尴尬的友情状况

嗨，欢迎回到《吃你的牙垢》播客。我是Jisoo。

Hi, welcome back to Eat Your Crest podcast. I'm Jisoo.

我是Crystal。通常每当我们做关于恋爱关系和棘手感情状况的节目时，反响总是特别好。所以我们想换个角度，聊聊棘手的友情状况。因为说实话，友情和爱情说到底非常相似。

And I'm Crystal. I think usually whenever we do episodes about relationships and, like, sticky relationship situations, it always does really well. So we thought we would approach this in a different angle and talk about sticky friendship situations. Because let's face it, friendships, relationships, they're very similar at the end of the day.

在人际关系的微妙之处，总会出现些奇怪的事情让你停下来思考该如何应对。嗯哼。所以我们准备了些有趣的情景，把自己代入这些假设处境。但第一个问题，Crystal，我觉得只有你能回答。那我就从这个问题开始了。

And there's always room for weirdness or just things that happen in the nuances of relationships that make you take a pause and think about what to do. Mhmm. So we thought we would come with some interesting situations and put ourselves in these hypothetical shoes. But the first one, I think, Crystal, only you can answer. So I'm gonna start off with this.

如果你发现朋友正在和你的兄弟姐妹约会，你会作何反应？你会说什么或做什么？

How do you react or what would you say or do if you found out your friend was dating your sibling?

天啊。他们是亲密朋友吗？

Oh my god. Are they like a close friend?

假设关系相当亲密。

Let's say they're pretty close.

哦好吧。我想我第一反应会是震惊。真的吗？我兄弟？但私下说，我记得高中时想过，如果我兄弟真要约会的话，和我的朋友谈恋爱其实还挺酷的，因为...

Oh, okay. I think I would have initial shock. Like, really? My brother? But then also, like, low key, I think it was during high school, I was like, if my brother were to date anyone though, low key dating a friend is kinda lit because Oh.

你会经常见到他们。但你知道吗，我觉得无论怎样都挺奇怪的，因为那样你就会以不同的方式看待你的朋友。比如，你会看到他们处于恋爱关系中，不仅如此，还会在家庭聚会上见到他们。

You would see them all the time. But, you know, I think it's just weird either way because then you would see your friend in a different way. Like, you would see them in a relationship, not only that, but, like, at family events too.

确实。

True.

这有点让人难以理解。另一部分也很奇怪，因为你会看到你的兄弟姐妹表现得非常像在恋爱中一样。

It's a little weird to like wrap your head around. And then the other part is weird because you'll see your sibling act in a very relationship y way.

天啊。我想两方面都是这样，就像你说的，你的朋友会参加所有节日聚会，比如感恩节之类的。但在朋友聚会上也一样，特别是如果你的密友在同一个朋友圈里，你是不是得一直见到你哥哥？天啊。

Oh my god. I guess it goes both ways too because like you said, your friend would come to all the holidays like thanks giving, whatever. But also at your friend hangouts, especially if your close friend is in the same friend group, would you have to see your brother all the time? Oh my god.

等等，你说得太对了。

Wait. You're freaking right.

而且我想总会有这种情况：如果出了问题，或者你朋友和你哥哥吵架了，你肯定总是被夹在中间。因为我知道你哥哥会说，克里斯托，我需要你帮忙理解她想要什么或她现在感受如何。而你朋友可能也会来找你，我猜会问，你能告诉我更多关于你哥哥为什么这样或他现在想要什么吗？

And I guess there's also always the case of if something goes wrong or maybe your friend and your brother have a fight, you would definitely always be the go to. Because I know your brother would be like, Crystal, like, I need your help trying to understand what she wants or like how she's feeling right now. And then your friend would probably go to you, I would assume. And be like, okay. Can you give me some more context about like why your brother is acting like this or like what he wants right now?

是啊。

Yeah.

这只会让你陷入一个尴尬的境地。

So it would just put you in a weird spot.

我只能说，天啊。我不知道，老兄。好吧。但我确实认为，因为我哥哥和我年龄相差不大，他只比我大两岁。如果他要和我同龄人约会，那也不算太糟。

All I could say is, damn. I don't know, man. Okay. But I do think because my brother and I are not too different in age, he's only two years older. If he were to date one of my peers, it's not that bad.

是啊。对方和我年纪相仿，我们很可能相处得来。说到底这不是坏事，但如果是亲密朋友的话就会很奇怪。

Yeah. It's someone who's my age who I would probably be able to get along with and all of that. Ultimately, it's not a bad thing, but it would be weird if it was, like, a close friend.

确实。你觉得如果这段关系被保密，然后你不小心发现，或者他们主动找你坐下来解释，会改变你的想法吗？

That's true. Do you think it would change anything for you if this relationship was kept a secret and then you found out accidentally? Or if they like came and approached you and sat you down and like talked you through it?

哇哦。我可能会好奇为什么要保密，因为我觉得我不会生气什么的。我大概只会说，哇哦。好吧。我猜。

Woah. I guess I would probably wonder why it was kept a secret because I don't think I would be mad or anything. I'd probably just be like, woah. Okay. I guess.

我想唯一的原因可能是他们想先试试看，确定关系靠谱后再告诉生活中的重要人物。这很合理。

I guess the only reason would be maybe they wanna test it out and make sure it's legit before looping in important people in their lives. That's fair.

我觉得这也有点难以想象，因为我实在无法想象我们朋友圈里会有人和我哥哥约会。

I guess this is also a little hard to imagine just because I can't imagine anyone in, like, our friend group dating my brother.

你就像是在拉拢你的社交圈，还拿它跟你兄弟的择偶标准作比较。

You're like pulling in your social network comparing it comparing it to your brother's preferences.

我就想，我不知道那些女孩会不会想跟他约会，也不知道他会不会想跟那些女孩约会。

I'm like, I don't know if the girls would want to date him and I don't know if he would want to date those girls.

哦，好吧。你知道吗？如果我们把情况反过来，你觉得会有什么不同吗？比如假设你开始和你兄弟的朋友约会。天啊。

Oh, okay. You know what? Do you think it changes anything if we reverse the situation? So say you started dating one of your brother's friends. Oh my god.

他会有什么反应？

Like, how would he react?

老兄，其实我也不知道。比如在高中时，那些既是我朋友又是我兄弟朋友的人通常是女生，很少有男生。哦，因为我从来没跟他那些男性朋友交过朋友。

Dude, I actually don't know. In, like, high school, for example, people that I was friends with who are also friends with my brother were usually girls. They wouldn't really be dudes. Oh. Because I I never, like, befriended his guy friends before.

是啊。或者说我们从来没有共同的男性朋友。不过我确实和他同年级的人约会过，他对此也没什么反应。

Yeah. Or we never had, like, mutual guy friends, I guess. But I guess I have dated people in his year, and he didn't really have much of reaction to that.

你们俩真是我见过最淡定的兄妹了，所以这种情况完全说得通。我完全可以想象你们俩就回个'哦'，然后这事就翻篇了。整段对话就这样：'哦'。

You guys are the most nonchalant siblings ever, so this kind of makes sense. I could totally envision you both being like, k. And just leaving it at that. That's like the full convo. K.

是啊，其实我完全不知道如果我哥的朋友这样他会有什么反应。他大概会说‘搞什么鬼？’我觉得他会是这种反应，‘搞什么鬼？’好吧。

Yeah. I actually have no idea how my brother would react if it was like one of his friends. He'd probably be like, what the fuck? My theory is he would be like, what the fuck? Okay.

我想是吧。等等，Jisoo，你在这附近有表亲吗，比如在美国之类的？嗯，有的。

I guess. Wait, Jisoo. Do you have any cousins around this area, like, The States or anything? Yeah. I do.

好吧。如果你和你表亲的朋友约会，或者你表亲和你朋友约会，会怎样？

Okay. What if you dated one of your cousin's friends or your cousin dated one of your friends?

我觉得会非常奇怪。我在美国的那些表亲，不是直系表亲。我们关系很好，但不算特别亲密的家人。所以情况可能不太一样。不过你之前说的确实有道理，你已经习惯把这些人当作家人或者朋友了。

I think it would be really weird. My cousins in The US, they're not direct cousins of mine. We're so cool, but they're not really, really close family. So I guess it's kind of different. But I think what you said before resonates of like, you're so used to seeing these people as family or, like, as just friends.

然后要把他们混到不同的关系类别里真的很奇怪。

And then to mix them in the different categories is really weird.

我觉得如果你知道这两个人很般配的话，结果可能会不错。

I feel like it would work out well if you knew these two would be a good match.

哦，确实。确实。

Oh, true. True.

你和他们是好朋友，你很高兴他们能加入这个家庭，但不仅仅是因为你自私地希望他们加入，还因为他们本身也很合适。

And you're good friends with them and you're excited for them to, like, join the family, but not just for your selfish reasons of them joining the family because they're also compatible.

天啊。说实话，我是独生子女可能是件好事。或者也许只有独生子女才能这么说。但我觉得如果我有兄弟姐妹，我会一直试图撮合他们。我的天。

Damn. Honestly, it's probably a good thing that I'm an only child. Or maybe I can only say this because I'm an only child. But I feel like if I had a sibling, I would constantly be trying to match me. Oh my god.

如果他们单身，我就会说，你应该和我朋友聊聊。或者总是想方设法给他们牵线搭桥。

If they were ever single, I would be like, you should talk to my friend. Or like, try to set them up with people just all the time.

