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好吧。
Alright.
大家好。
Hi, everyone.
欢迎回到《Girls with Becky Moore》。
And welcome back to for the girlswithbeccamoore.
如果你还没订阅，赶紧点个订阅吧。
If you're not already subscribed, please subscribe.
不过，我今天有个故事要讲给你听。
Do I have a story time for you though?
我真的不行。
I can't.
好像每周都这样。
It's every week, it seems like.
每一周都是如此。
Every single week.
我感觉就像活在《楚门的世界》里一样。
It's like I'm living in the Truman Show or something.
我真的好想能啊。
And I wish I could yeah.
你们有没有留意啊？两周前我做过一期节目，说因为看到一个红灯信号，我就跟一个人分手了。
So I don't know if you guys are paying attention, but two weeks ago, I made an episode saying I ended things with someone because I saw one red flag.
上一期我和格雷森聊的时候，我还惊呼：天哪，会不会我才是反派？我是不是一直在逃避？
And then last week, I did an episode with Grayson where I was like, oh my god, maybe I'm the villain and maybe I was being avoidant.
结果呢，我又和那个人复合了。
And then I ended up getting back together with that person.
所以过去这一个月，我一直在和这个人约会，感觉简直大起大落，不讲出来我真的受不了。
So, yeah, for the past like month, I've been like dating someone and I just think that it's been so up and down that I have to do a story time.
在开始讲这个故事之前，我想先说一句：两期之前，我聊过约会类内容的伦理问题，就是我讲的每一段感情故事，其实都有两个人在里头。
And I just wanna say before I even get started with this story, two episodes ago, I was talking about the ethics of dating content and like how there are there are two people involved in in any dating story I tell.
你们知道的，这故事里不光是我一个人。
You know, I'm not the only person involved in this story.
这个故事里，我只能讲我自己的视角和感受。
And the only part of this story that I can tell is from my perspective and from my POV.
我当然明白，每件事都有两面，不可能一个人就是全然的反派。
So I just obviously I understand that there are two sides to every story and one person cannot be the total villain.
那根本说不通嘛。
Like, that's literally impossible.
所以我还是得先说清楚这一点。
So I just thought that I should give it that quick disclaimer.
我觉得吧，反正就是……
I think that, you know, whatever.
我一直想稍微退一步，别那么投入。
I have been wanting to like pull back a little bit.
但我还是觉得，有些故事值得讲，因为说不定我能让别人觉得，哦，原来我不是一个人。
But I do think that there are some stories that are important to share because I just think that maybe, I don't know, I can make someone else feel less alone.
这简直就是教科书级的例子——你明知道不该回头，还是把人给接回来了。
This is like a textbook story of, like, what happens when you take someone back or when you get back together with someone that you probably shouldn't.
所以我也不确定。
So I don't know.
就当这个故事是个警告吧。
Just use this story time as a warning, I guess.
天啊，贝贝。
Oh my god, Bebe.
如果你在YouTube上看，贝贝刚坐到我旁边了。
If you're watching on YouTube, Bebe just came and sat next to me.
我太激动了。
I'm so excited.
我得装作一切如常，啥事都没有。
I have to pretend like everything's fine and everything's normal.
两集之前，我决定跟一个人彻底结束了，因为我们昨晚和朋友出去后吵了一架。
Two episodes ago, I decided that I was done with someone because we got into an argument after a night out with my friends.
后来我想，也许那是我在逃避。
Then I was like, maybe that was avoidant of me.
不过那次争吵真的来得莫名其妙，完全没道理。
The argument though kind of did come out of nowhere and it didn't really make sense.
这让我脑子里警铃大作。
And it did kind of spark some red flags in my brain.
这让我突然想起来——哦，对不起。
And it reminded me of oh, sorry.
哎呀，我把零食撒得满椅子都是。
I just spilled my recess everywhere on this chair.
哦。
Oh.
哦。
Oh.
哦。
Oh.
哦。
Oh.
我刚洒了一大堆。
I just spilled a lot of this.
哎呀。
Ugh.
我真的不想在乎这事，你知道的。
I just, like, don't wanna care about it, you know.
我盖点东西上去算了。
I'm gonna put something on top.
哦，可别盖鸡上啊。
Oh, not the chicken, though.
我可喜欢那鸡肉了。
I like that chicken.
这事儿让我心里咯噔一下，突然想起以前谈过的两段关系，简直像它们的混合版。
It did spark some red flags in my brain because it reminded me of, actually, like, almost like a combination of two other relationships I've been in.
我觉得有些地方说不上来。
I think there were aspects of I don't know.
我当时就觉得，那场争论里明显有不少警示信号，主要是我觉得根本说不通。
I was just like, there were definitely some red flags in that argument only because I felt like it didn't really make sense.
那次争论之后，大概两三周前，我就跟对方说我想冷静一下，结果我们俩好像根本没在同一个频道上——她根本没给我想要的空间。
After that argument that we had, I think it was like two or three weeks ago, I let the person know that I wanted space and then I we must have just been on different pages because this person didn't give me the space that I was wanting.
不过，也可能是我表达得不够清楚，导致了误会。
But obviously, that could've been could've been miscommunication on my part.
另外，我就管这个人叫Max吧。
Also, I'm gonna refer to this person as Max.
她是女生。
They are a girl.
上一期Grayson就给她起了个叫Max的名字。
Grayson just named her Max last episode.
我也不太明白为啥。
I'm not really sure why.
我也说不清楚。
I don't know.
不过我还是继续叫她Max吧。
But I'm just gonna refer to this person as Max.
行吧？
Okay?
所以呢，就是这样。
So, yeah.
我和Max之前相处得特别好，直到那次喝醉了吵了一架。
Basically, everything was going so well with me and Max until that first, like, drunk argument.
然后我就跟她说，我想冷静一下。
Then I asked for space.
但她没给我空间，当然了，也可能是因为我表达得不够清楚。
I wasn't given space, but obviously, that could have been a miscommunication on my part.
而且我当时对这段关系的态度特别直接，一点余地都没留。
And also, I was a little bit, like, cut and dry with my feelings.
一看到有这些预警信号，我就觉得差不多该结束了。
Like, I I was, like, pretty much done with that person at the first sign of this red flag.
所以我去参加派对的时候，本来以为Max会主动过来跟我搭话。
So when I went to a party and Mac I like I I thought that when I go to this party, Max was going to like come up to me and like talk to me.
那都已经是咱们分手好几天后了，我觉得我们那时候应该还在联系吧，但也不太确定。
And this is like days after we had ended and we had been still I'm pretty sure we're still in communication.
我其实也不太清楚。
I'm not really sure.
结果我一看，Max背对着我，跟别人聊得正欢。
But I saw Max basically having her back to me, kind of, and then talking to like other people.
那一瞬间我就想，哎，这还挺意外的，反而让我想起了当初喜欢Max的原因——她独立，有自己的生活。
So immediately, was like, oh, that was kind of unexpected and almost kind of just made me remember what I liked about Max in the first place, which is that she was like independent and like doing her own thing.
这一下子又勾起了我对她的感觉，也让我更佩服她了，说实话，我也说不清为什么。
So it just kind of like brought back the spark of me liking Max and also just made me respect her more because I I I I don't know.
我之前完全基于派对前那个周末的交流氛围，觉得她那晚肯定一整晚都会来找我聊天。
I just assumed based on like the communication that we were having before this party from the vibe the weekend before, I was expecting this person to like ask to talk to me the entire night.
结果她根本没来，我就想，难道那天的事只是个意外？
So when she didn't really, I was like, oh, maybe that night was like a fluke.
就是那天喝醉了吵的那一架，可能只是个意外。
Like that drunk argument that we got in, maybe it was a fluke.
那天吵的焦点是她的感情状况，还有就是……我大概算有点回避型吧。
And the subject of the argument that we got in that night was, I guess, her relationship status kind of and just like the different I'm I'm I would probably call myself a little bit avoidant.
我觉得她反而更焦虑一点。
And I felt like she was a little bit more anxious.
所以就是那种推拉式的争吵。
So it was just kind of like that push and pull kind of argument.
这种依恋风格，按理说就是灾难组合。
Those attachment styles are a recipe for disaster traditionally.
所以我们俩，说白了，从一开始就没多大希望。
So I think that that we were, I mean, almost set up to fail, basically.
对啊。
And yeah.
结果那天在派对上，看到Max跟别人聊得正欢，我整个人都惊了。
So when when Max was talking to someone else at this party, I was like, oh my god.
马克斯这样也挺好，算是吧。
Good for Max, kind of.
我就想，行吧，随你吧。
And I was just like, okay, whatever.
不过我想跟以后跟我约会的人说一句：
Like, but then I also just wanna say for anyone that I date in the future, can I just say this?
你要是不想让我讲，我绝对不会拿你当素材。
I will not make content about you if you don't want me to.
所以我得在这儿加个声明，因为我觉得，等我讲完这个故事，你就能明白我为啥今天要分享这些了。
So I just thought I should add that disclaimer in here somewhere because I feel like, I mean, once I get to the end of the story, I feel like you'll understand why I decided to share this today.
算了，随它吧。
So whatever.
派对继续进行。
The party goes on.
马克斯的表现让我有点意外，不过是好事。
I'm like a little bit surprised by Max's behavior in a good way.
我当时就想，哇，Max这回真不错。
I was like, damn good for Max.
