003. 寻找脆弱的勇气：在复杂性创伤后应激障碍康复中的探索

你好。

Hello.

你好。

Hello.

你好，大家好，欢迎来到CPTSD医学播客。

Hello and hello, and welcome to the CPTSD Medicine podcast.

我是你们的主持人塔纳，我是CPTSD医学的创始人，也是三级IFS治疗师，曾担任健康与人类发展系的副教授。

I am your host, Tanner, and I am the founder of CPTSD Medicine and a level three IFS practitioner and a former associate professor of health and human development.

实际上，从技术上讲，我的专业是健康与人类发展系的应用发展心理学。

Actually, technically applied developmental psychology in a health and human development department.

我在2021年全职成为CPTSD康复指导者，能担任这个播客的主持人，我感到非常荣幸。

And I turned a full time CPTSD resolution guide in 2021, and it is my honor to be here as the host of this podcast.

如果你是新听众，之前从未听过我，那么这是你第一次接触CPTSD医学，欢迎你，太棒了。

If you are brand new and you've never heard me before, you this is your first introduction to CPTSD medicine, fucking welcome.

很高兴你在这里。

I'm so glad you're here.

如果你是长期听众，或者刚接触但一口气听完了所有内容，感觉好像已经在这里很久了，这太棒了。

If you're a longtime listener or a new listener that's binged everything and feels like you've been here for a long time, that is incredible.

我很高兴你从这些内容中获得了价值。

I am glad you found such value in this content.

这始终是我的初衷。

That is always my intention.

这能改变人生。

That is life changing.

你听到一句话，就会想：哇，Tanner。

You hear one thing, and it's like, woah, Tanner.

你彻底改变了我的一切。

You just changed everything for me.

从此以后，一切都不同了。

Nothing is ever the same again.

这就是我对待这份工作的态度。

That is how I like to approach this work.

在继续之前，我想介绍一下一个非常令人兴奋的东西。

Before I get any further, I wanna give a pitch for something super exciting.

那么，我们开始吧。

So here we go.

如果你因为反复陷入同样的争吵而感到疲惫——同样的争论，不同的日子，同样的争论，不同的日子，只是不断重复——我这里有东西能帮到你。

If you are exhausted from repeating the same fight on loop, what this means, the same argument, different day, same argument, different day, and that is just repeating, I've got something for you.

我推出了全新的《更聪明地应对冲突》指南，现在正式提供下载。

I've got the brand new Fight Smarter field guide, and it is officially here for you to download.

它是免费的。

It's free.

它实用且将一步步引导你从关系中的戏剧性走向真正的自我安全感。

It's practical, and it will walk you step by step from relationship drama to genuine self security.

因为说实话，成年人的生活已经够难了，没必要再增添额外的关系纷争。

Because, honestly, adulting is hard enough without extra relationship drama.

你懂我的意思吧？

You feel me?

现在就去获取你的免费版本吧。

So grab your free copy now.

链接在节目笔记中，让我们开始更聪明地应对冲突，好吗？

The link is in the show note, and let's start fighting smarter, shall we?

我只是在为接下来的内容做铺垫。

I'm just leading up to here we are.

欢迎。

Welcome.

欢迎。

Welcome.

欢迎。

Welcome.

我想直接进入本集的核心内容，现在我们谈到了对脆弱性的强烈抗拒，尽管内心渴望亲密。

I wanna drop into the main content of the episode, and now here we are on strong resistance to vulnerability despite craving intimacy.

好的。

Okay.

所以，对于我们这些有未解决甚至可能未治疗的CBDS问题的人来说，这听起来一定非常熟悉。

So that probably sounds really familiar to all of us as humans with unresolved or even maybe untreated c b d s d.

我们懂的。

We get it.

对吧？

Right?

我们想要的一切就是：我想被看见。

Like, everything we want is like, I wanna be seen.

我想被拥抱。

I wanna be held.

我只想沉浸在他人的怀抱中，我理解这种感受。

I I wanna just immerse myself in somebody else, and I get that.

这是我们所有人都渴望的东西。

That is something we all want.

我想说，这并不是我主要要谈的内容，但我觉得对我们所有人来说，认识到这一点非常重要。

I would say this isn't what I'm gonna mainly talk talk about, but something that I think is really important for us all to recognize.

所以，这只是一个与我主要要讲的内容相关的次要话题，我认为我们在开始CPTSD疗愈时，普遍并不理解什么是亲密关系。

So this is just kinda like a side tangent to the main feature of what I'm gonna talk about is that I think we don't understand what intimacy is generally when we start our CPTSD resolution.

亲密关系并不是惊人的性爱。

So intimacy is not incredible sex.

惊人的性爱确实很棒，但它常常会掩盖真正的亲密关系。

Incredible sex is amazing, but that can often mask for intimacy.

我不知道在座的有没有人曾经扮演过色情明星的角色，或者用过自己的性吸引力或性技巧来制造一种亲密感，但那并不是真正的亲密关系。

So I don't know who's out here that might have a porn star part or you've used your sexuality, your sexual attraction, or your sexual skill to create this sense of intimacy, but it's not intimacy.

