西去他家。

Like you said, you brought a couple of small things over for his family.

或者如果他们是很注重礼物的人，你可以送更好的礼物，而且在试图弄清楚他们想要什么的过程中，你还可以通过多年的尝试和错误来摸索，如果他们家更喜欢惊喜礼物的话。

Or if they are big gifting people, you can get them nicer gifts, and in the process of trying to figure out what they want, and you can kind of trial and error it too over the years if they're more of a surprise gift kind of a family.

我觉得这真的变成了一种轻松又亲密的方式，能让你很好地了解一个人。

I feel like it just becomes an easy and intimate way to get to know someone pretty well.

几乎是一种增进感情的经历。

There's a bonding experience almost.

对，你真的得想想他们喜欢什么，才能有个起点。

Yeah, you really have to think about what they like to have a kind of starting ground.

或者就像你开始问你的另一半，你父母是什么样的人？

Or it's like you start questioning your partner, what are your parents like?

我该给他们买什么？

What should I get them?

在他们给你送礼物的过程中，我觉得你也能看出他们认为你喜欢什么。

In the process of them giving you gifts too, I feel like you can kind of see what they think you like.

对。

True.

其实，现在想想，我觉得Jamin的父母在平时送礼方面和我父母挺像的。

Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, though, I think Jamin's parents function very similarly to mine in terms of just regular gifting throughout the year.

有个有趣的例子，我记得可能是去年，也可能是今年。

A funny example would be, I think it was last year maybe, or maybe it was this year.

我生日在四月，而这件事发生在一月，我记得。

My birthday's in April, and this was January, I think.

跟我爸妈聊天的时候，我说：“嘿，爸，我想买新的AirPods”之类的。

Talking to my parents, I was like, "Hey, Dad, I'm thinking of getting the new AirPods," or something like that.

然后他说，记住，现在才一月。

And he was like, keep in mind, this is January.

他说——

He's like-

……“哦，那我直接买给你当生日礼物吧。”

... "Oh, I'll just buy them for you for your birthday."

然后我就说：“好吧。”

And I was like, "Okay."

然后他真的买了，第二天就给我了。

And so he bought them and gave them to me the next day or something.

所以我们的礼物就是这么送的。

And so that's how our gifts operate.

几乎可以说，节日或庆祝活动就是借口，用来买别人随口提到的东西。

It's almost like holidays or celebrations are excuses to purchase something that someone might offhandedly mention.

哦，我喜欢这样。

Oh, I like that.

挺随意的。

It's casual.

而且你也不用担心时间问题。

And then also you don't have to worry about the timing of anything.

就笼统地说，生日或圣诞节的时候。

Just generically, for your birthday/Christmas.

对。

Exactly.

我觉得我男朋友的情况也差不多。

And I think that's kind of similar for my boyfriend.

其实他的也挺有意思的，我记得有一次他生日快到了，他父母问他：“哦，你有什么想要的吗？”

Actually, his is also kind of funny because one that I remember in particular, it was his birthday coming up, and I think his parents asked, "Oh, is there anything that you want?"

他说：“哦，有，我想要一件好看的外套。”

And he was like, "Oh yeah, there's this one nice jacket that I want."

他们就说：“好的。

And they're like, "Okay.

你自己去买吧，我们给你报销。

Go buy it yourself and we'll reimburse you."

天哪，真的吗？

Oh my God, yes.

太搞笑了。

That's so funny.

就像个灵活消费账户一样。

It's like a FSA.

提交你的收据。

Submit your receipt.

所以我就觉得，他们那边也挺随意的。

So I was like, yeah, they also operate on some sort of casual plane out there.

那挺好的，这样你就不用太担心了。

That's nice, because then you don't have to worry as much.

而且他们的送礼习惯跟你家很像，所以不会显得太刻意，也不用重新学一套规矩。

And it's also nice that their gifting culture mirrors your family, so then nothing seems too forced, or you don't have to newly learn something.

对，确实是这样。

Yeah, that's true.

到目前为止，我觉得买好礼物的压力不大。

I don't feel much pressure, I guess, to get nice gifts so far.

更像是如果住在他们那里，带点东西是个礼貌的表示。

It's more like a nice gesture to have something if I'm staying at their place.

也许我们可以聊聊在另一半父母家过夜的事，因为我觉得那也是一个重要的里程碑。

Maybe we can talk a little bit about staying over at your SO's parents' place, because I feel like that's also a big milestone.

