关于贞洁、忏悔和出轨的嬉笑

市长倒是搞了个世界杯门票抽签，说不定他真会这么做。

Well, the mayor did, like, something for he did created, like, a lottery for World Cup tickets, so maybe he'll do it.

难道没人想去新泽西吗？

Because no one wants to go to New Jersey?

没人想去。

No.

因为太多纽约人想去看世界杯了。

He like, because so many New Yorkers wanted to go to the world.

他就说，咱们就在这儿办。

So and he was like, yeah, we're right here.

所以他搞了个活动，我记得门票好像是50美元。

So he made like a I think it's like $50.

你可以去报名抽签。

You can enter.

都没人提乔丹和凯莉那些事儿。

No one's talking about the Jordan, Kylie, like, lore.

为什么没人多提这件事？

Why isn't it being brought up more?

为什么不上头版？

Why isn't it front page?

你看他们抱在一起了。

Like, they're hugging.

很明显他们又和好了，但也没天天腻在一起。

They're clearly like friends again, but they're not hanging out all the time.

而且他们也没挨着坐，其实完全可以坐一起的。

And they're not sitting next to each other, which they totally could be.

乔丹喜欢坐在篮筐底下。

Jordan likes to sit under the basket.

凯莉坐在边上，赛后呢，他们偶尔聊几句，但我很好奇，乔伊现在是什么感觉，到底……

Kylie sits on the side, and then afterwards they like kiki a little bit, but they're not I wonder how Chloe's feeling, what's

他们现在到底是什么关系？

What their status is of their relationship.

我的意思是，泰勒·斯威夫特抱了凯莉。

I mean, Taylor Swift hugged Kylie.

如果一个朋友现在跟别人订婚了，你还能原谅他们吗？

Do you forgive a friend if they're now, like, engaged to someone else?

就算他们曾经因为某些事伤害过你。

Even though they fucked you over with something.

到底发生了什么？

What even happened?

她当时坐在特里斯坦腿上，还亲了他。

She was sitting on Tristan's lap and kissed him.

对啊。

Right.

没错。

Right.

确实如此。

Right.

对啊。

Right.

对啊。

Right.

所以科勒直接说：去她的。

So Khloe was like, fuck her.

我觉得他们这事已经过去了。

I think they're over this.

我觉得是的。

I think Yeah.

我觉得乔莉根本不在乎。

I don't think Chloe gives a flying fuck.

是的。

Yeah.

我觉得现在乔丹才是这个家的顶梁柱，毕竟她一直在扛着这一切。

I also, like, think Jordan is the backbone of this household right now because she's been holding this bag.

是的

Yeah.

你听说那个幸运礼包的事了吗？

Have you heard about the lucky bag?

卡特真的太棒了。

And Kat is amazing.

别去深挖那些球员和他们的家人、背景了。

Anyway, don't start, like, looking into the players and all their families and histories.

那样会让你特别有情绪。

It'll make you really emotional.

说实话，体育这事我真的扛不住，能退役真是太好了。

I just can't honestly, sports is, like, too much for me to handle, and that I'm so glad I'm retired.

为尼克斯队加油。

Go Knicks.

好的。

Okay.

比赛结束时，那个投进制胜球的球员正往隧道走，那一刻我真明白了，为什么体育这么让人动情。

I will say, at the end of the game, when the guy that made, like, the winning tipped it in was, like, walking back to the tunnel, I did feel the sense of, like, I so get how sports is, like, so emotional.

你知道吗，他父母都去世了。

You know, both his parents are dead.

不是。

No.

难怪他脸上一点笑容都没有。

I'll That's why he wasn't smiling.

等等。

Wait.

我还不知道呢。

Didn't know

哦，是这样。

both Okay.

他父母都

Of his parents were

别管我刚才说的了。

Then scratch what I'm gonna say.

刚才那话不算数。

Scratch what I'm gonna say.

我真的说不下去了。

Actually, I can't say it anymore.

是我破坏了你的笑话吗？

Did I ruin your joke?

是啊。

Yeah.

我实在说不出来。

I can't say it.

对不起啊。

Oh, I'm sorry.

你刚才不是说，他父母都去世了吗？

You're like, and, yeah, his parents are dead.

那你还打算继续当个刻薄的人吗？

So do you wanna keep being a bitch?

等等。

Wait.

这太让人难过了。

That's so Sad.

真难过。

Sad.

我朋友给我打电话，说他外面待着，而我当时没出门。

My friend called me because he was out, like, I was not on the streets.

我就问他，外面现在是什么情况？

And I was like, what's it like out there?

他说，汉娜，我这辈子从来没抱过这么多陌生人。

And he's like, Hannah, I've never hugged so many random men in my life.

那些男人就是不停地抱我。

Like, the men are just hugging me.

我觉得自己像个失败者，因为没出去。

I felt like a loser, like, not being out.

我想着，我应该和大家在一起。

I'm like, I should be with the people.

然后我就想，什么？

And then I was like, what?

不对。

No.

不对。

No.

不对。

No.

