鼻子越大，家伙越大，特邀娜塔莉·“ Jew Tits”·珀林

是的。

Yeah.

这只是她现在的样子。

It's just her current her current form.

是的。

Yeah.

她现在的

Her current

我喜欢她细长的眉毛。

love her thin eyebrows.

我有一部分想要细眉毛。

A part of me wants a thin eyebrow.

你可以

You can

驾驭这个风格。

rock it.

是的。

Yeah.

你的眉毛并不特别浓密。

Your eyebrows aren't super thick.

确实不浓。

They're not.

确实不浓。

They're not.

是的。

Yeah.

你的眉毛更像Ashky型，而不是Saffardi型。

You have more Ashky eyebrows than Saffardi eyebrows.

是的，其实并不浓密。

Yeah, not very hairy actually.

是的，不是那样。

Yeah, not that.

你的头上有很多头发。

You've got a lot hair on your head.

这不是真的。

It's not real.

这不是真的？

It's not real?

我的头发其实很长，但非常卷，我喜欢头发在头顶蓬松的样子。

I have, like, I like, my hair is long but my hair is super curly and I like high up hair.

是的。

Yeah.

而且我觉得这就像一种安全感的来源，因为当我把头发吹直时，头发大概就到这儿了，我的头发其实挺长的，但我总觉得不够蓬松。

And I also think that I, it's like a security blanket, because when I blow dry my hair straight, it's like maybe to here, like I have quite long hair, but I never think it's big enough.

当我的头顶头发不够蓬松时，我就觉得我的胸部看起来太大了。

And I feel like when my hair is not big at the top, then my boobs look too big.

但当我的头发蓬松时，整体比例就协调了。

But then when my hair is big, everything is like a ratio.

哇。

Wow.

天哪。

Oh my goodness.

在你身体里面生活真不容易。

It is tough being inside there, your body.

像监狱。

A prison.

像监狱。

A prison.

太糟糕了。

It's terrible.

等等，你的头发这么长，但你说吹干后是怎么样？

Wait, so your hair is so long, but when you blow dry it, you said?

是的。

Yeah.

当它卷起来的时候，因为我的头发长得不错，不是长高，而是向外长。

When it curls like, because my hair kinda grows well, doesn't grow tall, it just grows out.

所以你现在扎的马尾，是那种

So the ponytail stuff you have right now, that's

假的吗？

not real?

是的。

Yeah.

我以前只扎一个大马尾，现在改成两个了。

And I used to just do one bigger pony, and now I'm at two ponies.

我喜欢这个造型。

I like it.

我也喜欢两个马尾。

I like the two ponies.

对，很可爱，你还系了个可爱的小蝴蝶结。

Yeah, it's cute, you've got that cute little bow in there.

这感觉就像给我的大脑盖了一条加重毯子。

And it feels a bit like, I think, a weighted blanket for my brain.

它能缓解我的焦虑，脑子里有太多想法了，真是让人头疼。

It helps with my anxiety, there's just a lot of thoughts in here, so it's just like, ugh.

太聪明了。

Very smart.

不，我真的需要帮助。

No, but I need help.

我觉得，我睡觉的时候会把它们摘下来，但即使半夜去上厕所，我也会重新戴上。

I think, so I go to sleep, I take them off, Even in the middle of the night, if I go to the bathroom to pee, I put them on.

我真的不喜欢没有它们的时候。

Like, I hate I hate when I don't have that.

你不想，比如，照镜子看

You don't wanna, like, look in the mirror for

即使在黑暗中，也不是视觉上的，而是那种感觉。

it's like, even if it's dark, it's not even it's the feeling.

我不喜欢头部感觉没有重量的时候，那种感觉就像我随时会被一阵风吹走。

I don't like it when my head feels, like, not weighted and I feel like I could just be carried away by a gust of wind.

这种情况真的可能发生。

It could happen.

从我这张双人床就能看出来，晚上没什么男士留宿，但我觉得，如果我摘掉假发，然后把它放进储物长凳里，第二天早上一醒来就又得戴上，这感觉真的很奇怪。我不介意戴假发，但这过程就是有点别扭。

As you can see by my twin sized bed, I don't have like a lot of gentlemen staying the night or anything, but I think that like, it would, it'd be like a weird, be like, okay, like, I'm not like ashamed that I wear fake hair or anything, but it's just like a weird, it's like, okay, so if I take them off and then I put them in the storage ottoman, but then like, at what point it's like it's like literally like first thing in the morning.

有时候我会想，好吧，每周有一天，我就不扎马尾了。

And sometimes I'll be like, okay, one day a week, I'm gonna have like no ponytail day.

哦。

Oh.

我不喜欢这样。

I don't like it.

自我考验。

Testing yourself.

我不喜欢任何形式的个人成长。

I don't like any kind of personal growth.

不推荐这样做。

Don't recommend that.

这有可能。

It could be

重要的是心意，心意才最重要。

the thought that counts, that counted.

