你的想象力无法改变你的生活

嘿，大家好。

Hey, chat.

欢迎收听HealthyGamerGG播客。

Welcome to the HealthyGamerGG podcast.

我是医生。

I'm Doctor.

奥洛·卡努贾，但你可以叫我医生。

Olo Kanujia, but you can call me Doctor.

K。

K.

我是一名精神科医生、游戏玩家，也是HealthyGamer的联合创始人。

I'm a psychiatrist, gamer, and co founder of HealthyGamer.

在这个播客中，我们探讨数字时代的心理健康和生活，拆解复杂的概念，帮助你更好地了解自己和周围的世界。

On this podcast, we explore mental health and life in the digital age, breaking down big ideas to help you better understand yourself and the world around you.

那我们就直接开始吧。

So let's dive right in.

嘿，在今天的视频里，我们来聊聊你怎么会无意中阻碍自己进步，因为你忙着在幻想世界里解决问题，而不是在现实世界里解决问题。

Hey, In today's video, we're breaking down how you can accidentally prevent yourself from improving in life because you're too busy solving problems in a fantasy world instead of the real world.

这是很多人都在心理健康意识周期间问起的事情，我最初制作这个视频是作为医生K的抑郁症指南的一部分。

This is something that a lot of people have been asking about for Mental Illness Awareness Week, and I originally made this video as part of Doctor.

K的抑郁症指南。

K's Guide to Depression.

这是我注意到很多我的病人会做的事情。

It's something that I noticed a lot of my patients would do.

他们忙着在脑子里解决问题，而不是真正去解决现实世界的问题。

They'd be too busy solving the problems in their head in order to actually solve the problems in the real world.

抑郁症指南是医生K的心理健康指南的一部分，

The Guide to Depression is a piece of Doctor.

如果你们想了解更多，可以看看下面描述里的链接。

K's Guide to Mental Health, and if you all want to learn more, check out the link in the description below.

我们来聊聊我所说的“幻想陷阱”吧。

Let's talk a little bit about something that I call the fantasy trap.

有些自称抑郁的人，其实心里满是后悔。

For some people who describe themselves as depressed, what they really do is, like, have a bunch of regret.

他们的抑郁情绪，主要源于对过去行为的懊悔。

The quality of their depression is about regret over past actions.

所以他们常常回顾人生，嘴里念叨着类似‘我把一切都搞砸了’的话。

So they kinda look back in their life, and they they kinda will say things like, oh, I screwed it all up.

心想‘要是当初没做那件事，现在一切都会好得多’。

You know, if I hadn't done this, then everything would have been fine.

他们现在感到特别绝望，但这种绝望的根源在于过去发生的事。那些事太绝对、太不可逆转了，让他们觉得这辈子算是完了。

And they re feel really hopeless now, But the nature of their hopelessness was that something happened in the past, and what happened in the past was so definitive, was so final, that they're kind of screwed for the rest of their life.

所以他们的思维会死死盯着那份后悔，反复纠结于过去的错误。

And so what their mind does is really focuses on that regret, focuses on that mistake in the past.

他们会陷入我所谓的“早知道、本来可以、要是当初”的思维陷阱里。

And they have this case of what I call the shoulda, woulda, coulda's.

如果你跟他们聊天，他们会说类似这样的话：哎呀，要是当时我做了那件事，要是我能那样做，要是我当时选了那条路，今天的一切都会不一样。

And so they kind of Their mind, if you talk to them, they'll say things like, Oh, if I had done this, if I could have done this, if I would have done that, then everything would be different today.

而且很多时候，这些人也活在一个幻想的世界里。

And oftentimes, these people also live in kind of like a world of fantasy.

所以在他们脑海里，他们总是想着今天要是不同会怎样，他们想象着，哎呀，如果我没犯那些错，现在的生活得多棒啊。

So in their mind, they kind of are constantly thinking about how things would be different today, and they kind of imagine like, oh, if I hadn't made those mistakes, imagine how awesome my life would be now.

所以他们的心思就活在这种幻想里。

And so their mind kind of lives in this fantasy.

他们不去做点什么，反而陷在我说的这个幻想陷阱里。

And instead of sort of doing anything about it, they kind of are stuck in this, what I call a fantasy trap.

所以我们首先要做的就是明白，好。

So the first thing that we have to do is understand, okay.

比如，幻想的本质是什么？

Like, what is the nature of fantasy?

幻想在我们的脑海里是怎么运作的？

How does fantasy work in our mind?

