独生子女 vs 世界

我第一反应是，哦，你没买两副。

My first thought was, oh, you didn't get two.

所以我也说不准。

Like So I don't know.

我不确定哪件事更像独生子女的做派。

I don't know which thing is more only childlike.

嗯，我明白。

Okay.

我觉得这两件事都确实是独生子女才会有的表现。

I do think both of those are only child behavior.

因为我现在想的就只是指甲钳这件事。

Because I'm thinking of nail clippers specifically.

对。

Mhmm.

小时候，我可能也会说，嘿。

Growing up, maybe I'd be like, hey.

我能借一下这些指甲剪吗？

Can I borrow these nail clippers?

可能是跟爸妈借的，虽然我不记得有没有跟哥哥分享过，但他们肯定会说，当然可以。

Maybe I'm borrowing it from my parents or, like I don't know if I ever shared with my brother, though, but they'd be like, yeah, of course.

然后他们还会说，你直接拿走这一副吧。

And then they'd be like, oh, you can actually just have that pair.

我们有好几副。

We got a few.

没关系的。

It's okay.

每个人都可以有一副。

Everyone can have some.

所以我觉得，觉得这些指甲剪是我的，别人不能碰，这绝对是独生子女的行为。

So I think that is definitely only child behavior to be like, these are my nail clippers and no one can touch them.

但与此同时，我也觉得这可能是对分享的一种反应。

But at the same time, I think it can also be a response to sharing.

有兄弟姐妹的人也可能有类似的反应，因为他们会珍惜那唯一或少数几件不想分享的东西，挺有意思的。

People with siblings could also have a similar response because it's like them safekeeping the one or two things that they don't Interesting.

确实如此。

Have to Yeah.

所以这可能并不是独生子女特有的行为。

So maybe it's not a universally only child thing.

更多是看你如何看待自己的东西。

It's more of like how you see your possessions.

对。

Yeah.

你心里就会想，拜托了，就让

You're like, ugh, please let

这一件东西归我吧。

this one thing be mine.

对。

Yeah.

说实话，我这不让孩子拥有属于自己的东西，可能确实挺只独生子女的。

I guess, admittedly, it's probably also very only child of me to not let James have one thing in this household that's his, you know.

我觉得家里的东西都该是大家共用的。

I'm like, it's all communal.

反正每样东西我都算有一半所有权。

Like, it's all half mine.

你可能会想，既然要分享，那就得大家一起分享。

You're like, if I have

每个人都得分享。

to share, everyone has to share.

可我明明有四十多件东西，压根就没打算跟她分享。

While ignoring the like 40 things that I have that I do I don't share with her.

说白了，现在要么全共享，要么全不共享。

You're like, actually right now, it's either all or nothing.

我觉得这其中很大一部分原因是，我有时候在学一些别人小时候就早已掌握的社交方式。

I mean, I think a big part of this too is like, sometimes I feel like I'm being socialized on things that other people have learned when they were way younger.

你懂我的意思吧？

You know what I mean?

对。

Yeah.

快三十岁了还有这种感觉，确实挺奇怪的，但年轻的时候这种感觉更强烈，因为那时候遇到有兄弟姐妹的孩子，真的特别震撼。

It's crazy to have this feeling now when I'm pushing 30, but I felt it more acutely when I was younger because low key, meeting kids with siblings when you're young is such a crazy experience.

我当时就想，哇，你们怎么什么歌都知道？

I would be like, dude, you guys know all this music?

哦。

Oh.

就是一些我压根没听过的音乐。

You know, like music that I had never even heard of.

我都不知道原来我们这个年纪的人也能听这些。

I didn't know people our age were allowed to listen to.

他们随口就能讲一堆笑话，比如‘你妈’那种段子。

They would just know jokes, you know, like yo mama jokes.

我第一次听到那种‘你妈妈’的笑话时，对方肯定是家里有兄弟姐妹的，我简直惊呆了。

When I heard a yo mama joke for the first time, and it was definitely from someone with siblings, I was shocked.

我当时就想，你们家里平时真就这么聊这些事儿？

I was like, you guys just talk about this shit in your date.

好像是父母教你们的似的。

Like your parents taught you or something.

跟那些有哥哥姐姐的人聊天，对我来说简直是文化冲击。

Talking to, like, people especially with older siblings was such a big cultural shock for me.

我就觉得，你们怎么跟小大人一样。

I was like, you guys just are like mini adults.

哦，我懂了。

Oh, I see.

就是能从年长的兄弟姐妹那儿多得到一些信息。

Like, you get this little extra funnel of information from the older sibling.

是的。

Yeah.

有哥哥姐姐的人总是能第一时间知道各种八卦，比如听说哪个老师怎么样啊之类的。

And people with older siblings would always have the tea on like, oh, I heard this teacher is like, oh, blah blah blah.

等等。

I'm like, wait.

什么？

What?

你怎么会知道这个人？

Like, how do you know this person?

等等。

Wait.

我特别喜欢你这么 genuinely 惊讶的样子。

I like how genuinely shocked you are.

我觉得有哥哥姐姐的人，因为知道得更多，身上总带着一种特别的气场。

I think also people with older siblings, because of all this extra info they have, they have this extra coolness to them.

对吧？

Right?

是的。

Yes.

你就会说，天哪。

You're like, oh my god.

那个人什么都知道，还认识很多年长的人。

That person knows all the stuff and they know older people too.

