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专程来麦当劳就为了喝点饮料？
Pulling up to Mickey D's just for drinks?
对啊。
Oh, yeah.
我就是这样。
That's me.
不要别的，就想要完美的冰饮和一根吸管。
Nothing extra, just perfection and a straw.
冲着这儿最冰的饮品来的。
Coming in hot for the coldest cups on the block.
饮料有很多种，但麦当劳的饮料是不一样的。
Because there are drinks, then there are drinks from McDonald's.
在App上消费满10元，即可享20%折扣，买奶油奥利奥星冰乐或麦咖啡奶昔更划算。
Get a creamy Oreo frappe or McCafe smoothie for less with 20% off any purchase of $10 or more only on the app.
仅限参与活动的麦当劳门店，每日限用一次。
Limited time only at participating McDonald's, valid one time per day.
详情请查看麦当劳App。
Visit McDonald's app for details.
蕾切尔
Rachel
比尔森来了，各位。
Bilson's here, guys.
没什么大不了的。
No big deal.
顺便问一下，这些摄像头有对准我吗？
By the way, are any of these cameras on me?
我就说嘛。
I'm like, hey.
全都对着她。
All on her.
我没在镜头里。
I'm off camera.
天啊，求你了。
Oh god, please.
我最近一直特别关注你。
I've been kind of obsessed with you.
我真的超迷你，惠特尼。
I am so obsessed with you, Whitney.
每次看到你给我发私信，我都差点吓尿了。
Like, when you when I saw a DM from you, like, I really almost shit my pants.
我真的是你的超级粉丝。
Like, I am such a huge fan.
你所有的脱口秀和节目我全都看过。
I watch every special, all your shows.
我就只是觉得
Like I'm just
是的。
yeah.
就是勉强撑着吧。
Just keeping it together.
现在我们总算一起上了个节目，不过也不算真的一起。
And now we finally are on a show together kind of but not really.
算半搭上吧，但在我这儿就算数。
Kind of but not really but it still counts as far as I'm concerned.
你还记得吗？我觉得我们以前见过一次？
So do you remember the time I think we did meet once?
你可能没在场。
You might not have been there.
那是在哪儿？
Where was it?
我当时参加了一个叫《恶作剧》的节目。
I was on a show called Punk'd.
天哪。
Oh my God.
你是不是也跟亚当·布罗迪一起做过？
I Did you do With Adam Brody.
我那是跟那个谁来着？
I did it to what's his name?
《查克》？
Chuck?
你是说扎卡里·莱维？
To to Zachary Levi?
《查克》？
Chuck?
不是。
No.
不是。
No.
本·麦肯锡？
Ben McKenzie?
本·麦肯锡。
Ben McKenzie.
对。
Yes.
没错。
Yes.
好的。
Okay.
是的。
Yeah.
就是这样。
That's right.
所以亚当，他是不是耍了本？
So Adam, did he punk Ben?
我的记忆力差到极点。
I have the worst memory known to man.
你不是非黑即白的人。
You not yes and no.
是也不是。
Yes and and no.
不是。
No.
那些记忆力好的人都是这么说的，好让你摸不着头绪。
That's what people with great memories say to put them off the trail.
但你确实记得，只是你……要不这么说吧？
But you do but you're you how about this?
你只记得真正重要的事。
You only remember things that are actually important.
是的。
Yeah.
对。
Yeah.
确实如此。
That's true.
这事儿不重要。
This is not an important
不重要。
thing.
这事儿不重要。
This is not important.
我很高兴。
I'm glad
你这是在玩文字游戏吧。
you I'm being a pun.
你看，你其实
See, but you are I
如果你还记得这事，我会看不起你。
will lost respect for you if you remember this.
你能说声是吗？
Could you I'm like, yes.
不行。
No.
不行。
No.
当时情况是这样，我以为是亚当·布罗，结果那个女服务员在搭讪。
It was like a it was Adam Bro I was like the waitress that was hitting Okay.
搭讪伊恩。
Hitting on Ian.
不是伊恩·麦肯齐。
Not Ian McKenzie.
是本·麦肯齐。
Ben McKenzie.
不行。
No.
错了。
Wrong.
不对。
Wrong.
不是吧？
No?
亚当·布罗迪被人整了。
Adam Brody was being punked.
对。
Yes.
错了。
Wrong.
布罗迪真的答应了。
Did bro yes.
好吧。
Okay.
我试着跟他搭讪来着。
I tried to hit on him.
我当时是他女朋友。
And I was his girlfriend.
他态度特别差。
And he was so rude.
就是特别。
Was so
他是个混蛋吗？
He was a dick?
因为根本不是。
Because no.
但也不是。
But no.
他没那么过分。
He wasn't a dick.
但我觉得阿什顿可能是故意选了他了解的人，知道对方不会喜欢这种恶作剧，大概摸清了他们的性格。
But I think Ashton probably intentionally when he did punk picked someone he knew wouldn't like maybe knew their character.
有可能。
Maybe.
亚当因为这事气疯了，结果后来他也被整了。
I Adam was so pissed about that that I got punked later.
我朋友也整了我，那场面确实挺像那么回事，但我
Like, my friends punked me, and it was Is it but I
我觉得背后可能有经纪人参与。
also think agents were involved.
我觉得也许是这样。
I think Maybe.
经纪人之所以介入，是因为这事儿 publicity 太好了，大家都爱看。
Agents started because it was such good publicity for people.
那真是个大场面。
It was a huge show.
比如我搞克里斯·克莱因那回，是吧。
Like, when I did Chris Klein or something Yeah.
经纪人给了我们他家的钥匙。
The agents gave us the keys to his house.
我们在他家里演了一出劫持人质的戏。
We did a hostage crisis in his house.
天啊。
Holy shit.
你懂我的意思吧。
You know what I mean?
所以呢，反正就是这样。
So anyway, so Yeah.
对，没错。
So So yeah.
亚当当时气得不行。
Adam Adam was so pissed about it.
结果我被整蛊了，他气到不行，气我朋友居然帮艾什顿一起整我。
And then I got punked and he got so mad that my friends let Ashton punk me.
我养的那只比特救援犬还跑了出去，居然把一辆邮车给撞翻了。
My dog, like, rescue pit bull got out and, like, caused a mail truck to crash.
