笑谈夏日感冒、喷雾美黑和西西里早晨

没有。

No.

男人真是越来越没规矩了。

Men have lost their oh my god.

说到飞机上的男人，是啊。

Speaking of men on planes Mhmm.

我有一次和我妈坐飞机，经历特别离谱。

I had a crazy flight with my mom.

那趟航班足足有六个小时。

And it was, like, a, like, six hour flight.

对面过道两边各坐着一个男人。

And these two men were across the aisle from each other.

行。

K.

我想睡觉，但怎么也睡不着。

And I tried to fall asleep, but I, like, couldn't.

他们吵得特别大声，语气还特别激动。

They it sounded like they were fighting, like, really loud and aggressive.

但我仔细一听，才发现他们只是在争论谁是历史上最伟大的篮球运动员。

But then I listen, and I realize they're just arguing about, like, who the best basketball players of all time are.

说白了，这事儿男人从古至今就没停过。

Mind you, this is what guys have been talking about since the beginning of time.

我记得上中学的时候，朋友之间老在那儿争论勒布朗对科比，还有沙克对那个德克姆比·穆托姆博。

Like, I remember in middle school listening to my friends being like, and LeBron versus Kobe and bringing Shaq versus fucking Dikembe Mutombo.

他们就这么吵了整整五个小时，一个劲儿地给对方讲那些脱口而出的数据，好像自己特别懂似的。

Like, they did it for five hours just, like, mansplaining to each other stats that they know off the top of their head to try to act like they know things.

我差点就忍不住插嘴了。

I was this close to to, like, stepping in.

你说的‘隔过道’，是指对面那排吗？

When you say across the aisle, like, across

他们不是坐在过道两边吧？

Like, they were they weren't Aisles?

所以呢，他们俩都坐在过道边的座位上，嗯，就是这样。

So, like, they were both on the on the aisle seats and, like Okay.

但他们说话声音特别大。

So but they were talking loud.

所以你坐在靠窗的位置，你妈妈坐在另一边？

So you were in you were on one window seat and your mom was in the other?

对。

Yeah.

那你们怎么不

Why didn't you guys

哦，没有。

Oh, no.

哦，没有。

We oh, no.

但他们坐在我们前面。

But they were, like, ahead of us.

我们坐在一起。

We were sitting next to each other.

哦，明白了。

Oh, Got it.

明白了。

Got it.

明白了。

Got it.

但那两个男人一直在说个不停。

But these men were going, going, going.

然后我们还碰上了空乘人员的事儿。

And then we had stewardess drama.

我觉得他们更喜欢航班服务。

I think they prefer flight Okay.

我有个

I've got a

干这份工作。

job with that.

空乘一。

Steward I.

空乘一。

Steward I.

K。

K.

这可不是体育老师。

It's not gym teacher.

这是体育教育老师。

It's physical educator.

那位女士走过来的时候，连问都没问我们要不要喝点什么。

So the lady comes up to us, and she hasn't even she's, like, asked if we want drinks.

然后她就说，顺便提一下，这是我第一天上班。

And she goes, by the way, like, this is my second day.

它之前一直都在运行吗？

It was cut Ever working?

我觉得挺有意思的，因为她都快65岁了。

I get it was kind of interesting because she was, like, 65.

而且，她当时也没犯什么错。

Also, like, she hadn't done anything wrong yet.

所以你根本没必要一上来就告诉我你是新人。

So I'm like, you don't have to tell me up top that you're new.

但我其实挺支持你的。

But, like, I'm rooting for you.

加油，加油！

Like, go team go.

时间过得挺久的。

A lot of time goes by.

我们还没拿到饮料。

We don't get our drinks.

都两个多小时了，我们的饮料还没上来。

Like, it's been, like, two hours, and we haven't gotten our drinks.

明白了。

Okay.

又有一位女士走过来，跟我们打招呼。

This other lady comes up to us, and she's like, hey.

这位空乘人员，抱歉，根本没在干活，还说自己是第二天上班，可她其实已经干了二十年了。

This other suit flight attendant, sorry, is, like, is not doing her job and claiming that it's her second day, but she's worked for twenty years.

于是我和我妈就决定管一管。

So then my mom and I Wait.

这事我们得管。

Are on the case.

等一下。

Wait.

我们当时就说，等等，这不对劲。

We're, like, we're Wait a minute.

我每周要飞四次。

I fly four times a week.

我从来没遇到过这么离谱的空乘纠纷。

I've never been involved in steward eye drama to this extent.

她根本就没给我们送饮料。

She wasn't even giving us our drinks.

