在等候的季节中信靠上帝 | 女孩们读圣经

美国人就是这样做的，这没什么。

That's what Americans do, and it's fine.

但阿尔巴尼亚人绝不会让他们的配偶也出现在迎宾队伍中，一起走过走道。

But Albanians would never their spouse is also in the bridal party, and they're walking down the aisle together.

他们根本不会玩这种游戏。

Like, they don't play those games at all.

所以他们没有伴娘和

So they don't have bridesmaids and

他们确实有伴郎。

best They do.

是的。

Yeah.

但他们会有大约45位伴娘和45位伴郎，因为每个人都参与其中，就像我不太清楚为什么。

But they have like 45 bridesmaids and 45 because everybody's in because they like I don't know.

这是一种荣誉。

It's like honor.

就是这样，是的。

It's like Yeah.

他们非常注重荣誉文化。

They're super like honor culture.

别把人落下。

Like, don't leave people out.

而且，是的。

And yeah.

在阿尔巴尼亚婚礼上，那简直是个派对。

So at Albanian weddings, like, it's a party.

我觉得美国婚礼有时候可能有点随便。

I feel like American weddings can sometimes be a little like just whatever.

就是，挺温馨的。

Just like, it's sweet.

优雅而内敛。

It's classy and reserved.

为什么？

Why?

MCA。

The MCA.

哦，天哪。

Oh, wow.

她们会穿那种小小的、类似太阳裙的衣服。

And they wear like, the little, like sundresses.

太美了。

It's beautiful.

实际上，阿尔巴尼亚人穿的是长裙，是的。

Like, it's really Albanians wear gowns Yeah.

全程精致打扮，头发都高高梳起。

Full glam, hair to, like, to the heavens.

这规模可真大。

Like, they're it's huge.

他们规模很大。

Like, they're big.

东欧的婚礼规模非常盛大。

Like, Eastern European weddings are huge.

有五百多人参加，你一个都不认识。

They're like 500 people, and you don't know who anybody is.

地上到处都是钱，人们还朝天上开枪，真的特别热闹。

And there's money all over the floor and they shoot guns in the air and it's just like, like it's fun.

约翰完全不知道周三等着他的是什么。

And John has no idea what's coming from Wednesday.

我想办一场超级盛大的、半阿尔巴尼亚风格的婚礼。

I wanna have a like super, like half Albanian wedding.

我想让他出来穿那种衣服，他一定会听我的，做什么都愿意。

Like, I want him to come out and do wear the like, and he would do anything I'd ask him to do.

我想让他穿上阿尔巴尼亚传统服饰，戴帽子、穿小礼服，然后出去跳个卡列舞。

I want him to wear like the Albanian old timey like outfits, the hat and the little outfit, and then go out and do like a little kale.

这可怜的家伙完全不知道会发生什么。

The poor guy has no idea.

他的家人会像从枪里射出钱一样开枪，然后他的家人会……

His family is gonna be like shooting gun shooting money out of guns, and then his family is

他们真的太贴心了。

so like They're so sweet.

太贴心了。

So sweet.

就像我家人会涌进镇上的房子一样。

Like, that is so my family comes into the house town.

我一秒都不会错过。

I'm not missing one second

我一定要把这场婚礼全程记录下来。

of not documenting this wedding.

我就想说这些。

That is all I have to say.

哦，说到婚礼。

Oh, speaking of weddings.

说到婚礼，如果、什么时候，不。

Speaking of weddings, if and when no.

不。

No.

那是否定的。

That's that's negative.

但我一直觉得，我不知道。

But I always like I don't know.

我看到这些盛大的婚礼时，就觉得我根本不想花很多钱。

Like I see these big weddings and I'm like, I don't even wanna spend a lot of money.

我想办个派对，吃顿好饭，请个乐队，整晚和朋友们狂欢，听音乐、跳舞，骑在别人肩膀上，就这样。

I wanna have a party and I want good food and I wanna have a band and I just wanna party all night with my friends, listen to music, dance, go on someone's shoulders and just yes.

我觉得你可能会办一个规模小一点的。

I I have a feeling you're gonna have like a smaller one.

我会请13位伴娘。

Well, I'm gonna have 13 bridesmaids.

你有45位伴娘。

You're have 45 bridesmaids.

但我觉得你

But you I feel like

你会想要一个更小规模的婚礼。

you'll want us you've always wanted a smaller one.

对吧？

Right?

是的。

Yeah.

就请一些我爱的人，好好玩一场。

Just like people I love and just have fun.

是的。

Yeah.

因为天啊，我配得上这一切。

Because boy, do I deserve it.

是的。

Yes.

你配得上。

You do.

在这个等待的阶段。

With this waiting season.

我们来谈谈吧。

Let's talk about it.

我们来谈谈吧。

Let's talk about it.

对。

Yeah.

所以不管怎样，我爱美国。

So anyways, I love America.

上帝保佑美国。

God bless America.

上帝保佑美国。

God bless America.

好吧。

Alright.

今天我们做什么呢，Say

What are we doing today, Say

向我们的父母问好。

hi to our moms and dads.

你先来。

Go ahead.

你先来。

Go ahead.

不，你来。

No, you.

嗨，妈妈和爸爸。

Hi mom and dad.

我非常爱你们。

I love you guys so much.

我妈妈总是要求一个

My mom always asks for a

shout out。

shout out.

嗨，罗贝塔。

Hi Roberta.

我爱你。

I love you.

我今天穿着内衣。

I am wearing my underwear today.

我锁了门，而且没跟陌生人说话。

I did lock the doors and I'm not talking to strangers.

你的女儿可能是，但我不是。

Your daughter probably is, but I'm not.

她会喜欢的。

She's gonna love that.

我爱你，伯迪。

I love you, Birdie.

嗨，妈妈。

Hi, mom.

如果我把这边这个白色的游戏翻过来呢？

What if I just turn this white game over here?

这还挺性感的。

That's kinda hot.

我们中有太多人正处于等待的阶段。

So many of us are in this waiting season.