我当时吓得魂都快没了。
And I was horrified.
我那只狗后来就被关起来了，你懂的，就是那种情况。
My dog was, like, locked up in this, you know.
我其实一直有个挺奇怪的想法，我绝对不是那种会说‘特朗普来把一切都烧光’的人。
There is some weird like, I'm always big on I'm not the, like, Trump's here to burn it all down.
我不是那种人。
I'm not that guy.
对。
Yeah.
但我确实觉得有些话得说出来。
But I do think that there's something to be set.
我觉得吧，事情如果不是朝着好的方向，我就会变得太较真。
Because I think I'm just like, everything has to be for good or else I I get too Right.
我不会抑郁，
Like, I don't get depressed.
但我容易焦虑。
I get too anxious.
对。
Mhmm.
你懂的吧？
You know?
当你听说你遇到这种事，我确实会替你难过，但往大了说，《恶作剧》可能让普通人看到，明星也是普通人。
Because when I hear that something like that happened to you, get upset because it upset But I think big picture, what maybe Punk'd did was show people that aren't celebrities that celebrities are human beings.
没错。
Right.
他们也会难过，也会害怕。
And they get sad and they get scared.
真的很有人情味。
Very humanizing.
就像，确实是这样。
Like it's yeah.
没错。
Yeah.
你说得完全对。
You're absolutely right.
我确实对凯莉做过这事。
I did Kaylee.
当时我觉得，这做法有点不近人情。
It like, in the moment, I think it feels a little inhumane.
比如珍妮弗·洛芙·海威特、凯莉·库柯，
Like, did Jennifer Love Hewitt, Kaylee Cuoco.
那些整蛊场景太夸张了，她们是怎么挺过来的？
Like, the scenarios were so, like How did they handle it?
什么？怎么会的？
How did what?
他们是怎么处理的？
How did they handle it?
哦，凯莉·库柯当时那个情况...我是说，她本身就是个特别善良的人，你懂的。总之事情大概是这样的：有个无家可归的男人一直住在一辆厢式货车里，结果那辆车要么是塌了，要么就是着火了。
Oh, they were Kayleigh Cuoco's was like I mean, she's also the has the biggest heart of you know, anyway, it was something about, like, some homeless guy that lives was living in a van, and his van collapsed or, like, caught on fire
天呐，这也太惨了。
Oh, god.
就在那家叫Ca Del Sol的餐厅外面。
Outside of Ca Del Sol, that restaurant.
没错。
Yes.
然后她看到我演的那个代客泊车的角色了。
And she was like she saw I was I played the valet.
我的天呐。
Oh my god.
你知道吗，我当时负责停车，可那会儿我连车都没有。
You know, I was like the valet, which is like, didn't even have a car the time.
那会儿是。
It was
简直太疯狂了。
so crazy.
我得开她的车送过去，结果一看，天哪，出事了。
I had to drive her car, bring it up to her, then I'm like, my god, look what's happening?
她哭得稀里哗啦的。
She was like bawling, crying.
她说，我给你订个酒店。
She was like, I'll get you a hotel.
她简直像超级英雄一样。
Like, she was like a superhero.
珍妮弗·洛芙·海威特也是这样。
Same with Jennifer Love Hewitt.
但我挺内疚的，因为詹妮弗·洛芙·海威特那次，是那个特别有名的导演马克·福雷斯特，说要约她见面，结果是假的。
But it's like but I felt bad because it was like, Jennifer Love Hewitt's was that Mark Forrester, the really fancy director, called her in for a meeting, but it was fake.
你懂我的意思吧？
You know what I mean?
对啊。
Oh yeah.
那就是我。
That's me.
而且那种情况，哦，根本不是真的
And that's like, oh, that's not really
最后算了。
At the end, fine.
你懂我的意思吧？
You know what I mean?
但得具体情况具体看。
But, like, case by case.
不过我记得这类桥段很多都没播出来过
But I think a lot of them didn't air.
我之前听别人聊起过这件事
I heard someone talking about it.
不知道怎么突然又聊到朋克这个话题了
I don't know why we're talking about punk again all of sudden.
对啊，我也觉得莫名其妙
I know.
那个，我是说
Well, I mean
这件事反而让我们的关系亲近了很多。
It connected us a lot.
没错。
Yes.
大概是十二、十三年前的事了。
Like, twelve, thirteen years ago.
但我一直觉得亚当·布罗迪是个混蛋，因为我当时才拿500美元，他却对我那么刻薄。
But I always thought Adam Brody was a dick because he was such a dick to me when I was paid $500 to flirt with him.
天哪。
Oh my god.
他简直就像我的神。
He literally was like my god.
不是的。
No.
谢谢。
Thank you.
不是的。
No.
谢谢。
Thank you.
而且那时候他还在和你约会。
And he was dating you at the time.
那这么说的话，我心里倒是舒服了一点。
Well, guess that makes me feel a little good.
那个……不是我要嘴贱啊。
You know what Not to be a dick.
本来就不该那样的。
Like, shouldn't be
他那可不是嘴贱的程度。
It wasn't a dick
态度也很差劲。
or rude.
可我当时还在想办法跟他搭话，我把自己的手机号写了纸条塞他口袋里了。
But I was trying to get his I was I put my phone number in his pocket.
这事我记得。
I remember this.
我还把我的
I put my
把我的电话号码塞进他口袋里。
phone number in his pocket.
我心跳得厉害，当时真想赶紧结束这一切。
My heart was fucking I was like, I wanna end this.
真想赶紧结束。
Wanna end this.
他气得不行。
He was so pissed.
他们想换座位，但因为摄像头藏得很隐蔽，所以没换。
They, like, they tried to move seats, but because the cameras are hidden Yeah.
本说：别闹了，兄弟。
Ben was like, no, dude.
我们就坐这儿吧。
Let's just stay here.
没事的。
It's fine.
没事的。
It's fine.
做得没错。
Did right.
所以本肯定是早就知情、参与进来了。
So Ben obviously was in on it.
哦，对的。
Oh, yeah.
对。
Yeah.
本带他去了一个特别奇怪的休息区。
Ben brought him to this, like, weird, like, lounge.
要是你在Vine街去了什么休息区，那肯定就是中了《整蛊总动员》的圈套了。
You know you're on Punk'd when you go to a lounge on Vine.