她还说，得先跟我讲清楚她在驾驶舱那边遇到的破事。

She was like, I need to tell you what the fuck I'm dealing with upfront by the cockpit.

我们当时就懵了，什么？

And we were like, what?

她该不会是在撒谎吧？

Is she, like, lying?

这到底怎么回事？

Like, what's going on?

她说，我也不知道。

And she's like, I don't know.

我们也不清楚。

We don't know.

但她对我们态度特别差。

But she's being really bitchy to us.

我当时想，她之前对我们挺好的，可她却说只待两天。

And I was like, she was nice to us, but she told us two days.

也许她只是跟人这么说，好让自己出错的时候显得没那么严重——其实这招挺高明的。

Maybe she just, like, says that to people so that, like, when she messes up, it's not that big a deal, which actually, genius.

说实话，我觉得她在下棋，而我们还在玩跳棋。

Honestly, I think she's playing chess and we were playing checkers.

对啊。

Yeah.

后来那位空乘还是给我们送了饮料，而那个说自己是第一天上班的，最后才出现，还说：‘对不起。’

Because then the lady ended up getting us the drinks and the one who said it was her first day comes later at the end and she's like, I'm sorry.

她说：‘我是第一天上班。’

Like, I've it's my first day.

如果我搞砸了，我道歉。

I'm sorry if I messed up.

我当时就想，这招真是绝了。

And I'm like, this is fucking genius.

我得学会用这一招。

I gotta start using this.

等等。

Wait.

然后我就想，

And so I

真不敢相信，

can't believe

她回来跟你说了那番话，而你知道她在撒谎。

she came back and said that to you and you know that she's lying.

对。

Yeah.

她当时说，

She was like,

我希望我没听错，她到底说了什么？

I hope I didn't So what she pay said?

也许我该想想，她可能从来没坐过这家航空公司的航班，但你也知道，空乘人员这行有它的特殊性。

Well, maybe I'm like, oh, maybe she's never done this airline, but she's you don't this is the thing also about flight attendants.

他们的培训简直严苛到极点。

The training is insane.

想当空乘，培训跟当兵差不多。

The training is military to become a flight attendant.

我从来没遇到过哪位空乘出错出得这么离谱。

I've never had a flight attendant mess up to the extent that she has.

大多数空乘都特别专业。

Like, most flight attendants are incredible.

对。

Yeah.

他们就像是海上的咖啡师。

They are the baristas of the sea.

我几乎从来没遇到过空乘出过什么问题。

I've rarely had, like, a flight attendant issue ever.

从来都没遇过

Never been

空乘把我搞得这么狼狈的情况。

in a pickle with a flight attendant before.

你想知道为什么吗？

You wanna know why?

因为他们是同性恋。

They're gay.

因为她们是女生和同性恋。

Because they're girls and gays.

所以他们总是笑嘻嘻地打招呼。

So they're like, hi.

这就像是说‘很高兴来到这里’的时候。

That's like when Happy to be here.

这就像是我在《体育画报》活动上弄丢太阳镜的时候。

That's like when I lost my sunglasses at the Sports Illustrated event.

我当时想，这地方全是女生。

I was like, it's full of women.

咱们会没事的。

We're gonna be fine.

我最喜欢的就是让别人觉得我看起来很健康，而我手里拿着蛋白棒的时候就是这样。

There's nothing I love more than looking healthy to other people, and that's when I'm carrying a protein bar.

David蛋白棒特别棒，他们有两种，金色和青铜色，每种都标着详细的营养成分。

And David is the perfect protein bar because they have two different ones, gold and bronze, which include macro information on each of them.

David蛋白棒现在推出了两款行业领先的蛋白棒，让我跟你说说。

David Protein now offers two industry leading protein bars, and let me just tell you.

我最喜欢的是他们的Gold Hero蛋白棒系列。

Their Gold Hero protein bar line is my favorite.

有巧克力豆曲奇面团味，还有花生酱巧克力块味。

They have chocolate chip cookie dough, peanut butter chocolate chunk.

我最喜欢这个。

That's my favorite.

咸味花生酱、巧克力布朗尼、肉桂卷、蓝莓派、红丝绒，还有蛋糕面糊味。

Salted peanut butter, fudge brownie, cinnamon roll, blueberry pie, red velvet, and cake batter.

每根金装棒都有浓郁的面团口感，里面还嵌着超满足的巧克力块。

And each gold bar features an indulgent doughy texture, and it just has the most satisfying chunks.

而他们的青铜装棒含有20克蛋白质。

But their bronze bar has 20 grams of protein.

