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好的。
Okay.
本集由No CD赞助播出。
This episode is brought to you by No CD.
你们有没有在敬拜时突然冒出过令人压力巨大的、不想要的想法？
Have you guys ever had a really stressful unwanted thought pop up during worship?
也许这些想法让你觉得需要重新开始祷告，因为不够正确或完美，让你充满羞耻感，或因觉得冒犯了上帝而产生沉重的内疚。
Maybe it made you feel like you needed to start your prayer over because it wasn't right or perfect, filled you with shame or caused crushing guilt because it felt like it offended God.
很多人会有这样的想法，包括我和Ang。
A lot of people have thoughts like these, including me and Ang.
相信我们，我们知道这些想法有多可怕、多让人感到孤立。
And trust us, we know how scary and isolating they can be to struggle with.
它们甚至可能引发强迫行为，比如不断寻求保证、惩罚自己、反复出现负面想法，或担心自己祷告方式不正确。
They can even leave to compulsive behavior like constantly asking for reassurance, punishing yourself or having bad thoughts or worrying about participating in religious practices like praying incorrectly.
但对我们来说，有些事情发生了改变。
But here's what changed for us.
了解到这些想法并不是性格缺陷，也不是信仰薄弱的表现。
Learning that these thoughts aren't character flaws or signs of weak faith.
它们可能是宗教强迫症的症状，也称为虔诚强迫症。
They might be symptoms of religious OCD, also known as scrupulosity.
强迫症常常被误解，所以很多人得知它可能聚焦于宗教时都会感到惊讶。
OCD is really misunderstood, so a lot of people are surprised to learn that it can focus on religion.
但这是真的。
But it's true.
强迫症会纠缠于你深深在乎的任何事物，包括你的信仰。
OCD can latch onto anything you deeply care about, including your faith.
当它发生时，可能会带来毁灭性的后果。
And when it does, it can be devastating.
但仍有希望，因为通过正确的治疗方法，强迫症是可以有效治疗的。
But there's hope because with the right kind of therapy, OCD is highly treatable.
这就是NOCD的用武之地。
That's where NOCD comes in.
通过NOCD，你可以接受专为强迫症设计的虚拟治疗。
With NOCD, you can do a virtual therapy designed specifically for OCD.
这里有持证治疗师，他们深刻理解强迫症，也了解你的信仰以及它在你生活中的重要性。
There are licensed therapists that deeply understand OCD, as well as your faith and how important it is in your life.
他们会帮助你使用暴露与反应预防疗法（ERP）来应对这些想法，这是一种被证实最有效的强迫症治疗方法。
They'll help you work through these thoughts using exposure and response prevention or ERP, a type of specialized therapy that's the most proven treatment for OCD.
NOCD还接受主要的保险计划，包括联合健康保险、安泰、信诺等，并在治疗间隙提供全天候支持。
NOCD also accepts major insurance plans, including UnitedHealthcare, Aetna, Cigna, and more, and provides always on support between your therapy sessions.
如果这些情况对你来说很熟悉，你并不孤单。
If any of these sound familiar, you're not alone.
NOCD可以帮助你。
NOCD can help.
访问nocd.com预约一次免费的十五分钟通话，了解更多详情。
Visit nocd.com to schedule a free fifteen minute call and learn more.
前往nocd.com了解更多信息并预约免费通话。
That's nocd.com to learn more and book a free call.
你好。
Hi.
你好。
Hi.
为什么？
Why?
我们为什么这么奇怪？
Why are we so weird?
天哪，天哪。
Holy, holy.
是的，不，是你之前说的‘嘿，大家好，我是安吉。’
Yeah, no, it was your Hey guys, I'm Ange.
我是R。
And I'm R.
这是《Girls Gone Bible》。
And this is Girls Gone Bible.
我们是一个以信仰为基础的播客，讨论所有与灵性、心理健康相关的话题。
We're a faith based podcast where we talk all things spirituality, mental health.
我们谈论很多内容，并且所有话题都从圣经的角度出发。
We talk about a lot of things and we do everything from a biblical perspective.
我们非常爱耶稣。
We love Jesus so much.
祂拯救了我们的生命，没有祂，我们什么都不是。
He saved our lives and we would be nothing without Him.
你能离开祂生存下去吗？
Can you survive without Him?
我一秒都离不开祂。
I can't survive a second without him.
是的。
Yeah.
我什么都做不了。
I can't do anything.
我想我妈妈会跟我说，你能不能别烦他了？
I think my mom tells me, would you leave him alone?
因为你总是缠着他。
Because you're up his butt.
给他一点时间吧。
Give him a minute.
她真的
She really
确实是这样说的。
does say that.
再说一遍？
Again?
更多与耶稣同在的时间。
More Jesus time.
那与母亲相处的时间呢？
What about mother time?
你能不能让他歇一会儿？
Would you give him a break?
这太好笑了。
It's so funny.
我们绝对是上帝最烦人的孩子。
We are are God's most annoying kids for sure.
是的。
Yeah.
你们都怎么样？
How are you all?
和
With
你能帮我拿一下我的小毯子吗？
Can you grab my blankie?
小毯子？
Blankie?
你的什么？
Your what?
你今天带了你的小毯子？
You brought your blankie today?
谢谢。
Thank you.
你今天为什么带小毯子来？
Why'd you bring your blankie today?
我需要那个。
I need that.
等等，这好可爱。
Wait, that's cute.
这会成为你的新习惯吗？
Is that gonna be your new thing?
我们给大家展示一下小毯子。
We'll show everyone the blankie.
我们不会的，你从出生起就一直带着它。
We're not gonna You've had that since you were born.
是的。
Yeah.
你没有别的吗？你是在医院得到它的吗？
Don't have one You of got it at the hospital?
没有。
No.
是我曾祖母给我做的。
My great grandmother made it for me.
哦，真可爱。
Oh, that's cute.
对。
Yeah.
你洗它吗？
Do you wash it?
对，会洗的。
Yeah, wash it.
没有，只是好奇问问。
No, just wondering.
我不确定
I don't know if
就是，你会洗吗？
it's like Do you wash?
你洗吗？
Do you wash?
你洗漱吗？
Do you wash up?
挺好的。
Doing good.
你怎么样
How are
你怎么样？
you doing?
我很好。
I'm good.
我非常好。
I'm really good.
所以我今天非常兴奋。
So I'm really excited about today.
我们今天也很兴奋，是的。
We're really excited about today, yes.
像你们很多人知道的那样，阿里和我写了一本灵修书，就在这里。
As a lot of you guys know, Ari and I wrote a devotional and it's right here.
我们手里拿着它。
We have it in our hands.
我们今天和下周将用两期节目，大致聊聊这本书，只想带大家逐篇阅读这本灵修书，并谈谈写作时的经历以及很多相关的事情。
And we are gonna spend two episodes today and next week kind of talking about, we just wanna take you through a devotional each and just talk about what it was like writing and just a lot of things about it.
为阿里和我写这本灵修书简直太疯狂了。
So writing this devotional for Ari and I was just insane.
这过程非常有趣、美好，而且充满情感。
It was so fun, it was so beautiful, and it was really emotional.
正如你们很多人知道的，我们之前聊过，但简单来说，这本书包含31篇灵修内容，每一篇都结合了一段经文、我们生活中的一个故事、一个片段——那是阿里和我经历某些事的时刻，我们曾身处旷野，经历过艰难，然后我们会带你们回顾我们犯过的错误、成长中被灌输的错误方式、那些超出我们控制的糟糕经历，以及耶稣在这一切中的位置。
As a lot of you guys know, we've talked about it, but basically it's 31 devotions, 31 of Scripture of a story from our lives, an anecdote, moment in time where Ari and I experienced something, we were in the wilderness, we experienced hardship, and then we kind of take you through like the mistakes that we've made, the wrong ways in which we were brought up, the bad things that happened that were out of our control, and just like where Jesus was in that.
我认为，这是一种非常美好的疗愈方式：回到生命中不同的时刻，直面它们，感受它们，走过它们，然后看见耶稣在其中的位置，你知道吗？
And I think that's just like such a beautiful way to heal is to like go back to different times of your life, address it, feel it, move through it, and then see where Jesus was in that, you know?
是的。
Yeah.
我认为这本书特别之处在于，我们在写作时正身处这些经历之中。
And I think it's it was so what's special about this book is we were in the middle of a lot of what we were writing.
我今天很期待和你们聊聊这本具体的灵修书，因为我知道你们当时也正处在其中。
I'm excited to talk to you today about this specific devotional because I know that you were in the middle of it.
这是一段你们仍在走过的旅程。
It's something you're still walking through.
所以我非常兴奋，因为我知道有很多人正在与这个问题抗争，我相信这本书将祝福并释放许多今天感到不再孤单的人。
And so I'm really excited because I know so many people that are battling this and I just know it's gonna bless and free so many people today knowing they're not alone.
所以我今天很期待和你们聊聊这个，就只是静静地听。
So I'm excited to to talk to you about this today and just just listen.
非常感谢。
Thanks so much.
是的。
Yeah.
是的，今天我想带你们一起看看我的一篇灵修内容。
Yeah, so today I wanna take you guys through one of my devotionals.
灵修还是灵修文章？
Devotions or devotionals?
我想分享的这一篇叫《战胜饮食失调》。
I just wanna, and this one is called Overcoming Disordered Eating.
我，你们中的很多人知道，我一直在经历一段漫长的饮食失调康复之旅。
So I, you, a lot of you know that I've been on a really long journey with disordered eating.
写书最有趣的地方在于，你写完一本书后，一年后你会觉得：我当时要是现在这样，肯定会写得不一样。
And what's so interesting about writing a book is that you write a book and then a year later you're like, I would, I'm in such a different place.
我会写得不一样。
I would write this differently.
我会这么说，其实我现在甚至不认同了。
I'd say this, I actually don't even agree.