就是这种感觉。

That kind of thing.

对。

Yeah.

我就记得，他们总是第一个知道消息的人。

I just remember they would always be in the position of being able to break the news.

比如，我听说中学舞会上发生了这事。

Like, oh, I heard at middle school dances, this happened.

然后我就说，什么？

And I'd be like, what?

就是带着我喝的茶过来了

Just coming with tea that I had

根本没想到会这样。

never even imagined.

天哪。

Oh my god.

这也太搞笑了。

That's so funny.

等等。

Wait.

不好意思。

Sorry.

我在想你的朋友圈，发现你好多朋友其实是哥哥姐姐。

I'm thinking about your friend group, and I'm realizing a lot of your friends are actually older siblings.

是的。

Yes.

我觉得我高中那群朋友里，有很多是哥哥姐姐，也有几个是弟弟妹妹。

I think my high school friend group has a lot of older siblings and a couple of younger siblings.

差不多就是一半一半吧。

It's actually probably half half.

天哪。

Oh my god.

那你就是独生子女？

And you're the only, only child?

是的。

Yeah.

哇哦。

Woah.

不过我初中那群朋友里，有三个是独生子女，剩下的就既有哥哥姐姐，也有弟弟妹妹。

My middle school friend group, though, had three only children and then the mix of older slash younger siblings.

你觉得和独生子女做朋友，跟和有兄弟姐妹的朋友相处，有什么不一样吗？

Did you feel like there was a difference between, like, having an only child friend versus a friend with siblings?

你更倾向于和其中哪一类人走得近？

Did you gravitate more towards one or the other?

我在想我身边的朋友里有没有什么规律，但我觉得我认识的既有独生子女，也有哥哥姐姐和弟弟妹妹。

I'm trying to see if there's, like, a pattern in my close friends, but I think I have a good mix of only child, younger sibling, older sibling.

不过我得说，有时候我和独生子女之间会有一种说不清的默契。

But I will say that there's a really inexplicable connection that I feel with only children sometimes.

你具体说说是什么感觉。

Describe what it is.

就连同事，或者只是偶然认识的人，我也有这种感觉。

And I felt it even with people like coworkers or, you know, just like random people that I meet.

我觉得这更像是一种生活态度，独生子女之间似乎都共享着这种态度。

But it's like like an attitude towards life, I would say, that is shared amongst only children.

如果有正在听的独生子女，欢迎给我们发私信，告诉我你是不是也有同样的感受。

And I would implore any only children child who's listening to this to like send us a DM and let me know if you feel the same way as well.

但如果非得用一个词来形容，我觉得是那种理所当然地享受生活中的快乐和幸福的态度。

But I think the closest word that I would use to describe it is maybe like an entitlement towards feeling happiness and joy in your life.

等等。

Wait.

什么？

What?

我提起这个，是因为我跟几个密友深入聊过这个话题。

I bring this up because I've actually had a really in-depth conversation about this with some of my close friends.

明白了。

Okay.

我们这四个人里，有三个是独生子女。

Where in this like quad, three of us are only children.

对。

Okay.

我、詹姆斯，还有另一个独生子女。

Me, James, and then like a third person who's an only child.

第四个是家里的小儿子。

And then the fourth person is a younger sibling.

她曾经跟我们说过，我们三个都有种特别放得开的想法——不管发生什么，长远来看，事情总归会好起来的，类似这样。

And she had once told us that the three of us just have this unhinged thought and idea that no matter what, every situation will always turn out okay in the long run or something.

这跟积极或消极没什么关系。

It's not about like being positive or negative.

我觉得不是那种心态，而是不管我怎么做，最后结果都不会太糟。

I don't think it's like that kind of idea, but it's more so that no matter what I do at the end, it'll be okay.

这种信念某种程度上推动着我们的行动。

And then that's like what fuels our actions or something like that.

一开始我还想，哥们儿，我真不确定自己是不是这样，但越想越觉得，好像还真是这么回事。

And at first, was like, dude, I don't know if I relate to that, but the more I thought about it, I was like, I think it's kinda true.

就我而言，我只说自己的感受——作为独生子女，每次遇到矛盾，爸妈都会出面帮我解决。

For me, and I'm only speaking for myself here, as an only child, I feel like whenever there was a conflict, my parents would help resolve it.

是的。

Mhmm.

对。

Mhmm.

他们在我小时候解决很多矛盾时，真的起了关键作用。

They were really key and instrumental in, like, a lot of the conflicts that I was trying to resolve when I was younger, for example.

我觉得，哪怕现在我学会了更多应对冲突、解决问题和自我约束的方法，那种心态却一直深藏在心底。

And I feel like maybe that mindset or that mentality just, like, never left deep down despite now having more, like, conflict resolution or, like, problem solving or, like, self discipline or whatever.

内心深处，我还是那个等着父母来帮我摆平一切的孩子。

Deep down, there's still that child waiting for my parents

等着他们替我解决事情。

to resolve something for me.

哦，这挺有意思。

Oh, interesting.

等一下。

Wait.

因为是这样的。

Because okay.

一开始我还想说，等等。

At first, I was gonna say, wait.

我也有这种想法。

I have that thought too.

我一直觉得事情最终都会好起来的。

Like, I always believe that things will work out.

是的。

Yeah.

我想我这么想是有原因的。

I guess I do have a because behind it.

