如何在被突然问到时自信地表达

欢迎收听《哈佛商业评论》领导力系列。

Welcome to HBR on leadership.

本系列节目精选全球顶尖商业与管理专家的案例研究与对话，旨在帮助您激发身边人的最大潜能。

These episodes are case studies and conversations with the world's top business and management experts, hand selected to help you unlock the best in those around you.

我是《哈佛商业评论》高级编辑兼制作人阿曼达·科尔西。

I'm HBR senior editor and producer, Amanda Kersey.

您在发表演讲或做演示时感到多自在？

How comfortable are you giving a speech or a presentation?

当没有幻灯片、提词器或纸张作为指引，当您因未预料到需要汇报、表达感谢或推销想法而未曾演练，但此刻众人正倾听并等待时，您对公开演讲感觉如何？

What about speaking publicly when there's no slide deck, teleprompter, or piece of paper to guide you, when you haven't rehearsed because you weren't expecting to give an update or say a few words of appreciation or pitch an idea, but now people are listening and waiting.

在您即将收听的2023年《Ideacast》节目中，马特·阿布拉姆斯将分享如何在这些情境中保持冷静、构建有说服力的表达，并确保留下良好印象。

In the 2023 Ideacast episode you're about to hear, Matt Abrahams explains how to stay calm in these situations, craft a compelling message, and ensure you've made a good impression.

他在斯坦福大学教授战略沟通课程。

He teaches strategic strategic communication at Stanford.

他主持播客《快速思考，明智表达》，并著有《想得更快，说得更聪明》一书。

He hosts the podcast, Think Fast, Talk Smart, and he wrote the book Think Faster, Talk Smarter.

以下是《Ideacast》主持人艾莉森·比德。

Here's Ideacast host, Alison Beard.

嗨，马特。

Hi, Matt.

嗨，艾莉森。

Hey, Alison.

很高兴能和你交流。

It's great to be with you.

首先，你能谈谈即兴发言对领导者和管理者有多重要吗？

To start, can you give us a sense of just how important the ability to speak spontaneously is for leaders and managers?

你知道，我们通常很重视公开演讲和演示技巧，并加以练习，但很少花时间训练即兴发言。

You know, I think we focus a lot on public speaking and presentation skills and practice those, but we don't spend as much time on impromptu comments.

确实如此。

Absolutely.

即兴发言在我们的个人和职业生活中无处不在。

Spontaneous speaking is prevalent everywhere in our personal and professional lives.

正如你所说，如果我们花时间提升沟通能力，通常都是在有计划的情况下，比如撰写会议议程、思考演示文稿的幻灯片和结构。

And as you said, most of us, if we spend any time working on our communication, it's in a plan sense when we're writing our agendas for our meetings or we're thinking about our slides and our structure for our presentations.

但现实是，我们经常被要求即兴发言，回答问题、给予反馈、进行闲聊。

But the reality is we are asked all the time to speak on the spot, answering questions, giving feedback, making small talk.

我们确实需要花些时间专注于这种类型的沟通。

We really do need to spend some time focusing on this type of communication.

你是怎么对即兴演讲这个话题产生兴趣的？

How did you get interested in this subject of spontaneous speaking?

实际上，有三个不同的方面共同促使我对此产生兴趣。

So there are really three different streams that came together to lead me to be interested in this.

其中一个来自我个人的生活。

One was from my own personal life.

我的姓氏是阿布拉姆斯，以字母B开头。

My last name is Abrahams, starting with a b.

我上学时总是第一个被点到。

I was always first in school.

从小学到高中，我总是第一个。

From elementary school through high school, first.

我知道自己该坐哪儿，每当老师提问时，他们总是按字母顺序点名。

I knew where I would sit, and whenever the teacher had a question, they always would go in alphabetical order.

所以，我这一生都在进行即兴发言。

So I've been spontaneous speaking my entire life.

当我上商学院时，院长们来找我，说：‘马特，我们有个大问题。’

When I was at the business school, the deans came to me and said, Matt, we have this big problem.

我们的学生，一些商界最聪明的年轻人，在被教授突然点名时都会紧张得说不出话。

Our students, some of the most brilliant young minds in the business world, are choking when they're cold called by their professor.

就是那种刻薄、可怕的突然提问。

You know, the mean evil cold call.

你怎么看？

What do you think?

而他们已经有了答案。

And they had the answer.

他们就是无法把想法组织好并表达出来。

They just couldn't get it formulated and out.

于是，院长们问我：你能创建一些相关内容吗？

And so the the deans asked me, can you create some content?

这真正促使我开始研究这个问题。

And that's what really got me into researching it.

随着我投入越来越多的工作，我逐渐意识到第三种情境——当我教授沟通课程时，我意识到我们在这一方面有多么不足，我们根本没有涵盖最常见的一种沟通形式，即即兴沟通。

And as I did more and more work, I came to realize that third stream, which is when I would teach my communication classes, I realized just how deficient we were being and that we weren't covering one of the most prevalent types of communication, that is spontaneous communication.

我们一直只关注计划好的表达。

It was all about planned communicating.

