我们回来了，宝贝 | 女孩们去读圣经

不。

No.

什么意思

What do

对我来说？

mean to me?

琳达。

Linda.

听好了，琳达。

Listen Linda.

琳达到底是什么意思？

What does Linda mean again?

没什么。

Nothing.

我的意思是，它在西班牙语里意思是‘漂亮’，但听好了，琳达。

Well, I mean, it means pretty in Spanish but Oh, listen Linda.

听好了，琳达。

Listen, Linda.

听着。

Listen.

这是一段视频。

It's a video.

我

I

所以在我们的休息时间，我开始认真做饭了。

so during our time off, I really just started to cook meals.

真不错。

Good for you.

而且我迷上了。

And I am obsessed.

这成了我的新爱好。

It is my new thing.

这是我的热情所在。

It's my passion.

我以前从没做过饭。

Never been a cooker.

它已经变得如此有疗愈效果。

I have it has become so therapeutic.

我知道我经常提到这个，但我患有多囊卵巢综合征。

So I know I talk about this a lot, but I have PCOS.

而且我可能没有尽最大努力照顾好自己。

And it's probably I probably don't take care of it the best of my ability.

我喜欢甜食，也喜欢去吃晚餐。

So I love sweets, and I love to go to dinners.

但即使在高档餐厅，我们也不清楚他们到底用了什么食材。

But even at nice restaurants, we don't know really what they're cooking with.

所以在我们的假期期间，我开始查找食谱并自己动手做。

So I started during our time off, would just make like I would look up recipes and I started making them.

我真的很喜欢这个。

I actually love that.

是的。

Yeah.

我变得非常擅长了。

Got so good at it.

现在这已经成了我的小疗愈方式。

And now it's just become like my little therapy.

每天我都会在Pinterest上找一个新的食谱，开始烘焙，感觉特别好。

And every day, I'll look up a new recipe on Pinterest, and I started baking, and I feel so good.

这太有趣了。

That's so fun.

我早上在做奶昔。

I'm making smoothies in the morning.

其实，我以前每天起床都会去买奶昔、吃午餐，我觉得这样挺好——甚至有个女朋友告诉我，她说，在我成为妻子之前，我就开始为成为妻子做准备了。

Mean, I used to wake up every day, go get a smoothie, get lunch, and it's like and I think it's good to, like, to even a girlfriend told me, she was like, before I became a wife, I started to prepare to be a wife.

所以我开始自己查找食谱，和妈妈一起做饭。

And so I would start, like, looking up recipes and cook by myself and with my mom.

我觉得这太棒了。

And I was like, that is so good.

这真是个很好的见解，因为我觉得，是的。

Like, that's such a good insight because I'm like, yeah.

因为当我结婚时，我想知道如何做饭，能自己做，那为什么不现在就开始呢？是的。

Because when I get married, I wanna know how to cook meals like And be able to do so why not do it now Yes.

在结婚之前。

Before I'm married.

天哪，这简直就是箴言31章。

Dude, is so proverbs 31.

太惊人了。

It's insane.

我就像个小小的箴言30章，老兄，

I'm like a little proverbs 30 Dude,

你正在准备。

you're preparing.

不是早上喂山羊，但是

Not feeding the goats in the morning, but

总之，大家好，我是安。

Anyways, hi guys, I'm Ang.

我是阿里。

And I'm Ari.

这是《女孩们远离圣经》。

And this is Girls Gone Bible.

我们是一个以信仰为基础的播客，讨论所有与灵性、心理健康、圣经相关的话题，但我们所谈的一切都根植于我们的主和救主耶稣基督。

We are a faith based podcast where we talk all things spirituality, mental health, the bible, but everything we talk about is rooted in our Lord and savior, Jesus Christ.

我们是一个基督教播客，与你们一同踏上旅程，经历生活的喜乐、痛苦与苦难，经历最高的巅峰和最低的谷底，最终回归到一件事上。

We are a Christian podcast where we are on a journey with you guys, going through life, moving through joy and pain and suffering and the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, coming back to one thing.

我们每个人都在过着自己独特的生活，经历着各自的情况。

All of us, we all are living our very own lives, going through our own situations.

我们每个人的旅程都如此独特，但我们都被同一件事所锚定，那就是耶稣基督的死亡、埋葬和复活。

All of our journeys are so unique, but we all are anchored in the very same thing and that is the death, the burial, and the resurrection of Jesus Christ.

我觉得这一点非常重要。

I think that's so important to say.

今天我们要聊的内容很多，各位。

We have a lot to talk about today, you guys.

我们离开了一段时间，你们一定想知道发生了什么，我们会告诉你们一切。

We've been gone for a little while, and you guys wanna know what's up, and we're gonna tell you what's up.

我们只想让你们知道，能和你们在一起我们真的非常开心。

And we just want you to know we're so happy to be with you guys.

我们很想你们。

We missed you.

我们很想拍摄。

We missed filming.

我们很想感受到与你们的连接。

We missed feeling connected to you.

我认为这确实向我们展示了，当我们休息一段时间时，我们与你们所有人是多么紧密地联系在一起。

I think it definitely shows us when we take time off, like how deeply connected we are to all of you.

尽管休息对我们来说是最好的选择。

Even though taking time off was the best thing we could have done for ourselves.

我们真的非常非常非常想念你们。

Like, we truly missed you guys so so so much.

