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本期节目由No CD赞助播出。
This episode is brought to you by No CD.
你是否曾在敬拜时突然冒出令人压力山大的不速之念？
Have you ever had really stressful unwanted thoughts pop up during worship?
也许这会让你觉得必须重新祷告，因为刚才的祷告不够正确或完美。
Maybe it made you feel like you needed to start your prayer over because it wasn't right or perfect.
也许这些念头让你充满羞耻感，或产生压倒性的负罪感，仿佛冒犯了上帝。
Maybe it filled you with shame or caused crushing guilt because it felt like it offended God.
很多人都有这种念头，包括我和Ari。
A lot of people have these thoughts including Ari and I.
请相信我们，我们深知与之抗争时那种恐惧与孤立无援的感受。
And trust us, we know how scary and isolating they can be to struggle with.
它们甚至会导致强迫行为，比如不断寻求安慰、因产生恶念而惩罚自己，或终日担心上帝在对你发怒。
They can even lead to compulsive behavior like constantly asking for reassurance, punishing yourself for having bad thoughts or worrying that God is mad at you all the time.
但老实说，正是以下认知改变了一切。
But here's what honestly changed everything for us.
了解到这些想法并非性格缺陷或信仰薄弱的表现。
Learning that these thoughts aren't character flaws or signs of weak faith.
它们可能是宗教强迫症（又称虔诚症）的症状。
They might be symptoms of religious OCD, also known as scrupulosity.
人们对强迫症存在很多误解，因此当听说它可能聚焦于宗教时，许多人会感到惊讶。
OCD is really misunderstood, so a lot of people are surprised to learn that it can focus on religion.
但事实确实如此。
But it's true.
强迫症可以依附于任何你深切在意的事物，包括你的信仰。
OCD can latch onto literally anything that you deeply care about, including your faith.
当这种情况发生时，可能会造成毁灭性影响。
And when it does, it can be devastating.
但希望是存在的，因为通过正确的治疗方式，强迫症是高度可治愈的。
But there's hope because with the right kind of therapy, OCD is highly treatable.
而这正是NOCD的用武之地。
And that's where NOCD comes in.
通过NOCD平台，您可以接受专为强迫症设计的虚拟治疗。
With NOCD, you can do virtual therapy designed specifically for OCD.
他们持证的治疗师不仅深刻理解强迫症，也了解您的信仰及其在生活中的重要性。
Their licensed therapists deeply understand OCD as well as your faith and how important it is in your life.
治疗师会运用暴露与反应预防疗法（ERP）帮助您应对这些想法，这是经科学验证最有效的强迫症专业疗法。
They'll help you work through these thoughts using exposure and responsive prevention or ERP, a type specialized therapy that's the most proven treatment for OCD.
NOCD接受联合健康、安泰、信诺等多家主流医保，并在疗程间隔期间提供全天候支持服务。
NOCD also accepts many major insurance plans, including UnitedHealthcare, Aetna, Cigna, and more, and provides always on support between your therapy sessions.
朋友们，如果这些描述让您感同身受，请记住您绝非孤军奋战。
Guys, if any of this sounds familiar, you're really not alone.
NOCD能为您提供帮助。
And NOCD can help.
访问nocd.com预约15分钟免费咨询电话了解更多详情。
Visit nocd.com to schedule a free fifteen minute call and learn more.
请访问nocd.com获取更多信息并预约免费通话。
That's nocd.com to learn more and book a free call.
大家好。
Hi, guys.
我是安吉。
I'm Ange.
我是阿里，这里是《女孩圣经研习》。
And I'm Ari, and this is Girls Gone Bible.
我们是一档信仰类播客，讨论灵性、心理健康和圣经等话题。
We are a faith based podcast where we talk all things spirituality, mental health, the bible.
我们这里非常热爱耶稣。
We love Jesus so much here.
祂是我们一切的中心。
He is the center of everything for us.
如果你是初次来到这里，请记住我们非常爱你，我们常说'以你本来的样子来'，但不要停留原地。
So if you're here and you're new, just know that we love you so much, and we always say come as you are, just don't stay that way.
让耶稣进入你的生命，改变一切。
Let Jesus invade your life and change everything.
我们今天就直接进入正题吧。
We're just gonna get into it today.
或许我们可以把这期节目命名为'事件回顾'之类的。
So maybe we'll call this episode addressing what happened or something like that.
大家知道吗，我和Ari已经巡演一年半了。
Guys, you guys know Ari and I have been on tour now for a year and a half.
是啊。
Yeah.
上周末我们刚在洛杉矶办了演出。
Last this past weekend, we had our LA show.
那是我们的第四十一场。
It was our forty first.
第四十二场。
Forty second.
对吧？
Right?
我想那是我们的第四十一场
I think it was our forty first
好的。
Okay.
有史以来的演出。
Show ever.
我们已经去过41个不同的城市，四十一个夜晚，我和阿里在舞台上宣讲两小时的福音。
41 different cities that we've done, forty one nights of me and Ari preaching the gospel on stage for two hours.
正如你们许多人所知，我和Ari对这一切都完全陌生，对事工也毫无经验。
As a lot of you guys know, Ari and I are completely new to this, completely new to ministry.
我们俩之前从未做过类似的事情。
Neither of us have ever done anything like this before.
我们被投入事工中，既不清楚自己在做什么，也没有真正准备好应对任何情况，但始终努力忠于上帝对我们的启示。
And we were thrown into ministry, not knowing what we were doing and not really equipped for any of it, but just always trying to be faithful to what God spoke over us.
内容就是谈论我，向人们讲述我，为医治祷告，告诉他们你们的故事——我在你们生命中所做的事。
And it was just talk about me, tell people about me, pray for healing, tell them your tell your story about what I did in your lives.
所以我们这样坚持了一年半。
So we've been doing that for a year and a half.
而就在上周末，我们遇到了一个情况，那是我们规模最大的一晚。
And this past weekend, we had a situation, it was our biggest night.
那是我们在洛杉矶的演出。
It was our LA show.
也是今年最后一场。
It was the last one of the year.
我们一直对洛杉矶这场演出充满期待，对吧？
We have been so excited for the LA show, right?
毕竟我们来自洛杉矶，在那里生活了很久。
Like we are from LA, we've lived in LA for a long time.
这是我们翘首以盼的事情。
This was something we're so excited for.
当时出了点小状况——演出开始时我们俩都在台上，结果我不得不中途退场。
And we had a little bit of a situation where we began the night, both of us were on stage and I ended up having to get off stage.
所以这期节目我们会非常非常坦诚，让大家了解发生了什么，并特别对当晚购票到场的1200位观众说几句——他们有些人从美国各地甚至不同国家飞来，就是为了看我们两人同台。
And so this is gonna be an episode where we just get really, really vulnerable and kind of let you guys in on what happened and speak specifically as well to the 1,200 people that were there that night that bought tickets, that flew from different parts of the country or maybe even different countries who came to see both of us.
是的，我们这就开始讲这件事。
And, yeah, we'll get into it.
好吧，各位。
Alright, guys.
说真的。
Real talk.
我喜欢节日，但它们并不总能让我荷尔蒙健康处于最佳状态。
I love the holidays, but they do not always bring out the best version of my hormone health.
寒冷天气、旅途奔波、吃不常吃的食物、熬夜早起，我的身体就像在说：姑娘，我们现在作息全乱套了。
The colder weather, the travel, eating things I don't normally eat, late nights, early mornings, it's like my body goes, girl, we are in a different schedule right now.
前一周我还好好的，下一周皮肤就开始闹脾气，整个人精疲力尽，情绪可能也变得阴晴不定。
One week I'm fine and the next week my skin is freaking out, I'm exhausted and my mood is probably unpredictable.
但问题是，其实本不必这样的。
But here's the thing, it doesn't have to be like that.
我开始使用一款真正能帮助我在一年中最忙碌混乱时期仍保持稳定的产品——Beam公司的Glo。
I started using something that has genuinely helped me feel steady even during the busiest, most chaotic time of the year, and that's Glo by Beam.
我超爱Beam的产品。
I love Beam products.
Glo是Beam专为女性研发的每日一次荷尔蒙平衡配方，说真的，你会感受到明显不同。
Glo is Beam's once daily hormone balancing blend for women, and I'm telling you, you will feel the difference.
而且Beam为我们的GGB听众提供高达35%的折扣，使用优惠码GGB即可，在节日季来临之际这简直太及时了。
And Beam is giving our GGB listeners up to 35% off when you use code GGB, which is so clutch with the holidays coming up.
我最喜欢的是它能轻松融入日常生活。
And what I love most is how easy it is to add glow to your routine.
真的，它的味道太棒了。
Like, it actually tastes amazing.
草莓奇异果口味绝了，而且每天只需一勺。
The strawberry kiwi flavor is so good, and it's just one scoop a day.
就这么简单。
That's it.
仅含10卡路里，不含咖啡因、麸质、乳制品，纯素食，且经过第三方检测。
Only 10 calories, caffeine free, gluten free, dairy free, vegan, and third party tested.