而且那天晚上Max看起来特别可爱。
And also Max looks cute that night.
所以我提前走了，不是因为别的，就是觉得这派对有点怪怪的，说不上来哪儿不对。
So I'm not I left early because I was just like, a little bit like, what is going on at this party for like a bunch of other reasons.
第二天，Max给我发消息，说想聊聊那天派对的事。
The next day, Max texted me and asked me to talk at the party.
当时周围人好多，感觉所有人都在盯着我们看。
We had a big crowd watching us and I felt like everyone was watching us.
结果那天派对上我们根本没怎么说话。
So we didn't really talk at the party.
不过嘛，Max是想聊，但我跟他说，我对聊天没兴趣。
But yeah, Max asked to talk and I said I wasn't interested in talking.
我说实话吧，我倒是不介意直接睡一觉。
And I said, if I'm being real, I would be down to just hook up.
但我不是那个意思。
And I don't mean that.
我是认真的。
I really mean that.
我以前真没这么干过，但当时觉得Max可能是挺合适的人选，试试也无妨。
I don't I've never really done that before, but I thought that maybe Max would be a good per like a good person to try that.
但说实话，我心里其实并不想，连我自己都不清楚到底想要什么。
But I I think deep down, I knew I didn't really wanna do I don't know what I even wanted.
我就觉得，等等，我能感受到你的气场。
I was just a little bit like, wait, I can feel your energy.
因为平时我觉得Max找我聊天的频率远不止这样。
Because usually, I thought like Max was texting me a lot more than this.
就早上发一条消息，说想聊聊。
Like, just one text in the morning asking me to talk.
我当时就想，行吧。
I was like, okay.
然后我就开始怀疑了。
Then I got suspicious.
后来我登机了，结果我们又聊起来了，就这么自然而然地重新搭上话了。
So then I'm getting on a flight and then, yeah, we're basically and then we just start talking again.
我们又每晚开始视频聊天了。
We like start FaceTiming every night again.
一切又跟我们谈恋爱那会儿一模一样了。
Everything is like pretty much back to like how it was when we were like dating.
我心里头就默认了：行吧，我们算是在一起了。
So in my head, it was like an unspoken thing of like, alright, we are like together.
大概连续几天，每晚视频，每天发消息。
I guess, like, a few days of FaceTiming every night and like texting every day.
但也不是真正在一起，毕竟我人在外面出差。
Not together together because I was traveling.
我当时在另一个城市。
I was like in different city.
那时候我都快不记得自己在哪儿了。
I was in like I don't even know where I was at this point.
好像是在纽约吧？
New York or something?
对。
Yeah.
就是在纽约。
Was in New York.
我们整天发消息，每晚视频，样样不落。
But we were texting all day every day, FaceTiming every night, ETC.
所以在我心里，我们又重新开始聊天了。
So in my head, we were like talking again.
于是我决定，等我回洛杉矶后好好谈一次——在我心里，这等于复合。
So then we decided to have a conversation when I come back to LA, which in my head was to get back together.
我觉得，我以为我们是要重新在一起了。
Like, I thought that I thought we're getting back together.
所以我当时正准备这场对话，还跟朋友们悄悄透了点风，说我要和别人复合了。
So I'm like getting ready for this conversation and I'm already like kind of like soft launching the idea to my friends.
我跟人重新在一起了。
Like, I'm getting back together with someone.
他们听着觉得挺搞笑的。
They kind of thought it was, like, funny.
我不确定他们是不是当真了。
I don't know if they were, like, taking it seriously.
但我其实也说，我只是想和他睡一觉而已。
But I was also saying I kinda just wanna hook up.
然后我就开始觉得，说不定Max这时候也在跟别人联系。
And then I start, like, having the sense that maybe Max is talking to someone else at the same time.
就是那天派对上她搭讪的那个人。
Like, one of the people that she was talking to at that party that night.
但我没证据。
But I couldn't prove it.
我老是开玩笑，问她是不是真的在跟别人来往。
I kept, like, making jokes, like, asking if she was.
她呢，既不承认也不否认。
And she wouldn't, like, confirm or deny.
那时候我就想，天啊，你是不是在劈腿啊？
So at this point, I'm like, oh my god, you're cheating on me hashtag.
我嘴上说着玩，但其实心里当真了。
But like, I was like kind of kidding but not really kidding.
可Max就是不正面否认。
But Max wouldn't really deny it.
我只好先按她给的信息来，假装那事儿没发生过。
So I kinda just had to like go with the information I was given and I kinda pretended that wasn't real.
但我心里特别生气，心想：你为啥就不直接告诉我，你到底有没有在跟别人联系？
But it was making me mad because I was like, why won't you just come out and tell me if you are talking someone else?
因为那人是我好多朋友都认识的。
Because it was someone that I have a lot of mutual friends with.
还是我认识的很多人认识的那个人。
A lot of mutual friends with.
我也知道这人。
And that I know.
但我跟这人没那么熟，不好直接问。
And I could I'm not close enough with this person to ask.
而且我也不想卷进这些破事儿里。
And also, do like, don't really wanna get involved in the drama.
我不想搞什么竞争，你知道的。
Like, I don't wanna, you know, I don't want there to be a competition between us.
其实我也不愿相信这事是真的。
And I also kinda just didn't want it to be real.
所以我从来没直接问过，但老是旁敲侧击说Max是个花花公子，他从来不否认。
So I never really directly asked, but I kept making like little like digs at Max for being like a player and Max would never deny it.
我觉得正因如此，事情才越来越糟，因为我真的搞不清楚状况。
And I do think that that was heightening everything because I was confused.
我当时就想，为啥我们每天晚上都要视频啊？
Because I was like, why are we FaceTiming every night?
而且你也不该把咱们私下的对话随便往外说，这我懂。
And why are you like saying I mean, don't wanna like out any personal private conversation that we had.
但咱们聊的那些内容，明明让我觉得我们是要复合了，或者至少还彼此喜欢着。
But like, the conversations that we're having, like, led me to believe that we were getting back together or we knew we still liked each other.
这感觉太真实了，太明显了。
Like, I think that was pretty tangible and pretty obvious.
所以嘛，随它去吧。
So whatever.
我回到洛杉矶了。
I land back in LA.
我们还是每天视频。
We're still FaceTiming every day.
然后我们本来说好，我落地第二天就去公园见面的。
And the then she we were like had plans to go to the park the next day or like the day that I landed.
然后我好几个小时都没收到她的消息。
And then I didn't get a text for a few hours.
我就有点懵了。
So then I was like confused.
第二天我们本来约了随便逛逛，但我那天没空。
And then the next day, we kind of had loose plans but I couldn't that day.
结果就这么拖了两天，我挺奇怪的，我刚落地LA，我们居然都没聊一下。
And then so it just it got pushed off two days, which like I thought was weird that we didn't talk like the second I landed in LA.
但算了，我真不在乎。
But like whatever, I honestly don't care.
还有，我不是想倒回去说，但我在科切拉的时候，其实正在录我的节目。
And also, not to backtrack, but while I was at Coachella, I was on my show.
抱歉啊，如果这内容不太适合广告投放什么的。
I'm sorry if this isn't brand safe or whatever.
我当时吃了点巧克力软糖，那种含大麻的。
But I was on I was I had taken some sort of like chocolate edible.
我就直接给马克斯发了条消息，说我想她了。
And I went ahead and texted Max Max that I missed her.
然后我开个玩笑。
And then I like joked.
我说，不过你要是跟别人聊天就不算数了。
I was like, but not if you're talking to someone else.
结果她也没否认自己在跟别人聊天。
And then she didn't deny it that she was talking to someone else.
所以这就能解释为什么第二天会那样了——上一期跟格雷森聊的时候，我们还开玩笑说我是那种回避型反派，因为我跟她说‘我想你了’，她居然说‘那咱们聊聊吧’。
So I think that gives like more backstory on why the next day because last episode with Grayson, we were like joking how I was kind of like the avoidant villain because when I said I missed you to her, she was like, let's talk about it.
我当时就说：‘不用聊了，你要是跟我知道的人聊天，我就不想跟你说话。’
And I was like, we don't need to talk about it because I said, I don't wanna talk to you if you're talking to someone I know.
结果她还是没否认。
And then she didn't deny it.
所以后来我就一直纠结，总觉得她可能一边跟我聊天，一边又在跟别人聊。
So then I kept it was kind of like a push and pull of like me realizing that she might be talking to someone else at the same time as me.
这让我觉得特别没吸引力。
And that's unattractive to me.
我不喜欢这种玩心眼儿的游戏。
That's not something that I I don't like games like that.
可能以前年轻的时候，我会觉得这样还挺有意思的，说不准。
I think maybe when I was younger, I would have liked like a I don't know.
其实那晚生日派对上，她不理我，我心里还是想她的。
I mean, obviously, I subconsciously wanted her again when she wasn't giving me attention that night at the birthday party.
但另一方面，我又觉得，我们聊得那么多，她还去跟别人腻在一起，这真的挺烦的。
But at the same time, I'm like, it's just not cute to me for like someone to need because we were talking so much.
我真想不通，她哪来的时间能同时跟我聊得那么勤？
I was like, how do you even have time to talk to someone else at the exact same time as me?
我们每天晚上都要视频好几次，我实在想不明白她哪来的空闲。
Like, I genuinely don't know how this person had time because we were FaceTiming every single night, multiple times a night.