高中时，我记得我曾开玩笑地提议让我哥哥去跳舞。但真的只是开玩笑。是的。是的。因为当我认真思考这件事时，天啊。

In high school, I think I jokingly offered up my brother to dance before. But, like, very jokingly. Yeah. Yeah. Because once I started thinking about it more, like, oh my god.

我真的希望这些人约会吗？

Would I actually want these people to date?

我觉得某种程度上这样挺好的，家庭聚会时总能有个最好的朋友在身边。

I think it could be nice in a way of like always having a bestie at family gatherings.

是啊。这倒是真的。真要这么说的话，你还比你兄弟姐妹更有优势。比如，你比他们本人更了解他们的另一半。确实如此。

Yeah. That's true. If anything, you have the leg up on your sibling. Like, you're closer to their significant other than they even are. True.

你现在有弹药了。是的。好的。那么下一个问题。这个问题有点棘手。

You have ammo now. Yeah. Okay. So next question. And this is kind of a tough one.

你最好的朋友向你坦白她正在出轨她的另一半。你会怎么做？

Your best friend confessed to you that she is cheating on her SO. What do you do?

天啊。我和她另一半关系近吗？哦。

Oh my god. Am I close to the SO? Oh.

假设你们关系还算不错。

Let's say you're like decently close.

好吧，这让事情更难办了。因为我觉得一方面，如果你和她另一半不太熟，那就更容易专注于和你朋友谈。嘿，我觉得你应该解决这个问题，和你另一半坦白，或者采取适当措施，避免把事情搞得一团糟。但如果你和双方都很亲近，那就像你希望你朋友做正确的事，但另一方面你又想告诉那个也是你朋友的另一半。对吧。

Okay, that makes it harder. Because I feel like on the one side, if like you're not really close to the SO, then it's easier to just focus on talking to your friend. Hey, I think you should figure this out and talk to your SO and come clean or take the appropriate steps to, like, not make such a tangled up mess. But if you're close to both parties, then it's like you want your friend to do the right thing, but then part of you wants to tell the SO that's your friend too. Right.

然后然后就像，天啊，这里正确的步骤是什么？

And then and then it's like, oh god, what is the right steps to take here?

这是个很好的观点，因为性别角色总是可以互换的。或者取决于你和谁更亲近，总会有那种忠诚或同盟的期待，至少，就像如果别人知道我被人出轨了，我也会想知道。这种感觉对很多人来说是相互的。

That's a really good point because the genders could always be reversed too. Or depending on who you're closer with, there's always that kind of expectation of allegiance a sense or loyalty or, you know, at the very least, it's like if someone else knew that I got cheated on, I would also wanna know. And it that feeling is mutual for a lot of people.

嗯。

Mhmm.

所以这会很难。你觉得你会不得不这样做吗，比如，如果你不尽快告诉这个人，我会觉得有义务去告诉那个人。

So it would be tough. Do you think you would have to do the thing of, okay, if you don't tell this person soon, I would feel obligated to tell that person.

是的。我认为这是个强有力的举动。很好。但同样，我认为你得为即将爆发的混乱做好准备。

Yeah. I think that's a powerful move. It's a good one. But then also, I think you have to be prepared for the shit show that's about to go down.

哦，是啊。

Oh, yeah.

因为现在你也是知情者之一了。所以心理上也得做好准备。你知道，这些人中可能有人会来找你。嗯。真是够乱的。

Because now you're one of the people who knows. So you also have to mentally prepare. You know, one of these people might come to you now. Mhmm. It's so messy.

把日程清空吧。

Clear your schedule.

说实话，像这样的事，我觉得即使你不是直接相关方，也会在情感上造成很大负担。光是知道这件事有时就会带来很大压力。

Honestly, stuff like this, I think, takes such an emotional toll on you, even if you're not a really involved party. Just like the act of knowing can be a lot of pressure sometimes.

是的，当然。我觉得我会仔细考虑如何应对这种情况，因为被欺骗的那个人，我希望他们能知道，以某种方式发现真相。理想情况下是通过与伴侣的对话，但不能让另一个女孩陷入那样的糟糕处境。

Yeah. For sure. I think I would just really mull on, like, how to approach this situation because the person being cheated on, I would want them to to know, to somehow find out. Ideally, it's through a conversation with their partner, but like can't be leaving a fellow girl in a bad situation like that.

是的，这个确实有点棘手。我的意思是，我有一部分也在思考。理想情况下，每个人都应该开放、诚实并相互沟通。但有时候事情并不那么顺利。

Yeah. This one is kind of tough. I mean, I think part of me is also wondering though. Ideally, everyone would be open and honest and communicative with each other. But there are times where it doesn't flow that way.

我最不想做的就是把自己卷进去。所以如果完全诚实地说，肯定会有我不告诉对方伴侣的时候。嗯。我只会对朋友说我认为该说的话。嗯。支持那个人，然后就这样放手。

The last thing that I would wanna do is throw myself in there. So if I'm being fully honest, there are definitely gonna be times where I would not tell the SO. Mhmm. And I would just do what I think I should say to my friend Mhmm. To support that person and then just, like, leave it at that.

也许可以试着引导你那位坦白的朋友，希望他们能朝着下一步该做的正确方向前进。

Maybe, like, try to guide your friend, the one who confessed, to a hopefully good direction of what they should do next.

但你不能控制你的朋友，也不能控制结果。我觉得真正可怕的是，如果你给了朋友建议，他们照做了，但结果却不是朋友最初想要的。或者事情失控演变成大问题，毕竟出轨本身已经是问题了，但我不希望后果反过来影响我。

But you can't control your friend and you can't control the outcome. And I think what's really scary is, say you give a piece of advice to your friend and then they'd carry it out. And then what happens is not what your friend wanted in the first place. Or it just like spirals out of control and becomes like a whole situation, which since the cheating, it already has been a situation, but I wouldn't want the consequences to fall back on me as a

作为朋友，这样很公平。很公平。你不想被拖进烂摊子里或被责怪之类的。是的。

That's friend that's fair. That's fair. You don't wanna get dragged into the mess and like blamed or something like that. Yeah.

是的。所以我觉得我会先观察清楚，这对情侣需要什么？嗯。然后说出我的看法。

Yeah. So I think I would suss it out. What do I think this couple needs? Mhmm. And then just say my piece.

如果我真的和那个特别的人关系非常亲密，那我肯定得重新考虑一下。

If I'm really, really close to the SO, then I would definitely have to give it another thought.

嗯。

Mhmm.

但如果我们只是通过朋友间接认识，我可能就不会说什么了。

But if we're, like, close but only through the friend, I probably wouldn't say something.

是啊，确实如此。我不想对你进行什么道德说教，但既然这个人提到了这件事，我或许会分享下我的想法。

Yeah. That's true. It's like, I don't wanna give you some sort of lecture on, like, morals. But maybe I'll just share my thoughts because this person brought the situation Mhmm. Up.

比如说，嗯，也许这是你需要多想想的事。这到底意味着什么？懂我意思吗？哦对了，我有个问题——你会持续关注这件事吗？

Like, oh, well, you know, maybe this is, like, something you need to think about more. Like, what does this mean? You know? Oh, but I have a question. Would you monitor the situation?

就是，你会跟进后续发展吗？

Like, would you follow-up on it?

哎呀老兄，我真希望我能说不会，但我绝对会的。现实情况是，一旦你告诉了别人某件事，他们就不可避免地会记住。没错。这就像你遇到很久不见的人然后聊起来时的感觉。

Oh, dude. I wish I could say I wouldn't, but I totally would. I mean, I think the reality is that, unfortunately, once you tell someone of anything, they can't help but keep that in their memory. True. And this is a whole thing of when you see someone that you haven't seen in a long time and then you chat with them.

有时候朋友为了和你叙旧提起的事情，可能是多年前发生的、对你现在已无关紧要的事。但由于他们只在你们交谈的语境中了解你，你不得不谈论这些。是的，所以我认为当你见到高中或大学朋友时，常会提起高中或大学时代的回忆等等。我觉得这是同样的道理。

Sometimes the things that your friend would bring up about you to like catch up with you might be something that happened years ago that's like irrelevant to you now. But because they only know you in the context of your conversations, you can't help but talk about it. Yeah. Which is why I think sometimes when you see high school friends or college friends, you often bring up memories of high school days or college days and whatnot. And I think this is the same thing.

每次见到这个人，至少会短暂地让我想起发生过的事。

Every time I would see this person, at least for a little bit, I might think about what happened.

不幸的是，你会想，天啊，这人是个骗子。

Unfortunately, you're like, oh my god, this person's a cheater.

我想我可能会说，我需要知道接下来发生了什么之类的。

I think I would just be like, I need to know what happened next or something.

这很合理。我觉得这是人之常情的好奇心。好吧，现在我要加大难度了——假设那个人是我。

That's fair. That's like a natural curiosity, I think. Okay. Actually, I'm gonna make it hard now. Imagine it was me.

我当时说，兄弟，智秀啊，我出轨了。

I was like, dude, Jisoo. I, like, cheated on my partner.

天啊。

Oh god.

我该怎么办？

What do I do?

天啊，想象一下我直接发到群聊里。

Oh god. Imagine I just drop it in our group chat.