效果方面，Glo真的有效。
And the results, Glow just works.
就是真的有效。
Like it just works.
服用后，你会注意到浮肿减少、易怒情绪减轻、精力更稳定、皮肤更明亮、头发和指甲更强韧。
And since taking it, you will notice less puffiness, less irritability, steadier energy, brighter skin, and stronger hair and nails.
这不仅仅是我个人的感受，因为已有超过40,000名女性尝试过Glo，官网上有超过3,000条好评。
And it's not just me because more than 40,000 women have tried Glow and there are over 3,000 glowing reviews on their website.
这正是Glo与众不同之处。
And that's what makes Glow different.
它全面、易于坚持使用，真正帮助你感觉更平衡、更像自己。
It's comprehensive, it's easy to stay consistent, and it actually helps you feel more balanced and just more like yourself.
正如我之前提到的，限时期间，Glo为我们的听众提供高达35%的折扣，使用代码GGB即可享受高达35%的优惠，节日临近这真是太及时了。
Now, like I said earlier, for a limited time, Glow is offering our listeners up to 35% off of Glow.
请访问 shopbeam.com/ggb 并在结账时使用优惠码 ggb。
Just visit shopbeam.com/ggb and use code g g b at checkout.
他们刚刚推出了多样组合装，现在你可以尝试Glow系列的所有口味。
They just released their variety packs, so now you can try all the flavors in the Glow lineup.
网址是 shopbeam.com/ggb。
That's shopbeam.com/ggb.
别忘了使用优惠码 ggb 获取独家折扣，最高可享35%优惠。
And don't forget to use code g g b for your exclusive discount of up to 35% off.
本节目由Glorify赞助，这是排名第一的基督教每日灵修应用，也是我们在这个季节保持基督为中心最喜爱的方式之一。
This episode is sponsored by Glorify, the number one Christian daily devotional app and one of our favorite ways to keep Christ at the center of this season.
节日是美好的，但它们会让你的思绪飘向千百个不同的方向。
The holidays are beautiful, but they can pull your mind in a thousand different directions.
当你坐下来祈祷时，突然又开始想着跑腿、礼物或烤箱里的东西。
You sit down to pray and suddenly you're thinking about errands or gifts or what's in the oven.
我们都经历过这样的时刻：心灵想要慢下来，大脑却在狂奔。
We've all had these moments where our spirit wants to slow down, but our brain is sprinting.
这就是我们喜爱Glorify的原因。
And that's why we love Glorify.
它帮助你在节日忙碌中暂停、深呼吸，真正与耶稣重新建立联系。
It helps you pause, breathe, and actually reconnect with Jesus in the middle of the holiday rush.
每日灵修只需五分钟。
The daily devotionals only take five minutes.
你可以阅读或聆听，它能让你立刻回归平静。
You can read or listen, and it instantly centers you.
早晨，你可以从每日经文开始新的一天。
In the mornings, you can start off the day with the verse of the day.
阅读简短的灵修内容，然后聆听每日与神同行的音频。
Read the short devotional and then listen to the daily walk with God.
这是一个非常稳固的日常仪式。
It's such a grounding ritual.
白天如果需要时，你可以打开他们的冥想或敬拜播放列表来重新调整状态。
And throughout the day, if you need a reset, you can turn on one of their meditations or worship playlist.
晚上，睡眠冥想会帮助你放松身心，在睡前平静思绪。
And at night, the sleep meditations will help you unwind and quiet your mind before bed.
超过2000万人使用Glorify，这很合理。
Over 20,000,000 people use Glorify and it makes sense.
它会帮助你保持专注，让上帝成为你一天的中心。
It'll help you stay anchored, focused, and keep God at the center of your day.
如果你渴望花更多时间与上帝相处，却不知从何开始，我们真诚鼓励你下载Glorify应用。
If you're longing to spend more time with God, but you just don't know where to start, we truly encourage you to download the Glorify app.
作为节日礼物，他们为我们的听众提供年度订阅七折优惠。
And as a holiday treat, they're giving our listeners 70% off a yearly subscription.
这太疯狂了。
That's crazy.
七折优惠啊各位。
70% off you guys.
立即访问glorify-app.com/ggb免费下载Glorify应用。
Visit glorify-app.com/ggb right now to download the Glorify app for free.
访问glorify-app.com/ggb即可免费下载Glorify应用。
That's glorify-app.com/ggb to download the Glorify app for free.
Glorify-app.com/ggb。
Glorify-app.com/ggb.
长话短说，我最近经历了一些个人生活上的事情，虽然很想和大家分享，但你们如此尊重我们的隐私——从不强迫我们谈论尚未准备好或不方便公开的事——这正是我深爱你们的原因。
Long story short, I've been walking through some things in my personal life that I wish I could share with you guys, but the reason I love you all so much is because you're all so respectful of our privacy and like, you guys are just so good about not pressuring us to talk about things that we aren't ready or comfortable talking about.
但我的个人生活确实经历了许多波折。
But I've been just walking through a lot in my personal life.
过去一个月里，我和Ari不得不——应该说有幸——参与了许多事工。
And the last month Ari and I have had to do, not have had to do, we've gotten to do a lot of ministry.
我们一直在巡演路上，努力为这次巡演画上圆满的句号。
We've been on tour, finishing off the tour, trying, you know, to finish the tour off really strong.
这段时间我经历了很多，Ari也同样经历了不少。
And I've been walking through a lot, Ari's been walking through a lot as well.
你们知道吗，我正从中汲取许多成长养分。
And, you know, I'm learning so much.
我对自己有了很多新的认识。
I'm learning so much about myself.
我对耶稣有了更深的了解。
I'm learning so much about Jesus.
我想我可能长期戴着坚强的面具在生活。
I think I've probably hid behind a mask of like being strong for a long time.
做个坚强的人本是件美好的事。
And it's a beautiful thing to be a strong person.
但当你感到力不从心时，这真的很难熬。
And then it's also really hard when you don't feel strong.
上周六我们在洛杉矶有场演出，我妈妈和嫂子也来了城里。
And so last Saturday we have our LA show and my mom and sister-in-law came into town.
演出前一晚，我其实去做了个喷雾美黑。
And the night before the LA show, I went to go get a spray tan actually.
回来的路上，我感到无比焦虑，但那种感觉前所未有。
And on my way back, I was having just a lot of anxiety, but it was different than anything I've ever experienced before.
我能感觉到自己可能开始出现精神崩溃的症状。
I could tell that I was beginning to have probably like a nervous breakdown.
就像我能感觉到自己的神经系统正在关闭。
Like I just felt my nervous system shutting down.
这和普通的焦虑不一样。
Like it was different from anxiety.
为什么这件事让我如此情绪激动？
And why is this so emotional?
因为它确实如此。
Because it is.
在返程途中，我确实感受到了主的旨意。
And so I'm like on my way back and I literally feel from the Lord.
我感觉祂在释放我，不仅告诉我可以不用参加演出，而且我本就不该去。
Like I feel him release me and not only just say that I don't have to do the show, but that I can like, that I shouldn't.
我感受到上帝正在解除我的这项负担。
Like, I I feel God, like, releasing me from it.
我们之前确实因为健康问题取消过演出，但通常都是提前一周左右决定，所以这次情况有点不同。
And we've never we've canceled shows before because of, a health situation, but we did it kind of, like, a week prior, so it was a little different circumstance.
这次是演出前一晚才决定的。
Like, this was the night before.
我们所有的巡演团队都已经飞过来了。
We already had all of our tour team flown in.
整个情况很复杂，我回到家后和妈妈还有嫂子说了这件事，告诉她们发生了什么，我说我必须取消演出。
It was like a whole situation, and I got home and I'm talking to my mom and sister-in-law, and I'm telling them what's happening, and I'm like, I have to cancel the show.
我们得取消它。
Like, we have to cancel it.
嗯。
Mhmm.
作为一个坚强的人，美好又艰难之处在于所有人都认为你能做到——你确实可以，如果你是个能克服一切的人，大家就会觉得‘你能行的’。
The beautiful thing and the difficult thing about being a strong person is everyone thinks that you can just do it, and you can and if you're somebody who powers through everything, everyone's just like, you can do this.
所以我妈妈、嫂子、苏格拉底，所有怀着善意的人都在说：‘安吉，你能行的。’
So I have my mom, my sister-in-law, we have Socrates, everybody within the goodness in their heart are all like, Ange, you got this.
这全是你心理作用。
It's all in your head.
就像，你能行的。
Like, you got this.
大家都在鼓励我说，安吉拉，你是世界上最坚强的人。
Everyone is encouraging me saying, Angela, you're you're the strongest person in the world.
你闭着眼睛都能搞定，诸如此类的话。
You can do this with your eyes closed, like, blah blah blah.
而我说，不，伙计们。
And I'm like, no, guys.
我觉得这次不一样。
I think this is different.
