第 288 集：害怕增重，却又害怕停滞不前？改变一切的循证公式🧠

嘿，姑娘，欢迎回到《她最好的自己》播客。

Hey girl, welcome back to the Her Best Self Pod.

我是林赛·尼科尔。

I'm Lindsey Nichol.

今天能和你在一起，我简直太激动了，而且今天我要直接对你说话。

I'm so freaking excited to be with you today and today I'm talking directly to you.

如果你对这两件事感到害怕的话。

If these two things terrify you.

第一，体重增加；第二，原地踏步，一点变化都没有。

Number one, gaining weight, and number two, staying exactly where you are right now.

姐妹，如果你这些年不是在康复，而是在混乱的思维中打转，被扭曲的想法驱使着做出扭曲的行为，现在你真的想挣脱这一切，那这一集就是为你准备的。

Sis, if you have spent years, not in recovery, but in a disordered mind with disordered thoughts creating disordered behaviors, and you are ready to do anything to break free from it, then today's episode is for you.

但真正困住你的，其实是这个。

But here's what's keeping you stuck.

你一边想获得自由，一边又不肯放下那个被困在紊乱中的自己。

You're trying to have freedom while still being the person that is trapped in the disorder.

我建议你认真听下去，我会分享一个能彻底改变你生活的公式。

I encourage you to listen in, I'm gonna be sharing a formula that is going to change everything for you.

咱们开始吧。

Let's do this.

嘿，姑娘，欢迎来到《她的最佳自我》播客。

Hey girl, welcome to the Her Best Self Podcast.

我是林赛·尼科尔，前花样滑冰运动员，完美主义者，如今成了被上帝引导的不完美妈妈，同时也是数字领域的CEO。

I'm Lindsey Nichol, former competitive figure skater and perfectionist, turned god led imperfect boy mom and digital CEO.

如果你总是忍不住想食物，怀疑自己是否有一天能摆脱那些控制你生活的强迫性想法和行为，那这个播客就是为你准备的——因为我完全懂那种被困在饮食失调恶性循环里的狼狈感。

If you find yourself constantly thinking about food and wondering if you'll wake up one day free from the obsessive thoughts and behaviors controlling your life, then I've created this podcast for you because I know exactly what it's like to be a downright hot mess trapped in a destructive cycle of disordered eating.

我最终找到了自由，你也可以，亲爱的。

I finally found freedom, and you can too, girlfriend.

如果你准备好切断和食物、身材的纠缠，打破控制的枷锁，活出最好的自己，那就拿上你最爱的Target笔记本，咱们现在就开始，让你真正过上属于你的最佳人生。

So if you're ready to kill your relationship with food and body and break the chains of control and show up in your best health, then grab your favorite Tarjay journal, and let's get to it so you can start living your best life as your best self.

嘿，朋友，欢迎回来。

Hey friend, welcome back to the show.

今天能有你在这里，我真的很开心。

I'm so happy to have you today.

我们马上就开始。

We're gonna dive right in.

今天我要分享的是‘成为-行动-拥有’这个公式。

Today I'm sharing the Be-Do- Have formula.

如果你以前没听过，一定要记下来。

You are going to want to write this down if you have never heard of it before.

但如果你真的准备好摆脱饮食失调的束缚，就得有勇气停止为过去的生活自我折磨。

But if you are truly ready to break the chains of an eating disorder life, then you have to be brave enough to stop starving yourself for your old life.

大多数人想法都弄反了。

Most people have this backwards.

他们觉得，等我有了自由，才能开始康复行为，然后才能成为康复的人。

They think when I have freedom, then I'll do recovery behaviors and then I'll be a recovered person.

但大脑不是这样运作的，改变也不是这样发生的。

But that is not how our brains work and it is not how transformation works.

史蒂芬·柯维最早在一本你可能听过的书里提出了这个Be-Do-Have模型。

Stephen Covey first introduced the Be-Do-Have formula in a common book that maybe you've heard of.

那本书叫《高效能人士的七个习惯》。

It is The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

认知行为心理学和身份导向的习惯改变研究都证实了这一点。

The research from cognitive behavioral psychology and identity based habit change shows this.

你首先要成为你想成为的那个人。

You first must become the person that you want to be.