你就说，嘿大家，猜猜Crystal跟我说了什么？

You're like, hey guys, guess what Crystal told me?

我觉得我会直接说，你应该告诉他。如果你不说，我就到此为止。老实说。

I think I would just be like, you should tell him. And then if you didn't, I would just leave it at that. Down. Honestly.

你会说，Crystal最终会想通的，对吧？

You're like, Crystal will come around eventually. Right?

我是这样在脑子里想通的。

Here's how I come to terms with it in my brain.

是啊。

Yeah.

目标是解决问题。对。比如说，你们解决了但没告诉他。或者你们解决了那件事。嗯。

The goal is resolution. Right. So say, you guys resolved it and you didn't tell him. Or like you resolved whatever it was. Mhmm.

那也许没关系。我不知道。这让我听起来很糟糕。但归根结底，我是你的朋友。你男朋友确实很好，但你才是我主要的倾诉对象。

Then maybe it's okay. I don't know. This makes me sound horrible. But it's like, at the end of the day, I'm your friend. And your boyfriend is really great, but you're like my main client.

懂我意思吗？

You know?

天啊。好吧。不，这很公平。我觉得，你能做的也就这么多。

Oh my god. Okay. No. That's fair. I think, like, there's only so much you can do.

就像你之前说的，你无法控制朋友。你可以分享想法，因为他们把问题带给了你。但说到底，虽然听起来有点冷酷，却是事实——你可能会耗费更多情感能量去纠结朋友是否按你期望行事，而不是信任他们能从经历中学习。因为有时候，人必须亲身经历才能真正明白未来该做什么不该做什么。

As you said before, can't control your friends. You can share your thoughts because they brought, you know, a problem to you, But at the end of the day, yeah, it sounds kind of bad, but it's true. Like, you're probably gonna waste more emotional energy worrying about your friend doing what you would want them to do rather than kind of trusting them to learn through the experience themselves. Because sometimes it's like someone has to go through it to truly understand, you know, what they should or shouldn't do in the future.

我完全同意。而且说实话，我觉得随着年龄增长这点也会改变。仅仅因为你告诉我发生了某事，不代表你要我解决所有问题。也不代表我有权——哪怕是对你伴侣——随意抖露你的隐私。我甚至不确定你们是否已经谈过并解决了。

I totally agree. And I honestly think it changes as we grow older too. One is just because you told me that something happened, it doesn't mean you want me to solve all your problems. And it also doesn't mean that I am, I guess, allowed to just like air your dirty laundry out even if it is to your SO. I might not know if you guys even talked about it and resolved it.

就像，你告诉我最初发生了什么，并不代表你有义务向我汇报后续。

Like, you don't owe me that information just because you told me what initially happened.

嗯。

Mhmm.

我觉得还有一点是，随着年龄增长，朋友建议的分量，或者说朋友在你生活中的分量会变得越来越轻。比如在高中时，如果有人问我这个问题，我可能会说‘嗯，也许我会告诉别人’。但现在，我不知道，这就像是‘这是你的人生’。

And I think the other thing is as we get older, I think the weight of your friends advice or like, you know, the weight of your friends in your life gets a little bit lighter and lighter. Like in high school, I think if you were to ask me this, I would be like, yeah, maybe I would tell the other person. Mhmm. But now, I don't know. It's like it's your life.

而且可能存在更多你不了解的复杂情况。如果你提起某件事，比如低调地说‘如果出轨是某人关系中的一部分呢？’

And there's like more complications that you might not know. And if you like brought something up, okay, like low key, what if cheating was, like, part of someone's relationship?

是啊，可能是开放式关系。或者某种癖好之类的。

Yeah. It could be, like, an open relationship. Yeah. Or, like, your fetish or something.

而你只是因为只看到拼图的一角就不知道全貌。然后你试图揭发他们，对方却说‘我不想听这个，我知道但不需要你来告密’。是啊，我觉得这就像是在‘干涉他人生活’和‘试图维护自己心中的正义’与‘做个有帮助的朋友’之间需要非常谨慎地平衡。

And you just, like, didn't know because you only know this one piece of the puzzle. And then you're, like, trying to out them, and then the other person's like, I don't wanna hear this. I know it, but I don't need someone to be, like, tattling on me. Yeah. I think there's, like, it's such a careful balance of, like, meddling in someone's life and trying to, like, enact maybe your own sense of righteousness versus like trying to be a helpful friend in a Right.

我觉得这个说法太准确了。我觉得这个问题没有标准答案，该怎么做很模糊。在这种情境下，怎样才算是个好朋友也很模糊。一方面，你可以推动朋友过诚实的生活，或者做你认为对的事。

I think that's the perfect way to put it. Like, I don't feel like there's a right answer to this. It's so ambiguous, I think, what you're supposed to do. And it's also ambiguous what being a good friend would look like in this situation. Because on one hand, you could push for your friend to live an honest life or whatever you think is right in your head.

但另一方面，这么做的后果也是你必须承担的，如果你主动介入的话。我也不知道。

But also, the consequences of that, that's also a cross that you have to bear if you throw yourself in the situation. I don't know.

而且我觉得这完全合理，比如，如果一个朋友告诉你他们在欺骗别人，这会改变你对他们的看法，于是你选择疏远他们。是的，有时候这甚至是最好的解决办法。

And I think it's also completely fair if like, you know, a friend told you that they're cheating on people, and then that kind of changes your perception of them so you like distance yourself from them. Yeah. Sometimes that's like the best solution even.

确实如此。你觉得呢？我几乎不敢问这个问题，但对我们来说，我们显然很亲近，而你和詹姆斯也有你们自己的友谊。你们从高中就认识了。所以你觉得你会怎么做？

That is true. Do you think? I'm like almost scared to ask this but for you, we're obviously close, but you and James also have your own friendship as well. You guys know each other from high school too. So what do you think you would do?

天啊。是谁告诉我的？

Oh god. Like, who's telling me?

我想听听你在两种情况下会怎么做。

I wanna hear what you would do for both situations.

我的天。好吧。等等，这很难。好吧，了解你们两个，我觉得你们都会想知道对方是否出轨。

Oh my god. Okay. Wait, this is tough. Okay. Knowing both of you, I feel like cheating is something that you would both want to know.

所以我想不管是谁来找我，我都会问很多问题。我会说，

So I think I would just really ask a lot of questions, whoever came to me. I'd be like,

第一个问题，

First question,

什么？怎么会这样？好吧。现在是什么情况？为什么会发生这种事？

What? How did this happen? Right. What is the situation? Why did it happen?

我可能会试图了解所有细节，看看究竟发生了什么，因为我知道对方也想知道。对吧。我想等我了解更多细节后，我大概会说，我也不知道啊老兄。我也搞不清楚。我实在无法想象这种事。

I would probably try to get all the details and see like what is going on here because I just I know the other person would want to know. Right. I guess once I get more details, I'll be like, I don't know, man. I don't know either. I just I also, like, can't imagine it.

你们应该不会...你懂吧？所以我在想，如果这事真的发生了，那肯定是什么疯狂的故事、离奇的事故之类的。也许你们该去做心理咨询。

You guys just wouldn't, you know? So I'm thinking, like, if it happened, it must have been some, like, crazy, like, story, crazy accident, or, you know, something of that sort. Maybe you guys should get therapy.

你就像在说：这超出我的能力范围了。

You're like, this is above my pay grade.

你们考虑过伴侣心理咨询吗？

Like, have you considered couples therapy?

你觉得你会不会最后通牒说：如果你不告诉对方，那我就去说？

Do you think you would have to do the ultimatum of if you don't tell this person, I will?

我想我会说类似'慢慢来'的话，但如果拖得太久而对方一直被蒙在鼓里，可能会开始觉得不对劲，因为拖得越久伤害越大。他们会想'这事发生了你却瞒着我，我像个傻子一样被蒙在鼓里一整年'。嗯。你懂吧？对啊对啊。

I think I would say something like take your time, but if it starts becoming like a really long time and the other person is just, like, not knowing of any of this, it might start to feel a bit wrong because the hurt will only be worse further down the line. They'll be like, oh, like, this happened and you kept me like, I feel so stupid for walking around for a year not knowing Mhmm. You know? Yeah. Yeah.

兄弟，我现在想象我们几个朋友聚会的场景，然后你试探其他人是否已经知道了。比如，你们对出轨怎么看？最近有什么疯狂的事发生吗？

Dude, I'm like now imagining just us at like a friend group gathering or something, and then you trying to see if the other person knows yet. Like, so what do you guys all think of cheating? Anything crazy happened lately?

天啊，千万别。千万别让我陷入那种处境。

Oh my god. Please don't. Please don't ever put me in that situation.

你看起来被这个假设搞得压力好大。

You look so stressed out from the hypothetical.

我会说，伙计们，能不能答应永远别互相出轨？

I'm like, guys, can you please never cheat on each other?

我们禁止出轨吧。好了，我问点轻松的话题。

Let's ban cheating. Okay. Let me ask something more lighthearted.

好的，谢天谢地。

Okay. Thank God.

再说个和友情相关的。我觉得这种情况也挺常见的。假设你遇到你朋友的另一个挚友，看到他们互动时你会想，哇，他们看起来在某些方面特别亲密，和你与这位朋友的友谊既相似又不同。嗯哼。

And more friendship related. I think this is also something that happens somewhat often. But let's say you meet your friend's other best friend. You see them interact and you're like, damn, they seem really close to each other in a way that's maybe similar in some ways, different in other ways to your friendship with this friend. Mhmm.