这里我想分享一下我自己的经历。

And this is where I'm gonna share a little bit about my own experience.

我记得，小时候我经常幻想。

So I remember, you know, when I used to fantasize a lot as a kid.

那时候我年纪小，而且总的来说，很瘦弱。

So I u I was young and, generally speaking, scrawny.

所以我在学校经常被欺负。

So I would get bullied a lot in school.

我记得很清楚，就像昨天发生的一样。

And so I remember I kind of remember it like it was yesterday.

当我被欺负的时候，那些孩子都比我高大。

When I get bullied, these kids would be bigger than me.

有时候他们甚至比我大一两岁。

Sometimes they were like one or even two years older.

所以被那个大孩子欺负的时候，我感到非常非常难过，也为自己感到羞耻。

And so I'd get bullied by this big kid, and I would feel like really, really sad and ashamed of myself.

被欺负的时候，你会感觉特别糟糕。

You feel so bad when you get bullied.

大家都在嘲笑你。

Everyone's laughing at you.

然后那个欺负你的人和其他人觉得打你打腻了，就走开了。

And then the bully and everyone else kind of gets bored of beating up on you, and they kind of walk away.

我坐在那里忍着眼泪，觉得自己很糟糕，然后我的脑子就开始想。

And I'd be sitting there holding back my tears, feeling really bad about myself, and then my mind would start to think.

开始想我要怎么去学武术，对吧？

It'd start to think about how I'm going to learn martial arts, right?

就像超级功夫小子那样。

It's going be like super karate kid up in here.

我要学会怎么保护自己。

And I'm going to learn how to defend myself.

然后有一天那个欺负我的人会出现，我要给他点颜色看看。

And then one day the bully's going to show up, and I'm going to teach him a lesson.

事情就会这样发展。

That's what's going to happen.

然后我要把他揍一顿，然后大家都会开始欢呼。

And then I'm going to kick his ass, and then everyone's going to start cheering.

然后有点奇怪，但我就在操场上，感到一种胜利的感觉。

And then it's kind of bizarre, but there I am on the playground, and I feel this sense of triumph.

这真的很奇怪，因为我刚刚被欺负了。

Which is really bizarre because I just got bullied.

但我的脑海里，突然，我感觉自己好极了。

But my mind now, suddenly, I feel so good about myself.

我觉得自己很正义，正义得到了伸张，他会得到应有的报应。

I feel righteous, and there's justice, and he's going to get what he deserves.

而我就是那个给他报应的人。

And I'm going to be the one to give it to him.

所以我感觉自己好极了。

So I feel so good about myself.

如果你停下来想一想，刚才到底发生了什么？

If you stop and think about it, like, what the heck just happened there?

刚才我还觉得自己很丢脸。

There I was feeling ashamed about myself.

刚才我还觉得自己特别糟糕，然后我的脑子就跟我玩了个小把戏。

There I was feeling so negative about myself, and my mind played this little trick on me.

我的脑子开始幻想起来。

My mind started to fantasize.

那负面情绪去哪儿了呢？

And then what happened to the negative emotion?

它突然变成了一种胜利的感觉。

It suddenly became a sense of triumph.

所以首先要明白的是，幻想是我们大脑处理负面情绪、把它转化成积极情绪的一种方式。

So the first thing to understand is that fantasy is our mind's way of taking a negative emotion and transforming it into something positive.

把那种负面情绪，然后在脑子里过一遍那个小剧本，当下就会觉得轻松一些。

Taking that negative emotion, and then when we run through that little script in our mind, we kind of feel relieved in the present.

那这又有什么问题呢？

And why is that even a problem?

所以如果我们仔细想想，幻想其实挺酷的。

So if we really think about it, fantasy is pretty cool.

它就像一种应对负面情绪的方式。

It's like a way of coping with negative emotions.

你可以想象事情如果不一样会怎样，然后你会自我感觉良好。

You can kind of imagine how things would have been different, and then you feel good about yourself.

甚至那些带着遗憾走进我办公室的人，他们也会幻想，对吧？

And even those people who come into my office filled with regret, when they fantasize, they imagine, right?

他们在那儿想，天哪，我的生活糟透了。

So there they are thinking, oh my god, my life is terrible.

我把一切都搞砸了。

I screwed it all up.

充满了大量的负面情绪。

Tons and tons of negative emotion.

所以当他们幻想时，他们会想，哦，想象一下事情本来可以怎样。

And so when they fantasize, they think, oh, imagine how things could have been.

