在一段关系中产生暗恋对象可以吗？

他们是拿工资做这个的。

They're paid for this.

他们才不会这么干。

They don't do that.

这真的特别贴近你实际体验到的东西。

It's it feels really true to what you what you get.

你去看看他们吧。

So check them out.

说到要做的事，

Speaking of something to do in

在纽约，我得跟你说件特别好笑的事。

New York, I just wanna tell you this because it made me laugh.

是这样的。

Okay.

我嘛，绝对是那种对贝果特别较真的人。

So I'm like obviously like a bagel purist.

贝果对我来说特别重要。

Bagels are really important to me.

我们总在争论什么样的贝果才算好，你愿意吃啥，我愿意吃啥。

We you you and go back and forth about what's a good bagel, what you're willing to eat, and what I'm willing to eat.

我就是不想在纽约市以外的地方吃贝果。

And I'm just I don't wanna eat bagels outside of New York City.

我就想要这个。

It's what I want.

我别的都不在乎，就认这个。

It's just I it's all I care about it.

其他城市的贝果，你自个儿留着吧。

Other cities bagels, like, just keep it to yourself.

我不吃那个。

I don't want it.

你们根本做不出那个味道。

You can't do it good.

但还有这么一件事。

But there's this thing.

有个叫纽约贝果节的活动，规模已经变得特别大了。

There's a festival called New York Bagel Fest, and it's gotten so big.

我的意思是，这活动都办了五六年了吧。

I mean, I think it's like five, six years already been doing it.

现在场地改到大都会人寿球场了。

It's at Citi Field now.

真的特别盛大。

It's so big.

纽约所有卖贝果的店都参加了。

And it's every bagel place in New York in New York.

他们邀请我去做……

And they've asked me to like be

我觉得他们是请我们俩当评委。

I think they asked both of us to be a judge.

对吧？

Right?

听起来不一样。

Sounds different.

我们会做的

We'll do

明年再说吧。

it another year.

不过好吧。

But Okay.

他们办了第一届洛杉矶百吉饼节，然后

They did their first LA Bagel Fest, and

我对此深有体会。

I got served real about it.

我当时就想，这到底是怎么回事？

And I was like, what is this coming feel like

这明显是在引战。

that's rage bait.

洛杉矶贝果节。

LA Bagel Fest.

我喜欢这里的贝果。

And I like the bagels here.

我只是觉得，这活动的决策者怕是有点问题。

I'm just saying it does feel like maybe who greenlit this.

我刚才仔细看了下，这些内容真的挺能唬人。

I was looking at, like, all that this real listen.

我不想多说。

Don't wanna shit.

这些都挺不错的。

These are all great.

只是不太合我口味。

It's just on my style bagel.

所有的贝果，里面都夹着一小块一小块的贝果芯。

All the bagels, you got, like, little core like, quarters of a bagel.

大家在配料上真是花样百出。

People got, like, very creative with the toppings.

还有泡菜和沙拉呢。

There was, kimchi and salad.

我觉得他们在这儿玩得有点过头了。

You know, I think they get too creative here.

有橄榄油，还有纯蜂蜜。

There's olive oil, and there's just, like, honey.

别这样了。

Stop this.

对。

Yeah.

赶紧停手吧。

Stop this right now.

他们全都，我当时在想

And they all and I was

他们会告诉我们这些地方的名字吗？

like, are they gonna tell us the name of any of these places?

这个视频里唯一采访到的店主说，我们的贝果不含麸质、不含乳制品，也不含植物油。

And the only owner that they interviewed in this reel, she was like, our bagels are gluten free, dairy free, and seed oil free.

我当时就想，去他的洛杉矶这个美食节吧。

And I was like, fuck this festival in LA.

别闹了。

No.

真离谱。

Fuck.

这太离谱了。

That's off.

我希望他们用的是全脂的。

I want them to be it's full fat.

里面明明有奶制品。

It is full dairy.

我疯了吗？哪来的奶？

What dairy am I crazy?

贝果里能有什么奶制品？

What dairy is in a bagel?

鸡蛋？

Eggs?

我觉得就是面粉、水和碱水。

I think it's flour, water, and alkaline.

把碱水加到水里，然后煮一煮。

You put alkaline in the water and you boil it.

这才是外皮酥脆的关键。

That's what that's what makes the crust.

不含乳制品？

Dairy free?

不含乳制品。

Dairy free.

不含植物油。

Seed oil free.

闭嘴吧。

Shut the fuck up.

听着，我知道有人想这么吃，这挺好，但我自己不想这样。

Listen, I know people want to eat like this and good for you, but I don't want it.

说说沙拉吧。

Tell me about a salad.

我真的能理解那些必须吃无麸质食物的人。

I really feel for people who have to eat gluten free.

我们有个好朋友，她就是无麸质饮食。

I mean, we have a close friend who I mean, she's gluten free.

有时候我们出去吃饭，她都会选无麸质的版本。

And I I sometimes when we go places, like, she will get the gluten free version of whatever.

我总会尝一口，结果每次都后悔。

And I always take a little taste, and I always regret it.

太差了。

Bad.

所以我觉得面包这东西，不知为啥，就是难吃。

So I just bread is tough, I think, for whatever reason.