你只要想过就行了，其实不用真的去做。

Like you thought about it, you don't actually have to execute it.

所以你是想说，如果你床上有别人，那你该怎么办？

So were you leading to, like, if you had someone in your bed, like, what are you to do?

那我到底该在什么时候把假发尾取下来？

Like, would I at what point would I take the ponytail off?

我觉得，永远都不。

I'm like, never.

永远都不。

Never.

比如，如果有人要拉它，它就要掉了，你喜欢被拉吗？

Like, if someone's gonna pull it and it's gonna, like, fall off Do you like your pulled?

我其实不喜欢。

I actually don't.

那你没问题。

Then you're fine.

我不喜欢那样。

I don't like that.

就这样。

That's it.

你喜欢你的

Do you like your

头发吗？我超爱它。

hair I fucking love it.

是的。

Yeah.

我们是两种完全不同的人。

We're we're two different kind of people.

但这是因为你戴了发接吗？

But is it because you have the extensions?

不，我觉得即使是我自己的头发，我也不喜欢别人拉我的头发。

No, I think even just my own hair, I don't like somebody pulling my hair.

我的意思是，我不喜欢任何人碰

I mean, just don't like anybody to touch

我，总之都不行。

me, period.

好吧，所以

Okay, so

你喜欢什么样的？

what kind of do you like?

我不太喜欢随意的性关系。

I don't really like casual sex.

我觉得，当我发生性关系时，是非常优雅的。

I'd say, when I have sex, it's like very elegant.

我想象过。

I I imagined.

我需要你确认一下。

I needed you to confirm.

这是像爱吗？

It's like loving?

不，我大部分时候只是 dissociate，哦。

No, I mostly just disassociate, Oh.

不，不。

No, no.

如果我在一段关系中，我会说那可能更有创造性，心理上更有趣且富有动态性。

If I'm in a relationship, then I would say I it's maybe more creative, more psychologically interesting and dynamic.

嘿，嘿，

Hey, hey,

嘿，这里随便说点什么。

hey, anything, anything goes here.

我先问第一个问题：你在床上表现好吗？

And let me start off with the first question, are you good in bed?

我大概只是混过去而已。

I probably coast.

我可能更多是靠长相过关。

I probably get by a little bit more on looks.

你是枕头公主吗？

Are you a pillow princess?

绝对是枕头公主。

Definitely a pillow princess.

哦，好吧。

Oh, okay.

当然了。

Mean Definitely.

这说得通。

That kind of tracks.

你是个公主，而且有很多枕头。

You are a princess and you have Many pillows.

三个，但在你的单人床上看起来很多。

Three, but it looks like a lot on your twin bed.

我还有更多枕头放在衣橱里。

I have more pillows that I put in my closet.

我还有一些印着我脸的枕头。

And I also have pillows that I have printed my face on.

在你衣橱里？

In your closet?

不，我把它们放在佛罗里达了。

No, I have them in Florida.

你开玩笑吧？

Are you kidding me?

阿梅莉·阮。

Amelie Nguyen.

谢谢。

Thank you.

等等，真的吗？

Wait, really?

是的。

Yeah.

好的。

Okay.

那阵子我卖过这些周边，但后来我意识到，其实我不用把所有枕头都塞满，因为填充物是分开的，你根本不用做任何事，只要做枕头就行了。

That was my merch for a while, but then I realized, like, I didn't have to stuff all the pillows, because, like, the stuffing is separate from You even have to do anything, just do the pillows.

宝贝，我有很多视频，里面全是枕头，有八十多个，全都堆在我脸上。

Babe, I have a lot of videos where I have like, there's like 80 pillows and they're all in my face.

你还有这些枕头吗？还是都被买走了？

And do you still have them or do people buy them all?

大多数人没有买它们，但很多人收到了它们作为生日和圣诞礼物。

Most people did not buy them, but a lot of people received them as birthday and Christmas presents.

哇，这太棒了。

Yo, that's great.

我还有不同版本，比如我有好几年的，我都收集了。

I have different editions too, like I have a few years, like I all.

我还有个日历，目前正在制作一个是不是

And I have a calendar and I'm working on a Is it the

每个月都用同一张照片吗？

same photo in every month?

不。

No.

我拍了很多照片，所以图片多到没法只选12张，但又不够做365天的每日图片。

Well, I I do a lot of photoshoots, so I have I have too many pictures to just do 12, but I have not enough to do, like, the everyday, like, 356.

但我的折中方案是做一副扑克牌，因为这个数量刚刚好。

But my compromise is I'm gonna do a deck of playing cards, because that's a good number.

是的。

Yes.

然后我还想做一个杯垫套装，这是我的想法，因为差不多就是这样，哦，把这个放进去真糟。

And then I also wanna do like a coaster set, that's my areola, because it's like that's approximately Oh, put that in the sucks.