是的。

Yeah.

我想我之前也说过这一点。

I think that's I said that too earlier.

我当时就想，我知道这就是我们的使命，因为尽管休息非常惬意，但我满脑子想的都是回到这里，和你们、和他们在一起。

I was like, I know this is our purpose because even though it was so nice to rest, all I could think about was just being back here with you and with them.

我真的很想念这一切，能回到这里真是太好了。

And it's just I've missed it so much and it's so good to be back here.

能回来真是太好了。

It's so good to be back.

我简直不敢相信我们休了一个月。

I can't believe we took one month off.

这是我们三年来第一次休这么长时间的假。

That's the first time in three years that we've taken that much time off.

我们圣诞节休过，但那是第一次。

We took Christmas, but that was the first time.

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

好了，各位。

Alright, guys.

我们直接开始吧。

We're just gonna get into it.

我们就像闺蜜一样跟你们聊聊。

We're just gonna talk to you like BFFs.

我们有太多事情要聊了。

We have so much to talk about.

我们从哪里开始呢？

Where do we start?

我和阿里各自，有时也一起，经历了非常特别的旅程。

Ari and I have been walking really interesting journeys, both of us individually at times together.

我们首先想让你们知道的一件事，是我最近正在经历的事情。

The first thing that we wanna let you guys know about is something that I've been walking through.

最近，我经历了一段分手。

Recently, I've been through a breakup.

这本来是我很想保密的事情，因为这实在太私密了。

And this is something that I would have loved to keep private because it is such like a private situation.

但既然你们是真正关心我的人，而我也一直向你们敞开心扉，我就简单说说这件事。

However, because you guys are people and I've let you guys in on that quite a bit, I'll just say this about the situation.

我们彼此深爱着对方。

We loved each other very much.

我们为这段关系付出了很多努力。

And we tried so hard to make our relationship work.

但最终还是没能成功。

And it just ultimately didn't work.

这真让人难过。

And that sucks.

这是一段我不得不经历的非常特别的旅程。

And it's been a really interesting journey that I've had to go on.

随着时间推移，我会和你们分享关于哀伤及其真实感受的过程。

Something that I will be letting you guys in on as time goes on is just the process of grief and what that's like.

今天来到这里，我必须说，我对哀伤和失去并没有什么深刻而美好的见解，我只是在摸索中前行。

And as I come on here today, I have to say like I don't have some big beautiful message on grief and loss and how to walk through that because I'm just stumbling through it as I go.

Ari 和我在过程初期就拍了一些内容，我也提过这一点。

Ari and I filmed kind of early on into the process and I like mentioned it.

在我周四剪辑那集、准备第二天发布的时，我突然感受到主对我说：你现在不需要公开这些。

And I As I was editing that episode on a Thursday before releasing it the next day, I just felt the Lord be like, you don't need to expose this right now.

我想在你愈合的时候守护着你。

Like, I wanna cover you as you heal.

我感受到一种强烈的守护，嗯。

And I felt this, like, really intense covering Mhmm.

来自耶稣的守护。

Of Jesus.

就是觉得，你不需要在别人面前做这件事。

Like, just being like, you don't need to do this in front of people.

这件事不需要公之于众。

This doesn't need to be exposed.

这仅仅属于你一个人。

This is just for you.

脆弱是很美好的，但你不需要过度暴露自己和你的过程。

Vulnerability is amazing, but like, you don't need to exploit yourself and and your process.

我当时就想，当然如此。

And I was like, absolutely.

这真是一段旅程，各位。

And so it's been a journey, you guys.

我想说的是，我非常感恩的是，这种情况彻底改变了我对待心理健康和信仰的方式。

And what I'll say about it is something that I'm so grateful for is the fact that this situation has changed the way that I approach mental health and faith forever.

是的。

Yeah.

我一直在反思过去几年播客的经历，以及我们处理心理健康问题的方式。

I've been reflecting so much on the past few years of the podcast and the ways in which we've approached mental health.

我不是说我要否定过去的做法，我只是有了新的视角，对此我非常感恩，因为我和耶稣的旅程始于我状态非常糟糕、心理健康极度不佳的时候。

And not saying that I go back on it, I just have new perspective that I'm really grateful for because, you know, my journey with Jesus was I was in a really bad place, really bad mental health.

事实上，耶稣超自然地从内到外医治了我。

And literally, supernaturally, Jesus began to heal me from the inside out.

圣经更新了我的心思。

Scripture renewed my mind.

我和耶稣之间有着最美好的亲密关系，他降临下来，拯救了我。

I had like the most beautiful romance with Jesus where like he swooped in, rescued me.

我认为，这正是很多人初次遇见耶稣时的经历。

And I think that's a lot of people's story when they first meet Jesus.

这是一种彻底的、不可思议的体验，你以前从未经历过这样的事。

It's this like a radical, incredible, you've never experienced anything like this before.

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

因此，在我跟随耶稣的旅程中，我经历了许多苦难的时期。

And so as I've gone throughout my journey following Jesus, I've experienced periods of suffering.

我记得自己得救时的感受。

And I remember being saved and what that was like.

我认为这是一个有趣的过程，因为我自认为是个属灵的战士。

And I think this has been an interesting process because I'm like I'm like a warrior in the spirit.

我很坚强。

Like I'm strong.