然后你就会像那个人一样去做事，自然就能得到你想要的东西。

Then you do what that person does and you'll have what you want.

得到那个人所拥有的一切。

You'll have what that person has.

真没想到，研究居然真的能证明这一点。

It's so wild to me that research actually proves this.

每一个行动，都是在为你想成为的那种人投上一票。

Every action is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.

要改变现状，最有效的方法不是盯着你想要达成的目标，而是思考你必须成为怎样的人，才能实现它。

And the most effective way to change it isn't to focus on what you want to achieve, but on who you wish to become in order to achieve it.

不过，用康复领域的说法来理解，我不打算说得太深，你就这么想吧。

In recovery terms though, without getting too deep here, I want you to think about it like this.

你得先成为那个对摆脱饮食失调无比执着的女人。

You must be the woman who is obsessed with freedom from an eating disorder.

就是那种已经真正摆脱了它的人。

Like you have to be the woman who's free from it.

然后，你得像她那样，每天去做她做的事。

Then you have to do what she does daily.

这样，你才能拥有你现在还没有的那样的生活。

And then you have the life that you want, that you don't currently have right now.

但别光听我说，你自己去验证。

But don't just take my word for it.

支持这个观点的研究，简直令人惊叹。

The research backing this up is incredible.

医生。

Doctor.

詹姆斯·克利尔的研究表明，那些说自己是注重滋养身体的人，成功几率比那些只说“我希望吃得更好”的人高出百分之四十。

James Clear's studies show that people who say, I am someone who nourishes my body, actually have forty percent higher success rates than those who say I just wish I could eat better.

斯坦福大学的医生。

And Stanford's Doctor.

艾莉亚·克鲁姆发现，当人们把自己当成照顾身体的人时，即使行为上没有任何改变，他们的生理状态也会随之发生改变。

Alia Crum found that when people adopted the identity of someone who takes care of their body, their physiology actually changed to match that identity when they did nothing different physically.

你听懂我的意思了吗？

Do you hear me?

这太惊人了。

It's wild.

在饮食失调研究领域，为了给你一个具体实在的例子，来看看这项研究：

And in eating disorder research specifically, because I wanted to give you a really good tangible example of what has been done research wise here, Doctor.

珍妮特·特雷莎发现，那些把自己视为“已经康复的人”——而不仅仅是“希望康复”或“想要康复”的女性，长期康复的成功率要高得多。

Janet Treasure found that women who focused on being a recovered person, not just wanting to be recovered, not just wanting recovery, but being a recovered person, had significantly higher long term success rates.

你看啊，朋友，你的大脑真的会根据你对自己身份的定义重新调整连接。

You see friend, your brain literally rewires to support the identity that you claim over your life.

就这么简单。

It's that simple.

当你开始把自己当成一个信任自己的女人，一个信守承诺的女人，一个尊重并滋养身体的女人时，你的大脑和神经通路就会自动支持这个身份，产生相应的想法和行为。

And when you start being the woman who trusts herself, when you start being the woman who keeps her promises, when you start being the woman who is respecting and nourishing her body, your brain, your neural pathways, they start supporting that identity with matching thoughts and behaviors.

如果你也问过自己这个问题——我的客户常问，我自己也问过：为什么我会有这么多念头？

So if you've asked yourself the question of which my clients ask and I've asked myself the same questions, why is it that I have all these thoughts?

为什么这些念头就是挥之不去？

Why won't these thoughts go away?

你有没有试过想想，一个康复中的人会怎么想？

Have you tried thinking what a recovered person would be thinking?

你的第一个念头，并不一定非得由你来负责，明白吗？

Your thought, your first thought is not necessarily your responsibility, okay?

这背后也有科学依据。

And there's science to back that up too.

但我完全相信，你的第二个念头，你是有能力去重新解读的。

But I fully believe that your second thought, you have the power to reframe.

我希望你能成为那个完全信任自己身体的女人。

I want you to be the woman who trusts her body completely.

要做到这一点，你必须毫无犹豫地吃东西。

And in order to do that, you have to eat without negotiation.

你必须安心休息，不再感到内疚。

You have to rest without guilt.

你必须坦然地占据空间，不必道歉。

You have to take up space without apology.

那你会得到什么回报呢？

And what are you going to have in return?