后来我才听说，她居然还跟别人出去玩，我都不知道她哪来的时间。
And then I found out that she was hanging out with I don't even know how she had time.
我也不知道。
I don't know.
随她吧。
Whatever.
但那都是过去的事了，现在根本不重要了。
But that's water under the bridge now because it doesn't matter anymore.
我当时特别懵，因为她一直没说清楚——前一晚我们本来约好在公园见面，重新在一起，那时候我都觉得，唉，这整个过程也就一周半左右吧。
But so I was just very confused because she wouldn't come out with So the night before where I was supposed to meet in the park in my head and get back together because I was also at this point thinking that again, this is like the span of like a week and a half.
但到了那一周半快结束的时候，前一晚我们还约好在公园碰面，我就想，她肯定已经跟那个别人彻底结束了。
But I was like, by the end of the week and a half because the night before we had plans to meet in the park, I was like, she must have ended things with the other person in this story.
而且我压根儿不确定他们俩到底有没有真发生过什么。
Like and also, I didn't even know if they ever had anything.
我还是不清楚。
I still didn't know.
说实话，我啥都不知道。
I had no information, honestly.
我当时完全是凭空猜测。
I was like really going off of nothing.
就因为她没否认这件事。
Just the fact that she wasn't denying it.
我还觉得她可能是故意让我以为她有别人，好让我吃醋——结果还真管用。
And I also thought that maybe she was just like trying to make me think that there was someone else to make me jealous because it was working.
这种捉摸不透的感觉真把我整懵了，她那副调皮的样子，简直让我抓狂。
The confusion was working on me, like where she wasn't she's like she was being cheeky.
但如果我知道她真在跟别人交往，那我根本不会觉得这有什么吸引人的。
But it wasn't it wouldn't have been attractive to me if she was fully seeing some if I knew that she was seeing someone else.
她确实那样了，但算了。
She was, but whatever.
没事的。
It's okay.
她有这权利，毕竟当初提分手的是我。
She was allowed to do that because technically, I was the one that broke up with her.
但我就是觉得挺奇怪的，她怎么有空同时跟我们俩聊天。
But like I just thought it was weird that she had time to talk to both of us at the same time.
不过说真的，这也没错，因为我们根本没说好要exclusive。
But also like technically that's allowed because we weren't exclusive.
我们从来没说过要只跟对方在一起。
Like we never said we're exclusive.
我以为这事儿根本不用明说，大家心里都懂。
I thought in my head it was just like kind of a given.
但显然，人家压根不这么想。
But clearly not.
不管怎样，前一天晚上我们还在视频通话。
Anyway, the night before, we're on FaceTime.
她说：你得好好想想，认真想想，明天咱们聊什么，你现在到底怎么看待咱们俩的关系。
And she was like, I need you to like think about like really like really hard think about like what you wanna talk about tomorrow and like think about where you stand with us now.
我就回她：行吧。
And I was like, okay.
这听起来也太像做作业了吧，我还以为我们就是简单复合一下呢。
This sounds like so much homework but like, I thought we're just gonna get back together.
我也不记得怎么聊到这的，但她突然告诉我，她得跟我和另一个她一直在联系的人分别谈一次。
And I don't really know how it came up, but she ended up letting me know that she had to have a conversation with both me and the other person involved in this, the other person that she had been talking to.
我当时就懵了：等等，你还在跟别人聊天？
And so I was like, wait, you're still talking to someone else?
我觉得没必要非得在公园里谈吧，我又不是参加真人秀。
And I feel like we don't have to have a conversation in the park because that I'm not doing a competition show.
说实话，我脑子里都觉得她像在演《单身汉》的女版，搞什么 lesbian 版的择偶秀。
Like, it felt like, honestly, she was trying to be like the bachelor of the lesbian community in my head.
当然了，她想跟多少人聊天都行，这我管不着。
Again, she's allowed to talk to however many people she wants.
但就因为我们之前聊得那么亲密，她这做法真让我觉得挺倒胃口的。
It was just unattractive for me based on the amount that we were talking.
所以我干脆问她：你到底是不是还在跟别人联系？
So I decided to I was like, I'm I'm if you're are you actually talking to someone else?
她就说，对啊。
And she said, yeah.
但你和我，我们不是正在慢慢理清关系吗？
But me and you, we're like figuring things out.
我们没在聊啊。
We're not we're not talking.
我说：没在聊？
And I was like, we're not talking?
我们几乎天天24小时都在聊，感觉就是这样。
We've been talking twenty four hours a day almost, it feels like.
啊？
Like, what?
你说我们没在聊，什么意思？
What are you talking about we're not talking?
我们不是又像之前那一个月一样，自然而然地聊起来了嘛。
We like slipped right back into the way we had been talking for the month before this.
所以我觉得，行吧，那就到此为止吧。
So to me, I was like, okay, then we're done.
明天在公园里，我也不想跟你聊了。
Like, I don't need to have a conversation with you in the park tomorrow.
她就说：你现在是认真的？
And she was like, are you serious right now?
你真的不打算跟我聊了？
Like, you won't have a conversation with me?
我说：对，不聊。
And I was like, no.
如果你得在我和别人之间做选择，那我就不跟你聊。
Not if you have to decide between me and someone else.
她又说：你都不跟我聊，我怎么选啊？
And she was like, how am I supposed to choose if you don't have a conversation with me?
她这么说的时候，我就想：没错，如果你非得在我和别人之间选一个，那我真就不跟你聊了。
When she said that, I was like, okay, I'm not I'm actually not having a conversation with you if you have to choose between me and another person.
再见。
Goodbye.
她生气了。
And she got upset.
然后她又想收回之前说的那个‘选择’这个词。
And then she kinda like took back the fact that she had chosen to say the word choose.
算了。
So whatever.
但你说过的话，是收不回去的。
But like still that you can't like take back the things you say.
如果你说，我没法在两个女孩之间做选择。
If you say, I can't choose between two girls.
对我来说，我就觉得，行吧，那你已经选好了。
To me, I'm like, okay, then you've made your choice.
反正我是不干了。
And like, I'm not doing this.
就是那种事不关己高高挂起的感觉，你知道的。
Like, not my circus, not my monkeys vibe, you know.
但我心里还是觉得这事儿不真实，以为她会给我发消息，结果第二天她还真发了两条，我也说不清为啥。
But in my head, I still thought this wasn't real and like she would be like texting me, which she kinda did like the next day text me a couple pair I don't know.
现在说这些都没意义了。
It doesn't even matter now.
但我还是给她点了个赞，心里想：我真是疯了，居然又花时间跟你聊，你连选谁都拿不定主意。
But like, I like thumbs up the message because I was like, I cannot believe I wasted time like talking to you again if you can't decide between me and someone else.
那时候我只跟她聊天，也只对她有感觉。
She Because was the only person I was talking to during this time and the only person I liked.
所以我也不懂了。
So I don't know.
发现自己正在聊的人，居然同时还在跟别人暧昧，这打击确实挺大的。
It just obviously was probably a blow to the ego to find out that the person you're talking to is talking to someone else at the same time.
但话说回来，她确实有这个权利。
But I mean, technically, she was allowed to do that.
所以对我来说，这简直让人倒胃口。
So for me, it was just like a turn off.
我就想，行了，这剧情我懒得再演了。
And I was like, alright, I'm done with this narrative, like this storyline.
随它吧。
And I was like, whatever.
我已经准备好翻篇了。
I'm like ready to move on.
但我还是挺难过的。
But I was like sad.
真的特别难过。
I was really sad.
我觉得谈了一个月的恋爱，哪怕就见过一面，我心里多少有点数了。
I feel like when you're a month into dating someone, even if you've like hung out with someone one time, you kind of know in my head, I guess.
我总是能凭直觉知道谁是我还想继续见的人。
I I feel like I always have like a gut feeling on who I'm gonna like keep seeing.
她居然说要在我和别人之间做选择，对我来说，那就是：拜拜了您内。
So for her to say the words like choose between you and someone else, to me, I'm like, okay, bye.
对吧？
Right?
所以我干脆就不想跟她谈，直接在公园里结束了这段关系。
Like, so I ended things I ended things by not wanting to have a conversation in the park.
但其实我心里还盼着她能给我发条消息，说：‘对不起，我刚想清楚了，我选你’，再来个超浪漫的举动，就像泰勒·斯威夫特那样——哎我怎么老提她啊，反正就是那种特别戏剧化的告白，最后决定跟我在一起。
But secretly, I was just hoping that she would like text me and be alright, I made my I've made my decision and like pull like a big Taylor Swift move and like do a big gesture and be like, I don't know why I said Taylor Swift move, but like, just something like romantic and like just decide to be with me.
因为我觉得电影里不都是这么演的嘛。
Because I feel like that's kind of how it goes in the movies.
我的意思是，我们之间明显有那种感觉。
I mean, we clearly had a connection.
是啊。
Yeah.
我们天天聊天，关系也挺近的。
We were talking every day and we got pretty close.
所以她那样，我真的挺受伤的，她居然没……
So I was just pretty hurt by the fact that she wasn't yeah.
她那时候，大概对我也没那么确定吧。
She just wasn't, I guess, sure about me at that time.
我也不晓得。
I don't know.
现在回头想想，我还是觉得，我真不懂。
Looking back, I'm like, I don't know.
这事其实发生得挺近的。
This is also like really recent.