你会有什么感觉？你觉得你会采取什么不同的行动吗？

How would you feel? And do you think you would do something or act differently at all?

这位朋友A，就是你最初的那位朋友吧？他们也是我最好的朋友吗？

Is this friend A, you know, your initial friend? Are they my best friend too?

对，可以说他们是排名前三的朋友吧。

Yeah. Let's say they're like a top three friend.

Myspace上的前三好友。然后朋友B也是他们的前三好友。

Myspace top three. And then friend b is their top three friend too.

是啊，是啊，真糟糕。

Yes. Yes. Dang.

好吧，这确实挺难的。我觉得难免会有点比较，觉得他们懂得真多。不过这也取决于朋友A的表现，他们是现在整天粘着朋友B把你晾在一边吗？

Okay. This is tough. I think it's inevitable to kind of compare a little bit and be like, damn, like, they know a lot. But I think it also depends on how friend a acts. Are they now just attached to the hip with friend b leaving you out?

还是说他们很包容，大家都参与其中？你知道，尽管存在这些差异和潜在的比较，你们还是一起玩得很开心。

Or are they, like, being really inclusive and everyone is involved? You know, even though there's these differences and potential comparisons, you're still all hanging out having a good time.

这种说法确实很有意思。我一开始不会先想到朋友A的行为，但你说得完全正确。有时候这根本不尴尬，因为中间人处理得很好。

That's actually a really interesting way to put it. I wouldn't think first about friend a's behavior, but you're totally right. There are times where it's not awkward at all because the middle person handles it really well.

嗯。

Mhmm.

但有时候，你会感觉像是在看一段友谊，然后看另一段友谊，而你的友谊正在直播。就像在切换电视频道一样。

But other times, it can feel a little bit like you watch one friendship and then you watch another friendship and then your friendship is live. You know, it's like flipping through the channels.

是的。好吧。我想这意味着朋友B的行为，以及你自己的行为也很重要。你是否过于努力地争取朋友A的注意？还是朋友B对朋友A太过热情，让你感到被冷落？

Yeah. Okay. I guess that means that also friend B's behavior, as well as your own behavior matters here too. Are you vying for friend A's attention too hard? Or is friend B coming on to friend A too hard, leaving you feeling left out?

你觉得有没有什么万无一失的策略？在这种情况下，有没有什么方法可以压制其他氛围，并设定基调？

Do you think there's like a foolproof strategy? Is there something that you can do in this situation to kind of beat out the other vibes and like set the tone?

我认为最好是尽量假设对方意图良好，如果你觉得有人表现得，嗯，我不知道，像是占有欲很强之类的，就表现得不受影响。是的。然后如果你在这种情况下表现出不受干扰和情绪成熟，那么真正被困扰的只有另一个人，对吧？朋友B？

I think just trying your best to probably assume good intent and act unbothered if you feel like someone is being, like, I don't know, territorial or something. Yeah. Yeah. And then I think if you show unbotheredness and emotional maturity in this situation, then the only person really getting bothered is the other person, right? Friend B?

没错。如果只有一个人在竞争，那就不是竞争了。

Yeah. It's not a competition if there's only one person in the competition.

是啊，你会怎么处理这种情况？

Yeah, how would you handle it?

老兄，我觉得这对我来说挺难的。这是我个人一直在纠结的问题。我不知道怎么平衡这些。我觉得这类事情对我来说并不自然。是的。

Dude, this is, I think, hard for me. This is something that I personally struggle with. I don't know how to do the juggling. This stuff doesn't come naturally, I think, to me. Yeah.

所以我想我只会感到嫉妒。

So I think I would just feel jealous.

等等。没关系。我觉得我也有过那种感受。但后来，我不得不真正地自我反省，然后接受现实。事情就是这样，你懂吗？

Wait. It's okay. I think I felt that way too. But then, like, I had to literally self reflect and, like, come to terms. That's just how things are, you know?

对。就像，人们也会有自己的其他朋友。

Right. Like, people just have other friends too.

好吧。我得说现在容易多了，毕竟我已经不是19岁了。

Okay. I will say it's a lot easier now that I'm not 19.

等等。是啊。

Wait. Yeah.

确实如此。或者甚至更年轻的时候。

That's true. Or like even younger.

是啊。我觉得这种情况更多发生在高中时期。可能大学也有。没错。

Yeah. I feel like this happened more in like high school. Maybe even college. Yeah.

也许部分原因是随着年龄增长，比如人们去了不同的大学，或者在不同生活领域各有朋友圈，你会接受每个人都有各自的社交圈。嗯。这逐渐成为生活的一部分。但回想年轻时，我真的很难理解这点，而且我觉得自己当时领地意识很强。

Maybe part of it is just as you grow older and people go to different colleges, for example, or have their own set of friends for like different niche parts of their life, you accept that everyone has all these other circles. Mhmm. And it just becomes a part of life. But I think when I was younger, it was like truly hard for me to understand. And I think I was very territorial.

哦，如果回想起来的话。

Oh. If I think back.

我觉得这完全可以理解。我肯定也有过对朋友吃醋的时刻。比如，靠，搞什么鬼？

I feel like that's very understandable. I think I've definitely had moments of jealousy with friends as well. Like, damn, what the fuck?

我以为我是你最好的朋友。是啊，那时候特别强调'最好的朋友'这个概念。尤其是在初中阶段，我觉得那时最好的朋友真的特别重要。

I thought I was your best friend. Yeah. There's such a big emphasis on like best friendship. Especially in middle school, I think is when best friends really mattered.

没错。有些人是你公认经常一起玩的伙伴。如果他们突然和新人玩在一起，在当时看来确实是件大事。

Yeah. There would be people that, like, you're known to hang out with. Then it's, like, kind of a big deal if they're hanging out with someone new, I guess.

是啊。尤其是在学年刚开始的时候，你会拿到新的课程表，有不同的同桌之类的，然后当你看到最好的朋友和别人打成一片时，就会想：去年那个人还是我呢。记得一起做数学题的日子吗？

Yeah. And I feel like that especially happened in the beginning of, like, the school year when you get a new class schedule, you get different seatmates or whatever, and then when you watch your best friend hit it off with someone else, you're like, that was me last year. Remember doing math?

没错。不过我觉得随着年龄增长，我更能体会到另一个视角：看到别人关系亲密时，会想‘真好啊，这个人能找到一个志同道合的挚友’。

Yeah. I think another perspective of this though, that I feel like I was able to feel more when I got older, was seeing, like, people be close and thinking, oh, that's so nice that this person was able to find a really good friend that they share such and such together with.

确实如此。可能现在我们参加单身派对和婚礼多了，这种感觉更明显。最棒的就是在派对上看到闺蜜的其他密友，突然发现‘哇我们气场超合’。虽然大家各不相同，但氛围就是特别好。

Yeah. Very true. Maybe this feels more relevant now that we're going to bachelorettes and, you know, more weddings and stuff. One of the best feelings is when you go to a bachelorette and then you see your close friends, other close friends and you're like, wait, we like vibe so well. Like we're all very different, but the vibe is so good.

那种能量值爆棚的感觉，你开始能拼凑出朋友生活的拼图。比如‘我不在的时候，她原来是和这个人玩得这么开心’。从这个角度看，发现友谊的差异性反而像在庆祝：‘噢，我负责填补这个空缺，而她负责那个部分’。

Like the energy is so high and you can start to sort of fit the puzzle pieces together of your friend's life. Yeah. Like when this person's not with me, she's with this person and they have such a great time in this way. But in that sense, I think seeing the differences in your friendship feels like a celebration. Oh, I must fill this niche while this person fills this other niche.

绝对是这样。而且我觉得这某种意义上也是种认可，因为你会想‘看吧，我和她其他朋友也处得来’。显然这说明我们本质上是一类人，这些人能成为她的朋友完全合理。

For sure. And I think it also is validating in a sense because you're like, oh, yeah, I vibe with their other friends. Obviously, that means, you know, we're all similar and, like Right. It checks out that these people are her friends too.

对啊。

Yeah.

要是遇见某人其他朋友时发现彼此都互相讨厌，那才叫尴尬呢。

It would probably be weird if, like, you met someone someone's other friends and, like, you all hated each other.

确实。那氛围会糟糕透顶。

True. That would be horrendous vibes.

是啊。你可能会想，等等，什么情况？这人是有多重人格吗？为什么所有朋友都这么不一样？

Yeah. You'd probably be like, wait, what? Like, does this person have different personalities? Why are all the friends so different?

没错。我想这本身就是个需要应对的不同局面。我不会感到嫉妒，但应该会有其他复杂的情绪

Yeah. I guess that would be a different situation to navigate in itself. I don't think I would feel jealous, but I think I would also have different complicated feelings about it as

嗯。天啊。说到这个，如果你的朋友A...嗯...还有另一个朋友B...对...

well. Mhmm. Oh my god. Then speaking of this, what if your friend, friend a Uh-huh. Had another friend, friend b Yeah.

而你觉得朋友B对A不好。可能你觉得他们对待A很差，或者有些行为你觉得对A不公平，甚至可能有些毒性关系之类的。你觉得...