嗯。

Mhmm.

这就像一种中间状态，你一边在等待，一边又保持着信心。

It's like this in between where you're just like waiting, but you're also having faith.

你知道这对你有益，因为等待的季节无非是一种祝福，但人们却总让它感觉像是一种诅咒。

And you know it's good for you because the waiting season is nothing less than a blessing, but people try to make it feel like it's a curse.

是的。

Yeah.

于是你就处在一种矛盾中：我信靠你，耶稣，我知道你正在做些事情。

And so you're just in this in between of being like, I trust you Jesus and I know you're doing something.

但与此同时，内心深处也总有一种渴望的痛楚，有时会挥之不去。

But there's also this like longing ache in your heart that seems to sit sometimes.

我知道有很多人都在经历这一切，我们总觉得时间正在流逝。

And so I know so many of us are going through it and we feel like time is running out.

这真的很难，但同时又是一种莫大的祝福。

And it's just really hard, but yet so just such a blessing.

所以我真的很想谈谈这个，因为这是很多人正在经历的季节。

So I really wanted to talk about it because this is a season so many of us are in.

我希望今天听完这一集后，你能感受到被理解，感受到自己并不孤单，并且相信他将带给我的，远超我所能想象。

And I just hope today that you can leave this episode feeling seen, feeling like I'm not alone, and feeling like what he's gonna bring me is far greater than what I can even imagine.

我希望这一集能通过我的故事，真正带给你一些希望。

And I just hope this episode really brings you some hope through my story.

我相信我正在经历这一切，是因为我注定要坐在这里分享，而不是隐藏它。

And I believe I'm going through this because I'm meant to sit here and share and not hide it.

我曾经多次分享过我的心碎经历，你们一路陪伴着我，我也一直非常坦诚。

And I think a lot of the times I I've shared so much about my heartbreak and you guys have walked with me through it and I've been very vulnerable.

但我也感到很多痛苦，因为我也不确定。

But I've also felt a lot of I've also hit a lot of it because I don't know.

这真的非常脆弱。

It's it's it's very vulnerable.

在我三十多岁的年纪，有时会觉得有点尴尬。

It's been a little bit embarrassing at times being in my thirties.

但我心里想，不，我想变得坚强。

And I'm like, no, I wanna be strong.

我想度过这段时期。

Like I wanna get through this.

我想看看上帝在我生命中所做的事。

I wanna like look at what God's doing in my life.

但与此同时，我确实感到痛苦。

But at the same time, like I do hurt.

而且我最近注意到，上帝一直放在我心里的是：你正处于这个阶段，是因为你被呼召来谈论它。

And I think people need to hear that side too when I've just noticed lately, like God's been putting it on my heart that you're in this season because you're meant to talk about it.

你需要更多地谈论它。

You need to talk about it more.

我让你身处这个境地，是因为我需要你与其他人分享。

I have you in this this place because I need you to share with these other people.

所以我想更坦诚一些。

And so I wanna be more open.

我看了些旧的节目片段，发现以前当我经历某些事时，就会完全倾泻出来，然后内心渐渐滋生一丝苦毒，必须变得坚强，身体几乎进入生存模式，只想熬过去。

I was watching some old episodes and watching some of my old clips and I used to be just you know when you're going through something and you can just bleed out and then you become you have a little bit of bitterness in your soul and you have to get tough and your body becomes your nervous system almost gets in survival mode of like, have to get through this.

所以我觉得我最近一直在经历这种状态，就是不想再谈论这件事了。

So I think I've I've been going through that a little bit and just feeling like I I don't want to talk about it anymore.

而且别人可能也不想听了。

And people probably don't want to hear it.

但我心里又想，不，我们还是得谈这件事。

And I'm like, no, we need to talk about it.

我在书里已经谈过很多次这个话题了。

I talk about this so much in the book.

我在写这些灵修内容的时候，其实正处在康复的过程中。

I wrote as I wrote in these devotions, I actually was in my healing process.

所以当我回看这些内容时，我觉得特别美好。

And so that's what's so beautiful when I was reading back on this.

我简直不敢相信自己已经走了这么远。

I can't believe how far I've come.

所以我就想，不行。

And so it's like, I'm like, no.

我们要谈谈这个，因为我知道你们觉得这永远都不会结束。

We're gonna talk about this because I know you guys feel like it's never gonna end.

我是不是在受惩罚？

Like I am I being punished?

你的等待期根本不是惩罚。

And your waiting season is the furthest thing from a punishment.

让我告诉你。

Let me tell you.

我在几篇灵修中写过关于等待期的歌唱。

I wrote in a couple devotions about sing the waiting season.

但其中一篇的标题是‘祂的时间，不是我的时间’。

But one of them, the title is His Timeline Not Mine.

我写了几段经文。

A couple of scriptures that I wrote.

我最喜欢的一段，希望你们也能记下来，当脑海中出现‘这会实现吗？’这样的想法时，大声念出来。

One of my favorites and I hope you guys can even write this in your notes and just kind of speak them out loud when the thoughts come of will it ever happen?

到底发生了什么？

What is going on?

就像你感受到的那种深切的渴望与悲伤。

Like these longing aches of grief that you feel.

约翰福音13章7节说：‘我现在所做的，你如今不知道，后来必明白。’

John 13 verse seven says, you do not understand now what I am doing, but you will understand later.

罗马书8章28节说：‘我们晓得万事都互相效力，叫爱神的人得益处，就是按他旨意被召的人。’

Romans eight twenty eight says, we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

传道书3章1节说：‘凡事都有定期，天下万物都有定时。’

Ecclesiastes three verse one says, there is a time for everything and a season for activity under the heavens.

我可以再读一小段。

I can just read a little bit.

我们总喜欢按照自己的时间表做事，急切地想要得到所有美好的事物。

We love to do things in our own timing, eager for all the good things.

我们常常试图跳过过程，按自己的方式行事。

We often try to jump ahead and do things our way.

如果我们想要的事情没有发生，我们就会对上帝失去耐心。

And if what we want doesn't happen, we get impatient with God.

