酒精真糟 | 女孩们读圣经

由于我的经历，我对过量饮酒或任何改变心智状态的物质采取了坚决的立场。

Because of my experience, I have taken a hard stance on over consuming alcohol or any other substance that alters one's state of mind.

我希望我的故事——酒精几乎毁掉我的人生——能揭示这一流行病的影响。

I hope my story of how alcohol nearly ruined my life sheds light on the effects of this epidemic.

从我还是个小女孩起，一种挥之不去的危险感就一直萦绕着我。

Since I was a little girl, a looming feeling of danger has haunted me.

我始终感到不安全，总是依赖外界的事物来寻求安全感。

I've always felt unsafe and I've always looked to outside sources to feel secure.

我在这一方面的破碎与痛苦，使我陷入了一种永远不会真正满足我或带给我持久安慰的恶习。

My brokenness and pain in this area drove me into the arms of a vice that would never actually fulfill me or bring me lasting comfort.

我只有15岁的时候，就意识到自己真的很享受喝酒的感觉。

I was only 15 years old when I realized that I really enjoyed drinking.

甚至不是因为我喜欢派对。

It's not even that I loved to party.

我所爱的是酒精赋予我的能力——即使在这么小的年纪，也能让我逃避痛苦。

What I loved was the ability alcohol gave me to escape my pain even at such a young age.

用酒精或其他物质自我治疗，起初看似无害，但一旦反噬就为时已晚。

Self medicating with alcohol or any substance is all fun and games until it turns on you.

它让你感觉在帮你，直到某天不再如此。

It feels like it's helping until it's not.

魔鬼就是这样运作的，不仅在物质滥用上，也在我们生活中的任何罪恶上。

This is how the devil works, not just with substance abuse, but with any sin in our lives.

起初总是美好、闪亮、诱人，但撒旦最终会用曾经让你感到愉悦的东西，引你走向毁灭。

It's always good in the beginning, shiny and appealing and seductive, but then Satan leads you to your destruction by the very thing that used to feel so good.

焦虑和酒精对我来说是一对致命组合。

Anxiety and alcohol were a deadly duo for me.

我喝得越多，酒劲过去后感觉就越糟。

The more I drank, the worse I began to feel when it wore off.

你们知道，我曾经历了一段可怕的岁月，饱受焦虑、恐慌症、强迫症、现实解体和人格解体的折磨。

Because you guys know that I went through a horrific period of years of anxiety, panic disorder, OCD, derealization, depersonalization.

我有很多恐惧症。

I had a bunch of phobias.

我当时真的特别害怕。

Like, I just had so much fear.

我是个非常胆怯的人，社交焦虑非常严重。

I was a very fearful person and I had really bad social anxiety.

所以要和人待在一起对我来说非常困难。

So the idea of having to be around people was really hard for me.

我几乎不敢直视别人的眼睛。

I could barely look people in the eyes.

是的。

Yeah.

如果不喝酒，我就无法参加任何社交活动。

I could not go to a social thing without drinking.

我害怕恐慌发作，这其实就是恐慌症。

And I had a fear of panic attacks, which is literally panic disorder.

所以我根本不敢出门，因为我怕会突然恐慌发作。

So I would not leave the house because I was afraid that I'd have a panic attack.

然后它说，我的耐受性在上升，所以我喝得更多了。

And then it says, my tolerance was rising, so I drink more.

这就是酒精所引发的剧烈有毒循环。

And this is the violently toxic cycle that happens with alcohol.

我从对酒精有不健康的关系，发展到在情感和身体上完全依赖它。

I went from having an unhealthy relationship with alcohol to being completely dependent on it, emotionally and physically.

有一天早上，我去了一家全食超市。

One morning, I went to Whole Foods.

我那时还没喝酒。

I hadn't had a drink yet.

购物几分钟后，戒断反应就来了，我开始 uncontrollably 地颤抖。

And within a few minutes of shopping, withdrawal hit and I was shaking uncontrollably.

我的头剧烈疼痛，耳朵嗡嗡作响，努力回想自己把车停在哪里。

My head was pounding and my ears were ringing as I struggled to remember where I parked my car.

意识到我连去趟杂货店都离不开酒，这简直太可怕了。

It was absolutely terrifying to realize that I couldn't even take a short trip to the grocery store without having a drink.

枷锁紧紧束缚着我。

The shackles were tight.

我身陷囹圄，未来毫无希望。

I was in bondage and the future did not look promising.

此时，所有亲近的人都在为我祈祷，但我就是无法让自己停下来。

At this point, I had everybody close to me praying for me, but I couldn't bring myself to stop.

无论尝试多少次，一想起自己多么不愿意做这些事，我的心就痛得难以承受。

Matter how many times I tried, it hurts my heart to remember how badly I did not want to be doing what I was doing.

我只是想感觉好一点。

I just wanted to feel better.

我无法直视镜子里的自己。

I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror.

当我看向镜子时，我认不出那个回望我的人。

And when I did, I didn't recognize the person looking back at me.

我的眼睛空洞无神。

My eyes were empty and lifeless.

它们中没有快乐，也没有希望。

There was no joy, no hope in them.

我像个行尸走肉，而且真的非常害怕。

I was a dead man walking and I was really scared.

你有没有问过自己，我是怎么走到这一步的？

Have you ever asked yourself, how did I get here?

我怎么会任由事情发展到这种地步？

How could I have let it get this far?

我怎么会允许它变得这么糟？

How did I allow it to get this bad?

那就是我当时所处的境地。

That was where I found myself.

我被困在一个无尽的循环中。

I was trapped in an endless cycle.

我想麻痹内心深处的痛苦，于是转向了某种恶习。

I wanted to numb the underlying pain, so I turned to a vice.

这种恶习带来了巨大的羞耻和内疚，我无法承受这些感受，于是又回到恶习中，试图淹没这些噪音，不断重复。

The vice produced an immense amount of shame and guilt that I couldn't stand to feel, so I ran back to the vice to drown out the noise and repeat.

所以，本集由BetterHelp赞助。

So this is This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

你知道，三月到了，我们一直在思考女性以及我们所承载的一切。

You know, with it being March, we've just been thinking a lot about women and everything that we carry.