That you thought was not a good friend to friend a. Oh. Maybe you feel like they treat them poorly or maybe they have like certain behaviors that you feel are unfair to Friend A or maybe there's like some toxicity there or something like that. Do do you think

你会采取什么行动吗？天啊。这真是...能怎么办呢？如果可能的话，我可能会委婉地提一下。

you would do anything about it? Oh god. This one is truly like, what can you even do? You know? I might bring it up in a subtle way, if possible.

我是说，尽可能委婉。但可能会这样说：'这人这样做还挺有意思的，你注意到过吗？'然后观察对方是否也有同感。但如果他们说'没注意'或'我不太在意'...

I mean, as subtle as you can honestly be. But I might bring it up and be like, oh, it's kind of funny that this person does this. Have you ever noticed that? And like, see if that's something that they had felt. But if they were like, oh, I didn't notice or like, that doesn't really bother me.

我想我会就此作罢，心想好吧。显然这对他们来说不是什么大问题，算不上原则性分歧。那我还能做什么呢？

I think I would just drop it and be like, okay. Well, clearly, this is something that's okay for them, like not a deal breaker. So what more can I do?

这很合理。特别是如果他们觉得这只是

That's fair. Especially if they're like, that's just

他们的本性如此。他们对此毫不在意。因为法国人很复杂。

how they are. Like, they're unbothered about it. Because Frenches are complicated.

是啊，确实如此。

Yeah. They are.

你会怎么做？

What would you do?

其实我曾在恋爱中遇到过类似情况，当时我觉得有个朋友表现得不够朋友。

I've actually done this before in a relationship where I thought, like, a friend was not being a great friend.

嗯。

Mhmm.

我其实没说什么，因为觉得这份友谊还是挺好的。嗯。而且对方确实有很多优点。但后来我觉得有个特质开始带来压力了。嗯。

I didn't really say anything because I felt like the friendship was still good. Mhmm. And there were qualities that were still really great. But I think at a certain point, I felt like this one quality was causing stress. Mhmm.

所以我尽量委婉地提了一下。情况大概是这样的：朋友B从来不会主动来找朋友A玩，即使B明明有条件，比如有车之类的。

So I, like, brought it up a little bit as gently as I could. Okay. So basically, the situation was, like, this friend B didn't really ever reciprocate in, for example, like, coming to friend A to hang out, even though friend B had the means to, like a car or, like, that kind of stuff.

是啊。

Yeah.

但朋友A每次都得费尽周折才能见到B，而且总是这样。所以有时候安排见面之类的事会有点压力。我就委婉地建议说，要不你让B过来找你？不记得后来怎样了，但我觉得自己尽力了。

But friend a had to, like, jump through hoops to get to friend b, and they would constantly be doing that. And so it was, like, sometimes a little stressful, like, planning it and stuff. So then I think I I just like brought it up gently like, oh, what if you, what if you ask friend B to come here, you know, to come to you? I don't remember if anything came of it, but I was like, well, that's the best I can do.

你心想就这样吧。我觉得恋爱关系中反而更容易提这种问题，因为某种程度上伴侣的朋友也会直接影响你的生活。

You're like, that's that. I almost feel like it's easier to bring it up in a relationship because I don't know, in some ways your SO's friends directly affect your life as well.

嗯。

Mhmm.

所以我觉得在恋爱中你更有立场开口。毕竟这关系到你爱人的心理健康、时间安排等等，最终也会影响到你。但在朋友关系里，这就有点像未知领域，处理起来更棘手。

So then I feel like there's a little bit more grounds that you might have. Right. And it's also your beloved person mental health or time or just like a lot of things that actually end up impacting you too. Yeah. But with a friend, I feel like it's a little bit, you know, like uncharted territory or, like, something that's a little bit more rough to navigate.

确实如此。

That's true.

是啊。我想，除非你的朋友A向你抱怨并寻求解决方案，否则你除了可能提供一个他们可以选择忽略或接受的建议外，真的做不了什么。

Yeah. I guess, like, unless your friend A is complaining to you and, like, asking for a solution, there's not much you can really do except maybe offer a suggestion or a piece of advice that they are free to either ignore or accept.

我觉得那种情况有时也挺有趣的，比如当朋友在吐槽他们的朋友，而那个人你也早就看出问题所在时。总会犹豫要不要加入吐槽，还是说‘或许你们该谈谈’，‘你们应该试着解决问题’，或者直接说‘老兄，我早看出来了’。

I think even that situation is sometimes funny too, like when a friend is ranting about their friend and say it's someone that you also saw these red flags from a mile away. There's always the hesitation of, do I go in on this person? Or should I just be like, oh, like, maybe you should talk to them. Maybe you guys should try to sort it out. Or you're like, dude, I knew it.

对。就像你要把闸门开多大一样，差不多是这种感觉。

Yeah. It's like how far do you open the floodgates? It's kind of like that

就像人们常说的分手时的情况

thing where people say when people just break up

嗯。

Mhmm.

你不想过多批评他们的前任，因为万一他们复合了，你就成了那个连续一个月都在说前任坏话的朋友。

You don't wanna, like, go in on their ex because what if they get back together and then you're the friend who, like, shat on their ex for a month straight or something.

得稍微收敛一点。对，保持轻松，直到你知道这事板上钉钉。

Gotta like reel it back a little bit. Yeah. Keep it light until it you know it's permanent.

是啊。

Yeah.

不过我觉得有时候情况可能恰恰相反。嗯。比如你有个朋友，你们之间有过节，可能不再是朋友了，或者只是点头之交，但你们很久以前确实发生过一些不愉快。但如果你再次见到你非常亲密的朋友，朋友A的话？

Although I think sometimes it could almost be the opposite. Mhmm. So let's say you have a friend who you have a bad history with. Like, you might not be friends anymore or you might be like acquaintances, but you know some shit has gone down between you and this person a long time ago. But what if you see your really close friend, friend a, again, I guess?

对。然后和你曾经有过节的那个人变得亲密起来？

Yeah. Become close friends with this person you have beef with?

哦，是朋友间的矛盾还是真的冲突？

Oh. Friend beef or beef?

哦，对，朋友间的矛盾。

Oh, yeah. Friend beef.

好吧。我觉得这真的要看情况。你们之间的矛盾真的很严重吗，还是只是些小事，比如高中时的那些小摩擦，可以一笑而过的那种？或者他们曾经在学校里欺负过你之类的？你懂我意思吧？

Okay. I think this really depends. Was your beef really serious, or was it, like, kinda minor, just like whatever high school drama or something like that that you can get over? Or were they, like, beating you up on the school grounds or something? Do know what I mean?

好吧。假设事情不算特别严重，但比高中时期要近一些。

Okay. Let's say it was not super serious, but let's say it's a little bit more recent than high school.

哦，说说看。

Oh. Say

在你24、25岁左右时，你和这个人之间发生了些事。对我们来说，那已经是三四年前了。你会向朋友提起吗？

stuff went down between you and this person when you were, like, 24, 25. So for us, that's already like three, four years ago. Would you bring it up to your friend?

这挺难办的。让我想想。不过事情不算太严重，对吧？

That is tough. Okay. Let me think. But it's not too serious. Right?

就像那种小矛盾？

Like the beef?

对。假设这个人在背后说你坏话，然后被你发现了。

Yeah. Okay. Let's say this person was talking shit about you. Oh. And then you found out.

但你原以为你们关系非常亲密。唉。

But you thought you guys were super close. Damn.

这有点严重啊。天哪。好吧。实际上这真的很棘手。朋友A的反应就像是'我的天啊'。

That's kinda serious. Damn. Okay. Actually, this is really tough. And and friend a is like, oh my god.

我刚认识这个人，他们真的很棒，对吧？

I just met this person, and they're awesome. Right?

是啊是啊。就像，哦，你以前和这个人做过朋友对吧？好的。

Yeah. Yeah. Like, oh, you used be friends with this person. Right? Okay.

如果发现得早，我可能会说'哦他们人还不错，但对我挺刻薄的'。不过如果你想和他们做朋友也没关系。我觉得这里还有个因素是我应该信任朋友A。如果朋友B在朋友A面前说我坏话，朋友A可能会说'等等，什么情况？'

If it's early enough, maybe I would just be like, Oh, yeah, they were cool, but like, they were mean to me. But if you wanna be friends with them, it's chill. I guess, also, there's an element of, like, I think I should trust friend a. If friend b started talking shit about me to friend a, friend a would probably be like, wait. What?

会觉得这不太合理，或者你说的这些可能有点夸大其词了。嗯嗯。但如果朋友A就这么附和朋友B，那可能朋友A本来就不是什么好朋友。

Like, this this seems unreasonable or this shit that you're talking maybe isn't it's, like, overblown or whatever. Mhmm. Mhmm. But then if friend a just, like, goes along with friend b, maybe friend a wasn't that great of a friend to begin with.

哦有意思。你有点顺其自然的意思。过段时间就能看清每个人的立场了，我猜。

Oh, interesting. You're kind of like, what will happen will happen. And then after a bit of time, you can see like where the loyalties lie, I guess.

是啊。我觉得那样最理想对吧？嗯。但实际情况往往不尽如人意。

Yeah. I think that's like ideal. Right? Mhmm. But what actually happens is not always the ideal situation.

确实。确实。确实。所以可能我会更倾向于觉得，嗯，好吧。这个人看起来很随和，但他们对我有点刻薄。

True. True. True. So like, you know, maybe I'm more compelled to be like, oh, yeah. Like, this person is chill, but, like, they're kinda mean to me.