今天早上我点了早餐，这可太不像我了。

I ordered breakfast this morning, which is very unlike me.

我本来差点想点无麸质面包，但一想还是算了吧。

And I did think I almost I thought about ordering gluten free bread, I was like, nah.

祝你今天愉快。

Enjoy your day.

是的。

Yeah.

它

It

就是没那个味儿了。

just doesn't hit the same.

但话说回来，我也挺理解他们的。

But, I mean, I feel for them.

他们自己也知道没那个味儿。

They know it doesn't.

这真是个糟糕的决定。

It's a terrible life decision to make.

为什么

Why do

人们会得乳糜泻呢？

people have celiac kidney?

是啊。

Yeah.

我觉得根本没必要办什么洛杉矶贝果节。

I don't think we needed LA Bagel Fest.

洛杉矶塔可节，洛杉矶啥都节。

LA Taco Fest, LA LA Everything.

意大利面节。

Pastafest Italian.

洛杉矶沙拉节。

LA Salad Fest.

真的假的。

Literally.

咱们能搞个三明治节吗？

Can we Sandwiches?

我倒挺想参加沙拉节的。

I would fuck with the salad fest.

三明治。

Sandwiches.

我是说，我差不多吃遍了洛杉矶所有种类的三明治。

I mean, I could give you a I I've done every single sandwich in LA.

我可是行家，这里的披萨简直绝了。

I'm like a connoisseur, like crazy pizza here is fantastic.

贝果的话，我……

Bagels, I

我不想要那个。

don't want it.

对。

Mhmm.

我不是说你没那个必要。

I don't you didn't

你没必要在这儿做这个。

need to do it here.

你知道吗？

You know what?

我愿意接受你这么说，毕竟你答应过要给我们带披萨。

I will accept that from you because you said you will give us you will give us pizza.

我觉得这儿有

I think there's

特别棒的披萨。

great pizza.

可以说是全美最好的之一。

There's some of the best in the country.

是的。

Yeah.

我们最近去了一家很棒的印度餐厅，我后来又看到了，Amber，你发给Shashank吧。

We went to a great Indian place rest recently that I saw again, Amber, send it to Shashank.

我们提前订了位。

We made a rez.

叫Bad Mash。

It's called Bad Mash.

在威尼斯。

It's in Venice.

氛围太棒了。

Such a vibe.

只要一家饭菜好吃、放说唱音乐的餐厅就行。

Just give me a restaurant with good food and rap music.

你知道吗，要是餐厅不放说唱，我真会气炸。

You know I get so pissed if a restaurant is not playing rap music.

我知道不是所有人都这样，但我就是想问，为什么不呢？

And I know that's not for everybody, but I'm like, why not?

但你干嘛不给我

But why not give me

点氛围呢？

a vibe?

我懂。

And I know.

纽约有家餐厅，我就不点名了，我们以前常去，跟那儿的人也熟。

There is a restaurant, I'm not gonna call them out by name, in New York, and it was a place we spent a lot of time, and I know them.

我当时就想，原来如此。

And I was like, gotcha part.

我觉得那里的音乐总是变来变去的。

I was like, the music is just it's always different.

我完全猜不到待会儿会放什么。

I never know what we're getting.

我问了经理，她说就看前台姑娘想放什么就放什么。

And I asked the manager and she was like, it's just whatever the hostess wants to put on.

我愣住了，什么？

I was like, what?

你就这样……

You just

全凭客人喜好来定。

leave it up to the audience.

你

You

男生们根本不在乎营造氛围。

guys are never trying to set a vibe.

这太离谱了。

That's crazy.

一致性才是关键。

Consistency is key.

在一家店消费，你总该知道自己会遇到什么吧。

I feel like you should know what you're getting at an establishment.

你的意思是说。

You're saying to me.

这简直不可思议。

That's insane.

所以女招待今天心情不好，情绪低落。

So the hostess is having, like, an emo bad day.

对啊。

Right.

有时候我走进去，真觉得这肯定是个笑话。

Sometimes I would walk in there and I'd be like, this has to be a joke.

放的是什么歌？

What's playing?

要是你今天刚分手呢？

What if you got broken up

今天刚分手？

with today?

对啊。

Right.

或者放的可能是重金属。

Or, like, it could be heavy metal.

我要走了。

I'm leaving.

我就想整天不停地听巴德·邦尼。

I just wanna listen to Bad Bunny all day every day.

但话说回来，要是这跟气氛完全不搭怎么办？

But, like, also, like, what if that doesn't match the vibe?

我懂。

I know.

总之，那天在Bad Mash的体验真的挺棒的。

So, anyway, but great experience at this at Bad Mash.

好吧。

Okay.

说到吃的，我们有一篇文章想跟你聊聊。

Well, so we speaking of food, we have this article we wanted to discuss and discuss with you guys.

这篇文章讲的是

So there's this article on

The Cut。

the cut.

标题是：我在这儿准备饭菜，他却花一百块吃寿司。

It's called I'm over here meal prepping while he spends a $100 on sushi.

这篇文章分析了三对不同情侣在饮食开销上的三种不同模式，我们可以一个个细聊，当然也会这么做。

It unpacks three different scenarios with three different couples and their spending habits around food, which I mean, we can break each one down and we will.