那只是很好的性爱。

It's just good sex.

所以，这是我想要澄清的一个区别。

So that's one distinction I wanna make.

并不是所有人都属于这种情况。

Not all of us fall into that category.

我们中的一些人会说：我对自己身体感到非常恐惧。

Some of us are like, I am so scared of my body.

我从来没有过好的性体验。

I've never had good sex.

别谈这个了，塔纳。

Like, don't talk about that, Tanner.

我立刻感到不舒服。

I'm instantly uncomfortable.

我有被性侵的经历，你知道的。

I've got a history of, you know, being sexually abused.

我曾经遭到过袭击。

I've been assaulted.

这对我来说感觉完全跑题了，或者说我完全不自在。

Like, that feels so off topic for me or, like, not in my comfort zone.

所以如果你是这样，那你需要解决的是另一种不同的问题。

So if that's you, you have a, you know, a separate kind of thing to resolve.

但我不想忽视那些通常被忽略的事情，比如扮演色情明星、利用性来操控、获得选择感、营造虚假的亲密感，或者因为性是如此抢手、如此被渴望而获得的那种关注。

But I don't wanna ignore what's often not talked about, which is the porn star parts, the using sexuality for manipulation, for being chosen, for a false sense of intimacy, for, you know, that kind of attention that we can get because sex is such a hot commodity, and it's wanted so desperately.

如果你是一个拥有这种‘色情明星’特质的女性，你在约会市场上就会成为热门选择，因为女性常常被灌输不要性开放、不要冒险、不要放荡、不要这样、不要那样。但如果你天性中就具备这些特质，并且曾将其作为生存工具，那就需要花很多精力去梳理，因为这些对你来说确实是真实的部分。

Now if you're a woman that has that porn star part, you are a hot commodity in the dating pool because you know women often have been conditioned don't be sexual, don't be you know adventuresome, don't be freaky, don't be this, don't be that And so if you naturally have that as part of your true self blueprint and you were able to use that as a survival tool, like, that's a lot to unwind because there's something true about that for you.

你是一个性存在。

You are a sexual creature.

我们所有人都是性存在，但对某些人来说，这可能更自然一些，不过仍需要对此进行一些清理。

We all are sexual creatures, but for some of us that might come more naturally, but there's some cleaning up to do with that.

所以我只是想点明这一点，因为我觉得这经常被忽视。

So I just wanna name that because I think that gets overlooked a lot.

有一种方式可以清理这些，让你重新掌握自己的性，以一种宏大、美妙、神圣、女性化的方式——我为此而来，我感到被尊重，这种性源于我真实地与身体连接，表达我内心真正的欲望，而不是为了操控、束缚或吸引他人而表演出来的性。

And there's a way to clean that up where you can reclaim your sexuality in this huge, like, amazing, divine, feminine, like, I'm here for it, and I'm honored and respected, and it comes from me being in my body with authentically what I desire, not a performative sexuality to trap or contain or get somebody else.

好的。

K.

你们中的一些人正在听这段话。

Some of you are listening to this.

你们一边听一边点头，心里想：天啊，丹纳。

You're nodding along and you're like, oh, fuck, Danner.

我感觉自己被点名了。

I just feel really called out.

我爱你。

I love you.

没关系。

It's okay.

你会康复的，这只是过程的一部分。

You're gonna heal, and it's just all part of the process.

你并没有选择这样做。

You didn't choose to do this.

你没有。

You didn't.

你想要这样做。

You want to do this.

这只不过是你已经经历的事情，但既然你现在知道了更好的方式，你的责任就是做得更好。

This is just something that already happened to you but now that you know better your responsibility is to do better.

就是这样。

That's it.

一旦你明白了更好的方式，你就必须做得更好；但在你明白之前发生的一切，我们都必须保持慈悲，原谅自己，我认为最终我们也要原谅他人，不过那是另一个话题了。

Once you know better you've got to do better but anything that's happened in the past before you knew better we have to be compassionate we have to forgive ourselves and I think ultimately we have to forgive others as well but that's another episode.

亲密关系并不是与他人能量融合，尤其是他们的创伤能量，并替他们处理这些情绪。

Intimacy is not also merging with somebody else's energy, especially their trauma energies and processing it for them.

亲密关系也不是当一个任人践踏的垫脚石、出气筒或过滤系统。

It's not being a doormat, a punching bag, a filter filtration system.

那也不是亲密关系。

That is also not intimacy.

所以我只是想立刻澄清这个误解。

So I just wanted to smell dispel that myth right now.

这可能也会让人感觉像亲密关系，因为你觉得自己完全了解这个人。

That can also feel like intimacy because you're like, I know everything about this person.

一旦发生危机，他们就会找我。

When crisis hits, they call me.

我是真的在他们身边支持他们。

Like, I'm there for them.