我不知道。然后，也许就这样吧。稍微暗示一下

I don't know. And then, you know, maybe just leave it at that. Some subtle nudge

比如，是啊。所以如果你的朋友说，等等，真的吗？这也太离谱了。发生了什么？

to, like Yeah. So if your friend was like, wait. Really? Like, that's crazy. What happened?

你会告诉他们全部经过吗？

Do you tell them the full thing?

我想我会告诉他们一个简化版。我可能会说，哦，我也不知道。大概我们在某件事上有分歧，然后他们就开始在所有

I think I would tell them a simplified version. I would just be like, oh, I don't know. I guess we disagreed on something, and then, like, they started talking shit about me to all

朋友面前说我坏话。

their friends.

类似这样吧。哦，好吧。

Something like that. Oh, okay.

老兄，我觉得你比我善良多了，换作我肯定会说，伙计你得小心点。因为这事确实发生在我们之间，我当时真的超级受伤。

Dude, I think you're a nicer person than I am because I would definitely be like, dude, you should watch out. Like, this shit went down between us. And I was like, super hurt by it.

好吧，其实你说得对。可能取决于我受伤的程度。如果是现在能释怀的事，我可能会轻描淡写提一句。但如果真的对我影响很大，我可能会更接近你说的那种反应。

Okay. Actually, that's true. Depends on how hurt I was, probably. If it's something I can get over now, I'd probably just say it lightly and maybe mention it. But if it was something that actually affected me a lot, I would probably be closer to what you said.

差不多吧。

Similar.

想到那些矛盾就发生在几年前，感觉特别真实，不像高中时的幼稚纠纷。我觉得还有个因素就是朋友A和B的关系有多亲密。确实如此，因为我觉得这里有个微妙界限——如果他们已经很亲近了，除非被问到或他们之间出了问题来找我，否则提这事没什么意义。

It feels so much more real thinking about the beef being just like a couple years ago, you know, and not like high school drama. I guess the other factor too is how close friend A and friend B seem. True. Because I do think there's like a sweet spot. If they're already really close, there's not really a point of bringing it up unless I'm asked about it or unless something happens between them and then they come to me.

那时候我可能会忍不住说：天啊，这可能是种行为模式，因为我也遇到过同样的事。

Then I might be compelled to be like, oh my god, maybe this is like a pattern because this happened to me as well.

但是

But

如果他们已经是死党级别，整天一起发动态、形影不离，那还有必要提起这事吗？确实。

if they're like already bestie status, posting stuff together all the time, like always hanging out, then is there a point of even bringing it up? True.

因为可能那个人只是和你闹矛盾，但他们并没有把这种情绪带入与朋友A的友谊中。那样的话我觉得完全没问题。这只是你和朋友B之间不对付，但他们没有让矛盾影响到所有事。

Because maybe that person just beefed with you, but like they're not bringing it into their friendship with friend a. That's like totally fine then, I feel like. It was just you and friend b buttheads, but they're not making it into everything.

也许他们只是和你合不来，但对朋友A来说是个超级好的朋友。那我不会因为自己对这个人心有芥蒂，就剥夺朋友A的这段友谊。

Maybe they were just incompatible with you, but they're like a super good friend to friend a. Then I wouldn't wanna deprive friend A of that just because I have scars from this person.

是啊，这倒是。但你会说，别让朋友B经常出现在周围。

Yeah. That's true. But you'd be like, don't bring friend B around too much.

哦，老兄。这观点太到位了。靠。不，确实。那会是个问题。

Oh, dude. That's such a good point. Damn. No, yeah. That would be a problem.

嗯。

Yeah.

如果朋友B被邀请参加集体聚会，你会表现得友好吗？

Would you play nice if friend B got invited to a group hang?

兄弟，我甚至不确定。我觉得要看当时的心情和聚会规模。如果是大型活动，有十五到二十人，那我除了打个招呼还需要做什么吗？但如果是小范围聚会，我觉得哪怕八个人也算挺亲密的。我可能会尽量保持扑克脸。

Dude, I don't even know. I think it would depend on my mood at the time and also the size of the group. Because if it's like a big thing, there's like fifteen, twenty people, then do I even have to do anything other than like say hi? But if it was like an intimate group, say like, I think even up to like eight people, it's pretty intimate. I would probably put on my best poker face.

天啊。或者你会直接

Oh my god. Or would you just be

像是，哦，抱歉，去不了。哦。

like, oh, sorry, can't make it. Oh.

我觉得这就像抛硬币决定一样。

I think it would be a coin toss.

好吧，听听这个。朋友B来参加朋友A的生日派对，所以你必须在场。是的。而且，你知道，虽然你和朋友B关系不好，但朋友B对你表现得特别友善。

Okay. Thoughts on this. Friend b comes to friend a's birthday party, so you have to be there. Yeah. And, you know, like, you and friend b are not good, but friend b is, like, playing super nice with you.

天啊。我觉得我会配合那种氛围。就像，哦天啊。稍微应付一下。你必须这么做。

Oh god. I think I would match the vibes. Like, oh my god. Have a bit. You have to.

对吧？是的。

Right? Yeah.

是的。但你会不会觉得这很假？或者你会想，哦，也许过去的矛盾已经翻篇了？哦。

Yeah. But would you feel like it's fake, do you think? Or would you be like, oh, maybe the beef is in the past? Oh.

对我来说，如果我们没有把话说开，这件事就过不去。

I think for me, if we didn't talk through it, it's not in the past.

哦，好吧。

Oh, okay.

如果我们不直面问题并从中获得解脱，这件事就会一直悬而未决或处于休眠状态。所以如果朋友B过来跟我寒暄，说什么'天啊，你最近怎么样？好久不见了'之类的，然后我们才把话说开。之后我肯定会想，去你的吧。

It's gonna be just ongoingdormant or whatever if we didn't address it and then get closure from the situation. So if friend B came up to me and did the whole like, oh my god, how have you been? Like, it's been so long. Well, and then we like talk through it. Afterwards, I would definitely be like, bitch.

天啊，笑死我了。

Oh my god. Dying.

不知道，可能我就是小心眼吧。你会怎么做？

I don't know. Maybe I'm just petty. What would you do?

这得看朋友B整晚的表现。因为有时候你能看穿虚伪的面具。如果对方表现得比较真诚，我想当时我可能也会假装友好。

It would depend on how friend be acted throughout the night. Because sometimes you can see through a fake facade. Right. And if it's, like, more genuine. But I think in the moment, I would play nice too, probably.

是啊，不然还能怎么办呢？

Yeah. Because, like, what else can you do?

是啊，这种事情上挑起争端毫无意义。没错。但与此同时，我也控制不住自己的感受。嗯哼。

Yeah. It's one of those things where there's no point starting drama. Yeah. But at the same time, I can't help how I feel. Mhmm.

对你来说，如果你觉得对方没有伪装，而是真的表现得非常友好，你会从心底里原谅他们吗？或者你的情绪会如何整晚起伏？

For you, if you felt like there wasn't a facade, they were actually being super friendly, would you find it within you to, like, forgive them? Or how would your emotions play out through the night?

哦，我想我可能会在心里觉得，也许我们的矛盾其实没什么大不了。估计他们都忘了。然后我会想，好吧，或许我也该试着这么想？再看看情况如何。但你说得对，如果重新建立友谊却对过去的矛盾只字不提，确实会有点奇怪。

Oh. I guess maybe in my mind I'd be like, oh, maybe our beef was, like, not a big deal. Guess they like forgot about And I'd be like, Okay, I guess maybe I'll try to think that way too? And then see how it goes. But you're right, I think it would be a little weird if like, you know, maybe you start back this friendship up, but they, like, never mention the beef in the past.

而且如果你们没有彻底解决矛盾并互相道歉，在这样的基础上重建友谊可能会有点别扭。

And, like, you two don't hash it out and say sorry to each other. It might be a little weird to, like, build that friendship off of

未解决的矛盾。从旧日友谊的灰烬中。是啊。

unresolved matters. Out of the ashes of your old friendship. Yeah.

但我觉得，比如在生日派对上，你在洗手间排队时，朋友B过来和你搭话，说'嘿，其实我想说，我知道过去我们有过分歧，但那都过去了'。那我可能会觉得，哦好吧，这大概是个不错的重新开始的契机。

But I feel like if, say, you know, during this birthday party, you were in the bathroom or something, in line for the bathroom, and then friend B comes up and, like, joins you in the line and then is like, hey, by the way, like, I just wanted to say I know in the past we've had our differences, but, you know, that's all in the past. Then I'd be like, oh, okay. Like, I feel like that's probably a pretty good restarting point.

说起来很简单，因为我觉得有时候只需要一个人站出来说'听着，那件事真的很糟糕，我对我们之前的结果不满意'或者'我真的很想你'，哪怕只是稍微带点感情地提一下过去的事。然后可能三十秒内，你们就能翻篇，要么重新开始，至少不会以糟糕的关系结束。但我觉得这需要我鼓起很大勇气。

It sounds so simple when we talk about it because truly, I think all it takes sometimes is for one person to just be like, look, that was really shitty. I am not happy with how we ended things or I really miss you or just say something mildly emotional to address everything that went down in the past. Then I feel like within thirty seconds, you can both kind of move on from it and either restart something or at least not end on bad terms. But I think it would take a lot out of me. I think it would take a lot of courage.