而且那会改变我的行为。

And it's something that changes my behavior.

我觉得自己像那个闪闪发光、没有皱纹的海绵宝宝。

I feel like the shiny SpongeBob with no wrinkles.

我就说：“你好。”

I'm like, "Hello."

你这样做的时候也有同样的感觉吗？

Do you feel the same way when you do that?

是的。

Yes.

我也会变得很安静。

I also become a mute.

哦。

Oh.

不，也不算完全安静。

No, maybe not a mute.

更像是变成一只乌龟，一紧张就缩进壳里。

It's more like I become a turtle, and I hide in my shell whenever I get nervous.

你另一半的家人是不是特别爱聊天？

Are your SO's family big conversation people?

我觉得他们算中等吧。

I think they're in the middle.

他们挺随和的，而且我觉得他们现在还在慢慢了解我，因为我们见面次数不多，毕竟他们不住在加州。

They're pretty casual, and I think right now they're still getting to know me more, because we haven't had as much face time, just because they don't live in California.

不过我也在想，有时候我去加州，会和他们一起吃晚饭。

But also, I'm thinking, sometimes I do visit California and we'll grab dinner with them.

但不知怎么的，我们过去几次都选错了餐厅，选了特别吵的那种。

But then, for some reason, we've made the mistake of choosing loud-ass restaurants for the past-

哎呀，天哪。

Oh, dear

……三四次了。

... three or four times.

所以他们其实不太能……对，基本上很难聊天。

So they don't really get... Yeah, it's hard to talk, basically.

不过，是的。

But yeah.

他们话多程度算中等吧。

They're in the middle in terms of chattiness.

我觉得聊天的氛围真的会影响你去另一半家里过夜的感觉。

I feel like the level of conversation can also really shape what it's like to go over and stay over at your SO's place.

因为我爸妈那边，晚饭吃得久，而且吃饭的时候聊得特别多。

Because my parents are long dinner plus a lot of conversation through dinner.

吃完晚饭后，我们就移到客厅，再聊一会儿。

And then after dinner, we move over to the living room, chat a bit more.

天哪。

Oh my God.

然后我爸睡得挺早的。

And then my dad sleeps pretty early.

说实话，最近他差不多八点就睡了。

Low-key, recently he's been sleeping at 8:00 or something.

但我们一般会聊到八点，或者聊到我爸累了，然后我们才开始放松看电视。

But we'll chat till 8:00 or whenever my dad gets tired, and then that's when we'll chill and watch TV.

我、

Me-

詹姆斯和我妈。

... James, and my mom.

我觉得其他家庭呢，就是吃完饭，然后在饭桌上聊得更久那种。

Other families, I feel like it's like, oh, you eat dinner, but then chat for even longer at the dinner table or something.

我觉得詹姆斯家有时候两种都有可能。

I think sometimes James's family can swing either way.

我当时就想，哇，如果你不是来自一个爱聊天的家庭，然后嫁进一个爱聊天的家庭，那变化真的挺大的。

I was like, whoa, if you're not from a conversation family, and then you marry into a conversation family, I feel like that could be a really big change.

对，我觉得我家里和智旻家里都跟詹姆斯家差不多。

Yeah, I think both my family and Jimin's family are kind of like James'.

就是吃完饭，吃饭的时候聊聊天，可能多坐一会儿把话说完。

Like, we'll eat dinner, we'll talk during dinner, maybe stay at the table a little longer to continue/finish off those conversations.

然后就散了。

And then kind of disperse.

现在是自由时间了。

Free time now.

还有，有时候父母就会说：“好了，你们孩子们可以自由活动了。”

Also, sometimes I guess the parents are just like, "Okay, you kids are free to go.

去玩你们想玩的吧。

Go play whatever you want to play."

哇。

Whoa.

那到了孩子们的时间——

So then when it becomes kid time-

比如说你另一半的姐妹或兄弟也在场。

... and say your SO's sister is there, or your brother is there.

是不是就变成，孩子们可以互相聊天——然后兄弟姐妹们就各自聚在一起？

Does it become, okay, now the kids can talk to each other- ... so then the siblings band off?

还是说大家都可以自由回自己房间？

Or is it like everyone is free to go to their rooms?

我觉得是大家都可以自由活动，但我猜之所以有孩子们的时间，部分原因就是有兄弟姐妹在场。

I think it's like everyone is free, but I actually think that maybe part of the reason there's kids time is because there's siblings around.