就像，我不认为...这是大峡谷大学——一所位于美丽亚利桑那州凤凰城的经济实惠的私立基督教大学，提供超过360个结合行业需求与学生学习成果的学术项目。
Like, I don't I don't think I this is Grand Canyon University is an affordable private Christian university in beautiful Phoenix, Arizona offering over 360 academic programs informed by industry and student learning outcomes.
除了联邦补助金和助学金外，GCU的在校学生在2024年获得了约1.96亿美元的奖学金。
In addition to federal grants and aid, GCU's on campus students received approximately $196,000,000 in scholarships in 2024.
平均而言，本科毕业生比私立非营利大学的学生少背负约6,200美元的联邦和私人贷款债务。
On average, undergraduate students graduate with approximately $6,200 less federal and private loan debt than students at private nonprofit universities.
而且许多人有机会在不到四年内毕业。
And many have the opportunity to graduate in less than four years.
所以
So
很好。
good.
这太棒了。
It's so good.
作为美国规模最大的大学之一，GCU被评为全美前25名大学校园。
One of the country's largest universities, GCU is ranked among the top 25 college campuses in America.
朋友们，请访问gcu.edu/my offer查看你可能符合哪些奖学金资格。
Guys, visit gcu.edu/my offer to see what scholarships you may qualify for.
符合条件的高中毕业生和转学生可以从全国任何地方预约免费参观。
Admissible high school seniors and transfer students can schedule a complimentary visit from anywhere in the country.
在GCU找到你的人生目标。
Find your purpose at g c u.
私立、基督教、经济实惠。
Private, Christian, affordable.
访问gcu.edu/myoffer。
Visit gcu.edu/myoffer.
这里与众不同。
It's different.
这完全是我从未有过的体验。
Like, this isn't anything I've ever experienced before.
然后我就想，好吧。
And then so I'm like, okay.
是啊。
Yeah.
我能做到。
I can do it.
即使我感觉不好，我也知道自己做过许多事、宣讲过许多次道。
I've I know the word even if I don't feel I've done many things and preached many times where I didn't feel good.
就像，我只是一个器皿。
Like, I'm I'm just a vessel.
上帝充满我，然后使用我。
God fills me and then uses me.
这都是祂的作为。
It's it's him.
你明白我的意思吗？
You know what I mean?
但在内心深处，我知道这样不对。
Like but I knew deep down in my heart, like, it wasn't right.
第二天醒来时，我的感受依然如故。
And I woke up the next morning and I felt the exact same way.
我还在进行同样的对话，说着：'伙计们，我感觉不对劲'。
And I'm like having the same conversations being like, guys, I don't feel good.
我就是知道会有事情发生。
Like, I just know that something is gonna happen.
我当时就说，而且从早上就开始说了。
And I was like, I and I said it from the morning.
我当时想，如果我上了那个舞台，就不得不中途退场。
I was like, if I get on that stage, I'm gonna have to walk off.
我就是知道会这样。
Like, I just know it.
这个画面一直在我脑海里闪现。
I kept seeing it.
我真的知道自己不得不离开。
Like, I literally knew I was gonna have to get off.
然后白天的时候我开始感觉稍微好点了。
And then so I'm starting to feel a little better during the day.
但话说回来，我不知道有没有人经历过类似的事情。
But again, I don't know if anyone's ever experienced anything like this.
我这一生经常感到焦虑。
I've had anxiety a lot in my life.
我经历过多次恐慌发作。
I've had panic attacks.
但这次有些不同。
Something was different.
就像我的身体在说，停下。
Like my body was saying, stop.
我的身体在说不能再继续了。
My body was saying no more.
而我没有听从。
And I wasn't listening.
然后我们到达场馆时，我感觉很不好。
And then we get to the venue and I'm not doing so well.
甚至都看不出外在表现有什么异常。
And it's not even an outward expression of what's happening.
就是，我感觉自己此刻与自我失去了连接。
It's just, I'm like, I don't feel connected to myself right now.
于是我告诉阿里和团队，我们必须取消。
And so I tell Ari and my team, we have to cancel.
而这距离活动开始仅剩一小时。
And this is like an hour beforehand.
我们必须取消。
We have to cancel.
他们全都表示完全理解。
And they're all like, absolutely.
我们人已经到了现场也没关系。
Doesn't matter that we're here.
观众已经在路上也没关系，我们可以取消。
Doesn't matter that people are on their way, like we can cancel.
然后我打电话给一些鼓励我的人，他们再次出于善意提醒我：这就是为什么要听从内心的声音。
And then I get on the phone with some people who encouraged me, again, out of the goodness of their hearts, this is why you listen to Jesus.
你明白我的意思吗？
You know what I mean?
这不是任何人的错。
It's nobody's fault.
就像每个人，你了解自己，你知道什么时候事情不对劲。
Like everybody, you know yourself, you know, you know when something's not right.
所以我再次受到鼓励，我就想，是的，我当然能做到。
So I get encouraged again and I'm like, yeah, of course I can do this.
我们这是在说什么呢？
Like, what are we talking about?
我和Ari走上舞台，我立刻感觉，我无法完全解释我的感受，除了我感到害怕。
Ari and I go out on stage and immediately I'm like, I can't even fully explain what I felt other than I was just afraid.
就是我很害怕。
Like I was afraid.
我当时就觉得，这对我的心理健康不安全。
I was like, this is not safe for me, for my mental health.
当我此刻有这种感觉时，站在1200人面前。
Being in front of 1,200 people when I feel like this right now.
灯光、刺耳的麦克风，我感觉过度刺激。
The lights, the loud microphone, like I'm so overstimulated.
那不是恐慌。
It wasn't panic.
那像是彻底崩溃。
It was like shut down.
就像我的身体，经过一个月的高强度工作和拼命奔波，可能压抑了很多情绪，只是像我一生中习惯的那样硬撑——我知道该怎么硬撑——我的身体直接说：到此为止。
Like my body, after a month of like doing so much and running so hard and probably suppressing a lot and just powering through like I do my whole life and like I know how to do, my body literally said, that's it.
真的就是到此为止。
That's literally it.
我们不，我们结束了。
We're not, we're done.
所以我们站在舞台上开始，我们开始敬拜。
And so we're out on stage and we started, we're worshiping.
我心想，在我们上台前，我就告诉阿里，'提前跟你说一声，我要上台了'
I'm like, before we went out, I told Ari, like, just letting you know, I'm going out there.
但我觉得敬拜中途我得离开
I think I'm gonna have to leave during worship.
我敢肯定阿里当时的反应肯定是'什么？'
And I'm sure Ari probably was just like, what?
就像'这不可能，这不可能是真的'
Like, that doesn't even that's not even real.
就像'这不可能发生'
Like, that's not can't be the case.
敬拜结束后，我准备在台上读圣经
We finished worship and I went to go read the Bible on stage.
我甚至看不清，字面意义上无法看清圣经上的字
I couldn't even, like, see the like, I literally couldn't see the Bible.
我读经时头晕目眩，感官过载，感觉自己处于崩溃边缘，虽然不知道会发生什么，但我知道必须下台
I was reading it and I was so dizzy and so overstimulated and I was like on the verge of, I don't know what was gonna happen, but I knew I had to get off stage.
当时的情况甚至不是我能够敞开心扉，让大家了解的那种情况。
Like, was and it wasn't even a situation where I could like, I'm just gonna be vulnerable and like, let you guys all into it.
那不像是一个事工时刻。
It wasn't like a ministry moment like that.
就像是，安吉拉，快下来。
It was like, Angela, get off.
是啊。
Yeah.
上帝绝不会要求你做这样的事，你知道吗？
This is God's not never asking you to do something like this, you know?
当时我在台上，艾瑞讲了一会儿话后停下来，我看着台下1200位美丽的观众，对每一位购票前来与我们相聚的人感到无比抱歉，因为这种事本不该发生。
And so I'm on there and Ari talks for a little bit and then she stops talking and I'm just like I just looked out to the beautiful 1,200 people who came there and I'm just so sorry to every single person that bought a ticket to come and be with us because this is so not something that should ever happen.
我只说了：各位，我非常抱歉。
And I just said like, guys, I'm so sorry.
我深爱耶稣和他的话语，这份爱如此之深，以至于此刻我觉得自己没有资格教导、宣讲或引领一屋子的人。
I love Jesus and I love his word so much, too much to where I don't feel responsible to teach or preach or lead a room of people right now.
就像，这对我来说不安全。
Like, it's not it's not safe for me.
我的个人生活正经历很多困难，我真的无力付出什么。
I'm going through a lot in my personal life and I have literally nothing to give.
我真的很抱歉。
And I'm just so sorry.
我真的非常、非常抱歉。
Like I am so, so sorry.
然后我拥抱了Dare，走下舞台，几乎看不清东西，甚至都不太记得了。
And then I hugged Dare and I off stage and I could barely see and I was I barely even remember.
好吧。
Alright.
节日很美好，但说实话也真的很烧钱。
The holidays are beautiful and honestly so expensive.
像礼物、旅行和各种节日活动这些开销，很容易让你的信用卡账单比信用额度涨得快得多。
Like between gifts, travel, and every holiday event, it's easy for your credit card balance to rise way faster than your credit.
