008：被忽视的感受：复杂性创伤后应激障碍幸存者的清晰指南

你好。

Hello.

你好。

Hello.

大家好，欢迎来到CPTSD医学播客。

Hello and hello, and welcome to the CPTSD Medicine Podcast.

我是医生。

I am Doctor.

坦纳·华莱士，CPTSD医学创始人、三级IFS治疗师，以及CPTSD医学疗愈方案的作者。

Tanner Wallace, founder of CPTSD Medicine, level three IFS practitioner and author of the CPTSD medicine healing protocol.

如果你是一个打破循环的人，外表看起来非常成功，但私下里在人际关系方面默默挣扎。

And if you are a cycle breaker, someone who looks very successful on the outside but secretly struggles behind closed doors with all things relational.

你感到非常疲惫，对每周的治疗感到厌倦，却觉得这些治疗似乎并没有真正帮到你。

And you're feeling really fatigued and a little burnt out on weekly therapy that doesn't actually feel like it might be helping.

当你因独自承担一切而精疲力尽时，你来对地方了。

And you're exhausted by holding the weight of doing it all, you are in the right place.

这个播客不仅仅是内容，它更是进入一种全新心理健康治疗范式的入口，这种范式不止于应对或症状管理，而是带你彻底解决CPTSD。

This podcast is not just content, it is the entry point into a new paradigm of mental health treatment, one that does not stop at coping or symptom management, but takes you all the way to the resolution of your CPTSD.

亲爱的，CPTSD从来都不是你的终点。

CPTSD, my love, was never meant to be your ending.

它是通向你幸福结局的门扉，因为你会在家族诅咒之下发现其中的礼物与疗愈之力。

It is the doorway to your happily ever after because you will discover the gifts and the medicine underneath the family curse.

让我们开始吧。

Let us begin.

我们有一期新节目。

We have a new episode.

欢迎。

Welcome.

欢迎。

Welcome.

欢迎。

Welcome.

如果你是新来的，我想跟你打个招呼。

If you're brand new, I wanna say hello.

非常感谢你在这里。

I'm so grateful you're here.

如果你已经深入参与了所有内容，听过很多期节目，在Instagram上也关注了很久，深深沉浸在这些疗愈之道中，我也很高兴你在这里。

And if in your if you are in all the things and you've listened to lots of episodes and on Instagram and, you know, you're just deeply immersed in the medicine, I am also glad that you are here.

在本集一开始，我就想提醒你关注我们的‘更聪明地战斗’赋能指南。

Right away at the beginning of this episode, I want to draw your attention to our fight smarter fueled guide.

你可以在节目说明中注册获取。

You can opt in in the show notes.

如果你对与伴侣或另一半的争吵感到疲惫，觉得这些争吵极具破坏性，不知如何是好，这个指南就是为你准备的。

This is for you if you are tired of the fights with your partner or your significant other feeling so destructive, you don't know what to do.

真的，你完全不知道该怎么办。

Like literally, you don't know what to do.

你不知道该找谁求助。

You don't know who to call.

这将帮助你重新掌握主动权，从CPTSD医学的角度真正理解你的责任是什么，如何在不依赖关系的情况下独立行动，从而为这段关系带来更有建设性的东西，因为这里有两条真理。

This is going to help you take your power back and really understand from a CPTSD medicine perspective, what is your responsibility, how do you work independently of the relationship so that you can bring something more productive to that relational field because there's two truths here.

没有人会来拯救我们，你也无法强迫别人改变。

No one is coming to save us and you can't force people to change.

所以，如果我们一直在等待别人来拯救我们，或等待别人改变，那只会让无数个日子充满痛苦和破碎的心。

And so if we're waiting for someone to save us or we're waiting for somebody to change, that's gonna be a lot of days miserable with a broken heart.

所以，让我们重新掌握自己的力量。

So let's take our power back.

让我们赋予自己力量，去引领这场更聪明的战斗指南。

Let's empower ourselves to lead the fight smarter field guide.

如果你想免费获取这份PDF指南，链接在节目说明中。

The link is in the show notes should you wanna opt in to that PDF freebie.