那些显而易见的，还有那些看不见的。

The visible things, but also the invisible ones.

我们如何为家人、关系、工作付出，情感的重担、期望，以及我们不断为他人倾注一切的方式。

The way we show up for our families, our relationships, our work, the emotional weight, the expectations, the way we're constantly pouring into everyone else.

如果说实话，我觉得我们很少停下来问问自己过得怎么样。

And if I'm being honest, I don't think we always stop to ask how we're doing.

前几天我其实想到了我妈妈。

I was actually thinking about my mom the other day.

她真正体现了这一点。

She really embodies that.

她总是以如此强大的力量和爱出现，即使我知道她背负着很多。

She just shows up with so much strength and love even when I know she's carrying a lot.

这让我意识到，我们同样需要一个能够被支持的空间，因为你也很重要。

And it made me realize how important it is that we also have a space where we can be supported because you matter too.

治疗可以成为这样一个空间，让你能够梳理自己所承受的一切，设立界限，并以真正有意识的方式照顾自己的情绪健康。

And therapy can be one of those spaces where you get to just process what you're carrying, set boundaries, and just take care of your emotional well-being in a real intentional way.

BetterHelp 让开始治疗变得很简单。

BetterHelp makes it simple to get started.

你只需填写一份简短的问卷，他们就会根据你的需求为你匹配一位持证治疗师。

You take a short questionnaire and they match you with a licensed therapist based on your needs.

如果觉得不合适，你可以随时更换其他治疗师。

And if it's not the right fit, you can switch to someone else at any time.

他们拥有超过三万名治疗师，已在全球帮助了六百多万人，所以你并不孤单。

They have over 30,000 therapists and have helped over 6,000,000 people globally, so you're not alone in this.

我认为这正是核心所在。

And I think that's really the heart of it.

允许自己也得到关爱。

Giving yourself permission to be cared for too.

你的情绪健康很重要。

Your emotional well-being matters.

在治疗中寻找支持，让自己更轻松。

Find support and feel lighter in therapy.

立即注册，访问 betterhelp.com/girlsgonebible 享受10%折扣。

Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/girlsgonebible.

那是 betterhelp.com/girlsgonebible。

That's better,help,.com/girlsgonebible.

我想和你分享我与酒精的历程，因为我想让你知道，任何人在酒精或物质滥用方面挣扎，都不是无缘无故的，不是偶然，也不只是人生中的糟糕选择——虽然那确实是其中一个因素。

What my journey with alcohol because I want you to know, anybody who struggles with alcohol or substance abuse, it's not for no reason, it's not by accident, and it's not just bad choices in life, which that is a thing.

对吧？

Right?

无论你的童年经历了什么，无论你如何被抚养，无论是否遭受过虐待或其他种种，我们依然拥有选择的权利。

We have a choice regardless of what happened in your childhood, regardless of how you were raised, regardless of abuse and all the things.

你有选择。

You have a choice.

很多人在非常糟糕的环境中长大，却依然为自己的人生做出了正确的选择。

And a lot of people grow up in really bad situations and still make good choices for their lives.

所以这并不意味着我们是任何遭遇的受害者。

So that's not to say that we're victims to anything that happens.

然而，如果你看到有人正挣扎于成瘾、酗酒或罪恶，首先请记住，我们争战的不是属血肉的，而是那些执政的、掌权的、管辖这幽暗世界的，以及天空属灵气的恶魔，我们有一个敌人，正试图摧毁我们每一个人。

However, if you see someone who is struggling with addiction, who's struggling with alcohol, who's struggling with sin, first, remember that we don't wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers that we have an adversary who's trying to take every single one of us out.

每一个人都经历过创伤、痛苦和功能失调，有些人经历的更多。

And every single person, some more than others, grew up experiencing trauma and pain and dysfunction.

因此，人们陷入困境并不仅仅是因为他们选择了这条路。

And so people don't end up in bad situations just because they chose to get there.

所以我认为，当我们谈论酒精和物质滥用时，这一点非常重要：人们正在承受痛苦，他们伤得如此之深，而一种恶习带来的感觉却如此美好。

And so I think that's something that's really important in noting when we're talking about alcohol and we're talking about substance, like people are in pain and they're hurting so badly and it feels so good to have a vice.

拥有某种方式来应对痛苦感觉如此美好，无论是酒精、吸大麻、电子烟，还是性行为，或者其他任何东西。

It feels so good to have something to cope with, whether it's alcohol or smoking weed or even vaping or sex or blah blah.

数不清的事情，比如沉迷于工作和赚钱。

The millions of things or being addicted to work and making money.

每个人都想有个消遣，因为感觉它能让生活更容易，但实际上并不会。

Like, everybody wants to have a vice because it does feel like it makes things easier and it doesn't.

只是在那一刻。

In the moment.

在那一刻，是的。

In the moment Yeah.

没错。

It Right.

对。

Right.

但这是一种永无止境的循环。

But it's a never ending cycle.

而且它从来不会带来真正的满足或平静。

And it doesn't actually ever bring fulfillment or peace.

它只是一种逃避。

It just it's a distraction.

是的。

Yes.

它能让你短暂地麻木。

It numbs you for a second.

但它从不会真正解放你。

It never frees you.

只有耶稣才能救赎你。

Only Jesus can free you.

只有耶稣才能带来真正的安慰。

Only Jesus can bring true comfort.

我经常提到我的见证，但你知道，我从小就在一种环境中长大，一件事接着一件事，最终让我陷入逃避和逃离的生活。

I talk about my testimony a lot, but, know, I grew up in a situation where one thing led to another that led me to living a life of avoidance and escaping.

我一生中一直努力挣扎着去应对。

I really have struggled in my life to cope.

是的。

Yeah.

自从我还是个小女孩时，我就一直逃避到某种事物中。

I've always escaped to something since I was a really little girl.

是的。

Yeah.

所以在成长过程中，我经历了大量的痛苦、困惑和各种各样的情况。

And so growing up experiencing a ton of pain and a ton of confusion and a ton of like yeah.

我不会细说，但一个小女孩最终酗酒，原因有成千上万种，这些都不是偶然发生的。

There's I'm not gonna get into it, but there's like a million reasons why a little girl ends up addicted to alcohol, you know, and and those things don't happen by accident.