只有150大卡，糖分是零。

It's only a 150 calories and zero grams of sugar.

我最爱的青铜装是烤棉花糖巧克力块味。

Their s'mores chocolate chunk is my favorite bronze bar.

大多数蛋白棒都塞满多余热量和糖分，但David的不一样，用最少的热量提供最多的蛋白质。

And most protein bars are packed with excess calories and sugar, but David bars are different, delivering the most protein for the fewest calories.

所以别光听我说，

So don't just take my word for it.

亲自试试看吧。

Try it for yourself.

David 正在为我们的听众提供一个特别优惠：上官网 davidprotein.com/giggly，买四盒送一盒。

David is offering our listeners a special deal where you buy four cartons and get the fifth free when you go to davidprotein.com/giggly.

网址是 davidprotein.com/giggly。

That's davidprotein.com/giggly.

我去 AMAs 的时候带了个手包，结果所有 giggler 都拿我开玩笑，说我每张照片都抱着包，还说：‘谢天谢地。’

Brought a purse to the AMAs, and all the gigglers were making fun of me because I was holding my purse in every photo, and they were like, thank God.

你没把它放下？

You didn't leave it?

你一直盯着它呢。

You were keeping track

没错。

of that.

别带了

Leave it

就放在台上吧。

on stage.

AMA颁奖礼怎么样？

How was the AMAs?

莱诺尔被淘汰了。

Lenore murdered.

最佳着装奖。

Best dressed.

莱诺尔拿了最佳着装奖。

Lenore best dressed.

丽莎·琳娜走过来跟我妈打招呼，说：嗨。

Lisa Rinna goes up to my mom and is like, hello.

你最近怎么样？

How are you?

你是谁？

Who are you?

你的裙子太漂亮了。

Your dress is amazing.

我真想直接把你这身衣服扒下来。

I wanna rip it off your body.

我妈妈根本不看《主妇》系列节目。

And my my mom doesn't watch The Housewives.

她根本不知道Lisa Rinna是谁。

Like, she doesn't really know who Lisa Rinna is.

她当时就说：天哪。

And she was like, oh my god.

谢谢。

Thank you.

这两位妈妈可真够厉害的。

And these two moms are kicking.

然后我就走开了。

And I walk away.

我跟妈妈说：妈，这位时尚偶像刚说她想把你身上的衣服扒下来，你太厉害了，姐妹！

I'm like, mom, that's a fashion icon that just said she wants your like, you're you did it, girl.

你可以退休了。

Retire.

但我以前从来没遇见过丽莎·琳娜。

But I've never met Lisa Rinna before.

你见过的。

You have, though.

对吧？

Right?

是的。

Yeah.

我见过。

I have.

好几次。

A couple times.

所以我从来没见到过她。

So I've never met her.

那你第一次见她感觉怎么样？

And How was your first experience?

我其实也不怎么看《主妇》系列。

So I don't watch Housewives really either.

但我认识几个。

I've I know a couple.

她们都特别搞笑。

They're all hilarious.

但你永远猜不到她们会搞出什么名堂。

But you never know what you're gonna get with them.

你从来没看过《比佛利山庄》吗？

You never watched Beverly Hills?

我看过一些片段，但真没完整追过一季。

I've like I've seen some, but like I've never like watched a season.

明白了。

Okay.

那你应该是看过几集吧。

But you've seen like in episodes.

对。

Yeah.

我看过那个女人踢腿的片段。

I've seen like the the lady throw her leg.

哦。

Oh.

《纽约主妇》那期挺经典的，就是Viva那集。

Well, was Real Housewives of New York and that was a Viva and that was iconic.

那是老纽约的风格，真是经典年代了。

That was like old New York like Good old days.

我觉得她最近刚出来做了一次问答，有人问起这事，她说：‘当然了，我早就计划好了，心里有数。’

I feel like she just came out recently and did like an ask me anything and someone asked her about that and she was like, yeah, obviously I like plan I like knew I was gonna do it.

我觉得迟早有一天我会

Like at some point I

其实我早就打算这么做了，但我特别喜欢她说的，自己一直把这事儿留着，早有准备。

was gonna do But I love how she was like, I was keeping it in my back pocket, obviously.

是的。

Yeah.

她还说过类似的话，说我们做的是个娱乐节目。

She's like she said something to the effect of like, we're making an entertainment show.

我当时就觉得，没错，太对了。

And I was like, totally.

我当时在后台和丽莎·琳娜在一起，是的。

So I'm backstage with Lisa Rinna, and I'm Yeah.

我有点紧张。

I'm nervous.