我原本以为自己不会陷入低谷，但发现自己竟然身处深渊，这真有意思。

I don't And it's been interesting to find myself in the pit.

是的。

Mhmm.

治愈是不可思议的。

Healing is insane.

拥有一个一直与我对信仰的认知相悖的大脑，真的让我很困惑。

Having a brain that actively has been working against everything I know about faith has been really confusing.

是的。

Mhmm.

那是什么样子？

What does that look like?

再说一遍，我认为我们过于强调耶稣初次遇见你时那种彻底的医治。

Again, I think we have such an emphasis on like the radical healing of Jesus when he first finds you.

这是一种奇妙的蜜月期，你觉得自己会永远好下去。

And it's this like incredible honeymoon thing, and you think you're gonna be good forever.

而且，我确实从焦虑中得到了医治。

And like, I was healed from anxiety.

我从恐慌发作中得到了医治。

I was healed from panic attacks.

我从强迫症中得到了医治。

I was healed from OCD.

我正在与严重的强迫症作斗争。

I'm battling lots of OCD.

我要说，每天坚持出现，才是改变一切的关键。

I will say that showing up every day is what changes everything.

坚持出现，花时间与耶稣同在，即使痛苦，即使艰难。

Showing up, spending time with Jesus, even when it's painful, even when it's hard.

是的。

Mhmm.

最终，乌云会散去。

Eventually, the clouds do part.

这就是我所学到的。

That's what I've learned.

你可能不会立刻注意到正在发生什么，但最终，我会觉得我每天早晨都坚持出席，领受圣餐，做那些我知道自己应该做、即使并不想做的事。

That you might not notice immediately what's happening, but eventually, it feels like I showed up every single day in that morning taking communion, doing the things that I knew I was supposed to do even though I didn't wanna do them.

然后有一天，你突然发现，你又能看见耶稣的面容了。

And it's like, all of a sudden you show up one day and you can see Jesus's face again.

我仍在继续康复。

And I'm continuing to heal.

我的心灵正在愈合。

My mind is healing.

谢谢你，耶稣。

I thank you Jesus.

我很久以前就已经转过弯了。

I've turned a corner a while ago.

现在的情况和以前大不相同了。

And it's been a lot different than it was.

但我必须坦白，那段日子真的很不好，也很可怕。

But I have to totally admit that it was not good and pretty scary.

而心灵，这是我经历过的最艰难的事情之一。

And the heart One of the hardest things I've ever been through.

而且，是的，我觉得我曾经有过一些对耶稣非常生气的时刻。

And, yeah, I think I've had moments with Jesus where I've been really mad.

谈谈这个。

Talk about that.

我想我可能有一种傲慢，觉得我总是谈论苦难。

I think I probably had a sort of arrogance to like, I talk about suffering so much.

我对苦难有一套神学观点。

I have a theology around suffering.

这是我鼓励人们时最常提到的一件事。

It's like the one thing that I encourage people with.

就是那件我实际上会说‘不，不，苦难是好的’的事情。

It's the one thing that I actually am like, no no suffering is good.

苦难是好的。

Suffering is good.

耶稣正是通过苦难和烈火在你里面塑造成型的。

That's where Jesus is formed within you is through the suffering and through the fire.

但通过这段经历，我意识到自己可能有点傲慢，觉得我已经为苦难付出了代价。

But I realized through this situation, I probably had a little bit of an arrogance of like, I've paid my dues with suffering.

你知道的？

You know?

嗯。

Mhmm.

嗯。

Mhmm.

我已经经历得够多了。

I've been through enough.

嗯。

Mhmm.

是的。

Yeah.

所以这一直让我感到困惑。

And so that's been confusing.

嗯。

Mhmm.

事实上，在如此剧烈的情况下，任何经历过类似事情的人都是如此。

And the truth is in really intense situations like that and anybody else who's gone through anything.

失落、悲剧，无论是什么。

Lost, tragedy, whatever it might be.

我最深刻体会到的是，背起自己的十字架、否定自我、跟随耶稣。

What I've realized more than anything is that like picking up your cross, denying yourself, following Jesus.

作为基督徒的召唤，并不是来过好日子。

The invitation in being a Christian is not come have a good life.

而是来死掉。

It's come and die.

而在另一边，总有复活。

And there is always resurrection on the other side.

这可不是什么俗套的说辞，这确实是真实的生活。

And this isn't like some cheesy, like this is genuinely, this is life.

这就是作为基督徒的生活。

Like this is life as a Christian.

这是一种持续的死亡。

It is constant deaths.

是的。

Yeah.

凯瑟琳·科尔曼说，她每天都会说：我每天都要经历上千次的死亡。

Catherine Coleman says every day says, she said, every day I die a thousand deaths.

在那种情境中，有一个版本的安已经逝去了。

And there's a version of Ang in the in the situation that died.

从那以后，我每天都在经历上千次的死亡。

And since then, I've been dying a thousand deaths every single day.

我希望这个境遇能彻底粉碎任何人对我或阿里、对我们生活的偶像崇拜。

And I hope that this situation breaks every bit of idolatry that anybody could have about me or Ari, about our lives.

我的意思是，我们每天都在告诉你们，我们和你们没什么不同，这绝对是事实。

I mean, we tell you guys every day that we are just like you and that's absolutely the truth.

任何领袖、牧师、传道人、演讲者，任何有名气的人，都会经历类似的事情。

And any leader, pastor, preacher, speaker, any famous Like, everybody walks through the same sort of thing.