所以，正如你们所知，我开始经历恐慌发作。

And so I found myself, as you guys know, having those panic attacks.

我的心理健康状况非常糟糕。

My mental mental health was really bad.

我非常害怕，总是有侵入性的想法。

I was really scared, intrusive thoughts.

我们之前聊过侵入性思维，那些挥之不去的、不想要的想法，突然冒出来时你会想：‘刚才那是怎么回事？’

We've talked about intrusive thoughts before, those unwanted thoughts that like are persistent that come up and you're like, oh, what was that?

那真的很可怕。

That was scary.

我在心理上挣扎得很厉害，非常害怕。

I was really struggling in my mind, really afraid.

于是我开始喝酒，来麻痹自己的痛苦，逃避痛苦。

And so I started drinking to numb my pain, to avoid my pain.

酒精是我唯一觉得能让自己好起来的东西。

Alcohol was the only thing that made me feel better.

我所有的朋友都喝酒。

All of my friends drank.

嗯。

Mhmm.

你知道的？

You know?

这太可怜了。

It was this sorry.

这件事始于佛罗里达。

This was started in Florida.

对吧？

Right?

是的。

Yeah.

上高中时，从很小的时候起，我是说从15岁开始，我就和朋友一起喝酒，在佛罗里达的海滩上喝酒，那就是我们的生活。

When I was in high school, I I from an early age, I mean, since 15 years old, drinking with friends, drinking on the beach in Florida, like, that was our lives.

那就是我们所有人的生活。

Like, that was all of our lives.

我和别的孩子没什么不同。

I was no different from other kids.

嗯。

Mhmm.

这太可怕也太悲哀了，十三四岁的孩子喝酒竟然成了常态。

Which is so scary and sad that there are fourteen, thirteen year olds norm.

今天就是这样。

Today.

这已经是常态了。

It's the norm.

这简直就是常态。

It's literally the norm.

我知道。

I know.

所以，我从很小的时候就开始了。

And so, it started at a really early age.

即使那时，我也在自我疗愈，靠药物麻痹自己，状态不好，也不认识耶稣。

And even then though, I'm coping, I'm medicating, I'm not well, I'm not feeling good, I don't know Jesus.

后来我长大成人，我的朋友们也都和我做着同样的事，你知道的。

And then I grow up and all of my friends are doing the same thing that I am, you know?

然后我搬到了洛杉矶，每个人都在喝酒。

And then I moved to LA and everybody drinks.

喝酒是最正常的事情。

Drinking is the most normal thing.

你现在不是二十岁了吗？

Would You're you not now 20, right?

是的，十八岁。

Yeah, 18.

所以我十八岁时搬到了洛杉矶。

So moved to LA at 18.

但即使那时，我也意识到自己并不是酒鬼，但回头看看，我明白我的饮酒方式和其他人不一样。

But even then I recognize I wasn't an alcoholic, but I look back and I recognize that my drinking was different than other people's.

每个人喝酒都不好，因为这不健康，但我的情况不一样。

Everybody's drinking is bad because it's not good, but mine was different.

我清楚地记得，你知道Saddle Ranch吗？

I remember specifically, you know Saddle Ranch?

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

我们是。

We were.

我记得18岁的时候在Saddle Ranch，和我大学的所有朋友在一起。

I remember being at Saddle Ranch when I was like 18 and being with all my friends from college.

那是晚上快结束的时候。

It was the end of the night.

我们所有人都喝了那种不是无酒精鸡尾酒、而是含大量糖分的鸡尾酒。

We all had like those not mocktails, those cocktails that are like all that sugar.

那种大杯的？

The big ones?

是的。

Yeah.

在鞍背牧场的那些大杯鸡尾酒。

Those big ones at Saddle Ranch.

该走了。

And it was time to go.

酒吧要关门了，我们都站起来准备离开。

It was closing and we were getting up to leave.

我清楚地记得，和我坐在一起的每个人都站起来，把没喝完的饮料留在了桌上。

I remember this so distinctly that everybody sitting with me all got up and they leave their drinks full.

嗯。

Mhmm.

我记得我把自己的喝完了。

And I remember finishing mine.

我问朋友：你怎么没喝完你的饮料？

And I asked my friend, like, why didn't you finish your drink?

她说：我们就要回家了。

And she's like, we're just going home.

我为什么要喝那个？

Why would I drink that?

嗯。

Mhmm.

我记得自己心里算了一下。

I remember clocking to myself.

那不正常。

That was not normal.

就像我刚才做的那样。

Like what I just did.

是的。

Yeah.

而且

And

然后你就喝完了？

And then you finished it?

然后我就喝完了。

And then I finished it.

这只是一个小小的例子，但当时我真的意识到，你明明知道喝完就要回家了，为什么还要喝完呢？

And that's just like one little instance, but like, it's it was a it it's it showed me like, there's why are you even finishing that drink when you're just gonna go home?

嗯。

Mhmm.

你知道，这并不正常。

You know, that's not normal.

这不好。

That's not good.

嗯。

Mhmm.

然后在接下来的几年里，我断断续续地喝酒，但完全算不上问题；但在我19岁第一次出现恐慌发作后，到20岁时，我发现自己开始用酒精自我治疗，也就是说，我喝酒是为了感觉好一些。

Then I, for the next couple of years, drink on and off, not like an issue by any means, But then after I had my first panic attack at 19, by 20 years old, I found myself self medicating, which means that I would drink for the purpose of feeling better.

我喝酒是为了缓解社交焦虑，觉得没有酒精就无法和人相处。

I would drink for the purpose of not having social anxiety, thinking I can't be with people.

我一直是这辈子最外向的人。

I'm like the most I've been like the most social person my whole life.

撒旦进入了我的生活，真正攻击了我最强大的部分——那就是我多么热爱与人相处。

And Satan came into my life and literally attacked my strength, which is how much I love people and being with people.

他灌输给我一个谎言，说我是个社交焦虑的人。

And he fed me this lie that I was like a socially anxious person.

他还告诉我，你是个内向的人。

And he would tell me like, you're introverted.

你不懂得如何与人相处。

You don't know how to be with people.

只有喝酒的时候，你才能和人相处。

You can only be with people if you're drinking.