而且有时候你也不确定，他们是不是真的把这当回事儿。

Also, sometimes you don't know, like, if they like, this is a job.

我们马上就要上台了。

Like, we're about to present.

我不确定她是不是想跟我互动一下。

Like, I don't know if she wants, like, kiki with me.

但我跟她说过了，我以前见过埃米莉亚，特别喜欢她。

But I let her know, like, I've met Emilia before and I love Amelia.

她一听，眼睛马上就亮了。

And her eyes kinda lit up.

然后她说，哎呀，她是不是特别温柔？

And she's like, oh, like, isn't she the sweetest?

我说，你女儿真的又善良又贴心。

I'm like, your daughter is so kind and sweet.

是的。

Yeah.

然后我就直接上啦。

And then I just go for it.

我跟她说，顺便提一下，我以前也在Bravo上过。

I'm like, by the way, I used to be on Bravo also.

她不知道吗？

Oh, she didn't know?

我觉得她根本没认出我来。

I don't think she knew who I was.

她当时说，那位叫斯科特的资深面部捐赠者。

She was, like, senior face donor named Scott.

她还说，

She was, like,

你真可爱。

you're cute.

这肯定会很有趣。

This is gonna be fun.

是的

Yeah.

你好。

Hi.

您好。

Hello.

我是当妈妈的。

Like, I'm a mom.

我会对你客气点。

I'm gonna be nice.

你在我眼里就跟孩子一样。

Like, you're a child to me.

顺便说一句，丽莎·琳娜认识所有人。

And by the way, Lisa Rinna knows everyone.

她简直在跟约翰·传奇套近乎。

She's, like, dabbing up John Legend.

她跟谁都认识，谁也都认识她。

Like, she's seeing everyone and everyone knows her.

她道歉了。

She sorry.

今天真是累坏了。

It's been a long day.

她看着我，一脸惊讶地说：真的吗？

She looks at me and she's like, really?

我当时就说，我不知道该怎么解释，但你在Bravo上经历的那些事，虽然听起来离谱，但我真的觉得自己是少数能理解你经历的人之一。

And I'm like, I don't know how to explain this, but the very specific situation that you went through on Bravo, it's crazy, but I feel like I'm one of the few people that can kind of relate to what you've been through.

她就那么盯着我看。

And she, like, looks at me.

你当时以为她们，还以为她不想

And you thought they and you thought she didn't wanna

留下佩吉。

keep Paige.

她就说：‘真的吗？’

She was like, I she was like, actually?

她

She

她明明说了

literally said

让她帮我拿一下包，她就盯着我看。

to hold my fucking purse, she looked at me.

我们之间说了些话，我得放在心里。

And we said some things back and forth that I need to keep to my heart.

是的。

Yeah.

但她看着我，握住了我的手。

But she looked at me and took my hand.

她说：‘如果我们没经历过这些艰难的事，今天就不会站在这里，一起在AMAs上表演了。'

And she said, if these difficult things didn't happen to us, we would not be standing here today together presenting at the AMAs.

这话说得太对了。

That is so true.

而且我们

And we

有了一次特别走心的谈心。

had this, like, beautiful heart to heart.

我跟她说，我记得本来不该在上台前聊这些，但我就是喜欢在演出前翻那些伤疤。

Because I told her, I said, I remember, not to bring it up right before we go on stage, but I love bringing up traumatizing things right before I perform.

是啊。

Yeah.

你确实老这样。

You do do that.

我说，我记得你在BravoCon被嘘的时候，那真的太过分了。

I said, I remember when you were booed at BravoCon, and that was so fucked up.

想象一下，你妈妈在台上被人嘘是什么感觉。

Like, imagine your mom getting booed.

没错。

Hell yeah.

祝你平安。

Bless you.

不好意思。

Sorry.

她就说，对啊。

And she was like, yeah.

我说，这不就像WWE吗？你站在那一边的时候，就得顺势配合。

I'm like, but it is like WWE, and you just have to lean in when you're on that side of the the docket.

是的。

Yeah.

但我们当时真有那么一个特别温馨的时刻，她人也特别有趣。

But we had this kind of, like, beautiful moment, and then she was so fun.

她真的超酷。

Like, she's so cool.

我想让那些爱笑的人知道，丽莎真的是个好人。

I just want the gigglers to know that Lisa, she's she's a good one.

我们都很喜欢她。

We love her.

对。

Yeah.

我们真的很喜欢她。

We love her.

不是这样的。

No.

每次我见到她，她都特别友善。

She's always been really nice anytime I've ever met her.