对你来说，听上去更有趣。

It's more fun to you can hear it.

你能感受到。

You can feel it.

最近一段时间，第一次看到这些男人有这么强烈的情感流露。

Most emotion we've seen from the men in a while.

好几年没见他们这么有感情了。

Most emotion we've seen in a couple years from them.

我觉得这样挺好。

I think this is good.

是的。

Yeah.

知道他们有能力达到这种状态、感受到这些，真不错。

It's nice to know that they're capable to get there and feel something.

我觉得，夏天来临前，我们正需要他们有这样的状态。

I think that's what we needed going into the summer with them.

我们得让他们意识到，哦，原来如此。

We needed them to feel like, oh, yeah.

我确实有表达人性情感的渠道。

I do have human emotion Outlets.

这表达的不只是愤怒和困惑，而是更复杂的情绪。

That could be expressed that's not just anger and confusing, like, confusion.

等等。

Wait.

有人开玩笑说，现在纽约的犯罪率几乎为零，因为所有罪犯都在看下一场比赛。

Someone was joking that New York City's crime rate is at, like, zero right now because all the criminals are watching the next.

明白了。

Okay.

我得说这一点。

That's one thing I will say.

我永远想不通，为什么城市赢了比赛，有些人就跑去破坏它。

I will never understand when your city wins something so you can vandalize it.

不对。

No.

他们在等，但眼下犯罪率其实是历史新低，因为大家都没在街上

They're waiting for but right now, like, crime is at an all time low because all the men are not

他们正忙着呢。

They're busy.

他们在看，忙着看电视。

They're watching They're busy watching TV.

我们说的可不是开玩笑，你得像哄小孩一样陪着男朋友。

We literally like, it's not a joke when we say, like, you have to occupy your boyfriend like it's a toddler.

你把游戏打开就行。

Like, you put the game on.

你就说，好，你先看这个，我一会儿回来。

It's like, okay, you're gonna watch this and then I'll be back.

他们其实就是小孩子。

Like, they're really just children.

他们现在整天都在参加白天和晚上的男生营活动。

They're all in, like, boy day camp right now and night camp.

想象一下，每次维多利亚的秘密时装秀播出，犯罪率就直线下滑，因为所有女生都在盯着看。

Imagine, like, every time the Victoria's Secret runway show was on TV, like, crime just, like, went down because, like, all the girls were watching it.

我觉得，就连我们这个年代的粉丝，也不会像他们那样又抱又亲的。

I also feel like even, like, our era store, we're not, like, hugging and kissing each other like they are.

不会。

No.

我觉得泰勒·斯威夫特的粉丝才会那样。

I feel like the Taylor Swift girls were.

我在想，到底得在什么场合，我才需要去抱一群不认识的人呢？

I'm trying to think in what context do I have to be in to hug a bunch of people I don't know.

我从来没抱过一群不认识的人，除非是那种……

Never hugged a bunch of people you don't know unless it was like

giggly Squad 的见面会。

Giggly Squad meet and greet.

等等。

Wait.

那你当时是喝断片了？

And you were blackout during it?

是的

Yeah.

那是我唯一一次在那种场合拥抱了一群认识的人。

That's the only time I've hugged a bunch of people I know in a sit in a setting that like

但拥抱一个 giggler 和拥抱一个人完全是两回事。

But hugging a giggler is completely different than

一个人。

a person.

毕竟，拥抱一个女孩和拥抱别人是不一样的。

Well, hugging a girl is different.

对。

Yeah.

而且每个 giggler 都会抱住我，然后看着你说：我知道你讨厌拥抱。

But also every giggler would hug me then look at you and be like, I know you hate hugs.

然后你就说：过来吧。

And you'd be like, get in here.

我不确定自己喜不喜欢拥抱。

I don't know if I like hugs.

我只是不太会拒绝，毕竟我总想让别人开心，所以干脆别纠结要不要抱了。

I just don't I'm a people pleaser, so I'm like, let's let's not do the whole, should we or should we not?

直接抱吧。

Just hug.

赶紧完事得了。

Let's get over with.

是的。

Yeah.

就像口活一样。

It's like a blow job.

就是，别磨蹭，直接干就完了。

Like, just fucking do it.

我其实已经懒得应付了，说真的，我可能表现得有点不耐烦。

I've stopped to like honestly, I've actually probably gotten rude about it.

因为在某些场合，比如你坐在桌子后面，有人进来了，大家总觉得你该站起来，但我现在已经不这么做了。

Because like in certain situations where like, you're behind a table or something and people and someone walks in, it's like you're expected to like get up and I've stopped doing that.

我就是觉得，等我有空了再理你吧。

I'm like, yeah, get you when I get up.

不是这样的。

Like No.

你今天已经够累的了。

You've had a long day.

对。

Yeah.

我总不能为了抱你一下，把桌子撞翻、把盘子杯子全打翻吧。

I'm not like not I'm not like possibly knocking over this table and all these like plates and glasses to hug you.

不是。

Like, no.

根本不可能。

No.