所以我现在还没法看清楚，也没法 hindsight。
So I don't I don't really have hindsight right now.
我只是边讲边在脑子里理一理这件事。
But like, I'm just trying to like sort this through in my brain while I tell a story.
所以啊。
So yeah.
她没法在我和别人之间做选择，这事儿真伤我自尊了。
My ego was just hurt by the fact that she couldn't choose between me and someone else.
算了。
So whatever.
接下来几天，我特别低落。
The next few days, I'm sad.
整个人都蔫了。
I'm like pretty down in the dumps.
我就靠朋友陪着我。
And I'm leaning on my friends.
朋友们都说：别担心，一切都会好起来的。
My friends are like, everything's gonna be okay.
你明明是自己先提的分手。
Like, you broke up with her in the first place.
你还记得你们当时吵的那架吗？
Like, you remember that fight that you guys got in?
哎，会没事的。
Like, it's gonna be fine.
我跟朋友格雷森一起去吃晚饭，他上周还上过我的播客。
I go to dinner with my friend, Grayson, who was again on my pod last week.
我们俩在这座小镇上一家接一家地逛酒吧，可惜这地方太小了。
And we are bar hopping in the town we live in, which is unfortunately a small town.
这儿简直就是所有女同性恋的聚集地，大家都住这儿。
Very much every gay girl is over here and like lives over here.
所以那天晚上，我们就在这镇上一家酒吧接一家酒吧地转悠。
So at the in this town, we were like going from bar to bar.
整个晚上，格雷森都在安慰我。
And this entire time, Grayson's like comforting me.
她一直说：天哪，你肯定会好起来的。
She's like, oh my god, you're gonna be so fine.
但Max现在约会的那个人，正好是格雷森的朋友。
But the person that Max was dating was one of Grayson's friends.
这下事情更乱了。
So that just made things kind of messy.
但Grayson全程都特别中立，根本没掺和这事。
But also Grayson was like super neutral the whole time and like never was in the middle of it at all.
而这事儿就发生在我们原定要谈心的第二天。
And and this is like the day after we were supposed to have our conversation.
我明显还因为咱们没谈成、已经分手的事儿闷闷不乐。
And like I was still clearly like upset about the fact that we weren't having a conversation and that we were over, I guess.
我一直在想，天啊，他们现在会不会开始聊天、甚至约会了？
And I was kind of wondering like, oh my god, are they gonna like talk now or like date now?
要是以后在派对上看到他们俩出双入对，那也太尴尬了。
Like that's gonna be annoying to see them at parties and stuff together.
结果我们走进一家常去的酒吧，就撞见了Max和Grayson的朋友。
But we walked into a bar that we go to a lot and we saw them, Max and Grayson's friend.
抱歉。
Sorry.
Max和那个女孩在约会。
Max and this girl on a date.
幸运的是，他们没看见我们。
And so they didn't see us luckily.
所以我们直接转身走了，我立马就哭了，简直不敢相信这事真的发生了。
So we just like walked out and I'm immediately in tears because I cannot believe it.
那时候我觉得自己被Max彻底甩了，完全没料到会这样——虽然最后他还是亲口告诉了我。
Because I felt I think at this point, I just felt, I guess, reject like blindsided by Max because I couldn't believe this even though Max did end up having to tell me.
我以为我们之间，跟别人不太一样。
I I I thought that we had like a different connection than that.
我觉得我们俩那么亲近，我以为我们是特别的。
Like, I thought that it was pretty we're just so close, I thought.
或者我也说不清。
Or like, I don't know.
我们之间明明有那么多火花。
There was so many like sparks.
我觉得我们那段关系特别热烈，发展得特别快。
And I felt like it was a pretty hot and heavy relation like a very moving fast relationship.
从一开始我就觉得我们俩是 exclusively 的。
And we're pretty much exclusive like from the start, I thought.
所以我完全没料到，被狠狠打了个措手不及。
So to me, I was blindsided.
就在我以为我们快要复合的第二天。
It was the day after I thought we were going to get back together.
撞见他们俩在约会，真他妈糟透了。
So walking in on them on a date, it sucked.
真的，糟透了。
It really did suck.
我在酒吧里哭得稀里哗啦。
So I'm crying at the bar.
所有人都过来安慰我。
Everyone's comforting me.
我正听着别人给我打气呢，突然就想：嘿，等等。
I'm kind of like getting a pep talk and I'm like, you know what?
对。
Yeah.
这事吧，说真的，两边都挺伤人的，我也说不清为啥。
This is a little bit, I don't know, just like hurtful on both ends.
第二天早上，我被Max一条短信闹醒了，内容嘛，我都记不清了。
The next day, I wake up from a text from Max saying something about like I don't even know.
好像是关于我的播客的事。
It was like something about my podcast.
她看了我的播客，大概吧。
She had watched my podcast or something.
然后她就说：我有几个意见要提。
And then she like she was like, I have a few notes on that.
我就回了个赞。
And I've like, thumbs it up.
我就说，你好好过你的日子吧。
And I was like, basically have a nice life.
那时候我真的挺生气的。
Like, I was like pretty upset at this point.
我还说，我昨晚刚见过你。
And I was like, I saw you last night.
我当时状态差极了。
Like, I was terrible.
我就说，我不想跟你说话。
And I was like, I don't wanna talk.
我再也不想跟你说话了。
I don't wanna talk to you ever again.
别误会。
No offense.
其实，我真是挺有意见的。
Actually offense.
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现在回头想想，我居然还这么在意这事，又翻出来讲，真是服了。
And looking back, the fact that I was so willing to like I'm like getting remade about this again because I'm like, really?
为啥偏偏把我塑造成那个逃避的坏人？
Like, why am I being the one painted as like the avoidant villain?
我确实挺回避的，但这也太夸张了吧。
Which obviously, I am avoidant, but like still, this is all pretty evil.
算了，随它去吧。
Well, whatever.
但那天我其实去上心理课了。
I'm in therapy that day though.
就是我说‘你好好过吧’那天。
The day that I had said, like, basically, like, have a nice life.
那天下午，我还在做心理咨询。
I'm in therapy that afternoon.
而且事后我也后悔了，觉得在短信里耍脾气有点过分。
And also I kinda and I just like regretted being a little bit bratty over text.
然后我又把这事讲给治疗师听，说我跟Max说在科切拉音乐节很想她，结果第二天又撤回了。
And I so then I'm retelling the story to my therapist and I'm telling how like I told Max that I missed her at Coachella, then the next day I took it back.
但关键是，我没提我撤回的原因——我怀疑她可能在跟别人聊天，其实我根本不该撤回的。
But here's the thing, I'm like leaving out the details of like the reason I took it back is because I realized that she might be talking to someone else, which like obviously, I shouldn't have taken it back.
但我也不想多说，就只是设了个界限：对了，如果你在跟别人聊，就别再跟我聊了。
But I didn't wanna have any I just kept like setting boundaries of like, by the way, if you're talking to someone else, do not keep talking to me.
可她还是继续找我聊天。
And then she would keep talking to me.
所以我猜她是故意留着这个尾巴，想让我以为她在跟别人交往，好让我吃醋——因为只有我觉得她可能在跟别人聊的时候，我才又主动理她。
So I think I just assumed that she was leaving it open ended so that I would think that she was talking to someone else to make me jealous because that's the only time that I gave her attention again is when I thought maybe she was, like, talking to someone else.
我当时有点占有欲，觉得我们还能回到从前。
And I was feeling a little bit possessive of her because I thought we were gonna get back to that.
我觉得那天晚上可能只是个意外。
I thought that maybe that night was, like, kind of a fluke.
就是我们喝醉了吵架的那晚，她跟我争辩我们到底算不算在交往。
Like, the night that we got on that drunk fight when she was, like, arguing with me about our relationship status kind of.
我也不知道。
I don't know.
随你吧。
Whatever.
其实我是想和她复合的，剧透一下——我们后来还真复好了。
So I and I wanted to get back together with her, which spoiler alert, we do get back together.
随你吧。
Whatever.
我在 therapy 里跟治疗师重述这件事，但有些太丢脸的细节，我都没提。
So I'm in therapy retelling the story to my therapist, leaving out the details that are too a little bit too embarrassing to tell her.
我跟治疗师说，Max 觉得我特别逃避问题。
And I'm telling my therapist how Max thinks I'm super avoidant.
我还跟她说，我对这事特别混乱，那天早上说‘祝你过得好’的时候态度那么冲，现在想想挺愧疚的。
And I was telling her how I have like so much confusion about it and I feel bad for being a little bit snappy when I said have a nice life over tags like that morning.
我的逃避，就是靠一走了之来表现的。
My avoidance showed up in the form of like ending things.
但说实话，我现在一点都不后悔当初分开，我觉得。
But I don't even regret ending things the first time anymore, I don't think.
我觉得更像是允许那种拉扯感存在，那种忽近忽远。
I think it's more like allowing that dynamic to come in and like the push and pull.
说白了，我其实还挺享受这种节奏，像嗑药一样上瘾。
Almost like that I was enjoying the dynamic and like doses.
可有时候我又恨不得赶紧躲得远远的。
And then other days I would be like, get away from me kind of.
反正就是一会儿上天一会儿入地，完全没个准儿。
It just felt like I was kind of like, and it was like an up and down thing.
于是我的治疗师建议我每周来两次。
So my therapist suggests that I start coming twice a week.