我觉得这特别有意思。

I just I find it really interesting.

很多问题其实都在问：我到底能不能对这件事发表意见？

And a lot of these questions are like, what am I allowed to say something about?

什么样的要求才算合理？

What's reasonable?

什么又算是越界了？

What crosses the line?

我觉得，关于伴侣花钱的事，你能提出什么要求，这事儿其实争议很大。

And I think that this is like highly debatable what you're allowed to ask of your partner in terms of how they spend money.

说到底，你们得先搞清楚，你对钱是怎么看的？

I mean, you just you gotta get aligned about how do I see money?

还有，你对生活的其他方面又是怎么想的？

And how do I see the rest of my life?

那我该怎么看待花钱这件事呢？

And what how do I value spending?

没错。

Right.

是的。

Yeah.

最近几年，使用DoorDash、Grubhub、Uber Eats这类外卖服务的家庭数量几乎翻了一倍。

It says the number of households that use food delivery services like DoorDash, Grubhub, Uber Eats has roughly doubled in recent years.

这当然不是什么坏事。

Obviously, that's not a bad thing.

疫情期间，外送服务帮不少餐厅撑了过来，这些我们都懂。

Pivoting to takeout kept many restaurants afloat during the pandemic, yada yada.

但现在价格真是越来越高了。

But it's just gotten more expensive.

说实话，加上各种服务费，有时候我真的不敢相信，那些外卖骑手跑来跑去，赚的却那么少。

Like, I can't I mean, with the fees and everything and as it should be, I mean, sometimes I I can't believe what some of these delivery drivers are running around and not making.

你懂的吧。

You know?

我总是想给小费，但不是钱的问题，主要是点外卖太贵了。

Like, I always wanna tip and it's not about that, but it's more expensive to get food delivered.

这些平台，几乎全都一样，比如DoorDash、Grubhub、Uber Eats，都会向餐厅抽成。

And a lot of a lot of these services, almost all of them, DoorDash, Grubhub, Uber Eats, they charge the restaurant a percentage.

通常是账单总额的百分之十五到二十五。

It's usually like 15 to 25% of the total bill.

所以餐厅就会把这些费用转嫁给顾客。

And so restaurants will pass those fees onto the customers.

你在这些平台上点的菜，价格比你亲自去餐厅吃要贵不少。

And those menu items are more money when you order them on these things than when if you'd go to a restaurant.

这本身也是一笔费用。

So there's that fee also.

加起来差不多贵了百分之二十。

So it's 20% more.

这只是一个配送费。

It's a delivery fee.

就是那种你随口一说的‘费用’之类的。

It's like just things that you say like fee Yeah.

还有额外的小费。

Added tips.

所以，确实挺贵的。

So, yeah, it's expensive.

对啊。

Yeah.

所以这里有三种情况。

So there's three scenarios here.

第一种，一位27岁的医师助理住在纽约。

So the first one, a 27 year old physician's assistant lives in New York.

他说自己没时间做饭，点外卖是他唯一的消遣。

He says he doesn't have time to cook and that ordering food is his only vice.

她说，我和我丈夫因为他们的婚礼，背了大约两万美元的信用卡债务。

She says my husband and I are about $20,000 in credit card debt from their wedding.

但我觉得这钱花得值。

It was worth it.

但他们基本同意每个月各出一千美元。

But they basically agreed to put $1,000 each a month.

也就是总共两千美元，用来还这两万的债，不到一年就能还清。

So $2,000 total towards the $20,000 debt, they'd get it paid off in under a year.

她说，我出了大约五千美元，而他大概只出了两千，根本没履行自己的承诺。

And she says, I put in about $5,000 and he's probably contributed about $2,000 So he's not holding up his end of the bargain.

她说，他每周在DoorDash上花两百到四百美元，这可不在计划之内。

And she says, he's probably spending between $200 and $400 a week on DoorDash, which was not part of the plan.

说真的，花这么多钱一点都不难，百分百属实。

To be fair, it's not hard to spend that much, 100%.

我们住在纽约，点一顿饭，算上配送费和小费，差不多就得四五十美元，一天点一两次，那可真是一笔不小的开销。

We live in New York, we're ordering one meal, winds up close to 40 or $50 with delivery fees and tips and everything, doing that once or twice a day, woah, really adds up.

总之，她每个月都说他付不起该还的债，总说他已经尽力了。

Anyway, she just says every month he comes up short on the debt payment, says he's doing the best he can.

她说，我跟他提过这事儿，他立马就急了。

She says, I pointed this out to him, he gets defensive.

他挺忙的，在律师事务所当助理，工作很拼，说自己没时间做饭，点外卖是他唯一的嗜好——这倒是真的，他连酒都不喝。

He's busy, he's a paralegal at a law firm and he works hard, he says he doesn't have time to cook and that ordering food is his only vice, which is true, he doesn't even drink.

我每天上班都带饭，我建议他也试试，他只坚持了一两次，之后就放弃了。

I brown bag my lunch at work every day, when I've suggested that he try that, he's done it once or twice and then stopped.

