本集简介
双语字幕
仅展示文本字幕，不包含中文音频；想边听边看，请使用 Bayt 播客 App。
嘿，各位笑匠们。
Sup, Gigglers?
加里，把你的WiFi修好。
Gary, fix your WiFi.
把那事儿给吸引过来。
Manifest that shit.
我们不能被
We can't be
管着。
managed.
我的意思是，
I mean,
一整天就这么溜走了。
the day just got away from me.
嘿，我亲爱的笑匠们，咋样？
What's up my greasy gigglers?
今天是周五。
It's Friday.
周五啊。
Friday.
大家都进入周五状态了。
Everyone's in a Friday.
你知道吗，今天早上我穿好衣服，简直惊呆了。
You know, I got dressed this morning and I was like, oh my god.
特别可爱，就是那种预科生风格。
So cute, like preppy.
她这身打扮，完全是海滨别墅风。
She's giving beach house.
她这气质，像是有第二套房子的人。
She's giving second home.
结果一开Zoom，我才发现自己穿得跟汉娜一模一样。
And then I got on the Zoom and I'm like, I'm just dressed like Hannah.
不是。
No.
但你这么穿，就特别有型。
But when you do it, it's chic.
我简直爱死了。
I'm obsessed with it.
你看起来就像个寄宿学校的学生，刚做完人生第一次手活，完全不知道该干嘛，也不确定搞得好不好，还觉得黏糊糊的，有点味道。
You look like you're in boarding school and just gave your first hand job and you like don't know what to do and you don't know if it went well or And like it's sticky and like it kinda smells.
没人提醒过你。
No one warns you.
没人告诉你，那事儿真的会有味道。
No one tells you that it does in fact smell.
这事儿得自己慢慢体会。
That's something you learn on your own.
他的那个？
His dick?
我觉得是精液吧。
The cum, I would say.
哦。
Oh.
我尽量不靠那么近。
I try not to get that close.
我第一次的时候还跟朋友们说呢，
I think the first time I was like, guys,
太恶心了。
gross.
我其实挺想尝试的，不过我新专场里有个十五分钟的段子，讲的是以前我们怎么怎么吞下去之类的事。
I would get into it, but I'm pretty sure I have a fifteen minute bit about how back in the day we used to, like, swallow and stuff on my upcoming special.
所以，
So
总之。
Anyway.
我们得
We're gonna
把这个留着。
have to save that.
总之。
Anyway.
等等。
Wait.
我本来想
I wanted to
提一下你的专场，因为哦。
bring up your special because Oh.
我想先说说我自己，就一会儿。
I wanted to make it about me for
一分钟。
a minute.
求你了。
Please.
求你了。
Please.
求你了。
Please.
求你了。
Please.
你怎么知道你和一个人拥有真正的友谊呢？
How you know that you have a true real friendship with someone no.
我是认真的。
Seriously.
你听好了。
Listen to this.
当朋友开心的时候，你跟着开心，这其实很简单。
Like, it's so easy to be happy when your friend is happy.
天哪。
Like, oh my god.
我们今晚要出去，或者干点啥的。
Like, we're going out tonight or, like, something whatever.
但当你朋友压力大的时候——说真的，拍特辑那会儿，我正在做按摩。
But when your friend is stressed now mind you, when you were filming the special, I was getting a massage.
可我知道你为了预告片发布有多紧张，等它一上线，我也松了口气。
But I knew I knew how stressed you were for the trailer to come out that like when it did get posted, I felt relief.
我当时就觉得，真可爱。
I was like, cute.
现在她不用再
And now she doesn't have to
为这事操心了，你知道的。
worry about that, you know?
而且你还给我发了条特别可爱、暖心又搞笑的消息。
Well, you also sent me the cutest, sweetest, funniest text.
她说，我这才意识到，我从来没给你发消息祝贺新预告片，结果却跟你建立了单向的偶像情结。
She goes, I realized I never texted you for your trailer, and I had a parasocial relationship instead.
恭喜你。
Congrats.
其实就是说，我发的每一张照片她都评论了。
Which is basically, she commented on every photo I posted.
我发的每一条她都转了。
She reposted everything.
是啊。
Yeah.
昨天她还在为我搞全方位宣传，结果又说，哎呀，不好意思。
She was on a full PR campaign for me yesterday, and then was like, hey, sorry.
没直接给你发消息。
Didn't text you directly.
你生气了吗？
Are you mad?
我当时就在想
And I was
我就觉得，我跟Reddit上那些人也没什么区别。
like Well, I was like, I'm no better than someone on Reddit.
我明明是自己编出来的，说我和这个女人是朋友。
Like, I literally made up that I have a friendship with this woman.
每当你做了什么特别大的事，我就会突然变成你的粉丝，然后就想，我要是给她发消息，她现在是不是正烦着呢？
And Every now and then, when you do something, like, really big, I I turn into a fan, and then I'm like, if I text her, is she really pissy right now?
她现在正在做吗？
Is she doing it right now?
她现在是不是在片场？
Like, is she on set now?
我们有一次在机场，我想把这个预告片给你看，就想知道你对它的看法。
We had an airport moment where I was like, I'm gonna show you this trailer and I just wanna see your thoughts.
那其实就是个考验。
And that was like the test.
我其实没意识到，但如果你对它没什么反应，也没笑得前仰后合，那我就知道不对劲。
Like, didn't realize it, but if you didn't have a decent reaction to it and I didn't need you, like, laughing hysterically.
我就是能感觉到你是不是真喜欢。
I just I just know when you like something.
是的。
Yeah.
你当时的反应特别棒。
And you had a great reaction.
我当时就想，这下稳了。
And I was like, I don't go fuck.
佩吉也喜欢。
Paige liked it.
那就没问题了。
We're good.
搞创作就得这么干。
And that's how you have to be with creativity.
如果你在乎的人也和你一样喜欢，那就放手去做吧。
Like, if the people you care about love it as much as you do, you go for it.
而且我们现在只是在聊预告片，但我本人确实是个完美主义者。
And also, we're just talking about the trailer right now, but I'm just a real perfectionist.
你确实是。
You really are.
这真的让人精疲力尽。
It's actually exhausting.
你觉得我搞头发就很累。
You think my hair It's exhausting.
骑车也很累。
Cycling is exhausting.
听你搞创作，简直累死人。
Listening to you, like, make art is so exhausting.
但没人会提起这一点。
Well, people don't talk about it.
我是处女座月亮。
I'm I'm a Virgo Moon.
从来没人提起这个。
People never talk about it.
在那些大家发的所谓心灵感悟里，根本没人说过这个。
Never brought up in any of these, you know, thought thought things that people post.
没人提，是因为我觉得自己像坐在前排，亲眼看着你作为一个女企业家的样子。
It's not brought up because no one I feel like I have a front row seat to you as a business woman.
确实没有。
It's not.
这根本谈不上轻松。
It's it's not relaxing.
我认识的人里，除了汉娜，没人会开始一件事，做到一半却说：这太糟了。
There's nobody I know other than Hannah that will start something and then halfway through be like, this is horrible.
我都没想到你们居然让我走到这一步。
I can't believe you guys even let me get this far.
我要把整个计划都改掉。
I'm changing the whole thing.
我一旦失败，就立刻放手。
When I fail, I fail fast.
我特别喜欢行动。
And I'm I'm I love to move.
我热爱变化。
I love change.
我会随时调整方向。
I will pivot.
我是个擅长调整的人。
I'm a pivoter.
顺便说一下，让你们了解一下幕后的情况。
But also, by the way, just so you guys get a glimpse behind the curtain.
Grace 会把播客里发生的那些片段发给我们所有人。
So Grace sends us all these clips from what happened on the pod.
佩吉直接就说，好可爱，真喜欢。
And Paige literally is like, love, cute.
你能把那个背景换一下吗？
Can you actually, like, change the background of that?