身体的平静、思维的清晰，以及内心真正渴望的自由。

Body peace, mental clarity, and all the freedom your heart desires.

所以在康复过程中，这意味着成为那个此刻就重视滋养自己的女人。

So what this looks like in recovery is being the woman who values nourishment right now.

做那些难做的事。

Doing the hard thing.

没错，这可能意味着你选择吃几年没碰过的烤肉，或者咬一口蛋糕，又或者干脆不去健身房。

Yes, that might look like choosing a carve that you haven't had in years, or having a bite of the cake, or skipping the gym.

姐妹，如果你想拥有充沛的精力、真正的快乐，以及在自己生活中的存在感，不想因为别人盯着你而害怕、困惑、觉得格格不入，连生日派对或婚礼都不敢参加，那你得成为什么样的人？

Sis, in order to have the energy and the joy and the presence in your own life, if you want to be someone that isn't going to go to a birthday party or a wedding scared or confused or feeling out of place because people are staring at you, then who do you need to be?

那你现在该做些什么？

And what do you need to do right now?

把它想象成一名运动员。

Think of it like an athlete.

要想成为奥运选手，你得从现在开始训练，像奥运选手那样思考、那样行动。

In order to be someone who's an Olympian, you have to start training and being that person and doing what they're doing now.

我们社会里那些顶尖的运动员，并不是因为还没到达目标才成为现在的样子，对吧？

These massive athletes in our society didn't get to where they were going because they haven't yet gotten there, right?

他们从一开始就按已经达成目标的样子去训练。

They trained as if they had already accomplished the thing that they were wanting.

我知道这在我们脑子里确实有点难搞。

And I know that can be a little tricky in our brain.

但最让人害怕的是这一点。

But here's the scary part.

你得在还没准备好之前，就开始活出她的样子。

You have to start being her before you're ready.

这正是让我们一直原地踏步的根本原因。

That's what keeps us stuck ultimately.

在看到成果之前，在看到金牌之前，在身体还没觉得自然之前，你现在正在做什么？你现在需要成为谁，才能得到你想要的东西？

Before you see the results, before you see the gold medal, before it feels natural in your body, what are you doing right now and who do you need to be right now in order to have what it is that you want?

我的康复过程，我那混乱的思维，让我完全搞不清自己到底想要什么。

And my recovery, my disordered brain had me so confused about what I wanted.

我长期活在孤立中，一直相信自己脑子里那些谎言。

I had been living in isolation for so long, believing my own mind and lies for so long.

我以为半死不活的生活，就是人生最好的状态了。

And I thought that half life was as good as it gets.

我宁愿一直这样，过得还行但很痛苦，瘦了但还是痛苦，过得还行但依然痛苦，也不愿过别的生活。

Like I would rather be okay and miserable and okay and miserable and skinny and miserable and okay and miserable than any other way of living.

所以当我真正下定决心要夺回自己的人生、摆脱那种状态时，我做了一个练习，真的帮我走出了自己的思维怪圈。

So when I got serious about taking my life back and getting out of that state, I did an exercise that truly helped get me out of my own mind.

你可以在手机的备忘录里做，或者用任何你习惯的方式记录、写日记。

You can do this on your notes app, on your phone, or however you document, journal.

我觉得写日记这种事特别让人平静，但人们往往不够重视它。

I feel like it is such a tranquil thing that people do not give enough respect to.

于是我拿出日记本里的一张纸，把所有我不再想要的东西全都写了下来。

But I literally got out a sheet of paper in my journal and I wrote everything down that I didn't want anymore.

因为当你在思考自己该成为什么样的人、想要什么、该做什么才能达成目标时，真的很容易陷入混乱。

Because it can be really hard when you're thinking about who you need to be and what you want and what are the things you need to do and to achieve that.

当你长期生活在孤立和混乱中，你的大脑根本没法正常运转。

It can be really hard when you've been living in the isolation and the dysfunction because your brain's not even like operating on all four cylinders.

于是我拿出笔记本里的一张纸，问自己：我到底不想再要什么？

But I got out a sheet of paper in my notebook and I said, what do I not want?

我知道我不再想计算卡路里了。

Well, I knew I didn't want to calculate calories.