不是说我再也不认同这些了，而是我觉得事情的方式变了。
Not that I don't agree with this anymore, but like I would, I think about things differently.
我与耶稣的关系，当然希望已经成长、深化并更加稳固，人就是会不同，会成熟。
My relationship with Jesus obviously, hopefully has progressed and developed and established more that you're just different, you mature.
所以当我回看这篇关于饮食失调的灵修文章时，我意识到我当时是基于那个时刻的状态在写作。
And so I look back on even this devotional about disordered eating and I was writing from the moment in time that I was in.
当你读这篇灵修文章时，你会觉得它充满希望。
And when you read this devotional, you kind of see that it's like, it's hopeful.
其中充满了希望，因为我刚刚经历了不可思议的、超自然的、奇迹般的突破，摆脱了饮食失调，接下来我会讲到这些，还有一些我以前不愿分享、但现在愿意告诉你们的事情。
There's a lot of hope in it because I had just received incredible, supernatural, miraculous breakthrough in my eating disorder, which I will get to and I have some things I wanna tell you guys and some things that I am ready to share that I wasn't ready to share before.
但阿里和我一起录制了这本书的有声书。
But so Ari and I also recorded the audiobook for this.
当我录到有声书的这一部分时，我甚至没有在任何其他部分哭过，对吧？
And when I was doing the audiobook, I got to this part, I didn't even cry in any of them, right?
我并没有因为这些内容而变得特别情绪化。
Like I wasn't over, like super emotional about them.
但当我读到关于饮食失调的灵修内容时，我实际上开始被神感动。
And then I got to this one, my eating disorder devotional, and I actually started to get ministered to by God.
当我朗读时，我感受到神的同在，被神的灵触动。
I started getting touched by the presence of God, by the spirit of God as I was reading.
并不是因为这些是我的话，我为回忆起这些事而情绪激动，而是我自己的话竟被圣灵使用，仿佛这些话不是我写的。
Not because these are my words and I'm emotional about this thing that I'm like recounting, I actually got touched by the Holy Spirit through my own words as if I wasn't the one who wrote them.
我那天走进去的时候，非常需要希望。
I needed hope the day I went in.
哇。
Wow.
我怀着希望写作，因为那时我正是处在这样的状态。
I wrote from a place of hope because that's where I was at.
我心中有希望。
I had hope.
从那以后，有时在经历重大突破后，你会处于一种近乎亢奋的高峰状态，那感觉太棒了。
And since then, sometimes after like big breakthroughs, you're on like a high almost and it's amazing.
但接着你又发现自己陷入另一个困难的境地，然后就忘记了。
And then you then find yourself in a different difficult place and then you forget.
你忘记了上帝带你走出的是什么。
You forget what God brought you out of.
你忘记了那些美好的经历。
You forget the beautiful things that have happened.
于是我读着这些文字，耶稣的希望真的充满了我的心。
And so I'm reading this and like the hope of Jesus actually like fills my heart.
所以我想说的是，我并不是说这本书是你读过的最好的书。
And so I say that to say like, I'm not saying that this is the best book you'll ever read.
我不是说我们是最了不起的作家。
I'm not saying that we're the most incredible writers.
我只想说，这些话是圣灵写的，我们并不是最有才华的人，但圣灵说了话，这些确实是真实的人生故事。
All I'm saying is that the Holy Spirit wrote these words and like, we're not the most gifted people, but like the Holy Spirit spoke and like, these are real life stories.
我只是无法相信神的大能。
And I just, I can't believe like the power of God.
祂通过我自己的话来服侍我，就好像这些话不是我写的似的。
He ministered to me through my own words as if I didn't write them.
哇。
Wow.
你知道，我和那个人根本没有任何联系，纯粹是耶稣在说话。
You know, like I had no connection to the person, like it was just Jesus speaking.
所以，总之，我们想带你稍微了解一下，对吧？
So anyway, so I just we wanna take you through it a little bit, right?
这是第25天。
This is day 25.
这本书叫做《战胜饮食紊乱》，其中包含我提供的一段经文。
It's called overcoming disordered eating and it gives a script I gave a scripture.
这是《撒母耳记上》16:7，耶和华对撒母耳说：‘不要看他的外貌和身高，因为我已经弃绝了他。’
It's first Samuel sixteen:seven, The Lord said to Samuel, do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him.
耶和华不像人那样看事物。
The Lord does not look at the things people look at.
人看的是外貌，但耶和华看的是内心。
People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.
接着《诗篇》139:14说：‘我称谢你，因我受造奇妙可畏。’
And then Psalm one thirty nine fourteen says, I praise you because you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
你的作为何等奇妙。
Your works are wonderful.
我对此深信不疑。
I know that full well.
然后我进一步结合上下文解释我所写的经文，谈到大卫，并继续写道：‘从安吉拉开始，因为阿里会有他的一天，然后我也会有我的一天。’
And then I go on to give an explanation in context about the scriptures that I wrote, talking about David and I go on to write, it says from Angela, because Ari will have a day then I'll have a day.
经文说，我常常想起年幼时的自己，那个远早于应有的年纪就开始关注自己身体的自己。
And it says, I often think of the younger version of myself, the one who began to be aware of her body way earlier than she should have.
一个孩子对着镜子，细细挑剔，指出自己厌恶的每一个地方。
A child looking in the mirror, picking herself apart and pointing out everything she hated about herself.
我曾静坐，与上帝进行过无数次对话，问他为什么，以及这一切何时开始。
I have sat and had so many conversations with God asking him why and when this started.
是谁说了本不该说的话？
Who made a comment they shouldn't have?
是谁评判了我的外貌？
Who judged my appearance?
是谁让我觉得自己不够好？
Who made me feel like I wasn't good enough?
为什么上帝让这种感受伴随了我这么多年？
And how God has it stuck with me all these years later?
我与食物之间复杂的关系，从我有记忆起就已经开始了。
My complicated relationship with food began as early as I can remember.
我从中学开始就尝试极端节食。
I'd started going on crash diets when I was in middle school.
到了高中，我会服用药物来抑制食欲，这样我就不会吃东西。
And in high school I would take medications that would ruin my appetite so I wouldn't eat.
这种情况一直持续到我二十多岁。
This was my and continued until my mid twenties.
我与身体和食物的关系中，经历了一场长达十年的无声战争。
I've battled a decade long silent war in my relationship to my body and to food.
然后，接下来我们会引导你祷告，并留出空间让你写下自己的祷告和想法。
And so, and then it goes on and then we have a part where then we lead you in prayer and then there's like space for you to write your own prayer and your own thoughts.
是的，你们很多人知道，我一直在与食物、身材焦虑以及我与身体和食物的关系进行一场极其艰难的斗争。
And yeah, a lot of you know that I've had a really, really crazy battle just with food and body image and just like my relationship to my body and my relationship to food.
这真的很难。
And it's been really hard.
而且，回顾我一生中做过的一些事情，我感到非常羞愧。
And like, when there is I've done a lot of things in my life that I'm ashamed of.
羞耻感真的很奇怪，因为你可能会为一些别人根本无法理解的事情感到羞耻。
And shame is so funny because you can be ashamed of things that other people are like, why are you so ashamed of that?
这其中附带着大量的羞耻感。
There's so much shame attached.
我现在可以整天谈论我的过去。
Like, I could talk about my past all day long now.
在那段关于羞耻和过去的经历中，我的心变得开放，意识到我必须说出这些事。
Something happened in that like shame and past episode where just my heart was open to the fact that like, I have to I have to like talk about things.
朋友们，爱一个人是一回事，但为他们做规划是另一回事。
You guys, loving people is one thing, but planning for them is another.
老实说，保险和财务事务可能让人感到无比压垮，这就是我们喜欢Policygenius的原因。
And honestly, insurance and financial stuff can feel so overwhelming, and that's why we love Policygenius.
他们并不是一家保险公司。
They're not an insurance company.
他们是一个平台，能帮你免费对比顶级保险公司的报价。
They're a marketplace that helps you compare quotes from top insurers side by side for free.
他们的许可团队实际上为你服务，回答你的问题，处理文书工作。
Their license team actually works for you, answers your questions, handles the paperwork.
这整个过程因此变得轻松得多，也远没那么令人困惑。
It just makes the whole thing feel lighter and way less confusing.
它带给你真正的成年人般的安心感。
It gives you peace of mind, like real grown up peace of mind.
规划这一年吧，因为你已经保护了你所建立的一切。
Plan the year knowing you've protected what you've built.
通过 Policygenius，你可以查看是否能找到每年仅276美元起的20年期人寿保险，保额达100万美元。
With Policygenius, you can see if you can find twenty year life insurance policies starting at just $276 a year for $1,000,000 in coverage.
前往 policygenius.com/ggb 比较顶级保险公司的寿险报价，看看你能省下多少。
Head to policygenius.com/ggb to compare life insurance quotes from top companies and see how much you could save.
那就是 policygenius.com/ggb。
That's policygenius.com/ggb.
是的。
Yeah.
我得谈论一些非常令人难堪的事情。
I have to talk about things that are like so shameful.
就像在对话中，有些事情是你不会分享的，但恰恰是那些你需要分享的事情，你懂吗？
Like if there's something that you are in a conversation and it's the one thing that you don't share, like it's the one thing you need to share, you know?
所以我打了将近十年的仗，想想这十年里我所经历的一切，以及一路上会有几个人知道、被告知甚至发现，真是太疯狂了。
And so I battled a almost ten year long battle and it is so just insane to think about all that I went through in almost ten years and how along the way a couple people would know, couple people would be told or even like find out.
但大部分时候，它都是悄无声息的。
But for the most part, like it was silent.
那完全是，我一个人在经历这件事。
It was completely, I was alone in it.
我没有告诉任何人，主要是因为我怕有人会试图劝我停下来。
I didn't tell anybody, mostly because I didn't want anybody to try to get me to stop.