那时候我直接傻了：天哪。
And that's when I was like, oh my god.
我是不是哪里有问题？
Am I is there something wrong with me?
她怀孕了。
She's pregnant.
现在已经五个月了。
She's five months pregnant.
她六月就要休产假了。
She's gonna be on maternity leave in June.
她当时的意思是，我觉得你得先在心里把这事理清楚，毕竟这事儿真的在折磨你。
So she was kind of framing it like, no, I think we just gotta get this figured out in your brain because clearly it's like really hurting you.
我觉得这事儿不光是跟现在这个情况有关。
And I think it doesn't just have to do with this situation.
这背后肯定有更深的原因，我产假前得先把根子挖出来。
I think it's way deeper than this and we have to get to the root of it before I go on maternity leave for four months.
她之所以提这个，原因就在这儿。
So that was kind of like why she brought it up.
但这也让我开始怀疑，是不是我本身就有问题，比如太逃避了，然后我就对以前那些关系感到内疚。
But also that started to make me think that there was like something really wrong with me because like maybe I'm like super avoidant and like then I started feeling guilty for the other relationships I've been in.
唉，我真的说不好。
Like, I I don't know.
我确实会躲开一些尴尬的对话，就是不想伤人。
I didn't want I do think that I avoid like some awkward conversations because I don't want to hurt someone.
一害怕我就躲得远远的，从来不正面聊那些我不喜欢的事。
So when I get scared, I just like pull away instead of having a conversation about something I don't like usually.
反正吧。
Whatever.
她提议每周两次的时候，我就开始觉得特别对不起Max，天哪，我怎么这样。
So when she suggests twice a week, I started thinking that like I'm I feel so bad for Max because I'm like, oh my god.
我简直不敢相信自己当时对她那么凶，人家本来就有权跟别人约会的。
I'm I'm can't believe I was snappy to her and like she was technically allowed to date someone else.
明明想见，却见不到，真难受。
It just sucked to want to see it, you know.
就是特别难受。
And it's like it just sucked.
这换谁谁不难受啊。
That would suck for anyone anyone.
我当时就是懵了。
So and I was just confused.
我们天天聊个不停，搞得我特别混乱。
There's a lot of confusion because we were talking all the time every day.
我觉得我大概是受伤了。
And like, I thought I guess I just felt hurt.
我还以为我们要复合了，结果她一边跟我聊，一边又在跟别人约会。
Like I thought we're getting back together and obviously, she was talking to someone else at the same time as me.
是啊。
So yeah.
这种事搁谁身上都得崩溃。
That's like that would hurt anyone really.
但我当时确实对她态度不太好。
But again, I was like snappy to her.
所以我就在想，我该不该给马克斯道个歉？
So then I'm like, do you think I should apologize to Max?
说实话，我觉得他们俩迟早要在一起。
I'm thinking that they're gonna date, honestly.
我真的不敢相信这事居然发生了。
Like, I couldn't believe this.
就为了看别人去约会，这感觉太奇怪了。
Like, it was just to watch someone else to see someone else on a date.
我也不晓得该怎么说。
I don't know.
随它吧。
Whatever.
更别说那天早上，她明明可以干脆点，却还跟我吵了一架。
And the fact that like, she was like letting me fight with her that morning instead of just being like, I don't know.
我觉得，有朝一日他们要是真分了，我一定会跟马克斯道歉，为我在这段关系里做的那些事。
I was like, I think that one day if they ever break up, I'm gonna like apologize to Max for my part in our relationship not working out.
我 therapist 说：‘好吧，行吧。’
And my therapist was like, okay, yeah.
但咱们现在先别想这个了。
But let's not think about that right now.
你根本没必要这么做。
Like, you don't have to do that.
而且我也知道，我这想法挺自私的。
And also I knew that was like selfish of me.
我觉得潜意识里，其实只是因为我那时候真的挺想 Max 的。
And I think maybe subconsciously it was just like a little bit me being like, I just miss Max honestly, like at that point.
所以我心里就想：等他们哪天真分了，我再跟他道个歉吧。
So in my head, was like, I'm just gonna I'm gonna apologize one day if they ever break up.
我不想打扰他们的关系。
I don't wanna like disrupt their relationship.
可我一走出治疗室，就发现 Max 给我发了一条撤回的消息。
But then I walk out of therapy and I see that I had an unsend text from Max.
我当时就惊了，天哪。
And I was like, oh my god.
谢谢老天爷。
Thank you, God.
到底是什么啊？
Like, what was it?
我心想，你本来想发啥啊？
I was like, what did you wanna send?
然后她回了句什么。
And then she said something.
接着我就发了个消息，顺带提一句。
And then basically, I just sent like, hey, side note.
我想跟你说，对不起，我在这段关系里也有责任，那种回避、逃避的态度，确实是我造成的。
I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for for my part in, you know, the dynamic that we had, like the avoidance that showed up in our relationship.
我说完这话，她就给我打电话了，我们俩一接通，就都哭了。
And when I said that, she called me and then we both got on the phone and then we both cried.
然后我们就复合了。
And then we got back together.
你猜怎么着？
And guess what?
跟前任复合这事儿吧，是这样的。
Here's the thing about getting back together with your ex.
头五天简直爽到飞起。
It feels awesome the first five days.
你猜怎么着？
But guess what?
五天一过，你还得跟朋友宣布：我们又分手了。
Five days later, oh, you have to announce to your friends, we just broke up again.
我们又分手了。
We just broke up again.
你猜怎么着？
Because guess what?
复合的好处和坏处，其实都是一回事。
Here are the all the pros of getting back together with your ex are all the cons of getting back together with your ex.
好处是感觉不错，坏处是根本没好到哪去，别复合了。
The pros, the cons, don't do it.
好处就是，感觉挺美的。
The pros are it feels good.
坏处就是，感觉其实没那么好。
The cons are it doesn't feel good.
真没那么好，宝贝。
It doesn't feel that good, baby.
也不是一点都不好。
It doesn't not feel that good.
好处嘛，至少有个事儿干。
It's it's the pros are it's something to do.
坏处嘛，嗯。
The cons are, yeah.
这事儿能让你在接下来几个月健身的时候，脑子里有事可想。
It's gonna be something to do in your brain for the next like few months while you're working out.
这事儿咋就发生了？你到底哪根筋搭错了？
Why the hell that even happened and what is wrong with you.
突然间你一周得去两次心理治疗，还自己纳闷：我这日子到底过成啥样了？
And now you're in therapy twice a week all of a sudden and you're like, oh my god, what am I doing with my life?
这怎么就搞成这样了？
How did this happen?
我真是个傻子。
I'm an idiot.
不过话说回来，还挺有意思的。
Besides that, it's pretty fun.
但确实有不少坑在那儿。
But definitely some cons there.
所以，没错，我们立马就复合了。
So, yeah, we immediately get back together.
她跟那个人分手了。
She ends things with the other person.
能和马克斯重归于好，感觉真棒。
And it feels awesome to be back together with Max.
我一开始特别喜欢马克斯，真的特别喜欢。
All I wanted was I I liked Max so much in the beginning of our relationship.
我当时就觉得，我们肯定能在一起谈恋爱。
Like I thought I I was like, we're definitely gonna date.
我那时候特别开心。
I was so happy.
一切都完美得不得了。
Everything was perfect.
可我们第一次吵架的时候，我简直懵了，特别难过，因为我一直觉得这个人完美无缺。
So when we got in that fight, that first fight that we got in, it was like shocking to me and it was really sad because I was like, I I thought that this person was perfect.
就好像突然有个开关被 flipped 一样，我们吵的那架，根本就没什么道理。
And it just felt like a flip of a switch happened and it didn't really make the argument that we got on didn't really make sense.
但我当时觉得那可能只是个意外，因为她好像为此承担了责任，我觉得。
But I thought maybe it was a fluke because she like took accountability for that, I think.
我觉得我们那时候已经把那件事解决了。
And I thought we kinda resolved that issue.
真的，我们是解决了。
And we did, honestly.
对啊。
Yeah.
所以我们复合后的那五天，简直太棒了。
So those five days that we got back together were like so awesome.
一切都完美极了。
Everything was perfect.
我一直在想，我们当初为啥要分手呢？
And I was like, why did we ever break up?
我唯一注意到的就是，我吃得特别少。
The only thing I noticed was I wasn't eating a lot.
我当时特别焦虑，根本睡不着觉。
And I was really anxious and I wasn't sleeping.
那种感觉就像肾上腺素飙升，我也说不清为啥在这个人身边，偶尔会冒出一种说不清的直觉。
It was like adrenaline and it was like, I don't know why around this person I felt like like a little bit of like a gut thing sometimes.
就是偶尔吧。
Like sometimes.
我一直在拼命压着这种感觉。
And I kind of was like pushing it down.
我也得说一句，如果现在听着的是Max，或者Max的任何朋友，这事儿听着肯定不爽。
And also I do wanna say like I'm like, and this isn't fun to hear if you are Max or like any of Max's friends.
我真的特别抱歉。
I'm so sorry.
我真不是想背后说你或者你朋友的坏话，也不确定这人会不会看到这个。
And I'm really my aim my goal is not to talk shit about you or your friend or like whoever's I don't know if this person will watch this.
但说实话，这真不是我的目的。
But, you know, I'm really that's not my goal.
我只是想给女孩们一些建议。
I'm just trying to like give advice to girls.