那是你唯一有趣的时刻。

That's the only time you're fun.

只有那时，别人才愿意靠近你，因为那时你疯狂又有趣。

That's the only time anybody wants to be around you because that's when you're crazy and fun.

我会说，是的，你说得对。

And I would be like, yeah, you're right.

我只应该在喝酒的时候和人在一起。

I should only be with people if I'm drinking.

于是，我发展出了社交焦虑，只有在喝酒时才能和人相处，这反而让我喝得越来越多、越来越频繁。

And then so I developed this social anxiety where I could only be with people if I was drinking and that only led me to drink more and more often.

到了2022到2023年，正如我们大多数人知道的，故事急转直下，我的焦虑严重到连家门都迈不出去。

And then by 2223, as most of us know, story takes a really dark turn where my anxiety was so bad that I couldn't even leave the house.

我根本不再像个正常人了。

I was like no longer a functioning human.

我正处于一段非常有毒、非常糟糕的关系中。

I was in a relationship that was really toxic and really bad.

我和那个人住在一起。

I was living with the person.

我住在一个大房子里，和一群年轻人一起。

I lived in like this big house with a bunch of young people.

当时我和男朋友住在一起。

And I lived with a boyfriend at the time.

这进一步助长了酗酒的文化，氛围非常阴暗。

Just perpetuated this culture of drinking and it was just so dark.

我永远都不会忘记。

I'll never forget.

我住在这栋大房子里，全是红砖砌的。

I lived in this big house and it was like all brick.

所以里面有点昏暗。

So it was kind of like dark inside.

是那种红砖。

Like it was a red brick.

我总觉得它就像《亢奋》里的场景。

I always just it's like it was like the set of euphoria.

不是说在大量吸毒之类的，但就是特别阴暗。

Not like doing a bunch of drugs or like whatever, but it was just dark.

到处都是年轻人，过着这种洛杉矶的生活，喝酒、做这做那。

And you have young people everywhere just living this LA life and they're drinking and this and that.

我住在这栋房子里，里面特别暗，连墙壁都是深色的。

And I am living in this house and it's so dark, even the walls were dark.

天哪。

Oh my gosh.

想想那时候，我根本没什么生活，但房子里的人总是喝酒、聚会。

Like, think about this time and and I didn't have a life and and but the people in the house would drink to, like, party.

嗯。

Mhmm.

所以他们就出去了。

So they would leave.

他们去各种地方。

They would go places.

他们会约朋友出来。

They would, like, have friends.

我 literally 待在家里。

I literally stayed at the house.

这一集由Glorify赞助播出，Glorify是排名第一的基督教每日灵修应用。

I This episode is brought to you by Glorify, the number one Christian daily devotional app.

你知道，人们经常问，我们如何在一天中持续与上帝保持连接，尤其是在生活变得忙碌的时候。

You know, people ask all the time how we stay connected to God throughout the day, especially when life gets busy.

老实说，帮助我为这种连接腾出空间的，之一就是Glorify应用。

And honestly, one of the things that's helped me create space for that is the Glorify App.

我最喜欢的是，它专为真实生活而设计。

And what I love is that it's built for real life.

你可以从当天的圣经经文开始早晨，阅读每日灵修，并花几分钟时间进行一种叫做“每日与上帝同行”的环节，帮助你放慢脚步，重新聚焦内心。

You can start your morning with the bible passage of the day, read the daily devotional, and spend a few minutes in something called the daily walk with God, which helps you slow down and refocus your heart.

我对此着迷不已。

I am obsessed with this one.

你们在下午散步时一定会喜欢使用它，因为如果你在一天中需要调整状态，他们还提供了引导式冥想和敬拜歌单，帮助你重新回到上帝的同在中。

You guys are gonna love playing it during your afternoon walks because if you need a reset during the day, they also have guided meditations and worship playlist that bring you back to God's presence.

晚上，你还可以通过睡眠冥想让心灵和思想安息在神的平安中。

At night, you can even wind down with sleep meditations that help your heart and mind rest in God's peace.

睡前，你可以安静地阅读经文：‘我必安然躺下睡觉。’

Right before bed, you can read the scripture, in peace, I will lie down and sleep.

惟有你，耶和华，使我安然居住。

For you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.

无论你已经跟随耶稣多年，还是刚刚开始信仰之旅，Glorify 都会在你当前的处境中与你相遇。

Whether you've been walking with Jesus for years or you're just beginning your faith journey, Glorify meets you just where you are.

加入数百万下载了 Glorify 应用的基督徒，深化你与神的关系。

Join the millions of Christians who have downloaded the Glorify App and deepen their relationship with God.

本节目的听众可以仅以每年 29.99 美元的价格获得 Glorify 的完整访问权限。

Listeners to the show can get full access to Glorify for just $29.99 for the entire year.

这是 Glorify 有史以来的最低价格。

That's Glorify's lowest price ever.

现在就前往 glorify-app.com/ggb 下载 Glorify 应用。

When you download the Glorify App now at glorify-app.com/ggb.

今年通过Glorify与上帝更亲近。

Feel closer to God this year with Glorify.

只需29.99美元即可全年畅享全部功能，访问 glorify-app.com/ggb。

Get full access all year for just $29.99 at glorify-app.com/ggb.

就是 glorify-app.com/ggb。

That's glorify-app.com/ggb.

我不想去参加派对。

I didn't want to party.

我不想和人待在一起。

I didn't wanna be around people.

我只是每隔一两个小时就按计划喝一杯，嗯。

I simply had a scheduled drink every hour or two Mhmm.

并不是因为我想要醉，而是因为我感觉不好。

Not because I wanted to be drunk, because but I was not okay.

我精神上已经彻底崩溃，状态非常糟糕。

I was mentally so gone, so unwell.

而且我几乎因为酒精开始有点精神失常了。

And I like borderline started to lose my mind a little bit because of the alcohol.

它会引发偏执。

It creates paranoia.

它会制造幻觉。

It creates delusion.

它会激起愤怒。

It creates anger.

它会带来酒精的影响。

It creates like alcohol.

即使你没有喝醉，但只要你喝过酒，你的性格就会改变。

Even if you're not drunk, but you've been drinking, it changes your personality.