那么，你认为良好的准备型演讲和良好的即兴演讲之间主要区别是什么？

So what do you see as the main differences between good prepared speaking and good spontaneous speaking?

根据定义，即兴演讲是在当下发生的，我们必须能够调整和适应。

Well, by definition, spontaneous speaking is happening in the moment, and we have to be able to adjust and adapt.

因此，我们的沟通必须非常灵活，这要求我们以一种完全不同的方式去倾听和专注。

So our communication has to be very agile, and it requires us to listen and be present in a very different way.

当我们有计划时，比如我们有议程、幻灯片，以及明确要带领观众或与会者走的路径。

When we're planned, that is we have our agenda, we have our slides, we have a well defined path we're taking our audience on or our meeting participants on.

当你身处当下时，必须做出调整和适应。

When you're in the moment, you have to adjust and adapt.

我把它比作体育运动。

I liken it to athletics and playing a sport.

你需要灵活应对当下发生的情况。

You need to be agile and adjust to what's happening in the moment.

你不能只是按剧本执行战术。

You can't just run the play as scripted.

你必须做出调整。

You have to adjust.

我想象焦虑在这里扮演了非常重要的角色。

I would imagine that anxiety plays a very big role here.

你知道，有些人在这种情况下就会紧张。

You know, there are people who just get nervous in those types of situations.

那么，对于如何缓解这些最初的紧张情绪，你有什么建议吗？无论是像你刚才描述的那样突然被推到聚光灯下，还是准备进入一个你知道需要频繁进行这种演讲的环境？

So what advice do you have for how to calm those initial nerves either when you're thrust in the spotlight like you just described or you're getting ready to go into an environment where you know you're gonna have to do a lot of this?

焦虑在所有沟通中都占据重要地位，但我们仍有一些方法可以管理自己的焦虑。

Anxiety looms large in all communication, yet there are things we can do to manage our anxiety.

我们可以关注两个方面：症状和根源。

We can focus on two things, symptoms and sources.

目标是让我们从这两方面都获得缓解。

So the goal is to give us relief from each.

症状是我们生理上或心理上所经历的那些反应。

Symptoms are the things that we physiologically or psychologically experience.

你可以做的最好的事情之一就是进行深长的腹式呼吸。

One of the best things you can do is to take some deep belly breaths.

就像你曾经做过瑜伽、太极或气功时那样，真正让下腹部充满空气。

The kind you would do if you've ever done yoga or tai chi or qigong, where you really fill your lower abdomen.

有趣的是，呼气比吸气更重要。

And interestingly enough, it is the exhale that is more important than the inhale.

所以，一个经验法则，或者像我开玩笑说的，‘肺部法则’，就是让呼气的时间是吸气的两倍。

So the rule of thumb, or as I like to joke, the rule of lung, is to have your exhale be twice as long as your inhale.

所以，如果我吸气数三秒，呼气就数六秒。

So if I take a three count in, I take a six count out.

因此，如果你在视频会议中被点名，点击取消静音之前，深吸两口腹式呼吸。

So if you are called upon in the midst of a virtual meeting, before you click unmute, take a deep belly breath or two.

如果你要进入一个环境，比如某种社交聚会，你认为那里会有很多闲聊，那么进房间前先做几次深腹式呼吸。

If you're stepping into an environment, let's say, some kind of social mixer where you think small talk will happen, take a few deep belly breaths before you enter in the room.

但我们也可以应对焦虑的根源，而这些根源有很多。

But we can also address the sources of anxiety, and there are many of these.

对许多人来说，最突出的一个与我们试图实现的目标有关。

The one that looms large for many has to do with the goal we're trying to achieve.

每当我们交流时，我们都有一个目标。

Whenever we communicate, we have a goal.

所以，如果我回答你的问题，我就想回答好。

So if I'm answering a question for you, I want to answer it well.

如果我们只是闲聊或寒暄，我希望对话能顺利进行。

If we're making chitchat or small talk, I want it to progress.

我不想让自己出丑。

I want to avoid embarrassing myself.

所有这些目标都是面向未来的。

All of these goals are future oriented.

也就是说，我担心会出现负面的未来结果。

That is I'm worried about a negative potential future outcome.

所以，任何能帮助我专注于当下的做法都会有帮助。

So anything I can do that helps me be present oriented can help.

例如，我可以专注于你的回应。

So for example, I can focus on your response.

如果我们正在进行闲聊或寒暄，我可以认真关注你的回应，完全活在当下。

So if we're involved in chitchat, small talk, I can really focus on your response, be very present oriented.

如果我正在致辞或致悼词，我可能会评论房间里的某样东西，这能让我专注于当下。

I might comment on something in the room that I notice if I am giving a toast or a tribute, again, focusing me on the present moment.

因此，我们可以在当下采取一些措施，帮助减轻生理和心理症状，以及引发这些焦虑的根源。

So there are things we can do in the moment that help reduce the physiological, psychological symptoms we have as well as the sources that bring that anxiety around.