那根本不是亲密关系，那是你在做本不该做的事，因为你缺乏能量边界，因为你小时候为了自保，选择了与父母的创伤融合并替他们处理，以免他们对你造成更多伤害，至少能让你获得一些基本的回应——比如他们愿意参加家长会，或者记得去购物，但那不是亲密关系。

That is not fucking intimacy that is you doing something you shouldn't do because you have poor energetic boundaries because you stayed safe as a child merging and processing your parents trauma so they wouldn't hurt you more they would be at least some baseline level available to you so you would get a permission slip slot signed, they would show up at parents night or they would remember that they needed to go grocery shopping, but that's not intimacy.

所以我只是想指出这两个虚假的亲密假象，它们并不真实，接下来我想说明什么是真正的亲密关系。

So I just wanted to name those two big things that are false intimacies that are not real and I want to name what is real intimacy.

真正的亲密关系，是你最脆弱、最不确定，额头贴地的时候。

Real intimacy is when you are at your most weakest, uncertain forehead to the floor.

我不知道自己到底在干什么。

I don't know what the fuck I am doing.

我非常害怕。

I am super scared.

这和我原本以为的不一样。

It's not what I thought it was.

我并没有把一切都弄清楚。

I don't have this all figured out.

也许我没有自己想象的那么坚强、勇敢、聪明、有才华或天赋异禀。

Maybe I'm not as tough, as brave, as smart, as talented, as gifted as I thought I was.

也许我只是一个有缺陷的人，不知道如何做得更好，但我希望你能看到我这副赤裸裸的样子。

Maybe I'm just a flawed human that doesn't know how to do better and I want you to see me in this rawness.

我希望你能看到我这种毫无防备的状态，直面我此刻最深的恐惧。

I want you to see me in this defenseless state naming some of my biggest fears that are here for me now.

这才是真正的亲密。

That's intimacy.

当我们放下戒备，摘下面具，说：嘿。

When we let our guard down, we take the mask off, and we say, hey.

天啊。

Oh my gosh.

这让我情绪激动。

This makes me emotional.

我没料到会这样。

I didn't expect this.

当我们说这就是我。

When we say this is me.

接受也好，放弃也罢。

Take it or leave it.

这就是我所有的了。

This is what I've got.

那就是亲密。

That's intimacy.

你注意到我当着大家的面这样说时，其实根本与对方的反应无关。

And you notice in my speaking that out loud to all of us, it really has nothing to do with the response of the other human.

你明白我的意思吗？

Do you feel me on that?

这太重要了。

This is so important.

这真的、真的太重要了。

This is so so fucking important.

亲密感是你在任何其他事情之前，先抵达自己内心的一个地方。

Intimacy is a spot you arrive within yourself before anything else.

在一段关系中，当然，对方如何接收我们这种表达，以及他们如何从这种毫无防备的真诚时刻中共同创造，决定了关系的一切。

Now in a relationship, of course, how someone receives that from us what they co create from that moment of undefended truth telling is everything in the relationship.

我依然感受到你渴望我。

I still feel you desire me.

我觉得你现在更爱我了。

I feel like you love me even more now.

我觉得这成了你放下防备的桥梁。

I feel like it was a bridge to you letting down your guard.

这创造了一种关系情境，在这种情境下，说出‘我错了’、‘对不起’、‘我听懂了你的意思’或‘你有道理’，都能在关系中引发一种真实共鸣，从而真正解决问题。

This creates a kind of relational context where saying I was wrong or I'm sorry or I hear what you're saying or you're right opens up a kind of truth resonance in a relationship where you can actually solve problems.

你可以基于这种正当性，以一种令灵魂满足的方式规划未来，满足你的需求，因为你处于真实的状态。

You can from a place of validity plan for the future in some soul satisfying way you can get your needs met because you're at truth residence.

我不知道有多少关系能抵达这种境界。

And I don't know how many relationships get to that space.

关于CPTSD疗法，还有一件非常重要的事情。

And here's a really important thing too about CPTSD medicine.

所以我得擦擦鼻子，因为我的鼻子在流涕，眼睛也在流泪，我情绪很激动。

So I gotta like wipe my nose because I'm like my nose is running, my eyes are running, I'm emotional.

关键是，为什么戒酒戒毒是CPTSD疗法如此核心的价值，尽管我每次谈到戒酒戒毒时总会遇到一些反对。

Here's the thing is that like why sobriety is such a key value of CPTSD medicine despite how much pushback sometimes I get when I talk about sobriety.

这完全不是出于任何道德评判，而是源于我对这种疗法最深层的认知：很多时候，物质会制造一层薄薄的面纱，让你说出某些话、做出某些行为，而这些只是我刚才所描述的那种状态的一种版本。

It comes from no moral judgment or stance at all and it just comes from my deepest knowing of this medicine that a lot of times substances will also create this thin veil where you say things and you do things and it's some version of what I just named.

你知道，也许你那时更少设防。

You know, maybe you are more undefended.

你确实会说出一些没有被保护机制强烈阻拦的话。

You do say things without the protectors highly engaged.

但关键是。

But here's the thing.