当然。

Sure.

当然。

Sure.

我的理由是我清楚自己有多大的本事。

My because is because I know what I'm capable of.

没错。

Yes.

而且我相信，我一定能从困境中走出来。

And I believe that I will be able to get myself out of it.

但听你这么说，你的想法好像几乎没什么理由支撑。

But it sounds like from what you're describing, yours is maybe almost becauseless.

你懂的。

You know?

是的。

Yeah.

我觉得这正是关键所在，也正因如此，我才说这跟是不是乐观的人没关系。

I think that's exactly what it is, and that's exactly why I said it's not about being a positive person or whatever.

很多像你这样积极乐观的人，他们相信自己，是因为对自己有信心。

A lot of positive and optimistic people, like you included, they believe in themselves because they have trust in themselves.

对我来说，就算我不太相信自己，也总觉得事情最后会好起来。

For me, like, even if I don't have trust in myself, I just, like, somehow assume that things will work out well.

状态好的时候，我就对自己有信心。

On good days, have faith in myself.

但就算状态差的时候，我也会莫名其妙地希望、觉得事情最终会好起来。

But even on bad days, I somehow just hope and assume that things will turn out fine.

我觉得这正是我朋友说的那种独生子女心态。

And I think that is like the only child mentality that my friend was describing.

就算没什么理由，你就是觉得一切会没事。

Even if there's no reason there, like you just think things will be okay.

哇哦。

Woah.

我的意思是，这观点可能有点争议。

I mean, this could be a controversial take.

不过我觉得这简直太搞笑了。

I thought it was hella funny though.

不会吧。

No.

我觉得你这么一说，特别有意思，她说你们三个行为都特别离谱。

I think that's hella funny that the way you described it too, she was like, you three and your unhinged behavior.

是的。

Yeah.

我得更留意这一点。

I'll have to pay more attention to that.

看看我是不是在你和詹姆斯身上感受到那种感觉。

See see if I feel like emanating off of you and James.

老兄，我还想呢，要是两个独生子女凑在一起，那个没那么独生子女气质的人，是不是就得主动让着另一个，把独生子女的那套让给他。

Dude, also, I wonder if when you put two only children together, the person who is less only childlike has to step up and defer the only childness to the other only child.

天啊。

Oh my god.

简直就像成了哥哥姐姐一样。

Like, they become the older sibling almost.

对。

Yeah.

因为洛基，我觉得我比詹姆斯更像独生子女。

Because Loki, I feel like I'm more of an only child than James is.

有时候我觉得他反而把独生子女的那份特质让给了我。

And then sometimes I feel like he defers it.

就是把独生子女的身份让给我来承担。

Like, defers the title of being the only child to me.

我觉得这挺有道理的，就像我之前说的，我觉得年幼的孩子比年长的兄弟姐妹更接近独生子女。

I think that makes sense because as I said earlier, I think younger children are closer to only children than, like, older siblings are.

所以我觉得，你提到的那些独生子女可能有的习惯，其实作为家里的小孩更容易感同身受。

So I feel like some things, some only children, potential habits that you have described, can relate to as a Yeah.

作为家里的小儿子。

As a younger child.

但一想到我有限的当哥哥的经验，那些习惯可能就不太能对应得上。

But when I think of my limited knowledge of being an older sibling, they probably relate less to certain things.

明白了。

Okay.

比如说，你记得那个餐巾纸的事吗？

So actually, for example, you know the napkin thing?

是的

Yeah.

每次我去拿纸巾的时候，都会花一两秒认真想一想。

Every time I go to the napkin dispenser, I actually have about one to two seconds of full thought and decision making.

今天是多拿几张放桌上，还是就拿一张给自己？

Am I gonna bring extra napkins for the table or am I just gonna grab one for myself today?

我现在的感受是怎么样的？

How am I feeling about this?

没错。

Right.

对。

Right.

有时候我会想，哦，桌上那位朋友应该已经带了纸巾。

And sometimes it can be like, oh, well, I know so and so is at the table.

他们自己会准备桌上的纸巾。

They'll have brought napkins for the table.

所以今天我就只拿自己的了。

So I'm just gonna grab my own today.

等等。

Wait.

这太搞笑了，让我想起几个月前我们一群人一起去吃午饭的事。

That's hella funny because that reminds me of when we got lunch, like, a couple months ago with our friend group.

那种餐厅，你点完餐、排队、付完钱，然后自己找地方坐。

This was like one of those restaurants where you get your food, stand in line, pay at the register, and then you can like go and sit down.

我记得我们当时快排到头了。

And I remember we were towards like the end of the line.

我们那个朋友家里兄弟姐妹多，她排在最前面。

Our friend who has a lot of siblings, she was at the front of the line.

我们付完钱一回头，

When we had finished paying, we turned back.

我简直惊呆了——等我们付完钱，她已经把桌子拼好了，好让我们十来个人都能坐得下。

I remember being in shock because by the time we had paid, she had put together the tables to make sure that all like 10 of us or whatever could fit.

她还把餐巾纸、餐具，还有水杯都一一摆好了。

And then she had put napkins and utensils and like water cups for all of us set out like that.

我当时就惊了。

And I was like, woah.

因为我从小是独生子女，就算我摆桌子，顶多也就放点餐巾纸什么的。

Because as an only child, yeah, I would put the tables together, maybe, like, lay out napkins or something.