你懂我的意思吧？
Like, you know what I mean?
是的。
Yeah.
我不希望任何人知道，我感到深深的羞耻。
I didn't want anybody and I was just so deeply ashamed.
你知道，我经历了整整十年一场疯狂的斗争，现在我简直不敢相信自己竟然在谈论这件事。
You know, went through just a really insane battle for ten years that I can't even believe I'm talking about.
我一直以为，这是我永远不会说出口的事情。
I thought it was the one thing that I would never talk about.
我为你感到无比骄傲。
I'm so proud of you.
我爱你。
I love you.
这对我来说太羞耻了，现在依然如此。
It's just so, it was so shameful for me and it still is.
这感觉太丢人了。
It feels so embarrassing.
我当时只是讨厌它，这是一种上瘾。
And I was just, I hated it and it was an addiction.
这是一种成瘾，也是我一直在挣扎的控制问题。
It was an addiction and it was like the control that I struggle with.
我到了一个地步，觉得我们的身体本应具备身心连接。
I got to a point like our bodies are meant to have like a mind body connection.
是的。
Yeah.
你的大脑知道你什么时候饱了，什么时候饿了，但当你患有饮食失调时，你就切断了这种联系。
Like your mind, your brain knows when you're full, your brain knows when you're hungry, and when you suffer with eating disorders, like you you cut off that connection.
所以，直到今天，我仍然没有完整的身心连接，无法感知身体发出的饥饿或饱足信号。
So my, and still to this day, I don't have full mind body connection where my body gets like foods like cues that like you're hungry or you're full.
哇。
Wow.
我可以吃一根香蕉，吃任何东西，甚至吃一根蛋白棒，却感觉像刚吃完一顿三道菜的大餐。
I can eat a banana, I can eat anything, I can eat a protein bar and like feel like I've just had a three course meal.
我没有其他人那种感知能力。
I don't have that connection that other people do.
为什么会这样？
Why is that?
因为你只是在虐待自己的身体。
Because you're just you like abuse your body.
当你虐待身体时，你就切断了这种联系，因为你没有让身体去做它本来该做的正常事情。
When you abuse your body, you just you sever it because you're not letting your body allowing your body to do the normal thing that it does.
你是不是感到非常羞愧，以至于甚至都没跟上帝提起过？
Were you in so much shame that you didn't even talk to God about it?
在我与耶稣关系的最初几年里，那件事几乎是我觉得更重要的事，我有更紧迫的问题要处理。
It wasn't until I my first few years of my relationship with Jesus, I was, it was like the one thing, it was almost like I had bigger fish to fry.
对。
Right.
对。
Right.
所以我当时非常焦虑。
So I was like, I was so anxious.
我有太多的焦虑。
I had so much anxiety.
我当时精神状态非常糟糕，直到大概25、26岁的时候，他才开始对我说话，告诉我：我们必须面对这个问题，对吧？
I was so like mentally unwell that that was just like, it wasn't until probably I was like 25, 26 where he started to speak and be like, this, we have to address this, we have to, right?
他给了我耐心和恩典，但那段时间真的太疯狂了。
Like he gave me patience and grace, but I, it was just so, it was just so crazy.
所以我想带你们回顾一下，我昨天翻到了我的日记，那段时间我只坚持了七个月的日记，我需要重新开始写日记，因为我从中发现了关于自己的很多东西。
So I wanna take you guys through, I got my journal yesterday and I've only journaled for this one period of time for like seven months and I need to start journaling again because discovered so much about myself.
我在最后一次呕吐后大约三个月写了这篇灵修笔记。
So I write this devotional right after, maybe like three months after, I didn't throw up for the last time or I threw up for the last time.
我为此禁食祷告了大概一年。
I had fasted and prayed for probably a year about this.
就像对待酒精一样，我为它祷告了六个月，之后就得到了释放，从此再也没有喝过。
So just like with alcohol, I prayed for six months before I was delivered from it and it never I never drank again.
这指的是什么？
What was this?
那就是酒精的问题。
So that was the alcohol.
这应该是我记不清确切日期的时候，但我已经努力了很久。
This would have been I don't have the exact date, but I was trying for a long time.
我努力了一年。
I was trying for a year.
我会连续几周不做，甚至一个月都不做，但之后又会重蹈覆辙，这些我都写在日记里。
I would go a couple, I would go weeks without doing it, I would go a month without doing it, and then I'd fall back into it and I write about it in my journal.
这就像一个循环，我一直在努力摆脱，不想再这样下去。
It was just like this, it was this cycle and I was trying not to, I was trying to break free.
我长期祷告和禁食，因为这已经深深融入了我的本质，不是简单地‘停止’就能解决的。
And I was praying and I was fasting for a long time because it was so deeply ingrained in who I was that it wasn't just an option of just like stop.
这就是我本身。
This it was who I was.
它是我日常生活中的一部分。
It was a part of my everyday.
我的思维变得...我不了解饮食失调背后的所有心理学知识，但我只想读几段日记。
My mind became and I don't know all the psychology behind eating disorders, but I just wanna read a couple of these.
这是2024年2月2日。
This is 02/02/2024.
所以这大概是一年零三个月前的事了。
So this was a year and like three months ago now.
昨晚是我的生日晚餐，然后……我没有吐感叹号，我们现在在纳什维尔。
So last night was my birthday dinner and dot dot dot, I didn't throw up exclamation points, we're in Nashville here.
哇。
Wow.
我完全不知道这些事。
And I had no idea any of this.
是的。
Yeah.
所以艾丽当时还不知道这件事。
So Ari didn't know this yet.
我其实最近才告诉了她？
I actually told her Recently?
我是在确定自己已经战胜了它之后才告诉她的，因为在此之前我无法向任何人说起，我根本不确定它会不会复发。
I told her after I couldn't tell anybody until I knew I beat it because I I was so I didn't know if it would come back.
我不知道自己是否还会再犯。
I didn't know if, you know, I would ever do it again.
所以我一直等到确信自己真的已经好了，是的。
And so I waited until I knew for sure that like, yeah.
所以我最近才告诉了Ari，那时我深陷羞耻，甚至不敢告诉最好的朋友。
So I told Ari recently, was so deep in shame that I couldn't even tell my best friend.
我感到如此羞愧。
That's how much I was just so embarrassed.
我简直不敢相信这件事发生在纳什维尔。
I can't believe this was in Nashville.
我的心。
My heart.
是的。
Yeah.
所以我当时说，我拼命想摆脱它，你知道，我真的不想那样做。
So I said, I was trying so hard to get free, like, I, you know, I didn't wanna do it.
我当时想，我们当时在纳什维尔一起，然后
I was like We were in Nashville together and
对。
Yeah.
我哥哥那里，记得我们去送行，然后和艾莉和艾什莉去了那家餐厅吗？
On my brother, remember we went to the Send and we went to that restaurant with Allie and Ashley?
我为自己感到非常骄傲。
I was so proud of myself.
我正在努力克服进食的问题，吃了一顿饭后没有呕吐，这太不可思议了。
I was working through like eating a meal and then not throw like, it's crazy.
昨晚是我生日晚餐，非常棒。
So last night was my birthday dinner and it was really cool.
我感受到了圣灵的充满，感觉非常好。
I felt the Holy Spirit's empowerment and it felt really good.
我只是感到一种平静。
I just felt a calmness about it.
每当有想法出现，圣灵都会立刻将其拆毁。
Like every time a thought came, the Holy Spirit tore it down immediately.
耶稣，如果你能在这事上帮助我就好了，让我不要过于关注负面，因为我看到你已经如此多地动工，我非常感恩。
If you could just help me in this area though, Jesus, so I don't focus too much on the negative because I see so much how, because I see so much how you have moved so much and I'm so grateful.
我知道今天是我的生日，但吃完饭后我的胃不舒服。
Like I know it's my birthday but my stomach hurt after.
我不想有这样的感觉。
I don't wanna feel like that.
耶稣，你能帮助我吗？
Can you help me on that Jesus?
像外科医生一样，进入我的大脑。
Like a surgeon, go into my brain.
你能训练我的大脑，让我在胀气时不要那么焦虑吗？
Can you train my brain not to stress so much when I'm bloated?
其实这根本没那么严重。
Like it's really not that big of a deal.
然后我就继续往前走。
And then I go forward.
那时我在纳什维尔，经历了大概几个月的时间，我爱你。
And then this was a moment where, so I was in Nashville and I had like gone through I think a couple of months, I love you.
这太不可思议了。
It's crazy.
我经历了大概几个月的自由感，然后就在这一刻，我跌倒了。
I had gone through a couple of months of I think I was free, and then this is a moment where I fell.
朋友们，我们非常兴奋要向大家介绍我们的赞助商——Avocado Green Mattress。
Guys, we're so excited to tell you about our sponsor, Avocado Green Mattress.
他们生产的认证有机床垫、枕头和实木家具，不含任何有害化学物质，选用精心挑选的材料，旨在支持更健康的生活和更恢复性的睡眠。
They're certified organic mattresses, pillows, and solid wood furniture are made without harmful chemicals with thoughtfully chosen materials designed to support healthier living and more restorative sleep.
当我想到健康时，我想到的是那些日积月累的日常小事，比如睡眠。
And when I think about wellness, I think about the daily stuff that actually adds up, like sleep.
升级到使用真正有机材料制成的床垫，就像选择天然食物而非加工食品一样。
And upgrading to a mattress made with real organic materials feels like choosing real food over processed.
它在现实生活中就是表现得更好。
It just performs better in real life.
比如，你会更有耐心，更友善，焦虑感也会减少。
Like, you'll be more patient, you'll be kinder, and you'll be less anxious.
当你睡眠不好时，你会觉得所有事情都比实际更沉重。
And when you're not sleeping well, you know that everything feels heavier than it needs to be.