如果你正感受到这种压力，你并不孤单。
If you're feeling that pressure, you're not alone.
这实际上是整顿信用迎接新年的最佳时机。
And it's actually the perfect time to get your credit in shape for the new year.
这时就需要应用商店排名第一的信用建立应用Kickoff登场了。
And that's where Kickoff, the number one credit building app in the app store comes in.
Kickoff让这一切变得简单。
Kickoff just makes it simple.
注册只需几分钟，无需信用检查，没有隐藏费用，每月最低只需5美元。
Signing up takes minutes with no credit check, no hidden fees, and plans starting at just $5 a month.
你的新Kickoff账户将立即丰富你的信用组合，每次按时还款都能建立良好的还款记录。
Your new Kickoff account will immediately diversify your credit mix, and every on time monthly payment helps build positive payment history.
由于还款金额很小，你的信用利用率能快速改善。
And because the payments are so small, your credit utilization gets healthier fast.
但这里有个重点。
But here's a big one.
信用分低于600的用户，在按时还款的第一年平均增长了84分。
Users with credit under 600 grew an average of 84 points in their first year with on time payments.
如果选择Kickoff的高级或终极计划，您还可以添加租金报告功能。
And if you choose Kickoff's premium or ultimate plan, you can add rent reporting.
这样您已支付的租金也能帮助建立信用记录。
So the rent you already pay can help build your credit as well.
只有按时还款的正面记录会被上报。
Only positive on time payments get reported.
让Kickoff帮助您的信用度过节假日。
Help your credit survive the holidays with Kickoff.
限时优惠：首月免费使用。
For a limited time, get your first month for free.
立即访问getkickoff.com/ggb。
Go to getkickoff.com/ggb today.
就是Kickoff去掉字母c的拼写。
That's kickoff without the c.
访问getkikoff.com/ggb。
Getkikoff.com/ggb.
必须通过getkickoff.com/ggb注册以激活优惠。
Must sign up via getkickoff.com/ggb to activate offer.
此优惠仅适用于Kickoff新客户的首月服务。
Offer applies to new kickoff customers first month only.
需经审核批准，优惠可能随时变更。
Subject to approval, offer subject to change.
首年平均信用评分提升超过84分。
Average first year credit score impact of over 84 points.
2023年1月至2024年1月期间，使用Kickoff信用账户且初始评分低于600分的用户，在按时还款且信用档案未新增逾期或催收记录的情况下，其VantageScore 3.0评分变化情况。
Vantage score three point o between January 2023 and January 2024 for kickoff credit account users who started with a score below 600, who paid on time and who had no delinquencies or collections added to their credit profile during the period.
逾期还款可能会对您的信用评分产生负面影响。
Late payments may negatively impact your credit score.
实际效果因人而异。
Individual results may vary.
此时此刻，我们会说到你的部分。
This moment and we'll get to your part r.
所以，是的，我首先想说的是，对于每一位到场购票却未能如愿以偿的观众，我深感万分抱歉。
And so, yeah, I just wanted to come first of all, say I'm so, so deeply, deeply sorry for every person that was there who came and got a ticket and the night ended up not being what you thought it would be.
这次事件让我学到了很多。
I've learned so much in this situation.
你确实学到了很多
You did learn so much
在这次事件中。
in this situation.
是啊。
Yeah.
作为你最好的朋友，我想说你真的很坚强，总能挺过难关。
And I'm just gonna say that as your best friend, like you are so strong and you have always powered through.
即使深陷困境，你也会为所有人坚持到底，埋头苦干，继续前行。
Even when you're just in a pit, you will always power through for everyone and you'll just keep going and you'll put your head down and you keep going.
尽管那一刻对你来说像是失败，但我知道你回顾时会感到无比平静，因为你遵从了上帝的旨意——选择停下脚步。
And so even though that was such a moment for you where it felt like defeat in that moment, I know you look back and you felt such peace because you did what God told you to do, which is do not keep going.
看到你在舞台上展现的力量，如此坦诚又脆弱，那可能是我见过你最强大的时刻。
To see you with the strength on that stage to come on there and to be so honest and vulnerable was probably, that was probably the strongest I have ever seen you.
在你以为最脆弱的瞬间，那恰恰是我见过你最强大的样子。
And a moment where you thought that was your weakest, that was probably the strongest I've ever seen you.
能如此诚实、真实又脆弱地展现自己。
To be so honest and real and vulnerable.
我爱你。
I love you.
我真的很为你骄傲。
And I'm really proud of you.
谢谢。
Thanks.
是啊，处于这种境地感觉真的很奇怪。
Yeah, it's It is so weird to be in this position.
就像，这可能...我不知道，也许对很多人来说听起来没什么大不了的，但对我们、对我来说，这真的是件大事，你知道，比如从舞台上走下来。
Like, this might not I don't know, maybe it doesn't sound like that big of a deal for a lot of people, but for us, for me, like this is a huge deal, you know, to like walk off a stage.
这确实是件大事。
It was a huge deal.
我们已经这样做了41次。
Like we've done this 41 times.
我...我甚至能，我知道那些话术。
I I can like, I know the word.
就像，我能精心设计一段演讲...有太多东西可以让我依赖和依靠，而我从来不是个轻言放弃的人。
Like, I can craft a message on the Like, there's so many things that I can fall back on and rely on and I just am not a quitter.
我不是那种...我就是...这真的是我人生中最谦卑的时刻之一，就像'天啊'。
I'm not the type of Like, I'm just It's it has been it was truly one of the most humbling moments of my life to be like, oh my gosh.
就像，我没有任何东西可以给予了。
Like, I don't have anything to give.
而我...就像过去的那个我。
And I like an old version of me.
我是说，并不是我有选择，因为我别无选择。
I mean, not that I had a choice because I had no choice.
就算我尝试也无法继续留在那里。
I couldn't stay out there if I tried.
我大概三十秒内就会晕过去。
I would have passed out in like thirty seconds.
我几乎说不出话。
I could barely talk.
情况非常糟糕。
Was it was not good.
而且是在1200人面前发生这种事。
And to do that in front of 1,200 people.
在
In
以前，我可能会觉得特别丢脸。
the past, I probably would have been like so humiliated.
我知道。
I know.
而且非常尴尬。
And so embarrassed.
我知道。
I know.
尽管这很痛苦也很令人难过，但我一点都不觉得尴尬。
And as painful as it is and like just sad as it is, I'm like not embarrassed at all.
我在想，当我祈祷'主啊，请使我谦卑'这样的祷告时。
I'm like, I don't I just I think when you pray prayers like Lord, humble me.
不幸的是，这种事情确实会发生。
Like this is unfortunately the stuff that happens.
而且
And
这对我来说是一个美好的破碎时刻，所有那些表演或形象，你知道的，都被彻底打破了。
this is just like a beautiful breaking moment for me where like any bit of performance or image, you know, is just cracked open.
是的，我认为即使是我在事工中的存在，或我们在事工中的存在，就像在任何行业中一样，但特别是在事工中，有一种追求完美形象的元素——仿佛作为领袖就必须完美无缺、坚强不屈。有时我也会陷入这种心态，甚至在我的个人生活中，如果我正经历一些困难，上播客时就会觉得自己像个骗子，因为我会想：我自己都没搞明白，怎么能带领别人呢？
And yeah, I think even like my presence in ministry or our presence in ministry, like being in any industry, but especially in ministry, there's this aspect in this like perfectionist image upholding at like element where like you if you lead people like you're meant to be perfect and strong and I can fall into that sometimes where even in my personal life, if I'm going through something, I will feel like a fraud when I come on the podcast because I'm like, how can I lead people when I haven't figured it out?
而我觉得上帝正在彻底粉碎我这种想法。
And I think God's just like breaking that in me completely.
嗯。
Mhmm.
我深爱耶稣，也爱他的子民，我希望成为一个行走在耶稣权能与大能中的人，去传福音，带领千万人归向耶稣。
I I love Jesus so much and I love his people and I want to be someone who like walks in the power and the authority of Jesus and evangelize and bring millions of people to Jesus.
但我只是个普通人，还在摸索中，经常犯错，你明白吗？
And I'm just a human who is like trying to figure it out and gets it wrong a lot, you know?
是啊。
Yeah.
我觉得你展现如此真实人性的那一刻，向人们表明'我拥有耶稣，但我此刻是破碎的'，
And I think that moment of you being so human and showing people like, have Jesus, but I'm broken right now.
我正在经历一些困境。
I'm going through things.
这很难。
It's difficult.
那一刻是如此真实，我能想象人们在那瞬间会感到被深深理解。
Like that was such a human moment of, I can imagine people feeling so seen in that moment.
他们会想，哇，她也在经历这些。
Being like, wow, she's going through it too.
是啊，完全同意。
Yeah, totally.
你懂我的意思吗？
You know what I mean?
当然。
Absolutely.