但上帝允许不同的季节有其原因，如果我们试图跳过其中任何一个，可能会错过他的计划。

But God allows different seasons for a reason and we might miss out on his plans if we try to skip any of them.

也许你当前的旷野季节是单身状态。

Maybe your current wilderness season involves singleness.

这并不是因为上帝想要 withhold 好事给你。

This isn't because God wants to withhold good things from you.

他想要与你建立信任，建立一种以他为生命首位的亲密关系。

He wants to build trust with you and to create an intimate relationship where he is first in your life.

如果你在旷野季节中经历艰难处境或挑战，他希望你转向他，而不是跑去依赖别人。

If you experience hard circumstances or challenges in your wilderness season, he wants you to come to him instead of running to other people.

我们的世界舒适物，是因为他爱你，并且想要在你里面塑造一些东西。

Our comforts of the world because he loves you and he wants to build something in you.

他正在利用这段时间，为你预备好迎接他为你安排的下一个新季节。

He is using this time to prepare you to step into whatever new season he has in store for your next.

太糟糕了。

It's so bad.

然后我就只是，随便读点小东西。

And then I just like, I'll just read this little thing.

我经常听说单身有多有趣，但没人告诉我，对于一个一直习惯恋爱的人来说，这会带来多大的冲击。

I often heard how fun singleness could be, but no one prepared me for how much of a shock it would be for someone who was always used to being in a relationship.

当我第一次进入单身的阶段时，说实话，这和有趣或轻松完全沾不上边。

When I entered a season of singleness for the first time, let's just say it was the furthest thing from fun or easy.

天哪。

So Gosh.

我能说一句吗，

Can I just say,

我只是想送你一束花。

I just wanna give you your flowers?

阿里，对于一个从小就被负面想法攻击的人来说。

Ari, for somebody who like has had an attack on your mind your whole life.

嗯。

Mhmm.

撒旦一直告诉你，你不能说话，不能做这个，不能做那个，但你真是个非凡的作家。

And like Satan has always told you that you can't speak and you can't do this and you can't do that, You are such a phenomenal writer.

当我们一起写作时，阅读你的文字深深触动了我。

Reading your words challenged me so deeply as we wrote this together.

你的天赋实在太令人惊叹了。

It is so beyond impressive, your gifting.

你们听了一定会惊呆的。

You guys are it's gonna blow your mind.

我现在就告诉你们，这绝不是阿里写的唯一一本书。

And I'm telling you right now, this is not the only book Ari writes.

阿里会一辈子写书，因为你天生就是个讲故事的高手。

Ari is going to write books her entire life because you are a natural born storyteller.

你总是真情流露。

You wear your heart on your sleeve.

你能复述故事，表达想法，以一种别人根本做不到的方式进行沟通。

You're able to recount stories and and express things and communicate in a way that like other people just can't.

我做不到。

I can't.

有些人有这种天赋，有些人没有。

Some people have it and some people don't.

你写作的方式太惊人了，你们一定会惊呆的。

The way that you write is so you guys are gonna lose your mind.

关于阿里在这本书里的写作。

At Ari's writing in this book.

你们会哭得稀里哗啦。

You're gonna bawl your eyes out.

你太疯狂了。

You are insane.

你上学时成绩不好，撒旦说你不够聪明，把你分到普通班，可你居然如此有天赋。

Are so gifted for somebody who got bad grades in school, and Satan said, you're not smart, and they put you in the class and whatever.

看看你是谁，看看你在做什么。

Look at who you are and look at what you're doing.

谢谢。

Thank you.

你完全配得上这一切，我以生命发誓。

You deserve every bit of it, I swear on my life.

我知道，我非常爱你。

I know, I love you so much.

我也非常爱你。

I love you so much.

我真的没想过我会离开。

Really didn't think I would be gone.

非常感谢你。

Thank you so much.

他们

They're

要疯了。

gonna lose their mind.

你这么说真的太善良了。

Really is so kind of you to say that.

谢谢。

Thank you.

爱你。

Love you.

谢谢。

Thank you.

是的。

Yeah.

我是认真的。

I mean it.

在等着呢，老兄。

Waiting, man.

我的意思是，好吧，各位。

I mean Okay, guys.

你有没有经历过一段关系，却不断产生不必要的疑虑，比如：我爱他们足够吗？

Have you ever been in a relationship and you kept having unwanted doubts like, do I love them enough?

我真的快乐吗？

Am I really happy?

如果上帝为我安排了更好的人怎么办？

What if God has someone better for me?

这些问题让人根本无法忽视。

And those questions felt impossible to ignore.

突然间，你会反复为某些事情或征兆祈祷，不断将自己的关系与他人比较，一遍又一遍地询问朋友的看法，但无论你怎么做，都无法获得平静。

And suddenly you're repeatedly praying for certain things or signs, constantly comparing your relationship to others, asking friends what they think over and over, but you can't find peace no matter what you try.

不必要的感情疑虑会让人感觉如此真实和可怕。

Unwanted relationship doubts can feel so real and scary.

但有一件事你必须明白。

But here's what's important to know.

这样的想法可能是关系型强迫症的征兆。

Thoughts like these can be a sign of relationship OCD.

与人们刻板印象中关于整洁的描述不同，真正的强迫症是一种严重的精神状况，可能会附着在我们所关心的任何事物上。

Unlike the stereotypes about being organized, real OCD is a serious condition that can latch onto anything we care about.

关系型强迫症会制造一种无休止的怀疑与焦虑循环，随后引发各种行为。

Relationship OCD creates this never ending loop of doubt and anxiety, followed by behaviours.

你确实会尝试让自己感觉好一些，但这种缓解从不持久。

You do try to feel better, but the relief never lasts.

但强迫症不必主宰你的关系，因为它可以通过一种名为暴露与反应预防（ERP）的专项疗法得到有效治疗。

But OCD doesn't have to take over your relationships because it's highly treatable with a type of specialised therapy called exposure response prevention, or ERP.