而且，对于准备好的发言，建议似乎是通过练习来缓解焦虑，但这种情况是你无法提前练习的。

And it does seem like the advice for prepared remarks is that you practice to relieve your anxiety, and this is a situation in which you can't practice.

事实上，你可以像运动员或音乐家那样，通过多种方式为自己做准备，比如进行一系列训练。

So in fact, you can prepare yourself in many ways like an athlete might do or a musician where you can go through several drills.

如果你预见到可能会被提问，可以请他人帮忙，或自己想象，甚至使用生成式AI为你设计问题，然后练习回答。

So if you anticipate having questions asked, you can get others or imagine or even use generative AI to craft questions for you that you can practice answering.

这里的目标并不是死记硬背答案。

The goal here is not to memorize answers.

目标只是通过这些练习环节，让你在当下感到更自在。

The goal is just to go through those practice rounds so that you feel more comfortable in the moment.

比如，如果你是运动员，你可能会在锥桶间运足球，或运篮球，为比赛中需要绕过对手的场景做准备。

So if you're an athlete, you might dribble a soccer ball around cones or or a basketball around cones to prepare yourself when you're in a game with a competitor who you have to dribble around.

因此，你是可以进行准备的。

So there is preparation you can do.

准备应对即兴交流的讽刺之处在于，你其实可以为当下做好准备，灵活应对各种突发情况。

That's the irony of getting ready for spontaneous communication is you can actually prepare to be in the moment and agile as the circumstance brings whatever it does to you.

在思考这个问题时，我意识到，真正最擅长此道的人，首先思维非常敏捷，其次语言表达能力极强。

In thinking about this, I realized that the people who are truly best at this are, first, very quick thinkers, and second, have a great facility with language.

你知道，他们掌握的词汇量很大。

You know, they know lots of words.

他们懂得如何恰当地运用这些词汇。

They know how to use them well.

如果你不具备这两项天赋，你该如何才能真正精通这项能力呢？

If you aren't in either of those camps, you know, how do you get really good at this if you don't have those natural building blocks?

因此，我同意，那些能够迅速调整适应、思维敏捷、对语言和词汇有良好掌控力的人，确实有一定优势。

So I would agree that people who are able to adjust and adapt, that is to think quickly, people who have a good command of words and language, they have a little bit of an advantage.

但我认为，任何人都可以在这方面变得更好。

But I would argue that anybody can get better at this.

例如，你可以采取一些方法为自己争取一点思考的时间。

So for example, there are things you can do to give yourself a little bit of time to think.

在这种情况下，我们会感到必须立即回应的巨大压力。

In these circumstances, we feel this incredible pressure to respond right away.

但暂停一下是可以的。

But it's okay to pause.

此外，你可以问一个澄清性的问题。

Additionally, you could ask a clarifying question.

这能给你一点时间。

That gives you a little bit of time.

我非常推崇复述。

I am a huge fan of paraphrasing.

所以，如果有人提问或要求反馈，你可以复述你听到的内容，为自己争取一点时间，同时表明你真心希望妥善应对这一情况，通过澄清来更好地理解。

So if somebody asks a question or asks for feedback, you can paraphrase what you're hearing to give yourself a little bit of time and to demonstrate you really want to address the circumstance well by getting some clarification.

因此，有一些方法可以帮助你争取时间，让自己冷静下来并思考。

So there are things you can do to build in some time to allow yourself to get composed and to think.

至于你说什么，我非常推崇结构化表达。

Now when it comes to what you say, I am a huge fan of structure.

我认为，结构在所有沟通中都至关重要，尤其是在这种即兴沟通中。

Structure is absolutely critical, I believe, in all communication, but especially in these spontaneous types of communication.

所以，如果我知道某种特定的模式或框架来回答问题、提供反馈或祝酒，那么我就可以专注于具体的措辞，因为我已经掌握了一个能帮助我完成所需回应的‘食谱’。

So if I know a particular pattern or a map for answering a question or giving feedback or making a toast, then the specific words I say, can actually focus on because I know the recipe that's going to get me through the response I need.

那你能不能给我举一些你所说的结构的例子？

So give me some examples of those structures that you're talking about.

我先从我最爱的结构开始，这是一个简单的三问题框架。

So I'll start with my favorite structure of all time, and it's a simple structure of three questions.

什么、所以呢、现在呢？

What, so what, now what?

‘什么’指的是你的想法、立场、服务、产品或信念。

The what is your idea, your position, your service, your product, your belief.

‘所以呢’指的是，对你所面对的听众来说，为什么这很重要？

The so what is why is it important to your audience that you're speaking to?

它对他们有什么相关性？

What relevance does it have for them?

最后，'现在怎么办'指的是接下来该做什么。

And then finally, now what is what comes next.

这就是我如此喜欢'是什么、所以呢、现在怎么办'的原因。

And here's why I love what, so what, now what so much.

在你需要即兴沟通的许多情境中，都可以使用它。

You can use it in so many circumstances where you have to communicate spontaneously.

让我给你举几个例子。

Let me give you a few examples.

想象一下，你向我寻求一些反馈。

Imagine you ask me for some feedback.