酒精改变一切，大麻也改变一切。

Alcohol changes everything and marijuana changes everything.

这些东西对你真的有害。

These things are really bad for you.

我知道。

I know.

所以最终，我彻底结束了这段关系，搬到了别处。

So then ultimately, ultimately I get out of this relationship, I move somewhere else.

我回佛罗里达待了一阵子。

I go back to Florida for a little bit.

然后你搬回佛罗里达了？

And then I this is You moved back to Florida?

大概几周吧。

For like a couple of weeks.

是的。

Yeah.

因为我搬出了那栋房子，去了佛罗里达。

Because I moved out of that house and I went to Florida.

这有点尴尬，但你知道吗？

And this is like kind of embarrassing and but like, you know what?

这没什么可羞耻的。

There's no shame.

我正处于一段关系中，然后立刻就进入了另一段关系。

I was in a relationship and then I literally jumped into another relationship right away.

真的是立刻就开始了。

Like literally immediately.

我们大家都已经长大了。

Totally all of us grown up.

嗯，是的。

Well, yeah.

我也是。

Me too.

中间根本没有间隔时间。

Like literally no time in between.

立刻进入另一段关系，然后和对方的家人住在一起。

Jump into another relationship and then live with that person's family.

前几天我其实跟约翰聊过这件事，我跟他讲了这个故事：我从一个男人的家里搬出来，直接住进了另一个男人的家里。

And I was talking to John about this the other day actually, and I kind of like told him this story of like going from this one house with this one guy in his family, then to another guy in his family.

他眼含泪水，真的说：‘安，你根本不是在找男朋友啊。’

And he literally, with tears in his eyes, was like, Ang, you weren't even like looking for boyfriends.

你只是想找个安全的地方。

You just wanna be safe.

你只是想找个安全的地方。

You just wanted to be safe.

他说：‘你简直就是安在逃亡。’

And he's like, you were literally Angela on the run.

从一个地方跑到另一个地方，我到哪儿才能找到庇护？

Like one place to another, where can I find shelter?

我到哪儿才能找到安全？

Where can I find safety?

然后我又开始和另一个人约会，接着就住进了他的家。

And and then I start dating someone else, and then I'm living in his house.

我整个人生都乱套了。

My my whole life is in shambles.

我刚结束了一段四年的关系，现在又陷进去了。

I just got out of a four year relationship, and now I'm in it.

我在心理健康和酒精方面都糟糕透了。

I was so unwell between the mental health and the alcohol.

我根本无法自己做决定。

I was not making my own decisions.

我完全迷失了。

I was completely gone.

即使你喝得不多，酒精也会全面影响你的判断力，波及你生活的方方面面。

Like, was even if you're not drinking a lot, alcohol wouldn't will impair your decision making across the board in every area of your life.

它会毁掉你的关系。

It'll destroy your relationships.

它会毁掉你的婚姻，因为你不再是原来的自己。

It'll destroy your marriage because you're not yourself.

你不是。

You're not.

它会毁掉一切。

It destroys.

即使你不是酒鬼，但如果你经常喝酒，它也会改变你的本质。现在我来到了这个新的人的家，进入了这段新的关系，感谢耶稣，因为这个人是我生命中最好的礼物。

Even if you're not an alcoholic, but you're drinking often, it will change who And you so now I'm at this new person's house and in this new relationship, and thank you Jesus for that person because it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

但想象一下，我是一个23岁的女孩，正在做出糟糕的决定。

But imagine I'm a 23 year old girl making horrible decisions.

我不知道发生了什么。

I don't know what's going on.

我没有任何指导。

I have no guidance.

一切都乱七八糟。

I'm just it was a mess.

是的。

Yeah.

那真是一团糟。

It was a mess.

是的。

Yeah.

我以前讲过这个故事，所以我会尽量简短一点，但我只是希望你们能理解什么是自由，因为我即将戒酒六年了，我甚至不认为自己是个戒酒中的酒鬼，因为我从酒精成瘾中得到了解脱。

And then I've told this story before, so I'll I'll make it somewhat quick, but I just I need you guys to understand what freedom looks like because I'm about to be six years sober, and I don't even consider myself like a recovering alcoholic because I was delivered from alcoholism.

我从上瘾中得到了解脱，但这并不是每个人的故事。

I was delivered from addiction, and that's not everybody's story.

并不是说，我只是像摆脱了焦虑一样，有些人确实是这样。

It's not like, I wasn't just, like, delivered from anxiety, and some people are.

我仍然会为焦虑所困扰，但我从酒精中得到了解脱。

I still struggle with anxiety, but I was delivered from alcohol.

那种自由，那种稳固的自由，已经不再是我的一部分了。

And that sort of freedom, that solid, like, freedom, like, is no I'm not even that's not a part of my identity anymore.

那种自由是触手可及的。

Like, that's available.

所以对我来说，苏格拉底，你们知道苏格拉底为我祷告了整整六个月，每天读圣经。

And so for me, Socrates, you guys know Socrates had been praying for me for like six months, every single day reading scripture.

我在为自己祷告。

I'm praying for myself.

我在认识耶稣是谁。

I'm discovering who Jesus is.

我在学习一点点关于权柄的事。

I'm learning a little bit about authority.

我在学习关于神是谁、祂为何而死、自由意味着什么，以及耶稣的宝血——因耶稣的鞭伤，我可以得医治；如果我把生命交给耶稣，并真正运用权柄对抗我生命中的一切，我就能得自由。

I'm learning about who God is and what he died for and what freedom means and what the blood of Jesus is, that by Jesus' stripes, I can be healed, and that if I give my life to Jesus and I literally take authority against all that's happening in my life, I can be set free.

于是我这样祷告。

And so I'm praying like this.

我开始每天为自己祷告。

I start praying for myself every single day.

但你想想，突破并没有立刻到来。

But imagine, the breakthrough didn't come right away.

那是长达数月的痛苦与毁灭。

It was months and months of misery, destruction.

任何看到我的人都会以为，上帝离这个人很远。

Anyone who would have looked at me would have thought, God is far from this person.

当你说到你找到耶稣的时候，你当时在喝酒吗？

Were you drinking at the time when you say, okay, so you find Jesus.