这就是为什么我想向你们介绍NOCD。

And that's why I want to tell you about NOCD.

NOCD是全球领先的强迫症治疗机构，其所有持证治疗师都专精于ERP疗法。

NOCD is the world's leading OCD treatment provider, and all of their licensed therapists specialise in ERP.

通过NOCD进行的治疗完全在线上进行，已覆盖超过1.38亿美国人的保险范围，并包含疗程间的持续支持。

Therapy with NOCD is 100% virtual, covered by insurance for over 138,000,000 Americans and includes support between sessions.

他们的治疗师经过充分培训，深刻理解并随时准备帮助你重建关系。

Their therapists are extensively trained, deeply understanding and ready to help you reclaim your relationships.

如果这些话让你或你关心的人产生了共鸣，请访问 nocd.com，预约一次免费的十五分钟通话，了解更多 NOCD 如何帮助你。

If any of this sounds like you or someone you care about, visit nocd.com and book a free fifteen minute call to learn more about how NoCD can help.

那就是 nocd.com。

That's nocd.com.

晚餐是每天唯一一个每次都让我措手不及的时刻。

Dinner is the one part of the day that still catches me off guard every time.

明明知道它要来，可我还是毫无准备。

Like, know it's coming and somehow I'm still unprepared.

你熬过了一整天，然后突然间，还得决定吃什么。

You get through the whole day and then suddenly it's like, now we also have to figure out what to eat.

不仅要吃，还要决定、做饭、收拾。

And not just eat, decide, cook, clean.

这太繁琐了。

It's a lot.

这就是为什么我一直在使用Tovala。

Which is why I've been using Tovala.

本播客由Tovala赞助，它真的让晚餐变得简单多了。

This podcast is sponsored by Tovala, and it's honestly made dinner a lot simpler.

Tovala是一家餐食配送服务，同时还配有一个智能烤箱。你可以收到新鲜的餐食，扫描二维码，放进烤箱，剩下的就全交给烤箱处理了。

Tovala is a meal delivery service, but it also comes with a smart oven So you can get fresh meals, you can scan the QR code, put it in, and the oven just handles everything.

它能蒸、烤、炙烤，全部都能搞定。

It steams, bakes, broils, all of it.

你不需要猜任何东西，这很好，因为我每次都会猜错。

You don't have to guess anything, which is good because I will guess wrong every time.

前几天，我吃了裹着面包屑和香草的三文鱼，配甜薯泥和芥末奶油酱，我当时就想，好吧。

The other night, I had the panko herb crusted salmon with sweet potato mash and mustard cream sauce, and I was like, okay.

这真的很好吃。

This is actually really good.

吃起来感觉是我花了很多心思做的，但实际上我根本没动手。

Like, it tastes like I put the effort in, and I did not.

而且它吃起来真的像正经饭菜，而不是那种你边吃边告诉自己凑合算了的食物。

And it actually tastes like real food, not like something you're eating while telling yourself this is fine.

而且它还节省了大量时间，因为这不仅仅是做饭，还包括决定吃什么、买菜、备餐、清理等所有事情。

And it also saves so much time because it's not just cooking, it's deciding, grocery shopping, prepping, cleaning, all of that.

而它把这些麻烦全都替你解决了。

And this just takes that off your plate.

而且这个烤箱还能用来做其他东西。

And the oven works for other stuff too.

你可以扫描冷冻餐或华夫饼等商品，它就知道该怎么烹饪，虽然感觉有点多余，但又真的很棒。

You can scan groceries like frozen meals or waffles, and it just knows how to cook them, which feels a little unnecessary, but also amazing.

到了这个阶段，任何能让我在一天结束时减少决策的事情，我都愿意接受。

At this point, anything that removes decisions at the end of the day, I'm in.

限时优惠：作为《Girls Gone Bible》的听众，只要你订购超过6次餐食，就可以仅以49美元的价格获得Tovala智能烤箱，并享受免费配送。

For a limited time because you are a Girls Gone Bible listener, you can get Tovala Smart Oven for just $49 plus free shipping when you order your meals more than 6x.

请前往 tovala.com/ggb 并使用我的代码 g g b。

Just go to tovala.com/ggb and use my code g g b.

当你前往 tovala.com/ggb 并使用促销码 g g b 时，这款 Tovala 智能烤箱只需 49 美元。

That's a $49 Tovala smart oven when you head to tovala.com/ggb and use promo code g g b.

最后一次提醒，访问 tovala.com，别忘了使用我的促销码 g g b。

One last time, that's tovala.com and make sure you use my promo code g g b.

记住，有了 Tovala，晚餐完全不用操心。

Remember, with Tovala, dinner is taken care of.

等待的时期真的很残酷。

Waiting seasons are they're brutal.

它们太残酷了。

They're so brutal.

你的等待期也特别艰难。

And your waiting season has been so hard.

你能跟我讲讲你故事中我特别喜欢的那段吗？我不是因为为你高兴而喜欢，而是因为你的生活原本朝着某个方向发展，然后一切都被夺走了，你不得不彻底转向，重新回到原点。

Can you just take us through I think one part of your story that I love so much, I don't love it for you, but this idea that like your life was headed a direction and then everything got taken from you and you had to completely make a one eighty and and like you found yourself back to square one after everything was taken.

所以，你能谈谈那段时间是什么感觉吗？

And so can you just talk about what that was like?

三十多岁时，一切都被彻底剥夺，这种感觉非常震撼。

To be in your thirties and to have everything just completely stripped from you was it was so jarring.

进入三十多岁后，社会会让你觉得一切都已经定型了。

And you get into your thirties because society makes you feel like like that's it.

如果你还没结婚，或者还没找到自己的事业，那就放弃吧，因为一切都结束了。

Like if you haven't already been married or if you already haven't found your career, like hang it up because it's done.

是的。

Mhmm.

所以我感觉我的人生结束了。

And so I felt like my life was over.

我真的觉得我的时间到了尽头。

Like I really I I felt like my time was up.