当你在清醒的状态下，在身体里做到这一点，并鼓起勇气与另一个人建立这种深度的亲密，你就所向披靡了，因为那是真实的。

When you can do that sober in your body and find the courage to locate that level of intimacy with another human, you're unstoppable because it's real.

你做到了。

You did it.

你通过能量层面与自身各部分的协作，克服了你需要克服的一切。

You worked through whatever you needed to work through energetically with parts of you to be able to do that.

这并不是被迫的，也不是被推着做的，不是药物诱导的，就是你自己，靠着你的清醒做到了。

It wasn't forced, it wasn't, you know pushed, it wasn't medically induced, it wasn't you know it was just you, you and your sobriety did that.

对我来说，这更值得信赖，对我来说，这更可复制。

That to me is more trustworthy, That to me is more replicable.

对我来说，这就是CPTSD疗愈的一切。

That to me is everything for cptsd resolution.

我在这里说的全部就是CPTSD的疗愈。

That's all I'm talking about here is cptsd resolution.

你知道，把物质使用在CPTSD疗愈这个明确而有限的任务之外。

You know the use of substances anywhere outside of CPTSD resolution as a discrete finite task.

我的意思是，我对其他方面根本没有专业知识，我真的真的不知道，也许吧，但我现在谈的只是CPTSD疗愈。

I mean I have no expertise on like I really truly I'm just like I don't know you know maybe but I'm talking about CPTSD resolution.

好的。

Alright.

所以我需要谈一点关于亲密关系的事。

So I needed to say a little bit about intimacy.

我可能说了比预期更多的内容，但这很重要。

I probably said more than I expected to say, but it's important.

首先，我会鼓励治疗师们。

So the first thing is that I would, you know, encourage therapists.

如果你是正在听这段内容的治疗师，或者你身边有患有CPTSD的伴侣，这很重要。

If you're a therapist listening to this, if you're a partner with someone with CPTSD, like, this is important.

你必须理解，我们这些患有未解决或未治疗的CPTSD的人，普遍带着一种错误的亲密观念，甚至根本不知道什么是真正的亲密。

Like, you you have to understand the mistaken intimacy that most of us with unresolved or untreated CPTSD are carrying around that we don't even really understand what intimacy is.

也许很多人类都不真正理解什么是亲密，但让我们先从一个共同的理解开始。

Maybe a lot of humans don't really understand what intimacy is but let's just start with a shared understanding of that.

从这里，你就能真正明白，为什么我们对脆弱如此抗拒——因为对我们这些有复杂创伤的人来说，童年时每一件事都被当成了武器。

So from there you can really see why there's a really strong resistance to vulnerability because for us with complex trauma our childhood every fucking thing was weaponized.

我们并不安全。

We were not safe.

我不觉得，天哪。

And I don't think, like, oh my gosh.

我又要情绪化了。

I'm gonna get emotional again.

哦，这样啊。

Oh, this is like okay.

我现在正深深感受到CPTSD治疗带来的各种情绪。

I'm just feeling all the feels with CPTSD medicine right now.

这周在CPTSD治疗方面真是非常了不起。

It's been a really incredible week in CPTSD medicine.

简直有太多胜利、太多突破、太多势头了。

Like, just so many wins, so many breakthroughs, so much momentum.

我现在真的深深感受到与这种疗法的紧密连接。

I'm just really feeling so deeply connected to the medicine right now.

但一切都变成了武器。

But it's like everything was weaponized.

而且你知道，我伴侣的家庭有点复杂，但我可以说，至少对他来说，那不是一个创伤性的家庭。

And, you know, having a partner that had kind of a tricky family, but I would say not a traumatizing family, at least not for my partner not traumatizing.

我不想替他家人中的任何人发言，我只能就他本人来说。

I don't wanna speak for anybody else in his family, so I can only speak to him.

你知道，我伴侣的家庭也像大多数人的家庭一样有点复杂，但并不是创伤性的家庭。

You know, my partner had a sort of a tricky family like most humans do, but not a traumatizing family.

他永远无法真正理解，当我说到‘感觉不安全’时，那意味着什么。

And, you know, he will never fully understand what it means when I say it didn't feel safe.

现在他已经听过一些故事了。

Now he's heard stories.

他看过一些照片。

He's seen pictures.

你知道，他足够了解我，也了解我的历程，见证过我卸下重担后最深的余波，听过我的故事，所以他某种程度上是懂的；但我想，如果你是一名治疗师，而你自己没有经历过CPTSD或未解决自己的CPTSD，那么你可能在某种程度上能理解，但你不会有那种深切的、身体力行的体会——那种童年时从未感到安全的感觉。

Like, you know, he knows me well enough and my journey well enough and has witnessed some of the deepest kind of aftermaths or aftershocks of unburdening and heard stories and so like you know he gets it to a certain degree and I think that if you're a therapist and you haven't yourself had CPTSD or resolved your CPTSD, like, probably at some level kind of get it, but there's not this deep embodied knowing of what it is like to never feel safe in your childhood.

这是一种非常独特的人生体验。

Like that's a very very unique experience.