所以我说这些是想表达，看着你，甚至最近我自己经历的一些事，让我意识到，即使我们拥有耶稣，也不意味着我们必须事事完美。
And so I say that to say that like, you know, watching you and even what things that I've been walking through lately has opened my eyes to be like, you know, just because we have Jesus, like doesn't mean we have to have it all together.
不。
No.
我们信仰耶稣并不意味着我们不能看心理医生、不能服药，或者有时感到快要窒息。
Just because we have Jesus doesn't mean that we can't have a therapist or be on medication or just feel like we're drowning sometimes.
我认为很多人因此放弃，他们觉得'神一定离我很远'。
And I think a lot of people throw in the towel and they give up because they're like, he must be so far away from me.
他们会想'难道祂听不见我的祷告吗？'
Like, does he not hear me?
'我是不是做错了什么？'
Did I do something wrong?
'我做了什么要承受这些？'
What did I do to deserve this?
你会感到如此孤独，觉得'我只能...是啊...'
And you feel so alone and you feel like I have to, you know, just Yeah.
这提醒我们，有时会经历看似无法承受的困境。
It's such a reminder that we go through stuff that seems unbearable sometimes.
这就是人类的体验，它不会让你变得不完整，也不代表当你溺水时耶稣就离你远去。
This is the human experience and it doesn't make you inadequate or doesn't mean that Jesus is far from you because, you know, you're drowning.
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你无法清晰地思考。
You can't think straight.
你深陷抑郁之中，感觉无法自拔。
You're in a depression that you feel like you can't get out of.
所以即使看着你，我也感到自己被理解了。
And so I I even watching you, I just felt I felt seen too.
就像，哇。
Like, wow.
她正在经历一个普通人的时刻。
She's she's having a human moment.
我觉得基督教有时会显得过于完美，像是千篇一律的模板。
And I think Christianity can sometimes feel so polished, like so cookie cutter.
比如，我有耶稣。
Like, I have Jesus.
一切都会好起来的。
Everything is okay.
不，不是这样的。
Like, no.
有时候事情就是不对劲。
Sometimes it isn't okay.
有时候你需要人们围绕在你身边，拥抱你，你需要感受，而你的思绪却一片混乱。
Sometimes you have to have people come around you and hold you and and you have to feel and you can't think straight.
有时候这种低落的状态会持续数周，这需要时间。
And sometimes it's weeks of just feeling down and out and it takes time.
是的。
Yeah.
所以，没错。
And so, yeah.
是的，你说得太对了。
Yeah, you're absolutely right.
我还想说，作为一个曾经感觉无所不能的人，总觉得你可以做到任何事。
I'll also just say that like, coming from a person who has felt like limitless in a sense, like I just am like, you can do anything.
你只需要熬过去。
You just get through it.
你只管硬撑过去，无论如何。
You just power through it, whatever.
就是那种感觉无所不能的状态。
Like, just feeling limitless.
我想鼓励每一个有这种心态的人，你们确实有极限，我有极限，我们都有极限。好了各位。
I just wanna encourage every single person who has that sort of mentality, like you do have a limit, I have a limit, we all have a limit, and Alright, guys.
开放投保季到了，基本上意味着每年这个时候，健康保险公司都希望你忙得焦头烂额无暇质疑，然后默默续签同样高价但条款晦涩的保单。
Open enrollment is here, which basically means that it's the time of the year when health insurance companies hope you're too overwhelmed to question anything and will just quietly renew the same overpriced plan with the same confusing fine print.
如果你曾尝试过处理医保事务，就知道这有多让人压力山大，说实话有多让人束手无策。
If you've ever tried to navigate health care, you know stressful and honestly, how impossible it can feel.
这就是为什么我们喜欢Crowd Health的运营模式。
And that's why we love what Crowd Health is doing.
这完全是另一种解决方案。
It's a totally different approach.
为那些追求透明、掌控权和真正选择权的人们提供的医疗保健替代方案。
A health care alternative for people who want clarity, control, and actual options.
而不是把钱投入一个似乎永远不会帮助你的系统。
Instead of paying into a system that never seems to help you.
Crowd Health将您与一个直接互相资助医疗账单的社区连接起来。
Crowd Health connects you with a community of people who directly fund each other's medical bills.
没有中间商，没有网络限制，没有繁琐程序。
No middlemen, no networks, no nonsense.
以下是它的运作方式。
And here's how it works.
每月不到100美元，您就能获得医疗账单谈判团队服务、低价处方药和实验室检测工具，以及经过CrowdHealth审核的高质量医生数据库。
For under $100, you get access to a team of health bill negotiators, tools for low cost prescriptions and lab testing, and a database of high quality doctors vetted by CrowdHealth.
如果发生重大医疗事件，您只需支付前500美元，其余部分将由社区共同资助。
And if something major happens, you pay the first $500 and then the crowd steps in to help fund the rest.
说实话，这感觉就像在一切变得过度复杂之前人们曾经拥有的那种选择。
It honestly feels like the kind of options people used to have before everything got over complicated.
随着《平价医疗法案》补贴对大多数人即将到期，今年价格还会进一步上涨。
And with ACA subsidies expiring for most people, prices are going up even more this year.
Crowd Health会员已累计节省超过4000万美元，因为他们拒绝为医疗保健支付过高费用。
Crowd Health members have already saved over $40,000,000 because they refuse to overpay for health care.
在这次开放注册期，夺回你的主动权。
This open enrollment take your power back.
立即加入Crowd Health，前三个月仅需99美元，使用优惠码GGB，访问joincrowdhealth.com。
Join crowd health to get started today for $99 for your first three months using code g g b at joincrowdhealth.com.
网址是joincrowdhealth.com，优惠码GGB。
That's joincrowdhealth.com, code g g b.
Crowd Health并非保险产品。
Crowd health is not insurance.
选择退出，重掌主动权。
Opt out, take your power back.
这就是我们制胜之道。
This is how we win.
加入crowdhealth.com。
Join crowdhealth.com.
坚持做困难的事与在上帝让你停下时停下是有本质区别的。
There's just a difference between powering through and doing hard things and then stopping when God is asking you to stop.
通常他会通过你的身体发出停止信号来让你停下。
And oftentimes he's asking you to stop by means of your body saying stop.
我们必须照顾好自己，诚实地面对现状，保持高度清醒的自我认知——因为我从未经历过这种状态，不确定是精疲力竭还是压力过载，但确实从未有过这种体验。
And like, we have to take care of ourselves and we have to be honest about where we are and we have to be like, just really transparent and aware of ourselves because I've never reached a point of, I don't know if it was burnout or just stress overload, but like I've never reached a point like that before.
这对我来说犹如醍醐灌顶，让我真正意识到自己并非无所不能，必须学会自我关爱。
And it was like an eye opener for me where I'm just like, I'm actually not limitless and I have to take care of myself.
我不会再在事工中硬撑，也不会再压抑自己。
And I am not going to just power through in ministry and be like And and suppress.
这让我完全理解了地方教会的做法——当人们经历重大人生困境或转折时，通常会被调离讲台。
And I feel like that's what happens to like, it makes so much sense why in local churches, you're typically taken off platform when you're going through major life difficulties or transitions.
但你我经营自己的事工时，没有人能替我们做决定——何时停下、何时暂停，都需要我们自己把握。说实话，这责任重大。
But like you and I are the we run our ministry, nobody's above, like we have to decide when we stop or when we pause or, you know, yeah, was a lot.
我还要补充说，现在最困难的部分在于台上不只有我，还有Ari。
And I'll and I'll also say now, like, one of the most difficult parts about it was it's not just me up there, it's me and Ari.
我的意思是，我当时甚至无法制定任何计划。
And I mean, I didn't even I I couldn't have come up with a plan.
我连自己的名字都想不起来了。
Like, I didn't even know my own name.
你明白我的意思吗？
You know what I mean?
我完全丧失了制定计划或为你安排的能力。
There was no I had no ability to come up with a plan or try to set you up.
我当时只想尽快离开那个舞台，以免发生意外。
Like, was I was I just needed to get off that stage as quickly as possible before something happened.
最让我痛苦的是，我把最好的朋友兼事工伙伴独自留在了台上，这太煎熬了。
And unfortunately, and the hardest part for me of all of it is I left my best friend and my ministry partner on the stage and that was intense.
这部分让你来说吧。
And I'll let you talk about that.
我只想说，无论如何，我都要说我们看着Ari接过了这个担子，
I just wanna say, regardless, I'm just gonna say we watched Ari pick it up and
在那个舞台上继续传道。
preach on that stage.
你们不明白。
You guys don't understand.
我们看着Ari临危受命，完成了一件对Ari来说本不可能的任务——无论我是否提前告知过她，在完全措手不及的情况下，在一个她从未经历过的处境中，她竟然能像个老板一样完美应对？
We watched Ari take over and accomplish something that is like absurd for Ari to be position and regardless of whether I told her or not to be completely taken off guard and then like, what on earth do I do now in a situation she's never been in before to handle it like a boss the way she did?
我让你来说这件事，但我真的被深深震撼了。
I'll let you talk about it, but I am so impressed.
所有我交谈过的人也都对此印象深刻。
And everyone that I've spoken to about it is so impressed.