我不再想因为害怕食物而躲开和别人的聚餐。

I knew I didn't want to avoid dinners with people because food felt scary.

我不再想在精疲力尽的时候还强迫自己运动——我已经对这种状态厌倦透了。

I knew that I didn't want to exercise when I was exhausted because I was simply exhausted of it.

我不再想因为担心周围有食物而错过生活中的点滴。

And I didn't want to miss out on life because I would be scared that food would be around.

我不想再整天内疚了。

I didn't want to feel guilty all the time.

我不想再时刻想着体重，事事都要量得精确。

I didn't want to constantly be thinking about my weight and measuring every single thing.

我不想再活在永无止境的妥协里。

And I didn't want to live my life from a place of constant negotiation.

这份清单，就成了我的指南。

And that list sis became my roadmap.

因为当你长期处于饮食失调的状态时，有时必须先明确自己正在远离什么，才能看清前方的方向。

Because when you've been disordered for so long, sometimes you need to define what you're moving away from in order to see where you're headed.

因为那种状态真的容易变得麻木、阴暗又混乱。

Because it can get really jaded and dark and cloudy.

斯坦福大学心理学家艾莉亚·克鲁姆博士的研究发现，

Research from Stanford psychologist, Doctor.

当人们接纳一种新的身份时，他们的行为会自动向这个身份靠拢，甚至在有意识做出改变之前就已经开始了。

Alia Crum, she studied when people adopt a new identity, their behaviors automatically align with that identity even before they consciously choose different actions.

这难道不让人惊讶吗？

Isn't that wild?

如果你现在的身份是：我是个对食物失控的女人，或者我必须掌控一切，或者我有缺陷、永远不够好，又或者我是那个瘦弱的朋友——

So if your current identity might be, I'm the woman who struggles with food, or I'm the one that has to control everything, or I'm broken or I'm never enough or I'm the skinny friend.

不管你现在认同的是哪种身份，要想摆脱长期饥饿的状态，你的康复身份就必须时刻摆在心头。

Whatever that identity is for you currently, in order to change your life from settling in the starving state, Your recovery identity has to be something that you constantly keep front of mind.

我是那个在食物面前能信任自己的女人。

I'm the woman who trusts herself around food.

我是那个相信自己身体的人。

I'm the woman who trusts her body.

我是会好好照顾自己的人。

I'm someone who nourishes herself well.

我正在愈合，我完整，我很好，我安全。

I'm healing and I'm whole and I'm okay and I'm safe.

当你开始真正活出那个样子的时候，奇迹就会发生。

You see the magic happens when you start being her right now.

不是等你感觉康复了，而是现在就这么做。

Not when you feel recovered, but right now.

我知道这很让人害怕。

I know this is scary.

我曾经也坐在你现在的位置上。

I've sat where you are.

不加限制地吃东西，确实让人害怕。

Eating without restriction, it feels scary.

你感觉就像要躲进衣柜里，抱着一罐花生酱。

It feels like you were gonna hide in the closet with a peanut butter jar.

休息一下都觉得害怕。

Resting feels scary.

你觉得自己会彻底融化，所有辛苦练出来的肌肉和成果都会一下子消失不见。

It feels like you're gonna melt away and all of the muscles and everything you've worked so hard to achieve is just simply gonna vanish.

相信自己的身体，感觉就像从悬崖上跳下去。

Trusting your body says it feels like jumping off a cliff.

但我得问你一个问题。

But let me ask you something.

什么更可怕？

What is scarier?

是改变，还是这辈子就一直待在原地不动？

Changing or staying exactly where you are for the rest of your life?

对我来说，长胖很可怕，但浪费更多时间、更多年头、更多当下，更可怕。

For me, gaining weight was scary, but losing more time, more years, more moments was scarier.

康复的未知让人害怕，但永远被困在痛苦里，反而更可怕。

The unknown of recovery was scary, but the known misery of staying trapped forever was scarier.

你现在已经生活在最坏的情况里了。

You're already living your worst case scenario.

你意识到这一点了吗？

Did you know that?

我们总以为前路会比现在艰难得多，于是找借口、讨价还价，告诉自己至少眼前的痛苦是熟悉的。

It's like we think that it's going to get so much harder than where we are and so we rationalize and we negotiate and we say at least is the devil I know.