那么，'是什么'就是我的反馈，'所以呢'是为什么它重要，'现在怎么办'是我建议你接下来要做出的不同改变。

Well, the what is my feedback, the so what is why it's important, and the now what is what I recommend you do differently.

我们刚开完会。

So we come out of a meeting.

你对我说：'马特，这次怎么样？'

You say, Matt, how'd that go?

我会说，艾莉森，你做得很好，只是在谈到实施计划时有点问题。

I'm gonna say, Allison, you did a great job, except when you talked about the implementation plan.

你说话有点快，而且没有像其他部分那样提供足够的细节。

You spoke a little quickly and didn't give as much detail as you did elsewhere.

这就是我的‘是什么’。

That's my what.

‘为什么重要’在于，当你语速过快且缺乏细节时，人们会认为我们准备得不够充分。

The so what is when you speak quickly without detail, people think we're not as prepared.

所以下次，我希望你能提供这两个具体例子，并放慢一点语速。

So next time, what I'd like for you to do is give these two specific examples and slow down a bit.

是什么，为什么重要，接下来怎么做。

What, so what, now what.

所以我早就知道该怎么给你反馈了。

So I knew how I was going to give you the feedback.

我只需要把信息填进去就行了。

All I had to do was insert the information.

同样，如果你在写短信、Slack消息或邮件，主题行就是‘现在怎么办’，而‘是什么’和‘为什么重要’则成为邮件正文。

Similarly, if you're writing a text, a Slack, or an email, the subject line is the now what, and then the what and the so what become the body of that email.

因此，这种方法既能帮助写作，也能帮助演讲。

So it can help in writing and in speaking.

如果你在介绍一个产品，这个产品是什么？

If you're describing a product, what's the product?

它为什么重要？

Why is it important?

现在我可以给你演示一下吗？

Now can I show you a demonstration?

这again是‘是什么’、‘为什么重要’、‘现在怎么办’？

That's again, what, so what, now what?

让我们再听几个结构。

Let's hear a few more structures.

假设我正在推销我的新款女装系列。

Let's say I'm trying to pitch my new line of women's clothing.

非常好。

Excellent.

很棒。

Great.

我相信，我有一个绝佳的结构，适合快速推销。

I have a wonderful structure, I believe, for quick pitching.

这是一段电梯推销词或产品的高管摘要。

So this is an elevator pitch or executive summary of your product.

你推出了一条新的女装系列。

So you have a new line of women's clothing.

以下是四个开场句式，帮助你起步。

So here are the four sentence starters to get you going.

如果你可以，因此，例如，而且这还不是全部。

What if you could, so that, for example, and that's not all.

听我如何将这些运用到这个案例中。

So listen to how I put those into work for this.

假如你能穿上一件非常舒适、实用，让你自我感觉良好，却又不需要大量维护的衣物呢？

What if you could wear something very comfortable that's very practical that allows you to feel good about yourself, yet doesn't require a lot of maintenance.

这样，当你身处需要运动或迅速更换衣物的场合时，也能自信应对。

So that when you're in a situation where you might have to be exercising or switching your outfit very quickly, you can do so very confidently.

比如，假设你计划下班后立即参加一个团体健身课程，你需要能够迅速换装。

For example, imagine you have planned to do a group exercise class immediately following work, and you need to actually be able to switch quickly.

这款服装和这个服装品牌就是为你设计的。

This clothing and this clothing brand is for you.

而且这还不是全部。

And that's not all.

它非常时尚，让你在工作时既自信又舒适。

It's very stylish so that you feel confident and comfortable as you do the work that you do.

非常好。

Very good.

是的。

Yep.

所以你看，就在刚才，你给了我一个即兴发言的机会，我是怎么做到的？

So the structure see, just in the moment, you gave me a spontaneous opportunity to speak, and how did I do it?

我依靠了结构。

I relied structure.

当你需要即兴发言时，你有两个基本任务：说什么和怎么说。

When you have to speak spontaneously, you have two fundamental tasks, what to say and how to say it.

结构为你提供了‘怎么说’的方法。

The structure provides you the how to say it.

所以我只需要把信息填进去就行了。

So all I have to do is put the information into it.

‘说什么’的内容放进结构里，事情就变得简单多了。

The what goes into the structure, and it becomes much easier.

是的。

Yeah.

这就像一条捷径。

It's like a shortcut.

但让我就这一点问问你，因为我觉得有些人即使即兴发言时说的并不是最精彩的内容，但他们通过语调或表达方式，让听众留下了非常好的印象。

But so let me ask you about that how, because I think there are also people who aren't necessarily saying the most amazing things when they speak off the cuff, but they say them with such intonation or delivery that the audience is really left with a good impression.

即使你去看他们话语的文字记录，也会觉得‘这话说得不通顺’或者‘这不够聪明’。

Even though if you looked at a transcript of their words, you would think, like, that doesn't make sense or that's not intelligent.

所以，这是一种另一种策略吗？

So is that another tactic?

也就是说，你如何才能更好地让自己听起来很棒？

Like, how do you get better at just sounding great?

无论你何时发言，你说什么和怎么说都至关重要。

Whenever you speak, what you say and how you say it are critical.