但我可不会把这么多东西都提前准备好给大家。

But I'm not putting, like, all of that out for everyone.

我估计大家都会自己去拿餐具或者水杯吧。

Like, I would probably assume people would grab utensils or, like, water cups.

对吧？

Right?

对啊。

Mhmm.

我当时真没想到。

And I was like, woah.

是不是兄弟姐妹越多，就越容易养成这种为别人着想的习惯，自然而然地就愿意为餐桌忙前忙后？

Is it, like, the more siblings you have, you're just, like, more and more socialized, like, more primed to do these selfless acts for the table?

天哪。

My god.

很可能吧。

Probably.

而且她是家里最小的孩子，上面有很多兄弟姐妹。

Also, she was the youngest of a lot of siblings.

所以也许她从小就负责干这些活。

So maybe she was tasked to do a lot.

家庭里的等级关系之类的吧。

The social hierarchy or whatever.

你说得真对。

But you're so right.

她做这些事还特别快。

She also did that at lightning speed.

我当时心想，天哪。

I was like, oh my god.

谁安排了这一切，付的钱，还把饭都弄来了？

Who set all of this up and paid and, like, got their food?

我当时

I was

简直太厉害了。

like, wow.

没错。

Exactly.

你知道最有趣的是什么吗？

And you know what the funny thing is?

我记得排隊之前，我就想好了，我要为大伙儿做点事，占张桌子。

I remember before I got in line, I was like, I'm gonna do something for the group and claim a table.

所以我把包什么的放在了一张桌上，但没把两张桌子拼在一起，反正就是那样。

So I had put my bag or something down on one of the tables, but I didn't put two tables together, whatever.

我当时想，干脆占个能坐四个人的桌子，给十个人用。

Was like, I'll claim one, like, four person table for a group of 10.

对啊。

Uh-huh.

等我回来的时候，她好像不知道那是我的包，已经把别的桌子拼在一起了。

And then when I came back, I think she didn't know it was my bag and she had put other tables together.

我当时就想，哦，原来如此。

And I was like, oh, I see.

这才叫真正为别人着想的人。

This is what it looks like to be, like, an actually good person.

不过我可做不到。

Like, not me, though.

她说，是啊。

She's like, yeah.

那个四人桌根本不够用。

That four person table is not doing it.

是的。

Yeah.

我当时心想：哎呀，搞砸了。

I was like, oops.

其实我觉得我自己在这类事情上反而越来越懒了，因为吉敏是哥哥，他平时总是负责这些事。

Actually, I think I have personally probably gotten worse about these things because Jimin is an older sibling, and he, like, takes care of this stuff usually as the older sibling.

所以每次我们坐下，他都会主动把纸巾、餐具之类的东西准备好。

So whenever we sit down, I feel like he always brings napkins and, like, utensils and stuff.

有趣的是，他还会把纸巾或餐具直接递给我。

And I guess maybe the funny part of it is that he'll, like, hand me napkins or utensils.

每次我都挺意外的，都会说：哦，谢谢啊。

And every time I'm surprised, I'm like, oh, thank you.

我本来还以为

Like, I was

得自己去拿。

gonna go get my own.

他还问：‘你谢我什么呀？’

And he's like, thank you for what?

他早就习惯这么做了。

He's like, so used to doing it already.

然后我只拿一张纸巾回来，就会注意到他。

And then I'll come back with, like, one napkin, and I'll notice him.

我会想，哎，我是不是该再去拿张纸巾。

I'll be like, I guess I should go get another napkin.

你知道吗，这其实引出一个挺有意思的问题：有时候我觉得独生子女处在长子和幼子之间的模糊地带。

You know, actually, that brings up a very interesting question where sometimes I feel like an only child is in the gray area between an older sibling and a younger sibling.

对。

Mhmm.

因为你毕竟是家里唯一的孩子。

Because you're kind of like the only kid.

对吧？

Right?

所以有时候，因为你是个独生子，你可能会完全像个孩子一样。

So then sometimes because you're the only kid, you can be, like, full child.

但另一些时候，又因为你是个独生子，你得假装自己是个大人，

But other times, because you're the only kid, you have to, like, basically pretend you're an adult to,

好融入大人的世界。

like, fit

在大人中间待得下去。

in with the adults.

是啊。

Mhmm.

我觉得，这跟长子长女不一样，他们没法随时切换回孩子的状态。

And that, I feel like, is kind of the difference between us and the older sibling because an older sibling can't turn it off and be a child.

这跟小孩子的处境也不一样。

And it's also the difference between us and like a younger sibling.

因为我觉得，小孩子不是更依赖撒娇，而是更放松、更随性，你知道的。

Because I feel like the younger sibling not leans more child, but they lean more like chilled out, you know?

是的

Yeah.

对

Yeah.

当然了

No, for sure.

确实有很多时候我做了些事，回头想想，那简直就像个弟弟妹妹的做法。

There's definitely a lot of times where I do stuff and I'm like, that was pretty younger sibling of me.

我觉得有时候我能从你们俩身上看到一点独生子女的影子。

I feel like sometimes I can see a little bit of only child in you two.

你们有时候真的挺像独生子女的。

You can be I'm glazing the only children.

你们可以非常有责任感。

I'm like, you can be very responsible.

喂。

Hey.

小的孩子也可以很负责任。

Younger siblings can be responsible too.

我不太确定这一点。

I don't know about that.