等等，你这是说那个贴纸吗？

Wait, is this like the sticker that you

给了啊，我也有贴纸。

gave Oh, also have stickers.

我有贴纸。

Do have stickers.

我有刮嗅贴纸。

I scratch and sniff stickers.

会闻起来像你的阴道吗？

Will it smell like your pussy?

肛门。

Butt hole.

我们跳过吧，你知道现在流行的那首歌吗？这简直是性新闻。

We're gonna skip do you know that song that's out now, this is like sex news.

就像说，给我一杯玛格丽特。

It's like, give me one margarita.

你知道那首歌吗？

Do you know that song?

它在TikTok上很火，然后他们说，给我四杯玛格丽特，我要把它灌进屁股里。

It's on TikTok, and then they're like, give me four margaritas, I'm a put it in my butt.

给我五杯玛格丽特。

Give me five margaritas

我听说有人...

I heard someone

我要把它塞进你的屁股里。

I'm gonna put it in your butt.

这首歌有点可爱。

It's something like it's a cute song.

好的。

Okay.

你喜欢屁股相关的东西吗？

Do you like butt stuff?

我不反对。

I'm not opposed.

我不反对，比如，和某个人，我的丈夫。

I'm not opposed, like, with, somebody is my husband Someone.

你可以在我身上撒尿，我不在乎。

And you can piss on me, I don't care.

但反正，我只是想结婚。

But like, anything I'm just trying to get married.

是的。

Yeah.

我只是在想，我该怎么吸引一个男人？

I'm just like, what can I use to entice a man?

是的。

Yeah.

我觉得这是所有男人的一种非常隐秘的嗜好。

I think that's like a very secret fetish of all men.

撒尿，标记地盘。

Peeing, marking your territory.

标记地盘。

Marking your territory.

我觉得我宁愿不说出来，你知道的？

I think I'd rather so I actually have I don't wanna say a bit, you know?

因为我觉得我不该提这一点。

Because I'm like, I shouldn't say a bit.

但我正在写一个关于这个的段子，因为我小时候会尿裤子，不只是晚上。

But I'm working on a bit about because I used to pee myself as a kid, not just at night.

我白天，大白天也会。

Me and daytime, broad daylight.

嗯，你是因大笑才这样的吗？

Well, did it from like laughing, for you was it like just

不是吗？

not?

我觉得可能只是为了引起注意，或者是因为我记得，有时候我上学穿校服，但如果你尿裤子了，就能换衣服，因为你有专门的备用服装，哦。

I think it was just like for attention, or like, well, because I also, I remember that like sometimes, like I went to school, had uniforms, but if you peed yourself, you'd get to change clothes because you'd have a separate outfit for after you pissed Oh

天啊。

my god.

所以我心想，我能换衣服，别人都会羡慕我。

So I was like, I get to change clothes and everyone would be jealous of me.

不，我其实很努力，我父母都很担心。

No, I would try hard, like my parents were like worried.

他们说，如果你尿裤子，没人愿意跟你做朋友。

They're like, oh, nobody's gonna be your friend if you piss yourself.

我说，不，其实很多OnlyFans上的人都愿意花大价钱看这个。

I'm like, no, like, a lot of people on OnlyFans would actually pay good money for that.

但是

But

你真是超前了。

So ahead of your time.

我真的真的是。

I was I really was.

但我父母会说，好，只要你不尿裤子，就给你一个金星贴纸。

But my my parents would be like, okay, like, time you don't piss yourself, you'll get like a gold star sticker.

当我集齐十个金星贴纸时，就可以去Cold Stone奶油冰淇淋店了。

And then when I got 10 gold star stickers, I get to go to Cold Stone's Creamery.

那时候那家店刚开出来。

And that had like just come out.

就是那种高端冰淇淋店，你知道的。

It was like, you know, it's like the ice cream place with the premium top.

你还记得那时候它刚出现的时候吗？

Do you remember when that was new?

他们会把东西混在一起

They would like would mix shit up

和大理石一起，他们只是把它切碎。

with With the the marble, they would just be chopping it up.

嗯，是的。

Uh-huh.

当你还是个孩子的时候，集齐10个贴纸很难。

And when you're a kid, to get 10 stickers, that's hard.

十次不尿裤子，太难了。

10 times not pissing yourself, that's so hard.

不一定要连续完成。

It didn't have to be in a row.

比如

Like

我知道，这已经很宽松了。

I know, that's very lenient.

还有什么？

What else?

就像是，你平时做什么来娱乐？

It's like, what do you have to do for fun?

就是，你喜欢什么？那是我的事，我最喜欢的事，所以要集满10张贴纸很难。

Just like, what do you Like, that was my thing, that was my favorite thing, so it was hard to get to 10 stickers.

所以我没怎么去吃过Cold Stones。

I So didn't get to go to Cold Stones that much.