哦，当然。我还得在卫生间里给自己打很多气才能做到。所以我觉得这听起来简单，其实不然。

Oh, for sure. And a lot of bathroom pep talk for me to do that. So I guess it's just one of those things that sounds simple, it's not.

完全同意。因为我觉得在朋友B的角度，如果朋友B需要道歉，这可能会很可怕。是的。

Completely agree. Because I think on friend B's side, if like, say friend B needed to apologize, it can be scary. Yeah.

因为

Because

你会想，哦，如果我道歉会怎样？但反而可能让他们更生气。对吧。或者只是重提旧事？

you're like, oh, what if I, like, apologize? But then it, like, upsets them more. Right. Or just brings up the past?

是啊，我懂。我觉得我会想很多。是不是只有我觉得这事很严重，而对方早就翻篇了？这事还值得提吗？或者万一我提起来他们哭了怎么办？

Yeah, I know. I think I would think a million things. Am I the only one who felt like this was a big deal and this person is clearly over it? Is it even worth mentioning? Or what if I bring it up and they start crying?

事情可能发展成各种不同的走向。但说实话，我觉得大多数人在那种情况下都能直接说，没事的。然后当场解决掉

There are so many different ways the situation could go. But honestly, I think most people in that situation would be able to just be like, yeah, it's fine. And just resolve it then and

理想和现实的差距。好吧。但如果我们继续朋友A和B的故事线呢？

there. Mhmm. The ideal versus the actual. Okay. But what if let's continue the storyline with friend b and friend a.

比如说，你和朋友B之间有过节。然后朋友B向朋友A讲述了之前你们俩都在场的一个情况。嗯。然后朋友A就会说'天啊兄弟，我刚听到一个超离谱的故事，超劲爆的八卦，我来告诉你'。然后他们开始讲这个故事，你就会觉得'等等'。

Let's say, you know, you and friend b, you got that beef. And then friend b tells something to friend a about, like, a situation that happened before where you and friend b were both there. Mhmm. And then friend a is like, oh my god, dude, like, I just got I just heard this crazy story, like, this juicy gossip, like, let me share with you. And they start telling you this story, and you're like, wait.

你从哪听来的？这完全不对啊。哦。真实情况其实是这样的。

Where did you hear that? That's, like, wrong. Oh. This is what actually happened.

哦等等。所以是我和朋友B给朋友A讲了不同的版本对吧？是的。

Oh. Wait. So it's me and friend b telling friend a different stories. Right? Yes.

那我该怎么办呢？

So like, what would I do?

对。你会发现朋友A接收到的信息可能被扭曲了，或者和你所知的事实不符。

Yeah. You're hearing that like friend a is getting, I don't know, maybe like skewed info or like not quite what you thought was true info. Yeah.

老实说兄弟，既然我已经和这人有过节了，干脆直接说'这太假了'。另外我必须说，经过前面四个场景，现在我脑子里已经有人物形象和具体地点了。天啊，朋友A都有具体长相了。

Dude, honestly, I think I would put my well, I already am beefing with this person anyway, so fuck it. I would be like, that's so cap. Also, I just have to say, since like four scenarios ago, I have like actual faces and locations in my head now. My god. Like, friend A has a face.

我们是在Jaesoo家对吧。生日派对在Jaesoo家。但我觉得我会坚持立场说'我记得是这样的'，或者'我当时在场，我记得事情是这样的'。不过这种事确实取决于个人认知角度。

We're at like Jaesoo's place. Okay. The birthday party is at Jaesoo's But yeah, dude, I think I would put my foot down and be like, well this is what I remember. Or like, I was there and this is what I feel like happened. But I guess it is one of those things where my perception of something is truly just my percept.

可能是我在投射自己的想象，或者记错了事情。所以这个问题你能追究的程度有限。不过我觉得我会对朋友A说，我不确定你听到的一切是否完全准确。

I might be projecting or I might be misremembering stuff. So there's only so much you could push the issue. But I think I would say something to friend A and be like, I don't know if everything you heard is completely accurate.

好吧。确实，除了陈述你的立场外，似乎也没别的办法了。

Okay. Yeah, I guess there's nothing else really except just sharing your side.

不过我得说这让朋友A处在一个很微妙的位置——假如你两个最亲密的朋友向你讲述同一件事，但说法截然不同，你会怎么做？

Although I will say it puts friend A in a really interesting spot because, I don't know, if two of your closest friends came to you about a situation and the stories were really different, what would you do?

作为朋友A的话，我想我会尝试筛选出听起来最合理、最可信的部分。有时候可能只是他们分享的角度不同——比如这个人当时受伤很深，所以觉得事情是这样；而另一个人完全没受影响，所以看到的是另一种情况。

As friend a, I suppose I would I guess I would just try to, like, pick out whatever pieces sounded the most reasonable, most plausible even. Or I guess sometimes it could just be, like, different perspectives that they're sharing so then it's like, Oh, okay, I guess like this person was just like really hurt in this situation. So they felt like this is what happened and that person was unbothered so this is what they sawfelt.

是啊。

Yeah.

确实。那我大概会说：哇，现在我对这件事有了全方位的视角。

True. Yeah, I guess I would just be like, Wow, cool, I have so many perspectives of the story.

你就像获得了三百六十度全景视角，不过有些部分...

You got like a three sixty view of But something that

比如，如果他们让我选边站，我会说，等等，我从来没同意过这样的事。

like, if they told me to choose sides, then I would be like, Wait, I never I never agreed to this.

哦，有意思。确实，这也很复杂，因为有时候你确实需要在两个人之间充当中立角色，他们可能不讨厌对方，但关系也不中立或积极。你觉得在这种情况下，你会用什么方法保持绝对中立？

Oh, interesting. Yeah, I guess that is also complicated because sometimes you do have to sort of serve as a neutral party between two people that may not hate each other but are not neutral or positive to each other. What are some ways you think you try to stay super neutral when something like this happens?

我想我会尽量让有分歧的各方保持距离。比如我不会把他们聚在一起。

I think I try to keep all the differing parties separated. Like I will not bring them together.

嗯。如果你的朋友来找你，开始说你另一个好朋友的坏话呢？你如何在倾听倾诉的朋友和支持另一个好朋友之间保持平衡，既不让自己卷入，又不让那个人觉得你认同他对另一个好朋友的诋毁？

Yeah. What if your friend comes to you and starts talking shit about your other close friend? How do you tow that balance between being a supportive ear to your friend who is ranting to you, but also not involving yourself or having that person feel validated in their shit talking of your other close friend?

这很难。老兄，我不知道。我想我会试着以某种方式为另一个朋友辩护。比如，假设朋友叫C，或者说朋友R，就是那个抱怨的朋友。

This is tough. Dude, I don't know. I think I would try to, like, defend the other friend in some ways. If, you know, friend let's call them friend c. Or friend r, friend ranter.

好吧。好吧。

Okay. Okay.

所以朋友R在说，我不知道，朋友A的坏话之类的。我可能会说，哦，但我了解朋友A，他们可能不会无缘无故这样做，或者，你知道，也许情况是这样的之类的。但如果他们真的对朋友A恶语相向，我可能会说，兄弟，你不能跟我聊这个。我和朋友A很亲近。你想让我怎么做？

So friend r is, like, shitting on, I don't know, friend a or something. I'd probably be like, oh, but, like, I know friend a and, like, they probably wouldn't do this and that without reason or, like, you know, have you ever you know, maybe this is what was going on or blah blah blah. But I think, like, if they're just, like, really going in on it on friend a, I'd probably be like, dude, you can't talk to me about this stuff. I'm close to friend a. Like, what do you expect me to do here?

是的，确实如此。有些界限是你不能越过的。

Yeah. That's true. There is a certain line that you can't cross.

嗯。

Mhmm.

你只能在支持到一定程度而不觉得自己像是进入了敌营之类的。我可能会说，等等。

You can only be supportive of so much without feeling like you're in enemy territory or something. And I I'd probably be like, wait.

如果他们这样狠踩我的另一个朋友，那还算什么朋友？确实。如果他们真是我的朋友，就该知道我和这个人关系密切。那他们为什么要这样诋毁？所以我会开始重新思考，这个人为什么会在我的生活中？

How is friend r my friend if they're, like, shitting on my other friend so hard? True. And they should know that I'm close with this person if they're my friend. So, like, why are they shitting on them? So I think I would start to reevaluate, why is this person my life?

比如，怎么会变成这样？就像

Like, how did this happen? Like

说得好。因为发泄自己的情绪是一回事，但也要知道听众是谁。而且，你也不想让朋友难堪，他们显然正在这么做。嗯。因为无论怎样，你都显得不够朋友。

That's a good point. Because it's like ranting about your own emotions is one thing, but also, I mean, one, know your audience. And also, two, you don't wanna put your friend in a bad spot, which they clearly are doing. Mhmm. Because you're kind of a bad friend either way.

或者无论你选择哪条路，都会觉得自己是个不够格的朋友。

Or like you will feel like you're being a bad friend no matter what direction you go.

是的，我觉得这完全合理。

Yeah. So I think that's totally valid.