哦。

Oh.

就是说，好吧，我们让这个兄弟姐妹先离开餐桌。

It's like, okay, we'll let this sibling free from the table.

他们不用留下来参加这个问答或者什么的。

They don't have to stay for this questioning or whatever.

你懂吧？

You know?

哦，我明白了。

Oh, I see.

但那时候也会觉得，好吧，如果我们放走了兄弟姐妹，那估计大家都可以走了。

But then at that point it's also like, okay, well, if we're releasing the sibling, then I guess everyone can go.

所以我觉得这确实是其中的一部分原因。

So I actually do think that is part of it.

不过，也有可能兄弟姐妹会说，"好吧，我得走了"，然后其他人就继续坐在桌边聊天。

Although, it's definitely possible for the sibling to be like, "Okay, I gotta go," and then everyone else just stays and chats at the table.

但我觉得那通常会变成大家散场的催化剂。

But I think that usually becomes a catalyst for everyone disperse.

所以散场之后，你不一定会跟你的兄弟姐妹再聚一下。

So then when you're dispersing, you're not necessarily going to hang out with your sibling afterwards.

有可能，但也不是一定的。

It's possible, but it's not a definitive yes.

所以你之后不会觉得有压力，非要跟兄弟姐妹联络感情？

So you don't feel pressured to bond with your sibling after?

不会，因为我和我兄弟姐妹感情已经很好了，我觉得。

No, because my sibling and I are already bonded, I guess.

哦，有意思。

Oh, interesting.

我觉得这要看是哪个兄弟姐妹，以及他们对你的另一半有多感兴趣。

I think it depends on the sibling, and their own level of interest in the partner.

比如说，如果我哥在家，他女朋友也在，我可能会有点好奇，所以我会一直待到结束，跟大家聊天。

For example, if my brother is home and his girlfriend is with him, maybe I'm a little curious, so I'll stay the whole time, engage in conversation with everyone.

再比如，我哥已经见过我男朋友几次了，所以他可能就没那么好奇了。

Another example could be, my brother has already met my boyfriend a few times, so he's probably no longer super curious.

所以他可能会待一会儿聊聊天，然后就说：“行吧，

So he'll maybe stay for a bit and chat, and then he's like, "All right.

我去打英雄联盟了。”

I'm gonna go play League or some shit."

你懂吧？

You know?

但我觉得头几次他更好奇，聊得也更投入。

But I think the first few times he was more curious, and he was much more engaged in conversation.

不过有意思的是，有时候我和智旻会问我哥关于股市的事。

Although, the funny thing is, sometimes Jimin and I ask my brother about the stock market.

因为他特别迷交易。

Because he's really into trading.

所以你们就问：“该买什么？”

So you're just like, "What should I buy?"

就是这样。

Literally.

所以有时候我们聊着聊着就聊进去了，然后我爸妈就说：“好了，我们要走了。”

So sometimes we start getting wrapped up in that conversation, and then my parents are like, "Okay, we're leaving."

人们就会问：“感恩节你打算干什么？”

People are like, "Oh, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?"

你就说：“跟我的理财顾问见面。”

You're like, "Meeting up with my financial advisor."

我现在才意识到，每个家庭对家庭聚会的压力程度可能也不一样。

I'm now realizing the level of family bonding pressures can also be different per family.

因为每次我回去看我爸妈，我就觉得，好吧，这就是纯粹的家人团聚时间。

Because when I go back to see my parents, I'm like, okay, this is pure family bonding time.

天哪。

Oh my God.

你懂吧？

You know?

你不会说：“哦，詹姆斯，我带你去看看这个城市的风光。”

You're not like, "Oh, James, I'll take you to see the sights of the city."

其实，对，这点说得有道理。

Actually, okay, that is a good point.

我和詹姆斯回去的时候，也不是说完全不单独做点我们自己的事。

It's not like me and James don't do things just us two when we're there.

但我就是觉得有股巨大的压力，要一直陪着父母，跟他们相处。

But I just feel this immense pressure to bond and be with my parents at all times.

我觉得这就像一把双刃剑，因为如果处理得好，那感觉真的很棒。

And I think that can be a double-edged sword, because when it works out, it's amazing.

但每个人都有自己的极限，不管是时间上还是情感上，你能和父母或家人相处多久、多亲密，都是有限度的。

But everyone has their limits to how much time and how much emotional intensity you can have with your parents/family.