这太不可思议了。
It's insane.
好吧。
Okay.
你们都知道我的生活一团糟。
So you guys know my life is chaotic.
对吧？
Alright?
我起得很早。
I'm up early.
我在拍摄。
I'm filming.
我到处奔波。
I'm running around.
我正努力让生活重回正轨。
I'm trying to get my life together.
虽然我热爱晨间咖啡，但我更想要真正能滋养大脑和身体的东西，而不是单纯提神还让胃不舒服。
And as much as I love my morning coffee, I really want something that actually supports my brain and my body instead of just, like, waking me up and stressing out my stomach.
但我可没时间早上8点前在这儿调配十几种粉末或扮演厨房科学家。
But I don't have the time to be out here mixing 10 different powders or playing kitchen scientists before 8AM.
这正是我们钟爱每日剂量的原因。
And that's exactly why we love everyday dose.
它是咖啡与功效的完美结合。
It's coffee plus benefits.
口感与普通咖啡无异，但升级添加了胶原蛋白、猴头菇、桦褐孔菌及益智成分。
It tastes just like coffee, but it is upgraded with collagen protein, lion's mane, chaga, and nootropics.
只需三十秒即可冲泡完成，且无需担心配料用完——所有营养都已预混其中。
It takes thirty seconds to make, and you never run out of the ingredients you need because they're already inside the blend.
你依然能享受钟爱的晨间仪式感，但获得的是纯净持久的能量，没有疲惫感也不引发焦虑。
You can get that warm morning ritual that you love, but now you get clean, sustained energy with no crash and no jitters.
本质上还是咖啡，只是更聪明了。
It's literally coffee, but smarter.
如果说普通咖啡像翻盖手机，这款就是智能手机版。
If regular coffee is like a flip phone, this is the smartphone version.
它的功能就是更全面。
It just does more.
首次购买咖啡加入门套装可享61%折扣，并获赠价值超100美元的免费双益生菌奶精，请访问everydaydose.com/ggb或在结账时输入代码ggb。
Get 61 percent off your first coffee plus starter kit, a free a two probiotic creamer with over a $100 in free gifts by going to everydaydose.com/ggb or entering ggb at checkout.
访问everydaydose.com/ggb，首单立享61%优惠。
That's everydaydose.com/ggb for 61% off your first order.
Everyday dose产品也可在您当地的Target商店购买。
Everyday dose is also available at your local Target.
好了，各位。
Alright, guys.
我们经常讨论如何有意识地生活，在小事上保持信念。
We talk a lot here about living with intention and staying faithful in the little things.
其中一部分就是照顾好上帝赐予我们的身体。
And part of that is caring for the body that God gave us.
而现代生活让这变得困难。
And modern life makes that hard.
好的。
Alright.
压力、糖分、加工食品甚至药物都会给肝脏带来负担，这很惊人，因为我们的肝脏每天默默执行着500多项功能。
Stress, sugar, processed foods, even medications can put a strain on the liver, which is wild because our liver is out here quietly doing over 500 functions every single day.
能量、消化、新陈代谢，这一切都经由肝脏处理。
Energy, digestion, metabolism, it all flows through the liver.
这就是为什么我们如此兴奋地要介绍dose产品。
And that's why we're so excited to talk about dose.
这是一种简单的每日两盎司饮剂，支持肝功能，口感像鲜榨橙汁。
It's a simple daily two ounce shot that supports liver function, and it tastes like fresh squeezed orange juice.
不是又一颗胶囊，也不是难咽的粉末，而是真正适合现实生活的小剂量液体饮剂。
Not another capsule, not a chalky powder, just a tiny liquid shot that actually fits into real life.
说实话，保持健康最困难的部分之一就是不知道该信任谁。
And honestly, one of the hardest parts of caring for your health is knowing who to trust.
dose产品与众不同。
Dose is just different.
它经过临床验证，有两项双盲安慰剂对照研究证明其对肝酶水平的积极影响。
It's clinically backed with two double blind placebo controlled studies showing its positive impact on liver enzyme levels.
每日服用后，你会感受到更全面的支持。
And when you take it daily, you'll feel more supported.
它能促进消化、支持健康新陈代谢，缓解午后疲劳，为肝脏提供实质性的支持，同时也有助于调节皮质醇水平。
It adds digestion, supports healthy metabolism, it helps with those midday crashes, and gives real support for your liver, which also supports cortisol levels.
这就像一种积极的自我管理，悉心照料身体，让你能以清醒的头脑和饱满的状态迎接每一天。
It's like a little active stewardship, taking care of your body so you can show up with clarity and presence.
如果你已准备好重视健康、为未来的自己投资，使用优惠码GGB尝试Dose产品。
And if you're ready to honor your health and invest in your future self, try Dose with code GGB.
新用户订阅首月可享35%优惠，请访问dosedaily.co/ggb或结账时输入ggb。
New customers can save 35% on your first month of subscription by going to dosedaily.co/ggb or entering ggb at checkout.
访问dosedaily.co/ggb即可享受首月订阅35%折扣。
That's adosedaily.co/ggb for 35% off your first month subscription.
嗯。
Yeah.
说实话，我们讨论的这个话题，我花了大概三四天才真正理解透彻。
So, I mean, even as we talk about it, I mean, was really, it was something that has taken me, what has it been three or four days to try to grasp and understand.
而且，你知道，安吉拉就像是我的另一半。
And, you know, Angela is just, she's like my other half.
所以看到她那样，我的神经系统完全处于震惊状态，因为我知道我们得上台带领大家。
And so to see her in that state, my nervous system was in a complete state of shock because I know we had to get on stage and lead you guys.
当时离演出只剩一小时左右，我完全不知所措。只是一心想着照顾安吉，整个神经系统都处于休克状态。
So it was like an hour before the show and just I didn't know Just trying to take care of Ang, my whole nervous system was in a state of shock.
就像你说的，这是最重要的夜晚之一。
This was one of the biggest nights, like you said.
然后当我们躲在幕布后面时，我就知道你的状态不对。
And then when we were behind the curtain, I knew that you weren't okay.
是啊。
Yeah.
所以你下台后，我脑海里翻江倒海，神经系统完全处于休克状态。
So then you got off stage, and I was going through so much in my mind of my nervous system was in a complete state of shock.
在那一个小时里发生了太多事，那一刻我试图...
I didn't there was so much that happened in that hour, and then in that moment that I was trying to like,
做
do
你们知道那种震惊状态吗？就是你的思维完全跟不上。是的。
you guys know when you're in shock and your mind can't catch up with Yeah.
你只是试图，就像根本没时间思考一样。
You're just trying to, like you don't have time to think.
你根本不知道发生了什么。
You don't know what's going on.
所以你的身体——我的神经系统当时完全处于震惊状态。
So your your body is just my nervous system was just in such shock.
当时我特别幸运有朋友斯科特过来，那一刻当安吉拉下台后，我低头看到他就好像是我的摩西时刻。
And then I was so blessed to have my friend Scott come up, and it was a moment where I had, when Angela had got off stage, I looked down and I literally said, it was like my Moses moment.
最有趣的是我们刚做完这期节目，我就觉得你是合格的。
And it was so funny that we just had this episode and I'm like, you are qualified.
你能做到的。
You can do it.
上帝啊，推我一把。
God, push me.
我告诉你，那一刻我说：'上帝啊，我不知道现在能否做到。'
And I'm telling you, I had a moment where I said, God, I don't know if I can do this right now.
各位，这是我第一次独自带领1200人，完全没想到自己能做到。
I mean, you guys, this is my first I didn't know that I could lead 1,200 people by myself.
我没有任何准备。
I didn't have anything planned.
所以这对我来说简直恐怖至极。
So this was incredibly terrifying for me.
我记得低头时心想：'上帝啊，我不知道能否胜任。'
And I remember looking down and being like, God, I don't know if I can do this.
但我能感觉到他在说：'去吧，我与你同在。'
And I just felt him be like, go, like I'm with you.
我深深感恩有朋友斯科特在场——他本是为最后环节来为大家祷告的，所以我让他上台和你们交流了一会儿。
Like I just felt him and I was so blessed to have my friend Scott there who I had come because he was gonna pray over people at the end, so I had him come up and he talked to you guys for a little bit.
在他讲话的时候，我趁机整理了一下思绪。
And as he was talking, I just took that couple of moments to get my thoughts together.
等我整理好思绪后，我就觉得，好了，我准备好了。
And as soon as I got my thoughts together, I was like, okay, I'm ready.
我觉得他正要开始祷告，但我甚至没听到他说这句话。
And I think he was about to pray and I didn't even hear him say that.
所以我不太确定。
And so I don't know.
我可能在他准备祷告前就把麦克风拿过来了。
I think I might have taken the microphone from him before he was about to pray.
我当时只是试图在那一刻生存下来，让自己冷静下来，根本没听清他在说什么。
I didn't I was just trying to survive in that moment and get myself together and I didn't even hear what he was saying.