我现在正在刷艺术手工类的TikTok。

I'm on arts and crafts TikTok right now.

就是说。

Like

天哪。

Oh my god.

结果无意中刷到一堆生气的艺术手工内容。

Actually stumbled upon angry arts and crafts.

这太

That's so

适合你了。

you.

也太小众了吧。

It's so niche.

简直就是为天蝎座准备的水彩画。

It's literally watercoloring for Scorpios.

是个女生教你怎么做，我都搞不清她到底在做什么。

It's a girl that teaches you how to make I don't know even what she was making.

她好像是在教人做花盆之类的，但一边做一边冲你吼。

She was thinking like plant potters or something, but she yelled at you while she was doing it.

我当时就想着。

And I was like

我心想，让我来理清一下。

I was like, let me settle it.

对。

Yeah.

别理清了。

Let settle it.

不是。

No.

我还以为你是说，你做陶器，然后故意砸掉。

I thought you were gonna say you make like pottery and then you break it.

说实话，真希望如此。

Honestly, wish.

但她就说，做吧，这显然是下一步该做的。

But she was like, make it she was like, yeah, obviously that's the next step.

我可不是傻子。

Like, I'm not stupid.

我就说，对啊。

And I'm like yeah.

我说，你倒是跟上啊。

I'm like, actually, follow.

我可是关注了你所有的视频。

I'm on all your videos.

我确实喜欢，而且别整虚的。

I do love and no bullshit.

对。

Yeah.

我真的很

I'm really

就连厨师也是这样，对吧。

Even like a chef Yeah.

这话说得不太地道。

That isn't nice about it.

我喜欢这一点。

I like that.

我最近特别沉迷于家居改造类的短视频。

I'm really deep into, like, home improvement TikTok.

有些女生啊，

And some of the girls are

我明白。

so I know.

根本不是那么回事。

It's so no.

等等。

Wait.

你真正在自己家里试过这些吗？

Are you actually trying any of this stuff in

是啊。

your own home?

我只是说，那些女生一旦有了爱好，就会一直做下去。

But I'm just saying I'm just saying, like, the girls will get a hobby, and then they'll just do it.

我关注的一个女生，每个月都会重新装修一次浴室。

Like, there's a girl that I follow, and every month, she redecorates her bathroom.

她每次换一个主题，然后就动手做。

She has a new theme, and she just does it.

我们各自过好自己的日子，是的。

And we mind our own business Mhmm.

很多时候都是这样。

So much of the time.

谁会对我们有意见呢？

Who could have a problem with us?

不会的。

No.

所以我特别喜欢看女孩们待在家里，专心做自己的爱好。

And so I'm really into the girls just like being at home and having their own hobbies.

我特别喜欢这一点。

I love that.

真的很温馨。

It's It's really nice.

说到家，我找到我的结婚戒指了。

Speaking of home, I found my wedding ring.

我不知道你弄丢了。

I didn't know you lost it.

我想说的是，明年夏天，我打算弄个花园，至少种一棵能结番茄的植物。

I just wanna say next summer, I do think I'm gonna there's gonna be a situation where I wanna have a garden or at least a plant that grows a tomato.

但那是明年的事了。

But that's for next year.

你可以去问我妈。

That's You can talk to my mom.

那就是我觉得我生活该在的地方。

That's That's where I feel like my life

种个花园。

having garden.

我给我妈买了一套小园艺工具，还带个小凳子。

I bought my mom, like, a little garden tool kit that comes with a little seat that you put.

种花的时候能坐着，就不伤腰了。

So while you're gardening, you have a little seat so you don't hurt your back.

她可着迷了。

She's obsessed.

有种规律感，而且整体风格特别讲究。

It's like pattern and you know, it's a whole aesthetic.

那边完全是另一个世界。

It's a whole world over there.

是的。

Yeah.

我都不知道你把戒指弄丢了。

I didn't know you lost your ring.

嗯，好吧。

Well, okay.

我不是弄丢，是自己摘下来的。

I didn't lose I took it off.

然后，你知道的，生活总会有意外。

And then, you know Life happens.

我隔几秒就丢一次手机。

I lose my phone every three seconds.

既然我摘下了婚戒，那就听天由命吧。

Of course, if I take off my wedding ring, it's like that's up to God at this point.

你总是戴着订婚戒指。

You have your you just always wear your engagement ring.

所以你看起来永远都像订了婚一样。

Oh, so you always just look engaged.

我知道。

I know.

别人都问：你订婚了？

Everyone's like, you engaged?

我就说，

I'm like,

是的。

yeah.

没人跟你说过

No one said

这话。

that to you.

不是。

No.

大家都觉得我没订婚。

Everyone thinks I'm disengaged.

真的吗？

Really?

她根本不了解我。

She doesn't know me.

是的。

Yeah.

比如我一出门，人家就问：‘你刚订婚了？’

Like, when I go somewhere, they're like, oh, did you just get engaged?

我跟我妈说，有个趣事，我其实都不知道戒指在哪儿。

But I told my mom I was like, fun fact, I actually don't know where it is.