我们在拍《穿普拉达的恶魔》之后见到过她。

And I saw her after we met Emilia when we did Devil Wears Prada.

我当时就想，她家真是个温暖有爱的大家庭。

And I was just like, what a fam what a great family.

太可爱了。

So freaking cute.

我也觉得他们一定

I also They must

在一起特别开心。

just have such a fun time together.

而且，

Also,

我开始看《真实主妇》了，不是那个。

I started watching Real Housewives no.

我是开始看《摩门教秘密妻子》了。

I started watching the Mormon Secret Wives

是的。

Yeah.

在飞机上看的。

On the plane.

欢迎。

Welcome.

我脑子里想法太多了。

I have so many thoughts.

不过我们很高兴你加入。

But this We're happy to have you.

这真是一段疯狂的旅程。

It's a crazy journey.

不是的。

No.

你什么时候开始不重要，关键是得开始。

We don't care when you start as long as you start.

对。

Yeah.

但问题是，我一开始是因为我们去做指甲，Paige随手放了一集第三季。

But the problem is, I started because we were getting our nails done and Paige put on, like, a random episode from season three.

所以我就接着那集继续看下去了。

So then I just continued from that episode.

我先看了第三季，现在正在看。

So I watched season three first, and now I'm

第二季。

in season two.

明白了。

Okay.

你看了第三季，然后直接跳到第四季了？

So you watched season three, season four?

没有。

No.

你是从第三季倒回来看第二季。

You went season three back to two.

你不太喜欢一口气看完。

You didn't like finishing.

我挺喜欢看的

I kind of like seeing

你看过第一季吗？

Did you watch season one?

没有。

No.

明白了。

Okay.

这太符合你了。

I this is so you.

简直让人无语。

Like like, what the fuck?

不过跳着看季数，你会觉得天哪。

Watching seasons out of order, though, because you you're kinda like, oh my god.

这女孩根本不知道接下来要发生什么，可我全都知道。

This girl doesn't know what's about to happen to her, and I know what's about to happen.

或者你正冲她喊这件事，可下次她就要冲你喊那件事了，因为你们俩根本就是互相这么干的。

Or, like, oh, you're yelling her about this, but she's about to yell at you about that next time because y'all already you do the same thing.

你们俩一直在互相做同样的事。

You're doing the same things to each other.

这真是我之前完全不了解你的地方之一。

That's one of the craziest things that you that I've I didn't really know about you.

其实我也不清楚自己当时为啥那么做，可能就是随大流吧。

I also That's like Actually, I don't know why I was doing it, but I think I was just going with the flow.

不过话说回来，我们早就认识杰西了。

But anyway, I've we've known Jesse.

她一直住在那户摩门教家庭里，算是那里的姑娘。

Like, she's been around like, that's the Mormon house household girl.

她对我们一直特别好，但我从来没认真看过她。

And she's always been awesome to us, but I never watched her.

我看完第三季、还有第二季的一部分，下飞机后就去了AMAs。

And then I get off the plane after watching season three and part of season two, get to the AMAs.

我第一眼看到的就是马西亚诺和杰西。

First people I see, Marciano and Jesse.

居然在参与完这一季之后，还能碰上他们，真是够离谱的。

That's crazy to be, like, in involved in the season, like, in and that then see them.

不是的。

No.

我的生活简直太奇怪了。

Like, my life is so fucking weird.

通常情况下，我见到杰西的时候。

Because normally, I see Jesse.

我就打个招呼。

I'm just like, hey.

最近怎么样？

What's up?

我知道你最近做得特别棒。

Like, I know you're doing great stuff.

我还没看过。

Haven't watched it.

支持。

Support.

现在我就想说，你们到底怎么回事？

And now I'm like, you guys, what's going on?

汉娜，这就是为什么你得按顺序看，因为她刚离了婚。

Hannah, this is why you have to go in order because she, like, just got divorced.

大家生气了吗？

And are people mad?

她就是上周才离的婚。

Like, she's Like, literally, like, a week ago.

没有。

No.

她老公才是最差的。

Her husband is the worst.

但他们并不介意她和马西亚诺在一起，尽管马西亚诺

But they're not mad that she's out with Marciano even though Marciano

他们根本不在乎。

They don't give a shit.

那就好。

Oh, good.

我觉得他们其实没真在一起。

I don't think they're, like, actually together.

而且你现在流感挺严重的。

Also, you have a full flu right now.

你得了流感。

You have a flu.

是的。

Yeah.

你是不是还得了肺炎？

You you have pneumonia?

我那时候感冒了。

Well, I had a cold.