我本来会有很多朋友的。

I would have had tons of friends.

我本来会非常成功的。

I would have been super successful.

我本来会，你知道的，找到下一家科技公司，或者开发出第一个加密货币，要是那样的话，天哪，那该多棒啊。

I would have been you know, I would have found that next tech company, or I would have developed the first crypto coin if only oh, man, that would be so awesome.

然后他们就会自我感觉良好。

And they feel good about themselves.

那这有什么问题呢？

So then what's the problem with that?

为什么这是坏事？

Why is that a bad thing?

因为当我们幻想时，大脑显然把负面情绪转化成了正面情绪。

Because our mind clearly transforms negative emotion into positive emotion when we fantasize.

这之所以是个问题，是因为我们大部分的能量、学习动力和很多动力其实都来自负面情绪。

The reason that's a problem is because most of our energy, most of our learning, and a lot of our motivation actually comes from negative emotion.

如果你看看是什么推动人类前进的，通常是负面情绪。

If you look at what spurs human beings forward, it's usually negative emotion.

而且即使我们看看大脑，我们会发现，体验负面情绪的大脑区域实际上与大脑的学习中心非常非常接近，并且联系紧密。

And And even if we look at our brain, what we find is the parts of our brain that experience negative emotion are actually very, very close to and quite connected with the learning centers of the brain.

你很容易理解这一点：如果你在一家餐厅有十次好的体验，但第十一次在那里吃饭时生病了，你就不会再想去那家餐厅了。

And you'll understand this very easily if you have like 10 good experiences at one restaurant, but then the eleventh time you get sick when you eat there, you're not going to want to eat at that restaurant again.

因为我们的思维学到了很多，而且我们的很多行为实际上是由负面情绪决定的。

Because our mind learns so much, and so much of our behavior is actually dictated by our negative emotion.

而且我们的杏仁核，它体验了我们很多负面情绪，在大脑中正好紧挨着海马体。

And our amygdala, which experiences so much of our negative emotion, is literally right up against our hippocampus in our brain.

所以大脑中负面情绪部分和学习部分之间的联系非常非常强。

So the connections are very, very strong between the negative emotional parts of our brain and the learning parts of our brain.

所以现在我们就能明白为什么陷入幻想陷阱的人会卡住，对吧？

And so now we can see why people who are in the fantasy trap are kind of stuck, right?

因为与其利用那种负面情绪来推动自己前进，与其利用那种负面情绪来真正改变自己的行为和生活，当他们陷入幻想陷阱时，他们就像是拔掉了那种负面情绪的插头。

Because instead of using that negativity to spur them forward, instead of using that negativity to actually change their behavior and make a change in their life, when they engage in the fantasy trap, they sort of pull the plug on that negative emotion.

这种情绪就慢慢消散了，结果他们什么也没做，生活一点没改变。

It kind of drains away, and then they end up doing nothing to fix their life.

其实我们在其他让人分心的事情上也能看到同样的现象。

And this is also what we see in other kinds of distracting things.

比如说打游戏、吸毒，当我们对自己感觉不好，然后去打游戏或者吸毒的时候，大脑的情绪中心就被关闭了，结果我们根本不会去改变自己的生活。

So for example, video games and substances, when we feel bad about ourselves and we play these video games where we use substances, it shuts down our emotional centers of the brain, and then we actually don't make any changes in our life.

所以理解幻想陷阱的第一点就是，它用正面情绪替代了负面情绪。

So this is the first thing to understand about the fantasy trap, is that it replaces negative emotion with positive emotion.

而当我们用正面情绪替代了负面情绪，实际上就剥夺了自己很多推动生活积极改变的动力。

And when we replace that negative emotion with positive emotion, we actually deprive ourselves of a lot of fuel to actually make positive changes in our life.

那我们就简单看一下，画个图来说明，好吗？

So let's just kind of take a quick look at this and kind of diagram it out, Okay?

比如现在，我对自己感到很难过。

So here I am feeling sad about myself in the present.

哎呀，不好。

Oh, no.

看看我这一生搞砸了多少事。

Look at how much I screwed up in life.

我犯了那么多错，注定就是个失败者。

I made so many mistakes, and I am destined to be loser.

然后我们就会一直想着这些遗憾。

So then what happens is we're thinking about all of this regret.

对吧？

Okay?

那幻想陷阱会怎么做呢？

And so then what does the fantasy trap do?

我们正觉得自己不行，它就把历史改写了，对吧？

There we are feeling bad about ourselves, and it rewrites history, right?