对吧？

Right?

所以你既有内容，也有非语言的呈现和表达部分，你需要在表达部分下功夫。

And so you've got the content in the nonverbal presence and delivery component, and you do need to work on the delivery component.

你刚才提到的，确实有些人已经精通了表达部分，他们的语调、专注力和热情让听众觉得他们所说的内容很重要，但实际上内容并没有跟上这种表现水平。

What you were just asking about is there are some people who have mastered the delivery component so that their intonation, their focus, their passion makes it sound like what they're saying is important, and then the content isn't on par with that.

是的。

Right.

作为沟通者，我们需要平衡这两方面。

We, as communicators, need to balance the two out.

因此，我们完全可以提升自己的非语言表现力。

So we can absolutely work on our nonverbal presence.

提升这一点最有效的方法就是练习并录下自己，看看别人看到的是什么。

The single best way to do that is to practice and record yourself to see what others see.

我们在沟通时自认为的表现，与他人实际看到的之间存在认知差距。

There is a perception gap between what we think we are doing when we communicate and what others see.

因此，我们必须观察自己。

And so we must watch ourselves.

我们必须获得反馈。

We must get feedback.

事实是这样的。

The reality is this.

精通沟通的唯一方法，和我们精通其他任何事情的方式一样。

The only way to get good at communication is the same way we get good at anything else.

重复、反思和反馈。

Repetition, reflection, and feedback.

你必须不断练习，积累经验。

You gotta practice and get the reps in.

你需要反思哪些有效、哪些无效，然后从他人那里获取反馈来帮助自己。

You have to reflect what's working, what's not working, and then you have to get feedback from others to help.

这样我们才能平衡非语言表达和传递方式与我们所说内容之间的差异。

So we can balance out that difference between our nonverbal presence and delivery and the content that we speak.

是的。

Yeah.

我认为，特别是在做播客时，我最初从印刷新闻业的角度出发，是把要说的话写下来，然后逐字朗读。

I think that I've found, particularly with podcasting, my initial reaction coming from the print journalism world was to write out what I was gonna say and try to read it word for word.

但我意识到，当人们听即兴交流时，实际上希望听到一些填充词。

But what I realized is that when people are hearing impromptu communication, they actually want to hear some filler words.

他们希望听到一些停顿。

They want to hear some pauses.

他们不希望听到你完美无缺。

They don't wanna hear you be perfect.

那么，你如何鼓励人们更从容地面对口误和犯错，从而显得更自然呢？

So how do you encourage people to get more comfortable with stumbling, making mistakes, but actually sounding more natural?

这是一个很大的挑战。

This is a big challenge.

我们在即兴表达时往往会自己给自己设限。

We get in our own way when it comes to spontaneous speaking.

这种想要做对、做好的愿望，反而阻碍了我们真正做好。

This desire to do it right or do it well actually precludes the ability to actually do it well.

这其实是一个简单的认知负荷问题。

It's a simple cognitive load process here.

所以当我讲话时，如果我不断评判自己说的每一句话，无论是对照我事先写好的脚本，还是单纯地评估和判断：这是我说话的最佳方式吗？

So when I am speaking, if I am constantly judging everything I said, either against a script, which I've created and deemed the right way to say it, or I'm just evaluating and judging and saying, is this the best way I can say it?

我们正在用宝贵的认知资源来评估和评判，而这减少了我们用于专注实际表达的认知资源。

We are using precious cognitive bandwidth to be evaluating and judging that, and that reduces the cognitive bandwidth we have to focus on what we're actually saying.

所以，提高即时表达自信的一个关键技巧就是减少这种自我评判。

So one of the biggest tricks to becoming more confident speaking in the moment is to reduce that evaluation.

把音量调低一点。

Dial it down.

我不是说我们在说话时永远都不该思考。

I'm not saying we should never think when we speak.

这绝对不是我的意思。

That's absolutely not the case.

我们确实需要思考。

We need to.

但有些人把音量调得太高，反而妨碍了表达。

But some of us have that volume cranked up so high that it gets in the way.

我胆敢在斯坦福MBA学生面前说：追求平庸就好。

I have the audacity, Allison, in front of my Stanford MBA students to say strive for mediocrity.

这些MBA学生以前从未听过这种说法。

And these MBA students have never heard that before.

我的意思是，他们的下巴都惊得掉下来了。

I mean, their jaws literally drop.

然后我会向他们阐述这个观点：你试图把事情做得太完美，反而阻碍了自己真正去完成它。

And then I walk them through this argument that you are trying to do things so well that you're actually hampering the ability to do it at all.

所以我告诉学生的那句话是：追求平庸，以便成就卓越。

So the whole saying that I tell my students is strive for mediocrity so that you can achieve greatness.

当我们减轻对自己的压力，专注于当下，提醒自己我们有价值可以贡献，提醒自己他人只是想获取这些信息，并放下必须做对、做好的压力时，我们反而有能力做得极其出色。

When we take the pressure off of ourselves, when we focus on the present moment, when we remind ourselves that we have value to bring, when we remind ourselves that others just want to get this information and remove that pressure to do it right or do it well, we actually have the capacity to do it amazingly well.