我当时也是个胖小孩，所以Cold Stones和憋不住尿这两件事，简直就是我的索菲亚的选择，天啊，我怎么可能选？

I was also like a fat kid, so like, Cold Stones and Pissing and Myself were like, those were the two that I was like, oh god, how could I ever, like, my Sophie's Choice?

但最后我还是集满了10个金星贴纸，然后去了Cold Stones，那感觉太棒了。

But eventually, did get like 10 gold star stickers and I went to Goldstones, it was amazing.

但我最开心的一次去Cold Stones，就是我在那里尿裤子了。

But the best time that I ever like had at Goldstones was when I pissed myself at Goldstones.

就像，我当时就想，你还没准备好。

Like, I was just like, you're not ready.

这真是个圆满的循环。

This is like full circle.

你父母把冰淇淋拿走了吗，还是你吃到了？

Did did your parents take the ice cream away or did you get to eat it?

我得到了，但已经太晚了。

I get to I was like, was too late.

你有没有在吃冰淇淋的时候尿裤子过？

But like, have you ever have you ever pissed yourself while eating ice cream?

我觉得，再没有什么能超越那一刻了。

Like, nothing will ever top that for me, I don't think.

这有点悲哀，但值得。

And that's kind of sad, but it's worth it.

你想啊，这就像冷石头，但又像是温热的尿液。

It's like, think about it, it's like cold stones, but it's like warm piss.

两者都有。

It's like both.

这太完美了。

It's so perfect.

我想像坐时光机一样重走你的一生，我想看看你所有最尴尬的时刻。

I want to like relive your entire life, like, in a time machine and just I wanna see all of your most embarrassing people.

我的人生一直很哥特。

My life has been very goth.

非常哥特。

Extremely gothic.

没错。

Right.

你正处于你的哥特时期，那到底意味着什么？

You're you're in your goth era, and like, what does that mean?

成为哥特到底意味着什么？

What does it mean to be goth?

我认为在某种意义上，我正在重新定义什么是哥特。

I think that in a sense I am redefining what it means to be goth

一位开拓者。

for A trailblazer.

一个临时的哥特女孩，因为人们总是说：纳塔莉，你总是笑嘻嘻的，咯咯直笑，不可能是哥特风的。

A temporary woman, because people are like, Natalie, you're so smiley, you're so giggly, you can't be goth.

但其实我真的很哥特，我只是特别紧张。

But no, I'm very goth, I'm just very nervous.

紧张型哥特。

Nervous goth.

我觉得我内心其实有点开心，但还有一层哥特气质，深沉得像熔岩般的哥特与黑暗，哇哦。

I think that secretly I'm a little happy, but then there's a layer of gothness that is so goth and so molten lava of gothness and darkness Woah.

没人能穿透这层气质。

That nobody can penetrate.

这就像

This is like

非常性感。

very erotic.

没人能穿透。

No one can penetrate.

那是一个挑战吗？

Is that is that a challenge?

娜塔莉未来的丈夫。

Natalie's future husband.

嗯，我觉得我不想要一个哥特丈夫。

Well, I think I don't want a goth husband.

哦。

Oh.

我想成为那个哥特的人。

I wanna be the goth one.

好的。

Okay.

所以你在找一个相反类型的人？

So you're looking for like an opposite?

是的。

Yeah.

我想，我其实只谈过一段非常长期的恋爱，嗯。

I think, well, I've had I've had really only one very long term relationship Mhmm.

那段关系是和一个更内向、更容易抑郁的人，我说：不行。

And it was with somebody who was more introverted, more, you know, tended to be more depressed, and I'm like, no.

如果非得有人抑郁，那也应该是我。

If anyone's gonna be depressed, it's gonna be me.

是的。

Yeah.

你的职责就是好好照顾我。

And your job is to just like, take care of me.

是的，给我打气。

Yeah, uplift me.

对。

And yeah.

所以，不，我不想要一个哥特风或情绪化的男人，我觉得。

So yeah, no, I don't want like a goth or an emo man, I don't think.

不，是的。

No, yeah.

好的。

Okay.

我想成为那个另外的人。

I wanna be like, the the other.

我想成为被符号化的爱情。

I wanna be the the tokenized love.

就像，他妈的亚当一家是哪个？

Like, Fucking What's the Adam's family?

莫蒂西亚？

Morticia?

是的。

Yeah.

然后是她的格莫。

And then her Gomez.

是的，格莫。

Yeah, Gomez.

他性格外向、很温柔，对吧？

He's like extroverted, sweet, right?

是的。

Yeah.

但他们在一起，真的很美。

But they're just together, they're so beautiful.

是的。

Yeah.

你看过《星期三》吗？

Did you watch Wednesday?

我还没看过《星期三》。

I haven't seen Wednesday yet.

没有。

No.

还不错。

It was good.

很迷人。

Charming.

很迷人。

Charming.

我看过那个舞蹈了。

I've seen the dance.

那个舞蹈。

The dance.

是的。

Yeah.