我都不敢承认这一点，因为压根没去找过，根本不知道它在哪儿。

Like, I was afraid to, like, admit it to myself because I but I hadn't looked for it because I don't know where it is.

过去了几个月？

How many months had passed?

超过一年了。

Over a year.

哦。

Oh.

我还住在另一个公寓里。

And I'm, like, staying in a different apartment.

很多事情都变了。

Like, things have shifted.

我失去了一些不那么重要的东西。

Like, I've lost less important things.

是的。

Yeah.

你懂的。

You know?

我妈妈看着我说，我知道东西在哪儿。

So my mom looks at me and she goes, I know where it is.

我问她，你怎么会知道？

I said, how do you know?

她说，因为我早就把它藏起来了，知道你迟早会弄丢。

And she goes, because I put it somewhere because I knew you're gonna lose it.

我就说，难怪你是我紧急联系人。

And I said, and that's why you're my emergency contact.

东西在哪儿？

Where was it?

她藏哪儿了？

Where'd she put it?

她说在首饰盒里。

She it's in, like, my jewelry Box.

那个盒子我从来都不开，毕竟我可不想碰那些首饰。

Box that I, like, never open because, like, god forbid, I pick it I wear some jewelry.

所以我打开了。

So I opened it.

就在那儿放着。

It was right there.

我戴了一天，然后就觉得不舒服。

I wore it for a day, and then I was like, uncomfy.

又放回去了。

Put it back.

我们俩怎么都这样？

Why are we both like that?

其实挺烦的，我本来挺想多戴点首饰的，可就是觉得别扭。

It's actually kind of annoying because, like, I would love to, like, wear more jewelry, but I'm like, no.

赶紧摘下来。

Get it off me.

我懂。

I know.

而且戴着它我会觉得痒。

And then I do get itchy with it.

再说我们说话的时候手特别多，戴着手饰反而碍事。

And also, we talk with our hands so much, it becomes, like it's harder.

就像游泳的人戴着帽子一样不自在。

It's like a swimmer with a hat on.

我根本没法想怎么动就怎么动。

Like, I don't I can't move the way I wanna move.

不知道你们还记不记得我之前在播客里提过，我有个朋友生了孩子。

I don't know if you guys remember me talking on the pod, but one of my friends had a baby.

她出院回家的时候，我想送她一份礼物。

And I wanted to send her a gift when she got home from the hospital.

我当时在想，要不要给婴儿也挑一件？

And I thought, should I get the baby something?

算了。

No.

我应该给她送点什么。

I should get her something.

所以我给她买了个Lola毯子。

That's why I got her a Lola blanket.

Lola毯子这种东西，只要一碰上去，立马就能明白为什么大家都这么推崇。

Lola blankets are one of those products where the second someone touches it, they immediately understand the hype.

她给我发消息，我没骗你，进门才十分钟就说了，这个Lola毯子现在就是我的全部个性。

She texted me, I'm not kidding, ten minutes after walking in the door and was like, this Lola blanket is now my entire personality.

我得再买一条，不然老是没法安心地从沙发搬到床上。

I need to get another one because I can't keep carrying it from the couch to the bed.

一条Lola毯子就能让整个空间立刻变得温暖又精致，难怪Lola有超过两万零五条五星评价。

One Lola instantly makes your space feel cozier and more put together, and there's a reason Lola has over 20,005 star reviews.

我最近还给Kitty买了一个宠物床，说真的，她一看到就跳了进去。

I also recently just got Kitty one of the pet beds, and let me tell you, she immediately jumped in it.

她特别喜欢有点高度的东西，而这床的垫子刚好适合她。

She loves things that are a little bit elevated, and the cushion in it is perfect for her.

触感特别柔软，造型持久不塌，还能调节温度，让宠物一整年都暖暖的。

It's incredibly plush, holds its shape beautifully, and even helps regulate temperature so your pet stays cozy year round.

限时优惠，听众凭代码 Giggly 结账时可享精选 Lola 毛毯 4 折优惠。

For a limited time, our listeners can get 40% off select Lola blanket products with code Giggly at checkout.

前往 lolablankets.com，结账时输入代码 Giggly，立减四成。

Just head to lolablankets.com and use code Giggly to get 40% off your order.

买完之后，别问你是从哪儿听说的。

After you purchase, don't ask where you heard about them.

支持一下我们的节目，记得告诉他们，是 Giggly Squad 推荐你的。

Please support our show and let them know that giggly squad sent you.

用 Lola 毛毯，给自己一份奢华的包裹。

Wrap yourself in luxury with Lola blankets.

我在 TikTok 上看到这个东西，感觉跟我想的完全相反。

I saw this thing on TikTok, and it was, like, so opposite of what I'm gonna say.

她看起来美极了。

She looks gorgeous.

但那个节目展示的其实是不同年代的家庭主妇，不是那种真人秀里的‘真实主妇’，就是普通人家的主妇，来自不同的年代。

But it was, like, show it, like, was showing different housewives, not, like, the real housewives, like, actual housewives of different, like, decades.