如果你是一个患有未治疗或未解决的CPTSD的人，并且你心里想着：我准备好了。

If you are a human with untreated or unresolved CPTSD and you're like, I'm ready.

我真的准备好去迎接我的幸福结局了。

Like, I I am just ready to get to my happily ever after.

我不希望CPTSD成为我的终点。

I don't want CPTSD to be my ending.

那么，我诚挚地邀请你申请通往幸福结局的六月计划。

Well, then I invite you warmly to apply to happily ever after, which is the six month container.

这是一个包含小组和个人辅导的项目。

It is group and one on one with me.

申请链接在节目说明中，还有更多详情，我非常欢迎你加入这个计划。

The application is in the show notes along with more details, but I would love to welcome you into that container.

我们每月都会招生，九月一日是全新的开班日期，因此九月一日的课程还剩几个名额，但无论你在九月一日之前还是之后听到这段话，都有持续开放的申请期，就像滚动录取一样，你明白吗？

We do enrollments every month, and so the start date of September 1, it's a brand new container, brand new start date, and so we still have a few more spots for that September 1, but no matter if you're listening to this before September 1 or after September 1, there's an open enrollment period applications like a rolling admissions, if that makes sense.

所以，请填写申请表。

So fill out the applications.

我们会把你列入等候名单，等你准备好了就安排入学，但我非常希望欢迎你加入这个计划。

We'll get you on a wait list for when you want to start, but I would love to welcome you into that.

那么，我们就这样开始了。

So here we are.

我们在关系中常常被误解或被忽视。

We are on chronically misunderstood or unseen in relationships.

因此，这种困惑在于：我们内心深处渴望被看见、被重视，却似乎总选择那些无法给予我们情感认可的伴侣。

And so it's this confusion of have this deep longing to be seen and valued, but seem to choose partners that are unable to provide this emotional recognition.

让我试着为我们提供一些关于这个问题的洞见。

So let me see if I can provide us some insights into this.

当我读到这一点时，我首先想到的是，我以前讲过类似的内容，但最近确实没怎么讲过了。

And, you know, when I read this, the first thing I thought about is just, you know, something I've taught on before, but I actually haven't taught on it in a little bit.

但关键是，当我们被创伤能量主导时，我们实际上被困在了过去。

But it's this idea of, you know, when we are running trauma energies, we're really stuck in the past.

并非所有的创伤能量都来自我们个人的过去，但如果我们从未接受过复杂创伤的治疗，或者很少接受过以身体为基础、以部分为导向的治疗，比如IFS——即使用内在家庭系统来处理CPTSD，我们就很可能被童年时期的创伤能量所控制。

Not all trauma energies are from our personal past, but if we've had no treatment for complex trauma or very little kind of body based parts based treatment of IFS, I mean, CPTSD using internal family systems, then we're going to be running a lot of trauma energies from our childhood.

我之所以做出这个技术性区分，可能听起来有点别扭，比如：‘塔纳，你刚才那番话真尴尬。’

Now, the reason I kind of made that technical distinction that might've been like, okay, Tanner, that was awkward.

为什么你要花时间说，如果你没有好好疗愈，或者没有做过部分工作？

Like, why'd you spend time saying if you haven't been healing very much or haven't done parts work?

因为这些是最容易卸载的创伤能量。

It's because those are some of the easiest trauma energies to unburden.

比如，在卸载的顺序中，通常是受伤的受害者能量、保护性部分、管理者，以及那种‘我必须’的能量。

Like, those usually in the sequence of unburdening, it's like the hurt victim energy, the protective part, manager, kind of I must energy.

这些通常会最先出现。

Those usually go first.

有些保护性部分可能很难建立信任，它们不会让你接触到受伤的年幼部分。

Now some protective parts can be, you know, challenging to build trust with, and they won't give you access to wounded younger parts.

所以，这并不是立刻就能实现的，但这些通常是卸载的第一波。

So, you know, it's not like it's immediate, but that those are usually the first waves of unburdening.

然后情况会变得稍微复杂一些，我甚至不知道该用什么词来形容。

Then it does get a little more I don't even know what the word is.

它不一定复杂，但‘多维’这个词很贴切。

It's not not necessarily complex, but multidimensional is a good word.