晚餐的话，我一般用电饭煲煮点米饭，加点杂菜和个鸡蛋，挺简单的，但我也常吃他剩下的，免得浪费那么多食物。

For dinner, I'm pretty happy making rice in our rice cooker with mixed vegetables and an egg or something, but I often wind up eating his leftovers too so that all this food he's ordering doesn't go to waste.

他 mostly 在公司点餐，经常加班到晚上八点左右，点好晚饭再带回家。

He does most of his ordering at work and he often works until 8PM or so, so he'll order dinner and bring the rest home.

我跟他说过，我可以等你回家再一起做饭，可他说自己的作息太不稳定了。

I've told him that I'll wait until he gets home to cook dinner, he says his schedule is too unpredictable.

我真的不知道该怎么办了。

I'm not really sure what to do.

我知道他心里有愧。

I know that he feels guilty.

我不想总唠叨他。

I don't wanna be a nag.

我爱他。

I love him.

我觉得事情最后会好起来的，诸如此类吧。

I'm optimistic it'll work out, yada yada.

这里发生了好多事，评论区都炸了。

There is so much happening here, and the comments were lit up about this.

里面涉及好几个方面。

Multiple parts about it.

主要是她的电饭煲，因为他不想吃那个。

Her rice cooker for one because he doesn't wanna eat that.

咱们先换个角度来想想这‘唠叨’的问题。

Let's reframe this nag thing for you just right away.

你结婚了，两个人一起做了花钱的决定，对方每花一笔钱都会影响到你，这根本不是什么唠叨。

When you are married to somebody and you have both made a financial decision to spend money and every financial decision that your partner makes now affects you, you are not being a quote unquote nag.

你完全有权利跟伴侣谈这个问题。

You have every right in the world to communicate with your partner about this.

就算他天天叫你唠叨，我也无所谓。

So let's I don't care if he calls you a nag every day.

你有权利质疑伴侣的消费习惯。

You have every right to question your partner's spending habits.

这太离谱了。

That's crazy.

对啊。

Yes.

比如你们明明说好要一起还清债务，他却每周在DoorDash上花两三百块。

Like, if you guys have agreed to pay off your shared debt, and he is spending 2 to $400 a week on DoorDash.

这真让人气炸了。

That's infuriating.

其实有几点要说。

Like, there's a couple things.

有人提到，如果他工作到八点，公司该给他付晚饭钱，但我们就假设公司不付吧。

Someone was like, if he works till eight, his company should be paying for his dinner, but let's just say that doesn't.

他也可以自己走出去吃饭。

He can also walk down the street.

我的意思是，你住在纽约。

I mean, you live in New York.

你其实

You actually

真住在纽约？

live in New York?

根本不用付配送费。

Don't have to pay the delivery fees.

还有别的选择呢。

There's just other options.

其实这篇文章里也提到了好几次这种情况。

Like, I also get the, like this comes up a few times in the article.

它就像一种嗜好。

It being like a vice.

但‘嗜好’这个词也不一定非得用。

And vice doesn't always have to be the word.

有时候就是能让你开心的事儿。

It can just be something that brings you joy.

你整天上班，累得不行。

You know, you work all day.

心里就想，哎，真不想吃米饭配鸡蛋了。

You're like, I don't wanna eat rice with an egg.

这个我完全懂。

And I understand that.

你就想点个外卖，犒劳自己一下。

You know, I wanna order I want a hit of something.

我工作不开心，压力也很大。

Like, I'm unhappy at work and I'm stressed.

这就是我想给生活增添一点乐趣的方式。

This is how I want to bring some joy into my life.

但你得在关系里好好平衡，因为核心问题其实是债务，还有他每周花一百块买吃的，在她面前炫耀。

But you've gotta navigate that within your relationship because the underlying theme here is the debt and him playing in her face ordering $100 a week for food.

我理解，我们都值得在生活中拥有快乐。

I validate that, that like we all deserve joy in life.

如果你觉得——

And if you're like, I'm

每天工作到晚上八点，

working till 8PM every day.

我花这钱可不是买毒品、酒精、赌博或者T恤。

Need some I'm not spending this on drugs or alcohol or gambling or T shirts.

要知道，很多人每周花四百块买新衣服呢。

I mean, there's plenty of people that spend $400 a week on the new clothing.

对。

Mhmm.

没错。

So Yep.

如果她也这么做，那他的习惯为什么就不如她的习惯合理呢？

If she was also doing that, like, why is his habit not as valid as her habit?

但听起来，第一点是她在还债，而他没有。

But it sounds like, number one, she's paying her debt and he's not.

是的。

Yes.

其实还有别的办法。

And there are alternatives to this.

你根本没必要每顿饭花五十块。

You actually don't need to spend $50 per meal.

我不是说每顿都得吃一美元的披萨，但至少你花一半的钱，每天也能吃得很好。

And I'm not saying you need to have a dollar slice for every single thing, but like you could spend half of that at least to feed yourself every day and still eat really well.

就是说，如果你不还债，那你就

It's just if you're not paying off your debt, then you don't

没这笔钱花。

have the money for this.

等债还清了再说吧。

Figure this out until the debt is paid off.

不好意思啊。

It's like, I'm sorry.

你们之前说好了一起还婚礼的债。

You guys had an agreement to pay off your wedding together.

这让我觉得自己快疯了。

This makes me feel crazy.