所以你提出的是一个大问题，我们必须提醒自己：我们有价值可以贡献，我们确实能在当下提供洞见。

So this is a big issue you bring up, and we have to remind ourselves that we have value to bring, that we can actually provide insight to people in the moment.

这并不是要求每次都要说得完全正确。

And it's not about saying it exactly the right way every time.

很多人在被突然问到时，都会陷入说个不停的困境。

A lot of people struggle with talking too much when they're put on the spot.

对吧？

Right?

他们就是喋喋不休，导致对话糟糕透顶，给人留下极差的印象。

They just jabber on and on, and it leads to a terrible conversation and a terrible impression.

你提倡更简洁，但如何做到简洁而不乏记忆点呢？

And you advocate for more brevity, but how do you be brief without being unmemorable?

我们都听过那种啰里啰唆的人。

We have all listened to the person who rambles on and on.

在即兴发言的情境下，比如回答问题或提供反馈，人们一边说一边想说什么，这就会导致他们没完没了地啰嗦。

And in spontaneous speaking situations, like answering a question or giving feedback, for example, people are thinking about what they're saying while they're saying it, and that causes them to ramble on and on.

所以我建议两种方法来帮助我们聚焦信息。

So I would suggest two ways to help focus our messages.

第一，真正思考当下听众是谁，以及对他们来说最重要的是什么。

One, really think about your audience in that moment and what's most important to them.

如果你能让内容相关且突出，这将帮助你聚焦，也让你的信息更精炼。

If you can make the content relevant and salient, it will help you focus, and it will help your message be tighter.

因为更相关，人们会更投入其中。

And because it's more relevant, people will be more engaged with it.

第二，在那一刻，想想你想要达成的目标是什么？

Second, think about in that moment, what's the goal you're trying to achieve?

每次我们沟通时，都有目标。

Whenever we communicate, we have goals.

对我来说，目标包含三个部分：信息、情感和行动。

And a goal to me has three parts, information, emotion, and action.

我希望对方了解什么？

What do I want the person to know?

我优先考虑这一点。

And I prioritize that.

根据他们的需求，现在最需要让他们知道的是什么？

What's the most important thing for them to know right now given their needs?

我希望他们对此有什么感受？

How do I want them to feel about it?

我们长期以来都知道，情感很重要。

We have known for a long, long time that emotion matters.

情感进入我们大脑的方式与信息不同。

Emotions get into our brain differently than information.

它持续的时间更长，更能激发行动。

It stays longer and can motivate action more.

那么这种情感是什么？

So what's that emotion?

最后，我能否以一个明确的行动作为结尾，希望对方去执行？

And then finally, is there an action that I can clearly end with that I want somebody to do?

如果你能在那一刻考虑到受众的需求和你的目标，这将帮助你集中精力。

If you can, in that moment, think about the needs of your audience and your goal, that helps you focus.

因此，你所说的信息会更加精准简洁，并更能吸引受众，让他们更专注地倾听。

So the information you say will be more precise and concise, and it will engage the audience more so they'll pay attention more to it.

因此，训练自己思考受众和目标是有帮助的。

So training yourself to think about the audience and to think about your goal helps.

你怎么做呢？

How do you do that?

嗯，听听像你这样的精彩播客吧。

Well, listen to a wonderful podcast like yours.

当有人在讲话时，暂停一下，想想此刻的目标是什么？

And as somebody is speaking, pause it for a moment and think about what's the goal in this moment?

这个问题的目标是什么？

What's the goal of this question?

这个回答的目标是什么？

What's the goal of this answer?

想想你走进一个房间时，这里的听众是谁？

Think about when you walk into a room, who's the audience here?

对于他们来说，在这个功能或会议中，什么是重要的？

What is it that's important to them as part of this function or meeting?

通过自我训练，你会更快地做到这一点，因此在被临时要求发言时，你能表现得更好。

So by training yourself, you get faster at doing that, and therefore, you can do it better when you're put on the spot.

你提到过活在当下、认真倾听对方在互动中所说的话的重要性。

You've talked about the importance of being in the moment, listening to what the other person is saying if it's an interaction.

很多人会说，但我要如何一边仔细倾听，一边同时思考我要说什么呢？

A lot of people would say, but how do I listen carefully and then also think about what I'm gonna say at the same time?

是的。

Yes.

所以我在书中专门有一章讲倾听，我借鉴了我一位同事科林斯·多布斯的框架。

So I have a whole chapter in the book on listening, and I borrow from one of my colleagues, Collins Dobbs, this framework.

他将这个框架应用于冲突与谈判，但我非常欣赏它。

Now he applies this framework to conflict and negotiation, but I love it.

这个框架叫做‘节奏、空间、宽容’。

And it's called pace, space, grace.

当你身处需要即兴回应的情境时，你确实需要以不同的方式去倾听。

When you are in a circumstance where you have to respond spontaneously, you really do have to listen in a different way.