你正在了解耶稣，但你仍处于过程中。

You're learning about Jesus, but you're still in the process.

是的。

Yeah.

到那时，我已经遇到了索克拉底，并且重生了。

So by that point, I had met Socrates, and I was born again.

对吧？

Right?

他第一次见到我时，可能在五分钟内就引导我信了耶稣。我从小在天主教环境中长大。你知道，如果你和我一样，你会努力以一种反映你价值观、信仰、你爱家人以及关怀上帝放在你生命中的人的方式生活。

Like, the first five minutes he met me, he probably led me to Jesus, and I grew up cath You know, if you're like me, you try to live your life in a way that reflects your values, your faith, the way you love your family and care for the people God has placed in your life.

这就是为什么我们想分享一下 Trust and Will，这是一个在线遗嘱规划平台，能帮助你以深思熟虑的方式保护你的家庭和未来。

And that's why we wanna share about Trust and Will, an online estate planning platform that helps you protect your family and your future in a really thoughtful way.

Trust and Will 让创建反映你生活与价值观的遗嘱规划变得简单，无论是为子女指定监护人、明确资产分配方式，还是设立医疗指示。

Trust and Will makes it easy to create an estate plan that reflects your life and your values, whether that's protecting guardianship for your children, outlining how your assets are distributed, or putting health care directives in place.

我最喜欢的是，它被设计为能随着你一起成长。

And what I love is that it's designed to grow with you.

随着你生活的变化，你的规划也能随之调整。

As your life changes, your plan can change too.

它由法律专家打造，根据你所在州的法律定制，并采用银行级加密技术确保你的信息安全。

It's created by legal experts, customized to your state, and your information stays secure with bank level encryption.

因为事实是，当我们思考遗产时，我们希望留给家人的是安宁，而不是混乱或压力。

Because the truth is, when we think about legacy, we wanna leave our families with peace, not confusion or stress.

所以，如果这也是你心中所想，那么这里正是一个美好的起点。

So if this is something that's been on your heart too, this is a beautiful place to start.

今天、明天乃至未来，用 Trust and Will 保护你的遗产和亲人，这是在线遗嘱规划领域最值得信赖的品牌。

Protect your legacy and your loved ones today, tomorrow, and beyond with Trust and Will, the most trusted name in online estate planning.

前往 trustandwill.com/ggb，享受八折优惠。

Go to trustandwill.com/ggb and get 20% off.

访问 trustandwill.com/ggb，获取八折优惠。

That's trustandwill.com/ggb to get your 20% off.

trustandwill.com/ggb。

Trustandwill.com/ggb.

但我还没有真正重生，也没有将我的生命完全献给耶稣。

Like, but I hadn't been truly born again and dedicated my life to Jesus.

所以我已经重生了，但再次强调，这有时是人们的故事。

So I had been born again, and I had been but again, this is sometimes people's story.

有些人会说，就在那一天，我把一切都交给了主，一切就此改变。

It's like, some people have a this day I gave them everything and everything changed.

但这不是我的故事。

That's not my story.

这是一个渐进的过程。

It was a gradual process.

我深陷在黑暗中无法自拔。

I was in way too deep in the darkness.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

这花了我一些时间。

It took some time for me.

所以这些个月以来，我祷告，苏格拉底祷告，我祷告，想象一下上帝每时每刻都与我同在，支持着我，告诉我光明即将到来，你会获得自由。

And so all these months of praying, Socrates praying, me praying, imagine how God was like with me every moment, backing me, showing me like the light is coming, you will be free.

我当时并没有意识到，但上帝在我生命最黑暗的时刻与我同在。

I had no awareness of this, but God was, he was with me in the darkest moments of my life.

他就在我身边。

He was right there.

是的，他在。

Yes, he was.

他就在我身边。

He was right there.

是耶稣让我认识了苏格拉底。

And it was Jesus who put me in contact with Socrates.

是耶稣让苏格拉底引领我归向主。

It was Jesus who had Socrates lead me to the Lord.

是耶稣安排了一切。

It was Jesus who orchestrated all.

是耶稣把我从那所房子带到了这所房子。

It was Jesus who got me out of that house and brought me to this house.

坦白说，这些都是糟糕的决定，但神使万事互相效力，叫爱神的人得益处。

And honestly, these are bad decisions, but works all things together for good.

罗马书第八章二十八节，这就是祂所做的。

Romans eight twenty eight, this is what he does.

祂甚至将我们最大的错误也说：我要使用这个。

He even takes our biggest mistakes and says, I'm gonna use this.

所以2019年感恩节，我和前妻以及他那不喝酒的家人一起参加了感恩节聚餐。

And so Thanksgiving twenty nineteen, I go to a Thanksgiving dinner with my ex and his family who doesn't drink.

我随身带着我的小包，把派对也带了进来。

And I bring the party in my bag pack with me, my little bag.

我带了酒精饮料来，因为我知道他们不会提供酒精。

I brought alcohol with me because I knew there wouldn't be alcohol.

这时，我前伴侣开始跟我聊天，问：‘这到底是怎么回事？’

And at this point, my ex had started to have conversations with me and being like, what is going on?

这不太好。

This is not good.

你得戒酒了。

You need to stop drinking.

那时，我正在努力。

And at that point, I was trying.

我试着只喝葡萄酒和啤酒，不碰烈酒。

I was trying to do just wine and beer, like no hard liquor.

我给自己定下最低两杯、最多几杯的规矩。

I was having a two drink minimum, maximum, whatever.

我被束缚了。

I was bound.

我处于奴役之中。

I was in bondage.

你必须彻底断绝。

You have to just say completely cut it off.

你不能给魔鬼哪怕一点点空间，否则他会让你一直被困住、被束缚。

Like, you can't even give the devil this much room because he will keep you stuck and bound.

认为‘我可以偶尔喝一点’或者‘稍微停一停’，这种想法是谎言。

And it's a lie to think like, oh, I could just do it sometimes or have a little stop, stop.

你必须完全走向相反的方向。

You have to go a 100% the opposite way.

你不能给自己哪怕一点点余地，因为你只会不断回头。

You can't even give yourself this much allowance because you'll just keep going back.

我知道，我

I know, I

我知道。

know.