那真有趣。

That was fun.

就像，哇哦。

Was like, woah.

这种感觉鼓励我随心所欲地跳舞，因为显然帅气的男生喜欢这样，你知道的？

Like, this kind of encourages me to dance however I want because apparently hot boys like it, you know?

和她跳舞的那个男生，挺可爱的。

That guy she was dancing with, he was cute.

我能看到你。

I could see you.

我看到你戴着哥特风的辫子了。

I could see you with like the goth, like pigtail braids.

我？

Me?

是的。

Yeah.

谢谢。

Thank you.

我觉得任何人都可以是哥特风，但你不应该文化挪用，不行。

I I feel like anybody could be goth, but you don't wanna culturally appropriate No.

哥特风格，绝不可能。

Gothness, never.

等等，阿达姆斯一家是有犹太文化印记的。

Wait, but the Addams Family is Jewish coded.

有犹太文化印记。

Jewish coded.

是的，所以我们也可以是哥特风。

Yeah, so like, we can be goth.

这实际上是你的文化。

That's actually, this is your culture.

这是我的文化。

This is my culture.

嗯，我觉得我是南佛罗里达的犹太人，所以也许我们不像纽约犹太人那么哥特，对吧？

I Well, I think that like I'm like a South Florida Jew, so maybe, like, we're not as I don't know, like, a New York Jew is more goth, right?

是的。

Yeah.

我们就像

We're like

热带哥特。

tropical goth.

嗯，纽约人总是很愤世嫉俗。

Well, we're like New Yorkers are like cynical.

你来自迈阿密。

You're from Miami.

这难道是秘密吗？

Is that supposed to be a secret?

不是。

No.

还是你刚才说的是佛罗里达？

Or did you just say Florida?

不，佛罗里达。

No, Florida.

嗯，我觉得我也是那种佛罗里达犹太人，你知道的那种。

Well, I think I'm also, you know, Florida Jews, you know the type.

但是

But

我想我知道。

I think I do.

我是阿什肯纳兹和塞法迪犹太人，我妈妈会说西班牙语、阿拉伯语、意大利语和法语。

I'm like Ashkenazi and Sephardic, and my, like, my mom speaks Spanish, she speaks Arabic, she speaks Italian, she speaks French.

西班牙语？

Spanish?

是的，我会说西班牙语。

Yeah, I speak Spanish.

还有

And

人们知道你会说西班牙语吗？

people don't Do people know that you speak Spanish?

等等。

No, wait.

男生们知道我是半个阿根廷人后，会不会特别兴奋？因为这会让一个普通的犹太女孩显得更神秘。

Does people Boys get so turned on when they learn that I'm half Argentinian because it just makes a normal Jewish girl more exotic.

你遇到过这种情况吗？

Has that happened to you?

我不知道为什么有人会对我有好感，但不管怎样，不是因为我自我压抑，原因太多了。

I don't know why anybody is turned on by me, but for whatever reason No no, because there's so many reasons, not because I'm not being self suffocated.

我的意思是，他们有太多选择了，所以我也不知道是因为 ethnicity，还是因为

I mean they just have so much, they have so much to choose from, so I don't know if it's ethnicity, if it's

不，那是因为

No, that's

大卷发，或者别的什么，如果是的话，那可能是什么都行。

so Big hair, if it's if it's anything, it can be anything.

我当时就想，这事儿只关乎你和你的上帝。

I was like, that's just between you and your god.

好的，等一下。

Okay, wait.

我有很多问题需要问完。

I have I have a lot of questions I need to get through.

好的。

Okay.

你喜欢口交吗？

You like giving head?

不喜欢。

No.

好的。

Okay.

你为什么觉得会有犹太女孩擅长这个的刻板印象？

Why do you think there's a stereotype that Jewish girls are good

口交？

at giving head?

我不喜欢做任何事。

I don't like doing anything.

我为什么觉得会有这种刻板印象？

Why do I think that there's a stereotype?

我以为刻板印象是犹太女孩不给口交。

I thought that the stereotype was that Jewish girls didn't give head.

确实是。

It is.

两种都有。

There's both.

两种都存在。

It's both.

两种都存在，是的。

It's both, yeah.

我觉得这可能是那种正统保守的观念，就像反犹主义者或者宗教男孩所认为的那样，因为他们所了解的只是他们姐妹学校里的那些宗教女孩之类的。

I think one of it's like the the orthodox prudish thing, like if I think that's what antisemites think or what religious boys think because all they know are the religious girls at their sister's school or whatever.

我觉得也许我听到的更多是一种美国式的、同化后的刻板印象。

And I think maybe it's more of an American, an assimilated stereotype that I hear.

但总是非此即彼，比如裙子越长，女人就越放荡。

But it's always one or the either, like, the longer the skirt, the bigger the whore.

等等，这其实并不是非此即彼。

Wait, that's actually not one or either.