是的。

Mhmm.

不管多大年纪，只要我朋友们在做，我就也会跟着做。

No matter what age you are, in my head, if my friends are doing it, like, I'll do it.

所以现在，要是我所有朋友突然决定都当居家传统主妇，我肯定也会说：行啊，你们干我就干。

So, like, if all of my friends collectively right now, we all decided we were gonna stay home and be trad wives, I'd be like, okay, I'll do it if my friends do it.

然后我就开始想，到底是哪个年代的主妇呢？

Then I got to thinking, what decade of Housewives?

哦，你这想法有点阴暗了。

Oh, you got dark.

我得去看看。

I got to see.

你这想法真够暗的。

You got real dark.

如果你必须选一个年代当家庭主妇，你会选哪个年代？

If you had to pick a decade of being a housewife, what decade are you picking?

你是选七十年代初，那时候你快能自己办信用卡了？

Are you picking, like, the early seven or, like, the seventies when you're about to get your own credit card?

还是选八十年代，那时候主妇们特别反叛？

Or are you picking like the eighties where they're really rebelling?

或者选五十年代，那时候她们全身心投入家庭生活？

Or are you picking like the fifties where they're like really diving into it?

男人上战场是哪个时期？

When were the men gone at war?

他们确实离开过好几次。

They were gone a couple times.

我知道，男人不在的时候，女孩们玩得特别开心。

Because I know, like, when the men were gone, I feel like the girls were having so much fun.

而且，那时候还是我们撑起了经济。

Also, we kept the economy going.

我们

Like, we

真的承担了所有工作。

were full fully did every job.

比如在二战期间

Like, during World War two

我对战争真的一无所知。

is what I literally don't know wars.

我完全想不起来战争是什么样子。

Like, it could going into my head, no idea what war is.

但我知道，男人们都走了。

But I know the guys were gone.

女人们留在家里。

The girls were at home.

等男人们回来后，他们就想改变大家的生活方式。

It's when the guys came back, and they were trying to, like, change everyone's lifestyle.

你不在的时候，我们其实表现得特别棒。

And we were like, we were actually really good when you were gone.

战后像罗斯福女工那样，我们真能搞定一切。

Like Rosie the Riveter post Rosie the Riveter, and we were like, we actually could figure it out.

但他们说，是啊，可我们不希望你们继续干下去。

And they were like, yeah, but we don't want you to.

所以那段时间其实也可能挺有意思的，因为他们那时候发现了阿普唑仑，我觉得。

And that's why then it could have been a fun time too though because they discovered Xanax, I think.

这可能是我编的。

I could have made that up.

但他们一个个都飘飘然，喝得醉醺醺的，听起来前几周还挺热闹的。

But like, they were all high as a kite and like hammered and drunk, which like sounds fun for like a couple weeks.

明白了。

Okay.

所以我才会这么想。

So that's where I would go.

我会选六十年代末、七十年代初。

I would would have picked like late sixties, early seventies.

那时候毒品刚开始流行，但大家其实还不太清楚具体情况。

Like drugs are just coming out, but like we don't really know what's going on.

医生还在疯狂开那些猛药。所以我倾向于七十年代初，不过仔细想想，那会儿大概是我奶奶那一辈人的时代。

And doctors are still prescribing like crazy drugs, but it's from a So I'm going like I'm going like early seventies, which now that I think about it, that would have been like our grandma's.

说到我奶奶，她从不抽烟、喝酒或吸毒，因为她……怎么说呢，她特别爱抽那种劣质烟？

So my nana's job my nana never smoked weed or drank or did drugs because she was, like, a nice a nice a really disgusting cigarettes?

不是。

No.

这就是她皮肤看起来那么好的原因。

That's why her skin looks so good.

不过你也会没事的。

But you'd be if okay.

这就是她会做的事。

This is what she would do.

我跟你说过，她丈夫出门上班后，她一整天都要准备晚饭、打扫屋子。

I told you, Her husband would leave to work, and she would have all day to make sure she had dinner ready and the house cleaned.

明白了。

K.

每当他说还有一个小时到家，她就会确保一切收拾妥当，化好全妆，戴上假睫毛，打扮得漂漂亮亮的。

When she he'd say, I'm an hour away, she would make sure it's all done and put her face on, make sure she looked really, really pretty, full makeup, full eyelash set

是的。

Mhmm.

饭菜摆好，衣服也洗得干干净净。

Sitting down with the food, all the laundry done.

但她一整天都有时间做这些事。

But she had all day to do it.

后来她当上了秘书，开始穿穆勒风格的套装。

And then at some point, she got a job as a secretary, and she would wear, like, Mugler sets.

简直就是《广告狂人》里的人物。

Like, she was Mad Men.

是的

Yeah.

而且说实话，我都不确定她会不会打字，但那根本不是重点。

And, like, I don't even know if she, like she could kinda type, but, like, that wasn't the point.

就是，所有男人都在盯着她看。

They were just, like, all the guys were looking at her.