或者，那个画面能别用我的脸吗？
Or like, can you not use my face in that one?
有时候格蕾丝挑的都是最坑我的截图，我就说：格蕾丝，你至少装作认识我吧。
Well, sometimes Grace picks the most diabolical screenshots of me and I'm like, Grace, act like you've met me before.
格蕾丝觉得你每个角度都好看。
Grace thinks you're beautiful in every angle.
所以才这样。
That's why.
我一进来就说：格蕾丝，第0.4秒那里，我有两个头，这不能发啊。
And I will come in and be like, Grace, at point four seconds, there's like two and I'm like, I we can't post this.
这效果太差了。
This is not good enough.
然后我会说，到0.75秒的时候，你得切得再快一点。
And then I'll be like, at point seven five seconds, you have to cut that faster.
而且当我讲这个笑话的时候，能不能在头顶加个CG特效？
And then like, do actually like a CGI moment over my head when I say this joke.
Paige 没有回应。
Paige doesn't respond.
Grace 和我光是剪辑就花了八个小时。
Grace and I are in like eight hours of editing.
我觉得Hannah的肤色看起来有点发橙。
I'm like, Hannah's skin color is giving orange,
那我们是不是调整一下灯光？
so maybe we change the lighting?
其他地方头发还行，
Everything else hair is kinda
眼睛倒是特别显眼。
is eyes are crushing.
你能把
Can you make
让汉娜看起来至少有那么一秒钟好看吗？
the Hannah look aesthetically pleasing for like a second?
但问题就在这儿，每当我挑好一套衣服，就忙着剪辑片段，压力特别大。
But that's the thing, like when I'm with an outfit, I'm like, I'm stressed about editing clips.
我根本没时间。
I don't have time.
我最喜欢的就是我们聊周边商品时，你问佩吉：你觉得怎么样？
My favorite thing is like when we talk about merch and you say, Paige, do you think?
所以我说，不好意思，该我了。
So I'm like, sorry, it's my time.
还有，其实我们也不知道格蕾丝在哪。
Also, actually, we don't know where Grace is.
她本该在视频会议里，可现在完全找不到人。
She's supposed to be on this virtual we don't know where she is.
佩吉说，让格蕾丝想来的时候再来就行。
And Paige said, tell Grace to join at her own leisure.
我想特别说一声，谢谢你老是琢磨这些词儿。
And I just wanna say, shout out to you for, like, thinking of words.
我靠说话吃饭，但其实我根本不玩文字游戏。
I talk for a living, but I actually don't do words.
对。
Mhmm.
你可是靠说话吃饭的人。
You talk for a living.
你特别爱用词儿。
You love a word.
你知道吗？
Well, you know what?
不是那种完整的句子。
Not like a full sentence.
一个词。
A word.
对。
Mhmm.
确实如此。
I it's true.
我完全可以靠一个词来定义我的整个人设。
I could make one word my whole personality.
我特别喜欢那种富人有另外一种说法的词。
I love a word that has an alternative rich person way to say said word.
比如‘门厅’。
Like foyer.
没错。
Yes.
就像‘门厅’。
Like foyer.
比如，喜欢一个人，一提到‘leisure’就惊呼‘天哪，这词儿真讲究’，结果有个富家太太也用‘leisure’这个词。
Like, love someone that would be like, oh my god, leisure, but then there's like a rich woman that says leisure.
就是那种正儿八经的休闲。
Like, actual leisure.
我总觉得我脑子里攒了太多这样的词。
Like, I like I feel like I I feel like I have so many words.
好吧。
Like, okay.
说真的，这事儿太离谱了。
Actually, this is so crazy.
你有没有注意过‘mature’这个词？
You know, like the word mature?
对。
Mhmm.
有一次我听见一个女人念‘mature’，那发音简直绝了。
Sometime one time I heard this woman pronounce it mature.
我清楚记得当时我在哪儿、多大年纪、正在做什么，因为一听她这么说，我就想，天啊，她跟别的女孩真不一样。
And I I literally remember where I was, how old I was, what I was doing when I heard that because I was like, oh my god, she's not like other girls.
我不想多谈我丈夫，免得惹人烦，但他从小在欧洲长大，对吧。
Well, not to talk about my husband because that's annoying, but because he grew up in Europe Mhmm.
他老说一些特别古怪的词。
He says some funky ass words.
一开始我还觉得他笨，连这个词都说错了。
And at first, I'm like, you are so dumb you said that word wrong.
结果他让我去查谷歌。
And then he's like, Google it.
我一查才发现，原来这是欧洲的用法。
And I'm like, oh, it's the European way.
其实你比我强多了。
You're actually better than me.
不好意思。
Sorry.
不好意思。
Sorry.
我确实觉得，有时候我自己也会这样。
I actually do think that sometimes I can have actually
不好意思。
sorry.
只要我一有想法，就停不下来。
Whenever I have a thought Period.
只要我一有
Whenever I have a
想法？算了。
thought Forget it.
脑子都要炸了。
Brain explodes.
我见过一个女孩。
I saw this girl.
她拍了个TikTok，讲到很多女性说话时总爱用一些词。
She made this TikTok, and she was talking about how women there's, like, a bunch of people
她是在说女性说话的特点。
that will do, like She's talking about women.
有人专门做过语言学研究，分析男女说话方式的差异。
That will do full studies on linguistics and the separation between men and women and things they say.
她还提到，女性说话时特别多话。
And they're and she was talking about how women say like a lot.
是的。
Mhmm.
而且
And
我本人倒没注意过，但有些女性确实这样。
I mean, I've never, but some other women
比如女性说话老爱用‘天哪’‘呃’‘就是’这类词，填充语特别多。
But like how women are like, oh my god, all she doesn't say like and like, Like, that we have a lot of filler words.
有个女生在视频底下留言，说她正在写语言学方面的论文，正好研究这个话题。
And some girl commented the video and was like, I'm actually learning about this for like my thesis in linguistics or whatever.
她说，根据很多研究，女性其实没多少机会开口说话。
And she said, from, like, all the studies people have done, women don't get to talk a lot.
所以我们才会用很多填充词，因为一旦沉默，对方马上就会抢着说下去。
So we actually put filler words in because if there is a silence, typically, the other person will immediately start talking.
所以我们不得不加些填充词，来保住说话的份儿，让别人知道我们还没说完。
So we almost have to add in filler words to keep our place to let the other person know we are not done speaking.
哦。
Oh.
我当时就想，
And I was like
钟点。
Clock.
天哪。
My god.
我们只是在争取属于自己的空间。
We're just trying to take up space.
我们只是想
We're just trying
争取空间？我怎么现在突然这么激动？
to take Why am I, like, getting, like, emotional, like, right now?
那个拍最初视频的女孩说，我永远不会因为别人用填充词、说‘like’或者有山谷口音而贬低女性，因为这些现象在女性中太普遍了。
And the girl that made the, like, initial video was, like, I would never hate on another woman for using filler words or like or having, like, a valley accent because it is most common in women.
那我为什么要因为一个女人是女人就去讨厌她呢？
And so why would I hate on another woman for being a woman?
我也特别喜欢这样慢慢说话的女性。
I also love a woman who speaks slow like this.
我确实这么觉得。
I'm like Yeah.
浪费男人的时间。
Take waste a man's time.
浪费男人的时间。
Waste a man's time.
而且根本没法把想法说清楚。
And actually never get to the thought.
完全没法把想法表达完整。
Never fully get to the thought.
哇。
Wow.
现在我觉得一切都不同了。
Now I think of everything differently.
不过我们刚才在说什么来着？
What were we saying though before?
我们刚一开始播，就已经没方向了，说实话，我感觉我们从来就没方向。
We literally just started the pod and we're already we never had a direction, I actually think.
我的意思是，我们在聊这个预告片。
I mean, we're talking about the trailer.