我希望我的伴侣能有自由，想怎么花自己的钱就怎么花，毕竟那是他们辛辛苦苦挣来的。

And I want my partner to feel that they have autonomy to spend whatever money that they want and whatever things that they deem that their hard earned money should go to.

但前提是，我们已经共同决定要承担这笔债务的时候，就不行了。

But not when we have decided together take a debt.

我知道。

I know.

我知道。

I know.

我以前约会过一个人。

So I dated somebody.

那时候我们都还年轻。

I had let him we were younger.

他真的很缺钱。

He really needed money.

我借给他五千美元。

I lent him $5,000.

这笔钱对我来说是一笔巨款，

That was an insurmountable amount money to me,

本。

Ben.

是的

Yeah.

那笔钱是26块27毛。

That was like $26.27.

对。

Yeah.

那是我这辈子想过要给别人的最多钱了。

That was the most money I could ever imagine giving to somebody.

但他是我伴侣。

But he was my partner.

我们住在一起。

We lived together.

我知道他住哪儿。

Was like, know where he lives.

我会把钱要回来的。

I'll get it back.

是的。

Yeah.

他当时是调酒师，下班总是很晚，每次都打车回家。

And he was a bartender, and he'd get off work late, and he would take cabs home.

我当时就想，行吧。

And I was like, okay.

换作别的任何情况，这都挺合理的。

In any other scenario, makes sense.

如果你干得很累，干到凌晨一点，那确实——

Like, if you work really hard, you work really late, 01:00 in the morning, you

应该可以打车，

should be allowed

但你欠我钱，而且明明有其他选择的时候，就不该这么干。

to take a cab except when you owe me money and there's alternatives.

对。

Right.

这人身高六英尺二，个子很高。

Like this was also like a six foot two man.

如果你是个女人，半夜不敢一个人坐地铁回家，那情况不一样。

It's different if you're a woman, you're scared to take a subway home in the middle of the night.

但你根本不害怕。

But you're not scared.

你是个大男人。

You're a big man.

是的。

Yeah.

当你欠伴侣钱的时候，你们已经说好了一起还，你就得负责任。

I mean, when you owe your partner money, you are have agreed to pay this thing off together, you have to be responsible.

这不只是她不喜欢他这个习惯，而是他欠了你们俩说好要一起还的钱。

This isn't just that like she doesn't like this habit of his is that he's on

他欠的是你们共同承诺要还的债。

the hook for something they agreed to.

我不清楚他能找什么借口。

I wonder what defense he has.

这些理由在我看来根本站不住脚。

These are not substantial defenses to me.

我工作特别忙，得吃饭，根本没时间做饭。

Like, I work really hard, I need to eat, I don't have time to cook.

就算这样，也不能成为我乱花钱、还不上账的理由吧。

Like, that's still not a substantial defense for, like, I need to overspend on this, and I can't pay back this.

是的。

Yeah.

我真的搞不懂这中间的逻辑。

And I really don't understand the logistics.

这事有点不对劲。

Something is, like, a little shady here.

你是在公司下单的，结果还让人送货上门。

Like, you ordered it at work, and you still got it delivered.

你回家路上去取一下不行吗？

You couldn't pick it up on the way home.

再说，你省下的也就十块出头，但这么做能让你的伴侣看到你不是乱花钱。

Again, like, it's what $10.20 bucks you might save by picking it up, but it shows your partner that you're not spending frivolously.

二十块已经不少了。

$20 is a lot.

我的意思是，一顿饭五十块和三十块的区别。

I mean, if that's like $50 a meal versus $30

一周之类的。

week or something.

他付的配送费到底有多少？

Mean, what's he spending on the delivery fees?

明白了。

Okay.

那你给她的建议是什么？

So what would you what was the advice that you give her?

哦。

Oh.

好吧。

Like, okay.

他说我太烦人了。

He's like, you're being annoying.

我不出去喝酒。

I don't go out and drink.

这是我选择花钱的方式。

This is what I choose to spend money on.

我只是觉得她该说，我们在这件事上可能想法不一样。

I just think she needs to say, we might not be aligned on this.

我知道你想犒劳自己，而我想吃个蛋炒饭。

You know, I understand you wanna treat yourself and I wanna make rice with an egg on it.

但我真的希望我们能一起努力还清这笔债务。

But I really want us to commit to paying off this debt together.

而且我总觉得你对这件事不够认真。

And it just feels like you aren't taking it as seriously.

我得说实话，每次看到你每周花几百块在外卖上，我都觉得有点被轻视了，因为我们明明说好要一起还清这笔债的。

And I have to be completely honest that when I see the hundreds of dollars a week on the food delivery, I feel a little disrespected because we have committed to paying this debt off together.

这回答太完美了。

That's a perfect answer.

我太喜欢了。

I love it.

谢谢你。

Thank you.

我支持雷娜。

Cosign for Rayna.

好的。

Okay.

下一个，我觉得这像是两个女生在一段关系里。

So the next one, this I think this is this sounds like two women in a relationship.

写信来的这位女士说，只要她加班到晚上七点以后，公司就会为她支付晚餐费用，而她几乎每天都会加班。

The woman writing in, she says her employer pays for her dinner if she works past 7PM, which she does almost every night.