很神奇的是，我们会关注健康的各个方面——精神上、情感上、身体上，却忘了睡眠才是这一切的基础。
And it's wild how we'll work on every part of our wellness, spiritually, emotionally, physically, but we forget that sleep is kind of the foundation of it all.
所以如果你想让睡眠环境更有规划性，而不仅仅是关注就寝时间，你会爱上Avocado Green床垫的。
So if you're trying to be more intentional with your sleep environment, not just bedtime, you will love Avocado Green mattress.
他们经过认证的有机床垫、枕头和实木家具均采用精心挑选的材料制成，不含任何有害化学物质，旨在支持更健康的生活和更具恢复性的睡眠。
Their certified organic mattresses, pillows, and solid wood furniture are made without harmful chemicals with thoughtfully chosen materials designed to support healthier living and more restorative sleep.
他们专注于真正的有机材料，没有任何合成捷径，这意味着每晚休息时更透气、更舒适，环境也更洁净。
They focus on real organic materials, no synthetic shortcuts, which means it's more breathable, more comfortable, and just a cleaner space to rest every night.
这种小小的升级，悄然为你的日常生活带来了巨大的改变。
It feels like one of those small upgrades that quietly makes a massive difference in your everyday life.
所以说到你睡觉的床垫，伙计们，真正的胜利。
So when it comes to what you sleep on guys, real wins.
真实的东西更好。
Real is better.
前往 avocado green mattress dot com slash g g b 查看他们的床垫和床上用品促销活动。
Go to avocado green mattress dot com slash g g b to check out their mattress and bedding sale.
网址是 avocadogreenmattress.com/ggb。
That's avocadogreenmattress.com/ggb.
avocadogreenmattress.com/ggb。
Avocadogreenmattress.com/ggb.
再次推荐。
Into it again.
这是2024年2月6日。
This is 02/06/2024.
嗨，耶稣，我几乎感觉自己是垂头丧气地来找你的。
Hi Jesus, I almost feel like I'm coming to you with my tail between my legs.
我在纳什维尔过了生日，那一整周都没有呕吐。
So I had my birthday in Nashville and I did not throw up the whole week.
这简直太棒了。
It was absolutely incredible.
我感受到了圣灵的强大力量。
I felt such an empowerment from the Holy Spirit.
我只是觉得我已经战胜了它。
I just felt like I had overcome it.
那个念头会出现在我脑海中，但随后就自然过去了。
The thought would come into my mind and then it would just pass by.
我没有感到失控。
I didn't feel out of control.
但后来，我说不清楚具体是什么，但我正在听一通关于家人的电话，这让我很难受。
But then, I can't say exactly what it was, but I was listening to a phone call about a family member that was really hard for me.
于是我被深深触发了，我的焦虑被激发了，我立刻想找个地方，一个能真正帮助我的地方，
And so I got really triggered, my anxiety got triggered and it's, I wanted right to go somewhere that would Right,
帮助，帮助它，真的能提振精神。
help help it really boost help.
是的。
Yeah.
然后我心里展开了激烈的挣扎。
And then there was such a wrestle within my heart.
我上了车，仍然在内心挣扎。
I got in the car and I was still wrestling.
我在脑子里反复思考和权衡。
I was contemplating and debating in my head.
想到这些，真的让人感到很难过。
It's honestly really sad to think about.
我不想去这么做。
I didn't wanna do it.
我本想避免，但有人给我打了电话。
I was trying not to, but then someone called me.
这简直是完美风暴。
It was the perfect storm.
这个人出了点事，直接让我崩溃了。
Something happened with this person and it just sent me over the edge.
我不是在找借口，但那真的太痛苦了。
I'm not using it as an excuse, but it was miserable.
我今天还在为此付出代价。
I'm paying for it today.
充满了羞愧和内疚。
So much shame and guilt.
天啊，我有个问题。
Jesus, I have a question.
我没有毁掉所有的进展，对吧？
I didn't ruin all the progress, right?
我仍然可以拥有圣灵的权能。
I can still have that empowerment from the Holy Spirit.
我为罪悔改，离弃它。
I repent from the sin, I turn from it.
主耶稣，请赦免我。
I ask for your forgiveness, Lord Jesus.
天父，请赦免我，并现在差遣你的圣灵来帮助我。
Please forgive me, Father, and now send me your Holy Spirit to help me.
我靠自己做不到。
I can't do this on my own.
耶稣，我需要你。
I need you Jesus.
我需要你的帮助。
I need your help.
我现在奉耶稣的名宣告并声明，我已摆脱了非此即彼的心态。
I decree and declare right now that I am free from the all or nothing mentality in Jesus name.
然后，好吧。
And then Okay.
杰西，你
Jesse, do you
有纸巾吗？
have tissues?
这太让人难过了。
That's so sad.
我知道。
I know.
天哪。
Oh my god.
我需要感受一下。
I need to feel that.
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谢谢。
Thank you.
我知道。
I know.
我知道你本来要读那个。
I know you were gonna read that.
对不起。
I'm sorry.
我记录了我整个的挣扎和全部的困难。
It's I documented my whole wrestle and my whole struggle.
哇。
Wow.
这真是一场激烈的斗争。
It was such a fight.
我一直在抗争，感觉像是在为生命而战。
I was fight it felt like I was fighting for my life.
我简直不敢相信我竟然不知道这件事。
I can't believe I I didn't know it.
我
I
知道。
know.
没关系。
It's okay.
你对这个没问题吧？
Are you okay with this?
是的。
Yeah.
好的。
Okay.
当你读到这些时，真让人震惊，敌人是如何利用羞耻感来运作的。
It's crazy when you when you read that how much just how the enemy works with the shame.
就这样，没关系，对吧？
Being like, it's okay, right?
你看，我已经有进步了。
Like, I made progress.
我会被惩罚吗？
Am I gonna be punished?
我忏悔。
I repent.
是的。
Yeah.
对。
Yeah.
所以羞耻循环就是，羞耻是致命的。
It's so the shame cycle is shame is a killer.
致命的。
A killer.
每次照镜子，我都会被提醒自己在做什么，以及自己无法掌控的事情。
And I am, like, I look every time I looked in the mirror, was reminded of what I was doing and what I didn't have control over.
我因为虚荣心而讨厌自己的样子。
And I hated how I looked for vanity purposes.
我当时真的很痛苦。
Like, I was miserable.
我记得我曾经告诉你，我会说我觉得自己好丑，却不告诉你原因，而你会问：你在说什么？
Remember I would tell you, I'd be like, I feel so ugly and I wouldn't tell you why and you'd be like, what are you talking about?
我会说：我讨厌自己的脸。
I'd be like, I hate my face.
我讨厌自己的样子，这就是为什么会发生这些事。
Like, I hate how I look and like, that's why this was happening.
2月18日，我说：耶稣啊，我饮食控制得真不错。
And February 18, I said, Jesus, I was doing so good with the eating.
我会吃正餐，试着尝一口每样东西，然后就停在那里。
I was having meals, trying a bite of everything and then leaving it at that.
然后突然间，我一下子放任了。
And then all of a sudden, I let it happen at once.
接着我就完全失控了。
And then it's like, I fully lose control.
我开始留意并观察发生了什么。
I'm starting to like study and watch what happens.
这真的就像圣经里说的，当七个污鬼回来时变得更强大了，但情况正在好转。
It really is the scripture when where when the seven come back stronger, but it is getting better.
我可以这么说。
That I can say.
但羞耻和内疚感也在不断增强。
But also the shame and guilt are getting stronger as well.
尽管这很糟糕，但我认为这是好事。
And as awful as it is, I'm thinking it's a good thing.
我很高兴自己之后看待自己的方式不同了。
I'm glad that I see myself differently afterwards.
它正变得越来越少。
It's becoming less and less.
我们正在战胜它，地狱对此非常愤怒。
We're beating it and hell is so mad about it.
谢谢你为我所做的一切，耶稣。
Thank you for all you do for me, Jesus.
说实话，我喜欢当队友的感觉。
Seriously, I love being teammates.
我喜欢成为耶稣的队友。
I love being team Jesus.
我喜欢我们的关系。
I love our relationship.
我爱你。
I love you.
然后第二天，我说：父啊，我这两天吃得很糟糕。
And then the next day I said, father, I had two rough days of eating.
我对自己脸上的浮肿感到非常不自信和尴尬。
I'm feeling super insecure and self conscious about my face, the puffiness.
你觉得呢？
What do you think?
我们能不能把羞耻和内疚都去掉，让我重新开始，让我成为一个被爱的人，让我祈求耶稣奇迹般地医治我，让我不再浮肿。
Can we take away the shame and guilt and have me start over fresh and have me a hun and have me I wanted Jesus to miraculous me make me not puffy.
我希望他能这么做，他说了，我也问了：这是否是一个好的提醒，让我以后不要再这样？
I wanted him to like, and he said, and I said, or is it a good reminder to not do it again?
我当时处于一种状态，没有接受他的爱。
I was in this like, I wasn't accepting his love.
我没有接受恩典。
I wasn't accepting grace.
我以为他是在惩罚我。
I thought that he I thought that he was punishing me.
于是我让自己承受了本该由他施加的惩罚。
And I was like inflicting his punishment on myself.
我当时还不明白，他其实说：我非常爱你。
Like I didn't understand yet that he's like, I love you so much.
过来吧，让我来处理这一切。
Just come, let me take care of it.
我觉得我活该受惩罚。
I was like, I deserve punishment.
我在这里。
I'm here.
我甚至对他是谁都没有正确的认识。
Like I didn't even have a right understanding of who he was.
哇。
Wow.
这难道不疯狂吗？
Isn't it so crazy?
所以这是2月22日。
So this is February 22.
天啊，没有你，我真的活在人间地狱。
God, without you, I truly live in hell on earth.
这简直太疯狂了。
Like it's actually insane.