每个人都必须走自己的路。

Everybody has to go on their own journey.

每个人都必须不断面对迫使自己‘死去’的情境。

Everybody has to continuously face situations that force them to die.

这听起来很可怕，但这是好事。

And that sounds scary, but it is a good thing.

真的真的是好事。

It really is.

但在当时，你永远感觉不到这一点。

And it never feels like it in the moment.

所以是的。

So yeah.

尤其是过去一个月，是我与耶稣同在最荣耀的时光。

The last month specifically, has been my most glorious time with Jesus.

我的意思是，感谢上帝，上个月我们放假了，我一直在享受这段时光。

I mean, I've been spending, praise God for the last month that we had off.

我每天都花很多时间。

I've been spending days.

当我说到和耶稣共度的日子，我的意思是，整天躺在地板上，什么都不做，你就这样爱着我。

Like when I say days with Jesus, I mean like days where I'm like, I'm not doing anything except laying on the floor and you're gonna love me.

我们就这样静静地待上一整天。

And we're just gonna sit to get like days

那具体是什么样子呢？

What and that looks like.

因为我知道，有很多人正在经历心碎的时刻。

Because I'm sure so many people that are going through broken hearts.

是的。

Yeah.

这看起来不一样。

It's like, it looks different.

你的亲密关系。

Your intimacy.

完全对。

Totally.

对吧？

Right?

天啊。

Oh my gosh.

你得对自己宽容一点。

It's just like, you have to give yourself grace.

这就是我学到的。

This is what I've learned.

我不愿意对自己宽容。

I don't wanna give myself grace.

我想立刻超越这段经历教会我的最重要东西。

I want to overcome immediately what the situation has taught me the most.

我花了太多时间扮演一个强大的版本。

Like, I have spent so much time being a strong version.

任何一点虚假的自信，嗯。

Like, any bit of false confidence Mhmm.

那种该死的傲慢表演，嗯。

Freaking arrogance performance Mhmm.

都已经结束了。

Is dead.

特别是过去一个月。

Specifically the last month.

我从未如此强烈地感受到，作为一个女儿，我不必成为任何样子，也不必表现什么。

I have never felt more like a daughter who didn't need to be anything, You know or perform.

我感觉整个月份里，主都在实实在在地对我说。

I felt the Lord literally the whole month being like.

只是走进内室，不向祂求任何东西，也不试图提供什么，这对我而言真的太好了，我只是单纯地在这里，只为我和你。

It's just been amazing to go into the secret place and not ask him for anything that I could go and offer to like, it's just been so good for me to be like, I'm not here for anything else except for me and you.

所以在这一季里。

And so there's just in this season.

根本不需要表现。

There's just no performance.

我不想成为任何东西。

I don't wanna be anything.

我不想成为任何人。

I don't wanna be anybody.

我就是以本来的样子出现，乱得一塌糊涂。

I'm showing up as I am which is messy as h e double hockey sticks.

我能这么说吗？

Can I say that?

H e double hockey sticks。

H e double hockey sticks.

我是不是脑子短路了？

Am I like am I like brain dead?

那是什么意思？

What does that mean?

简直了。

As hell.

天啊

Oh my

上帝。

god.

我

I'm

开玩笑的。

just kidding.

H e double

H e double

h e 双曲棍球。

h e double hockey.

是的。

Yeah.

好的。

Okay.

哦，太好了。

Oh, great.

我的妆容。

My makeup.

不。

No.

h e 双曲棍球棒。

H e double hockey sticks.

不。

No.

认真的，各位。

Seriously, guys.

悲伤是一个词，它也是

Grief is a It's also a word

它是我无法

It's I can't

疯狂的。

insane.

但就像，这就是生活。

But there's so like, this is life.

这就是生活。

This is life.

而且它如此混乱。

And it's so messy.

而且它如此艰难。

And it's so hard.

在这段旅程中，我对自己和耶稣有了很多新的认识。

And as I go along this journey, I'm learning so much about myself and so much about Jesus.

我开始关注以前从未注意过的事情，这些是你生命中最令人谦卑的时刻。

I'm looking at things I never would have looked at before and these are the most humbling times of your life.

你必须把苦难视为真正谦卑的途径。

You have to look at suffering as a means to be truly humbled.

这正是我在这个阶段所感受到的。

And that's what I feel in this season.

所以，我这么说是为了说明，这段日子简直糟透了。

So anyways, I say all that to say, it's been h e double hockey sticks.

但我们已经渡过难关了，感谢上帝。

And we've turned a corner praise God.

这将是一段旅程和一个过程。

And it's gonna be a journey and a process.

我会根据内心的引导，尽可能多地与你们分享，可能我会倾囊相授。

And I'll let you guys into as much as I feel led to, which will probably be everything.

但我知道

But I know

我们经常谈论属灵操练，但我总是说，真正的属灵操练是当你能像小孩子一样，投入神的怀抱。

we talk about spiritual discipline so much, but I always say the real spiritual discipline is when you can become like a little child and fall into the arms of God.

是的。

Yeah.

所以当我经历分手时，我特别沉迷于约伯记，紧紧抓住它。

That's why when I was going through my breakup, I was obsessed with Job and I cling to it so much.

哦，这段时间一定要读完约伯记。

Oh, read through Job in this Have during this time.