姐妹，你早就活在自己的噩梦里了。

Sis, you're already living your nightmare.

康复才是出路。

Recovery is the way out.

它不该是让你害怕或恐惧的东西。

Not the thing to be scared of, not the thing to be fearful of.

所以我想请你做一件事。

So here's what I want you to do.

第一步，搞清楚你是谁。

Step one, get clear on who you are.

这就是你康复后最好的样子。

This is the recovered best version of you.

她是怎么表现的？

How does she show up?

她相信什么？

What does she believe?

她怎么对待自己？

How does she treat herself?

她常说的是哪些话？

What are the things she says?

她的价值观是什么？

What are her values?

第二步，我要你根据康复后的自己做一个决定。

Step two, I want you to make one decision from your recovered identity.

那个从未被进食障碍影响过的、真正自由的你，此刻会怎么做？

What would the free version, the free version, the version that never even knew an eating disorder lived inside of your mind, do right now?

她会怎么做？

What would she do?

然后就照着去做。

And then do it.

记住，你必须先行动，才能得到你想要的，而不是等有了结果才去行动。

Remember, you have to be do in order to have what it is that you want, not the other way around.

第三步，别再讨价还价了。

Step three, I want you to stop negotiating.

你不需要纠结要不要吃午饭，因为那个康复后的你，根本不会纠结这个问题。

You don't debate whether to eat lunch because the recovered doesn't debate whether to eat lunch.

你也不用算自己有没有资格休息，因为康复后的你，不需要用努力去换取休息，她只是自然地活着。

You don't calculate in your mind if you've earned rest because the recovered you, she doesn't have to earn rest, she just lives.

就这样去做，别再讨价还价了。

Start doing that and stop negotiating.

最后，第四步，你要做好心理准备，因为你的旧身份会拼死抵抗。

And lastly, step number four, I want you to expect discomfort because your old identity is going to fight like H E double hockey sticks.

这太正常了。

That is so normal.

那个饮食失调的声音会想把你拖回去。

That eating disorder voice is going to try to take you out.

但你还是要继续做那个康复后的自己。

Keep being her anyway.

做最好的那个你。

Your best recovered self.

现实是这样的。

Here's the reality.

你本不该过着挨饿的生活。

You are not meant to live a starved life.

你本不该忍受饥饿。

You are not meant to be starving.

当我这么说的时候，你可能会说：‘我没饿啊。’

And when I say that and you go, Well, I'm not hungry.

我没挨饿。

I'm not starving.

这是饮食失调的思维在作怪。

That is the Ed brain.

我说的饥饿，是指缺乏食物、缺乏快乐、缺乏当下的感受，以及无法完整地体验作为一个活生生的人在这颗星球上的生活。

I'm talking about starved of food, starved of joy, starved of presence and full experience of being a human on this planet.

我列的那些我不想要的东西，后来成了我的自由指南，因为它们代表了我绝不妥协的一切。

That list that I wrote of everything I didn't want, it became my freedom guide because it was everything I refused to settle for.

姐妹，你坚决不肯妥协的是什么？

Sis, what are you refusing to settle for?

因为身体上、情绪上、心理上忍饥挨饿，根本不是康复。

Because settling for starving physically, emotionally, mentally, it's not recovery.

这根本算不上活着。

It's not even living.

这根本算不上生活，更别提别的了。

It's barely surviving much less anything else.

你值得拥有比这好得多的生活。

And you deserve so much more than that.

如果你准备好不再忍受现在的生活，甚至不再忍受过去的生活，而是开始成为那个拥有你想要的一切的女性，我现在正在接受新客户，非常希望能和你一起度过这个夏天。

If you're ready to stop starving for your current life and even your old life and start being the woman who has what you want, I'm accepting new clients right now and I would love to partner with you for summer.

朋友，如果你想从A走到B，你需要的是个性化的支持。

Personalized support is what you need, friend, if you want to get from A to B.

还有什么比找一个亲身经历过的人来帮助你更好呢？

And what's better than to work with somebody who's been there and done that?

我们会一起努力，帮你先成为那个自由的女性，哪怕你还没准备好，哪怕你害怕，哪怕你觉得撑不下去了，直到这份自由真正成为你的一部分。

We are going to work together to help you embody the identity of the woman who's free before you feel ready, when you're scared, and even when it feels like you can't go another day until it becomes who you are.