所以我不想让你们认为我在他准备祷告前就把麦克风抢过来了。
And so I don't want you guys to think that I just took the microphone from him right before he was gonna pray.
我当时正努力让自己冷静下来。
I was myself trying to get myself together.
那晚经文'我靠着那加给我力量的，凡事都能做'对我而言变得无比真实，因为我真的...是的。
The scripture, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me really came alive for me that night because I just Yeah.
这太疯狂了。
I It was crazy.
我不知道。
I don't know.
虽然整场演出都是我一个人完成的，但我意识到我并非孤身一人，因为有你们相伴。我实在太爱你们了，我感到被你们如此关注和深爱着。
I did the whole show by myself, but I realized that I wasn't by myself on there because you guys were with me and I'm just so I just love you guys so much and I felt so I felt felt so seen and so loved by you guys and I love you guys so much.
你们根本无法想象。
You have no idea.
我不断看着你们，心里想着：哇。
I kept looking at you guys and I'm just like, wow.
我一直听到有个女孩在喊'你能行的，Ari'。
I kept hearing one girl say, you got this Ari.
我知道你们最希望的莫过于Ange能到场。
And I know that you guys probably wanted nothing more than Ange to be there.
综上所述，我也想向大家道歉。
So I through all that being said, I just want to apologize too.
感谢你们对我的耐心，陪我一起度过了那段时光。
And I thank you for for just being patient with me and sitting with me through that.
我知道这一切对你们来说肯定不容易。
I know I know all of that happening couldn't have been easy for you guys.
我敢肯定你们当时都处于震惊状态。
I'm sure you guys were in a state of shock.
说实话，你们完全没预料到会发生这种事。
Honestly, you guys were not expecting that whatsoever.
这确实让人猝不及防。
And it's jarring.
无论如何，虽然你们给予了极大支持，但我知道这很艰难，你们当时可能也需要时间平复心情。
It's it's no matter what, like no matter how you guys were so supportive, but I know how hard that was and you guys were probably just trying to get your head straight too.
目睹这一切发生，看到安妮受到如此伤害，这对你们来说一定非常难受。
Seeing all that happen, and seeing Anne so hurt like that, I'm sure that was just so hard for you guys.
所以，是的，这几天我也感受到了很多情绪。
And so, yeah, I've just for a couple days, I've been feeling so many things too.
所以我真的很感谢你们。
So I just thank you.
谢谢你们的理解，谢谢你们在那整场风波中一直支持我、陪伴我，做我最好的朋友。
Thank you for understanding and thank you for sticking with me through that whole show and supporting me and being my best friend.
她表现得非常出色。
She crushed it.
我真的很感激。
I really appreciate it.
我们知道那对你来说很艰难。
Know that was so hard for you.
而且你知道，我永远不会离开你，永远不会抛弃你，她永远不会那样做。
And I know that you know, I would never leave you and I would never abandon you I on a would never like She would never.
我永远不会。
I would never.
我是说，那可能是我最害怕的事情之一。
I mean, that's probably been one of the most terrifying things for me.
我不仅离开了她，我也不想让任何人认为是我抛弃了她。
Not only did I leave her, I don't want anyone to think I left her.
你明白我的意思吗？
You know what I mean?
那是
That was
没人那么想。
No one thinks that.
没有人。
No one.
我想大家都这么说，他们说，这就是力量。
I think everyone was so everyone said, they were like, I am this is strength.
我为你感到骄傲。
I'm so proud of you.
她正要从台上下来，我就说，不不不不
So she was getting off stage and I go, no, no, no, no.
我就一直说，不不不不
I was like, no, no, no, no.
就像，我感觉自己像是在做一场高烧的梦
Like, I I was I felt like I was in a fever dream.
当时有太多事情同时发生
Like, there was so much going on.
我简直不敢相信，我就说，不不不，然后她说，你能行的
I couldn't believe and I go, no, no, And she goes, you got this.
然后我看到安吉拉走开，我面前突然出现1200人，我心想，天啊
And then I see Angela walk off and I go, I see 1,200 people in front of me and I'm like, oh my gosh.
但就是那种，感觉上帝与你同在的时刻
But it was one of those moments that it's like, God is with you.
是啊
Yeah.
即使你害怕，也要去做。
Like, even if you're afraid, do it.
即使你有疑问，也要去做。
Even if you have questions, do it.
是啊。
Yeah.
他一步步地陪伴着我，帮助我。
And step by step, he just kept walking with me and helping me.
那真是个疯狂的时刻和夜晚，但通过那次经历，我学到了很多。
It was, you know, that that was such a crazy moment and night, but through that, I mean, I learned a lot.
帮助我迈出了那一步。
Helped me step out.
它让我明白，我并不...你知道，我长期被不合格感所困扰。
It helped me know that I am not, you know, I've dealt with feeling disqualified for so long.
所以我认为那一刻，上帝也在对我说：不，你可以，你可以，你同样能做到。
And so I think that was a moment for me too, of God being like, no, you can, you can, and you can too.
任何感到害怕的人，你也可以做到。
Anyone who's scared, you can too.
在你感到害怕、认为自己不够格或做不到的时刻，上帝与你同在。
God is with you in these moments where you're scared or you don't think you're qualified or you don't think you can do it.
当你倚靠祂并不断祈求'主啊，此刻与我同在，帮我度过这个时刻'时，祂确实与你同行。
He really does walk through those moments with you when you lean on him and keep asking, Lord, just be with me in this moment, help me through this moment.
我为你感到无比骄傲。
So I'm so proud of you.
我无比骄傲——在场的每个人都为你感到无比骄傲。
I couldn't be more proud of I couldn't be more proud of Everyone who's there was so proud of you.
事情发生后，我和妈妈在后台听着你的分享，我们眼里都含着泪水。。
Me and my mom were backstage after it happened and we're just listening to you and we both have tears in our eyes.
我当时正在经历一种灵魂出窍的体验，因为我在想，
And I'm just like, I'm having an out of body experience because I'm like,
为什么我不是那样的人？
why am I not that?
现在发生了什么？
What's happening right now?
那真是...我们完全被情绪漩涡淹没了。
It was such a we it was just a swirl.
我和妈妈都热泪盈眶，简直不敢相信这是真的。
It was just like but me and my mom had tears in our eyes being like, are you kidding me?
看看她。
Look at her.
我妈妈哭着说：我真是为她感到骄傲。
Like, are you My mom was crying being like, I am so proud of her.
洛杉矶这个地方可能让人...
And LA is it can be a lot of
那是最诡异的经历之一——说真的各位，属灵争战时刻都在发生。
It was one of the weirdest I like truly guys, there's spiritual warfare all the time.
对吧？
Right?
就像阿里和我刚开始做《女孩圣经》时，可能对属灵争战关注得更多一些。
Like and Ari and I probably at the beginning of Girls Gone Bible paid a little more attention to spiritual warfare than we do.
我们现在仍然意识到属灵争战的存在，但更多时间是在爱耶稣，而不是与恶魔对抗。
Like, we still are aware of spiritual warfare, but we just spend more time loving Jesus than we do fighting demons.
我们去过一些城市，比如我记得盐湖城就特别阴暗，充满压迫和阻力。
And so we've been to cities like I remember Salt Lake City was really dark and a lot of oppression and pushback.
每次在东海岸的时候都很艰难。
Whenever we're on the East Coast, it's hard.
洛杉矶是我们经历过最黑暗、最具压迫性的布道之夜，为此我们提前准备了一周。
LA was one of the darkest, most oppressive ministry nights that we've ever had to do a week leading up to it.
说真的，我无法向你们描述我们俩当时的经历。
I mean, I truly can't explain to you guys what we were experiencing, both of us.
就像我正在经历一些事，但连阿里都说，那段时间真的很难熬。
And like, I'm walking through stuff, but like even Ari was going, it was we it was a lot.
真的非常艰难。
It was a lot.
而且连一些奇怪的事情都发生了。
And so weird things even happened.
就是...就是太多了。
It was just it was just a lot.
那是个不同寻常的夜晚。
It was an interesting night.
我想我们至今仍在努力恢复状态，试着休息调整思绪，因为当时发生了太多事，灵性层面也有太多动荡。
I think we're still trying to recover from it and just trying to rest and get our heads on straight because it was a lot that took place and spiritually there was a lot happening.
是的，这正说明了——说实话，我和Ari已经坚持三年了。
And yeah, this just goes to show, and truthfully Ari and I, it's been three years.
神在我们身上和通过我们成就了太多事，Girls Gone Bible已经发展壮大，成为人们认识耶稣的美好家园。
God has done so much in and through us and Girls Gone Bible has exploded and become such a beautiful place for people to come and know Jesus.
发生的这一切太不可思议了，我们深爱着GGB的每一位伙伴。
And it's been amazing what's happened and we love our GGB gang so much.
我们只想和大家在一起，与你们交流，为你们制作视频并分享这些内容。
And we just want to be with you guys and be talking to you guys and make videos for you guys and release that.
比如，但我们三年来都没休息过。
Like, but we haven't taken a break in three years.