我老开玩笑说，我有一段时间其实是当独生子女过的，因为有段日子我跟爸妈住一起，但我弟弟不在。

I always joke that I spent some time being an only child because there's a period of time where I was living with my parents, but my brother was not.

我当时就想，天哪。

So I was like, oh my god.

这简直就是独生子女家庭啊。

This is like an only child household though.

欢迎。

Welcome.

欢迎来到

Welcome to

我们的社区。

our community.

哦，我有个问题想问你。

Oh, I have a question for you.

对。

Mhmm.

我小时候特别难熬的一点，尤其是到了青春期以后，就是作为独生子女，父母所有的注意力都集中在你身上。

So one of the things that I found really hard growing up, especially towards puberty and after, was that as an only child, there is so much attention on you from your parents.

某种程度上，你得自己找乐子，当家里的娱乐来源。

So to an extent, you kind of have to be the entertainment.

你还是他们眼里的‘工程’。

You are also, like, their project.

我觉得这种压力真的很难平衡。

I found that really hard to juggle with.

对。

Mhmm.

但你那时候，你弟弟不在家，你一个人在家，也感受到同样的压力吗？

But for you, when you were, like, the only child while your brother was out of your house, did you feel that same pressure?

那时候对你来说是不是特别陌生，就像一种全新的氛围？

And was it very foreign to you because it was, like, a new energy?

我得好好想想这个问题。

I have to think carefully about this.

高中那会儿，我哥哥去上大学了，有两年时间家里就我一个。

There were two years in high school where my brother was off to college.

如果真有那么一段时期的话，应该就是那时候了。

That would probably be the time this would happen if there was a time.

因为再往后，等我上了大学，人也更成熟了，可能父母也没那么围着我转了。

Because otherwise, it was post college where I'm a bit more of an adult, so maybe there was less of that, you know, like, maybe doting on kind of thing.

对。

Mhmm.

我现在正努力回想高中时的情形，那时候是怎样的。

So I'm trying to think back right now to high school and what that was like.

也许有一点吧，但我自己好像没怎么察觉。

You know, maybe a little bit, but I think I wasn't aware.

我觉得那时候我可能有点太自我中心了。

I think I was maybe a little too self absorbed around that time.

哦，我猜大概是高中快结束的时候吧，那时候大家都特别忙。

Oh, I mean, it was probably, like, end of high school or something where everyone is really busy, I assume.

是啊。

So Yeah.

这说得通。

That makes sense.

也许确实发生过，但我没怎么留意，毕竟也就两年而已。

Maybe it did happen, and I also didn't quite register it because it was just, like, two years.

而且高三那年，后半段其实挺轻松的。

And senior year is half of it is much more chill.

对。

Mhmm.

但我记得我妈那时候为我的大学申请特别焦虑。

But I do remember my mom being like extremely stressed about college for me.

我就说，哥们儿，没事的。

And I was like, dude, it'll be fine.

我肯定能考上大学。

Like, I'll get into college.

她却说，

And she's like,

我都不知道

I don't

你能不能考上。

know you will.

我当时就愣了，啥？

And I was like, wait, what?

我爸妈也是这样。

My parents are also like that.

他们总问，你凭什么觉得自己一定能考上大学？

They're like, how do you even know you're gonna get into college?

我心想，你在说啥呢？

I'm like, what are you talking about?

我就是个普通人啊。

I'm like a normal person.

是的。

Yeah.

我当时就想，我又不是啥都没干。

I was like, it's not like I'm not doing anything.

你懂的。

You know?

没错。

Right.

那段时间，我确实感觉压力大了一点。

Maybe I did feel a bit of extra pressure during that time.

但我也不确定，是他们担心我上不了大学，还是因为哥哥搬出去了。

But I wasn't sure if it was like, they're just stressed about me getting into college or if it was also because my brother was out of the house.

所以他们就说，天哪。

So they're like, my god.

我们得确保这个孩子别出岔子。

We need to make sure this one doesn't fall off the rails.

是的。

Yeah.

那段时间真的很难分清，到底哪些压力是来自哪方面的。

That is a kind of hard time to like differentiate between so many different pressures happening at the same time.

对。

Mhmm.

但你有没有觉得，他们更在意像宵禁这类事情？

But did you feel like they cared more about, like, curfew or something?

嗯。

Okay.

我确实觉得，可能只是因为我是个女孩。

I do, but I think that's just because I'm a girl.

其实我以前经常因为这事跟父母吵架。

I used to fight with my parents a lot about this, actually.

我就想，为什么你允许我弟弟待到半夜一两点？

I was like, why do you let my brother stay out until, like, midnight or 1AM?

可我只要一超过十点半，你就给我打十遍电话发消息。

And then you always text and call me 10 times when it's after, like, 10:30 or something.

其实他们有挺特别的理由。

Actually, they had funny reasons.

一个是，你是女孩子。

One was, like, your girl.

另一个是，你从不主动报平安，可我弟弟会。

And the second one, they're like, and also you, like, don't text us updates, but your brother does.

我就说，好吧。

And I was like, okay.

我确实不常报平安，可这也不该这么对待我啊。

Maybe I don't text updates, but still.

但我还是不喜欢这样。

But still, I don't like it.

是的。

Yeah.

问题是，你觉得你弟弟走之后情况变得更糟了，还是本来就是你们之间一直存在的矛盾？

Well, the question is, do you think it got worse after your brother left, or was it just an ongoing battle between you guys?