这怎么可能呢？谁会想到我们居然会在Marie Callender餐厅吃饭啊？
Like, in what Why would you ever In what world are we eating at Marie Callender?
得真把派做出来才行。
Love need actually do the pies.
对。
Yeah.
你知道吗？
You know what?
我在韦尔舍路上的玛丽·卡伦德里写过好多剧本。
I wrote a lot of scripts at Marie Callender's on Welsher.
我觉得那儿的派应该都不剩了。
I don't think there's any left.
专程开车去麦当劳就为了喝点饮料？
Pulling up to Mickey D's just for drinks?
是啊。
Oh, yeah.
我就是这样的人。
That's me.
不要别的，就要完美一杯，再加一根吸管。
Nothing extra, just perfection and a straw.
来点热乎的，给这街上最冰的杯子添点温度。
Coming in hot for the coldest cups on the block.
饮料有很多种，但麦当劳的饮料，那是不一样的感觉。
Because there are drinks, then there are drinks from McDonald's.
在App里，消费满10美元，就能以更低的价格买到奶油奥利奥星冰乐或麦咖啡奶昔，立减20%。
Get a creamy Oreo frappe or McCafe smoothie for less with 20% off any purchase of $10 or more only on the app.
活动限时，仅限参与门店，每天限用一次。
Limited time only at participating McDonald's valid one time per day.
详情请上麦当劳App查看。
Visit McDonald's app for details.
吧嗒吧嗒吧。
Ba da ba ba ba.
我
I
前几天突然想到这件事的
thought about this the other day.
派屋餐厅居然还开着
House of Pies is still there.
店是还在啦，但那个霍利日历我就不清楚了
House of Pies is still there, but I don't know the Horry Calendars.
它已经不在威尔夏大道上了
It's not still on Wilshire.
我记得山谷区那边还有一家。
I think there's one in The Valley.
你不觉得这很合理吗？
Don't you think that would make sense?
谢尔曼奥克斯原来有一家，但那店现在...
There was one in Sherman Oaks, but it's
根本就不是什么洗钱机构。
not a money laundering enterprise.
所以如果他们把那家店关了
So if they shut it down
真的假的？
Really?
我开玩笑的啦
I'm kidding.
哦对哦
Oh.
我什么都信，
I I believe anything.
刚才给我整懵了都。
I'm like, what?
国民大道上还有一家分店。
There's one on National Boulevard.
好的。
Okay.
哦，对，就在那儿。
In oh, yeah.
不是威尼斯，是国家大道。
In not Venice, but National.
是的。
Yeah.
就在城市里面。
Like, in really in the city.
和你们聊得很开心。
It's been a pleasure, guys.
我们现在要去玛丽·卡伦德了。
We're gonna go to Marie Callender's now.
好。
Okay.
然后就去。
And then be.
是的。
Yeah.
我知道你做了一个播客，我想问你几个关于它的问题。
So I know because you have I wanna ask you a couple questions about your podcast.
你现在有了自己的播客，那你喜欢去别的播客当嘉宾吗？
Do you now that you have one, is it do you enjoy being guests on other ones?
对。
Yeah.
说真的，你觉得好笑吗？
I mean, I you know what's so funny?
就连我自己的播客，每次我都会有点紧张，想着待会儿该聊点啥。
Even on mine, I'm always, like, a little, like, oh, what am I gonna talk about?
或者得想好要问那些问题。
Or what you know, I have to ask these questions.
是的。
Yeah.
我不太喜欢那种压力，但每次都挺顺利的。
Don't, like, love the pressure of it, but it always goes fine.
真的，每次都没问题。
Like, it's always fine.
所以我能告诉自己，那些提前攒起来的焦虑其实都没必要。
So I can tell myself the anxiety that I built built up before it.
最后总是没问题的。
It's always okay.
我觉得这种焦虑反而对你有帮助。
And I think that the anxiety helps you.
确实有帮助。
It does.
要是有人一点不紧张，那反而奇怪了，你真就那么随便播出去？
It'd be weird if the people that aren't anxious at all are usually just like, you're gonna just air that?
对吧。
Right.
我觉得聪明人都有焦虑，这反而让人更专注。
I think smart people have anxiety, and it makes us focus.
对。
Yeah.
焦虑其实是个很强的工具，只是我们太把它当病看了。
Anxiety I think is a really powerful tool that we've kind of over pathologize.
当然，那种连床都起不来的焦虑症是另一回事。
There's anxiety conditions where you can't get out of bed that's different.
那种才叫真的焦虑。
Which is like, I have anxiety.
你马上要面对几百万人讲话，有点紧张很正常。
Yeah, you're about to talk to millions of people.
你确实该有点紧张。
You should have a little anxiety.
没错。
Right.
如果你真这么做了，那才奇怪呢。
It'd be weird if you did it.
对啊。
Right.
你懂的。
You know?
是啊。
Yeah.
如果你早就这么自在的话。
If you were so comfortable.
但今天过来，我其实特别兴奋，想来跟你聊聊，毕竟我特别喜欢你。
But like coming today, I was really excited to come and talk to you, obviously, because I love you.
我并没有那种让人瘫软的焦虑，但我是真的兴奋。
And, you know, I wasn't anxious in the paralyzing sense because but I was it was excited.
我就想，我要把这种焦虑用起来，因为我很兴奋，这本来就是它的意义。
I'm like, I'm gonna use the anxiety because I'm excited and that's what it is.
而且，你也有了孩子。
And also, like, I mean, you have a kid.
有时候，你就想跟个新朋友玩玩。
Like, sometimes you just, wanna play with a new friend.
是的。
Yeah.
这其实有点像
And that's kind of
我们这么做是为了对外展示，毕竟我们终于找到了办法，把我们的想法和对话变成收入。
we are doing it for public consumption because we're finally figuring out how to monetize, like like, just our brains and conversations.
对吧。
Right.
你懂的。
You know?
是的。
Yeah.
我喜欢这样坦诚公开。
And I like being so open and transparent.
我和我最好的朋友聊那些大方向的话题时，总是无所保留。
Like, my best friend on broad ideas with me, we really go there.
你理应能谈论所有那些被当成禁忌、别人不想听的话题。
And it's like, you should be able to talk about all the shit that's taboo or, like, people don't wanna hear about it.