对。

Yeah.

哦，你之所以紧紧抓住它，是因为

Oh, it's like you cling to it because

我迫不及待想看到结尾，神赐给他四十二章的祝福。

I couldn't wait to get to the end where God just gave him 42 chapters.

我当时就想：主啊，为什么？

I'm like, Lord, why?

但如果你仔细读下去，就会发现他并没有表现得多么平静。

But if you, like, read through it, you see that he wasn't pretty in it.

他一直在挣扎，不断地说：把我埋进坟墓吧。

He kept fighting and and and saying just like, put me in the grave.

我已准备好迎接死亡。

Like, I'm ready for death.

他只是不断地挣扎、哭泣。

And he would just, like, fight and weep.

他经历了这么多，却从未停止向神呼求。

And he went through so much, but he never stopped crying out to God.

他从未停止与神对话。

He never stopped having conversations with God.

是的。

Yeah.

我认为这就是真正的信仰。

And I think that's what true faith is.

对吧？

Right?

它就是一团乱。

It's like, it's messy.

它是一种麻木。

It's numbness.

它是在说：我一天都撑不下去了。

It's saying, I can't do it another day.

它就像挣扎着起床，几乎走不动路，像约伯一样爬行。

It's like getting out of bed and like barely being able to walk and crawling like Job.

真的就是这样。

Literally.

它是一种控诉。

It's accusing.

就像你所说的，对上帝生气。

It's getting mad like you said at God.

就是生他的气。

Like, was mad at him.

而且就在你这么说的时候，我想起了我第一次分享见证时的情景，你问我那个问题。

And it's like and even as you were saying that, was like, I remember my first episode when I shared my testimony and you asked me that question.

我当时

I was

深陷

deep in

在我的痛苦中。

my in my suffering.

我说我恨他。

And I said I hated him.

当我与耶稣同行的过程中，我反复思考我在第一期节目中对他说过的话。

And I remember as I went on my journey with Jesus, I I dwelled a lot about what I said about him when I said in that first episode.

当我继续我的旅程时，我意识到，那根本不是上帝无法承受的事情。

And then as I kept on my journey, I realized that like, that was nothing that God couldn't handle.

约伯就是这样做的。

And that's what Job did.

他很生气，甚至憎恨，经历了那么多。

He was angry, he hated like, he went through so much.

但真正的信心是，你从不停止与祂对话。

But true faith is you never stop having those conversations.

是的。

Yeah.

你从不停止展现自己的脆弱。

You never stop being vulnerable.

与耶稣的这种亲密关系，你可以生气、可以争辩，但你始终不会停止。

And that intimacy with Jesus, you can be mad, you can fight, but you keep doing it.

没错。

Exactly.

即使你是爬着前进。

Even if it's crawling on your hands and knees.

我太喜欢这句话了。

I love that.

我太喜欢这句话了。

I love that.

我也喜欢你提到约伯，因为这完美地展现了这种挣扎。

I love that you bring up Job too, because it's such a good It's just such a good picture of the wrestle.

这种挣扎。

The wrestle.

这是我每天都在做的事。

Something that I've been doing every day.

圣餐就是一切。

Communion is like, communion is everything.

圣餐。

Holy communion.

我有圣餐杯。

I have communion cups.

也许这存在一些争议。

Maybe there's controversy around that.

但我客厅里放着一个大碗，里面装着圣餐用的饼和酒。

But I have a big bowl of communion that's in my living room.

我几乎每天都领受圣餐。

And I take communion almost every single day.

在耶稣基督的体和血中，确实有真正的医治。

And there is true healing within the body and blood of Jesus Christ.

这不仅仅是象征。

It's not just symbolism.

圣餐就像我们的主和救主耶稣基督的同在临在于这圣餐之中。

Communion is like the presence of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ is within that communion.

当你领受圣餐时，你就是在与祂联合。

And when you take communion, you are entering into union with him.

是的

Yeah.

合一

Oneness.

而且这确实是真实的，我只是觉得这对我过去几个月来说非常重要，因为当我感到什么都没有，或者情绪过于强烈，或者各种情绪交织时。

And it is literally, I just think it's important because this has been so crucial for me the last few months is when I feel nothing or I feel too much or I All the things.

这对我来说一直是一种令人安定和治愈的力量。

Like this has been such a grounding healing thing for me.

我知道这不仅仅是象征性地治愈我。

And I know that it's not just symbolically healing me.

真正地，在灵里正在发生一些事。

It is truly spiritually something is taking place.

我领受圣餐，手捧基督的身体。

I take communion and I hold the body.

我想和你们分享我与这之间的旅程，因为我们所经历的一切，最终都回归到耶稣所成就的事。

And I just wanna walk you guys through what my journey is like with that because it is everything that we walk through comes back to what Jesus did.

耶稣的身体，我每次看到都会想到，他的身体曾被破碎、瘀伤、撕裂。

Jesus' body, I always look at it and I always think about the fact that his body was broken and bruised and torn apart.

以至于圣经说，他甚至已经不再像个人的样子。

So much so that scripture says that he wouldn't have even been recognizable as a person.

那具被破碎的身体。

That body that was broken.

所有曾使我破碎、或在我里面破碎的东西。

Everything that has broken me or that is broken within me.

耶稣在自己的身体上承受了这一切破碎。

Jesus broke on His own body.

是的。

Yeah.