身在纽约，就是我们待在纽约的时候。
Being here in New York, that's when we're in New York.
身在纽约本该感觉开心，但我真的感到痛苦、被束缚。
Being here in New York should have felt fun, but I truly feel miserable, bound.
天啊，我被暴食深深束缚，这都写在我的脸上，简直要把我毁了。
God, I've been so bound by binging and I'm wearing it on my face and it's absolutely killing me.
当我看着自己时，我看到了罪恶。
I see the sin when I look at myself.
我觉得自己丑陋，但我认为我活该有这样的感受。
I feel hideous, but I feel like I deserve to feel this way.
耶稣啊，我羞愧难当，为大峡谷大学感到羞愧——这是一所位于亚利桑那州风景如画的凤凰城的负担得起的私立基督教大学，提供超过360个以行业和学生学习成果为导向的学术项目。
Jesus, I'm so ashamed, so much shame for Grand Canyon University is an affordable private Christian university in beautiful Phoenix, Arizona, offering over 360 academic programs informed by industry and student learning outcomes.
除了联邦补助和援助外，GCU的在校学生在2024年获得了约1.96亿美元的奖学金。
In addition to federal grants and aid, GCU's on campus students received approximately a $196,000,000 in scholarships in 2024.
平均而言，本科生毕业时的联邦和私人贷款债务比私立非营利四年制大学的学生少约6200美元，许多人还有机会在四年以内毕业。
On average, undergraduate students graduate with approximately $6,200 less federal and private loan debt than students at private nonprofit four year universities, and many have the opportunity to graduate in less than four years.
作为美国规模最大的大学之一，GCU位列美国前25名最佳校园之一。
One of the country's largest universities, GCU is ranked among the top 25 college campuses in America.
访问 gcu.edu/myoffer 查看您有资格申请哪些奖学金。
Visit gcu.edu/myoffer to see what scholarships you may qualify for.
符合条件的高中高年级学生和转学生可从全国任何地方预约免费参观。
Admissible high school seniors and transfer students can schedule a complimentary visit from anywhere in the country.
在GCU找到你的目标。
Find your purpose at GCU.
私立、基督教、实惠。
Private, Christian, affordable.
访问 gcu.edu/myoffer。
Visit gcu.edu/myoffer.
所有的沉迷，完全失控。
All the binging, absolutely out of control.
我知道我不会被附身，因为有圣灵，但真的感觉就像被附身一样。
I know I can't be possessed because of the Holy Spirit, but it literally feels like possession.
耶稣，请帮助我，我渴望遵从你的命令。
Please Jesus, I want to obey your command.
我憎恨这种罪。
I hate this sin.
我不想要它。
I don't want it.
我恳求你，天父。
I'm begging you, Father.
你知道我最爱什么吗？
You know what I love?
我从未与天父建立过正确的关系，但每当我在这方面的需要中，我都会向天父祷告。
I've never had a right relationship with the Father, but I always talked to the Father when I needed him in this area.
就像我知道的，我知道他会来，也知道他会这么做。
Like I knew, I knew he'd come and I knew he'd do it.
结束这一切，终止这种有害的暴食循环。
Bring it to a close, put an end to this toxic cycle of bingeing.
我需要帮助。
I need help.
我把这一切交托给你，告诉你没有你我无法战胜它。
I surrender this to you and I tell you that I can't overcome it without you.
我没有力量，也没有工具。
I don't have the strength or the tools.
天父，我求你为我开一条逃脱的路。
Father, I'm asking you to provide the way for escape for me.
赐给我所需的工具和资源。
Bring me the tools and resources.
赐给我所需要的帮助。
Bring me the help I need.
帮我。
Help me.
我已经走到了自己的尽头。
I've I've come to the end of myself.
我当时完全失控了。
I was so out of control.
我再也不想面对这种情况了。
I never wanna deal with this again.
我说过，不要移开你的手。
I said, don't remove your hand.
耶稣，用你的血遮盖我。
Cover me in Ari, Jesus.
保护我们。
Protect us.
用你的脚遮盖我们。
Cover us in your foot.
一直都是你。
It was always you.
父亲，不要从我的生命中移开你的手。
Don't remove your hand from my life, father.
耶稣，我需要你。
I need you, Jesus.
他曾以为，我以为他会把他的手拿开，我知道。
He thought, I thought that he was gonna remove his hand I from know.
我曾以为
My He thought
他对你非常生气。
he was so mad at you.
我以为他因为这件事恨我。
I thought he hated me for this.
耶稣，我需要你，把我带近一些。
I need you Jesus, bring me close.
我保持纯洁，我保持顺服。
I'm staying pure, I'm staying obedient.
我保持纯洁，耶稣。
I'm staying pure Jesus.
请不要将你的手从我身上移开。
Please don't take your hand from me.
亲爱的耶稣，上帝，我如此迫切地需要你。
Dear Jesus, God, I need you so badly.
我怎样才能摆脱这个坚固的营垒？
How do I get this stronghold off of me?
求求你耶稣，帮助我获得帮助。
Please Jesus, help me get help.
我该告诉谁？
Who do I tell?
求求你耶稣，直到现在你一直在所有事情上帮助我。
Please Jesus, you've helped me with everything up until now.
我泪流满面地给一位基督教咨询师打了电话。
I just called a Christian counselor with tears in my eyes.
我确实感到一丝希望。
I actually feel a little bit of hope.
我看到了一点希望的曙光。
I feel a glimmer of hope.
真的有人能从这种状况中康复吗？
Do people actually ever recover from this?
我独自一人与严重的饮食失调作斗争。
I am battling a violent eating disorder alone.
没有一个人知道这件事。
Not a single person knows it.
是时候结束了。
It's time to end.
我受够了这种羞耻感。
I'm so tired of feeling shame.
我不再愿意活在秘密中了。
I am done with living in secrecy.
魔鬼对我的控制即将结束。
The enemy's hold on me is coming to an end.
我奉拿撒勒人耶稣的名斥责撒旦。
I rebuke Satan in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth.
我正在战胜这一切。
I am overcoming this.
耶稣，请除掉这罪恶。
Kill the sin, Jesus.
除掉这瘾。
Kill the addiction.
主啊，我非常爱你。
I love you so much, Lord.
3月7日，我非常爱你，上帝。
March 7, I love you so much, God.
谢谢你成为这样的你。
Thank you for who you are.
哇。
Wow.
昨晚晚饭后我差点暴食，但你赐予我力量让我没有那样做。
I almost binged after dinner last night and I received empowerment from you not to.
我确实靠着你的灵的力量战胜了诱惑。
I literally overcame the temptation through power from your spirit.
那种感觉真好。
It was such a good feeling.
抵挡魔鬼，他就必离开你们逃跑了。
Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
你们所遇见的试探，无非是人所能受的。
No temptation has overtaken you that is uncommon to man.
罪就伏在门前，渴望控制你，但你必须制服它，成为它的主人。
Sin is crouching out the door, eager to control you but you must subdue it and become its master.
我只是在重复圣经经文。
I'm just repeating scripture.
这是什么时候的事？
When was this?
那是3月7日。
That was March 7.
所以这离我戒掉之前大约有一个月。
So this is about a month before I stop.
我不确定这是什么时候，这是一段时间以后了。
I don't know when this is, this is a little while later.
嗨，上帝，今天正是坦然无惧地来到恩典宝座前的写照。
Hi God, Today is the definition of coming boldly to the throne of grace.
我需要怜悯。
I need mercy.
我需要帮助。
I need help.
耶稣，过去几天我真的失败了。
Jesus, I've really failed the past few days.
我的脸几乎都变形了。
My face is practically disfigured.
我感到羞愧得想从皮肤里爬出来。
I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin with shame.
我非常失望，感觉完全失控了。
I'm so disappointed and I feel so out of control.
我需要你。
I need you.
我需要圣灵。
I need the Holy Spirit.
我需要帮助。
I need help.
我匍匐在你面前，额头贴地，破碎而羞愧地来到你跟前。
I'm coming to you on my hands and knees, nose to the floor, broken and ashamed.
但我并没有逃离你。
But I'm not running from you.
我正来到你面前。
I'm coming to you.
我需要你，天父。
I need you, father.
请用你的双臂环抱我。
Please wrap your arms around me.
父啊，请将我从中解脱出来。
Release me from the shame, father.
消灭这罪。
Kill the sin.
赐我自制力。
Give me self control.
神啊，我今天领受你的帮助。
I receive your help today, God.
我为罪悔改。
I repent from the sin.
我憎恨它。
I hate it.
它是我的敌人。
It is my enemy.
我憎恨它。
I hate it.
我离弃它，永不回头。
And I turn from it, never to return again.
哇。
Wow.
到4月2日，神啊，我们将一同战胜所有的罪与试探。
By April 2, God together we'll overcome every sin and temptation.
谢谢你医治我的暴食症，暴食症，饮食失调。
Thank you for healing my eating dysoria, dysoria, eating disorder.
这片领域永远在耶稣的宝血覆盖之下。
This area stays under the blood of Jesus.
因他受的鞭伤，我得医治。
By his stripes I am healed.
行神迹的耶稣。
Miracle working Jesus.
而我再也没有写过关于它的事。
And I never wrote about it again.
这就是你战胜某事的方式。
So that is how you beat something.
这就是你坚持斗争的方式。
That's how you fight through something.
就像我昨天读到这个时，感觉像在经历地狱，但我不断尝试，不断前进，不断告诉自己，我知道我会战胜这个。
You like I was reading this yesterday and feeling like I was going through hell and I kept trying and I kept going and I kept saying, know, I know I'm gonna beat this.
我知道耶稣会释放我。
I know Jesus is gonna free me.
这并不是一夜之间发生的。
And it didn't happen overnight.
我为这段仿佛无比漫长的经历奋力抗争，通过禁食、祷告、跌倒、再爬起，这一切简直难以置信。
I fought so hard for what felt like a really long time and through fasting and prayer and falling down and getting back up and it's just so insane.