还有啊，你猜怎么着？
It's like And guess what?
错就错吧，我不在乎。
Happy to be wrong.
对吧。
Right.
我的想法就是，我注意到一件事。
I just my thing is like, here's something I noticed.
信不信由你。
Take it or leave it.
对。
Right.
这不是我们的责任去解决它。
I it's not my it's not our job to solve it.
没错。
No.
我们这些长辈是在分享经验，对吧？
We're like the elders are sharing our wisdom Right.
给下一代，因为大多数人的父母都在忙工作。
For the next generation because most people's mom and dads are working.
是啊。
Uh-huh.
他们没时间一遍遍地告诉孩子：事情是这样的，道理是这样的，女人该怎么怎么样，你懂我的意思吧？
And they don't have time to constantly be like, this is how this works and this is how this works and this is how a woman gets you know what I mean?
对。
Right.
所以我们就像
So we're like
是的
Yeah.
我到了四十多岁，感觉完全不一样了。
I find like in my forties, you know, it's just a different thing.
这辈子经历了这么多，感情、生活方方面面，多少有点儿摸清门道了。
I've actually have experienced so much in life and in relationships and everything else where you really feel like I kinda have a handle on some things ish.
对
Mhmm.
一直在学。
Always learning.
没错。
Always.
所谓的错误，只有重复犯两次才算错误。
Only way that all the, quote, mistakes we made, it's only a mistake if you did it more than once.
是的。
Yeah.
否则，那根本就没什么大不了。
Otherwise, it was just Right.
人嘛，总会这样。
Being a human being.
是的。
Yeah.
总说现在就是最合适的时候。
The it's always the right time deal.
嘿。
Hey.
一起去吃麦当劳吃午饭吧？
Wanna go to Mickey D's for lunch?
哦，现在就去吧。
Oh, let's go now.
可现在还没到午饭时间呢。
But it's not lunchtime yet.
只要去麦当劳，什么时候都是吃午饭的好时候。
If we're going to McDonald's, it's always the right time.
对。
Yeah.
这话真没法反驳。
It's hard to argue with that.
麦当劳每到午饭时间都有优惠活动。
There's a deal for every lunch hour at McDonald's.
现在正好有两份只要3.99美元的优惠。
Now's the time to get two for $3.99.
可以自由搭配四块鸡块、双层吉士汉堡、鸡肉汉堡或者辣味鸡肉汉堡。
Mix and match a four piece McNuggets, a McDouble, a McChicken, or a hot and spicy McChicken.
价格和参与情况可能因地区而异。
Price and participation may vary.
不可与其他优惠叠加使用。
Cannot be combined with any other offers.
单件商品按原价出售。
Single item at regular price.
我觉得正是因为能聊这些，我才这么喜欢当喜剧演员。
I feel like talking about stuff on this is why I love, you know, being a comedian so much.
所有那些所谓糟糕、艰难或痛苦的经历，只要我能说出来，
Everything, quote, bad or rough or painful that happened to me, if I can share about it Mhmm.
别人就能从中得到启发，那这些经历就没白经历。
And then other people can learn from it, it wasn't for nothing.
没错。
Right.
对。
Right.
这些经历都没白费。
It wasn't for nothing.
展开剩余字幕（还有 480 条）
这算是从积极的角度来看了。
That's the positive spin on it.
对。
Yeah.
对。
Yeah.
我觉得吧，好吧。
Like, I feel like, okay.
对。
Yeah.
你懂的。
You know?
现在只要一遇到什么糟心事，我就直接说：来吧，哥们儿。
Like, I I'm to the point to where anytime something, like, quote, bad happens to me, I'm like, yes, dude.
管他呢。
Fuck it.
我已经是全新的故事了。
I'm a new story.
我会故意去找一些奇怪的冲突，就是为了能讲给脱口秀当素材。
Like, I will, I think, actively kind of seek weird conflicts just to give talk show stories.
因为你确实会有啊。
Because you'll have yeah.
对。
Yeah.
我们得赶紧为被指控的人做宣传了。
We have to promote the accused soon.
天哪。
Oh my god.
我知道。
I know.
所以我和瑞秋现在在拍一部剧，我都不知道怎么忽悠霍华德·戈登让我进的这个剧。
So Rachel and I are on I don't know how the fuck I conned Howard Gordon to get me in a drama.
我是个女巫。
I'm a witch.
我超期待看你的那一集。
I am so excited to watch your episode.
我是说，我们能说些什么？关于那些被指控的人？
I'm what are we allowed to say what they're the accused?
咱们试试看能不能把这个点子推销出去。
Let's see if we can pitch it.
准备好了吗？
Ready?
我们现在正向电视台推销这个节目。
We're pitching it to to a network right now.
这是我们正在做的一个节目。
So this is show we're working on.
这个节目原本是英文格式的。
It is a It's a It was in English format.
是的。
Yes.
没错。
It was.
剧情讲的是人陷入困境的那种感觉。
And it was it's about, like, really pass it's about being in a pickle.
我觉得是这样的。
I think that yep.
这就是我们的提案。
That's our pitch.
你有没有过那种，明明是……
Do you know when you're, like, in a Yeah.
但其实又不是你的错。
But it's, like, not really your fault.
你正处在……
You're
这真不能怪你。
in Not really jam your fault.
当你陷入困境时，所有发生的迹象和证据，都很容易被别人做出各种解读。
And about how when you're in a jam, all the evidence, all the stuff that's happening is so perfectly open to interpretation to people
这就像是罗夏墨迹测验。
that it's a Rorschach test.
是的。
Yeah.
我确实觉得是这样。
And I'm really yes.
我们很难判断，到底谁对谁错，你看过那部叫《楼梯》的纪录片吗？
We figure out it's hard to tell who's like, did you see the staircase, the documentary?
我本来想先看那部在圣丹斯电影节上映的。
I wanted to see first one, the Sundance one.
好的。
Okay.
真高兴看到它。
It it's Glad to see it.
和朋友一起看简直太值了。
It was so worth seeing just with a friend or something.
是的。
Yeah.
我特别想知道你怎么看。
Because I'd love to know what you think.
对。
Yeah.
猫头鹰没做到。
The owl didn't.