想象一下，我们刚开完会，你向我寻求反馈，我听到的是：‘她想要反馈。’

Imagine we're coming out of a meeting, you ask me for some feedback, I hear, oh, she wants feedback.

砰。

Boom.

我开始给出反馈，列出哪些地方做得好、哪些地方做得不好。

And I start going into my feedback, my list of things that went well and didn't go well.

但如果我当时能更仔细、更认真地倾听我所听到和看到的，我可能会得出不同的结论。

But had I really listened carefully and closely by what I heard and what I saw, I might come to a different conclusion.

也许我注意到你从会议室的后门出去了，而不是你一贯走的前门。

Maybe I noticed you went out of the back door of the meeting room instead of the front door you always go.

也许你的语气更轻、语速更慢了一些。

Maybe your tone was a little quieter and a little more delayed in your rate.

突然间，我意识到你那一刻真正需要的并不是反馈。

And all of a sudden, I noticed what you really wanted in that moment wasn't feedback.

你想要的是支持，因为你感觉那次会议进行得不顺利，但我因为没有细致倾听而错过了这一点。

You wanted support because you didn't feel that meeting went well, but I missed it because I wasn't listening detailed enough.

那么我该怎么做呢？

So what do I have to do?

我首先得放慢速度。

I first have to slow down.

这就是节奏的部分。

That's the pace part.

我得让自己慢下来，认真反思当下正在发生的事情。

I have to slow myself down and really reflect on what's going in the moment.

我们总是有立刻回应的冲动。

We have this immediate desire to respond right away.

放慢速度。

Slow down.

节奏。

Pace.

给我自己留一点空间。

Give myself a little space.

我得保持一点距离。

I have to take a little distance.

也许我需要换到一个更安静、更平静的环境中。

Maybe I have to move to a different environment that's a little quieter or calmer.

所以，要放慢节奏，调整空间，然后给自己一些宽容和许可，去倾听你内心的直觉，同时也倾听对方说的话。

So it's slow down, adjust the space, and then give yourself some grace, some permission to listen to that intuition that you have while also listening to what the other person says.

在即兴交流中，我们必须更加专注地倾听。

So in spontaneous communication, we have to listen more intently.

我们必须以不同的方式倾听。

We have to listen differently.

我们必须更深入地倾听。

We have to listen deeper.

在倾听的整个过程中，我们必须不断挑战自己。

We have to be challenging ourself the whole time we're listening.

这里发生的事情的核心本质是什么？

What's the key essence of what's going on here?

这让我们能够更恰当、更有效地回应。

And that allows us to respond more appropriately and more effectively.

听起来，你所说的倾听包括注意肢体语言、感知你所处的环境等等。

And it sounds like by listening, you mean things like paying attention to body language, reading the room that you're in, etcetera.

这不仅仅是接收话语本身。

It's not just sort of taking in the words.

不仅仅是说出来的那些话。

It's not just the words spoken.

没错。

That's correct.

所以，倾听我所说的话，是一个更广泛的概念。

So listening to me is a much broader idea.

这包括关注话语、环境和背景，而这对很多人来说都很困难。

It's paying attention to the words, to the environment, to the context, and that's hard for many of us.

我们大多数人只听够了理解对方的大意，就开始在心里复述、评判、评估，从而错过了那些可能对情境产生巨大影响的细微之处。

Most of us listen just enough to get the gist of what somebody's saying, and then we begin to rehearse, to judge, to evaluate, and we miss the nuance that can make a huge difference in the situation.

你给那些一开始感到焦虑、试图让自己平静下来，但随后却语无伦次、无法恢复、变得手足无措的人什么建议？

What advice do you give to people who start anxious, maybe calm themselves down, but then find themselves stumbling and then can't rebound from that and get really flustered?

是的

Yeah.

因此，在当下感到慌乱或忘记事情对很多人来说都非常具有挑战性。

So getting flustered in the moment or forgetting in the moment can be very challenging to people.

我鼓励人们准备一个我称之为‘备用问题’的问题。

I encourage people to have what I call a back pocket question.

即在进入这些突发情境之前，提前想好一个可以提出的问题。

Something that you've thought about in advance before you go into one of these spontaneous situations that you can ask.

所以，如果我在当下感到慌乱，我只需要一点时间来整理自己。

So if I get flustered in the moment, all I need is a little bit of time to collect myself.

因此，我能否暂停一下，向我的听众或我正在交谈的人提一个问题，把他们的注意力引向他们的回答，从而给我一点时间整理思路。

So could I pause and ask my audience or the person I'm speaking to a question that gets their focus on their answer, that gives me a little bit of space to collect my thoughts.

所以当我教学时，对于那些曾经教过书的人来说，有时你会忘记自己刚才说了什么。

So when I teach, and for those of you who have taught before, sometimes you forget what you said.

你知道吗，我上节课说过这一点吗？

You know, did I say this in the previous class?

我知道我当时在想这件事。

I know I was thinking about it.

我有没有说过这一点？

Did I say it yet?

所以当我讲话时，如果突然忘词或有点慌乱，我会停下来，问学生一个问题。

So what I'll do in the midst of speaking, if I blank out or get a little flustered, is I'll just pause, and I'll ask my students a question.