真相是这样的。

Here's the truth.

你不需要等到拥有自由了才开始过自由的生活。

You don't have to wait to have freedom to start being free.

你知道吗？

Did you know that?

你今天就可以开始以自由的身份生活，就在此时此刻。

You can start operating as free today, right now in this moment.

你可以开始像一个信任自己、照顾自己、内心安稳的人那样行动，告诉自己：这不是将来才会成为的那个人。

You can start operating as somebody who trusts herself and who nourishes herself and somebody who's okay and somebody who goes, you know what, this isn't someone I'm becoming later.

而是我现在就要去拥抱、去学习成为的那个人。

This is someone that I'm embracing and learning how to be now.

这就是接纳。

This is acceptance.

别再为过去那种生活挨饿了，那不过是把你本该拥有的全部，嚼成了一点碎屑。

So stop starving for your old life who is just crumbs of all you are capable of.

这是你的蜕变之夏，姐妹，从你决定现在就成为她的那一刻，就已经开始了。

This is your summer of transformation sis and it starts the moment that you decide to Be- Her- Now.

所以，我就用这句话收尾吧。

So I'm gonna end with this.

希望这段内容让你稍微感受到我们一对一合作时的样子。

I hope this has given you a little taste about what we do together one on one.

但‘成为-行动-拥有’这个模式，可不是空谈。

But the Be-Do-Have formula, it isn't just a theory.

它是通向你目前还没有、却真正想要的一切的路径。

It is the path to everything that you want that is outside of what you currently have.

你得先成为那个自由的女人。

You have to be the woman who's free.

今天就照她那样去做，才能拥有自由的人生。

Do what she does today in order to have the life of freedom.

过去的你带你现在到这里，但全新的你才能带你走出去。

Your old identity got you here, sis, but your new one is gonna get you out.

关键问题是，今天你打算成为谁？

The question is, who are you going to be today?

我爱你，朋友，希望这段话直抵你的心里，让你静下来好好反思，写下行动步骤：要获得自由，我需要成为怎样的人？

I love you friend and I hope that this message went right to your heart and has you sitting with some of that reflection, has you writing down and taking those steps, who do I need to be in order to become free?

如果没有任何限制——不管是经济上的、心理上的、身体上的，任何阻碍——你现在最想做什么？

And if there were no restraints, whether it be financial, whether it be mental, physical, whatever the restraints, what would I do right now?

我把这叫做无边的未来。

I call this the open horizon.

想象一下，如果没有限制，你现在会做些什么来改变现状？

Think about if there were no limitations, what would you do right now to change your current reality?

亲爱的，我爱你，希望你接下来的一周过得愉快。

I love you sis and I hope that you have a great rest of your week.

很快再见，下一期《Her Best Self》播客我们再聊。

I'll see you real soon for another episode of the Her Best Self podcast.

姑娘，在你走之前，如果你真的想和我一对一合作，就像我今天提到的，去 herbestself.co 填一份客户申请表吧。

Hey girl, before you go, if you are interested in working with me one on one, like I mentioned in today's show, then go on out to herbestself.co and fill out a client application.

我特别期待认识你、了解你，陪你走过通往自由的每一步。

I can't wait to meet you, get to know you, and support you on your journey to freedom.

朋友，真的非常感谢你愿意听我分享今天心里的话。

Oh friend, thank you so much for letting me share what was on my heart today.

我希望这个播客能帮助更多女性从食物和身材的束缚中获得自由。

My hope for this podcast is to help more women find freedom from food and body.

如果你觉得这对你有帮助或带来了力量，一定告诉我。

If this has empowered or blessed you, let me know.

如果你愿意给我打分和写评价，我会非常感激，也特别期待能和你互动，加入我的私人Facebook社群。

I'd be honored for your rating and review of my show, and I'd love to connect with you and my private Facebook community.

你真的可以从追求完美，走向找到人生的意义。

You really can move from perfection to purpose.

让我们一起挣脱这些枷锁。

Let's break the chains together.

我会陪着你，帮你找到方向。

I'll help navigate the way.

我们下次再聊。

Until next time.

先这样啦，宝贝。

Bye for now, girl.