这时我们开始处理家族传承的东西、祖先、你吸收的灵体，以及来自父母的部分。

That's when we start to deal with the lineage stuff, the ancestors, entities you've absorbed, parts from your parents.

我的意思是，接下来情况就变得有点像，好吧，我们现在同时在多个时间线上运作，而你甚至对这段历史毫无觉察。

I mean, then it gets a little like, okay, now we're operating on multiple timelines, and you're not even aware of the history.

所以，你知道，当你在受这些创伤能量驱动时，它们会间接影响我今天在这期节目中所谈论的内容。

So, you know, those trauma energies, when you're running those, they kind of like indirectly impact what I'm talking about today on this episode.

并不是说它们对这些毫无影响，但真正保护我们内心受伤幼年自我的，是受伤的受害者能量和保护性部分。

It's not that they have no impact on it, but it's it's like the hurt victim energy and the protective parts that really protect the wounded younger versions of us.

今天我谈到的这种在关系中感到被忽视或被误解、无法获得你渴望的情感认可的想法，指的就是这些部分。

They're the ones that I'm talking about today when I talk about this idea of feeling unseen or misunderstood misunderstood in relationships and just not really getting the emotional recognition that you desire.

通常是因为，当你被童年创伤所引发的受伤受害者能量或保护性能量所驱动时。

Well, it's it's often because, you know, when we're running those kinds of hurt victim energies, protective energies from our childhood woundings.

我们往往会陷入过去的发育循环中。

We tend to be caught in a developmental loop from the past.

所以我们没有顺利通过那些正常的发展里程碑，因此我们体内存在大量非常不成熟、幼稚、孩子气或青少年般的能量。

So it's like we didn't move through the normative developmental milestones, And so there's a lot of energy within us that is very immature, very juvenile, very childlike or adolescent like.

这让我们变得非常以自我为中心，甚至近乎自私。

And that makes us very self centered, bordering on selfish.

所以，如果你正在试图与某人建立伴侣关系，或者你身上存在大量根植于童年关系创伤和依恋情境的创伤能量，那么你最多只是以自我为中心，最坏的情况则是自私自利。

So if anyone that you're trying to partner with or if you are running high proportions of trauma energies that are really rooted in your childhood relational woundings in the attachment context, you are self centered at best and selfish at worst.

当我们把注意力完全转向自己时，就很难自然地、愿意地或有精力去关注他人正在经历的情感状态。

And when we're turned towards ourselves, we're not really naturally able, willing, available for emotional recognition of what's happening with somebody else.

我们非常以自我为中心。

We're very self focused.

我有这种感受。

I feel this way.

我正在经历这样的体验。

I'm having this kind of experience.

我们并不是坏人或错误的人，但我们背负着许多从未完成或未解决的沉重往事，这些都源于童年，因此当我们步入成年时，发现自己根本无法看见他人，因为自己仍深陷于痛苦和创伤之中，这完全可以理解。

We're not bad or wrong people, but we're dealing with a lot of stuff that never completed or closed, big stuff from our childhood and so it makes sense that we arrive into adulthood and we're like, I can't really see other people because I am just so still in my own pain, in my own woundings.

理解他人是非常具有挑战性的。

The recognition of others is very challenging.

这在浪漫关系和亲密伴侣关系中尤其困难。

Now this is hard in a romantic relationship and intimate partnership for sure.

这在亲子关系中是毁灭性的。

It is devastating in the parent child relationship.

而这正是循环持续的原因。

And this is what perpetuates the cycle.

所以我们这些童年创伤幸存者，以及所有正在聆听、有孩子的你们，我们的责任是为我们的孩子终止这种循环。

So it happened to us as childhood trauma survivors and all of you all that are listening that have children, our responsibility is to stop that for our children.

你知道吗，我不完全确定为什么我会想到这个，但我正在回想我大孩子的出生。

You know, was, I don't fully know why this came to me, but I was thinking about my oldest kiddo's birth.

那是一次非常混乱的分娩，持续了很久，最后他们不得不被吸出来。

And it was such a chaotic birth, it lasted a long time, they ended up needed to be suctioned out.