我记得当时心想，我该如何继续走下去呢？

And I remember feeling like, how will I ever move on?

是的。

Mhmm.

我怎么能接受呢？她是我如此深爱的人。

Like how will I ever like this was someone I loved so much.

这到底是为什么？为什么会发生这种事？

Like how like why is this happening?

我不希望这样，我记得无数个夜晚，我跪在地上苦苦哀求。

Like I don't I don't want I just remember so many nights just being on my hands and knees and bargaining.

求求你，求求你，别把这一切从我身边带走。

Being like, please, please don't take this away from me.

这到底是为什么？

Like this is why?

你根本无法理解。

Like you have no idea.

即使我正经历着地狱般的痛苦，但想到我找到了一个如此深爱、准备与之结婚的人，这支撑我度过了所有难关。

I could be going through hell, but knowing that I had someone that I found that I loved so much that I was gonna marry, like it got me through everything.

你知道吗？

Like, you know?

当这一切消失时，那种悲伤简直令人无法承受。

And so when that was gone, it was just, it was so unbearable, the grief.

所以当发生这件事时，我之前在节目一开始时提到过，我经历了整整几天的彻底孤立。

So when that happened, and I've shared this when I first started the episode, going through days of like complete isolation.

我跟你们说过，我每天都会去这个公园，那时我完全与世隔绝。

Like I've shared with you guys, I would go to this park every day and I would like I was completely isolated.

我的朋友都没有住在洛杉矶。

None of my friends lived in LA.

我会一个人坐在公园里，感受着那股悲伤。

And I would be in this park and I would just be sitting there and like the grief.

我当时真的觉得自己快死了。

Like I I was like just I was dying.

情感上我濒临崩溃，只是坐在那里，心如刀割。

Like emotionally I was dying and I'd just be sitting there and I'd be gutted.

我会想，我该怎么办？

And I'd be like, what am I gonna do?

我该怎么办？我该怎么办？我该怎么办？

Like what what what am I gonna do?

所以我每天坐在这个公园里，经历了炼狱般的痛苦。

And so I'm sitting in this park every day and I went through hell.

我经历的这种炼狱，只有我和上帝才能理解。

I went through a hell that no one will ever be able to understand but me and God.

我拼命挣扎，直到我意识到，我真的再也撑不下去了。

I fought so hard to the point where I was like, I cannot fight anymore.

我情绪上病得厉害，而且精疲力尽。

Like I was so sick emotionally, and I was so tired.

我以为我的生命就要结束了。

And I just thought my time was up.

我身无分文。

And I had no money.

我没有事业。

I had no career.

我爱的那个人彻底离开了，再也没有说过任何话。

The guy that I loved just completely left and never said anything again.

你能跟他们说说那是什么感觉吗？

Can you just tell them about what it was like?

因为我觉得，对于那些重新开始的人来说，这真的很重要。

Because I feel like for people who start over, like that's such a thing for people.

你能谈谈你是怎么从那种美好的生活、美好的家、所有这些，突然发现自己住在伍德兰兹的一间小公寓里的吗？

Can you talk about how you go from like being in this like beautiful situation, a beautiful home, like all this stuff, and then you find yourself in a studio in Woodland Hills.

你几乎没钱付房租，只是到处找工作，是的。

Like you had barely any money to pay your rent and you're just like, and you're looking for jobs Yeah.

就像以前那样。

Like before.

你就会想，我们是怎么从……

And you're like, how did we go from

谢谢你问起这件事。

Thanks this to for asking about that.

是的。

Yeah.

我有我的人，我感到安全。

I had my person and I was safe.

对吧？

Right?

然后它就消失了。

And then it's gone.

感觉就像一夜之间，一切都消失了。

It felt like it was just overnight it was gone.

所以我有这么多希望和梦想，我以为我会拥有一个家，计划婚礼，过这样的生活，开启我的人生。

So I have all these hopes and dreams And I'm thinking I'm going to be having a home and planning my wedding and doing this life, starting my life.

然后突然有一天，一切都没了。

And then all of a sudden, one day everything is gone.

我住在一间小小的公寓里，坐在地板上，抬头看着，心想：接下来怎么办？

And I'm in this little studio apartment and I'm sitting on my floor and I'm looking up and I'm like, like what now?

就像现在怎么办？

Like like what now?

我怎么可能再好起来？

Like how will I ever be okay again?

怎么办？

Like how?

我会去，而且我

And I would and I

我在阿戈拉山找到一位治疗师，我会去见她，她说从未见过有人如此痛苦。

found this like therapist in Agora Hills and I would go to her and she said she's never seen anyone in that much pain.

那位治疗师会抱着我，那时我身边没有人，她会把我抱在怀里，我会问：这一切会过去吗？

And she would my this therapist would hold me and she would just be like, I had no one at this time and she would like hold me in her arms and I would be like, is it ever gonna go away?

那是我生命中最黑暗的时期，我会坐在那个公园里，抬头看着，

And it was just so it was so dark this time of my life, and I would sit in that park, and I would look up, and

我只是想，这不可能是真的。

I would just be like, this isn't real.

这感觉不真实。

Like this isn't real.

就像他会好起来的，一切都会好起来的。

Like it's it's he's, like it's gonna work out again.

我只是在努力弄清楚我人生接下来要做什么，因为我曾经有这些希望和梦想，但现在全都消失了。

And just like trying to figure out what I'm gonna do with my life because I had these hopes and dreams and it was all gone.

全都消失了。

It was just gone.

我不知道人生接下来该做什么。

And I didn't know what to do with my life.

我觉得自己不够格。

I didn't feel adequate.

我觉得自己不值得。

I didn't feel worthy.

我记得那时候我去过一些养老院，我跟你说过，但那时候我去养老院。

I remember at the time I was going to I told you this, but I was going to like elderly homes.

我一直渴望帮助别人，曾努力申请去养老院工作，还试图创办一个帮助孩子的组织，但所有事情都泡汤了。

Like I always had this longing to help other people, and I was trying to to get jobs at elderly homes, and I tried to start an organization to help kids, and just everything was falling through.