这案子其实挺模棱两可的，但又不是完全模糊。
But it's such a ambiguous not ambiguous crime.
犯罪确实发生了。
The crime happened.
真不清楚到底是谁干的。
It's such it's so ambiguous who did it.
明白了。
Okay.
我就是特别喜欢真实犯罪这类事。
That I love true crime shit.
你就是觉得事情会这么发展，对吧？
That's That what you think happens Yeah.
这反映的更多是你自己，而不是案子本身。
Says more about you than the case.
懂了。
Got it.
天哪，真是这样。
Oh my shit like that.
我也是。
I do too.
所以在我那期关于被指控者的节目里
So with my episode on the accused
是的
Yeah.
对
Yeah.
如果你觉得我活该遭遇这些，那你就是讨厌女性。
If you think I deserve what happened to me, you hate women.
我的这期节目讲的是，你必须当一个完美的受害者。
It's like, it's my episode is about having to be the perfect victim.
哇，真的吗。
Oh, wow.
你不能是个邋遢的受害者。
And that you can't be a sloppy victim.
天哪。
Oh my god.
你知道吧
You know
我的意思你懂吧？
what I mean?
是的
Yeah.
对
Yeah.
你有没有遇到过，当一个女人说某个男人性侵了她，你心里马上就说‘嗯，有可能’。
You know when, like, someone a woman says that a man sexually assaulted her and you're like, yeah.
但她居然还去Aldo购物。
But, like, she shops at Aldo.
没错。
Right.
你知道吗
Do know
什么意思？
what mean?
你就会说，对啊。
You're like Yeah.
你就会说，好吧。
You're like, but okay.
但就是这些人的遭遇，根本没人会相信。
But that those exact people they go out prey on because no one will believe them.
对。
Right.
对。
Right.
所以你是在扮演
And so you're playing
那个说‘对啊’的人。
the someone in that Yeah.
我想到的那个，是和性侵害相关的案例。
Mine is, like, in the sexual assault realm.
对的。
Right.
是啊。
Yeah.
我不知道他们具体会播哪几期，什么时候播。
I don't know when they're airing which ones.
至于我的那个情况，其实挺典型的，不过我可能不能说太多细节。
And mine, you know, it's like a typical kind of actually, I probably can't say too much about it.
对的。
Yeah.
毕竟你还不知道整件事的来龙去脉，到底都发生了什么。
Because you you don't know the whole episode, like what's happening.
你知道最离谱的是什么吗？
You know what's crazy?
在预告片里，你那个表情，简直就像……我就觉得，就那一瞬间。
In the trailer, you have this look where you're just like And I'm like, it's one moment.
我当时就想，这什么情况？
And I'm like, what the fuck?
就那么一下，信息量太大了。
Like, it was like, it said so much.
是的。
Yeah.
我想，好吧，谢谢。
I guess well, thanks.
我想……
I guess
那种表情，但又不完全是。
expression, but not exactly.
是的。
Yeah.
我的脸啊，真的特别大。
Well, you know, my face, like, so large.
不过也是。
But it's yeah.
演这个角色特别有意思，因为以前从来没试过这样的类型。
It was fun to play this because it's something like I've never done before.
你懂的。
You know?
对你来说，这部剧是部正剧，但风格又有点不一样。
And like for you, it's like a drama that you did and it's just a little different.
要不是等到四十岁，估计没人会让我们演正剧。
Don't think anyone was gonna let us do drama until we turn 40.
你不觉得吗？
Don't you think?
是的。
Yeah.
我觉得我们的事业才刚刚开始。
I think also our careers are just starting.
我喜欢这个说法。
I love that.
挺有观点的。
Hot take.
你知道吗？
You know what?
我同意你的看法。
I'm I'm with you on that.
我真的特别喜欢这一点。
I'm I love that.
我会坚持这个观点。
I'm gonna stand by that.
对吧？
Right?
人生四十才开始呢。
Life starts at 40.
完全没错，事实就是这样。
It absolutely does.
我自己都感觉状态好太多了。
Like, I feel so much better.
我能说句有点离经叛道的话吗？
Can I say something crazy?
尽管说吧
Please do.
你现在比以往任何时候都好看
You're prettier than you've ever been.
我的天呐
Oh my god.
惠特尼，你现在比以往任何时候都好看
Whitney, you're prettier than you've ever been.
我知道。
I know.
我真的超爱你。
I fucking love you.
我同意。
I agree.
其实当年我刚来洛杉矶的时候，大家都说，你最多只有十年时间，能混进查克·洛尔的情景喜剧。
Like, because there was this thing when I came to LA that was like, you got ten years max Right.
能挤进阿帕托的电影里。
To get in, to get the Chuck Lorre sitcom
天哪。
Oh my god.
然后到了四十岁，你就只能在镜头外晃悠，再跑去给一个假慈善机构当代言人。
To get in all the Apatow movies, and you're off camera by forty, and then you're an activist for a fake for a fake charity.
确实如此。
It's true.
他们确实这么干。
They do.
他们给这个设了严格的时间限制。
They put such a time limit on it.
他们是谁啊？
Who's they, though?
是我们自己定的吗？
Did we do it?
我们是从哪儿得出这个说法的？
Who where did we get that for me?
我想，是我们自己推断出来的。
We, I think, deduced it Yeah.
就是看格蕾琴·穆尔、特里·哈彻这些人的经历。
From watching Gretchen Mull, Terry Hatcher, baby.
特里·哈彻应该是第一个，你别纠正我啊，有第二春的女演员。
Like, Terry Hatcher was the first kinda, tell me if I'm wrong, actress who had, like, a second Yeah.
看《绝望主妇》的时候，我们都会说：哇哦。
On member desperate housewives, we'd be like, woah.
是的。
Yeah.
你说得对。
You're right.
女性角色可以回归，因为通常你只能演个女巫，比如《女巫也疯狂》里的安吉丽卡·休斯顿。
Women can come back because normally you could just play a witch, Angelica Houston in that witches movie.
天啊。
Oh my god.
女巫。
Witches.
我超爱这部电影。
Love that movie.
老兄，真该再看一遍这部电影。
Dude, rewatch rewatch that movie.
这电影简直太棒了。
I it's fucking amazing.
可能没喝酒时感觉没那么强。
Maybe not sober.