在那次分娩过程中，我完全没有与孩子建立连接。

And I had this recognition that during that birth, I was not connected to my kid at all.

我甚至没有特别考虑他们的健康和福祉。

I wasn't even thinking necessarily about their health and well-being.

我与建立依恋、共鸣或保持觉知的能力是如此脱节。

That's how disconnected I was from the availability of attaching or attuning or having an awareness.

现在，通过卸下负担和疗愈，这种情况已经发生了显著改变，但我只是用这个个人例子和完全坦诚的态度来说明我们所讨论的内容。

Now that has shifted significantly with unburdening and healing, but I'm just using that personal example and full transparency to be like that's what we're talking about.

因此，我们很难真正看到他人与他人之间的联结，或对他人有深刻的觉察。

So we can't really see others attuned to others or be aware of others in any really deep way.

所以，如果我们和一个同样有未解决或未治疗的复杂创伤的伴侣生活在一起，我们会疑惑：为什么你看不到我？为什么你不在乎我？那是因为他们真的做不到——当他们被大量的创伤能量驱动时，根本没有能力做到。

And so if we're in a trauma ecosystem with a partner that also has unresolved or untreated complex trauma and we're like why don't you see me, why don't you value me, it's because they just can't, they don't have the capacity when they're running that much trauma energy.

如果你的伴侣并没有复杂创伤，那问题可能在于你自身没有真正扎根于自己的体验，无法以一种稳定、平和的方式分享：这是我正在经历的，这是我感受到的，这是我看到和觉察到的。如果我们没有在稳定平静的状态下分享自己的感受，而是在被创伤能量驱动时表达，这会对他人造成极大的触发。

Now if you don't have a partner that is has complex trauma, then it could be that instead you're not really embodied in your own experience to really be able to share in a grounded centered way this is what I'm experiencing, this is what I'm feeling, this is what I'm seeing and sensing and if we're not grounded and calm sharing what's happening for us when we're running trauma energies, it is very, very triggering to other humans.

他们想立刻解决它，想指导你，想疏远你，或感到被指责——当非稳定、充满创伤的能量被投射或辐射到关系场域时，会引发无数种被触发的反应。

They want to fix it, they want to coach, they want to distance themselves, they feel blamed, like there are so many triggered responses to non grounded trauma energies being kind of placed or radiated out into the relational field.

因此，这也可能成为一个挑战：我们没有在关系之外建立个人的内在过程，来处理创伤能量、疏导情绪、转化能量、卸下负担，以至于当我们走向伴侣时，能够稳定、平静地说：天啊，我今天真的很难受，我满脑子都是乱七八糟的想法，今天我快撑不住了。这正是关键的区别——比如，你一边在洗碗，一边意识到：今天一整天我都没有感到被滋养。

So that can be a challenge too where it's like we don't have our own personal individual process away from the relationship to work with trauma energies, move emotions, move energies, do some unburdening so that when we're coming to a partner, we're grounded, we're calm, we're like, oh my gosh, like this is what's happening for me or like today is really tough, like I'm all up in my head, I'm struggling today, you know, so this is really the difference between, you know, I'm loading the dishwasher and I've had awareness that all day I don't feel nourished.

我一整天都在照顾孩子，或者在工作，而我的伴侣心不在焉。一整天我都觉得：我没有得到滋养，我没有被关注，没有被自己或伴侣真正接纳。然后当我洗碗时，突然意识到：天啊，我喉咙里充满了愤怒，它随时要爆发。这时，能够平静地对伴侣说：我今天很难受，我快到极限了，我喉咙里全是愤怒，因为我一整天都没有被滋养，没有人关注我，我一直在付出、付出、付出，却几乎没有得到任何回报。

We've been running around with the kids or I've been working and my partner's been distracted and all day I'm like, I'm not nourished, like I haven't gotten attention, I haven't felt held by myself or my partner and then I'm loading the dishwasher and I'm like, oh my gosh, I feel the rage in my throat right now, like it is ready to go and being able to say calmly to a partner, like I'm struggling, like I'm at my breaking point today, like I feel the rage in my throat, I just haven't been nourished, I haven't, you know, no one's paid attention to me today, it's been providing, providing, providing, but very little receiving.