并不是说这种经历很特别，因为不幸的是很多人也有类似经历，但关键在于你有没有经历过——如果你经历过，你就能理解；如果没有，你就无法理解。

Not special because a lot of people unfortunately have this experience, but it's kind of like you have it or you don't and if you have it you get it and if you didn't have it you don't get it.

在我心里，这就像一种二元对立：那种从未感到安全的感觉，会在你周围形成一层保护壳，尤其当你成年后又经历了其他创伤性关系时，这层保护壳更难打破。

It is kind of a dichotomy in my mind and so that never feeling safe leaves a kind of protective layer around you that is kind of hard to dismantle especially if you're arriving in your adulthood after adult relationships that were also traumatizing.

所以你还有成年后的二次创伤——这不仅仅是童年的问题，还有你的男朋友、女朋友、或者其他伴侣，他们也利用了你的情绪，也背叛了你，也给你带来了更多痛苦。

So you have secondary adult trauma around it wasn't just my childhood it was this boyfriend, this girlfriend, this human also weaponized my emotions, also turned on me, also created more suffering for me.

因此，在那些成年经历中，脆弱不仅不被允许，反而会成为一种不明智的 relational 决策，因为我们所互动的人本身也在被创伤能量驱动。

And so there's adult experiences where vulnerability was not only possible but would have actually been an unwise relational decision because the human we were interacting with was also running trauma energies.

所以当我们面对一个未治疗或未解决的CPTSD患者，试图让他们在关系空间中变得脆弱时——即使我们是治疗师、教练、伴侣或朋友——我们也在为一个高度防御的系统推进得太快了。

And so when we immediately with a human with untreated or unresolved CPTSD attempt to get them to be vulnerable in the relational space or the relational field, Even with us as therapists or coaches or partners or friends, we're we're we're moving ahead too fast for a highly defended system.

我们需要为自己或我们所帮助的人配备的能力是：首先，能够独自私下对自己保持脆弱，没有任何旁观者或见证者，只是他们自己与内在的部分对话。

What we want to equip ourselves with or anyone we're working with is the ability to first and foremost be vulnerable with themselves privately without any observers, any witnesses, just them working with their own parts.

首要的是，准确命名内心正在发生的事情。

And first and foremost naming the truth about what is happening internally.

开始真正感受到，转向这些感受是安全的，真正直面这些记忆是安全的——其中一些我理解，源于我的童年，但还有一些我看到或产生共鸣的记忆，我并不理解，因为我从未亲身经历过，但它们依然在我的内心世界中浮现。

Starting to really embody it's safe to turn toward this, it's safe to really see these memories some of which I understand from my childhood but some of these memories that I see or resonate with I don't understand because I have not lived them myself, but nonetheless they play in my internal world.

因此，当我们学会与自己同在，以不带评判的、彻底坦诚的态度尊重自己内在的真实体验时，这才是第一步，因为还有一个真相是：很少有容器——无论是治疗、团体空间还是静修营——真正能够承载复杂创伤的真相。

And so when we equip ourselves to stay with ourselves, to honor the truth of our own internal experience without judgment but with just complete radical truth telling, that's the first step because there's also a truth that very few containers, whether it's therapy or group containers or retreats, very few of them can actually hold the truth of complex trauma.

我的旅程中至少有五个故事，但这里我只简要分享其中一个：我第一次接触的呼吸疗愈师，是我通过一场现场呼吸疗愈活动认识的。

I mean, have at least five stories in my own journey but you know one I'll just share briefly here, the first breath work practitioner I ever worked with I found this breath work live experience.

我当时在其中一个最大的疗愈平台的邮件列表里，那里有各种各样的老师和疗愈师，他们本质上是这些疗愈师的中介。

I was on an email list with one of the biggest healing platforms out there and they have you know all these different teachers and practitioners and you know, it's kind of a they're a broker for these practitioners.

因此，那些拥有知名方法的疗愈师会被放到这个平台上，平台会为他们做邮件营销活动。

And so a practitioner that has a famous method will be put on this platform, and they'll do an email marketing campaign.

于是我说：我从没试过呼吸疗愈。

And so I said, you know, I've never done breath work.

这感觉非常真实可信。

This feels really legitimate.

它标明了这是创伤知情的。

It says it's trauma informed.

我要去做。

I'm gonna do it.

我第一次做呼吸疗法时经历了一次糟糕的体验。

I had a terrible experience with the breath work the first time.

我后来又回到了它，稍微做了一点。

I I came back to it, and I did it a little bit.

然后他们设置了小组讨论室，我们要和联合引导者分享感受。

And then they had these breakout rooms where we were supposed to report in with, a co facilitator.

这次呼吸疗法的主题是与祖先相遇。

And the breath work session was about meeting ancestors.

我当时排在第四位，大家都在分享自己与祖先相遇的经历。

And so I was about fourth in line to go, and everyone was reporting back, you know, the meeting of the ancestors.

他们说：天啊。

And they're like, oh my gosh.

他们都哭了。

They were crying.