于是我们脑子里就冒出另一个版本的故事，要是当初我这么做，要是当初我那么做，生活就会不一样，我也不会是现在这个样子。

So then we come up with this other history in our mind, where if I had done this differently, if I had done that differently, then life would be different, and I wouldn't be the person that I am today.

所以首先你会注意到情绪上的变化，对吧？

And so the first thing that that does is we notice the emotional change, right?

这边是负面情绪，那边是正面情绪。

Here's the negative emotion, and here's the positive emotion.

所以即使这样做，我们也剥夺了自己一部分来自负面能量的动力。

So even by doing this, what we've done is deprive ourselves of some of that motivation that comes from negative energy.

这还有另一个能量层面的因素，那就是大脑不可能什么都做。

There's another energetic component to this as well, which is that simply the mind can't do everything.

我们的大脑能量有限，一次只能处理或专注于一件事。

So our mind has a limited amount of energy, and we can only fix or focus or expend our energy thinking about one thing at a time.

那么想想这个场景，我们实际上把脑力花在了哪里？

So if we think about this scenario, what have we actually spent our mental energy doing?

我们把脑力花在了改写历史上。

We've spent our mental energy to rewrite history.

接下来我要说的真的让人困惑，因为它实在太简单了。

And this is a really what I'm about to say next is really confusing because it's so damn simple.

但改写历史永远不会让你的生活变得更好。

But rewriting history is never gonna make your life better.

你根本不可能改写历史。

You literally cannot rewrite history.

现在就是现在。

The present is the present.

你的生活就是你的生活。

Your life is your life.

所以当你花上十到十五分钟，把心里的能量都耗在这上面，因为想想你在做什么，对吧？

So when you spend ten or fifteen minutes dumping the energy in your mind because think what you're doing here, right?

你在做大量的解决问题。

You're doing so much problem solving.

你在想，好吧，如果我当时做了这个，那现在就会不一样。

You're thinking, okay, if I had done this, then this would be different.

如果我当时做了那个，那现在就会不一样。

If I had done this, then this would be different.

你的大脑实际上是在用解决问题的能量，把过去改造成一个假设的现在。

Your mind is literally spending your problem solving energy to change the past into a hypothetical present.

然后问题就变成了，你接下来该怎么办？

And then the question becomes, where do you go from here?

你从这儿哪儿也去不了，因为那不是真的。

You can't go anywhere from here because that's not real.

那只是个幻想。

It's a fantasy.

当你的大脑改写历史时，它会创造一个虚假的现在，而你所有的精力都花在了这上面。

When your mind rewrites history, it creates a false present, and you spent all of your energy in doing this.

所以这就是你被困住的第二个原因，因为你把所有的精力都用来创造一个虚假的现在，而从一个虚假的现在出发，你实际上哪儿也去不了。

And so this is the second reason that you stay stuck, because you expend all of your energy to create a false present, and you can't actually move anywhere from a false present.

那么现在问题就变成了，我们该怎么应对这个幻想陷阱呢？

So now the question becomes, what do we do about the fantasy trap?

我们怎么才能改变现状？

How do we change things?

首先要明白的是，你必须忍受负面情绪。

The first thing to understand is that you have to tolerate negative emotion.

所以我想让大家注意一下，当你觉得自己不好的时候，观察你的思绪回到过去，观察它如何改写历史。

So what I want you all to do is to notice that when you're feeling bad about yourself, watch your mind go back to the past and watch your mind rewrite history.

我希望你们试着停止这样做，就待在当下的那种负面情绪里。

And I want you to try to stop doing that and just sit with that negativity in the moment.

一开始可能会觉得特别难以承受。

It can be really overwhelming at first.

但就只是和那些消极的想法待在一起。

But just sit with those negative thoughts.

好的。

Okay.

我犯过错误。

I made mistakes.

我现在的生活不是很好。

My life isn't very good right now.

然后我们要做的是问自己：我现在要怎么做？

And then what we're gonna do is ask yourselves, what am I gonna do now?

所以，不要问自己这个问题，因为你的思绪会往那边跑。

So instead of asking yourself because this is where your mind goes.

我本来应该怎么做才不一样？

What should I have done differently?

因为这个问题你想问多少次都行。

Because you can ask that question as many times as you want to.

那会让你感觉很好。

It's gonna feel really good.

你可以一直纠结过去，但今天永远不会改变。

You can problem solve the past until the end of time, and it will never change today.