抱歉。
Sorry.
真的特别抱歉。
So sorry.
不过那五天真的特别棒。
Anyway, the five days were awesome though.
她甚至陪我去加州圣巴巴拉的一所大学参加我发言的论坛。
To the point that like she came with me to a panel that I spoke on in Santa Barbara at a college.
看到她在工作场合、休闲时刻都怎么支持我，真的特别感动。
It was so awesome to like just see how she would show up as a partner during like work things, during like fun things.
她人真的很好。
So she was great.
她真的特别好。
She was great.
她真的特别棒。
Like she was awesome.
她对我特别好。
She was so nice to me.
我见了她一位家人，特别喜欢。
I got to meet one of her family members and I loved it.
那五天过得简直太棒了。
It was like a very awesome five days that we had.
到了第五天，我有个活动。
And then on the fifth day, I had an event.
我去参加了Hulu的‘真实人生’活动。
I had the Hulu Get Real event.
特别有意思。
Very fun.
我和钱宁、特里斯坦、凯特还有彼得一起去的。
I went with Channing and Tristan and Kat and Peter.
太好玩了。
It's so fun.
Hulu那个活动结束后，我和特里斯坦、钱宁还有彼得一起去吃晚饭。
Me, Tristan, Channing and Peter decided to go to dinner after the Hulu Get Real event.
我们本来约了马克斯一起吃晚饭。
And we were going to meet Max out for dinner.
结果我们去的居然还是那天刚来时，跟钱宁和彼得闹矛盾的那家餐厅，真是巧得离谱。
And we actually were going to the same exact place that we went to the first night that we got in a fight after this restaurant that we were at with Channing and Peter, which is crazy.
那顿饭简直完美到不行。
And basically like everything went so awesome at this dinner.
我当时就觉得，一切都特别顺心。
I was thinking like I felt like everything was good.
不过我注意到钱宁和彼得对马克斯有点儿提防。
I did notice that Channing and Peter were like being a little bit suspicious of Max.
但我觉得马克斯根本没察觉到。
But like that, I don't think Max seemed to notice.
我觉得他们只是想起了那晚，觉得特别困惑，因为那天晚上我们玩得特别开心，可一回到家就突然吵了起来。
I think they just like remember that night and remember how confusing it was because we had a really great night and then all of a sudden we got a huge fight when we got back to my house.
所以那事儿特别莫名其妙，吵得一点道理都没有。
So it was just really confusing and the fight didn't make sense.
最后我们提到了一个大家都认识的人，这人拉黑了查宁，但没拉黑诺。
So we end up bringing up someone that we mutually know that blocked Channing and blocked no.
我觉得他没拉黑麦克斯。
I don't think they blocked Max.
但查宁和彼得俩人都有这个人的故事。
But like, they both had like a story about this person.
应该是查宁先提起来的，还跟麦克斯讲了个关于这人的搞笑事儿。
So I think Channing brought it up and was like telling Max a funny story about this person.
然后麦克斯也讲了个关于这人的搞笑故事。
And then Max was telling a funny story about this person.
整个对话大概持续了五分钟吧。
And it was the conversation lasted probably like five minutes.
我当时也在笑，跟着凑热闹。
And I was like laughing and like partaking.
这太离谱了吧。
I was like, that's so crazy.
太搞笑了。
That's so funny.
我特别开心他们俩能聊得来。
And I was excited that they were bonding.
说真的，我也说不清。
And I feel like, I don't know.
有时候八卦还真能拉近人和人的关系。
Sometimes like gossip does bond people.
我特别高兴Channing愿意敞开心扉，支持你和Max重归于好——这对她来说可是个大进步，毕竟我之前还得求她：别太刻薄。
And I was just excited that Channing was like opening her mind to me and Max getting back together because that was a big step for Channing because I did have to like tell her, please be nice.
真的，别太刻薄。
Please be nice.
所以我特别开心，他们居然在聊一个俩人都认识的人。
So I was excited that they were like talking about someone that they both quote unquote knew.
随它吧。
Whatever.
拍完这张照我们就走。
We take a photo after this.
那时候一切都挺顺的。
Like, everything was going good.
我们俩在桌子底下牵着手。
We're like holding hands under their table.
一切都没问题。
Everything's fine.
后来我们还亲了一口。
We kiss at one point.
我得把这些细节都说出来，毕竟后面那场架，这些可都关键。
I'm just I have to give these details because, I mean, obviously, they're gonna be relevant to the fight that we later have.
然后我们就去了另一家酒吧，玩起了喝酒游戏。
So then we go to another bar and we're playing like a drinking game.
一切都挺开心的。
Everything's fun.
我真不知道哪儿出了问题，到底发生了啥。
I don't really know what switched or what happened.
到现在我还是有点懵。
And I still kind of don't.
我真的搞不懂那会儿到底怎么了。
Like, I'm I'm still confused about what happened.
不过我和钱宁有次进了洗手间。
But me and Channing at one point go into the bathroom.
出来之后，一切照旧。
We come back out.
那时候快十一点了，我们都打算回家了。
It's like 11PM at this point and we were like all gonna go home.
于是我叫了辆优步，这时候Max去了一趟洗手间，Peter突然说：别跟Max回家。
And so I'm calling an Uber and then Max goes to the bathroom for a second and Peter was like, don't go home with Max.
我当时就说：啊？什么？
And I was like, wait, what?
Peter接着说：她现在情绪特别激动。
And Peter was like, she's she's being really intense right now.
别跟她回家。
Don't go home with her.
我觉得你们俩不太可能成。
I don't think it's gonna work out between you guys.
我当时就惊了：天哪！
And I was like, oh my god.
我上个洗手间的功夫，到底发生了啥？
What happened while I was in the bathroom?
然后他直接说：我时间不够，没法跟你细说。
And then he basically said, I don't have enough time to tell you.
我没时间跟你细说了。
I don't have enough time to tell you.
我当时就说：你可别这么吊我胃口啊！
And I was like, you cannot leave me on this cliffhanger like this.
到底发生啥了？
Like, what is going on?
我都叫好优步了，Max也已经要上我的车了。
I already called my Uber and Max is already getting in my Uber.
我都跟Max说了，她可以跟我一起上车。
So or like, already told Max that she could get in my Uber.
我和Max一起上了我的优步。
Me and Max get into my Uber.
一上车、门刚关上，Max就往窗外看，我立马感觉不对劲了，整个人完全变了。
Immediately, when we enter the car and close the door, Max looks out the window of this Uber and I could just tell, like, something had had a 100% shifted.
简直像换了个人似的，跟吃饭时完全不是一个人。
And it was like a completely different person than the person that I was at dinner with.
我知道她之前可能出去吃晚饭，或者先去喝了点酒，才来跟我会合的。
And I also know that she was out to dinner, I think, before or like out to drinks before we got to dinner.
所以我不确定她是不是突然喝多了。
So I don't know if all of a sudden she was drunk or something.
我真的说不准。
I don't know.
我只知道她盯着窗外，直勾勾地往前看，然后说：‘我不知道这事儿还能不能成。’
All I know is that she's looking out the window and she looks straight ahead and she's like, you know, this just I just I don't know if this is gonna work.
我当时就问：‘啥？’
And I was like, what?
行吧。
Okay.
但我心里清楚，整个过程咱们的司机都听得一清二楚。
But I also knew that we had an Uber driver listening to us this entire time.
所以我只好说：‘好吧。’
So I was like, okay.
我也没办法啊。
I don't okay.
我不想在出租车里闹起来，你知道的。
Like, I didn't wanna, like, you know, cause a scene in in this Uber.
所以我就说，行吧。
So I was like, okay.
这样也挺好。
That's that's fine.
你能告诉我为什么吗？
Can you tell me why?
她说，如果我和我伴侣还有他朋友们一起吃饭，我不希望谈话老是围着过去的事转。
And she was like, if I'm at a dinner with my partner and her friends, I want the conversation to not be about the past.
我更希望我伴侣和他朋友们聊聊，比如说，他们未来的打算之类的。
And I would appreciate it if my partner and her friends would talk about, oh, I don't know, maybe their aspirations.
行吧。
Okay.
你希望我在跟朋友吃饭的时候聊我的理想？
You want me to talk about my aspirations at dinner with my friends?
行吧。
Okay.
难不成我还得提前发消息给他们，说‘马克斯特别想聊聊咱们各自的理想’？
Because I supposed to text them before and say, hey, Max really wants to talk about all of our aspirations.
说实话，要是吃饭时能聊聊大家的理想，我觉得特别有意义。
Personally, to me, that would mean a lot to me if we could talk about our aspirations at dinner.
我真打算给钱宁打个电话，复刻一下这场景。
I'm actually gonna call Channing to recreate.
我不知道她会不会接，但这话确实太搞笑了，分手理由也够奇葩的。
I don't know if she'll answer or not, but it was just that's just such a funny thing to say and also funny reason to broken up with.
我当时根本没当真。
So I wasn't taking it seriously.
我就心想，哦，原来是这个原因啊。
I was kinda just like, okay, if that's why.
彼得之前也提醒过我。
And I'd also again been warned by Peter.
所以我又觉得，这事儿也太离谱了吧。
So again, I was like a little bit like, this is crazy.
我知道这事儿太荒唐了，根本没必要较真。
Like, and I I knew that it was like so crazy that I wasn't gonna like fight it.
嗨。
Hi.