很多Gigglers都赞成，但他们得等你点头之后才会跟进。
If you approve a lot of the Gigglers approve, but they have to wait for you to cosign before they jump on board.
有意思的是，我收到来自不少Gigglers的私信，想知道我到底在哪个瞬间说‘哇，你这样发型真好看’。
Well, it's funny because I had a lot of Gigglers in my DMs seeing if they could figure out what exact second that I said, wow, your hair looks so good like that.
但你知道后来怎么了吗？
But you know what happened?
你看过YouTube上那个宽版预告片吧？
You saw the wide trailer that's on YouTube.
那个版本被剪短了，所以根本看不到完整的发型。
This was cut down so you actually couldn't see the full hair.
对了，现在Lenore正好在拜访，因为……
So anyway also, Lenore is visiting right now because So
这地方干净得一尘不染。
the place is spotless.
你知道的，就像有约要来之前，特意打扫一遍。
You know, like, you clean before, like, a hookup comes over.
对。
Mhmm.
这跟我妈妈来之前打扫完全不一样。
That's nothing like the way I clean before my mother comes over.
我故意留点东西给她，因为她喜欢找点事做，特别喜欢洗碗。
I do like to leave her some things because she, like, likes to have a hobby and she really likes to do the dishes.
这可是她的最爱。
That's, like, her thing.
所以我让她玩得开心。
So I let her have fun.
但我和德斯那次打扫，真是前所未有的彻底。
But, like, Des and I were cleaning like we've never cleaned before.
我们当时吓坏了。
We were so scared.
等等。
Wait.
真的吗？
Really?
是的。
Yeah.
我们起得很早。
We woke up early.
哦，这可真够认真的。
Oh, that's serious.
我们起得很早，然后我就说：快点吧。
We woke up early and I was like, come on.
得走了。
We gotta go.
我们心想，正常人不都是每周这么打扫一次吗？
And we were like I mean, this is what normal people do, like, once a week.
但你知道吗，我从不
But Do you know that I don't
我好像从来没见你打扫过。
think I've ever seen you clean?
我是说，我真的没见你
Like like, I don't think I've seen
因为我是个女权主义者。
because I'm a feminist.
因为我是个女权主义者。
Because I'm a feminist.
等等。
Wait.
仔细一想，我好像真没见过你拿喷瓶到处喷东西打扫。
Now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen you take, like, a spray bottle and spray and spray something.
打扫这事儿得主动去做。
And you're just like cleaning takes initiative.
我从小在意大利家庭长大，家里都是女人操持家务，所以我从来就没养成主动干这活儿的习惯。
And when you grow up in Italian house household where, like, the women take over, I'm never used to taking that initiative.
你得主动一点，哪怕在别人家，我也觉得该动手打扫，这是基本的尊重。
You have to just even if you're at someone's house and I realize, like, you just have to start cleaning respects it.
但我总觉得这有点越界。
But I see it as, like, invasive.
我就是觉得我不该……
I'm like, I'm not
我不会去碰你的桌子。
gonna touch your table.
我不会随便走进别人家就打开他们的冰箱。
Like, I wouldn't walk into someone's home and open up their refrigerator.
那我为什么要去翻他们的清洁用品柜呢？
So why would I open up their cleaning supply closet?
完全同意。
100%.
我还觉得，吃饭这件事也挺有讲究的。
I do think too, there's something about dinner.
我一向很讨厌，吃完饭后，所有女人都站起来收大家的盘子。
I always hated how, like, when we were done eating, all the women got up and took everyone's plates.
对。
Mhmm.
你说我懒，可我觉得不是这样。
And you call me lazy, but I was like, no.
男人也可以收我的盘子。
The men can take my plate.
对。
Mhmm.
为什么非得是女人来做这些事？
Why is the why are the women doing this?
她们已经把饭都做完了。
They already cooked it all.
你们家过节现在是怎么安排的？
What happens at your family holidays now?
谁负责打扫？
Who's cleaning?
明白了。
Okay.
嗯，我爸妈是这样，
Well, my
奶奶和爷爷特别好，特别可爱。
nana and papa are perfect and adorable.
奶奶做饭，然后收碗碟。
My nana cooks, and she takes the plates.
但爷爷特别爱打扫。
But then papa loves cleaning.
爷爷全包了洗碗的事，我爸妈也是这么分工的。
Like, Papa is handles all the dishes, and that's how my mom and dad are too.
我就是不喜欢看到男的都坐着，女的却在忙活。
I just never like when all the men are sitting down and the women are at work.
我当时就想，这算什么
I'm like, what
这是怎么回事？
is this?
你小时候做家务吗？
Did you have chores as a child?
问题就在于，我那时候有一份全职工作。
Well, this is also this is kind of the problem is that I had a full time job.
我就是打打网球。
I was just playing tennis.
所以根本没时间做家务，而且呢，
So it actually inhibited my chores where, like And there
又来了。
we go.
Des不让我做，这就是原因。
Des doesn't let me and that's the reason.
我们刚搞明白这事。
And we've just figured it out.
嗯，因为我根本不擅长，所以不想在别人面前出丑，比如摆盘子的方式不对。
Well, yeah, because I'm not good at it, so I don't wanna embarrass myself in front of other people by being like, that's how you put the dishes in the dishwasher.
我真试过洗碗，结果Des说：再也不让干了。
I actually tried to do the dishes, and Des was like, never again.
简直一团乱。
Like, this is chaos.
他说：不是这么放的。
He's like, I'm not that's not where we put it.
怎么
How
你到底能把洗碗机装得多乱？
how bad can you mess up loading a dishwasher?
有些人喜欢整整齐齐地摆，但我呢，只要有个空隙，就当成俄罗斯方块来拼。
I guess some people like it more organized where I'm like, if there's an opening, it's like Tetris.
你就是随便弄弄就明白了。
You just figure it out.
杯子放上面，盘子放下面。
Well, cups are on the top, plates are on the bottom.
对。
Yes.
但有时候你既没有杯子也没有盘子。
However, sometimes you don't have a cup of our plate.
你可能有个形状奇怪的碗，我就硬塞进去。
You have, like, a weird shaped bowl, and I I try to just shove it.
不过你看，每个人都有自己的习惯。
But look, we all have our our real all
每个人都有自己的方式。
have our quirks.
每个人都有自己的小毛病。
We all have our things.
但说实话，放学后我去打网球训练。
But I the truth is after school, I go to tennis practice.
我晚上八点才到家。
I get home at 8PM.
我得写作业。
I have to do my homework.
我觉得我爸妈心想，这孩子已经够忙的了，别再添负担了。
And I think my parents were like, the girl has enough can't to do do it.
她已经很累了。
She's tired.
今天早上我打了桨板。
I played paddle this morning.
那感觉怎么样？
How was that?
我想让大家知道，这和匹克球是不一样的。
Well, I want everyone to know it's different than pickleball.
我不是那种走极端的人。
I'm not, like, on the dark side.
你根本没必要报警。
I'm you don't have to, like, call the police.
我没打匹克球。
I'm not playing pickleball.
汉娜其实给我发了条消息，说能不能把聚会推迟一小时，因为她要去打桨板。
Hannah actually texted me and said, can we push the pod one hour because I'm playing paddle?
你知道我的为人。
And I and you know me.
我对运动一窍不通，但之前听她提起过。
I don't know sports or anything, but I've know I've heard her talk about it before.
我说等等。
And I said, wait.
我就是想确认一下，你以前说过，要是让我玩桨板，你就会被逮捕。
Just checking in because one time you did say don't ever let me play paddle or I will get arrested.
她回消息说：不行。
And she texted back and goes, nope.
那才是匹克球。
That was pickleball.
我说：太好了。
And I said, great.
对。
Yes.
没错。
Yes.
另外，不好意思。
Also, sorry.