所以，与其问自己或纠结于本该怎么做，不如问自己：我现在要做什么？

So instead of asking yourself or focusing on what you should have done, ask yourself, what am I gonna do now?

所以我们真正想让你做的是，不要回头看过去，因为这就是抑郁的问题所在，记住，我们的思绪总是停留在过去一切顺利的时候，然后改写现在，制造一个虚假的未来。我们要做的是把那股能量转向未来，对吧，问自己：我现在能做什么？

So what we really want you to do is instead of looking to the past, because this is the problem in depression, remember, is that our mind is focused on the past when things were okay and then rewriting to the present and creating a false future, what we wanna do is redirect that energy to looking forward, right, and asking yourself, what can I do now?

因为你的认知能量应该用在这里。

Because this is where your cognitive energy needs to go.

你需要专注于当下。

You need to be focused on the present.

每个人都说，兄弟，要活在当下。

And everyone says, focus on the present, man.

哥们，活在当下吧。

Live in the present, bro.

这听起来太棒了。

And it's so awesome.

我们会变得很有正念，就像活在当下一样。

We're gonna be so mindful, and we're like living in the present.

比如，我试着活在当下，所以我不付账单，不倒垃圾，因为我就是在活在当下。

Like, I try to live life in the present, which is why I don't pay my bills and I don't take out the trash because I'm living life in the present.

人们没有意识到的是，活在当下其实很糟糕。

What people don't realize is that living in the present sucks.

这很残酷，因为当你活在当下时，你必须坐在那里，承认你做过的一切烂事和你现在的处境，而且从这一点向前走并不容易。

It's brutal because when you live in the present, you have to sit there and acknowledge all the crap that you've done and where you are, and that moving forward from this point is not easy.

活在当下之所以这么难，就是因为活在当下本身就很糟糕。

The reason it's so damn hard to live in the present is because living in the present is terrible.

但我们还是得这么做。

But we've still got to do it.

这是我们唯一的出路。

It's our only way forward.

我知道这听起来很奇怪。

I know it sounds really bizarre.

又是一个听起来特别深奥、特别显而易见的说法。

Another one of those super profound statements that sounds so obvious.

挺蠢的。

It's dumb.

你实际上除了当下，哪儿也活不了。

You can't live anywhere except for the present, literally.

我现在唯一能做的就是动动我的手。

The only thing that I can do is move my hand around now.

我无法改变一分钟前做过的事，也无法改变一分钟后要做的事。

I can't move what I did a minute ago, and I can't move what I'm going to do a minute from now.

唯一能采取行动的时刻就是当下。

The only time action can be taken is from the present.

而幻想陷阱的问题在于，它让我们逃离了当下。

And the problem with the fantasy trap is that it lets us get out of the present.

它让我们不必去面对当下。

It absolves us of dealing with the present.

当下。

Present.

如果它让我们不必面对当下，那我们就无法真正向前迈进。

And if it absolves us of dealing with the present, we can't actually move forward.

你也可以对未来抱有幻想，对吧？

You can also create fantasies in the future, right?

你可以说，哦，如果我今天做了这件事，那想象一下未来会是什么样子。

You can say, oh, if I did this today, then imagine what the future would be like.

但问题是，任何行动都得在当下采取。

But the problem is that any action has to be taken in the present.

所以，如果我们想克服幻想陷阱，就不要从过去切换到未来。

So if we want to overcome the fantasy trap, we don't want to switch from the past to the future.

记住，我们问自己的问题是：我今天要做什么？

Remember, the question that we ask ourself is, what do I do today?

好吧，行。

Okay, fine.

我处于这个境地，这境地很糟糕。

I'm in this place, and this place sucks.

我现在要对此做些什么？

What am I going to do about it now?

你不要问自己最终会走到哪里。

You don't ask yourself where you're going to wind up.

别担心结果。

Don't worry about the outcome.

问问自己，我需要迈出的第一步是什么？

Ask yourself, What is the first step that I need to take?

接下来我需要做什么？

What is the next step that I need to take?

现在这一刻，我需要做什么？

What is the step that I need to take right now?

感谢你今天加入我们。

Thanks for joining us today.

我们在这里是为了帮助你了解自己的内心，过上更好的生活。

We're here to help you understand your mind and live a better life.

如果你喜欢这次对话，记得订阅。

If you enjoyed the conversation, be sure to subscribe.

下次再见，照顾好自己，也照顾好彼此。

Until next time, take care of yourselves and each other.