这是我从以色列听到的说法，关于正统派女孩，因为她们会做肛交。

That's something I hear in Israel, like the Orthodox girls because they do anal.

哦，天哪。

Oh, wow.

为的是不发生性关系。

So as not to have sex.

但对啊，我以为你会给我一些见解。

But yeah, I thought I thought you would give me some insight.

让我想想我能提供什么见解。

Let me see what what insight I can muster up.

是的，我不喜欢做任何事。

Yeah, I don't like to do anything.

是的，你不是适合做这件事的人，

Yeah, you're not the person for this,

但你做了这么多。

but you do so much.

不，你是个枕头公主，你是个枕头公主。

No, you're a pillow princess, you're a pillow princess.

我确实是，而且我现在在约会，这是新的关系。

I I am, and I'm dating somebody now, and it's it's new.

所以我并不擅长给恋爱建议，是的，但是

And so I am not one to give dating advice to Yeah, but

既然这是新的关系，没人会在这档播客之外谈论它，对吧？

since it's new, nobody talk about it outside of this podcast, right?

但我想说，我意识到自己一直喜欢那种‘爸爸型’的男人，但我从未交往过这样的类型。

But I will say, I kind of realized, I've always liked kind of like a daddy type, But I've never had that.

而现在，我约会的这个人年纪大很多。

And now, the person I'm dating is quite a bit older.

嗯。

Mhmm.

我觉得这不会成真吧？

I don't think that that would of pot?

不会。

No.

我觉得，可能是因为我看起来太年轻了，是的。

Well, I don't think, it's because I think that I come across as so young Yeah.

所以当我想到他的年龄时，我会觉得，哇，他真的老了，但接着我又想起，我自己也并不年轻。

That I'm like, oh, when I think about his age, I'm like, oh, that's really old, but then I remember that I'm a little bit old.

你多大了

How old are

你呢？

you?

我三十出头。

I'm in my early thirties.

这不算老。

That's not old.

但我觉得，高中好像就是昨天的事。

But like, I I think that I'm just like, high school was yesterday.

所以我一想，天啊，这个男人51岁了，真是个怪人。

And so I'm like, oh my god, this man, he's 51, what a creep.

但我又想，不，这个年龄差是可以接受的。

And I'm like, no, that's an acceptable age gap.

等等，你是在和我爸爸约会吗？

Wait, are you dating my dad?

我不知道你爸爸叫什么名字？

I don't what's your dad's name?

不，我只是在开玩笑。

No, I'm just kidding.

他有个年轻的女朋友。

He has a different young girlfriend.

那就是我。

That's me.

那会是

That would

而他大约66岁，所以绝对不可能。

be And he's like 66, so yeah, definitely not.

但我有这种感觉，我觉得我28岁，你也是，我们年龄差距不大，而且

I feel that though, I feel like I'm I'm 28, you were like, we're like not far off in age and

感觉像

feel like

我太老了。

I'm so old.

但我觉得自己是个老灵魂，但同时我又会说，嗯。

But I think I'm such an old soul, but then I'm also like Mhmm.

时间是不真实的。

Time is it's not real.

是的。

Yeah.

所以你的钟表不准。

That's why your clock is wrong.

我有很多钟表都被我收起来了，因为什么？

I have more clocks that I put away because I What?

我有个紫色的，会把它们吓坏。

Have like a violet will freak them out.

我有个布谷鸟钟，还有一台我在亚马逊上退了的。

I have like a cuckoo clock, and then I have one that I returned on Amazon.

什么？

What?

你用

You use

它原本是用于一个月，比如？

it was for one like, if?

你可以用它们一个月后再退货。

Well, you can use them for a month before you can return it.

我喜欢经常重新布置，也不喜欢杂乱。

And I like to redecorate a lot, and I don't like clutter.

所以我总觉得就像先试用一下，是

So I feel like I just check things out like Is

是好事还是退货很在行？

it good thing or good at returning things?

我非常擅长。

I'm great.

这就像我的一项专长：购物和退货。

It's like my one skill, shopping and returning things.

这真的很厉害。

And that's like very strong.

我喜欢购物，但讨厌退货，这就是我穷的原因，因为我根本不会退错尺寸的鞋子。

I love shopping and I hate returning things and that's why I'm poor because I just don't Like, I I don't return, like, the wrong size shoe.

你退的是那些你曾经喜欢并使用过的东西。

You're returning things that, like, you enjoyed and used.

然后我就想，你知道吗？

And then I'm like, you know what?

有人告诉我这件事，我不记得是谁了，但说的是弗兰克·辛纳屈。

Somebody told me this, I don't remember who, but it was about Frank Sinatra.

是的。

Yeah.

他曾经把一副非常昂贵的袖扣送给了一个粉丝之类的。

And he gave away these really expensive pair of cufflinks that he had, just to like a fan or some or something.

然后他说，任何你舍不得放手的东西，其实是在拥有你。

And then he said that anything that you own that you can't part with, then that thing owns you.