首先，
First of
我只想感谢你，因为你可能不了解，她告诉我这件事本身就是她必须面对的最艰难的事之一。
all, I just want to thank you because you don't understand like her even telling me was one of the hardest things she had to do.
所以，今天你能坐在这里，读出你的日记，
So for you to sit up here today and like read a journal and
如此坦诚、如此勇敢地谈论你曾经经历过的最尴尬、最羞耻的事情，
be so vulnerable and so brave to speak on one of the most embarrassing things that you've ever had to go through and shameful things.
来帮助这些人。
To help these people.
是的。
Yeah.
我只是真的、真的、真的为你感到骄傲，而且
It's just I'm just so so so proud of you and
我知道耶稣正在俯视着你，心想：那是我的女儿。
I know Jesus is looking down
看着你这样，就像在说：那是我的女孩。
at you being like, that's my girl.
我非常爱你。
I you so much.
你一直是我的榜样，无论遇到什么困难，你都会去抗争。
And you've been that seed for me of no matter what comes your way, like you fight.
你始终在抗争，从不逃避他，一生中每一次艰难的战役你都未曾退缩。
You fight and you don't run from him and you never have through every single hard battle in your life.
正因为如此，我才能在
And that's why I have been able to fight so hard in
自己的人生中如此顽强地抗争。
my own life.
我非常爱你。
I love you so much.
我知道这就是为什么如此
And I know that's why so
多其他人也能够如此奋力拼搏。
many other people are able to fight so hard.
因为你就是力量。
Because you're strength.
你就是力量的定义。
You're the definition of strength.
力量。
Strength.
所以，谢谢你。
And so, thank you.
我太爱你了，这太棒了。
I love you so It's amazing.
我只是知道这对你来说有多艰难。
I just know how hard this is for you.
所以，我不知道该说什么。
So, I don't know.
这太不可思议了。
It's amazing.
你确实做到了，而且你成功战胜了它。
You're And boy, have you beat it.
我知道你还在经历一些事情，但是
And I know you're still walking through some stuff, but
但我再也没有那样做了。
But I never did it again.
我最后一次停止了那样做，我记得当时好像，我不记得了，我不记得那是几点。
I stopped that one last time and I remember being like, I don't remember I don't remember what time it was.
我不记得那一刻是什么时候。
I don't remember the moment it was.
我不记得了，但我记得有几周时间一直在想：我自由了吗？
I don't remember, but I remember having a couple weeks of being like, am I free?
但当时并不完全确定自己是否真的自由，只是有一个瞬间，我清楚地知道：我再也不会这样做了。
But like not fully knowing if I was, but being like, I there was a moment where I really knew like, I'm never doing this again.
至于酒精，我再也不会碰了。
And it's like the alcohol, I will never do it again.
我并不是没有过诱惑，确实有过一些时刻我感觉特别强烈，但过去一年多来，我的脑海里从未闪过一次这样的念头。
I've never had not that I haven't had the temptation, like there have been moments where I felt really full, but my mind has never gone there even one time in over a year.
你能给我们讲讲这个过程吗？
Can you take us through the process?
因为我知道你写下了当时发生的事，以及你感受到的羞耻，你一次次地回去回顾。
Because I know you wrote through you wrote through like what was happening and like how you felt shame, you kept going back.
但你能给我们讲讲最后阶段的过程吗？
But can you take us through the process of like the end of it?
就是那一天，你意识到：一切都结束了。
Like the day you were like, it is finished.
你能详细说说这个过程吗？
Can you just take us through that process?
因为很多女孩可能正在观看，心里想着：我该怎么办才能战胜这个？
Because so many girls are just probably watching being like, I can't how do I beat this?
我总说我要戒掉，但就是做不到。
I keep saying I'm gonna stop and then I don't.
来跟我们说说这个过程吧。
Like, take us through the process.
嗯，我不记得上一次是什么时候了。
Well, I and I I don't remember the last time.
是的。
Yeah.
我不记得最后一天是哪天。
I don't remember the last day.
我记得那个时刻。
I remember the time.
我记得那是在约翰进入我的生活之前。
I remember it was before John came into my life.
我记得那是在那个时期。
I remember it was like, I remember it was during that time.
但这就是我对抗的方式。
But this is how I fought.
我靠着圣经争战，靠着圣经争战。
I fought through I fought through scripture.
我靠着禁食和祷告争战。
I fought through fasting and praying.
我知道自己被捆绑着，我知道在耶稣进入我的生活、开始问我‘到底发生了什么’之前，我已经这样做了六七年。
And I just knew that I had a stronghold and I knew that I had I had done this for like six, seven years before Jesus came into my life and started being like, what is going on?
当你长时间做一件事时，你必须坚持到底才能从中得自由。
And so when you do something for such a long time, you have to fight to the end to get free from it.
耶稣也会争战，对吧？
And like Jesus fights, right?
但你要和他联手作战。
But like you you partner with him in fighting.
我必须战斗。
I had to fight.
我跪着战斗。
I fought on my knees.
我在祷告中战斗。
I fought in prayer.
对于每一位聆听的人，我今天之所以这么做，首先是因为我需要释放这一切。
And for every person that's listening, my whole point in doing this today is because first of all, I needed to release this.
我需要摆脱，因为我仍然被羞耻束缚着。
I needed to get because like I was still bound with shame.
我感到非常羞愧。
I was so embarrassed.
约翰，在我们关系初期，这对我来说是世界上最让我羞愧的事情，我不知道为什么。
John, a little early on in our relationship, this was so I don't know why this is the most embarrassing thing in the world for me more than anything.
我真的很觉得这里面涉及了暴饮暴食。
I'm so it's just like it's there's gluttony involved.
这真的很糟糕。
There's it's it's bad.
这根本不好。
Like it's not good.
这太可怕了。
It's it's it's horrible.
它对你的身体造成的破坏简直是毁灭性的。
And it's just like devastating what it does to your body.
有人会因为这种事而丧命。
There are people who die from this type of stuff.
所以首先，我需要从羞耻中得释放，因为我的整个见证都值得分享——看看耶稣做了什么。
And so first of all, I needed to be released from the shame that like my whole testimony, my whole testimony is worth sharing because because look what Jesus did.
看看他做了什么。
Look what he did.
我确实有证据证明他在我生命中的作为，这太不可思议了。
I literally have proof of what he did in my life and it's so insane.
我只是在想，我以前是怎么跟他说话的。
And like, I just think about the way that I talked to him.
那些根本不是什么了不起的祷告。
They weren't these incredible prayers.
他希望我们能跟他交谈，写下来，说：主啊，为什么发生这种事？
His desire is that we talk to him, that we'd write and be like, God, why is this happening?
你觉得这样可以吗？
Do you think this is okay?
你对这件事怎么看？
What do you think about this?
那只是如此单纯，如此……
Like it was just so innocent and so
对你来说，转变是什么？
What was the shift for you?
我写过一些关于你的非常美好的东西。
There's something so sweet that I wrote about you.
丽塔。
Rita.
哦，对你来说，关于上帝如何看待你以及这整件事，转变点是什么？
Oh, what was the shift for you about how God viewed viewed you with this whole thing?
我
I
我想我还在处理那个阶段，而且我经历了太多的破碎。
think I'm still working through that where, and I've had so much break.
真的，我告诉你，那种羞耻感和过去的经历，所有这些让我敞开心扉，我的整个生活都改变了。
It's, I'm telling you the shame and past episode, all of that opened me up to my whole life changed.
它彻底改变了我的生活。
It changed my entire life.
我们做过一期关于完美主义的节目。
We had an episode on perfectionism.
我的完美主义让我觉得必须做到完美，好像我非得这样不可——虽然我从不刻意维持某种形象，因为我一直很坦诚，但那些极其糟糕的挣扎对我来说是巨大的弱点。
My perfectionism and thinking that I needed to be perfect and that I like had to like, it's not like I ever really upheld an image because I was honest, but like the really really bad struggles were such a weakness for me.
我觉得我内心把坚强当成了一种偶像，这种骄傲让我根本无法向任何人承认我正在经历这些，因为耶稣拯救了我的生命。
Like it felt like I had such an idol of being strong and like it was so much pride that like I could never admit to anybody that I was going through this because Jesus saved my life.
如果我宣扬的是那位拯救了我生命的耶稣，我怎么可能经历这些呢？
How can you go through this if I'm preaching about a Jesus who saved my life?
但这就是现实。
But this is the reality.
我们是两个坐在播客里的女孩，努力做到言行一致。
We're two girls who sit on a podcast who do to walk the talk.
朋友们，在GGB，我们非常重视尽可能地按照自己的价值观去生活。
Guys, at GGB, we really value walking through life by living up to your values as best as you possibly can.
我相信，你们中一定有很多人靠着信仰抚养了家庭。
And I'm sure so many of you have raised a family fortified by faith.
现在，当你离世时，你的信仰、家庭和遗产可以通过在线遗嘱与信托得到妥善保护。
Now, when you pass on, your faith, your family, and your legacy can be protected with trust and will online estate planning.
因为也许你已经开始想，如果你出了什么事，你的家人真的知道该怎么做吗？
Because maybe you've started thinking, if something ever happens to you, would your family actually know what to do?
一切都会清楚明白吗？
Would everything be clear?
他们会得到妥善照顾，还是陷入压力和慌乱？
Would they be taken care of or stressed and scrambling?
单是这种感觉就足以让你意识到，这不仅仅是文件工作，更是爱。
And that feeling alone should be enough for you to realize that it's not just paperwork, it's love.
我们从不希望家人在本已情绪低落的时刻还承受压力或困惑。
We never want our families left with stress or confusion during an already emotional time.
我们希望他们拥有平静，而不是一堆文件。
We want them to have peace, not paperwork.