近三年来我们只停更了一周，而人们通常会给播客安排季休，我们却没有。
We've taken one week off of the episode in almost three years and people typically do seasons for podcasts, not us.
我们每周都在这里，你们懂的。
Here we are every week, you guys, you know what I mean?
人们通常都会这样做。
People typically do.
所以，是的，我认为我们可能也需要调整一下节奏。
And so, yeah, I think that there's maybe gotta be like a pace change for us as well.
我今天被引导读了以赛亚书43章。
I was led to Isaiah 43 today.
所以我想给大家读一下。
So I just wanted to read it to you guys.
我认为这对那些正在与心理健康问题、疲惫感、感觉快要窒息、感觉永远无法摆脱现状、感觉被上帝抛弃的人们特别有帮助。
And it's I think it's so good for people that are struggling right now with mental health, weariness, feeling like you're drowning, feeling like you're never gonna come out of what you're in right now, feeling like God has abandoned you.
这是我最喜欢的经文之一，当我内心挣扎、经历试炼时，我总喜欢反复诵读。
This is one of my favorite scriptures and I like to read it over myself when I'm struggling so much in my mind and when I'm in such a trial.
以赛亚书43:2说：'不要惧怕，因为我已赎回了你。'
Isaiah 40 three:two, it says, Do not be afraid for I have ransomed you.
我以你的名呼唤你，你是属我的。
I have called you by name, you are mine.
当你涉过深水时，我必与你同在。
When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.
当你渡过苦难之河，必不至沉沦。
When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown.
当你行经压迫的烈火，必不被烧毁。
When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up.
火焰不能将你吞噬。
The flames will not consume you.
因为我是耶和华你的神，是以色列的圣者，你的救主。
For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your savior.
我用他们的生命换取了你的，因为在我眼中你无比珍贵。
I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me.
你被尊崇，我爱你。
You are honored and I love you.
不要害怕，因为我与你同在。
Do not be afraid for I am with you.
这并不意味着我们经历的每个季节都会繁花似锦、一帆风顺，但他向我们承诺的是：当我们经历这些试炼时，我们并不孤单——他与我们同在，我们不会被淹没，不会被烧毁，不会被吞噬，他始终与我们同在。
It doesn't mean that we're gonna go through seasons that it's always gonna be flowery and okay, but he promised us is that when we go through these trials, we are not alone, that he's with us, that we will not drown, that we will not burn up, that it will not consume us, that he is with us.
在适当的时候，他会带我们脱离困境。
And in due time, he will get us out.
我特别喜欢他这样提醒我们，因为在被拒绝和感到无价值的季节里，我们有时需要被提醒自己有多么被爱、多么珍贵。
And I just love how he reminds us because sometimes we to be reminded how loved we are and how precious we are in seasons where rejected and we feel worthless.
我们感觉永远无法摆脱当前的试炼。
We feel like we're never going to get out of trial that we're in.
正是穿越这些艰难之河的过程。
It's through these rivers of difficulty.
正是在这些看不到隧道尽头的黑暗时刻，我们才真正认识耶稣——我们的天父和救主，那位拯救我们的主。
It's through these seasons where we can't see that light at the end of the tunnel is we know Jesus as our father and our savior, the one who rescues us.
若有人正与心理健康问题抗争，祂与你同在，祂爱你，你在祂眼中无比珍贵，祂正利用你经历的一切来塑造你、坚固你、完善你的品格。
If somebody is dealing with mental health, he is with you, he loves you, you are precious to him, and he's using everything you're going through right now to build you and to strengthen you and to perfect your character.
通过这一切，你将成为祂的见证。
And through that, you will be a witness to him.
你是祂的仆人。
You are his servant.
祂爱你，并要藉此通过你彰显祂的荣耀。
He loves you and he's gonna use it to shine his glory through you.
所以要坚持住，你必不至沉沦。
And so hang on, you will not drown.
祂爱你，与你同在，你必能度过难关。
He loves you and he's with you and you will get through this.
这太美好了。
It's beautiful.
是啊，各位。
Yeah, guys.
我们非常爱你们。
We love you so much.
真的，真的非常爱你们。
We really, really do.
我非常爱你们。
I love you so much.
感谢所有如此友善的人，感谢你们所有人，这就是为什么我热爱成为一名基督徒，也是为什么我热爱主持基督教播客，因为你们是最善解人意、最富有同情心、充满恩典的人。
Thank you to everyone who's been so kind and thank you to everyone who you guys are all that's why I love being a Christian and that's why I love having a Christian podcast because you guys are the most understanding, compassionate, grace filled people.
再次为发生的事情感到非常抱歉。
And again, I'm so sorry for what happened.
而且，我们都在同一条船上，对吧？
And I'm also just like, we're all in this together, you know?
是啊，这就是生活。
And yeah, this is life.
这就是真实的生活。
This is real life.
这时候所有的表演或形象维护都会崩塌。
This is when like every bit of performance or image preservation breaks off.
我们都会经历各种事情。
We all go through things.
我学到最多的是——我觉得最有趣的是，我生命中经历了太多，以至于我觉得作为基督徒，有时你会以为自己已经到达某个境界，克服了所有困难，认为一旦被破碎过，神肯定不会再破碎你了，你知道吗？
What I've learned the most, I think what's been interesting for me is like, I've like been through so much in my life that I'm like, you know, you go I feel like as a Christian, sometimes you think you should have, like you've arrived somewhere and you've overcome all these things and you'll never have like, once you've been broken, God won't surely have to break you again, you know?
而我学到的真相是：事实并非如此。
And what I've learned is that's not the truth, you know?
我认为我们会不断被破碎和压伤，好让神能一次又一次地重塑我们。
Like, think we will forever be broken and crushed so that God could, you know, can over and over and over again form us.
我觉得达到崩溃点其实是种非常谦卑的状态。
And I think it's just like a really humbling situation to reach a breaking point in a way.
所以要知道我和你们一起经历着这一切——我完全理解正在经历某些事时，又看到过去的影子，比如旧的应对机制、旧习惯、旧思维方式，那些你明明已经得释放、得自由的事物，却突然发现：天啊，我怎么又这样想了？
And so just know I'm walking through this all with you guys where I know what it's like to to even be going through something and and see things from the past, like old coping mechanisms or old habits or old ways of thinking, things in which you've been delivered from and you're freed from and you've been free and you're like, oh my gosh, how am I thinking like that again?
我怎么又这样了？
How I doing that again?
要知道生活本就疯狂，做基督徒有时也是一团糟，真的非常混乱。
Why is So just know that life is insane and being a Christian is a mess sometimes and it's really messy.
所以我希望任何正在经历困境的人都能明白，混乱是正常的。
And so I just hope that anybody walking through anything, I just hope you know that like being messy is normal.
我深知混乱是什么感觉。
I know what it's like to be messy.
我现在就感觉很混乱。
I feel pretty messy right now.
但这没关系。
And it's okay.
真的没关系。
Like, it really is okay.
如果有人曾以任何偶像崇拜的方式看待我和Ari——虽然我怀疑真有人会这么想。
And if you have ever seen Ari and I in a way that is like idolatrous in any way, like, we're these perv I doubt anyone actually thinks that.
但若有人曾以某种眼光看待我们——视我们为这些光鲜亮丽、无所不能的神之女强人，猜猜真相是什么？
But if for some reason anyone has ever looked at us like these big, powerful women of God who are cleaned up and got it together, guess what?
我们和你们并无二致。
We are just like you.
我们都是神的儿女，正在被圣化、被转变、被更新、被重塑回神的形象。
We are all children of God, being sanctified, transformed, renewed, restored back into the image of God.
我们每个人都在经历相同的过程。
Every single one of us going through the same thing.
我们之间的相似之处远比想象中多得多。
We are all so much more similar than we think.
我们都在经历同样的圣化、破碎与重建的过程。
We're all in the same process of sanctification and crushing and rebuilding every single one of us.
所以我希望这能让你感到不再孤单——你正在经历的一切，我们也同样必须经历。
So I hope that makes you feel so much less alone, that literally everything you're going through is something that we have to go through as well.
只是形式不同罢了。
It looks different.
我们都是独特的个体，但每个人都在经历某些事情，而神在我们所有处境中的意图都是相同的——让我们更像耶稣，并更亲近祂的心。
We're all unique individuals, but every single one of us are going through something and God in all of our situations has the same intention to make us more like Jesus and to bring us closer into his heart.
这是一段终身的旅程。
And it's a lifelong journey.
是的，毫不夸张地说。
Yeah, literally.
所以我们非常爱你们。
So we love you guys so much.
我们感谢你。
We thank you.
谢谢。
Thank you.
感谢你的到来。
Thank you for being here.
感谢成为我们的家人。
Thank you for being our people.
愿主赐福你并保护你。
May the Lord bless you and keep you.
愿他的荣光照耀你，施恩予你。
May he make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you.
愿他转脸垂顾你，赐你平安。
May he turn his face towards you and give you peace.
平安。
Shalom.
平安。
Shalom.
我们爱你们。
We love you.
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