这才是那种平静、稳定、专注的状态；而早些时候，你可能会说：当然，你得陪他去那儿。

That's that calm, grounded, centered versus, you know, earlier in the day, it's like, you know, of course you have to go with him to there.

哦，没错，当然，你在跟谁聊天？

Oh, yep, of course, like, are you talking to?

哦，没错，一定要回复朋友的短信。

Oh, yep, always answer those texts from your friends.

你态度短促、易怒，不理解自己正在经历什么，不了解这些模式，也不懂创伤能量是如何运作的，然后你去洗碗，他们只是说把杯子放在别的地方，你就突然爆发了愤怒；更糟的是，孩子跟兄弟姐妹出了问题，你的愤怒又发泄在孩子身上。

You're short, you're snappy, you're not understanding what's happening to you, you don't understand the patterns, you don't understand how trauma energies work, and then you're loading the dishwasher, they say one thing about putting the glasses in a different place and then that rage spills out Or worse, a kid has a problem with a sibling and that rage spills out on the children.

而且你根本没有觉察。

And and and it's it's you don't have the awareness.

你没有内在成长的练习。

You don't have the inner work practice.

你没有处理自己情绪的结构，所以当你带着这些情绪去找别人时，就失去了被看见和被重视的机会。

You don't have the structures to handle your own shit so that when you bring it to someone, you have the opportunity to be seen and valued.

现在我想在这个部分结束时分享一个非常重要的教导。

Now I wanna end this section with a really important teaching.

如果你已经完成了所有内在工作，能够转化能量和情绪，不压抑它们，拥有真正的卸载过程，然后以平静、安定的状态与伴侣分享，但他们仍然被大量的创伤能量所困扰，即使你已经尽全力展现自己、寻求被看见和被重视，他们依然无法看见你。

If you've done all the inner work, you're able to move energy, move emotion, not stuff it down, you have a legitimate unburdening process, and then you come in a grounded calm space and share with your partner, but they're still running so many trauma energies, they still can't see you even though you're doing like bringing your A game around showing up to be seen and valued.

这时候，你需要和伴侣进行一次非常坦诚的对话。

This is where you need to have a really real conversation with your partner.

我不确定这段关系是否适合我，如果你内心有太多事情，以至于根本无法看见我、无法在情绪上与我共处，因为你被自己的问题完全占据了——我理解，这些问题确实很庞大、很不舒服，总是层出不穷，但我觉得你可能需要在我们关系之外寻求一些支持，来提升你处理这些问题的能力，放下一些负担，疗愈那些让你无法真正投入亲密关系的创伤。

I don't know if this relationship is going to work for me, if you have so much going on that you can't actually see me, you can't actually recognize and be with me in an emotional state because you're so preoccupied by your own stuff, which I get, it's huge, it's uncomfortable, there's a lot always, but it feels like you might need some support outside of our relationship to build your capacity to, you know, be able to put down some of the things or heal some of the things that do make you unavailable to be in a true partnership.

所以我只是想把这一点提出来，因为我觉得这非常重要。

So I I just wanna place that there because I think that's really important.

对吧？

Right?

谈论你能够或不能够投入什么，是有合适的时间和场合的。

Like, there's a time and a place for the conversation about what you are and are not available for.

好吧。

Alright.

现在，我想从我的工具箱里拿出最重要的一个教导。

That's the main teaching I want to now pull from my bag to pull the clickbait contents.

天哪。

Oh my goodness.

我的房间很暗，因为我今晚录得比较晚。

It's so dark in my room because I'm recording a little bit later in this evening.

好的。

Alright.

关于这个话题的惊人真相。

The surprising truth about topic.

关于这个话题的惊人真相。

The surprising truth about topic.

我认为，关于这个话题的惊人真相是，无论你是单身还是处于关系中，它都适用。

I think the surprising truth about a topic is that if you're single or in a relationship, It applies.

只是它在你生活中的体现方式略有不同——你的生活其实已经很好了，而那些让你每天几乎难以承受的事情，只要有正确的支持，就能非常迅速地得到解决。

It just applies a little bit differently that your life is so good actually, and the things that are making it almost too painful to get through your day are things that can resolve very, very quickly with the right support.