这就是我们欣赏信托和遗嘱的原因。
And that's what we appreciate about trust and will.
它们让遗产规划变得简单而易于理解。
They make estate planning feel simple and approachable.
您只需短短三十分钟即可制定一份遗嘱计划，以保障监护权、资产分配和医疗意愿等事项。
You can create a will plan in as little as thirty minutes to protect things like guardianship, asset distribution, and health care wishes.
该计划根据各州法律设计，由律师打造，并能随您人生的变化而动态更新。
It's state specific, attorney designed, and actually grows with you as life changes.
这感觉就像是为最重要的人所采取的充满爱与责任感的一步。
It just feels like one of those loving responsible steps that you take for the people who matter most.
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That's trustandwill.com/ggb to get your 20% off.
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我们要谈论并活出上帝呼召我们去活的生命，而我们每一天都在为此挣扎。
Talk and live the life that God has called us to live, and we struggle every single day of our lives.
我们每天都会跌倒，经历各种事情，耶稣确实拯救了我们的生命，这是一个终生的过程，尤其像我们这样并非一生都拥有信仰的人。
And we fall every we fall every day, and we go through things, and Jesus did save our lives, and it's a lifelong process, especially if you're in our position where we didn't have this our whole life.
你明白我的意思吗？
You know what I mean?
我们刚刚认识到这一点，我们刚刚意识到他是谁以及他的本质。所以通过那件事，我一直知道耶稣爱我，但你读我的日记，每次我犯罪，每次我做错事，我都会恳求他，请不要收回你的手。这并非他的本性。
We just came into this, we just realized who he is and what And he so it was through that, I always knew Jesus loved me, but you read my journal and every time I sin, every time I do something, ask him, please don't take your hand It's from not who he is.
这不是他的本性。
It's not who he is.
他简直就像是在说，哦，此刻我渴望去爱你。
He's literally being like, oh, it's my desire to love you in this moment.
我渴望在你犯罪时安慰你。
It's my desire to comfort you in your sin.
我渴望在你犯下人生最大错误时，实实在在地张开双臂拥抱你。
It's my desire to literally wrap my arms around you when you've made the biggest mistake of your life.
是的。
Yeah.
你知道吗？
You know?
而且，这并没有让我变得不那么像一个基督徒。
And like, it didn't make me less of a Christian.
它并没有让我觉得，我只是在挣扎。
It didn't make me like, I just struggled.
就是，你知道的，我只是在挣扎。
Like, you know, I was just struggling.
我只是想说，你们要在膝盖上争战。
I just, I say this to say like, you guys, you fight on your knees.
你们要竭尽全力争战。
You fight your heart out.
向他写日记，跟他交谈，去理解，你们想知道为什么我在自己的灵修中情绪失控吗？
Journal to him, talk to him and understand, do you wanna know why I got emotional in my own devotional?
几个月前，也许是两个月前，阿里问我。
Ari asked me a couple months ago, maybe two months ago.
她说，我觉得你应该分享出来。
She said, I think you should share it.
我当时想，我做不到。
And I was like, I can't do that.
我真的做不到。
Like I can't do that.
她却说，我觉得你应该分享出来。
And she's like, I think you should share it.
我是在鼓励你。
I'm encouraging you.
有很多人需要听到你对这件事的看法。
Like there are a lot of people who need to hear what you have to say about this.
我当时心里想，嗯，也许吧。
And I was like, yeah, maybe.
我心里想，我永远都不会这么做。
In my head I was like, I will never do that.
直到上周，我在安静灵修时，灵修的内容突然浮现在我脑海中，我感受到上帝对我说：时候到了。
And it literally wasn't until last week, I got down in my quiet time and the devotional came into my mind and I felt God be like, it's time.
你知道，这又是另一个让我感到羞耻的领域，我再也无法忍受任何羞耻了。
You know, this is like another area of shame that I, like I can't live with shame anymore about anything.
我真的不想再这样了。
I don't want to.
这就是真实的我。
Like, this is who I am.
我一直以来就是这样的。
It's who I've been.
这就是我曾经挣扎的，我正奔向耶稣，这一路上发生了太多事，你知道的，所以是的。
It's what I've struggled And I'm running towards Jesus and there's a lot has happened along the way, you know, and it's like, so yeah.
我为自己感到骄傲，我看到了这一切。
I'm so proud of I see it.
你能跟我详细说说你如今与饮食失调以及其他所有挣扎的经历吗？
Can you, will you walk me through just your journey now with it all, with eating disorder, with it all, the struggles?
是的
Yeah.
这感觉像是超自然的释放，因为我的脑海再也没有出现过那种想法。
It feels like supernatural deliverance because my mind never went there again.
从来没有，从来没有。
Ever, ever.
它偶尔会在我脑海中闪过，就像一个念头，但从未变成过诱惑。
It's like crossed my mind, like just as a thought, but never a temptation.
我曾经和斯蒂芬妮谈过，因为她很坦诚，也经历过类似的事情，所以我跟她聊了这件事。
I talked to Stephanie at one point, she because she's open, she's dealt with stuff like that and so I talked to her about it.
我确实跟几个人谈过，我做字幕的时候。
I did talk to a couple of people I Subtitling.
但必须是能理解的人。
And I, but it needed to be someone who understood.
所以可能我心里觉得，即使我知道你一定会理解，我也应该早点告诉你，那样我就能更早获得自由。
And so probably right with I I've maybe in my mind I felt like you would have even though I know you would have understood and I should have told you and I would have been freer a lot sooner.
请告诉别人，我犯的最大错误就是试图独自应对。
Please tell somebody, tell somebody the biggest mistake I made was trying to do it alone.
没错，我们做到了，耶稣做到了。
And right, we did it, Jesus did it.
如果我早点向别人敞开心扉，这件事早就解决了。
It would have would have happened a lot sooner had I let someone in.
如果我让这个世界上我最好的朋友、也是最亲近的人介入，我就不可能瞒得住。
Had I let my best friend in the world, who's the closest person to me, had I let her in, I wouldn't have been able to get away with it.
你知道的，有人在关注着你。
You know, you have eyes on you.
这已经相当于成功了一半。
That's like half the battle.
当有人了解你正在经历什么时，我的身心状态就改善了很多。
When you have people aware of what's going on, my mind body connection has gone a lot better.
现在就只是控制的问题了。
Now it's just like, now it's just control.
所以我打算去看一位饮食障碍专家，因为我现在意识到，食物背后藏着很多羞耻感。
So I am gonna see like an eating disorder specialist because now I've just realized there's a lot of shame attached to food.
由于我经历的一切，我现在完全避开了它。
Now I stay away from it completely because of what I've been through.
你是指你避开食物吗？
As you stay away from food?
我是说，我避开的是那种控制感。
Like I stay away from, you know, my control.
我避开不健康的食物。
I stay away from bad food.
我避开那些不安全的食物，只吃安全的食物。
I stay away from I have safe foods.
就像我过去一直提到的那些东西一样。
Like I have all those things that I've talked about in the past.
现在是时候了，耶稣正在医治我。
Now it's time for, like Jesus is healing me.
是的
Yeah.
他将通过深入的内在疗愈和心理咨询来医治我。
And he's gonna heal me through deep inner work, through counseling.
我咨询了一位专家，向她详细讲述了所有情况，她认为童年时期有一些关键时刻，所有问题都交织在其中。
I talked to a specialist and she was like, I explained to her everything and she believes that there are like key moments in childhood where that like everything is wrapped up in.
如果我们能 pinpoint 那些时刻，与之对话，并邀请耶稣进入，它们就会像解开一个结一样逐渐松开。
That like if we could pinpoint those moments, talk through them, invite Jesus in that they would like unravel like a knot being untied.
哇。
Wow.
因为一切的根源都在那里。所以我这么说，是想让你了解我如何与耶稣争战、恳求祂，我也鼓励你们去与耶稣争战。
Because that's where everything So I say all this to say, I let you into my journaling of the way I fought with Jesus, begged him, and I encourage you guys to fight with Jesus.
无论你正在经历什么挣扎，我并不是说我自己做得完美，但那种真实而绝望的恳求——求耶稣帮助你，承认‘我又跌倒了’，却仍直接来到你面前，明白即使你没有立刻得自由，也不代表你永远不会得自由。
Whatever you're battling, I'm not saying I did it perfectly by any means, but just like the real raw desperation of begging Jesus to help you coming out of agreement, saying I've fallen once again, but I'm coming directly to you and understanding that just because you don't get free right away does not mean you won't ever be free.
我 literally 写道：耶稣，会不会真的有人能从这种状况中康复呢？
I literally wrote Jesus, could it be that somebody actually does recover from this?
我从未见过一个世界，甚至现在我还会对他说：耶稣，是否存在一个我无法控制食物的世界？
I never saw a world and and and even right now I say to him, Jesus, is there a world in which I don't have control over food?
我还没看到那样的世界。
I don't see that yet.
但我正在为此相信，因为我与他有过经历，你知道吗？
But I'm believing for it because I have history with him, you know?
而不是陷在羞耻里。
And not sitting in the shame.
那才是最糟糕的。
That's that's that's the worst.
你能
Can you
能稍微谈谈这个吗？
just talk about that for a minute?
羞耻感是如何让你的心变得自由的？你有多坦诚地面对羞耻？
How how how shame how how open about shame has freed your heart?
是的。
Yeah.
对。
Yeah.
那期《在羞耻中度过》节目所发生的一切，我人生中最黑暗、可能也是最糟糕的时期。
What happened with that Passed in Shame episode, like all of that stuff that happened, The darkest, probably worst time of my entire life.
我甚至无法描述那是什么感觉，但那是我经历过的最好的事情。
I can't even begin to explain what that was like, was the best thing that's ever happened to me.
怎么做到的？
How?
怎么做到的？
How?
创世纪第五十章第二十节怎么可能如此真实？
How can it be that Genesis fifty twenty really is as true as it is?