什么都没发生。

Nothing was happening.

我在ZipRecruiter上找工作的，但没人愿意雇我。

I was on ZipRecruiter trying to find jobs, and no one would hire me.

这简直太疯狂了。

Like, it was crazy.

我真的很能理解约伯，因为约伯说，我最害怕的事情真的发生了，而我最担心的事确实发生了。

I I was like, I literally relate to Job so much because like Job says, the very thing I fear happened to me, and the very thing that I feared had happened to me.

我一个人坐在三十多岁的年纪，待在狭小昏暗的公寓里。

And I'm just sitting in my thirties alone in this small dark apartment.

我当时真的已经放弃了。

And I was so I was I was done.

我真的放弃了。

I was done.

而我根本不知道，那是上帝赐予我的最伟大的礼物。

And little did I know that it was God's greatest gift to me.

上帝赐予我的最伟大的礼物。

God's greatest gift to me.

我常常想到那些我本可能做出、却几乎做出的决定，因为我太累了，也因为我病得太重。

I think about the decisions that I could have made and that I almost made because I was so tired and because I was so sick.

我非常理解那些人，因为当你精疲力尽时，悲痛会如此强烈地吞噬你。

And I feel so much for people because you're so tired and the grief takes over you so much.

我那时所承受的痛苦就是如此之深。

That's how much pain I was in.

我当时太累了，你知道我有多累。

Like I was so tired and you know how tired I was.

所以我能理解很多人，因为我懂得那种悲痛与痛苦的感觉。

And so I feel for so many people because I know that feeling of grief and pain.

这并不仅仅是因为心碎。

And it's not just because of a heartbreak.

这还不止如此。

It it's it's more than that.

你就是感觉彻底被击垮了。

It's like, you you just feel so defeated.

你会觉得生活可能变得如此艰难，如果你任由它发展，它会把你吞噬。

You feel like life can get so hard and it can eat you alive if you let it.

真的会这样。

It really can.

所以我常想，它差点就把我击倒了。

And so I think about how it almost did take me out.

这就是为什么我今天要谈这个，因为我希望我能成为你们的榜样，因为我本可能走上那条路。

And so this is why I talk about this today because I hope that I can be an example for you guys because I could have went that way.

对吧？

Right?

我本可以只是坐着抱怨，蜷缩在那个小工作室里。

I could have just sat and complained and sat in that little studio.

我本可以躲在黑暗里哭泣，任由岁月流逝。

I could have sat in the dark and cried and years could have went by.

我知道很多人就是这样。

And I know many people that that happens to.

或者我本可以走上另一条路。

Or I could have went the other way.

感谢上帝，我没有那样做。

Thank God I didn't.

我记得在遇见耶稣之前，我试过所有其他方法。

I remember before I met Jesus, I tried everything else.

祂是我最后的希望。

He was my last resort.

我找过通灵者。

I called psychics.

我有个幸运石。

I had the lucky rock.

我当时在努力，一直在听关于吸引法则的有声书。

I was trying, I was like listening to books on manifesting.

我真的试过所有方法了。

Like I was like, I tried everything.

我本可以坐在那里自怨自艾，长期陷入抑郁之中。

I I could have sat and wallowed in pity and and just been in depression for years.

但我感谢上帝，我选择了抗争。

But I thank God that I fought.

所以那天我在那间教会遇见耶稣时——我经常提到这件事——那是我一生中第一次感受到的一丝希望和安全感。

So when I found Jesus in that church that day, I talk about this a lot, but it was that little bit of hope and safety that I found for the first time in my life.

我紧紧抓住了它，也希望你们也能抓住它。

And I held onto that, and I hope you guys can too.

我记得，他赐予我最伟大的礼物，就是让我经历苦难，没有立刻医治我，而是让我持续等候。

And I just remember, like, the greatest gift that he did for me, he let me suffer, and he didn't heal me overnight, and he kept me in the waiting.

我本可以像我一生中一直做的那样，因为我从未真正孤单过。

And I could have, like I always have my whole life, because I've I've never been alone.

是的

Yeah.

我本可以贴个创可贴了事，去找别人帮忙，但我没有。

I could have put a band aid over the wound and I could have went to somebody else, and I didn't.

他让我一直与他同在。

And he kept me just with him.

我的一切就是从那时开始的。

And that's how it all started for me.

我会一整天坐在教堂里，和他交谈。

And I would just sit in this church all day, and I would just talk to him.

正是通过我的苦难，才建立了我和他之间的关系与依赖。

And like through my suffering, that's what produced my relationship with him and the dependency.

那时我才明白，我知道耶稣是真实的。

And that's when I knew that, that's how I knew Jesus was real.

约伯记的结尾说：我从前风闻有你，现在亲眼看见你。

At the end of Job, he says, I've heard about you my whole life, but now I see you with my own eyes.

我一直在思考，我们真正能留下的是什么。

I've been thinking about what we can actually leave behind.

不仅仅是回忆，还有结构。

Not just memories, but structure.

那些在我们不在时，能帮助我们所爱之人的东西。

The things that help the people we love when we're not there.

因为如果你有家人，你不想给他们留下疑问。

Because if you have family, you don't want to leave them with questions.

你希望给他们清晰和安宁。

You want to leave them with clarity, with peace.

但大多数人总是推迟这件事。

But most of us put that off.

这感觉像是件需要费力解决的大事，我们告诉自己以后再处理。

It feels like a big thing to figure out or we tell ourselves that and we get to it later.

而后来，却一再推迟。

And then later just keeps moving.

这就是为什么我重视信托和遗嘱。

That's why I appreciate trust and will.

它让原本令人不知所措的事情变得简单。

It makes something that feels overwhelming actually simple.

你可以在大约三十分钟内立一份遗嘱，涵盖监护权、资产分配和医疗决策，而且它被设计为能随你的人生一起成长。

You can create a will in about thirty minutes covering things like guardianship, asset distribution and health care decisions, and it's designed to grow with you.