当你知道自己在做什么时，你会惊讶于事情变化得有多快。

And so you'd be surprised at how quickly things can change when you know what you're doing.

你知道，这有点像办公文献中的专家——我不确定你们中有没有人研究过这个领域的文献，但本质上，让专家成为专家的是，他们能进入一个定义模糊的问题，立即识别出问题所在，并知道最有效的解决方案。

You know, it's kind of like the expert in office literature, like, I don't know if any of you are researchers in that domain know that literature, but essentially it's like what makes an expert an expert is that they can come into an ill defined problem, but identify immediately what the problem is and also know the most efficacious solution.

新手会感到困惑、分心，缺乏那种‘我以前做过这个，我以前来过这里’的直觉性感知，无法自然而然地沿着正确的路径前进，他们可能需要尝试几条不同的路径，试几种方法，才能找到问题所在，然后再尝试几种不同的解决方案来看哪种有效。

Where a novice gets confused, gets distracted, doesn't have kind of the tactile sense of like, I've done this before, I've been here before, like intuitively follow this path, they might have to go down a few paths, try a few things, and then find the problem, and then try a few different solutions to see what's going to work.

所以，如果你身处一个充满新手和初学者的领域，比如在CPTSD康复方面缺乏专业知识，那过程将会非常漫长，因为那里根本没有专家经验。

So if you're in that domain with a bunch of novices and beginners, non experts in CPTSD resolution, it's gonna take a long time because there's no expertise there.

但当你来到我这里，进入CPTSD疗愈体系时，情况就完全不同了——我立刻就能抓住你的核心问题，因为我的专业能力精准而敏锐，我们可以快速诊断，并几乎立即为你提供治疗。

But when you drop in to something like CPTSD medicine with me, it's like, boom, I've got you because the expertise is sharp, it's precise, like we can diagnose something quickly and get you the treatment almost immediately.

当这种情况发生时，如果你足够专注、投入，愿意承担责任并保持自律，你的康复进程就会变得非常、非常、非常、非常、非常迅速，这可能会让你感到惊讶。

And when that's happening and you're dedicated and devoted and meeting with accountability and responsibility, and you're gonna make it happen, things can happen so, so, so, so, so quickly in your healing, and that might be surprising to you.

所以，对于这种吸引点击的内容，我想说的就是这些。

So that's what I would say here for that click bait content.

非常感谢你今天收听我的CPTSD疗愈播客，无论你是通过Apple、Spotify还是其他任何播客平台收听。

Thank you so much for joining me today on the CPTSD Medicine podcast, whether you're listening to it on Apple or Spotify or any of the other podcast players.

如果某些内容触动了你，并且你已准备好超越每周的治疗、超越生存策略、超越冲突与心碎的循环，我诚挚邀请你走进‘幸福结局’。

If something resonated with you and you're ready to move beyond weekly therapy, beyond the survival strategies, beyond the cycles of conflict and heartbreak, I do wanna invite you into happily ever after.

正如我之前提到的，‘幸福结局’是我为期六个月的疗愈计划，也是唯一一个我们系统性地走完CPTSD疗愈协议各个阶段的地方。

As I mentioned before, happily ever after is my six month healing container, the only place where we walk through aspects of the CPTSD medicine healing protocol.

你会收到一份专为你定制的协议，邮寄到你家中，这样你就能拥有这份464页协议的个人副本，同时你也会在‘幸福结局’项目中获得团体和一对一的辅导。

You get a protocol for your personal use mailed to your home so you have your own copy of the four sixty four page protocol and you also would happily ever after receive group and one on one sessions.

这是一个通往稳定、安全的爱与真正自我领导的安全、结构化路径。

It's a safe structured pathway to stable secure love and true self leadership.

你不必再独自拼凑这些碎片，也不必再困惑为什么疗愈始终没有效果。

You do not have to keep piecing this together alone, and you do not have to keep wondering why healing has not worked.

申请链接在节目说明中。

The link to apply is in the show notes.

我爱你们。

I love you.

我爱你们。

I love you.

我他妈的爱你们。

I fucking love you.

我们下次再见。

Until next time.

我永远为你加油。

I'm cheering you on always.