我是物品的奴隶。

I'm a slave to my item.

那你就是自由的女性了。

So you're a free woman.

但你看，就连这支蜡烛，我刚买回来，我就想：我不点它，就当装饰用，别碰它，要保持 pristine，因为它花了我50美元，我平时可不会花50美元买一支蜡烛，但我却愿意花50美元在DoorDash上点芝士蛋糕工厂的外卖。

Well, but I like so even this candle, I just bought it, and I was like, I'm not gonna light it, it's just for decoration, don't touch it, it's gonna stay pristine because it was like $50 and I'm not one to spend like $50 on a candle, but then I'm like, I'll spend $50 on DoorDash from The Cheesecake Factory.

是的。

Yes.

没错。

So Yes.

你来我家的时候，我就说：Natalie，点上蜡烛吧。

You were coming over and I was like, Natalie, light the candle.

就点上蜡烛吧。

Just light the candle.

点蜡烛吧，对。

Light the candle, yeah.

你刚才说的不是那一个。

You weren't talking about that one.

但这些我不会点。

But these I'm not lighting.

我会点一支蜡烛，就是那支。

I will light one candle and it's that one.

哦，谢谢你。

Oh, thank you.

然后这些，五十年后，如果我们拍个重聚特辑，到时候我们会。

And then these, in like fifty years, if we do like a like a reunion episode, like We will.

我会点这一支。

I will light this one.

哇，好吧，你得把它放在一个安全的地方。

Woah, okay, I mean, you need to put that in like a good safe space.

在这个盒子里。

In this box.

我喜欢好的盒子。

I love a good box.

我喜欢把小饰物放在漂亮的盒子里。

I love a I love a trinket in a in a nice box.

但你只是不停地换它们。

But I'm You just keep swapping them out.

不，这些不是来自……你知道那个马卡龙店吗？

Well, no, so these aren't from these are from do you know the macaroon place?

是的，斯拉特里？

Yeah, Slattery?

我是这么想的，与其买二十个马卡龙，吃多了会恶心，不如买支蜡烛。

Like, I was like, instead of ordering 20 macarons that I will just feel sick, I'll get the candle.

哇哦。

Wow.

因为你只是想要我

Because you just wanted to I

我只是想买点东西。

just wanted to buy something.

我只是想在生命的某一刻感受到自己还活着。

I just wanted to feel alive for one second of my life.

老兄，是的。

Dude, I yeah.

你看，这其实也是一种多动症的表现。

I have such a see, that's like an ADD thing too.

我们正在试着弄清楚我该识别哪些字母。

We're trying to figure out what letters I should identify

多动症、自闭症，但所有这些都处于一个谱系上。

The ADD, autism, but everything's on a scale.

只是我不确定这个谱系具体怎么衡量。

Except I don't know how on a scale it

这可不是竞赛。

It's not a contest.

我有最多的自闭症。

I have the most autism.

我认为两者都是超能力。

They're both superpowers, I think.

嗯，我觉得我妈妈以前告诉我尿裤子的时候，她说：‘娜塔莉，这是你的超能力，’不是指尿尿本身，而是特指这件事。

Well I think, you know, my mom would tell me when I pissed myself, she was like, Natalie, this is your superpower, like you're diff Not like the piss, like specifically.

这根本不是超能力。

It's not a superpower.

她只是说：‘你不一样，当别人嘲笑你的时候，她说：不，你不一样，你的不同就是你的超能力。’

She was just like, oh you're different, and when people made fun of me she was like, no, you're different, and your differences are your superpower.

然后我就想，好吧，所以我的超能力就是……我们又回到尿尿的话题了。

And it's like, okay, so my superpower is like and I didn't just like, we're back to piss.

我喜欢聊尿尿。

Love piss talk.

我们迟早会登上什么‘PissRuddit’网站吧。

Watch us end up on PissRuddit or something.

我太希望这样了，

I would love that,

真是播客的广泛影响力啊。

like great reach for the pod.

你小时候擅长运动吗？

Were you good at sports as a kid?

我一点都不擅长运动，但我还是参加了所有运动项目。

I was very unathletic, but I did all of the sports.

哦。

Oh.

是的，那真糟透了，因为我就是那个胖乎乎、水平差、没人想选的球员，因为我太差了。

Yeah, it sucked, because I was just like the fat bad player that no one wanted to play, because I was bad.

我觉得他们确实让我参加了一次越野跑，因为我没法加入任何队伍。

I think they actually they made me do like one session of cross country running, because I couldn't make any team.

这是儿童虐待。

That's child abuse.

虐待。

Abuse.

是的。

Yeah.

它们没这么大。

They were not this big.

别，我觉得至少别

Like, don't, I think that at least don't

想变得那么大去伤害别人，反正。

want to be that big to hurt, anyway.

我只是不喜欢，我其实觉得自己更像一个久坐不动的人。

It just I just don't like I'm not really like I think I'm like a more of a sedentary person.