这就像一场欢乐的家族团聚。

It was this joyous, you know, family reunion.

你知道我在呼吸练习中看到了什么吗？

You know what I saw in my breath work?

腐烂的该死的尸体。

Rotting fucking corpses.

我只看到了这些。

That's all I saw.

它们是长着苔藓、流着口水和黏液的腐烂尸体，像僵尸一样，我想逃跑。

They were decaying bodies with moss and drool and slime, and they were, like, zombie like, and I wanted to run.

我胃里一阵翻腾。

I had a pit in my stomach.

我觉得这太糟糕了。

I was like, this is awful.

所以我退出了通话，因为我不想在这个陌生人群体里大声说出这些话。

So I dropped off the call because I'm like, I am not going and saying this out loud in this group with these humans I do not know.

因此，我们大多数人只是自我审查，因为要么我们内在缺乏觉察，由于长期深度的压抑，保护性部分将这些内容隐藏起来，因为它们看起来是禁忌的、怪异的、不合逻辑的、太过黑暗的、太过阴森的，或者太过某种东西。

And so most of us just censor because either we don't have the awareness internally because we've censored at such a deep level the protective parts have kept these things from us because it seems taboo, it seems off, it seems illogical, it seems too dark, it seems too sinister, it seems too something.

但我们也学会了在大多数疗愈环境中进行审查，因为我们所说的内容与他人所报告的完全不一致。

But then we've also learned to censor in most healing containers because what we're saying is so out of sync with what other people are reporting.

因此，我们首先必须从对自己保持脆弱开始。

And so we really have to start with that vulnerability with ourselves first and foremost.

如果我们是治疗师、教练或从业者，我们只需要让这些变得正常化。

And if we are a therapist, a coach, a practitioner, we just need to normalize.

如果你觉得这没有意义，也没关系。

It's okay if it doesn't make sense to you.

如果它极其黑暗，也没关系。

It's okay if it's extraordinarily dark.

如果它存在于你的系统中，那就是你系统的真相。

If it's in your system, it's truth to your system.

如果你有这段记忆，它存在一定有其原因。

If it's a memory you have, it's there for a reason.

我们需要正常化内心的黑暗、扭曲与极端，包括复杂创伤中的记忆、想法和信念等一切内容。

You know, we just have to normalize the darkness and the distortion and the extremeness of the internal landscape and memories, thoughts, beliefs, everything in with complex trauma.

因此，这就是一切的起点。

And so that's the start to this.

当然，尽管我们渴望亲密，却仍对脆弱有所抗拒，因为整个世界尚未准备好接纳我们想要分享的东西。

Of course, there's resistance to vulnerability despite craving intimacy because the whole world is not ready for what we have to share.

整个世界并不愿意与复杂创伤中的创伤能量和黑暗能量产生共鸣。

The whole world does not want to commune with the trauma energies and the dark energies of complex trauma.

我们就直接点明它，坦诚面对它吧。

Like, it's just let's just name it and be truthful about it.

所以，当然会有抗拒，但总有一种方式能走出这种抗拒。

So, of course, there's resistance, but there's a way out of that resistance.

如果你正在听，并且想要一些实用的建议，我建议你先从安静、私密的空间开始。

So if you're listening and you want practical tips, I would just start with in quiet private spaces.

允许自己在内心真实地面对那些涌现的想法、闪现的记忆、你持有的信念、你被吸引的倾向、那些你无法完全理解的偏好、那些感觉像你亲身经历却无法逻辑连贯的故事、那些你无法放下的新闻、那些让你与主角产生深刻共鸣却说不清原因的歌曲、电影或书籍，逐步培养一种完全允许的态度。

Allow yourself to be internally truthful about the thoughts you have, the memories that flash, the beliefs that you hold, the affinities you are drawn to, the the preferences you don't fully understand, the stories that feel like your own lived experience but you can't really logically connect the dots, news stories you can't seem to let go of, songs or movies or books where you feel deeply connected to the main character but you do not understand why, and just start developing a kind of full permission perspective.

这就是我现在所感受到的，我不需要立刻理解、核实或分析它。

This is what is here for me and I don't need to understand it, fact check it, or analyze it yet.

我只是开始对自己给予完全的允许，这是脆弱的第一步。

I'm just starting to practice full permission for myself which is the first step in vulnerability.

当你在非常细微、谨慎的小小步骤中感到可行时，就可以慢慢让那些看起来稳定、充满自我能量的人进入你的世界，观察他们的反应。

Then when that feels possible to you in very small discerning baby steps you start to let humans that appear to be grounded running self energy into your world in bite sized bits and see how they respond.

朋友、伴侣、治疗师。

A friend, a partner, a therapist.

你不需要以毫无辨别、毫无保护的方式向他人敞开你的世界。

You don't open up your world in an undiscerning, unprotected way.

循序渐进，一点点来，观察他们的反应，再根据情况逐步敞开心扉。

Baby steps, bite size pieces, see how they respond, and open up to them accordingly.

好的。

Alright.