她是一名管理顾问，他们住在弗吉尼亚。

She's a management consultant, they live in Virginia.

另一方面，我的伴侣几乎每天晚上都会点外卖。

My partner on the other hand orders dinner pretty much every night.

我回到家，看见她瘫在沙发上，咖啡桌上摆着半空的泰餐盒，正盯着电视，真是让人心里发堵。

I come home, find her sitting on the couch, half empty Thai food containers on the coffee table watching TV, it's so depressing.

她其实有些身材焦虑，可我也有，哪个女人没有呢？但每顿饭都点外卖既不健康，又花销大，而且她工作也不开心。

And so basically she just gets into like, she's got some body issues, but so do I, what woman doesn't, but ordering out every meal is not healthy, it's expensive, she's unhappy at work.

我觉得这对她来说成了一种心理安慰，像是每天辛苦完的小小犒赏，我能理解，但也希望她能为自己着想一点。

So I think it becomes a sort of comfort thing for her, like a treat at the end of the day, I'm empathetic, but I also wish she'd help herself.

我不确定她每周在外卖上花多少钱，但至少得有两三百块吧。

I'm not sure how much she's spending on delivery every week, it's gotta be a couple $100 at least.

我们是一年前开始一起住的。

We moved in together a year ago.

好吧。

Okay.

他们还没结婚，也没被束缚住。

So they're not married, they're not locked in.

也许她一直这样，只是现在更放松了。

So maybe she's always done this, but now she's just more comfortable.

我提过用食材盒，可她说你从来不在家吃晚饭，根本没法一起做饭。

I brought up meal kit solutions, but then she says you're never home for dinner, so they're not gonna cook together.

这整个事情真让人头疼。

And it just the whole thing is frustrating.

我希望这只是暂时的状态，但感觉背后有更深层的问题。

I hope it's a funk that's temporary, but it seems indicative of something bigger.

我不想说她懒，但有时候真觉得她在放弃。

I don't wanna say she's lazy, but sometimes it feels like she's giving up.

有些问题其实是关系上的，不是订餐的问题。

I mean, some of these are relationship problems and not food delivery problems.

是的。

Yeah.

我的意思是，这些根本就不是外卖的问题。

I mean, none none of these are food delivery problems.

比如第一个问题，其实是我们在花钱和价值观上根本不一样，对钱的看法完全不一致。

Like, the first one is like we just have mismatched ideals about like what we wanna spend money on and what we value, like how we look at money.

看着自己的伴侣慢慢失去对生活的热情，真的很难受。

This is just like it's hard to watch your partner kind of give up

对生活失去动力。

on life.

对。

Yeah.

我真的不知道这里到底出了什么问题。

I mean, I don't know what's going on here.

我觉得每个人都会经历低谷，有时候就是觉得状态不好、工作不顺，生活就这么凑合着过，这很正常，人嘛，总有这样的时候。

I think everyone goes through hard times and sometimes you're like, I'm in a slump and I'm unhappy at work and this is just how I'm living right now and that's okay and that's human.

但如果你一直不开心，总得想办法走出来。

But at some point, if you are unhappy, you have to figure out how to dig yourself out.

如果你觉得这样过日子还挺开心，那你们可能根本不合适。

If you are happy doing that, you are with the wrong person.

有些人就喜欢每天下班回家，点个外卖，瘫在沙发上刷剧。

Like, some people want to get home and order takeout and watch TV every night.

他们就乐意这么过。

They are happy doing that.

他们得找一个也享受这种生活方式的人，不然伴侣看到你这样，迟早会受不了——就像你看到有人每天五点起床，吃鸡胸肉，去健身房，跑马拉松，也会觉得不可思议。

They have to find a person that's happy doing that too because your partner is going to be turned off by it The same way that you'd be turned off by someone getting up at 5AM and eating up chicken breast and going to the gym and running a marathon.

你们的生活方式根本对不上。

Like you're not aligned in your lifestyle.

也许那就是他们理想中的生活。

Like that might be their best life.

对。

Yes.

我的梦想就是赚足够多的钱，这辈子都不用做饭、点外卖，也不用准备任何吃的。

Like my dream is I make so much money that I don't ever have to cook or get takeout or prep anything in my life.

我每天都会叫外卖。

I will get delivery every single day.

这正是有些人理想中的生活。

That's some people's best life.

对。

Yes.

不好意思。

Sorry.

他们还说，自己负担不起。

They also said they can't afford it.

所以这根本不是钱的问题。

So this actually isn't about the money.

我觉得更关键的是生活方式，她一回家就瘫在沙发上，她看对方的眼神都不一样了。

I think it's more about the lifestyle, and she's, like, just looking at her differently when she comes home and she's on the couch.

这些夫妻在吃饭这件事上完全对不上节奏，我觉得这点特别关键，而且对我个人来说意义重大。

These couples, all of them are not aligned in how they have dinner and I think that's huge and that is just personal to me.

这对我来说很重要。

It's important to me.

每当我和沙尚都在家吃晚饭，而对方又没跟朋友约别的事时，我就知道我们该干嘛了。

I know when Shashank and I are both home for dinner, someone doesn't have plans with their friends or something, I know what we're doing.

我小时候每天晚上都跟家人一起吃晚饭。

Also had dinner with my family every single night.