你现在的穿着跟我一模一样，我真没法认真跟你说话，对你都失去尊重了。
I, like, can't take you seriously because you dress like me right now, and I've I've lost respect for you.
我心想：她到底在说什么？
I'm like, what is she talking about?
等等。
Like, wait.
有一天，我们
One day, we
我们应该做个播客，你演我，我演你。
should do a pod and I'll be you and you be me.
然后我们就一直聊，聊聊我们是怎么想的。
And we just talk the whole time, like, what we think about it, I would say.
我肯定一开口就会哭着说起我去世的爷爷。
I would just immediately start crying about my dead grandpa.
不会吧。
No.
上星期我居然梦到他了，我都想问，你干嘛老往我梦里跑？
I actually had a dream about him the other week, and it's like, why are you overcoming my dreams?
上星期我也做了个梦，我妈妈在梦里跟我八卦。
I had a dream the other week, and my mom told me, like, gossip in the dream.
特别大，我醒了之后就去刷Instagram，心想：现在消息是通过这种方式传来的吗？
Like, huge and I had and I woke up and I went to my Instagram because I was like, is this how I get messages now?
我妈妈居然在梦里给我发消息。
Like, my mom sends them to me in a dream.
我醒来后还真的去看了Instagram，想确认是不是真的发生了什么，结果什么都没有。
And I woke up and I had to, like, check my Instagram for something to see if it was, like, true and real, but it wasn't.
但我还是在那儿坐了一会儿，因为我觉得……
But I sat in it for a little because I
你这简直像在施魔法。
was like You can be witching.
对啊。
Yeah.
我当时就想：不可能吧。
Because I was like, no.
我梦见妈妈走过来，在我耳边悄悄说了些什么。
I had a dream that my mom came and whispered something in my ear.
展开剩余字幕（还有 480 条）
对。
Mhmm.
我一醒过来就想着，我妈刚跟我说了什么。
And so and right when I woke up, I was like, my mom just told me something.
这真的挺吓人的。
And that's really scary.
不过，我确实想运动运动。
Anyway, do I do feel like I wanna play sports.
我想变得有活力。
I wanna be athletic.
想出出汗。
Wanna sweat.
我的那些经历还没讲完呢。
I'm not done with my battle stories.
但我早上九点就起床去锻炼了，是的。
But I woke up to play at 9AM Yeah.
这对我来说可够早的。
Which is early for me.
打完之后特别热，我还累得不行。
And then it was so hot and I was so tired after it.
我当时就想，得把所有安排都取消了。
I was like, I need to cancel all my plans.
等一下。
Hold on.
稍等。
Wait.
咱们先回过头说一句。
Just like to take it back for a minute.
桨板和匹克球有什么区别？
What is the difference between paddle and pickleball?
桨板是欧洲的运动，这就挺酷的。
So paddle's European, which makes it cool.
好的。
K.
比如西班牙和南美洲的人就打这个。
Like, people in Spain and then South America play it.
这更有品位。
It's cultured.
它比匹克球先进多了。
It's it's way more advanced than pickleball.
明白了。
Got it.
好的。
K.
匹克球嘛，简直就是给小孩玩的。
Pickleball is, like, is with a freaking For kids.
这到底是什么？
What is it?
它用的是威浮球，这简直太搞笑了。
What is it's with a wiffle ball, which is so funny.
想象一下，有人居然说威浮球现在成了一项运动。
Imagine someone being, like, wiffle ball is now a sport.
而且很多人都在问，你还记得小时候玩威浮球吗？
And, like, all these people are just, like, do you remember wiffle ball as a kid?
是的。
Yeah.
我觉得这太傻了。
I thought it was stupid.
对啊。
Yeah.
那本来就是给不擅长运动的棒球手玩的。
It was for the unathletic baseball players.
没错。
Yeah.
不过话说回来，你听我说。
So anyway but look.
如果你在玩pickle球，我完全支持你。
If you're playing pickle, I totally support you.
但作为网球选手，我们连圈子里都经常被嫌弃，我真的受不了这么多。
It's just as a tennis player, we get, like, hate even in the community, and, I could only handle so much.
在行业内，我们真的扛不住。
Within the industry, and we can't handle that.
就是行业内。
Within the industry.
我很乐意参与进去。
I love getting involved.
哪些行业容易惹上麻烦？
Industries can we get in trouble with?
我最喜欢的就是跟佩吉聊体育圈的八卦和单口喜剧圈的那些事。
My favorite is gossiping to Paige about sports drama and stand up comedy drama.
因为，你根本就没掺和这场争斗。
Because, like, you have no I was gonna say gun in the fight.
不是那样的，他们是真正在里面的人。
That's not what No they skin in the game.
他们可是有切身利益的。
No skin in the game.
谢谢。
Thank you.
你该听听我跟别人讲网球圈八卦时的样子。
You should hear me when I tell other people tennis gossip.
我总是说，这是我朋友告诉我的。
Because I'm like, and that's what I heard from my friend.
他们就问我，你认识这些人吗？
And they're like, do you know any of these people?
我就说，不认识。
I'm like, no.
这正是它这么精彩的原因。
And that's what makes it so good.
我们在巡回赛期间，经常会...
Like, we'll be we're in tour.
我们俩都快没话题可聊了。
We were like running out of things to talk about.
我就会在Instagram上刷到一些你完全不认识的人。
And I would, like, see something on my Instagram of people you definitely didn't know.
然后我说，这些人居然离婚了。
And I go, these people are getting divorced.
你想知道为什么吗？
Do wanna know why?
要想让她感兴趣，你得从头讲起。
And then to make her interested, you have to start from the beginning.
我就说，她出生在一个小镇上。
Like, I'm like, she was born in a small town.
你被困住了。
And you were locked in.
天哪。
Oh, god.
是的。
Yeah.
你真的被困住了。
You're locked in.
不过话说回来，你最近怎么样？
But anyway, how are you?
我挺好的。
I'm good.
你呢？
How are you?
哦。
I Oh.
我闯进了一场单身派对。
Crashed a bachelorette.
我本来想说，本周女孩。
I was gonna I was gonna say, Girls Girl of the Week.
本周女孩。
Girls Girl.
史上第一个本周女孩。
First ever Girls Girl of the Week.
等等。
Wait.
这事怎么跑到杜马斯那儿去了？
How did it end up on Dumas?
到底发生什么事了？
Like, what is going on?
等等。
Wait.
第一个‘Girls Girl of the Week’真是太搞笑了。
The first ever Girls Girl of the Week is hilarious.
我真为你感到骄傲。
You are I'm so proud of you.
你赢了。
You won it.
太感谢你了。
Thank you so much.
我根本没打算竞选。
I wasn't even campaigning.
我对这个可是很较真的。
I'm a stickler with it.
不是随便谁都能拿‘Girls Girl of the Week’的。
You don't just get girl's girl of the week.
因为达芙妮推出了婚庆支持项目。
Well, because Daphne launched bridal support.
所以，如果你要参加单身派对的话
So, like, if you're going out of bachelorette
或者这个支持服务真的特别有趣。
or like Support is so funny.
是的。
Yeah.
婚礼协助服务。
Bridle help.
发邮件到 bridlesupport@topneatthelabel.com。
Email bridlesupport@topneatthelabel.com.
你可以一次性批量订购带姓名首字母的定制商品。
So you can, like, bulk order monogram things.
这样对于伴娘或者其他组织者来说，会方便很多。
It's just, like, easier for if you're the maid of honor or whatever.
所以我们收到很多邮件。
So we get a lot of emails.
我跟你说啊。
And let me tell you something.
那些Gigglers都是有剧情的。
The Gigglers are animated.
它们其实是在给你讲故事。
Like, they're giving you the plot.
它们把整个来龙去脉都告诉你了。
They're giving you the full story.