我得的是夏天常见的那种感冒。

I had a summer cold that, like, people were getting.

你倒是能把感冒都搞得挺有范儿的。

You're the you would make it chic having a cold.

你还说，这是夏天的感冒。

You're like, it's a summer cold.

你想知道吗？

You wanna know what?

我助理也感冒了。

My assistant had a cold.

我跟她待在一起，结果就染上了。

And then I was with her, and then I got a cold.

然后我就直接飞走了。

And then I just flew.

每次我一坐飞机，耳朵就听不清你说什么了。

So, like, whenever I fly, like, my like, I can't I can't hear you.

你有没有打过点滴什么的？

Did you get, like, an IV or something?

他们会不会

Do they

没有。

No.

我一点都不觉得不舒服。

I don't feel sick.

就是有点感冒，鼻子不通。

I just have, like, a head cold.

明白了。

Okay.

好的。

Okay.

总之。

Anyhoo.

对。

Yeah.

看了八集她之后再见到杰西，感觉有点怪。

Seeing Jesse after watching eight episodes of her was, like, kind of weird.

我确实有个关于杰西的意见。

And I do have one note about Jesse.

我觉得她脸型适合留个带点锋芒的短发。

I think she has the bone structure to have a cunty bob.

是的。

Yeah.

她们都没留过短发。

None of none of them have a bob.

哦，有一个刚剪了短发。

Oh, one of them did just cut a bob.

我想不起来了。

I can't I don't remember.

米兰达。

Miranda.

米兰达。

Miranda.

但没人真的留了鲍勃头。

But no one really has a bob.

是的。

Yeah.

说实话，汉娜，你这发型简直像摩门教徒。

Honestly, Hannah, you could be Mormon with your hair.

天哪。

Oh my god.

谢谢。

Thank you.

是的。

Yeah.

我觉得这真的是很大的夸奖。

That's like a really big compliment, I feel like.

挺搞笑的是，我万圣节打扮成摩门教家庭主妇，可我根本没看过那部剧。

It is funny though that I dressed up as a Mormon housewife on Halloween when I never watched the show.

根本不需要那个。

Don't even need that.

因为我相信你。

Because I trust you.

因为我跟她说过，她懂喜剧，要是能戳中笑点，那就成了。

Because I said she knows comedy and if it hits, it hits.

有史以来最好的剧。

Best show ever.

那真是最棒的剧。

That was the best show.

我的意思是，现在谁也不知道接下来会发生什么，但关键就在这儿——这正是它为什么是最棒的剧。

I mean, now it's like, I don't know who knows what's gonna happen with it, but it here's the thing, this is why you know it's the best show.

剧情突然变得很暗黑，他们只好停了。

It got dark quick and they had to stop.

是的。

Yeah.

一开始它可是连着烧了两季高光剧情。

Like, the first It burned two bright seasons.

是的。

Yeah.

现在大家都觉得，这部分内容有点违法，心理上也让人受不了。

It was, and now everyone's like, okay, this is partly illegal and just not mentally good.

现在真的太暗黑了。

Like, it's so dark now.

还有《比佛利山庄》也是，当丽莎·琳娜被开除的时候。

And same with Beverly Hills, like, when Lisa Rinna, I feel like, was getting fired.

天都快黑了。

Like, it was getting dark.

你刚看完一集，就觉得心里发慌。

Like, the moment you watch an episode and you're like, this made me anxious.

我真的看不下去了。

I can't watch it.

我实在受不了，这哪叫有趣啊。

Like, I can't I'm like, this is not fun.

我看《主妇》是想看她们喝醉了摔进灌木丛里。

When I watch Housewives, I wanna watch them be drunk and fall in a bush.

我想看点搞笑又傻乎乎的桥段。

Like, I wanna watch funny stupid things.

我不想听说你老公骗了你十年，结果你还怀孕了。

I don't wanna know that like your husband has been cheating on you for ten years and And you're pregnant.

你刚发现这事。

You just found out.

是的。

Yeah.

人们总在聊《山谷》这部剧，但我从来没看过一秒，因为我从来就不是杰克的粉丝，而且我觉得这剧刚开始那会儿，他倒是短暂地获得了一点救赎，但也就那样了。

Like, people talk about the valley all the time, and I've never watched a single second of the valley because I will I was never, like, a Jacks fan, and I feel like he got, like, some, like, redemption for, like, a minute when the show started and, like, whatever.

所以，凡是从《范德普》里出来的角色，我一个都不想追。

So I was just no one from Vanderpump that, like, I would have tuned in for.