我会这样说。

And I'll say something like this.

我会说：让我们暂停一下，我想请你们思考一下，如何将我刚才讨论的内容应用到你们接下来要做的事情中。

I'll say, let's pause for a moment, and I'd like for you to think about how we could apply what I've just discussed to what you have coming up.

我的学生不会想：‘天啊。’

And my students don't think, oh, man.

他慌了或者忘词了。

He's flustered or he forgot.

他们会想：‘哇。’

They think, wow.

我可以应用这个，或者我应该应用这个。

I can apply this or I should apply this.

让我想一想。

Let me think about it.

所以任何人都可以在这些突发情况下，提前准备好一个备用问题。

So anybody can go into one of these spontaneous situations and have a back pocket question ready to go.

所以，如果你在主持会议时感到慌乱或忘词，你可以简单地说：嘿。

So if you're running a meeting and you get flustered or forget, you could simply say, hey.

我们暂停一下，我想请大家思考一下，我们现在讨论的内容如何与接下来的议程或刚才说过的内容联系起来。

Let's pause, and I want you to think about how what we're talking about now connects to what's coming next in the agenda or what we just said.

你只需要一两分钟来让自己冷静下来，重新找回节奏。

And all you need is a moment or two to get yourself centered and back on track.

谈谈你见过哪些人通过练习、结构化训练和缓解紧张情绪而在这方面取得进步，以及这对他们的职业生涯有何帮助。

Talk about some people that you have seen get better at this through practice, through structure, through calming their nerves, and how it's helped them in their careers.

除了教学之外，我也辅导他人，我可以举出无数例子，说明有人如何提升了沟通能力和即兴表达的能力。

In addition to to teaching, I I coach people as well, and I have countless examples I can give of people who have improved their communication and ability to speak in the moment.

让我为你强调两个例子。

Let me highlight two for you.

第一个是一位前学生，她回来找我寻求指导，当时她正在经营一家企业。

First is a woman who was a former student who came back to me to get some coaching, and she was running a business.

这是一家小企业。

It's a small business.

是一家机械公司。

It's a machinery business.

他们为飞机和高影响力系统制造零部件。

They make parts for airplanes and high impact systems.

在很短的时间内，她成为了高层管理团队的一员，最终接管了公司。

In a very short amount of time, she became part of the senior leadership team, ultimately running the company.

随着她职位的提升，她发现自己需要越来越多地即兴发言，给予反馈、致辞和回答问题。

And as she moved up in her role, she found herself having to speak more and more spontaneously, giving feedback, giving toast, answering questions.

这对她来说很不舒服。

And this was uncomfortable for her.

在我们所做的工作中，我们着重建立了有助于应对的结构。

And in the work that we did, we really worked on structures to help.

我们为她制定了一套我称之为焦虑管理计划的方案，包括在沟通前和沟通中可以采取的具体措施，以帮助她在那一刻减轻紧张情绪。

We developed what I call an anxiety management plan for her, specific things she could do in advance of communicating and during her communication that would help reduce her nerves in that moment.

这真的非常有效。

And it really worked.

对她来说，关键在于直面自己的焦虑，然后找到切实可行的结构化方法来帮助她。

So for her, it was all about confronting the anxiety she had and then finding specific structures that would work to help her.

在另一个案例中，有一个人所在的团队被另一家公司收购了。

In another case, there was an individual whose team was purchased or acquired by another company.

而这个人加入了过渡团队。

And this person was on the transition team.

关于未来将如何运作，涌入了大量问题。

And a tremendous number of questions were coming in about how is this going to work?

我们接下来该做什么？

What are we gonna do?

我们会失去人员、时间或优先级吗？

Are we gonna lose people or time or priorities?

因此，这个人必须时刻以敏捷而冷静的方式回应，因为人们不仅听答案，还在观察这个人是如何回答的。

And so this person was constantly on the spot to respond in an agile, calm way because people were listening not just for the answers, but how the person answered.

所以我们进行了练习，模拟了一些特定的情景和情况。

And so what we did is we worked on practicing, and we practice certain scenarios and situations.

我们想出了方法，让他在回应之前有时间消化和处理信息。

We came up with ways to buy him time to process what he needed to process before responding.

他变得擅长复述提出的问题，更进一步地，还能将多个问题合并，并倾听和评论其中的共同点。

He became an expert in paraphrasing the questions that came in and even more so combining questions together and listening for and commenting on common threads.

这些就是我们为这两种情况下的个人所采取的措施，帮助他们感到更舒适、更有信心，而他们都成功地应对了这些情况。

So these are the things that we did to help in both of these circumstances for these individuals to feel more comfortable and confident, and they both were very successful in managing those situations.

你认为，要成为高级领导者，你真的需要在这方面变得非常出色吗？

And do you think this is something that you do need to get really good at to become a senior leader?

我认为所有高级领导者都会告诉你，他们有时必须即兴发言，而在这方面下功夫会有帮助。

I think all senior leaders will tell you that there are times where they have to speak spontaneously, and I think working on this will help.