但她当秘书时穿的都是经典套装，那时候大家觉得，这就像艺术圈里的女性一样。

But she just wore iconic sets as a secretary, and that was, like, considered, you know, a woman in the arts.

女性在科技领域。

Woman in STEM.

对

Yeah.

我肯定一整天都飘飘然了。

I would've been high all day.

没错

Yep.

你一定会喜欢给这些男人当秘书。

You would've loved being a secretary for these men.

我倒是很乐意招待，比如你老板周五晚上来吃饭？

I would've loved hosting, like, oh, your

老板得过来一趟，

boss has to come over for

周五晚上吃饭？

dinner on a Friday night?

当然了，我肯定好好招待。

Hell yeah, I'll host.

我准能准备出最棒的接待方案。

Like, I will whip up the best presentation.

真难以想象，一边做这些事，一边还飘着。

Would imagine trying to do all of that and you're like, so high.

肯定有很多家庭主妇的故事，她们一辈子都没法说出口。

Like, there has to be such great stories of housewives that they could, like, never tell.

你知道吗，我早被整成植物人了。

Well, you know I would have been lobotomied.

对啊。

Yeah.

植物人还能吸大麻吗？

Can you smoke weed on lobotomied?

不可能。

No.

他们准会说你歇斯底里，这词儿就是为你量身定做的。

They would have been like, she's hysterical is the word they would have used for you.

天哪。

Oh god.

算了，刚才那首歌就是我随便提的。

Anyway, that was like my random song.

那时候没人出柜，所以大家都暗地里结婚了。

Also, no one was out back then, so like everyone was just gay married.

我总觉得，她们一整天都得抱着电话不放，因为那会儿有太多秘密和八卦要传。

Well, my whole thing was like, they had to be on the phone all goddamn day because there had to have been so much happening that was like secretive and like so gossipy.

毕竟如果整天待在家里，总得找点事打发时间吧。

Because if they were all just home, the time I mean, they had to pass the time some way.

直到现在，我奶奶每天一早都会起床。

Well, to this day, my Nana, she wakes up.

她会跟罗莎莉打电话，那是她从二十几岁就最好的朋友。

She has her phone call with Rosalie, her best friend from the twenties.

谁知道呢？

Who knows?

而且，每个星期四，她都会跟另一个人通电话。

And, like, every Thursday, she has a phone call with someone else.

她把每天的电话安排得明明白白。

Like, has all her phone calls set up.

我想，她一辈子都是这么过的。

And that's I think how she always lived.

干掉这娘们儿。

Shoot this bitch.

你打电话的时候还老用电话线绊着孩子。

And you'd be on the phone just tripping your kids with the phone line.

真该把家里的固话给请回来。

Bring back home phone landlines.

我真想找个灵媒来跟你聊聊，你为啥这么沉迷怀旧。

I want a psychic to talk to you about why you're so obsessed with nostalgia.

我觉得这问题该去问心理医生。

I think that's more of a question for a therapist.

哦。

Oh.

我觉得是因为那是我最后感到平静的时光。

And I think it's because it's the last time I felt peace.

那时候我还是个孩子。

Which was when I was a child.

我当初完全低估了成年后要承担的责任。

I underestimated the whole adult responsibility part.

说实话，小时候我真的完全没意识到这一点。

Like, I like, I truly underestimated that as a child.

你想知道真相吗？

Well, you wanna know what?

我一辈子都在想，等我结婚了就好了。

I went so much of my life thinking, well, then I'll get married.

是的。

Yeah.

然后我就结婚了。

And then I'll be married.

我十几岁到二十几岁的时候，好多话都说到最后是‘等我结婚了’。

Like, I ended a lot of sentences in my teens and twenties with, and then I'll be married.

对。

Mhmm.

然后有一天，我突然意识到

And then one day I was

真的就是

just

这样下去只会带来更多问题。

like, that is actually just gonna cause more problems.

你觉得我毁了你的生活吗？

Do you think I ruined your life?

你具体说说，是哪方面？

Tell me on the Like in what way?

我就是觉得，潜意识里，我一认识你，就特别讨厌你身边的那些人。

I just feel like subconsciously when I met you, I hated so many people you were with.

我还以为你要说，我讨厌你身上的很多东西，不是的。

I thought you were gonna say I hated so many things about you that No.

我把你看得很高，看到那些男人想打压你、磨灭你的光芒。

I, like, I put you on a pedestal, and I see the men trying to, like, dim your light.

是的。

Yeah.

我就想，如果你不按该做的去做，你肯定会后悔一辈子。

And I'm like, if you don't fucking do what you're supposed to do, you're gonna be miserable.

结果一转眼，我们已经在飞机上了，你突然说，我本可以早就成家了。

So and then next thing you know, we're doing stuff and we're on a plane, and you're like, I could have had a family by now.

但你却说，去追你的梦想吧。

But instead, you were like, chase your dreams.

我一点都不怪你。

I don't blame you at all.

但我觉得，和你成为朋友之后，我才意识到，我其实比自己以为的更想多表达自己。

But I think becoming friends with you helped me realize that I wanted to be louder more often than I was loud.