它们解释了为什么选Cloud而不是White Stripe，因为后者看起来太不协调了，背景你也知道，它们就是……
They're giving you why they've chosen Cloud over White Stripe because it's just like not aesthetically pleasing and the background you know, like, they they
它们这么做是因为怕你觉得它们选得奇怪。
tell because you they also think you might be judging them.
它们会说：我知道黄色听起来有点怪。
They're like, hey, I know that yellow seems like a weird choice.
但我跟你保证，这跟向日葵的风格特别搭，你信我就行。
I swear it goes with the like sunflower aesthetic that just trust me.
他们还说，我发个Pinterest给你吧，我觉得我能给你讲得更清楚点。
And they're like, let me send you my Pinterest because I feel like I could break it down more for you.
不用了。
No.
所以我觉得有时候他们也会想，万一她正在看这封邮件呢？
So I do think sometimes they're like, well, what if she's reading this email?
有时候我确实就在看。
Which sometimes I am.
对。
Mhmm.
所以我们才找到了这个女孩。
So that's how we found this girl.
我们收到一位伴娘的邮件，说她正在策划一场单身派对，地点定在纽约市。
We had a maid of honor email in and say, like, she was planning a bachelorette and it was gonna be in New York City.
我当时就想，这简直是天赐良机，我就在这儿啊。
So I was like, oh, this is a perfect bachelorette to crash because I'm right here.
后来我们就开始和伴娘聊天了。
Come to find out so we're, like, talking to the maid of honor.
我们就想，要是佩吉突然给新娘一个惊喜呢？
We're like, what if, like, Paige surprised the bride?
伴娘又加了另一个女孩进邮件，说其实她更清楚具体安排。
The maid of honor adds another girl to the email, and she goes, actually, she knows more about the logistics.
这个女孩发邮件说：好的。
This girl emails and goes, okay.
结果这个女孩其实就是新娘本人，她特别较真，居然假装是我，来问订单的事。
So that was actually the bride, and she's so type a that she was pretending to be me and asking for the order.
现在她把我拉进来了，真是不好意思。
And now she's looped me in and we're and sorry about that.
太经典了。
Iconic.
从那一刻起，我就觉得，这简直太经典了。
Icon so from that moment, I was like, iconic.
我特别喜欢那种Type A的女生，干脆自己动手算了。
Like, I love a type a girl that's like, actually, I'll just do it myself.
等等。
Wait.
假装成自己的助理，这种事简直太被忽视了，女性在科技领域就该这么做。
Pretending to be your own assistant is, like, not talked about enough and needs to be done as women in STEM.
比如说，‘嘿，Hannah在等回复呢。’
To be like, hey, Hannah's waiting for the follow-up.
我其实已经
I actually have
我认识几个女生，她们会发第二封邮件，冒充自己的助理，还总是把自己包装成男性，因为别人对男性的回应更好。
talked to a couple of people who have made second emails, pretended to be their own assistant, and like always made themselves a man because people respond better.
太棒了。
Love.
所以呢，我们觉得，既然惊喜已经泡汤了，不如干脆一起给他们来个双重惊喜。
So anyway, so we're like, let's surprise both of them because now the surprise is totally ruined.
所以我们回邮件说，抱歉，佩吉的日程排不开了。
So we email back and we're like, sorry, Paige's schedule.
不过我们很乐意帮你们安排周四晚上或者周五晚上的预订，就是你们到的时候喝欢迎酒那会儿。
Like, it's just not going to allow it, but we would love to make you a reservation for Friday night or for Thursday night when you guys arrive for your welcome drinks, basically.
我们会直接订好位子，定好时间。
Like, we'll make the reservation, we'll set the time
我们请客。
on us.
达芙妮还会帮你们策划单身派对。
So Daphne also will plan your bachelorette.
达芙妮真的会全程操办你们的单身派对。
So Daphne literally will plan your bachelorette.
新郎和伴娘长啥样，我们俩完全不知道。
So we had bride and the maid of honor, have no idea.
我早就让达芙妮那边先安排了几个人，而我当时在地下室。
So I had a couple people from Daphne already there, and I'm in the basement.
这下可被耍了。
It's getting punked.
真的假的？
Literally?
而且呢，
And like,
扎克·谢泼德会出来当领队。
Zach Shepherd is gonna come out and be the leader.
就在地下室里戴着耳机，然后你一说：‘老鹰着陆了。’
Just in a basement with a headset and you're like, the eagle has landed.
他们到了以后，
So they get there.
Daphne的员工会给他们每人一套统一的T恤和全套装备，全都按他们的要求准备好了。
The my Daphne employees give them, like, a bunch of matching shirts and matching sets and everything that they wanted.
然后他们坐下来，我们就说：好了，尽情玩吧。
And then they went and sat down and we're like, okay, like, have have so much fun.
抱歉，佩吉来不了，算了。
Like, sorry, Paige couldn't come, whatever.
然后过了两分钟，我端了香槟过去桌上。
Then, like, two minutes later, I brought over, like, champagne to the table.
真暖心。
Aw.
特别有趣，就是那种轻松又带点 quirky 的小惊喜。
It was so fun and just, like, a, like, easy, quirky, fun, cute thing.
就是说，这
Like, it was a
简直是她单身派对周末的完美开场。
great, like, kickoff of her bachelorette weekend.
我觉得那一刻特别可爱。
Like, I just felt like it was such a adorable moment.
我还在想，你肯定也干过不少没带我的事儿。
I also imagine you doing things, like, without me.
我就在想，怎么会呢，因为平时我肯定会问，怎么做到的
And I'm like, how because normally normally, I'm like How'd
她是怎么出的门？
she get out of the house?
如果
If
要是我们俩干这事儿，我肯定直接跳起来，而你就在背后翻白眼。
we were doing it, I would have jumped and you'd been rolling your eyes in the background.
但你一个人悄悄给他人制造惊喜，
But like, you surprising someone on your own.
我就觉得，她也太可爱了。
I'm like, that's but she's so, like, cooth.
你其实她从来没跟人说过话。
You actually She's never spoken to someone.
我就觉得，她以前从来没这么激动过。
I'm like, she's never really exclaimed before.
但你，我看了那个视频。
But you I I saw the video.
你穿着小猫一样的鞋子走过来，就轻轻说声嗨。
You come to your little kitten heels and you're just like, hi.
你想知道吗，其实啊
Well, you wanna know what so
把他们逗得笑死了。
funny the shit out of them.
我会说，
I'd be like,
整个过程里，我都不知道手该往哪儿放。
during the whole thing, I didn't know what to do with my hands.
我懂。
I know.
所以才这样。
That's why.
我知道。
I know.
我当时就想，她真可爱。
I was like, she's so cute.
一直伸手去碰
Kept, like, grabbing
因为我觉得，嘿。
them because I was like, hey.
我就是个小小的女孩。
I'm just like a small, small girl.
不是的。
No.
佩吉特别害羞。
Paige is so shy.
你们真的不懂。
You guys don't understand.
她特别内向。
She's so shy.
所以当你做这种困难的事时，我总是忍不住想，天哪。
So then when you do difficult things like that, I'm always like, oh my god.
你看她穿着小猫跟鞋，怎么在世界上走得这么稳。
Look at her navigating the world in her kitten heel.
但同时，给人惊喜也挺难的，因为你总会想，万一人家没按你期待的方式回应呢？
And but also like surprising someone is is tough because you're like, what if they don't respond the way you wanted?
等你真到了那儿，我又在想，我们聊点啥好？
And then once you're there, I'm like, what do we talk about?
对啊。
Like Yeah.
你最近怎么样？
So how are you?
不是。
No.
我本来很紧张，想给他们个惊喜，但又怕他们其实早就知道了。
I was very I was nervous to surprise them, but I I was nervous that to surprise them because I thought they, like, knew.
我心想，可别让他们觉得：‘哦，当然了，她不就来了嘛。’
And I was like, I didn't want them to be like, oh yeah, obviously like here she is.