我妈、我爸、我弟弟和我，每天晚上都是我妈或者我爸做晚饭。

My mom, my dad, my brother and I, my mom or my dad cooked dinner every night.

我们一家人每天都一起吃饭。

We had dinner as a family.

这对我来说很重要，也对我的关系至关重要。

It's important to me and it's important to my relationship.

所以这样的生活方式，我根本接受不了。

So these wouldn't work for me.

我的意思是，人生中总会有时候得加班什么的，但我真不明白，这些关系是怎么撑到现在的。

I mean, I think there's times in your life where someone's gotta work late, this and that, but like, I don't understand all these relationships have worked up till now.

我和Shashank确实是一起吃晚饭的。

Like, Shashank and I do have dinner together.

你这情况跟谢尔的问题一模一样。

That's You're like the issue with Cher.

但他一整天都在上班啊。

But like, he works all day.

我们还是会一起吃晚饭的。

Like, I would we have dinner together.

这根本不是个选择。

I don't wasn't an option.

所以听起来，这根本就没得选。

So it doesn't sound like it's an option.

这确实是个问题。

Well, this is a a problem.

她老说，你从来不在家吃晚饭。

Like, she's like, you're never home for dinner.

你能不能早点儿回家？

Can you can you get home a little earlier?

咱们能不能把周日早午餐定成固定安排？

Can we make Sunday brunch our thing?

他们到底打算怎么解决这个‘从来不在一起吃晚饭’的问题？

Like, what are they doing to combat this whole, like, we never eat dinner together thing?

我不知道。

I don't know.

但头几对，我觉得还行。

But the first couple, I'm like, okay.

那还有什么别的办法？

So what's the alternative?

我们总不能一直这样下去吧

We're just gonna accrue all

这种利息和债务，你就想这么过日子？

this interest and debt and, like, that's how you wanna live?

你难道不想为了将来少背点债，给我们打个好基础吗？

Like, don't you wanna set us up for some success in the future by, like, not accruing all this debt?

你就想这么过日子？

Like, that's how you wanna live.

你想天天压在一堆压力底下过活？

You wanna live, like, under a mountain of stress.

说到底，这人管钱的方式可能才是更大的问题。

I mean, that could also be a bigger problem how that guy manages money.

但我希望他们能一起解决，毕竟他们是夫妻。

But I want them to work on it because they're married.

但第二对情侣，他们还没结婚。

But the second couple, they're not.

这可能根本就不是合适的一对。

And this may not be the right match.

她说回家感觉特别压抑。

Like, she says it's, like, depressing to come home.

是的。

Yeah.

而且她只是...

And she's just

不是每个人都会觉得这样压抑。

That wouldn't depress everybody.

你懂我的意思吧？

You know what mean?

我觉得，不是所有人都一进门就想着，唉，我伴侣今天累坏了。

Like, I don't think I don't some people would walk in the door and just be like, okay, my partner worked hard.

我不是说她不对，但我自己不会喜欢这样。

I'm not saying she's wrong, but I wouldn't love it.

我不喜欢知道自己整天在外面拼命工作。

I wouldn't love to know that I was outside of the house all day long working hard.

我回家的时候。

I came home.

你根本没给我点晚饭。

You did not order me dinner.

你就坐在那儿吃些不健康的东西。

You're just sitting here eating something bad for you.

你本来就心情不好。

You're already depressed.

吃这种不健康的食物，只会让你——我该怎么说呢？

Food that's bad for you only makes you how do I wanna phrase this?

你吃的东西，好像让你感觉更糟了。

It seems like you're eating things that make you feel bad that

感觉更糟。

feel bad.

感觉更糟。

Feel bad.

是的。

Yeah.

她在工作中也不开心，这会影响到你整个人生。

And she's unhappy at work, which ruins your whole life.

是的。

Yeah.

我的意思是，如果你真的对工作不满，特别讨厌你的工作，

I mean, if you are unhappy at work, truly hate your job.

那真的会彻底占据你的生活。

It's it's really can take over your life.

我最近看到一个朋友，她在那样的工作里待了好几年，我觉得那彻底改变了她，她最近刚辞职了。

I've watched a watched a friend recently who just was in a job like that for years, and it really, I feel like changed who she was, and she recently left her job.

她现在完全不像以前的自己了。

She's a different person.

对。

Mhmm.

她身上还有别的烦心事，但离开了那份工作后，她还是感觉轻松多了，也开心多了。

And And she's got other shit going on, and she still feels so much lighter and happier because she's out of that job.

就像是，

Was like,

就是工作的问题。

it was the job.

对啊。

Right.

所以我觉得你刚才把这个问题讲得很到位。

And that's why I think you you framed this conversation.

第二个情况是，你看起来没我期望的那么开心。

The second one is just like, don't seem as happy as I'd like to see you.

还有就是，

And like,

咱们聊聊吧。

let's talk.

我的意思是，她也许能找到全世界最好的工作，过得特别开心。

I mean, she might get the world's best job and be super happy.

但你每天还是得回家啊。

You're still gonna come home every day.

她瘫在沙发上吃泰国菜。

She's eating Thai food on the couch.

是的。

Yeah.

这可能会让你感到沮丧。

And that might depress you.