但现在在TikTok上，我会刷到一些片段，可我连他们名字都叫不上来。

But, like, now on TikTok, like, I'll see clips, and I don't even know any of their names.

不过上面有个女孩，长得特别美。

But there's this one girl on there, and she's gorgeous.

对。

Yeah.

她真漂亮。

She's beautiful.

她老公却是个小人。

And her husband is a little rat.

真真正正的老鼠。

Like an actual rat.

你现在说的，简直能形容好多段关系。

You could be describing so many relationships right now.

确实如此。

So true.

她刚生了孩子。

And she like just had a baby.

他简直丧心病狂。

And he's, I mean, diabolical.

就是这点最要命。

That's the thing.

这事儿真是够离谱的。

It's one of the craziest things.

《凡尔赛》里那些年轻女服务员，吃紧急避孕药，还挺可爱的。

Vanderpump when they're just like young waitresses, like, taking plan b, like, that's cute.

但当他们都是成年人，还有孩子，却闹出这些问题时，我就觉得，赶紧找家庭律师吧。

But, like, when they're adults with children having issues, I'm like, this is, like, call a family lawyer.

不对。

No.

确实如此。

True.

还有摩门教的妻子们，我就不懂什么叫‘妈妈话’了，她们总说你‘在说妈妈话’。

But also with Mormon wives, I don't understand what mom talk is because they're always like, you're in mom talk.

你跑题了，不在妈妈话里。

You're out of mom talk.

你这才叫妈妈话。

You're in mom talk.

我说，你是想拍个TikTok视频吗？

I'm like, you mean to do a TikTok?

拍个TikTok视频。

To do a TikTok.

但是一起的时候。

But all together.

明白了。

Okay.

所以如果你打算和我们所有人一起拍个TikTok，那就是在搞妈妈圈聊天。

So if you wanna take a do a TikTok with all of us, you're in mom talk.

但我觉着这种妈妈圈聊天撑不了多久了。

But I don't think mom talk can survive this.

因为我觉得他们刚开始的时候，能吸引大量观看，就是因为大家凑在一起拍同一个视频。

Because I think when they first started, the way they got a bunch of views was if they were all together in one TikTok.

但现在他们没必要非得凑在一起了。

But now they don't need to be all together.

是的。

Yeah.

现在确实不用了。

Now they don't.

现在这种情况早就不是这么回事了。

Now, like, that's not a thing anymore.

但他们还是得对着镜头问：‘妈妈谈话’还能撑下去吗？

But they still, like, have to say to the camera, like, will mom talks survive?

现实类真人秀正在发生有趣的变化，而且越来越受欢迎。

Well, it's very interesting how reality TV is changing and ever growing.

比如《摩门家庭主妇》应该是最早打破第四面墙的节目之一，他们拍了一季真人秀，直接说：‘我们现在要去做这个’。

Like, Mormon Housewives is one of I feel like the first show to actually break the fourth wall and film a season of reality TV and talk about, like, I'm going and doing this

还有媒体的报道。

Press and

因为要录 reunion 呗。

like, because reunion.

就是这个节目的 reunion。

Of the show.

对。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

他们就说，我们得拍 reunion。

Like, they're like, we have to film the reunion.

没人会在《夏日》或者 Bravo 频道上这么说，我觉得。

Like, we like, no one says that, I feel like, on Summer or on Bravo.

所以我觉得《摩门妻子》特别棒，因为它讲的其实是自尊心，大家争来争去，都是因为嫉妒对方得到了什么。

And that's why I think Mormon Wives was so good because it becomes about egos and you're all fighting about people being, like, jealous of who's getting what.

但他们又可以改口说，不是这样的。

But then they can change it to be like, well, no.

我不喜欢她那种做派，我不喜欢她身上某一点。

I don't like how she's I don't like something about her.

其实根本不是，你就是气她得到了那个。

And it's like, no, you're mad about something she got.

没错。

Totally.

对。

Yeah.

咱们干脆就为这个吵一架吧。

And it's like, let's let's fight about that.

是的。

Yeah.

咱们来吵吵真正的剪辑问题。

Let's fight about the real editing

故意剪成好像谁做了什么似的。

it to make it look like someone did something.

不过我跑题了。

But any I digress.

我是说

It's I

跑题了。

digress.

你怎么样？

How are you?

我挺好的。

I'm good.

你呢？

How are you?

你列的清单真是史上最强了。

You're you have the craziest list of all time.

是的。

Yeah.

我的清单确实变得特别离谱。

My list got really crazy.

我有个问题想问你关于喷雾美黑。

I have a question about spray tanning.

好。

Okay.