我掰开这饼，作为见证：凡在我里面使我破碎的，都已钉在十字架上。

And I break that bread as like a testament to like whatever's in me that's broken me is broken on the cross.

耶稣已经替我承担了这一切。

Like Jesus already took it.

我领受圣餐。

And I take communion.

然后我看着血，觉得这真的意义重大。

And then I look at the blood and I'm like, this is such a huge deal.

过去几个月对我而言至关重要的是，看着这血，并知道每一滴血都没有白流。

And I think what's been so crucial for me the last few months is looking at that blood and knowing that every drop was not in vain.

我告诉耶稣，我现在所经历的，以及全世界每个人正在面对和经历的一切，正是你的血被倾洒的原因。

And I tell that to Jesus that what I'm going through right now and what everybody in the world is facing and going through this is the reason why your blood was spilled.

我一遍又一遍地告诉他，这一切都不是徒劳的。

And I tell him over and over again that it was not in vain.

你知道吗？

You know?

抱歉，提到这个我忍不住哭了，各位。

And it's been, sorry to cry about that guys.

这对我来说太触动人心了，因为这正是他死去的真正原因。

It's just so tender to me because it's like, it's literally why he died.

因为他知道，他的身体是我们得医治的唯一途径。

Because he knew, he knew that his body was our only means for healing.

我永远不会忘记这段人生时光，因为它让我深刻体会到耶稣的心肠和十字架的真实意义，这是我以前从未经历过的。

And I'll never forget this time in my life because it's opened me up to the depths of the heart of Jesus and the reality of the cross in a way that I could have never experienced.

所以我说这些，是想说：每天领受圣餐，宣告你正与耶稣合而为一。

So I say all that to say, take communion every day and like declare that you are entering into oneness with Jesus.

这一直是对我最具有医治作用的事，我深爱耶稣。

And it's been the most healing thing and I love Jesus.

同时，我也要承认，我所经历的一切中，有一部分非常混乱、黑暗、丑陋。

And then also know, there's like a really messy, dark, ugly part of everything that I'm going through.

那就是，我有时需要帮助，也确实开口求了，这完全没什么可羞愧的。

And that is like, I've asked for, like I've needed help at times and I've asked for it and there's no shame in that whatsoever.

这将是一个持续的医治过程，我会不时与你们分享，你们的祷告我会非常感激。

It'll be a continual process of healing that I'll let you guys in on at times and prayers would be so appreciated.

我们都在共同走过这一切，废墟中必有美丽。

And we're all walking through this together and there's beauty from ashes.

确实确实确实如此。

There really really really is.

感谢上帝赐予朋友。

And praise God for friends.

上帝真是奇妙。

It's pretty cool to God

为朋友而赞美。

for friends.

听你讲这些小故事，真的很棒。

It's pretty cool to hear these little stories that you tell me.

这太不可思议了，我仿佛身临其境。

It's like so crazy because I just it's like I go it's like I was there.

我仿佛回到了那些时刻，我完全理解你、听见你，那些连呼吸都困难、难以把握的日子。

Like I go back into to I just I understand and I hear you and it's like these moments where it's so hard to even breathe or grasp the day.

是的。

Yeah.

但你也会遇到像约伯这样的例子，他在最后说：我亲眼见了你。

And but then you have these nuggets like Job where he at the end, he was like, I saw you with my eyes.

就像你告诉我这些事的时候，我觉得你是在亲眼看见神。

Like, I feel like as you were telling me that, like, these moments with God, you're like seeing him.

没错。

Exactly.

我记得以前听到别人说，天啊，我正经历一场可怕的分手。

And I just like I remember hearing when I would hear people like, oh my gosh, I'm going through this horrendous breakup.

我会说：哦不不不。

I'm like, oh no no no.

我想替你消除痛苦。

I need to take the pain away from you.

但现在我只是说，是的。

But now I'm just like Yeah.

哦，一些奇妙的事情即将发生，那将

Oh, something amazing's gonna happen that's

一直都是。

like Always.

甚至当我们收到你们的消息，你们说：我受不了了。

Even like when we get messages from you guys and you're like, I can't take it.

我正在经历最糟糕的分手。

Like, I'm going through the worst breakup.

而正因为我自己经历过，所以我才会说：要兴奋起来。

And I and it's because of what I went through, I'm like, oh, get excited.

因为是的。

Because Yeah.

那些你真的觉得撑不下去的最残酷的日子，

It's like how were the most brutal days where you truly don't feel like you're going to survive

对。

Yeah.

最终却成了你生命中最重要的时刻。

End up being the most monumental moments of your life.

然后每一天，我觉得我们都会谈论它，即使你某天起床刷了牙，却只是躺在地板上大哭，每一天都是走向愈合的一步，是的。

And then it's like, every day, like, I think we talk about it, like, even if you get up one day and you brush your teeth and you just lay on your floor and you just cry out, like, each day is a step to healing Yes.

越来越多。

More and more.

经上说，以利亚害怕，就起身逃命。

It says, Elijah was afraid and fled for his life.

他坐在一棵单独的罗腾树下，祷告说：‘求你取我的性命吧，我死了也罢。’

He sat down under a solitary broom tree and prayed, take my life, I might die.

主啊，我受够了。

I have had enough, Lord.

他说：‘求你取我的性命吧。’

He said, take my life.