这本来就是一直存在的矛盾。

It was definitely an ongoing battle.

我弟弟走的时候我挺难过的，那时候我就想，糟了。

It hurt me a bit when my brother left because then I was like, shoot.

现在没人可以比较了。

There's no one to compare now.

也没人可以参考了。

There's no example to pull from.

确实如此。

True.

确实如此。

True.

我总觉得，有兄弟姐妹的人会让我羡慕，因为根本没法躲开比较。

I feel like that was one of the things that I was jealous about for people with siblings because there's nothing that you could do to deflect.

对我和我家来说，好处是，我爸妈没别的孩子拿来跟我比。

The pro, at least for me and my family, was that my parents didn't have anyone to compare me to.

所以我不用老听人说‘你哥哥怎么怎么样，你怎么就不行’，他们就是冲着我这个人本身挑毛病，你知道吧？

So then I didn't grow up with a lot of the, your brother does this, but how come you can't be more like it was just like me as a person and that's all they could criticize, you know?

但与此同时，家里就我一个爱惹事的。

But at the same time, there was only ever one troublemaker in the house.

所以我一闹腾，所有的关注和压力全冲我来了。

So then if I was acting up, all the focus and attention was on me.

我明白。

I see.

所以那段时间挺难熬的。

So that was kind of challenging.

那你有没有觉得，每次惹麻烦的时候，心里特别愧疚，或者觉得自己给父母添了太多负担？

Then did you feel like extra guilty maybe whenever you got in trouble with your parents or maybe felt like you were asking a lot of them?

我觉得我更多是那种被宠坏的孩子的心态，老在想：为什么总是我？

I think I felt more of the like spoiled brat end of feelings where I was like, Why does it always fall on me?

我不想承受这么多压力。

I don't want all of this pressure on me.

就算我在学校表现不错，我也讨厌那种附加的压力——‘你做得真好’，

Even if I was performing well at school, I would hate the level of pressure that was also being put on me of like, oh, you're doing so well.

你该朝着目标X、Y、Z努力。

Like, you should aim for x y and z.

我就想问，为什么？

And I'd be like, why?

你说是吧？

You know?

我都已经做到这一步了。

Like, I already got here.

你懂吧？

Know?

我

I

明白了。

see.

回头想想，我确实对自己当初给父母带来的困扰感到愧疚。

Looking back, I do feel guilty about the things that I put my parents through.

小时候的我，肯定不是一个让人安心的孩子。

I was like, definitely not a very reassuring kid, I think, when I was younger.

我现在正常多了。

I'm more normal now.

但那时候，我在很多事情上确实让他们操了不少心。

But at the time, I think I put them through the ringer on a lot of stuff.

有几件事和我作为兄弟姐妹的身份有关，让我感到有些内疚。

There were like a couple things related to guilt that I felt partially because of being a sibling.

举个例子，我家有两个孩子。

So one example is that there's two siblings in my household.

所以课外活动也翻了一倍。

There's double as many after school activities.

哦。

Oh.

我当时就想，糟了。

So then I'm like, oh, shoot.

得这边送我，那边送我弟弟，然后再来接我，再去接他。

Like, you gotta, like, send me here and then, like, my brother there and then pick, like, me up and then pick him up.

就算我妈妈全职在家，我爸爸上班，能做的事也是有限的。

And there's only so much that you can do even if my mom was stay at home and my dad was at work.

一辆车能跑的地方终究是有限的。

One car can only go so many places.

是啊。

Yeah.

所以这反而促使我赶紧去考驾照。

So that was actually motivation for me to like get my driver's license as fast as I could.

然后我就想，哦，明白了。

Then I'm like, oh, okay.

也许我可以开辆旧车，自己到处跑。

Then maybe I can take like an old beater car and drive myself around.

这样你们就不用这么辛苦了。

Then you guys don't have to like do all of this.

不过现在回头想想。

But then, like, also now thinking back.

对吧？

Right?

确实如此。

It's like, well, yes.

但我想我爸妈当时肯定在心里喊救命。

But also my parents were probably like, oh god.

我们怎么能就这样把这孩子放出去独自上街呢？

How can we just release this child onto the streets?

你懂的。

You know?

这完全是另一个层面的问题了。

It's like a completely different concern Yeah.

现在的情况是。

Now.

这关乎安全问题。

It's like a safety issue Yeah.

而不是什么时间管理的问题。

Instead of like a time management thing.

但最后结果还不错，因为我一拿到驾照，就自己开车去参加所有课后活动。

But then it did work out a lot in the end because once I had my license, I would drive myself to all of the after school activities.

实际上，是我弟弟拖得最久才去考驾照。

And actually, my brother was the one who lagged on getting his license.

是的。

Yeah.

所以有时候我会在暑假他回来的时候，开车送他去各种地方。

So sometimes I would send my brother to places, like, the summer or something when he came back.

等一下。

Wait.

被你妹妹开车带着到处跑，这事儿想想真挺搞笑的。

That's hella funny being driven around by your, like, little sister.

你提到你有负罪感，这挺有意思的。

It's interesting that you said you felt guilt.

也许这仅仅是因为我当时被宠坏了。

Maybe that is also just because I was, like, spoiled or something.

我从没因为妈妈花那么多时间接送我而感到内疚。

I never felt guilt about my mom having to spend all this time picking me up and stuff.