这可能会让你心里一沉。

That might drop a for you.

我记得几周前我病得特别厉害的时候，点了很多外卖，吃得都不太健康。

So You know when I was like so sick a couple weeks ago, I had the amount of takeout I ordered and stuff that was bad.

我每天都吃列文饼干。

I ate levain cookies every single day.

我每天都吃那辆Celica。

I ate the Celica every day.

感觉啥都没剩下了一样。

Was like, I have nothing left.

是的。

Yeah.

有人在评论里说，你做得对。

Oh, people wrote on the comments, you did it right.

评论里还写，‘饿治感冒’？

It said, starve a Starve a cold?

不对。

No.

应该吃点东西治感冒。

Feed a cold.

我确实吃了。

I fed it.

感冒要吃好，流感就得饿着？

Feed a cold, starve a flu or something?

他们只说了感冒的事。

They just said a cold.

大家都说你做对了。

People said you were right.

你感冒那阵子，我一直在猛吃。

I've To binge while you were that cold.

还有别的吗？

What else?

我那时候活着也没别的指望了。

I had nothing else to live for.

明白了。

Okay.

最后一个。

This this last one.

好吧。

Okay.

她27岁，在旧金山做市场营销。

She's 27, works in marketing in San Francisco.

在我和我男朋友认识之前，他说他每顿饭都是叫外卖。

Before my boyfriend and I met, he says he ordered in every single meal.

他从来没下过厨。

He has literally never cooked a thing.

一开始，这还挺可爱的。

At first, this was endearing.

他整体来说是个很能干的人。

He's a very capable person overall.

一起点餐或者出去吃挺有意思的，但三个月前我们搬在一起住后，就觉得这样下去实在没法持续了。

It was fun to order food together or go out, but now that we've moved in together as three months ago, it seems unsustainable.

我一向都是自己做饭，一部分是文化习惯，但也因为省钱。

I've always cooked my own food, part of it is cultural, but it's also financial.

我父母很节俭，他们来自印度，从小就被教育要自立。

My parents are frugal, they're from India and I was raised to take care of myself.

连饭都不会做，看起来也太依赖人了。

It seems so helpless to not be able to make your own dinner.

她喜欢在周日规划菜单、去采购。

So she likes to meal plan and go shopping on Sundays.

她说，这钱不是我的，所以我尽量不在意，但当我在这儿准备一周的饭菜时，他却花一百块买寿司，这实在说不过去。

She said, It's not my money, so I try not to care too much, but it's ridiculous when I'm over here meal prepping while he spends $100 on sushi.

是每天都这样吗？我是不是漏听了什么？

Is this every day, did I miss that?

是啊，他从不给自己做饭。

Yeah, he does not cook for himself.

她说，我敢打赌，我一周买菜花的钱，还不到他一天在外头吃饭的开销。

She says, I'm pretty sure what I spend on a week's worth of groceries is less than what he spends on a food in a single day.

现在还能凑合，可要是以后结婚、生孩子了怎么办？

It's okay for now, but what happens if we get married or have kids?

我不介意当家里的厨师，因为我确实喜欢做饭，但他很少想吃我做的菜，这有点奇怪。

I don't mind being the cook of the household because I do like it, but it's a little weird that he rarely wants to eat what I'm making.

我问过他，是不是不喜欢我的厨艺，或者有没有别的想吃的。

I've asked him if he doesn't like my cooking or if there's something else he'd prefer.

他就说，想吃啥的时候就点啥，随心情来。

He just says he likes to order what he's in the mood for when he's in the mood for it.

我觉得他小时候家里大概很少一起吃饭，这可能也是原因之一。

I don't think his family ate meals together lot growing up, so maybe that's part of it too.

我在想，这对他财务状况有什么影响。

I wonder how it affects his finances.

他赚的钱比我多得多，我没法说他花不起，但如果他每年每周都花五百块在外卖上，你算算看，我不确定他存了多少钱，不过最近他好了一点。

He makes considerably more money than I do, so I'm not in a position to tell him he can't afford anything, but if he's spending $500 a week on food for years, I mean, you do the math, I'm not sure what he has in savings, he's getting a little bit better.

我总算说动他每周吃我做的饭两天，算是进步了，但我真不想当饭桌上的监督员。

I've convinced him to eat what I'm making two days a week, which is a start, but I hate being the dinner police.

好像别的夫妻都没这种问题。

It seems like other couples don't have this type of conflict.

这事儿干嘛非得这么复杂？

Why does this have to be complicated?

他难道不更想吃点便宜又美味的家常饭，而不是花大钱买那些垃圾食物吗？

Shouldn't he wanna eat delicious home cooked affordable food instead of expensive crap?

我得先更了解他的财务状况才行。

I mean, I'd have know to more about his finances.

我得先了解他们俩的关系才行。

I'd have to know about the relationship.

对我来说，你和我这样的人，吃饭才是最重要的事。

To me, like, I mean, you know, you and me, like, food is just the most important thing.

一起探索美食、共进晚餐、一起下厨，这些对我来说都很重要。

Food adventures, having dinner together, like, cooking together.

对我来说，这就是表达爱的方式。

Like, there it's how I show love.

这对我来说是最重要的事。

It's the most important thing to me.