在约会应用上，每个人都想找一个生活方式活跃的人。

I'm not like an everyone on dating apps is like looking for someone who has an active lifestyle.

我就是想知道，为什么？

I'm like, why?

为什么？

Why?

是的，这让我觉得他们是个混蛋。

Yeah, it makes me think that they're a dick.

只要我们其中一个人活跃就够了。

Like, only one of us has to be active.

老实说，我认为每个人都有权喜欢自己所喜欢的。

I honestly think, you know, everyone is entitled to like what they like.

但我认为这只不过是一种方式，表达‘不要胖女孩’。

But I think it's just a way of just being like, no fat chicks.

因为如果一个女人看起来像练过普拉提之类的，是的。

Because somebody, a woman, if a woman was, like, looked like she did a pilates or whatever Yeah.

但她不喜欢运动，他们也会接受。

But didn't like moving, they would be fine with that.

但如果一个女人外表看起来不健康，却喜欢划船，我仍然觉得他们不会想和她在一起。比如，我喜欢一个男人划船带我，我会坐在船里，所以从某种意义上说我是活跃的——因为我偶尔会外出，但我得带把遮阳伞来维持我的哥特力量。

Then if a woman was not in did not physically look like fit, but she loved rowing a boat, I still don't think they'd wanna be Like, I would like it if a man rowed me on a boat, like, I'll sit in the boat, so I am active in the sense that I would go outside sometimes, but I would have to bring my parasol to maintain my goth power.

但我喜欢男人带我公开外出，这让我很兴奋。

But I like it when a man, like, takes you out in public, that's a turn on for me.

好的。

Okay.

好的。

Okay.

不是为了性行为或撒尿，只是为了散步。

Not for sex or for piss, just to stroll.

对。

Right,

是的。

yeah.

不是为了走路，而是像那种

Not to walk, but like To

悠闲地散步。

stroll, be leisurely.

更像只是去餐厅。

More just like to a restaurant.

像从

Like to stroll from

车里出来。

Out of the

车。

car.

从车到餐厅。

The car to the restaurant.

到餐桌。

To the table.

到商店。

To the shop.

直接去水疗中心或沙龙。

Right to the to the spa or to the salon.

好吧，你新认识的那位，他会带你去一些地方吗？

Okay, so your new guy, does he he take you places?

他会陪你一起划船吗？

Does he row your boat?

我们还没怎么划过船。

He we have not done much rowing.

嗯。

Mhmm.

来吧。

To come.

划船的事儿还没开始呢。

The rowing is to come.

划船啊，我本来以为呢

The row oh, I was like

我只是说‘来’。

I just said come.

要来。

To come.

我当时就想，到目前为止，他最棒的一点是，现在很多人都在谈论不做‘五五分’的女孩，强调公主待遇，但我一直就是这样。

I was like, I will say the great thing about him so far is that I think now there's a lot of rhetoric about not being a fiftyfifty girl and about being princess treatment, but I've always been like this.

是的，你提到的这点，我其实早就开始推动这个理念了。

Yeah, you started To the point I've started this movement.

不，别以为是我开创了这个潮流，我只是完全不了解男人到底是什么样的，所以我只是有自己的幻想，而现实中根本不会有男人这样对我，这并不现实。

No, don't think I've started the movement, but I think I've had such I have no idea what men are actually like, so I just have my own fantasies and no men ever like it's not realistic.

嗯嗯。

Uh-huh.

几个月前，我和妈妈一起去做了热石按摩。

Like, I I went with my mom a few months ago and we got hot stone massages.

哦。

Oh.

我跟我妈妈说，我希望有个男朋友，这样他就能每天给我做热石按摩了。

And I told my mom, like, I want a boyfriend so that he can give me a hot stone massage every day.

我妈妈说：‘娜塔莉，男人不是这样的。’

And my mom's like, Natalie, men aren't like that.

这个家伙，我跟他说了之后，他就出去买了一套按摩石。

This guy, like, I told him that, he went out and bought the set of, like, massage stones.

我爱他。

I love him.

他知道怎么做热石按摩吗？

Does he know how to do the hot stone massage?

不知道。

No.

他会用这些石头把我全身烫出三度烧伤吗？

Will he give me third degree burns all over my body with these stones?

也许吧。

Maybe.

他会学会的。

He'll learn.

他会学会的。

He'll learn.

是的，YouTube。

Mean, yeah, YouTube.

每天他都会练习，熟能生巧。

After every day, he'll practice makes perfect.

对。

Yeah.

他甚至不让我在自己的面包上抹黄油。

And he doesn't, he does not even let me put butter on my own bread.

比如，那个服务很棒。

Like, the sir the service is great.

这真不错。

That's really nice.

我觉得他这么做并不是故意的，这只是他对待女性的方式。

And I and I don't think that he does it, like, I think this is just how he wants to treat a woman.