但我确实会内疚，因为妈妈下班回来还要做饭。

But I did feel guilt of my mom coming back from work when she used to work and, like, having to cook food.

我也说不清楚。

And I don't know.

也许现在回想起来，我更觉得愧疚，但当时其实没那么明显。

Maybe that's something that I feel more guilty about now, maybe less so in the moment back then.

至于她每天接送我，我反而有点反感。

But in terms of her driving me around and picking me up, I almost felt maybe a sense of resentment Oh.

总是被人来接，心里不太舒服。

At always getting picked up.

背景是，我每天放学都由她来接。

The context is I would get picked up from school.

对吧？

Right?

是的。

Yeah.

放学后，别的孩子都在等家长来接，或者参加课外活动，那时候我总觉得有好多事在发生。

I felt like there was a lot of stuff happening after school when kids are, like, waiting for their parents to get picked up or, like, get picked up by, like, after school or something.

是的。

Mhmm.

我妈妈总是在下午三点准时来接我。

My mom would always come at 3PM on the dot to pick me up.

她总是打电话催我，快点出来。

So then she would always be calling me, like, get out here.

快点啊。

You know, hurry up.

我得跟同学们一一告别。

And then I would be, like, saying bye to my classmates and stuff.

我老是跟她说，妈，你怎么来得这么早？

And I'd always be like, dude, mom, like, how come you come so early?

现在这儿正有重要的事呢。

There's, like, important things happening right now.

我得跟大家保持联系。

I need a network.

是的

Yeah.

不是

No.

说实话，我觉得这挺合理的，因为我平时都是走路或者骑车回家，我爸妈都上班呢。

Honestly, I think that makes sense because I usually would walk or bike home because my parents were at work.

而且我觉得我妈妈有一阵子还没考驾照。

And I think my mom didn't have her license for a while.

她还说，学校离得不远。

And then also she was like, school's close enough.

我觉得你肯定能走回去。

Like, I'm sure you can walk.

是的

Yeah.

对

Yeah.

所以，那时候我确实可以自由地在放学后待到想走为止。

So then, yeah, like, I guess I would have the freedom of staying after school as long as I wanted.

但反过来想，有时候我也挺羡慕别人的，唉，我得一路走回家。

But I think the flip side is there was sometimes envy like, ugh, I have to, like, walk all the way home.

真希望有人能来接我一下。

I wish someone would just pick me up.

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

看来别人家的草总是更绿一些。

I guess grass is always greener.

明白了。

Okay.

好吧，抛开和父母的关系不谈。

Well, relationship with our parents aside Mhmm.

我想再聊聊有个兄弟姐妹和没有的区别。

Kinda wanna go back to, like, the difference of having a sibling versus not.

我觉得那些有兄弟姐妹的人更懂得怎么吵架后和好，这一点我很羡慕。

I think one of the things that I envy in people who grew up with siblings is I feel like they're more okay with fighting and then making up.

我觉得这是个很重要的能力。

I think it's an important skill.

而我只在恋爱关系里学会这么做，因为谈恋爱时吵架再和好是很正常、很普遍的事。

And I think I only know how to do it in the context of a romantic relationship because something like that is very expected and, like, normalized when you're dating someone.

总会有矛盾，但你们会一起解决。

There's always gonna be some sort of conflict and then you resolve it together.

但这种能力在我和朋友之间就显得特别陌生。

But I feel like that skillthat happening is more foreign to me in friendships.

所以小时候，只要和朋友吵了一架，我就觉得算了。

So then, especially when I was younger, if we had one fight, I was like, okay.

这段友谊到此为止了。

This friendship is over.

但我觉得，有兄弟姐妹的人，这种事对他们来说更正常。

But I feel like people with siblings, it's like kind of more normalized to them.

他们早就学会了怎么好好吵架，然后又自然地和好。

They already have the skills to be able to healthily fight and then, like, get out of it normally as well.

那你觉得自己有这种能力吗？

So do you feel like you have that skill at all?

或者，你以前有没有注意到这一点？

Or, like, have you ever noticed this before?

我对你说的‘健康地吵架’这个说法不太确定。

I'm not super sure about your word usage of healthily fight.

我觉得对我来说不太一样，因为我弟弟确实生过我很大的气。

I think it's a little different for me because, actually, my brother got really mad at me.

大概是在初中快结束的时候。

I think it was around end of junior high.

然后他有两年时间都不理我。

And then he didn't talk to me for, like, two years.

所以我不确定当时有没有真正解决过什么矛盾。

So I don't know if there was necessarily some conflict resolution there.

嘿。

Hey.

你哥哥是独生子吗？

Is your brother an only child?

我想大概是到了高中后期或者上大学的时候，我们突然就和好了。

I guess it just like suddenly we got over it towards later in high school or in college.

我对这种‘矛盾解决’不太确定，因为有时候我就觉得，算了，随它去吧。

So I'm not super sure about this conflict resolution because I do feel like sometimes you're just like, okay, whatever.

我已经不在乎了。

I'm over it.

就那样吧。

Like, it's fine.

然后事情就莫名其妙地被遗忘了。

And then it just magically is forgot about.

哦，有意思。

Oh, interesting.

尤其是我们年轻的时候。

Especially when we're younger.

对吧？

Right?