因此，随着你生活的变化，你的计划也可以随之调整。

So as your life changes, your plan can change too.

而且，知道你没有给家人留下负担，这本身就有非常深远的意义。

There's also something really meaningful about knowing you're not leaving your family with a burden.

你是在为他们腾出空间，空间去哀悼，空间去团聚。

You're giving them space, space to grieve, space to be together.

老实说，这件事在你去做之前总觉得沉重无比。

And honestly, it's one of those things that feels heavy until you do it.

但做完之后，你会觉得：好吧，总算把这事解决了。

And then you're like, Okay, I'm glad that's taken care of.

今天、明天乃至未来，用Trust and Will保护您的遗产和亲人。

Protect your legacy and your loved ones today, tomorrow and beyond with Trust and Will.

在线遗产规划最值得信赖的品牌。

The most trusted name in online estate planning.

前往 trustandwill.com/ggb，享受8折优惠。

Go to trustandwill.com/ggb and get 20% off.

访问 trustandwill.com/ggb，获取您的8折优惠。

That's trustandwill.com/ggb to get your 20% off.

trustandwill.com/ggb 好吧，你知道我意识到什么了吗？

Trustandwill.com/ggb Okay, you know what I've realized?

有些账单我们从来不会质疑。

There are certain bills we just don't question.

我们只是继续支付它们。

We just keep paying them.

比如你的电话费。

Like your phone bill.

你每个月都会看一眼。

You look at it every month.

嗯，我想这就是现在生存的成本吧。

Like, Okay, I guess that's what it costs to exist now.

那就是我。

That was me.

我甚至都不再比较了。

I wasn't even comparing anymore.

我只是接受了。

I just accepted it.

然后我发现了Mint Mobile，我突然意识到：等等，我为什么要这样对自己？

And then I found Mint Mobile and I had a small amount of, wait, why have I been doing this to myself?

因为你得到的是一样的服务：无限通话、短信和流量，但你支付的费用远低于你以为必须支付的金额，而那显然远远超出了必要水平。

Because you're getting the same thing, unlimited talk, tax, data, but you're not paying what you think you have to pay, which apparently was a lot more than necessary.

更换很简单。

Switching is simple.

你保留你的手机和号码。

You keep your phone, your number.

你可以在几分钟内激活它。

You can activate it in minutes.

没有合同，没有漫长的过程让你中途后悔自己的选择。

No contracts, no long process where you regret your life choices halfway through.

现在他们正在为三个月、六个月或十二个月的套餐提供五折优惠。

And right now they're offering 50% off three, six or twelve month plans.

现在尝试它其实非常容易。

It's actually a really easy time to try it.

如果我需要这个，我就会用它。

If I needed this, it's what I'd use.

至少，你不妨问问自己，为什么还在支付这么高的费用。

At the very least, it might be worth asking yourself why you're still paying what you're paying.

准备好停止支付不必要的费用了吗？

Ready to stop paying more than you have to?

新客户今天就可以切换，限时享受每月仅15美元的无限高级无线服务。

New customers can make the switch today and for a limited time get unlimited premium wireless for just $15 per month.

立即前往 mintmobile.com/ggb 切换。

Switch now at mintmobile.com/ggb.

就是 mintmobile.com/ggb。

That's mintmobile.com/ggb.

需要一次性支付45美元用于三个月、90美元用于六个月或180美元用于十二个月的套餐。

Upfront payment of $45 for three months, 90 for six months or $180 for twelve month plan required.

相当于每月15美元。

Dollars 15 a month equivalent.

额外收取税费和费用。

Taxes and fees extra.

仅限初始套餐期限。

Initial plan term only.

当网络繁忙时，超过50GB的流量可能会变慢。

Over 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy.

需要兼容的设备。

Capable device required.

可用性、速度和覆盖范围因地区而异。

Availability, speed, and coverage varies.

另有其他条款适用。

Additional terms apply.

请访问 mintmobile.com。

See mintmobile.com.

正是通过我的苦难，我才真正用双眼看见了耶稣。

And it was through my suffering that I really got to see Jesus with my own two eyes.

在那些充满悲痛、呼喊哭泣的日子里，只有我和他相伴。

Through the days of being in such grief and crying out, and it was just me and him.

因此，我们可以选择两条路。

And so we can go two ways.

我们可以沉溺于抑郁，也可以选择抗争。

We can sit in the depression or we can fight.

我简直不敢相信，我竟成了这样的女人。

And I can't quite believe the woman that I am.

这全靠这段等待的时光。

And it was only because of this waiting season.

我始终紧握着你曾告诉我的那个画面——你看到的我，我永远不会忘记，你看到的是我最糟糕的时候，那时我极度抑郁，而你眼中的我，穿着白色婚纱，容光焕发、快乐而坚强。

And I held on to that vision that you always told me about the me, that when you saw me and I'll never forget it, you saw me in my worst when I was so depressed and that vision of you that you saw me, of me in that white dress and I'm glowing and I'm happy and I'm strong.

是的，你很坚强。

Yeah, you're strong.

我始终紧握着那个画面。

And I held on to that vision.

而现在的我，就是那个女人。

And I'm that woman now.

是的，你就是。

Yeah, you are.

这一切都只因为我的等待时光，这段等待，真的太疯狂了。

And that is only because of my waiting season, and this waiting season, man, it has been so insane.

但我已经习惯了不舒服的状态。

But I've gotten really comfortable with being uncomfortable.

是的，你确实如此。

Yeah, you have.

我可以平静地醒来。

And I can wake up in peace.

我爱自己，也对自己感到自在。

And I love myself and I'm comfortable with myself.

我简直不敢相信，我真的没想到自己会走到这一步。

And I can't quite believe like, I can't believe that I'm I'm in this place.

我从未想过自己会如此接纳自己。

I never thought I would ever be comfortable with myself.

我以前从来无法接纳自己。

I was never comfortable with myself.

我甚至无法和朋友相处而不 obsess 于别人。

I couldn't even be with friends with obsessing about somebody else.