哦。

Oh.

我根本没意识到，我内心其实想说更多话，只是不知道自己有这个权利。

Like, I didn't realize I actually wanted to say more things, but I didn't know I could.

你觉得那些独白镜头，也帮你慢慢找到了自己的声音吗？

Do you think confessionals also, like, helped you find your voice a little bit?

因为你不一定要当着大家的面说这些话，对吧？

Because you didn't have to, like, say it in front of people?

我觉得那些独白让我意识到，我的喜剧节奏比别人好，根本说不清为什么。

I think confessionals helped me realize that my comedic timing was better than other people's for, like, no apparent reason.

我清楚记得有一次去录独白，他们跟我说，帕吉刚录完。

I actually have a vivid memory of going in for confessionals, and they were like, Paige was in before you.

她表现得太棒了。

She really killed it.

她特别搞笑。

She was so funny.

我当时心想，完了。

And I was like, oh shit.

好吧。

Okay.

我觉得我会特别搞笑。

Like, I'm gonna be really funny.

结果我一说笑话，他们却说：不对，你在这场戏里其实很生气，还在哭。

And then I try to say something funny and they're like, no, you're actually really mad in this scene and you're crying.

所以我们需要你表现出难过的样子。

So we're gonna need you to be upset.

那些片段让我烦的地方是，他们会说：她当时没这么说。

The only thing that like would annoy me about those is they'd be like, well, she didn't say it in the moment.

我就想，对啊，因为那是六个月以后的事了。

And it and I'm like, yeah, because it was six months later.

我当时根本没想到这一点。

Like, I didn't think of it.

所以当他们拍得特别真实的时候，其实很容易让人误以为是实时发生的。

Like, you know, so that was the where people if they make it really do they do make it seem like it's real time.

是的。

Yeah.

而且他们还让你当场发表评论。

Also, they're telling you to make a comment.

你可不是在问：‘我能说说这个吗？’

You're not like, can I please speak on this?

感觉就是这么回事。

Like, that's how it seems.

你是在凭记忆回想。

You're pulling from memory.

不是根据他们待会儿要放的画面来反应。

You're not pulling from, like, what they're gonna show.

你是基于自己的亲身经历来回应。

You're pulling from your own experience.

有时候，其实不是有时候，是根本不可能跟他们拍出来的一模一样，因为每个人的体验都是独特的。

And sometimes, yeah, it's not not sometimes, it's never gonna be what they show because everyone's experience is individual.

但也没办法。

But whatever.

我跑题了。

I digress.

我跑题了。

I digress.

不是。

No.

我觉得和你成为朋友，对我整个人生来说都特别关键，我都不想用‘事业’这个词，那样反而把事情说得太简单了。

I think becoming friends with you is was very pivotal in my I don't even wanna say career because that almost, like, dumbs it down.

我整个人生。

My whole life.

我整个人生。

My whole

但我也真的没改变你什么。

But also, I didn't, like, change anything within you.

我只是给了你空间，让你做自己。

I literally, like, I feel like allowed you.

我只是觉得结婚会挺好的。

I just thought I would like getting married.

我没想到，随着长大，我会这么想掌控一切，还这么爱管着人。

Like, I didn't know the more I grew up, the how in charge I wanted to be of things and how controlling I am.

所以，你那时候就像在说：没关系的。

So, like, it was almost like you were like, it's okay.

很多人其实并不喜欢，如果你不想做，完全不用勉强。

A lot of people actually hate it and you don't have to do it if you don't want to.

我更在意的是，只要你能追求自己的梦想，你跟谁谈恋爱我都支持。

I more though was like, I'm fine with whoever you date as long as you can chase your dreams.

你以前觉得婚姻就是你的梦想，后来才慢慢重新排序了人生的重点。

And I think you thought your dream was marriage, and then you started reprioritizing your dreams.

是的。

Yes.

然后我才突然意识到，等等。

And then I was like, wait.

我觉得对我来说，真正关键的是我刚过三十岁那会儿，那种感觉特别明显。

I think the biggest thing for me was really when I turned in my early thirties, like turned 30, on how

你还不到三十五岁呢。

You're still in your early thirties.

对。

Yeah.

我突然意识到，男人真的太不靠谱了。

How much I realized men are so incompetent.

从二十九岁到三十岁，这个转变是我最大的发现。

Like, think that was the biggest change from me turning 29 to 30.

我原来以为，他们总会……

I thought like Well, they're

他们不会来救你的。

not gonna save you.

等你到了三十多岁，再看那些四十多岁的男人，他们其实挺能干的。

Once you get into your thirties and your like, men in their forties, like, they're really competent.

他们根本不知道自己有多无知，懂的比你还少。

They know what they don't they've they've no idea they know less than you.

以前有些男人问我一些日常生活中的问题，简直让人惊掉下巴。

Some of the questions I've been asked before from men about like everyday life would throw you off your rocker.

我喜欢你这么说。

I love when you say

让你大吃一惊。

throw you off your rocker.