嘿，姑娘。
Hey, girl.
嘿。
Hey.
谢谢你来玩纸牌游戏。
Thanks for coming to play Padre.
我当时有点紧张。
So I got like a little nervous.
但他们特别温柔，就是可惜赶上这么糟糕的天气，不过——
But they were so sweet and it sucks that they have like a horrible weather weekend, but
至少他们在城里，做了些有趣的室内活动。
Well, at least they're in the city doing like fun indoor things.
他们发给我整个婚礼周末的PPT，所以我清楚每套衣服该穿什么风格。
They sent me like the PowerPoint for the whole wedding weekend, so I knew like what the vibe was for all the outfits.
我最喜欢的就是女生做的那种跟工作完全无关的PPT了。
And like, there's nothing I love more than a PowerPoint that a girl makes that has nothing to do with her job.
她们真的特别贴心又周到，做这个PPT的女生，她还特意提醒我：要穿裙子。
And, like, because they're so helpful and resourceful, like, who the girl that made this PowerPoint, like, she was like, think skirts.
短裤、长裤、裙子。
Shorts, pants, skirt.
我差点就选对了。
Like, I'm like, so close.
对极了。
Like, totally.
她传达出一种明确的态度：不行。
Like, she gave a vibe of like No.
她是在给我提建议。
She's giving me options.
她该穿什么
Of what she should
你们该穿什么。
you guys should wear.
我觉得啥都能穿，都没问题。
And I'm like, so everything is acceptable and a go.
这让我想起我们有一次重要的视频会议，那场面本身就能拍成一档节目。
That reminds me of us in one of our our important Zooms, which is just, that should be a show in itself.
是的。
Yeah.
因为佩吉和我那时候就光听着别人讲。
Because Paige and I were like just listening to people talk.
但我觉得我们该说点啥，他们却问：你们准备好了吗？
But I felt like we should say anything and they were like, are you ready?
我们要开始演示了。
We have a presentation.
我就说，我们可喜欢用PPT了。
And I just go, we love PowerPoints.
他们就说，好吧。
And they're like, okay.
我们就坐在那儿。
And we're sitting there.
最后他们问佩吉：你有什么问题吗？
And at the end, they go, Paige, you have any questions?
她说：我只是很高兴最后没来个测验。
And she goes, I'm just happy there wasn't a quiz at the end of that.
我还以为最后要考试呢。
I thought there was gonna be a quiz.
我们挂了
And we got off
电话。
the call.
总得有人开个玩笑吧。
Because someone had to crack a joke.
不是的。
No.
我差点就插嘴了，心想：这到底是初中科学课吗？
I literally almost interrupted and was like, what in the eighth grade science class?
我差点睡着七回了。
Because I've almost fallen asleep seven times.
做PPT的本意就是点一下，突然给大伙儿放个搞笑照片逗一逗。
The whole point of a PowerPoint is you get to press it and surprise people with a funny photo.
我们做演示的时候，我给汉娜发了条消息，因为那一刻我突然想到了这辈子最绝的点子。
I texted Hannah while we were doing it because I had literally, in the moment, come up with the most genius thing I've ever come up with.
我根本停不下打哈欠。
I could not stop yawning.
所以我一直在揉鼻子，好让人看不出我在打哈欠。
So all I kept doing was rubbing my nose because you couldn't see that I was yawning.
我当时就想，我会用
I was like, I would use
我在这些Zoom会议里截了Paige的图。
I screenshot Paige in these Zooms.
顺便说一句，可不是只有三个人在。
And by the way, it's not with, like, three people.
差不多有二十个人呢。
There's, like, 20 people.
但我一直在盯着她。
And but I'm watching her.
我跟你说真的。
Believe me.
我一直在留意她。
I'm I'm keeping an eye on her.
不是的。
No.
我总是盯着她。
I always watch her.
我全程都在看着你。
I'm watching you the whole time.
这个她控制不了。
This she can't help.
哦，对了，你猜我要说什么？
Oh, and well, wait for what I'm gonna
关于你。
say about you.
好。
Okay.
她说，来找我吧。
She goes, come for me.
不行。
No.
但我还是会截个图发到群聊里，就是想看看你在公共场合怎么代表我们的。
But, like, I screenshot and send it to the group chat just so great to know how you're representing us in a public forum.
有时候她会拿出护肤品，那时候我就想，唉，这就是女人吧。
Well, sometimes she pulls out her skincare, which, at that point, I'm just, like, that's woman Okay.
只有像我这样我认识的人面前，她才会这样。
That's only with people like I that I know.
你懂的吧。
You know?
有时候我觉得，我假装笑的次数比你多太多了，我真羡慕你。
Sometimes like, you like, I feel like I pretend smile in this life way more than you, which like I'm jealous of.
我真希望我能有你那样的自信。
I wish I could have your confidence.
我整天都在假笑。
I'm fake smiling twenty four seven.
我就想，佩吉就那样坐着
I'm like, Paige is just sitting there like
你这是在大家面前把自己弄得像个笑话一样。
Well, you've made yourself a clown for the people.
我又没让你这么做。
I didn't tell you to do that.
确实。
True.
所以，大家觉得你平时跟他们互动的时候总是笑呵呵的，就以为你随时都处在一种……
So, like, people expect people interact with you and they're always laughing, so they expect you to also be in a
心情特别愉快。
jovial mood.
在这个黑暗的世界里做一束光。
Being a light in this dark world.
对。
Yeah.
而且我已经给了
And I've given
我快崩溃了，你别再逼我了。
I'm I'm this close to a panic attack, so don't push me.
他们都知道。
And so they know.
我刚才笑的那个，到底指的是什么？
What was that laugh I just say about?
那你觉得
So what do you
对我有什么看法？
have to say about me?
好吧。
Okay.
汉娜在Zoom里做那种表演式的下巴动作。
Miss performative, Hannah's in the Zoom doing performative chin grabs.
就像她是个傻子一样。
Like she's cunt.
她根本就是在装模作样。
Like she's contemplating a goddamn thing.
她还老是，我老在厨房里换位置。
She also, I kept switching my kitchen position.
我就问，你干嘛
I go, what are
你是拿着左轮手枪在图书馆里的绿先生吧？
you, colonel mustard in the library with a revolver?
你这是在盯着自己的疯劲儿看呢。
Like, you're trying to look at your own crazy.
我觉得所有人都在盯着我。
I think everyone's watching me.
我总觉得有人在看我，就得让他们看到，行了。
I like think people are watching me and I have to show them Yeah.
让他们知道，别急。
That they're doing Wait.
对了，你知道我在干嘛吗？
Also, do you know what I'm doing?
我在藏我的双下巴。
I'm hiding my double chin.
好吧。
Okay.
还有件事我觉得你
The other thing that I think you
你那个点头的动作，真的随时可能让我笑出声，我有时候都得把头转开。
do that literally could make me burst out laughing in any moment that I actually have to look away sometimes is you nod.
听着挺正常的，但她点头的时候，那种感觉就像在说，嘿，这话说得
It sounds it sounds innocent enough, but she does it in a like, hey, that's a
真有道理。
really good point.
我从来没想过
Never thought
那样的。
of that.
我就想，他们根本什么都没说。
And I'm like, they didn't even say anything.
明白了。
Okay.
我是个积极的倾听者。
I'm an active listener.
我在看呢。
I'm look.
我很有同理心。
I'm an empath.
当别人说话却没人回应的时候，我就懂了。
And when someone's speaking and no one's reacting see, I know.
你有没有那种，会对没生命的东西产生感情的时候？
You know how you feel for inanimate objects?
我对真人也是这种感觉。
That's how I feel for real people.
但不是的。
And no.
当他们说话却没人回应的时候，我就觉得，拜托啊。
Like, when they're talking and no one's reacting, I'm like, come on.