嗨。
Hi.
宝贝儿。
Hey, baby.
我在录我的播客，正想聊聊Max的事儿。
I'm filming my podcast and I just wanted to get I'm talking about the Max story.
我们那顿饭到底聊了啥？怎么就搞成这样了？
What did we talk about at dinner that we couldn't or what was the thing?
咱们聊聊那顿晚饭吧。
Let's talk about the dinner.
对。
Yeah.
我想说说这事。
I wanna talk about it.
大家好。
Hey, y'all.
我是贝卡的朋友。
I'm a friend of Becca.
我知道你们可能不太在意我。
I know y'all don't care for me.
那我回洗手间去，这样你们听得清楚点。
So I go let me go back in the bathroom so you can hear me better.
好。
Okay.
好。
Okay.
行。
Okay.
明白了。
Okay.
我
I
我刚跟家里的朋友凯蒂提起你们这群人。
was just telling my friend Katie from home about, hey, y'all.
灯光，摄像机，管他呢。
Lights, camera, fuck it.
你们觉得呢？
Agree or not really?
我希望还能回贝卡的播客做一期。
I hope to come back on Becca's podcast.
她不希望我过去。
She doesn't want me there.
这个我完全能理解，也支持。
And that's something I can get behind and understand.
我确实挺烦人的。
I'm very annoying.
别这么说。
No.
我每周都请Shannon来，但她从来抽不出时间。
I every week, I ask Shannon to come and she never can.
你排得满满的，太忙了。
You're booked and busy.
我想我下周会来。
Well, I'm gonna come next week, I think.
对。
Yeah.
你必须去。
You have to.
下周你非去不可。
You have to for next week.
好。
Okay.
行。
Okay.
那咱们先把这事儿定下来。
Then let's save the story.
不行。
No.
不行。
No.
不行。
No.
我这不正说着呢吗。
I'm already telling it.
是这样的。
Here's the thing.
我有点疯疯癫癫的。
I'm a little crazy.
贝卡比我更疯，但说到讲道理，咱俩其实都挺正常的。
Becca's a little crazier than me, but we're both, like, reasonable when it comes to, like, being reasonable.
我不是说我们太讲道理了，但真不是吹，我们当时聊到那个地步，我都快得跑路了。
Not I'm saying reason too much, but, like, truly, we were working with, like, to the point where I was, like, there's not not a world and had to, like, sprint away.
吃饭的时候，我们怎么就聊了那么多不该聊太久的事？
At dinner, we were did how did we talk about anything that we shouldn't have talked about for too long?
我提了个挺搞笑的故事。
We I brought up one funny story.
不好意思。
Sorry.
我被一个我根本没见过的人拉黑了。
I'm blocked by someone who I've never met.
真的特别感谢你。
Appreciate it all.
都是因为有你。
Because of you.
我的天，这算什么啊。
Because, like, hello.
根本就不是这么回事。
Not even.
我从来没做过错事，你也没有。
Like, I never did anything wrong nor did you.
就是有人误会了。
But people have misinterpretations.
是啊。
Yeah.
所以 basically，我之前说过这部分了，就是我们聊过一个特别有意思的故事，关于你们俩都认识的一个人，那事儿可逗了。
So basically, I I already told this part how we talked about one bonding story about how you guys both, like, had a funny story about someone that you both you both knew.
然后那场对话持续了大概五分钟，接着我们就一起拍了张照。
And then that conversation lasted like five minutes, and then we took a photo together.
所以一切都挺顺利的。
So everything was fine.
他们说：‘让我讲一句。’
They said they said, let me say something.
我当时就说：‘你等我先说，我讲完再听你的。’
I was like, well, let me go first, then I wanna hear your story.
对。
Yeah.
结果他们直接把故事接过去了。
And then they took over the story.
我们都笑成一团，一切都没问题。
And we were all laughing, and everything was fine.
大家都积极参与每个环节，你别太紧张了。
Everyone was contributing to all every part of it, so relax a good bit.
然后
And then
搞定那个该死的戒指视频。
dealing with release the fucking ring footage.
放出戒指的视频。
Release the ring footage.
而且
And
我们上了车，结果压根没聊什么人生理想，太遗憾了。
then we get in the car, and, apparently, we did not talk about our aspirations and Fantastic.
我真怀念我的那些理想啊。
I miss my aspirations.
那会儿的理想，简直太燃了。
They were so hot.
你没觉得吗？
Did you not?
说实话，我真希望我们能有更多这样的时刻。
I wish we had more of them, honestly.
我也是。
Oh, I do.
抱歉，我平时吃饭时从不提这些事。
I'm sorry I don't bring that up in a fucking casual dinner.
谢谢你送的这束花，真贴心。
So thank you for the lovely bouquet.
咱们聊聊贝卡的新约会节目吧。
Let's talk about Becca's dating show coming out.
天哪。
Oh my god.
对啊。
Yeah.
我有个约会节目，是钱宁主持的，六月就要上线了，简直笑死人。
I have a dating show that Channing hosted and it's coming out in June and it's so fucking funny.
她当时是替我去约会，帮我去见那些人。
She was like going on the dates to date the people for me.
那过程也太疯狂了。
And And it was so much.
我真的很感激。
I appreciate
它真是让人心累。
how it
制片人说，让我再为我们的朋友特里斯坦搞一次。
The producer said I should do it again for our friend, Tristan.
我跟她说：姐妹，你真以为我会再去应付一轮约会？
I said, girl, if you think I'm going off all those dates again
我得先把这个片段做完，不过那天晚上你对马克斯最后有什么看法？
I have to finish this episode, but what are your final thoughts on Max on that night?
你说谁啊？
Thoughts on who?
就是Max。
On Max.
那是那个人的代号。
That's the code name for the person.
咱们是有点疯，但我肯定站Becca这边，毕竟咱们真尽力了。
We're crazy, but you're and I I will I will have Becca's back on this because, like, damn, we tried.
我真的尽力了。
Damn, I tried.
不是一次，是两次。
Not not once but twice.
我真的尽力了。
Damn, I tried.
就是我们之前去吃晚饭的那个地方。
And it was the same place we went for dinner.
想要细节就给我发消息。
Text me if you want the details.
好。
Yes.
想了解细节的话，谁都可私信钱宁。
Everyone can message Channing if you want the details.
行。
Okay.
我得赶紧弄完。
I have to finish.
细节我都有，太棒了。
Details I have, incredible.
好了。
Alright.
我爱你。
I love you.
好。
Okay.
所以呢。
So yeah.
我得说，查宁现在应该在纽约喝酒呢。
The I cannot emphasize I think Channing's out for drinks in New York right now.
但我得再三强调，我们之前聊的那些关于过去的事。
But I cannot emphasize enough the conversation that we had about the past.
她提到的那个共同认识的人，他们俩都在讲关于他的搞笑故事。
She was referring to the mutual person that both of them knew that they were both telling funny stories about.
而我和麦克斯，就是在讲完这些过去的事之后亲了。
And me to the point that me and Max kissed after we were telling the stories about the past.
中间到底发生了啥，我也不太清楚。
I'm not really sure what happened in between.
我只知道，突然之间，一切都变了。
All I know is like a switch flipped.
后来我俩坐进车里，那时候我还想着得在优步司机面前留点面子
And we're in the car and I knew I had to like kind of like save face in front of this Uber driver.
虽说那个司机其实根本不会在乎这些
Not that the Uber driver would really care.
但我当时就是脑子一团乱，只想着得镇定下来
But I was just like, okay.
对啊
Yeah.
这也没问题啊。
That's fine.
要是你想约会那种提前跟朋友打好招呼，吃饭时一定要聊自己抱负的人，那也随你便。
If you wanna date someone who tells their friends beforehand to talk about their aspirations at dinner, that's fine.
我当时还在那笑个不停呢。
And I was kinda like giggling about it.
估计就是见我一点都没生气，反倒给她整得有点郁闷了。
And I think because I wasn't getting mad, I think that was making her a little bit frustrated.
她一直说：‘你明显是同意的。’
So she because she kept being like, so you clearly agree.
你肯定有什么没告诉我，因为你明明觉得我们该分手了。
So there's clearly something you're not telling me because you clearly agree with the fact that we should end.
我就说：哎呀，我觉得这事儿也太较真了吧。
And I was like, I mean, I just think that this is a little bit intense.
我用了彼得说的那个词。
I use the same word that Peter used.
因为提前有人提醒过我，所以我早有心理准备。
And because I was warned, I was like ready for this to happen kind of.
这事儿一下子让我想起那天晚上，吃完饭跟朋友聊完，我们俩也吵了一架。
And it was just such a flashback to the first night that this happened after the dinner with my friends when we got in an argument that night too.
所以这次我真没觉得多意外。
So it wasn't that much of a shock this time around.
我在车里就自己偷偷笑。
And I was kind of just laughing to myself in the car.
我当时就想，天哪。
I was like, damn.
我早该料到的。
Like I I should've known.
我早该料到的。
I should've known.
我们又会吵起来。
We would get in another fight.
但你得知道，那顿饭上根本啥也没发生。
Even though, keep in mind, literally nothing happened at this dinner.
一点都没发生。
Nothing.
我在优步车上被提分手了，因为我的朋友们好像还活在过去什么的。
I'm getting broken up within the Uber because again, my friends are stuck in the past or something.
我也不懂。
I don't know.