其实就是一些特别简单的事情。

It really get like simple things.

我正想找个具体的例子。

I'm trying to think though of just like one like.

我曾经坐车时和我妈妈的一个朋友在一起。

I was once in a car ride with one of my mom's friends.

现在回想起来，我觉得那事儿真有点离谱。

And thinking back at it, I'm like, that was kinda crazy.

但我那时候确实还小。

But like, I was definitely young.

她看着我，我想我问了她关于她丈夫的事。

Like and she looked at me and I think I asked her about her husband.

你开始意识到，妈妈的朋友也有自己的生活。

Like, you know, you start realizing your mom's friends have like their own lives.

是的。

Yeah.

然后你就会想，他们到底过的是什么样的日子？

And you're like, what's going on?

对啊。

Yeah.

你会想知道，离开我们家之后，你都做些什么？

You're like, what do you do when you leave our house?

她告诉我，我们去度假的时候，我特别喜欢他。

And she told me, I really like him when we're on vacation.

我和我老公出去度假的时候特别合得来，但平时他简直是最难搞的。

Like, my husband and I are really good on vacation, but otherwise, he's actually the worst.

男人啊，指望他们做点啥，根本不可能。

And men, you can never count on them for anything.

我妈妈有句老话。

My mom has a saying.

你听好了，这句特别经典。

Now listen up because this is a good one.

你听好了。

Listen up.

男人、孩子和宠物，从来都不会按你想要的方式行事。

Men, children, and pets, they never act the way you want them to.

金·莎士比亚·德索沃。

Kim Shakespeare D'Sorvo.

有次达芙妮做了点啥，我当时正忙着招待客人，根本不知道自己在干啥。

I'm like, one time like Daphne did something, I legit think I was like hosting so I don't know even know what I was doing.

我当时就说，然后她就在地上拉了一堆，还说：这不就是个教训嘛。

And I was like, and then she shit all over and she goes, well, it's just a lesson.

你老公、你孩子、你宠物，永远都不会按你想要的方式做事。

Your husband, your kids, and your pets are never gonna do what you want them to do.

最搞笑的是，我五年前莫名其妙就结婚了。

And the funniest part about this whole thing is I accidentally got married like five years ago.

对啊。

Yeah.

你居然结婚了。

And you got married.

有一次我打电话给我妈，根本没注意开了外放，就说：妈，你猜怎么着？

One time I called my mom and I didn't realize I was on speaker and I was like, you wanna know what mom?

我真是被你气死了。

I'm really annoyed at you.

她就问：我又怎么了？

And she was like, for what?

我当时就想，你有责任让我明白男人有多没用。

And I was like, I think that it was your duty to tell me how useless men actually are.

我是说，真的，妈，你上一次觉得男人对你有帮助是什么时候？

Like, no, seriously mom, when's the last time a man was useful to you?

我当时就说，在

I was like, in

过去两周里，爸有没有做过什么对你人生至关重要的事？

the last two weeks, has dad done something that was so pivotal in your life?

她回我说，佩吉，你开的是外放。

And she goes, Paige, you're on speaker.

哎。

Hey.

哎？

Hey?

佩吉，今天是感恩节。

Paige, this is Thanksgiving.

我当时就说，不可能。

And I was like, no.

咱们要是真要聊这个，那就好好聊。

Let's if we're really gonna talk about

要谈就正面谈。

it, let's actually talk about it.

你举一个例子。

Name one thing.

列出来。

Put them on.

她说，其实你爸做了很多事。

And she's like, actually, like, your dad does do a lot of things.

我说，你叫出他的名字。

I go, name him.

你叫出他的名字。

Name him.

我当时就想，我根本没在说他。

I was like, I wasn't even talking about him.

我只是在泛泛地谈男人。

I was just talking about men in general.

我三十多岁的时候最震惊的一件事就是，我以为他们其实

I think that was the biggest shock in my thirties that I thought they were like

我只是觉得

I just

以为他们在外面干得更多。

thought they were doing more out here.

我以为他们在外面干得更多。

I thought they were out here doing more.

在我们被限制做很多事情的时候，他们却干得更多。

Doing more when we weren't allowed to do as much.

好吧。

Okay.

然后突然间，朋友们一个个开始生孩子，还跟你讲她们的分娩经历，说她们是跪着生的。

Then all of a sudden, your friends start having babies, and they're telling you their birth stories, and they're like, I'm on all fours.

我不要打无痛，我就要自然生。

I'm doing I'm doing no epidural.

我昨天跟一个女孩聊天。

I'm talking to a girl yesterday.

她说她怀了双胞胎，正在考虑要不要顺产。

She's like, I'm pregnant with twins, and I'm deciding if I'm doing it natural.

我们这一代人简直太厉害了。

Like, we're just so much better.

一旦开始谈分娩，我就想，你们跟我们比什么啊？

Once you start bringing in labor, I'm like, where do you guys compete with us?

你们在哪儿能比得过我们？

Where do you measure up in anything?

这实在让我有点招架不住。

It's too much for me to handle.