当我读到这段时，我简直想说：这不就是我们正在经历的吗？

Like, ugh, when I read that, I was just like, that is so what we go through.

求你取我的性命吧。

Take my life.

我真的受够了。

Like, I'm done.

我再也撑不下去了。

I can't take it anymore.

我还不如那些已经死去的祖先。

For I am no better than my ancestors who have already died.

于是他躺在菩提树下睡着了。

Then he laid down and slept under the broom tree.

但他睡觉时，天使碰了碰他，说：起来吃吧。

But as he was sleeping, an angel touched him and told him, get up and eat.

他环顾四周，发现头边有一块烤在热石上的饼和一壶水。

He looked around, and there beside his head was some bread baked on hot stones and a bar of water.

他就吃了喝了，然后又回去睡觉了。

So he ate and drank, and then he went back to bed.

随后，上帝的天使再次来到他身边，碰了碰他，说：起来再吃一点吧，否则你前面的路对你来说太艰难了。

Then the angel of the Lord came up again and touched him and said, get up and eat some more, or the journey ahead for you will be too will be too much for you.

于是他再次起来，吃了喝了，这食物给了他足够的力量，走了四十天的路程。

So he got up again, he ate and drank, and the food gave to him gave him enough strength to travel forty days.

有时候，仅仅休息、睡觉、起床、洗脸、吃饭，就这样重复，以利亚的故事告诉我们，有时我们需要哀悼、休息和哭泣。

Sometimes just resting, sleeping, getting up, washing your face, eating, and go like that, the story of Elijah shows us that sometimes we need to mourn and rest and cry.

这正是我们需要的。

That's what we need.

我们忘了，这就是康复的本质。

Like, we forget that that's what healing is.

就是休息。

It's resting.

就是起床。

It's getting up.

就是吃饭，就像，我今天什么都没做。

It's eating and like, well, like, I did nothing today.

如果你今天唯一做的事，就是带着你的麻木和几乎无法运作的神经系统来到耶稣面前，那你已经做得足够了。

Well, if all you did was bring your numbness and your your your nervous system that you can barely even function to Jesus, you did enough.

是的。

Yes.

我

I

我爱你已经做够了。

love You did enough.

太好了。

So good.

我记得，当我处于低谷时，刷社交媒体，看到别人都在精彩生活，而我连从地板上抬起头都做不到。

And I remember, like, looking on social media when I was in such a bad time and like seeing everyone live their life and I just like could barely lift my head off my floor.

当我回望那些时光，其实我正在康复。

And like when I look back at those times, like, I was healing.

那时上帝正在通过我躺在地板上、哭喊、祷告、当别人都外出时我却待在家里的每一个瞬间，默默增强我的力量。

And it was like God was like strengthening me and all through all those moments of like me on the floor and crying out and praying and like staying in when everybody was due.

那就是我在康复。

Like, that was me healing.

我回过头来看，我今天成为这样的女人，正是因为那段炼净的时期。

And I look back and I'm like, I'm the woman I am today cause of that refinement period.

我当时并不知道那是在炼净，当我躺在地上奄奄一息的时候，但那确实是。

I didn't know that that was refinement at at the moment when I was like, dying on my floor, but it was.

是的。

Yeah.

因为我一直哭泣，一直寻求帮助。

Because I kept crying I kept reaching out.

我不断阅读诗篇。

I kept like reading the Psalms.

我只是躺着，休息。

I kept just, like, laying and resting.

那就是愈合。

And that is healing.

这很美好。

And that's beautiful.

我真的很为你骄傲。

And I'm really proud of you.

我爱你。

I love you.

是的。

Yeah.

我想对所有正在经历艰难时刻的人说，我希望你们能真正地、真正地听进去。

And I'll just say to anybody who's going through a hard time, and I want you to truly, truly hear me.

情况会变好的。

It gets better.

情况会变好的。

It gets better.

每一天，你都在更进一步，尽管此刻你可能感觉不到。

Every single day, you are one step closer, and it doesn't feel that way in the moment.

你必须记住，任何情绪都不是永恒的。

You have to remember that no feeling is final.

乌云终将散去。

The clouds will part.

太阳会重新出来。

The sun will come out.

是的。

Yeah.

总有一天，你会觉得一切突然好转，但其实这一切早已在悄然发生。

It one day, it feels like it's all of a sudden, but really it's been happening gradually.

只是你目前还看不到而已。

You just can't see it yet.

所以我恳请你振作起来，保持坚强，在隐秘之处坚持下去，即使你不想，也要继续阅读经文。

So I'm asking you to take heart, to keep strong, keep showing up in the secret place, keep reading the word even if you don't want to.

继续做你明知应该做的事，一切终会变得更好。

Keep doing the things that you know you're supposed to be doing, and it simply gets better.

一定会的。

It has to.

这简直就是事实。

Like, that's literally the truth.

它一定会变得更好。

It has to get better.

我对此有切身体会。

And I know that firsthand.

情况会变得越来越好，你唯一要做的就是一天一天地过。

It gets better and easier, and your only job is to take things day by day.

你不需要说谢谢耶稣，他教导说：不要为明天的忧虑烦恼。

You don't need thank you Jesus that he writes like, Don't worry about the worries of tomorrow.

明天自有明天的烦忧。

They have trouble of their own.

只专注于今天。

Only focus on today.