没喝酒时确实没那么强。
Maybe not sober.
清醒着看反而更离谱。
Sober is a trip.
这电影是不是特别像罗尔德·达尔的书？
It's a fucking that movie is such isn't it like a Roald Dahl book?
看完之后是不是有种特别的感觉？
Isn't it after?
我不确定。
I don't know.
它
It
也许是吧。
might be.
我不知道。
I don't know.
我是不是把他的名字念错了？
Did I pronounce his name wrong?
不知道。
Don't know.
那肯定是。
That was definitely
但说实话，这电影太吓人了，我本来想给我女儿看，但我觉得她会做噩梦。
But, yeah, it's it's so creepy, and I'm just thinking about showing it to my daughter, but I think it'll give her nightmares.
她才三岁？
It's she's She's three?
她八岁了。
She's eight.
哦。
Oh.
她还是会做噩梦的。
She'll still have nightmares.
这是给她看的。
This is what for her.
《迷宫》。
Labyrinth.
该看《迷宫》了。
It's time for Labyrinth.
这可是我最爱的电影之一。
That's like one of my favorite movies of all time.
我想给她看看。
I was I wanna show it to her.
你有吗？
Do you have?
我没看过。
I did not see.
没有。
No.
对。
Yeah.
就是我们。
That's us.
你开玩笑吧？
Are you kidding?
没有。
No.
你往后头看一眼。
It's look behind you up.
你没看到上面就是山麓国家吗？
You should see right above Mountain Eyre Nation?
是的
Yeah.
那是卢多。
That's Ludo.
天哪。
Oh my god.
卢多。
Ludo.
卢多。
Ludo.
天哪。
Oh my god.
卢多。
Ludo.
还有克洛伊真差劲。
And Chloe sucks.
我真的不行了。
I just I can't.
我老是唱这首歌。
And I'm always singing the song.
咱们去见孩子吧。
Let's go to the baby.
那个有魔力的小宝贝。
Babe with the power.
什么魔力？
What power?
巫毒的魔力。
The power of voodoo.
巫毒。
Voodoo.
你确实有这本事。
You do.
快再跟我说说那个宝宝相关的歌词
Remind You me of the baby.
我之前想讲来着，也提过这件事
I tried to show I showed that.
对的
Yep.
这可不就是我们嘛
This is us.
这不就是我们嘛。
This is us.
那部剧现在咋样了？
What's up with that show?
哦。
Oh.
哦。
Oh.
我从来没看过
I never saw
那个节目。
that show.
哦，是吗？
Oh, really?
我也没看过。
Me neither.
但我喜欢曼迪·摩尔。
But I like Mandy Moore.
我超喜欢曼迪·摩尔。
She's I love Mandy Moore.
她真的特别温柔。
I love like, she's She's so sweet.
我很佩服她，人真的特别温柔。
I'm impressed that she she is very sweet.
克里斯·克莱恩自己在《妈妈咪呀》的试镜里都这么说了。
Chris Klein said so himself in his audition for Mamma Mia.
这整件事从头到尾都是圈内人才知道的破事儿。
This whole show is, like, inside shit.
而大家肯定会...我就喜欢在播客里聊这种只有少数人懂的内容，其他人得自己琢磨我到底在说什么
And y'all will what I like doing podcast is just say shit that no one understands, but they have to go decode what they're
呢。
saying.
他们会来解谜的
They're gonna decode.
这是个文字谜题
It's a verbal puzzle.
我可太喜欢文字谜题了
I love a verbal puzzle.
因为你听播客的时候会觉得，刚才他们说的所有内容我都听懂了
Because it's like you watch listen to a podcast, you're like, well, now I know everything they just said.
对的。
Right.
大家听完之后就会反应过来，
People listen to this, and they go
我得捋明白。行。
I gotta Okay.
那就好。
Good.
那咱们来谷歌搜一下吧
Let's get googling.
好的
Yeah.
搜起来
Get googling.
我们就喜欢留点悬念
We like to have a little mystery.
对。
Yeah.
我喜欢在过度分享和太过神秘之间找平衡。
I like to find the balance between completely oversharing and being very cryptic.
哦，这想法真聪明。
Oh, that's really smart.
你懂我的意思吧？
You know what I mean?
是的。
Yeah.
比如说，
For Like,
总是把底牌全亮出来。
show everyone your cards all the time.
也不是总这样。
Not all the time.
但我的是黑色的AMX卡，所以
But mine are black AMX cards so
远不止这些。
far.
ZocDoc上有成千上万的医疗专业人士随时为你提供帮助。
Thousands of medical professionals on Zoc Doc are there to help you.
他们会像朋友一样认真听你说。
They listen like a friend.
为你提供真正需要的专业护理。
They give you expert care that you need.
当你找到合适的医生时，你是能感觉到的。
When you find the right doctor you can feel it.
你会觉得自己被真正听懂了。
You can feel heard.
你会感到安心放松。
You can feel at ease.
这一切都顺理成章。
It all makes sense.
在Zoc Doc上，找到适合你的医生简直无缝衔接。
On Zoc Doc finding the doctor that's right for you is completely seamless.
你需要的优质诊疗，只需在Zoc Doc应用里点几下就能搞定。
The quality care you need is just a few taps away in the Zoc Doc app.
Zoc Doc是唯一免费的App，能帮你找到经过患者评价、接受你的保险、在你需要时有空、还能治疗几乎各种疾病的医生。
Zoc Doc is the only free app that lets you find and book doctors who are patient reviewed, take your insurance, are available when you actually need them, and treat almost every condition under the sun.
用Zoc Doc，没有任何意外，也不会有惊喜——都是明明白白的。
With Zoc Doc there are no alarms, no surprises.
从成千上万位经过患者评价的医生中挑选，浏览专家资料。
Choose from thousands of patient reviewed doctors, specialists browse doctor profiles.
去看病之前，先好好了解你的医生。
Get to know your doctor before you go.
这就像医生版的Tinder，或者现在那个叫什么的约会App？
It's like Tinder for doctors or like what's the dating app now?
只有渔民才找对象吗？
Plenty of fish, farmers only?
现在人们都上哪儿约会啊？
What do people date on now?
有人知道吗？
Anyone?
YouTube？
YouTube?
也许是YouTube，评论区里。
YouTube maybe, the comment section.