这就是主要部分。

That's the main segment.

这就是我想说的。

That's what I have to say.

希望它对你有帮助。

I hope it served you well.

现在我要进入本集的最后部分。

Now I'm gonna move into the final portion of the episode.

所以我的伴侣马特说，当他听完前三集时，塔纳，我觉得你的听众未必完全理解你是当场创作这些吸引眼球的内容。

So my partner, Matt, said when he listened to the first three episodes, Tanner, I don't think your listener fully understands necessarily that you are creating the clickbait content on the spot.

这并不是你事先准备好的。

This is not something you've prepared.

整个环节的一部分就是你当场即兴创作。

This is something that's part of the whole bit is that you're making it up on the spot.

我当时想，真的吗？

I was like, oh, really?

我觉得我好几次都这么说过了。

I feel like I say that a couple times.

所以我决定的是，你们可以听到这个袋子的声音。

And so what I decided is I have put you can hear the bag.

我把所有找到的点击诱饵标题都打印出来，剪成小片，放进袋子里，这样你们就能听到我从袋子里抽选，知道我事先没看过这些内容。

I printed out all the clickbait content headlines I found, printed them out, cut them up, and put them in a bag so you can hear me pull from the bag so you know I have not seen this.

但说实话，在剪裁的时候，我确实读了一些标题，但我很快努力忘记，没有花时间去细看。

Now truth be told, when I was cutting up, I did read some of them, but I quickly tried to forget, and I didn't spend time on it.

但在剪裁时，我对其中一些内容有了瞬间的意识，毕竟我怎么可能看不到它们呢？

But I did have a moment of cognition with some of these because I was cutting them up, and how could I not see them?

因为我必须确保自己是在印刷内容之间的空白处剪裁。

Because I had to, like, make sure I was cutting in between what was printed.

但你们能听到这个袋子的声音。

But you you hear the bag.

我是在现场随机抽取的。

I'm picking them on the spot.

我选了一个Eco Enclose的袋子。

I chose an Eco Enclose bag.

小小地向Eco Enclose致敬一下。

A little shout out to Eco Enclose.

他们是我非常喜欢合作的品牌。

They are a brand I love working with.

如果你的业务涉及任何发货，Eco Enclose拥有最好的产品。

If you are a business that ships anything, Eco Enclose has the best products.

我就是用它来寄送我的协议文件的。

It's what I ship the protocol in.

我也是用它来寄送家庭触石仪式卡片的。

It's what I ship the householder touchstone ritual cards in.

我将来也会用它来寄送神谕卡牌——神圣恢复的神谕。

It is what I will also ship the oracle deck in, the oracles for divine restoration.

等它最终准备好后，会用Eco Enclose的包装寄出，因为他们不仅产品卓越，而且经营得非常出色。

When it's finally ready, it'll be shipped out in eco enclosed package because they just, first of all, have incredible products, and they run their business so well.

你知道，如果你是小企业主，正在听我说话，你肯定也有同样的感受。

You you know, as a small business owner, if you're listening, you're a small business owner, you feel this way too.

当你找到一家和你一样秉持相同标准与诚信经营的企业时，你会觉得我们简直是最佳拍档。

You find a business that runs your business with the same level of standards and integrity, and you're like, we're besties.

我超爱你。

I love you.

你太棒了。

You rock.

我对Eco Enclose就是这种感觉。

That's how I fell about feel about eco enclosed.

所以特别感谢Eco Enclose。

So shout out to eco enclosed.

我手里拿着一个Eco Enclose的袋子，正从里面取东西。

I have an eco enclosed bag, what I'm picking from.

来看看今天会有什么内容。

Let's see what the content will be today.

好了。

Alright.

就在这里。

Here it is.

一场关于CPTSD医学播客的点击诱饵内容创作直播。

A clickbait content creation session live on air, CPTSD medicine podcast.

这就是点击诱饵内容。

Here's the clickbait content.

感觉被困住了吗？

Feel stuck?

试试这个简单的技巧。

Try this simple trick.

天啊。

Oh my gosh.

我立刻想到的是。

Here's what comes to me right away.

所以，当我们感到被困住时，在我看来，这是源于复杂创伤的习得性无助印记。

So when we feel stuck, in my opinion, it's a learned helplessness imprint that results from complex trauma.

这种习得性无助会在你旅程的开始就存在。

This learned helplessness will be there at the beginning of your journey.

它会在你旅程的中间依然存在。

It'll be there at the middle of your journey.

它会在你旅程的尽头仍然存在。

It'll be at the end of your journey.

即使在你声称‘我曾经患有CPTSD’之后。

And even after you say, I had CPTSD.

我说我已经不再患有CPTSD了，但你仍会不时地与某种形式的习得性无助作斗争。

I no longer have CPTSD, you will still at times struggle with some version of learned helplessness.

这是一种令人瘫痪的感觉，觉得必须有人告诉我该怎么做。

This is kind of a paralyzing sense of somebody else needs to tell me what to do.

我是个受害者。

I'm the victim here.