是的。

Yes.

这对我来说一直是个挑战。

That's always been a challenge for me.

我就觉得，好吧，我有压力要全天候陪着父母，但有时候我真的会到极限。

I'm like, okay, I feel this pressure to spend 24/7 with my parents, but then also I- Sometimes I just be getting to my limit.

但也许其他人或其他家庭没有这么大的压力。

But maybe other people or other families don't feel as much pressure.

在家时间就是家庭时间，但也可以是独处时间或放松时间之类的。

Home time is family time, but it could also be alone time or chill time or whatever.

所以我觉得这也会在很大程度上影响家庭时间的感受。

So I guess that also can play a big role in how family time can feel.

完全懂你的意思。

Totally know what you mean.

有时候你就会想：“好了，我们得结束这段对话了。”

Sometimes you're just like, "Okay, we need to end this conversation now."

“然后我们得散开。”

"And we need to disperse."

我觉得做这些决定的权力通常取决于这是谁的家庭，对吧？

I think the power of making those decisions usually sits with whoever's family it is, right?

你觉得你和父母在一起的时候，是你来做这些决定吗——

Do you feel like you make those decisions when you're with your parents-

……而你和男朋友在一起的时候，是不是他来做这些决定？

... versus your boyfriend makes those decisions when he's with his parents?

对，我想是的。

Yeah, I guess so.

但我觉得也因为我父母住得近，我们不一定整天待在一起。

But I guess also because my parents live close by, we don't necessarily spend long days together.

也许我们可以过夜，但有时候通常就是，“好了，我们现在要回家了。”

Maybe we could stay over, but then sometimes it's probably usually just like, "Okay, we're gonna go home now."

你懂吧？

You know?

但我觉得，当你住在他们那里的时候，情况就不一样了。

But then it's different, I think, when you are staying at their place.

那几天那里就是家。

And that's just the home for the few days.

对，确实很不一样。

Yeah, it is really different.

我觉得在另一半的父母家过夜真的是一种很特别的体验。

And I think staying over at your SO's parents' place is just an interesting experience.

确实。

It is.

真的很特别。

It really is.

一个原因是，你是客人——

One thing is because you're a guest-

……

...

我觉得你会特别有做客的感觉。

I feel like you just feel so guest-y.

你懂我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

我就是很清楚这里不是我的家。

I'm just so aware that this is not my home.

我觉得这种感觉永远不会真正消失。

I don't think that ever really goes away.

而且尽管有很多因素，对吧？

And it's despite so many factors, right?

尽管你另一半的父母非常好，尽管他们让你感觉很舒服。

It's despite your SO's parents being so wonderful, despite them making you feel so comfortable.

但归根结底，那不是你的爸爸妈妈。

At the end of the day, it's not your mom and dad.

那不是你童年的房间。

It's not your childhood room.

所以我觉得那种客人的感觉非常强烈。

So then I feel like that guest feeling is very strong.

哥们，是的。

Dude, yeah.

有些事情我做了，我觉得最终能帮助我感觉更舒服。

There's certain things that I do that I think just ends up helping me feel more comfortable.

我意识到的一件事是，当我处于那种客人角色时，我总是需要吃点酸糖或什么的。

One of the things that I realize is I always need to eat sour candy or something- ... when I'm in that guest role.

我也不知道为什么。

I don't know why.

就是对我有帮助。

It just helps me.

就是一些舒服又熟悉的东西。

Just something comfortable and familiar.

没错。

Exactly.

我注意到詹姆斯在我父母家过夜时，他会特别沉迷于手机游戏之类的。

I've noticed when James stays over at my parents' place, he'll get really into a mobile game or something.

就是用来应对的东西。

Just things to help cope.

等等，这太有意思了。

Wait, that's so funny.

好，等等。

Okay, wait.

我还不知道我有什么对应的习惯，就像你和詹姆斯那样。

I don't know what I do yet, in terms of a parallel to you and James's coping mechanisms.

但我刚意识到，我有点像，“天哪，没有你我能下楼吗？”

But I just realized I'm kind of like, "Oh my God, can I even go downstairs without you?"

如果我在——

If I'm-

天哪

Oh my God

……在我伴侣家。

... at my partner's place.

但我也发现，有时候在我父母家，我会说，“哥们，你就下楼吧。”

But then I'm realizing now also sometimes when we're at my parents' place, I'm like, "Dude, just go downstairs.

你会没事的。”

You'll be fine."