总得有人给他们一点鼓励吧。
Someone has to give them a little positivity.
所以我总是这样，但你也知道，这就是我不喜欢社交场合的原因——到头来，我都觉得自己该拿个奥斯卡奖了。
So I yours but you know, that's why I don't like social situations because by the end, I've I should win an Oscar.
我每两周都会开一次团队会议。
Well, I had a I have a team meeting every two weeks.
上周我就说：大家，咱们到底在干嘛？
And last week, I said, guys, what are we doing here?
这可是个没开摄像头的Zoom会议。
This is an off camera Zoom.
我把自己抽离出来。
I get out of my face.
你是参加了我们上次的非摄像头Zoom会议吗？
Like, don't Were you there for our last off camera Zoom?
是的。
Yeah.
是我发起的这次会议。
I'm the one that started it.
你猜谁没坚持到最后？
And guess who didn't finish it?
谁？
Who?
你？
You?
对。
Yeah.
我上线了，但没关摄像头。
I showed up and didn't go off camera.
哦，是啊。
Oh, yeah.
对。
Yeah.
没错。
Yeah.
我是第一个上线的，旁边还有一个女生，我就说：嘿。
I was the first one on with one other girl, and I said, hey.
你要么跟我站一边，要么就是反对我们。
You're either with me or you're against me.
把摄像头关了。
Turn your camera off.
她回我说：我跟你一边。
And she goes, I'm with you.
当然了。
Absolutely.
其他人都加入了。
Everybody else joins.
他们说，哦，这是个不开摄像头的Zoom会议。
They go, oh, it's a no camera Zoom.
我说，什么？然后我迟到了两分钟。
I go, what's And I show up two minutes late.
汉娜也迟到了两分钟。
Hannah shows up two minutes late.
不用做自我介绍了。
Didn't have to do the intros.
我说，我就开着摄像头了。
I goes, I'm just gonna be camera on.
我说
I said
她总是开着摄像头，我当时就想，哇，我太喜欢这样了，然后大家就开始聊起来了。
she's always on And I just was like, wait, I love this And then everyone was talking.
我一直在点头附和他们。
I was nodding for them.
但说实话，如果我不开摄像头，我根本管不住自己。
But the truth is, if I'm off camera, I can't trust myself.
如果不开摄像头，我就会去打网球。
If I'm off camera, I'm playing tennis.
如果不开摄像头，我可能会去摸摸猫啊狗啊的。
Like, if I'm off camera, I'm petting my anyone.
但如果开了摄像头，我就得至少装出一副很认真的样子，然后对，就是这样。
But if I'm on camera, I have to look at least like I care, and then Mhmm.
你确实会更上心。
You care more.
等等。
Wait.
我特别喜欢我们刚才花了二十分钟聊Zoom通话的事。
I love how we just did twenty minutes about Zoom calls.
但我觉得这真的挺有共鸣的。
But I feel like it's relatable.
不对。
No.
不过这确实跟我日常生活息息相关。
That but that's, like, really pertinent to my everyday life.
所以。
So
是的。
Yeah.
其实我们平时说话也会用到法律术语。
Like, we use legal jargon in everyday life.
对。
Yeah.
我喜欢在Zoom会议开头讲个小笑话，等大家笑起来，我就能放松了。
So I love a little Zoom joke in the beginning, and then I could calm down once I get the laugh.
我就是觉得对啊。
I'm like Yeah.
我那个关于Zoom的笑话还挺到位的。
My quiz joke was pretty good on that Zoom.
那真的太好笑了。
That was fucking funny.
我总是笑得有点太响了，别人都说：行了行了。
I always laugh a little too hard, and everyone's like, okay.
是的。
Yeah.
你们俩本来就是认识的。
You guys know each other.
明白了。
Okay.
最近我真有种全身心投入STEM领域女性的体验，因为我买了几盆新植物，种啊、浇水啊、晒太阳啊、上肥料啊，全都搞起来了。
So I've been having a full woman in STEM moment lately because I got some new plants, you know, planting, watering, sunlight, fertilizer, all of that.
这感觉就像在做科学实验，但却是最棒的那种。
It's giving science experiment, but in the actual best way.
没有什么比看着自己亲手种下的植物慢慢长大更让人有成就感了。
And there's nothing more rewarding than watching something you planted grow.
我这些植物都是从Fast Growing Trees买的。
I've been getting my plants from Fast Growing Trees.
他们是全美最大的在线苗圃，几乎你能想到的植物他们都有，从院子里种的树和灌木，到果树、可爱的室内盆栽，应有尽有。
They're the largest online nursery in the country, and they have literally every plant you could even think of, from trees and shrubs for your yard to fruit trees, cute house plants, and more.
最棒的是，Fast Growing Trees根本让你没法种死。
And the best part is fast growing trees actually makes it impossible to fail.
他们有专业的植物专家随时为你答疑，而且每株植物都附带‘成活茁壮’保证。
They have real live plant experts to talk to you if you have questions, and every plant is backed by their alive and thrive guarantee.
所以你完全可以直接问：我是不是真的把这植物养死了？
So you can honestly just ask if you're actually killing your plant or not.
我每隔几个月就会买一盆新的兰花，因为我确实总是养死它们。
I love to get a fresh orchid every couple of months because I do, in fact, kill them.
但有了Fast Growing Trees，我这次养得还不错。
But with fresh growing trees, I've been going pretty strong.
现在，Gigglers用户在fastgrowingtrees.com/giggly下单首单可享八折优惠。
And right now, Gigglers can get 20% off their first purchase at fastgrowingtrees.com/giggly.
在fastgrowingtrees.com/giggly下单，首单立减两成。
That's 20% off at fastgrowingtrees.com/giggly.
你的植物达人生活，现在正式开启。
Your plant parent era starts now.
夏天来了，真让人惊讶，我最近在看泳衣，特别喜欢便宜的泳衣。
So summer's upon us, which is crazy, but I was, like, looking at bathing suits, and I love cheap bathing suits.
对。
Yeah.
但我也不确定。
But I don't know.
因为我穿它可不是为了拍照片。
Because I'm not, like, doing a photo shoot in them.
我只是想去游泳池或者海滩放松一下。
Like, I'm just trying to be in the pool or the beach.
你在玩闹呢。
You're playing games.
我在玩，是的。
I'm playing yes.
对。
Yeah.
没错。
Yes.
或者我在冲刺。
Or I'm I'm sprinting.
我在游泳。
I'm swimming.
我在比赛。
I'm racing.
我在当美人鱼。
I'm doing I'm a mermaid.
你是在做各种活动。
You're doing activities.
所以跟你一起晒太阳根本不可能。
So It's impossible to lay out with you.
不行。
No.
对。
Yeah.
你不是。
You're not.
没错。
No.
你得真正投入进去。
You have to be actively engaged.
只有当我们讨论一个已经说了八百万遍、但突然冒出个新细节，还非得拿这事儿反复碾压的时候，你才能躺平。
The only time you can really lay out is if we're discussing something that we've discussed 8,000,000 times but there's one new fact and we're beating that fact beating that fact with a dead horse.
要是老生常谈，那还不如打个网球，边打边聊这个呢。
Then you can lay and tan because you're actively doing something but if it's like the same old shit, you're like, should I like hit a tennis ball and we'll talk about this?
我们友谊的好处就是，八年了，各种狗血剧情不断。
Well, good thing about our friendship is it's eight years of drama.
我们有太多素材可以挖了。
We can pull from so much.
那些值得记下来的东西，简直太棒了。
The archivables are archive is fucking good.
而且我们还会轮着来。
And we rotate.
不过我刚刷到一个比基尼的抖音广告。
But, I got, like, some TikTok advertisement for a bikini.
看起来特别好看。
It looked beautiful.
我就点了进去。
I clicked it.
底裤都要195美元，还不带上面的。
$195 for not the full bikini, for the bottoms.