所以2019年感恩节，我前夫在我家人的聚会上抓到我喝酒。

And so Thanksgiving twenty nineteen, my ex catches me drinking at his family's house.

那天晚上，他给了我一个最后通牒。

That night, he gives me an ultimatum.

我把这件事写在了灵修笔记里。

I write about it in the devotional.

他给我下了最后通牒，说：‘如果你还要继续喝酒，我就再也不想跟你有任何关系，因为我无法眼睁睁看你这样毁掉自己。’

He gives me an ultimatum and says, I want nothing to do with you if you're gonna keep drinking because I can't watch you do this to yourself.

那时候，你们知道吗？如果我三十分钟不喝酒，就会出现戒断反应。

And at that point, you guys, I would go through withdrawals if I didn't drink for thirty minutes.

真的，我连那么短的时间都撑不住，不喝酒就会开始发抖。

Literally, I could not go that long without drinking or I'd start to shake.

我完全上瘾了，任何看过的人，如果你们抽烟、吸大麻或者用电子烟，大概都能理解戒断是什么感觉。

I was completely addicted and anybody watching who smokes weed or smokes cigarettes or vapes, like you probably know what withdrawal feels like.

你的身体已经再也无法离开那东西了。

Your body actually can't go on anymore without that thing.

这完全违背了福音的真理。

And that is so anti gospel.

我们唯一应该需要和依靠的，只有耶稣。

Like the only thing that we're supposed to need and depend on is Jesus.

所以，不管怎样，就在那个时刻、那个晚上，我得到了超自然的解脱，摆脱了酒精成瘾，而且那并不是一个轰动的时刻。

And so anyways, that moment, that night, I received supernatural deliverance from alcoholism, and it wasn't a big moment.

并不是我大声说：耶稣，我把一切都交给你了，我再也不喝了。

It wasn't like I said, Jesus, I'm giving you everything and I'm done.

我花了无数个小时与耶稣在一起，问他：那究竟是哪个时刻？

I have spent hours and hours with Jesus asking him, what was that moment?

你在哪里？

Where were you?

那是什么样子的？

What does that look like?

这件事发生的时候你在哪儿？

Where was this when this happened?

想拍张照片

Wanna get a picture

拍那个。

of that.

我当时

I was

在我前女友家。

at my ex's house.

他养了六只猫。

He had six cats.

如果要拍张照片的话，他养了六只猫。

If that feeds a picture, he had six cats.

我坐在一级台阶上。

And I was sitting on a step.

我坐在通向他房间的台阶上，他站着，几乎居高临下地看着我，说：我受够了。

I was sitting on a step that leads into his room and he was standing up and he was looking like basically above me and being like, I'm done.

我不想再跟你有任何关系。

Like, I want nothing to do with you.

你骗了我。

You've lied to me.

你一直瞒着我。

You've hid this from me.

你说你已经结束了，却把东西藏在包里，现在你侮辱了我，还有这一堆事。

You said you were done and you brought it in your bag and now you've disrespected me and all this stuff.

但这恰恰是我需要的。

And it was exactly what I needed.

我仰头看着他，心里只想着：我真是个垃圾。

I'm looking up at him and all I'm thinking is I am a piece of garbage.

我真的讨厌自己。

Like, I hate myself.

我当时对自己的厌恶达到了极致。

Like literally as much self hatred as you can have is what I had for myself.

我彻底憎恨自己。

I absolutely hated myself.

我憎恨自己所做的事情。

I hated what I was doing.

我曾坐在耶稣面前，问他：那一刻你在哪里？

And I've sat with Jesus and asked him, where were you in that moment?

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就像那时，我甚至没有做决定，但某种情况发生了，我彻底崩溃了，从此再也没喝过酒。

Like, how did I, in that moment, not even make a decision, but something happened where I was so defeated that I never drank again.

从那天起。

After that day.

从那天起。

After that day.

那一刻，我曾多次与主同坐，我觉得从耶稣那里感受到的是，那些祷告的月份带来了突破。

That moment, I I've sat with the Lord so many times and I feel like what I sense from Jesus is that those months of prayer are what led to breakthrough.

那些持守权柄、不懈祷告、有他人为我代祷的月份，耶稣介入了我的生命故事。

Those months of taking authority, of relentless prayer, of having people back me in prayer, Jesus stepped into my story.

我的见证不是靠势力，不是靠才能，而是靠我的灵，这是主说的。

And literally my testimony is not by strength, not by might, but by my spirit, says the Lord.

那是因为我从未下定决心戒酒。

That was what happened because I never made the decision to stop drinking.

我只是自然而然地停止了。

I simply stopped.

那天晚上，我说这真是一件奇怪的事，因为我记得那时或许闪过一个念头：天啊，我得停下来了。

That night, I'm telling it's such a weird thing because I remember that moment maybe having a thought of like, oh man, I have to stop.

对吧？

Right?

但我记得自己感到无比挫败，几乎像灵魂出窍了一样。

But I remember feeling so defeated and almost like I had left my body.

第二天早上我醒来时，没有喝酒。

I woke up the next morning and I didn't drink.

你一点都不想喝吗？

Like you didn't crave it?

不，不，我想喝。

No, no.

我确实想喝。

I craved it.

我经历了戒断反应，我的身体 Definitely 很想喝。

I went through withdrawals, so my body was craving it definitely.

所以第一天我躺在床上，快死了。

So that first day I was in bed dying.

我以为自己会抽搐。

I thought I was gonna have a seizure.

戒断反应是你能经历的最可怕的事情。

Withdrawals are the scariest thing that can happen to you.

你躺在床上发抖，浑身冒汗。

You're shaking in bed, you're sweating.

我记得我跟前伴侣说过类似的话：你得给我拿杯酒来。

I'm telling I I was I think I told my ex something like, you have to get me a drink.

我几乎是恳求着、哀求着说：我真的受不了了。

Like, you have to I'm, like, pleading and begging like, can't do this.

我哭得稀里哗啦。

I'm bawling my eye.

我当时觉得，这可能是你能见到的最可怕的情景之一，有人正在经历这种痛苦，但他却说：不行。

I'm like, it's one of the most horrific things you can probably see if someone go through And then he's like, no.

不行。

No.

你会挺过去的。

You're gonna be fine.