我们到我家了，我就说：‘你真不用进来了吧？’
We got to my house and I'm like, okay, you don't need to come inside, do you?
真的，你不用进来的。
Like, you don't need to come inside.
她却说：‘别闹了，咱们能不能成熟点？’
And she's like, come on, let's be adults.
就最后再好好聊聊这事吧。
Let's just have one last conversation about this.
我就回：‘行吧。’
And I was like, okay.
于是我就进屋了。
So I get inside my house.
我一边煮泡面，一边没当回事，心里还乐呢，想着待会儿怎么跟朋友们讲这事儿。
I'm like making ramen noodles, kind of like not taking it seriously, already laughing about what I'm gonna have to tell my friends.
天哪。
Oh my god.
我们一躲到镜头后面，就开始把口红往地上扔。
We just got behind the camera and started knocking lipsticks down.
太棒了。
That's perfect.
我一边笑一边想，待会儿得跟朋友说：嘿，又有一支口红被他无缘无故给摔了。
So I'm like laughing about the fact that I'm gonna have to tell my friend oh, there's another lipstick that he's about to knock off for no reason.
好吧。
Okay.
行吧。
Alright.
我笑是因为我得跟朋友说，咱俩分手了，就因为晚饭时没好好聊聊彼此的抱负。
I'm like laughing because I'm gonna have to tell my friends that we're over because we didn't talk about our aspirations enough at dinner.
你说这事儿吧，居然还非得在饭桌上谈什么人生理想。
Like, I can't even this and like talking about aspirations at dinner.
所以我就说，行吧。
So I'm like, alright.
没事。
That's fine.
我在煮拉面。
I'm making ramen noodles.
因为我没生气，她反倒生气了。
And because I wasn't getting mad, she was getting mad.
她就说：你是不是有什么话想跟我说？
And basically, she was like, so is there something you wanna say to me?
我说：其实也没有。
And I was like, not really.
就是觉得这事儿有点儿挺烧脑的。
Just that this has been a little bit intense.
她说：不是。
And she was like, no.
是因为你太模棱两可了。
It's because you're noncommittal.
我又不是不明白我们到底在吵什么。
Again, I didn't understand the fight that we were having.
其实就是我在那儿吃东西、烧水、煮拉面而已。
And it it was basically me just like eating or like boiling water, like making food for ramen noodles.
她反倒生起气来，还训我说我太没主见。
And her like getting upset and like lecturing me on how I'm noncommittal.
不只是我们聊理想聊得不够，还因为我吃饭时没怎么碰她。
And it wasn't just that we didn't talk about our aspirations enough, but it was also because I wasn't touching her enough at the dinner.
这种事我跟每个约会的人都说过。
And this is something that I feel like I tell everyone I date.
我不太喜欢公开秀恩爱，但我记得当时还特意在桌下握着她的手。
I don't really like PDA, But I remember making an effort and holding her hands under the table.
有那么一会儿我还亲了她。
I kissed her at one point.
我们一直都在抱来抱去的。
We kept hugging.
对我来说，这已经足够了。
To me, that is like more than enough.
而且，那顿饭还有我朋友在场，他们因为你跟别人约会，对你印象特别差。
And also, at a dinner with my friends who just had a terrible impression of you because you're dating someone else.
我当时真的完全没料到。
For like and I felt blindsided.
所以他们早就开始替我担心了。
So they were feeling protective of me already.
你是想让我当着我朋友的面跟你亲来亲去？
And you want me to like just make out with you at the table in front of my friends?
说实话，我觉得那样特别没品位。
Like that to me is tacky, by the way.
我不喜欢这种事。
I don't I don't like stuff like that.
她说，不，问题不止这么简单。
And she was like, no, it's not just that.
她总是反复说，问题不止这么简单。
And it was always she always just kept saying it's not just that.
不止这么简单。
It's not just that.
还有别的原因。
It's also this.
她说的那些理由，我都听不懂。
And it would be something that didn't make sense.
她说我太回避了。
It would be like, you're so avoidant.
我太回避了。
You're so avoidant.
我就不明白了，今晚我哪儿回避你了？
And I was like, okay, what about tonight was avoidant of me?
我到底做了什么，算是回避你？
Like what did I do that was avoidant?
是没碰你够吗？
Not touch you enough?
她说，不是这个原因。
And she was like, it's not that.
不是这个原因。
It's not that.
不是这个原因。
It's not that.
不是这个原因。
It's not that.
那我就问了，到底是什么？
So I was like, then what is it?
我真的搞不懂。
Like, don't understand.
可你又要跟我分手。
But you're breaking up with me.
所以其实也无所谓了。
So it also kinda like doesn't matter.
她说：‘哦，无所谓。’
She was like, oh, it doesn't matter.
我就说：‘不是，之所以无所谓，是因为咱俩已经结束了。’
And I was like, no, it doesn't matter because you're we're over.
你自己说想分开的。
You told me that you wanted to be over.
我觉得你就是在自己毁掉这段关系，咱俩上个月过得好好的，根本没吵过架，啥问题都没有。
And I also feel like you're just self sabotaging this because we had a perfectly awesome month together and like nothing we didn't have to have any conflict right now.
根本没什么好不开心的。
Like there's nothing to be upset about.
我就觉得她纯粹是没事找事，把这事儿给搞砸了。
Like I just felt like she was like ruining it for no reason.
然后我就想，说实话，我觉得你可能也有点回避问题。
And then I was like, honestly, I'm starting to think that you're also a little bit avoidant.
因为我本来想说完的，我觉得你就是想要一个完美的人。
Because I was gonna finish my sentence to be like, I feel like you just want a perfect person.
抱歉啊，那个话题虽然是你参与讨论的，但我知道你当时不太舒服。
And I'm sorry that we there was a topic that was brought up that you partook in by the way, that you were uncomfortable with.
但就因为这个就直接分手，在我看来也太冲动了。
But to end it over that is a little bit, in my opinion, trigger happy.
我不懂，为啥一场晚餐里五分钟的对话，你就把这段感情全扔了？
Like I don't understand why you're throwing it away because of a five minute conversation at a dinner.
随你便吧。
Whatever.
我真的搞不懂。
So I don't understand.
你当时可是跟着一起聊、一起笑的。
And you were partaking and like laughing.
所以这事搁我这儿看，还挺讽刺的。
So it's kinda just funny to me.
随你便吧。
Whatever.
然后我正说着话呢，正想说我是不是太回避了，她突然站起来，冲我喊‘你这人真讨厌’。
And then in the middle of my sentence when I'm saying, I don't even know if it's just me being avoidant or she stands up and she's like, bitch.
抱歉。
Sorry.
提醒一下，下面有点敏感。
Trigger warning.
她居然骂我‘你这人真讨厌’，还冲我吼。
Bitch, you are avoidant and yells that at me.
对我来说，谁都不能骂我，一次都不行，永远都不行。
And so I like, for me, no one's gonna call me a name ever, ever, ever.
这就是我的底线。
You that's my boundary.
你不能骂我。
You cannot call me names.
我觉得这应该是每个人的基本底线。
I feel like that should be everyone's boundary.
谁都不该被人骂脏话。
No one should be called cuss words.
我立马就冷静地让她滚出我家。
So immediately, I was like and I was calm, but I was like, get out of my house.
滚出我家。
Get out of my house.
咱们到此为止。
We are done.
这话题到此结束。
This conversation is over.
没什么好说的了。
There's nothing else to talk about.
滚。
Get out.
她还问我：‘为啥？’
And she was like, why?
为啥？
Why?
我就说：‘你刚骂我是婊子。’
And I was like, you just called me a bitch.
她却说：‘没有，我没说。’
And she was like, no, I didn't.
没有，我没说。
No, I didn't.
我就说：‘你明明说了“你是个回避型的婊子”。’
And I was like, you just said, bitch, you are avoidant.
她说：‘没有，我没说。’
And she said, no, I didn't.
没有，我没说。
No, I didn't.
对了，我现在基本上已经清醒了。
By the way, I'm pretty much sober at this point.
我总共喝了大概四杯酒。
I've had like four drink.
不过说真的，喝成这样也不能算清醒吧。
Well, I guess that doesn't make me sober.
但整个过程持续了六个小时左右，感觉还行。
But like throughout the course of like six hours, it feels like.
那四杯里头有两杯是啤酒。
So I'm like and two of those were like beers.
所以我还记得当时发生的事。
So like I'm I remember what was happening.
但我真不知道她喝了多少。
And I don't know how many drinks this person had.
我也不清楚。
I don't know.
我现在完全不在乎了。
It doesn't matter anymore to me at all.
但她非说我没说过那话。
But she said I did not say that.
我跟她说：你明明刚说过。
And I was like, you just said that.
你现在别想骗我。
You cannot gaslight me now.
她还说：我没说过。
And she was like, I did not say that.
我说：得了吧，拜托。
I said, bitch, please.
我说：没有，你根本没说过。
And I said, no, you didn't.
真没说过。
No, you didn't.
而且就算你真说了，你也不能这样跟我说话。
And also, even if you did say that, you can't say that to me.
我觉得这根本不行。
I feel like that is no.
我就是不能被人这么骂。
I just will not be called names that.
你还冲我提高嗓门。
Like, and you raised your voice.
绝对不行。
Absolutely not.
给我滚出我家。
Get out of my house.
滚出我家。
Get out of my house.
她就是不肯走。
So she wouldn't leave.
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