我这辈子最难做到的事，就是只专注于今天，因为我的大脑整天都在做代数运算，算计着、担心着明天。

It is the hardest thing I've ever had to do is only focus on today because my brain does algebra all day long, figuring things out, worrying about tomorrow.

但这是我不断回到的核心信念：我拥有的只有今天。

But it's continually the one thing that I come back to of like, all I have is today.

我只需要度过这一刻就够了。

All I need to get through is this moment.

即使十分钟后的事，也不需要去想。

Even ten minutes from now, don't need to think about.

这才是唯一重要的时刻。

This is the only moment that matters.

这对我的康复至关重要。

And that's been crucial for my healing.

我接受过很多治疗。

And I've done a lot of therapy.

再次感谢上帝赐予的朋友。

So And again, thank God for friends.

朋友就是一切。

Friends are everything.

我们能谈谈拥有朋友是多么重要吗？

Can we talk about how crucial it is for to have our to be around friends?

是的。

Yes.

而且上帝真的会为你提供朋友。

And how God really will provide you with friends.

哦。

Oh

是的。

yeah.

还有良好的支持，最好的支持，是的。

And a good support, the best support, yeah.

我曾经真的感到孤立，因为确实有一些人在听，我记得当所有朋友都搬走时，我感到非常孤独。

I had to real because there really are some people listening, because I remember being so isolated when all my friends had moved.

我当时独自一人，身处那片黑暗之中。

And I was alone in that little dark.

你们已经知道我那个经常提到的、有松鼠的小公寓了。

You guys already know about my little studio apartment that I talk about with the squirrels.

所以我就不重复说了。

So I won't even go back there.

但没人谈论过，重新振作、涂上妆容、再次走出去有多难。

But no one talks about how hard it is to fight through and put makeup on your face and get out there again.

是的。

Yeah.

所以我想让你们知道，我听到了你们的心声。

So I just wanna let you know, I hear you.

这真的太难了。

It is so hard.

我记得当初要出门去教会、认识别人，对我来说有多难，但上帝会赐予你力量。

I remember it was so hard for me to just get out and go to church and meet people, but God will give you the strength.

真的，就是这样。

Like, is true.

他会赐予你

He will give you

他确实赐予

He the does give

你力量。

you the strength.

他会的。

He will.

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

他不会送任何东西去考验约伯的故事，就是撒旦。

And he doesn't send anything to get the story of Job, Satan.

你有没有看到菲利普·安东尼·米切尔说，有他的视频。

Did you see Philip Anthony Mitchell say there's a video of him.

我真的是崩溃了。

I literally lost my mind.

他在讲约伯的故事，说撒旦去见上帝，基本上说：我要毁掉约伯。

He was talking about the story of Job and how Satan went to God and said like, basically, I'm gonna take Job out.

上帝说：你可以折磨他、伤害他，想对他做什么都行。

And God said, you can basically torture him, hurt him, do whatever you want to him.

只是你不能杀了他。

You're just not allowed to kill him.

所以本质上，上帝是在说：你想怎么做都行，但我不会让约伯承受超过他能忍受、导致他死亡的苦难。

So essentially, God is saying like, do whatever you want, but I'm not gonna give Job more than he can handle that'll kill him.

所以我们经历的一切，有时候感觉快要把我们压垮了。

So everything we go through, sometimes we feel like it's gonna kill us.

它不会要了你的命。

It's not gonna kill you.

不会。

No.

上帝永远不会抛弃祂的儿女，祂不会允许任何事真正将我们击垮。

God will never His children, He does not allow anything to truly take us out.

但祂确实允许一些事情发生。

But He does allow things to happen.

约伯被撒旦折磨，上帝允许并本质上鼓励这一切，其目的就在于此。

And the whole point in Job getting tormented by Satan and God allowing it, and essentially encouraging it.

菲利普·安东尼·米切尔说，上帝正在向那些在苦难中不背弃祂的人夸耀。

Philip Anthony Mitchell was like, God is out here bragging on some people who don't turn against him during suffering.

是的。

Yeah.

要做一个上帝可以夸耀的人。

Be one of the people that God can brag on.

嗯。

Mhmm.

这真的太对了。

And it's so true.

在苦难中，你真正是谁，这一点真的非常真实。

It's so so true who you are in the suffering.

这并不意味着我们都说过这样的话。

And it doesn't mean we both have said it.

我们曾责怪过上帝。

We've blamed God.

我们曾对上帝感到愤怒。

We've been mad at God.

我们曾怀疑过一切。

All the things we've doubted.

但你只是不会一直停留在那种状态里。

But like, you just don't stay in that place.

不。

No.

这正是关键所在。

That's what it's all about.

在愈合过程、痛苦或苦难中，你可能会经历一些时刻。

You can have moments throughout like a healing process or pain or suffering.

但你不能一直停留在那里。

You just can't stay there.

你不能停留在那里，关键是你最终落脚在哪里。

You can't It's land about where you land.

过程混乱没关系，但你最终落脚在哪里？

It's okay if the process is messy, but where are you landing?

他所做的一切令人难以置信。

It's unbelievable what he does.

赞美。

Praise.

这简直不是你在战斗，而是神在为你战斗。

It's like it's not even you fighting, God fights for you.

这当然会痛，这并不意味着不会痛，也不意味着你的大脑不会疯狂地想。

And it hurt It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt, it doesn't mean that your mind doesn't friggin' Yeah.