无论敌人意图如何作恶，神都会将其转化为美善。
That whatever the enemy meant for evil, God will use for good.
它让我意识到一个世界，我一直说我没有羞耻感，但实际上他让我明白。
It opened me up to a world that he, I went so long saying I don't have shame.
我对所有事情都感到羞耻。
I have shame about everything.
我有羞耻感，每个方面都有羞耻。
I have a shame, I have shame in every area.
这是一切问题的根源。
That's the root of all of my issues.
一切事情， literally 都归结为羞耻。
Everything is, everything literally comes down to shame.
而这件事终于到了，就是时候了。
And this was something that was finally like, it was just time.
就是时候了，要明白，首先，每个人都会经历事情。
It was just time to be like, I'm, first of all, everybody goes through things.
每个人都在应对一些对我来说同样尴尬的事情。
Everybody's dealing with something that's as embarrassing for me.
是的，当时我只是沉浸在羞耻中，每次都来到耶稣面前，说：我不会再逃避羞耻，我要直接来到你面前。
And yeah, it was just so sitting in the shame, coming to Jesus every single time and saying, I'm not going to resort to hiding in shame, I'm coming directly to you.
我不断争战、祷告、恳求他，同时凭着信心相信，你已经这样做了。
And just fighting and praying and begging him and and but believing in faith like you're already doing it.
就这样祷告，你已经做到了。
Pray like this, you're already doing it.
我已经得自由了。
I'm already free.
如果你回头，这并不是坏事。
And it's not a bad thing if you go back.
这并不意味着你所有的进步都消失了。
It doesn't mean that all the progress is gone.
这并不意味着你一开始就没有被医治。
It doesn't mean that you weren't healed to begin with.
这只是基督徒生命自然的进程，因为我们都会偏离神的荣耀。
It just is the natural flow of the Christian walk is that we all fall short of the glory of God.
但他良善又信实，是的。
But he is good and he's faithful and yeah.
我只想说
And I'll just say
再重复一遍。
it one more time.
在这段旅程中，你做过的最勇敢的事之一就是说：你知道吗？
One of the most courageous things you did in this walk was say, you know what?
我不再把这件事藏在暗处了。
I'm not keeping this in the dark anymore.
你开始向那些你可以信赖的人倾诉。
And you started to tell people you could trust.
通过这样做，你知道发生了什么吗？
And then through that, you know what happened?
她向对方倾诉后，对方说：你知道什么是疯狂的吗？
The person that she opened up to said, you know what's crazy?
我处理了，这让你感觉不那么孤单了吗？
I dealt with And that how less alone did you feel?
你感觉好像终于能喘口气了。
You felt like you could probably breathe.
哇，我敬仰的这个人原来也在经历同样的事。
Like, wow, this person that I look up to actually battles with this too.
这太不可思议了。
It's so crazy.
你根本不知道这件事，对吧？
Like you had no idea of this, right?
是的。
Yeah.
这太疯狂了。
It's crazy.
谢谢你的倾听。
Thanks for listening.
我
I
这真是太美好了。
This was so beautiful.
我一直，我一直都在耐心等待你准备好，
I was I've I've been patiently waiting for you to be like,
我准备好了。
I'm ready.
她真的很有耐心。
She's been really patient.
阿里一直是个作家，而且就像安吉说的，没关系，时机合适的时候再说，但我觉得你应该去做。
Ari's been a writer and being like, Ange, it's okay whenever the time is right, but I think you should do.
我们在GGB上经常讨论有意识地生活，并在小事上保持忠诚。
We talk a lot on GGB about living with intention and being faithful in the little things.
我最近一直在想的一件事是，现代生活如何让这变得困难。
And something that I've been thinking about lately is how modern life makes that hard.
压力、糖分、加工食品，还有生活中的各种琐事，都在不断累积。
Stress, sugar, processed food, just life in general, it all adds up.
所以我们真的需要专注于一些简单而日常的习惯，来支持我们的身体，而不是让自己不堪重负。
So we've really gotta try to focus on really simple daily habits that support our bodies instead of overwhelming ourselves.
这就是为什么我如此兴奋地要聊聊Dose这款产品。
And that's why I'm so excited to talk about dose.
它是一种液体补充剂，每天只需喝两盎司的快速冲剂，不是又一颗胶囊或难以下咽的粉状物，而且味道像新鲜榨的橙汁，这我真的非常欣赏。
It's a liquid supplement you take as a quick two ounce shot every day, not another capsule or chalky powder, and it tastes like fresh squeezed orange juice, which I honestly appreciate.
你的肝脏每天要完成500多项功能，包括能量代谢、消化等等，而Dose的设计正是为了以轻松且可持续的方式支持肝脏的日常运作。
Your liver does over 500 functions a day, energy, digestion, all of it, and doses designed to support your liver's daily function in a way feels easy and sustainable.
零糖分，零添加垃圾成分。
Zero sugar, zero junk.
对我来说，它已经成了我早晨例行程序的一部分。
For me, it's just become part of my morning routine.
朋友们，它也会成为你们早晨例行程序的一部分。
Guys, it'll become part of your morning routine.
一个小小的关爱身体的举动，让你能真正以清晰的头脑和充沛的精力去面对身边的人和你的目标。
One small act of taking care of your body so that you can actually show up with clarity and energy for the people around you and your purpose.
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New customers can save 35 percent off your first month.
新客户订阅首月可享35%优惠，请访问dosedaily.co/ggb或在结账时输入代码ggb。
New customers can save 35% off your first month of subscription by going to dosedaily.co/ggb or entering ggb at checkout.
请访问 dosedaily.co/ggb，首月订阅可享 35% 折扣。
That's dosedaily.co/ggb for 35% off your first month subscription.
行动起来吧。
Do it.
你一直是个很好的鼓励者，但你自己呢，对吧，你在这方面做得非常出色。
You've been such a good encourager of just but you, right, you do this so well.
你就像在说，我就在这里。
You're just like, here I am.
我在这里。
Here I am.
我在这个方面从你身上学到了很多。
And like it's I've learned so much from you in this area.
太多了。
So much.
你教会了我很多关于开放、诚实的道理，以及挣扎并不会让你变得渺小。
You've taught me so much about being open and about being honest and about being like, it doesn't make you less of a person that you struggle.
是的。
Yeah.
你挣扎并不会让你成为不够格的上帝之女。
It doesn't make you less of a woman of God that you struggle.
你不必完美。
You don't have to be perfect.
就像你不必那样。
Like you don't have to.
你教会了我很多。
You've taught me so much.
谢谢你。
Thank you.
通过这一集，你教会了我很多。
You taught me so much through this episode.
你知道吗，读你的日记让我学到了很多。
You know, you taught me so much reading your journal.
听起来特别像我，因为我经常觉得，就像我感觉自己在读自己的话一样。
It sounded a lot like me because I oftentimes feel like I'm just like, like I felt like I was reading my own words.
我相信你们很多人也有同样的感受。
I'm sure so many of you guys do too.
但只是有你这样问我：你生我气了吗？
But just having you be like, are you mad at me?
你会把手从我身上拿开吗？
Like, you gonna take your hand off me?
就像，我们有多少次会那样做？
Like, how many times do we do that?
是的。
Yeah.
当我们只是...我不知道。
When we're just like not I don't know.
当你只是在挣扎的时候。
When you're just struggling.
当你挣扎的时候，你会觉得，天啊，这次我肯定要受谴责了。
When you're struggling, you just feel like, god, I'm gonna be condemned for this one.
是的。
Yeah.
而我当时读的时候一直在想，
And I just read in that the whole time.
我只是觉得，他真的很爱你。
I was just like, he loves you so much.
所以那一刻它让我意识到，他如此爱我。
So it just kind of like helped me in that moment be like, he loves me so much.
我们都会做这样的事，你知道的。
Like we do thing, you know?
是的。
Yeah.
因为祂憎恶罪恶，不容忍罪恶，但祂的怜悯远超一切。
Well, because he's like, he hates sin and he doesn't tolerate sin, but he has more compassion than anything.
祂心中对我们的怜悯，远多于对罪恶的憎恶。
Like he has more compassion in his heart for us than he has hatred for sin.
祂理解我们为何会经历这些事。
Like he understands why we go through the things we go through.
但这并不意味着可以继续下去。
That's not an allowance to keep doing it.
祂从未纵容我继续做那些事，但祂始终与我同在。
But he wasn't ever allowing me to keep doing what I was doing, but he was in it.
他就在那里。
He was right there.
他都知道，即使我不记得这些事从何而来，即使我不记得小时候是谁对我说了那些话，是谁因为食物而让我感到羞愧，是谁用食物来安慰我。
He was, he knows even if I don't know where it came from, even if I don't know who said something to me when I was younger, who shamed me about food, who even comforted me with food.
关于暴食和饮食失调的另一点是，用食物来安慰孩子。
That's another thing about like binge eating, eating disorders is that like even comforting children with food.
食物本身就是一种美好的必需品，是生活的最基本需求。
It's just like food is like a beautiful necessity, basic need of life.
实际上，我们永远不应当对食物产生任何负面情绪。
And there actually shouldn't be like negative emotion ever attached to it.
你明白我的意思吗？
You know what I mean?
用来安慰孩子。
To comfort a child.
我只是觉得，可能有人曾经说过关于我的身材、我吃多少之类的话。
I just feel like probably someone said something about my body, about how much I was eating.
是的，有太多事情了。
Yeah, there's just so many things.
这是一种疾病。
And it's sickness.
这是一种疾病，也是一种成瘾。
It is a sickness and an addiction.
这是一种疾病。
It's a sickness.
你根本没做错什么。
It's like you weren't doing anything bad.
这纯粹就是一种疾病。
You were literally it was a sickness.
是的。
Yeah.
我还想说一件事。
I wanted to say one more thing.
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