什么？
What?
是啊。
Yeah.
我意思是，这种挺不错的，可这根本就是内裤嘛。
I mean, there's one of these nice ones, but what is it's underwear.
这泳裤里头到底有什么，能卖195美元还分开卖？
What is in this bikini that's $195 and it's separate?
那这不就是400美元的泳装了？
So that's a $400 bikini?
你得让我觉得这说得通。
Make it make as okay.
作为一个设计师，作为一个时尚大佬，你得让我明白这背后的逻辑。
As a designer, as a fashion mogul, make it make sense to me.
他们是怎么定出这些价格的？
How do they get to those numbers?
这很难解释得通，因为量太小了
It's hard to justify because it's such a small
一件衣服。
piece of clothing.
而且它到底是什么材质做的，难道不就是那种……
And what is it made out of that makes like, isn't it just like
我猜，我猜应该主要是氨纶吧。
I would assume I would assume it's probably mostly spandex.
这种材质很贵吗？
Is that, like, really pricey?
不是。
No.
但我真不清楚泳装是用什么面料做的。
But, like, I don't know what swim material.
我不懂泳装制作有多难，压根不知道那东西到底是什么材料做的。
I don't know how hard it is to make swim because I don't even know what that's, like, made of.
我也不清楚。
I don't know.
我觉得就是那种特别结实的面料。
I think it's like a real rip.
真的是很结实的面料。
It's a real rip.
你当时是在哪个网站买的？
And What were you shopping on?
你还记得是哪个网站吗？
Do you remember what website?
或者，你记得是哪个吗
Or, like, do you remember, like
好像是个品牌。
It was like a brand.
就是那种
Like, was like
是泳装品牌，还是做服装但也有泳装的那个品牌。
a swim brand or it was like a clothing brand that had swim.
不过那家店挺不错的。
But it was like it was nice.
它那儿有大概两百款，不对。
Like, it had, like, 200 No.
泳衣很难穿。
Bathing suits are tough.
但问题是，买泳衣花这么多钱真不值，因为除非是特别好的质量，不然大多数泳衣撑过两个夏天就发黄变旧了，最后还是得换新的。
But here's the thing that is hard to justify spending so much on bathing suits is because a lot of the time, unless it's like a very good quality bathing suit, I would say a lot of the time after two summers, it's kind of like dingy and gross and you have to get a new one anyway.
你根本用不了多久就穿坏了。
Like, you could goes through it.
是的。
Yeah.
它们比其他衣服坏得都快。
You go through them faster than other articles of clothing.
你知道什么最让我生气吗？
Do you know what makes me mad?
感觉他们就是在糊弄我们。
It's because it's feel like they're pulling something over our eyes Mhmm.
我真想问，我拿一个颜色怪异的下半身泳装能怎么办？
Where that I'm like, what the fuck am I supposed to do with one weird colored bottom?
你最讨厌被坑了。
You hate getting duped.
那就配成一套吧。
Put it in a set.
这就像是在说，嘿，这只耳环卖两百美元。
Put it it's like being like, hey, this earring is $200.
就一只耳环。
This one earring.
很明显，我得把另一只也买下来。
Like, obviously, I need to buy the other earring.
等等。
Wait.
有一次，我买过一对耳环，那品牌叫什么来着？
One time, I ordered earrings and it was what was the brand?
是个在西村有店的品牌，那时候好像挺火的。
It was like a it was like a brand that was they had a store in the West Village, think it was like super big at the time.
好像是个女性的名字。
Something like it was like a woman's name.
叫塔莎什么的，我记不清了。
Something like Tasha or like I forget.
随它吧。
Whatever.
大家都戴那种小巧精致的耳环，我也忍不住想买一副。
And I'm like, and everyone's getting these like little mini dainty earrings and I'm like, I have to.
于是我上网找了想找的耳环，心想：太好了，就买这个了。
So I go online and I like see the earrings that I want and I'm like, great, I'm gonna get this.
才1.95美元。
It was like $1.95.
我觉得这价格简直离谱，但算了，随它吧。
I was like, that's insane but like, whatever.
我下单了。
I get it.
快递寄到了。
It comes in the mail.
结果只寄来了一只。
It's just one.
我当时就想
And I'm like
这对你来说是个笑话吗？
Is this a fucking joke to you?
很明显，另一只耳环被人弄错了。
I'm like, clearly someone like messed up like the other earring.
我们联系了客服，他们说不是这么回事。
And we like get on customer service and they're like, no.
我们卖的就是单只的。
We send them we sell them individual.
他们以为我傻。
Like, they thought I was stupid.
是的。
Yeah.
对。
Yeah.
我那时候根本没意识到，是因为每个女孩都戴好几个耳洞。
And I didn't realize it was, like, because all every girl was doing, like, multiple piercings.
所以他们就只发一个过来。
So they just send it, like, one.
但我心想，这是一对啊。
But I'm like, it's a it's a pair.
我有两个耳朵。
I have two ears.
而男人的洗发水，一瓶里头却有三样功能。
And meanwhile, men have three in one shampoo.
可我们买一条比基尼内裤，却要付双倍的钱？
But we're paying for for one bikini bottom?
连一条半截比基尼都要花掉我们一个月的房租，我们怎么推翻父权体系？
How are we gonna take over the patriarchy when, like, we're out a month's rent for half a bikini?
你知道吧
You know
现在让我昏过去的事，要是放在高中，我肯定为它拼命争取。
what's something that would send me into a coma now that I would have, died for in high school is
男人戴耳环。
men and earrings.
我可没那么夸张。
I never went that gay.
有人说是你变gay了，埃里克。
Someone say I've gone gay, Eric.
不，你确实变了。
No, you have.
你真的变了。
You have.
而且这一点
And and that
你确实变了。
you have.
他们关系很好。
And they were good friends.
这正是我想问的。
This is my question.
是那种小圆环吗？
Was it a little mini hoop?
是带吊坠的吗？
Was it a dangle with Stud.
是Z世代流行的款式，还是就普通的铆钉？
A Gen Z or just a stud?
就是普通的铆钉。
Stud.
对。
Yeah.
明白了。
Okay.
以前有个时候，男生戴一个耳钉，就觉得他挺叛逆的。
There was a time where guys with one stud, he was naughty.
你一看就觉得，这人是个坏小子。
You're like, that's a bad boy.
一个耳钉？我才不觉得。
One stud no.
我喜欢戴两个。
I liked double.
我喜欢那种闪到眼的款式。
I liked Oh my god.
我喜欢一圈全镶上立方氧化锆的。
I liked cubic zirconium all
一圈全镶上。
the way around.
你一定会喜欢 Staten Island 那些男生的打扮。
You would have loved the Staten Island, guys.
你要是去了2006年的斯塔滕岛购物中心，绝对疯掉。
Like, you would have lost your mind at the Staten Island Mall in 2006.
你肯定会在Hot Topic店里跟人磨蹭个没完。
You would have been, like, dry humping at a Hot Topic.
说起来挺有意思，还记得Facebook刚出来那会儿吗？我们刚上高中，正好能用。
Well, you know what's funny is, like, remember when Facebook came out and we had, like we're just, like, in the kind of the beginning of high school that like we could have it?
对啊。
Mhmm.
你有没有碰巧刷到过朋友的表哥的男朋友的妹妹？人还住在别的州。
And did you ever like happen upon like your friend's cousin's boyfriend's sister who like lives in a different state?
我记得第一次在Facebook上看到新泽西州的毕业舞会，简直惊了。
Like I remember the first time I ever saw like a New Jersey prom like, on Facebook.
那时候才意识到，原来这些事是真的在发生。
You were like just being like is real.
等等。
Wait a minute.
关于 Bayt 播客
Bayt 提供中文+原文双语音频和字幕，帮助你打破语言障碍，轻松听懂全球优质播客。