好评论啊。
Oh good comment.
我同意你的看法。
I agree with you.
她是个烂人。
She is a busted whore.
给我发私信。
DM me.
顺便说一下，这种情况挺常见的。
That probably happens by the way.
你会浏览医生资料，上传并验证你的保险信息。
You are going to browse the doctor profiles, upload and verify your insurance information.
你就能得到你需要的医疗服务。
You're going to get the care you need.
使用 zocdoc.com/whitney。
Use zocdoc.com/whitney.
免费下载 Zoc Doc 应用，今天就找到并预约一位高分医生。
Download the Zoc Doc app for free, then find and book a top rated doctor today.
很多医生都能在 24 小时内安排就诊。
Many are available within twenty four hours.
就是 Zoc，z o c d o c 点 com 斜杠 Whitney。
That's Zoc, z o c d o c dot com slash Whitney.
Zocdoc.com/whitney
Zocdoc.com/whitney.
首先，没有什么比单口喜剧更需要勇气了。
There's nothing braver than stand up comedy, first of all.
我觉得如果有人能做到这一点，那他几乎能做成任何事，至少我是这么看的。
I think that is the most amazing thing anyone if anyone can do that, you can do anything as far as I'm concerned.
这话没错。
That's not untrue.
但除了维持一段健康的关系，你什么都能做到。
But you can do anything except sustain a healthy relationship.
不过，这些经历倒是能变成很好的素材。
But Well, that gets good material.
所以我觉得每个人都可以——也许我该在喜剧俱乐部开始这么做，比如在后台休息区之类的。
So I think everyone and maybe this is something I'll start doing at The Comedy Store, like just in the belly room or something.
对。
Yeah.
我觉得在安全的环境下，每个人都该试一次。
I think in a safe environment, I think everyone should do it at least once.
对。
Yeah.
管他呢。
Eat shit.
谁在乎？
Who cares?
没错。
Right.
但说实话，比这更吓人的，是十二年前去参加电视试镜。
But like you obviously, the only thing scarier is going into a network test twelve years ago.
有些事我根本不敢做，但你能。
So you can do things I could I could not go into
我连那都不敢。
I can't even do that.
我从来没参加过网络测试。
I've never had to do I've never had to do a network test.
我有段特别的经历，曾经被选中在《橘子郡男孩》里演个客串角色。
I have some weird I got cast on The OC as a Oh guest
因为我最好的朋友丹·利维的老婆。
because one of my best friends Dan Levy his wife
天啊，我超喜欢丹。
Oh my god I love Dan.
蕾切尔。
Rachel.
蕾切尔·斯佩克特。
Rachel Spector.
是的。
Yeah.
我特别喜欢他们。
I love them.
曾经有一阵子，大家都觉得天哪，你肯定能拿到这个角色，乔什
I there was a time when it was like oh my god you're gonna get this Josh
施瓦茨的戏份
Schwartz shot.
没错
Way.
结果你真拿到了
And you got it.
我们都觉得，这很公平
And we're all like, fair.
说实话
Honestly,
公平
fair.
她
She
她想当作家。
wanted to be a writer.
我的意思是，她本来就是作家。
I mean, she's writer.
是的。
Yeah.
她是个作家。
She's a writer.
对。
Yeah.
不过呢。
But yeah.
很喜欢他们。
Love them.
他们太棒了。
They're so awesome.
丹·利维，他一直都在，没错。
Dan Levy, he he's he's been on he's yeah.
我最好的朋友。
My my bestest friend.
这太棒了。
That's so cool.
是的。
Yeah.
因为他和乔什至今还是非常好的朋友。
Because him and Josh are still really good friends.
乔什·施瓦茨简直就像我亲兄弟一样。
Josh Schwartz is my brother, basically.
没错。
That's right.
蕾切尔和乔什一起去露营了？
And Rachel and Josh like went camping?
对的
Yeah.
他们一直都约着一起玩呢
They all they hang out.
好的
Okay.
我们几个都不会去露营的
We don't camp, guys.
不是的。
No.
我们可从来不会去露营的。
We don't do okay.
对，我们都不会去的，兄弟。
We do no guy.
露营这件事，简直和那艘心理学小船上完全没有海事规则一样离谱。
Camping is camping is almost as sketchy as the lack of maritime laws in the psychology boat.
但我们有索
But we got So
不过，可以试试豪华露营。
But glamping, maybe.
豪华露营。
Glamping.
好吧。
Okay.
我三周前刚知道，我有一半是阿什肯纳兹犹太血统。
I just learned three weeks ago that I'm half Ashkenazi.
真的吗？
Really?
是的。
Yeah.
你是全犹太人吗？
Are you a full Jew?
是说要出去旅行。
A trip.
不是。
No.
只有一半血统。
Half.
一半血统。
Half.
是爸爸那边还是妈妈那边？
Mom or dad?
是我妈妈的爸爸，还有我爸爸的妈妈那边。
Mom's dad and dad's mom.
懂了。
Got it.
我爸爸那边也是这样。
So my dad too.
他们不是说，如果母亲不是犹太人，你就不能算作犹太人吗？
So you're not really don't they say you're, like, not considered a Jew if it's not your mom?
他们是谁？
Who's they?
老听见有人这么说。
There's lot of theys being
到处都是‘他们’。
thrown around.
到处都在讲‘他们’。
There's lot of they.
我就觉得，要是这么说，大多数人就无话可说了。
I just my deal is I go that would shut most people down.
对。
Right.
他们不是这么说的吗？
They say don't they say that?
哦，是啊。
Oh, yeah.
我想我不是。
I guess I'm not.
对。
Right.
他们是谁？
Who's they?
我太喜欢了。
I love it.
我喜欢你这样
I love that you're
我知道。
I know.
没错。
Yeah.
我们都被那个无处不在、无所不能的‘他们’操控着。
We're all being controlled by this omnipresent, all powerful they.
就像《绿野仙踪》里的巫师一样。
It's like the Wizard of Oz or something.
可没人能告诉我‘他们’到底是谁。
And no one can tell me who
‘他们’是谁。
Who they is.
‘他们’是谁。
Who they is.
但这确实是个好问题。
But it's such a good point.
从现在开始，我得好好想想了。
So now I'm gonna think about it.