我不知道该如何解决这个问题。

I don't know how to solve this problem.

这就像一种轻微的崩溃状态，那种感觉就是卡住了。

Like, it's a little bit of a micro collapsed state, and that's like feeling stuck.

我们就像被冻住了一样。

We're, like, frozen.

我不知道该做什么。

I don't know what to do.

即使只是几分钟的崩溃也没关系。

Collapse even if it's just for a few minutes.

所以，如果你处于这种卡住的状态，我立刻希望你向内看，因为有一些恐惧浮现出来了。

So if you're in that stuck state, I instantly want you to turn inward because there is some fear that has shown up.

你不够聪明。

You're not smart enough.

他们不喜欢你。

They don't like you.

这不会成功的。

This isn't going to work.

无论恐惧是什么，当你向内看，直接面对并与恐惧对话，给予自己一些与这种恐惧相关的内在安抚时，我真切地看到你并不认为这会奏效。

Whatever the fear is And when you turn inward and you just address and commune the fear directly and you offer yourself some internal soothing related to that fear, I'm really witnessing you don't think this is gonna work.

我深深持有这种信念：我们不够聪明。

I'm really holding this belief that we're not smart enough.

我充分尊重这种挫败感，你觉得自己已经付出了那么多努力，却不想再面对生活中的这些烦扰。

I'm really honoring that there's frustration here that you feel like you've worked so hard and you don't want to deal with this aggravation in life.

你知道，无论是什么，你只需说出内心正在发生的、让你感到恐惧、不适或沮丧的事情。

You know, whatever it is, you just name what it is that's happening internally that feels fearful, undesirable, frustrating.

然后从那里，你问自己：什么能改变这种能量或情绪？

And then from there, you ask yourself what could move this energy or emotion.

它可能简单到只是绕街区走一圈。

It could be as simple as walking around the block.

它可能需要像呼吸练习那样深入，但通常是一种身体上的活动，或者能增强你的自我能量、吸引神圣能量的方式，从而让情况发生一点转变。

It might need to be as in-depth as a breath work session, but it's often something physical or something that amplifies your self energy or pulls in divinely sourced energy so that it just shifts a little.

你没有否定恐惧，也没有压抑恐惧，你只是承认：恐惧在这里，挫败在这里，故事在这里，而我正在引导自己稍微改变这种能量状态，看看现在可能产生什么新的可能。

You're not invalidating the fear, you're not stuffing down the fear, you're saying the fear is here, the frustration is here, the story is here and I'm leading myself to just change the energetics of this a little bit to see what is now possible.

当你再次回到那个障碍、那个让你感到停滞或卡住的问题时，你突然发现资源就在你面前。

Then often when you return to whatever the roadblock was, the obstacle was, the thing that you felt kind of frozen or stuck with, you suddenly see a resource is right here in front of you.

你的下一步该做什么变得显而易见。

Your next aligned step is obvious.

你知道，你有了继续做你原本在做的事情的能量。

You know, you have some energy to, you know, continue with what you already were doing.

某种变化发生了，让你能够轻松地、顺应能量地迈出下一步，朝着你真正渴望的方向前进。

Something just shifts that makes it possible for you to take an energetically easy aligned next step that is moving in the directions of your in the direction of your desire.

就是这样。

So that's it.

感到卡住了吗？

Feeling stuck?

试试这个简单的技巧。

Try this simple trick.

我刚才说的所有这些，把它写成一篇博客文章、播客节目或Instagram内容，这就是我今天给你的帮助。

All of what I just said, put that in a blog post, podcast episode, in Instagram content, and that's my help for you today.

哇哦。

Whoo.

好吧。

Alright.

这就是本期节目。

That is the episode.

我太喜欢回到播客了。

I am so loving being back on the podcast.

我想提醒你，如果你因反复进行同样的争吵而精疲力尽，全新的《更聪明地战斗》指南现已上线。

I wanna remind you that if you are exhausted from repeating the same fight on loop, the brand new fight smarter field guide is officially here.

你可以在节目说明中免费下载，因为你不该再以如此愚蠢的方式继续争斗。

You can download that in the show notes because it's free, and you wanna stop fighting in a really stupid dumb way.

你应该更聪明地去斗争。

You wanna fight smarter.

对吧？

Right?

那我们就开始吧。

So let's get started on that.

指南就在节目笔记里。

The field guide is in the show notes.

我还不太擅长这个，但我一定会越来越好的，因为我希望在这档播客上做广告。

I'm not very good at that yet, but I'm gonna get better at it because I wanna advertise on this podcast.

做一些小事情挺有趣的，但天啊，这听起来还是不够自然。

And it's fun to have little bits you can do, but, gosh, that doesn't quite sound natural yet.

我会进步的。

I will get better.

我非常爱你。

I love you so much.

真的，能与你同行、为你服务、与你并肩，是一种荣幸。

Truly, it is an honor to show up and serve with you and for you and beside you.

我爱你。

I love you.

我爱你。

I love you.

我他妈太爱你了。

I fucking love you.

暂时再见。

Bye for now.