你会挺过去的。

You're gonna be fine.

这简直是上帝的安排。

It was literally God sent.

那个家伙甚至不是信徒。

That guy wasn't even a believer.

他说，你会好起来的。

Like, he's like, you're gonna be fine.

但有趣的是，就在另一个房间里，有一瓶酒精饮料。

But what's interesting is that right in the other room was a bar of alcohol.

所以当他在浴室时，我只要走五步就能拿到酒，但上帝没有让我这么做；是圣灵在我里面赐给我力量，让我没有起身喝酒。

So I could have walked five steps when he was in the bathroom and got a drink, God but I didn't do It's said the Holy Spirit inside of me empowered me to not get up and drink.

是的。

Yeah.

耶稣介入了，说：你无法自救，你已经到头了。

Jesus stepped in and said, you can't save yourself, you're done.

我就是这么结束了。

That's what I'm done.

我正在拯救你。

I'm saving you.

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

然后我总是告诉别人，我觉得几天后我得去上班。

And then I always tell people, like, I think I had to go to work a couple days later.

我觉得我好几天都没出过门。

I think I didn't leave the house for a couple of days.

我就躺在床上，浑身发抖，痛苦不堪，觉得自己快死了，完全处于脱节状态。

I just stayed in bed and had the shakes and was miserable and thought I was gonna die, completely disassociated.

我正开车去上班。

I'm driving to work.

我在一家叫Joey Woodland Hills的餐厅工作。

I worked at Joey Woodland Hills, a restaurant.

我是个服务员，开车去上班时，左边有一家酒类商店，我之前在那里有赊账，因为那时候我没钱，也没工作。

I was a server, and I was driving to work and there was this liquor store to my left that I had a tab at because I didn't have any money because I wasn't working at that time.

所以我连一分钱都没有。

So I didn't even have any money.

所以我真的在那家酒类商店有欠账。

So I would literally I had a tab at the liquor store.

这有多糟糕，你就能明白了。

That's like how bad this was.

我开车经过时，本能地就拐进了那家酒类商店。

I'm driving by, and it was like a instinctive reflex to turn into the liquor store.

每次我经过那里，即使我已经有酒了，我也会不假思索地拐进去。

Every time I pass it, even if I had alcohol, like, I would just, like, not even think about it, I turn in.

我清楚地记得开车经过那家酒类商店的情景。

I remember so distinctly driving by the liquor store.

就在这儿。

It's right here.

我看着它从我身边驶过。

I'm watching it as it's going by.

然后我就继续开车。

And then I just keep driving.

我心想，回头一看，根本不知道发生了什么。

And I think to like, I look back, then I didn't know what was going on.

但现在回想起来，是圣灵在我里面，推动我的手和脚，带我到达我该去的地方， literally，让我完全失去了对自己的掌控。

But now that I look back, the Holy Spirit was inside of me, moving my hands and my feet, getting me to where I needed to go, literally, like, letting me Like, I was no longer in control of myself.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

这是一种能力的充满。

It was empowerment.

这是圣灵的大能，是的。

This is the Holy Spirit's power Yeah.

在工作中，我从未做出过戒酒的决定。

At work in our I never made the decision to stop drinking.

那是在十一月。

And then it wasn't that was in November.

直到圣诞节，我整个那个月都没提过自己戒酒的事，因为我都不确定自己是不是真的戒了。

It wasn't until Christmas I didn't talk about being sober once that whole time, that whole month, because I didn't know if I was sober.

我从来没说过‘我戒酒了’。

I never said I'm sober.

我从来没说过‘这是我的戒酒日期’。

I never said, here's my sobriety date.

我结束了。

I'm done.

从来都不是那样的。

It was never anything like that.

我没提这件事，因为我很困惑。

I didn't talk about it because I was confused.

我当时都不知道发生了什么。

Didn't I know what was going on.

然后在圣诞节期间，我记得告诉妈妈：‘妈妈，我觉得我戒酒了。’

And then during Christmas, I remember telling my mom, hey mom, I think I'm sober.

我妈妈并不知道情况有多严重，所以她只是说：‘好的，太棒了。’

And my mom didn't know how bad it was, so she was like, okay, awesome.

然后直到大概整整一年后，我才开始跟别人说：‘我戒酒了。’

And then it wasn't until maybe literally a year later that I started to talk to people and say, hey, I'm sober.

我在戒酒的过程中，甚至都没意识到自己正在戒酒。

I didn't even know that I was getting sober while I was getting sober.

这太疯狂了。

It's so insane.

这太不可思议了。

It's so wild.

我讲这些是为了告诉你们，耶稣把我从一个非常可怕的地方拯救了出来。

And I say all that to say you guys that I Jesus pulled me out of a really scary place.

以我的情况来说，没有康复中心、没有匿名戒酒会、没有某种计划，你是不可能好转的，你不可能自己好起来。

And in my position, you do not get better without rehab or without AA or without a program or something like, you don't just get better.

从那以后，我与焦虑的斗争花了很长时间才愈合。

And my journey with anxiety after that took a long time to heal.

但我有苏格拉底，他经常和我一起祷告。

But I had Socrates who prayed with me very often.

他是我与耶稣之间的纽带，因为那时我还不真正认识耶稣，但我有一个人。

He was my connection to Jesus, cause I didn't really know Jesus for myself yet, but I had somebody.

如果你能有一个人，就不要忽视哪怕只有一个人愿意陪伴你、为你祷告，因为他们的祷告会支撑你，直到你变得坚强。

And if you just have one person, do not neglect having even one person that will be there for you, that prays for you, because their prayers will carry you until you're strong enough.

所以我讲这些，是想说，我简直不敢相信，今天我站在这里，已经戒酒快六年了，这六年里从未产生过一次渴望。

So I say all of this to say that I can't believe I'm standing here today, almost six years sober, never craved it one time in six years.

刚开始戒断的那一个星期有点不一样，但我不觉得自己是个正在康复的酒鬼，因为我已经康复了。

That first week of going through withdrawals is a little bit different, but like, I don't even consider myself a recovering alcoholic because I'm not recovering.

从那天起，我就已经康复了。

I've been recovered that day, I recovered.

靠着耶稣。

By Jesus.