我希望我一小时后就能有。

I wish I have one in one hour.

因为我为了AMAs做了喷雾美黑。

Because I got a spray tan for AMAs.

那次是关于女性参与STEM领域的活动。

That was on this is, like, literally women in STEM shit.

我那天做的来着？

I got it on what day?

周四？

Thursday?

不是。

No.

那我们现在是第七天了？

So we're seven days in?

我不知道

I don't

我不知道。

I don't know.

我现在慌了。

Now I'm panicking.

我真的不记得什么时候做的了。

I don't know when I got it.

不是，不是。

Oh, I no.

我是在周六晚上做的，现在都周四了。

I got it on Saturday night, and now it's Thursday.

好的。

K.

我觉得要是现在再弄，估计会更糟。

I don't think I'm if I do it, I think it it'll it'll get it'll be bad.

我需要去角质什么的吗？

Do I have to exfoliate or something?

你想要再喷一次吗？

You wanna respray?

我需要吗？

Do I?

还是你觉得你肤色已经变深了？

Or do you feel like you're tan?

我说实话吧。

I'm gonna be honest.

我在洛杉矶晒的肤色，感觉已经维持了十天左右。

My LA tans, I feel like last ten days.

那你现在也就只有七天的效果。

So you're you'll only be at seven.

好的。

Okay.

如果喷得太早会怎么样？

What happens if you spray too early?

那女生们需要注意些什么呢？

Like, what are the girls have to be aware of?

你意思是喷得太早是指什么？

What do you mean spray too early?

比如，为了某个活动喷得太早？

Spray too early, like, for an event?

就是你刚喷完，才过了六天，但你希望颜色更深一点。

Like like, you you sprayed yourself, and then it's only been, like, six days, but you want to be tanner.

从你喷完那一刻起，第二天开始就得大量保湿，多喝水。

Well, from the minute you get your spray tan, like, that next day, you really have to, like, moisturize a lot, drink a lot of water.

只要你保持水分充足、皮肤滋润，颜色就能维持得更久。

It's all if you stay hydrated and moisturized, your spray tan will stay.

水为什么这么重要？我觉得这水份要求也太高了吧。

What the why is water, like I feel like that's big water.

还有，你不能去刮腿毛，不过

And you can't really, like, shave your legs, but you

你不用操心这个。

don't have to worry about that.

不好意思。

Sorry.

这下可真把你难住了。

Well, that really got you.

这确实让我有点措手不及，因为

That really got me because

但是，德鲁，这事儿我从来没碰过。

But, Drew, it's never crossed my desk.

我从来没遇到过这种情况，

I've never been like,

天哪。

oh, no.

我不小心把腿毛剃了。

I shaved accidentally.

我这个播客结束后要去做喷雾美黑，但昨晚我就知道今天会很赶，所以提前一晚去去角质了。

I have a spray tan after this pod, but last night, I knew I was gonna be rushing, so I exfoliated last night.

你看，男人根本不用操心这些事儿。

See, men don't have to deal with this shit.

这样我们一结束播客就能赶紧冲个澡，接着去喷美黑，因为我还得洗头。

So that I could just rinse really quick when we get off the pod, then get my spray because I have to wash my hair.

天哪。

Oh, god.

这都是女人和工作人员的事儿。

It's women and staff.

我有个问题想问你。

I have a question for you.

这事儿可复杂了。

It's a whole thing.

是的。

Yeah.

我和我妈去了Pura Vida。

I went to Pura Vida with my mom.

那里人特别多，但偏偏有一张空桌。

And it was really busy, but there was, like, one table open.

我本来想让一个人先占着桌，另一个去点单，这不都是常规操作嘛，我就打算坐那儿。

And I was gonna have one of us sit at the table while the other ordered, because that's, like, what you do, and I am going to sit.

有人把手机放在桌上占座。

Someone just left their phone on the table to reserve the table.

我觉得这太离谱了。

That I think that's crazy.

我觉得这太离谱了。

I think that's crazy.

对啊。

Yeah.

她当时还摆出一副不太爽的样子。

I also she had, like, a little attitude.

这太离谱了。

That's crazy.

她就在我们前面。

She was right ahead of us.

当时她是我们前面唯一的人，所以我肯定那手机是她的。

It was, like, she was the only person ahead of us and us, so I knew it was her phone.

她连头都没回一下。

And she didn't even, like, look back.

她就把手机往桌上一放，自己站在那儿，好像那桌子是她的似的。

She just, like, left her phone on the table and was just standing there, like, that's my table.

Z世代？

Gen z?

不是。

No.

千禧一代。

Millennial.