我觉得可行的方式是，你可以谈论正在发生的行为，而不是进行人身攻击。因为我认为说‘我不知道这个人为什么这么做，这有点糟糕，我能理解你为何会这么想’是公平的。但当他们说‘哦，这个人就是个某某（侮辱性称呼）’或进行人身攻击，比如‘我觉得这人这么做是因为他是个糟糕的朋友’之类的，你就没必要附和或同意。这就是我会划清界限的地方。

Something that I feel like could work is if you talked about the action that was happening, but not unlike the character attacks. Because I think it's fair to be like, oh, I don't know why this person did this. That kinda sucked and I can see how you could take it a certain way. But you don't have to join in or agree when they're like, oh, this person's insert whatever name calling here or like character attacks of, oh, I feel like this person is doing this because they're a shitty friend and blah blah blah. Like that is where I would draw the line.

是的，我觉得在某些情况下，可以说‘是的，我觉得这个人这么做很糟糕，我很抱歉它对你产生了这样的影响。’

Yeah. I think in some occasions, it's okay to be like, yeah, I think it's shitty that this person did this action and I'm sorry that it affected you in this way.

是的，这是个不错的中间立场。我们可以说‘他们这么做确实很糟糕’，但对话就到此为止。是的。

Yeah, that's a good middle ground. We're like, yeah, that was shitty of them to do. But that's where we end the conversation. Yeah.

我不会再进一步了。

I will go no further than that.

在结束本期节目前，我想聊一个不那么严肃、更轻松有趣的话题。我总觉得和朋友及其伴侣一起玩时特别有趣，但同时又总觉得自己像个孩子。真的。你对这种情况怎么看？

Before we wrap up the episode, I want to talk about a less serious topic and a more funny, lighthearted one. I always feel like it's really funfunny to hang out with my friend and their SO, and then I always feel like their child when I do that. True. How do you feel about those kinds of situations?

嗯，我完全同意。但有时候我又觉得自己像他们的妈妈。说实话，我觉得这取决于你在谁家。哦，好吧。还有就是，如果你们要出门，是谁开车？

Well I totally agree. But other times I feel like their mom. I don't know how to dis I honestly think it depends like whose house you're at. Oh, okay. And then also, if you're going somewhere, who's driving?

有时候我会觉得自己像个孩子，比如我们在他们家或者他们开车的时候。对。但如果是在我家或者我开车，我就会说：上车吧孩子们。欢迎光临孩子们。

Sometimes I'll feel like the kid if, say, we're at their house or like they're the ones driving. Yeah. But if they're at my house or I'm the one driving, I'm like, get in kids. Like, welcome in kids.

等等。我觉得有时候这反而增添了氛围，因为如果你和一对情侣出去，他们会说：哦，有我们在呢。然后我就喊：爸妈。

Wait. I feel like it adds to the vibe too sometimes because if you're going out with like a couple, they'll be like, oh, like, we got you. And then I'm like, mom, dad.

等等。你有没有觉得自己像个表演者？哦，就是当你和情侣一起玩的时候？有时候我感觉自己像个宫廷小丑之类的。

Wait. Do you ever feel like the entertainment? Oh. Like, when you hang out with a couple? Sometimes I'm like, feel like the court jester or something.

为我的粉丝们表演节目。

Putting on a show for my fans.

天啊等等。我从来没想过这个。可能有点吧。他们会问：哦，那你有什么新鲜有趣的事要分享吗？

Oh my god. Wait. I never thought about that. Maybe a little bit. They're like, oh, so what, you know, new fun things do you have to share?

因为我每天都见这家伙。

Because I see this guy every day.

对对。或者假设你和朋友以及他们的另一半出去。你们在餐厅或酒吧之类的地方怎么坐？

Right, right. Or say you're going out with your friend and their SO. How do you guys sit at like a restaurant or a bar or something?

哦，我觉得他们坐在一起，而我坐在他们对面。

Oh, I think they sit next to each other and I sit facing them.

好吧，那可真是宫廷小丑的待遇。晚餐加表演的氛围。

Okay, then that's truly court jester. Dinner and a show kind of a vibe.

因为通常我觉得我会坐在和我更亲近的人对面。但我也觉得最像小孩的时候是他们开车时，你知道他们坐在前排两个座位，而我独自在后座。

Because usually I think I sit across from the person I'm closer to. But I also feel the most like a kid when it's like they're driving and you know they're up in the front two seats and I'm just in the back seat by myself.

你开始玩起车窗上的雨滴游戏，你知道的。

You start playing like the raindrop game, you know, on the window.

我觉得这种情况也很有趣，因为有几对情侣经常这样。嗯。比如我会和他们见面或出去玩，就只有他们俩和我，我就像他们的孩子。而且他们也比我们大一些，所以我觉得这更添几分这种感觉。

I think it's also interesting situations because there's, like, a couple of couples that this happens with a lot Mhmm. Where, like, I'll meet up with them or I'll hang out with them, and it's, like, just them two and me, and I'm, like, their child. And they're they're also a little older than us. So I think that adds to it.

你有没有经历过习惯当某个朋友和他们伴侣的第三者，然后他们换了新伴侣，你第一次和他们出去玩？有没有觉得气氛很奇怪或不同？哦。

Have you ever experienced you're used to third wheeling this friend at their SO and then they like have a new SO and you hang out with them for the first time. Do you ever feel like it's weird or different vibes? Oh.

好吧，我记得这种情况发生过一次。因为分手的方式，我完全不在意。我当时想，哦，是的，那次分手是合理的。这个新家伙？

Okay, think this happened like one time. And because of how the breakup went down, I was unbothered. I was like, oh, yeah. That breakup was justified. This new guy?

挺好的。不过，我认识的很多情侣朋友，有时候两个人一起玩，他们都是长期关系，十年以上的那种。如果他们分手了，我肯定会非常震惊。

Great. But, yeah, I guess a lot of the couples that I hang out with, sometimes as, like, one with two people, they're like long term couples. They're like ten plus years. So I'd I'd be pretty shocked if they broke up, I think.

是啊，是啊。我觉得这在我们年轻时候更常见。但我记得我朋友有了新对象，我们一起出去玩时，我突然意识到：哇，副驾驶座上换了个完全不同的人。

Yeah. Yeah. I guess this was maybe more of an occurrence when we were younger. But I just remember my friend got a new SO and we were hanging out and I just had this moment of like, woah. It used to be a different man at the passenger seat.

天啊。好吧。那你父母是离婚了吗？

Oh my god. Okay. Yeah. Are you then a child of divorce?

我觉得观察朋友与生命中不同人的互动也很有趣，能看到关系可以如此迥异。每段关系都会展现一个人不同的面向，能前排围观这种变化真的很奇妙。

Well I think it's also interesting to see your friend interact with different people in their lives and see how the relationship can be so vastly different. I think each relationship brings out a different aspect of someone. So then observing that front row seats to that is kind of crazy.

比如你和詹姆斯一起玩的时候，如果再加一个人，你会不会觉得他们像家长？

Well, you hang out with someone, if it's you and James and then one person hang out with you, do you feel like they're parents?

有点吧，但同时我觉得我们大多数朋友都是共同的朋友，所以感觉更像是回到大学时代那样。

Kind of, but at the same time, I think a lot of our friends are equally our friends. So then it feels more just like us back in college or something.

哦，我明白了。

Oh, I see.

你懂我意思吗？是啊，我们又回到了青春时光。

You know what I mean? Yeah. We revert back to our our youth.

等等，天啊。你知道最搞笑的是什么吗？我有个朋友恋爱长跑多年，我经常单独和他们出去玩。所以我总开玩笑说，天啊，老爸老妈。

Wait. Oh my god. You know what the funniest thing is? So one of my friends who is in a long term relationship and I often hang out with them as like just me. So I've I always joke with them like, oh my god, mom and dad.

结果有次他们在Instagram发帖，居然有三个人也评论‘老爸老妈’。我当时就震惊了，还以为自己是独生子女呢。

And then one time they posted on Instagram and, like, three other people commented mom and dad. And I was like, that's crazy. I thought I was an only child.

这可是你当独生子的唯一机会啊

It was your one chance at only

童年。对啊，我当时就喊停了。我甚至发短信问她：老兄，你到底有多少个孩子啊？

childhood. Yeah. I was like, hold up. I think I even texted her. I was like, dude, how many, like, how many people are your kid?

你们到底在扮演多少对老爸老妈的角色？

Like, how many mom and dad roles do you play?

你是不是感觉像被出轨了一样？

Did you feel like you were getting cheated on?

老兄，这让我想起那个关于嫉妒的问题。我一开始真的非常震惊，心想天啊，别人怎么有胆量评论爸妈？然后我就想，你知道吗？

Dude, this is a callback to that jealousy question. I I was I was actually very, like, shocked initially. I was like, oh my god. Other people have the audacity to comment mom and dad? And then I was like, you know what?

他们就是那样的人。我确信很多人都会这样想：天啊，爸妈。

That's just how they are. It's I'm sure it's natural that many people are like, oh my god. Mom and dad.

那你是不是开始偷偷翻他们的资料了？好像在说'我比你更孝顺'。

That's so did you start, like, stalking their profiles? Like, I'm a better kid than you are.

没有。但我当时就想，哇，这也太离谱了。

No. But I was just like, damn. That's crazy.

兄弟，这简直就是对友谊的完美总结。有时候发生一些事，你就会觉得'这也太离谱了'，然后继续过自己的生活。

Dude, that's like the perfect way to summarize friendship sometimes. Like something happens and you're just like, that's crazy. Then you move on with your life.