因为小时候，我们可不会坐下来好好谈：你伤我心了。更可能是，算了，我们互相原谅吧，或者你赢了，随你吧。

Because when we're younger, it's not like we're gonna sit down and be like, you hurt my feelings doing It's more like, I guess we'll forgive each other or, like, you titled, so whatever.

你懂的。

You know?

就是说。

Like

真够呛。

Damn.

也许这就是原因。

Maybe that's what it is.

而且可能因为和兄弟姐妹吵架，你更懂得怎么平心静气地沟通。

And maybe it's less so, like, because you fight with your siblings, you know how to, like, talk through it in a normal way.

另外，对有兄弟姐妹的人来说，吵架可能没那么严重，但作为独生子女，尤其是小时候，一次争吵真的能让我崩溃。

And maybe more so, like, fighting is less slightly less of a big deal for people with siblings versus to me as an only child, especially when I was younger, a fight was, like, extremely devastating.

也许这有助于放下怨恨。

Maybe it helped with letting go of potential grudges.

不过说实话，我弟弟曾经记恨了好久。

Although, I guess my brother held one for really long.

嘿。

Hey.

但他后来还是和好了。

But he came back from it.

但我也在想，这种事在姐妹之间可能更明显。

But I'm also just imagining because I feel like this might be a bigger thing in sisterhood.

我总觉得网上特别多姐妹之间的梗。

I feel like I see a lot of sisterhood memes.

我最近看到一个帖子，说有个丈夫发推文，讲他看到妻子和她妹妹吵了一架，那场面简直了。

I saw this recent one where it was, like, a husband, and he tweeted or something like, I just saw my wife and her sister have the craziest fight.

她们说的那些话，我根本想不到人能说出口。

They said things I would never imagine to, like, say or hear.

可一小时后，她们就又问：‘早饭吃啥？’

Then, like, one hour later, they're like, so what's for brunch?

哦，确实。

Oh, yeah.

也许同性之间更容易吵架，但也更容易和好。

Maybe it's if you're the same gender, you fight more, and then you resolve it quicker.

对。

Mhmm.

我觉得这也有点不一样，还记得咱们在播客里跟莎拉聊姐妹关系的时候吗？她们小时候共用一个房间，很多事情都一起分享。

I feel like it's also a little different because, like, remember when we talked to our friend, Sarah, on the pod about sisterhood and, like, they shared a room for some time and they share a lot more things.

但我和我哥哥性别不同，小时候有些事，根本就不会互相分享。

But since my brother and I are different genders, there's certain things that, like, you just don't share that much when you're a kid.

我有自己的衣橱。

I had my own closet.

麦克斯有自己的房间，诸如此类的东西。

Max had his own room, like, all that kind of stuff.

是的。

Yeah.

或许有同性别的兄弟姐妹，那种 sibling 关系特别强烈。

Maybe, like, having a same gender sibling is, like, extreme sibling ship.

我呢，处在中间，而你则完全站在另一个极端——没有兄弟姐妹。

And I'm, like, in the middle, and then you're, like, on the other sec spectrum of, like, no siblings.

当然。

Sure.

当然。

Sure.

对。

Yeah.

这确实很有可能。

That could definitely be the case.

因为不共享的话，矛盾就少很多。

Because there's less friction if you're not sharing.

明白了。

Okay.

我渐渐意识到，所有冲突的核心其实都是分享问题。

I'm starting to realize that the core of any conflict is sharing.

让我跟你说说。

Let me tell you.

我小时候和我弟弟为了抢东西吵过很多次。

My brother and I have had a lot of fights over sharing when we were younger.

真的吗？

Really?

当然了。

For sure.

是的。

Yeah.

你们以前是因为游戏相关的东西，还是别的什么在争抢？

Was it over, like, gaming stuff or, like, what else were you guys sharing?

我觉得主要是家里一些共用的东西。

I think just, like, general communal things in the house.

对。

Mhmm.

是的。

Yeah.

比如以前家里只有一台电脑，那时候电脑还很新，谁都想用。

Like, an example could be maybe we had one computer back in the day when they were still very new and be like, I wanna use a computer.

或者，你知道，是的。

Or, you know Yeah.

或者，我们正在看电视的时候。

Or, like, we're watching TV.

我们看谁的节目？

Whose show do we watch?

是看我弟弟想看的，还是我看中的那档？

Do we watch the one that my brother wants to watch or the one that I wanna watch?

幸运的是，有时候节目有重叠，但有时候就是我想看这个，他又想看那个。

Luckily, sometimes there's a bit of overlap, but sometimes it's like, well, I wanna watch this, and I wanna watch that.

可我们只有一台电视。

But we only have, like, one TV.

所以总得有个人让一步。

So someone has to, like, give in.

很遗憾，我弟弟让步的次数可能比我多得多。

And, unfortunately, my brother probably had to give in more than I did.

当哥哥姐姐的，就是这样。

Older sibling things.

是的。

Yeah.

天哪。

Oh my god.

还有一次，我们搬去加州的时候，我父母买了房子。

Another one was when we moved to California, my parents bought our home.

对。

Mhmm.

那是个全新的房子。

It's like a brand new home.

对吧？

Right?

那时候我们已经都是活生生的人了。

And we're, like, living beings by this time.

所以我们进屋后，一边逛一边看，我父母就说：好吧。

So we go into the house and we're walking around and my parents are like, okay.

你们俩可以自己挑房间。

You two can choose your rooms.