我总是需要某样东西或某个人来填补那个空虚。

I always needed something or someone to fill that void.

这就是为什么我内心从未平静过，因为我总想用别人来填补那个空虚。

And that's why I never had peace in my mind because I was always trying to fill the void with somebody else.

所以，如果上帝在32岁的时候带走了那个女孩，并在八个月的完全顺服与依赖中改变了我的人生，

And so if God took a girl at 32 and change my life in eight months of complete surrender and dependency.

他也能带走此刻正在聆听的你们每一个人，那些正经历这段艰难等待期的人，因为我并不比你们更优秀。

He can take every single one of you guys that is listening right now that is going through this grueling waiting season, because I'm not better than you.

他不会偏爱任何人。

And he doesn't favor anyone above the other.

他爱我们所有人，都是一样的。

He loves us just the same.

但我知道，关于这段等待期，我本可以让它变得更漫长，本可以一直被困住。

But what I know about the waiting season is I could have lengthened my season so much and I could have stayed stuck.

但你看，上帝为我预备了什么。

But look at what God had for me.

看看神为我所做的，看看我的人生，你们各位。

Look at what God Look at my life, you guys.

看看他在我生命中成就了什么，因为我没有停滞不前。

Look at what he did in my life because I didn't stay stuck.

我没有屈服。

I didn't give in.

我与他争战。

I fought with him.

我向他降服。

I surrendered to him.

我爱他。

I loved him.

我对他有心，也对他有渴慕。

I had a heart for him and a hunger for him.

而这一切只因为我曾独自一人。

And that was only because I was alone.

是的

Yeah.

那只是因为我明白了什么是真爱。

That was only because I learned what true love is.

就像我的心需要爱。

Like my heart needed love.

它需要安全感。

It needed safety.

它需要平静，也需要希望。

It needed peace and it needed hope.

我一直以为这些能在别人身上找到。

And I always thought that was found in somebody else.

是的

Yeah.

但我意识到，这些只有在耶稣里才能找到。

But I realized that that's only found in Jesus.

当你在耶稣里找到它时，他会为你带来一个能给予你爱与希望的人。

And then when you find it in Jesus, he will bring you someone that brings you love and brings you hope.

但如果你只是在别人身上寻找爱与希望，你总会感到空虚。

But if you're only searching if you only are searching for that in somebody else, you will always come up feeling empty.

关于等候的季节，我能说的太多了。

There's so much I can say about the waiting season.

一切都不会白费。

Nothing is wasted.

他从不浪费任何事。

He does not waste anything.

我记得当初在事业上，我非常渴望某件事。

If he would have brought I remember even going back to my career being like, I want this so bad.

我想帮助别人。

I want to help people.

如果他早在几个月前就赐给我这些，我也不会准备好接受。

I want my If he would have brought me anything even a like couple months earlier, I would not have been ready for it.

他所做的一切，我挣扎了多年，但他没有浪费我经历的任何事。

So everything he was doing, I struggled for years and years and years, but he did not waste anything I went through.

甚至回望我的职业生涯。

Even going back to my career.

我想起我上过的所有课程，所有接受过的培训。

I think about all the classes I took, all this training I did.

这些都为我登上银幕做好了准备。

It prepared me to be on film.

这些都为我演讲做好了准备。

It prepared me to speak.

这些都为我应对一切做好了准备。

It prepared me for everything.

所以，没有什么是浪费的。

So nothing is wasted.

他使用一切。

He uses everything.

每一个痛苦的瞬间，他都利用了。

Every single moment of pain, he used.

你感觉被浪费的每一天，其实都没有浪费。

Every day that you feel like is being wasted, it's not.

一切都没有浪费，即使你事业失败了，也没有。

Everything, even if like you have a failed career, it's not.

他知道你内心深处的渴望。

He knows the desires in your heart.

我非常渴望表演，而他利用了我所有的一切，就像他利用了它们一样。

I had such a desire to act, but he used all of the things that I I like he used it.

他利用了它们。

He used it.

他为我们的缘故使用了它们。

He used it for us.

你的等候期，与远比你个人更宏大的事物紧密相连。

Your waiting season is connected to so much more than just you.

我在这些节目中领悟到了很多。

I learned that so much in the shows.

我无法告诉你有多少人来找我，说他们正处于等待的季节，但他们能够坚持下来，是因为你的故事让他们不觉得孤单。

I can't tell you how many of you guys have come up to me and said, I am in this waiting season, but I am able to do it because I don't feel alone because of your story.

要明白，你的等待季节与你作为他人的一粒种子紧密相连。

Understand that your waiting season is connected to you're a seed to somebody else.

你是他人信心的一粒种子。

You're a seed of faith to somebody else.

我已经成为所有目前单身之人的信心种子。

I have been able to be a seed of faith for everybody that is single right now.

听我说，当我说你的等待季节——我知道很多人这么说，但你的等待季节确实是预备。

Listen to me when I tell you this that your your waiting season, and I know so many people say this, but your waiting season truly is preparation.

它就是预备。

It is preparation.

看看今天的我，这一切都是在等待的季节里成就的。

I look at this woman that I am today, it was only done in the waiting season.

对于一个一直处在恋爱关系中的人而言，我不得不进入这个只与耶稣相伴的季节。

For someone that was always in relationships, I had to be in this season of just with Jesus.

我不得不直面自己。

I had to face myself.

我不得不学会醒来。

I had to learn to wake up.

我能给你举个例子吗？

Can I give you an example?

我必须学会如何醒来，并且对自己感到满足。

I had to learn how to wake up and feel content with myself.

是的。

Yeah.

然后，我的预备过程也是如此，我简直不敢相信，仅凭自己和耶稣，我竟完成了这么多事。

And then like my preparation too, like I've gotten to I I can't believe what I've gotten to accomplish being on my own with just Jesus.

我无法想象，如果在我新信仰、学习成长的这段时期，身边有别人会怎样。

I can't imagine if I would have had someone during this time of my new faith, of learning.