我心想，嗯，确实如此。
I'm like, well, yeah.
他们到底是谁？
Who the fuck is THEY?
他们说你应该喝豆奶。
They say you should have soy milk.
这话没错。
That's true.
但他们是谁？
But who's THEY?
是皮尤研究中心说的吗？
Was it a Pew study?
是啊。
Yeah.
是爱泼斯坦资助的研究吗？
Was it an Epstein funded study?
不过我认识的那个人说，他喝的豆奶其实不好。
Although my guy knows his soy is not good.
是的。
Yeah.
不是这样的。
It's not.
但我还是抱歉。
But I'm sorry.
我只是想给你举个例子。
I'm trying to give you an example.
我心想，你就吃点那个吧。
I'm like, have a they.
你说得对。
You're right.
但如果是非转基因的，适量喝点豆浆也没问题。
But soy in moderation if it's not GMO or it's Right.
没问题。
It's fine.
其实主要是里面的肥料那些东西。
Mean, it's really just the fertilizers in it and shit.
没错。
Right.
所以如果不是的话，确实。
So if it's not yeah.
你还是对的。
You're still right.
还有件事比这更糟
The only thing worse
我女儿吃豆腐的
My daughter eats tofu.
转基因大豆本身已经够不好了，但比这更糟的是，你直接完全断了这个念头，说我绝对不能碰这个
The only thing worse for you than whatever GMO soy is just having it is going, I can't have this.
之前我还想找牛奶来着
I needed some milk.
是的。
Yeah.
因为那样会让你压力很大。
Because then it stresses you out.
对你来说最糟糕的，不是吃了什么不好的食物，而是因为担心这些食物而产生的压力和皮质醇。
The worst thing for you is the stress and the cortisol you emit by stressing out about the bad food.
对。
Right.
我从不这样。
I don't do that.
对。
Yeah.
我吃我能吃的东西。
I eat what I I can't.
四十岁了，根本不在乎。
Just 40 and not listening.
然后好吧。
And then okay.
有意思。
Interesting.
那我可以问问你父母是怎么做的吗？
So then can I ask what your parents did?
当然可以。
Absolutely.
我爸爸那边全家都搞演艺行业的。
So my dad's side of the family's all in show business stuff.
不好意思。
I'm sorry.
演艺行业。
The business of show.
演艺行业。
The business of show.
其实挺有意思的。
So it's actually interesting.
我曾祖父当年在RKO影业负责 trailers 部门。
So my great grandfather was like part of the trailer depart he ran the trailer department for RKO Pictures like back in the day.
我曾祖母是个编剧。
My great grandmother was a writer.
她写过几部剧本。
Like she wrote some screenplays.
我姑姑是制片人。
My aunt's a producer.
那些片子拍出来了吗？
Are they been made?
拍了。
Yes.
她做过一部跟狗有关的片子。
She had something like a canine something.
这事儿我都忘了。
Have forget about that.
你手里还有那些剧本吗？还是知道它们现在在哪？
Do you have the scripts or know where they are?
有人知道的。
Somebody does.
我们还有一些配图和插画留着。
We have pictures illustrations.
都拍出来了。
They have them.
确实都做出来了。
They have them.
就是...
They.
对的。
Yep.
还有些插图，画的是叫‘Yummy Yummies’的角色，都是蔬菜，她搞了这么个东西。
And there's like illustrations of these characters called the Yummy Yummies that were vegetables that she made this thing.
所以她是个作家，这挺厉害的。
And so she was a writer which is cool.
我觉得那时候所有写东西的女性，都是想传达某种信息。
I just think all women that were writing back then were trying to relay messages.
对。
Yeah.
我觉得你说得对。
I think you're right.
是啊。
Yeah.
因为那时候，我的意思是，
Because in that time, I mean, was
所以这讲的是蔬菜。
so It's about vegetables.
大概就是说，这个能吃，那个别吃。
It's probably something like eat this one, but not this one.
对。
Right.
我觉得那时候所有写东西的女性都
I think everyone that's like a
有自己的话要说。
Had something to say.
是的。
Yeah.
然后她们都
And then they
我们就只是说，对。
And we just are like Right.
是的。
Yeah.
没什么。
Nothing.
我们就觉得，
We're like,
这是一部挺搞笑的动画片。
oh, this is a funny animation show.
对。
Yeah.
太可爱了。
So cute.
等等。
Wait.
所有那些他妈的
All the fucking
对。
Yeah.
这里面到底有什么名堂？
What's really there?
你还记得《疯狂动画》吗？
Remember Animaniacs?
就是那部《疯狂动画》。
Of Animaniacs.
那当然记得了。
Of course.
还有那首主题曲也一样。
And the theme song.
简直太上头了。
Obsessed.
对。
Yeah.
这里面的所有内容都太赞了。
Everything that's in here.
我的意思是，我真没法比这更理解你了。
Mean, I can't relate to you harder.
这可是
This is
我知道这是我的，而且
my I know this is my And
你那儿那个像丽莎·弗兰克风格的东西。
you like Lisa Frank like thing up there.
一部动画版的丽莎·弗兰克电视剧。
Animated Lisa Frank TV show.
你认真的吗？
Are you serious?
动画片。
Animation.
是的。
Yeah.
天哪。
Oh my god.
这也太棒了。
That's so awesome.
我会
I'll
给你一些东西。
give you some stuff.
哦，不过不好意思。
Oh But sorry.
总之。
Anyway.
好的。
Yes.
没错。
So yes.
这太有意思了。
That's fascinating.
所以呢。
So yeah.
那会儿就开始了。
It started back then.
我小时候，我爸经常拍节目，写电影，还当导演。
And then my dad growing up like had shows and he wrote movies and directed.
所以我从小就在这种环境里长大。
So I kinda grew up around it.
对。
Mhmm.
你有请他上过你的播客吗？
Did you had him on your podcast?
我爸爸？
My dad?
是的。
Yeah.
他平时话特别多。
He would probably he talks a lot.
他肯定特别愿意来上你的播客。
He would probably love to come on the podcast.
我也很想聊聊。
I would love to talk.
我其实有几件事想说。
I'm like really so I have a couple things.
对。
Yeah.
我知道你爸是支持光明派的。
I know your dad is team light.
没错。
Yeah.
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